Chapter Text
EPILOGUE
“C’mon, abba! Come push me on the swings!”
Bug is already running off, and Bucky gives Clint’s hand a reassuring squeeze and then follows.
“Wanna sit down?” Clint asks Bobbi, gesturing a little awkwardly to a bench set a few yards away, under the budding cherry trees.
“Sure,” she agrees.
They sit down, both of them watching the Winter Soldier gently pushing Bug on a swing, her blonde curls flying in the breeze.
“He’s good with her,” Bobbi observes. Clint doesn’t know what his face is saying, but whatever it is makes Bobbi snort. “Don’t get your back up, I’m not saying I expected any differently. It’s just … nice. He —” Her mouth twists a little, and she digs her hands deep into the pockets of her coat, hunching her shoulders. “He doesn’t seem to have any doubts.”
Clint thinks that over for a minute. He’s not sure that any answer he gives will help, so he might as well just tell the truth. “He has ‘em. But he’s working through ‘em.”
“And I’m not?” Bobbi says sharply, and Clint suppresses a sigh. It doesn’t take them long to fall into old patterns, as much as they both try to avoid it.
“You are too,” he says. “I just wish you didn’t have to.”
Bobbi winces, her lower lip trembling for a moment before she sucks it into her mouth and chews on it.
“I never meant to be gone so much,” she says finally, her voice cracking a little.
“I know. I don’t blame you for it.” He tries to choose his words carefully. “Bug an’ I will miss you when you’re gone an’ we’ll welcome you when you’re back, but we both know you’re doin’ the best you can.”
Bobbi pulls in another sharp breath, and this time when she lets it out it’s almost a sob. “I heard, of all crazy things, that there’s a time stone out there. Can you imagine? Being able to turn back time, and just — just undo —” The words break off, and she swipes the heel of her hand across her eyes.
“Listen,” Clint says, turning towards her almost desperately. He never could handle making people cry. “There’s somethin’ I gotta tell you.”
Bobbi looks up at the sky for a moment, blinking rapidly, and when she meets his eyes again hers are teary but her smile is genuine. “Yeah, go ahead and marry him. That’s the Winter Soldier right there, you gotta lock that shit down.”
“Oh. Jesus. Not what I was gonna say. I mean — thanks, and I’m gonna, but —”
She laughs, bright and delighted, and for a moment it’s like all the bad stuff between them never happened. “What, then?”
Clint has thought about how to tell her, and in the end he couldn’t think of any way better to explain than to just show her. So he pulls a quarter out of his pocket.
“Call it,” he says.
“What’re we playing for?”
“Just call it,” he repeats, and something in his voice makes her gaze sharpen.
“Heads,” she says, and he sends the coin flipping with his left hand, arcing through the air until it lands on the back of his right hand, heads-up.
“Again,” he says. She calls heads again, and then tails three times in a row, and then heads the last time.
“Okay, I get it,” she says finally, even though he can tell that she doesn’t, not really. “Neat trick, but are you just showing off, or —”
“I’ve always been able to do that. Since the circus,” Clint says. There’s still confusion in her eyes, and Jesus this is hard, watching her face and waiting for the moment when she realizes and starts to hate him for what he did. “When we flipped for who went on the JDE mission — when —” He swallows, forcing the words out through the lump in his throat. “When Loki took you instead of me — I threw the toss.”
“Oh.” She blinks, and then looks from the coin to his face. “Is that what you wanted to tell me?”
“Well. Yeah.” He wonders if she still doesn’t get it.
“So … you knew I wanted to go, and you fixed it so I did?”
Clint slips the coin back into his pocket and rubs a hand over his face. “Jesus, Bobbi, I love Bug to pieces but those first few months were a nightmare. We both wanted to go, an’ I thought I was doin’ a good thing, lettin’ you have it.”
“You were.” Bobbi smiles, a little wistful this time. “That was sweet.”
“Sweet,” Clint spits out. “Bobbi, are you even hearin’ what I’m sayin’? It’s my fault that Loki got you, if I hadn’ta —”
“Oh, Jesus Christ, Clint, have you really been beating yourself up over this?” Bobbi interrupts. “It’s not like either of us could have known how it was going to turn out.”
Clint just stares at her, stumped. It’s what Bucky has been telling him, but he didn’t expect it from Bobbi too.
“But you — and Phil —”
“Phil took on a god, Clint,” Bobbi says bitterly. “Nothing in this world was gonna save him.” She shakes her head. “He knew this about you, y’know?” Her voice grows soft, her eyes a little distant. “Said there was no weight in the world you came across that you wouldn’t try to lift up and put on your own shoulders. I woulda thought by now that you woulda learned to put some of that down.”
Clint lets out a breath, and it comes out wet. It hurts to talk about Phil with someone who knew him too, but it’s a good hurt, sharp and clean. Maybe he should try to do it more often.
“Well, you know me,” Clint says, trying to get a handle on his emotions. “Always been an idiot.”
Bobbi shoots him a sharp glance. “You never were. You just liked to let people believe that, and maybe you bought your own story after a while, but I won’t have you talking about the father of my child and — and my friend like that.”
“Okay, okay,” Clint says, starting to feel a little overwhelmed.
“He’d be proud of you, y’know,” Bobbi says with a sly grin. “Findin’ your soulmate. Being a great dad. Palling around with Captain Fuckin’ America and Bucky Freakin’ Barnes.”
“Yeah.” Clint clears his throat, blinking rapidly to clear the mist from his eyes. Bucky hasn’t stopped pushing Bug but he can see his pale eyes watching them intently, and when Clint looks over he raises his metal hand, giving Clint a tentative wave. Clint waves back, trying to signal that he’s okay. And the hell of it is, he thinks that he might be. “I think maybe he would.”