Chapter Text
“Frogs,” Naruto said matter-of-factly.
“What? , it’s not gonna be frogs,” Sakura protested, “I don’t want to match with your gross teacher, I want to match with—well. Our gross teacher, I guess.”
Naruto watched Sakura frown in thought, very clearly trying to find some sort of justification for why it would be better to match with Kakashi-sensei instead of Pervy Sage-sensei. Naruto could relate. It was a lot like choosing between spoiled milk and that weird, cinnamon instant ramen that was the only thing available on discount at the market. Both were equally gross, to be honest.
“Tch,” Sasuke scowled from Sakura’s other side, “if you’d just wear the clothes I gave you—”
“No,” Sakura and Naruto answered together.
“Besides,” Naruto pointed out, “Kakashi-sensei wouldn’t fit in your dumb clothes—and I don’t want your stupid fan on me, anyway!”
Naruto and Sasuke growled at each other until Sakura cleared her throat menacingly.
“We’ve got to find something that we’re all going to agree on,” Sakura said and Kakashi-sensei looked up from his book to frown at them.
“I never agreed to matching pajamas,” he said.
“Well, if it’s not going to be frogs or Sasuke’s clothes—or cherry blossoms,” Naruto said, ignoring Kakashi-sensei just the same as his teammates, “then, like, it’s gotta be something we all feel neutral towards. That way, nobody wins.”
“This isn’t a game, idiot,” Sasuke-teme said, scowling at Naruto, “this is serious.”
Naruto squinted at him.
“It’s pajamas.”
Sasuke huffed.
“We already have matching headbands,” Kakashi-sensei interrupted the boys’ glaring match, “can’t that be enough?”
“Nah,” all three team members answered him and Naruto grinned.
“Look alive, team 7. We’re nearing the last known location of our target,” Pervy sage-sensei called, seeming particularly haggard after more than a week on the road with Naruto’s team.
Both of Naruto’s teammates perked up as Tanzaku-gai became visible above the tree line. Sasuke because they were that much closer to Tsunade—whom he’d decided was going to be his new teacher whether she wanted to or not—and Sakura because “the old Poem Card Castle is so romantic and dreamy”.
For his own part, Naruto was a little bummed. A city meant that their time all sharing a tent together was over. Sasuke had insisted on it for ‘security reasons’ but Naruto knows that it was just because the dog-pile they ended up in made their instincts quiet and happy. Sasuke still wouldn’t admit to anything despite his inevitably ending up on the top of their little pile every single night. That was fine, Naruto preferred the bottom of the pile anyway.
They found an inn that wasn’t also a brothel and then gathered together in one of the rooms to make a plan.
“Alright,” Pervy Sage-sensei, clapped his hands and rubbed them together with glee, “our target’s skittish as a filly so we need to approach this with some delicacy.”—every member of team seven cringed— “Brats, you’re not going to be allowed in the places the princess frequents since you can’t see over the counter. So, while Kakashi and I scope out the ‘dens of sin’—” said with an eyebrow waggle that had team seven cringing a second time, “—you three can go, uh. Shopping or something. I don’t know.”
“What? We’re adults, too,” Sasuke said, arms crossed and glaring at Pervy Sage.
“Yeah,” Sakura agreed, adjusting her headband, “we can go anywhere you can go!”
Normally, Naruto would back his teammates up on this. However, knowing from experience that just because you can go anywhere Pervy Sage can go doesn’t mean you should go anywhere Pervy Sage can go (for the health and safety of your own eyeballs), he kept quiet.
“What about, like, really short adults,” Sasuke accused, “What? Are they denied entry because they can’t see over the counter?”
“That seems really discriminatory towards little people,” Sakura followed up, “I thought Fire had anti-discrimination laws?”
“It does,” Sasuke said, “which means that if these bars are turning away little people for not being able to see over the counter, they’re definitely violating the law.”
“Nobody’s violating little people anti-discrimination laws in Tanzaku-gai,” Kakashi-sensei tried to reassure them. Naruto could see that his two teammates were not going to be distracted so easily from their sudden quest for little people justice and, honestly? Naruto was right there with them.
“I mean…do you know for sure, though,” Naruto added on.
Kakashi-sensei put his face in his hands and groaned. Naruto didn’t really think anyone was violating anti-discrimination laws here because that would be a weird thing to do in a city that will take anybody’s money, including his. And, like, there were a lot of people who wouldn’t take his money.
But he’ll be damned if he’ll be caught being unsupportive of his teammates.
“Okay, enough—that’s—you three go do something else—anything else—while Jiraiya and I scout out the gambling halls. Do not enter bars, taverns, brothels, or casinos during your time in Tanzaku-gai,” Kakashi-sensei instructed, “or at least don’t let me catch you entering bars, taverns, brothels, or casinos while we’re here. And for gods’ sakes, don’t tell me about it because I don’t want to do the paperwork for it.”
Kakashi-sensei was too smart not to know that they’d be immediately ignoring all of his orders.
Jiraiya and Kakashi-sensei left with one last, futile warning to their little group and then the three were alone.
There was a beat of silence and then—
“So, are we gonna go check the bars for height discrimination, or what?” Naruto asked.
The three shuffled out of the hotel room and made a bee-line straight for the nearest tavern. There was no little people discrimination going on but some dude did try to proposition him—which led to an immediate brawl when Sasuke jumped on him and tried to rip his throat out with his teeth.
The whole bar got involved and Naruto somehow found himself getting thrown out of the front doors and skidding across the street to land in front of a small boutique. The window display had matching sets of horse themed pajamas. Even some big enough for Kakashi-sensei. Naruto grinned.
