Chapter Text
I thread the needle of a stitch in time
Robert gets the green light from the doctors to travel, so on a gloomy Thursday afternoon, they set on their way.
He might be cleared to take a flight, but he still spends most of it feeling dizzy and nauseous, curled in his seat and slumped against Aaron’s shoulder, eyes squeezed shut.
“I’m sorry.” Aaron murmurs, pressing small, discreet kisses into Robert's hair, his hand gripping Robert’s knee, “I should have thought about it better.”
“It’s okay.” Robert mutters, “I’m okay, really.”
He manages to nap for a bit, waking up when Aaron fastens his seatbelt carefully, his fingers brushing Robert’s cheek when he sees him stirring awake.
“We’re about to land.” Aaron says quietly, entwining their hands, and Robert sighs, still sleepy and with his temples throbbing, but feeling calm and pleased anyway.
The landing isn't horrid for a change, a family a couple of rows behind them erupts with cheering. Aaron rolls his eyes, but Robert thinks it's quite endearing, although they could turn the celebration down a little in volume.
They step outside, and Robert’s head spins a little at the first hit of the warm night air, the breeze tugging at his clothes.
When was the last time he went on a proper holiday? He honestly can't tell.
Aaron holds his hand while they go down the stairs, through the passport control and to a taxi in which Robert starts dozing off properly again. Robert squeezes his hand loosely as he lets Aaron basically drag him out of the car, through the reception and to their room, and he basically falls on the bed, his body heavy with exhaustion, his head swimming. He's barely aware of Aaron taking his shoes off, wrapping him in a blanket, and whispering ‘I love you’ into his hair before Robert drifts away into a blissful embrace of sleep.
Robert wakes up in an unfamiliar bed, with a very familiar body pressed against his.
He’s not afraid of waking up any more. He’s sometimes confused, but never scared.
They’re on holiday, and Robert has rested enough for the dizziness of the previous day to be just a vague memory. The sun is creeping shyly through a crack in the curtains that Aaron must have drawn last night. Aaron, whose arm is slung across Robert’s waist, warm and secure. He was so anxious yesterday, and Robert wishes he didn’t have to worry so much. But that’s just one more proof of love, isn’t it?
A part of Robert wants to go back to sleep, nuzzle further into Aaron’s embrace. But he slowly realizes that he’s still wearing yesterday’s clothes, his pants and t-shirt clinging to his skin unpleasantly, making it crawl, and he stifles an annoyed whine, not wanting to disturb Aaron’s sleep.
Aaron, his sweet, loving Aaron, who has planned this trip, and who looked so distressed yesterday, seeing Robert struggling with the trip. Which isn’t fair, but it wouldn’t be Aaron if he didn’t worry. It wouldn’t be his big, kindest heart, if he didn’t care.
Robert untangles himself from the sheets and Aaron’s embrace. He’s as quiet as possible, even though he can tell by the slack expression on Aaron’s face that there’s actually nothing that could wake him up right now. He can tell by the way the lines of Aaron’s face are smoothened, his lips slightly parted, his body curled in that way that brings thoughts of absolute comfort.
As quietly as possible, Robert picks up the first pieces of clothing he sees in his bag, and walks to the bathroom. He winces at the way his clothes are clinging to his skin, he must have been sweating a lot. That's why when he steps under the warm stream, a small gasp of pleasure leaves his mouth, mixing with the sound of falling water.
He's feeling well-rested and relaxed, and soon enough - clean. And when he looks at his reflection in the mirror, he sees someone he has truly started to recognize. A man who isn't exactly who he used to know, but who has become him. A man who still feels broken in so many ways, but who has people around him able to help him stay whole.
Robert washes his teeth, his little bag with toiletries waiting for him on the sink. Aaron must have put it here for him last night, and Robert's heart flutters. One of the small gestures that make Robert love him even more.
But once he's done, his gaze falls on Aaron's belongings, and something stirs inside him, making him stop moving for a moment. He glances at himself in the mirror, and his reflection gives him back a small, knowing smile.
He reaches inside, his fingers wrapping around a familiar plastic shape, and he exhales deeply, a quiet laugh bubbling out around the breath.
The bathroom door clock clicks open a couple of minutes later, when Robert is just a couple of strokes in. Aaron walks inside, barefoot and rubbing his eyes, and he stops in his tracks when he sees what Robert is doing. Robert catches his eyes in the mirror, smiling slightly before going back to work. He can see Aaron leaning against the wall, his gaze filled with something warm and dark, and never leaving Robert.
Robert wipes his face, his heart fluttering in his chest when he looks at himself again, his breath catching in his throat.
Behind him, Aaron smiles softly before moving closer, placing his hands on Robert's hip and shoulder, gently forcing him to turn around.
“Hey there.” Aaron smiles, brushing Robert's hair from his forehead, “How are you feeling?”
“Like brand new.” Robert smiles, his hands finding their way to Aaron's waist, “Sorry for being such a killjoy yesterday, but I was dead on my feet.”
“You have all the right to be tired, Rob.” Aaron says softly, his fingers sliding down Robert’s cheek, caressing his now smooth chin, “You look younger than me, now.”
“Sure.” Robert’s chuckle turns into a moan when Aaron leans in to kiss his jaw, his teeth nipping gently at the soft skin, “Oh.”
Aaron hums contentedly, pushing against Robert to brace him against the sink, his lips moving down alongside his neck, and Robert's head spins for all the right reasons this time, warm sparks of pleasure coiling in his stomach.
“It's really doing it for me.” Aaron murmurs, dipping his tongue in the hollow of Robert's throat before dropping to his knees, and Robert laughs, light and breathless and so, so happy.
The streets of Valetta are long and steep and crowded, and Robert feels overwhelmed, but not in a bad way, not exactly, not for the most of the time. Now, after a good night's sleep and the best start to the day, he’s filled with warm, a bit of jittery energy that almost makes him trip from time to time, just like a louder noise or a bump into his shoulder makes him flinch.
But Aaron is always by his side, his fingers wrapped around Robert’s wrist loosely but surely or brushing against Robert’s side when he winces in the noise, skimming alongside his cheekbone when Robert finds himself zoning out for a moment, his mind trying to drag him back and away even during the best of the moments.
They have lunch at a nice corner place with a good selection of funky beers and a couple of tables outside. They share a platter and Robert laughs at Aaron’s expression when their food arrives, and how it morphs into an absolute delight.
It’s so good to see Aaron like that. Relaxed and happy, wide-smiled and soft-eyed. Robert knows that Aaron still worries about him, especially after the tough travel day yesterday. But that’s who they are, who they are always going to be. They will always worry about each other. That’s what love and care means. That’s the part of promises they have been whispering and yelling to each other for the last couple of months.
“Quit staring.” Robert complains, thrumming his fingers against the tabletop, and Aaron only widens his eyes as he takes a long sip from his glass, “Aaron.”
“Come on, you love it.” Aaron grins, putting the glass down and leaning over the table a little bit, “You know that you’re the most beautiful man ever even on your worst days, but now-” he makes a wide gesture with his hand, “Now, definitely the sexiest, too.”
Robert from eight years ago would grow three inches taller, make a flirty comment, drag Aaron to the nearest hotel with a vacancy.
But Robert isn’t that man any more, this version of himself seeming more and more distant with every passing day, with every new memory he creates with the people he loves. He remembers being heartbroken and jealous, he remembers way too much of his time in prison, torturous glimpses that he would so gladly exchange for even one minute from his and Aaron’s wedding, the one he will probably never be able to recall.
“Hey.” Aaron says gently, reaching across the table and taking Robert’s hands in his, squeezing lightly, “Come back to me, yeah?”
“Sorry.” Robert breathes out, unable to stop himself, even though he knows now that he has nothing to apologize for, and nothing to explain. And Aaron just smiles at him, entwining their fingers, making sure that Robert feels grounded.
And Robert just loves him so much. More than he could ever imagine, more with every passing day.
It’s so beautiful. So calm and quiet, the sea whispering peacefully behind the window wall, silver moonlight dancing on the gentle waves.
So unlike the silent storm inside of him.
It’s always suffocating, when these little glimpses of Robert’s past come back to him. These moments of harsh, overwhelming clarity, when another piece clicks into its place, filling one of so many holes in his mind, putting together a picture he doesn’t think he likes.
At least now, he can put a face to a name.
He has been refusing to see pictures of his so-called brother. It has been easy, for the most of the time, since Robert’s entire knowledge of John was learned. Until now.
Robert’s heart throbs.
He’s not upset, not really. He’s well past doubting Aaron’s feelings for him. But there’s still that pang of sadness coiling inside his chest, made of desire and jealousy, regret and so much love.
He hears Aaron’s footsteps approaching him, and soon there are warm arms wrapping around him, a broad chest pressing to his back, a chin resting on his shoulder.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Aaron murmurs, his hands pressing against Robert’s stomach gently, and Robert sighs with pleasure, tilting his head back a little, the tension in his chest easing immediately, chased away by the warm comfort of Aaron’s touch and a silent reassurance of his feelings.
“Whose idea were these ugly suits at your wedding?”
Aaron stills, his breath catching, and Robert turns his head to kiss the sensitive skin right below Aaron’s ear, letting him know that it’s okay. Aaron relaxes, moving one of his hands down, sneaking it under the soft fabric of Robert’s t-shirt.
“I tend to have a lapse in judgement from time to time.” he hums, his breath warm against Robert’s neck, his thumb starting to draw small circles on the tender skin of his stomach, “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not now.” maybe not ever. Some things are not worth coming back to.
Aaron doesn’t push, as comfortable and trusting with Robert as Robert is with him. That’s one of the things that make Robert love him more and more every day. It took some time for Aaron not to panic every time Robert’s memory glitches, which at first left him worried to the point of pain and on the edge. But it’s happening less and less, tonight being the first time in weeks when Robert remembers something. Just like the doctors said it would be, and they both came to terms with it, mostly.
Robert doesn’t want to talk about it. He wants other things now.
He slips out of Aaron’s embrace, turning around and leaning against the window. Aaron looks so beautiful, bathed in the pale moonlight, his eyes wide and full of desire.
“But there’s something I want.”
“Yeah?” Aaron’s voice is barely louder than a whisper, and Robert’s skin crawls with need, his fingers shaking with it.
“I want you not to be gentle.”
Aaron inhales sharply, like his world is shattering and coming to peace at the same time.
They made love just a couple of hours ago, and Aaron was sweet and gentle, but it’s not something Robert wants or needs now. Maybe it has something to do with that memory, with a reminder that Aaron wanted someone else, even if just for a little while and for all the wrong reasons. There’s something dark coiling inside Robert now, hot and needy, a wish for Aaron to stop treating him like something fragile, something he could crush beyond repair.
“Robert…” Aaron’s voice is raw and strangled.
Robert reaches out, hooking his fingers on the waistband of the trackies Aaron usually sleeps in, pulling roughly until they’re just a breath apart.
“Show me it’s only me you want.” he whispers and Aaron shudders, his eyelashes fluttering. Robert says it only to rile Aaron up, and they both know it. They’re so comfortable now, sure about themselves and each other, and Robert just wants Aaron to have all of him.
“Come on.”
Aaron kisses like he has nothing to prove and everything to lose. His lips move with a bruising force, his hands curling on Robert’s hips as he presses him hard against the window, sending a thrill up Robert’s spine.
He needs it so much. He needs Aaron, he needs him more than water, more than air.
“Robert.” Aaron repeats, his voice a strained rasp against Robert’s jaw, “Are you-”
“It’s been months, Aaron.” Robert whines, digging his fingers into Aaron’s shoulders, “I’m fine. If I’m going to fall apart, it’s going to be for good reasons, I promise.”
Aaron shudders, his tongue trailing down Robert’s neck. And then, he bites against his pulse point, and Robert yelps, his knees buckling.
“Yeah.” his whimper turns into a moan when Aaron yanks at his thigh, pulling it up and around his waist, allowing them to press together, and Robert’s body is set on fire.
Robert has really belonged to one person in his entire life, and he’s never going to belong to anyone else.
They stumble towards the bed, tripping and swallowing each other’s laughter when they fumble with their clothes, Robert falling on the bed with a yelp when he gets tangled in his pants, Aaron helping him to get rid of the offensive piece before forcing him up the mattress, turning Robert to his side with a rough hand on his hip.
“You know I’d give you everything.” Aaron murmurs into his ear, checking the stretch from before with cold, slick fingers, “Anything you want.”
Robert is incoherent with need when Aaron finally pushes inside him, hot and bare and perfect, and he’s only vaguely aware of a sound he makes, loud and unashamed, his fingers coming to clutch the pillow, desire knotting his stomach, sparks of pleasure coiling in his groin, in his lower back.
Aaron’s grip is bruising when he sets the rhythm, not brutal but not gentle either, his teeth bared as he presses biting kisses alongside Robert’s shoulder, and it’s everything he wants, everything he needs, and everything he finally believes he deserves.
“Aaron-” his eyes are stinging with tears, his body taut, shaking with what’s just a touch away, and Aaron coos against his neck, his hand sliding to press lowly on Robert’s stomach, his fingers brushing wiry hair on his groin, and Robert’s entire body jerks, a sob tearing from his throat, “Please, please…”
“A bit longer.” Aaron whispers, pressing a kiss behind his ear, and Robert’s muscles spasm, his arm flying back, clutching at the curve of Aaron’s thigh, his eyes closed and wet, his mouth open, letting out noises he can barely hear himself, his blood thudding in his ears.
He was never the one to give up control easily. Since he woke up in the hospital, all he has been trying to do was to regain some kind of grasp on his life, trying to understand the world that has been switched upside down. But it was never the case with Aaron. It never is.
Robert trusts him. With his heart, his life, his entire being. And when Aaron pushes him flat against the mattress, his strong body curled against his back, he lets himself fall, knowing that there will always be someone to catch him.
Aaron wakes him up with gentle kisses peppered all across his face, a plate of toasts and a steaming cup of coffee.
“I figure out the coffee machine.” he says before slipping on the bed next to Robert, catching one piece of bread and shoving it into his mouth.
Robert is barely awake still, blinking the fog from his eyes away as he props himself against the pillows. His body is aching in this pleasant, wonderful way, the memory of the night lingering in his bones, Aaron’s scent still on his skin.
“Quit staring and eat something.” Aaron says, taking a sip from his own cup, “You must be in an energy deficit.”
He’s so lovely. All soft edges and messy hair, t-shirt rumpled and actually inside out.
Robert’s heart threatens to beat out of his chest.
“Hey.” Aaron places his hand on Robert’s cheek, his eyes filled with gentle concern, “You with me?”
“Always.”
They manage to leave the bed around noon, Aaron insisting and Robert whining, his spine still tingling, the blankets thick and soft, Aaron’s body solid and inviting.
But Aaron is unrelenting, bribing Robert with kisses and promises, and he doesn’t need to try too hard, in the end.
Robert would give him everything, too.
The sky is clouded but not threatening of rain, and they follow the familiar road towards the cliffs, their hands linked loosely in between them, and Robert knows that he would follow him anywhere. To the end of the world, into any choice and any decision.
They stop at the rocky flattening not far for the edge, the sea whispering comfortingly below them, the wind carrying the scent of salt and promises.
Peace.
Years back, Robert believed it was overrated. Now, it’s all he wants. To be at peace and with the people he loves.
“I'm going to marry you one day.” Aaron says, unmoved and sure, and Robert's heartbeat picks up a faster rhythm, his breath catching in his throat, “For the last time, mind you.” he's smiling when he turns to look at Robert, and it just might be the most beautiful anyone has ever looked.
“I'm going to say yes, you know.” he says, taking Aaron's hand and turning to find the point on the horizon Aaron is looking at.
“I know.” Aaron says softly, the wind carrying his words like a promise.
Robert might not remember so much, but he knows.
“We’re going to get our son back.”
It’s not a promise. It’s a statement. It’s commitment.
“We are.” Aaron says, his hand steady and sure in Robert’s, and Robert wants to cry, and this time, for all the good reasons.
“I love you.” he repeats the only truth he’s ever known,
Aaron tugs at his hand, pulls Robert close until they’re separated only by an inch of space and joined by a shared breath.
“I love you back.”
Robert might not remember. But he will always know the things that truly matter.