Chapter Text
“Itachi-san, are my eyes deceiving me?”
In the middle of Amegakure, in one of the countless layers of the Divine Tower that towered over the whole of Ame, Kisame entered Akatsuki’s kitchen – sans sword.
It was a Thursday. Thursdays were Itachi’s turn to cook.
Kisame liked Itachi. He was calm, competent, and not afraid to cut a bitch. More importantly, he left all the excessive violence to Kisame. Which Kisame approved of.
Furthermore, he was predictable.
Itachi liked planning. Routine. Rhythm. On a mission, the two of them readied themselves every morning in perfect sync. His room at the headquarters was immaculately organized. Every year, Itachi took the exact same two weeks off.
(Several years passed before Kisame realized it was the anniversary of his clan’s death.)
Itachi’s love of routine also meant that when the Uchiha cooked, you could predict exactly what the man would make.
First week of the month, fried rice with sashimi.
Second week of the month, sushi.
Third week, udon and beef with onigiri.
Fourth, Hitsumabushi.
“Hello, Kisame-san,” Itachi greeted him calmly, turning slightly to dip his head fractionally from where he was making his dish.
It was the third week of the month. Itachi was making Sukiyaki.
Kisame stared at Itachi, a slight frown on his face. He didn’t even realize Itachi knew how to make Sukiyaki.
Something was going on.
Only a few days ago Itachi returned from his annual leave. Usually, Itachi came back looking even worse than usual, which was saying a lot seeing as he wasn’t exactly the picture of health at the best of times.
Dark blue eyes scanned his partner. It was very difficult to read Itachi but Itachi and Kisame had been partners for quite some time now.
Itachi was looking relaxed.
The bags under his eyes had receded, his shoulders were a little less tense, and had Kisame not noticed light humming before he entered the kitchen?
Holy shit.
Behind him, Kisame heard footsteps and laughter. Hidan and Deidara entered the kitchen, bringing a wall of sound with them.
“Fucking finally, I’m hungry as hell. Better make some extra origini for me, Itachi!” Hidan bellowed as he threw himself on one of the kitchen chairs.
Deidara, behind him, rolled their eyes. “We ate just three hours ago, un. You’ll get fat.”
“Take that back!” Hidan shook his fist at Deidara, ready to pounce and destroy the kitchen table (again).
Itachi’s calm voice cut through their squabbling.
“There will be no origini tonight, as you can see, Hidan.”
Hidan turned around with wide eyes as Deidara shot up behind him. “Wait, un, what?”
Itachi laid down his knife from where he was cutting the shiitake and turned around to face them. He did not smile, but his body language radiated amusement. Kisame, the only one who was never afraid to look his partner in the eyes, could see the red orbs twinkling.
Huh.
“You just came back from your leave, right, Uchiha?” Deidara asked, blue eyes sharp and calculating.
Itachi hummed.
“And you’ve actually learned a new recipe, un. Which means either someone convinced you to buy a book, which I don’t believe, or someone actually taught you.” Deidara said in a disbelieving voice.
“Like a fucking cooking class?”
“No, un, the recipe is too banal for that.”
“Fucking hell,” Hidan picked up his friend’s train of thought as he addressed Itachi, “you mean some heathen voluntarily spent time with you?”
“No, no,” Deidara shook their head at Hidan, “it’s more than that un,” their voice becoming louder as their brain started making connections. “Itachi actually listened to the non-shinobi related boring information, which means he liked her. Or him. Or them.”
“Oi!” Hidan cut Deidara off, mind immediately going into the gutter. “Wait a god damn minute, Uchiha. Are you telling me you actually fucked someone?!”
Kisame scoffed, leaning back against the doorframe.
In all the years they’d been together, he estimated Itachi to have slept with someone once. Maybe twice. Both were years ago. The swordsman was still convinced he’d done it for the novelty more than anything else.
But when he looked at his partner, the bastard was smirking.
Kisame’s sharp teeth became visible as his jaw dropped.
“What!” Deidara exclaimed, chocking on air.
Hidan grinned like a shark, leaning over the table towards Itachi. Jashin’s symbol glittered around his neck, dangling over the table, clattering against the pile of plates in the middle.
“Damn, Uchiha, I didn’t know you knew what sex was, never mind actually managing to get laid. I’m so proud of you,” Hidan said, wiping away an imaginary tear. He wiggled his eyebrows. “Who was it?”
Itachi hummed noncommittally, turning back to slice the shiitake.
“If you want to play it like that, sure,” Hidan huffed, clapping his hands together and running them. There was no stopping Hidan once he was like this. Kisame had tried, and failed, too many times. “Let’s go.”
All eyes swivelled towards Itachi as Hidan began summing up possibilities, three pairs of eyes searching the Uchiha for any twitch or tell.
“Shinobi, civilian, rogue nin, hooker, dominatrix, actress, actor, blonde, brunette, nice ass, nice abs, nice tits, at a bar, at a mission, at a sex club, in Ame, in Sand, in Leaf, man, woman, non-binary, threesome, orgy-”
Kisame had learned to read his partner over the years. So when Hidan said ‘threesome’ and Itachi’s left hand flexed ever-so slightly, Kisame caught it.
This time, it was his turn to choke on air.
“What?!”
Kisame wasn’t sure if he was proud or petrified.
Itachi, the bastard, just looked at him from the corner of his eyes and smirked.
“They were very nice to me.”
And then the fucking asshole wouldn’t say anything else.
Both miles away and days earlier, Kakashi and Sakura arrived back at the Hokage’s office.
Tsunade regarded them both with a smile as two of her best shinobi professionally delivered a verbal succinct report of their mission. Well, Sakura did. Kakashi stood next to her and pretended to looked bored.
Of course, that didn’t stop Tsunade from reading them both like an open book.
“Konoha thanks you both for your service,” Tsunade said pompously before smirking and leaning forward, hands folded under her chin. She was unable to resist wiggling her eyebrows. “Anyway, Sakura, tell me; isn’t he handsome under that mask?”
Not only did her apprentice blush, her newly acquired lover matched did as well. It peeked above the mask ever-so-slightly, a faint pink teasing at more.
Tsunade cackled. Oh, the joys of being Hokage.
She moved her hand to dismiss the both of them, intent on rubbing them mercilessly the next few weeks, but Sakura stopped her by taking a small step forward.
“Shishou,” she began stiffly, “there is something that we’d like to tell you, that, uh, we may have omitted from the mission report.”
“More like two things. Or three, if you really keep count,” Kakashi murmured next to her, shifting uneasily. Sakura elbowed him in the side.
Tsunade furrowed her brows. Omitting something from a mission report was seen as a serious offense. “If it’s about the two of you, you don’t have to report that. Your personal lives are your own.”
The pink-haired medic shook her head, some of the strands falling loose from her bun.
“It’s something else,” she said, and Tsunade straightened.
“Please secure the room, Hokage-sama,” the Copy-nin formally requested when Sakura did not continue, not even pretending to look bored anymore.
Hatake Kakashi respecting formalities was a rare thing. Tsunade grimaced, a shiver of foreboding running down her spine, and activated the privacy seals.
Listened.
First, with the weight of Konoha’s darkest secrets on her shoulders.
Then, with the ear of a medical expert.
Lastly, with the astonishment of a friend and mentor.
Shizune was making her way to Tsunade’s office when she saw the faint glow emitting from the bottom of the door. The privacy seals were active.
The dark-haired woman scratched her head. Was there anything…?
At that moment, the glow dissipated. The door opened. Shizune startled at the noise that suddenly reached her ears.
Kakashi and Sakura exited the Hokage’s office, blushing. Sakura was staring at the ground. Kakashi was looking anywhere but her eyes. Behind them, the Fifth Hokage was standing in front of her desk. She was almost doubled over in laughter, tears streaming down her face and one hand clutching her belly.
Kakashi and Sakura scurried away like scared mice. The booming laughter of their Hokage haunted them as they make their way through the halls of the Hokage’s tower.
Shizune sighed.
Just another day at the office.
“Ino. I have to tell you something.”
Ino’s eyebrows drew together. Sakura was not even using a derivative nickname? Check. They were in her apartment, privacy guaranteed? Check. Sakura’s lips were thin from nerves? Check.
“Okay, girl,” Ino said as she slung an arm around her best friend’s shoulder and pulled her down onto the couch. “Spill.”
“Remember our quest?”
“Duh!”
“Well…” Sakura wiggled her eyebrows.
Ino squealed. “YES! Finally! I knew it, I knew Kakashi-sensei was into you, ha!” She hugged the pinkette tightly, practically vibrating with excitement.
“And that’s not all,” Sakura said mischievously.
Ino pulled back, mouth falling open. “You’re pregnant?!”
Sakura jerked. “What? No!”
“Pfhew,” Ino sweat dropped. “You had me worried there for a moment.”
Sakura laughed, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Actually, there is something else going on as well. I can’t tell you any details – and no, don’t give me that look, I really can’t.”
Ino pouted. “Well? What is it, then?”
Sakura smirked. “Let’s just say our happy little twosome is better described as a happy little threesome.”
Ino’s eyes bugged out of her head. “Damn, girl! You’ve got game!” Ino whistled, impressed. Though a three-way thing wasn’t quite her (or Genma’s) thing, damn if it didn’t sound hot.
Sakura’s smirk turned softer, sweeter. “It is, yeah, but it’s more than that.”
Ino’s eyes scanned her best friend. “Wait a moment… are you telling me…” Blue eyes narrowed, then flashed. “It’s not just the sex, isn’t it? Forehead… are you in looooveee?”
Sakura went still, a little bit of the little girl she used to be resurfacing in the way she looked away and blushed. “No. Wait. What. Who told you that?”
“Ha!” Ino cawed loudly. “I knew it!”
Sakura hid her face in her hands.
“Now, tell me,” Ino prodded. “Who is the third one?”
“Can’t tell you,” Sakura sing-songed.
“You’re no fun, Forehead,” Ino sighed.
(When a few weeks and an upturned Root later – Ino had taken great satisfaction in developing a mind-protecting jutsu to protect their brain as Naruto ripped the seals away from those poor traumatized agents – Sakura and Naruto left Ino and the other Konoha 11 behind and disappeared, Ino hadn’t thought much of it.
Two days later, Team 7 came back with Sasuke-kun in their midst, clinging tightly to Naruto and glaring at anyone close by.
That wasn’t even the most surprising thing. The real killer was that Sasuke wasn’t the only Uchiha they brought back with them.
When Ino spotted freaking Uchiha Itachi walking calmy through the gates, flanked by Sakura on one side and Kakashi on the other, body language both challenging and protective as they marched towards the Hokage tower, Ino caught on quickly.
Her scream of “FOREHEAD!” resonated through the entire village.
Unseen to her, as she entered the Hokage’s tower with her hand on the small of Itachi’s back, Sakura smirked.)
“Over there,” Sakura commanded Kakashi urgently. Kakashi obeyed her without a second thought, swirling to the left at top speed. Naruto was only slightly behind them. All three of them were tense, readying themselves for the worst.
Of course, for Sakura and Kakashi, the worst meant something else.
“There they are!” Naruto shouted behind them.
The three shinobi jumped once, twice, before landing on the edge of the clearing that was their destination. Trees were uprooted around them, large craters littering the ground. Half of the clearing was soaked, the other scorched. Above them, thunder clouds rumbled ominously.
“SASUKE!” Naruto screamed and shot forward.
“Itachi,” Sakura whispered, Kakashi silent next to her.
The two brothers were facing each other near the old Uchiha hideout. Itachi had sent Tsunade a message two days ago implying this fight was going to be his last.
They were still repairing the wall of Tsunade’s office from when the Hokage had informed Sakura.
“Stay away from me, dobe!” Sasuke shouted angrily at his former teammate. His left eye was bleeding and his chakra was flaring erratically. “This is my fight. Stay the fuck away from it!” Sasuke spat on the ground. “Why do you even care!”
Sakura tuned her genin teammates out, focusing on her lover.
“Kakashi. Sakura.” Itachi said softly, body language still hostile, eyes flickering around the battlefield.
Kakashi stepped forward, reaching a hand out towards Itachi, palm turned up. This was how they always greeted each other when meeting privately. A gesture of peace. Safety.
Itachi stilled, confusion visible on his face.
“Tsunade-sama has granted you a pardon,” Kakashi said gently. “It’s time to come home, Itachi.”
Itachi staggered backwards as if hit. His fists clenched. His eyes widened. “What- But- The Akatsuki.”
Sakura shook her head, a gentle smile on her lips. “We’ve talked about this before. You’ve done more then enough for Konoha as a spy, Itachi. You can do more good back home, with us. Not just for yourself,” she turned her body slightly sidewards to show Sasuke and Naruto behind them. They were locked in something that at first glance looked like a battle, but actually was one of Naruto’s patented life-changing paradigm-shift inducing conversations. “But for your brother, as well.”
“This was not the plan,” Itachi said, body pulled taut. His voice was strangled.
“It is now,” Kakashi said decisively. “Naruto knows about the massacre. Though he doesn’t know,” a hint of red on his cheeks, “other details.”
More shouting behind them. A pause as an earth-shattering jutsu was unleashed.
Sakura stepped closer. She was within arm’s reach, now. “I know this is a lot to take in, Itachi. But we had to get you and Sasuke in the same place, talk to you at the same time. Tsunade-shishou decided it’s time to come clean. About ROOT. About the Massacre. About you.”
“B-but,” Itachi stammered, and Kakashi stepped closer as well at the visible sign of distress, hand twitching in need to comfort, “what about Danzō? It’s not safe. He’ll come after Sasuke. It’s not- not-”
“Cut his head off myself,” Kakashi said grimly. “For what he did to you, I wanted to make him suffer. But for you, I didn’t.”
And Itachi –
Itachi started to cry.
The first tear welled up in his crimson eyes, clear water instead of the usual blood. It travelled down his cheek in slow-motion. Within it, all the stolen moments the three of them had experienced together this past year, never enough.
“Does this mean,” Itachi said, only to stop talking as a second tear joined the first.
“Itachi,” Kakashi said brokenly and pulled him forward into a hug.
Sakura felt her heart flutter and her body ache to join as the Uchiha’s shoulders started to shake silently. But she knew she couldn’t. Naruto would distract Sasuke for a while, but not–
“ITACHI! RELEASE KAKASHI, NOW!”
–forever.
Sakura moved.
Sasuke’s sword was thrust forward as the younger Uchiha brother charged forward, eyes spinning widely. Naruto was behind him, alarm on his face and hands reaching out to stop Sasuke, but he was too late. Sakura’s eyes narrowed.
In a single move, Sakura caught Sasuke’s sword between her chakra-enhanced hands and stopped it.
Sasuke’s expression became comical in alarm as his velocity was halted by this unexpected source of resistance. Sasuke himself flew forward, ending up face-planting into the earth in front of Sakura herself.
“Sasuke,” Sakura commanded as her former teammate rose from the ground, groaning in pain, “stop.”
Behind her, Kakashi shifted to cover Itachi with his own body.
“What is going on?” Sasuke said dumbfounded. “The dobe was sprouting all kinds of bullshit about ROOT and Danzō and the massacre being- what the fuck is going on?!”
Sakura bit her lip. She was actually hoping Naruto would handle this part, because she had no fucking clue how to.
Surprisingly, Kakashi was the one to step forward. Movements carefully telegraphed, he took a scroll from his pack and unsealed it. Sakura eyed Sasuke as he did so, but whatever Naruto had been saying apparently had some sort of impact. Until Sasuke perceived Kakashi being threatened, that is.
Which was actually kind of sweet in its own way.
“This,” Kakashi said dramatically, “is what’s left of Shimura Danzō. The leader of ROOT, and the man who worked with Uchiha Madara to influence the Third Hokage and eradicate the Uchiha Clan.”
A mangled body, curiously untouched arm, and mostly recognizable head tumbled out from the scroll. They hit the ground with a soft noise, dust flowing up around it.
Behind them, a flock of pigeons rose up from the trees, taking off into the unblemished morning sky.
Itachi’s face had turned white, tear streaks still stark on his face.
“I need a drink,” Sasuke said, and Sakura thought they might get along after all.
Three hours, five rounds of shots, and only a little property damage later, no one had died yet. If you asked Sakura, that was as a victory.
But the glimmer of hope and affection in Itachi’s eyes whenever Sasuke would actually address him directly was what truly made Sakura think this might actually turn out alright after all.
“There is one thing I still do not understand,” Naruto mused after most of Sasuke’s questions had tapered off.
“That implies you do understand the other things, which is more than I expect of you, dobe,” Sasuke slurred.
Naruto rolled his eyes, though a fond smile played on his lips as he turned serious again. “Why did Tsunade-sama decide this now? We could’ve done away with ROOT and solved this whole problem way earlier!”
Sakura, next to Itachi, smiled innocently.
“Well,” Kakashi said from the other side of Itachi, “part of it has to do with the recent natural death of a council member who supported ROOT. Part of it is Tsunade’s rising credibility. Part of it has to do with the loyalty and strength of the Konoha 12.” He gave them all an eye-crinkle and used Naruto’s and Sasuke’s simultaneous eye-roll to press himself a little closer to Itachi yet again. Kakashi had started off with a good thirty centimetres between them. He was currently at five.
Sakura was surprised no one had called it out yet. Then again, she had been playing footsie with Itachi for at least fifteen minutes now, and none of the others had caught onto that fact either.
“So that’s taking out Root,” Naruto mused, far too sober due to Kyjuubi’s influence. “But what made Tsunade-baachan change her mind about pulling Itachi out of the Akatsuki?”
Sasuke blinked three times in quick succession, brows scrunching together. “Yeah!” he said loudly, pointing his finger at Itachi. “Whassup with that?”
Kakashi’s eye-crinkle grew more pronounced. “I’m glad too see that brain of yours finally getting to work, Naruto,” and he sounded proud. “Part of it has to do with retrieving cute little Sasuke-kun, here.”
“Hey!” Sasuke protested. “I’mma not little!”
Kakashi ignored the protest. His smile turned more mischievous when he added, “The other reason, well, Sakura and I may have had something to do with that.”
Sasuke blinked again, dumbfounded. He shot Itachi a strange look and turned to Sakura. “You? Whaddya did you have to do withit?”
Sakura smiled innocently, leaning slightly towards Itachi. “It’s pretty simple,” she said. “Your brother is far too good of a lover to let him waste away in the Akatsuki.”
Sasuke spit out his mouthful of vodka all over the table. Naruto sputtered loudly. “W-wait, what?”
Itachi face-palmed.
Kakashi’s smirk grew wide enough to be visible throughout the mask. “What she means, my cute little ducklings,” he said as he nonchalantly threw an arm around Itachi’s shoulder. Itachi allowed it with an air of expiration. “Is that Itachi here has given us far too many orgasms to be allowed to stay away for longer than three days.”
Sasuke’s jaw hit the table. Naruto turned beet red.
Itachi hid his face in his hands. “Kakashi, Sakura,” he said, the words muffled behind the palms of his hands.
“Yes, dear?” “Yes, sweetheart?” they answered simultaneously, each pressing their face into one of Itachi’s shoulders. Underneath the table, two different hands slid up higher along Itachi’s legs.
“Please shut the fuck up,” Itachi deadpanned.
Sakura savoured Sasuke’s tortured expression like a fine wine. Next to her, she heard a soft rustle of cloth as Kakashi unveiled his sharingan.
How she loved them both.