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Shoto had become a master at masking everything. His facial expressions, his body language, his tone. At some point, he started to fear that he’s internalized it. He needed it to survive the last ten years with his father, but living at UA? Reclaiming his quirk as his own? His mask was slowly melting away. On his own terms. No one else’s.
All thanks to that damned bone breaker Midoyia Izuku.
And sometime between the sports festival and now, he’d fallen head over heels in love with him.
He had absolutely no idea how to show affection. It wasn’t like he could ask anyone in his family, especially when his object of affection was a boy, knowing his father and how he'd react.
So, he started with small stuff. Things that always made him feel better. When Izuku had been acting weird around his work study and trying his hardest not to cry, he comforted him in the only way he knew: by giving him half his soba. He would’ve given him all of it, but that would’ve made it look too obvious. Or Izuku would’ve just rejected all of it because of how kind he is.
After that Midoriya started to become more affectionate with his classmates. They had all grown so much together. He was always at Midoyia’s side, always trying to fight for him and protect him. He didn’t need protecting, but he was willing to die for the boy that gave him everything.
Some time passed and his usual nightmares had gotten worse. Instead of his father looming over him, beating him with suffocating heat, it was Shigaraki disintegrating Izuku as he begged for Shoto to help him. Other times, he had confessed his love and he laughed in his face. Or he would confess his love to Izuku, and he’d react with anger and disgust, wondering how someone as worthless as him could love someone like Izuku who could move the stars themselves.
Shoto woke up one night from one of his repeated nightmares. One where he couldn’t save Izuku. This time when he woke up, the room was covered in ice. He couldn’t even imagine how his father would’ve reacted if he’d frozen his bedroom because of a nightmare backhome. Although he did feel bad for Aoyama who must be freezing in the other room.
He got out of his sweat drenched bed and melted the ice. He’ll apologize to him in the morning.
Then, Shoto noticed himself crying and it was hard to breathe. He wiped his tears and went back to using the mask that kept him safe all this time. He went to the small bathroom in his bedroom and splashed cold water on his face. He waited until the swelling in his eyes went down and the redness in his face subsided.
Eventually, he slowly shuffled his way from his bedroom to the common room to get some fresh air and tea.
It wasn’t until he finished making his cup he noticed a large fluffy ball of hair in the living room hunched over. Izuku hadn’t noticed him yet, or he was asleep. Shoto decided to quietly call his name, “Izuku?” Izuku jumped and looked back at him, face drenched in still flowing tears.
“Hey!” He forced a smile and wiped his eyes. “What are you doing up?”
“Same reason as you, I think,” Nightmares. It had to be. What else would someone be up in the middle of the night crying about? Shoto softly said as he made his way to the couch to sit next to the hero he was madly in love with. He felt his heart pound in his chest. They were both so vulnerable and so alone. He put the cup of tea on the coffee table and looked at Midoriya.
“Do you… Want to talk about it?”
“I’ve just…” Shoto could swear he saw him blush. Or maybe he was just red from crying too. Shoto was never good at this sort of thing. So he decided to keep his mouth shut and let Izuku talk. “I’ve been spending a lot of time with this girl from class 1B. I know,” he shook his head and the smile Shoto would die for was wide and wavering. “I know about our classes rivalry, but I don’t care! I really like her!” He proudly said as he looked up at his best friend. “I asked her out and she said yes!” He started to cry again. Izuku was crying because he was happy.
And he was so grateful he could hide his emotions, because he was completely breaking inside. Izuku was happy, so why wasn’t he? That’s what he wanted, right? Izuku to be happy no matter what, even if he wasn’t there. So why did he feel like he was dying? Like something worse from his living nightmare had come true. He hoped he was dreaming. He prayed he was dreaming.
“What about you?” Shoto was snapped from his thoughts. “What are you doing up? If you don’t mind talking about it!” He could tell Izuku felt bad about turning Shoto’s nightmare into talking about his love life. He also didn’t realize how much that broke him inside.
Well… Izuku liking someone else was like Ibara’s thorns wrapped around his heart that squeezed it to ribbons, but Izuku was happy. He didn’t hate him. He could never. And why would he feel anything about Ibara? She had nothing to do with any of this. And that's when his mask finally shattered. He broke down crying in loud, violent sobs. Izuku panicked and pulled him into a tight hug and rubbed his back.
It’s just a hug. It’s just a hug that doesn’t mean anything. He knew it didn’t mean anything to Izuku. He hugged everyone. He was a loving and affectionate person like that. He didn’t even realize just how much that meant to Shoto.
Shoto, who the last time he ever felt a kind touch, let alone being held so gently when he needed it was his mother. Shortly before she poured the boiling water on his face. Rei was still terrified to touch him after he started to come and visit her as of late. He didn’t blame her, he almost flinched beforehand which didn’t help either of them.
But with Izuku… He melted into his body and touch. Savoring every part of him.
Deep down Shoto knew he wasn’t special. He was completely devoted and in love with Izuku and he knew he’d never feel the same way.