Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sans knew something was terribly wrong when he was up before his brother. Up up at least. He didn’t count the times where he woke up at three in the morning from a nightmare and worked on something until he fell back asleep or Papyrus knocked on his door to wake him up. He had woken up early that day, which led him to realizing that he had never heard Papyrus leave the house at five to go see Undyne. He wasn’t even sure if Papyrus had left the past couple of days. He had seemed a little off in the mornings, but Sans hadn’t wanted to press, lest he be accused of being overprotective. It was now 7:30, meaning Papyrus should have been heading back from training to wake him up, but the door to his bedroom had yet to open. With a sigh, Sans swung his legs off the bed, threw something acceptable on, and knocked on Papyrus’s door.

“Bro?” He called out. “You up?”

“Of course, Sans,” Papyrus responded back and there was some movement behind the door. “It is far too late in the morning to be sleeping.”

“Then what are you doing in your room?” he asked.

There was a moment of silence. “...Not sleeping?”

Sans let out a little laugh, though his concern still weighed heavy on his chest. “Can I come in, Paps?” he asked, voice serious.

“Yeah,” Papyrus said quietly and Sans opened the door.

He was seated on his bed, legs folded into his chest. His scarf was in his hands, rather than on his neck, and he was looking at it in a strange way that made the metaphorical hair on Sans’s neck rise. Papyrus, in general, seemed smaller, compressed, like he was trying to pull himself in entirety into a tiny ball that was so compounded it winked out of existence.

He closed the door behind him and slowly made his way to sit next to Papyrus. “What’s wrong?” he asked, getting straight to the point. There was no reason to pretend like everything was okay. Papyrus never went out of routine unless it was something bad, and they both knew that. The last time it had happened, Sans hadn’t felt comfortable leaving his brother’s side for days, and while some of that had been in part due to guilt, most of it had just been out of the anxiety that maybe Papyrus would never return to his normal self.

“I’m never going to be a Royal Guard,” Papyrus said quietly, still playing with the fabric in his hands.

Sans looked up with a start. “What are you talking about? Of course you are. You’re the strongest person I know. Undyne’s just going hard on you because she wants you to be ready. When you join the Guard, you’ll already be better than like, half of them.” He gestured with his hands out wide. Sans knew that originally Undyne had originally intended for Papyrus to never join, but that had been years ago, and Papyrus had grown since then. She had surely changed her mind.

“You don’t have to lie, Sans,” Papyrus said, with a little bit of bitterness, and Sans had to admit that not only did the comment hurt, but it had been deserved. He was working on being more honest with his brother, but it was clear that trust was still weak. “I’ve taken the test almost fifty times. I’ve trained with you, dad, even the Captain of the Guard herself practically daily and I’m still not good enough. If I was capable of being a guard, I’d be one already. There’s no reason to keep wasting the Captain’s time, or mine. I’ll find something else to do, something I’m better at, I just have to figure out what.”

“So you’re giving up, just like that?” Sans asked.

“Even I have limits, Sans.” Papyrus set the scarf aside. “I gave it my all forty-six times, I don’t have it in my anymore.”

“But…” Sans didn’t have the words, because in the end, Papyrus was right. Sans would have given up long before his brother did. He had tried as hard as he could, and stars, 46 times really was a lot. His heart broke for his brother, to see Papyrus so upset, so quiet. He had never seen him give up. He hadn’t even thought it was possible.

He had to figure out how to bring that hope—that optimism—back, but he wasn’t sure if it was even possible. And he was not the person to instill optimism in others.

“Alright,” he sighed. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

Papyrus nodded, but didn’t say anything. He just kept staring off somewhere, and Sans couldn’t help but feel a little sick to his stomach. He got up and went to the door. “I love you, Paps.”

Papyrus looked up at him for a moment. “I…I love you too.”

He closed the door and headed downstairs. His father was on the couch, reading some science thing that even Sans thought looked boring. “Alright,” Sans said when he got to the bottom of the stairs. “You have to talk to Papyrus. I did my best, but this is above my pay grade.”

Gaster looked up briefly. “Is he sick again?”

“He’s given up on becoming a Royal Guard.”

The book closed immediately and Gaster took his glasses off to look at Sans. “He what?”

“Yeah. I guess he took the test a couple of days ago and failed it again, so now he's decided he’s just going to stop trying.” Sans sighed, pouring himself a cup of coffee from the other room.

“He failed the test? That’s practically impossible.” Gaster said. “I’ve seen what he can do, he’s better trained than most Guards I know.”

Sans shrugged. “Undyne still doesn’t think he’s ready, I guess. That’s the only thing I can think of.”

Gaster shook his head and stood up. “That isn’t right.”

“Well it doesn’t really matter anyway because he’s not going to try again.” Sans said.

He frowned. “I’ll talk to the Captain and get this sorted out. He’ll try again then.”

“Undyne’s pretty strong-willed. You sure you want to try and sway her?”

Gaster waved him off. “She’ll listen.”

Sans looked at him for a moment. “You know, you’re pretty scary when you say stuff like that. Y' get all menacing and stuff.”

Gaster ignored him and headed upstairs. He knocked on Papyrus’s door.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be down in a moment, Sans,” Papyrus called out.

“It’s me, Papyrus. Sans told me what happened. Can we talk?” he asked.

It was quiet for a moment. “I guess,” Papyrus said, and Gaster came in.

“I think it’s a mistake to stop trying for the Guard,” he said immediately upon entry. He probably could have been more tactful, but Gaster had always been the kind of man to call things as he saw them.

“I’m sorry,” Papyrus said, “but I can’t do it anymore, and I won’t. You can’t change my mind on this. I’ve thought about it for a while, dad.”

“Papyrus, I know you. I’ve seen what you’re capable of. There is no reason that you cannot be in the Guard, and I know that you can do this.” he said. “You have wanted this your entire life, you can’t just give up now.”

“If I’m everything that you say I am, then how come after forty-six tries, I’m still failing the test?” Papyrus snapped.

“Forty-six?” Gaster took a step back and shook his head. He hadn’t known the number was so high. “I…I don’t know.”

“I’m tired, Dad. I’ve tried so hard for years and I just can’t do it.” Papyrus slid onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. There were still glow-in-the-dark stars from when Sans put them in his room over ten years ago. Some of them were starting to peel off.

“Let me talk to the Captain,” Gaster said. “We’ll figure this out, Papyrus. Just please, don’t give up on this.”

“I’m not getting the Guard position because you intimidated the Captain into giving it to me.” Papyrus said. “This is supposed to be earned.”

“I am not going to intimidate her. I…I would never, but unless the standards have changed, there should be no reason you aren’t on the guard yet, and I just want to know her reasoning for keeping you off of it.” he said. “Just…Just try one more time? I won’t ask you to again. Please?”

Papyrus shrugged and then bit his lip. Gaster could tell he was about to cry. “I…I don’t know, dad. I’m sorry, I just…I don’t know.”

“Alright,” he said. He knew he had a tendency to push his sons too far, focused too much on the end goal than the journey. He was trying to work on it, so he let up even though every bone in his body was screaming to push. “Please remember to come downstairs and eat something. I’ll…I’ll let you rest. I love you, Papyrus.”

“Love you too,” Papyrus said, and then turned his back to the door.