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Chapter Text

If someone had told Telemachus after the suitors first started to arrive that not only would they turn out to be fairly decent men, but he’d end up falling in love with one of them, he would have called them insane. And yet, that is exactly what ended up happening.

Within just two years of the suitors being around, most of them gave up with the realization that Penelope would never pick any of them. Those who stuck around didn’t do so out of stubbornness but rather to give some protection since the war had taken so many great men that would have been around to keep the royals safe. They still claimed they were suitors, but they scared off any new men who came around trying to have a shot with the queen with malicious or selfish intentions. They took their fair share of food and drink, were only as rowdy as would be expected of a group of twenty or so men, mostly didn’t harass the staff, and otherwise stayed in their lane. 

Telemachus had gotten fairly used to the men being around and, even if he wasn’t a fan, he was able to put up with the situation. The men mostly left him alone, though a few taught him how to fight well enough and gave him some socialization experience. Not to mention it was certainly better than the two years of living with over a hundred men talking about his mother in such disgusting ways while he was still innocent enough to not even understand what it all meant. So while he didn’t hold any of those who stuck around in the highest regard on principle, he still got along with all of them.

Or rather most of them.

Antinous had stuck around and still claimed that he thought he had a shot with the queen. The other men mostly just let him stick around because they knew he was only there because his father made him go and he was overall harmless, keeping his thoughts between himself, the other men, and –of course– Telemachus. So, very reasonably, Telemachus didn’t like him. And yet, he didn’t go out of his way to avoid him either. The man was loud, annoying, stubborn, couldn’t read the room for the life of him, always said what was on his mind, didn’t hold things back for Telemachus’ sake, was actually kinda funny sometimes, radiated warmth like a bonfire, never intentionally made Telemachus feel genuinely scared for himself or his mother, could manage to be handsome when he was trying…

But none of that meant anything. Telemachus knew that so long as that man, or any of the other men, were in his house, he couldn’t let his guard down. So he never did. And it wasn’t surprising that one day Antinous went too far talking about his mother and the two got into a fight. Nor was it surprising that that fight became a massive argument.

What was surprising was Antinous kissing him.

What was surprising was Antinous attempting to leave the next day.

What was surprising was Telemachus insisting that he stay one more night for the two to have dinner together in private. 

A dinner that led to Telemachus kissing him. A kiss that led to the two grinding against each other like animals before avoiding each other for a week. A week that ended with them having an actual open and honest conversation. A conversation that led to a mutual confession of love. A confession that led to Telemachus having his virginity taken by someone who was originally supposed to be pursuing his mother.

And the most surprising thing of all was that after they were done and the energy and excitement of lust had gone away, they still wanted each other. They still wanted to be with each other.

As such, after a period of Telemachus thinking that his mother was going to kill Antinous the moment she found out and Antinous thinking the same thing, Telemachus finally got the nerve to tell his mother what had happened –sparing her the graphic details, of course– and explaining his newfound affections. Penelope was very concerned about it but, after Telemachus had Antinous make a formal desire of pursuit, she allowed it. Over time, she came to not understand but at least accept the man and that her son truly did care for him.

Later, Odysseus miraculously returned from his travels expecting a fight but instead found himself being deeply confused. Penelope informed him of everything that happened, the suitors peacefully left after giving extravagant gifts to their gracious hosts as a way to make up for any money from the treasury lost to treat them properly, and Telemachus got to have a tearful reunion with his long lost father. Antinous was sent back to his home temporarily as everything having to do with Odysseus’ return was sorted out, giving the king time to get to know his son and hear plenty about the man his boy fell in love with. It took some time, but with help from Penelope he too was able to be as supportive as he was capable of being. So once Ithaca was back to running properly with its royal family, Telemachus sent word to Antinous.

Who as soon as he returned proposed to Telemachus.

Directly in front of his parents.

Without any prior notice.

After Odysseus recovered from a light medical episode and Penelope had used practically every word she knew to yell at Antinous, the four were able to have a formal conversation. Since Telemachus was their only son, the relationship between him and Antinous would complicate things. Antinous was allowed to stay, but the relationship had to remain private and informal and Telemachus had to at least humor the idea of marrying a woman.

At least that was the plan until Penelope became pregnant and gave birth to a healthy pair of twins –one boy and one girl– and not long after that on a visit to King Nestor, Telemachus found that one of his daughters Polycaste had been having a secret relationship with Nausicaa of Phaeacia and for the sake of protection Telemachus was able to marry Polycaste, secure Nausicaa a position as his new wife’s “close confidant and aide”, not worry about needing to have any children since he was no longer an only child, and was able to live comfortably on an island near Ithaca within his parent’s kingdom with Antinous, who was able to get a respectable job as a blacksmith’s assistant while Telemachus could focus on community service and assisting in education of the local children, both because he found it fun and also to build a positive reputation. It didn’t take long for things to be going well enough that he and Antinous didn’t need to hide their affections in public nearly as much, at least on the island that they lived on. Telemachus still had duties as eldest prince and he and Polycaste still had to maintain the appearance of being a couple whenever royal matters came up, but they were able to get into a comfortable pattern and live the lives they wanted to live.

Even Athena turned out to not be an issue at any point in their relationship. After their private dinner together she did have some choice words for him over getting tipsy with someone he didn’t have confirmation on the intentions of, but she soon turned to ambivalence and accepted the fact that the one thing she would never understand was mortal love. She knew that Telemachus was smart and trusted his judgement so long as she had no proof that Antinous would attempt to hurt or use Telemachus. She had even been the one to help Telemachus learn about Polycaste and Nausicaa’s situation, claiming that it wasn’t because she cared about Telemachus’ ability to be with the man he loved but simply because she knew he’d be less effective of a warrior of the mind given that she had seen what could come from someone being prevented from being with the one they love due to circumstances out of their control. Of course Telemachus knew she was just saying that to still maintain the look of being the Athena everyone knew her to be, but given that he knew for a fact she had at one point disguised herself as a mortal, given Antinous some kind of test of character, and rewarded him by giving the forge he worked at tools made by Hephestus himself, she at least cared a little.

Everything was able to get settled. Everyone was able to be comfortable. Everyone was able to be happy. It was all going so well.

So it was only natural that it wasn’t long after that point that something Antinous and Telemachus had no hope of being prepared for; a development neither of them had any reason to know was possible.

~~~~~

Telemachus woke up one morning laying alone in bed. He was confused for multiple reasons, but most noteworthy were the fact that not only was he alone but his memories of the evening before were incredibly fuzzy. He remembered cuddling with Antinous as the man was telling him about work that day, feeling incredibly relaxed, and then…something happened. He knew he didn’t fall asleep right away and that he had done something, but he couldn’t place what it was. He could hear movement outside the bedroom so he went ahead and went out into the main room of the modest house where he saw Antinous making breakfast. The man was significantly more dressed than he was most mornings but Telemachus didn’t worry about that and walked over, hugging his lover from behind.

“Morning ‘Tinous.” Telemachus said chipperly, moving onto the balls of his feet to kiss the back of Antinous’ neck, “It was weird to not see you in bed this morning. But if it was for the sake of having an early breakfast, I’ll take that loss. I do like seeing your sleepy face though.”

Antinous stayed silent. He didn’t move. Frankly it hardly even seemed like he was breathing.

“Antinous?”

Concern started growing inside Telemachus and he released Antinous from the embrace. He tried to move in front of him to look at him, but Antinous moved, looking away and moving over to one of the counters, staring down at the surface and giving no room for Telemachus to be able to get in his line of sight.

“Antinous, please, what’s going on with you?”

“Are you…you again?” Antinous slowly asked, voice almost trembling.

“Of course I’m me. Who else would I be?”

“It’s just- I mean, after last night…”

“Antinous, look at me.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t.”

“Please just look at me.” Telemachus begged, only getting more nervous, “You’re worrying me. And if you won’t look at me, at least tell me what happened last night. Did something happen while I was asleep? Is that why you weren’t in bed this morning?”

“You…don’t remember what happened?”

“Should I?”

Antinous paused for a moment before taking a deep breath, seeming to relax but still not looking at Telemachus.

“The reason why I’m not looking at you is because if I do then- then I know I’ll only be able to see that look in your eyes. That…soft, sweet, innocent look.”

Telemachus walked up behind Antinous, resting his forehead on Antinous’ back.

“You seem really affected by this. But I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on.”

After some hesitation, Antinous slowly turned around, lifting up Telemachus’ head by the chin to make him look him in the eyes. Telemachus was heartbroken to see just how guiltily Antinous was looking at him. His love was clearly feeling so much pain over something related to him and he didn’t even know why.

“Last night,” Antinous softly began, “there was a point where you…weren’t yourself. Or rather you were, but not yourself as you should be. In body you were you as you are now, but it was like your mind was, I don’t know, younger. The way you were talking and acting and seemingly thinking wasn’t like that of the Telemachus who is my lover and partner. It was closer to the Telemachus who was a young, fatherless prince. You were acting even younger than you were when I first met you, yet it seemed like you didn’t even notice anything was wrong or different. You were the same in body –it’s not like the gods physically turned you younger or something– but completely foreign to me in mind.”

As Telemachus thought about Antinous’ words, some things did sound familiar. It was like his memories of the night before were one big fog and Antinous talking about it gave him a torch. The fog was still there, but he wasn’t going through it blindly. He vaguely remembered that when he was relaxing, there was an almost floaty at some point during Antinous talking to him the night before. He also started to remember not having much of a filter or really worrying about anything. He had wanted to stay close to Antinous because Antinous was nice to him and warm and made him feel safe. He had felt weird, but not a bad kind of weird. It was just…different. But he had liked it! He didn’t remember how Antinous had felt about it though.

“I…don’t fully remember what happened last night. You talking about it is helping me remember some things.” Telemachus explained, “I know that I felt really comfortable and relaxed and…safe? I’m not sure how to describe it, but while I was listening to you talk it was like I wasn’t thinking as much anymore because I knew that I didn’t have to since you’d be there for me. I guess that’s why I was acting differently, I haven’t felt that safe very often in my life, especially since I was young. I spent most of my life having my dad missing, my mom stressed and busy, and years with the suitors who didn’t exactly make me feel the safest even after the worst ones left. I had to grow up really fast just so I could feel safe and secure. And so when I felt so comfortable and secure last night, maybe a part of me was thinking that because I was feeling that way it assumed that I had to be the age I was when I felt that way consistently.”

“You’re a pretty clever ki- you’re pretty clever. I definitely wouldn’t have put that together.” Antinous said with an impressed scoff.

“I’m just theorizing, puppy. I don’t actually know if that’s why.”

“That’s still more than I could have done, little wolf.”

Antinous let go of Telemachus’ chin and ruffled his hair, but after he did he stared at his hand for a moment then exhaled and moved away from Telemachus, going over to the food he had been preparing. Antinous gave Telemachus a plate with tēganítēs and some dates. They both flashed each other a quick smile and went over to their table. They ate in silence and Telemachus was able to be fairly calm, but he could feel Antinous continuing to either give him drawn out glances or avoid looking at him entirely. Yet Telemachus didn’t worry too much.

He knew the two of them would be fine.

~~~~~

Over the course of several months, Telemachus and Antinous experimented more with the strange mental shift. They didn’t know if what had happened was repeatable but they tried to replicate what happened and saw that it did, so given that it was a positive experience for Telemachus, they decided to try figuring it out more. And over time, Antinous also started to have a better and better time with it as he understood it more. On times where Telemachus had a particularly rough day, he was able to know that once he got home he could slip into a simpler state of mind. And if Antinous was ever struggling with feelings of inferiority, having his beloved show him just how vulnerable he was able to be around him was bound to assure him just how much he was needed. They weren’t perfect, of course, but with time and discussion, they were able to get very skilled and comfortable with each other. It was nice.

So Telemachus was incredibly confused when he woke up to an empty bed for the first time since he and Antinous discovered the mental shift.

Telemachus left the bedroom to find Antinous looking very stressed and guilty in their sitting room. He walked over, sitting next to him but making sure to give space between them. Antinous didn’t look at him, but he knew that he knew he was there.

“Antinous, are you okay to talk?”

“Yeah. I am.” Antinous softly said, “So um, how much do you remember about last night?”

“Not much yet, but I’ll probably remember more in a couple hours. You know, as usual.”

“So…you don’t remember what I did?”

“Considering how concerned I’m feeling about what you might be asking about, I would say no.” Telemachus said, narrowing his eyes slightly, “What did you do?”

Antinous let out a heavy exhale and leaned back against the wall, looking up at the ceiling.

“You’re going to think that I’m disgusting.”

“I doubt that.”

Antinous looked over at Telemachus, doubt joining the guilt in his expression.

“I kissed you.”

“Antinous, you’re basically my husband, you can kiss me.” Telemachus chuckled, “You don’t need to beat yourself up over-”

“No, I kissed you. You were in that younger headspace and you trusted me and you were just so close to my face and I was looking at that precious, innocent look in your eyes and I knew just how delicate and vulnerable you were and…I kissed you. On the mouth. It was just a peck at first but then you got so flustered like you were the first time we had sex and I couldn’t control myself so I kissed you again, but for longer. I asked you if you were okay and you told me you were confused, that you felt good and were feeling warm inside but didn’t know why or how to explain it. So I asked you if I could kiss you again to see if maybe I could help you understand and I barely waited for you to nod before going for it. Suddenly you were lying beneath me and I so desperately wanted to- it doesn’t matter. I was thankfully able to realize that you looked nervous which gave me the slap in the face I needed. So I stopped and just went back to what we were doing before, doing my best to brush off your questions for both of our sakes. And when you went to sleep, I left. I mean, we’ve already had talks about how you being unconscious doesn’t stop some of my more…lustful thoughts, and so I didn’t want to risk anything. I know you trust me and you’ve told me that you know I’d never do anything you didn’t want me to, but I think this is clear evidence that that isn’t true. I knew you weren’t thinking how you normally do, and yet not only did I not make sure you were fine with what I wanted before acting, when I did I took the bare minimum to go so much further than I should have. So, I’m sorry, Telemachus. I broke your trust and could have hurt you without you even realizing it. I am so incredibly sorry.”

Telemachus stared at Antinous, having no idea what to say. Antinous words did make him remember some hazy feeling of warmth mixed with confusion, and he’d have to be completely passive to claim that what Antinous had done was okay…but he wasn’t mad. He wasn’t even upset. Antinous had screwed up, yes, but he was being fairly respectful and was taking accountability for his actions, something that the man possibly wouldn’t have done years ago. So even if he wasn’t thrilled with what Antinous did, he wasn’t going to make his love feel any worse than he clearly already did.

Not to mention the thoughts that started to form in the back of Telemachus’ head based on what Antinous has described…

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up.” Telemachus said gently, moving closer, “You sure seem to feel bad for what you did and you’re not trying to hide it from me, so you don’t need to look down on yourself so much. Maybe you did cross a line, but the fact that you’re being so honest with me and apologizing shows that you could have removed a few of those “sorry”s and still be in decent enough shape. It’s not like you went against something we’ve established; we haven’t discussed doing anything like that before.”

“But we should have.” Antinous said firmly, “Even if this is of course the first time something like this has happened…it’s not like it’s an uncommon thought for me.”

“What do you mean? You’ve thought about kissing me while I’m like that before?”

“A whole lot more than that.” Antinous said with a dark chuckle, “I’ve never admitted it to you before because I always felt so depraved but, you know, it feels pretty relevant. There have been a few times where, while you were in that headspace, I excused myself for a few minutes claiming that I had to do something or get something when in reality I was just going to another room to handle my feelings, so to speak. My mind would start to go places and I didn’t want to be  turned on while I was taking care of you so I’d take care of myself then get back to you once I was sure that I wouldn’t instinctively do anything. Because even if your mind is different and your eyes look so innocent, you still have the body of the love of my life. So I leave you a few minutes to make sure that I can be as good of a caretaker as you need me to be.”

“Wow, just a few minutes?” Telemachus said, teasingly punching Antinous’ arm, “I’m impressed that you can so easily switch between how you think about me for that.”

As Telemachus looked at Antinous, the look in his eyes made everything suddenly click.

“Unless…you don’t switch between how you think about me for that.” Telemachus slowly said.

Antinous let out a heavy exhale and leaned over, resting his head in Telemachus’ lap, looking up at him as Telemachus smiled down as encouragingly as possible, gently playing with his hair. He gave Antinous all the time he needed to figure out what to say. Antinous didn’t often put a lot of thought behind his words –something that Telemachus found very endearing and refreshing– which meant that when he did put thought into what he was saying, it was important to be patient and listen to whatever it was. And considering how serious Antinous was, it was especially important.

“As you know, you were young when we suitors first showed up. Both in age and in mind with how sheltered you were. And I will admit that before the more aggressive ones left, I was quite similar to them. Like them I also had some…darker thoughts about you. You know, ways that I could use you to get the throne. And even if I never did anything about them and got my act together eventually, I still feel guilty in hindsight, like I somehow manipulated and groomed you into being in love with me. I mean, I am noticeably older than you.”

Telemachus knew that Antinous sometimes felt self-conscious about their relationship –after the first time they had sex, he asked him in every way that was possible if he was sure he wanted to be with him– but he didn’t know just how much it was on his mind, especially after how long they had been together. Though he shouldn’t have been too surprised that Antinous hadn’t told him; his love wasn’t exactly the most emotionally vulnerable person unless he had to be.

“Even after how long it has been since then, I still sometimes think about that time. And especially ever since the relatively recent development…those thoughts have come back in full swing. I feel so disgusting for thinking about it because I know I shouldn’t, but they keep coming back in my head again and again whether I want them to or not. So when I kissed you last night, it wasn’t just because you’re my lover, but also because with you in that headspace it feeds into something that I thought about for a very long time.”

“I mean, you don’t need to feel too bad for it, right? Even if neither of us have participated in anything like pederasty, at least as far as I’m aware, it still is an established thing, even in Ithaca.”

“But it’s not the same. When you’re like that I don’t want you like an erastês wants their erômenos. I don’t want to teach you or mentor you. I don’t want to treat you like a beloved that I’m teaching to be a man. I want to have power over you, I want to own you and be all that you have, I want to be the one that you listen to without question because you trust me simply because you see me as someone that can be trusted, and I want you to stay just a boy, staying small and innocent and ignorant of what’s okay outside of what I tell you. That’s why I feel so awful about those thoughts. There is almost nothing loving about what I want, it’s more about obsession and power than anything else. But…I don’t want to take something that has helped you deal with your problems so well and make it about my own depraved thoughts.”

Telemachus thought about what Antinous was saying. He could admit that a part of him felt weird about what his lover admitted, but he could only imagine just how much it had taken to admit that, how long Antinous had been thinking about it, how long he had been wanting to say it but couldn’t get himself to until it felt like he had no choice. Yes it was certainly surprising to hear his basically husband tell him that he wanted to fuck him while he had the mind of a child, but with the explanation for how they started it at least made some kind of logical sense.

And the more he thought about it, the more he could feel his own curiosity growing. Curiosity…and something else.

“I remember what it was like when the suitors first showed up.” Telemachus began, getting Antinous to look at him curiously, “I was young, innocent, and had barely even interacted with anyone outside of the palace. I had my mother, the maids and servants, some tutors, and occasional visits from family, but then everything changed. For that time while everyone still thought that my mother would pick someone, my head was constantly being filled with hatred towards me and my mom, as well as endless comments about her. And even after they left, well, you were still around and didn’t exactly hide any of your thoughts from me. In hindsight it’s one of the things that drew me to you, even if that meant that I let myself be exposed to even more lustful comments than I needed to for those years before you got your head out of your ass and realized you had just been in denial about your feelings towards me.”

“Hey, I had reason to be in denial.” Antinous said with a slight chuckle, his mood lifting slightly as he sat up properly.

“Keep telling yourself that.” Telemachus shot back, “Anyways, I can admit that spending two years having my head constantly filled with such openly depraved comments and then choosing to spend time around the one person who continued to make them impacted me as I grew up. My ideas of what was normal was warped, something that I can imagine you noticed when we finally got together.”

“Ah yes, that long discussion we had about how you didn’t have to go further than you were comfortable with and I was fine with taking things slow as far as sex was concerned regardless of what I had made it seem like I desired through mocking comments.”

“Exactly. And like you know, I didn’t just hear comments about my mother. I saw several suitors…make their own fun with the maids and servants. And it didn’t even take a year before I started hearing comments about how I looked enough like my mother and would be as submissive as a woman would. Of course, they didn’t use that exact language, but you were around them enough to know what I mean.”

“Like I said, I had those same thoughts. I just never said them out loud. And yet here I am, expressing those same desires years later.”

“One, because you never said them out loud back then you deserve some credit. And two, they aren’t the same. At least not now. Because I’m not a kid anymore. Even if you have sexual thoughts about me while my mind is in a younger state, I’m not actually that age. My brain just acts like I am.”

“But isn’t that the same thing?” Antinous questioned, frustration slipping into his tone, “The reasoning behind the desire is identical and they started when you were young.”

“No, ‘Tinous, it’s not.” Telemachus argued, “Back then, they and you wanted to make me feel awful and get what was perceived as revenge against my mother or use me to get the throne. But now you just want to feel powerful without any desire to actually harm me. Because you would never want to harm me, right?”

“Unless it’s in ways that you’ve told me are okay.”

“Exactly. And knowing how I am when my mind is younger, seeking that feeling of safety and security and comfort I missed out on, you would never hurt me while I was like that, would you?”

“Of course not! Which is exactly why I feel so awful, the fact that I want to fuck you while you’re so vulnerable.”

“You wouldn’t inherently be hurting me just by having sex with me.” Telemachus pointed out, “Obviously I wouldn’t want you to be as rough as you sometimes are and there would have to be a lot more communication than normal to make sure I feel safe but, you know, there could be ways for it to happen that wouldn’t be inherently harmful. Gods, it might actually be fun, even for me. I remember how I felt the first time we had sex and while it was intimidating, afterwards the only thing on my mind was feeling affirmed that you really did love me. So if we were careful, I’d imagine that I’d get that same feeling to be so intimately close to you while I’m in a state where I long to be close to you, more than I normally do, that is.”

Antinous looked at Telemachus, looking almost confused by what he was saying. Telemachus was slightly saddened by the fact that his love seemed surprised by how open and accepting he was of him. It was almost funny how in the past Telemachus had admitted to wanting them to act out a rape fantasy that was about as violent as they could do without causing any lasting damage –something else that was also rooted in the early years of the suitors being around– and Antinous had met him with kindness and openness, and yet when Antinous shared his own darker fantasy he had seemingly expected Telemachus to not show that same courtesy.

“My little wolf, you don’t need to say that.” Antinous said, a sad seriousness in his expression, “I don’t need you to spare my feelings.”

“If you seriously think that I would ever entertain a serious idea simply to spare your feelings, then I’m offended you’d think so little of me.”

“Telemachus, what I want is wrong. You shouldn’t be talking as if I’m speaking of a fantasy we should actually play out!”

“But it could be!” Telemachus shot back, “Antinous, please, believe me when I tell you that I am not upset with you or judging you and especially not lying to you. You opened up to me and I am taking you seriously. Even if you may think that some fantasy of yours is wrong, that hasn’t stopped us before. Sure my awareness would be different, but it’s still more awareness than I’ve had other times we’ve had sex. And just like those times, we can talk to each other to make sure we know exactly what to expect and what we think we need to do so we can be safe and have a good time. You don’t want to hurt me and so I’m trying to do whatever I can to make sure that you don’t. The only thing that hurts is you stubbornly insisting that you’re inherently dangerous even when I’m trying to help you!”

“I just…don’t want to be the man you thought I was when we met.” Antinous softly said, looking down at the ground.

“Oh puppy,” Telemachus lovingly sighed, holding the side of Antinous’ face and making him look back at him, “You’ve never been that man.”

Antinous finally managed to smile at him, leaning into Telemachus’ touch. He took Telemachus’ other hand and led him over to be sitting on his lap. Telemachus thought that he was going to kiss him but instead Antinous wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close, burying his head in Telemachus’ neck.

“I love you so much, Telem.” Antinous said, his voice muffled.

“I love you too, ‘Tinous.”

Telemachus let one hand slip into Antinous’ hair as the other held his back, holding his lover close. He expected to start feeling lips on his neck but instead felt a faint wetness and realized that Antinous was silently crying into him. He didn’t comment on it, instead just kissing the top of his head and gently rubbing his back, letting them both sit in comforting silence as he was held as close as physically possible. Antinous didn’t often get vulnerable with him and Telemachus had learned early on that he had been raised to see vulnerability as “womanly” and as such bad and wrong. As such whenever he actually got emotionally vulnerable, he never commented on it unless Antinous brought it up first, doing whatever was needed for his lover to feel as supported in his emotions as possible.

Eventually Antinous’ grip loosened and the man sighed, resting his head against Telemachus’ chest.

“I think…that maybe it’s something we can talk more about.” Antinous slowly said, “And of course if it turns out well, it won’t take priority over you having a safe headspace. But if you think there is a way that we could handle my guilt and unwanted thoughts by acting on those thoughts in a safe and controlled environment…I would be more than happy to have whatever discussion is required with you to make that possible.”

“Thank you.”

“But only if you actually want it too.” Antinous said, looking up at Telemachus, “You’ve had so much taken from you. I don’t want you to lose the thing that allowed you to make up for that.”

“I do. At least based on what we’ve said so far, I do. And like you said, we can and should talk more before we do anything. If I change my mind, I’ll let you know.” Telemachus assured.

“And I’ll do the same.”

“You better not act like you’ve lost interest just for my sake, though. It’s okay if you decide that you don’t want to, but it better not be because you’re making assumptions about what I want.”

“Okay, okay, I won’t.” Antinous chuckled.

“Good.”

Telemachus gently kissed Antinous, but just as he started to move back Antinous pulled him back, making Telemachus laugh into the kiss which just allowed Antinous to deepen it. When Antinous freed him, the two just spent a few moments staring at each other and smiling.

“You, my little wolf, deserve everything I could ever give you.”

“What, just for that?”

“Absolutely. Agreeing to any idea I have more than earns it.”

“Come on, my puppy, we both know you’d give me everything regardless.”

“Oh really? Why?”

“Because you love me.”

“I have no idea why you’d ever think that.” Antinous said flatly.

Telemachus just scoffed and somewhat gently punched Antinous’ shoulder, laughing.

“You jerk.”

“Wow, you wound me.” Antinous said with a smirk, kissing Telemachus’ cheek, “But maybe you are right.”

“Please, you know I’m right.”

“I guess you are.”

“Are what?”

“You’re right.”

“About what exactly?” Telemachus asked, mirroring Antinous’ smirk.

“That I love you, Telemachus.” Antinous said, over dramatically swooning, “But I swear, you’re lucky that I do because few could handle your annoying ass.”

“You do handle my ass quite well.” Telemachus teased.

“It would be rude not to, great prince of Ithaca.”

“But now that I think about it…I don’t know if I can actually be so confident in any judgement.”

“How about I refresh your memory?” Antinous offered, rubbing Telemachus’ waist.

“Now I would never say no to that.”

Telemachus yelped as Antinous suddenly lifted him up only to lay him down on the fur rug on the ground, laughing as Antinous started to litter his neck and shoulders with kisses.

“Antinous! You are not going to fuck me here like some animal.”

“Hmmm, but I could. And it wouldn’t be the first time.” Antinous pointed out, nipping at Telemachus’ skin, pausing before sighing and gently kissing Telemachus’ sternum, resting his head on him again, “Thank you. For everything. For agreeing to explore…that, but also for everything else you’ve done for me. I quite literally couldn’t have the life I do now without you.”

“And I would never want a life other than the one I have with you.”

“But if you dare tell that dumb prince friend of yours that you got me to cry again-”

“I don’t tell Peisistratus about when I see you cry.” Telemachus laughed.

“And you better not. You’re lucky you’ve seen me cry as many times as you have.”

“Oh yes, because five times is so many.”

“You have not seen me cry five times.” Antinous argued, pushing himself up to look down at Telemachus.

“Yes I have.”

“When?”

“Today, when we moved in here, when I told you about the arrangement that would allow us to be together, when you were begging me to try and come up with a way for us to stay together, and after the first time we had sex.” Telemachus listed.

“I would argue that two of those times count as the same time. I begged you to figure out how we could stay together and then right after you told me about the arrangement.”

“Yes, but you switched from sad tears to happy tears. So I count them as being different.”

“I still think that it only counts as four.”

“He says to a student of Athena, the goddess of wisdom.”

“He says to a follower of Hephaestus, god of the forge.”

“And what does that have to do with anything?” Telemachus asked, half teasingly and half actually curious.

“It means that I follow the god who came up with the idea of using chains in the bedroom.”

“Wasn’t that just because he wanted to expose Aphrodite for sleeping with Ares?”

“Little wolf, please just let me try and talk dirty to you.” Antinous sighed, resting his forehead on Telemachus’.

“I’ll do that when your dirty talk makes sense.”

“Okay, fine.” Antinous said casually before grabbing Telemachus’ wrists and pinning them down, “Either you let me say what I want, or I’m going to fuck you right here until you not only can’t correct my logic, but don’t even have enough logic in yourself to string a sentence together. It would be a shame to put a student of Athena in such a state, but don’t forget where you stand compared to me, little wolf. Or rather lay because I can easily make sure you won’t be able to stand for a long while, regardless of which gods either of us follow.”

“Y-yeah. That works.” Telemachus stammered, face flushed.

“Thank you.”

Antinous softly kissed Telemachus’ nose then stood up and walked away.

“Love, you do know that our bedroom is the other way, right?” Telemachus asked, sitting up.

“Why would I take you to the bedroom? I said I’d fuck you if you didn’t let me say what I wanted. You’re done correcting me, so I have no need. Besides, aren’t you hungry? I still need to make us breakfast.”

“I’d like to correct myself for calling you a jerk earlier.” Telemachus huffed, standing up, “You’re not a jerk. You’re an asshole.”

“Aw, I love you too. Consider it revenge for the nickname you gave me.”

“Athena is the one who said that in her eyes you changed from a feral dog to a stray puppy.” Telemachus corrected, following Antinous to the kitchen, “It’s not my fault she wasn’t showing herself to you and you asked me to tell you what she said.”

“Only because you laughed! I had to make sure she wasn’t mocking me, which she was.”

“She wasn’t mocking you, she was accepting your presence. You should be happy.”

“I suppose there are worse ways to be viewed by the goddess of wisdom and battle tactics.” Antinous sighed, laying his arms over Telemachus’ shoulders.

“Exactly. Once again, I’m right.” Telemachus said, wrapping his arms around Antinous’ waist.

“You certainly are, my little wolf, you most certainly are.”

~~~~~

Telemachus had been ecstatic all day, and why wouldn’t he be? Antinous really did everything he could so they could have as great of a day together as possible. They went horse riding, saw a play, and spent gods knows how long wandering the local market. He even managed to drag his dear lover into playing with some kids in town, just some game based on whatever the children knew about the war; Telemachus had even gotten the honor of being put in the role of Helen while Antinous was unanimously elected playing the very important role of the infamous Trojan horse despite his easily ignored requests to play anyone else, preferably Menelaus. The two of them even had a dinner picnic. Everything was going so well. 

Just like Telemachus had hoped.

“You know, little wolf, you’re allowed to change your mind.” Antinous said as the two laid on the grass and gazed up at the starry sky.

“About what?”

“Our plans for tonight. I know we have been talking about this for a while but…today has been a good day. A really good day.”

“And now you think that our plans will ruin that?” Telemachus asked, propping himself up on his elbow and looking down at Antinous.

“I think that I will ruin that. We don’t have to have sex tonight, if you don’t want to. And if you do, then we can just do that normally.”

“Antinous, if you’ve changed your mind, that’s okay. I won’t be mad. But don’t act like I must be lying to you about what I want. I would never lie about something like this. And I don’t want you to either.”

Antinous sighed and pulled Telemachus over to be laying on top of him, gently petting his hair.

“I haven’t changed my mind. There’s just a part of me that’s still telling me that this is wrong. To do this, to want this. I don’t want to take advantage of you when you’re so vulnerable and trusting.”

“And I am trusting that you won’t take advantage of me. Because I know who you are, Antinous. Yes you have a very rough history morally speaking, but you aren’t some monster. I love you more than anyone and I would trust you with my life. I’ve trusted you with my body and emotions and heart before, so now I am trusting you with my mind. Because I know that you can keep all four of those and whatever else there could be safe, even when I’m not in a state where I can also be protecting them myself, at least not as strongly.”

“But…what if I break your trust?”

Telemachus wasn’t surprised that even after all of their discussions, that was still something he was worried about. He just chuckled and moved up so that his head was above Antinous, who slipped his hand out of his hair to hold the side of his face. Telemachus leaned into the touch as he always did and tried to convey all the love that he felt through his gaze.

“I know that you would rather die than lose me. That’s why you’ve been so scared, hasn’t it? Because you think that you’ll cross a line and I’ll leave you? I don’t want you to be scared of hypotheticals, so I’ll tell you the reality. If you break my trust, then you’ll break our relationship. If you decide to let your darker desires eat you instead of you just having a taste of them, then the moment I realize that fact, I will leave you to rot like a carcass that is so toxic not even starving scavenger animals would take a bite. And I will not pity you at all.”

Antinous looked almost scared of Telemachus’ words, so he placed a tender kiss on his nose before resting his forehead against his lover’s.

“So, Antinous, are you going to change your mind?”

There were a few moments of silence, then a sigh and a soft chuckle.

“No. I’m not.”

Antinous moved his face and Telemachus happily gave him a soft, tender kiss before pushing himself up.

“Then we better get home, my puppy. I shouldn’t stay up too late past my bedtime.”

He’d keep him safe. He was sure of it.