Chapter Text
“I've got high hopes, it takes me back to when we started… And in my dreams, I meet the ghosts of all the people who have come and gone. Memories, they seem to show up so quick but they leave you far too soon.”
High Hopes, Kodaline
So maybe starting his day at nearly 4AM and popping his anxiety meds wasn’t the best course of action. He hadn’t taken them before work before, but knew he didn’t have any patients today, so it wouldn’t affect too much.
That was, until he realized Maru stood in the doorway, and had been watching him stare down at a blank sheet of paper. His mind shut off sometimes- he forgot where he was or just fell out of consciousness for a few minutes once the meds were fully working.
“You okay, Harvey?” She asked, leaning against the doorway, clipboard in hand.
“Sure thing, Maru!” He said, a little more chipper than he felt, putting the paper to the side and swiveling around to look at her. “Just thinking.”
She took another step into the room and sat down in the cushioned chair along the wall. “About what?”
“You told me to save who I can.” He said softly.
“What?”
“After Jas’s first appointment- sorry.” Harvey smiles, but it doesn’t meet his eyes. “You said you can’t save everybody.”
“Right.” She says. She hugs her clipboard to her chest. “I didn’t mean anything by it, you’re great at your job!”
“It’s not that. I think I messed up during Jas’s appointment yesterday.” He pauses and looks down at his hands. “She was finally starting to open up. She was telling me about what happened to them, and Shane started to panic, I think.”
“Panic?”
“He was coming apart at the seams listening to her tell the story. I thought he was going to cry, or pass out, or maybe vomit- and so I gave him an excuse to leave the room.”
Maru nods, waiting for Harvey to continue.
“I stepped out to check on him and he exploded at me- I touched his arm and his reaction was…” He trailed off. “Visceral.”
“Did he hurt you?” Maru asked, eyebrows raised.
“No, not at all!” Harvey responded, “I thought for a moment that he might, but he just shouted.”
Maru sat back in her chair, relaxing a little. “You probably shouldn’t have touched his arm.”
“I know. I know that.” Harvey sat back too, tilting his head back and letting out a huff of air. “I just wanted to comfort him, or let him know I was there.”
“I don’t think he’s a man that likes comforting.”
He sat forward at that, dizzying a bit at the quick movement. “You seem to have something against him, telling me he was the town drunk when clearly we have Pam competing for that trophy.”
Maru shrugged, “A figure of speech, I guess. He gets wasted a few times a week, they cut him off at the Saloon and Emily walks him home.”
“As someone in healthcare, how do you not see that as a cry for help?”
Maru stiffened at that. She didn’t respond.
“I’m sorry,” Harvey said, “But we both studied how people cope with stress and trauma, and though it’s not the healthiest way, you have to admit that it’s a tell-tale sign that he’s going through something.”
“Right.” Maru said, looking a little ashamed. “I didn’t mean anything by it, and I do feel bad for him. It’s just hard to take pity when he has a kid at home waiting for him.”
“Parents can experience trauma too, Maru.” Harvey said, “And Jas is well taken care of, considering the circumstances. After getting to know the family, I have little worries about neglect. Do you feel differently?”
Maru shook her head, “You’re right.”
Harvey grabbed his cane and stood, gently patting Maru’s shoulder with his free hand. “You’re good at your job Maru, and you’re a good person. Don’t let the small town talk and judgement cloud your own opinions.” He laughed a little as he said, “Hell, don’t let me change your opinion altogether either. I need a fresh set of eyes to help me out here, Kiddo.”
She smiled and patted his hand too. “I think that Shane will come around, he just needs time.” As they walked out to the lobby, Maru added, “And maybe to not be having a panic attack when you try to talk to him?”
“Right.” Harvey says, smiling. He turned towards the doorway to his apartment and let Maru get to work with the paperwork and reception duties.
He’d need to be alone while he waited for his meds to wear off.
. . .
The apartment above the clinic was small, but cozy. It was easy for him to sit down and rot while the time passed, feeling a little numb as he listened to his radio, staring through the screen while The Queen of Sauce taught a new recipe. His mind wandered back to his dinner plans now and then. He wasn’t anxious, at least.
After a couple of hours, they start to wear off and have the desired effect.
Marnie had suggested that he bring a side to go with dinner tonight, but failed to mention what dinner would be. He didn’t exactly have a kitchen, so cooking the side was out of the question. He’d have to bring something fresh or order to-go from Gus.
He checks the time.
14:45.
He’d have just enough time to say goodbye to Maru for the night, and to hop over to Pierres to pick up some groceries.
Changing into more relaxed attire for dinner, he adjusts the collar of his shirt in the mirror. A simple green button up, and khaki pants. He rolls his sleeves up a bit, thinking he’d probably be overdressed, he thinks as he puts on his belt. Marnie would probably have hay in her hair from the farm, and Jas would be as wild as ever by this time of day, and Shane…
Nevermind.
He combed his hair almost as delicately and deliberately as he did his mustache before leaving the bathroom.
You clean up nice, old man. He thought to himself.
He slips into a relaxed pair of brown shoes and leaves his cane by the door. He’d just be shopping next door, he wasn’t going to need it for a short trip where he’d be able to lean on a shopping cart.
He felt less sure of himself when he got downstairs and had to lean on the door frame for support talking to Maru.
She looked up at him from her chair and smiled, “Well don’t you look nice!”
“Off to dinner,” He said with a smile, holding onto the reception desk for support as he walked towards the door. “Jas’s birthday.”
She raised her eyebrows at that.
He stopped walking and put one hand on his hip. “What?”
“After yesterday with Shane? You’re going to his house?”
“Well, it’s Jas’s house too. And Marnie’s.”
“Harvey-”
“It’s her birthday!”
“Does he know you’re stopping by?”
Harvey pauses. He assumed, but it had only been 20 minutes following Shane taking off in a hurry.
“Harvey!”
“Maru!” He matched her tone, stepping towards the door. “It’ll be fine, it’s not about us, it’s about Jas.”
Maru rolled her eyes using her whole body as she went back to work at the computer. “Good luck with that, Soldier.”
“Have a good night, Maru.” Harvey said, stepping out into the warm early summer air.
. . .
Pierre’s didn’t have traditional shopping carts, they were a little lighter than the ones that Joja had, and smaller. Harvey cursed himself under his breath for not thinking of that when choosing to leave the cane behind for convenience.
It was never for convenience, it was to feel normal. Like he wasn’t twice his age.
He made his way over to the produce and carefully picked through what little looked fresh enough to be edible. He’d bring a fresh summer salad to dinner. It was a special occasion, so he decided to sacrifice a little bit of the healthiness and made it a fruit-based salad with berries instead of vegetables. Maybe Jas would like it better.
Salads were the one thing that Harvey enjoyed that could be prepared in his ‘kitchen.’
When he finished gathering a selection of salad ingredients, he made his way to the front of the store.
“Afternoon, Harvey!” Pierre said, looking him up and down, and then taking in the contents of his cart. “You look as great as ever! And it looks like you’re having a salad tonight, excellent choice! Summer is a good time to eat a refreshing salad.”
Harvey smiles, “Couldn’t agree more.” As he sat his items up on the counter to be rung up, he had a thought. “Think you have something to package a gift with? Just a small thing, but if you have some paper to wrap it in, or ribbon…”
“Absolutely!” Pierre said, stepping around the counter. “What color would you prefer?”
“Purple would be great,” Harvey said, the answer coming as easily as he said it.
Pierre fetched him a thick purple paper with a light purple vine design along the edges, and a few colors of ribbon to choose from. Harvey chose the green ribbon, thinking he might be able to tie it in a bow reminiscent of Jas’s.
She deserved to have a good birthday, and if Harvey was invited, he was certain there probably was going to be a short list of attendance.
Back in his apartment, he carefully prepared the salad in a large glass bowl with a nice silicone cover. He realizes he’s probably never actually used it before.
He carefully placed the doll into a shoebox on a bed of newspaper, and wrapped the box in the purple paper. Tied together with the ribbon, he took his time carefully writing, Happy Birthday, Jas! -Dr. Harvey just below the bow.
He carefully placed the bowl and the gift in a canvas bag for safer travels, hooked it over his shoulder, and took his leave from the apartment.
. . .
When he stands on Shane’s doorstep- No. Marnie’s doorstep. She was the one that invited him. He takes a deep breath. He could turn around right now and pretend he wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t make it, and promise to drop Jas’s gift off later.
But he cared about Jas. Even if things were going to be horribly awkward with Shane, Harvey had been through worse for less. He smiled despite himself thinking of how she might react to the doll he’d found, and found himself a little less nervous. Maybe his meds worked for more than killing a few hours of time. He knocked on the door.
Marnie opens the door a few moments later, a look of fluster on her face as she smiles and welcomes him. “You’re early, Harvey!”
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t sure how long the walk would take me.” Harvey adjusts the bag on his shoulder awkwardly. “I haven’t been in the Cindersap Forest before. It’s very beautiful!”
She smiles warmly and opens the door wider for him to enter. As he steps into the room, he can smell the food cooking. With a peek at the clock, he realized he was actually early. Quite early. An hour early.
And Marnie had some very homely decor. The bird clock, which had birds in place of each hour, sang a birdsong softly as the hour hit four.
Marnie rushes back into the kitchen to stir something that smells heavenly, and looks at him standing in the doorway. “Well, if you’re here you better get to work, Pumpkin! I’m making food for six, and I need rolls in the oven.”
Harvey laughs as he sets his bag down on a counter, leaving his cane leaned against the doorframe. “Anything I can do to help.” He washes his hands and uses the kitchen island to steady himself, “Ready for duty!”
Marnie laughs too, a hearty and warm laugh as he tilts her head towards a bowl on the counter behind her, a towel draped over top. “Grab that bowl there and split the dough into 12 equal pieces for me if you would. I’ve already got the cutting board prepped with flour.” She points to the pantry door, which has assorted aprons hanging. “You’re gonna need one of those, if you want to keep those fancy clothes clean.”
Harvey looks down at his button-up. “I dressed down…” He said softly as he reached for an apron.
Kiss the Cook… If You Can Catch Her!
Harvey balked at the apron, which featured a cowgirl with a lasso in hand, cast above her head.
He reached for another instead.
Udder Perfection
Luckily the udders weren’t too realistic. Leafing through the other aprons proved to be a losing battle. He might have found the tamest of the aprons.
Marnie snorts as he ties it behind his back, “Sorry about that, Sugar.”
The risen dough is dense, seedy and darker than the normal Ferngill bread he has grown accustomed to. There was something familiar about it, but nothing he could place.
“It’s supposed to be cooked in a brick oven, I hope that my oven will do the trick.” Marnie says, “It’s special for Jas from where she’s from, I found the recipe in the back of a cookbook at the library. The ingredients are all from the city, nothing I could get here.”
Cutting the dough into even pieces is easy enough, but Harvey quickly finds that it’s a messier job than he thought. The flour finds its way onto the floor, the front of his apron, onto his collar, and somehow into his hair.
He wasn’t much of a baker.
When he turns and gives Marnie two thumbs up and lets her know the dough is ready to go into the oven, she smiles. “Thanks for your help sweetie, but you look a mess.”
Harvey waves a hand, dismissing it. “Anything for the birthday girl. Need help with anything else?”
Marnie nods and hands him a spoon. “Stir this continuously for the next three minutes and I’ll get the next thing started!”
He gets to work, grateful to be busy before having this dinner with Shane. “Who else is coming to dinner?”
Marnie sighs, “Jodi… and Vincent, Jas’s friend.”
Harvey nods, he hadn’t met Jodi more than a quick greeting at Pierre’s. He knew her husband was currently deployed.
“It should be a good time, though Jodi can just be a little judgemental of Shane. He’s doing his best with Jas, it’s a hard situation.” She smiles sadly, setting up the next dish. “It’s hard to have a hard time in a small town like this, everyone knows your business.”
“I’m sure Jas will be over the moon having Vincent over, she talks about him all of the time.”
Marnie nods, “And having a get together with all of her favorite people was the best way I could think to celebrate!” She turned on the burner beside the pot Harvey was stirring, and placed a pan beside it. “Shane is picking up a cake on the way home from work, and I’m trying to make it feel extra special any way that I can.”
“You’re doing a great job, Marnie. I’m sure Jas and Shane both appreciate all of the support.” Harvey says, arm starting to ache from the kneading, cutting, mixing. He peeks at his watch.
16:30.
Another minute of mixing and another half hour of waiting for the dinner to start. He felt the anxiety threatening to grow in his chest and pushed it away. Shane would only be one of six people at dinner, he probably wouldn’t even have to speak to the guy.
. . .
Jas and Vincent burst through the front door squealing and laughing, hair wet and wild from the beach. Jodi had taken them down to the shore so that Marnie could get dinner settled, and they clearly had a great time.
“Hi Doctor Harvey!” He heard her scream as she sprinted past the doorway to her bedroom and slammed the door.
The chaos.
“Sorry,” Jodi said as she stepped into the doorway. “They had a ton of fun in the water, they’re a little rowdy.”
Marnie laughed, “Kids will be kids, thank you for bringing them!” She patted Harvey on the back and told him to keep an eye on what was cooking so she could help Jas into her dress.
And so Harvey stirred the pot, gave the pan a shake, and checked the rolls. Everything was in good shape. Jodi stood in the doorway watching quietly. Vincent must have run into the other room.
“So, was the weather nice out on the beach? It can be colder out on the water I’ve noticed!” Harvey reaches, hoping to quell some of the silence, wiping his hands on the apron.
The apron.
He looked down and made eye contact with his utters.
He didn’t need an apron that bad. Hanging it back on the door, he decided it was better to stain his shirt than look Jodi in the eyes with it on. He washed the mess from his hands and looked around for a towel.
“It’s always pretty cool with the ocean breeze.” She says, looking down at her hands, and then around at the wall decor. Finally, her eyes fall on the cane resting beside the door. “You served in the army?”
Harvey dried his hands with a towel, and looked over at Jodi, eyes on his cane. He felt a pang of regret, not approaching her sooner. He would’ve wanted someone to check in on how his dad was doing while he was away.
“Yes, I did.”
“How long ago?” She looked up and met his eyes, pain evident on her face.
“Two years ago. I served for two until my injury, and they discharged me.” He says, putting the towel down and resting his palms on the counter.
“My husband has been gone for three years.” She said, “At first he was able to visit every few months, brought back toys for the kids and told us we were doing well against Gotoro.” She broke eye contact and seemed to find the floor much more interesting. “We haven’t seen him in over a year, and the last time we saw him… He was different.”
Harvey nods. “It’s not an easy thing-” He pauses, “Being over there, or being here, not knowing.”
“Was it getting worse? Worse than what we hear on the news?”
“It’s always worse than what you hear on the news.” Harvey said carefully, “But we weren’t taking more than we gave, for the most part. We have some brave men on the front lines. Brave and capable, dedicated.”
Jodi nods.
They hear Jas and Vincent shuffling and giggling down the hall and make a silent agreement to end the conversation there. The kids shouldn’t hear about that.
When Jas comes barreling around the corner and into the kitchen, she grins at Harvey, “I have my birthday dress on!”
“It’s lovely Jas, it’s very fitting for the birthday girl to look like the princess of the house!” He notices that her hair is droopy from her swim, and it looks like Marnie tried and failed to tie it up into her familiar puffs and bow.
When Marnie comes back into the kitchen, she thanks Harvey for the help and bends down to Jas. He hears her offer a quiet apology, saying Uncle Shane will fix it when he gets home.
Jas doesn’t seem bothered as she grabs Vincent by the arm and drags him into the other room, announcing that they’ll play fairy princess. Jodi makes a face, which Harvey might have recognized as distaste.
Harvey retrieved his canvas bag, placing the gift on a table in the entryway, and the salad on the dining table. He started to set places to keep himself busy, folding napkins under plates and setting out silverware the best that he could.
He went to the kitchen to bring some of the food out when he saw Shane standing at the island talking to Marnie, setting a beautiful pink cake on the counter, along with a small confectionary box.
Shane looked tired, evident bags under his eyes and his clothes rumpled. He wasn’t wearing anything particularly nice, just a green polo and his threadbare jacket.
“Yeah, Gus threw these in, no charge. Birthday gift. Jas’ll be thrilled, she probably-” Shane motioned at the box on the counter as he talked to Marnie before turning towards Harvey and letting his words trail off.
He stared for a moment, eyes trailing down before snapping back up.
For a second, Harvey is afraid that he’s still wearing utters and looks down to be sure. No utters, just bits of flour.
Shane looks away, walls visibly going back up as his shoulders stiffen, but he keeps glancing back at Harvey’s face, to his eyes and then down, before looking back at the floor.
He crossed his arms, gaze still fixed firmly on the floor.
“You, uh, you have- Nevermind.” Shane cuts himself off, turning away and focusing on adjusting a melon ball on the cake.
“Uncle Shane!” Jas runs in, fairy wings bouncing on her back as she attempts to climb him. He grunts, bracing his arms under hers to give her leverage.
She glances at Harvey and giggles, giving him a wide, and very Shane, grin. “You’ve got flour on your face!”
Harvey blushes, and wipes his face with his hand. “Did I get it?”
He in fact, did not get it. She cackles and reaches her arms out to him from the other side of the kitchen. “I’ll do it!”
Harvey laughs, wobbling a bit as he walks over. Shane steps forward with Jas in hand, looking away as Jas reaches out her hands and roughly wipes the flour from the side of Harvey’s face. Then, she ruffles his hair, and he sees a flour cloud appear between them.
They both giggle, and Harvey can almost swear he sees Shane hold back a smile.
Shane takes a step away, leaning back to get a better look at the girl in his arms.
“What happened to your hair?”
“Went swimming.” She said matter of factly.
Shane cocked an eyebrow, unimpressed. “What’s the rule for swimming before events?”
Jas purses her lips, over dramatically thinking for a moment. “No getting my hair wet?”
Shane raised the other eyebrow.
Jas just grinned sharply, eyes bright. “But I knew you could fix it!”
Shane sighed, setting the girl down before glancing at Harvey. He studied intensely for a moment before reaching out and scrubbing his thumb roughly over Harvey’s cheek.
“She missed some.” He muttered, walking over to the fridge and pulling down a basket from the top. It had some small bottles and combs, along with a spray bottle and baggie of hair accessories. “Sit, Jas.”
Jas sat at one of the stools at the kitchen island as Shane stood behind her, pointedly avoiding looking at Jodi and Harvey as Jas began to chat about her day at the beach. He made her bow her head and ruffled her hair, sand falling on the floor. Shane grimaced, glancing at Jodi for a moment before focusing back on his task.
He didn’t speak as he rubbed some type of oil on his hands and began to massage her hair, gently using a metal comb to coax out snarls.
Harvey can’t help but stare in amazement at the fact that Shane knows how to do this- He didn’t seem like the type of guy to go and learn how to care for her tightly coiled hair.
“One or two?” He asked gruffly, using the metal tail of the comb to part her hair.
“Two!” Jas yelled.
“Wow, shocking.”
Jas tried to lean forward to see into the other room, squeaking when the back of the comb whacked her head with measured carefulness.
“Stop moving.”
Jas pouted as he carefully divided her hair into two portions, taking out two green ponytails with two large round beads and winding them around his fingers. He gathered up all the hair on one side, pulling it taut and securing it with a ponytail before repeating the motion on the other side. Once he’d done both he squinted at them for a moment, reaching out to fluff them until they were perfectly puffy and voluminous. He picked up her discarded bow from the table, securing it in the front of her hair.
“Do you have to do that every day?” Jodi asked, Shane’s eyes flicking up as if he’d forgotten her presence.
“It can stay for a few days, just needs maintained so it doesn’t get snarled.” Shane grunted, starting to put the items back in their basket. He stopped, grabbing the spray bottle and giving each puff a few spritz before putting it away.
“Oh, that sounds like a lot of work.” Jodi frowned slightly.
Shane shrugged. “Not really.”
When Jodi says, “Wouldn’t it be so much easier just to get it straightened?” Harvey raises his eyebrows and looks for Shane’s reaction. Certainly not something he’d say. He hoped Jas hadn’t picked up what she had said, but he knew she was too smart for that.
Shane went stiff, freezing with a comb still in his hand as his eyes snapped to Jodi. Shane’s jaw was set, and Harvey realizes he’s never seen Shane look that upset. Not even when he shouted at him yesterday for touching his arm. He should probably say something so that Shane doesn’t. Frankly, after that comment, Harvey wanted to say something anyway.
“I think it’s important that Jas grows up to appreciate the way she looks, you wouldn’t want to put any incorrect ideas in her head.” Harvey says with a stiff smile, hoping Jodi drops it and catches his hint. Back off.
Jodi looks slightly ruffled, clearly having been caught off guard by Shane’s reaction. “I suppose you’re right. I should go see what Vincent’s getting up to.”
Before she could make her escape her son barreled into the room, skidding to a halt with a brilliantly orange pair of monarch butterfly wings, slightly askew as the strap slipped down one scrawny shoulder. Jodi makes a small noise of discontent, but wisely doesn’t say anything.
“Why’re you taking so long?” Vincent asked in a yell as he looked up at her. His eyes went wide. “Woah! Your hair is pretty again!”
Jas’s face shadowed for a moment before it disappeared and she stuck out her tongue. “Was pretty before, you just can’t appreciate it.”
“Oh, okay. Can we keep playing?”
Jas looked back at Shane, getting a nod as he walked away with the basket to put it away. She hopped down from the high stool with ease, wings fluttering.
“Hell yeah!”
“Jas!” Marnie snapped from the dining room, poking her head in. The small girl rolled her eyes.
“Heck yeah. C’mon Vince, I need your help with something.” She grabbed him by the arm and pulled him along.
They run off, and the room falls silent. Harvey makes eye contact with Shane, and sees his eyes soften for a moment before looking away.
Was that a thank you?
“Alright, how about the big strong boys bring the food into the dining room for us?” Marnie suggests happily, and with purpose. “Jodi can help me finish up here.”
Harvey doesn’t say anything to that, but gives a smile and a nod as he picks up a couple of bowls of food and walks into the other room, taking care to keep himself balanced.
When he sets the bowls down on the table, Shane does the same on the other side of the table. When he looks across and meets his eyes, Shane looks pissed.
“Thanks for saying something.” He says, looking behind Harvey to check for eavesdropping kids. “She can be a bitch sometimes.”
“I could tell it bothered you, and I didn’t want Jas getting any ideas like that.” Harvey says, waving him away. “Didn’t want you to blow up on her or anything…” He trails off with an awkward laugh, to which Shane looks away.
He immediately feels awful for mentioning it, and wants to turn and run when he hears little wild footsteps coming his way. He sees Jas and Vincent barreling down the hallway towards them, giggling and laughing.
First, Jas runs up to Shane and hands him a pair of blue fairy wings with shoulder straps. “It’s a fairy dinner!”
Shane looks like he almost wants to tell her there was no chance, but sighs. He puts on the fairy wings and sits down at the table. “Happy?”
“Yes!” She exclaims gleefully, and turns to Harvey.
She held out a pair of green fairy wings to Harvey, and smiled, “You’re a fairy too Harvey!”
He’d been called that before…
“Thanks, Jas.” He says brightly, taking the wings and putting them on. He sat down at a seat across from Shane.
“Almost perfect.” She takes one of Harvey’s wings and bends the metal wire harshly across the center. “Cripple fairy!”
Shane chokes on the water he was sipping on and coughs wetly as Harvey starts to laugh, and Vincent starts chanting along with Jas. “Cripple fairy, cripple fairy cripple fairy!”
Shane bursts into laughter, and Harvey realizes he’s not really anxious at all.
. . .
The night was going great, despite the moment with Jodi earlier. When Marnie and Jodi joined everyone, Jodi sat quietly and made small talk.
Marnie had made a fantastic meal, and gave Harvey praise for doing such an excellent job with the rolls. She said she made them special and hoped Jas liked them, and left it at that.
Jodi failed to grab one of the rolls for Vincent or herself.
When Shane brought out the confectionary box, Jas lit up. “Gus thought you deserved something familiar, kiddo. He said happy birthday.”
The bean paste buns looked and smelled divine. Gus knew what he was doing, whether it was making drinks, cooking, baking, or being your therapist.
Jas ate three before offering one to Vincent. He looked nervous, likely never having seen food from other places. “Try one, Vince! My momma used to make them. They are so so good!”
Jodi exhaled loudly, “He doesn’t like trying new things.”
“Well Marnie always makes me take one bite before I say it’s yucky. It has beans in it, it’s yummy!” Jas shook the bun enticingly, a small bit of bean paste on her cheek.
“Beans?” Vincent said dubiously. “Why are there beans in it?”
“Dunno.” Jas shrugged, unbothered. “My momma said they’re special beans. Try it!”
“It sounds funny, but they taste pretty sweet. You might like it if you try!” Harvey suggests, and then looks over at Jodi.
“Don’t push it. He said he doesn’t want to.” She said with a faux smile plastered on her face.
“Nuh uh, he didn’t say that! Vincent, do you want to try?” She continued to hold out the bean bun, pointedly avoiding Jodi’s intense gaze.
Vincent glanced at his mother, then at the offered bun.
“Jas, sweetie, it’s okay if he doesn’t want it. Not everyone has to like them.” Marnie said gently, trying to undercut the tension.
Jas glances at Marnie, and just for a moment, her tough exterior cracks, and she looks crestfallen.
“Oh. Sorry Vincent.” She muttered, going to set the bun down on her plate.
Vincent’s eyes widen and he practically lunges forward to snatch the bun from her hands.
“I’ll try it!” He yells, going to take a bite when a hand snatching his wrist stops him.
Jodi had stood from her seat and was leaning over Vincent to grip his wrist.
“Drop it.” Jodi cleared her throat and stood up straighter, looking around the room as if she didn’t just do something that could be seen as wildly offensive. “Vincent, honey, give Jas her present. We’re going home.”
Both children look heartbroken and confused, Vincent letting out a whine as the bean bun fell from his hand and hit the ground.
“Why?” He whines even as Jodi pulls back his chair and gets him out of it. “I’m not done eating yet!”
“We have food at home. Get your gift.” Vincent pouts as Jodi turns him around by his shoulders and points him towards where they’d put their gift. “Now, Vincent.”
“Jodi, if we could just-” Marnie started, but Jodi shot her a look.
Shane had stood from his chair, hands on the table as he stared down Jodi with an unenviable intensity. He looked even angrier than earlier, and only his occasional glances at Jas seemed to be keeping him from getting in Jodi’s face. He almost wanted to laugh looking at Shane’s blue sparkly wings in contrast to his grave expression, but even with the fairy wings, Shane looked like he could break a man’s nose right now.
Harvey absently wondered if Shane could be tamed once he finally blew up on this woman. He felt a pang of pity looking at Jodi, the quiet rage on her face stemmed from ignorance, he knew this. Though it didn’t piss him off any less either.
Vincent dragged his feet as he made his way to the table, picking up two wrapped gifts. One with pink paper, and a long one with dinosaurs that was terribly wrapped.
Jas was still sitting in her chair as he walked back, setting the gifts in front of her. Her face was a mask, but her eyes were wide and wet.
“So this is my gift. I made it myself.” He pointed to the dinosaur one.
Jas slowly picked it up, carefully peeling back the excessively taped paper until she was able to slide the object out. It was some kind of grey stick, the handle wrapped in colorful ribbons.
“It’s a sword! So you have one next time we play pirates and princesses.”
Jas cracks a smile, taking the sword and tapping either of Vincent’s shoulders as if knighting him. “Thanks Vinny.”
“And that one’s from my mom, she didn’t think you’d like mine.” He pointed to the carefully wrapped pink gift.
Jas’s smile fell, one hand still gripping the sword as she grabbed a corner of the carefully wrapped package and ripped it down the middle. She pulled out a coloring book, sparkly and generic with cats and unicorns on it, and a big orange clearance sticker on the corner.
“…thanks.” Jas muttered, settling the book down and cradling her sword to her chest. “Do you really have to go?”
Vincent looks at his mother and slowly nods, his face equally sad.
“I’ll pack up some cake for Vincent.” Marnie says with false cheer and a tight expression on her face.
“Melon and strawberry.” Shane practically spits from where he was still staring Jodi down. “Hope that’s not too exotic for you.”
Marnie returns a moment later with a single slice of cake in a Tupperware, handing it straight to Vincent after he sadly pulls off his butterfly wings.
“Enjoy it, Sugar.” She says softly as he takes the container, the boy sniffling.
Jodi drags him out after that, Shane watching them go with a stormy expression.
Harvey sighs and stands. “I’ve got a gift for you too, Jas.” He tries to smile at her, but she just looks broken. She gave him her best try at a smile, which made her look even more upset.
When he returns with the gift and hands it off, he stands behind the chair he’d been sitting in, holding onto it for support.
Jas carefully, slowly untied the bow. Her slow, sad hands broke Harvey’s heart.
She undid the paper with care, pulling out the item. A doll made of porcelain with carefully painted features and blonde hair, something he thought Jas would normally be thrilled about.
“I like it!” She tried to sound happy, brushing a strand of the doll’s hair from her eyes. “I- I really-“ Her nose twitches as she sniffles loudly, eyes wide. “No! I do, I like it!” She tries again, even as her expression starts to crumble and fat tears begin to roll down her cheeks. She sets the doll down and scrubs roughly at her cheeks with her hands, as if to try and stop the tears pouring down.
“Jas, I know, don’t worry about it,” Harvey tries to interject, but the floodgates have opened.
Jas lets out a soul crushing sob, shoulders beginning to shake as she pulls her knees up and buries her face in them.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” She whimpers into her knees, fingers gripping the fabric of her dress tightly. “I didn’t mean to!” The words came out hitched and disjointed between sobs.
Shane pulled her chair away from the table and sat down in his own, pulling the crying girl into his lap. He rocks her gently, shushing her as he combs his fingers through her hair. He looks up, meeting Harvey’s eyes with a serious expression.
“Harvey, go help Marnie clean up.”
Harvey nods and grabs some dishes from the table, stepping into the kitchen.
Marnie drops a pan into the sink with a crash, muttering angry thoughts to herself, and freezes when she sees Harvey. She looks like she wants to apologize, correct her behavior for a moment, when she shakes her head and decides to let it go.
“What the hell is wrong with people?” She snaps in a voice that Harvey thinks was an attempt at keeping it hushed.
“She just doesn’t understand.” Harvey said, placing the plates on the counter. “I’ve seen it a lot in Zuzu.”
“And that’s an excuse?” Marnie said incredulously, “She’s just a child.”
“Not an excuse, just an explanation.” Harvey says quietly.
They could still hear the sobs from the other room.
Harvey turned on the sink. “I’ll help you clean up.”
Marnie leaned against the counter, rubbing her eyes with the palms of her hands. “I appreciate it, Harvey.” She looks out at the doorway. “I feel like I’ve done all I can to protect that girl, to help Shane give her a good life here. And in her own home?”
Harvey nods solemnly.
Marnie lets out a heavy sigh and begins putting things away. They wipe down counters and put the kitchen back together in silence, until Shane appears in the doorway, holding Jas in his arms, her head slack on his shoulder.
“I’m going to put her to bed.” He says, the bags under his eyes even more severe than earlier.
Harvey and Marnie nod, and say quiet goodnights and happy birthdays.
“Thanks for staying, Harvey.” Jas says sleepily, face puffy and red from tears. “I do like the present.”
Harvey smiles at her, “Thanks for inviting me, Jas. The dinner was lovely, and I was very proud to be the cripple fairy.”
She lets out a small, teary laugh as she rests her head on Shane once more, letting her eyes flutter shut.
. . .
A few minutes pass, and they hear the front door open and shut.
Marnie looks at Harvey and shrugs. “Sometimes he needs some time to himself.”
Harvey nods, taking his leave to begin un-setting the table and doing a last round of dishes. He didn’t want to leave Marnie to clean everything up on her own. The kids had made a mess, with food under the table and handprints on the runner. He felt obligated to help, knowing Shane probably wouldn’t be in the shape to, if he was out taking time for himself tonight.
By the time everything was cleaned up, and Marnie’s kitchen was cleaner than she started with, she thanked Harvey. She gave him a hug and told him he was welcome anytime, and he could tell she meant it.
He packed up his large tupperware bowl into his canvas bag, grabbed his cane, and stepped out into the cool summer air.
That’s when he sees a warm lantern’s light glowing over by the pond. He carefully sets down his canvas bag, and walks towards the light.
One step at a time.
. . .
The night was clear, the pond illuminated by lantern light as lightning bugs flitted about, diving down to kiss the surface of the water before darting back up, leaving ripples in their wake.
Shane stared out over the water, trying to calm the rage under his skin. Once upon a time that rage had made him a good gridball player, but now, as a washed up nobody, all it did was make his skin buzz.
He forced himself to loosen his grip on the can he was holding, the tin creaking as it warped back to its normal shape. Without gridball or violence, the only other way Shane had found to quiet the ol Callahan temper was beer. Enough of it to quiet the rage, but not so much he would march down to that bitch’s house and give her a piece of his mind.
He heard a sound that was slowly becoming familiar. The clack of a cane, this time impacting the aged wood of the dock.
He didn’t turn to look at the doctor as he came up beside him. He simply pulled a beer from the six pack beside him and wordlessly held it out.
After a few seconds he felt warm fingers pull the can from his hand. There was some shuffling as the doctor sat down beside him, setting his cane behind them and letting his legs hang down. To Shane’s surprise Harvey had taken his loafers off and had rolled his pant legs up, putting his bare feet in the water like Shane had.
Silence hung between them, both men staring out over the water.
“You know, don’t you? About Jas?”
“That she’s Gotoroan?” Harvey replied carefully.
Shane inhaled sharply, then nodded. He hated having a reaction to that word, as if it was a term of shame.
“Since the day I met her,” Harvey said, looking out at the sky. “I spent a lot of time in Gotoro.”
“Not that it mattered, but she’s only half Gotoro. Her father was Ferngill, but her mom immigrated young. You wouldn’t know it, she took after her mom.” Shane was exhausted, both from his sleepless night and the shitshow of Jas’s birthday. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.
“She seems really proud to take after her mother.”
“She should be! Her mother-“ Shane sighed, taking another sip of his beer. “Her mother was amazing. She was so fucking proud of who she was, even when everyone in that goddamn city looked down at her for where she was born. Things got so much worse after the war. She was pregnant when it started, and she was terrified to raise Jas around that hate.”
Harvey simply nods, “I enlisted two years in, served for two, and have been home for two. There’s a lot of hate everywhere you go, whether it’s in the city, at the base, in the hospital…” He trails off. “But there’s also a lot of love and beauty. And Jas is very lucky to have your memories to remind her where she comes from.”
Shane stared hard at the water. “I’m trying, but it doesn’t seem like enough. Iris- She had nothing when she grew up, she made and traded for all her cultural items. She worked so hard to make sure Jas had that, all the festival dresses and cultural food, and then all of it-“ Shane washed the lump in his throat down with another sip of beer. “Burned up with her.”
Harvey took a long drink of his beer and shook his head. “Guess it’s time to make and trade.”
“I never learned that stuff! I tried once, when Jas was little, but I’m not good at it. Iris sewed, Joel learned all the recipes, I… I was just the fun one. I didn’t learn anything, and now I’m all she has. I thought about trading, but the Gotoro in the city don’t like outsiders. They loved Iris, trusted her, but I don’t think I’d be welcome to trade with them as a Ferngill.”
“I’ve met a lot of Gotoroan people.” Harvey says, “And if you walked up to one of their stalls in the city with Jas in tow, all they would want to do is help you. They want to keep their culture strong and create a community where they feel safe and accepted. They’d want to do that for her.”
“Is it safe to bring her? The things people said to her mother in that city were awful, but I suppose I wasn’t able to protect her from that even here.” He let out a heavy sigh, crushing his empty can and setting it to the side.
“It’s still Zuzu, despite everything. It was my home once.” Harvey took another drink and kicked his feet a bit. “A long time ago.”
Shane perked up at that. He’d pegged Harvey as a city kid, but he’d never considered Zuzu. “Oh? Were you Westside, or Eastside?” He turned to study the man’s profile. “Or were you a middle city kid?”
Harvey smiled, “I grew up on the Westside, but lived in Middle City when I worked for Zuzu Memorial. You’re from Zuzu too?”
“Born and raised, unfortunately. I was a Westie too, not that it’s easy to tell. Iris, Joel, and I moved to upper East as soon as we could, but I lived lower East for a good while.”
Harvey raised his eyebrows. “You were Westside?” He lets out a little laugh. “Really though, it's not that crazy to imagine. It's not as perfect as it seems.”
Shane chuckled. “No shit. Were you an Academy kid too? That place was a special kind of hell. Only good thing that came out of it was Joel, and that it looked good on a transcript.”
“Oh yeah, the academy…” He grimaced and finished his beer. “It certainly helped with getting into medical school, but not with the self image.” He reached for another beer and cracked it open.
They trailed off for a moment. The silence isn’t heavy or charged, drifting in between them companionably. Shane took a deep breath, telling himself to just be a man.
“I’m sorry. About snapping at you, and saying that shit. It wasn’t right.”
Harvey shakes his head. “Don't worry about it.” He looks down at his hands, holding the cold beer between them.
“No, man. It was shitty. I don’t usually get like that, especially around Jas… I didn’t expect her to remember anything, and it fucked me up. I still shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.”
“Trust me, I get it.”
Shane had a small flare of anger at that, before he looked over and it settled. Out of everyone in this town, Harvey was probably the only one who could ‘get it’. He glanced down at the doctor’s leg, at the scars peeking out from his cuffed pant leg. Scars that surely got worse the further up they went.
“I, uh, I don’t like being touched.” Shane finally says, shrugging out of his jacket and peeling up the arm of the long sleeve compression shirt on the arm closest to Harvey. He didn’t look down at them, he already knew every single scarred and mottled patch on his arm. Burn scars healed badly. They would never look as horrifying as they did fresh, but the scars were ugly and raised. He kept his gaze straight ahead as he tugged his sleeve back down once he knew Harvey had seen, unable to risk seeing them himself.
Harvey nods, “Noted. It won't happen again, and I'm very sorry that I handled it that way.” When Shane goes to protest, Harvey adds, “I knew better. I just got caught up.”
Shane didn’t remember anything before getting grabbed, but logically the doctor had tried to talk to him first. Now that he wasn’t in survival mode, he wasn’t as mad about it. He’d be a lot more pissed if it happened a second time.
“I didn't take anything you said to heart, so you know. I knew, generally speaking, where it was coming from. I was more afraid that I messed something up and would lose the chance to help Jas.”
“Even if I hated your guts, as long as you stayed.. You, I’d let you keep working with Jas.” Shane fiddled with the tab on his beer. “I knew the fire fucked her up bad, but I was so caught up in how bad she used to be. I guess I forgot how fucking bright and happy she was. Maybe I thought she was happy when I wasn’t around, I don’t know.”
“Kids feel the effects of trauma before they're old enough to really form thoughts, and it doesn't just fade away as they grow. It's the same for everyone regardless of age.”
Shane could have guessed that probably, it was obvious, but maybe for once in his life he’d been optimistic. He curled on himself just a little more, arms resting on his legs as he stared hard into the water.
“After the fire…” He took a long sip of his beer, washing down the ash. “It was bad. I was…unconscious once we were outside, but Jas was awake. And then they took her, and I didn’t get her back for four fucking weeks. They let her visit twice a week, but I was… I don’t know what she went through. They kept rehoming her, saying she was too difficult, too violent, too hard to handle. My sweet Jasmine, shuttled between homes and treated like damaged goods.”
Shane took another sip, closing his eyes for a second before forcing them open before the images could play behind his eyelids. “She was in rough shape when I got her back. Didn’t talk, horrible nightmares, was terrified of every adult that wasn’t me. She got so much better, I- I hoped she was all better.”
Harvey chuckles bitterly, “Not to clock you or anything, but did you get all better after a few years? I sure didn't.”
Shane let out a harsh laugh that turned into a cough. “I suppose you’ve got me there, Doc.”
Harvey sipped his drink. “What’s with the whole ‘Doc’ thing?”
“Well, you’re a doctor-“ Shane hid a smile against the collar of his jacket. “And I can tell it annoys you.”
Harvey nods, giving a small dry chuckle. “You're funny.” He glances over at Shane for a moment before saying, “I used to know someone like you. He had a big heart, and a smart mouth.” He takes a long drink. “Made everyone laugh even when they weren’t sure they’d make it home. Talked a big game, but he loved people. Deeply.”
After a beat, “That’s why he didn’t make it.”
The pond was quiet, other than the sound of Harvey tapping the side of his can thoughtfully. It echoed across the water in front of them. “Luckily out here in the Valley, helping people doesn’t usually get you killed.”
Shane blew out a breath, letting that sink in for a moment. It made sense that a soldier had lost people, especially with how bad the war was, but this clearly wasn’t a random soldier the medic had lost, this was someone he cared about.
“It’s hard to be the one that makes it.” Shane says, voice raw with grief. Unlike the grief counselors or doctors, Harvey actually understood what it meant to be the one to survive. “The people I knew- my friends. They were amazing.” He took another sip, trying not to chicken out. He couldn’t bury their memory forever.
“Joel, he was so bright and amazing, we called him Sunshine. Big guy, real tall but so gentle. Biggest guy on the team and played the worst. I don’t know, I think he showed me the world wasn’t all shit.” Shane willed the stinging in his eyes back, he could do this, he could talk about them. “And Iris, wow. She was crazy, but in the best way. She never let her past ruin her life and was so fucking proud of who she was. Stardust and fucking dreams. The three of us against the world, how it was supposed to be.”
Harvey raises an eyebrow at that. “You must’ve been close…” He doesn’t seem to notice the flush appearing on Shane’s face when he holds out his beer to him.
“To Joel and Iris.”
Shane clears his throat, caught off guard by the gesture. “To Joel and Iris.” The cans clink together, echoing across the water. “And to your friend, too.”
“Tommy.” His voice breaks a little when he says the name, and he rubs at his eyes with his free hand. “His name was Tommy.”
Shane committed that to memory. It didn’t affect him, the name of a dead soldier he’d never met, but Iris was insistent that to be forgotten was to die for a second time. If Harvey had taken the care to remember Iris and Joel’s names, he would remember Tommy.
“That gift, the doll, that was good. Jas did love it, she feels real bad about crying when you gave it to her, but I told her you understood.” Shane sighed, remembering the little girl’s hitching sobs. “Lot better than what I got her. Markers. What kid wants markers?” He planned to give them to her tomorrow, once she wasn’t so sad.
Harvey chuckles, “If any kid wants markers, it’s the one that draws everyone she meets as a chicken.” He adds, “And don’t feel too bad. It was a last minute gift, something Pierre happened to have on a shelf. You should’ve seen the layer of grime on that thing before I gave it to her-” He starts to laugh, and something in Shane’s chest eases. He had a feeling a man like Harvey didn’t laugh nearly as much as he should.
How long had it been since he’d shared a beer and shot the shit with someone that wasn’t the bartender? Before the fire for sure, just another thing it had taken from him.
“I appreciate this, you talking with me. I don’t know why my attitude hasn’t driven you off yet, to be honest, but I know you’re a good guy. You do a lot for Jas, you’re okay in my book.”
“You’re pretty okay too, Shane.” Harvey smiles, “And anytime you want to chat, my door is open. Sometimes talking is the only way you can really heal from something.”
Shane gave the doctor a side eye, bumping the man’s shoulder gently enough to not knock him over. “Alright buddy, you’re Jas’s therapist not mine.” His tone was almost playful.
“I’m not trying to be your therapist, I’m trying to be your friend.” Harvey’s voice was tentative.
Shane drew in a breath, and stared out over the water. Friends. He had only been good at that with two people, and that was a long time ago.
He exhaled back into the cool night air, lungs free of smoke, and fingers tapping the aged wood of a neglected dock, a warm body next to him.
“…I don’t understand you, Doc, but sure. Knock yourself out.”
He scoffs, returning the shoulder bump. “Keep calling me Doc and I’ll have to come up with a nickname for you too.”
Shane smirks, giving the man his full attention. “Lay it on me.”
“Hotshot?” Harvey says, unsure.
“Booo!” Shane gave a thumbs down. “Do better!”
“How’s Porcupine?” He says after some thinking.
“Porcupine?? Why Porcupine?”
Harvey shrugs, “You’re prickly.”
Shane barked a laugh at that, giving the doctor a gentle sock to the arm. “You got me there, Doc. Still think you can do better though.”
Harvey grinned. “I’ll workshop it.”