Chapter Text
"Colonel Caldwell." Hermiod's voice rang over comms.
"Yes, what is it?" Caldwell responded, just as he was boarding the ship from Atlantis's dark moonlit pier after a meeting, or more accurately, a scolding from Dr. Weir.
"There's been some connection issues with the sensor arrays. Doctor McKay is tampering with them and has refused to stop his work despite my advice."
"I'll talk to him." He responded, having a pretty good idea why McKay was being so handsy with his ship lately, and knowing anyone else that tries to stop McKay would probably just be chewed out anyway. After receiving the location from Hermoid, he arrived to find him under a console. "Back at it again, Doctor McKay?"
"I thought of a way to improve the sensor range of the Daedalus." He simply responded, still under the console.
"Without asking me first?"
"Well, it's an improvement. Thought you wouldn't mind." Rodney looked away from his work to Caldwell, as he squatted down beside him. "Unless you don't trust my abilities, Colonel?"
"No, I didn't say that." Yup, it was as he figured.
Rodney looked back at the tangle of wires. "Good."
"You should still ask me first."
The scientist didn't reply as he worked. They both knew McKay was going to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted to.
"Isn't it a bit late?" Caldwell pointed out. "Couldn't you do this tomorrow?"
"Couldn't sleep," Rodney admitted. "No point in just laying around looking at the ceiling."
"Doesn't your infirmary have something that can help you?"
Rodney avoided the question. "I'm not tired. It won't affect my work and if you don't believe me, you can have Hermoid check it over when I'm done."
"I already told you I don't have a problem with your skills. I believe you, Doctor."
"Good." He repeated, eyes glued to his work. Though Caldwell could tell McKay was masking what he really wanted to say.
"You did all you could." He stated, branching out the real topic on his mind if the scientist would admit it.
"No. I'm not finished. There's more I can do. There's plenty of other upgrades I can make to your ship. So many in fact, maybe I should stay on board for the next couple of months." Dr. McKay stated, adverting the real meaning.
Caldwell looked over the scientist, noting his hands were shaking as he worked. "As much as I appreciate your work, Dr. McKay, you're smart enough to know what I really mean... You shouldn't beat yourself up over it. What happened, happened. The point is you tried." Caldwell attempted.
Rodney winced at the Colonel's insistence of this conversation that he had been trying to avoid, but of course, he couldn't. It was all everyone talked about anymore. "And trying wasn't good enough." He mumbled harshly to himself. "And I failed. Big time."
"What happened on Arcturus was inevitable. The ancients who built the broken thing couldn't even do it, so you really shouldn't feel bad at all. The creators messed up. Not you."
He shook his head. "I was arrogant enough to think I could do it. It's all my fault."
"And I encouraged you to do it, so some of that blame falls on me also. The point is you can't let this ruin you, McKay. You're still brilliant, there's no point in constantly second-guessing your work all the time. Just listen to people's opinions when they do give them to you. You don't need to hide on my ship for that."
He sighed. "I still believe in my abilities."
"Then what's the issue?"
"No one else on Atlantis does. No one trusts my abilities or my judgment anymore. They all think I need to regain their trust and prove them wrong, but no matter what I do it's not good enough... You're the only one that still seems to actually believe in me."
Caldwell looked down at him sympathetic. "I'm sure that's not true.. I'm sure Colonel Shep-"
"No." He shook. "He's the only one, besides Elizabeth, that actually point-blank admitted it to my face, that I need to work on getting back to his good graces, but still nothing appeases him."
"Sheppard isn't one to talk. He woke the wraith after all." Caldwell pointed out as he continued to evaluate the scientist's shaking. "Doctor, when's the last time you ate?"
Rodney looked at him confused at the change of topic but was thankful for it. "I don't know, I haven't felt hungry lately with everything going on, why?"
"You're looking pale and keep shaking. We should get some food in you before you collapse." He put a hand on his arm to help him stand but McKay refused the assistance.
"I'm fine."
"You sure?" He asked skeptically.
"Why? Are you questioning my judgment too?" Rodney's eyes narrowed.
There was no winning with Doctor McKay one way or another. Especially when he was hungry and cranky. Caldwell stood. "Well, if you pass out at least you'll get some sort of sleep, but it would be a shame for that brain of yours to have a seizure, wouldn't it?"
Rodney gave that some thought. "Well... I guess I could be a little peckish." His stomach growled emphasizing that point, to his embarrassment.
Caldwell gave him a hand up and ended up having to take the brunt of McKay's weight as the man almost lost his balance from being on the floor so long and getting up too fast.
As they walked to the food court together, Caldwell spoke up. "Has it really been that bad for you on Atlantis?"
McKay looked ahead of them conflicted, then admitted. "People talk about me behind my back mostly, when they think I can't hear them, others stare, and a lot of my subordinates are no longer taking my constructive criticisms to heart. They don't see me as their head scientist anymore. Now they mostly defer to Zelenka. It's getting hard for me to get work done now that they don't respect my abilities and judgments. Things are taking twice as long as before because they keep double-checking every decision I make with Radek. Some have even disrespected me and told me off in front of the other scientists."
They got to the food court and grabbed some trays of food that were left out for the night shift. They took a table. McKay took in the comforting emptiness of the ship, then got to work on his food. He hadn't realized how hungry he was in a long time.
"So, you hide on my ship, each chance you get just to avoid the expedition?" Caldwell noted as he evaluated what he had to eat tonight.
McKay looked at him awkwardly. "Your crew are the only ones that submit to whatever I have to say. If I tell them to go away while I work they do so. Well everyone except Hermoid."
Caldwell slightly smirked. "It's not exactly a good thing that you keep scaring my crew, McKay."
He shrugged as he took a big bite of his food. "It's the only way I can finally work in peace without judgmental stares."
"I think Hermoid judges all of us."
McKay looked up from his tray wondering if that was Caldwell's attempt at humor or just an honest observation. "One pair of eyes I can deal with, not a few hundred."
"If it really bothers you so much-" Caldwell looked to him thoughtfully. "You can stay temporarily."
"Wait?" McKay lowered his sandwich stunned. "Really?"
"This isn't permanent. You can't avoid your problems forever."
Rodney looked away from Caldwell's gaze, feeling like he was being judged, what surprised him was what he said next.
"I appreciate the work you put into my ship when I have you because I don't have you that often. The same might go both ways. Maybe if you're gone from Atlantis for a while, they'll realize what they're missing and appreciate you more." He reasoned.
McKay stared at him shocked. "That-.. That's actually pretty smart, Colonel."
"I try to be." He went back to his food. "So what do you think?"
McKay looked distant as he took a sip of cold coffee, then looked to him determined. "It's worth a shot."
He nodded. "I'll talk to Doctor Weir about your reassignment tomorrow." He looked back up at him. "On one condition though."
"Name it."
"Don't scare my crew into quitting their jobs."
McKay smirked into his coffee cup. "I can't help it if I upset someone, Colonel. If you haven't heard, I'm bad with people."
"Can't you at least try to not be so harsh on them?"
"No promises I can't keep, Colonel."