Chapter Text
Fan leaned on the balcony of his shitty apartment, a couple stories up, staring out at the dull site of Portland apartments and thick air. It had been getting colder and yet humidity seemed to creep into the cracked streets more often this September.
He sighed, flicking some stray ash off his cigarette as he absentmindedly enjoyed the smell of smoke and smooth feeling in his throat. College was finally picking up and it was getting daunting fast. Despite him passionately working towards a film degree, something he always loved and dreamed of, the sickening amount of time in front of his computer was starting to get to him.
“You really shouldn’t smoke.”
Fan turned slightly, taking in the sight of Test Tube resting against the glass doorway of their abode. She waved her hand in the air as if to feel out the weather. Her eyes caught Fan’s, squinting with a slight acknowledging smile.
Stubbing out his cigarette in his dirtied ashtray balancing on the balcony railing, he fully turned to face Test Tube, resting against the wooden frame. “Yeah, I know. Bad habit.”
“When did you pick that up?” She asked.
Fan sucked in a breath through his teeth, trying to recall the time he got into that stuff. “Uh, I don’t know. First year, maybe?”
They had gotten an apartment together the previous summer before their third year. They were in adjacent dorms on the campus for a while, and they always seemed to bump into each other in the morning on the way to their 8 o’clock classes. After so many times talking and walking together, hanging out, and reconnecting after high school, they ended up on the conversation of hating dorms and finally dedicated their time to getting an apartment.
Test Tube changed the subject, knowing Fan had some stuff going on she didn’t know enough about, and didn’t want to press. “I made coffee. I’m gonna head out soon for bio, though,” she said, fiddling with the sleeve of her white button up.
“Okay,” Fan mumbled. He cleared his throat, speaking a little clearer this time, “Yeah. Okay. I’ll come in.”
It always took them a little while after waking up to get into their usual banter, but the small silences were always comfortable. They hadn’t been as close in high school, but it wasn’t long until they passed the awkward short talk and became good friends. It had been a good two years, and Fan could easily appreciate the homey mornings before they headed out for classes too early and got sucked into the abyss of schoolwork for the rest of the day.
Fan sat down and face planted into their cheap, tiny dinner table that barely fit into their apartment space. He ran his fingers through his auburn hair, groaning in exhaustion.
Test Tube sat a steaming cup of coffee in front of him, filled with what she thought was a gross amount of milk and creamer, but she made it his way for him anyways. “Careful, it’s hot.” She didn’t sit down, but she sipped on her own black coffee, reading Fan’s obvious behaviour. “Tired?”
He let out another groan. “Yes. Definitely.”
She couldn’t help but to stifle a chuckle. “Your class doesn’t start ‘till eleven. Go back to sleep if you need to.”
“Can’t sleep.”
She hummed, a vague curiosity lingering in her head as she took another sip of her drink, but she, once again, didn’t want to press. Now that she thought about it, she hadn’t seen Fan sleep in a while. Test Tube knew that Fan had been dealing with some stuff for a while, but she was starting to worry. Fan wasn’t necessarily secretive about how he felt, but he often tried to keep up a cheerful facade. At least, he did around anyone else but her. It nagged at her, both the thought of Fan struggling and the thought that he trusted her more than anyone else she had ever seen. She had always been a little awkward, maybe even socially oblivious at times, but Fan was different.
“Sorry you can’t sleep.” Test Tube frowned slightly and glanced at her watch. “I need to head out now. I’ll text you, okay?”
Fan roughly ran his fingers through his hair again, but he tilted his head against the table to look at Test Tube with a defeated but caring smile. “Okay. See ya at five.”
Test Tube sat her empty mug in the sink before grabbing her things, tying up her dark green hair, and scurrying off. Fan stared at the door as it loudly clicked shut. He really, truly hated that sound.
“Ugh.”
—
The humidity faded in the late afternoon, replaced by a brisk wind and cloudy skies. Lightbulb laid on her stomach in her bed, scrolling through Netflix titles on her cracked iPad. Nothing seemed very interesting. As the cold seeped in through her dorm, she kicked up a blanket over her, boredom dragging her into a haze.
A door clicked open, and she saw Paintbrush loudly set their bag down in her peripheral.
She flipped over, setting down her iPad. “OMGA! Hi.”
“Why are you here?” Paintbrush questioned, immediately falling into the beanbag chair they dragged in here at the beginning of the semester. They tried to rub paint off their arm without success.
“Wow, rude,” Lightbulb joked, rolling her eyes.
Paintbrush spread out as if to try to fully sink into the beanbag. “Thought you had some animal class.”
“Nahh. Professor got the flu or something and cancelled.” She got up, sitting on the edge of the bed. “How was your… painting, or whatever it was.”
“2D visual arts.” They sat straight up as well. “Awful. My fuckass teacher was… ugh. I’ll get mad just talking about it,” they said, gritting their teeth.
“That bad, huh?”
Paintbrush was admirable in every way. Even when they seemed to seethe with repressed anger, they had a way of still looking pretty. Lightbulb couldn’t help but scan them, noting their long, ruffled hair that was shaved on the sides. They adorned their torn and obliterated pair of jeans they had for far too many years and a huge t-shirt, the one they wore to classes they knew they’d get covered in paint in.
At the lack of response, Lightbulb kicked her feet slightly, blurting out her next words. “Can I bother you for a sec?”
“You always bother me, but go ahead,” they remarked lightheartedly, letting a smile slip from their lips despite their best attempt not to.
Lightbulb tried to gather her thoughts, the ones that had been building up in her head all day. It seemed that even though she always kept things silly and fun, there was always a slight… she wasn’t sure. Some indescribable feeling that she couldn’t shake. She didn’t like it.
“Uh,” she hesitated, now feeling less ambitious. She stared at the countless drawings, collages, and paintings covering the wall, all made by her roommate. She always ended up staring at them at the end of the day, for a reason she didn’t know either. Her original thought left her, and she immediately forgot whatever she was asking about, so she came up with another. “Do you wanna watch a movie tonight? Together?”
Paintbrush relaxed, another smile forming. “Yeah. Just lemme get some homework done first. Watcha wanna watch?”
“No clue. I was scrolling on Netflix for like twenty minutes and nothing seemed good.”
“Just pirate a random horror movie.”
“Horror movie?” She rolled her eyes, knowing that Paintbrush just liked when they watched horror movies because she got jumpscared despite the most obvious lead-up. “You just make fun of me during them,” she whined.
“Yeah, that’s the best part.” They got up, treading over to climb up the ladder of their shared bunk bed, bringing their laptop that was carelessly left on the floor with them. “Imma order take-out and finish an assignment. Go pick your poison on your iPad or something.”
Lightbulb stared at the top of the bunk bed, listening closely as Paintbrush opened their laptop and began to type away. She laid back down and began to scroll through titles once again, falling into another daze of comfort.
Before long, Paintbrush began to climb down the bunk bed's ladder, holding on with one hand and leaning slightly over, meeting Lightbulb’s eyes. “Just let me get changed and I’ll join ya. I ordered Chinese. It should be here in thirty minutes.” They climbed the rest of the way down and headed to their drawer to grab pyjamas.
Lightbulb couldn’t help but let her eyes follow her roommate as they crossed the room and moved clothes around messily. It was weird how attached she felt to Paintbrush. She never was able to put her finger on why, but something in her churned as she saw Paintbrush slip their fingers under the hem of their shirt, about to pull it off.
She averted her gaze quickly, staring down at her iPad very intentionally. The two of them had been friends for an unfathomable amount of years, probably since middle school, so it was normal for them to change in front of each other without it being weird. They knew each other before either of them transitioned, so that wasn’t an issue either. It was just odd how once they got paired together in dorms, Lightbulb felt herself more fixated on Paintbrush than ever before. Maybe it was just the constant proximity that was getting to her head. To get to the point, Lightbulb rushed to drag her eyes away at times that it might have been getting… weird. It’s probably nothing, she figured, but she wasn’t ever able to fully convince herself of that.
Her strain of thought was interrupted when Paintbrush climbed onto her bottom bunk, purposefully squishing her up against the wall. They were adorned in their usual pair of red, plaid lounge pants and black tank top.
Lightbulb laughed as she fought back with her shoulder from being pressed into the wall, pushing Paintbrush back playfully. “Oh c’mon. You’re mean.”
Paintbrush let out a slight chuckle, pulling Lightbulb’s iPad onto both of their laps. “You love it.”
A fluttery, soft feeling erupted in Lightbulb’s chest, catching her off guard. She coughed, almost choking on her own spit. She regained herself, glancing over at Paintbrush to see if they noticed, and luckily they were just pulling up the movie Lightbulb had already selected.
What the fuck, Lightbulb screamed internally. This was annoying. This kept happening, and it made her feel painfully awkward.
Paintbrush clicked play on the pirated horror movie while pulling up the blanket across the both of them, getting comfortable. They threw a grin in Lightbulb’s direction, knowing full well that Lightbulb would end up doing something hilarious from the shock of whatever plot twists were in the film.
“I know you’re making fun of me already in your head,” Lightbulb groaned. Truly, she had a hard time distinguishing if it was because of her constant slip ups in reaction to Paintbrush’s wild comments or if it was because of the movie they were about to watch.
“I absolutely am.”
—
Fan was able to trudge through his classes with the partial ability to pay attention. He loved everything about his classes– screenwriting, cinematography, directing, editing– it bothered him how much he was out of it these days.
He fumbled with his keys, holding his bag with a painful amount of school supplies and a coffee he picked up from a local cafe in his other hand. Once he managed to get in, he sighed and placed his stuff down. He looked up, noticing that Test Tube was already back.
“You’re back?” He questioned, rubbing his tired eyes with his free hand.
Test Tube didn’t budge her eyes from her textbook, highlighting passages. “Hi to you too,” she replied sarcastically.
“Sorry,” Fan groaned, knowing Test Tube meant it lightheartedly. He came over to sit next to her on their cheap excuse for a couch that was really more of a glorified loveseat. “Hello.”
“Hi,” Test Tube replied softly. “I wasn’t scheduled for a shift today. The lab had a leak in the ceiling so they had to bring someone in to fix it.”
“Oh.”
Test Tube managed to land a job cleaning up and answering emails, things like that, at a research lab that was closely associated with the college. It wasn’t much, but it brought in enough money combined with Fan’s to pay for their studio apartment, and it gave them exposure to the industry. She had been aiming to finish her bachelors in biotechnology, and she always mentioned getting a “head start” on getting research partners, and some other science-y stuff that Fan didn’t understand much of. He always listened though, albeit with little comprehension at times.
She glanced up from her studies for a moment to eye Fan’s coffee. “Still tired?”
“Yeah,” he mumbled.
“You can get better sleep by–”
Fan interrupted, “Test Tube, I appreciate your knowledge in all this stuff, but I really… I don’t think I’m up to listen right now. I’m really out of it.”
Test Tube frowned slightly, stopping her scrawl of notes. “Do you want to talk about it?” She hated seeing Fan like this. He got stuck in his head far too often, and she could always tell when it happened, because Fan would lose his tendency to ramble about TV shows and eccentric movies. It was a trait of his that she found especially adorable, and she couldn’t help but miss it. She also couldn’t help but miss their fun banter when things were “better.”
Fan shook his head before realising that Test Tube wasn’t looking at him. “Nah. I… Uh. I don’t think I can, at least right now.” He stood up, patting Test Tube on the head. She crinkled her nose, despite the affection that she always held. “I’m gonna take a nap.”
Test Tube listened as Fan went off to their shared room, the only one in their little apartment. They had two twin beds in there and a minimal amount of furniture or decor, but it was sweet. It was comfortable. She wish Fan stayed on the couch with her. That was the time they were the closest.
She pulled up her phone, wanting to get both her and Fan’s mind off school, work, and any other troubles that seeped into daily life.
She sent a single text to Lightbulb.
“Let’s go hang out somewhere. Soon.”
The reply was fast.
“ASAP!”
Test Tube smiled. Little did she know, she wasn’t prepared for what she would do the next day.