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Castiel doesn’t know how to respond as he sees a headstone with the name Kevin Tran crudely chiseled on it. He stares at the fresh grave, pondering if he were still human would he be in tears? Would sorrow be washing over him in this moment? He was hoping to have found Dean here, but by the tread tracks and faint smell of alcohol, he knows he had just missed him.
Castiel finds himself at a bar, where he sensed Dean’s presence the strongest. It’s a small, wooden walled bar with hanging, dim ceiling lights, smokey ceiling, pool tables, and a stage where a small town girl is hoping to make it big, sings country on. A few bar tables were scattered about and most people sat alone, or sat together in silence. It was a bar of grievance that much is for sure. Castiel walks to the bar counter and orders a dark ale for Dean, and nothing for himself. His blue eyes shift about the atmosphere until he sees the hunter sitting at a petite wooden table hidden in the corner of the bar. Without hesitation Castiel pays the bartender, and takes the tall glass of beer to his only friend.
Dean’s eyes were sore from sobbing that happened too suddenly for his liking. He had cried in the Impala, screaming that he was sorry to Kevin’s corpse. He dug with the shovel, then with his hands just to feel pain under his fingernails, just to destroy the Earth’s crust with his bare hands. His mind has shattered as badly as his soul. Responsibility is the world and he is Atlas, and the weight is crushing him, he had done this to himself and he cannot forgive.
The dark ale is slowly pushed across the small wooden table, catching Dean’s attention. He doesn’t smile or speak, but rather takes the ale and begins to chug. He doesn’t like the taste, it’s bitter, than again he feels that he himself must taste this way so why not down it all in one sitting. So he does.
“Are you okay?” Cas inquires as he sits on a crooked chair across the table from Dean. Dean doesn’t say anything as he sets the mug onto the table, his palms flat on the wooden surface. Cas reaches out and rests a gentle hand on one of Dean’s. The hunt recoils his hands into his jean jacket pocket.
“Am I okay?” Dean mocks, an agony stricken smirk smears itself across his intoxicated face. “Oh yay, I’m peachy. Kevin is dead and Sam is gone, because of me. I killed off my family, Cas.” The pain filled smile flips, and he hides his face in the shadows of the bar. No one pays attention and if they did they wouldn’t mind, this bar was meant for sulking its what all the other patrons are doing.
“I’m still here.” He reminds Dean, his hand reaches to caress Dean’s knee. To remind him that he isn’t alone. Dean shrugs off the touch, lowly chuckling as if Cas’s existence is a joke.
“You might as well not be. Don’t you have a mission, again? You gonna betray me this time, too? Fuck me over for good measure.” Dean spits a low blow and he regrets his words but he is hurting and he wants the rest of the world to hurt with him.
Castiel looks away, clearing his throat, gulping down his remorse. He understands that Dean is complicated, and his words will be cruel at times. Cas straightens his posture, shifting about his newly earned wings.
“I’m not going to betray you, Dean. I want to help you, but I do have to help my fallen brethren.” Castiel’s blue eyes become luminous with nobility under the bar light. Dean shakes his head, shoving himself away from the bar table. He stands, storming towards the exit door of the bar.
The angel waits until Dean is driving off in his Impala before approaching him a second time. When he does, he appears at the passenger seat, next to a distraught driver who has pulled off the side of the road and driven into the forest until he couldn’t drive any longer without breaking down. He had parked between the giant oaks, under the night sky, headlights off, hoping a tree would fall on top of him.
“I-I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, Cas.” Dean confesses between quiet sobbing. Cas stairs at the darkness of the forest, at the cold trees so still and old.
Cas inhales a powerful breath, then exhales slowly. Placing his index and middle finger under Dean’s chin, he lifts the hunter’s head to be eye to eye with one another. He plants his lips against Dean’s. Slow, tenderly, trying to calm the world that is spinning in flames within Dean’s mind. Dean takes full advantage of this situation, by pressing his lips hard onto Castiel’s, hoping the pressure would break skin. He kisses the angel passionately, wanting to suck out his grace, wanting to feel something terribly beautiful. Dean reaches over Cas’s lap, pulling the lever to recline the seat and it falls flat when he does. Cas gasps startle at first but doesn’t want to fight Dean as he maneuvers himself on top of him.
“Dean.” Cas loses the name between desperate breaths.
“Cas.” Dean growls, starving for this intimacy.
“We don’t have to do this if-”
Dean silences the preachy angel with an angry kiss, one Cas will remember. He begins to plant small, sloppy kisses on Cas’s neck before taking the liberty to chomp on a soft spot just before the start of Cas’s shoulder. He bites down hard as he begins to remove his coat, and button up plaid shirt. Cas groans, fingers digging into the leather interior of the passenger seat. But he doesn’t stop Dean, he allows Dean to clamp down with his teeth, releasing the aggression, even as blood starts to fill the cracks of Dean’s lips.
Castiel lightly runs his fingers down Dean’s spine as Dean starts to remove Castiel’s clothing. Cas helped by evaporating his coat, shirt, and tie to a place where they will be safe. The hunter meets the angel’s gaze and for a while no words are exchanged, no kissing, just small touches. Cas runs his fingers through the human’s hair and appreciated each chestnut strand. Dean closes his eyes and exhales cooly, enjoying the gently touches of admiration. Cas began to trace the freckles of Dean’s shoulders, while Dean lightly kissed the side of Cas’s neck he didn’t bite.
“Promise you won’t hurt me.” Dean suddenly whispers, pulling himself away from Cas. The angel sees it now, the broken green eyes of a man who seems to still be wandering around Hell.
“I promise to never hurt you.” Castiel pulls Dean into another kiss, this time he took charge by squeezing the back of the hunter’s neck in a poor act of dominance.
Dean cares not as he begins to unbutton and unzip the angel’s pants. Castiel allowed the human to rip away the jean fabric from his legs, he does the same to Dean faster even. Down to their boxers, Cas cups Dean’s erections, lightly thumbing the tip through the cotton. Dean releases a small quiver of desire.
“Let me take care of you, Dean.” Castiel says, switching positions with the broken man. He removes his boxers, as well as Dean’s.
Dean’s eyes were wide, pleading with Castiel to be true, to be loving, to fill him with anything to get rid of the emptiness he carries around on a daily. Cas begins to stroke Dean’s hard cock, until it was as stiff as it could possibly get. Not breaking eye contact with Dean, Cas sits on his dick, slowly lowering and raising himself on Dean’s erect member. Dean sighs, moans, his head tilting up as he breaths in the pleasure. Castiel, who has never been with another man, couldn’t keep a straight collective composure in this moment. He throws his head back, moaning to the ceiling of the Impala as he continues to ride Dean’s cock. Dean grasps the sides of Castiel’s hips, moving him in a dance like motion, feeling the inside of the angel the best he could. Cas leans forward until their chests touch, heart beats racing together in unison.
“It’s been so long,” Dean whispers likes a ghost into Castiel’s ear, as he pounds his cock into the angel “Since I have felt anything good. Thank you.” He quivers under Castiel’s embrace.
“I … love you, Dean Winchester.” Cas confesses as he scratches at the arch of Dean’s back.
Dean laughs, driving himself harder into the angel.
“Will you love me when I’m old, when I’m useless?” Dean hisses at the angel who smirks at the response.
“I will love you when you can’t even remember your own name or mine.” Cas pulls at Dean’s hair as the hunter thrusts all of his energy into him.
“Will you still want me to fuck you?” The hunter tares at the angel’s back.
“No, I will want you to make love to me.” He tenderly plants his lips against Dean’s jawline.
Dean trembles under Cas’s body, under his words. He lost himself in the angel, and quietly prayed for the words to be honest. Faster, he pumped himself in the angel, hoping that this will last, that this won’t end, but at last it has to and it does. Dean releases himself in Castiel the moment Castiel comes just below Dean’s naval. They are breathless in the Impala, steam fogs each window.
“You promise.” Dean whispers as he wraps his arms around Cas’s back.
“I promise.” Castiel smiles against Dean’s chest.