Chapter Text
"Stop! You're under arrest!"
A hooded figure in a long black cloak, zippers jingling everywhere, sprinted through the front door of Guardia Castle. He was surprisingly agile despite his long black cloak and took the steps into the castle two or three at a time, allowing him to stay well ahead of his pursuers. As he passed through a door into a side hall, he turned and shot out the grand chandelier, plunging his pursuers into darkness, then barricaded the door behind him with chairs, tables, and NPCs.
Three men, all of whom had the same name, gave chase. Cid Highwind, alias Cid VII, flicked his lighter to light a cigarette, used the cigarette to light a stick of dynamite, and then hurled the stick of dynamite to light a torch on the wall and illuminate the hall again. Beside him, Cid Pollendina—Cid Number Four—raised his mighty war hammer and smashed through the barricaded door.
A couple of confused Guardia soldiers milled about in the hallway beyond, unsure whom they were supposed to be chasing.
"Out of our way, fools!" The third and newest member of the squad, Cidolfus "Cid XII" Bunansa, blasted them aside with a Meteor spell. This was a job for the professionals.
What had started as an attempt to ticket an airship for illegally parking in a forest—airships were never allowed to land in forests—had turned into a high-speed chase across multiple worlds and continuities. The Cids had tracked the mystery airship all the way to this remote castle in an unfamiliar land and then had to chase its pilot on foot.
The mystery man jumped into the elevator at the end of the hallway and pressed the button for the basement. The elevator doors shut and it plummeted out of sight. The three Cids could only stand and wait helplessly for the elevator to return in order to give chase. "&@#!," swore Cid VII. "What kind of two-bit medieval castle has only one elevator?"
Number Twelve squinted at the texture of the walls and floor. "Eh. I'd say 16-bit."
At last, the elevator returned. The Cids hurried inside, mashing the button to try to close the doors as fast as possible, and descended to the castle basement.
The basement hallway reached a dead-end at the door to the castle treasure room. The Cids peered through the small window in the door to see if they'd come to the right place. The mysterious hooded man was indeed inside, shoving aside boxes of enriched uranium, the Kennedy assassination files, and the Ark of the Covenant before he finally located the egg-shaped Chrono Trigger. He stuffed the mystical, time-controlling artifact in his cloak and made for the door just as the Cids burst in.
"Got you!" The third and newest member of the squad, Cidolfus "Cid XII" Bunansa, conjured a gatling gun out of nowhere and opened fire. The hooded figure ducked behind a rainbow-colored shell for cover, and the spray of bullets knocked red-, blue-, green- and even violet-colored chips off it.
The hooded man snarled, "You know what happens when a Cid gets struck by flesh-eating bacteria?" He jumped out from his hiding place and hurled a glass vial onto the floor. As the Cids momentarily turned to look at the shattering vial, the thief dashed out the door in the resulting confusion.
A yellowish ooze began to leak out of the broken vial. "We can't let these flesh-eating bacteria get out of this room!" Cid XII shouted.
Cid VII tried the door. "DAMMIT! The door only locks from the inside!"
"Number Four," they both agreed.
Cid IV nodded. Not another word needed to be spoken. While Numbers Seven and Twelve fled the room, Cid IV remained behind to close the door and lock it from the inside, sealing himself in with the flesh-eating bacteria. This was the third heroic self-sacrifice that Cid IV had made this month, so no one was particularly concerned. As Cid IV held up a series of notes through the window—"GOODBYE," "LIVE LONG AND PROSPER," "NOT PENNY'S BOAT"—Cid XII hit the up button on the elevator, and Cid VII used his cell phone to place an order for some post-mission pizza.
"Oh no! The bacteria are all over my face now! Aieeee!"
"And can we get that with the stuffed crust? Thanks."
Once the elevator arrived, the remaining two Cids pursued the thief back to the ground floor, but they knew they weren't likely to catch up with him. Cid VII placed a call to the rest of his sacred Order. "We might have lost him down here. Get ready to scramble the @#$&!in' airships. Also, hope you guys like anchovies."
In the sky above Guardia Castle, the rest of the Cids fired up the many airships for which they were famous. The fleet spread out across Guardia's airspace, forming a blockade sure to halt the thief's airship. There was no way this guy was getting past the the Fahrenheit and the Celsius unless there was a Kelvin airship out there they hadn't heard of. As soon as the thief took off, he would be toast.
"Come and get us," said Cid Number Ten.
By the time they finally spotted where the thief had actually gone, it was too late. A tiny red hovercraft was speeding across the sea, already miles away from Guardia Castle. The Cids pursued it, but it was only seconds later that another airship swooped down, snatched up the hovercraft using a grappling hook, and flew off.
Cid X sunk against the controls of his airship, disappointed by the outcome of the chase. "Dammit. He's vanished."
"Anyone know how to cast Doom?"
On the deck of his airship, Cid III stomped his foot in frustration. "That hovercraft/grappling hook trick was Number Four's idea! Where did he learn that?"
The entire Order of Cids reconvened at the outskirts of the forest surrounding the castle. They had to conclude this mission was something of a bust. The mysterious thief had stolen the Chrono Trigger and gotten away without a trace. Oh, well. As soon as Number Four turned up again with a story of miraculous survival, they'd be on the road again and find some way to track him down. Cid VII lit another cigarette and sat down to wait.
Seconds turned into minutes. Minutes into an hour. Cid VII's pizzas arrived, were eaten, and their boxes discarded.
No one spoke a word, but from their nervous glances at one another, it was clear they were all starting to share the same worries. What if Cid IV hadn't improbably survived despite all odds? What if there hadn't been a miracle? What if his flesh really had been eaten?
Then, at last, a bearded man carrying a large soda jogged out from among the trees.
"Whew, good thing the super solider serum I was injected with years ago as part of a never-before-mentioned Baron military project happened to immunize me against those bacteria," Cid IV said. He waved his drink. "Sorry I'm late. Stopped at the store to pick up a Big Gulp."