Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The heat has rekindled inside her.

Rey had never known pleasure of someone else touching her, never had wanted it until now. Ben had awoken something within her, a drive of some sort that urged her to explore herself further. It urged her to beg Ben to explore her further.

He’s closer to her now, she can feel him more often than not. He doesn’t speak to her, doesn’t mention the night where he touched her until she came, sobbing with relief and pleasure. Respectful of that, at least. But his presence is a constant reminder of the weakness of her flesh.

Rey knows if she asks, he’ll do it again. Rey knows if she goes to him he’ll do things that will make her body go numb with ecstasy. That makes her skin prickle with arousal.

She’s currently on a core planet for the First Order’s shipping yard, thousands of massive ships and TIE fighters being manufactured every day, billions of people working non stop to smelt raw ore and program delicate computer software. Her mission is simple, observe, look for people who may want to try their shot with the resistance, and leave.

She and her other two team members split up the moment they got planetside, agreeing to meet up with each other in three days. Rey didn’t know the two girls who accompanied her besides their first names, Rosario and Kiarre. She suspects they’ll end up talking more on the long ride back to base.

After wandering around to get a feel for this world, she finds herself in a bar with hopeless people after long, brutal shifts. Everyone tries to drown whatever sorrows they have in liquor and friendship. Rey would have been ecstatic to have this lifestyle not two years ago, being able to eat and have some money for clothes. Being paid not in weak portions but in actual credits. But now when she sees these people, she sees a different kind of slavery.

Families that are so poor they work themselves to the bone to give their children food. Not enough money to leave because everything else is being spent on water filters and lung medicine to keep their bodies from being polluted like their planet.

The camaraderie of these people is surprising. Usually the First Order manages to turn friends and neighbors against each other, but these workers are tightly knit and kind. Rey sits herself down and does her best to look weary and dead inside, not a hard thing to do, and listens in on other people’s conversations. Not soon after she gets invited into a circle of friends, talking about the best way to hardwire mechanics in an ATAT walker.

It’s easy to blend into this group, Rey’s knowledge of electronics and engineering is spot on for the older models, so she pretends to have worked in the restoration branch up until recently. And soon, a handsome boy her age with brooding eyes and a soft smile invites her to his house.

Rey doesn’t know what made her say yes, but the whisper of another presence in her mind alerts her of a bout of anger about to be shoveled through the bond.

The mechanic is kind and gentle, Rey tells him in a stammering voice that it’s her first time. She lays back and lets him touch her, the chill of his nimble fingers nowhere near how she remembers Ben’s hands to be like. It’s awkward at first, but she forces herself to relax and enjoy this.  

At first, Rey can feel Ben through the bond, He’s furious, at her, yes, but mostly at himself. He’s not good enough, is he? He’s never good enough for anyone. Suddenly, in his anger, everything is switched off. The absence of his mind is frightening, hollow, she almost bursts into tears but doesn’t.

The mechanic immediately stops and starts apologising, Force bless him. He hands her back the clothes she had taken off and makes her some watery, bitter tea.

“I’m sorry,” Rey says into the tin cup the mechanic handed her, “I thought I was ready.”

The mechanic gives her an understanding smile, “Maybe your first time should be with someone you know and trust, not a stranger.”

Ben’s face flickers in her eye. He’s training, hard, purposefully not wearing protective gear so he feels every mistake he makes on his flesh. “Maybe. Thank you.” Rey leaves feeling a strange sense of knowledge dawning over her head, but she can’t quite place what she learned. She doesn’t check into a hotel, she heads over to one of the ships under construction and sneaks past security.

She finds where she plans on sleeping; a small storage space above one of the medic wings within a fallen battle cruiser. Back when she lived on Jakku, when an unexpected sandstorm would hit she would make a little nest in these cabinets and sleep there. The nostalgia and overwhelming loneliness hits her as she tucks herself into her shawl.

Without realizing it, she opens her mind and calls out to Ben.

She sees him, standing in the ruined chaos of his exercise room. He turns to look at her, anger and misery smoldering in his eyes. Neither of them say anything for a few moments, then Ben opens his mouth.

“Did you enjoy it?” He asks miserably, “Was that child able to give you what you need?” He looks at her up and down, checking for any kind of rufflement that would come with being fucked good and proper.

“For your information, Ben, we didn’t go very far.” Rey snaps, tucking her shawl closer to her body, “Not that it’s any of your business.”

He’s taken aback. He takes a careful, hesitant step forward and looks her up and down in search of a lie. “You didn’t go home with him just now.”

“I did, but I didn’t sleep with him. I tried-” Rey’s patience is failing with her sleepiness, she knows she shouldn’t be telling him this but her anger is blinding her self control, “- but I felt off. I didn’t want to.”

“You didn’t want to.” Ben echoes her words, sitting in front of her.

“It felt wrong.” Rey admits, sitting up and wrapping her arms around her knees, “Like I truly didn’t want it. And I was nervous.”

“You weren’t nervous when we…” Ben’s voice trails off as he avoids saying what they did.

“I guess I trust you then.” Rey snips, “Or at least know you enough to not be…” She stares at the wall in frustration, but she can’t escape his gaze. She knows he’s looking at her, she can feel his overwhelming presence in her mind.

“You trust me.” Ben echoes, his voice trembling with something unplaceable, a hurricane of different emotions erupting in his mind.

“Stop repeating me!” Rey resists the urge to kick him, pissed at herself for saying that to him. “I trust I know your actions. Not like, like,” she makes a wild gesture with her hands, “Like what you’re thinking right now.”

But Ben wasn’t listening to her. “You trust me.” He whispers, getting on his hands and knees, closer to her. Their faces are now so close she can feel his body heat, even though he’s not actually there. “Would you trust me to take care of you tonight?” His voice is strangled, barely keeping the torrent of desire in check.

Rey’s core jumps at his words, and before she thinks her mouth is open, “Yes.”

He devours her.

His mouth is on hers and she realizes in a haze that this is their first kiss. He never moved this close to her last time, something that she’s just now regretting because oh Force, this is bliss. His lips are full and gentle, taking hers and sucking gently.

Kissing him is like kissing a ghost, or maybe it’s the bond. He’s there, but she distinctly knows that he’s not also. When they touch, her skin is alight with flame. The Force sings at their union.

He’s grasping her clothes, moving her shawl away from her body and unbuttoning her shirt.

“Wait.” Rey pushes herself back, “Wait.”

He obeys, his entire body freezing as though turning to stone. “What?” His voice is suddenly broken, terrified. He’s not good enough he’s not good enough he’s not good enough-

“I-” Rey searches for words, opening her side of the bond and pushing her feelings towards him, “I want. I want you to be here.”

He doesn’t move.

“For my first time. I don’t want the first time- my first time to be like this. I don’t know, dreaming? It’s very strange. I’m sorry.” She doesn’t know what she’s apologising to him for. “If I sleep with you like this, am I really losing my virginity or is it only physical contact?”

His mouth twitches into a smile. Lips again on hers, chaste and sweet. “Time and place, Rey. Just give me a time and a place.”

Rey’s breathing shudders. “No tricks.” She glares at him to drive her point further home. “No battalion of soldiers waiting for me. No spy cameras in the dark.” She’s a moron, a moron blinded with lust and need for this person with doe eyes in front of her. She wants nothing more than to bury her fingers in his raven locks and let him help show her the ways of sexuality.

“None.” He’s quick to promise, Rey probes him for dishonesty and finds nothing.

“Alright, here’s the plan.”

Chapter Text

Ben finds her a little more easily than she should be comfortable with. In fact, she finds herself slipping a little, not nearly as careful as before. Before when she had tried to lock Ben out of her mind, she would constantly think don’t let him see anything to give your location away, don’t let him hear anything that may be useful to the first order, every day inside the base was a waking nightmare because the terror of this thing that has been developing inside her is churning within her every waking moment.

She supposes that’s why she sees him more when she’s on the brink of her sleep, when buried under the safety of covers and far from anything damning.

She gave him a location she knew the other two girls wouldn’t be at- Junking Quarter C where old parts come in and get repurposed or melted down. The ore on this planet is fast depleting and to make sure the First Order doesn’t abscond and leave them with nothing, the workers are doing everything in their power to reuse and recycle.

A muted thunk of boots against metal is the only physical warning Rey gets of his presence. She figures that once the initial sweep through the Force for any extra visitors is done, she may as well practice blocking him out when he’s in close proximity, because kriff she’s bad at it. She can taste the anticipation flowing through his veins, knows that he can feel the electricity shooting through her nerves and warming her core.

He pops his head through the shaft of her hiding place, an almost comical as he wriggles his large frame through the smaller opening and landing in front of her with an unexpected amount of grace. He’s wearing a hood that covers his eyes, small locks of hair peeking around his head. His clothes are tight fitting, as though he hastily threw on a disguise and couldn’t be bothered with accuracy. The shirt doesn’t have any sleeves, showing off his pale but ridiculously muscled arms beneath the cloak, the collar buttoned up to his adam’s apple. He’s panting, Rey notices a small droplet of sweat dripping down his temple.

“Maybe next time,” He says, trying to be humorous, “invite me to a place with a front door?”

“There is a front door.” Rey gestures to the twisted and scarred metal frame in the wall, the internal mechanics ceasing to work long ago. Nowhere in or out except for the air ducts that create a labyrinth through the entire dead ship. Rey knows these ships like the back of her hand, she could easily lose him if she has to flee.

“A working door, then.” Ben tries to amend, standing and looking around the area she suggested. It’s an old First Aid station, with a single medical cot without a mattress in the corner. The two stare at each other in silence, the awkwardness of the situation finally setting in. Rey has effectively given Ben what the youths affectionately label a ‘booty call’, and he actually responded. Rey’s not sure if she had originally expected to get this far, and now that he’s here, now that she can smell the smoky scent of his aftershave….

“What now?” She isn’t fond of playing guessing games with people. She knows what happens when two people who share lustful glances retreat somewhere alone. Call her a pervert, call her a snoop, but she’s heard all about the exploits of prideful males who describe their conquests in detail. Tight, hot cunt, breasts the size of melons. Bitch couldn’t tell up from down when my cock was done with her. Rey looks at him and wonders if he would say the same things about her behind her back.

“What do you want to happen now?” Ben skillfully dodges. Rey almost winces as he unsnaps the front clasp of his hood and sets it down flat on the chilly metal floor, sitting on it. He makes no move to take off any more clothing, yet through her layers of sweater, shirt, and shawl, Rey feels horribly naked in front of him. He must sense her dissent.

Gently as the time he first touched her, he removes his gloves. His hand is bare and held out to her, a soft look in his eyes to put her at ease. She lets his fingers hang there for a moment, before clasping it in both hands quickly. She lets herself go and lets the raw pain of loneliness overtake her, eyes filling with tears and breathing in deep, shaky gulps. “I can’t take this anymore.” She can barely whimper between sobs.

Ben is incredibly terrified at the sudden change of emotions running through the air, staring at his tightly grasped hand. Rey, his queen, his partner, she’s slipping into an abyss of anxiety riddled bitterness, the echoes of her distress mobbing his own emotions and blurring his eyes. He slides forward, his fingers still in her death grip, and tenderly cups her tear stained cheek with his free hand. She looks lost.

Delicately, he leans towards her, his lips touching the side of her jaw by her ear. He’s warm, alive. He murmurs in her ear, “Tell me what you need.” He kisses her earlobe, his breath warm on her neck and sending shivers down her spine “Tell me what you want. Please.”

What does she want? Rey wants to laugh, because she doesn’t know. Her family to not have abandoned her for booze, to start. The end of the First Order, maybe, the end of slavery and the end of war. But as she feels Ben’s skin so close to hers, his mouth on her flesh and his hair tickling her cheek, her mind goes white hot with clarity. Her hands open, leading Ben’s palm over to her heart. “I want you.” Her voice is raw.

His entire body shudders. “You do.” It’s like the dawn of something wonderful, the confirmation of something he desperately needs. Rey wants him as he wants her. Gingerly, his mouth moves to where her clothes end on her neck, taking the skin and kissing it. She sighs, sighs at his movement, relaxing under his mouth. Unspoken trust chains them together, they both know not to do something to break this shakily formed truce.

Ben pulls back slightly, stammering, “Do you- um, do you want me to-”

“Yeah,” Rey’s face gets a little pink, untangling her shawl from her limbs and helping Ben figure out the buttons of her sweater. She wriggles it off and hisses at the coolness of the unheated metal floor. She and Ben take a moment to make themselves a little nest of discarded clothing, his cloak and her shawl manage to keep their body heat from absorbing into the floor. Too soon it feels like the two of them are naked, sitting in front of each other. Rey looks in every possible direction but Ben, Ben drinking the site of her nudity like a dying man. They’re bathed in the dimly lit blue of the energy efficient lights that always stay on until completely cut from power.

He makes the first move, gradually, as though trying not to startle her. His lips are warm and soft, exactly how she dreamed they would be. He kisses her mouth, her neck, her collarbone. Rey whimpers when he touches her breast. Pausing, afraid that he hurt her, Ben pulls back from her and looks for confirmation.

“Fine. I’m fine.” Begging is not on her list of things to do here, she doesn’t go any extra steps to reassure him.

Ben kisses her on her lips again, flicking his tongue out in an experiment. Her lips taste like bitter, watered down alcohol, and though he likes to think he’s above cheap liquor,  he would drink it from her lips like champagne if she offered. This isn’t his first kiss, he briefly remembers a slightly older princess from a neighboring planet, perfect and blonde sneaking him in the garden during their parents’ meeting to teach him a thing or two. They didn’t get very far, and he’s both thankful and ashamed of the experience he has.

Rey reaches up and flicks his forhead, “Don’t think of other people.”

He flinches, “Sorry, sorry. I just…” He fumbles for words, “I don’t know what to do here.” The admittance is oddly easy to say to her, he knows that she’s not the person who brings weaknesses like this to light for her own amusement like Snoke does- did, he corrects himself numbly.

Rey is quiet just for a second. “So you’ve never actually-”

“No.” Ben doesn’t mean to interrupt her, but his lack of sex life is actually something that embarasses him. His face flushes, turning purple in the metallic light.

“I see.” The relief in her voice is actually something tangible. She smiles down at her hands which are folded neatly on her crossed legs, adding, “That makes me feel better.”

“Oh? Do tell.” Ben requests, scooting closer to her and trying very hard not to stare at her breasts, pert and perfect. He’s not angry, no, he actually wants to hear why his virginity makes her more comfortable. He wasn’t sure how he was expecting her to react, but this wasn’t exactly it.

“I just-” Rey touches her forehead to his, her mouth so close to his while she searches for words, “I don’t know. I guess I don’t want to lie here and let you take from me while I didn’t know how to return the favor. Or something. Whatever.”

Ben feels warmth run through his blood at her hesitant explanation, “Rey, you know I would willingly give everything I have to you.”

Her breath hitches, and Ben feels the soft warning of trap, trap, echoing in her mind from her years of scavenging on Jakku. If something is too good to be true, then it is. His heart aches for her, he wants to kiss her tears away and whisper that he would bring down solar systems if she asks. He leans in again, pressing their lips together. “Let me take care of you tonight.”

She straightens slightly, “You don’t want anything in return?” Her eyes are narrow and suspicious, there aren’t a lot of trusting cells left in her body. Ben is very determined to earn whatever is left.

“The only thing I’ll ask you for is a date.” Ben decides, giving her jawline a loving nip. Something inside of him is rushing for his crotch, hot and need mixing and hardening.

“A date.” Rey echos. She knows what those are, she had to ask Poe to explain to her what happened there. Poe is the only one she can depend on for truthful answers in… those areas. She remembered drunkenly asking him at one point what actually happened during sex, just to make sure she was on the same page as everyone else.

“Hey,” Ben mimics flicking her forehead, not actually touching her skin, “Don’t think of other people.”

“Sorry.” Rey kicks herself for apologising out of habit. She doesn’t like apologising to Ben, no matter what the cause. She feels his tongue flicking out towards her neck, licking the salt dust from her flesh. “Do we meet like this again?”

“I was thinking we would meet somewhere a little less cold and dreary, maybe some hotel. There’s this comet with natural mineral deposits, see, and they’s hallowed it out to create a luxury resort, I’ve been there once it’s really great.” Ben faintly realizes that he’s babbling. He doesn’t remember being this kind of nervous, fluttering butterflies inside his stomach and erection already hard even though he hasn’t actually done anything yet.

“That sounds nice.” Rey says faintly, “I’ll take you up on your offer.” Without giving him a chance to respond, her lips are on his and she’s pulling him on top of her, laying back on his hood and wrapping her fingers into his hair. He licks her lips, she opens her mouth and pushes her tongue out. He sucks on it selfishly, letting her explore his mouth before pulling away.

She whines at that. Ben’s erection is almost painful at that revelation, but he refuses to give it any attention. He buries his face in her neck and sucks, leaving a trail of faint hickeys from her shoulder to her breast. Her nibbles are like pebbles against her creamy skin, he flicks one with his tongue and stares at her for her response. She gasps, her back arching slightly as if in search of his mouth.

He kisses her other breast, taking the nub between his teeth and sucking. Rey whimpers, tangling her fingers in his hair and wrapping her perfectly sculpted legs around his waist. He can feel the dampness rubbing against his skin, his mouth waters as he marks his presence on the valley between her breasts, a red hickey that would turn purple in the morning. Proof, for when she looks in the mirror the next day, that this wasn’t a dream.

He trails kisses down her stomach, unwrapping her legs from his throbbing erection and placing them around his shoulders.

“What are you doing?” Rey’s voice is suddenly small, nervous. She sits up slightly to see where he plans on putting his mouth next.

“Don’t worry.” Ben promises, he presses three quick kisses on her thigh, “I think you’ll like this.”

“It’s- down there, it’s not… are you-” Rey stammers.

“Yes. It’s you.” Ben gives her that smile, from back before when he just used his fingers to bring her to peak, “It’s you.” He leans in, just lets himself smell her arousal. He feels his mouth water more as he presses a firm kiss to those lips between her legs. She gasps, throwing her head and trying her best not to make too much noise. He takes it upon himself to see how loudly he can make her cry out. His tongue slips out of his mouth, almost as though it has a mind of its own. He presses it against the edge of her entrance, licking up and down in imitation of his finger movement from before.

Rey’s body jerks to his movement as his tongue sets fire to her core, her fingers tangling in his hair as she tries to grasp some semblance of control. He laps at her pussy like it’s fruit, suckling at her juices like he’s drinking the sweetest nectar. He takes her click between his lips and runs circles around it with his tongue. Crying out, Rey arches her back towards him and bucks into his face. Ben grunts as he tightens his grip around her waist, managing to keep his mouth latched in place while she writhes.

She sees sparks, her body convulsing as her orgasm all but smacks her as swiftly as a sandstorm. Her core clenches and releases around nothing, Ben refusing to quit his ministrations. He keeps licking up and down, holding her legs apart until he manages to tease the last pulse out from her. Rey is almost sobbing with relief, she grasps for his face and brings him up for a kiss.

She doesn’t even register that she’s tasting herself on his mouth. Her tongue is pressed against his, she feels his own orgasm flow forward and drip onto her legs and his cloak. He pulls back, she can feel the apology forming in his mind, but before he has a chance to verbalize it she yanks him back down and arches her back to fit along his body.

“I need you.” Rey breathes when they part, her eyes wild and hungry for him, “ I want you. ”

“Rey.” He says her name like a prayer, like she’s the answer to everything he’s ever asked.

“Please.” One of her hands reaches between them where his cock is already hardening again.  

His fingers close around hers, they both lead his cock to her entrance, “I think- I don’t remember much from sex ed, actually, but this might hurt.” Ben is almost terrified of harming her, even if she wants it. Nervousness causes his hands to shake slightly, Rey helping him gently push himself into her.

“I know.” Rey tries not to think of one of the more disgusting men bragging about how much blood gets spilled. She focuses on the way the light reflects in Ben’s eyes, how they’re not all chocolatey brown but have the smallest flecks of orange around the pupils.

He slides into her slowly, and yes, there is pain. Sharp, like something inside of her is breaking. She focuses on his eyes, mapping out the small constellations of tiger orange stars among the void of brown. She tries not to give him any sign that she’s in pain other than a sharp intake of breath.

“I’m sorry.” Ben whispers, “I wish it didn’t have to be like this.”

“I’m glad that it’s you,” Rey responds, moving her hips slightly to encourage him further. He gradually moves out, wincing everytime Rey hisses with discomfort, sliding back in with a look of pain on his face.

“I don’t want this to hurt you.” He keeps whispering as he thrusts as gently as he can, Rey can feel the physical pleasure of being with her mixing with the self anger at not being able to help her feel good as he is.

“I know,” She responds every time, trying to distract herself, counting using numbers divisible by three, reciting the energy conduits of a blaster, anything to keep her from physically pushing him off.

His thrusts are becoming more uneven as his breath becomes ragged, “You- you have your birth control implants, right?”

“Yes,” Concern for her wellbeing warms her core almost as well as his tongue between her thighs. She brushes some hair from his face when he cums, hot liquid spurting into her and surprisingly, the heat and added moisture making everything a little less painful as he slides out.

“I’m sorry,” He says again, “I couldn’t make it better.” He lays next to her, she lets him wrap his strong and muscled arms around her body. The chill begins to set into their bones, but both of them are too tired and numb to do anything about it.

“Next time will be better.” Rey states, turning around to she faces him. She brings her fingers up and traces designs in his face.

“Next time.” Ben almost chokes at her declaration, he hadn’t dared hope there would be a next time, “Just say the time and place, Rey. Time and place.”