Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“We’re getting a new co-worker tomorrow!” Taehyung gushes excitedly, as soon as Jin opens the door to his luxurious house. Jin lives in Gangnam, a good forty minutes away from Taehyung’s own rundown student apartment. His parents originally wanted Taehyung to get a flat in the same area but the younger boy convinced them to let him experience the humble life of a common broke student who has to work his way through uni life, before taking over their family company.

Jin chuckles fondly. “Hello to you too, dear cousin,” he tells him with a smile.

Taehyung surges forward and gives Jin a quick hug and kiss on the cheek, before barging into the house uninvited, shaking off his shoes and making himself at home on the huge sofa in the living room. Jin just shakes his head and closes the door behind him, following Taehyung into the living room.

“Now, what was that about a new co-worker?”

“We’re finally getting a replacement for Sunhee!” Taehyung lowers his voice conspiratorially, “they say, it’s a guy.” Taehyung looks at Jin expectantly.

Jin looks back at him in confusion. “Does it make a difference?”

Taehyung pouts.

Finally Jin gets it and rolls his eyes. “Honestly Tae? I thought there was this customer guy you liked? Have you already given up on him?”

“He’s straight,” the younger boy pouts. “But damn if he isn’t the hottest straight dude I’ve ever seen!” Jin can literally see the star in his cousin’s eyes.

“Aww, to be young again,” he sighs theatrically. “Don’t worry, Taehyungie. You’ll find the right guy in time.”

“Like you did?” Taehyung teases, poking out his tongue. “I don’t wanna end up 30 and alone, thank you very much. Just watch me, I’ll get a boyfriend before you do. And who knows, maybe I’ll be meeting him tomorrow!” Taehyung claps in excitement staring off into nowhere dreamily.

“Oi!” Jin protests. “I’m not that old, okay? I’m not even 25 years old yet. And for the record I’m very happy as I am.”

Taehyung is yanked back into the present. “Sure you are,” he says with an eyeroll. “Maybe I’ll introduce you to my new co-worker. You need it more than me.” He sticks out his tongue for good measure.

“Yah, what’s that supposed to mean?!” Jin exclaims. “It’s not my fault that I’m so beautiful that all prospective men run away as soon as they see me. But do send a photo of your new co-worker if he’s hot.” His eyes twinkle as he says it.

“Will do,” Taehyung promises easily.

Jin chuckles fondly. He loves his cousin, although he feels like Tae is always two steps ahead of him with his thoughts and sometimes it’s hard to keep up with the younger boy’s thought processes and mood swings.

They are quiet for a moment.

“I got you a present,” Jin suddenly remembers.

The younger boy looks up startled. “A present? For me? Why?”

“Well, originally I wanted to give it to you for your birthday. But then your birthday is still quite some time off and I couldn’t think of any other occasion, so I figured I’d just give it to you as a present without any occasion.”

Taehyung jumps onto the couch in excitement, clapping his hands like a little kid. “What is it? What is it?” he asks excitedly.

“Oi, stop breaking my sofa or I won’t give it to you after all.”

The younger boy lets out a yell and immediately sits down again meekly. “I’m a good boy, hyung. Can I get my present now?”

Jin rolls his eyes fondly. “Sure, hang on a second. I’ll get it right away.”

He comes back a moment later with an envelope in his hands. “Here you go. I hope you like it. But I have a feeling you will.”

Taehyung immediately opens the envelope, he puts Jin’s handwritten note saying “have fun” aside and then stares at the two tickets, his eyes going wide.

“You didn’t!” he exclaims.

Jin smiles. “Do you like it?”

“OMG. Hyung, you’re the best!” he squeals throwing his arms around his cousin and awkwardly pressing his lips against the older boy’s cheek. “Thank you so so much!!!”

***

On the next day, Taehyung is at the café for the opening shift. His parents never understood why he wants to work when they could pay all his university fees without an issue. But Taehyung really likes working at the “Creative Coffee Cup.” Granted, the name of the café is a bit silly and definitely not as creative as the owners probably intended, but he enjoys the work and he really loves the atmosphere of the place. It is his second year working there as a “creatista”, as the café owner calls the baristas who work there. It is yet another thing Taehyung finds ridiculous but came to accept eventually. The perks of being a creatista fully outweigh the stupid name after all and he has finally accepted the title and learned to use it with a twinkle in his eyes.

His tasks – apart from the usual barista duties – include designing the “creative coffee cups” the café owes its name to. He couldn’t have found a more perfect student workplace for himself if he tried. Taehyung is studying art and business in his third year and designing coffee cups gives him a creative outlet for all the colours and ideas filling his mind. His designs are elaborate and unique and he has gained a certain reputation among the customers for his extravagant designs. Unlike the other creatistas, he often uses colours to liven up the usual sharpie designs his colleagues normally do. The other creatistas often tease him about it, but everyone agrees that Taehyung’s cups are the most beautiful of them all. It helps that the café is situated in an area where a lot of companies with a  creative or entertainment focus have their headquarters. More than once, Taehyung has received business cards from company CEO’s in the field trying to recruit him. Sometimes he thinks it a pity that his family practically leaves him no choice but to take over their advertisement company one day.

He pours this feeling into the drawing he is currently working on, adding a cage in a corner of the peaceful scene he has just sketched. His present cup is mostly black and white with the exception of the cage, in which a whirlwind of colours is locked into.

When the doorbell chimes, he sets aside his cup and puts on his customer face. He scrutinizes the customer, mentally deciding what kind of drawing would be most fitting.

Pastel colours. Something soft and comforting. The boy looks younger than Taehyung, maybe nineteen or eighteen? He is wearing a soft looking sweater several sizes too large that hides the shape of his body and Taehyung feels the urge to unwrap him. He mentally scold himself for the inappropriate thought.

“Welcome at the Creative Coffee Cup. What can I get you?” he asks instead, smiling brightly.

The other boy fumbles with his sleeves, twisting them in his fingers nervously.

“Umm, actually, I’m here for the job?” his voice raises as if questioning whether he was at the right place.

It takes a moment for Taehyung’s mind to register what the other boy said. Then he starts beaming. “Of course you are! Boss-nim did a great job picking you! The girls will absolutely love you!”

The other boy smiles at him hesitantly.

“I’m Tae,” Taehyung says, extending his hand.

“Jimin,” the other boy answers, shaking Taehyung’s hand gingerly.

Taehyung manages to hide his surprise at the girly name just in time. It would be awful if Jimin got the impression Taehyung was sexist or homophobic or something on the very first day. Judging from the soft look the other boy exudes, Taehyung wouldn’t be surprised if Jimin was gay too. It was a feeling he’d get about people and that helped to know when he had a chance and when he didn’t. He might actually have a chance with this Jimin. What a shame it couldn’t be the cute customer boy that had been coming by daily lately. Taehyung is yanked out of his thoughts by the entrance of their manager Soojin. Soojin nods at Taehyung in greeting before taking Jimin on a tour, showing him everything and explaining his tasks.

As the café is not too busy, Taehyung gets a chance to covertly check out Jimin some more. The other boy is pretty. There’s no other word that fits better, except for maybe cute. He’s small, but as he finds out from the paperwork Soojin left at the bar, Jimin is actually a couple of months older than Taehyung.

Jimin’s movements are graceful and his features soft. He looks breakable and too good for the world. It makes Taehyung instantly feel protective of him. And slightly ashamed for ogling him all the time.

The door chimes again and in walks the person that has been the object of Taehyungs fantasies for the past two months now. He immediately feels guilty for looking at Jimin and wondering about him when he sees the other boy again. Nothing would ever compare to the soft but defined muscles visible under his favourite customer’s tight shirts and training pants, his height and dominant yet gentle demeanour. Taehyung feels a shiver run over – simply from looking at the other man. He licks his lips subconsciously. Damn was he hot. What a shame that he exuded no gay vibes whatsoever. Taehyung curses his bad luck.

“Hi,” the boy says, giving Taehyung his signature bunny smile.

Taehyung melts. “Hey,” he replies. “The usual?”

“Yup,” the other says, popping the p. “Please,” he adds as an afterthought, giving him another smile.

Taehyung turns around to hide his own smile and the blush caused by his inappropriate thoughts and busies himself preparing the four drinks the boy always orders and wrapping up the blueberry muffin.

He takes out four cups from their creative cup stash, turning his back to the counter for a second to quickly add little hearts to the cups’ design, before filling in the drinks. When he places them on the counter and the other boy pays with the usual credit card, something feels off. The other boy takes longer than usual and hesitates at the counter even after he has paid.

“Can I help you with anything else?” Taehyung asks. It comes out more suggestive than he intended.

The other boy blushes.

Interesting.

“Um, I just wanted to let you know that I won’t be in for the next couple of days.” The boy fidgets a little.

Taehyung’s face falls.

“Will you be back?”

“Of course!” the other boy promises quickly. “I just wanted to let you know…” he trails off. “Never mind. I need to go now.” He grabs his drinks and basically sprints out of the café before Taehyung can think of a reply.

A slow smile spreads across his face. Interesting. Maybe this wasn’t as hopeless a crush as he had initially thought after all.

***

With the cute customer not coming in to distract him, Taehyung has more than enough time to get to know his new co-worker, Jimin. At the end of the second day of knowing Jimin, Taehyung comes to the conclusion that they are twins parted at birth. Or soulmates. There is nothing romantic between them, but they have so much in common that it’s scary.

Their friendship starts with Jimin’s first attempt at a Caramel Macchiato. To say Jimin fails would put it too mildly. The coffee machine almost explodes, at least judging by the milk foam that is sprayed everywhere. When Taehyung runs to check up on Jimin, the smaller boy is just standing there, milk foam running down his face and covering his apron.

Taehyung immediately asks if he is alright.

Jimin just stands there and shrugs. “Figures that it would happen when I attempted a Caramel Macchiato. I seem to have really bad luck when it comes to love, so this really shouldn’t be a surprise.”

Taehyung looks at him for a long moment. “Wait, did you just reference Coffee by BTS?”

Jimin’s eyes widen. “You know the song?”

“Are you kidding me? Of course I know the song!”

“But it’s one of their old ones!”

“I know all of their songs. I’ve been a fan ever since they debuted when I was fifteen.”

“So have I!”

Forgotten is the mess of milk foam around them. When Jimin and Taehyung look at each other there’s an instant connection. And this connection only increases throughout the day.

The more attention Taehyung pays to his new co-worker, the more he likes him. Jimin has a knack for reading people and writing encouraging messages onto the cups Taehyung hands him. So far Jimin hasn’t designed any cups himself yet, but the little bits he adds to their pre-drawn cups don’t go unnoticed by the customer.

An elderly lady even comes back to the counter after finishing her drink, just to say thank you for the words of encouragement and positivity Jimin wrote onto her cup.

Jimin is a natural sweetheart. As Taehyung predicted, he is popular with girls, who immediately flirt with him. The younger boy has to laugh when he sees Jimin trying to fight off the advances of three teenaged school girls simultaneously. But there’s also a pleased look in his eyes that tells Taehyung that the advances are not entirely unappreciated.

The same goes for elderly ladies. Apart from encouraging messages, Jimin also takes his time to warn them not to drink their drinks immediately as they are still too hot. Not surprisingly, the elderly ladies love him for his consideration.

Out of all his customer exchanges, his interactions with children are the most heart-warming to see. Jimin’s face would light up and every single child would smile back and giggle with happiness. It was truly beautiful to witness.

“You’d make a great kindergarten teacher,” Taehyung teases him after a mother left with her giggling baby.

Jimin looks at him in confusion. “Huh? Why?”

“You’re a natural when it comes to kids.”

Jimin’s entire face heats up, his hands nervously twisting together. “Uhm…”

The arrival of another group of school girls saves him from having to reply. Instead he puts on his best barista face, or well, creatista face, and gets them their drinks, while expertly dodging their flirting without them noticing. Taehyung is watching him the entire time. When the school girls finally leave, he starts laughing.

“Actually, scratch becoming a kindergarten teacher. You would be perfect as a host.”

Jimin blushes again.

“I don’t drink,” he mumbles.

Taehyung glances at him in surprise. “You don’t? You’ve got to be the first person our age I meet that doesn’t drink.”

Jimin just shrugs, ducking his head in embarrassment.

“Can I ask why?” Taehyung asks curiously.

Jimin blushes some more, wringing his hands in his lap again. “It’s not that I never drink or anything. I mean, I’m not weird, if that’s what you think,” he tries to defend himself. “It’s just that my doctor said that I shouldn’t drink alcohol right now. It’s bad for my … it’s bad for my stomach or something.” He rubs at his stomach in demonstration. “Too much acid, I think?” He sounds unsure as he says it.

Taehyung nods encouragingly. “That makes sense. But it wouldn’t matter even if you just didn’t like alcohol. Don’t feel weird about being different. I don’t think not drinking alcohol is weird at all. Being different is good sometimes. And you like BTS. You’d have to tell me some seriously weird stories in order for me to not like you now. So I’m glad I got to meet you!” He holds out his hand.

Jimin stares at it for a second before shaking it, a grin slowly spreading across his face, his eyes crinkling with happiness.

“Likewise,” he smiles.

Chapter Text

The first week of working together passes like a flash after that.

Taehyung slowly finds out more about Jimin, although the other boy reveals very little about his background or private life and Taehyung knows better than to pry. He figures, Jimin will tell him eventually if it is important and all that matters is that they get along.

So far, he only knows that Jimin is not at university nor has he ever been. He has just about finished high school and then started to work straight away due to financial reasons. Jimin never talks about his parents and Taehyung wonders, whether Jimin might be an orphan. He also never talks about what he was doing before starting to work at the café and Taehyung gets the feeling that whatever happened before is a sensitive topic for Jimin. Maybe he had cleaned toilets? Or maybe he was even doing something more taboo like nude modeling or even acting in porn? Taehyung immediately feels guilty for that thought. But Jimin is definitely pretty enough to qualify for more adult like work. He really hopes that Jimin was never forced to do anything he regrets now. Jimin seems to be a person people could easily take advantage of. In that moment Taehyung swears to himself to look out for the other boy as best as he can.

There’s more perks to working with Jimin than just having awesome company, someone to dance to BTS songs with and someone who gets his humour. Working with Jimin also distracts Taehyung from missing his bunny teethed regular customer. It’s been five days since the cute guy had come in and Taehyung promises himself to find out his name the next time he does come in.

Next time turns out to be a day later. Jimin is trying to copy Taehyung’s coffee cup drawings, the signature feature of the coffeeshop they work at, when the boy walks in. Handsome, boyish, mischievous looking as always. Taehyung stands frozen at the counter and only vaguely registers Jimin glancing up at him in question.

When the boy stands in front of the counter, Taehyung snaps out of his trance.

“You haven’t been in for almost a week.” It almost sounds like an accusation.

“Did you miss me?” The other boy replies, looking at him coquettishly.

Taehyung blushes, before catching himself and trying to play it off nonchalantly. “I missed selling four coffees and a muffin each day. That’s sixteen coffee’s and four muffins less of sales for my sales balance.”

The other boy raises his eyebrows. “You’ve been counting the days?”

Taehyung’s eyes widen. Well shit. So much for playing it coolly.

“I’d make it up to you by buying more coffee today, but then there’d be too many cups and my hands couldn’t carry them. Maybe I should buy you a coffee instead?”

Taehyung couldn’t believe his ears. “What?” he asks flabbergasted.

Now the other boy is the one blushing. “Never mind. I’ll have the same as always. Oh, and could you draw something happy on the cup with the Americano. Hyung really needs something to cheer up.”

“Sure,” Taehyung says. “Jimin, could you draw something happy on the next cup? One of our customers needs something to cheer up.” Jimin looks at him like a deer caught in headlights. “Something happy?” he asks again. “Like what?”

Taehyung glances back at him distractedly, “Dunno something like cats or dogs, maybe? Or flowers? Or maybe a smiley. You can never go wrong with smileys.”

“Or a flower with a smiley face,” the cute customer laughs.

Jimin looks at him earnestly, before abruptly ducking his head and complying. It’s the first cup he is designing himself without copying from one of the other creatista’s designs.

“That’s Jimin, by the way, my new co-worker,” Taehyung says, when Jimin timidly hands him a cup with a childish looking but cute flower. The customer smiles at him. “Hi Jimin. I’m Jungkook, it’s nice to meet you. That’s a nice flower you drew there, I’m sure it’ll cheer hyung up.”

Taehyung’s heart starts to race. Jungkook. The cute boy he has been daydreaming about for almost a month now is called Jungkook. He finally has a name. But there is this irrational feeling of jealousy that he revealed it to Jimin and not him. To make matters worse, Jungkook is looking at Jimin intently, while Jimin is looking at the floor, hiding his face. Another pang of jealousy flares through Taehyung’s body. If only he was looking at me that way, he thinks sourly.

For the rest of the day Taehyung is more subdued. After almost snapping at Jimin a couple of times, the other boy seems to get that Taehyung wants to be left alone and doesn’t approach him anymore. Taehyung hates himself for feeling and acting this way, but he is glad for Jimin’s consideration in leaving him be.

***

The next day, Taehyung is back to his old self. He greets Jimin brightly like always and is surprised when the other boy avoids looking into his eyes and instead greets him demurely with a bow.

Taehyung is confused and then feels like utter shit when he realises Jimin is probably treading on eggshells around him due to his behaviour the day before. Had his jealousy been that noticeable? He curses himself for making Jimin so insecure and shy. The café is too busy to properly talk during their shift, so it is only during their lunch break, that he manages to bring Jimin a plate of mochis as an apology.

“I’m sorry for how I acted yesterday, Jimin. I swear it doesn’t have anything to do with you. It wasn’t fair of me to let my bad mood out on you, though. I’m sorry,” he hangs his head in shame.

Jimin blushes. “That’s alright. Don’t apologize for how you’re feeling. Just tell me, when I get annoying. I don’t want to be a burden.” Jimin is still not meeting Taehyung’s eyes. “I don’t want you to hate me,” he adds quietly.

“Jiminie, you did nothing wrong!” Taehyung crouches down next to the other boy, taking his small hands into his large ones.

“I don’t want you to hate me either. I wish I could tell you about… never mind. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. You didn’t do anything wrong, Mochi. Wait, are you crying?” A single tear has spilled from Jimin’s closed eyes. “Shit, Jiminie, I didn’t realise. I’m so sorry!”

“It’s alright,” Jimin says, a hiccough negating his statement. “I’m fine.”

“Oh Jiminie,” Taehyung moves in to hug the other boy. Jimin buries his face against the younger boy’s large chest. They stay like that for several moments, until Jimin gently disentangles himself. He smiles at Taehyung brightly, although it still doesn’t completely reach his eyes. “Thank you,” he smiles, and Taehyung is too confused to think of a reply, so he only squeezes Jimin’s hand.

They go back to working together after the break, but there is a subtle change in their relationship. It’s not that Jimin is wary of Taehyung or anything. He quickly finds his way back to his bright and optimistic personality as Taehyung notices with relief. But when Jungkook enters the store this time, Jimin is nowhere to be found. Taehyung only notices after Jungkook has left again and doesn’t think much of it until he starts paying attention to it the next few days and realises that Jimin always ducks out into the storage room when the bunny teethed customer comes in.

Taehyung is unsure how to broach the subject. He can’t tell Jimin about his infatuation with Jungkook. Being gay is not something that is tolerated in their society. In fact, Jin is the only person who knows about and shares Taehyung’s sexual preference and therefore the only person he can talk to about his crushes. And even though Taehyung sometimes wonders about Jimin, he is wary about risking their good relationship by revealing something so personal and stigmatized about himself.

Since Jimin doesn’t bring up the incident again and acts normal around Taehyung, apart from keeping away from Jungkook, Taehyung eventually decides to drop it. He’s oddly glad to keep Jungkook to himself anyway, and Jimin doesn’t seem to mind ducking into the storage room for the five to ten minutes a day Taehyung spends subtly flirting with Jungkook.

Meanwhile Jimin has gotten good at his job. He even managed not to repeat the Caramel Macchiato milk foam spray incident, although, none of his Caramel Macchiatos turn out particularly good. His coffee cup designs, however have improved a lot. Ever since Taehyung told him to stop worrying about being artistic and copying the other creatista’s design, Jimin has started developing his very own style of coffee cups. Jimin’s drawings are more simple than Taehyungs elaborate extravagant designs. They’re often cute and sometimes poetic and contemplative. Jimin also often adds writing and quotes to finish off his minimalist designs.

At some point Taehyung actually lets Jimin take over most of the creative cup designs, figuring he’d rather concentrate on creating a few master pieces rather than mass produce cups anyway.

Another thing that changed with Jimin joining their team, is the waste of their leftover pastries. Neither Taehyung nor any of his colleagues has ever wanted to take any leftovers home after the first month or so. Jimin, however, being new has started to religiously take home as many leftovers as he can possibly carry.

He’s especially fond of Mochis, which earns him the nickname Mochi. For some reason the sugary dessert becomes a daily staple in his life, to the point that Taehyung often teases him about becoming fat if he continues eating so many sweets every day.

Whenever Taehyung says it, Jimin blushes, and punches his new friend’s arm. “Shut up, I am not fat!”

“Sure you’re not, Jiminie,” Taehyung laughs, pinching Jimin’s rosy cheeks. “You’re just becoming a chubby Mochi.”

Jimin pouts. “I’m not chubby!” he protests. He suddenly becomes pensive. “Actually, I think for the first time in my life I’m not bordering on being underweight anymore.”

Taehyung looks at him incredulously. “How did you manage to do that? I always see you eating sweets, whenever I look at you. But even now you’re definitely not overweight.”

Jimin blushes. “Genetics, I guess,” he just laughs it off.

~~~

It’s the third time in a week that Yoongi has shut himself into his Genius Lab and Namjoon and Hoseok have become worried.

“Come out of there, hyung,” they call, knowing it’s useless as their studios are all soundproof. They ring the bell again, hoping that Yoongi will eventually get annoyed and come out on his own.

After ten minutes of ringing the bell over and over again, the oldest member of the BTS rap trio finally opens the door.

He’s visibly in a bad mood. “What do you want? He growls.

Namjoon holds up his hand in a gesture of peace. “We just wanted to check whether everything was okay with you.”

“I’m fine,” the older boy growls out. “At least I was till you started incessantly ringing that bell.”

“Sorry hyung,” Hoseok says cheerily, not looking sorry at all. “We’re planning on getting food, just us three. Just like we always did pre debut.”

Yoongi’s face softens a bit, unable to be annoyed when looking at Hoseok’s cheerful face.

“Not today, Hobi. I’m not in the mood. You guys go on without me. There’s still stuff I wanna finish today.”

Namjoon looks at him sternly. “You’ve got to eat, hyung.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“We’re worried about you,” Hoseok chimes in.

“Is this still about the stalker incident?” Namjoon asks.

Yoongi closes his eyes. “It doesn’t matter. I appreciate your concern, but I really will be fine.” He forces a smile onto his face. “You go out together, the two of you. I promise I’ll tag along next time, just to humour you brats.”

The other two look at each other before Hobi shrugs. “Sounds like a plan. But next time you really have no excuse or we’ll use force. You may be the oldest, but all of us know that you’re also the weakest.” He swiftly dodges the punch that was aimed at him and dances out of reach. He’s grinning broadly. “That’s more like you, Suga hyung,” he laughs. “Well then, go punch you’re keyboard or something. We’ll be back tomorrow.”

Yoongi groans. An annoyed “fuck you” crosses his lips, before the door of his studio is slammed shut, leaving Namjoon and Hoseok standing in front of it stumped.

Finally Namjoon lets out a long sigh. “Let’s go get some food.”

They decide to keep it simple and just grab some food from the canteen.

“Do you think this is really still about the stalker incident?” Hoseok asks.

Namjoon shrugs. “I really don’t know. I mean the entire thing was pretty traumatizing for all of us. But Yoongi was her main target, so I would totally understand if it was still haunting him.”

“But she was locked up, two months ago. Why does he suddenly become like this now? He’s seemed fine the last two months.”

“I don’t know either,” Namjoon says helplessly. “I really wish we could help Yoongi hyung. But that’s only possible if he lets us help and actually tells us what his problem is.”

The two young men look at each other helplessly. There is nothing else they can do.

Inside the genius lab, Yoongi goes back to his desk where he put the stack of fan letters. With trembling hands he picks up the latest letter rereading it yet again, before dropping it as if simply touching it burns his skin. He goes to the couch, kicks it and then punches a cushion for good measure. Then he sits down on the couch, picks up the cushion and wraps his arms around it. Despite knowing the studio is soundproof, he uses the cushion to muffle his screams.

Chapter Text

Taehyung and Jimin become fast friends. Jimin has been working alongside Taehyung for three weeks now, and every day, the younger boy marvels at the energy and positivity the older boy is exuding. In fact Jimin’s sunny personality goes so well with Taehyung’s teasing and playful mannerisms, that they become almost inseparable. Jimin often hangs out with Taehyung after work and he is always so full of questions about Taehyung’s life that the younger boy doesn’t even notice how Jimin is subtly deflecting all questions about his own life.

The fact, that Taehyung knows very little about Jimin besides what he can observe first-hand becomes obvious when he comes to the café one morning on a day he happens to have the opening shift and sees a lump of clothes on the doorsteps to the café that looks suspiciously like Jimin. Taehyung comes to a halt in shock. The next thing he notices are the tremors shaking the small body of his friend every so often. He realises quickly that they are caused by dry sobs. Alarmed, Taehyung rushes towards the crumbled form on the cafés door steps.

“Jiminie,” he calls out, crouching down next to him. He immediately starts fretting over him, trying to see whether the older boy was hurt.

Jimin glances up then and Taehyung gasps when he sees how swollen Jimin’s face is from crying.

“Jiminie,” he whispers again, cupping his face.

“C’mon let’s get you off of this door step and inside.” He quickly unlocks the front door and then helps Jimin up, supporting most of the other boy’s weight. They make it into their break room, before Jimin crumbles down again. He bursts into a fresh wave of tears.

Taehyung is seriously worried. “Jimin, I need you to tell me what happened. Okay, mochi?”

Jimin gasps for breath between sobs and Taehyung starts wondering whether he should call the ambulance. It seems as if Jimin is not getting enough air.

“I’m fine,” he gasps out between sobs, when Taehyung starts getting up.

“You clearly are not,” Taehyung disagrees. He is crouching in front of Jimin, looking at him worriedly “Tell me what happened, sweetie. Tell me what I can do.”

“N-nothing. I-I’m fine.” More tears spill out from Jimin’s eyes.

“Shhh,” Taehyung soothes, wrapping his arms around the other boy. He feels his trembling increase, before he slowly starts to calm down, the sobs only sporadically robbing his breath now.

“You h-have to open the shop now,” Jimin finally sniffs, disentangling himself from Taehyung’s embrace. Jimin is unfortunately right, he really does need to open the café now. Sometimes he hates being a responsible adult. Standing up, he says “I’ll just go have a quick look outside if there’s customers. If there are, I’ll serve them, and then come back in to check on you, okay? Will you be fine on your own in here?” He looks at the other boy worriedly. Jimin is now slumped across the tiny table in the break room. When Taehyung addresses him, he quickly sits up forcing a smile. “I’m fine, Tae. Thank you.”

Taehyung just nods and lingers in the doorway for a bit longer, making sure that Jimin was not in any immediate danger of suffocating anymore, before going out to the café and letting in the line of customers who are already waiting for their morning coffee in front of the café.

There’s no end in sight. Whenever Taehyung thinks he finally served the last customer and can finally go check up on Jimin, another customer will enter the shop and demand his attention. He can’t very well leave the customers waiting, but he is itching to check up on Jimin. Jimin’s regular shift will only start in an hour and a half and he thinks about calling their other co-worker and asking her whether she could cover him. Jimin is in no condition to be working.

Another ten minutes later, however, when Taehyung is starting to growl in frustration at the relentlessly forming queue, Jimin comes out of the break room. His eyes are still a bit puffy, but it can pass off as an allergic reaction. Wordlessly, he starts working alongside Taehyung.

“Jiminie, you really don’t have to. You need to rest. I was thinking of calling Minyoung to come in and take over for a bit, just haven’t had a spare minute to actually do it.”

Jimin shakes his head. “I’m fine, Tae, really. I just needed a bit time to let it out of my system. I’m fine now.” His smile looks genuine, although it isn’t as wide as usual.

Taehyung looks at him long and hard, a gaze that Jimin returns steadily. “I really am fine,” he says again quietly. “I just needed to get away for a bit.” He lets it go for now and the two boys fall back into their comfortable routine. Taehyung sticks around even after his shift ends and Minyoung comes in for her shift. Taehyung waits at the café until Jimin’s shift ends in the late afternoon. Wordlessly, he hands him his bag and they leave the café together. Taehyung can feel uneasiness radiating from the other boy, and he notices the hesitancy with which he leaves the café.

“Let’s go grab dinner before we go home,” Taehyung tries to cheer him up. He can tell from Jimin’s look, that the older boy is not really hungry. He does, however, tag along anyway. They end up going to one of Taehyung’s favourite Korean chicken places. Taehyung orders food for them, while Jimin just awkwardly sits on the opposite side of the table.

An awkward silence hangs heavily between them.

Finally Taehyung clears his throat. “Do you want to tell me what happened earlier?” he asks gently.

Jimin bites his lip. He looks at the table absentmindedly where his fingers nervously scratch his skin. Taehyung watches with a frown. Finally he reaches out his hand, placing it on top of Jimins’, stopping Jimin from hurting himself.

“Jiminie. You can tell me anything, you know. You don’t have to deal with whatever it is alone.”

Jimin’s eyes become glassy. He’s just about to answer, when their food arrives. Jimin instantly snaps his mouth shut and Taehyung inwardly groans in frustration. He tries to get Jimin to talk again after the waitress has left, but Jimin simply says “we should eat while the food is still warm.”

Taehyung sighs but agrees and they dig in. Or, well, Taehyung digs in, while Jimin sits there, absentmindedly twisting a chicken wing between his fingers. Taehyung sets his own chicken wing down and looks at Jimin sternly.

“You’ve got to eat, Jiminie. You’re way to thin.”

Jimin chuckles briefly, “aren’t you the one who always teases me that I’m becoming chubby and that I’ll become fat if I keep eating so many sweets?”

Taehyung opens his mouth to disagree, but Jimin is already pointing to his cheeks. “See, they’re super squishy,” he squishes them together for effect. Taehyung can’t help laughing at the cute grimace the action morphs Jimin’s face into. Jimin is giggling too. “And see, I’m already becoming fat and ugly.” He juts out his belly and points at it. I’ll become a fat old man in no time.”

Taehyung can’t help but smile at Jimin’s antics. Looking at Jimin’s face and belly does lessen his worries somewhat, although seeing how thin his arms are still has him concerned. Really it’s a miracle how he is chubby both in cheeks and belly while his arms look like he is starving. Taehyung lets it go for now and instead tries to use the good mood to get Jimin to talk about what happened in the morning.

“You’re not becoming a fat old man, you’re becoming a chubby pretty mochi. That’s a difference,” he points out. Jimin blushes, folding his arms in his lap. “You’re beautiful just the way you are. Don’t let others tell you otherwise.” Taehyung gently says. Jimin ducks his head, the red of his cheeks intensifying.

“Sometimes I don’t like being pretty,” he suddenly whispers.

Taehyung looks at him in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“Sometimes being pretty means you get noticed. Sometimes being noticed is not good.”

A cold shudder runs down Taehyung’s back. He has a feeling he knows where this is going.

When Jimin doesn’t say anything else, Taehyung hesitantly asks him. “Jiminie. Did somebody do something to you, you didn’t want?”

It’s like a dam breaks and the floodgates open.

“I’m just so scared,” Jimin gasps between tears.

“Shh, sweetie,” Taehyung tries to soothe him, moving his chair closer to Jimin’s so he can wrap him up into his arms. Jimin closes his eyes and leans into Taehyung.

“They tried to…” A sob interrupts him. He tries again, “they tried to sleep with me.”

“Who did, sweetie? Who did?”

Jimin doesn’t seem to hear Taehyung, monotonously repeating “they tried to sleep with me. While I was asleep.” He hides his face in his arms.

Taehyung is furious. He wants to kill, whoever it was that tried to violate his friend. It takes a while to really sink in. Jimin was almost raped. By several people. In his sleep. Taehyung’s heart sinks when he realises it was probably other guys who tried to do that. No wonder people treated homosexuality with such disdain. How could he ever tell Jimin about his own sexual preference now, when Jimin experienced something so terrible? He can’t, he suddenly realises. Jimin would never fully trust him again.

As if to reassure himself that Jimin still trusts him, he hugs the other boy close to his chest, gently caressing his back, as if Jimin was a small child. Jimin buries himself into Taehyung’s broad chest. They stay like that for several long minutes. Only when Jimin finally quietens down a bit, Taehyung finally pulls away. He keeps his arms on Jimin’s shoulders and looks at him seriously. “I need you to tell me exactly what happened. Whoever did that to you needs to be punished.”

Jimin looks at him with wide glassy eyes. “They didn’t do anything though. I ran away before anything really happened.” There’s so much fear and uncertainty in them that Taehyung wants to torture the people responsible for that look before killing them. Death is still too mild a fate for what they did to his sweet mochi.

He takes a deep breath trying to calm himself. “Tell me what happened.”

Jimin closes his eyes and shudders. “I’m living at a dorm,” he blushes, looking down in shame. Taehyung tries to keep his face as neutral as possible, lest Jimin thinks the disgust Taehyung is feeling is because of Jimin’s humble living conditions. Nothing could be further from the truth. “There’s a couple of guys that have been… leering at me for the past few weeks. It made me uncomfortable. But I figured it’s okay if they only look. I can’t very well say anything about them looking. But they started saying stuff too. And then last night,” Jimin stops abruptly, another sob interrupting his story. “I was so scared, Tae,” he finally whispers. “It felt so good in the dream. I thought it was…,” he blushes “never mind. I woke up and realised the guys from my dorm were touching me. I was so scared. I didn’t want them. I didn’t want to sleep with them.” He shudders.

Taehyung is speechless.

“They said that I was enjoying it. And I did enjoy it in my dream. But in my dream it was…” he breaks off again. “I’m so confused. I’m such a slut. My body wanted them so much. A bunch of random guys. It was only when I woke up that I realised who it was. I was so disgusted. I managed to run away before they did anything else.”

“Oh sweetie, you’re not a slut. They tried to rape you. They had no right to touch you in your sleep. They had no right to touch you without your consent”

“I’m just so afraid of not knowing. What if I hadn’t woken up while they did it? What if I had slept with them without knowing it? I would have enjoyed it.” He wraps his arms around his middle and bursts into tears again.

Taehyung watches him helplessly. Alternating between running his hands up and down Jimin’s arm in a soothing manner and whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

After a long while of just sitting there without saying anything, Jimin mumbles, “I’m scared of going back.”

Taehyung looks up sharply. “There’s no way I’m letting you go back there!”

Jimin shrinks together.

“I don’t have anywhere else to go,” he whispers.

“That’s not true,” Taehyung says fiercely, “you have me. You’re staying with me. It’ll be a tight fit, my apartment is quite small, but we’ll make it work. And you’ll be safe there.”

Jimin pulls away. “You don’t have to, Tae. This is my problem to figure out.” He absentmindedly wraps his arms around his middle as if he was cold. The younger boy’s heart breaks when he sees his friend looking so small and lost. He gently brushes his hand across Jimin’s cheeks.

“If a friend of mine is in trouble, it does concern me. You’re coming with me. It’s not up for negotiation.”

“I really don’t want to impose.” Jimin tries to gently refuse again.

“Bullshit. You’re not imposing.” Taehyung’s voice is final. Before he suddenly becomes unsure. “You’re not uncomfortable staying with me right?”

Jimin looks at him in confusion.

Taehyung hurries to explain. “I mean with me being a guy and all.”

Jimin blushes and looks at the ground.

“Jimin,” Taehyung begins in a serious tone, “I hope you know that I would never ever do anything like that to you. Not all guys are like that. I would never hurt you like that.”

The other boy’s eyes go wide, abruptly looking up into Taehyungs conflicted face.

“No,” he almost shouts. “That’s not the issue at all! I know you aren’t like that! It’s just … you always complained how tiny your apartment is. I don’t want to impose…”

“You’re not. I wouldn’t offer this if I didn’t mean it. Please come stay with me. I’m not letting you go back to that dorm.” His voice is final.

Jimin sighs before nodding shyly. “Okay,” he says. “Thank you.” His eyes are sparkling wetly.

“That’s what friends are for, Taehyung says gently, ruffling his hand through Jimin’s hair.

~~~

Yoongi slowly seems to be getting better. After refusing to join the other two rappers for dinner, Namjoon actually managed to get him to come out of the genius lab to join him and Hoseok for dinner the next day.

And ever since then, Yoongi slowly started to eat more and spend more time outside of his studio.

Namjoon has a hunch that the new trainee might have something to do with that. Ever since Jungkook was made responsible for their daily coffee delivery, Yoongi has come out of his shell more. Namjoon was glad, but secretly worried that a crush on the younger boy would inevitably end in only more heartbreak on Yoongi’s part.

Jungkook is a darling with the devil’s personality. He doesn’t take bullshit from anyone even if they are four years older like Yoongi and Yoongi respects that. He has taken a liking to the snarky boy, seeing in him something like a younger brother. But that’s all he feels – brotherly affection.

There is, however, another reason Yoongi is looking forward to seeing Jungkook every day. Ever since that day in the studio where he had cried himself to sleep over that stupid letter, Jungkook has started bringing in coffee cups with cheerful and encouraging messages. It started with annoyingly happy drawings that Yoongi decided to blatantly ignore. But as the weeks passed, the drawings became different, words and fragments of poetry were added and Yoongi started looking forward to the daily coffee delivery brought in by Jungkook.

The cups inspire him and several of the recent song lyrics he’s written can directly be traced to some of the coffee cup designs. He has started collecting them, too, and even goes so far as to ask Namjoon and Hobi for their cups. All of them have different designs and while they sometimes vary in style and content, so far no cup has been identical.

Yoongi’s most recent song project is also inspired by a cup. It was one of the darker ones. The caption on it read “I’m erasing myself to become your doll.” As if that wasn’t unsettling enough, the drawing that went with it depicted a boy whose limbs were controlled by puppeteer strings. And perhaps most chilling of all, the boy was holding his heart out to the gigantic hand of the puppeteer.

There’s something about that image that makes Yoongi unable to take his eyes off of it. Something about the submissive gesture of the boy, helplessly destroying himself. It’s this image of the most unhealthy form of love imaginable that reminds him of himself but also makes him think about the stalker girl. Her love for him was the complete opposite from his love for his first boyfriend, yet they were equally as unhealthy. In a way she was the puppeteer and he had been the puppet. It had taken him years to get over that first relationship and realise how toxic it was. And the twisted love of his stalker had landed her in jail. So how could love be a good thing?

His latest song project is probably a product of sleep deprivation, staring at that particular coffee cup for too long and Namjoon’s latest album concept. But the longer Yoongi thinks about it, the more he wants to do it – a song about fake love. It fits with Namjoon’s vision of loving oneself, while also staying true to Yoongi’s darker visions and experiences of loves gone wrong. Memories of his first boyfriend – how he had been that boy in the coffee cup drawing, willingly offering his heart for the taking. It wasn’t really love back then, but it had taken years full of insecurities and anxiety attacks for Yoongi to realise that.

“What are you working on?” Namjoon interrupts his thoughts then.

Yoongi startles slightly before catching himself. He instinctively moves to hide his latest notes, but then slowly relaxes his grip. He might actually be ready for this.

“I’ve been thinking about a new song to go with your concept.”

Namjoon frowns. “It’s not supposed to be my concept, hyung. I thought we agreed that the two of you were on board as well?”

Yoongi waves him off. “It’s okay with me. A bit too happy and purely good for my usual style but whatever.”

Namjoon sits up. “So you’re unhappy with the concept? Is that what the last few weeks were about?”

“Huh?”

“You were so closed off. Was it because you don’t identify with our latest project? You need to say these things. We’re in this together.” Namjoon is visibly upset.

Yoongi claps him on the shoulder. “I’m fine with it. Really, don’t worry. But if we’re gonna get sappy and talk about self-love, then there’s also another issue I’d like to address.” He hesitates slightly, unsure how to communicate the idea without making it sound too pathetic.

Namjoon is looking at him expectantly.

Oh fuck it. Here goes nothing.

“I want to do a song on fake love. You know, it’s important to love yourself and all that. But you also have to know yourself for that. And if you don’t, you might become dependent or call something love that really isn’t. I guess another form of mental health awareness. I know it isn’t what you had in mind, when you came up with the concept, but it does fit quite nicely and…”

“I think it’s brilliant.” Namjoon interrupts him. “Fake love. I like the sound of it. It’s got a ring to it, too.”

Yoongi looks at him taken by surprise. “You’re not against it?”

“No.” Namjoon looks at him thoughtfully. “I actually really do like the idea. It’s something a lot of people told me about my own relationship, too. That what we have is fake, that it can’t possibly last. Now look at us. We’re soon celebrating our 7^th anniversary and still going strong.”

Yoongi laughs. “I still wonder how the management let that one slide.”

“We didn’t give them much of a choice. If they hadn’t accepted that I am in a relationship with a man, I would have left. He’s too important for me to give up.”

“Yeah, you’re a lucky bastard alright.” Yoongi growls playfully.

“You’ll find your Mr. Right, too.” Namjoon says before laughing at Yoongi’s disgruntled look. “Or your Miss Right, we never know, whom you turn on with that tongue technology of yours.”

Yoongi sticks out his tongue and then playfully shoves at Namjoon.

“Like you’ve got any right to talk, Mr. Expensive Girl.”

Namjoon groans, covering his eyes. “Don’t bring that up please. I’ve tried my best to bury that under a shitload of new projects.”

Yoongi laughs. “Isn’t your new project to love yourself? Past, present and future? That includes Expensive Girl too.”

Namjoon shoves him back. “I’ve sworn off of girls since singing that. Remember?”

Yoongi leans back lazily.

“Mmh. Sure you have.”

They stay in comfortable silence for a while.

“I don’t think I could date a girl right now. Not after that stalker girl.”

Namjoon looks over to Yoongi, who keeps his eyes averted.

“Is that what inspired the song? Telling her how misguided her idea of loving you was?”

Yoongi shrugs noncommittally.

“Yoongi.” Namjoon’s voice has become serious. When Yoongi doesn’t look up, Namjoon places a hand on his shoulder until he does.

“Yoongi. What that woman did was bad. Real bad. We were all scared. And her idea of love, well, let’s just say that that really is fake love. It’s not what love is supposed to be like. But you’ve got to get past this. If this song helps you, I’m all the more for it. But don’t lose yourself in this, hyung. She’s detained, she can’t reach us anymore. We’ve moved since and security is a lot tighter than it was before. Don’t let this consume you.”

Yoongi clears his throat in embarrassment. He’s not used to talking about his own fears. It’s easy for Namjoon to say to forget about her. He hadn’t received that letter.

Yoongi closes his eyes. How he wishes he had never read that letter!

“I’m here if you want to talk about something,” Namjoon offers gently.

The older boy opens his eyes again slowly. He is not ready to talk about it yet. If the content of the letter is true then he knows he will have to eventually think about what that means. About what happened that night. But until then he’s happy about ignoring the elephant in the room and escaping into the parallel world of coffee cups and song lyrics.

Instead he takes Namjoons hand and squeezes it.

“Thanks, bro.” His voice breaks.

“It’s okay, hyung. We’ll be here whenever you’re ready to talk.”

“Whatever did I do to deserve this?” Yoongi wonders jokingly.

“You’re our friend, Yoongi. Not just our bandmate. And listening to each other’s problems and concerns is exactly what friends are for.”

Chapter Text

“Jimin, could you go change in the bedroom. I really need to pee.” Taehyung bangs against the bathroom door, stepping from one foot to the other. Jimin has been inside that bathroom long enough now and the shower shut off almost five minutes ago. More than enough time for the other boy to get changed.

“One moment,” Jimin shouts back, and sure enough the door opens soon after. Jimin is only half dressed, his jeans unzipped and a towel clutched tightly to his front that would otherwise be left exposed by his unbuttoned shirt. He squeezes past Tae, apologizing profusely.

“I completely forgot about the time. Sorry for taking so long!”

Taehyung just waves him off. “It’s alright, as long as I get to pee now,” he laughs and closes the door behind him, leaving Jimin to finish getting changed.

In the three weeks since they started living together, the boys have settled into a comfortable routine. Jimin found out early that Taehyung couldn’t cook at all and promptly took over the task of preparing their meals. He also started doing their laundry while Taehyung was at university and soon Taehyung couldn’t even imagine how he had mastered life before Jimin. His fear of the apartment being too small for two people turned out to be unfounded as well. Jimin is a tidy person, especially compared to Taehyung.

Their sleeping arrangements were also settled fairly quickly. As Taehyung is too tall to comfortably fit on the couch, he grudgingly kept his bed and Jimin took the couch. It made Taehyung feel guilty for the first few nights, but as Jimin thanks him daily for allowing him to stay, his guilt of being a terrible host is somewhat lessened.

Jimin, in return, is the most polite guest Taehyung has ever seen. He makes up the couch after every night, puffing out the pillows and arranging them neatly, so that the couch could be used to entertain other guests or to lounge on it. He keeps his things stored away in the corner between the couch and the wall and makes sure they are not in the way. He keeps the kitchen and bathroom spotless and stays behind at the coffeeshop even after his shift ends to wait for Taehyung so they can go home together and Jimin doesn’t need to borrow his key.

If it weren’t for Jimin’s constant presence, no traces in the apartment would point to another person living there. Jimin doesn’t own much, as it became clear when they got his things from the dorm. Apart from a duffel bag worth of clothing and a backpack full of personal items, Jimin didn’t take anything from the dorm. And the few things he does own, Jimin meticulously keeps  out of the way.

They haven’t discussed yet how long Jimin will be staying. Taehyung appreciates that Jimin seems to want to be as little of a nuisance to Taehyung as possible, but the fact that Jimin’s presence in his temporary new home can be hidden so easily, makes Taehyung sad for some reason.

“D’you wanna grab dinner with Jin hyung and me tonight after your shift at the café?” Taehyung calls from the closed bathroom.

Jimin startles and lets the towel drop. He quickly snatches it up again and glances around himself as if making sure that nobody had seen the exposed parts of his body.

He quickly starts buttoning up his shirt before replying to Taehyung.

“I can’t tonight. I’ve got another doctor’s appointment after my shift.”

The toilet is flushed and the sounds of water running can be heard. A minute or so later, Taehyung emerges from the bathroom.

“I thought you’ve just been to the doctor a few days ago?” he says in confusion. Jimin looks healthy enough. A bit scrawny perhaps, but nothing the café’s leftover mochis wouldn’t fix in time.

“I um need to go discuss the results.”

“Huh, results?”

Jimin shrugs. “Nothing spectacular. Blood levels, stomach acid. Dunno, those kind of things, I guess.”

Oh right, Taehyung remembers. Jimin said he couldn’t drink alcohol because of digestive problems.

He glances at Jimin’s stomach automatically. “Everything alright with your stomach?” He asks.

Jimin whips his head up in shock. “W-what do you mean?” he asks carefully, crossing his arms in front of himself.

Taehyung scratches his head. “Nothing, it’s just… I only just remembered you said you had digestive problems or something? Which is why you can’t drink alcohol? Is that why you’ve been to the doctor?”

Jimin blushes. “I guess. I’m fine though,” he quickly adds. “At least I think it’ll be fine now.“

“Is there anything I can help you with?”

When Jimin looks at him this time, the smaller boy’s eyes are sparkling wetly.

“You’ve already done more for me than I could ever repay!” He daps at his eyes, clearly moved, before rolling them in annoyance at his own emotionality. He goes back to his usual cheeky self and drily adds. “Once you’ve hit rock bottom, there’s only up.”

Taehyung chuckles with him, although he’s dying to know Jimin’s story. “Well let’s hope you don’t hit rock bottom twice then,” he says gravely, before diffusing his sombre words with an eye roll of his own.

“Guess, you can wish me luck that my test results are alright then,” Jimin replies, before grabbing his bag. “Your cousin is coming over soon, right? I’d better go now.”

“Huh, don’t you want to meet Jin hyung?”

Jimin bites his lip. “My shift starts in half an hour, remember? If I don’t leave now I will be late. Is it okay if I meet your cousin another time?”

“Of course, Jiminie. Don’t worry about it. There’s plenty of time for that. Go earn some money. And then go get your results. Best of luck, I guess. And call me if you’re on our way back so you can get the keys.”

Jimin lowers his head. “Sorry for being a bother.”

“Not at all,” Taehyung chides him. “Just call, when you’re on your way back.”

Jimin just nods and after saying goodbye he leaves the apartment.

Jin arrives only a couple of minutes after Jimin left. As soon as Taehyung opens the door, he wraps the younger boy into his mama bear hug. “Haven’t seen you in almost a month, Taehyungie, and you never call anymore. You’re not forgetting me, are you?” the older man whines.

Taehyung shoves him off. “Not at all, I’ve just been busy.”

“Oooh, I sense a story here,” Jin claps into his hands and plops down onto the couch. “Is this about a certain cute bunny teethed nameless stranger?”

“He’s not a stranger. His name is Jungkook.”

“I knew it! Tell me all about him. Are you together? He is gay, right?”

“Woah, not so fast. First of all, no we’re not together. Yet. I think we are flirting though.” He can’t suppress the grin that is turning the corners of his mouth upwards.

Jin nods sagely. “Only a matter of time then. So there was no need for that new colleague of yours after all, was there?” He asks laughing.

Taehyung shakes his head. “Jimin is great. He’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, so kind and well-mannered. He’s also hot as fuck.”

Jin raises his eyebrows. “And?”

Taehyung rolls his eyes. “Nothing and. He’s not my type. Jimin and I are too similar.”

Jin snorts. “Did you just implicitly call yourself well-mannered and hot?”

Taehyung sticks out his tongue.

“Well-mannered my ass,” Jin scoffs, “learn to respect your hyung, yah!”

Taehyung throws a pillow at Jin.

“Yah, you little brat!”

The younger boy lets out a giggle. “You’re getting old, hyung.”

“No such thing, brat. I’m in my prime. Just look at me. If this isn’t handsomeness personified I don’t know what is.”

Taehyung makes a gagging noise but refrains from throwing anything else, since the pillow is gone and he doesn’t particularly fancy cleaning up the shards of a broken vase if he were to throw it.

“Just you wait. Two more years and you’ll be wearing glasses full time, you’ll start having digestive problems and can only eat pureed foods.”

“Yah, my eyes are perfectly alright! And I can eat anything, thank you very much! Just because you can’t cook, doesn’t mean you have to project your problems onto me!”

“I don’t have any problems. I’m perfectly healthy!” He becomes pensive then. “Hyung, if someone my age had digestive problems that made it unhealthy for him to drink alcohol or eat certain food, how serious would that be?”

Jin pulls his eye brows together in confusion. “This is a very specific kind of question. But I don’t seem to get the point. Are you saying you’re having stomach problems, Tae?”

“Not me! A friend of mine.” Taehyung sighs. “Fine, Jimin has a doctor appointment again and he’s only just been to one a couple of days ago. How serious do you think his illness or whatever is, if he has to go to the doctor twice in a week?”

“How would I know? Do I look like a doctor?”

“Be serious, please. I’m worried about him.”

“I really don’t know, Tae. He might just be going for different regular check-ups.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s the same doctor. He said he’ll be discussing the results of some test they did.”

“There you go. A perfectly unthreatening explanation of why he is going to a doctor twice in a week.”

Taehyung doesn’t really listen. “Jimin’s diet is weird, too. I can’t imagine any sane person eating the cafés leftovers on a daily basis. I like mochis and all but when I imagine eating them daily…,” he shudders.

“Maybe Jimin’s just trying to save up some money for his university fees. Not everyone can afford to go out for meals every day if they can’t cook like you do.”

“I’m not going out for meals every day,” Taehyung starts to protest before realizing Jin probably has a point. He might also be onto something about Jimin. Taehyung has never really thought much about the financial situation of his new roommate. But that should have been the first thing to realise when seeing just how little belongings Jimin called his own. Plus he evidently couldn’t afford anything more than a bed in a shitty dorm full of molesting bastards. Taehyung is still seething about Jimin refusing to press charges.

But Jimin does not go to university and he has never expressed any intentions of saving up in order to go some day. What if…

“What if he’s saving up money, so he can pay back his hospital fees?” Taehyung’s eyes go wide. “He’s probably had cancer. Treatment for that shit is super expensive. And now he’s broke. But he still needs to go to check-ups just in case. So he saves where he can.” Taehyung curses. “That’s why he won’t press charges against those fuckers. Because he can’t afford a lawsuit financially.”

Jin looks at him strangely. “You’re just making all of that up right now, right?”

Taehyung looks at him distractedly.

“But it would explain so much, hyung. Don’t you see? OMG, what if the doctor called him back to discuss his test results because something is wrong with them and the cancer comes back?”

Jin gets up and kneels in front of his cousin in concern. “Calm down, Tae. I’m sure everything is alright with Jimin. He doesn’t have any cancer and he just likes to eat Mochis. Jeez, don’t overthink everything.”

“But what if…”

“If there is something wrong with Jimin’s health it doesn’t help if you’re freaking out about it.”

Taehyungs eyes are shining with tears. “What should I do then, hyung?”

Jin shrugs. Go do stuff with him that he likes. Invite him over for dinner, or rather, go out for dinner, I don’t think eating your cooking would make anyone happy.”

“Aish, hyung! I’m not that bad of a cook!”

Jin just rolls his eyes. “Didn’t you say Jimin liked BTS as well? Just give one of the tickets I gave you to Jimin.”

Taehyungs’ eyes go wide. “I totally forgot about those tickets. Jimin will be so excited!!!”

“There you go. If those tickets aren’t enough to cure imaginary cancer, I don’t know what is.”

***

When Jimin comes home later that night, Taehyung has calmed down somewhat. Jin’s rational explanations almost convinced him that Jimin was in fact not on the brink of death. And his rekindled excitement about the tickets Jin had given him managed to subdue the nagging voice in his head somewhat. Nevertheless, the first question Taehyung asks, when Jimin walks through the door is: “Please tell me you don’t have cancer!”

Jimin looks at him oddly. “Tae? Is everything alright?”

“Just say it, please.”

Jimin drops his bag on the ground and slips off his shoes before sitting down on the couch next to Taehyung.

“I don’t have cancer.”

Taehyung breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank God! I was so worried.” Before Jimin has time to make sense of what is going on, he is wrapped in Taehyung’s embrace. At first Jimin just awkwardly hugs him back. When neither boy makes any move to change their position, however, Jimin closes his eyes and hugs Taehyung back in earnest. He slowly lets his hands glide down his younger friend’s back in a motion reminiscent of a mother soothing her child. “Shh, I’m here,” he soothes, when he feels the tell-tale sounds of small tremors of sobs rock the other’s body.

“I just want you to be healthy.”

Tears are forming in Jimin’s own eyes in response to Taehyung’s concern. He buries his face against Taehyungs shoulder, choosing not to respond. Only when Taehyung repeats his wish, does Jimin respond.

“That’s not always up to us to choose,” he says quietly.

Taehyung sits up too. “What do you mean? What did the doctor say?”

Jimin avoids his eyes “It’s complicated,” he finally says.

Taehyung grabs him by the shoulders. “I swear to God, Park Jimin, tell me what the doctor said.”

Jimin cringes back, biting his lips. He is shaking his head energetically. “I can’t tell you,” he tells him. Taehyung reaches out his hands to cup Jimin’s face, but Jimin twists away, curling himself into a ball.

“Jiminie…”

Jimin only shakes his head.

“Mochi…”

A tear starts making its way down his cheeks and his body starts trembling.

“I’m fine,” Jimin gasps out. Both boys know it is a lie.

“C’mon, let’s get you to bed.” Jimin looks at him in confusion, his trembling momentarily paused.

Taehyung blushes. “I mean, we’re having a slumber party tonight. On the bed. It may be small, but way more comfortable than the couch.”

Jimin doesn’t protest when the other boy picks him up bridal style and carries him to his bedroom.

For a long time they just lie on the bed and cuddle with each other.

It feels like hours pass before Jimin speaks again.

“Tae, can I ask you a hypothetical question?”

Taehyung raises his brows.

“Sure. Ask away.” He smiles at the other boy.

They are lying on their sides, facing each other. Jimin’s eyes are wide open in the dark of the room.

“If you got a girl pregnant, what would you do?”

Taehyung’s mouth falls open in surprise. For once he is speechless. The wheels in his head are spinning in fast motion.

“You got a girl pregnant?”

Even in the dark, Taehyung can tell that Jimin is blushing.

“This is a hypothetical question,” he defends himself, “I overheard two girls talking at the café today.”

Taehyung can’t suppress his grin. “Sure, you did. OMG are you really going to be a father?”

Jimin closes his eyes. “If she was permitted to get an abortion what would you tell her to do?”

The younger boy is once again taken by surprise. “You mean there are pregnancy complications?” He doesn’t dare to think of the other possibility. Of the girl being able to prove rape.

Abortion had been legally banned ten years ago, as a measure against the sinking birth rates in Korea. Only in rare cases like proven rape or danger to the mother’s life were abortions permitted. Proving rape turned out to be difficult, however, and a lot of women were stuck giving birth to children they did not want.

“Serious complications.” Jimin affirms in a whisper.

Taehyung looks at Jimin seriously. After thinking for a bit he finally replies “I would leave the choice up to her. It is her body after all.”

“What would you want her to do, though?”

This time Taehyung is sure when he says: “all that would matter to me is that she is healthy and fine.”

Jimin closes his eyes again and nods.

“What if she doesn’t want to get an abortion.”

“Fuck, Jimin. Is this still about those women in the café? Or are you saying you got a girl pregnant and she’s refusing to get an abortion even though her health is in danger?”

Jimin’s silence is answer enough.

“Shit.”

Jimin wraps an arm around himself as if he was feeling cold. Instinctively, Taehyung draws closer and puts his arms around him.

“It’s not your fault, Jiminie. Whatever she decides, it’s her decision.”

Jimin starts crying again.

“Right now the most important thing is to support her any way that you can.”

Jimin curls himself into a small ball, inching closer into Taehyung’s embrace.

“What if she doesn’t want to see me?”

“Oh Jiminie. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but I’m sure she just needs a little bit of time right now.”

“What if there is no time?”

“How far along is she?”

“Almost five months.” His voice is barely more than a whisper.

Taehyung doesn’t know enough about the development of a baby to tell whether that is a good thing or not, but judging from Jimin’s reaction he guesses it is not.

“There’s not much you can do Jiminie. Support her emotionally and financially as best as you can. But ultimately it’s her decision to make, even if you are the father. If you need any help, financially or otherwise, you can always ask me, okay?”

Jimin blushes and nods shyly.

They lie quietly in each other’s arms for a long time then. Both lost in their own thoughts. For once Taehyung is glad that he will probably never have children of his own. He can’t imagine what Jimin must be going through.

After a while, Taehyung remembers the tickets he got from Jin. He gently disentangles himself from Jimin’s embrace.

“Hold on, I need to get something for a second,” he says, when Jimin pouts, reaching for him. Jimin drops his arm back to the bed as if all energy left him. Taehyung feels so bad for his friend and so helpless for being unable to offer any proper advice. Getting a girl pregnant was something he would definitely never have to worry about. And as such he was a bit at a loss when it came to giving advice for such a situation. What he could give, however, was moral support and something else to distract him and look forward to.

He finds the ticket in the top drawer of his dresser and climbs back onto the bed with the envelope holding the tickets in his hands.

“I don’t know whether this is the right moment,” he says, suddenly a bit doubtful whether it was tactful to distract Jimin from his worries in such an obvious manner. Jimin looks at the envelope curiously.

“I was wondering, whether you’d join me?” Taehyung bites his lip.

Jimin carefully takes the envelope that the other boy is holding out to him. He opens it and takes out the two tickets. His eyes scan them quickly, double back, and then go wide. He looks at Taehyung in shock.

“Those are…”

“… tickets for a BTS fansign event, yeah. Jin got them for me. For us.”

“They must have cost a fortune!”

Taehyung immediately feels guilty for never having thought about that at all. He has never wondered how much Jin might have paid for them, because in their family it simply wasn’t an issue.

“I can’t accept this,” Jimin says, putting the tickets back into the envelope and shoving it back towards Taehyung.

“Please come with me! You’ll get to meet Suga there. Didn’t you always want to meet Suga?”

Jimin bites his lips, clearly torn. There’s some sort of emotional struggle reflected in his eyes, but Taehyung is unable to read the expression on the other boy’s face.

“I don’t know whether I should.” Jimin finally says quietly.

“Nonsense. If you’re thinking about your girl, as long as she isn’t ready to face you, there’s not much you can do. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t get to do something fun every once in a while. And you’ve been a fan of BTS for years now. This is the perfect opportunity to actually get to talk to them. Not just Suga, J-Hope and RM too! Maybe they can even give you some advice?”

Jimin bites his lips.

“Can I think about it for a bit? The signing event isn’t for another two weeks, right?”

“Sure, take your time. But it would be awesome if you could accompany me. It’d be so much more fun to go there with you than with any other friend.” The thought of Jungkook briefly enters his mind and he mentally amends that Jungkook would be okay as well. He feels guilty about the thought immediately though.

“I’ll think about it,” Jimin promises. He draws his legs up to his chest and this position makes him look so childlike and helpless that it breaks Taehyung’s heart. Not for the first time he wishes that there was more he could do for his friend.

~~~

Yoongi looks at the coffee cup with a frown. Jungkook has been bringing them in daily, and for a while now, he’s been noticing how the themes depicted changed. Obviously different artists had different styles and drew different things. Some of the designs were simple and generic, other ones artistic and colourful, yet others used more writing than images and then there was his favourite artist. The artist that time and time again managed to depict Yoongi’s heart with all its scars and insecurities as if he knew him. And he is starting to worry a bit about this particular artist. Because lately the cup designs from them have become dark and increasingly sad and lonely.

Today’s coffee cup is probably one of the saddest yet. It depicts a boy curled into a ball sitting under a house of cards. The caption underneath the drawing simply says: “Just waiting for the collapse…” giving the image a chilling undertone. It makes Yoongi feel deeply concerned about the artist. Sure, the loneliness and insecurities reflected in the drawings are what draws him to them so much in the first place. But he’s had experience with mental issues himself and knows that they are not to be taken lightly.

When Hoseok comes into their break room to get his bag, Yoongi is still holding the now empty cup and thinking about it.

“Are you letting the coffee cup muse kiss you again?” he jokes.

“Huh?”

“Oh, I just mean the way you’re staring at that coffee cup seems as if you’re about to devour it.” He inches closer. “What’s the drawing today?”

It’s no secret in the band that recently Yoongi has become obsessed with the coffee cups Jungkook brings in.

Yoongi reluctantly holds up the cup so Hoseok can see it. The younger boy takes it from Yoongi’s hand and looks at it closely.

“Poor kid. No wonder you like those drawings so much. They’re so much like you.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“This reminds me of you, when you’re in one of those moods. Just pushing everyone away, when you’re hurt. Waiting for the world to collapse around you and battling it out on your own.”

Yoongi looks at him, contemplating what the other boy said.

“It’s not healthy, Yoongi,” Hoseok says sternly. Then he sighs. “You and that coffee cup artist would be perfect for one another. Maybe if you were lonely together, you’d be less lonely?”

Yoongi opens his mouth to reply, then closes it again.

Hoseok ruffles through the older boy’s hair. “Just think about it, hyung. But please tell us if you feel down. If you ever need something, Namjoon and me are just around the corner,” he reminds him.

The younger boy waits for Yoongi to nod in acknowledgement, before grabbing his bag and leaving the room again.

Yoongi goes back to staring at the cup in his hand with a frown.

Chapter Text

A week has passed since Jimin’s tearful confession.

To Taehyung’s surprise nothing much changed. There are still a lot of open questions about Jimin’s story, but the younger boy is hesitant to ask. The entire situation is obvious a very delicate and personal issue for Jimin.

Who is that girl? How had they met? Why doesn’t she want to speak to Jimin? Why does she refuse an abortion if the pregnancy puts her at risk?

There are so many things that seem weird about this story. Probably mainly because getting a girl pregnant and then abandoning her, even if it was her wish, seemed so out of character for Jimin.

One thing Taehyung knows for sure now, though, is that Jimin is heterosexual, just as expected. It doesn’t mean that he would necessarily freak out if he were to find out about Tae being gay, but it certainly doesn’t make it easier to tell him about that part of himself either.

Taehyung sighs.

Jimin is a puzzle to him. Earlier this morning Jimin finally told him that he would not join him for the BTS fansign event after all. Taehyung doesn’t know anyone else who is as big a fan of the rap group as Jimin and yet Jimin declined to go.

Of course he can understand that Jimin has other things on his mind right now. But with Jimin not going, Taehyung now needs to urgently find someone else to go with him. Once again, thoughts of Jungkook pop into his mind.

He is impatient throughout his morning shift to see Jungkook. They still haven’t progressed beyond blushing and subtly flirting with each other and Taehyung aches to finally spend some actual time alone with Jungkook to get to know him. So when Jungkook finally enters the café at the usual time, Taehyung simply blurts out what has been on his mind for the entire day.

“Would you like to come to a BTS fansign event with me next Saturday?”

Jungkook looks at him disbelievingly and then bursts out laughing.

Taehyung can’t help but laugh as well, even though he does not quite get the joke.

“Did you just ask me on a date?” Jungkook finally asks.

Taehyung fiddles with a cup in his hand.

“It could be one if you’d want it to be…” he’s blushing like mad.

Jungkook’s grin gets even wider. Then his eyes soften.

„I’d love to go on a date with you, Taehyung...” he halts for a moment and Taehyung already senses the but, “…but not to the fansign on Saturday.”

Taehyung nods in understanding. “Not your type of music, huh?”

Jungkook grins. “Quite on the contrary actually. No, I actually have to work on Saturday. But if you have time after the fansign, how about we go grab dinner in the evening? I should be done with work at around 6pm.”

Taehyung’s smile lights up his whole face. Happiness spreads through his body as a weird tingly feeling that makes him understand the expression of having butterflies in your tummy.

“I’d love that!”

“Great!” Jungkook smiles. “Let me give you my number, so we can find each other on Saturday.”

Taehyung hands him a blank cup and a sharpie and Jungkook hastily scribbles his number on it.

The doorbell chimes, announcing a new customer and Jungkook shoots Taehyung another look. “Just text me, so I’ve got your number too. Looking forward to seeing you on the weekend!” He smiles, grabs his order and leaves. Taehyung is still too befuddled to do much else than stare after him in total shock until the next customer clears their throat.

***

“I’m going on a freaking date with Jungkook!”

Taehyung practically shouts into the phone as soon as Jin picks up.

“Woah. Hello to you, too, Taehyungie. What is it that I hear about your love life? It is actually moving forward?”

Taehyung is too happy to think about teasing Jin about the lack of his own romantic life. He’s so giddy and happy that he could fly! He simultaneously loves and hates the feeling of being in love. Wait. Being in love?

He pinches his cheeks, trying to bring back some traces of sense, but the happiness just bubbles up again in the form of a giddy smile.

If he isn’t in love with Jungkook yet, he knows he’s very close to falling head over heels for the younger bunny teethed guy.

“Congratulations, Taehyungie. Have fun on your date then I guess.” He chuckles teasingly, ready to hang up.

“Wait!” Taehyung shouts. “You’re not hanging up on me already, are you?”

“Um, actually I don’t really have time right now. I actually have a … um guest over?” The tension in Jin’s voice speaks volumes.

“Ooooh, so you are getting some after all. I was wondering how you did without it for so long,” Taehyung teases him.

“Goodbye, Tae.”

“Wait! There was actually a reason I called!”

“You mean besides telling me about your date with Jungkook?”

“Yeah. Jimin can’t come to the fansign. Would you join me? Jungkook has to work and I don’t really know anyone else I could go with.”

“So basically you’re saying I’m your third choice?”

“You’re my last hope, hyung. That’s a difference!”

“I’ll think about it, kay? Gotta go now. Talk to you later. Bye.” With that Jin simply hung up, leaving Taehyung a bit baffled.

***

Jin is actually quite excited about going to the BTS fansign with Taehyung. He honestly didn’t plan for this to happen when he got the tickets, but now that it is happening, he can’t wait to go. Of course he called Taehyung back not too long after his initial call to say that yes, he would be delighted to go.

He is currently standing in front of his wardrobe to pick out what to wear and feels like getting ready for his first date all over again.

Of course it’s not like it’s his first time meeting the boys from BTS. He’s actually seen them often enough in the past few years.

Tae would kill me if he knew, he thinks to himself wryly.

No, he’s mainly excited to see one guy in particular. And he can’t wait to see how he will react to seeing Jin.

Taehyung and Jin arrive to the signing venue ahead of time and wait in a queue along with hundreds of other fans.

“Oh my god, is that what it feels like to be a fan?” He wonders aloud.

“Hyung, we’re meeting BTS!” Jin can literally see the stars in Taehyungs eyes.

“Okay, Taehyungie. We’re going to go meet those idols. Don’t forget to give them those presents you and Jimin prepared in your excitement. They’re normal people, so there’s no need to freak out.”

“How can you be so calm?” Taehyung takes a deep breath before jumping around again. “This is really happening, isn’t it, hyung?”

Jin can’t hold back his laughter anymore. “It sure is, Taehyungie. I knew you were a fan, but I don’t think I ever realised to what extent!”

“We’re meeting Suga hyung, and J-Hope hyung, and of course RM hyung. Do you actually know their names? Omg, Jin, you need to know the basics, otherwise it’ll be embarrassing!”

“Just chill,” Jin laughs, “I think I know more than enough about them. A lot more than you think for sure. Give me some credit!” He puts on a mock insulted face.

Taehyung takes a deep breath to calm down again and nods. “Okay. That’s good then. You’re right, I can’t forget the presents. Not after making Jimin draw something on them as well.”

“Why’s Jimin not coming, anyway? Didn’t you say he was also a super fan?”

Taehyung frowns. “I guess, he has a lot going on in his private life right now. I feel really bad for him. He’s been down for the past few weeks and I’m starting to get worried.”

Jin becomes serious. “What’s he struggling with? He doesn’t have cancer, right? If it’s anything I can help with, like if he’s struggling with coming out or with his sexual identity or preference, you know I’m always there to help and listen and give advice.”

Taehyung gives a short laugh and shakes his head. “No, he doesn’t have cancer and he’s not struggling with coming out. It’s actually quite the opposite.” He looks at Jin for a long moment. “Hyung, can you keep this to yourself, if I tell you?”

Jin automatically leans in closer and just nods. “Of course, Tae, you know you can tell me anything.”

Taehyung nods in appreciation. “Okay, so Jimin… oh my god, why is it so hard to even say it out loud? I’ve been thinking about this non-stop since he told me about this and I just really need to share this with you to get a different opinion. Okay, so Jimin, he got a girl pregnant.”

Jin listens and nods carefully.

“That’s not all though. She’s refusing to get an abortion.”

“Abortions are illegal,” Jin points out.

“No, she’s been cleared to get one, because of some sort of medical complication. But she’s refusing to do it. And Jimin feels so guilty for putting her life in danger. I can’t imagine what he is going through.”

Jin is nodding slowly. “That does sound like a tough situation to be in. Are they together?”

Taehyung mutely shakes his head.

“I’m worried about him,” he confesses. “The writing on the cups, Jimin draws lately are full of so much pain. The reusable ones he made for today, too. Wanna see?” Before Jin can answer, Taehyung is already taking out the cups, Jimin had hesitantly decorated together with Taehyung.

The three of the cups together form a poem.

On J-Hope’s cup is the first line reading: “If it’s for you, I can act like I’m happy even when I’m sad.” It is joined by a smiling and dancing sunflower, representing Jimin and a small handwritten “thank you for your smile and for always giving me hope, hyung!” scribbled next to it. Taehyung added a heart shaped figure he often draws on his cups and did the background, using all of the colours he could find to give the cup a colourful and bright feeling despite the sombre text.

Namjoon’s cup has the second line, reading: “If it’s for you, I can act strong even when it hurts.” Again Taehyung and Jimin added their respective characters, Jimin making his flower weightlift Taehyung and cheekily adding “thank you for giving me the power to carry this guy, hyung!” and Taehyung promptly adds the complaint “oi I’m not that heavy!” to his character.

The last cup, Yoongi’s cup, Jimin took the longest with. He finally decided to go with the closing lines: “Hoping love will be perfected with only love. Hoping that all my weaknesses will be hidden. In this dream that won’t ever come true, I grew a flower that couldn’t be blossomed.” In this drawing Jimin’s sunflower holds a small unopened blossom to its stem. It took a while for Taehyung to come up with something for his character to do, before finally deciding to make his character face Jimin’s sunflower while meekly hiding a heart behind his back. They didn’t add any extra words for this one, feeling it would ruin the design if they did, as the poem itself was already longer.

The three parts of the poem allude to the latest album trilogy the band released, talking about things like happiness, standing up for oneself and loving oneself.

All in all Taehyung is quite happy with the result, even though Jimin’s poem itself is a bit more sombre than he would have done it.

Jin takes the cups and looks at them closely. He smiles when he sees the slim flower lifting Taehyung’s massive heart. His hand gently traces the two figures facing each other yet not looking at each other on Suga’s cup.

“It’s deep,” he finally says. “Suga will definitely like it. He likes contemplative stuff. And Namjoon will appreciate the humour. Hobi would love it regardless of what you drew, but the colours are definitely a bonus.”

Taehyung looks at him in surprise. “You do know their names,” he exclaims.

“Oi, did you ever doubt that?! Such a disrespectful brat!”

Taehyung just giggles, snatching the cups from Jin’s hand and safely stuffing them back into his bag.

After an hour or two of standing around waiting for the queue to start moving, they are finally let in. Two young guys – most probably BigHit trainees as Jin thinks – are handing out informational leaflets about proper conduct or something for the fansign. Jin doesn’t think much of it, until he feels Taehyung freeze up next to him. His eyes are glued to one of the trainees, a young looking boy with twinkling eyes and bunny teeth. Wait bunny teeth?

He looks back and forth between Taehyung and the boy and sure enough the boy finally notices the stares directed at him and waves at Taehyung.

Taeyhyung’s eyes are wide. “Jungkook?” he whispers in disbelief?

When they draw closer, he breaks out of the queue and makes his way over to the grinning boy.

“Told you I had work today,” Jungkook says as soon as Taehyung is in earshot.

“You did. But I never knew… this… you’re…” Taehyung is at a loss of words.

“I’m a trainee at BigHit,” Jungkook smiles in explanation, handing Taehyung one of the leaflets.

The line shuffles forwards.

“I’ll tell you the rest, tonight.” Jungkook winks, before lightly nudging Taehyung back into line. “Looking forward to our date, he whispers,” just as the other boy is leaving. “And have fun with the hyungs!”

Taehyung’s mind is a jumble. Jungkook is a trainee at BigHit? He’s actually working with BTS?

There’s so many questions running through his head and seeing Jungkook reminded him of just how attractive the younger boy was. Butterflies in his stomach at the prospect of their date replace the giddiness of meeting BTS and right now he just wishes for the fansign to be over already, so that he can go on that date with Jungkook.

Jin doesn’t even try to talk to Taehyung after realising how spaced out he is. He just pinches his cheek affectionately and tells him to smile and enjoy.

When it’s finally their turn to go meet BTS, Taehyung has recovered somewhat. However the fansign still passes in a blur. He just barely manages to not forget to hand them their gifts. He’s talking to Suga, the last member in line, when a commotion next to them draws their attention to Jin and RM. Taehyung’s eyes widen when he realises his cousin is being forcible escorted away by a staff member. RM looks after him with embarrassment on his face and Suga is simply laughing loudly?

Taehyung is seriously confused.

Wait. Jin was escorted away?!!!

He mumbles a short apology to Suga before dashing after Jin. What in the world did he do to be escorted away? Hadn’t he read Jungkook’s handout with the Do’s and Don’ts of a fansign at all?

He stops in his tracks when he realises he forgot to give Suga Jimin’s last cup. Biting his lip he looks at the exit, before deciding to go back, hand Suga the cup and go after Jin afterwards. It’s not like he could see Jin right now anyway. And Suga was the BTS member Jimin admired most.

So he hurries back, bowing in apology to the girl currently talking to Suga, bowing to Suga, mumbling his thanks on behalf of himself and Jimin and placing the cup on the signing table before bowing again and hurriedly walking away.

He finds Jin outside, leaning against the wall of the venue looking annoyed.

Taehyung rushes over to him as soon as he sees him.

“What the hell happened, hyung?!”

Jin rolls his eyes. “I was too handsome, and I stole their show so they kicked me out.”

Now it’s Tae’s turn to roll his eyes. “What did you do, hyung?”

Jin sighs. “I may have held Namjoon’s hands.”

“And?” Taehyung is not fazed. A lot of fans ask to be touched by their idols.

“I may have kissed his cheek, too.”

Taehyung gapes at his cousin.

“You did what? I didn’t know you knew anything about BTS, much less about you liking Namjoon.”

Jin blushes. “He’s handsome, okay,” he defends himself.

“Duh, all of them are insanely hot. Why do you think I like them so much?”

“Aha, so here the true reasons of fan worship are revealed. You just like their looks.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes again. “You know they’re more than that. I know even you are more than that.” His eyes soften. Jin and Namjoon really would make a good pair. Both tall and handsome. Both smart and kind. He really wishes Jin would find someone to love soon. Beneath his cool handsome prince façade, Taehyung knows Jin is lonely. And now that Taehyung is experiencing first-hand what falling in love can feel like, he wishes for his cousin to experience it too.

~~~

“I can’t believe Jin did that,” Namjoon groans.

“I can’t believe someone threw away my cup collection,” Suga seethes beside him.

“Guys,” J-Hope tries to soothe them, “no one died, okay?”

The other two ignore him.

“I was so embarrassed.”

“Everyone knows my studio is off-limits.”

J-Hope rolls his eyes.

“Jungkook will bring in new cups. And that kid at the fansign today gave us hand drawn cups, too. Did you even look at them yet? The writing was a bit weird but the drawing is super cute!” He turns to Namjoon. “And as for you, shouldn’t you be glad you got to see your boyfriend again this week? Aren’t you always complaining about how you guys only see each other once a week?”

Namjoon sighs. “Being a celebrity sucks.”

Yoongi nods distractedly. “I want to meet that barista.”

“Just ask Jungkook where he gets the coffee from each morning.”

“I couldn’t go there even if I knew. We’re famous, remember?” Yoongi says the last part bitterly. “Being a celebrity sucks,” he reiterates Namjoon’s words.

“Hey, be grateful for all we have. We’re well-off, don’t have to worry about getting paid for our songs anymore, don’t have to beg for people to listen to our albums. Namjoon was even freaking allowed to keep his boyfriend.”

Namjoon buries his face in his hand. “After today, I’m not so sure.”

“Oh c’mon, I thought it was hilarious.”

At that Yoongi cracks a smile too. “It was pretty funny,” he agrees. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you get quite as flustered. And he didn’t even kiss you on the lips.”

Namjoon blushes. “I just hope the managers won’t say anything.”

“There’s not much they can do,” Hoseok assures him. “You gave them their ultimatum when they found out two years ago and they chose to keep you and accept Jin hyung and you as a package deal. I’m still amazed they did that, to be honest.” Hoseok chuckles. “I thought for sure Bangtan was over and they would kick you out.”

“It’ll be harder for the freshies. At that point we were famous already. Jungkook said he’s going on a date tonight. It’s gonna be harder for him.”

Yoongi sighs. “I heard that, too. It’s a guy isn’t it?”

Namjoon nods. “Yeah. It’ll be tough. I mean look at me. I’ve been together with Jin hyung for almost five years now and yet nobody can know. Having to hide a relationship is not healthy.”

Yoongi looks at the floor in contemplation. “I don’t think Jungkook will become an idol, though. He’s talented, that much is clear. But I think he’s much better suited to be an editor or art director or something.”

Namjoon and Hoseok nod in agreement.

“I hope so for his sake. If he’s found someone he likes he should be able to be together with that person.”

Yoongi just hums. “In moments like this I’m glad I’m single,” he says.

“Don’t be such a grump, hyung,” Hoseok admonishes. “You’ll find a nice girl or guy, too.”

“After the last experience in that department I’m never even getting close to girls anymore. They’re scary as hell.”

Namjoon and Hoseok look at each other. There was the stalker again. It was clear that Yoongi is still not over that traumatic ordeal.

“It’ll be alright, hyung,” they promise. “We’re a team after all.”

Yoongi shrugs noncommittally. It’s like the drawing on the cup he thinks. One wrong move and the house of cards will crumble around him. Saying something wrong to a fan who is crossing a line. Falling in love with a person he is not supposed to be attracted to. Sleeping with the wrong person and being blackmailed.

There are so many things that could ruin a career.

Chapter Text

“So how was the fansign?” Jimin asks when Tae comes home early in the morning after spending all night with Jungkook. And no, they did not go to Jungkook’s place, the younger boy was living in a smelly dorm after all. No, Jungkook and Taehyung had simply walked around and ended up sitting at the river Han talking until the wee hours of the morning.

Taehyung is so wrapped up in memories of his date with Jungkook that meeting BTS at the fansign seems incredibly far away.

“Um, it was good I guess.”

Jimin nods, sensing that Taehyung does not want to talk about it just now.

“I’m going out today to meet a friend,” he says instead. “Just so you don’t worry.”

At that Taehyung looks up in surprise. He wasn’t aware that Jimin had any friends apart from him. Unless…

“Are you meeting your girl?”

Jimin blushes and he looks down at the ground, his smile tightening, making it look forced.

“I don’t think I’ll be seeing her again. Which is why I’m meeting with Taemin.”

“Who’s Taemin?”

Jimin wrings his hands nervously. “He’s someone I know from back home.” He doesn’t offer any more information and Taehyung is honestly too tired to question him.

“Okay, well, have fun!”

“Thanks,” Jimin whispers. He gives Taehyung a small smile before grabbing his jacket.

“Wait,” Taehyung suddenly calls. “Jin hyung wants to come over for dinner tonight and I invited Jungkook along as well.”

Jimin furrows his brows. “Who?”

“Jin hyung. My cousin.”

“I know about Jin-ssi. Who is the second person?”

“Jungkook. The guy that always comes to our coffeeshop.”

Recognition passes through Jimin’s eyes. There’s something else in them that Taehyung can’t quite decipher. “Will you be there? I want you to meet them. They’re two of the most important people in my life.”

Taehyung doesn’t notice Jimin shrink at those words. It’s almost instinctive, the way Jimin hunches his shoulders and wraps his arms around his middle.

“So, will you?” Taehyung’s voice is hopeful.

Jimin nods slowly. “If you want me to, I’ll be there.”

Taehyung claps his hands. “Awesome! Have a great day! And see you tonight!”

***

Jimin’s meeting with Taemin is awkward to say the least. Not only because Taemin is probably the person who knows Jimin best in the world, but also because of the surreptitious glances Taemin keeps mustering him with throughout their meal.

Of course Taemin has heard the rumours. Of course he knows that Jimin was fired from BigHit. He may have successfully hidden his past as a dance trainee from Taehyung, but there was no escaping a trip down memory lane when he was with Taemin. After all Taemin had been the one to encourage him to pursue his passion. He had also kindled all kinds of other passions in Jimin and if he had wanted him too, Jimin would have gladly given him all his firsts.

As it was, Taemin had refused the then sixteen year old boy, telling him he was too young for that sort of stuff. Jimin wonders what his life would be like if Taemin had accepted him back then.

Taemin had taken him in without hesitation, when Jimin needed a place to stay. They had lived together in Busan for two month, before he helped Jimin to move to Seoul, helping him to get a job and transfer to a high school there. His kindness and caring nature had made it so hard for Jimin not to hope that there could be more.

Jimin owed Taemin so much.

Why is it then, that he is feeling so defensive right now?

Taemin didn’t tell him off for losing the job he’d helped him to get. He also didn’t mention the rumours. But in a way that makes them even more present, hanging heavily between them. The untold truth.

The truth is, Jimin feels ashamed. For losing his job. For the rumours he knows are circulating about him and most of all he feels ashamed because most of those rumours are actually true.

Not the sleeping around part. Contrary to popular belief, Jimin has only ever been with two people. He has spent quite a lot of time with female idols, but contrary to the general opinion, he had never had affairs with any of them. The other rumours, however, the ones that make Jimin’s stomach coil uncomfortably whenever he thinks about them, are actually true.

And he knows Taemin has heard them and is just too polite to ask about them.

“I want to help you, Jimin.” Taemin says finally after another long awkward silence between them.

Jimin hunches his shoulders. “I’m fine.”

“We both know that is not true.”

Jimin shudders, clutching at his arms as if he is cold.

The truth is, if Taemin offered for them to get together right now, Jimin would probably accept. His emotions are all over the place these days and he is craving affection and physical intimacy more than anything. But there’s no way he would go back to Busan. Not even for Taemin.

“It’s alright. You don’t need to talk about it right now, if you’re not ready yet. But I want to help you. And I can only do that, if you tell me your side of the story.”

Jimin lowers his head, nodding slightly.

He doesn’t want Taemin to know. Maybe it’s childish, but Jimin has looked up to Taemin for as long as he can remember. Heck, he’s had a crush on him for just as long.

As he’s sitting together with Taemin, he wonders whether he still does. The physical attraction is definitely still there. He remembers the time when he did everything possible to seduce Taemin. It hadn’t worked then, but Jimin is older now. And used goods, he thinks bitterly. He remembers Taemin once saying that he liked virgins. Just not Jimin, apparently.

It was a mistake to come here, Jimin realises. He checks his time discreetly.

4:46pm

He could use the dinner with Taehyung and his guests as an excuse to ditch Taemin and the awkwardness, he thinks. Taemin notices his restlessness. “You need to go?” He asks, getting ready to pay their bill.

Jimin shuffles on his seat awkwardly. “Um yeah, I’m meeting my roommate and friends for dinner.”

Taemin smiles at him. “I’m glad you’re not alone.”

Jimin nods and smiles too.

Taemin takes his hand and squeezes it. “You’re tough, Jimin. Whatever it is that is bothering you, I’m sure you can work it out. And if there’s anything you need help with, you know how to find me.”

Jimin nods again, looking at his friend gratefully. Taemin grins, you’re like a baby brother to me, Chim,” he laughs, ruffling Jimin’s hair.

Jimin’s smile falls. “Let me pay the bill,” Jimin attempts, but Taemin just pushes him away. “Nonsense. I’m the hyung here, so I pay.”

“You’re not that much older,” Jimin protests.

“Old enough to get married,” Taemin disagrees, “that makes me an official grown-up, don’t you think? I was meaning to tell you. I got engaged.” He smiles at Jimin.

“You did?” Jimin’s voice breaks.

“Yes. You should meet her. I’m sure you’d love her.”

Jimin is not so sure about that.

“I’ll bring her, the next time I’m in Seoul. And in the meanwhile you’re always welcome to visit us in Busan.”

Jimin shakes his head. “You know I’m not going back there.”

A shadow hushes across Taemin’s face. “I know, Jimin. And I’m not asking you to. I just want you to know that Yoona and I will be there for you, no matter what. If you need anything at all, just give me a call.”

“Thanks, hyung,” Jimin manages to choke out.

___

Jimin arrives home about an hour later.

Jin is already there, cooking with Taehyung. Or rather Taehyung is cutting the vegetables and Jin is working his magic in making them edible.

“Hey Jimin,” Taehyung beams when he opens the door. Jimin steps inside quickly, looking around shyly.

Jin is anything but shy when he comes out of the kitchen. He’s wearing a pink apron and approaches Jimin with confidence.

Jimin bows as soon as he sees him. He keeps his eyes averted as he introduces himself.

“It’s nice meeting you, Jimin.” Jin smiles warmly. “I’m Jin. Please call me hyung.”

Jimin looks up at that and blushing softly he nods. Jin’s smile gets broader.

“You’re a real cutie, you know that?” the older man tells him after looking him up and down.

Jimin’s face turns scarlet at the praise. He bows again, mumbling his thanks.

Taehyung steps in before Jin can make Jimin feel even more uncomfortable. After the other boy’s experience at the dorm he feels kind of bad for Jin’s flirtatiousness. Maybe he should have told him not to do that beforehand. Or at least warn Jimin and tell him that that’s just the way Jin is. Oh well, too late now.

Thankfully, the awkwardness subsides and soon all three of them are cooking together cheerfully.

At eight o’clock the doorbell rings. Taehyung skips over to the door and opens it wide, greeting Jungkook with a broad grin and a peck on the lips. Thank god, Jimin was still in the kitchen and didn’t witness that part of the interaction, Taehyung thinks afterwards. After all, he was still not officially out to him.

Taehyung doesn’t introduce Jungkook as his boyfriend. He doesn’t know whether Jimin is ready to hear that yet. From the faces he’s making throughout the evening, he might already have drawn certain conclusions on his own, though, and found them to be distasteful. At least Taehyung thought that Jimin’s facial expressions looked as if he was either feeling really uncomfortable or found something really disgusting. And it couldn’t be Jin’s cooking for that was delicious as always.

It makes Taehyung sad to witness Jimin’s reactions.

The atmosphere has grown a bit tense too. Jin is making his best effort to lighten the mood by telling jokes and making puns, but Jimin just won’t relax around Jungkook. It doesn’t help that Jungkook keeps stealing glances at Jimin as well.

It’s just like the first time they met at the coffeeshop all over again. Only this time, Taehyung is anxious and not jealous. He wants his friends to get along.

Jin is trying to keep the small talk alive and starts asking the others about their professions.

“So what is it that you guys do? I mean I know Taetae here is still slaving away at that coffeeshop but how about you guys?”

Jungkook and Jimin are looking at him, then at each other, silently telling each other to go first. Finally Jimin turns back to Jin and says, “I’m working at the same coffeeshop with Tae at the moment. That’s actually how we met. Not much more to tell, I’m afraid.”

“Oh, that’s plenty enough,” Jin exclaims. “That coffeeshop is famous for its cup designs. So you working there means you’re a little artist.” He smiles kindly at Jimin, who blushes and mumbles his thanks again.

Jungkook clears his throat before speaking. “Well I’m fairly sure Tae has told you what I do, or you might have guessed from where we met last week.”

Jimin pulls his forehead together in a frown. They had met before?

Jin laughs. “You’re working for BigHit, right? I’m just not sure in what position. I’m guessing you’re a trainee?”

“Dance trainee, yeah. I started less than two months ago, so there’s still a lot for me to learn.”

Jimin tenses next to him, before forcing a smile. “You’ll be alright. I’ve seen you dance before. You’re talented.” His smile is kind yet sad at the same time.

“Wait, you’ve seen him dance before?” Taehyung asks curiously.

“He’s also worked at…”

“I saw some of the trainee videos on YouTube,” Jimin hastily interrupts Jungkook.

Jungkook looks at Jimin questioningly. You haven’t told Taehyung then? The question passes silently between them. Jimin blushes and shakes his head. Jungkook probably knows. He definitely knows that Jimin had danced at BigHit before Jungkook joined, which means he almost certainly heard the rumours of why he was fired as well.

Jimin turns away and tries to steer the conversation away from that particular time of his past.

“How was the signing event? You haven’t really had time to tell me about it yet.”

Jin lifts his eyebrows in disbelief but then readily launches his tale of how he was kicked out of the hall for kissing RM on the cheek.

Jimin finds he actually enjoys listening to Jin. The older man has a beautiful face and the same kindness and generosity that Taehyung has. And he is a great storyteller. He also immediately sensed that Jimin wanted to change the topic and did so unquestioningly and smoothly. Jimin looks at him gratefully and actually finds himself laughing at Jin’s tale.

“Namjoon-ssi must have been so shocked!” he giggles.

“He was mortified for the rest of the night,” Jungkook agrees giggling.

“Aww, my poor baby,” Jin sighs, looking sincerely regretful.

“Don’t worry, hyung,” Taehyung soothes him clapping on his shoulder, “at least you’ve left a lasting impression. He’ll definitely remember you, if he ever sees you again.”

“He damn better will,” Jin chuckles. “How did your date go, by the way?”

Taehyung’s eyes immediately look at Jimin in panic. There’s a closed off look in the older boy’s eyes that Taehyung doesn’t like seeing there. He looks over to his boyfriend, wondering what to say without hurting Jungkook or making Jimin uncomfortable.

“It was great,” he finally says.

The answer took him too long and Jungkook’s face tightens ever so slightly.

“That’s great,” Jimin says in a tight voice. It’s clear that he’s not interested in hearing more.

Jin looks at the three younger boys noticing the tension surrounding them. His eyes linger on Jimin, studying him carefully, as he has subtly done throughout the dinner. Jimin is sitting on his chair, his shoulders are hunched and his arms are loosely wrapped around his upper body. His lips are tight and Jin wonders whether the trembling in his lips is his attempt at holding back a sob.

Once again, Taehyung tries to diffuse the situation. “Let’s eat the dessert. It’s my mom’s recipe. She can’t cook for shit, but that apple tart is heaven, let me tell you.”

The change of topic doesn’t work.

Talking about their moms’ most delicious recipes puts Jimin right on edge again. Belatedly, Taehyung remembers that Jimin never once mentioned his family. Jimin keeps quiet throughout their conversation. When everyone has finished their slice of cake, Jimin gets up and offers to wash the dishes.

Taehyung jumps up too and panic flares across Jimin’s eyes. Jin notices and gently tugs Taehyung down with him.

“Thank you Jimin,” he says. “I’m sorry that the kitchen is so small, otherwise we’d all help you.”

The kitchen is small, yes, but they had just about managed to cook together the three of them earlier that night.

Jimin sends Jin a grateful smile. “You guys go on and talk, I’ll join you when I’m done.”

Jimin takes a long time with the dishes.

Taehyung gets up several times only to be pulled back down by Jin. “Let me go and talk to him,” the eldest man finally says. Taehyung doesn’t protest when Jin gets up. He takes the hand Jungkook offers gratefully.

“This night is such a mess,” Taehyung groans. “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s not your fault, hyung,” Jungkook whispers.

“No it is. I never told Jimin I was gay, let alone about us.” He hangs his head and then glances over to the kitchen guiltily. “He’s had bad experiences with other gay men. That’s why he was reacting the way he did. He’s a nice guy usually, I swear.”

Jungkook rubs soothing circles into his boyfriend’s hands.

“You don’t need to justify anything, baby,” he says fondly. “And I think there’s a lot more going on than we think. I only know rumours about Jimin hyung.” He hesitates. “It’s not my place to tell if he didn’t tell you yet.”

Taehyung narrows his eyes. “How come you know so much about Jimin?”

Jungkook sighs. “As I said, it’s not really my place to tell. All I can say is that we worked for the same company.”

“Jimin was at BigHit?!”

The younger boy looks away guiltily. Finally he nods. “You’ll have to ask him about anything else you want to know, though. I only became a trainee there after he had already left.”

Taehyung nods slowly, still turning over the piece of information he just received. It would explain how Jimin could flawlessly dance to almost any song that came on in the radio while they were working. If Jimin worked at BigHit before, chances were he also knew the members of BTS and other idol groups. If the girl Jimin got pregnant was an idol… It would explain so much. The secrecy, his hesitancy to tell Tae anything concrete. This could be a huge scandal and Jimin would be right smack in the middle of it.

***

Meanwhile Jin has joined Jimin in the kitchen. Jimin is still doing the dishes, although it is clear from the amount he has already done that he has taken his time doing them.

“Change of shifts,” Jin announces cheerfully.

Jimin doesn’t turn around. “It’s okay, hyung. I’ll finish the dishes. You can go back outside with the others. I’ll be right there.”

Jin leans against the fridge studying Jimin attentively. The younger boy looks tense.

“Nah, I’ll hang out with you if that’s alright. Give the lovebirds some space, if you know what I mean.”

Even from behind, Jin sees Jimin flinch at his words. He frowns. Something is going on between Jimin and the others, something the others probably don’t know about.

Suddenly there’s a loud clatter as Jimin drops something into the sink. Jin startles, but then rushes over to the younger boy in concern. Jimin’s face is twisted into a grimace as he presses his hands against his stomach.

Jin looks around hastily, before seeing the kitchen chair and pulling it close for Jimin to sit on.

“What’s wrong,” Jin asks crouching next to Jimin.

Jimin waves him off, his face still twisted in a grimace. “I’m alright,” he grits out breathlessly. He struggles to breathe in again.

“You obviously aren’t.” The older boy’s eyes drift across Jimin’s body knowingly.

Taehyung and Jungkook come into the kitchen then.

“Everything alright?” Taehyung asks in concern.

“I’m fine,” Jimin repeats, forcing a smile. Jin keeps watching him with concern.

“Did Jin hyung say something to upset you?” Taehyung asks carefully.

Jimin shakes his head quickly, not meeting Taehyung’s eyes. “I’m alright,” he repeats.

“Jimin,” Taehyung begins hesitantly, “if this is about Jungkook and me…” he trails off hesitantly.

Jimin closes his eyes.

“I just want you to know, I’m still the same person. I’m still Taetae. And I would never do anything like those men in your dorm did.”

Jimin shudders at the memory.

Jin is studying Jimin carefully. “Tae, don’t worry about it. That’s not the problem here.”

Taehyung opens his mouth in protest. “But Jiminie didn’t know. I never told him. I’m so sorry you had to find out like this.”

“Tae,” Jin interrupts him gently but firmly. “Can you and Jungkook go and get us some ice cream for dessert. You know the matcha ice cream they sell at the seven eleven down the street? I think that’ll help the most right now.”

His cousin stares at him with his mouth open. “You want me to get ice cream? Right now?”

Jin looks at him, trying hard to convey a message through his eyes. “I want you and Jungkook to go and get us some ice cream, yes.” It’s code for get the hell out of here so I can talk to Jimin alone.

Jungkook gets it faster and pulls Taehyung to stand up with him. “We’ll be around half an hour. Is that alright hyungs?”

Jin nods his thanks, but Jungkook waits until Jimin gives him a thumbs up too, before he turns around and pulls Taehyung along with him. The two guys in the kitchen wait until they hear the door close before moving.

Jin sighs. “Let’s go to the sofa. Is it alright to move?”

Instead of answering, Jimin simply gets up. He’s fine again, although the pang of pain he’d felt just know scared him. Jin also scares him. Not in a physical way. Not like the guys at the dorm had scared him. But Jimin is afraid of the emotions Jin could unearth in him.

When they are sitting in the living room, facing each other, Jin takes Jimin’s hand. The younger boy’s hand is cold.

Jimin doesn’t flinch at the contact, which Jin takes as a good sign.

“Tae told me about the girl you got pregnant.”

The younger boy tenses.

“You didn’t get a girl pregnant,” Jin says confidently. “Somebody got you pregnant.”

Chapter Text

“You didn’t get a girl pregnant,” Jin says confidently. “Somebody got you pregnant.”

Jimin gasps, wrapping his arms around himself.

“I’m a man,” he protests, his voice barely more than a whisper.

Jin’s eyes become gentle. “You’re also a carrier.”

Jimin draws his legs up to his chest, curling himself into a ball.

“How do you know?” he whispers, not bothering to deny it anymore.

The older boy sighs. “I always wished I was a carrier. I wanted to have a child and couldn’t imagine anything more beautiful than carrying it myself.” He sighs. “I’m not a carrier. The only way I’ll ever have a child myself is if I adopt, but for that you need to prove you’re in a stable relationship.”

Jimin lays his head on his knees. “I’m sorry,” he says, not knowing what else to say.

“Don’t worry about it.”

They are quiet for a bit.

“You are pregnant, right?” Jin asks again to confirm his suspicions.

Jimin closes his eyes. A single tear oozes out from between his closed eyelids as he nods.

Jin moves closer, gently laying his hand on Jimin’s shoulder in a gesture of support.

“Taehyung doesn’t know, does he?”

Mutely, Jimin shakes his head.

Jin sighs. There’s so many secrets floating around everywhere. He hesitates before asking the next question. “Tae… he is not the father, is he?”

Again, Jimin shakes his head. His shoulders hunch down, making him seem even smaller.

Jin inwardly breathes a sigh of relief. If Tae had been the father things would have gotten really messy. Which doesn’t mean they can’t get messy anyway.

“You would like for him to be the father though,” Jin observes quietly.

This time Jimin looks up in surprise. “It’s not Tae’s,” he says.

“But you like him.” Jin guesses.

Jimin catches on. “Not like that,” he quickly denies.

Jin looks at him thoughtfully. “Then why are you so upset about seeing him with Jungkook?”

Jimin blushes. Was it that obvious, that he felt uneasy in Jungkook’s presence? He sighs, ducking his head. He debates whether to be honest, but is too tired not to be “I’ll have to move out soon.”

Jin frowns in confusion. “Move out?”

This time Jimin is confused. “Tae didn’t tell you? I’ve been living with him for the past few weeks.”

Jin looks around the apartment. There’s no trace of another person living there and Tae’s room is too small for them to keep all of Jimin’s belongings hidden in there. Plus the bed is too small to fit both of them comfortably. It’s also weird that Taehyung never said anything about it. More secrets…

Jimin shrugs. “I knew it’d happen sooner or later. I just thought I might have a bit more time.”

Jin looks at the younger boy pityingly. Jimin looks so tired right now, so exhausted.

“I’ll have to stay until I get my pay check from the coffeeshop.”

“I’m sure Tae won’t mind even if you stay longer.”

Jimin shakes his head. “He wants to be with Kookie. I get that. If you find someone you love and they love you back, you have to fight for them.”

Jin thinks about Namjoon. About how rarely they see each other lately. But then he also remembers all the talks and meetings they had gone through to be allowed to stay together. They had fought to be together before, maybe they should fight for each other again?
He wonders what stories of love Jimin has to tell.

“I don’t know what to do,” the younger boy confesses quietly then. “I can’t afford more than a shared dormitory right now, assuming I can keep working.”

Not for the first time that night, Jin wonders what had happened to Jimin’s parents.

Jimin tightens his arms around his knees. “It’ll be fine,” he says, nodding to himself. “Even if they do something, I’ll be alright. After all, they can’t get me pregnant anymore.” He cracks a smile. There’s no mirth in it. Jin’s heart clenches at the sight.

“What do you mean?” he asks not quite understanding.

A tear slides from Jimin’s eyes. “I’ll be alright,” he simply repeats as if convincing himself.

Jin is just about to ask him once more, what he is talking about, when the other boys come back. Half an hour sure has passed quickly!

There is a brief bout of awkwardness when Taehyung and Jungkook see them sitting together on the couch close enough to touch. Jin quickly scoots away a bit.

“We brought the ice cream,” Taehyung says hesitantly.

Jimin sits up clapping his hands. There’s a wide smile on his face. Jin wonders how much energy it costs him to put it there.

“I love ice cream!” Jimin exclaims, “thank you so much!”

***

Jin leaves around 10pm. Namjoon is coming over tonight and as much as he would have loved to stay longer and talk to Jimin, he also won’t miss a chance of seeing his boyfriend.

It’s almost midnight, when Namjoon finally comes home.

Jin gets up from the sofa he’d been waiting on.

“You’re late tonight, babe,” he says, walking over to the door. The two men kiss, before Namjoon wraps the older man into his arms. “I missed you,” he mumbles, tightening his arms. Jin closes his eyes hugging him back.

“Missed you too,” he sighs. They stay like this for a while. Wrapped in each other’s arms, breathing in the other’s scent. Finally Jin steps back and makes a show of brushing off imaginary dust off the rappers jacket, before helping him take it off.

“Thanks, babe.” Namjoon smiles at him. Jin can’t resist kissing him again.

After a small late-night dinner and the more or less inevitable make out session caused by Namjoon smearing the dessert’s cream all over himself, Jin and Namjoon are lying next to each other on their bed. As much as Jin enjoys being with his boyfriend, he can’t stop thinking about Jimin.

“I was at Tae’s today,” he begins.

Namjoon hums, lazily twisting a strand of Jin’s hair in his fingers. This is the longest Jin’s hair has ever been.

“I met a boy there.”

Namjoon stills his movement. When Jin doesn’t continue immediately, he props himself up on his elbow to see his boyfriends face more clearly. Jin returns his look with tenderness.

“He was pregnant.”

“Oh Jin,” Namjoon whispers. He knows how much Jin wished to be a carrier to have those rare genes that make it possible for males to conceive. Jin buries his face against Namjoon’s shoulders sighing quietly. The younger man gently lets his hands drift over his boyfriends bare back. Goosebumps immediately form as a response. Jin moans quietly. Namjoon lets his other hand wander all over the older man’s body.

“You don’t know how much I would love to put a child in you,” Namjoon whispers huskily, resting one of his hands dangerously close to Jin’s backside. Jin moans breathlessly, instinctively grinding back against that hand. He pants when he feels Namjoon’s finger gently teasing his opening. He’s torn between letting his boyfriend continue and talking about what’s been running through his mind all night. With tremendous effort, he gently pushes Namjoon away.

The younger boy immediately backs off. “Did I do something wrong?” he asks, a hint of panic clearly audible in his voice.

Jin leans in to kiss him. “No,” he promises, “and we’ll continue this,” he moves his hands to Namjoon’s crotch, “real soon.” He looks at the younger man with desire in his eyes. Namjoon swallows at the sight of Jin’s beautiful face.

“There was something I wanted to talk about with you first though.”

Namjoon blinks, then clears his throat. He’s painfully hard under the soft material of his boxers and the older boy knows it. “I’m all ears,” he groans, lying back down.

Jin looks at his lover tenderly. He snuggles close to him and waits until Namjoon pulls him closer against himself, before speaking.

“You know how I’ve always wanted to have someone to take care of?”

It is no secret that Jin is a very caring person. It’s one of the things Namjoon loves about him.

He brushes one of his hands over Jin’s head. “You mean our cats and sugar gliders aren’t enough for you anymore?” he teases. They had talked about adopting a kid a couple of times now. But it had always been implied that that was for some time down the road, when Namjoon’s career had slowed down a bit and he actually had time to take care of a child and was allowed to tell the public about dating a man.

Jin sighs. “I know we can’t take on the responsibility of caring for a child right now. Not when we haven’t even told my family that we’re dating yet.”

Namjoon waits patiently for Jin to gather his thoughts. All the while he keeps caressing the older man’s skin tenderly. The heat from moments before had changed into a feeling of warmth and comfort.

“I know we can’t adopt a child in our current situation. But Jimin needs someone right now. You should have seen him. Tae doesn’t know he’s pregnant. Jimin thought he’d get kicked out by him if Tae knew.” He closes his eyes. “Jimin really needs someone, and I want to be there for him.”

Namjoon’s hand had stilled while Jin was talking. He now gently takes up the slow caresses again. “You’re such a kind person,” he whispers, pressing his lips to Jin’s neck. Jin smiles, pulling Namjoon’s face closer, so he can kiss his lips. “Love you, too, Joons,” he smiles.

They look into each other’s eyes smiling stupidly.

“It sounds like you already made up your mind,” Namjoon finally breaks the comfortable silence. “So you’re asking me if I’m okay with it?”

Jin sighs. “It’d be a big change for us both.”

“You’d invite him to live here,” he realises.

Jin nods. “I’ve got the space. I don’t even know how he fits in Tae’s apartment with Tae. They’re either sleeping totally cramped on that tiny bed of his, or one of them is taking the couch, and considering how tiny that thing is I don’t think it’d be Tae.” Jin pauses thinking about his words carefully. “Jimin needs a proper place to stay. Male pregnancies are not easy to begin with and as far as I know Jimin is alone in this.”

Namjoon sighs. “We’ll have to think about what it means for us. Do we tell him?” He suddenly chuckles and then groans. “Aish, where are we gonna have sex? It’s too risky at the dorm, if our manager walks in and I really don’t want the other two boys to hear. And if Jimin is living here…”

Jin hits him on the shoulder. “That’s your biggest concern?!” he cries out indignantly. But even he can’t help laughing.

“Jimin can stay in the lower guest room on the ground level. It’s far enough away from the master bedroom that he won’t hear anything when all doors are closed. And not having to walk stairs is probably better in his case anyway.”

“I see you’ve got it all figured out already,” Namjoon grins. His smile fades a bit when he thinks about what this could mean for their relationship.

Echoing his thoughts, Jin whispers, “I don’t think we’ll get around telling him about us, though. We can try for now, but to be honest, I’m tired of all the secrecy anyway.”

Namjoon tightens his hold on the older boy. He knew this was coming. He had known it from the moment Jin had walked into that fansign room. If he kept pretending Jin didn’t exist to the rest of the world, he would eventually lose him. He couldn’t let that happen. He had to change something soon.

“Promise me, this won’t change anything about us.”

Jin looks at him gently. “It won’t change anything about us, Joonie. We’ll just get to have a temporary addition to our non-existent family.” He grins lopsidedly when he sees the confusion in Namjoon’s eyes.

“Don’t worry, babe. I love you too much to risk us for this.”

“Love you too,” Namjoon says tenderly. “Well, seems like you’ve got it all figured out then. So I’d say just go for it.”

A wave of affection overcomes Jin and he flings himself on top of his boyfriend, kissing the living daylights out of him. And with that they finally resume what they had started earlier.

Chapter Text

By the time Taehyung gets up the next morning, Jimin is already making breakfast. Taehyung walks into the kitchen in his boxers and a tank top, before remembering that the other boy now knows about him being gay and being in a relationship. He hesitates at the door when he sees Jimin already seated at the kitchen table, thinking about slinking back into the room to put on something a bit more appropriate. Jimin, however, doesn’t seem fazed at all by Taehyung’s appearance and smiles at him.

“Good morning, Taetae,” he greets him brightly.

“Morning,” Taehyung mumbles back, leaning against the wall nervously. There’s a short awkward silence. “About yesterday,” he begins haltingly, “I’m sorry for not telling you about Jungkook and me. It must’ve been a shock and I’m so sorry for hiding that from you.”

Jimin shakes his head in disagreement. Guilt flares up when he thinks of the even bigger secret he has been withholding from Taehyung all this time.

“I’m perfectly alright, Tae. I’m happy for you guys.”

“But, I’m gay. I don’t want you to be scared of me, that’s why I didn’t tell you. I’m nothing like those guys at your dorm!”

Jimin, who had continued chopping up vegetables for their breakfast looks up in shock. Seeing how regretful the younger boy looks, he immediately gets up to comfort him.

“I’m not upset about this, Tae. It’s okay to love who you love. Whether that is a girl or a guy. I have met plenty of gay men in my life.”

“Those guys at the dorm...”

“Fuck those guys at the dorm. They don’t count. Those are simply creeps nothing else. Don’t feel uncomfortable. You don’t have anything in common with those creeps.” He smiles at Taehyung gently. “I really don’t have anything against gay people, seeing as how I’m gay myself.” He blushes and looks down.

“Wait, what?”

Jimin blushes even more. “It’s not something I talk about much,” he says quietly. “There’s a lot of things I find difficult to talk about. I should probably tell you, but I really don’t know where to begin.” He sits down again and twists his hands in his lap nervously.

Taehyung smiles then. “That’s alright. I’m not much better either. Just tell me whatever you’re comfortable sharing.”

Jimin nods gratefully. He chuckles then before saying, “well, I’m gay.”

Taehyung chuckles, too.

“That explains Jin’s message,” he finally says. “He asked for your number.”

Jimin looks up at his roommate in shock. “Jin asked for my number?” His cheeks are flushed a bright red. Was Jin interested in him? His hands instinctively come to rest on his small baby bump.

Did he want Jin to be interested in him?

There was definitely someone he wanted to be interested in him.

The image of a certain cocky, confident rapper flashes through his mind. He tries to push away all thoughts of Yoongi and ends up thinking about Taemin. Shit. The two boys he’d had major crushes on in his life. And now there might actually be someone else? Someone who actually showed interest in him for a change? He can’t really believe it. Jin knows about his pregnancy. There’s no way he would want used goods like him.

Taehyung seems to notice the internal struggle in Jimin’s eyes. “Jin’s a good guy,” he promises, “he’d take good care of you.”

Jimin swallows down the lump that forms in his throat. There isn’t much he can reply to this. It’s obvious to him that Taehyung wants to get rid of him as quickly as possible, and after seeing him with Jungkook first-hand he totally understands why. They’d be living together in no time, for sure.

So when Taehyung asks whether he should give Jin Jimin’s number, the pregnant boy just smiles sadly and agrees.

***

Jimin visits Jin at his house a couple of days later. It’s not like he desperately wanted to see the other man again. Jin was nice and all, but it’s not like he had a crush on Tae’s cousin, despite the older man’s mindboggling handsomeness. However, Jimin knows that Jin’s interest in him is a chance he cannot afford to pass up on. In the last few days he’s seen Jungkook almost daily and at the speed Taehyung and Jungkook are dating it is only a matter of time until Tae will ask Jungkook to move in with him. Which is only possible, if Jimin is out of the picture. Which in turn brings Jimin into his current situation.

He’s sitting on Jin’s luxurious sofa, trying hard not to be too obvious about how awestruck he is about everything.

Jin is nothing but the perfect host, showing him around the spacious living room and kitchen, showing him the bedroom on the ground floor and the luxurious bathroom.

And now, after comfortable chitchat about random stuff and drinking water from fancy glasses, made even fancier by the slices of lemon Jin expertly stuck on to them, the older man suddenly comes out with the most absurd proposal Jimin has ever heard.

“Move in with me.”

Jimin sputters, spitting out the water he just drank.

“What?” he asks, not trusting his ears.

Jin looks at him, his face dead serious as he repeats his offer.

“Move in with me.”

Jimin blushes profusely. Surely Jin wasn’t hitting on him? This beautiful man couldn’t possibly be insinuating that Jimin of all people was worthy of living in a luxurious house with a perfect man, right?

When Jin doesn’t crack a joke but keeps looking at him expectantly, Jimin suddenly realises that the other man might indeed be serious. A million thoughts a minute race through his mind. His worries about his future and the future of his child, memories of how uncomfortable it is to sleep on Tae’s sofa, and then there are the images of Yoongi. Memories? Imagination? Who knows. All Jimin knows is that he yearns for the other man, body and soul.

Which is why he knows he can’t possibly accept Jin’s offer.

“I’m flattered,” he says, blushing shyly, “but I don’t think that’d be a good idea right now.” He trails off uncertainly.

Jin snorts, “I wasn’t insinuating a relationship, silly. You need a place to stay and I have a lot of space. And if you move in here with me, it’ll be fun. We can have fun together the two of us, right? It’ll be just like with Tae, only that I’m more handsome.” He winks.

Jimin’s heart clenches. Even though he was the one who didn’t want to enter into a relationship at the moment, it still hurts to know that Jin discarded the idea so quickly. Is he really only good for having fun? For having a quick casual fuck with, no strings attached?

Jimin wraps his hands around his belly. The baby bump is slowly starting to become undeniable.

No strings attached, huh. There’s no such thing as casual sex. Not in Jimin’s world. Not when he is currently tied down and entangled by those very same strings whose existence Jin ignores with his proposal to have fun together. Jimin knows that it’s not a good idea. He knows his heart wouldn’t be in it. Yet his mind tells him he has to consider the option all the same. He can’t afford to reject help now. Not after what the doctor told him at his last check-up.

Jimin closes his eyes. He feels trapped. He doesn’t particularly fancy sleeping with Jin, even though the other male is definitely attractive and Jimin’s hormones have been all over the place lately. Yet he desperately needs a place to stay. He knows he can’t stay at Tae’s tiny apartment forever. And he’d rather sleep with Jin voluntarily than get raped by a bunch of guys in a shitty dorm.

“I won’t be able to afford to pay much rent,” he finally says quietly, hoping beyond hope that they could find another deal that wouldn’t involve Jimin essentially prostituting himself.

Jin immediately waves him off. “Don’t worry about money. The house is mine and I’d be happy if you want to join me for meals too. Really, all I’m asking for is some company. I get a bit lonely, when I’m here all by myself.” He chuckles then, “sure I have some cats and two sugar gliders, but animals can’t always replace human company, if you know what I mean.” He winks again, smiling at the younger boy mischievously.

Jimin knows what he means. And he also knows what it would mean for him. Was he so desperate already that he could sleep with someone in exchange for a place to live? Could he even go through with that, he wonders. It would be an easy solution to so many problems. And all it would take is making Jin happy occasionally. He could do that, right? He might even enjoy it too and satisfy his body’s craving.

While Jimin is having an internal struggle between his head and heart, Jin is being plagued by different questions. Ever since confirming his suspicions about Jimin’s pregnancy he’s been wondering about many things.

“Are you in contact with the father?”

Jimin blinks at the unexpected question before he slowly shakes his head.

“Have you talked to him at all?”

Jimin shrinks into himself.

“I don’t know for certain that it’s him…” he trails off in embarrassment.

“Oh” Jin just says.

Jimin cringes. Why did he say that? Now Jin will assume Jimin is used to sleeping around and expect him to be nonchalant about stuff like this. He mentally curses himself.

Jin clears his throat. There’s awkwardness between them, when Jin finally breeches the topic he is now really worried about.

“I asked Tae about your living conditions,” he begins hesitantly.

Jimin shrinks into himself in embarrassment.

“He said you were almost raped in your dorm. Is the baby…?” he trails off awkwardly.

Jimin gasps in surprise at the insinuation. He shakes his head quickly, placing his hands on his baby bump protectively.

“No, it’s got nothing to do with that. I escaped in time from that. This baby…,” he sighs, wondering just how much he should tell Jin. “It’s complicated. I had a crush on its father for the longest time.” He shakes his head. “I was drunk, I don’t know whether I slept with him or someone else. I don’t know and until I can prove it, I can’t talk to him.” The brokenness Jimin feels at that admission is reflected in his voice and Jin gently touches him on the arm.

“Can’t you just tell him you think he is the father? Maybe he remembers that night better than you do,” he suggests gently.

Jimin pulls his legs up to his chest as far as the baby bump allows, wrapping his arms around his knees.

“It’s more complicated than that. I’m legally not allowed to talk about this at all. Technically I’m breaking the contract even by telling you about this. If people were to suspect he got me pregnant,” Jimin shudders, “they’ll prosecute me. They’ll take me to court. I can’t afford to go to court, hyung. I can’t afford it!”

“Shh, it’s alright Jiminie.”

Jimin hadn’t even noticed that he was crying again. Stupid hormones. Jin sits with him, gently pulling Jimin into an embrace and soothing him like a small child. Jimin decides it feels nice. Maybe staying with Jin wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Jin pulls him out of his thoughts by another question. “Who are they?”

Jimin pulls away slightly. “I’m not allowed to talk about it,” he mumbles evasively.

“So the guy doesn’t know about you and the baby at all?”

Jimin hangs his head in shame. “I wrote him a letter. So I think he knows. He hasn’t contacted me though, so I assume he isn’t interested in us.” He rubs his belly absentmindedly. “But after the baby is born, I’ll try to get a paternity test done and if it really is his, I’ll try to get him to pay for the medication at least. He can afford it.”

“Medication?”

Jimin freezes. Crap, he had said too much again. His lower lip begins to tremble.

“Jimin, you can tell me anything. I swear I won’t tell anyone about this.”

The younger boy has wrapped his arms around himself and is rocking back or forth, warring with himself. It would feel so good to talk about his fears with someone. But the contract… His emotional needs win.

“I went to my doctor again last week,” he begins haltingly.

Jin nods his head in encouragement.

“She said… she said there might be complications with the pregnancy.” His rocking becomes frantic.

Jin is nodding carefully. “Male pregnancies are prone to be a bit bumpy,” he agrees, smiling wryly.

“She cleared me for getting an abortion,” Jimin whispers emotionlessly. A soft gasp is the only indication that Jin has understood what that means. But Jimin is already continuing to talk. “I thought about going through with it. I really did. I considered it. But then I felt it.” He halts his rocking. Slowly lowering his feet back to the ground he caresses his belly. His expression is filled with tenderness. Jin lets him talk and simply listens.

“I felt the baby move. I felt it saying hello to me. I couldn’t abort her or him after that, hyung. I couldn’t.” Tears are oozing from his eyes.

“I have to take medication now to reduce the risks.” He chuckles mirthlessly. “I could tell my doctor was not happy with my decision. But how could I kill my baby after feeling her or him nudge me so gently?” He shudders. “My doctor said that if I took the medication we could increase the chance of nothing going wrong. So that’s what I’m doing.” He shrugs.

For once Jin is speechless. When he had first suspected Jimin of being a male carrier he had only marvelled at the fact that the boy might be pregnant. He would have never expected the entire emotional baggage around his situation. He takes Jimin’s hand and squeezes it gently.

“If you like your baby daddy, why don’t you just tell him? No one should have to go through something like this alone.”

“I can’t risk it,” Jimin immediately shakes his head. “If they take me to court, I won’t be able to afford the medication anymore. It’s tight as it is.” He’s feeling embarrassed again.

Very quietly he adds. “I’m also afraid that they’ll stall time with juristic measures until I can’t afford the medication anymore and our child dies. They’d be rid of the two of us for good that way.” Jimin had never acknowledged that fear before. But as he says it out loud, he knows that he could never risk that happening.

Jin rubs soothing circles into Jimin’s hand.

“Shh, baby boy. I’m here for you. I still don’t know who they are, but screw them. You’ve got us. Me and Tae and Jungkook. We’ll take care of you, don’t worry. Just move in here. I already prepared the guest bedroom on the ground floor for you. I didn’t tell Tae anything about the baby yet, I figured that’s something he should find out from you. But we’ll be there for you all steps of the way.”

Jimin squeezes the older man’s hand. And just for the moment he allows himself to believe everything will be okay.

Chapter Text

Jimin wakes up in an unfamiliar bed, tucked in tightly. He is disoriented at first. The room around him is beautifully decorated, and the bed he notices is softer than anything he has slept on in years.

Except for maybe that other bed in that hotel room… Memories of that other bed bring on an onrush of anxiety. Has he done it again? Slept with someone without remembering? Waking up without knowing where he was or what happened the night before? He sits up abruptly.  Did he sleep with Jin?

He gingerly lets his hand drift below the waistband of his boxers, which he discovers with relief he is at least still wearing. He breathes another sigh of relief when his hand doesn’t encounter any stickiness or other tell-tale signs of sexual activities. He didn’t think he did anything, but after his past experience he doesn’t exactly trust his memories anymore.

He leans back against the headboard, letting out a deep sigh. He rakes his hand through his hair, before letting it drop to the sheets.

He needs to tell Jin he cannot do this.

He cannot sleep with him in exchange for… in exchange for what? Help? Security? Being cared for?

Somewhere in the back of his mind Jimin also knows that he’s yearning for someone very specific to care for him. He supresses the wish, knowing it would not come true. You’re stupid, he tells himself over and over again. As if that would somehow help in dispelling his feelings.

He’s not interested in you, he reminds himself sternly. And now that you’re getting fat and ugly, he wouldn’t even spare you a glance if you happened to cross paths. Jimin wonders then whether he would even have the courage himself to talk to the older man if he did happen to see him by some miracle. Probably not, he realises. That guy looks down on people who are weak. And right now I’m not sure I can pretend to be strong. He thinks back to the cup he drew for Namjoon wistfully. If only.

He decides to tell Jin straight away that he can’t possibly accept his offer.

He smells the delicious scent of food wafting in from outside the room, so he knows Jin is out and about already. Jimin gets up, putting on his clothes from the day before that he finds neatly folded on a chair next to the bed. He then gingerly opens the door and hesitantly follows the scent of cooking to the kitchen.

Jin is standing at the stove, humming merrily a melody the younger boy doesn’t recognise.

Jimin leans against the door, feeling a bit awkward. He wrings his hands nervously and wonders what to do.

Jin notices his presence then. Smiling at him brightly he asks, “how was your night? Did you sleep well?”

Jimin nods, shyly. “Thank you for letting me stay.”

Jin smiles at him gently. “You can stay for as long as you like.”

This is his chance to reject the offer. Jimin clears his throat. His voice is quiet when he speaks. “Thank you very much for your offer, but I cannot accept it. I’m sorry.” He avoids looking at the older boy. “I hope we can still see each other at Tae’s and that you’re not angry at the liberties I’m taking,” he quickly adds when noticing the frown on Jin’s face.

“Not at all!” Jin assures him immediately. “I’m just confused? Didn’t you like the room?”

“What? No, the room was beautiful. I’ve never slept on a softer bed…”

“Then why?” Jin is honestly confused.

Jimin feels awkward, not quite sure how to breach the topic without insulting the other.

“It’s just … I won’t be able to give you what you want.” He starts hesitantly.

Jin stares at him in confusion.

“I-I won’t be able to satisfy you.”

“What do you mean with satisfy?”

Jimin blushes hard.

“Do I really need to say it out loud? I’m sorry Jin, you’re a really nice guy, but I just can’t imagine having sex with anyone right now. It’s not because you aren’t hot or anything, cause you totally are. It’s just me. And it doesn’t feel right. And I’m scared and definitely not ready for casual sex right now. You deserve someone who actually appreciates you and who is worthy of pleasing you…”

“Jimin,” Jin grabs Jimin by the shoulders. “Breathe,” he tells him and the tears spill over Jimin’s eyes. He wipes away at them hastily. “I wasn’t planning on sleeping with you. I would never take advantage of you like that or hurt you like that. Where on earth did you get that idea from?”

Jimin looks at him with wide eyes, “but wasn’t that the whole point of having me stay? Some human company?”

“Company, Jimin. I don’t sleep with my company. I just like not being alone. I like having friends and family around.” He sends Jimin a pointed look. “And for the record, I’m taken. I’ve been in a relationship for the past five years and although we don’t get to see each other nearly as much as I would like, I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else either.”

“Oh,” Jimin gasps in horrified realisation. “Sorry, I just assumed… Because Tae is gay and you said… never mind. I don’t know how I got the idea that you might be interested in me. I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions! Of course you have a girlfriend. I didn’t mean to imply you were like me or that you’d be interested in me if you were.” He blushed even harder, realizing what he said. “I think I’d better go now.” He disentangles his limbs and moves to leave the room.

Jin stops him by gently holding his arm. “Jimin. Look at me.”

Jimin hesitantly does, unshed tears sparkling in his eyes.

“Never do anything you’re uncomfortable with. But if you want, I would like to be there for you and your child. During the pregnancy and beyond that. Joonie, that is my partner, who is a man by the way, agreed to help you as well. We just want to give you any support you may need, be it emotional or financial. And before you protest, it’s okay to take it. We’re comfortable and I would love it if you allowed me to care for you.” His eyes are shining with sincerity. “We will never take advantage of you like that, Jimin. I realise you don’t know me very well yet, but I hope you will give me the chance to prove that not all gay men are like those monsters from your dorm.”

Jimin’s eyes are sparkling with unshed tears. “You will help me?” he asks hesitantly?

“Yes Jiminie, I want to help you. And before you ask, no I’m not asking for anything in return. Your smile and the happiness of you and your kid is enough for me.”

The tears in Jimin’s eyes finally spill over and drown out his acceptance of Jin’s offer.

Luckily Jin understands him anyway.

***

Jimin goes home to Tae to tell him the news and pack his bags. He worries about how to tell Tae about everything for the entire ride across the district. Jin seems to understand and doesn’t pressure him into a conversation. For that Jimin is infinitely grateful.

It turns out Jimin needn’t have worried about how to broach the subject with Taehyung because as soon as he walks into Tae’s tiny flat, the younger boy is all over him.

“How was your date?” he presses excitedly. “Jin called to say you would be staying over at his place. Soooo? Spill!” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Jimin blushes bright red. “Nothing happened,” he denies immediately.

“Aww, don’t be a shy mochi, Jiminie. You can tell me anything you know. C’mon in first.” He allows Jimin to take off his shoes and drop his bag at the entrance before pulling him towards the sofa. When they are sitting side by side to each other on the old piece of furniture, Taehyung looks at him expectantly.

 Jimin sighs, deciding to stick to the truth. “He cooked me dinner.”

“Ooooh,” Taehyung claps his hands like an excited kid. “Did he go all romantic on you? Like flowers and candles?”

“Tae,” Jimin gasps. So Taehyung also thought that Jin was interested in him that way. His eyes widen when he realises that means not even Taehyung knows his cousin is in a relationship. What on earth could warrant such a secrecy? Unless Jin was lying of course… Jimin is still pondering this question, while Taehyung prattles on.

“Did he ask you to be your boyfriend yet? When can I expect some happy news?”

“Jin hyung asked me to move in with him.”

“Aww, I knew it… Wait what?!”

Jimin has to laugh at Taehyung’s shocked expression.

“He offered me a room to stay.”

 “Oh.”

Jimin nods, looking at Tae carefully.

“Did you accept?”

“Do you want me to?”

Tae shrugs. “It’s up to you. If he makes you happy I’d give you my blessings any day. Although it is kind of fast.”

Jimin shakes his head. “We’re not gonna be a couple.” He says firmly.

“Because of that girl you got pregnant? We all make mistakes. And you can’t let that be a reason to not follow your heart when someone lovable comes along.”

Jimin sucks in a sharp breath. “Tae,” he starts hesitantly, “there is no girl.”

Tae frowns in confusion. “So you made the whole thing with the pregnancy up?”

Jimin chuckles humourlessly.

“I wish.”

Gathering all his courage he smooths down his baggy sweatshirt, so the baby bump becomes noticeable. Taehyung doesn’t get it immediately. Only when Jimin gently cradles his belly, does Tae understand.

“Oh.”

His eyes widen.

“You’re not telling me…”

Jimin nods, his eyes becoming glassy.

“For how long?”

“I’m in my fifth month,” he whispers.

Taehyung gasps.

“You’re pregnant?” It comes out as a question.

Jimin nods, biting his lip hesitantly.

“You’re expecting a child.” Tae wants to confirm.

Jimin nods, blushing slightly.

“How?” he asks in a whisper.

“Have you ever heard of male carriers?”

Tae begins nodding. “The super rare medical condition.”

Jimin nods in confirmation. “It’s actually not as rare as people think. But few people ever find out.”

Tae starts nodding slowly. “Of course, how would you know unless…”

“…unless you slept with a man and got yourself knocked up. Exactly.” There’s a bitterness in Jimin’s voice that surprises Tae.

Chapter Text

It is July now and Jimin is happier than he has been for a while. Jin stayed true to his word and pampers Jimin in every way imaginable.

They have been living together for almost three weeks now and bit by bit, Jimin has started to gain the confidence that he might actually be able to do this. Have a child. Take care of her.

Her.

His little daughter.

He had only found out her gender last week.

He’d never thought he could love her even more than he already did then. But he does.

As if she could hear his thoughts, there’s a kick, followed by a sharp pang in his side. Jimin groans, grabbing his stomach. He starts rubbing soothing circles into the skin hoping to get her to calm down.

“Love you too, baby, but please don’t kick me so hard.” The kicks have started to get more frequent and they hurt. Was that normal?

Jimin sighs, sitting down on the kitchen chair. His back aches from standing so long. It’s nowhere near as bad as it used to be while he was still sleeping on Tae’s worn down couch, but definitely noticeable.

Just as he has finally sat down, the doorbell rings, yanking Jimin out of his musings. He hurriedly gets up again to get the door. On the way to the entrance he feels another strong kick and supresses a cry of pain. There’s a lingering stinging sensation that takes longer and longer to abate after each kick.

“It’s to be expected.” His doctor’s voice rings in his head. She was still pissed he decided against abortion when she told him the gender of his baby. “Mr. Park, please reconsider. Male bodies are not built to accommodate a baby. With your uterus growing to accommodate the foetus, it might press against your organs as it expands. Male pregnancies are dangerous. You might not be able to keep down food anymore or the foetus will make it hard for you to breathe, as it moves around trying to get more space. The pregnancy might even cause internal bleeding. Coupled with your hereditary condition, this pregnancy will put you at great risk.” What she didn’t understand was that Jimin didn’t have anything to begin with. His daughter was his everything. She is my everything, he thinks as he opens the door.

She is of course not everything everything. Jimin has friends now. As soon as Jimin opens the door, Tae rushes into the house and embraces him. The older boy smiles fondly and the pain in his back and worry about the stinging sensation that is still noticeable momentarily disappears.

“How’s our little baby girl doing?” Taehyung gushes then, bending down in front of Jimin’s belly to talk to her. There’s a kick in response and Jimin winces at the sensation.

“She’s gonna be a soccer player for sure. I don’t know how a baby this tiny can be so strong already.” His chuckle is cut short, when another kick momentarily knocks the breath out of him.

Taehyung’s smile disappears and is replaced by a look of worry. “Are you alright?”

Jimin steadies himself by placing a hand on the wall of the corridor.

“I’m fine,” he repeats his usual response to that question.

Taehyung shakes his head, the frown still firmly in place. He puts his arm around the smaller boy and gently guides him to the sofa in the living room.

He hovers around there for a moment “Would you like a glass of water?”

“I should be the one asking you that,” Jimin mumbles, “I’m a shitty host.”

Taehyung’s eyes widen. “Not at all,” he immediately disagrees, “our baby in here seems to like you very much. Don’t you baby?” He places his cool hand on top of Jimin’s shirt. There’s another kick in response, this time a lot gentler. Jimin breathes a sigh of relief. Taehyung’s hand on his belly feels nice.

“I’ll get you some water,” Tae decides and hops over to the kitchen. Sometimes Jimin forgets that Tae, being Jin’s cousin, has been here often enough to feel at home, too.

There’s another kick to his belly, and Jimin winces. The baby is more active today than usual and he’s starting to worry. The doctor did say it was normal, but was the stinging sensation he feels after every kick normal too? And the way he sometimes feels like he can’t breathe after another kick to his ribs? He is only starting to understand why the doctor had warned him.

He decides to get up and join his friend in the kitchen. After all he wasn’t done preparing dinner yet either. Just as Jimin rounds the corner, the younger boy steps out of the kitchen, making them collide in the hallway. The water Taehyung was carrying spills across the floor.

“Shit,” he curses and Jimin immediately scurries to get a towel to clean up the floor. Before he can stop him, Jimin is already kneeling next to the puddle, wiping the floor. Taehyung is crouching down next to him.

“Let me do this, Jiminie, c’mon get back to the sofa.”

“It’s alright,” the other boy assures him before suddenly going very still and sucking in a gasp of air. Jimin’s arms fly to his stomach, pressing against his side. His eyes are closed and he is breathing shallowly.

“Jiminie?” Taehyung asks in concern. “Mochi?”

When the older boy doesn’t respond, Taehyung gathers his strength to pick him up. Jimin opens his eyes then and simply shakes his head. “It’s alright. I can walk.” He flinches again as another kick hits his body. Tears are welling up in his eyes. Taehyung helps him get to his feet and then half drags, half carries him to the couch.

“What’s wrong?” He asks when they reach the sofa, rubbing soothing circles on the skin where the baby kicked.

“She’s getting strong,” Jimin sighs. And I’m getting weak. He doesn’t say the latter part out loud.

“You shouldn’t overwork yourself so much,” the younger boy chides him gently, taking Jimin’s hands. “It’s not good for the baby and it’s not good for you.”

“It’s fine. The doctor said it’s normal.”

Taehyung frowns, shaking his head. “I may not be an expert on babies, but I’m pretty sure their kicks are not supposed to knock the breath right out of you.”

Jimin shrugs. “I’m male. My pregnancy is not exactly normal to begin with.”

“Which is why we have to pay attention to these things! Where else does it hurt?”

“Just my hips and my back.” His back has been killing him lately. Standing did not sit well with his pregnant body. He smiles internally at his word choice. Jin would be proud of him.

“You shouldn’t be working at the café anymore.” Taehyung says quietly. His hands are tightly clasped around Jimin’s and he’s looking at the older boy thoughtfully.

Jimin evades his gaze. “It’s fine, having back pain was normal at my old job as well. I’m used to it.”

“That’s not the point!” Taehyung suddenly bursts out. “This is not about how much pain you can tolerate or not. This is about doing what is best for your daughter. If you don’t take care of your own needs, if you don’t eat well or sleep well, your baby will suffer too!”

Jimin’s eyes fill with tears.

“I can’t stop working,” he whispers brokenly. Tears are running down his cheeks quietly. “If I stop working, I can’t afford the medication and then…,” he shakes his head, “I can’t afford it.”

“Jin…”

Jimin shakes his head decisively. “I can’t depend on anyone else. I’m already relying on you guys for more than I’m comfortable with. I need to earn my own money. I need to know that I can support her.”

Taehyung sighs and gently pulls the other boy to lean against him. Very gently, he cards his fingers through the other’s black hair. “Gwaenchana,” he whispers, “it’ll be fine.”

~~~

“I’m tired of hiding my relationship with Jin,” Namjoon says to the other two boys in his band, in a rare moment they get to be alone in their dressing room.

Hoseok sighs empathically, while Yoongi just wrinkles his brows thoughtfully. “At least you are in a relationship” he points out. “That’s more than most idols get to have.”

Namjoon looks up at the resentful edge in his hyung’s response.

“If you meet someone, you could be, too. We’d support you.”

Yoongi just scoffs. “Nah thanks. One stalker is enough.”

Namjoon sighs. “Yoongi, you gotta move past that. They caught her. She confessed. She won’t bother you again. The case’s been closed for months now. I know the whole thing was terrifying. It was for us as well, even though we weren’t her target. But it’s not healthy to let that experience change your life so much. The break-in was a one-time thing. We moved houses since. No one will be able to break into this building. The security is far too tight.”

“So Bang PD-nim didn’t tell you, did he?”

“Tell us what?” Hobi looks up from his phone in interest.

Yoongi pulls his legs up to his chest on the chair he’s sitting.

“There’s been another stalker caught lingering around our new house, a couple of months ago. A male one this time.”

Hosoek and Namjoon look at each other. They hadn’t known about that.

“Is he still around?” Hobi asks.

“No, PD-nim said it was a one-time thing and that they took care of it.”

Hoseok is just about to say something when Yoongi speaks again. “I got letters, too. Around the same time the second stalker appeared. They were among the fan letters. I think it was the stalker girl. She said I got her pregnant. I don’t even remember sleeping with any women in the past 5 years! How could I sleep with someone and not remember? Why would she make up something like that? Why are they doing this to me?” Yoongi’s voice cracks.

Namjoon and Hoseok are speechless.

“Hyung…”

“What if it’s true? I don’t remember anything and I don’t think I’ve been with any woman, but I can’t stop thinking about it. What if it is true?”

“Hyung, you said it yourself, you didn’t sleep with anyone in the past five years, so there’s no need to worry.”

Yoongi laughs bitterly.

“I wish it were that easy. Do you remember the BigHit anniversary event? The party?”

The other two boys nod, frowning in confusion.

“That was when the stalker girl was still about. She managed to get in as a waitress. I didn’t realise, I didn’t recognize her at all, I don’t even remember it, but she must have slipped something into my drink.”

Hoseok gasps, sensing where this was going. He puts a hand on Yoongi’s knee. Yoongi pushes it away gently.

“I don’t remember much from that night. I woke up in a hotel room. I was not alone. I’m pretty sure he was a guy, but who knows? There could have been others before. Men, women, who knows? I don’t remember any of it. I got checked for STD’s and thankfully I’m clean. But I was so scared. I still am. I felt violated. I still do. They caught her soon after. She confessed to slipping me something in my drink in order to sleep with me but she said something went wrong and she doesn’t know what happened to me. I slept with someone whom I don’t even know and I’m scared I actually got that stalker girl or maybe one of her friends pregnant without remembering anything. I thought the whole thing would just blow over, but I just can’t stop thinking about it. What if it is true?”

For once Namjoon and Hobi are speechless.

“Why didn’t you say anything, hyung?!”

“I told our manager. He said not to worry about it. They could find the writers of two of the letters and found them to be harmless pranks.” He takes a deep breath. “He said they took care of it. But I don’t think they ever found the sender of the third letter. I keep thinking about that letter. What if I did get some girl pregnant without remembering? I didn’t want to burden you with this, that’s why I didn’t say anything. And before you scold me, I did tell you in the end, okay,” Yoongi says, his defences back up again full force.

It is silent, as the other two boys process what Yoongi just said.

“What if it is true?” Yoongi repeats quietly.

“It’s unlikely to be,” Namjoon starts, ever the voice of reason. “I mean the stalker girl is locked up, right? And you said yourself how two of the letters were disproven. Hell, I’ve received letters like that as well and obviously they couldn’t be true.” He sighs. “If there was any truth to it, the girl would have come forward again, right? She’d contact you again if she really was pregnant.”

Yoongi shrugs. “I don’t know. And not knowing drives me crazy.”

“Even if you did get a girl pregnant, and I’m not saying you did, you don’t have any obligation towards her. I mean you obviously were in no condition to give consent.” Hobi’s voice is calm as he processes the situation.

“She raped you, hyung. Hobi hyung is right, you don’t have any obligation towards her.”

“What about the child?” Yoongi whispers brokenly.

“I’d say that’d be up to you. Worst case is you might have to pay child support. But I guess you can just about afford to pay that.”

“I wanted to be a better father one day than my father had been to me.” Yoongi hangs his head. “But how can I look at a child, when its mother is a monster? I tried to stay away from temptation, precisely so I’d never end up in a situation like this. How can I even know that it’s my child?” The desperation leaks from every word.

“We don’t know yet there is a child. If there isn’t, there’s no need to freak out now and if there is, we’ll take it step by step.” Namjoon says, ever the wiser leader.

“We’ll be there for you no matter what,” Hoseok chimes in.

Yoongi barely registers what the others say. Looking down in embarrassment he finally confides, “I just feel so violated. I mean I’m pretty sure I had sex with a guy in the hotel. But I can’t remember it at all. And from the letters it sounds like I had sex with girls too? I have literally no memory of any of that.”

“Maybe we should go to the police?” Hoseok suggests.

The older boy shakes his head. “Nah, it’s too late for that. What good would it do now, anyway? The stalker girl was arrested already anyway.” Yoongi sighs. “I’m trying to move past this. It’s just, if I really got someone pregnant, then the baby will be due in two or three months.”

The two younger boys look at Yoongi helplessly.

“I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” Namjoon finally says.

Chapter Text

The weeks pass by quickly. Jimin has been living with Jin for more than a month now. He has been working for the Creative Coffee Cup for about three months. Apart from increasing breathlessness due to his expanding belly, life was good. He should have known it wouldn’t last.

Jimin still can’t believe his bad luck. He enjoys working at the café. Sure it isn’t dancing and he does miss his old job, but working with Tae is a lot of fun and makes him feel at least somewhat useful.

When he leaves the doctor’s office with the strict instruction of bed rest for as many hours a day as possible and as little strenuous activities like walking around or standing for long periods of time as possible, it feels like another blow to his stomach. She didn’t tell him outright to quit his job at the café, but Jimin knows that that is what her instructions mean for him.

He finally went to the doctor, after Taehyung convinced him that the kicks were not normal and that he wouldn’t let him work again until his doctor gave him her okay.

Jimin expected to get another set of pills maybe or some physiotherapy or instructions to work in a sitting position. One of the reasons he didn’t want to go to the doctor initially was because he was afraid he’d have to pay for even more medical things and wouldn’t be able to save up any money for after the birth. The doctor implicitly telling him to quit his job never even crossed his mind.

Jimin walks to the park with his head bowed. Once again his world was crashing down around him. Once again, he isn’t sure how to deal with this blow. He glances around, looking for a park bench to sit down on.

What on earth is he supposed to do now? Jimin just entered the third trimester of his pregnancy. The medical treatment to reduce the risk of further complications costs him a fortune and now he wouldn’t even be able to work anymore?

Yoongi never did reply to the letter he sent and Jimin is too scared of BigHit to send him another one. Jimin knows Yoongi doesn’t care about him. That became glaringly obvious after the way the rapper had blatantly ignored him at the Melon Award showcase a week after the BigHit anniversary party. Jimin was nothing more than a one nightstand after all. But he had hoped that the older man would at least not completely ignore his pregnancy.

The twenty-one year old boy gently cradles his belly. His daughter has calmed down considerably in the last few days, when he hadn’t been working. Whenever she kicks now, it makes Jimin smile, knowing she is there.

The ringing of his phone reminds him that Jin is probably ready to pick him up now.

“Hey,” he answers, forcing his voice to not betray how down he really feels.

“I’ll be there.” He tells Jin, when the older man explains where he is waiting with his car. Jimin gets up from his bench and makes it to the parking lot where Jin is waiting for him.

“Namjoon will be over tonight.” Jin announces once they are in his car on their way back home.

Jimin looks up in surprise. In the month he has been living with Jin now, he never once saw the older man’s mystery boyfriend.

Jimin blushes when he realises what Jin and Namjoon probably planned to do for the night. “That’s alright. I can just stay in my room then.” Might as well get used to it anyway.

Jin keeps looking at the street while driving.

“We were hoping you’d join us for dinner. Joonie wants to meet you.” He glances over at Jimin briefly, showing him a warm smile.

“Really? You really want me there?”

“Really really,” Jin promises.

***

Jimin worries about what to wear for more than twenty minutes. Jin mentioned once that his boyfriend liked fashion and Jimin feels he needs to make a good impression on the man that is so important to his saviour. Because that’s what Tae and Jin are in Jimin’s world. Saviours.

Picking out an outfit also momentarily distracts Jimin from his worry about the future that has taken up permanent residence at the back of his mind after his consultation with his doctor.

To his dismay, he finds out that none of his dress shirts fit anymore. There’s no point in trying to conceal his growing belly, so he looks through his small collection of stretchable wear. He settles on a striped shirt and a warm furry jacket. The jacket had been a gift from Taemin and over the years it had become a source of comfort for him.

He looks at himself in the floor length mirror critically. The combination doesn’t look too bad on him. He’d actually look really good, if it weren’t for his very visible very pregnant belly. He pokes at his belly listlessly. No matter how he looks at it, he won’t be able to hide it. He looks at himself in the mirror some more. Pulling his shirt up to reveal his bare skin. His belly looks weird. Unnatural. It’s ugly, a voice in the back of his mind whispers. You’re ugly.

Jimin drops the shirt back down and shakes his head to get rid of the voice. What else is new, he thinks bitterly, before curling up on the bed.

He actually falls asleep like that. When Jin later comes into his room to check on him, he finds Jimin curled up on the bed. A wave at fondness sweeps over him at the sight. He grabs a blanket and gently drapes it over the sleeping boy. Jimin sighs softly in his sleep.

“Sleep tight,” the older man whispers softly, before gently closing the door and heading off to prepare their dinner.

***

Jimin is nervous again when he sits at the dinner table with Jin after his nap waiting for Jin’s boyfriend to arrive.

“Don’t worry,” Jin assures him, “Namjoon will love you.”

The door rings, announcing the arrival of said boyfriend.

Jin indicates Jimin to stay seated before jumping up and gracefully walking to the front door.

Jimin hears Jin greet his boyfriend, hears the kisses and low voice of another man and turns towards the door smiling brightly when his smile freezes.

He recognizes RM immediately.

What? How? Why? How could Jin’s boyfriend Namjoon be the same person as Bangtan’s Namjoon?

Jimin begins to tremble and hyperventilate.

This can’t be. He hasn’t been able to contact any of the BTS members. Neither by letters nor by going to their house. Heck, he hadn’t seen them even once since the Melon Award showcase. And now Bangtan’s Namjoon is simply walking into Jin’s living room?

The baby gives a strong kick in reaction to Jimin’s soaring stress level. He gasps and flinches and his chopsticks clatter to the ground. The sound draws the attention of the two lovers who are still wrapped in their embrace. Jin looks over at Jimin in concern.

Jimin flushes and tries to bend down to pick up the chopstick, but his belly is in the way. A quiet whimper leaves his mouth, when he can’t reach the ground.

Jin is over at his side in a flash. He grabs his face looking into the younger boy’s eyes and tells him to breathe. “Shh, baby boy. Everything is alright.” Jimin’s eyes stray to the side of the room, where Namjoon is awkwardly hovering at the door.

Jin curses under his breath. “Ah, Joonie, can you give us a second? I’ll call you when we’re ready.” Namjoon nods, his eyes still wide, and disappears through a door.

A shudder passes through Jimin’s body then. He is clutching Jin’s shirt, struggling to breathe. Jin rubs his hands over the younger boy’s back in an effort to calm him down. Eventually he moves them both to the couch.

“Shhh baby, it’s alright” Jin soothes him.

“Your boyfriend is Kim Namjoon?” Jimin finally gasps out, needing to make sure.

Jin nods, looking at the younger boy thoughtfully.

“I hope this is a normal fanreaction and nothing worse?” he tries to joke, gently carding his fingers through the other boy’s hair. “I keep forgetting that Joonie is actually famous. And now that I think about it, I remember Tae saying you liked them as well.”

“He’s in Bangtan,” Jimin manages to get out.

“Yeah,” Jin confirms. “But he’s very different from the badass rapper persona he portrays on stage. He’s a really nice guy.”

Jimin is too caught up in trying to work out what this all means to really listen. He’s rubbing his belly with clammy hands. “I didn’t know… Tae never said anything.”

Jin sits down, sighing heavily. “That’s because Tae doesn’t know. We couldn’t risk anyone knowing.”

“But Tae is your family.” Jimin frowns in confusion.

Jin sighs wearily.

“Fame comes at a price, sweetie. As long as Bangtan is still going strong, they have to keep up their image of being an unattainable fantasy. I love Tae a lot, but he’s too involved with Bangtan, and I couldn’t risk him accidentally saying something to his friends.”

Jimin processes that information. He realises what that means for Yoongi and their child. He never stood a chance, did he?

Tears start streaming down his cheeks.

“He’ll deny the kid is his,” he realises dejectedly.

Jin freezes.

“What did you say, Jimin? Who did you say the father was?” he prods him carefully.

Jimin focuses his tear stained eyes onto Jin.

“Yoongi-ssi,” he breathes out, “Bangtan’s Suga.”

Jin’s eyes go wide. He is relieved for a second, because Jimin’s reaction had made him fear for a very brief second that the younger boy was going to say that Namjoon was the father. Yet even in his relief, he is too shocked to know what to think. He would have never expected the father of Jimin’s baby to be someone he actually knew. And just like that he is livid. How could Yoongi do something like that? That son of a…

 “… at least I think it was Yoongi. But I’m not completely sure. The memories from that night are kinda hazy.” Jimin pauses, ducking his head in shame. The tears are flowing steadily down his rosy cheeks.

“I can’t do this hyung!” He suddenly wails out in desperation. I can’t do this! I don’t know how to be a parent. Today the doctor banned me from working at the coffee shop, and if I can’t earn money, I can’t afford this.” He rubs his belly furiously. “And I don’t even know for sure who the father is.” Hanging his head he quietly admits, “Yoongi never answered my letter. And if it’s not Yoongi’s then I don’t know who the father is. My parents were right. I’m a disappointment, I’m weak and abnormal. Why was I born in the first place?” Jimin is sobbing desperately now, while Jin cradles him against his chest, gently running his fingers through Jimin’s hair.

“It’ll be alright,” the older man whispers soothingly, “you’re not a disappointment and we’ll work this out. Shh baby, don’t cry. You’re the bravest boy I know.”

Chapter Text

“How much did you hear?” Jin asks Namjoon after Jimin had cried himself to sleep and Jin had carried him to the bedroom. They are sitting in their bedroom and Namjoon is rubbing his temples wearily.

“I got the gist of it, I think.”

Jin nods. “Who’d have expected that, huh?” he sighs.

“Yoongi got some fan letters. Several girls were claiming they were pregnant with his baby.”

Jin frowns.

“What’s that got to do with Jimin…” he starts and then stops. “That asshole, doesn’t he know about fucking using protection if he has to sleep around?!” Jin suddenly bursts out.

“Whoah, slow down. Yoongi was raped. Somebody slipped something in his drink. He doesn’t remember shit about that night.”

Jin slumps down.

“Yoongi was raped?” he repeats in a small voice. “Jimin doesn’t remember the night he conceived either, at least he keeps saying how he’s not sure whether Yoongi’s really the father.”  He admits contemplatively. “It all makes sense now. He said he signed a contract to stay away from his baby’s father and got money in exchange. I thought it was compensation for firing him when he was pregnant. But it was actually to buy his silence.”

The realisation hits him hard. “My poor baby. I never realised… And what the hell is wrong with BigHit?! Do they even know how much they fucked with his head? Do those assholes realise what they did? How they utterly destroyed his self-confidence and trust in his own memory? Who the hell is responsible for this? Tell me and I’ll rip them a new one personally.” Jin is fuming now.

Namjoon groans. “I have no idea what is going on, I swear. This is the first time I hear about a contract. Although I did find Yoongi’s and Jimin’s situations eerily similar when you first talked about it and Yoongi told us about the letters he received. But I didn’t connect the dots until I saw how Jimin reacted.”

He sighs.

“Well, this is a mess. Is there any way to do a paternity test before the baby is born?”

Jin shakes his head.

“Too risky. Jimin’s a high risk pregnancy anyway, being male to begin with and something to do with his genes. He thinks it might run in the family. Apparently his mom’s pregnancy with him had been fraught with complications, too. He doesn’t have any medical records of his family though and of course they also don’t have any records of the father’s medical history either, so they’re basically just running on trial and error in trying to minimize the risks as best as possible.”

“His parents are not in the picture then?” Namjoon asks carefully.

Jin frowns. “Jimin never really talks about his parents. As far as I know he doesn’t have any.”

They are quiet for a bit, both thinking about what consequences all of this will have. For Jimin. For Yoongi. For Bangtan. For them.

“It’s so unfair. Jimin doesn’t deserve any of this. He’s such a sweetheart. I feel like no matter what he does, things always go wrong for him.” The older man sighs deeply. “He has trust issues, too, I think. I don’t know what happened between Yoongi and Jimin, but I’m not surprised that Jimin has a hard time trusting people.”

“Yoongi was raped,” Namjoon reminds his boyfriend gently.

“So was Jimin, for all intents and purposes!”

They are quiet again. When Jin has calmed down a bit, he speaks again.

“I’m worried that finding out he’s not the only one pregnant with Yoongi’s baby will destroy what little self-confidence he might have. He’s taking on a huge risk to his personal health by going through with this pregnancy. It ought to be worth more than being just another one of Yoongi’s affairs.” There’s bitterness in his voice.

Namjoon sighs. “Actually I believe most of the pregnancy letters were proven to be fake claims, except for one. Let’s hope the girl who wrote that letter lied too. I believe Yoongi hyung though, when he says he doesn’t remember anything and didn’t give consent to anything that happened that night.”

“So what does that make Jimin? His rapist?” Jin scoffs.

“I don’t want to label anyone anything. Especially not when I’m not completely aware of the circumstances. We need to tell Yoongi about this, though. How likely is it that Jimin’s child is really Yoongi’s?”

“I have the feeling the people at Bighit really destroyed Jimin’s confidence in that regard. He says he remembers Suga from that night. They definitely talked at the party. He thinks he remembers sleeping with him as well, but apparently BigHit told him that Yoongi had been elsewhere occupied, so he’s really uncertain now. I’d say at this point it’s 50:50.”

Namjoon nods carefully.

“The fact that neither of them really remembers the night kinda points at them having been together then. Maybe they shared the drugged drink at the party? If we’re lucky that’s the extend of it. We’ll have to ask the management though, about what deal they worked out with Jimin. I wish there was no child at all, but I trust you when you say Jimin is a decent person. I’d like to talk to him before speaking with Yoongi, though, if that’s alright. Jimin’s gotta be better than that stalker girl.” He paused, a thought suddenly entering his mind. “You don’t think Jimin could have been a stalker, too, do you?”

~~~

Yoongi steps into the study, sighing wearily. He’s just emerged from another hour long discussion with their producers about the next steps in promotion, updates on their upcoming tours and other boring shit the rapper just couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to. He may be the oldest in the group, but while Namjoon, ever the responsible leader, actually contributed to the meetings, Yoongi was itching to go back to his studio to start on a new song he’s been thinking about.

It’s only a rough idea he has in mind. The feeling of missing someone, longing for something that is just beyond his grasp.

He crumbles up the piece of paper with his notes in frustration. Nothing fits.

It’s the end of August now. Summer has not even ended yet and the producers are already talking about Christmas. Their days have become busier with the imminent approach of their Japan tour. It’s good in a way, as it has taken Yoongi’s mind off of the letter and it kept him busy enough not to dwell on that night too much. Namjoon and Hoseok had handled his confession better than expected, too. And although there was not much more to be said about the topic, it felt good to share the burden.

There’s another thing bothering him now, though. Throughout the summer, Jungkook has been coming in with new coffee cups each morning. They were different each day, different colours, different designs, different messages. Yoongi hadn’t really paid them any attention initially. So what if there were pretty animal drawings or heart shaped smileys on his coffee cups? He didn’t have any time for childish stuff like that. It was only later, when he was trying to come up with ideas for a new songs that his eyes fell on his coffee cup for inspiration. The writing had been short and simple “I refuse to give up. Not today. Today I fight.” The writing had been accompanied by the drawing of a flower fighting back against being plucked. It had inspired the song “Not Today” that they would be releasing on their new album. The words had flowed easily from there. Being an underdog was something Yoongi could relate to after all.

Ever since that day, Yoongi has started paying attention to the cups. And every day there were new inspiring messages or images on his cup and the ones of the others. The topics shifted sometimes as did the sentiment behind the designs. Sometimes the designs spoke confidently of the bright future and then there were days in which the cups meekly exuded hopelessness. Without realising it, Yoongi had become addicted. He hadn’t even been aware of falling for the human behind the designs until actually seeing him.

Yoongi picks up the reusable coffee cup that has been prominently sitting on his desk for the past few weeks and traces its design gently. There’s something about the flower metaphor that touches him. In this dream that won’t ever come true, I grew a flower that couldn’t be blossomed. How many blossoming dreams did he have to bury only to be showered by petals now. It really was a weird world.

There haven’t been any multi-layered meanings on the designs for the past week. If Yoongi didn’t have the proof of his reusable cup, he would almost believe he only imagined all of those beautiful poetic cups. The cups Jungkook brought in now were back to drawings of animals or hearts. And while they all spoke of exquisite artisanship, none of them touched his heart.

His thoughts stray back to the young man from the fansign event. He wished he had paid better attention to him at the time. As a rap group, having male fans come to their fansign events wasn’t uncommon and in general Yoongi never remembered anything distinct about the fans that came to say hi. He only remembered that particular boy because of the gift he brought. How many thoughts he would have loved to share with him, if the commotion around Jin kissing Namjoon hadn’t made him lose track of the other boy in the crowd. He might have invited him backstage. The boy was his muse after all. And while he still didn’t have a name, he now at least had a face to fantasise about.

When Jungkook comes in with the usual coffee order, Yoongi sees immediately that it is one of the boring soulless designs.

“Did they change their barista, or what?” Yoongi asks Jungkook feeling disappointed.

Jungkook looks up in surprise. “Taetae is taking a break, since he’s got an exam coming up and Jiminie is on maternity leave I think.”

“Don’t drop honorifics, kid,” Yoongi chides him, “you’ve got to call them Jimin Noona and Taetae hyung at least.” He chuckles, showing he doesn’t really care all that much. In fact he finds it quite refreshing that Jungkook can talk about strangers so informally. Jungkook shrugs, not bothering to correct the older man’s assumption that Jimin was a woman. It wasn’t the first time that happened and wouldn’t be the last.

“I miss their old cup designs,” the rapper sighs, twirling his reusable cup in his hands. “Hey, do you know whose design this is?”

Jungkook looks at the cup Yoongi is holding out to him carefully. “This is Tata,” he says, pointing to the heart shaped figure, “Taehyung hyung always draws that on his cups. It’s kinda his signature. I’m not sure about the sunflower though. Could be Jiminie’s but I don’t really pay attention to the designs when I’m at the shop.” His cheeks suddenly become red and Yoongi wonders whether the younger boy might have a crush on one of the baristas there.

“Taehyung, is it?” he muses out loud. So that was the name of his mysterious coffee cup muse? The boy who had given him the cup?

“Yeah,” Jungkook confirms. His voice becomes a bit tight when he senses that Yoongi is interested in his boyfriend.

“I’ll have to check out the shop with you one of these days.” He smiles at the younger boy kindly. Jungkook looks away, his jaw clenched.

“Taehyung is on break right now.”

“Ah, that’s right. It’ll have to wait until after the Japan tour then. Thanks for the coffee, kiddo.”

It’s a dismissal and Jungkook leaves the room feeling that something just went very wrong.

Chapter Text

Jimin wakes up feeling drained. He lies in bed, thinking about Yoongi and about how he’ll have to wait for two more months until he can know for sure whether the other man is the father of his baby.

There’s an uneasy feeling that settles over him whenever he thinks about that night of the BigHit anniversary party. And it’s hard not to think about it, when his pregnancy serves as a constant reminder of the incident. Obviously he had slept with someone. The question is, was it Bangtan’s Suga, whom he had flirted with at the party and whom he’s had the biggest crush on for years? Or was it some nameless guy, someone he’d never be able to find again? Would his daughter ever know who her father was?

He places his hands on his belly, tracing the rounded shape gently.

Why was he so scared of the possibility of finding out Yoongi was not the father? Was it because that meant he truly was on his own financially? Or was it because the thought of having a child with Yoongi hyung still made butterflies flutter through his body?

Pabo. Jimin scolds himself. I’m so stupid. I shouldn’t get my hopes up like that.

Hopes… Would he love his daughter less, if her father was unknown? It shouldn’t make a difference at all. But he knows it does and it makes him feel utterly ashamed.

“Sorry, baby. I’ll definitely love you, no matter what!” he promises, gently rubbing his belly. “You didn’t choose your parents. You’ll be my little princess no matter what.”

“Did you just call our little girl in there princess?” Jin asks in amusement. He is standing at the door, having just come in with a tray of breakfast.

Jimin blushes at having been caught.

Jin puts the breakfast tray on the bedside table and sits down on the bed.

“May I?” He asks, hovering his hand over Jimin’s swollen belly.

The younger boy bites his lips and nods. His cheeks are still flushed slightly.

Jin gently places his hand against the other boy’s belly. There’s a look of wonder on his face, when he feels the baby move and gently tap in greeting.

“Hello there, little princess. I can’t believe you’re really in there. Do you know how much we’re looking forward to meeting you? You’ll be the prettiest, most spoiled little girl in town.” He looks up at Jimin then. The younger boy’s eyes are filled with emotion.

“Thank you, hyung,” he says quietly.

“There’s nothing to thank me for. This baby is so lucky to have you and Yoongi as her parents.”

The uneasy feeling rushes back in full force. What if Yoongi is not her father?

“I brought you some breakfast,” Jin carries on, unaware of the mental breakdown Jimin is having.

“I’m not hungry.” The very thought of eating anything right now makes Jimin feel queasy.

 The older man looks at Jimin sternly.

“You’ve got to eat for the baby.” His eyes soften when he sees the guilty look in Jimin’s eyes. “It’s alright, just take a bit of the soup and eat some rice. If you want I can also make something else for you.”

“Are you gonna tell Yoongi?” Jimin asks timidly, the thought of breakfast far from his mind.

Jin sighs.

“He has a right to know.”

Jimin ducks his head.

“What if it’s not his?”

“Then he’ll be relieved when the time comes to find out.”

Jimin’s heart clenches painfully. Yoongi still has a chance out, a possibility that he’s not the father, while Jimin is stuck with a baby no matter what happens. It isn’t fair, he thinks.

Jin suddenly realises what he just said.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he immediately assures Jimin. “Your baby will be a blessing, and Yoongi would be lucky to get the two of you.”

Jimin shakes his head. “It’s better if he doesn’t know,” he mutters. “That way, he won’t spend two months worried if it turns out not to be his. Besides I’m legally not allowed to contact him anymore. Even if I wanted to tell him, I can’t afford risking a court case.”

“About that, what exactly did BigHit tell you? It was someone from BigHit, right?”

Jimin hunches his shoulders. “They offered me a deal, when I left.”

Jin looks at him, confused.

“I used to be a backup dancer at BigHit. Before,” he gestures at his round belly.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Jimin smiles bitterly.

“What was the deal about exactly?”

“I told them that Yoongi was the father, when I found out and couldn’t contact him. I don’t know what I was thinking. I mean obviously I couldn’t continue being a dancer while being pregnant. But I guess I hoped that they’d support me or help me get in contact with Yoongi?” Jimin shrugs. “Dunno, I was stupid then. They told me that they’d give me money if I signed a contract forbidding me to contact Yoongi. They also said they wouldn’t pay me my last salary unless I signed.” There were tears glistening in his eyes. “I couldn’t not sign it, hyung. I needed that money.” His voice is devoid of emotion when he continues. “I did send one letter to Yoongi, hoping he’d respond. I guess even if he didn’t, I at least wanted him to know…” he trails off. “When he never replied I told myself to forget about it. At that point I was already working at the coffeeshop and while I wasn’t earning much I figured it should be okay till I could start dancing again. I didn’t know I’d be needing medication. I never knew how expensive that could be.” There is shame in his eyes, when he acknowledges, “I don’t think I could have done it without you and Tae. Pay for everything, I mean. That’s why I can’t tell Yoongi. I can’t afford to go to court with BigHit!”

“Oh, baby,” Jin whispers and bends down to awkwardly hug Jimin on the bed. “Don’t worry about BigHit. I don’t think contracts like that are exactly legal to be honest. And even if it were, let Namjoon and the boys deal with their company if it causes problems. But if that really is Yoongi’s child in there, he’s got a right to know it exists.”

Jimin shakes his head, the tears he has been holding back bravely up to now finally spilling down his cheeks.

“Yoongi will hate me. No matter the outcome. If it’s not his, he’ll hate me for giving him a scare and if it is, he’ll hate me for trapping him like this. I can’t handle being hated. Not right now, hyung. Not by him. I’ve admired Yoongi-hyung for such a long time. That’s why I went with him. I wouldn’t just sleep with any random guy. But maybe I did? I’m scared I did. I really can’t remember that night properly!”

“Shhh,” Jin soothes the crying boy. “I know baby boy. It’s alright.”

There’s a knock at the door.

“Namjoon wants to talk to you too. Can he come in?”

Jimin wipes away his tears and moves to sit up, but Jin pushes him back into a lying position, reminding him, he’s supposed to lie down as much as possible now.

Namjoon comes in, closing the door behind him gently. He sits on the chair next to the bed, and Jimin moves up to bow down to him. Both Jin and Namjoon reach out to stop him and Jimin slumps back into his pillows.

Namjoon looks at him carefully.

“We’ve met before, right?”

Jimin’s eyes go wide. How come Namjoon remembered him when Yoongi hadn’t recognized him a week after they had presumably slept with each other? Did that mean Yoongi really didn’t know him? Was it all a dream?

“You were a backup dancer at the Melon Awards showcase.”

“Yeah,” Jimin whispers.

Namjoon smiles gently. “Good job,” he tells him.

Jimin blushes and looks away, mumbling his thanks shyly.

Namjoon sighs. “I wish we’d met again in different circumstances. But I guess it is what it is. Jimin-ah. I won’t waste our time with idle talk, so I’ll just come out and say it. What would you like me to tell Yoongi?”

~~~

Yoongi is sitting in the BTS studio sketching in his notebook when Namjoon comes in. The older boy smiles at him. He’s in a good mood, after finally figuring out parts of the lyrics he’d been working on. His main inspiration: the reusable coffee cup he’d received during the fansign.

“You seem to be in a good mood,” Namjoon observes, feeling both relieved and anxious about possibly destroying that mood with his news.

“I’m happy, hyung,” Yoongi states simply. “I think I found my lyrical soulmate. If only we lived in a perfect world, I’d go straight into that coffeeshop, confess to him and we would live happily ever after.” He sighs. “I guess we’re not quite there yet. Coming out as a gay celebrity in today’s world could still potentially create a big backlash. And I’m not sure that guy would accept me anyway.” He glances at Namjoon then. “I guess we’ve gotta keep working on changing the world one song at a time.”

Namjoon sighs. “We’d have to start with BigHit, though. Bang PD-nim might be on our side, but there’s others who are not as open minded.”

Yoongi glances at him curiously.

Namjoon looks away sighing deeply.

The older boy rolls his eyes in annoyance. “Just spit it out, Joon-ah.”

“There’s something you should know, hyung,” Namjoon begins carefully.

Yoongi’s smile drops when he registers Namjoon’s serious expression.

“What is it?”

Namjoon sits down next to him.

“Does the name Park Jimin ring a bell?”

Suga frowns. “You mean the girl who hosts After School Club?”

Namjoon shakes his head, “not her, no. A guy.”

Suga looks even more confused.

“Umm, I’m not sure? Why?”

“He used to be a backup dancer at BigHit. He also covered us during the Melon Awards.”

Yoongi frowns. “And?”

“I just found out yesterday that he was fired.”

Yoongi looks at his friend neutrally. “That sucks. What happened?”

“He has a medical condition. He’s a carrier. And he’s pregnant.”

Yoongi’s lips form an O in understanding. He puts his hand on Namjoon’s shoulder.

“We can’t change the system in a day, Joonie. It’ll take some time until kids like us, who are different, will be accepted. We can’t save everyone, but we can talk about these issues one song at a time. And BigHit will change, too. The whole society will. One day, it will be okay to be gay. I firmly believe that. One day this Jimin kid will be able to walk hand in hand with his partner and child proudly and people will not stare at them weirdly. That’s my dream. And in the meantime, he will still have his partner. Fighting together will give him strength to make that future come true despite obstacles.”

Namjoon looks at his friend oddly for a long time. “You paint a beautiful picture of the future. I hope it’ll come true.” he says honestly.

“I hope so too. For your sake, just as much as mine,” Yoongi chuckles simply.

Namjoon simply nods distractedly. His heart clenches at the thought of how the news he still needs to deliver will impact Yoongi.

“Actually there’s more.” He starts carefully. “I met Jimin yesterday. He’s living at Jin’s place.”

Yoongi frowns in confusion. “I didn’t know you guys knew any of the dancer. I thought that was more of Hobi’s forte.”

“It’s a long story and beside the point. What matters is whether you remember him.”

“I never really talked to the dancers, so it’s unlikely. But if you have something in mind for helping the kid I’d be up for meeting him. You know how I like to scandalize the old folks.” He grins briefly.

“Jimin says he knows you,” Namjoon interrupts him gently.

Yoongi’s smile falls and he freezes when he connects the dots.

“Jimin,” he mumbles, trying out the name. He closes his eyes. “Oh my god, please tell me he’s not the guy I woke up with at the anniversary party.”

“That’s not something I can answer for you,” Namjoon says gently.

Yoongi becomes defensive. “So he’s saying I slept with him and got him pregnant? What about his partner?”

Namjoon looks confused. “What partner? Jimin is all alone.”

And suddenly Yoongi remembers the fan letters. One of the three pregnancy letters he received, the unresolved one. The one from a girl who’d told him she was pregnant. About how scared she was and that it wasn’t on purpose. He remembers the way it was phrased. It shouldn’t have been possible either. I never expected to have children one day. He remembers how lonely and fragile she had sounded. Her name had been Jimin, too. Only now he is fairly certain that it had not been a girl.

All this time he’d worried about getting his stalker pregnant. He had never really though much of the guy he’d woken up with apart from feeling used and dirty for having slept with someone without remembering giving consent.

He tries to conjure up a picture of the man he had woken up with. Pink hair, his memory supplies from somewhere. And his face had been delicate and pretty. If Yoongi hadn’t been disoriented and scared out of his mind, he could’ve found him attractive he supposed.

Namjoon sees the realization dawn in Yoongi’s eyes. He clears his throat. “Jimin isn’t completely sure, it’s yours.”

There’s a sour taste in his mouth, when Yoongi digests that information. His eyes harden when he bites out, “great, so I did have unprotected sex with a promiscuous guy. Now I’m even more glad, I didn’t catch anything. Why hasn’t he done a paternity test? So he can string me along and lay claim to my fame and money, until it’s disproven? You can do a paternity test prenatally I heard. If he doesn’t want to pay for it, I will.”

Namjoon shakes his head. “It’s not that simple. Jimin doesn’t remember that night either. He swears he hasn’t been with anyone for over a year. He can’t do a paternity test. Jin said there were complications with his pregnancy.”

Yoongi’s brain freezes momentarily. “So basically you’re telling me, I most likely got a boy pregnant whom I can’t even remember and now what? He wants me to pay child support, even though we don’t even know if his kid is mine? He seems like a faker, if he can’t even tell me all of this by himself and has to send you in his stead. You’re a wonderful guy, Namjoon. But sometimes you’re too nice and gullible.” There’s bitterness in his voice.

“He didn’t want me to tell you at all.” Namjoon sighs. “I trust Jin’s judgement though. And he trusts Jimin. It is true that we don’t know whether his kid is yours. But if it is, I felt you have a right to know it exists.”

Yoongi buries his face in his hands.

“So you’re telling me there’s a chance I might become a father in a few months, but I won’t find out until after the birth? Wait how many weeks does he have left anyway?”

“He’s in his third trimester. The pregnancy is not quite … progressing as it should,” Namjoon says carefully. “He might go into labour any time.”

“Shit.”

Namjoon puts his arms around his friend. “I’m sorry hyung. I thought about whether I should tell you. The thing is, I met Jimin yesterday, and I trust him when he says he doesn’t sleep around. Call it intuition, because I don’t really know him at all, but I think he’s a good guy. He practically begged me not to tell you, so you wouldn’t worry.”

“So why did you?” Yoongi mutters.

“Because I saw Jimin yesterday. And he’s in no state to take care of a baby.”

“And you think I would be?” Yoongi spits out angrily. “You know just as well as I do, that this job is poison when it comes to having a family.”

Namjoon shakes his head. “Yoongi, if something happens to Jimin and you turn out to be the father, that would automatically make you her guardian, whether the circumstances are right or not.”

Yoongi pales. “If something happens to him?” His memory comes up with the hazy picture of a relaxed smile on plush silken lips.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Namjoon hurries to assure him when he sees the alarmed expression on the older man’s face. “I just felt you had a right to know. Male pregnancies are risky, so you never know.”

Yoongi groans. “Shit.”

Namjoon looks at him pityingly.

They sit in silence for a bit, while Yoongi is digesting the information. Finally he straightens up. He’d deal with this somehow. Whatever happened, surely it’d work out somehow. And if he knew about it, at least that gave him time to prepare.

“Thanks for telling me.” He finally says.

Namjoon just nods tightly.

Again, they sit in silence for a while. And finally Yoongi’s resolved look crumbles as quickly as it has appeared. It is replaced by a look of childlike fear and uncertainty, as Yoongi grasps the true implications of this new information.

“What do I do now?” He whispers brokenly.

Chapter Text

“Your belly has gotten so big,” Taehyung marvels, as he lets his hands glide over it reverently.

Jimin chuckles. “Yeah, I can’t actually see my toes anymore, when I’m lying like this.” He waggles his toes to prove his point. The younger boy looks down to Jimin’s feet and then back to his face. He grins his boxy smile, and lays his head against Jimin’s belly.

“She’s not gonna suddenly start talking just because you do that, you know.”

“Shh,” Tae interrupts him, “I’m listening to her.”

Jimin rolls his eyes, but doesn’t say anything else. It feels nice to have someone pay attention to his belly like that. Jin does, too, but there’s a certain distance between them due to age and propriety, which Taehyung simply doesn’t seem to have. And Jimin craves those cuddles and touches more than he had been aware of.

The baby has also quietened down considerably since Jimin had been put on bed rest. She still kicks every now and then, but it no longer knocks the breath out of Jimin when it happens. Still, having Taehyung’s large cool hands on his stomach feels soothing. And he feels his baby respond to them, too. Tae would make a wonderful father, Jimin thinks once again.

As if to mirror his thoughts, Tae starts whispering something to Jimin’s belly. His face is earnest as he speaks. He then pauses puts his ear back on Jimin’s belly to listen and then says something again.

Jimin rolls his eyes, looking at his antics fondly.

“You know, sometimes I get the feeling you only come because of the little one and not me,” he jokes, although there is a slight edge of real jealousy in there that he can’t seem to get rid of.

Tae looks up at him with puppy eyes. “You know I love you too, ChimChim!”

Jimin smiles at the newest nickname Taehyung came up with. He can’t remember the last time he’d felt so loved. “Thank you for being my friend,” he whispers. And he means it.

“Promise me you’ll let us know if you ever need something,” Tae says seriously, sitting up and taking the older boy’s hand. “You can tell me anything. Please don’t ever hide anything like that from me again.”

Jimin’s eyes get glassy again. “I’m sorry.” Tae just sighs, gently laying his ear against Jimin’s belly again and telling the baby how silly his eomma is.

At some point during the afternoon, Taehyung has moved to lie on the bed next to Jimin in a spooning position. His hands are still idly caressing Jimin’s belly as they lie there in comfortable silence.

“I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be a carrier. Ever since I first heard about their existence.” Tae muses randomly.

Jimin grins lopsidedly. “How does it feel to see one first hand?” he asks curiously.

“It’s amazing. You look so beautiful!”

Jimin smiles softly, a warm feeling spreading through his body. Tae had a knack for making him feel good.

“I never actually knew all that much about carriers, before finding out about the pregnancy. My parents were very opposed to the idea, they think carriers are abnormal,” Jimin confesses quietly.

Tae gasps. “What did you tell them about you being pregnant then?”

Jimin sighs. “They don’t know. I didn’t tell them.”

Tae props himself up to get a better look at Jimin. “Why not? How could you even keep that information to yourself??”

Jimin lays his head down wistfully, not looking at the younger boy.

“It’s easy when you haven’t spoken to them in years.”

Tae’s eyes go wide and his mouth pops open in surprise.

“You haven’t spoken to them in years?!”

Jimin mutely shakes his head.

“But… they’re still alive, are they?”

Jimin nods. He has managed to avoid thinking about his family for a long time now. Talking about them now brings back all the negative emotions he’s been hoping to finally leave behind.

Taehyung gently turns Jimin around, so that they are facing each other on the bed.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” He asks quietly.

Jimin thinks about it. He had never told anyone about this part of his life. Taemin was the only one, who knew. But then Taemin was also the only link to Busan he had left. He had never really had anyone to tell it to, he suddenly realises. And he suddenly longs to tell someone about what he went through as a teenager.

“I grew up in Busan,” he begins haltingly. “It was my mom and dad and me for a long time and then I got a brother. I had a good childhood. I was happy. We were a normal family.” He sighs. “But I was never a normal boy. I loved to dance and sing, I loved playing dress up and when I was about eleven, I also realised I liked boys more than I liked girls. My parents were conservative people. They forbid me from taking contemporary dance classes. Only when we begged and begged did they allow my brother and me to at least take hip hop classes. I guess hip hop was manly enough for them.”

Taehyung scoffs at that. Jimin simply shrugs.

“I was fine with that. I had discovered BTS at that point and loved to dance to their music. A guy from my class had a crush on me and confessed to me. I was so surprised and unsure of what to do. Suga released his mixtape around that time too. And in all the interviews I watched he kinda gave off the impression that he liked boys just as much as girls. He was unapologetic about it too and that kind of gave me the courage to say yes to that guy who asked me out. I don’t even remember his name. At the time I had a huge crush on my dance instructor, so that kind of overshadowed everything. The guy from my class and me, we only ever held hands in secret. We didn’t even kiss, but just holding hands was already such a new and exciting feeling.” Jimin is smiling fondly at his memories. “We got caught.” His smile vanishes.

“Our parents were informed. My parents… they didn’t take it well. They asked me whether it was true. Whether I was dating a boy. I couldn’t deny it. I didn’t want to deny it, even though I wasn’t all that sure about the relationship with this particular boy to begin with. But I figured now was the time to come out to them as gay. They didn’t take it well.”

Taehyung gently takes Jimin’s hand an squeezes it.

“They told me to either swear I would never do it again or leave the house. How could I swear to never date a boy? I was way too honest and naïve back then. Taemin later told me that sometimes it’s necessary to lie or hide things for my own good.”

He looks at Taehyung apologetically. “It’s why I never told you about… well about being pregnant, when we first met.”

Taehyung squeezes his hand again. “That’s alright, don’t worry about it.”

Jimin blushes and nods shyly.

“Thank you for everything you have done for me. You and Jin both!”

Taehyung pinches his cheeks. “Aegyoo,” he coos. “We’d do anything for you and the little princess.”

Jimin blushes even more.

“So they just kicked you out and you came to Seoul?”

“Pretty much, yeah. I actually stayed with my dance instructor for a while. You know, the one I had a crush on?” He chuckles. “I guess I can thank my parents for that at least. Although nothing ever happened between us. He only ever treats me like a younger brother. It’s a bit awkward, to be honest.”

“Wait, is that the guy you met up with when we were still living together?”

Jimin nods. “Yeah.”

“Did you tell him?”

Jimin blushes, before shaking his head.

“Wait a moment. Jimin. Please tell me he’s not the father?!”

“He’s not the father,” Jimin assures him quickly. “Our parents are actually good friends, so if we had got together it would have made things even more awkward. Plus I don’t think he’s gay anyway. He’s never talked about it at least. He got engaged, too, and she’s a girl, so I don’t think he was ever interested in guys. I never asked.”

He shrugs.

“My parents know I stayed with him, though. So I guess they know they could reach me through him. But they never tried to reach out to me. I guess I’m an orphan for all intents and purposes. But apparently I’m still on the family register, so I didn’t get any orphan support. I finished middle school in Busan and then paid my own way through high school in Seoul while getting paid as a trainee and backup dancer.”

He shrugs again. Looking at the younger boy’s wide eyes, he tries to soothe him. “It is what it is. I’ve come to terms with it.”

“But you haven’t seen your parents in years! And they…” tears are sparkling in Taehyung’s eyes.

“That’s just the way it is. Sometimes life gives you a decision to make and then you have to live with the consequences. I couldn’t swear not to be with boys. At the time that was the most obvious answer. And look where I am now.”

Jimin brushes over his belly lightly.

“Maybe my parents weren’t so wrong after all.”

“That’s rubbish and you know it!” Taehyung bursts out. “If they had continued to love you, you wouldn’t be in this situation either.”

“I don’t know,” Jimin confesses quietly. “Maybe not, maybe still. Maybe my parents only ever wanted to protect me?”

It’s a new interpretation of the events of that fateful year when he had turned sixteen. One he would love to believe in, even though so many other things spoke against it.

“I’ve been thinking about finding someone to adopt my little one,” Jimin suddenly confides. It was an idea he had been turning over in his head for a while now.

Taehyung looks at him in surprise. “I thought you wanted to keep her? Won’t you be upset if you give away a child that’s been a part of you for months?”

Jimin sighs. “It’s not just about what I want. I want to be a part of my child’s life so badly. But I also have to think practically and in the best interest of my child. Fact is, I simply can’t afford it. There’s no way I can afford the medication on top of everything else. It would have been tight to begin with, but now…,” he breaks off abruptly. “I really don’t want to give her up!” he suddenly cries out. “What if she’s unhappy with her adopted parents? I would never be able to forgive myself.” He pauses, and in a small voice he confides: “What if she loves them? Is it unreasonable to wish she would love me more?”

Taehyung wraps his arms around the other boy.

“I know I shouldn’t want that,” Jimin says quietly. “But I just love her so much already. I want my child to have the best life possible. But I can’t provide that, it seems. I’m such a failure!”

Tae hugs him tightly. “We’ll figure something out.”

Jimin sniffs unconvinced.

“I’m sure Jin can help you, too. Maybe if you guys get together…” he trails off.

Jimin looks up at him in alarm. “Jin still hasn’t told you then?”

Tae just looks at him in confusion.

Jimin sighs. “It’s not my place to tell. I just hate having all those secrets floating about.”

“What secrets? You never even told me you were pregnant! For two whole months! Secrets don’t get much bigger than that!”

Jimin ducks his head.

“I was scared.”

Tae looks at him gently. “Why were you scared?”

“I didn’t want to lose you,” Jimin mumbles. “I couldn’t risk that. You gave me something to hold onto. I couldn’t lose that. It wasn’t worth the risk. Sometimes you have to hide the truth.”

“Oh Jimin.” Tae hugs him again. “I would never turn away because of that. Quite the opposite, I’m excited I’ll get to be an uncle!”

Jimin takes a deep breath. “I never told you about the father either.”

Tae stiffens for a second, then resumes the calming caresses on Jimin’s skin. He just hums, indicating that he’ll listen if Jimin wants to tell him.

“I’m not quite sure, it’s him. I mean my memories from that night are a bit blotchy and his management said he was elsewhere that night. So maybe it’s just something my mind made up. I wished it was true though. I’ve tried so hard to tell myself not to keep my hopes up. It would crush me to find out it’s not him, but some nameless stranger. But the hope is still there. And I’m so scared of that bubble bursting.” Jimin confides.

Tae hums, encouraging Jimin to go on.

“I mean even if it is him, it doesn’t mean he’ll miraculously fall for me or anything. I’m not that naïve. But he’d surely have enough money to afford the medication and then maybe, I could actually keep my child and watch it grow up.”

There are tears in his eyes.

“Oh Jimin.”

“…and then I hate myself for thinking like that. His money shouldn’t matter at all. I should be more worried about his reputation.”

“Do you want to tell me who it is?” Tae asks gently.

Jimin is yanked out of his train of thoughts. When he looks at Tae, he can’t keep it in any longer. “Promise me, you won’t be mad for not telling you earlier! It’s Suga hyung. Bangtan’s Suga.”

Tae’s eyes widen. “You know Suga?”

“I used to be a backup dancer. Before I was fired. Shortly before Jungkook joined the company as a trainee. I remember talking to Suga at the Company’s anniversary party. I think we went to a hotel afterwards, but I can’t really remember. The company said Suga was somewhere else that night, so maybe we didn’t? I’m not sure it was him. Maybe it was someone else? I only know that I woke up alone in a hotel room the next day, thighs and ass sticky with cum and sheets soiled. I mean it obviously was a guy, otherwise I wouldn’t be in this situation now” he rubs his belly absentmindedly. “But it could have been anyone. And that scares me.”

Taehyung is still holding Jimin’s hand and is now rubbing soothing circles into his skin.

“What did Suga hyung say about all this?”

Jimin’s eyes fill with tears.

“He hasn’t said anything.”

“You told him though, didn’t you?” Taehyung says gently but sternly.

Jimin wipes away the tear that has trickled down his cheeks. “I wrote him a letter, but he never replied to it. I tried to contact him again, but the company told me it couldn’t have possibly been him. They made me sign a contract to not contact him again.”

He pulls his knees up to his belly, loosely curling into a ball.

“So baseline is, he doesn’t know.”

“Namjoon probably told him by now though,” Jimin mumbles quietly into the pillow.

“What did you say?” Tae bends down to get closer, but Jimin just shakes his head.

“It’s alright. There’s nothing I can do until the baby is born. That’s just the way it is.”

He shrugs, but the smile on his face is sad.

***

After Taehyung has left, later that night, Jimin asks Jin why he still hasn’t told his cousin about his relationship with Namjoon. “Tae can keep a secret,” he assures him. “You’re family. Doesn’t it hurt to lie to family?”

Jin sighs. “I’ve wanted to tell him ever since Tae came out as gay to me. At the time Joonie and I had been together for almost two years already. Nobody knew. We went to school together, you know. He confessed to me on the school’s rooftop.”

“It sounds like a wonderful beginning of a love story,” Jimin smiles kindly.

“It was.” Jin shakes his head. “It still is. I love Joonie more than anything. It’s just that recently we don’t really get to see much of each other and that worries me sometimes.”

Jimin puts his hand on top of Jin’s larger one. “You’ll figure it out, hyung. I believe in the two of you. Maybe telling Tae and then your families would be the way to go forward? To make it feel more permanent?”

Jin smiles at Jimin. “How did you get so smart, huh?” He taps him on the nose. “Maybe it really will. I’ll talk to Namjoon. Thanks Jiminie.”

~~~

“Jin’s asked me for permission to tell his family about us.”

Hobi looks up in interest. “Don’t tell me you guys never told them? You’re practically married!”

“Permission?” Yoongi frowns.

Namjoon sighs. “It’s not as simple. We agreed at the beginning of our relationship to keep it secret. And once I joined the company, well you know how they are.”

“They allowed you to stay together, though,” Hobi points out.

“They only did that because I was threatening to leave the company otherwise. If we hadn’t been as popular as a group earning them shit tons of money, they would have kicked me out themselves.”

“Well they didn’t,” Yoongi just shrugs. “They know how valuable you are. So just use that to your advantage. I don’t see why either one of you needs anyone’s permission to do anything.”

Namjoon bristles at that. “If I put my career on the line, it’ll also impact yours,” he bristles.

Yoongi shrugs, “if what you told me is true, my career will go down the shithole in two months anyway.”

Hobi looks at them in confusion. “Told you what?”

“A lie from a beautiful gold-digging whore.”

Namjoon looks up sharply. “What did you just call Jimin?”

“A gold-digging whore.” He raises an eyebrow provocatively. “Even if the kid really was mine, its conception was against my consent and clearly all part of a ploy to get my money.”

“That’s not true! Jimin was drugged just as you were.”

“That’s what he wants you to believe, so you think he is a victim in this,” Yoongi shouts back.

“Guys,” Hobi steps in between them. “I don’t really know what is going on right now, but we’re not enemies here. We’re all on the same side, right?”

Yoongi huffs out a breath and crosses his arms. “Tell Jin he can tell the whole world about your relationship for all I care.”

Namjoon takes a deep breath. “I disagree with your opinion about Jimin. But I will tell Jin to go ahead and tell his cousin.” He massages his temple. “It feels like we’re drifting apart and I don’t know what to do,” he confesses suddenly.

Yoongi looks away uncomfortably. Hobi crouches down next to their youngest member. “Hey, it’s alright, Joon-ah. Jin will come around, he always does.”

Namjoon looks up at him. “He’s been demanding more attention recently. I’m afraid that what I can give him right now is not enough anymore. I’m afraid he’ll leave me if I don’t man up and officially stand by him. But if I do that, there’ll be a backlash for all of us.”

Yoongi sighs. “Well, we might as well do it all together then. You coming out about being with Jin, me about possibly becoming a dad, and Hobi, well Hobi is honestly our only hope, being scandal free and what not. Hey Hobi, maybe you should consider being a full on solo artist after this, after all.”

Hobi scoffs, “I’ll stand by you. No matter what. I mean come on, it’s been our goal from the beginning to change the world, right? So how are we gonna go about dropping the big shock?”

Yoongi looks at him appreciatively, grateful that the other man had not demanded more information about his personal life.

Namjoon sighs, “The sooner we do this then, the better, I guess. I feel like I’m losing Jin. He’s spending so much time with Jimin these days that I feel I never get to see him anymore.”

Yoongi frowns at that. “I really need to talk to that Jimin guy. I mean for all we know, he might not be who we thought he is.”

Namjoon’s eyes narrow. Then he takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to think badly of Jimin, but I guess you’re right. There’s way too many secrets about right now.” He looks at the floor tiredly. “Truce?” he asks, looking up at Yoongi.

Yoongi just shrugs and nods. “Truce.”

Hobi sighs in relief. “Well that was awkward. So you guys are good?”

The other two members nod. “No more secrets, yeah?” He says, looking at Yoongi.

Yoongi rolls his eyes. “I was planning on telling you, don’t worry. I just need a bit more time to sort through my thoughts on this.”

The younger boy nods in agreement. “Take as much time as you need. And if you ever need to talk, I’m always there to listen.”

Yoongi looks at him in surprise. “Thanks man,” he says, feeling oddly touched.

“Don’t go all sentimental on me guys,” Hobi chuckles awkwardly. “Do you want to know another secret, if we’re already spreading all the gossip love now. You know if we want to make this company the avantgarde of social change, we might as well ask Jungkook if he’s game.”

Yoongi frowns. “Jungkook?”

“Yeah, remember the new trainee that always brings us our coffee? You know the creative coffee cups you love so much, hyung?”

Yoongi’s frown deepens. “I know who Jungkook is. I just don’t understand what you’re trying to hint at?”

“Well,” Hobi starts dramatically, “apparently he’s finally manned up and asked that barista out.”

Yoongi looks up sharply.

“What?!”

“Yeah, apparently they had been crushing on each other for ages and the barista kept leaving hints on his drink, the last one asking him out. Or at least I think that’s how they got together. Anyway, that’s not the important part of this. You’ll never guess who that Barista is”

Namjoon frowns “You mean the one who always draws stuff on our cups? You mean we actually know her?”

Hobi nods cackling “Yeah, well no, not really I guess. Although you will soon, I guess. It’s Jin’s cousin, Taehyung. Apparently he works at that shop.”

Yoongi feels like his heart stops. The wonderful drawings, the poetic lines he had used as inspiration for months had been from Jin’s cousin Taehyung? Only now does he realise, how deeply those messages have affected him. How he’d fallen for their creator, without knowing anything about him. Finding out it’s a guy that he could sort of know makes it both more exhilarating and more terrifying. But if Taehyung was really with Jungkook… His heart tightens painfully and his stomach drops when he realises something else. Not only was the guy he had a huge fucking crush on in a relationship and therefore unavailable. He was also a good friend of a guy Yoongi might have actually inadvertently got pregnant. This was such a mess!

He feels his anger towards Jimin increase. Not that he would have had a chance with Taehyung anyway, but if Namjoon’s reaction was anything to go by, his association with Jimin meant Yoongi had lost any chance to get close to his coffee cup muse. He feels the resentment towards Jimin build. He could have dealt with a whore who was out for his money. But if Jimin was actually as close with Taehyung as Namjoon had hinted at, Jimin had ruined a lot more than just potentially his career.

“Shit.”

Chapter Text

Jin invites Taehyung and Jungkook over for dinner the next night. He’s more nervous than he thought he would be, knowing how disappointed his younger cousin would be in him. It’s not that I didn’t trust him, Jin thinks. But suddenly he cannot think of a single valid excuse of why he hadn’t told Taehyung about being together with Namjoon all these years.

Dinner starts off as usual. Every once in a while Jimin throws a glance in Jin’s direction that the older man ignores professionally.

When they have reached dessert and Jin has still not got around to actually telling Taehyung, Jimin clears his throat.

“Wasn’t there something you wanted to say, hyung?” He asks innocently.

Jin drops the spoonful of jam he had been gathering for his pancake onto the table cloth in shock.

Jimin blushes and lowers his head, mumbling an apology immediately. Jin sighs. “It’s alright, Jimin. You’re right.”

Taehyung is looking at the exchange curiously. His mouth is stuffed full with a pancake. Jimin looks at Jin encouragingly and gives him a thumbs up.

“Okay guys. Well mainly Tae, but you’ll probably be hearing this for the first time as well, Jungkook.”

Taehyung swallows the rest of his pancake and licks across his lips slowly.

Jin lets out a deep sigh leaning back in his chair.

“Okay,” he starts again, “well, I guess I should tell you I’m not single. I actually haven’t been for a while now.”

Taehyung blinks and then looks at Jin incredulously. “You’re…” his eyes stray to Jimin, who is watching his reaction with an unreadable expression.

“Wait. Are you two telling me…”

Jimin’s eyes go wide. He immediately raises his hand in denial. “No!” he almost shouts shaking his head. “We’re not…”

“I’m dating Namjoon.” Jin states calmly.

“Namjoon, who?”

Jin chuckles. I didn’t know you knew that many Namjoons,” he smiles wryly. “Kim Namjoon.”

“Kim Namjoon.” Taehyung repeats slowly. “You mean to say…”

“I’m dating Bangtan’s Kim Namjoon. Yes.”

Jimin glances at Jungkook, whose eyes are wide and whose mouth has dropped open. Taehyung is looking even worse, his face twisted into a grimace of utter disbelief.

“You’re dating RM?”

“Well, not really RM. Kim Namjoon. I’ve known him even before he became Rap Monster.” He smiles at his cousin. “We went to school together in Ilsan.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?!”

Jin shrugs. “I wasn’t out at the time we got together. And by the time you came out to me, Joonie was already getting famous and we couldn’t risk rumours starting.”

“Does auntie know?”

A shadow flickers across Jin’s face. “No. Not even my parents know.”

Taehyung turns to Jimin. “You knew,” he says accusingly.

Jimin shrugs, hunching his shoulders protectively. “I live with them now. There’s only so much you can or want to keep secret.”

Taehyung narrows his eyes. “Oh there’s a whole lot that can be kept secret even when you’re living together.”

He said it playfully, but Jimin flinches nonetheless and ducks his head.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Taehyung asks no one in particular.

Jimin looks up at him with wide eyes. This wasn’t my secret to tell!” He exclaims apprehensively. “Please don’t be mad?” He bites his lips, hugging his middle.

Taehyung blinks and then shakes his head to clear it. “Of course not, I could never be angry at you, Mochi.”

Jimin blushes, feeling the others’ eyes on him.

“Did you know about this, pancakes?” Taehyung asks his boyfriend sternly.

Now it’s Jungkook’s turn to blush madly at the casual public use of his newest nickname. Instead of answering he simply shakes his head, his eyes wide.

Suddenly Jin starts giggling. “Pancakes? Really?” Taehyung and Jimin join in quickly breaking the tension and finally Jungkook is grinning and smiling too at Tae’s crazy hobby of inventing nicknames.

“Like Suga’s any better,” Taehyung grins, looking at Jimin, his eyes sparkling with mischief. The other boy’s smile becomes a little sad. “A sweet name for a sweet person. I hope my daughter is not as grumpy.”

Jimin can see the question marks in Jungkook eyes, but this time he is too embarrassed to explain his answer to Taehyung’s strange comment.

Jin starts to chuckle again. “Oh boy. This is such a mess! We should all just have a party together. Since all of us sort of seem to know each other anyway.”

“Yes!” Taehyung agrees, fist pumping the air. “Let’s have a party. Let’s have a party with BTS!”

Jungkook simply shrugs, looking at his boyfriend’s enthusiasm fondly.

Jimin remains quiet. He doesn’t want to meet Yoongi again for the first time in months at a party. For some reason it just doesn’t feel like a good idea, not with how things went at the last party they both attended. It’s not like he could drink anyway, but he has the feeling that it wouldn’t take any alcohol to follow the rapper anywhere. Even into his bed. He feels hot even thinking about it. His hormones have been crazy lately and he is still very much infatuated with the older man, despite knowing that the other doesn’t care about him at all. He would still do it all over again in a heartbeat. He was so stupid!

While Jin and Taehyung excitedly chat about organising a party, Jimin thinks about what could happen. If the rapper got drunk and showed interest in him, Jimin knew it wouldn’t take much to convince him to go to bed with him. But what if Yoongi was so drunk that he didn’t remember again the next day? He couldn’t handle another rejection. Not from Yoongi.

His eyes get glassy just thinking about it. He would break out into tears with everyone present, he realises. Yoongi wouldn’t even recognise him, or look at him twice. Why should he anyway. Jimin lowers his head, so the others wouldn’t be able to see his face. Taehyung sounds so excited and Jin is happy too, finally getting all the people he cares about into one room. Jimin wishes he could simply vanish into thin air. He doesn’t want to be at that party. He won’t be able to control his emotions and he knows he’s gonna end up causing a scene and ruining the entire gathering for the others.

Jin and Taehyung are too absorbed in their excitement to notice Jimin’s growing stress. Jungkook, however, who is watching the others chat about all the things they want to have for the party, notices the nervousness and fear in Jimin’s eyes.

“Everything alright, hyung?” he asks quietly.

Taehyung and Jin pause and look at him, too. Jimin blushes feeling all eyes on him.

“I’m fine,” he hurriedly assures them. “It’s just, maybe I shouldn’t be there? I can go somewhere, it’s fine. It’s just I don’t want things being awkward, what with Yoongi being there. I mean we haven’t really talked at all, and I assume he knows, but he hasn’t contacted me at all. I don’t want to ruin your evening. I can just go over to Tae’s flat or something. I can also go to a park or sit in the café. Really don’t worry about me!”

All three guys look at Jimin in shock and pity. The pregnant boy just looks down again, playing with his sweater sleeves in embarrassment.

Tae suddenly speaks again, anger only thinly veiled “What do you mean, Suga knows but he hasn’t contacted you?”

Jimin shrugs helplessly. “I told you about the letter I wrote, a while back. And even if he didn’t get it, I assume by now Namjoon must have told him.” He looks at Jin in confirmation who slowly nods. Jimin lowers his eyes “It’s no big deal. I mean I get it. We don’t even know if the baby is his. So until we do know, there’s no point in meeting me, right? And it might turn out not to be his. Then getting to know me would be pointless anyway.”

Tae sits up straighter. “Jimin, getting to know you is never pointless! No matter whose baby you’re carrying. You are still you. You’re still your own person. You don’t deserve to be treated like this!”

Jimin ducks his head, “It’s no big deal. I’m used to it…”

“That’s exactly my point.” Taehyung cries out. “You shouldn’t be used to this! You’re such an amazing person! You shouldn’t let others treat you as if you don’t matter! Yoongi has no right! Even if it turns out not to be his, as long as he can’t rule out having slept with you, he owes you at least a meeting!”

Jimin looks at him with big eyes. Tears gather in them and spill down his rosy cheeks, when he realises that Yoongi might indeed be sure he had not in fact slept with Jimin. His management had said he had been elsewhere. Jimin lowers his head, hunches his shoulders, making himself small. He starts trembling and breathing fast. If Yoongi wasn’t the father then who was? Who had slept with him in that hotel room?

Jin rushes around the table, telling Jimin to take deep steady breaths. Jimin looks at him through his tears but empty noise in his ears make it impossible to concentrate on what the older man is saying.

Jin looks at Jungkook and Taehyung, who are now standing next to Jimin with identical worried looks on their faces.

“Help me get him to the sofa,” Jin says, looking at the youngest boy. Jungkook immediately helps him to pick up Jimin and together they move him to the sofa.

Jin sits on the ground next to him, gently running his hands through Jimin’s sweaty locks and murmuring soothing nothings into his ears. After a while, Jimin’s breathless gasps calm into broken sobs.

“He’s not the father,” Jimin cries out in devastation. “That’s why he hasn’t contacted me at all. It all makes sense now.”

Taehyung is sitting on the edge of the sofa, holding Jimin’s hand. “Everything is alright, we’re here,” he murmurs in a calming voice.

Jimin’s frenzied gaze focuses on him. “I don’t know who I slept with. I was so sure that it was Yoongi. I wouldn’t go to bed with just anyone.” His face twists into a mask of hopelessness and he grabs his hair in frustration. “Why can’t I remember? I thought for certain that Yoongi and I talked that night. So if it wasn’t with him, who took me to bed then? Who slept with me?” A fresh wave of tears gushes down his cheeks.

“Shh,” Taehyung soothes him, caressing his arm while awkwardly hugging him on the couch. He soon moves to lay Jimin’s head on his lap and gently cards his hands through Jimin’s hair.

Jin tries to tell him about the drugs Yoongi’s stalker girl must have spiced their drinks with, but it is clear from Jimin’s vacant stare that he isn’t really aware of anything going on around him at the moment. Jin sighs frustratedly, wishing there was something he could do.

“Call Namjoon,” Taehyung whispers to Jin and the older man nods and leaves the room.

Taehyung and Jungkook stay with Jimin, soothing him until the pregnant boy has cried himself to sleep.

~~~

Namjoon smiles when he sees Jin on his caller ID at around 10pm.

“Hey, babe,” he answers easily.

“Hey,” Jin answers. There’s a tightness to his voice that has Namjoon worried.

“Is everything alright?” His voice is filled with concern.

“Yes, no, I don’t know.” There’s a deep sigh on the other end of the line. “Namjoon, have you told Yoongi about Jimin?”

The younger man wrinkles his forehead. “Yeah, I have. Why?”

“What did he say?”

“Yoongi hyung?”

Jin hums.

“He was overwhelmed. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him after all.” Namjoon sounds guilty.

“No! You were right telling him. It’s just… I think it’d be good for them to talk to each other directly.”

“I don’t think Yoongi’s ready for that yet, to be honest."

“Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t. But at this point I don’t care if Yoongi is ready or not. Jimin needs this. He’s had another panic attack earlier. He needs to meet Yoongi in person and maybe they recognise each other. And even if Yoongi doesn’t recognise him at all, it’d still be better than the constant doubts, Jimin is going through.”

Namjoon sighs deeply. “We can’t just force Yoongi to go on a date with Jimin, babe.”

“It wouldn’t be a date, and yes that’s exactly what needs to happen!”

“Do you really think it’d be a smart idea to force them?”

“At this point I don’t care. It needs to happen.”

Namjoon sits down in his studio chair, sighing deeply. “I can ask him to contact Jimin via e-mail or text message. That’s all I can do, hyung.”

He can hear his boyfriend let out an annoyed snort and expects the worst.

“You can tell Yoongi to… never mind. I’m not angry at you Joonie. But if Yoongi doesn’t contact Jimin within the next couple of days, I swear I’ll kill him personally the next time I see him!”

Namjoon rolls his eyes at Jin’s dramatics. “You have to look at it from his side as well, hyung. How would you feel if you had people come up to you, telling you you got them pregnant?”

“That would never happen to me. First of all I don’t sleep around and second of all, I would at least remember my bed partners if I did,” he answers frostily.

“Yoongi was drugged up that night, hyung! Don’t blame him for something when he was the victim here!”

“So was Jimin for all we know!” He lets out a deep breath. “Okay, look, I don’t want to fight. Just tell Yoongi to contact Jimin. The longer he drags this out, the worse it’ll get.”

“I’ll let him know,” Namjoon promises wearily. “They probably won’t be able to meet in person until we’re back from our Japan tour, though.”

“I figured as much,” Jin sighs. “About that, how do you feel about having a party for your birthday at my house? You’ll be back from Japan by then, right?”

“Party?” Namjoon says sceptically.

“Just the other Bangtan boys, Tae and Jungkook and, well, Jimin.”

Namjoon hesitates, thinking about it. Personally he wouldn’t mind meeting all of Jin’s close friends at his own birthday party. “Do you think it’s a good idea to have Jimin and Yoongi meet like that?” He voices his only concern.

“They’re both old enough to pull their shit together. Especially if they know it’s your birthday party and they’re being watched. I think it might actually be a really good first meeting for them.”

Namjoon hums sceptically. “Maybe,” he just says. “By the way. There are official plans now for our coming out.”

Jin squeals in excitement. “Omg, really? Are you really doing this?”

Namjoon smiles. He can vividly imagine how large his boyfriend’s eyes must be right now and how they would be sparkling. “Of course, babe. I love you. And it’s time for the world to know.”

~~~

Namjoon stays true to his word and Yoongi actually sends Jimin a text message. It is simple, yet when Jimin receives it, it feels to him like the entire world has come to a crashing halt.

He stares at the display of his phone in disbelief, his heart beating furiously.

Could this really be…?

He looks at the screen again, blinking twice for good measure.

“This is Min Yoongi. I think we should talk.”

It’s simple. Neutral in a way, and definitely no reason for Jimin to feel as happy as he does. Yet as he stares at his phone even longer, he can’t supress the fluttering hope he had tried to bury months ago. He sets his phone aside and grabs a pillow, hugging it tightly. Was this really happening?

Unable to believe it, he grabs his phone again to double check and sure enough, Yoongi’s message is really there.

Yoongi hyung knows about me. Jimin’s hands fly to his belly. He knows about us, he amends his thoughts.

It feels like there are butterflies in his stomach that are doing somersaults. It feels good in a weird way. Jimin starts chewing on his nails as he tries to come up with a response. Usually Jimin never has any problems with answering people’s messages. But this time everything needs to be perfect. So much depends on it.

It takes him half an hour until he is somewhat satisfied with the phrasing of telling Yoongi that he is basically ready to meet up with him wherever, whenever. A little desperate? Maybe. But Jimin is too happy right now to care.

Yoongi doesn’t answer for the rest of the day and Jimin starts feeling on edge again. Jin is out today and Jimin is left alone with his thoughts.

Had he said something wrong? Did he come across as too eager? Too desperate? Would Yoongi just ignore his answer?

Jimin tries to sleep, but sleep just won’t come to him.

What if he had just ruined his only chance with that text?

At 11 pm, just as Jimin is slowly starting to drift off to sleep, his phone finally beeps quietly, indicating he has a new message. Jimin is alert immediately. He rolls around in bed to switch on the bedside lamp and then gently edges himself up bit by bit, so he is in a somewhat upright position. He checks his phone and sure enough the display indicates a message from Yoongi. He skims over the preview, not yet daring to open it and having Yoongi see that he has read his message.

His message is disappointingly short and to the point again. This time Yoongi only texted him the address of a coffeeshop near his studio and a date two weeks from now. Jimin googles the address, groaning when he sees that it is on the other side of Seoul. Yoongi said it would be most convenient for him since it was close to his studio. Jimin bites his lip. He wasn’t supposed to walk around much anymore. But the café was not too far from the next subway station, and if all failed, he could always just get a taxi even if it was expensive.

He opens his messenger app then and types out his agreement.

“Sure, that café and date work perfectly! Thank you for your time! I’m looking forward to seeing you then!”

Yoongi never bothers to reply to that, although the app shows Jimin that his message had been read. When Yoongi doesn’t answer for the next thirty minutes, he sets aside his phone and turns off the light again. His happiness has taken a hit figuratively speaking. But then, Yoongi was probably busy, so he figures it was okay if he didn’t reply to Jimin’s message.

Jimin lies awake for another hour or so, until he finally falls into a fitful sleep filled with dreams of a certain fire-spitting rapper.

Chapter Text

It turns out that Namjoon’s birthday party is before the date Yoongi had scheduled with Jimin. Three full days earlier, to be exact. And no, Jimin most certainly did not know that because he was counting down the days until their meeting.

“Does Yoongi know I will be there?” He asks Jin for the umpteenth time.

Jin knocks on the younger boy’s head playfully. “Have you been listening at all the last five times I answered that question?” he asks.

Jimin blushes. “You think it is really okay? If we meet before our meeting?”

“Jimin, this is just a casual dinner with friends. Well, and Namjoon’s birthday party. The two of you are both grown up, so I trust you know what to do and what not to do.”

Jimin’s blush increases tenfold. Could Jin read his mind and see all the crazy scenarios his mind was coming up with? If only Yoongi would really enfold him in his arms as soon as he met him. They’d go to Jimin’s room and… He blushes again. Jin would probably not be happy if they did that. No, it was better if they didn’t look at each other too much. They should just treat each other as the friends of a mutual friend. After all that’s all they were to each other, right?

Of course things are never as easy as they sound. As soon as Yoongi steps into the house, Jimin can’t take his eyes off him. He tries not to be too obvious about it, but whenever the general attention is elsewhere, his eyes stray back to Yoongi.

He’s even more beautiful than Jimin remembers. His hair is now a light blond and Jimin almost swoons at how sexy it makes him look. He pulls himself together just in time for the general introductions.

Namjoon introduces his fellow band members and Jin takes it up on himself to introduce his cousin Taehyung and Jimin.

“Are Jin and I really the only ones who know all of you, guys?” Jungkook asks incredulously. Taehyung snickers. “I do know all of you too, but I don’t think you guys remember me,” he says looking at the Bangtan members.

Yoongi looks him straight in the eye. “Of course, I remember you, Taehyung.” Taehyung’s eyes widen in response, clearly not having expected that.

What about me? Jimin thinks from the chair he’s sitting on, but nobody looks his way and he’s too scared of the answer anyway.

The others take their seats around the table, Jin and Taehyung sitting down on either side of Jimin. Yoongi ends up sitting diagonally across from Jimin. The table is large but not too large. It’d be possible to talk across the table, but that would mean everyone would listen to your conversation. Jimin keeps sending shy glances at Yoongi, but when the other man doesn’t respond at all, he ducks his head, folding his hands over his stomach in an attempt to hide it.

Jin brings in the traditional seaweed birthday soup and they all wish Namjoon happy birthday. Other than that it’s just a normal family dinner. They joke around and it feels like they have really all known each other forever. Taehyung and Hoseok get along especially well and whenever Tae tells another one of his crazy stories all eyes are on him. Jimin’s eyes meanwhile remain glued on Yoongi. The older boy has yet to say a word to him or even look at him longer than in passing.

Every time Yoongi catches him staring, Jimin ducks his head blushing in embarrassment. Yet Yoongi is staring at Taehyung unabashedly whenever the younger boy opens his eyes to look at him again. It makes Jimin confused and nervous.

Jungkook, who has heard most of his boyfriend’s story already, takes his time to look at the others. He smiles when he realises they are more or less a family. His smile drops, however, when he sees the pained expression on Jimin’s face. He follows his gaze and the open interest in Yoongi’s face directed at his own boyfriend makes him frown, too.

Taehyung is completely unaware of all this. He’s having the time of his life, meeting the BTS boys for real and hanging out with his boyfriend, cousin and friends.

“We’ve got to do this more often, hyung!” He tells Jin, his eyes sparkling in excitement.

“Yeah, this is awesome,” Hoseok immediately agrees and Namjoon nods in agreement. Even Yoongi cracks a smile and the other two idols are shocked when he agrees too. Jimin can feel the other’s eyes on him, so he forces a smile on his face and nods too.

“Let’s have a toast,” Hoseok suggests, and Jin gets a new bottle of wine from the kitchen. He goes around the table, filling their glasses. He fills Jimin’s glass, too, by accident, and the younger boy is looking at it as if it would kill him. Considering all the medication Jimin is currently taking that thought might actually be justified.

 When everyone has their glass, Hoseok stands up raising his glass.

“Let’s toast to Namjoon, the greatest leader ever born and an awesome friend.” The others all stand up too, raising their glasses and Jimin looks around in panic.

He tries to move his chair to get up too, but his belly is in the way and in the end he just takes his glass of water and raises it towards Namjoon. All the while he is blushing like mad.

Hoseok gives him a brief look of confusion, while the others don’t think much of it. Only Yoongi’s eyes linger on him longer than before and Jimin feels like they are boring a hole into his body. Jimin keeps his eyes lowered and when it is time to drink to Namjoon, he avoids the other man’s eyes and only looks towards Namjoon.

When the others have sat down again, it’s Namjoon’s turn – who had remained seated during the toast – to get up and raise his glass.

“Thank you friends. I’m glad all of you are here today. He looks at each of them, smiling. I’m especially glad I finally got to meet you, Taehyung,” he dips his head in a slight bow towards the younger boy. “Today is a special day. And I hope it will get even more special. Jin,” he looks at his boyfriend warmly. “We got together today, six years ago. I have been so lucky to have you by my side through it all and I want to stay by your side for the rest of my life.”

Jin covers his mouth with his hand when he realises what is happening.

Namjoon gets down on his knees in front of Jin then and takes his hands. “You have been the light of my days and nights. The inspiration for my work and a blessing for my life. You’ve been there for me through all hardships and soon we’ll finally be able to tell the world. When we do that, I do not just want to introduce you as my boyfriend, Jin. Will you do me the honour of becoming my fiancé?”

Jin’s eyes are sparkling with emotion. He gets on his knees as well and embraces his boyfriend. “Of course, Joonie,” he gasps out between kissing his now fiancé all over the face. “Of course I’ll marry you!”

The others break out into cheers, and after digging around in his jacket pockets frantically, Namjoon finally produces a ring to slide onto Jin’s finger. They rise to their feet and kiss while the others whistle and catcall.

Big fat tears are streaming down Jimin’s cheek as he claps loudly for his friend. He feels so happy for Jin and Namjoon and seeing them so happy and in love makes him happy too. The others eventually sit down and after another round of congratulations and well wishes, conversation strays back to everyday topics. Jin and Namjoon are clearly lost in their own world and the others just roll their eyes and let them be.

Taehyung finishes his glass of wine and Jimin subtly pushes his own glass towards him. Taehyung looks at it for a moment and then he looks at Jimin in realisation. He nods and winks and exchanges their glasses. Jimin sighs in relief.

He feels Yoongi’s eyes on them again and when he looks up and meets his eyes, he cannot read the other man’s gaze at all.

Jin and Namjoon start kissing again and Taehyung calls out to them, “gross, hyungs. Go get a room!”

Jin flips him off, but then gets up and pulls Namjoon with him. “Go make yourselves at home. I’ve got something to do right now.”

“Or someone to do more precisely,” Taehyung mutters and rolls his eyes.

The others watch in startled embarrassment as Jin and Namjoon leave the room.

“Let’s have another round of drinks,” Hoseok finally suggests, dispelling the awkwardness that had fallen over the room at their hosts’ departure. His face is already glowing red, and the others are not much better off.

“There’s still Soju in the kitchen,” Taehyung pipes up and jumps up from his seat. He motions for Jungkook to follow him and the two go to the kitchen together. With the youngest couple preparing their drinks in the kitchen, Hoseok’s eyes fall on Jimin.

“You used to be a dancer at BigHit, right?” he smiles at him brightly. “I kept thinking your face looked familiar, but I only just realised why.”

“Yeah,” Jimin answers, smiling softly. He chances a glance at Yoongi and then turns away again, his smile falling, when he realises the other man’s face is as impassive as ever. There’s an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach when he thinks about how disinterested the rapper has looked all night.

“That’s cool. I always wanted to be a dancer, too, before I got thrown into a rap group with those two idiots.” He points at Yoongi and the door Namjoon had just left through with a smile. “We’ve done more dance projects with backup dancers lately, but I don’t think I’ve seen you around?” Suddenly his friendly smile seems dangerous to Jimin.

“I haven’t been to BigHit in a while,” he says carefully.

“Oh,” Hoseok looks at him pityingly. “What happened? Did you get hurt?” There is genuine concern in his voice.

“He’s not working there any longer,” Yoongi clarifies and the look he directs at Jimin makes a cold shiver ghost across his skin. The younger boy bows his head in shame.

Jimin cradles his swollen belly under the table. “I got kicked out,” he whispers.

“What?” Hoseok’s eyes go wide. “Why?”

Jimin looks at Yoongi, silently asking him how much Hoseok knew. Yoongi shakes his head slowly. Jimin bows his head again and shrugs.

“I got pregnant. So they kicked me out.”

“You got… oh” Hoseok gasps when he finally notices Jimin’s protruding belly.

“Yeah,” Jimin chuckles sadly, his face pale.

“Well, congratulations!” Hoseok smiles.

 “Wh-what?”

Noticing the looks of the other two, he immediately backtracks. “On the baby I mean! Not losing your job. Oh my god. That came out completely wrong!”

“It’s alright,” Jimin assures him. “It really is. I’ve come to terms with it. And for the record, you’re the first one who implied she was something good to happen. So thank you for that!” He sends Yoongi a wistful glance and then looks at his belly softly. His entire face becomes gentle, as he caresses the swell of his belly. “She’s the most important thing in my world,” he says, looking up at Hoseok with sparkling eyes. The older boy smiles back broadly.

“Can I,” he halts, “okay, this might be a weird request. But can I touch your belly? I’ve never touched a baby belly before.”

Jimin casts a quick glance at Yoongi, who’s face has become stony and unreadable. Jimin swallows back the uncomfortable feeling that courses through him again.

“Sure,” he says, turning back to Hoseok. The older boy walks around the table and kneels down next to Jimin’s chair.

“Wow, you’re huge!” he gasps, when he fully realises what the table had concealed before.

Jimin blushes. “Geez, way to rub it in my face that I’m ugly.”

“I didn’t say you were ugly,” Hoseok immediately fires back. “Hyung, tell him he’s not ugly,” he tells Yoongi.

Jimin’s and Yoongi’s eyes meet again. Jimin doesn’t know what to expect of Yoongi. When the silence stretches on, without Yoongi saying anything except for a non-committal hum, Jimin breaks the eye contact first by closing his eyes and lowering his head.

So Yoongi thought he was ugly. It’s not like it was unexpected, but Jimin is surprised by just how much it still hurts. For once the tightness in his chest has nothing to do with the baby. He presses a hand against his chest biting his lips so his face wouldn’t accidentally betray him and show everyone how he was really feeling.

Yoongi clears his throat then. “I’m going to the bathroom,” he says and Jimin can hear his retreating footsteps. A tear finally escapes his eyes.

“Don’t mind him,” Hoseok says from besides him. Jimin feels a warm hand come to rest on his stomach. It feels nice. “Yoongi’s always been like that. Don’t take it personal.”

Jimin smiles sadly. “Yeah. I know.”

In truth, one of the things he’d always admired about Yoongi was his unabashed honesty. He told the truth, even if his opinion wasn’t popular, even if what he felt was right was against social norms. Jimin had always admired that. And when his parents had asked him straight out, whether or not he was gay, he had taken his courage from Yoongi’s unapologetic bravery in coming out. Only now, in this very moment, does Jimin truly understand that honesty is not the same as kindness. And in that moment he wishes that Yoongi had been kind instead.

Taehyung and Jungkook come back into the dining area then. Jungkook’s hair is ruffled and Taehyung’s clothes are slightly askew. Hoseok laughs at them outright, when he sees them.

“Oh my god, boys. Do you think you’re fooling anyone?” He laughs.

Jimin cracks a smile too, at the stunned faces of the younger boys.

“It’s alright, don’t worry. I’ve known about you guys for quite some time. Someone tells me my intuition is quite good, when it comes to detecting things like love.” The older boy gives them a meaningful look.

Jimin’s heart starts beating faster in shock. Did Hoseok know about him and Yoongi, too?

“Oh, did she just kick?”

The pregnant boy looks down at his belly automatically, as if he could miraculously see his baby’s movement. Now that he is paying attention, he can feel her moving about. “I think she finds this exciting,” Jimin shrugs.

Yoongi comes back into the room then. He frowns again, when he sees the three boys crowding around Jimin.

“I see you’ve managed to get yourself three well suited babysitters already,” he says sarcastically. It’s the first time he has directly addressed Jimin all night.

Jimin flinches, his hands automatically coming to rest on his belly protectively.

“Yoongi hyung!” Taehyung calls out, stumbling towards the older man. He is clearly drunk. “I’ve just been telling Jungkook how much I love your songs. Your cyphers are sooooo cool!”

“Hey, I’m participating in those too!” Hoseok calls out from next to Jimin.

Taehyung turns back sluggishly, “then you’re cool, too!”

Jungkook rolls his eyes and excuses himself to the bathroom.

“C’mon, let’s get you seated,” Yoongi chuckles out, gently placing his hand on Taehyung’s lower back and smiling at Jin’s younger cousin fondly. A pang of hurt flashes through Jimin’s body at the casual way Yoongi is touching Taehyung.

Taehyung is giggling, his pupils wide and unfocused.

“I’ll get you some water,” Hoseok tells the drunk boy, getting up from beside Jimin. He disappears into the kitchen and Jimin is left alone with Taehyung and Yoongi. He watches helplessly, as Yoongi fawns over his friend and feels like he is witnessing something he shouldn’t be witnessing.

When Jungkook comes back into the room, Jimin excuses himself to go to the bathroom as well. He feels like an old man, when he needs the table to steady himself. Walking has gotten strenuous after a week of bedrest. He wobbles to the bathroom and locks the door behind him.

Calm down, he tells himself. Everything is alright. But as he remembers the look on Yoongi’s face when he looked at Tae and compares it to the look he gave Jimin, the pregnant boy knows it is over. He knows when to give up, after all. Yoongi wasn’t interested in him. No, not just that. He resented him for being pregnant and was just too nice to say anything.

Fat tears roll down Jimin’s cheeks. Yoongi was probably not the father anyway. He didn’t have any reason to hope for anything from the rapper. But as he realises now, Jimin is still head over heels in love with the older man.

And it hurts. It hurts so damn bad, to see Yoongi’s eyes light up every time he looks at Taehyung. And even more than that it hurts to see the resentment in his eyes, when he is looking at Jimin.

I am the cause of that, Jimin thinks dejectedly.

His breath is coming out faster.

Shit.

He forces himself to take deep breaths, as Jin taught him to do. When he has calmed down somewhat, he pulls himself up by the sink and looks at himself in the mirror. His eyes are blotchy from crying and there are dark circles under them. I really do look ugly, Jimin thinks in disgust. He splashes water onto his face. The water mixes with his tears and Jimin’s lips begin to tremble. There is no way he could go back in there and pretend he was fine. He feels so small. He wants to hide and have everyone ignore him. No he wants his mom to take him into her arms, like she used to when Jimin was still a kid, and tell him she loved him.

“Eomma,” Jimin whispers brokenly. His hand automatically wanders to his swollen belly. Straightening up, he tells his daughter, “I’m your eomma now.” The title sounds weird to his ears. “I will never stop loving you. Never,” he promises his unborn child. “No matter what happens.”

When he leaves the bathroom, he decides to slink past the living room and go to his room instead. Yes it was incredibly rude not to say goodbye to the other guests, but at this point, he feels there is no better alternative. If he saw Yoongi one more time, he would burst out into tears again. And if the others saw, the whole fat ugly truth would be revealed. They would realise how ridiculous he was. So in love with a guy he barely knew that a single word or gesture or gaze from that man could shatter him.

Surprisingly, he makes it to his room without being caught. He closes the door softly and stumbles over to his bed and crawls under the blankets. The shivers wracking through his body have nothing to do with cold, yet he pulls the blanket over his head anyway.

Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why was it so wrong to love someone? Why was it so impossible for someone to love him back? Hiding under the blankets he curls himself into a ball and lets his tears fall freely.

After a while he finally calms down. The shivering stops and he is just lying there staring at the ceiling trying not to think at all.

He is already dozing off, when he becomes aware of voices outside of his room. They are muffled but he thinks he heard his name somewhere in between. His heart begins racing and he lifts the blanket a bit and strains his ear to pick out more.

“…on purpose,” he can hear Yoongi’s deep voice. Somebody answers, probably Hoseok, but it is too quiet for Jimin to understand.

“You’re all too naïve,” Yoongi scoffs, “am I the only one who can see through his act?” Were they talking about him? Jimin wonders. His heart feels like it is about to burst through his chest.

“He only got pregnant, so he didn’t have to work.”

Jimin’s heart runs cold.

“You can’t really be thinking that!” This time Hoseok’s voice is clearly audible.

“Why not. I’ve come across plenty of people trying to leech off of me in the past few years. Getting yourself pregnant is just another way to do it.”

Jimin feels every word stab into his heart. His hand flies to his mouth to cover the cry of anguish he can’t help producing. So that is what Yoongi really thinks of him. He wants the ground to swallow him up, or better yet to just disappear and die. Blood is rushing in his ears. He doesn’t want to hear any more, but his ears mercilessly keep registering Yoongi’s words.

“… I hate people who take advantage of others. I’ve never had anything handed to me and god knows I’ve endured enough shit in my life. I worked hard for where I am. And I did it all myself.”

With every sentence, Jimin feels like Yoongi is not just reopening old wounds with rusty knives, but mercilessly twisting them around as well.

He pulls the blanket over his head and muffles his sobs with the soft fabric. He doesn’t want Yoongi to hear. He doesn’t want him to know that he heard. He doesn’t want to show any more of his weaknesses. He doesn’t want anyone to know. But worst of all, he feels so ashamed. One of the reasons why Yoongi’s words hit him so hard, is because he knew they were true. Jimin had thought all of that himself too at some point.

He needs to find another job. He needs to earn money to support himself as best as he can. He needs to do this to prove he was not just leeching off of others. He needs to do this despite knowing he wouldn’t be earning much. He knows he won’t be earning much, no matter what. He only barely finished high school after all. And somewhere in the back of his mind he knows what that means. The realisation makes his face twist into a desperate cry of anguish.

He would not be able to support his daughter. He would not be able to keep her.

Chapter Text

Following Namjoon’s birthday dinner, Jimin slowly distances himself from Jin and Taehyung. Especially Taehyung. Of course it isn’t the younger boy’s fault that Yoongi has visibly taken a liking to him, but the pregnancy hormones make Jimin’s irrational feelings flare up and he can’t help but dislike Taehyung for being more likeable to Yoongi than he himself is.

As far as Jin is concerned, the older man has his head in the clouds all the time since Namjoon’s proposal anyway, so it isn’t that difficult to steer all questions away from himself and towards the upcoming wedding.

Jimin sighs. He hates this. He hates not having anyone to talk to. He hates not having anyone to share his burdens with. But the dinner had shown him that he really couldn’t rely on anyone but himself. Yoongi had proven that he despised Jimin. And that hurt. A lot. It’s not like it surprised him. Not really. But it still hurt.

Taehyung’s betrayal, on the other hand, had been wholly unexpected. Jimin thought they were better friends than that. Sure, he knew that Taehyung had always adored the older rapper. And he guessed that the younger boy’s alcohol tolerance couldn’t be all too high either, since he barely ever drank alcohol at all. But for him to turn his back on Jimin and flirt with the guy who had gotten him pregnant in front of Jimin’s eyes and in front of his own boyfriend was a low blow. Even when drunk.

If Taehyung was too involved with BTS, then Jin was now practically a part of the Bangtan boys. With him marrying Namjoon in the future, he would always take Namjoon’s side. And Namjoon would choose Yoongi over Jimin any day.

That leaves Jimin on his own again.

He is lying on the bed in Jin’s guest bedroom. It doesn’t feel like his room anymore. Not since the dinner. And with Jin marrying Namjoon it was only a matter of time until he’d be asked to leave the house anyway. Jimin traces the blue patterns on his blanket with his hand. The lines look like waves, gently swelling and receding. Kind of like his ever growing belly.

He lets out a deep breath. There was only one person left he could turn to. As always.

Taemin.

It would be an embarrassing conversation. Especially after meeting up with him earlier into his pregnancy and not telling him about it.

But maybe Taemin and his fiancée could look after Jimin’s daughter. At least for the first few years until Jimin could get back on his feet again and earn enough money to support himself and a child.

It is a lot to ask for, which is why Jimin is hesitant to ask.

Yoongi is right, Jimin thinks in shame, I keep leeching off of others.

***

He contacts Taemin on Kakao Talk. Making the call is very simple, yet it is impossibly nerve-wracking for Jimin.

“Hey Chim,” Taemin answers easily and Jimin can hear the smile in the older man’s voice.

“Hi,” Jimin answers, suddenly turning back into the shy Busan boy Taemin had taken in years ago.

“It’s good to hear from you, Jimin. How are you doing?”

Jimin shrugs, before remembering that they are not video calling. “I’m fine.” Before Taemin can question him further, he asks back, “how are you? Are you back in Busan now?”

“As a matter of fact I am. I came back from America last week. Did I tell you last time we met that I got engaged?”

Jimin freezes for a moment, before letting out a deep breath. “Yeah, you did. Yoona right?” For some strange reason, it doesn’t hurt, that Taemin has a fiancée. Jimin simply doesn’t care. It’s an odd feeling, but it calms his nerves.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” Jimin blurts out. He continues before he can chicken out again. “When we met a few months ago…” he halts. How do you just come out and say ‘I’m pregnant’ when you’re a guy?.

Fortunately Taemin has known him for a long time. “Does this have anything to do with the rumours?”

Jimin is tempted to play dumb and ask him ‘Rumours? What rumours?’ But he’s grown up a lot in the past few months.

“I’m pregnant.”

There is momentary silence on the other side of the line.

“So the rumours are true. You are a carrier,” Taemin finally says. “How are you doing?”

This is it. The moment Jimin has been waiting for. The moment when he can share all his burdens.

“Honestly hyung? I feel like shit.” He feels those damn tears dampen his eyes again and he hates his hormones for making him such a cry baby.

“Do you need me to come up to Seoul?” Taemin asks immediately.

This is one of the reasons Jimin has always loved Taemin: his kindness.

“I don’t know.” He mumbles honestly.

“I can get a train the day after tomorrow. Where are you living right now? Wait how far along are you?”

“It’s alright! You don’t need to come up to Seoul just for me! I’m staying with a … friend right now. So it’s fine until I give birth.” At least he hopes it is.

“Jimin, if there is anything I can do, you can always let me know, okay?”

Jimin nods again, sniffling a little. “Thank you, hyung.”

“There, there. It’s alright. Who would’ve thought that you’d become an appa first out of the two of us?”

Jimin has to chuckle despite his tears. “Life is weird.”

“Yeah it is,” Taemin agrees. “Do you need me to roughen someone up for ya?” He jokes easily.

Jimin thinks about Yoongi and shivers.

“No need,” he says quietly. “It’s my own fault.”

“C’mon Jimin. We all make mistakes. But remember what I told you? Every time something goes differently than planned, there’ll be a brand new set of beautiful opportunities. If your parents hadn’t kicked you out…”

“… I’d never have gotten to dance professionally. Yeah, yeah.” Jimin finishes. “Only what use is that to me now? I can’t work as a dancer anymore. I had to give up my job at the café for the same reason. How am I supposed to keep working when I’m not allowed to move around anymore?”

“Why are you not allowed to move around anymore?”

“The doctor put me on bedrest,” Jimin confesses. “But I need to work, hyung. I’m going crazy just lying in bed all day!”

“You could try getting a part time job working online or on the phone or some other job that you can do from home.” Taemin suggests easily. “But you’ve saved up enough money to get by for the remaining months, right? How long do you still have?”

“Two months,” Jimin whispers.

“Two months. Don’t bother about working then. You’ll need all your strength for after the baby is born, or so my friends tell me.” He chuckles. “Let me send you some money, Jimin.”

Jimin immediately shakes his head. “I’m not taking any money from you, hyung! I can get by just fine.”

“Oh c’mon, Jimin. Let me do this for you. It might come in handy one day. Where are you planning on raising the kid? In Seoul? Is it a girl or boy?”

Jimin can’t help a sob escape him at the easy assumptions of a simple future. He presses his hand to his mouth, but it is already too late.

“Jimin? C’mon Chim, what is it? You can tell me anything.”

“I can’t keep her.” Jimin whispers. It’s the first time he’s ever admitted this to somebody else and he feels like it makes it more real somehow.

“What do you mean?” Taemin asks.

Jimin shrugs, tears streaming down his cheeks. “No matter how I look at it, I don’t have enough money to support her. And even if I did, I can’t raise a child on my own.”

“What about the friend you’re staying with.”

“He’s getting married. So I’ll leave after the baby is born.”

“Come live with us,” Taemin immediately offers.

“But you’re getting married, too!”

“Yoona wouldn’t mind. We were planning on starting a family soon anyway. Now it’ll just be even sooner than planned.”

“You’re living in Busan.”

Taemin is silent on the other side of the line. “Yes, we are living in Busan,” he finally says.

Jimin wraps the blanket closer to his body.

“You don’t have to decide now,” Taemin says gently. “I know that you swore to never ever go back to Busan. But if you need help, with anything at all. I want you to know that we are there to support you, okay?”

Fresh tears flow out of Jimin’s eyes. But this time they are tears of hope. “Thank you, hyung,” he whispers. “I’ll think about it.”

***

After his talk with Taemin, Jimin is feeling a bit more hopeful again.

He spends the rest of the evening looking for jobs, in which he can work from home. A lot of jobs require certain qualifications and work experience, so anything to do with website content or website design is automatically out. In fact, he soon realises in discouragement that the majority of jobs online require qualifications he doesn’t possess. He is debating giving up again, when he stumbles across an area he had not considered yet: call centres. Sure, many call centres require the physical presence of their employees, but Jimin discovers to his delight that there are also job offers for people working with their own equipment from home. He picks out a couple companies who are currently hiring people and jots down their information to contact them first thing in the morning.

***

It’s roughly been a week since Namjoon’s birthday and their engagement and Jin is still over the moon. But beyond his happiness, he’s also very worried.

Jimin has found a new job at a phone hotline and Jin can literally see how it drains him. His eyes have become duller, lined with dark circles. He’s looking tired no matter the time of the day. Worst of all, Jimin seems to have lost his appetite and barely eats enough for one person, let alone for two.

“You need to eat more, Jimin,” he tells him when he brings in another tray of food, only to find the breakfast still mostly untouched.

“I have to work,” Jimin answers briskly, shooing Jin out of the room with a tired wave of his hand.

The phone rings again and the younger boy picks it up, using his customer voice.

Jin crosses his arms, intending to wait, but Jimin just sends him a glare. When the conversation is taking longer than Jin expected, the older man sighs, takes the breakfast tray and leaves the room.

It wouldn’t do to stress Jimin out even more by hovering about.

When he comes back at night with Jimin’s dinner, the younger boy turns towards him when he enters the room.

“How was work?” Jin asks, smiling as a peace offer.

Jimin shrugs. “I’m earning money, that’s all that matters.” He sounds exhausted.

Jin sets down the tray on the nightstand and then sits down on the bed.

“I’m worried about you,” he says.

Jimin evades his eyes. “I’m fine,” he answers automatically.

“That’s what you always say when something is bothering you,” Jin chides him gently. “But your eyes are telling me ‘save me!’” He puts his hand against Jimin’s forehead, gauging whether Jimin’s body temperature was normal. It is.

Jimin swats his hand away, frowning.

“I’m not a baby,” he scoffs.

“You’re carrying one though.”

“That doesn’t make me helpless.”

“I never said you were.”

“Good.”

“You should eat more for the baby.”

“I’m eating plenty enough!”

“No need to raise your voice, Jimin. I just want what is best for you and the baby.”

“THEN STOP TREATING ME LIKE A GODDAMN BABY!!!”

The two men stare at each other in shock after Jimin’s outburst.

Jin draws his brows together and gets up.

“Hyung…” Jimin starts softly.

“If you don’t want me to look after you all you needed to do is tell me.” Jin isn’t looking at the younger boy.

“Hyung!”

“I’ll give us some space for both of us to calm down. If there’s anything you need, just call me,” Jin says, walking out of the room and closing the door behind him.

Left all alone in the room, Jimin’s eyes fill with tears.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, but no one is around to hear him.

Silently the tears begin to spill over. More and more of them begin spilling down his once rosy cheeks.

Jin would kick him out for sure now. After the way he had just treated his host, it was only to be expected.

Jimin feels his chest tighten, making it hard to breathe again.

Where would he go? Where could he go? To Busan out of all places? Taemin was the only friend he had left after losing Taehyung to Yoongi and Jin to his own stupidity. More tears gush down his cheeks. He was so incredibly tired. It was all too much! Too fucking much. His breathing is going quickly and shallowly. He has to actively remind himself to take deeper breaths. But trying to keep himself from sliding into a panic attack proves difficult when all around him, he can only see his life in shambles.

***

Jin is pacing around the living room. He has calmed down enough for his frustration to have morphed into acute concern. This just now was not Jimin as he knew him. Jimin would never raise his voice. And more importantly he would never jeopardise his daughter’s health by not eating. Why couldn’t he see that what he was doing was potentially harmful for the baby?

Something must have happened at the party. While he was away with Namjoon, something must have happened to Jimin. Probably something to do with Yoongi.

Jin stops pacing and looks at his watch. He bites his lip. Yoongi would certainly still be awake, but should he really call him? Drastic times need drastic measures, he thinks, and selects Yoongi’s contact information in his phone.

The rapper answers on the fifth ring.

“What?” he growls.

“Yoongi-ah?” Jin asks, not taking his shit. He can practically hear the younger man roll his eyes.

“What do you want, hyung?”

Jin sighs. “I want you to tell me what happened between you and Jimin at Namjoon’s party.”

“Nothing happened.” Yoongi’s answer is quick. Too quick.

“Yoongi, I know Jimin by now. And I know that he’s not himself right now.”

“Hyung, I hate to break your bubble, but are you sure you actually know Jimin?”

“I know him well enough to know he wouldn’t normally jeopardise his daughter’s health!”

There’s silence on the other end. Clearly Yoongi is waiting for him to elaborate.

“He’s overworking himself again,” Jin finally sighs, “and he’s barely eating.”

“He’s working?” Yoongi sounds surprised. “I thought he quit the coffee shop?”

“He did. He took on a job at a call centre a couple of days ago and has been working nonstop since. His stress levels are through the roof. I don’t know what to do anymore. He won’t listen to me.”

Yoongi is silent on the other end. When Jin doesn’t say anything else, Yoongi finally asks him, “why are you telling me all this?”

Jin closes his eyes, ordering his thoughts. “Because if that is your baby in there, you’ve got an interest in its well-being too. If you tell him to take care of himself for the sake of your baby, maybe he’ll listen.”

“We don’t even know if it is mine.”

“Does it matter?” Jin answers coldly. He is frustrated. “You can’t rule out the possibility that it is yours, so you might as well help him get through this.”

There is silence on the other end of the line.

Jin briefly wonders whether he went too far. Namjoon had told him that Yoongi had been raped after all. He is just about to apologise to the other man when Yoongi clears his throat and asks, “What do you want me to do?”

Jin lets out a deep breath in relief. “Just talk to him. Talk about whatever the hell happened between you guys. I don’t know and frankly I don’t care. But the two of you seriously need to get your shit together.”

***

The thing about Jimin’s new job is that it takes guts.

Now Jimin isn’t one to mind calling people on their phones. In fact, he rather enjoys making calls with friends and strangers alike. But picking up the phone again after being yelled at by his last customer sure takes guts.

Jimin’s new job is at a complaint hotline. In hindsight, maybe he shouldn’t have taken the first job that accepted him without reading through everything it entailed first. But the pay was good, one of the best out of all the job ads, and he’d been ecstatic when his new boss accepted him straight away.

And it’s not like his new job is all bad. He gets to work from home, can choose his working hours flexibly, his boss is nice, and the pay is better than he’d hoped for. The work itself is okay too, usually. With normal customers that is. Every once in a while he gets one that gets crazy. The thing about working at a complaint hotline is that people tend to be angry at you. Jimin hadn’t really thought about that before applying.

Of course they aren’t really angry at him, he tries to tell himself. But every time a customer shouts at him through the phone or tells him in a disappointed voice how dissatisfied they are with his new company’s services, he can’t help but feel like he is the one who did something wrong.

It is taking a lot of energy out of him and leaves him mentally exhausted.

Especially people like the customer he is currently dealing with.

“I told you that this fucking thing doesn’t work and the spare parts still haven’t been delivered and you say you can’t even fucking find the order? Are you stupid or what?”

“No sir,” Jimin tries to remain calm, as he had been instructed to do in situations like this in the short job briefing he’d received. “Let me repeat your customer number. It is 1 – 8 – 1 – 3 – 3…”

“Are you fucking kidding me? No. My fucking customer number is “8 – 1 – 3 – 8 – 3 – 8. If you can’t even get those right it’s no fucking wonder none of my orders arrived! You probably screwed up my fucking address too. Cheap ass company, can’t even hire intelligent people.”

Jimin swallows hard, blinking away tears. He clears his throat, feeling like a heavy hand has wrapped itself around his neck, squeezing slowly.

“I found your order, sir,” he says quietly.

“What was that?” the customer barks through the phone.

“I found your order,” Jimin repeats louder. “It says that it was shipped out today, so you should receive it by tomorrow.”

“I fucking damn better will, or else I’ll sue you. Fucking idiot.” He hangs up without saying anything else.

Jimin lets his phone sink slowly. Only now does he realise that his hand and whole arm is trembling. He flinches when a beep indicates that he received a new message. He drops the phone as if he was stung. What if this was his boss telling him he was fired? What if his customer had sent his boss another complaint about him.

No, no, no. Don’t be stupid, Jimin, he scolds himself. Even that guy wouldn’t be so quick in sending off his complaint and getting him fired straight away. He picks up the phone again with trembling hands and hesitantly unlocks it.

You have one new message from <Yoongi hyung>.

Jimin stares at his phone in disbelief.

Yoongi?

He looks at the date. Their initially scheduled meeting should have taken place two days ago. But after the disaster that was Namjoon’s birthday, Jimin had just assumed Yoongi wasn’t interested in meeting up with him. So why was he writing to him now?

He gingerly opens the message, preparing for the worst.

“Do you still wanna meet up to talk?”

He lets out a gust of breath. This was … unexpected, to say the least.

Jimin stares at the message for a while. Too surprised and confused to answer straight away.

Did he want to meet up with Yoongi?

Yes!

He curses his heart. Of course the very thought of meeting up with Yoongi would make it beat fast.

He wanted to talk to Yoongi. He wanted him to understand. I want you to love me. Jimin shakes his head. It wouldn’t work like that. He may be naïve, but he’s not stupid. He knows when he doesn’t stand a chance. But maybe, just maybe, maybe Yoongi would actually look at him this time. Maybe he would actually listen to what Jimin had to say. And maybe, Jimin could share his worries, if only just a bit.

He texts him back that yes he was still up for meeting him.

Please don’t make me regret this, he thinks, when they fix another date and time, two days from now.

Chapter Text

Jimin is nervous. He’s leaning against the phone box Yoongi described, just around the corner of the café they are planning on going to.

He’s early. Almost half an hour. But this is too important a meeting for him to risk being late. That’s why he left extra early. Walking to the bus station. Getting a bus to the next subway station. Changing trains and finally reaching the right station on the other side of the city.

After two weeks of barely walking, he feels a bit wobbly on his feet. He wishes time to hurry up, so they can go inside and sit down. On the other hand, he’s incredibly nervous about meeting up with Yoongi alone.

What if the other man ignores him? Or worse, calls him a whore for not being certain about the paternity?

The uncomfortable feeling in his belly is back full force.

He looks at his phone to check the time. Ten more minutes. Great, his battery is running out, too. He sighs putting his phone back into his pocket.

There’s no reason to be nervous, he tells himself. Yoongi wouldn’t have initiated this meeting if he wasn’t interested.

After he feels like enough time has passed, he checks his phone again. Four more minutes.

He hopes Yoongi is punctual. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other. His stomach is rumbling. He hasn’t eaten anything today – that’s how nervous he’s been all day.

A small ping alerts him to an incoming message. Jimin almost drops his phone due to his jittering nerves.

It’s from Yoongi.

He hastily swipes across his phone screen, unlocking it, and opens his messenger app.

“Something came up unexpectedly at work. Can’t make it today after all. Sorry.”

Jimin stares at the screen.

He reads the words again and again until he can’t distinguish them anymore. It takes him a moment until he realises that the blurriness is due to tears that are gathering in his eyes again. He blinks them away.

This changes nothing, he tries to tell himself. It’s work, so of course that takes priority. Yet logic does nothing to help mend the pieces of his already bruised heart that finally broke for real.

He slips his phone back into his pocket and slowly makes his way back to the subway station. His head is bowed. He is dragging his feet and he feels dizzy. His stomach rumbles again and Jimin is reminded that he hasn’t eaten anything all day long. He steadies himself against the wall and tries to clear his mind enough to think calmly.

I don’t want to take the train again. It’ll take too long. I should get a taxi or call Jin to pick me up.

He takes out his wallet to count his money. He had brought just enough for getting food and drink at the café and a ticket to get there. The train tickets had been more expensive than he’d expected. At the time he had just felt annoyed and slightly guilty for spending so much money on trains. Right now, he didn’t care about the price for a taxi. He simply wanted to go home curl up on the bed and cry himself to sleep.

But as he counts the money left in his wallet he realises to his dismay it is not enough for a taxi.

He takes out his phone to call Jin. The older man had offered to drive him if he ever needed to go somewhere, and even though Jimin had not told him about meeting Yoongi here because he knew Jin would disapprove, he was sure the other man would pick him up if he asked. This was an emergency after all. Just as he is about to dial Jin’s number, his phone screen goes dark.

Jimin’s heart runs cold. Not now, he thinks in horror. Don’t die on me now!

He randomly pushes several buttons, but his phone has most certainly run out of energy.

Jimin feels like crying.

He must have fucked up royally in one of his past lives to deserve this.

He counts the money in his wallet again. At least there’s more than enough to get tickets for the train back.

He stays where he is for a while longer. If he takes the train, he won’t make it in time for the last bus. Which means he will have to walk home from the subway station. Jimin feels dizzy just thinking about it.

As if to agree with his discomfort at the thought, his baby kicks. A dull stinging in his lower belly follows the movement. Jimin absentmindedly rests his hand on top of his swollen belly, rubbing the spot where the baby kicked.

He could go to Tae’s. Sure it’d be a gamble. Maybe the other boy wasn’t home. But it was closer to where he was right now and most importantly Tae lived close to a subway station, so he wouldn’t have to walk as much.

If all failed he could always go to the Creative Coffee Cup and hopefully ask one of his other ex-colleagues for help. He should be able to make it in time for the closing shift.

Squaring his shoulders, he makes his way to the subway station.

***

When he finally arrives at Taehyung’s apartment complex about an hour later, Jimin is utterly exhausted.

Please be home, he implores all higher forces who might listen as he presses the bell.

“Helllloooo?” comes Taehyung’s deep voice in a drawn out question.

“Tae,” Jimin gasps out in relief. His voice cracks.

“Chim Chim?”

A sob leaves his mouth. He quickly presses his hand over his mouth.

“Shit,” he hears some commotion and then the intercom is silent. He is just about to ring the bell again, when he sees Taehyung come down the flight of stairs, almost flying. He’s wearing a morning gown on top of what Jimin guesses are his favourite comfy heart print pyjamas.

“Jimin!” he gasps, as he yanks the door open.

Jimin sways and almost falls into Tae’s arms as the younger boy rushes to support him.

“Mochi! What happened? Are you alright?”

Once again tears leave his eyes. They run down his cheeks quietly, a silent manifestation of the pain Jimin is feeling inside.

“C’mon, let’s get you upstairs.”

Taehyung supports Jimin as they take the stairs, step by step. Jimin is leaning on him heavily. His feet are unstable and he feels so incredibly dizzy. Thanks to Taehyung’s strong arm around his waist they make it to Taehyung’s second floor apartment quickly enough. The younger boy leads his pregnant friend straight to the bedroom and makes him lie down.

Jimin protests weakly, but Taehyung shushes him, as he takes off Jimin’s jacket and shoes. He frowns at how swollen the older boy’s feet are. Surely that can’t be normal?

Jimin has quietened down by now and is blankly staring at the ceiling. When Taehyung comes back with a washcloth and glass of water he only weakly startles at the feeling of the wet washcloth on his feet.

Taehyung sits down on the bed next to him. He smooths away Jimin’s strands of hair gently and wipes away the traces of tears.

“What happened, Mochi?”

Jimin doesn’t answer.

“Jimin?” Taehyung asks, “did you and Jin hyung fight?”

Jimin blinks and then slowly shakes his head.

“Then what?”

“…phone died,” Jimin mumbles.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Taehyung asks in confusion.

“I was gonna meet up with Yoongi,” Jimin clarifies in a hollow voice.

“But?”

Jimin shrugs, “he cancelled.” He tries to play it off and smile, but his face betrays his feelings and twists into a grimace instead.

“What?!” Taehyung exclaims.

Jimin winces at his loud voice.

“Said he had something come up at work.”

“Oh Mochi,” Taehyung exclaims in a pitying voice. He lays down behind Jimin and wraps his arms around the smaller boy in a spooning position. He runs his hands through the other boy’s hair and down his arms in a soothing manner as Jimin starts crying again.

“I shouldn’t have been so surprised,” Jimin hiccups. “But h-him not showing up just never crossed my mind.” He shrugs again, grimacing. A fresh gust of tears escapes his eyes.

“Shhh, you’re here now,” Taehyung tries to soothe him.

Slowly, Jimin calms down again. They lie on Taehyungs bed together, not speaking. The younger boy lets his hands gently glide along Jimin’s body. From his head to his belly. Jimin has to smile at the gentle touches. It feels good. It somewhat soothes the burning ache in his unused muscles and the uneasy feeling in his stomach.

“I should let Jin know. He must be worried.” Jimin suddenly speaks up.

“You didn’t tell him where you went?”

“I only told him I was meeting up with someone and not to worry if it got late.

“Why didn’t you tell him you were meeting Yoongi?”

“I was scared he’d try to persuade me not to go, or have him visit me instead.” Jimin ducks his head. “I didn’t want to cause any more trouble for Yoongi by making requests about the meeting.”

Taehyungs expression grows dark. “That asshole got himself in trouble with me all by himself by not showing up.”

Jimin turns around, so he can get a glimpse of Taehyung’s face. “Don’t blame him, Taehyung.”

“Why are you still protecting him?”

Jimin shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says sheepishly.

Taehyung props himself up on his elbow, so he can look at the other boy better. “You need more confidence in yourself, Jimin. You’re an awesome guy.”

“I don’t feel like that.”

“I know you don’t,” Taehyung sighs. He suddenly ducks down and presses his lips to Jimin’s cheek in a wet sloppy kiss. “I love you anyways.”

Jimin blushes, half from embarrassment and half from pleasure. It feels so good to hear those words. Even if they’re innocent and playful and only signify friendship. It feels good to hear that he is not all alone.

“Yoongi is a good guy,” Jimin starts again after a while. “He donated a whole lot of money to charities together with Hobi in Namjoon’s name on his birthday.”

Taehyung sighs again. “You can be an asshole and still do good things every once in a while.”

“You didn’t think he was an asshole at the dinner,” Jimin points out.

Taehyung cocks his head to the side thinking about it. “No I guess I found him quite nice then,” Taehyung finally agrees.

Jimin doesn’t know why he is saying what he is saying next. “You know, if you and Jungkook ever not work out, he likes you too.”

Taehyung sucks in a breath. “Jimin, if you think I’m getting together with an asshole that has hurt you so badly, you don’t know me at all!”

Jimin shrinks into himself. “You liked him too, though.”

The younger boy grabs his hand. “Jimin, I would never do that to you. Even if I didn’t have Kookie, I’d never hurt you that way.”

Jimin shakes his head. “This is not about me. Yoongi’s free to like whom he likes.”

Taehyung’s voice grows steely. “That may be so, but so am I. And I’m not gonna like someone who used one of my dearest friends and trampled on his feelings time and time again.”

Jimin blushes. He feels closer again to Tae. As if he could tell him everything.

“When he messaged me to meet up, I couldn’t help but hope,” he confesses quietly. “I’ve been trying to come to terms with never knowing who the father is, and then he comes and makes me hope again. I can’t help but hope, Tae. And I know my hope will get crushed.”

The younger boy moves closer, spooning Jimin on the bed again, his hand resting on Jimin’s rounded belly, caressing it gently.

“Things will get better. You’ll see. Your kid will be born and it’ll be loved by so many people. We’ll be there for you, no matter who the father is. This is first and foremost your kid in there. And that’s more than enough reason to love it.”

Jimin ducks his head. “I can’t rely on you forever though. I’ll have to work. But I won’t be able to afford the medication and everything else a kid needs. I can’t possibly intrude on you guys for such a long time either.”

As if sensing that Taehyung is about to protest, he grabs the other boy’s hand and squeezes it.

“Hear me out. I’ve been looking for couples who’d be willing to adopt children. A friend of mine from back home also offered to take in me and the baby and help raise her with his wife. I couldn’t possibly intrude on them, too, but maybe they could take her and I could still see her from time to time?”

“Jimin…”

“It’s so hard to let go, though. I haven’t even had the chance to meet her myself yet, and here I’m already planning on giving her away. I’m a terrible parent.” Jimin’s eyes suddenly go wide. “I’m just like my own parents!” He starts breathing faster again. “I swore I’d never do the same thing my parents did to me, but now look at me. No, no, no,” he moans.

“Jimin,” Taehyung nudges his shoulder gently but firmly. “You need to snap out of this. You are not becoming your parents.”

“But I’m planning on giving her away. Oh god, what if she feels unloved?”

“Jimin, you’re not thinking of doing the same thing your parents did at all. You’re not planning on casting her aside because you don’t care about her, but precisely because you love her too much not to want to give her a better life.  And for the record you’re only thinking about this, because you feel as if there is no other way. But there is, Jimin!”

Taehyung sits up and leans over Jimin to look at him. “Promise you won’t do anything rash, like working out a deal about adoption. I’m telling you, we’ll figure out a way to keep the two of you together.”

Jimin looks at the wall teary eyed. “I don’t deserve you guys”

“Of course you do, Mochi. You deserve the world.”

Jimin blushes. Then he squares up, wipes away his tears and says “You’re right. Whining doesn’t help. I swear I’ll do everything in my power to pay you back for everything you’ve done for me. For us. I’ll work twice as hard, as soon as I can, I’ll…”

Tae stops him.

“You’ll rest now, eat healthily, so your baby is happy. That’s all you should worry about now. As long as you and your baby are fine, that’s all that matters.”

***

Jimin stays over at Tae’s that night. He is emotionally and physically exhausted. And now that his talk with Taehyung is out of the way, he becomes aware of a pulsating discomfort in his lower belly. He tries to ignore it at first, figuring it’s just his nerves and disappointment. But the longer he is lying on the bed in the dark, the more he becomes aware of it.

He sits up groggily, pulling his shirt up to look at his belly.

It looks big as always. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Taehyung who is sleeping right beside him stirs in his sleep but thankfully doesn’t wake up. So Jimin lies down again and once again tries to fall asleep.

***

The first thing Jimin becomes aware of when he wakes up early the next morning is that the pulsating discomfort is still there and has now changed into an uncomfortable stinging sensation in his lower stomach. He rolls around and groans slightly, clutching at his belly. He feels the baby move and tries to soothe the stinging by rubbing the spot. When that doesn’t help he slowly eases himself to a sitting position. He pulls his legs up as far as his belly would allow and buries his face against his knees.

Keep calm and breathe, Jimin tells himself. He breathes in slowly.

Taehyung stirs next to him. “Hmm, you’re awake already?” he asks him groggily.

“Belly hurts,” Jimin moans quietly.

This has Taehyung instantly awake. “What? Where does it hurt?”

He turns on the bedside lamp and helps Jimin to pull up his t-shirt again.

“Dunno, just the lower part. Stings a little,” Jimin tries to describe.

Taehyung takes one look at Jimin, noticing how pale the other boy is, and decides, “I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“No need!” Jimin immediately tries to dissuade him.

“You’re pregnant and in your last trimester and you’re a high risk male pregnancy. Your doctor told you to go to her if there’s even the slightest sign of trouble, don’t you remember? Think about the health of your baby goddamn it.”

Jimin avoids the other boy’s eyes. “Okay,” he agrees meekly.

Taehyung lets out a long breath before getting up and getting ready to take Jimin to the doctor.

***

While Jimin is in the examination room, Taehyung is waiting outside. He would be in there with Jimin, if the older boy hadn’t begged him to let him talk to his doctor in private. Taehyung finally agreed grudgingly and has been pacing around in the waiting room ever since.

Jimin’s phone makes a ding sound and Taehyung automatically grabs it to check it for new messages. They had called Jin the night before, but they hadn’t told him about going to the doctor this morning.

The message isn’t from Jin. It is from Yoongi. The fourth message since the night before apparently.

Taehyung stares at the phone clenching his teeth. He’s got no idea what Yoongi wanted now after standing Jimin up. He also knows it’s none of his business, but he’s curious, so guiltily checking that the examination room is still closed, he unlocks Jimin’s phone.

08:23 <Yoongi hyung> “Sorry again bout yesterday.”

08:24 <Yoongi hyung> “I’ve got a time slot at noon today. Can you make it to the Blueberry Café then?”

10:12 <Yoongi hyung> “I need to know soon. We’re filming outside of Seoul right now and heading back soon.”

12:16 <Yoongi hyung> “Never mind. I made other plans.”

Taehyung clenches his teeth. Before he can think things through, he is pressing the call button.

The rapper picks up on the fifth ring.

“Now’s not a good time, I’ll…”

“Min Yoongi, you’re an asshole!”

The other boy is audibly taken aback, if his intake if breath is anything to go by. “Excuse me? Who is there?”

“It’s Taehyung,” the younger boy replies frostily. “Jin’s cousin, in case you forgot me just as quickly as you forgot Jimin.”

The man on the other end of the line clears his throat. “I would never forget you, Taehyung,” he replies hoarsely.

“Good. Then I damn better hope you won’t forget what I’m about to tell you either!”

“Taehyung…”

“You’re an asshole, Min Yoongi. Do you have any idea what you did?” He doesn’t leave the rapper any time to answer. “Let me tell you what you did. First you make Jimin go to the other side of town in his condition, when he’s not even supposed to walk about anymore, and then you have the nerve to not even show up? And when he doesn’t answer your messages and can’t make it to your proposed next date, because he had to fucking go to his doctor because his condition worsened because of his trip halfway across town, you have the nerve to imply it couldn’t have been fucking important to him?! Fuck you, Min Yoongi! I might have been a fan of your music, but you’re an asshole! It doesn’t matter whether you’re the one who got him pregnant or not. It’s not okay to treat people like that, especially not when they’re pregnant. Least of all when they’re single and emotionally unstable to begin with. And least of all people like Jimin, who are so kind and selfless it borders on unhealthy.” Taehyung’s voice cracks. “It doesn’t matter that you’re older. He doesn’t deserve this. And he really doesn’t need this bullshit right now.” He continues in a quieter voice “Do you have any idea how long he’d been looking forward to that meeting? Do you have any clue how fucking nervous he’s been about it for weeks?” Finally he finishes with renewed steel, “you either tell him you honestly want to get to know him or you fuck off.”

On the other end of the line, Yoongi is listening quietly. A bad feeling settles in his stomach. Part of it was caused by having Taehyung, someone he admired and secretly had a crush on, yell at him. But a much larger part was caused by his guilty conscience for how he treated Jimin. Granted, he hadn’t known about Jimin not being supposed to move about, but he had treated the meeting as a favour he was doing Jimin, and he hadn’t been half as accommodating or interested as Jimin probably deserved.

Yoongi groans to himself. This was a fucking mess. He had feelings he couldn’t shake for barista Tae, even though the person behind the drawings turned out to be so incredibly different. He still couldn’t really reconcile the image of the gentle, contemplative, poetic artist he had felt such a deep connection to, with the boisterous outspoken cousin of Jin. But even so, he couldn’t get over his obsession wanting to know more about Tae, to find that artist in him.

And then there was Jimin. He truly felt bad for cancelling on Jimin after Taehyung’s tirade. He didn’t think it was a big deal at the time. Sudden changes of schedule happened on a weekly basis after all. But he had never thought about how far away his studio and the café were to Jin’s house. And of course he knew that that’s where Jimin lived.

“How is Jimin?” he finally asks with a raspy voice. He is simultaneously itching to know the answer and dreading it.

The boy on the other end of the line sighs deeply. “I don’t know, he’s talking with his doctor right now. She’ll probably put him on even stricter bedrest for the remainder of the pregnancy. But he’ll hopefully be okay, physically. Mentally, I’m not so sure. He told me not to worry, that he was moving out after the baby is born and thinking of going back to Busan. He worried whether it was okay to stay with Jin even until the birth. As if Jin was planning on rejecting him too and kicking him out in his state. He honestly believes that! He doesn’t really have anywhere to go since his parents kicked him out for being gay. And you standing him up without so much as a reason just reaffirmed his low self-esteem!”

Yoongi rubs his temples tiredly. Apparently he had thoroughly fucked up. “What can I do?” he asks, at a loss.

There’s a momentary silence on the other end of the phone, Taehyung is clearly thinking about it. Finally he sighs, “I don’t want Jimin to be hurt any more than he already is. He deserves an honest apology from you. But I’m not sure it’d be a good idea to have your talk now. On the one hand it needs to happen, but on the other hand, Jimin really can’t handle any more anxiety right now. At this point he could go into premature labour any time. Go talk to Jin, what he thinks.” With that Taehyung simply hangs up.

Just as Taehyung is ending the call, Jimin comes out of the examination room. He is looking tired. The doctor is watching him with concern in her eyes. Noticing Taehyung she looks at him and opens her mouth as if to say something, before pressing her lips together and shaking her head wearily. She then turns away and goes back into the examination room.

“So, what did the doc say?” Taehyung asks immediately.

“Jimin shrugs. I’m on bedrest. Going home is the last moving around I’m allowed to do till the birth. She also gave me a bunch of new pills.” He bites his lips.

“I can’t afford them,” he mumbles quietly, looking at the floor in shame.

Taehyung whips his head around quickly. “Then we’ll pay for them.”

Jimin bites his lips. “I keep leeching off of you guys,” he mumbles quietly.

At that Taehyung grabs Jimin by his chin and gently coaxes his head up so he is forced to look at the taller boy.

“Jimin. You are not leeching off of anyone. Jin and I are doing this because we want to. We are doing this because you are our friend. It’s okay to rely on friends.”

“But…”

“No buts, Jimin,” Taehyung shakes his head sternly, “let us take care of you. We can afford it.”

Jimin lowers his head again and nods meekly.

“I will do anything you ask of me.”

Taehyung’s heart breaks. Someone must have really done a number on him, for Jimin’s level of trust in others and self-confidence to be so low. He’d love to tell him that he didn’t have to do anything in return. But maybe he had to speak with Jimin in his own logic just this once, for the other boy to get better.

“Okay, Jimin. There is one thing I ask for in return. Jin and I will take care of anything you might need. The only thing I ask for in return is for you to cooperate and take care of yourself and the baby. Can you do that?”

Jimin’s eyes shine wetly when he nods slowly. “I will give my best,” he promises, looking down at his belly guiltily. His features are inscribed with sadness.

“C’mon then,” Taehyung nudges him gently. “Let’s get you back to Jin and settled into bed.”

***

Yoongi calls Jin while Jimin and Taehyung are still at the doctor’s office.

His head is still swimming with all the information Taehyung shared with him.

Jimin had been kicked out by his parents?

Yoongi knew only too well how tough it was to support oneself from a young age onward. He thinks back to his conversation with Hoseok and suddenly feels bad for calling Jimin a gold digging whore. Yoongi had only succeeded because Bang PD-nim had seen something in him and put him into BTS. From what little he knows about Jimin’s life story, Jimin had been getting by as a backup dancer and his life only started spiralling down after he got pregnant and lost his job.

Anyone would need help to get back to their feet after something like that.

Jin answers the phone on the second ring.

“Yoongi?” He asks in surprise.

“I fucked up, hyung,” he confesses nervously.

Trust Jin to go into mother mode. Yoongi feels even more ashamed when Jin starts worrying about him. “Are you alright? Did something happen?”

“I was planning on finally meeting up with Jimin yesterday.”

“I thought as much. So did you sleep with each other, or what?”

Yoongi splutters. “What?!”

The older man chuckles and then sighs. “It might actually be beneficial for your relationship, but oh well. So if you didn’t sleep with him, how did you fuck up?”

“I cancelled on him last minute.”

“You did what?!”

Yoongi bites his lip in shame. “I got another meeting thrown into my schedule last minute. So I couldn’t make it.”

Jin is quiet on the other end of the line.

“How did he take it,” he finally asks.

“Apparently he is at his doctor’s office with Taehyung.”

“Wait, what? How come they didn’t tell me?!”

“Maybe they didn’t want you to worry.”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“Taehyung said that Jimin wasn’t supposed to move around so much anymore and that taking the train wasn’t good for him.”

“I told him to get a taxi! Such an idiot.”

Yoongi feels another weird shudder of emotion go through him. He had refused taking taxis for a long time, too. Back when he was still a trainee with an unsafe future, he would rather spend an hour on trains than spend his hard earned money on a taxi. Knowing Jimin does the same somehow makes him feel closer to the other boy.

“Is it true that Jimin is thinking about going back to Busan?” Yoongi asks hesitantly.

He hears the other man inhale sharply. “Who told you that?”

“Taehyung.”

“That little brat! What else have they kept hidden from me?”

“So I take it you don’t know about this?”

“Jimin going back to Busan? I’ve just started turning the guestroom upstairs into a nursery. I thought he was happy here. I thought he’d stay!”

Yoongi starts to feel really bad for Jin.

“It’s not your fault, hyung. You didn’t do anything wrong!”

“If I didn’t do anything wrong, then he’d want to keep staying with me.” He is quiet for a bit and Yoongi is at a loss of what to say. “Unless…”

“Unless what?” he asks.

The older man hesitates and then starts explaining his thoughts slowly. “Maybe this is just Jimin’s reaction to my engagement. Maybe he thinks he’ll have to move out because of me getting married to Joonie. He thought the same when Taehyung got together with Jungkook.”

The mention of Taehyung’s relationship status leaves Yoongi weirdly unperturbed. Right now he’s far too concerned about Jimin’s wellbeing.

“So your engagement doesn’t mean Namjoon will move in with you?”

Jin sighs. “Long-term we naturally want to live together. But your studio is all the way across town, so it’d be inconvenient for Joonie to move in with me right now, and since you guys are travelling most of the time anyway, there’s not much point in renting a place just to be there all alone all the time. I love having Jimin live with me and I was looking forward to spoiling the little princess rotten.”

Yoongi bites his lips. Taehyung had mentioned it before, but he can’t help wanting to know more. “So it’s a girl, huh?”

“Yes. Jimin needs to take extra hormones to compensate his lack of female hormones. It makes the whole pregnancy a bit more complicated. But I’m glad she’s a girl. Girls are so cute!” Jin coos.

Yoongi processes that information. That girl could be his daughter. He could become an appa in a few weeks’ time. The thought still seems absurd to him.

“What if I really am the father?” Yoongi wonders out loud.

Jin chuckles. “Then you might just be the luckiest guy on earth,” he tells him kindly.

Yoongi isn’t so sure about that.

“I want to talk to him for real. I know almost nothing about him.”

“You really should talk,” Jin agrees, sighing deeply. “But Jimin is fragile right now. I can’t have you upset him even more. We need to minimize his stress at all costs and I’m afraid that meeting you would not be beneficial for him right now. I’ll see how Jimin is doing, when he comes back today, and I’ll let you know, whether it’s okay for you to come over to talk to him.

Chapter Text

After his trip halfway across town, Jimin changed a lot. The doctor put him on strict bedrest and the increased medication Jimin now has to take makes him sleepy and nauseous. Jin and Taehyung convinced him to quit his job at the phone hotline, which was easier than they had thought it would be. In a way his easy agreement worries them just as much as if he’d fought them, for it makes it seem like Jimin had simply given up.

Jimin now spends most of his time sleeping. He has even more trouble keeping down food and the medication makes him disoriented and act a bit out of it sometimes.

Taehyung is over at Jin’s place daily and tries to distract Jimin from gloomy thoughts by bringing him pens and paper and occasionally coffee cups to draw on, giving him the feeling he is still doing something useful.

After talking with Jimin, Jin finally allows Yoongi to come over, to have their talk. “He’s very tired though, so let him rest if he’s sleepy. And don’t you dare upset him, understood!” Those were the instructions Jin gave him, before letting him go to Jimin.

Yoongi is hesitant when he knocks on Jimin’s door. When Jimin doesn’t answer, Yoongi debates what to do. He decides to knock again.

Jimin still doesn’t answer. Should he just open the door slightly to check on him? Maybe Jimin was sleeping? Jin had said not to wake him, but to simply wait till the younger boy woke up on his own.

Yoongi opens the door a crack and peeks inside. The blankets are draped over a definitely human form. He opens the door a bit more and finally decides to simply step into the room. He gently closes the door behind him and walks over to the bed.

Jimin is indeed asleep. His hair falls across his face messily. Its dark colour contrasts sharply with his pale face. He looks tired. Even while sleeping, the dark circles under his eyes are visible.

Yoongi quietly sits down on the chair next to the bed. He feels a bit weird, looking at a sleeping person he barely knows. But for some reason he can’t help being drawn to Jimin. His eyes follow the younger boy’s features. Jimin’s face looks so delicate and pretty. It is a different kind of pretty from Taehyung’s. Where Taehyung’s facial perfection makes him appear cold and untouchable, Jimin’s features are warm and open. The pregnant boy has curled into a ball under the blankets, making him look small. Everything about him screams fragile and Yoongi feels the indescribably need to protect the other boy.

Was this the same boy he had accused of being a gold digging whore?

Yoongi suddenly feels ashamed. Knowing the other boy had also been kicked out by his parents, as Yoongi himself had been too, makes him feel close to the other boy, somehow. Maybe Jimin was actually a nice guy.

Maybe he could actually grow to like him.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, even if he really had slept with him.

Maybe he wouldn’t mind sleeping with him again.

Maybe he’d actually like that.

Yoongi scolds himself for his thoughts. The other boy was asleep and unaware of his presence. It wouldn’t do to have sexual fantasies about someone in such a vulnerable state.

As if Jimin could sense Yoongi’s inner struggle, he sighs in his sleep, smacking his full lips a couple of times and curling up even more.

Yoongi’s eyes linger on the other boy’s lips. He feels the sudden desire to kiss them and taste them and to find out whether they feel as soft as they look.

Jimin shifts around on the bed a bit more and then stretches his arms a bit. His eyes flutter open and he slowly becomes aware of the presence of someone else in the room.

“Am I dreaming?” he wonders groggily, when he recognises the older man.

Yoongi smiles at him fondly. “No, you’re not. You’re waking up.”

“Yoongi?” Jimin’s brows furrow in confusion.

“Yeah, it’s me,” the rapper replies simply.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you.”

Jimin frowns again. “Why?”

“We need to talk.”

Jimin’s eyes widen in realisation. Then he averts them, fiddling with his blanket self-consciously.

“It’s okay, hyung. You don’t need to waste your time on me.”

Yoongi is opening his mouth to protest, but Jimin is already continuing to talk. “Your company said you were with your managers the whole time that night. I don’t know why I thought you talked to me, too. It was probably just wishful thinking.” He looks up at the other boy, attempting to smile. It does nothing to mask the sadness and exhaustion in his features.

“I’m sorry for worrying you. I really really am. You didn’t do anything wrong. I shouldn’t have written that letter or followed you to your new home. I shouldn’t have even tried to talk to you. I’m sorry.” He averts his gaze to his fingers that are still nervously playing with his blanket.

Yoongi just sits there, unsure of what to reply.

When Yoongi doesn’t respond at all, Jimin timidly peeks up at him through his lashes.

“You really don’t need to stay, hyung. You must be busy. It’s okay if you leave.”

Yoongi clears his throat. “Do you want me to leave?” He is looking at the younger boy nervously, his voice betraying his insecurity.

Jimin’s eyes go wide. Very slowly he shakes his head. The movement is almost imperceptibly.

Yoongi breathes a sigh of relief. “I’m sorry for not showing up the other day,” he says quietly. His eyes are filled with regret.

Jimin shakes his head again, this time a bit more energetically. “It’s okay, hyung. I know you are busy.”

The older man frowns. “It’s not okay, Jimin. You had to go to your doctor because of me.”

Jimin just shrugs. “It’s not your fault. I thought I could be strong, but I guess I shouldn’t have tried to pretend to be something I’m not.”

“You aren’t weak, Jimin, if that’s what you’re implying. I don’t think you’re weak at all!”

Jimin blushes and the colour makes his face look so much more alive.

“Thank you hyung. But you don’t need to lie. I know the truth anyway, so you don’t need to pretend.” He looks at Yoongi, who is looking at him intently, and then he quickly looks away again.

“I spent the past few days trying to sort through things.” He looks up at Yoongi again. “Actually, there’s something I drew for you. Would you like to see?”

Yoongi nods.

The younger boy rolls around in the bed and tries to reach the nightstand. Yoongi jumps up, when he sees Jimin stretching and twisting his body.

“Let me get it for you,” Yoongi offers immediately.

Jimin sinks back down into his pillows and then nods.

“There should be several paper cups in that drawer.”

Yoongi opens the drawer and indeed he finds a stack of blank paper cups in there.

“I used to work at a coffeeshop,” Jimin explains. “My job was to customize the cups. The café’s theme was creative coffee cups.” He shrugs slightly. “I discovered drawing on cups helps me to order my thoughts, so I designed one while thinking about you the other day. It should be the top one in the stack.”

Yoongi sits back down and gently teases apart the uppermost cup from the blank ones below. His eyes trace the design and his heart jumps when he recognizes the style.

“Did you,” he clears his throat, “did you draw this?”

Jimin nods shyly. Jungkook said you liked our coffee cup drawings. I’m nowhere near as good at drawing as Tae. But if you want you can keep it.”

Yoongi is staring at the cup, his mind going a hundred miles per hour. When he doesn’t say anything for several moments, Jimin hurriedly tries to make light of the situation.

“If you don’t like it, you don’t need to take it. Really, it’s alright. I can get Tae to draw something properly for you, if you want.” Jimin’s eyes widen and he flushes a deep red realizing: “Jungkook probably meant you liked Tae’s drawings back from before I started working at the coffee shop. I’m sorry, you don’t have to take it.”

Jimin makes to grab for the cup, his whole body tingling with embarrassment. His movement snaps Yoongi out of his trance. Very gently, he pushes the younger boy back down on the bed. “Did you draw this?” he repeats his question, his mind reeling.

Jimin shrugs helplessly.

The cup’s design is simple, like all those other cups Yoongi collected at his studio. It depicts a boy sitting on the ground, his hands open with butterflies flying from them. The butterflies keep getting bigger until the last one is not a butterfly at all, but a boy with wings, flying away. There’s writing next to it. Small, yet firm letters that tell a story.

“In order to release your hand right now
I gotta let you know that I need to let you go
Hard to say goodbye
But I can’t run
I’m ready to let go
So be it don’t cry
I’mma let you go and fly”

Jimin still weakly tries to take the cup away from him again. “I don’t really know what I was thinking when I thought it was a good idea to show you this. I guess I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry for worrying you. I don’t really remember that night all too clearly. I thought it was you, but it must have been wishful thinking on my part. I’m sorry if I came across as a stalker. That wasn’t my intention, I was just a bit overwhelmed. I’m sorry for getting in your way of relationships. Tae is a great guy. I mean he’s with Kookie right now, but if he wasn’t, I’d totally understand if you got together with him.”

Jimin is keeping his eyes averted as he speaks.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel caged. I’m letting you go. That’s what I wanted to express with this cup. I know it’s silly. I just wanted you to know that you don’t have any obligation towards me.”

He finally peeks up to see Yoongi’s reaction.

Yoongi is still staring at the cup, looking shocked.

It’s the same style of drawings, the same childlike writing. It’s the same poetic vibe, the same melancholic words that stir something deep in Yoongi’s heart. Matching the message with Jimin makes the impact all the more potent.

He slowly looks up at the younger boy and his heart beats faster when their eyes lock. He can see the sadness in Jimin’s eyes, the embarrassment, the determination and the gentle genuine kindness that Jin and Taehung had both mentioned. Jimin was doing this so Yoongi would stop feeling guilty. And it makes Yoongi feel all the more guilty.

Yoongi is overwhelmed with the realization. All of it suddenly makes sense. The drawings, his  undeniable attraction to the pregnant boy. And looking at Jimin closely, as he does now, he suddenly thinks he looks familiar. Pink hair, his memory supplies. “Did you ever,” Yoongi falters, unsure whether he’s prepared to know the answer. Looking at how the other boy has shyly averted his gaze again, his hands protectively wrapped around his swollen belly, he realises he owes it to Jimin to know.

“Did you ever have pink hair?”

Jimin looks at him in shock, his face getting pale, then blushing again. He shyly nods his head, whispering “yeah” and Yoongi knows. Of course he can’t know for certain, but at this point he is convinced that Jimin is really the guy he had woken up next to.

“I think I remember you from that night,” he whispers quietly.

Chapter Text

“I think I remember you from that night,” Yoongi whispers quietly.

Jimin gasps and then starts shaking his head, tears starting to ooze out of his eyes.

“Don’t tease me please. I’m not ready for that yet,” he pleads, clutching his belly tightly. He is breathing quickly, more quickly than is healthy, Yoongi thinks.

“Shh,” Yoongi tries to soothe him, but Jimin just cries harder. He is rubbing at his belly now, his eyes suddenly going wide.

“C-call Jin” he gasps out before he closes his eyes and flinches.

Yoongi looks at him in alarm. He quickly jumps up and throws the door open, calling for Jin, who comes in moments later. Jin takes one look at Jimin, before telling Yoongi to call an ambulance.

As they wait for the ambulance to arrive, Yoongi watches helplessly as Jin is all over Jimin, soothing the pregnant boy and reminding him to breathe. Yoongi’s heart drops every time the younger boy gasps for air and he is clenching his hands, wishing there was something he could do.

The paramedics finally arrive and Yoongi anxiously guides them to Jimin’s room. At this point, Jimin has thankfully calmed down somewhat. But he’s still clutching at his belly, flinching every so often.

“I think he’s having contraction” Jin tells the paramedics and they nod, bringing in their equipment.

“We’d better take him to the hospital. If he’s ready to deliver we’ll have to perform a C-section there. Home births are not exactly advisable for male pregnancies.” He says it like a joke, but none of the other men are in the mood for jokes. Male pregnancies can cause a lot of damage to the carrier and child alike, which is why usually a c-section is performed to get the child.

The paramedics lift Jimin up and put him on a gurney. He is whimpering softly and Jin is holding his hand as the pregnant boy is wheeled towards the car. Yoongi trails after the procession awkwardly.

They load Jimin into the ambulance and Jin climbs in next to him. Yoongi steps forward, intending to climb in with them as well, but one of the paramedics shakes his head.

“No room in there, man. Only one extra person allowed. You can meet them at the hospital. We’re taking him to the University Hospital.”

Yoongi looks at Jimin helplessly. He feels stupid for not being the one in there with Jimin, when this was all his fault. But he also understands that Jin would be able to provide the comfort Jimin needed right now better than he ever could.

As the ambulance drives off, Yoongi sprints to his car and drives to the hospital. He tries not to think about the very real possibility that the baby could be delivered right this instant. At this point he is almost certain that the kid is his. His daughter. It still feels unreal. He could be becoming an appa right this moment.

When he reaches the hospital he only just barely remembers to grab a mask to at least partly conceal his identity from curious onlookers, before rushing towards the maternity ward. The nurse at the station smiles when she sees his dishevelled appearance. “How can I help you, sir?” she asks.

“Park Jimin,” Yoongi gasps out, a bit out of breath from taking the stairs. The elevator had taken too long to arrive. “How is he doing?”

The nurse wrinkles her brows a little in confusion at the use of the male pronoun, before rustling through her papers and nodding in recognition.

“Ah, we just had a male pregnancy delivered.”

Yoongi looks at her expectantly. He feels like he is wasting precious time by talking to her.

“He’s still receiving treatment. You can wait for him in the waiting area in section E, just down this corridor.

Yoongi turns around, about to head down the corridor the nurse indicated, when he thinks of something else. He turns back around. “C-can I be there when the baby is delivered?”

The nurse looks at him probingly. “Only close family is allowed in with him,” she tells him.

“I’m the father of the child.”

“Oh, well in that case,” the nurse flicks through her documents. “I’m afraid I can’t tell you what they’re doing right now. She looks up again, apologetically. I’d suggest you walk to Section E and wait for someone to come out of the examination room.”

Yoongi thanks her and half runs down the corridor towards Section E. He is about to storm through to the examination rooms, when he feels a hand grasp his arm.

“Yoongi-ah, you can’t go in there.” It’s Jin.

“What are they doing with him? Where is Jimin? Is the baby…?”

“Relax,” Jin tells him, dragging him to the waiting area and forcing him to sit down. Yoongi does so reluctantly waiting for Jin to elaborate. The older man sighs.

“They’re trying to stop the contractions. It’s still too early for Jimin to deliver. I mean, they said the baby would probably be fine, but if she could stay in there a few more weeks, it would be better.”

“Why aren’t you in there with him?” Yoongi asks.

Jin’s brows draw together. “Only close family is allowed apparently.”

Yoongi jumps up. “I’m the father, I can…”

Jin tugs him back down with force.

“You’re not married, Yoongi. Hell, you’re not even his boyfriend!” He casts him a sideway glance. “They won’t let us in. But they said we can visit him as soon as he’s moved to a normal room.”

Yoongi pulls his arm out of Jin’s grip. “But I’m the father, I …”

The door of the examination room opens and the two men jump up immediately.

An elderly nurse exits through the door and sees Jin and Yoongi standing there with worried faces. Yoongi can see her smile, despite the mask she’s wearing.

“You must be here for Jimin-ah, right?”

The two young men stand there nodding dumbly.

“He’ll be out in a second, don’t worry. He’s doing very well. The contractions are already weakening.”

The door opens again and two male nurses wheel a bed out of the examination room. Jin and Yoongi immediately crowd around it, when they see Jimin curled up on the bed. His hands are on his stomach again, one of them connected to a drip, dripping some sort of clear liquid into his blood stream.

“Jiminie,” Jin coos and Jimin smiles tiredly.

Yoongi hovers right next to him looking at him intently. When Jimin notices his gaze he blushes and looks away again quickly. Yoongi immediately takes a step back to give him some space. He is unsure of how he should act around Jimin. He wants to be close to him, but on the other hand he is scared of hurting him again, even by just looking at him.

The nurses start pushing the bed down the corridor. Jin is walking next to it confidently, his eyes trained on Jimin, smiling at him reassuringly, while Yoongi is trailing after them a bit awkwardly.

When they are finally in the room, the nurses start hooking Jimin up to all kinds of machinery. Jimin doesn’t protest, instead he closes his eyes tiredly.

“We’ve given him some pain killers along with medication to stop the contractions,” the elderly nurse explains, after her two colleagues left. “Hopefully we’ll be able to stop the contractions fully for now, otherwise we’ll have to perform an emergency C-section and get the baby after all. We’ll be monitoring his heart beat and other vitals. If there’s anything you need just press this button.” She smiles at the two men. “He’s lucky to have you.” And then in a slightly more stern voice, “but make sure you let him rest for now. It’s okay to visit, but don’t wake him up, okay? He needs to rest.”

Jin and Yoongi look at her and nod wide eyed. When she leaves the room, looking satisfied, Jin and Yoongi look at each other and then at Jimin.

“He’s sleeping,” Jin whispers. Yoongi nods. He pulls a chair up next to the bed, trying to be as quiet as possible.

“I’ll go call Taehyung,” Jin tells him quietly and ducks out of the room.

Yoongi is left alone. The only sounds in the room are the slow steady beeping of Jimin’s heartbeat and another rhythmical beeping and whooshing coming from the monitors. It takes Yoongi a while to realise he is hearing the baby’s heartbeat along with Jimin’s.

Yoongi looks at Jimin tenderly. His coffee cup muse. It feels like all the pieces are finally clicking together. It makes so much sense, now that he is really looking at the other boy. He shudders when he thinks about how much pain he must have caused Jimin by ignoring him all this time. And he is so glad he never said anything overly hurtful to Jimin’s face. He shudders at the thought of Jimin hearing what he’d thought about him initially.

He gently takes the hand that is not hooked up to the drip and presses his lips to it. “I’m so sorry, Jimin,” he whispers quietly.

Jin comes back into the room then and sees Yoongi holding Jimin’s hand. He frowns slightly and grabs another chair to sit next to Yoongi.

“What happened earlier?” he finally asks quietly, looking Yoongi squarely in the face.

“I told him I remembered him.” Seeing Jin’s confused face, Yoongi hurries to elaborate. “From that night at the party. I think I remember him.”

Jin sighs deeply. He opens his mouth to reply, when a soft whimpering indicates Jimin waking up. Both men immediately look at the youngest, who flinches as another weak contraction hits. He quietly winces in pain.

“I thought they gave him painkillers?” Yoongi whispers, clearly upset.

Jin doesn’t respond. He’s bending down to Jimin, stroking back his sweaty hair and whispering how well he was doing. Yoongi reluctantly withdraws his hand to give Jin more room and Jin immediately grabs a hold of Jimin's hand instead.

Jimin groans groggily, his eyes fluttering open a bit and his free hand automatically moving to rest on his belly. Feeling a bit awkward and useless, Yoongi gently places his hand on top of Jimin’s again, squeezing it slightly. Jimin’s eyes go wide and he goes perfectly still, too scared to move. Yoongi is about to withdraw his hand again, when another contraction hits and Jimin flinches. He withdraws his second hand from Jin’s grip and holds his side, trying to hide his pain. Yoongi gently begins rubbing small circles onto Jimin’s skin, trying to soothe the other boy. Jimin lets out a soft sigh.

Jin has meanwhile gone back to stroking his hands through Jimin’s hair and is now caressing the younger boy’s cheek, telling him how proud he is of him for being so strong. Jimin and Yoongi remain locked in their intense gaze frozen in time until another weak contraction hits several minutes later. Without taking his eyes off Jimin’s, Yoongi places his second hand on Jimin’s lower belly, massaging it gently. Jin watches them interact, smiling warmly. Jimin breathes a soft sigh and his eyes flutter shut, a tear oozing out of his eyes only to be joined by several more.

Yoongi squeezes Jimin’s hand gently, never ceasing the slow movements of his other hand on Jimin’s belly. Gradually the younger boy relaxes, his breathing slowing down to a normal rate. Whenever a contraction hits, Yoongi increases the movements of his hand until Jimin is no longer whimpering or shuddering. Jimin keeps his eyes averted for the most part, while Yoongi is looking at the younger boy tenderly. Once again he wishes to be able to turn back time and treat Jimin better so the other boy would look at him now.

He stays with Jimin for the rest of the afternoon, never leaving his side. Jin leaves them after a while to give them some privacy, after making sure that Jimin and Yoongi would both be fine with it. He  somehow convinces Taehyung not to rush over to the hospital immediately after his shift either.

Throughout the afternoon, nurses move in and out of the room in a flurry of movement, readjusting the dribble linked to Jimin’s arm and making notes on a clipboard next to the monitors. Yoongi stays next to Jimin throughout it all. And despite himself, Jimin takes comfort in his presence, indulging in his fantasies, too tired to question Yoongi’s intentions.

Chapter Text

Yoongi falls asleep in the chair next to Jimin’s bed in an uncomfortable cramped position. Jin had tried to convince him to go home, but Yoongi had refused. And since they had arranged a private room for Jimin, the nurses didn’t kick Yoongi out, even after the official visitation hours ended.

He leaves early in the morning to go to work, feeling grumpy and uneasy about leaving Jimin alone. The younger boy had finally stopped evading his eyes at some point in the night and Yoongi is afraid that they’d have to start from scratch again if he left now.

Sometimes he hates his job.

He sighs, pressing a soft kiss to the sleeping boy’s cheek before leaving and closing the door behind him gently.

Not long after Yoongi left, Taehyung comes to the hospital to visit Jimin. He stays with him all day and only takes breaks once Jin arrives too.

It is early evening, when Yoongi comes back to the hospital. The first thing he sees, when walking into the room, is Jin sprawled on the chair sleeping. Jimin is fast asleep again as well, lying on the bed with Tae curled around him on the bed in a spooning position.

When Taehyung notices Yoongi’s presence, he stops his gentle caresses on Jimin’s belly and props himself up on his arm. The two men look at each other silently. They hadn’t talked since Taehyung’s enraged phone call.

Yoongi breaks the silence by asking, “How is he?”

The younger boy looks at him some more, then he carefully gets up.

“Let’s talk outside,” he says quietly.

Yoongi nods tersely, sparing one last glance towards Jimin before following Taehyung out of the room.

The taller boy is already leaning against the wall, his arms crossed.

“What are you doing here?” he asks in an even voice.

Yoongi glances back to the room. “I’m here for Jimin”

Taehyung scoffs. “Cut the crap. A week ago you didn’t even know Jimin existed at all.”

“That’s not true!”

Tae is surprised at the fierceness in Yoongi’s voice.

The younger boy sighs. “Look I don’t really know what the deal is, between the two of you. But you must stop taking advantage of Jimin’s feelings towards you. Staying here out of some form of guilt doesn’t make things better either. You’re giving him false hopes and that’s just mean!”

Yoongi stands up straighter “Who says they’re false hopes?” he says challengingly.

“Cut the crap. I’ve seen the way you’ve looked at me during the dinner. You barely even noticed Jimin!”

Yoongi flinches at the reminder, realising Jimin must have noticed, too. He bows his head. “Things have changed since then.”

“Why? Cause you suddenly think you remember him? Cause you realised he was good in bed and you might be the father after all? Only to leave without a backward glance if the baby’s not yours after all?”

Yoongi stares at him defiantly “I care about him, okay. I want to get to know him.”

Taehyung snorts. “For some reason I don’t believe you.” 

“Believe what you want, kid. I’ll prove you wrong. I’m a master of proving people wrong who underestimate me.”

The younger boy bristles. “This is not a game!” he hisses “this is my best friend we’re talking about here. If you’re just gonna use him again, please just leave. He doesn’t deserve any of this. Go play with something else.”

Yoongi huffs in indignation. “I won’t be using him.”

“You’ll give him false hopes!”

“I’ll be there for him if he still wants me.”

“He can’t make any rational decisions right now. He will be heartbroken when you leave him.”

“I’m not leaving him” The older man’s voice is firm. Taehyung looks at him appraisingly.

“What changed your mind? Why should I believe you, that you suddenly care?”

Yoongi’s eyes become gentle. “Cause he’s my coffee cup muse.”

The younger boy looks at him in confusion.

Yoongi then explains about the coffee cups Jungkook always brought in, about recognizing the one Taehyung brought during the fan sign. “That’s why I couldn’t stop myself from looking at you throughout the dinner. I thought it was you who had drawn those cups.”

Taehyung looks at him with wide eyes. “Does Jimin know?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t think so. It was too much information to process then. We haven’t really spoken properly since we got to the hospital.” He glances back at Jimin’s door.

“Okay.” Tae finally nods. “I believe you. But if you hurt Jimin in any way, there’ll be hell to pay.”

***

Over the next couple of days, Yoongi comes over to the hospital after work and stays overnight until he has to go back to work in the mornings. It gets to the point, where the hospital staff provide him with a cot to sleep on.

At first Jimin is shy about having Yoongi in the same room. Bit by bit, however, he starts letting his guard down and feels himself falling for the other boy more and more. He wishes they could stay like this forever. Yet through all his present happiness he can feel his fear of the future. His doctor’s words still haunt him today.

“Get an abortion. Male pregnancies are tricky to begin with, but in your case the risk is even higher. Your body is not cut out for this.”

As if he could ever get an abortion. He did think about it. Briefly. But he discarded the idea just as quickly.

“It’s not just about needing a C-section, Jimin. The surgery puts your life at risk.”

He still hasn’t really told anyone about that.

What if the surgery went wrong? What if he … died?

He tries to avoid thinking about it. But the longer he is at the hospital, the more worried he gets. The doctors hadn’t repeated their concern, but from the worried looks the nurses sometimes throw at his medical data, he can guess giving birth will still put him at risk.

He puts his hand on his stomach unconsciously.

“What are you thinking about?” Yoongi asks quietly.

Jimin glances over at the other man. His heart fills with fondness and warmth. If only his baby really was Yoongi’s. If only they could be a family.

“I’m worried,” Jimin confesses.

Yoongi moves closer, sitting down next to Jimin.

“Why are you worried?”

Jimin hesitates and finally reveals his second biggest fear.

“What if she’s not yours?”

Yoongi is quiet. Finally he grabs Jimin’s hand and squeezes it.

“I’d be a bit disappointed, frankly speaking. I’m looking forward to becoming an appa.” He brushes a strand of hair away from Jimin’s face.

Jimin searches his eyes.

“If she was yours, would you love her?” he suddenly asks, completely serious. Before Yoongi can answer, he presses on. “Would you give her a home, or find a home for her? Make sure she has everything she needs? I’d only ask this of you if she is yours, of course.”

Yoongi clears his throat. “I would do all of that, even if she isn’t mine. I would still try to be her appa, if you want me to. I’d do that because she is yours. I care about you and whether or not she is my biological daughter won’t change how I feel about you.”

A beautiful smile breaks out on Jimin’s face and Yoongi thinks it’s like the sun rises. He cups Jimin’s face, looking at him with worry. “Why are you asking me that though? You’ll be her home, just like you are right now.” He gently places his hands on Jimin’s belly. “And if you want me to be, I would like to become a home for the two of you.” Yoongi avoids the younger boy’s gaze, suddenly turning shy.

“I’d like that very very much,” Jimin confesses.

Yoongi looks at him then. For an infinite moment they just stare into each other’s eyes. Then, without breaking eye contact, Yoongi slowly bends down towards Jimin. Their faces are only inches apart, when he stops. His eyes dart to Jimin’s lips and then back to his eyes, silently asking him for permission. Jimin lifts his face towards Yoongi, encouraging him to continue. And finally, their lips meet in a sweet kiss. They close their eyes, revelling in the feeling of the other’s soft pliant lips. Jimin darts his tongue out, to taste Yoongi, and the other boy pulls away, his eyes wide.

Jimin flushes red, and immediately turns his head away in embarrassment.

Yoongi isn’t having any of that, though. Grabbing Jimin’s face with both hands, he gently turns the younger boy to face him. He is half kneeling on the bed now.

“Is this really okay?” he whispers?

Jimin looks at him in confusion. When Yoongi’s eyes dart to the younger boy’s lips again, Jimin flushes. He searches Yoongi’s eyes and slowly licks his lips.

Yoongi swoops down then. His lips are on Jimin’s again, and the younger boy sighs with happiness. This time, Yoongi is not as gentle as he was before. His tongue darts out, poking at Jimin’s lips. The younger boy opens his mouth readily and their tongues meet. Tasting each other slowly at first, and then licking, embracing, tangling together in a wild passionate dance. Jimin wraps his arms around Yoongi’s neck. He feels like he is tingling all over. Was this really happening right now?

They kiss each other until both men are breathless and Yoongi pulls away, only to press his lips all over Jimin’s face.

“You are so beautiful,” he murmurs between kisses.

Jimin flushes again. His eyes are sparkling with happiness. His arms are still wrapped around Yoongi, clinging to him as if the other boy would disappear if he let go.

Yoongi is still awkwardly half kneeling on the bed, and Jimin scoots over, to pull Yoongi onto the bed next to him. They come to lie on the bed facing each other. For another long while they simply stare at each other. Jimin’s lips are swollen from kissing and his eyes are wide and sparkling. Yoongi has never seen anything more beautiful.

Remembering the reason why they are here in the first place, he lets his eyes drift down to Jimin’s belly, and gently places his hands on it. Jimin smiles at Yoongi, watching fondly as the other man is laying his ear against Jimin’s belly to greet their baby. At least Jimin hopes to god that it really is their baby.

He doesn’t know what makes him more scared. The possibility of finding out his child is not Yoongi’s or the thought of something bad happening to himself. Right now it is probably the thought of Yoongi leaving him. Being with him like this. Being so close to him. It reminds him of what happiness feels like. And he’s so so afraid of losing that again.

As if reading his thoughts, Yoongi looks up at him then. “I’d love to just stay with you like this forever.”

Jimin lets his hands drift through the older man’s hair.

“I would like that a lot,” he agrees quietly.

Yoongi edges himself up and moves to kiss Jimin again. “Let’s be together,” he proposes, his eyes burning brightly. Seeing the younger boy’s confused look, he clarifies, “as boyfriends.”

Jimin bites his lips. If only that could really be their future! His doctor’s words enter his mind again unbidden.

“It’s not just about needing a C-section, Jimin. The surgery puts your life at risk.”

“I can’t promise I can stay with you forever.” Jimin says quietly. “I’m afraid of hurting you.”

Yoongi draws back and sits up. His face is guarded, but his words are kind.

“It’s okay if you don’t love me right now. I know I’ve made many mistakes and you have every right to hate me. I just want to be there for you and the little one. Whether as a friend or more is completely up to you. You are free to feel what you want, Jimin. Don’t worry about hurting me.”

Tears well up in Jimin’s eyes, as a strong wave of emotions seizes him.

“That’s not what I mean, hyung! I’ve actually loved you for a long time,” he confides abashedly.

Yoongi pulls his brows together in confusion, his heart jumping at Jimin’s confession. “Then what is it that you mean?”

This is it. No more secrets. Jimin feels the overwhelming urge to finally share his fears and burdens with someone. No, not someone. Yoongi.

His eyes are glassy, when he haltingly starts to explain.

“When I found out about being pregnant, it took me a while to get used to the thought. But even then, I never considered not wanting her. I mean abortions are illegal, so there was no point even considering it anyway.”

Yoongi looks at him. Squeezing his hand to silently encourage him to go on.

“I was offered to get an abortion,” Jimin whispers. “Officially.”

Yoongi sucks in a deep breath. He knew about there being possible complications with Jimin’s pregnancy. Jin or Namjoon had said something about that at some point. But he had never really considered what that meant. He had never particularly cared. Now he does.

“What does that mean?” he asks. He clears his throat as his throat suddenly feels tight.

Jimin shrugs. “I’m a male. Male pregnancies are not exactly easy to begin with. But it’s more than that. Some tests revealed that I had a hereditary condition. Something about my blood not clotting? Dunno. The doctors say that condition makes it risky for me to have a major surgery like cutting open my stomach to get a baby out.”

“What exactly did they say?”

A tear slips from Jimin’s eyes.

“They said it puts my life at risk and that I should get an abortion before she gets too big and it’s too late.”

Yoongi feels like he is punched in his gut.

“Why didn’t you?” he asks.

“How could I?” Jimin asks back. “I had just come to terms with the pregnancy. I had started looking forward to having a baby.”

Yoongi groans, burying his face in his hands.

“It’s not your fault, hyung,” Jimin immediately reassures him. “That’s just the way life is sometimes. We are sometimes given choices that are hard to make or thrown into situations we need time to adapt to. I’ve made my choice. I’ve learned to adapt.”

He gently places his hand on top of Yoongi’s. It looks so small compared to Yoongi’s larger hands.

“It’s just a possibility. But can you see why I can’t promise you forever?”

Yoongi lifts his hands from his face, only to reveal tears falling from his eyes. He takes Jimin’s hand into his and kisses it reverently.

“Why are you such an angel?” he wonders. “Why don’t you ever think about yourself? Your own well-being? Your own happiness.”

“Isn’t that exactly what I did?” Jimin asks, honestly confused.

 “Why can’t you love yourself more?” The older man cries out. He thinks back to all those coffee cups he had looked at.

Jimin shrugs. “I love you,” he whispers.

“Oh Jimin, you are the best thing that ever happened to me! How did I ever deserve you?”

Jimin blushes. “I don’t deserve you,” he says simply.

Yoongi stares at him in surprise. Then he bends down and presses their lips together again.

That night, they fall asleep together, holding each other tightly on Jimin’s bed.

Chapter Text

Things change after that night.

It’s subtle at first. Yoongi no longer sleeps on the cot, but instead on the bed with Jimin.

Jimin had begged to be allowed to go home, but the doctors had explained that if the contractions started again, they needed to act immediately to prepare Jimin for the surgery.

Jin was present when the doctor explained his situation fully and like Yoongi he swore they’d do anything to minimize the risk.

The biggest change was probably the familiarity with which Yoongi interacted with Jimin. It was like they had known each other for years, when really they had barely spoken to each other before the day Jimin was delivered to the hospital.

Sometimes Jimin is still afraid that this is all too good to be true, but most of the time he just enjoys being with Yoongi.

Jin, sensing that something is happening between the two men, makes sure to give them enough time alone together and mainly checks in during times when Yoongi is at work.

“You’re working things out, huh?” He asks Jimin one day, when he walks in on Yoongi kissing Jimin goodbye.

Jimin flushes red, while Yoongi just shrugs, smiling, and presses his lips to Jimin’s forehead one last time before pushing past Jin to leave the room.

Jin smiles as he closes the door behind him.

“You look happier,” he observes.

Jimin blushes even more.

“I am happy,” he says simply.

Jin nods. “Good.” He sits down on the chair next to Jimin’s bed. “Have you talked about what you are going to do after the birth?”

Jimin grabs the blanket, his fingers clenching around it tightly.

“If all goes well, we’ll work it out then,” he says quietly, ducking his head.

Jin nods slowly, his heart aching for Jimin.

“Are you planning on keeping her?”

“Yoongi wants to keep her,” Jimin nods, his eyes filled with love. “Maybe we really could be a family.”

Jin smiles. “You already are, Jimin. And your little one’s got a bunch of really cool uncles already as well.”

Jimin nods, smiling. “She’s lucky.”

“Have you thought of names yet?”

Jimin’s smile drops.

“I’ve thought about it. But nothing seems to fit.”

“That’s alright,” Jin calms him. “You’ve still got time. You can always ask Yoongi or one of us to help you pick if you’re undecided. And if anything, maybe you’ll know her name once you look at her.”

Jimin worries his lip. “Is it really okay, if I wait that long?”

“It’s really okay,” Jin promises. “Don’t you stress yourself out because of that.”

***

That night, after Jin left and Yoongi has come back from work, Jimin thinks of ways of broaching the subject. They are lying on the bed together again, Yoongi’s hand gently exploring Jimin’s belly.

The baby kicks and Yoongi bends down to Jimin’s stomach to talk to his daughter.

“C’mon, little one, don’t kick your eomma. That’s not very nice.”

Jimin flushes at being called eomma. It feels weird for some reason. He’s a man. So how can a man be an eomma? Shouldn’t he be an appa? But then again, he is closer with his daughter than any appa. He is still mulling over the words, when Yoongi continues. “You’ll be a soccer player for sure, little one. I’m terrible at soccer, so you’ll probably beat me all the time. But that’s okay baby.”

“Would you like to pick out a name for her?” Jimin suddenly asks Yoongi.

Yoongi freezes. Edging up again, he looks at him in shock. “Why would you let someone else do that? Naming a kid is an important decision!”

Yoongi realises his mistake as soon as the words leave his lips. But by then it is already too late.

Jimin feels a jab of hurt. “It takes two to make a baby,” he mumbles woundedly.

“Shit, sorry. I’m not saying she’s not mine. I’m just not good with names. Why do you think I changed my stage names so often? You don’t want our kid to get a name like Suga, right? Or a nickname like Kookie or Pancakes, as Jeongguk did, right?” He’s rambling right now, trying at all costs to soften the blow he had just unintentionally dealt out.

Jimin’s lips are trembling. “I don’t see anything wrong with Kookie’s nicknames. I think they’re cute. Tae also calls me Mochi, so I wouldn’t mind my daughter getting nicknamed after food.”

“Wait, Tae calls you Mochi?”

“That’s not the point here!” Jimin hangs his head and closes his eyes, so the older boy can’t see the tears that have gathered there. Why is he such a damn emotional mess? Oh right. The baby.

“Jiminie, don’t be angry, please. I know she’s ours, I just don’t have any idea how to pick a name for a baby…”

Jimin looks up then, his eyes blazing, “how would you know that she’s yours? You don’t remember that night any more than I do! You assume I know everything about babies just because there’s one inside of me. But I don’t, hyung.” His voice cracks. “I’m terrified of making a mistake. I don’t know how to pick names or what things a baby needs once it’s born or how to care for it. But unlike you I don’t get the luxury of walking away!” The tears spill from his eyes and Yoongi is shocked when he realises just how much the other boy had kept bottled in.

“Jiminie,” he tries to hold the other boy, but Jimin twists away.

“Don’t,” he says.

“Jiminie, please! Can we talk about this?”

Jimin shakes his head. A tear is oozing out of his eyes.

 “I think I wanna be alone tonight.”

“Jimin…”

“Please go,” Jimin says, pushing him away and turning away from him.

Yoongi gets up from the bed carefully.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Jimin,” he says brokenly.

Jimin just pulls the blanket tight around himself. “I need to think about this alone,” he repeats quietly.

“Okay,” Yoongi whispers. “If there’s anything you need, let me know. I’ll stay at the hospital till my early morning MV shoot at 4 am.”

“Just go home to sleep,” Jimin mumbles quietly. Knowing Yoongi would stick around in the uncomfortable hallways of the hospital makes him feel incredibly guilty.

“Don’t worry about me,” Yoongi tells him. “I’ll be there for you if you need me.”

Jimin needs Yoongi even while the other man is still standing at the door. He needs him when he finally leaves. And he needs him when Jimin is lying in the room all alone.

He suddenly feels empty and so cold.

“Yoongi,” he whispers.

What if Yoongi is not actually his baby’s father?

Jimin’s heartbeat quickens as the old doubts and worries start flooding in again.

What if he is only with him because he thinks she is his daughter?

Tears spill from his eyes. “Yoongi,” he sobs, his face twisting into a mask of pain.

While Jimin is having a mini-breakdown in his room, Yoongi is pacing the floor in the waiting room area.

Why on earth had he said that? He knew Jimin’s insecurities. He knew how fragile the other boy was, so how could he say something like that?

He curses himself and after almost ripping out whole chunks of his hair he finally sits down on one of the chairs groaning internally.

He has to make it up to Jimin somehow. And just like that he knows how.

For the remaining hours of the early morning he starts looking through pages and pages of online baby name sites. Whenever he sees a name he likes or thinks Jimin might like, he writes it down onto his trusty notepad. He works on it for hours until the alarm of his phone goes off and he is yanked out of his haze.

He thinks about checking in on Jimin one last time before he leaves, but then he gets a call from his manager telling him the filming location was changed to outside of Seoul, and that a car was already waiting for him downstairs.

He grabs his bag and notepad and hastily makes his way to the car that is waiting for him.

***

In his room, Jimin is still awake. The more he thinks about things, the more anxious he becomes.

The uncomfortable feeling in his stomach is back. He tries to ignore it, but it keeps getting stronger.

It hurts.

It hurts to think that his daughter might have someone other than Yoongi as her father. That would mean her father is some kind of weird perverted rapist, and Jimin is not prepared to deal with that thought.

It hurts to know that Yoongi himself doesn’t fully believe the baby is his. His uncertainty increases Jimin’s doubts tenfold.

It hurts to think about Yoongi leaving him if it does turn out to not be his child.

Everything hurts so fucking bad.

His stomach hurts so fucking bad.

When the nurse comes in to check on him early in the morning, Jimin is a crying whimpering mess. She takes one look at his heartbeat monitor and all the other stuff they are recording there and rushes to Jimin.

“Are you feeling pain in your lower stomach?”

Jimin nods, winding on the bed in pain.

“How often are you feeling the contractions?”

Contractions? Jimin idly wonders. Somewhere in the back of his brain he suddenly realises what is happening. This is it. He is about to give birth.

Jimin barely registers the flurry of activities that follow. Somebody pricks his arm again at some point and suddenly his tiredness increases tenfold. He feels the ceiling spinning and is distantly aware of being moved to a different room.

Pain is clouding his every thought, until suddenly it is gone. In the few painless clear seconds before he falls into unconsciousness, he wonders if he is going to die.

***

Jin and Taehyung are anxiously waiting in the waiting room.

“Why won’t they let us into the operation room?” Taehyung exclaims for the umpteenth time.

Jin sighs tiredly. “Jimin needs a surgery. You can’t just walk into a surgical theatre.”

Taehyung frowns. “Can’t you like be there if you’re wearing scrubs or something?”

“We’re not technically related to Jimin and can’t even claim to be the father.”

“Speaking of which, any news of Yoongi yet?”

Jin takes out his phone to check yet again if any of the Bangtan boys finally answered his calls. “None. Joonie said they had an early morning MV shoot somewhere outside of the city. He wasn’t sure when they’d be done, only that it’d be a long day.”

“Dammit,” Taehyung complains. “Out of all days to not check their phones.”

Jin agrees silently. “Have you informed Jungkook yet?”

Taehyung shakes his head. “He’s got practice till 5pm. With things as they are, there’s not much point in having him worry too. I send him a text that I’ll be at the hospital all day and he should just come over once he’s done at work.”

Jin nods absentmindedly. “I wonder what’s going on in there. I worry about Jimin. He is a high risk pregnancy after all.”

“Do you think something will go badly?” Taehyung asks worriedly.

“Let’s just hope they’ll both be okay. Jimin would be heartbroken, if anything went wrong for his daughter this far into the pregnancy.”

After waiting for another thirty minutes or so, they are finally given an update. A nurse walks towards them smiling. “Congratulations on being uncles to a beautiful baby girl.”

Jin and Taehyung break out into bright smiles.

“Can we see her?” Jin immediately asks.

“How is Jimin doing?” Taehyung butts in.

The nurse continues to smile. “Jimin is still asleep. He is being transferred to the recovery room right now. The little girl was brought to the infant station for a check-up. If you want you can see her, although no interaction is permitted without the parents’ consent.”

Jin and Taehyung nod.

The nurse takes them to the infant station. Glass windows allow a glimpse into a room full of cots with varying amounts of machinery and tubes around them. In each of the cots lies a baby.

The nurse comes to stand in front of the window. Pointing at a cot right next to the door, where another nurse is currently bustling about, she says, “That’s our newest addition. Park Jimin’s daughter.”

Jin and Taehyung stare at the tiny human being. She’s half hidden in her little cot, and there’s a whole lot of tubes connected to her.

“Is she alright?” Taehyung asks. “She seems so tiny.”

“She was born a month too early, so yes, she is still small. But from the first tests we did she seems to be healthy.”

Jin is staring at the baby with big eyes. “Jimin will be so happy when he gets to hold her! When is he going to wake up?”

“We had to give him a different kind of anaesthesia from the usual, so it’s hard to say. Could be anything from half an hour to about five or six hours.”

“Can we see him?” Taehyung asks?

“Sure, it’s always nicer for patients if they don’t wake up alone.”

The nurse leads them to the recovery room.

“Jiminie,” Taehyung rushes to the bed. Apart from the steady sound monitoring Jimin’s heartbeat, the other boy looks as if he is dead. His chest barely heaves as he breathes in and his face looks pale.

Taehyung looks back at the nurse. “Is he gonna be okay?”

The nurse smiles at him reassuringly. “He should be fine. He should take it easy for a couple of weeks to recover from the surgery, but according to the doctors everything went better than they could have hoped for. There was no internal bleeding or other further complications and the medication Mr. Park has been taking the last few weeks did their job. The doctors will come by after he wakes to discuss further details.”

Jin nods slowly and pulls a chair up to the other side of the bed.

“If there’s anything you need, you can just press this button and one of us will come in,” the nurse tells them, before smiling again and leaving the room.

“He looks so small now,” Taehyung breaks the silence.

The two cousins both look down at the stomach that now looks completely flat compared to how it was before. Jin smooths a lock of hair from the sleeping boy’s face.

“You did well, Jimin,” he whispers. “I can’t wait to meet your beautiful daughter.”

Chapter Text

At 5:37pm, Yoongi is running through the hospital corridors. Namjoon had been the first to charge his phone and check his messages and tell Yoongi that Jimin had given birth.

They immediately cancelled the rest of the MV shoot and climbed into a car heading back towards Seoul. It was a two hour drive and Yoongi cursed himself for agreeing to the remote location in the first place.

Jimin had given birth.

Yoongi had officially become an appa.

He is quietly staring at the landscape that is flying by. After a few initial attempts at conversation, Namjoon and Hobi leave Yoongi alone with his thoughts.

Jimin. He had failed him yet again by not being there.

Yoongi thinks back to their argument the night before.

If only he had known… Was the labour stress induced?

Yoongi hates himself for what he said, even though he hadn’t meant it like that.

He should have stayed with Jimin, no matter what the younger boy said. They shouldn’t have parted like that.

When they finally reach the hospital, Yoongi jumps out of the car right away and starts running. When he makes it into the maternity ward of the hospital, he is out of breath. He runs to Jimin’s room, only to find it empty. He instantly begins panicking, fearing the worst. Had something bad happened after all? Had there been complications? How was Jimin doing? Was he in pain? Was he even alive?

Oh god, I know I don’t really believe in you. But whatever higher power there might be out there, please make sure Jimin is alright! And the baby too!

He steps out of the room and finally sees a nurse.

“Park Jimin,” he gasps, still out of breath, “where is he?”

The nurse turns around. Her eyes widen at his wild appearance before recognition flashes across her face and she points towards the corridor. “He is still asleep in the recovery room, down the hall on the left. But you can meet your daughter in the infant station. She’s quite vocal, the little one.”

Yoongi starts running again before she even finished speaking into the direction she had pointed at.

Namjoon and Hobi have meanwhile also reached the maternity ward and are greeted by Jin at the entrance.

“Thank God, you guys finally made it,” Jin greets them, kissing his fiancé on the lips.

Namjoon smiles at him sheepishly. “Sorry, about that. They changed the location last minute and we didn’t have time to check our phones all day.” He is looking tired.

“So where are they?” Hobi asks, energy radiating from him despite the long day of music video shooting.

“Follow me,” Jin says. He then pauses, turning back to the other two men. His brows are pulling together in a frown. “Where is Yoongi?”

“Isn’t he with Jimin already? He started sprinting the moment we reached the parking garage in the hospital.”

Jin’s frown clears. “Oh, okay. Well that’s good then. I was getting some coffee in the break room when you guys called and said you reached. So I might have missed him on the way.”

And indeed, Yoongi is in the recovery room with Jimin, when the other three men finally arrive. Taehyung and Jungkook are in the room as well and suddenly the small room is crowded.

Yoongi is kneeling next to Jimin’s bed, grasping the younger boy’s hand tightly but gently.

The others stay back, as Yoongi presses his lips to Jimin’s hand and strokes across the younger boy’s cheeks. “You did well, baby,” he whispers. “So well.”

A nurse enters the room. She frowns when she sees the crowd of people in the small room. “Only two visitors are allowed at a time,” she reminds them sternly. “Mr. Park needs some peace and quiet to recover not an army of people.”

The men can’t help grinning at her word choice. She most certainly is not aware of the fandom name of the Bangtan Rap Trio, or of the band at all as it appears. Not being recognised makes everything so much easier.

When the men slowly shuffle out of the room, the nurse turns to Yoongi, who is still kneeling beside the bed. His eyes are locked on Jimin.

“Mr. Min, would you like to see your daughter?”

Yoongi doesn’t react at first and only when she repeats her question again does he turn around.

“My daughter?” His eyes widen as if only just now comprehending what she said. He stands up, looking back at Jimin conflicted.

“Mr. Park isn’t going anywhere. He needs to sleep some more.”

Yoongi bends down to Jimin, kissing his forehead. “I’ll be there when you wake up,” he promises and then follows the nurse out of the room. Jin and Namjoon immediately go back into the room to be with Jimin.

Yoongi is led to the same glass-walled room Taehyung and Jin had looked through earlier that day.

“Mr. Park signed a document, listing you as her father,” the nurse says kindly. “That makes you eligible for actually going in to meet her.”

Yoongi looks at the other three boys who have followed him. Taehyung returns his gaze and shrugs.

“They wouldn’t let me and Jin into the room to see her.”

“Regulations are regulations,” the nurse explains regretfully. “Unless we have a signed consent form from a parent or proof of relation, we cannot allow visitors of any kind.”

Yoongi just nods, his eyes wandering along the cots in the room.

“Follow me, Mr. Min,” the nurse says kindly, opening the door. The other boys remain outside of the room, giving Yoongi some space and privacy to meet his daughter for the first time. They could wait with meeting her once Yoongi had started processing everything that had happened.

The nurse leads Yoongi to the first cot in the room. “Meet your daughter,” she tells him kindly.

Yoongi’s world comes to a screeching halt. There she is. A tiny baby, obviously a newborn, sleeping in her little cot.

“She’s tiny,” he gasps out.

The nurse smiles. “She was born a month too early, so that’s to be expected.”

“Is she alright?”

“She seems perfectly healthy. She’ll be needing some further hormone treatment for the time being to ensure her female development progresses normally after being born to male parents, but other than that she should be fine.”

“Why are there so many tubes and machines then?”

“We’re monitoring her vitals. Male pregnancies are often prone to complications, so we’re just monitoring her to make sure she really is healthy.”

Yoongi looks back at the tiny human being then. He feels his heart expand thinking about this being his daughter. His flesh and blood. A tiny voice in the back of his head wonders if she really was, but he quickly pushes the thought aside. He’s too amazed by the tiny creature with her tiny face and tiny arms and legs to care about that. Everything in him feels the urge to care for her and protect her. The strength of his instincts startles him a little.

“Can I touch her?” He asks the nurse hesitantly.

“Sure,” she replies easily. “Here just put your hand on her chest. Can you feel her heartbeat?”

Yoongi puts his hand against the tiny baby’s chest carefully and marvels at how warm it is. The baby stirs and Yoongi pulls his hand back in panic. “Did I do something wrong?”

The nurse laughs. “No, that’s perfectly alright. She’ll be waking up for feeding any time now anyway.”

As if on cue, the baby begins crying. “There, there, darling,” the nurse says, walking over to a station and grabbing a bottle and mixing something into it. Yoongi watches helplessly as his daughter is crying, murmuring soothing nothings to her in an attempt to calm her down, but too scared to touch her again.

The nurse comes back with a bottle.

“Would you like to feed her?” she asks, holding out a bottle of baby formula to him.

“I don’t know how to do that,” he stammers.

The nurse’s eyes soften. “That’s alright. I’ll teach you. Here, sit down.”

Yoongi sits down on the chair she is pointing at. He watches in fascination as the nurse gently picks up the baby from her cot. She rocks her in her arms a bit and the baby stops crying.

“Here, hold out your arms.”

Yoongi shrinks back. “I’m afraid of breaking her.”

“You won’t don’t worry. Babies are more sturdy than they look. C’mon hold out your arms like a cradle, yes, very good. Just like that.”

She hands the baby to Yoongi, who sits there frozenly. As soon as the tiny baby is in his arms he feels his heart melt. She isn’t exactly pretty. Her skin is all blotchy and wrinkly. But she is nevertheless the most precious thing he has ever laid eyes upon. Thinking about precious things makes him think about Jimin and he looks towards the glass window, only to see the other boys there watching him intently.

He blushes and instantly turns back to the baby when he hears her crying. Mimicking the nurse he instinctively begins rocking her, but the crying won’t stop. He looks at the nurse in panic again. “She won’t stop crying. What am I doing wrong?”

Again, the nurse looks at him warmly. “She’s hungry. With babies the main causes for crying are hunger, discomfort or loneliness. Here,” she holds out the bottle to him once again. “Support her head… yes just like that. Now let her drink.”

With the help of the nurse, Yoongi feeds his daughter and learns how to burp her afterwards. When the baby falls back asleep in his arms, he looks at the nurse with sparkling eyes.

“She’s so beautiful.”

The nurse smiles. “You did a good job, appa.”

Yoongi blushes, looking down at his daughter.

“Thank you very much for all your help.”

The nurse waves him off. “That’s my job,” she laughs. “Have you and Mr. Park picked out a name for her yet?”

Yoongi freezes. The baby seems to notice his lack of movement and starts to stir in her sleep. He begins rocking her again, his heart racing.

“We didn’t get a chance to decide on one yet.” He finally responds, thinking of the list of names on his notepad.

“Well then you’d better talk to him when he wakes up, cause she’ll be wanting a name soon.”

Yoongi nods. “When will he be waking up?”

A shadow hushes across the nurse’s face. “Should be anytime now, really. He’s already been out for almost ten hours.”

Yoongi looks at his daughter and then back to the window. The three boys are nowhere to be seen.

“I have to go to Jimin. Can I,” he stops unsure what he even wants to say. “Can I see her again?” he finally asks.

“Of course,” the nurse says. The night staff will be here throughout the night. So just come back whenever you are ready.” She holds out her hand for the baby, and Yoongi gently hands his daughter over to her. Before getting up to leave, he brushes across her head, still unable to believe what has happened.

Once he is out of the room, he rushes back towards the recovery room. He yanks the door open, only to be greeted by the sight of Namjoon and Jin sitting next to Jimin’s bed kissing.

Jimin seems to still be asleep.

“What the hell are you guys doing?” Yoongi hisses at them.

The two fiancés jump apart looking at him guiltily. They open their mouths to explain, but Yoongi waves them off.

“You know what, I don’t even want to know.”

“Did you see her?”

Yoongi nods, his mind recalling the incredible experience he just had.

“Has he woken up yet?” He asks pointing at Jimin, his eyebrows pulling together in worry.

Jin bites his lips and shakes his head. “The nurse said he should have woken up hours ago.”

Yoongi walks over to the bed and takes Jimin’s hand. It’s warm and not cold as he had feared. The heart beat monitor is also beeping steadily.

“Jimin baby,” Yoongi says softly. “C’mon don’t you want to meet our beautiful daughter? C’mon sleeping beauty, it’s time to wake up.”

Jimin doesn’t stir.

The engaged couple shares a worried look.

“Why won’t he wake up?” Yoongi asks, his face twisted in fear.

Namjoon gets up from his chair. “I’ll go get a nurse again.”

The nurse checks all of the monitors, scribbling something onto her notepad frowning. “We’ll have to wait for the doctor tomorrow. This happens sometimes. If they’ve dealt with a lot of stress, patients sometimes take longer to wake up. His vitals are all normal. So I wouldn’t worry too much. He will wake up when he has rested enough.”

Chapter Text

Jimin doesn’t wake up. Not that night and not the next day either, when the doctor finally comes by to check on him.

Yoongi had spent the whole night alternating between staying with Jimin and going to look at his daughter. It goes without saying that he had barely gotten any sleep at all.

So when the doctor calmly explains that there’s nothing they can do, Yoongi snaps.

“What do you mean, you can’t fucking do anything?! Aren’t you a fucking doctor?”

The doctor frowns and Jin puts a hand on Yoongi’s shoulder in warning. He too had stayed at the hospital overnight.

“What my friend is trying to say is that we’ve been told that Jimin would be waking up yesterday, but obviously he is still asleep. So we are wondering if everything is okay and when he will wake up.”

He doesn’t voice the question they are really worried about. Whether Jimin would wake up at all.

The doctor sighs. “Mr. Park is a difficult case. Not only is he a male carrier, but he has several genetic dispositions that made it impossible for us to give him the standard anaesthesia medication. The surgery went without any further complications and his vitals are perfectly fine, so I don’t see any medical reason for him not waking up. We will schedule some brain activity monitoring to make sure his brain is functioning normally, too. But other than that there is nothing we can do. We will feed him intravenously for now, but other than that we can only wait and see.”

Yoongi buries his face in his hand. “What if he doesn’t wake up?” He asks quietly.

Jin puts his arms around him. “He will, Yoongi. Jimin is strong. He’s had so much crap thrown at him in his life that he’s just taking a much needed break right now.”

Yoongi feels cold all over at the reminder that he is part of all the “crap” that has happened in Jimin’s life.

“I will never forgive myself,” he moans dejectedly.

“Shush,” Jin hushes him. “He’ll wake up in time, I’m sure of it.”

***

Yoongi is torn between staying next to Jimin and being with the tiny human being that is part of Jimin. He stays with her half of the time, learning how to look after a baby.

He still refuses to give her a name before Jimin wakes up. After all, naming someone is a big decision and it should be made by both parents. And the thought of giving her a name on his own somehow feels as if he was giving up on Jimin waking up, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

At some point, a nurse asks him to swipe a q-tip along the inside of his cheeks. He complies, too sleep deprived to understand what is going on anymore. It is only when the nurse has left again, that he realises that she has taken his DNA for a paternity test.

He spends the rest of the day worrying about the results. What if it turned out the baby was not his? He had promised Jimin that it didn’t matter. But now that he sees the tiny human being that is Jimin’s daughter, he wishes desperately for her to be his as well. Life sure is strange sometimes. Only weeks ago he had fervently hoped to not become a parent, and now he was fiercely hoping to indeed be her biological father.

After leaving the MV shoot early the day before, he had called his manager to clear his schedule for the rest of the week. Namjoon and Hobi had already explained the situation to him, so his manager had only asked him if he needed anything else. Yoongi had declined and hung up.

Now he is back to worrying. Worrying about Jimin. Worrying about whether his daughter was also his biological daughter. And worrying about what the hell would happen if Jimin simply never woke up again.

In the afternoon, Jimin is moved back into his old room. The nurse tells Yoongi that it would be good to bring the baby to Jimin for some mother-child bonding time.

“She needs to feel close to her eomma to maintain their familiarity,” the nurse explains. “Well in this case, I guess her amma.” She smiles.

Yoongi picks out the word liking the sound of it. Amma. It fit. He hopes Jimin likes it too when he wakes up. Once again Yoongi becomes sad when he looks at the still sleeping boy. Following the nurses guidance, he gently takes their daughter out of her cot they had wheeled to Jimin’s room and places her on Jimin’s chest. The baby nestles closer to him immediately, as if somehow sensing that she was with her amma again. Yoongi’s heart swells at the sight of his two babies together.

After giving Yoongi some further instructions, the nurse leaves, and Yoongi stays with Jimin and the baby. They stay together for a long time. Jimin asleep and the baby staring at the world around her with big eyes. Yoongi is quietly watching over them. When the baby starts crying, Yoongi feeds her. He rocks her until she calms down again and sits next to Jimin’s bed holding his hand and holding their baby.

It is only when he starts feeling his own eyes droop, that he takes the baby back to the infant station and goes to sleep in the cot next to Jimin’s bed.

***

When he gets some coffee from the cafeteria the next morning, a nurse hands him a white envelope.

“We just received the paternity test results.”

Seeing the alarm in his eyes, and sensing his storm of questions she continues quickly. “The results are confidential, so I don’t know how they turned out, but I can tell that you’re a great appa.” She smiles at him and then turns to walk away.

Yoongi stumbles back to Jimin’s room in a haze, looking at the envelope in his head dumbly.

What if the baby was not his after all?

He doesn’t dare to open the envelope. As long as he doesn’t know for sure he can still pretend.

Another thought suddenly enters his mind.

Would they take her away from him, if he wasn’t the father?

He feels cold sweat form on his brow. His heart is racing.

***

Taehyung drops by around noon and finds Yoongi sitting in his chair staring gloomily at nothing.

“What is that?” The younger boy asks curiously, pointing at the envelope sitting on Yoongi’s lap.

Yoongi looks up at him then. “What?” He asks confused.

“The envelope you’re guarding in your lap,” Taehyung says gently. He walks over to Yoongi and plucks the envelope out of his hands. His eyes widen when he reads the sender’s name.

“Paternity test results?” He asks.

Yoongi covers his face with his hands.

Taehyung puts a hand on his shoulder. “You’re not her father?” He guesses gently.

Yoongi shrugs. “Dunno,” he just mumbles.

Taehyung notices then that the envelope is still unopened.

“Do you want me to look?” he asks.

Yoongi shrugs again and then finally nods. He moves closer to Jimin taking his hand and kissing it. “I love you angel,” he whispers. “Even if it turns out she isn’t mine.” His heart clenches but as he says the words he realises they are true. The baby is definitely Jimin’s and that was enough reason to love her with all his heart too.

Taehyung opens the envelope and skims over the results.

Whistling softly he chuckles. “Who would’ve expected this of our innocent little Jimin?”

Yoongi turns around in a flash. He jumps up and grabs the piece of paper from Taehyung. “What are you trying to say. Someone else slept with him?” He feels his heart breaking even voicing the thought.

Taehyung shakes his head grinning broadly. “No, he managed to snatch Min Yoongi. The ever unattainable Min Yoongi.”

Yoongi then finds the paternity test result at the bottom of the page.

“The alleged father cannot be excluded as biological father of the tested child. Based on the analysis of STR loci listed above, the probability of paternity is 99,998%”

Tears immediately fill his eyes and he presses the sheet of paper to his chest in awe.

“She is mine!” He whispers. Only a couple of weeks ago this news would have been a huge blow to him. Now he is ecstatic. He rushes over to Jimin and presses his lips all over the sleeping boy’s face.

“Thank you, baby! Thank you so much for our beautiful daughter!” Taking Jimin’s limp hand again the tears finally begin to fall. “I wish you were awake to see her. I wish you would wake up. I need you Jimin! I need you!” He buries his face in the sheets, muffling the sobs that are escaping him. From the other side of the room, Taehyung watches him awkwardly.

It doesn’t take too long for Yoongi to pull himself together and wipe away his tears in embarrassment. Taking Jimin’s hand again he kisses it reverently.

“Don’t feel stressed, Jimin. You have every right to rest. I’ll be waiting for you to wake up when you’re ready. I’ll be waiting for you with our beautiful daughter, okay?” He kisses the limp hand again and then gets up.

“I’ll check on the little one,” Yoongi says and then heads for the door.

This time Taehyung doesn’t follow him, sensing the other man needs some time alone with his daughter.

***

Yoongi stays with his daughter throughout the night. She’s the same baby girl she’s been from the start. Ten perfect tiny fingers and ten perfect tiny toes. And a beautiful tiny face. Sleeping and screaming and feeding and sleeping again.

But for some reason everything is different.

She is Yoongi’s daughter.

For real.

His flesh and blood.

And Jimin’s of course.

As the tiny baby is sleeping in her cot, Yoongi is looking at her with love. She is so precious. His hand is resting on her chest, feeling her heartbeat and warmth. His heart feels like it’s about to burst.

Everything would be perfect if only Jimin was awake too.

Chapter Text

“You need to name her, Yoongi. It’s been four days. From what the doctors say it could be weeks or months until Jimin wakes up. Your daughter needs a name.”

Yoongi is looking out of the window. He is worrying his lip now, the only sign that he has heard Namjoon speak at all.

His bandmate is visiting together with his fiancé. While Jin has been dropping by daily and even stayed at the hospital for the first night, Namjoon hadn’t gotten much time off work the past few days. If Yoongi weren’t so worried about Jimin, he might actually feel guilty about that.

“Yoongi,” Namjoon repeats gently. “I know you wanted to pick out a name together with Jimin. But we can’t just keep calling her baby.”

When Yoongi turns around, Namjoon is shocked to see tears in the older man’s eyes.

“Hyung,” he gasps out.

“I wanted Jimin’s opinion. We never got to talk about it. The one time we did, we got into a fight and it led him to his current state.” The tears begin to fall.

“Hyung,” Namjoon repeats, at a loss what else to say. He steps towards his bandmate and carefully wraps him into a hug.

“I’m sure Jimin won’t mind if you give her a name. I’m sure he’ll understand.”

Yoongi begins to sob harder. “That’s the thing. He wanted me to name her.”

“So why don’t you?” Namjoon asks, honestly surprised.

Yoongi thinks about it. His tears slow down gradually. “If I name her, it makes it real. He’s not coming back to us.”

“Oh Yoongi, that’s not true at all. Try to see it the opposite way. If you name her, it means it’s time for him to finally wake up.”

***

Yoongi broods over this for the rest of the day. Namjoon had had to leave soon after their talk and Jin had left with him.

Yoongi is alone at the hospital. He takes their daughter to Jimin again, for their daily parent-child bonding time, as he’s done every day.

As always, his heart clenches when he sees Jimin’s motionless figure on the bed. He can only imagine how much joy the younger boy would feel actually seeing his daughter and holding her in his arms. And yet fate had him sleep through her first week on earth.

“I want to name her Eunji,” he finally tells him, when the baby falls asleep on Jimin’s chest again. “What do you think about that name, hmm?”

He is stroking the younger boy’s hand, squeezing it when there is no response.

“It kind of reminds me of the two of us. But not too much, hopefully. And it kinda goes with both our last names. Cause I know we didn’t talk about that yet, either.”

“Eunji,” he tries out the name again. Saying it feels right, somehow. Eunji, his daughter. He hopes Jimin will like the name as well. If they ever had a second kid, he swears to let Jimin name it. Only to remember that that will never happen since Jimin is still in a coma. And even if he did wake up, Yoongi would never risk Jimin’s life like that again. Eunji would have to deal with being an only child.

***

“Still no sign of him waking up?” Taehyung asks when he comes in later that day.

Yoongi shakes his head. Eunji is back at the infant station and the room feels so quiet with only Jimin’s heartbeat monitor.

He’s recorded the sound and is planning on using it in his next song project. A song exclusively for Jimin.

He had started writing lyrics again and sometimes sings them to Jimin and Eunji. His voice is hoarse and he’s not a particularly good singer, but he knows hearing him rap would scare Eunji, so he tries to sing instead. Whenever he croons something to her, she’d watch him with large eyes and then gurgle happily. He is absolutely whipped when it comes to his baby girl.

“How’s the little one doing?” Taehyung asks, dropping his bag next to his chair.

“She’s doing great. I think she’s already gaining weight, but she’s still tiny.”

“Yeah, she takes after you guys in that regard.”

Yoongi shoots him an indignant look but chooses not to comment.

“You look tired,” Taehyung tells him. For once his voice is serious, no trace of joking.

Yoongi sighs. “I am,” he admits.

“You should go home and rest for a day.”

Even as the younger boy says it, Yoongi is shaking his head. “I can’t do that. What if he wakes up when I’m away?”

“He’ll understand. We’d tell you immediately if anything happened.”

“I can’t leave him or Eunji.”

“Eunji?” Taehyung’s eyes widen in realisation. “She finally has a name?”

“Do you think it fits her?”

“Eunji,” Taehyung tries it out. “It’s beautiful. I think Jimin will like it too.”

Yoongi breathes out in relief. His hands are still twisted tightly in his lap. “I really hope so.”

“He will,” Taehyung repeats. There is a small pause in their conversation.

“You should go home, hyung,” Taehyung finally says again.

“But…”

“No buts. You can come back first thing in the morning. But I wanna stay with Jimin overnight too.”

Yoongi closes his eyes. Sleeping at home for a night does sound nice. But he would feel so guilty doing that.

“Don’t,” the younger boy tells him, reading his face. “Don’t feel guilty. Jimin wouldn’t want you to be all miserable. He’ll understand. And chances are he won’t be waking up tonight anyway.”

It’s not exactly a comforting thought and yet it is probably true.

“Take care of him,” Yoongi whispers, taking Jimin’s hand again and squeezing it. He presses his lips to Jimin’s cheeks and forehead and tells him in a whisper that he’ll be back in the morning.

“I love you baby. Sleep tight.”

There is no reaction, and Yoongi leaves, feeling tired and empty.

***

He comes back early in the morning the next day. Surprisingly, he does feel way more rested than he has the past few days, despite lying awake worrying most of the night.

He had even picked up some coffee from Taehyung’s shop on his way, for himself and Tae as well as for his favourite nurse on duty.

Yoongi is standing right in front of the nurse’s office with his finger crooked, about to knock, when he becomes aware of the conversation on the other side of the door.

“The poor boy’s lucky, it’s Min Yoongi who got him pregnant.”

Yoongi freezes, lowering his hand slowly. He has a feeling he won’t like the rest of the conversation either. And he’s right, but for entirely different reasons than he thought.

“Yeah, the poor kid. He was so sweet when he came in. He’d be a lovely amma.”

“Is it really true they’d just turn off the machines?”

“It’s happened before, three years ago. A single mom who gave birth to twins. She was in a coma, too. There were no relatives to contact, no friends either. The government only covers the first month of treatments after the delivery.”

“Oh my god, that’s awful! What happened to the twins?”

“They were given up for adoption separately I think. Few people want to have two babies at once.”

“And the mother?”

The nurse’s answer sends shivers down Yoongi’s spine. “She died.” Yoongi knocks on the door to announce his presence. One of the nice nurses opens it, her eyes going wide when she sees who it is.

“Mr. Min,” she blushes. At least she has the decency to look guilty for talking about him behind his back.

“What is it that you were saying about Jimin?”

The nurse bows, avoiding his eyes. “I am so sorry. Dr. Choi will talk to you about that when he comes by later on this morning.”

Yoongi knits his brows together, not liking the sound of that.

“You said something about turning off the machines,” he prompts.

The nurse waves her hands in a negating gesture. “No, no, no. That’s only if you don’t pay the fees.”

Yoongi looks at her in confusion.

“I don’t understand?”

Another nurse steps up then.

“Mr. Park’s health insurance doesn’t cover prolonged hospital stays or life maintenance treatments for comatose patients,” she explains matter-of-factly. “The government covers all treatments for a month following delivery as part of the care package for encouraging higher birth rates. So he still has a bit of time. However, after the month is over, someone needs to cover the fees, otherwise we are forced to turn off the machines.”

“You will cover his fees, right?” The first nurse asks him anxiously.

Yoongi stumbles back. “You’re telling me you’d just turn off his machines? And what? Let him die?!”

“Please, calm down, Mr. Min. You have the choice to cover the fees for him while he is unable to decide. Unfortunately he has left all his earnings to his daughter, so we are unable to procure any money from that fund.”

“He wrote a will?” Yoongi asks, his hand digging into the fabric of his shirt covering his heart.

“It was part of the counselling session he received after deciding not to get an abortion. He knew of the risks involved and chose to have Eunji anyway.”

If her smile is supposed to be comforting, it has the opposite effect on Yoongi. He recoils from her in shock.

“Why am I hearing all of this for the first time today?” He glares at them one after the other.

“Dr. Choi will tell you more during his visit.” The second nurse tells him calmly. Her crossed arms tell a different story.

“You get the choice to save him,” the first nurse adds.

“Of course, I’ll cover his fees! I’m the fucking reason he’s in that damned state to begin with!” Yoongi can feel the emotions clogging his throat. He needs to get out of here. No he needs to see Jimin and make sure he is alright.

“Don’t you dare to do anything to his machines! Or I swear to god you’ll regret it for the rest of your lives!” He growls, before turning on his heels and storming towards Jimin’s room.

***

From that day on Yoongi doesn’t leave Jimin’s side at all if he can help it. When his managers get too insistent, he leaves for a bit, but never for more than a few hours at a time, and only if Jin or Taehyung can be with Jimin in his stead. He spends the remainder of his time at the hospital, too afraid that the hospital staff will disconnect Jimin from his machines despite his clear specifications and despite signing all necessary documents.

Eunji, too, is still at the hospital, although the doctors have given her the okay to be taken home. Yoongi is honestly still too scared to care of the infant by himself, even though he’s learned a great deal at the hospital. He has started to order stuff online for her though, clothes and other necessities. And day after day, he’s mentally preparing himself for taking her home at the end of the month. Jin helps him pick out things and they decide that after Eunji’s government guaranteed spot in the hospital nursery expires, Yoongi and Eunji will move in with Jin. Jin has been spending a lot of time preparing a nursery for Eunji and his house is closer to the hospital than Yoongi’s shared flat as well. Yoongi doesn’t want to decide anything else with Jimin still in a coma, hoping beyond hope that the other boy will wake up.

He spends most of his time in Jimin’s room. He still writes and composes lyrics and often reads them to Jimin or his daughter. He wears headphones for most of the time he is working, but every once in a while he would also play something to Jimin, in the hopes of the music somehow making him wake up.

Only it never does.

***

“You’re a smart girl, you know,” he tells his daughter, when she nestles closer to Jimin as soon as he puts her onto the sleeping boy’s chest.

“It took so long for me to realise what a precious person your amma is.” He strokes his hand against Jimin’s cheek gently, and then softly brushes against Eunji’s.

The baby looks around herself with large eyes.

“You loved him right away, didn’t you? Of course you did. He was there for you from the very start.”

Yoongi closes his eyes, a tear trickles down his cheek.

“I’m so sorry, Jimin,” he whispers. Opening his eyes, he takes the sleeping boy’s hand. “I’m so sorry for how I treated you. For how much pain I’ve caused you. You didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

A trail of drool drips out of Eunji’s mouth and drops onto Jimin’s neck. Yoongi automatically grabs a napkin and wipes it away, before wiping at the baby’s mouth.

“Are you hungry again? Hmm?” He asks, wiping away his tears with his sleeve.

The baby jerks her head around, looking towards his voice. Yoongi bends closer to her, placing his hand on her back.

“You sure are messy, you know,” he scolds her wiping away another string of drool from her face. He’s smiling though. “I never knew how much I’d enjoy this. Taking care of a baby.” He’s not sure whom he’s talking to anymore, but it doesn’t really matter anyway.

“I never knew how precious babies were until I met you.” He taps his daughters nose, his eyes filled with love. Eunji sneezes in response, her face scrunching up in startled discomfort. Sensing she’s about to cry, Yoongi quickly picks her up from Jimin’s chest. “Hey, there, darling. It’s just a sneeze, nothing to be scared about.” He cradles her against his own chest and she nestles closer to him, seeking warmth. Yoongi holds her close, gently rocking her.

“See? Everything is alright. Appa’s right here.”

He hugs her close to himself, his eyes filling with tears again when he looks back at Jimin’s motionless figure.

“I’ll be there for you, baby,” he promises. Again he’s not sure whom he’s talking to. He looks down at Eunji. “I’ll take care of you alright? And we’ll also take care of amma while he’s still asleep, alright?”

The baby gurgles happily, another string of drool dripping from her mouth, this time onto Yoongi’s t-shirt. Yoongi sighs. “What did I tell you about making a mess, hmm Eunji? We’ll have to keep working on that.” He wipes away her drool again, tickling her feet. The baby squirms in response, a bunch of startled sounds leaving her lips. Yoongi smiles.

“This must be so exciting, huh? Exploring this huge new world. With so many strange sensations and so many new people in it.”

The baby looks around herself abruptly again, her eyes huge. Yoongi wonders what the world looked like to her.

“See your amma?” he asks, shifting her a bit in his arms and pointing at Jimin. “That’s your amma right there. Remember how comfortable it was in his belly? He’s still sleeping right now, though.” Eunji scrunches up her nose.

“Yeah,” Yoongi agrees, “I don’t like it either. Let’s hope he wakes up soon.”

He shifts his daughter so that he can support her with just one arm. With his free hand, he takes Jimin’s again.

“We’re a family,” he tells them. He thinks about leaving the hospital and moving in with Jin. The thought makes his chest feel tight and his heart race with anxiety. His stomach feels queasy. He squeezes Jimin’s hand tightly. “I won’t stop thinking about you, Jimin,” he promises. “Even if we’re not staying at the hospital full time anymore. And I’ll keep bringing Eunji by to see you, of course. One of the doctors said we might even be able to move you to Jin’s house at one point, if you don’t wake up soon.”

His eyes fill with tears again. “Please wake up soon, baby. Please wake up.” This time he is not talking to his daughter.

***

Jimin’s twenty-second birthday is approaching and there’s the unspoken agreement among all the guys that Jimin will be waking up on his birthday. It’s an optimistic feeling they haven’t really felt for the last few weeks. He just has to wake up then. Right?

“I got him some fluffy socks,” Taehyung says on the day before Jimin’s birthday. “He always said he likes fluffy stuff and hates having cold feet.”

Jin smiles at him, holding a sleeping Eunji in his arm and rocking her slightly. “I was thinking of baking him some cookies.”

Yoongi looks up from his laptop and then shifts his eyes to the sleeping boy in the hospital bed. His friends’ optimism makes him hopeful too. He doesn’t say anything, but goes back to working on the song he has been composing for Jimin.

Jimin’s birthday comes.

And it goes.

Jimin does not wake up.

Chapter Text

It is just over three weeks after Eunji’s birth and Jimin is still in a coma. His vitals and brain activities are stable and the doctors had been unable to detect anything keeping him from waking up.

“Pray,” is all the said at the latest check-up.

Jin doesn’t pray. Not really. Not in the religious sense with fixed rituals. He doesn’t follow a religion in that way. He does, however, send positive thoughts towards Jimin whenever he can and he does hope and wish for Jimin’s well-being with all his heart. And if any supernatural force made the younger boy wake up, Jin wouldn’t mind starting believing in that force again.

As it is, he is sitting with Jimin, holding his hand quietly while gently looking at the boy. Jimin is looking so peaceful like this. No stress or worry, his face perfectly smooth and relaxed. He looks younger, too, Jin thinks.

He squeezes his hand.

“I wish you would just wake up. Yoongi needs you. Eunji, too. Don’t you want to meet your daughter?”

There’s a slight rustling from the blankets. And did Jimin’s hand just twitch in his?

Jin’s eyes dart all across Jimin’s body, checking for signs of something unusual going on.

Adrenaline fills his body and a strange rush in his ears prevents him from immediately noticing something: the heartbeat monitor is beeping more quickly.

Suddenly Jimin’s eyelids flutter. There is no mistaking it. They can’t exactly be called open, but the younger boy definitely blinked.

Jin presses the button to call the nurse.

“Jimin? Can you hear me?” he asks urgently, his heart filled with hope and fear.

The younger boy sighs, his eyes fluttering again.

“Hmm?”

“Jimin!” Jin exclaims in joy, tears flowing out of his eyes. “Oh Jimin, you scared us so much.”

Jimin winces at the sudden loudness and his body twitches a bit.

He takes several moments to adjust to his own body, his eyes fluttering open and shut again.

“What’s going on?” He finally croaks. “Where am I?”

“You’re at the hospital.”

Jimin groans again and starts moving his limbs. His hand instinctively move to his stomach – only to find it perfectly flat. Jimin’s eyes flash open despite the bright light hurting his eyes.

“Where is she?” he asks anxiously. “Is she…”

“She’s fine,” Jin interrupts him quickly, before Jimin can go into a panic attack.

“She’s with Yoongi right now.”

“Yoongi.” Jimin repeats slowly. His mind is still working sluggishly.

The nurse comes in then. Seeing Jimin awake, she instantly begins checking over his data and asking him questions.

“How are you feeling, Mr. Park. Is there any pain?”

“Where,” Jimin’s voice falters. After so many weeks of not using it, it takes him strength to talk. “Where is she?”

“Your daughter?” She glances over at Jin, who simply nods. “She’s with her appa.”

“I will get them,” Jin offers, jumping up from his chair.

Just then the door opens, gently. Yoongi is carrying Eunji in his arms, bringing her to Jimin for her daily parent bonding time.

He almost drops the baby in shock, fearing the worst, when he sees the nurse frantically scribbling away on her notepad and hearing Jimin’s heart monitor beeping like crazy.

Only when he hears a quiet gasp, does he realise that the younger boy is finally awake.

“Jimin,” he exclaims, rushing to the younger boy immediately. Jimin’s eyes are glued to the baby in Yoongi’s arms. He weakly stretches out his hands towards them, but drops them just as quickly, his strength leaving him.

“Baby,” he smiles.

Yoongi smiles, too. “Here,” he tells Jimin and gently lays the tiny human being onto Jimin’s chest. Jimin shakily places his hand on her tiny body. Eunji nestles closer to him again as always, drool dripping from her mouth. None of the adults notice or care.

The nurse has stepped aside and Jin and she are looking at the scene fondly. After making sure everything is fine, they quietly leave the room, to give the new family some privacy.

Jimin is so transfixed by the tiny baby in his arms that he doesn’t notice anything else around him. A hurricane could be whirling around the room and he wouldn’t notice it. Tears are streaming down his face, as he is looking at the baby. He is so incredibly happy despite still feeling tired and somewhat disoriented.

“She’s so beautiful,” Jimin murmurs.

Yoongi agrees. “She’s just like you,” he smiles, looking at the younger boy, his heart bursting with joy.

Jimin looks up at Yoongi then. “She doesn’t look like a newborn. I always thought they’d look uglier. All squishy and red.” He giggles.

“Well, she’s not exactly considered a newborn anymore. At least I don’t think so,” Yoongi states hesitantly.

Jimin wrinkles his brow in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“You were sleeping for quite some time.”

Jimin’s eyes fill with fear. “How long?” He whispers.

Yoongi sits down on the bed, putting his hand on top of Jimin’s who is holding their daughter.

“Just a bit over 3 weeks,” he murmurs gently.

Jimin’s eyes widen. He looks up at Yoongi, then back to their daughter. “But she…”

“Her name is Eunji,” Yoongi says softly.

“What?”

Yoongi’s smile falls. “You don’t like the name?”

Jimin repeats the name slowly. Then he looks down at the baby in his arms. “Eunji,” he tries out again softly. When he looks up at Yoongi his eyes are watery. “You named her.”

Yoongi takes his hand. “I didn’t know when you’d be waking up.”

Jimin squeezes his hand. “It’s a beautiful name,” he whispers, “thank you.”

Yoongi can’t help himself. He bends down and presses his lips to Jimin’s temple.
“Thank you for our beautiful daughter.”

His words register slowly. “She’s yours?” Jimin asks, his eyes wide and hopeful but also full of a lingering fear. Yoongi strokes his hand along Jimin’s cheek. “She’s ours,” he whispers gently. “Thank you.” He bends down again, and when Jimin doesn’t resist, he presses his lips softly against Jimin’s.

The baby squirms, finally deciding that she has seen enough of her parents’ kissing and wants their attention again. When they don’t react immediately, she starts wailing loudly.

Jimin flinches, his ears still sensitive to loud noises.

“What did I do wrong?” he asks panicky, as Yoongi scoops their daughter up into his arms easily and starts rocking her gently. The baby nestles against him and stops crying. As soon as the baby quietens down, Yoongi looks back down at Jimin. The devasted expression on the younger boy’s face breaks Yoongi’s heart. He cups his face with his free hand and strokes across his face in a soothing manner.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he promises. “She probably just felt neglected and wanted our attention.”

Jimin’s eyes are still glassy. “I didn’t know what to do. And she calmed down so quickly with you.”

Yoongi can read between the lines. “You’re not a bad parent, Jimin. You’ve only just woken up. I’ve had three weeks to learn how to deal with babies.”

“You’re good with her,” Jimin whispers, and his eyes are filled with love and sadness.

“Talk to me Jimin. What are you worried about?”

Jimin bites his lips. His eyes are roaming all over his daughter, but he doesn’t make any attempt to touch her.

“Will you be raising her?”

Yoongi sits up abruptly in shock. His sudden motion disturbs the baby and she starts crying again. “Shh,” he sooths her, rocking her again. When that doesn’t calm her down, he lays her down next to Jimin. As soon as she comes to rest on the pillows she stops crying and looks around herself in shock. Her eyes are wide as she takes in the world around her.

Yoongi tickles her chest and she looks at him abruptly. He takes Jimin’s hand and places it on her chest. Eunji gurgles happily at the warmth. Jimin’s eyes widen and the utter adoration on his face fills Yoongi’s heart with joy.

“She deserves two parents, don’t you think?” Yoongi finally tells him.

Jimin tears his eyes away from their daughter to finally look at Yoongi. “I don’t know how to be a parent,” he confesses quietly.

“That’s okay,” Yoongi promises. “We can figure it out together.” Suddenly he becomes insecure, too. “If that is what you want, of course.”

Jimin searches for Yoongi’s hand and squeezes it softly. “If it’s okay with you I would love that.”

“Good,” Yoongi smiles. “Let’s start over. I’m Yoongi,” he says, squeezing Jimin’s hand gently.

“I’m Jimin,” the younger boy grins back and his smile makes his eyes crinkle.

Yoongi bends down to him and presses his lips to the tip of Jimin’s nose.

“I love you,” he whispers.

Chapter Text

Three weeks later, Jimin is nervously standing in front of his wardrobe.

He’d been allowed to leave the hospital a day after finally waking up and had moved back to Jin’s house then. Him, Yoongi and Eunji, that is.

Jin made it clear that he considered himself lucky to have them there and that he’d be willing to help out with anything they might possibly need – as a cook, a babysitter, or a shoulder to cry on.

And step by step, Jimin had been allowing himself to believe that maybe he really could rely on the people around him and that maybe he really did deserve this happiness.

Because that’s what the past few weeks had been for him. Pure, unfiltered happiness. Sure, he was terrified of doing something wrong whenever Eunji started to cry. He and Yoongi hadn’t gotten much sleep because of her either. But each time Yoongi got up in the middle of the night to pick up Eunji from her crib and bring her to Jimin sitting in their shared bed, he felt his heart bursting with joy.

Yoongi cared for Eunji and taught Jimin everything he had learned about childcare at the hospital, boosting the younger boy’s confidence and letting him know that they were in this together with every act he did. And not only were they in this together. He had also made it clear to Jimin that he wanted them to be together as well.

Jimin fell hard. Not that it took much. He had already been in love with Yoongi all this time anyway. But for the first time, his feelings were not accompanied by the dull ache of unrequited affection. For the first time, he really felt loved. They kissed and hugged and snuggled and touched and Jimin craved more and more – but Yoongi had yet to touch him that way.

“You’re still healing” – he’d say. Or the baby would start crying again and Yoongi would seize that opportunity to say he needed to check on Eunji.

Jimin was determined to change that. And tonight would be the first step of doing it.

He looks at his super tight skinny jeans sceptically. He had always loved them because wearing them made him feel sexy, but the fit had always been tight, even before his pregnancy. So chances were slim that they would still fit him.

Not surprisingly, they don’t fit anymore. Jimin has a mini breakdown as a consequence, before managing to get a grip on himself and simply putting on normal black jeans and the nicest dress shirt he owns. Thankfully, the shirt at least fits him again.

He is dressing to impress Yoongi. After all it’s not a daily occurrence that one gets to go on a first date with the love of his life and father of his child.

Jimin had been euphoric when Yoongi asked him out, his heart soaring with happiness. Yoongi had it all planned out, too. Namjoon and Jin would be looking after Eunji for the night and all Jimin had to do was be ready to get picked up at 7pm.

So that’s what he is. Ready and slightly nervous about leaving Eunji alone for the first time since waking up and nervous about going on a date with Min freaking Yoongi.

There is a knock on his door and Jimin smooths down his shirt one last time before taking a deep calming breath and opening the door.

Yoongi greets him with a dazzling smile. “You look ravishing,” he says, cupping his face and pressing his lips to Jimin’s cheek.

“Hyung!” The other boy scolds playfully. “We’re on our first date!”

Yoongi chuckles and holds out his arm for Jimin to take. “About time that we are,” he agrees.

Jimin slips his hands into the crook of Yoongi’s arm, smiling sweetly.

“You’re cute,” he whispers, nuzzling his face against the rapper’s neck.

“Hey, this is our first date!” Yoongi echoes Jimin’s earlier admonishment teasingly, before starting to laugh. Jimin joins in and they both smile at each other widely.

They look towards Namjoon and Jin who are standing in the hallway. Jin is holding Eunji and Jimin immediately detaches himself from Yoongi to say goodbye to his baby.

“Be a good girl for uncle Jin and uncle Namjoon, okay?” He tells her, gently kissing her cheeks and forehead. Yoongi wraps his hands around Jimin’s waist and brushes his hand along their daughter’s cheek. The baby simply stares at all the adults around her with wide eyes.

“We’ll take care of her,” Jin promises and Yoongi nods. Jimin’s eyes are still glued to his daughter.

“Let’s go,” Yoongi finally tells him quietly, gently nudging Jimin towards the door. Jimin blushes and nods.

“Okay,” he whispers.

Both men glance back when they step through the front door. They wave at Namjoon and Jin, before the older man closes the front door.

“Eunji…”

“Yeah, I know.”

“She’ll be fine.”

“Jin and Namjoon will take care of her.”

“Mmmh.”

Jimin and Yoongi look at each other, before sighing deeply.

“Will this uneasiness ever stop?” Jimin wonders.

“You mean at leaving her?”

“We’re not leaving her!” Jimin protests immediately, stopping in his tracks, his eyes wide.

“Of course we’re not,” Yoongi backtracks immediately. “I meant as in letting her out of our sight for a few hours.”

“Oh,” Jimin nods. “Yeah. That.“

„I think it’s good that we feel that way,” he squeezes Jimin’s hand. “It means she has two loving parents who care for her.”

“Yeah,” Jimin agrees, looking back again, his eyes soft. “Yeah, she does.”

Yoongi squeezes his hand again and then gently pulls him to his car. “C’mon. Tonight is about us.”

Jimin tears his gaze away from the house and looks at the other man softly. “Let’s go then.”

***

The ride to the restaurant is filled with idle chatter about music and favourite bands.

“I’ve always liked BTS, ever since I started listening to you guys when I was fifteen,” Jimin confesses, grinning slightly.

“Fifteen?” Yoongi’s eyebrows rise in surprise and he briefly glances over at Jimin before turning his attention back to the road. “Wow. Yeah, I guess we did start early. I was seventeen back then.”

Jimin smiles. “You were. And you were just as handsome back then as you are now. Your style sucked though.”

Yoongi laughs out loud. “I agree! Back then BigHit couldn’t afford proper stylists and outfits. It isn’t for their lack of trying hard. It’s just that based on the budget we had, they decided to go with  the cool but cheap gangster aesthetic.”

Jimin snorts. “You definitely succeeded in that.” He laughs lightly, as Yoongi pulls into a parking slot and parks the car.

“Didn’t stop me from falling in love with you though,” Jimin whispers, glancing at his boyfriend shyly. Yoongi freezes, looking over at Jimin.

“I’m glad you said that after I had already parked the car. My heart literally jumped right now.”

Jimin takes his hand and smiles at him.

Yoongi takes Jimin’s other hand and squeezes them in his. “I love you, too, you know?” he whispers. Jimin doesn’t reply. He simply presses his lips against Yoongi’s cheek in a sweet kiss, before jumping out of the car.

Yoongi groans, following him. “I was going to do that,” the older man complains.

Jimin laughs at the disgruntled expression on his boyfriend’s face.

“I don’t need you to open doors for me, hyung,” he tells him, rolling his eyes. He steps closer to him and slips his arm through Yoongi’s.

“I wouldn’t mind if you supported me in walking to the restaurant, though.”

Yoongi pulls Jimin closer and whispers how much he loves him into the younger boy’s ear.

The only indication that Jimin has heard what Yoongi just said is the way his lips stretch into a smile and his entire face flushes pink.

They arrive at the restaurant and are taken to their seats. This time Yoongi manages to pull out the seat for Jimin and Jimin flushes once again.

“I told you, you don’t need to do that stuff,” he scolds Yoongi when the waiter has left them with their menus.

Yoongi rolls his eyes. “I’m not doing it because I think you can’t do it by yourself. But I can’t help wanting to do it. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when you’re on a date?”

Jimin shrugs. “Dunno. I’ve never been on a proper date.” He blushes again, twisting his hands in his lap.

Yoongi frowns. “I thought you’d been in a relationship before?”

“One, yeah. A guy I met at a hip-hop camp in America.”

“He didn’t take you out on a date?” Yoongi asks incredulously.

Jimin shrugs, shaking his head. “Not really, unless you count getting takeout together. Tony was more of a physical kinda guy.”

“Oh,” Yoongi just says.

“What about you, hyung?”

Yoongi chuckles nervously. “You’re asking me, whether I dated before?”

Jimin nods, biting his lip nervously.

“Not much,” Yoongi shrugs. A shadow crosses his face when he thinks back to his first relationship. He brushes it off quickly and continues lightly, “I had a . . . boyfriend when I was still in high school and I had a friend with benefits kind of relationship with another trainee, before deciding it was not worth the risk of being discovered, so we stopped. We didn’t keep in contact after she left BigHit. Haven’t talked to her in ages.” He pauses. “I’ve also had a couple of one-night-stands when I was first starting out as a rapper.” He hangs his head, clearly uncomfortable.

Jimin nods, humming quietly.

“I wish I could remember,” the younger boy finally says after an awkward silence.

Yoongi reaches across the table to take his hand. “Me too,” he says earnestly, thinking of the night of the party and drawing a blank.

“I’m so sorry for how I treated you, too. Before…” he trails off awkwardly.

Before Jimin has a chance to reply, the waiter comes to take their orders. Jimin flushes and shoots a brief panicked look at Yoongi.

“We need another minute,” the older boy tells the waiter calmly and the waiter nods, leaving again.

Jimin flushes red and sighs in relief. He then begins poring over the menu with Yoongi, deciding on their dishes and drinks. After the waiter has taken their orders and left again, Yoongi reaches across the table once more.

Jimin hesitantly intertwines his fingers with Yoongi’s. They look at each other for a long time.

“You are so beautiful,” Yoongi finally breaks the silence.

Jimin blushes again.

“I wonder how I didn’t see that from the start and I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you so badly.”

Jimin squeezes his hands. “It’s okay, hyung. I’m fine.”

Yoongi shakes his head. “It’s not okay. You didn’t deserve it. And just because I had some issues going on doesn’t mean it was fair to let my frustration and anger out on you.”

Jimin looks at him intently, not saying anything.

“My parents kicked me out, too,” Yoongi suddenly confesses. “It was a long time ago and I’m over it,” he hurries to explain, “but it was messy. I found out my mom only had me to trap dad in a marriage. When I came out to them as bi when I was a teen my dad said I couldn’t possibly be his son.” Yoongi chuckles mirthlessly. “Well, the DNA test revealed I was indeed not his son.” Jimin is watching his boyfriend with wide eyes. “What happened then?” he asks, his voice full of compassion. Yoongi shrugs, “my mom hated me for destroying her marriage and the perfect lie she’d built up over the years. She told me to get the fuck out of her house and to never show my face to her ever again. So I lost both of my parents in the course of a few days.”

“I’m sorry,” Jimin whispers, squeezing the older man’s hand.

“It’s fine,” Yoongi shrugs. “It was a long time ago.”

“Parents should love their children,” Jimin says.

“Yeah,” Yoongi agrees. “It’s nice if parents love each other, too.” He looks at Jimin warmly.

Jimin blushes. “I think so too,” he agrees quietly.

Yoongi smiles.

Their food arrives and they don’t touch on any further heavy topics during their dinner. Only when the waiter comes to take away their empty plates, does Jimin dare to raise the question that’s been on his mind for the past few weeks.

“What changed your mind?” He wonders.

“Hmm?”

“What made you stop hating me?”

Yoongi flinches and becomes very still. “I didn’t hate you, Jimin,” he finally says, but it sounds unconvincing even to his own ears. “Shit, I’m so sorry.”

Jimin has his shoulders hunched, making himself small again. It’s something Yoongi has noticed about the other boy and it breaks his heart every single time it happens.

“I felt violated,” the older man finally says. “The reason why we can’t remember that night is because a girl who had been stalking me for months managed to drug my drink. I woke up in a strange room in bed with a stranger and no memories, so I just ran.” He clears his throat, feeling like something is blocking it.

Jimin’s eyes fill with tears. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault,” Yoongi immediately assures him. “If anything, I’m glad it was you.”

“I’m glad it was you, too,” Jimin whispers.

They look at each other for a long time. Gradually the atmosphere between them shifts. There’s longing there and a fire that had been lit months ago and was only now resurfacing again.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” Yoongi whispers huskily.

Jimin nods immediately, biting his lips, his eyes crinkling into a beautiful smile.

They get their coats and Yoongi discreetly pays their bill, before they are stumbling out of the restaurant.

They are holding hands again and smiling at each other with so much love and adoration that it is difficult to believe they had only just become friends barely two months ago.

Yoongi drives them to a secluded spot along the Han river. This time, Jimin lets his boyfriend open his door when they arrive, giggling at the pleased look in Yoongi’s eyes.

“I used to hang out here, when I was still a trainee,” the older man explains, when they start walking. His arm is wrapped around Jimin to keep him warm as the night has become quite chilly. “I used to think it was the closest I could get to the stars in Seoul.”

The two boys look up and indeed a few stars are visible through the city’s constant lights.

“But when Jungkook started bringing in those coffee cups, I knew I had found something much more precious.”

Jimin wrinkles his brow in confusion. “What do the coffee cups have to do with anything?”

“You asked me what made me change my mind,” Yoongi whispers quietly. “It was you. Your thoughts and feelings expressed on those coffee cups. It’s cause you’re my coffee cup muse. That’s why I fell in love with you and I didn’t even know who you were then.”

Jimin looks at him with wide eyes.

“I fell in love with the artist who drew the cups I was looking forward to getting each morning.”

“But isn’t Taehyung…?”

“That’s what I thought at first, too. I thought he was the artist behind all those cups. That’s why…” he lowers his head in shame. “I’m sorry for hurting you, Jimin. So incredibly sorry.”

Jimin squeezes his hand. “It’s alright, hyung.”

Yoongi sighs in frustration. “No, it’s not,” he says, but lets it go anyway.

“I thought Taehyung was my muse, but he was so different from what I imagined. And my brain told me to hate you simply for what you represented to me, so it took me a long time to realise…” he trails off. “I started to like you even before you gave me that cup. But when I saw your drawing, everything finally clicked into place. I realised it was you I’d been looking for all this time.” He grips Jimin’s hand tightly, as if afraid that Jimin would disappear, if he let go of his hand. “I realised I was in love with you the day you let me go.”

Silent tears are trickling down Jimin’s cheeks.

“I thought you were just bluffing.” The younger boy whispers. “I thought you were just playing with my feelings when you said you might remember. And it hurt so fucking bad.”

Yoongi hangs his head. “I’m sorry,” he repeats. He brushes his hand against Jimin’s flat stomach. “You gave me so much, and I kept hurting you time and time again.”

Jimin nuzzles his face against Yoongi’s neck. “It’s alright, hyung,” he whispers again. And as they stand there on the riverbank, arms wrapped around each other, Yoongi wonders whether it really could be alright one day. For their wounds to have healed enough that they could look back at their initial meeting fondly and be glad that it happened.

“I love you, Park Jimin,” Yoongi whispers, pressing his lips to the younger boy’s cheek. “I want nothing more than to be together with you and our daughter forever.”

Jimin’s eyes crinkle in happiness. “I would like that,” he agrees. “Maybe, this time I can really promise you forever.”

They stare at each other.

“No more secrets,” Yoongi finally says. “If we want to be together we need to be able to talk to each other.”

Jimin nods. “No more secrets,” he agrees. “I love you. And I forgive you. And I want to be with you forever.”

“Me too,” Yoongi whispers.

Their lips meet in a soft kiss and as their bodies wrap around each other, somewhere on the riverside of Han river in Seoul, they know they truly will be together forever.

End of Part 1