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Ann and Shiho left the volleyball club early that afternoon, crossing the corridors together, chatting as usual. Ann didn't have many friends at school, and that was why Shiho was so important to her: she made her feel accepted in a place where everyone saw her as an "outsider", and she would never be able to put into words how grateful she was for it.
They walked out of the multi-sports court, passing by the open area where a group of students was still gathered, taking part in their club activities.
“Oh, look! It’s the track team,” said Shiho, pointing at them.
Ann nodded, her eyes on those students. She wondered what was so fun about simply running around like that... Then again, she wasn't particularly a fan of volleyball, and just joined the team because Shiho asked her to. Maybe physical activities just weren't her thing, and that was why she couldn’t see the appeal.
"And there's Ryuji," added Shiho.
Ann followed her friend's gaze, soon finding their classmate among the others. Ryuji was a tiny, scrawny boy, with black hair and tanned skin, who always had a smile on his face and spoke too loud — enough for the teachers to be always complaining. She wasn't particularly close to him, but his outgoing, friendly personality made it difficult not to like him at least a little bit.
"Let's watch them for a while," said Shiho.
"Ah, but..."
Ann was about to say she wasn't really interested in watching a bunch of people running around, but stopped herself. Would it be any better to go home earlier? As usual, her only company would be her caretaker, Alice, and she'd have little else to do but watch TV and read some magazines. So, instead, she decided to spend some extra time with her best friend.
"Sure," she said.
The two of them approached a bench, sitting side by side. For a few minutes, they watched the team while talking about whatever came to mind. When the activities were over, Shiho waved at Ryuji, who, as soon as he saw them, approached in quick steps.
"Hey!" he said. "Didn't see you here."
"We just arrived a while ago," explained Shiho with a wide smile. “That was great! You can run so fast!”
“Thanks!” Ryuji’s eyes went from one to the other, and Ann couldn’t help but notice he had to look up to talk to them. “You two done with practice already?”
“Yes," explained Ann, "our coach’s son had a fever or something.”
“That sucks.”
She agreed with a nod, and the conversation would probably have ended there if she was alone. However, Shiho was as outgoing and friendly as that boy, which meant she didn't run out of words as fast as Ann did.
“So, why don’t we walk together to the station?” she offered. “We’ll wait for you to finish.”
Ann was a little surprised at that sudden proposal. Part of her expected Ryuji to feel the same way and refuse the offer — what she'd probably do in his place, if someone she barely knew asked the same thing. Instead, the boy widened his smile.
“Okay!” he said. "I'll take a shower, but I'll be back in, like, ten minutes."
"We'll be waiting here," answered Shiho.
The boy walked away, and Ann waited until he was far enough not to hear her to face Shiho.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" she asked.
"Why not?"
Ann wasn't sure of how she should answer. Maybe she was the one too reserved, but the idea of simply going around, talking to and walking home with people she wasn't close to felt... Weird.
"Nevermind," she said.
Shiho opened a half-smile, shrugging at her answer. A few minutes later, Ryuji came back, running in their direction, and they left the school grounds, walking their way to the train station. Ryuji and Shiho talked to each other like old friends, and Ann felt like she was the weird one of the group. She simply couldn't come up with anything to say, and when she thought of something, the subject had already changed. It was a little frustrating.
When they finally reached the Shibuya station, they said their goodbyes to Ryuji, who took a different train from them.
“Ryuji is kinda cute, isn’t he?” asked Shiho, while they waited for the next train.
Surprised by the statement, Ann stared at her best friend.
“What?” she raised her brow. “Are you kidding?”
It was Shiho’s turn to look surprised.
"You don't think so?” she asked. “I mean, he's so nice."
"I guess..."
Ann was about to let the subject go, when a thought crossed her mind.
"Wait... Do you like him?" she asked, widening her eyes.
"You mean like, have a crush on him?" a small chuckle left Shiho’s lips. "No, it's not like that! I just think he's cool."
"Hm..."
Ann wondered what was cool about that tiny, loud boy, but didn't question her friend any further.
After that day, it became a habit for them to walk with Ryuji to the station when neither of them had club practice, and Ann would be lying if she said that small change made her happy. She was used to Shiho, so she could be open and natural around her. Ryuji, however, was different: just like with most students, she still didn’t know how to act around him, and had a feeling he felt the same way about her, judging by how he always kept his full attention on Shiho, instead.
So, when her best friend sent her a message saying she was going to visit a relative overseas, and would be absent from school for the following two weeks, she almost had a heart attack.
That was her greatest nightmare. School wasn’t bad with Shiho around, but without her, before Ann realized, her gaze would fall to the floor, and she’d avoid the other students as much as she could. Not that she was a shy person by nature, but those gazes and whispers… She knew she was a stranger in that school — hell, in that country — and being reminded of it every minute of her day was more than a little enervating.
When lunch break started, the first thing Ann did was quickly go to the roof, to avoid as much human contact as she could. She sat on the floor, leaning against the metal grit, letting out a long, tired sigh. Couldn’t she just skip classes until Shiho was back? It would make things so much easier to her…
Ann’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the roof door being open again, making her jump. Ryuji crossed the door, and, as soon as he noticed her presence, he seemed as surprised as her.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
Ann panicked for no apparent reason: it wasn’t against the rules to be there, but being seen made her feel a little embarrassed.
“Just… Enjoying the sun,” she said.
Ryuji furrowed his brow, looking at the cloudy sky.
“Okay…?” he said.
Ann groaned to herself, but, thankfully, Ryuji didn’t insist on the subject. He sat a few feet away from her, and, for a while, neither of them said anything.
"Are you going to practice today?" asked Ryuji, and Ann was sure he was just trying to break that awkward silence.
"I don't think so…” she said. “Seems kinda pointless without Shiho."
“Yeah… I didn’t see her around today. What happened?”
Ann silently thanked Shiho for, even in her absence, being able to save the day.
"She's visiting a relative overseas," she said. "I don't think she'll come to class for a few days."
“Overseas?” Ryuji showed an interested smile. “That’s so cool! Everyone I know lives here in Japan.”
“It’s the contrary to me…” admitted Ann. “Almost everyone I know lives somewhere else.”
“Where did you live before, again?”
“Finland.”
“Ah, yeah… I never heard of it before,” he turned to her with a curious gaze. “How was it there?”
Ann gave a small shrug.
“Pretty normal, I guess.”
She didn’t mean to sound uninterested or evasive, but she only realized that was probably how it seemed after she spoke. Ryuji’s smile faded a little, and he averted his eyes, seeming a little embarrassed.
"Ah, okay," he said.
She felt bad for ruining that conversation, but couldn’t find a way to resume it. They spent a few minutes in awkward silence, until Ann couldn’t take it anymore.
"And you?” she asked. “Are you going to practice today?"
Ryuji turned his eyes to her again.
"Ah... Not today," he said.
The answer surprised her a little, considering how much that boy loved running.
"Are you sick?" she asked.
"No, I just…” he made a brief pause, as if thinking. “Fell on the stairs and hurt my knee. Can't really run like this, y'know?"
"Oh..."
Ann wished she could have said something nice, like wished him a quick recovery, but nothing else came out of her mouth. She expected the silence to reign again, when Ryuji’s voice called her attention.
"Well, it means we can still go back together today, right?"
She was about to remind him that Shiho hadn't come to school that day when the bell rang, making both of them jump on their feet.
"Crap…!” said Ryuji. “We gotta run, or Ms. Yamamoto will lock that stupid door."
"Yeah...!" agreed Ann.
They both sprinted downstairs and through the hallway. Even with his knee hurt, Ryuji was faster than her, and could've reached their classroom in half of the time. However, he still kept her pace, and, somehow, they both made it in time to get in their seats before Ms. Yamamoto arrived. Ann glanced at Ryuji's direction, on the opposite side of the class, and noticed he also had his eyes on her. He opened a bright smile and gave her a thumbs up, which she returned with a giggle.
When classes were finally over, Ryuji waited for her, and they left school together, and, as she thought, it was still awkward to be alone with him.
“Hey, Ann…” said Ryuji after a few minutes. “Is it bad that I’m always walking with you and Shiho?”
The question surprised her.
“Why?” she asked.
“It’s just…” Ryuji averted his gaze. “You never say anything when I’m around. I kinda thought you… I dunno, disliked me, or somethin’.”
Ann felt a sting of guilt in her chest at those words.
“It’s not that,” she explained. “Actually, the problem is me.”
Ryuji looked back at her, and she knew there was no way he would accept that as her final answer.
“I feel like, whenever I’m around, I just make things awkward for everyone else,” she said. “I’m still not used to living here, I look different from everyone, and sometimes my Japanese sounds so strange…” she sighed. “No wonder everyone looks at me like I’m weird.”
Her words made Ryuji furrow his brow.
“That’s not why people look at you, y’know?” he said.
“Why else would they?”
To her surprise, Ryuji’s face acquired a light shade of pink, and he avoided looking at her face when he answered in a low voice:
“‘Cause you’re pretty…?”
That didn’t sound like a joke, and suddenly was her turn to feel her face getting warm.
“Don’t be stupid…” she said.
“I’m serious!” he insisted. “You can ask Shiho if you don’t believe me.”
She didn’t answer for a while, his words still echoing in her mind. Of course, it wasn’t the first time she heard something like that, but… It was the first time someone in that country, other than Shiho, said something nice about her.
“You… think I’m pretty?” she asked after a moment of hesitation.
Ryuji was still avoiding looking at her, and, with a brief glance, Ann noticed his face had changed from pink to bright red.
“Well… yeah,” he admitted. “And you’re kinda nice too, so… y’know…”
He stopped talking, but that was more than enough to make a warm feeling take her chest, and, before she knew it, she had a big, probably goofy smile on her face.
“Thanks,” she said.
Shiho was right, after all… That boy was kinda cute.
Shiho’s absence became easier on her as she grew closer to Ryuji on those following days. She didn’t go to volleyball practice, so, instead, she started to watch the track team while doing her homework. It was kinda silly, when she thought about it: such a long time waiting, so they could spend around fifteen minutes together on their way back. Still, it didn’t bother her, especially when one of them came up with an excuse not to go straight home. Ice cream, arcade, something cool one of them saw on a store the other day… She never said “no” to any of those, and neither did Ryuji. At some point, it became less of an excuse not to be bored at home, and more of a reason to spend more time with him.
She knew it had been such a short time, but… She came to consider him a friend, as well. And, for someone who was so used to have a single friend in that whole country, it meant a lot.
So, when he appeared at school on the next day with a dark bruise under his left eye, of course she got worried.
“What happened to your face?” she asked.
Ryuji’s carefree expression froze, and he lowered his eyes, seeming uncomfortable for some reason.
“Nothing,” he said.
“Nothing? No way… It’s all swollen.” Ann furrowed her brow. “You didn’t get in a fight, did you?”
“’Course not,” said Ryuji in a slightly annoyed tone. “I just bumped into a door.”
“There’s no way you did. What are you hiding?”
“I said it’s nothing.”
“That’s not—”
Ryuji raised his eyes again, and his angry face made Ann go silent.
“Stop asking, already!” he yelled. “It’s none of your business, okay?”
“Hey… Why are you yelling at me? I was just worried about you!”
Ryuji didn’t answer, averting his gaze again. A strong feeling of frustration took Ann, and she gave her back to that boy, starting to walk away.
“Whatever…” she said. “I’m going home.”
It didn’t take two minutes for her to start crying on the way back. Why was Ryuji so angry at her? She didn’t do anything wrong… She just wanted to know what had happened.
“Stop thinking about him,” she told herself, biting her lower lip. “He’s just an idiot like everyone else…”
But, no matter how much she repeated those words in her mind, she couldn’t believe them. She just couldn’t understand… It was so unfair!
She entered her home, going straight to her room, throwing her bag to the side and falling on the bed, with her face buried in the pillow. She heard steps approaching the room, and quickly tried to dry her tears. Alice, her caretaker — and adoptive grandmother, in a way — glanced inside, probably finding strange how Ann hadn’t greeted her, as she always did.
“You don’t look so well,” she said, looking at Ann’s face. “Having problems at school?”
“I guess…”
Ann averted her gaze, but Alice didn’t let the subject go, approaching her, sitting beside her on the bed, placing a gentle hand on her head.
“Tell me about it, sweetie,” she asked.
Unable to keep her feelings inside her chest any longer, Ann did as Alice asked, telling her about what had happened earlier, including how different from usual Ryuji had acted, and how he got mad at her for no reason. Alice listened in silence until the end, and, to Ann’s surprise, she had a saddened expression on her old face.
“Oh…” she sighed, then, keeping her eyes low, she reached for Ann’s hand, holding it. “Ann, my dear… I think your friend is in a… complicated situation.”
Ann furrowed her brow at those words.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
Alice hesitated for a moment, then turned her back to Ann, raising her shirt, showing a long and thin scar on her lower back, close to her hip.
“You know this ugly scar I have here?” she said in a low voice. “Well… It was my step-mother who did this, when I was about your age.”
Alice proceeded to tell her story, and, as she did, the pieces started to come together, and Ann felt like everything inside her was sinking.
She really was an awful person.
Ann couldn’t find the courage to approach Ryuji before classes started, and he didn’t try to talk to her either. She wondered if he hated her now, and such a thought made her heart feel heavy. She couldn’t stop thinking about that, and what she would tell him when she gathered enough courage to do so — and all the possible rejections she would get as a response.
When the final bell rang, Ryuji quickly left the classroom, keeping his face low, probably to hide that bruise. Ann went after him, managing to reach her friend outside of the building.
“Ryuji!”
Her voice made him stop, looking at her with some surprise, before lowering his eyes again, without saying anything. Ann looked down as well, those words she had rehearsed so much during the day refusing to leave her mouth.
“I…” she started to say, but her voice broke when tears threatened to leave her eyes.
They spent some time in silence, and she was starting to regret approaching him like that, when Ryuji’s voice called her attention.
“Wanna run?”
She looked at him, unsure if she had heard it right.
“What…?” she asked.
“Let’s run together,” he repeated, trying to sound cheerful, but with some masked nervousness in his voice. “It’s really fun, and the track is free today.”
She just looked at him for a while, then nodded slowly.
“Okay.”
They walked together to the empty tracks, standing side by side on the starting line.
“I’m pretty slow…” warned Ann.
“It’s okay,” Ryuji offered her a light smile. “Prepare yourself. Three, two, one… Go!”
They started running at the same time. Of course, Ryuji was much faster than Ann, but, after staying in front of her for a moment, he slowed his rhythm, so they could go side by side. For some reason, that small gesture made a wave of relief take Ann, and she laughed. Ryuji looked at her, frowning in confusion, before her laugh infected him as well, and soon they were both cackling as they kept running.
After the first lap, Ann lied on her back, feeling as if her legs and lungs were on fire, sweat running down her face.
“I’m never doing it again!” she said.
Ryuji sat beside her, looking way better than she did.
“C’mon, you can’t just give up!” he said.
“I’m not good with this…”
“You’ll get good if you don’t stop tryin’.”
“I think I’d rather just watch you.”
Ryuji’s cheeks became bright red, and Ann had the feeling it wasn’t because of that exercise.
“Why?” he forced a laugh. “Do you have a crush on me, or somethin’?”
Everything inside Ann seemed to make a backflip at that suggestion, and she rolled her eyes to hide it.
“Ugh… Don’t be stupid!”
Ryuji giggled, a little more nervous this time. He lied beside her, looking at the sky for a while.
"Hey...” he said, finally. “I'm sorry for yesterday."
Ann pressed her lips together, frustrated that she wasn’t the one to apologize first.
"It's fine,” she said. “I shouldn't have butted in."
“No…” insisted Ryuji, turning his face to her. “You were worried, and I yelled at you anyway. I… I’m really sorry, okay?”
Ann looked at him as well.
“Stop,” she asked. “It was my fault… You wouldn’t get angry if I didn’t—”
She stopped talking, not sure if she should let him know that she knew.
“You still angry at me?” he asked.
"I was… But not anymore.”
“Okay.”
He looked at the sky again, being silent for a minute.
“You still wanna know what happened?” he asked.
“Only if you want to tell me.”
“It’s… Kinda stupid,” he sighed, crossing his arms. “I broke a cup my old man really liked, and… He got mad at me. He’s always mad, but… It gets worse when I mess things up.”
“Why didn’t you want to tell me?”
Ryuji hesitated before answering.
“I once told a teacher, and she called my old man about it. He got really mad at me and…” he made a pause, lowering his voice. “I don’t want that to happen again.”
He looked at her, forcing a smile.
“And it’s kinda embarrassing too…” he admitted. “You must think I’m really lame now…”
Ann reached for his arm, giving it a light punch.
“You’re not,” she said in a serious voice. “You’re cool.”
Ryuji widened his eyes, his mouth going wide open in surprise.
“Really…?”
“Really,” she repeated, smiling with the corner of her lips. “I think you’re cool.”
He stayed in that same way for a while, as if needing some time to process that compliment.
“If… you say so…”
He looked to the other side, and Ann found some amusement in how embarrassed he looked. A while later, he spoke again.
“You won’t tell anyone, right?” he asked in a low voice.
She didn’t like the idea of leaving things as they were, and risk letting her friend go through something like that again.
“Right…” she said.
“Ann, I’m serious…” Ryuji faced her, looking into her eyes. “Don’t tell anyone, okay?”
Ann nodded, but Ryuji still seemed a little uncertain. She, then, offered him her pinky finger.
“Fine… I promise I won’t tell anyone.”
That childish act made Ryuji relax, giggling as he extended his pinky as well, intertwining it with hers.
“Okay, then…” he said. “Don’t go breakin’ promises on me, or I’ll kick your ass.”
“You can try,” answered Ann with a provocative tone.
“You know I’m faster than you!”
“But I’m bigger than you!”
Ryuji narrowed his eyes at her.
“I’m still growing…” he protested.
“Me too, so maybe you’ll never reach me.”
He pouted, and Ann couldn’t hold back a laugh.
They stayed some time there, lying side by side. Between them, their fingers brushed lightly, and Ann couldn’t say if Ryuji hadn’t noticed it, or if, like her, he was just pretending not to. Whatever the case, neither of them moved away, and she smiled to herself.
Ann gave Ryuji’s shoulder a slap, as she tried to hold that ice bag over his injured leg.
“Stop moving!” she asked.
“But it hurts…” he protested, shifting over his bed. “And you’re not exactly being gentle right now.”
“That’s what you get from forcing your leg… You’re such an idiot.”
Ryuji frowned at her, clearly unpleased.
“I almost died back there, y’know?” he said. “Can’t you be a little nicer?”
“After you almost gave me a heart attack?” she raised her brow. “No. Actually, I should be meaner to you.”
“C’mon… You can be pretty as fuck, but your heart is cold like a hag’s.”
She stared at him with narrowed eyes.
“What?”
“Nothing…” answered Ryuji, quickly. “Please, don’t kill me.”
Ann twisted her lips, sighing as she shook her head.
“What happened to you?” she asked in a low voice. “You were so cute in middle school…”
Ryuji looked at her, in that same “I can’t deal with compliments” expression from years before. Then, his face brightened.
“So you had a crush on me!” he said.
Ann rolled her eyes at him.
“Shut up…” she said. “Of course I didn’t.”
She averted her gaze, and, before she could stop them, those words escaped her lips.
“I still do.”
Ryuji’s provocative expression dissolved into pure shock.
“You what?”
Her face and neck felt like they were burning, and she got up from Ryuji’s bed with an annoyed groan.
“Ugh, forget it!” she said. “I’m not saying it again!”
“Yes, you are!”
Without thinking, she darted to the bedroom’s door.
“Hey, Ann!” “Come back here!”
Despite his injury, Ryuji managed to jump out of the bed, reaching the door before she did, blocking her way.
“Ow, ow…” he complained with a grimace. “Fuck, this hurts…”
Before Ann could say anything, he looked at her, pointing a finger in her direction.
“You… have a crush on me?” he asked.
She looked to the side, glad that embarrassment couldn’t kill — or at least she hoped so.
“Do I need to make it more obvious?” she asked in a low voice.
“It was never obvious!” protested Ryuji.
“Just because you’re—”
Before she could finish her phrase, Ryuji placed a hand on the side of her neck, bringing her face closer, kissing her lips.
And, suddenly, everything inside her was melting. She placed her arms around Ryuji’s neck, returning that kiss, feeling his arms closing around her waist. She had imagined that scene so many times, and yet, when it was finally happening, she could barely believe it.
They moved away, looking at each other for a moment, before Ryuji offered her the biggest, goofiest smile.
“Man… My childhood dream just came true…” he said.
“Don’t say that… It’s so embarrassing!”
A surprised yelp left her lips when Ryuji tightened his arms around her waist, lifting her from the ground.
“Oh, fuck…” he complained, placing her safe on the floor again before sitting there, hugging his leg. “Shit, it hurts…”
“Of course it does, you idiot!”
She went to the bed, grabbing that ice bag, sitting on the floor beside him, placing it on his leg.
“You should be glad I’m here to stop you from hurting yourself like this…”
“I am.”
His answer was so honest that Ann couldn’t hold back a smile. She leaned in his direction, kissing his cheek, resting her head on his shoulder. Ryuji leaned his head against hers, reaching for her hand, holding it, caressing it with his thumb.
So many years later, she still couldn’t help but think he was a really cute guy.