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English
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Published:
2019-06-16
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1,065
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1/1
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as often as you need to hear it (I don't mind)

Summary:

In the dark, in the quiet after Lan Wangji has gone to sleep, Wei Wuxian thinks he can finally say something that's been on his mind.

Notes:

This was written for a kiss meme prompt from twitter user marelenenok: "On an insecurity," Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian. Originally posted to tumblr here; now cleaned up with minor edits for AO3.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Lan Wangji’s eyes fly open, amber gaze intent and brows drawing down, and Wei Wuxian knows he’s made a mistake.

“Oh, I think I hear, uh - I think I hear Sizhui calling, I’d better -” Wei Wuxian scrabbles backwards, attempting to shove himself out of bed, but amidst the flailing Lan Wangji pushes himself up, seizing one of Wei Wuxian’s wrists and pinning it to the bed in one swift movement. He gazes down, frown creasing his forehead and eyes serious.

“Sizhui is asleep,” he says.

“You hope Sizhui is asleep,” Wei Wuxian jumps in, because if he can derail this conversation maybe Lan Wangji will just...forget about what Wei Wuxian had said. “I know, I know - it’s after nine, when all good little Lans are in bed; but he is a teenage boy, and surely you remember what teenage boys are like. You yourself excepted of course mmph -” he cuts off when Lan Wangji puts a hand over his mouth.

“Sizhui is asleep,” Lan Wangji repeats. “What did you say?”

“Mmm-mmph, mmm mmph m mmmmph mmph,” Wei Wuxian says, attempting to communicate that he would cooperate, certainly, only a certain Hanguang-Jun has cruelly silenced him. Lan Wangji’s eyes tighten and his arm flexes as if he’s going to remove his hand.

Wei Wuxian hurriedly swipes his tongue over the palm pressed against his lips, and Lan Wangji’s breath catches and his pupils dilate. His hand trembles, and Wei Wuxian thinks he’s won -

Lan Wangji removes his hand, planting it on the pillow next to Wei Wuxian’s head.

“You said,” he says slowly and deliberately, and Wei Wuxian winces in advance. “You said, ‘I don’t deserve you.’”

“If you heard it why did you ask me to repeat it,” Wei Wuxian grouses, looking off to the side even as his stomach does a slow sickly flip.

A strong hand on his jaw turns his face back, and he reluctantly meets Lan Wangji’s eyes again. They’re wide awake, no trace of sleep in them; next time Wei Wuxian will know better than to trust the soft, slow sounds of Lan Wangji’s breathing to indicate when he’s gone to sleep. Next time he’ll poke Lan Wangji in the chest, or in the face, or better yet next time Wei Wuxian will keep his stupid mouth shut.

Lan Wangji shudders over him. “Wei Ying,” he breathes out, and almost collapses against him, burying his face in Wei Wuxian’s neck. He doesn’t say anything for a long moment, just breathes unsteadily, his weight pressing Wei Wuxian into the bed. Wei Wuxian doesn’t say anything either - what can he say? He’s said enough already.

Eventually Lan Wangji shifts, lips tracing over the shell of Wei Wuxian’s ear. Wei Wuxian shivers appreciatively, eyes drifting half-closed and his free arm coming up to wrap tightly around Lan Wangji’s shoulders. He’d expected - a lecture, a look, something, but if Lan Wangji wants to pretend that this never happened, that’s more than fine by Wei Wuxian -

“You deserve peace,” Lan Wangji murmurs against the skin behind Wei Wuxian’s ear, and Wei Wuxian’s eyes fly open. Lan Wangji lays a gentle kiss against his hairline, and then drags his lips down Wei Wuxian’s neck. Wei Wuxian gasps, fingers tightening against Lan Wangji’s back.

“You deserve happiness,” Lan Wangji says against Wei Wuxian’s throat, and Wei Wuxian has to close his eyes against the stinging in them. Lan Wangji presses another kiss to the base of his throat, then to the soft skin under his jaw, and then Lan Wangji’s lips are pressing against his and Wei Wuxian opens his mouth instinctively, kissing back as hard as he can while pressed against the bed.

“You deserve this,” Lan Wangji says when the break apart gasping, and Wei Wuxian blinks his eyes open. Lan Wangji’s voice is low and raspy, and Wei Wuxian always takes a little bit of pride in that but this time it’s swept away by the sincerity in Lan Wangji’s voice, by the fierce note that spins up something bright and breathless in Wei Wuxian’s chest. “You deserve love, and if I hear you say again that you don’t then I’ll -”

“Then you’ll what?” Wei Wuxian says breathlessly when Lan Wangji trails off. He means it to sound teasing but it comes out a little bit desperate instead, like he’s drowning and Lan Wangji’s voice is the only thing that can save him. It’s not far from the truth.

“Then I’ll spend the rest of my days proving you wrong,” Lan Wangji says determinedly, and Wei Wuxian has to laugh even as the corners of his eyes spill over.

“That sounds like incentive for me to keep saying it,” he says, swallowing a little thickly. “But I won’t,” he adds quickly as Lan Wangji opens his mouth. “I won’t. That’s the last you’ll hear of it from me, I promise - as long as you keep yours too.”

“Have you ever known me to be otherwise?” Lan Wangji says seriously, although the corners of his mouth are starting to turn up.

“Never,” Wei Wuxian sighs. He blinks fiercely, trying to dispel the water in his eyes. “Look what you made me do, is that any way for a respected leader to behave. You can’t just say things like that, Lan Zhan.”

“I’ll say what you need to hear,” Lan Wangji says, shifting back on his side and pulling Wei Wuxian close. “As often as you need to hear it.”

It’s a good thing Wei Wuxian’s face is pressed against Lan Wangji’s chest; it hides the way his cheeks heat.

Lan Wangji’s arms tighten around him, and he presses a kiss to the top of Wei Wuxian’s head. “Go to sleep,” he says, and Wei Wuxian grumbles something perfunctory about Lan Sect rules, but it’s not his best effort. He’s too busy thinking about as often as you need to hear it, and about deserve, and about love.

He may never deserve Lan Wangji’s love; but he’s selfish enough to take it, from here into tomorrow into the next day, as long as it’s on offer. That’s enough to be going on with, for now.

“Who am I to argue with Hanguang-Jun,” he murmurs around a yawn. Lan Wangji huffs above him, but he doesn’t say anything, and Wei Wuxian grins into his chest.

“I”m sleeping, I’m sleeping,” he says, and closes his eyes.

Notes:

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