Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He’s an elf.

He has white hair. Bright white hair, dramatically swooped towards one side of his face.

He wears this mix of light and heavy armor, which is probably not exactly ideal for his class (too flimsy for a Warrior, too bulky for a Rogue), but…

He stands out. He catches my eye, even though we’re in the main city on the busiest channel. There’re so many people; I can’t take a single step without being bombarded with lag…

(I eventually just gave up and started staring, listlessly, at the screen in front of me, while cramming sour cream and onion-flavored chips into my mouth.)

Fenris, the white text above him says.

“Fenris,” I say.

“What?” Isabela, on the other end of my headset, a hundred or so miles away, is immediately interested. “‘Fenris?’ Who’s ‘Fenris’?” She’s in front of a merchant, selling what seems to be an entire guild’s worth of loot.

Knowing her, it very well could be. She has a tendency to hop. From guild to guild.

I mean, she’s in my guild (well, Varric’s guild, technically), but she leaves sometimes.

Her loyalty’s with us.

But she says the others don’t know that.

So she takes what she wants (you’d think she’d have some sort of reputation) and gets away with it.

Every single time.

How does she do it?

I don’t know.

I don’t think I want to know.

“That. Uh. That guy?” I reply, intelligently, as I move my cursor over to him. “He's an elf.” I click him; his stats pop up in a small window under his name. He’s a level 20 Warrior. Huh. He doesn’t look new.

“Way to narrow it down,” Isabela snorts. “Oh! There! Fenris! I see him now. Ooh, what a little hottie! I’m going to message him right this instant.”

“Don’t you dare!” I yell, lurching forward in a weird little flail; my arm rams into a bottle of water and its contents barely miss my keyboard. “Fuck!”

“Did you send something flying again? Control your limbs, Kitten,” Isabela croons. “You should know by now that you can’t grab onto me, despite how much you’d like to.”

“Get a room,” a sardonic voice chimes in, and yellow text appears on the screen – Anders [magerightsactivist] is online.

“Anders!” Isabela chirps. “And how was your day? Lovely, I presume?”

“Oh, you know,” Anders drawls as I scramble around, using perfectly good printer paper to dry my desk (I know, I’m a mess). “Phone calls. Black market deals. Cats. The like.”

“Exciting,” Isabela replies, clearly uninterested. “Hey, Garrett, if you don’t message him, I will.”

“Message who?” Anders is the uninterested one, now. “Where are you two, anyway?”

“Hightown, in Kirkwall.”

“What?! Why? Fuck that place! It reeks of oppression!”

“I have stuff to sell,” Isabela replies. “A lot of stuff. Stuff I can’t hold on to.” Don’t want to know…

“Sell it in another city!” Anders hollers. “Somewhere in Tevinter, for instance. Why would you contribute to Kirkwall’s economy?! Don’t you know how –”

“Stop getting riled up over lore, you bloody nerd,” Isabela retorts. The two start squabbling. I seize this opportunity to take my headset off and throw the soggy paper away. I stretch, and my entire body cracks. That’s what I get for being folded over my desk all the time.

It’s a miracle that I don’t have bad posture.

Unless I do.

Oh, god, do I?!

I kind of slouch. Is that bad?

Most people slouch a little… right?

I glance at Fenris. He’s still standing there. He’s probably not at his keyboard.

I sit back down and pull my headset back on.

“—plight of the mages!” Anders is still going strong, I see.

This happens a lot. You just get used to it.

“Ah, nothing like logging on to the sweet, sweet sound of Blondie’s soliloquizing.”

Varric [siegeharder] is online.

“Varric! Save me!” Isabela yells, laughing.

Anders does this indignant little huff which we’re all familiar with, but he stops spouting lore at us.

“Consider yourself saved by my very presence.” Varric’s the smoothest person I know.

His charisma’s infectious. It washes over you.

His voice is just so… deep.

“Now, what’s going on in my favorite little guild?”

“Garrett and I were just checking out this elven cutie,” Isabela’s all conspiratory. “Isn’t that right, Garrett?”

“Yeah. Wait! No!” Get it together, Garrett! “I was just looking at him. That’s all.”

“Sure, if ‘looking at him’ is a euphemism for ‘munching on chips while staring at him and breathing perversely into your mic.’ I can hear you, you know.”

Sometimes I kind of hate Isabela.

“Our guild’s lacking. Why don’t we send him a membership offer?” Varric sounds like he has ulterior motives.

“Maker help us all,” Anders mutters. He must’ve caught on to the ‘ulterior motives’ thing, too.

“Again with the lore,” Isabela murmurs. “Varric: that’s a fantastic idea!”

“What?! We don’t even know if he’s in a guild – this is the first time I’ve seen him. And we’re online… a lot.” I put emphasis on the “a lot” part, because it’s true.

We have lives!

Kind of.

“Aw, he’s a newbie! Fresh meat.” Varric’s practically cooing. “I just pulled his profile up on the forums. He’s not in a guild… yet. Leave this to me. You guys are in Kirkwall, right?”

“Do NOT randomly add him! No one likes random adders!” I’m very passionate about not randomly adding people.

I have bad memories of being swarmed with guild invites when I was around level 10.

I’m pretty sure everyone does.

It's one of the reasons that we formed Wicked Grace as soon as we managed to scrape together the sovereigns.

(Though most of the sovereigns belonged to Varric...)

Our little group has a bit of a history, I guess.

We’re a small guild.

Very exclusive.

Though… that wasn’t really a deliberate choice we made.

“Or we could just not bother him. He’s obviously not at his keyboard.”

“The correct terminology is ‘AFK,’ Kitten.” I can hear the smirk in Isabela’s voice.

“And you call me a ‘bloody nerd.’” Anders remains bitter over how no one cares about lore quite as much as he does.

“Can we stop with this nerd accusation thing? It makes me miss Carver.” Oh, Carver. My dearest little brother. The caricature of a frat boy.

Mom says it’s just a phase.

I’m not too sure about that.

I think Carver’s frat boy phase began the moment he could form sentences, honestly.

Varric materializes next to my character. He’s a dwarf in ridiculously expensive-looking leather armor, clutching a crossbow. He opted out of the “stylish beard” route which the dwarves usually tread upon (I’ll say it again: literally none of us care about lore except for Anders), and, well, honestly? He’s probably the most attractive dwarf I’ve ever seen.

Our characters are more-or-less identical to how we look in real life (we video chat, all the time).

That might seem like a wasted opportunity, but…

It’s nice.

As great as it’d be to not be a monstrously tall, bearded, pasty guy with out-of-control hair…

It’s nice to feel like we’re actually seeing each other.

Of course, we could do that even if we each looked completely different from our characters…

But it’s just great to see Wicked Grace and think, yeah, that’s them. In the… virtual flesh.

Distance can suck, sometimes.

I did add a smear of red paint across the nose bridge of my character, though. In an attempt to seem a little bit more intimidating.

Warriors are usually intimidating, right?

Waving their swords… Breaking things…

I snap back to reality. Isabela and Varric are engaging in a particularly flashy dance, right in front of me.

They’re attracting a crowd and laughing their asses off, but Fenris remains motionless. Yeah, he’s definitely not at his keyboard.

“Yeah, he’ll want to join our guild,” Anders mutters.

“Maybe we should wait until everyone’s online before we go hassling innocent bystanders,” I suggest. It’s not like I’d forget his name any time soon.

Fenris…

It just sounds so familiar.

“Please! We’re doing this for you, Kitten!” Isabela’s having the time of her life. “I’ve never seen you interested in anyone! Ever!”

“Technically, you’ve still never seen Garrett being interested in anyone. You just think you heard him.” Anders is still grumbling. “Also, this Fenris is another player on an increasingly overrated MMO. I don’t think he qualifies for the type of ‘interest’ you have in mind.”

“Ouch!” Varric chuckles. “These low blows! We all give into our private little fantasies, sometimes.”

“What fantasies?” Merrill [bloodydaisies] is online. She appears right next to me – a thin, black-haired elf, with adorably huge green eyes and a staff bigger than she is. “Hello, everyone!”

“Hey, Daisy. Hawke’s hopelessly in love with that white-haired elf standing over there,” Varric states, in a matter-of-fact manner. “It’s a long story, filled with sighs.”

Merrill gasps. “Why do all the fun things happen while I’m at work?! It’s so unfair!”

“Varric, you’ve been online for five minutes.” These people… “Also, not in love! He just has good character creation instincts, or something.”

“Or something,” Isabela, Anders and Varric say, in unison.

I start laughing, despite myself. “Stop,” I say; since I’m laughing, it doesn’t have the desired effect on them.

“Are you kidding me?!” Anders exclaims. “I just looked him up. Another warrior? Really?”

“Is that bad?” I ask.

“We already have two warriors!” Anders is indignant. “You and Aveline. We don’t need a third!”

“Since when do you care?” Isabela drawls. “Hawke can’t tank for shit, anyway.”

“Hey! I can tank for shit! I tank for shit all the time!”

“Sure,” Isabela says. A message pops up on the bottom left of my screen:

Isabela [likebigboats69]: luv u hawkey <3

Like I said, sometimes I hate Isabela.

“Is it Fenris? That man? He’s lovely!” Merrill is delighted. I can hear her clap her hands together. “This is so exciting! Will he join the guild? I’d love another elf! Oooh!”

“We should get another mage,” Anders says, apparently oblivious to Merrill’s delight. “It’s bad enough that we have one who stabs herself to cast spells.”

“Hey! I know what I’m doing!” Merrill insists. “Besides, one healer’s enough, right?”

Anders makes a frustrated noise. Throaty gurgling is involved.

“Oh, calm down. We don’t need any more healers when we have one as good as you.” Like I said, Varric is the most charismatic person alive.

“Sure,” Anders mumbles, but he’s probably bright red behind his monitor. I can sense it.

I’m bright red, and that comment wasn’t even directed at me.

It’s the voice! I’m telling you.

“Anyway, like I was saying, I think we should definitely invite Fenris!” Merrill runs up to Fenris.

“MERRILL.” I catch myself before I start flailing and knocking over things again. “Don’t – don’t creep up on him!”

“We haven’t invited anyone new in ages! It’s always been the old crew!” Merrill’s character grins and strikes a pose; one hand’s on her hip while the other does a little wave.

Isabela flashes her a thumbs-up.

Please, Fenris. Don’t be at your keyboard. Please.

I know you can’t hear what we’re saying, or what these people are plotting…

But, still.

“Have you messaged him yet? I’m going to –”

And, just like that, Fenris moves.

The chat goes silent.

“What? What happened?” Anders, faithful to his Kirkwall boycott, is oblivious.

I want the earth to open up and swallow me.

I’m not even sure why.

I just do.

Fenris runs away from Merrill and towards Hightown’s exit.

Four pairs of eyes follow him. Then, he vanishes.

“Wait! He’s getting away. What do we do?! I didn’t message him yet!” As if on cue, Merrill starts panicking.

“What happened?!” Anders demands.

“We give chase!” Isabela hollers.

“We do not give chase!” I holler.

“Did he leave?” Anders laughs.

“It’s not funny!” Merrill is surprisingly emotional. “I wanted another elf!”

“Hold up,” Varric says. “Let’s all take a few deep breaths –“

Isabela dashes off towards the exit.

“ISABELA –“

“Hawke. Rivaini. Deep breaths.”

I comply. Isabela stops running. She complies, as well.

More theatrically (and sensually) than I do.

But deep breathing is going on.

“Look, it’s simple,” Varric is using his ‘patiently-dealing-with-guildmates’ voice. “We know his name, right? So we’ll be able to find him.”

“But! But! There’s thousands of players, Varric!” Isabela exclaims.

“You just want to chase him.”

“…”

“I’m on to you, Rivaini.”

“Fine,” Isabela grumbles. “But! Garrett Hawke, you’ll never be a true man if you don’t go after what you want!”

“I don’t want anything!” I exclaim, and my voice does that awkward thing where it goes up to a shamefully high pitch because I’m nervous.

“I’ll get the elf to join Wicked Grace if it’s the last thing I do,” Varric says, choosing to ignore my struggle. “I can’t possibly pass up this opportunity for friendfiction…”

“Ooh, I like that,” Isabela purrs. “Human/elf? I really like that.”

“Me too!” Merrill chirps.

I sigh and, internally, admit defeat.

They’ll never know.

I’ll never give them the satisfaction of knowing.

I grab the previously abandoned bag of sour cream and onion chips and start cramming more into my mouth.

“I can’t believe we’re letting some random guy into our guild,” Anders says. “Because he’s supposedly hot.”

“Well, it’s worth a shot,” Varric runs around Merrill, in circles. He hops sometimes. Merrill giggles.

She has a thing for seeing dwarves hop.

“I have a good feeling about this!” Isabela sings. “We have a new goal! Forget quests, dungeons, and the plot! Wicked Grace has a new goal, and that goal is to get Garrett Hawke laid!”

My breath hitches.

I start choking on chips.

My dog, Miles, trots into the room and stares up at me, unamused.

Laid…

We don’t even know who Fenris is.

There are too many variables to consider, here.

Too many variables going through my brain, as I choke on my handful of sour cream and onion chips.

Once I stop dying, I start spluttering protests.

Isabela and Varric are roaring with laughter.

“Dare I ask what you people are up to now?” Aveline [captvallen] is online.

“Oh, Kitten, I’m just fucking with you,” Isabela snorts. “Aveline, you’ll want to hear all about this.”

As Varric begins telling Aveline about how “lovestruck” I am for the “Adonis-like elven warrior,” I groan and feel a little bit sorry for Fenris.

If only he knew.

Chapter Text

“Please don’t tell me that you’re still playing that game.”

I’m in front of my computer, wrapped up in a godly cocoon of blankets, working on a daily quest (“Kill 20 Hurlocks.” Positively thrilling), when I hear a familiar voice, calling out from downstairs.

I’d know that judgmental tone anywhere…

It’s second only to my mother’s.

“Shit! I have to go,” I whisper into my headset.

I log off, mentally apologizing to Isabela, who I’ve left tank-less yet again (and who I can hear starting to complain as my screen fades to black).

I sweep my arm across my desk, sending at least six bags of chips into a trash bin set up right next to it.

“I’m not!” I call out.

“You’re an awful liar, big brother.” Bethany, my younger sister, is standing in the doorway. Miles sits obediently at her side, somehow looking just as critical as she is.

Meanwhile, I’m frozen in place.

Paused, with one arm hovering over my desk.

“How…” Change the subject, Garrett! Quickly! “How did you get in here?!”

No! You’re a failure, Garrett. That was lackluster subject-changing.

“Mom sent me. She has a spare key, you know.” Bethany brandishes said key. “I can’t believe it! How long have you been locked up in here? You’re going to die if you keep this up.”

My phone vibrates. I grumble something – something about being fully in control of my life, which Bethany laughs at (so hurtful) – and check it.

Isabela (4:16pm):
dead now! thnx asshole! >:(

“Great. Isabela’s dead now.” She’s probably going to kill me for that, later.

“She’s what?!”

“Oh. Sorry. In the game. Game talk.” I raise an eyebrow at Bethany. “I’d have more of a reaction if she really died, you know.”

“Honestly, I wouldn’t put anything past you, at this point.” Bethany sighs. She pats Miles on the head. Miles grunts appreciatively. “You look like a hermit,” she says.

“What? Is it the –” I barely stop myself before I say ‘cocoon of’ – “blankets?”

“Maybe.”

“I think it makes me look sagely.” And godly. I stand up, and begin walking towards her. “Draped in my majestic red robes, which smell like fresh linen and sour cream and onion…”

Bethany rolls her eyes, but the corners of her mouth tug – I can tell she’s fighting off a smile. “Sure, Garrett. Sure. Whatever you say. Anyway. Mom needs help down at the shop. She texted me.”

“What?! It’s a Saturday!”

“Hey, I’m just passing a message! And making sure that you’re not dead. In real life,” she adds. “Get a move on! Or we’ll both get yelled at.”

As I shed my cocoon, I glance back at my computer. Forlornly.

“Don’t worry. You’ll be reunited with your one true love, soon.”

I scowl, and she laughs.

~

“I just can’t do it.”

Mom looks frustrated. Very frustrated.

Zevran stands next to her, in front of Hawke’s Carpentry.

It’s our family business.

(We mostly do repairs… Some design work.)

Ever since Dad passed away, we haven’t really done much heavy construction… but I think Carver’s interested in taking that up again.

Zevran’s back is to me, so I can see the magnificent tattoo on his lower back.

He has a thing for crop tops. He says they’re the new “in” thing this summer.

I don’t really know about that. But sometimes I catch Carver sneaking peeks at him.

That’s really all I have to say about that.

“What’s the problem now?” I ask.

“Oh! I’m glad that you’re finally outside, dear.” Mom means well, but her words?

They hurt.

“Yes. I am outside. On a perfectly decent Saturday for not being outside,” I point out. Zevran laughs.

“Now, now, Gare. We have a, uh, situation.”

“He did it again,” Mom says, glumly.

“What?”

“I may have… been trying to… ah, how do I put this?” Zevran folds his arms. “I was trying to improve the locking system for the store.”

“Oh, shit.”

“Yes.” Zevran bites his lower lip, and then turns back to the door. “Oh, shit,” he echoes.

He crouches in front of our store door’s lock, examining it. He has his small toolbox of… lock picking things.

Here’s the thing about Zevran.

A few years ago, he was in a bad spot. He wasn’t from around here, and he needed some money. He was a trained locksmith, and was looking for a job, and… He’s really, really attractive (bronze skin, golden hair, incredible body, nicely shaped nose; I think Mom wanted to set me up with him, to be honest). So Mom hired him.

And... he tries.

He tries and has varying degrees of success.

He’s getting better! Slowly… but surely.

“Do we need to tear the door down again?!” Bethany sounds very excited.

My phone vibrates.

Varric (4:34pm):
Rivaini might try to kill you. If she does, let her. I have $10 on the line.
:)

That’s so typical. I text him back:

Garrett (4:34pm):
Great! nice having the support!
Tell her its bethany’s fault. and that zevran locked us out. Again.

“Probably.” Mom sighs. “He replaced the locks, but the new keys are inside the store…”

Zevran tries to pick the lock, one more time. After cramming the tension wrench and pick in there and shaking the lock around (well, okay, there’s probably more to it than shaking, but. If you could see Zevran, you’d agree with me: he’s shaking), he grunts.

“Did you get it?” Bethany asks, though she knows the answer.

“I think not,” Zevran replies, meekly.

“I guess the door will have to go down.” Mom groans. “That’s the second time this year…”

“It happens,” I say. I pat Zevran on the shoulder, reassuringly. He smiles weakly.

“Two times is an improvement, honestly,” Bethany says. She pats his other shoulder.

“They are just very good locks,” Zevran says, seriously.

“We know,” Bethany and I say.

My phone vibrates.

Isabela (4:38pm):
tell ur sister i say hi!!!!!

I ignore her.

“I called Carver, but he isn’t here yet. Why are my boys such slackers?” Again with the innocently hurtful comments…

“I can do it,” I say. “I don’t need Carver.”

“Are you sure?” Mom looks at me critically. I can see where Bethany gets it from. I really can.

“I’m sure! It’s just a door! I do this for a living!” I may be an intense MMO fan, but my dad taught me well. I can fix tables and bookshelves and all sorts of stuff… like it’s nothing.

Fixing things. Breaking things. Same difference.

“Okay, well, I’m just going to go at it, then.”

“That seems like a terrible idea,” Bethany states.

“Honey, please, let’s just wait for Carver. He’ll have tools.” Mom is concerned.

“Oh, right, so, because I’m the gay son, I can’t have tools? Or lower-body strength? Thanks, Mom!”

She just kind of stares at me.

Zevran moves out of the way.

I stand back from the door.

The door frame seems to be the weakest part, so…

I focus on the spot just below the doorknob.

I take a deep breath.

I am a Hawke.

I am a carpenter’s son.

I am a Warrior.

I… really want to go home, so that I can make sure that my guildmates haven’t begun the Hunt for Fenris without me.

Mostly for his sake.

I give that door the most intense kick I’ve ever given anything in my entire life.

The impact sends a shockwave-like force throughout my body. I make a hissing noise, as if I’m a cat that just got its tail stepped on.

I’m not sure how it happens, but my leg then slips off the door and I land flat on my ass.

I just kind of sit there for a while.

Zevran snorts loudly. Then he starts laughing. Bethany does, too. Mom’s looking away. Politely. But her shoulders are shaking.

I can’t fight it. I start laughing, too.

We’re all just in front of Hawke’s Carpentry. Laughing. At my ineptitude.

My phone vibrates…

Isabela (4:50pm):
what is she wearing? lol

I continue to ignore her. Masterfully.

Zevran helps me up. Mom commends me for my valiant effort.

Right at that moment, Carver pulls in.

He’s driving the same old station wagon, which he’s had since he learnt how to drive… years ago. It belonged to Dad. Anyway, as he parks, he kind of just raises his eyebrows at us.

“What are you doing?” He’s wearing a tank for some basketball team and smells like sweat and feet. Like I said: frat boy.

Zevran explains the situation to him.

Carver remains unaffected. “Okay, so kick it down.”

“I tried that. Didn’t work. I think we need a hammer,” I say. “Or maybe something like a battering ram?” Once, Merrill and I found one of those. In the MMO, I mean. We knocked a whole fort down. Anders got mad at us. “Maybe we could use a stool? I could walk back to my house and get a st –”

Carver kicks the door so solidly and so suddenly that I let out a squeak.

It cracks.

“We’re in!” Zevran sings. “Well done, Carvo!”

Carver grumbles something under his breath. Mom hugs him, and gives him a kiss on the cheek. He grumbles more.

We spend the next few hours trying to fix the door.

Zevran is very apologetic, in his charming way.

Zevran’s charm is essentially a mix of Isabela-and-Varric charm.

Coincidentally, he’s friends with both of them.

Anyway, we sort out the key situation, too.

Mom and the twins head out around 7pm. I want to head out around then, too, but Zevran protests loudly. And shamelessly. Because I “never hang out with him any more.”

We head to Duncan’s, an incredibly cosy coffee shop within walking distance from the carpentry (and, by extension, my house).

Coffee? At 7pm? Why not.

There’s a performance tonight. It’s really casual. A redheaded woman croons into a microphone, while playing a… lute? Is that a lute?

“Is that a lute?” I point at it. Zevran rolls his eyes at me. “Is she a bard?!” I love bards!

“We’re not in your little game right now. Focus.” Zevran grabs the back of my shirt’s collar and drags me along. People stare.

“So, how’s Isabela doing today?” Zevran asks as we take a seat.

Isabela and Zevran were friends (with benefits) in college. They’re pretty close.

“I think she’s trying to hit on my sister,” I say. “From a distance. Without even knowing her, really.”

“That’s my girl,” Zevran says, affectionately. “And is she still playing that little game?”

“It’s not a ‘little game’! It’s massive!” MMORPG: massive multiplayer online role-playing game. It has “massive” in the genre title. “Also, it has a name!”

“Oh… right. Dragon… something. Dragon Time?”

“Ugh, no, no, it’s – Ugh! Never mind! It doesn’t matter.” I analyze one of the drink menus, even though I know I’m just going to get a hot chocolate.

I don’t mix well with caffeine. I get jittery.

I’m jittery by nature.

Add coffee to that? No way.

“Aw, don’t get all bitter with me, Gare!” He laughs. “Anyway, I was talking to her last night… she said you are, ah, interested in someone?”

“Wha – No! It’s not like that at all!” I explain the situation to him: Fenris. The guild. The “plan.”

“I’m not even going to pretend I understood a word you just said,” is his response to all of that. “But! I trust Isabela. So I am going to leave this in her capable hands.”

“You’re a great help,” I say.

He winks at me, roguishly. “I hope this Fenris character is your type – and not a serial killer. Or a member of the seedy underbelly of who knows where.”

“You know that not everyone online is a serial killer or part of the mafia, right?”

“You’d be surprised,” Zevran says.

I don’t want to know…

“Regardless, Isabela and Varric are a deadly duo. If they want you with this Fenris,” he picks up a sugar packet and brandishes it at me, “you’ll get with this Fenris.”

“I’ll keep you updated,” I reply, glumly. And unconvinced.

Like I said: there are too many variables.

“Here’s to hoping he’s sexy in real life,” Zevran says. He turns his head and smiles, and then raises his hand in a little half-wave.

Cousland’s working. No wonder Zevran wanted to come to Duncan’s.

Cousland’s kind of intimidating. He’s not as tall as me, but…

He’s dating Zevran. Or… consistently sleeping with him. While living with him.

Apparently, it’s complicated.

Anyway, his black hair is kind of long and is always all over the place. He’s perpetually glaring. And he has a lot of weird piercings. He also doesn’t say much.

Zevran’s really into that stuff, I guess.

I like Cousland, though. He’s a dog person. He gave me Miles, actually. His dog, Marty, is Miles’ brother. So I guess we’re kind of related… Somehow.

Cousland comes up to us. A small notepad is in one of his hands and a pen is in the other. “What’ll it be this time?”

“Mmm, would it be too predictable if I said that I want you?” Zevran chews on the end of the sugar packet he was patronizing me with a few minutes ago.

“It’s predictable, but I’m okay with that,” Cousland replies. The two make eyes at each other.

“I’ll have a hot chocolate,” I say.

We hang out at Duncan’s for a while (Zevran gets some exotic coffee blend with a fancy name, and then vanishes for a suspicious amount of time). I don’t care what he says: that redheaded lady? Totally a bard.

I almost forget that my future is at the mercy of Wicked Grace. But then my phone vibrates.

Merrill (8:37pm):
Garrett,
We found Fenris! :^)

“Why are you looking like you’re about to kill someone?” Zevran asks. He’s picking at a small pastry. “Not that it’s a bad look for you, but…”

“THEY FOUND FENRIS,” I pretty much yell. Some people turn around and stare.

“Who? Oh,” Zevran pops a piece of the pastry in his mouth. “Right. Sexy potential serial killer love interest.”

“I have to go right now!” I say. I text Merrill back.

Garrett (8:37pm):
DON’T YOU DARE DO ANYTHING WEIRD. STOP ISABELA AND VARRIC. KEEP ANDERS AWAY.

She replies almost immediately:

Merrill (8:37pm):
Garrett,
Aveline is onlien so you are safe :^)
*Online, sorry
I type far too quickly sometimes :^(

Thank god for Aveline. Thank god. I love Aveline.

I am going to hug Aveline the moment I meet up with her again. I might send her an E-Card later.

“Aveline’s online. I’m safe, for now. I have to go.” I pull my wallet out of my pants pocket and pull money out for my share of the bill.

“Tsk tsk,” Zevran pushes the wallet back. “I’ve got this. It’s the least I could do, since I summoned you out of your den on a Saturday evening.”

“Fine,” I say, as I stuff my wallet back in my pocket and stand up.

“I should get Leandra some flowers.”

“You do that. Not white lilies, though. She hates those.”

Something about them being too ‘funeral-like’ and ‘foreboding.’ I don’t know.

“Noted,” Zevran smirks. “And… Bethany can get some lingerie. I’ll let Isabela pick that out.”

I narrow my eyes.

“I’m joking!” He puts his hands up defensively. “I’m joking. I swear. Even I would not stoop so low.”

“Good luck sorting out your gift plans,” I say as I push my chair in and start walking away.

“Good luck dealing with your… Dragon Time… shit,” he calls out, from behind me.

“It’s not called – fine. Yes. Okay. Thank you,” I say.

I speed-walk out of the coffee shop and into the night.

Chapter Text

“Aw, don’t be such a stick-in-the-mud!” Isabela says.

“I am not a stick-in-the-mud! You’re too invasive,” Aveline retorts.

“He’ll thank me for it later!”

“I most certainly will not,” I say. I’m alarmingly skilled at logging on at just the right moment. 

Of course, I spawn right in the middle of a Darkspawn horde (since I logged out in the middle of one; thanks, Karma) and immediately begin thrashing through them with my greatsword, but… it’s nothing.

I’m a Warrior. A tank.

I may not be able to kick down a door in real life, but here?

Here, I could probably kick a door down. If the game gave me the option to.

“Great! You’re here. Now I don’t have to deal with holding these heathens back.” Aveline’s annoyed. Very annoyed. I have to remember to send her that E-Card later.

“Where are you?!” I ask as I decapitate the last Hurlock.

“Kitten, why are you breathing like that?” Isabela asks.

Merrill giggles.

“I ran back home from Duncan’s!” I hate running. I really do. “Merrill texted me!”

“You texted him?! Daisy!” Isabela has been betrayed.

“I’m sorry! I was just excited! I wanted to tell him that we found the handsome elf!”

“Hey, Hawke.” Oh, Varric’s online, too. “Phase One of Operation: Hard in Hightown is about to get started. Glad you could join us.”

“Hard? Hightown?!” I reach out for a bag of chips, then remember that I threw all away when Bethany invaded my house. Thanks, Bethany. “Just what, exactly, is hard in Hightown?”

“Isn’t it obvious, Hawkey? You’re hard.” Isabela laughs.

I reflexively look down at my crotch. Then feel ridiculous.

Before I can correct her, Varric chimes in.

“Or, rather, you were the first time you saw Fenris, back in Hightown. Think of it as a testament to your first hard-on for him.”

“There was no hardening!” I blubber. These people are going to be my actual death. “Where’s Anders?!” Anders would vouch for me. Maybe.

“He’s not online at the moment. Say, can someone please explain the operation name to me?” Merrill asks. “What’s ‘hard’, exactly?”

“Just think about it, Merrill,” Aveline says. She sounds worn-out.

Not that I blame her.

“Where are you guys?!” I ask. Again.

“We’re in Sundermount,” Aveline says, quickly.

“Judas!” Isabella hollers.

“Oh, shut up,” Aveline snaps. “Do you honestly want to see Hawke’s reaction if we do manage to recruit this man behind his back?”

“As much as I hate to admit it, you might have a point, there.” Isabela sighs.

“The operation would fail almost immediately,” Varric points out.

“Thanks! Thank you all!” I fume as I shuffle through my inventory and use a perfectly good teleportation stone.

“Baby steps, Hawke,” Varric explains.

“Oh! I get it. Hard! In Hightown! That’s so dirty! Your… That! That was hard! I get it now!” Merrill’s cracked the operation title’s code. “I’m so impressed, what a clever name!”

Isabela and Varric start laughing. Uncontrollably.

I think Aveline’s laughing, too, but she’s mastered the art of silent-laughing.

So there’s that.

“Nothing was hard, actually,” I clarify. I want to laugh, too, but I can’t give in.

I must be strong.

“Minor details,” Varric says.

I’m finally in Sundermount. The natural textures load up around me; even while the screen’s still loading, I’m scanning the map for them.

I finally catch sight of Aveline’s shield – sturdy and plated, styled to look like a lion’s head – in the distance, along with the text “[captvallen]” hovering above her.

I sprint over there.

Isabela is sitting on the ground next to her. She’s at eye level with Varric, who’s standing up. Merrill sits, her legs crossed out in front of her, on the other side of Aveline.

They’re at the foot of the mountain. It’s huge. The biggest one in the game.

“He went to the very top.” Merrill waves at my character. She sends me a party invitation.

“And you’re all just waiting for him to come back down?” That’s not creepy. At all. Regardless, I accept the invitation.

“Nah. I wanted to go see him and talk to him, but Ms. Spoilsport Stick-in-the-Mud decided to ruin everything.” I just know that, behind her monitor, Isabela's rolling her eyes at me.

“Shut up, wench,” Aveline retorts.

“Aveline. You’re my goddess,” I say, seriously.

“I know.” Aveline faces me. “That being said… I want another warrior in this guild, Hawke.”

“Why?! Am I not good enough?”

“No.”

“What?!”

“Honestly, you can’t tank for shit,” Aveline says.

“We’ve been over this! I totally can tank for sh –“

“Drop it, Kitten,” Isabela drawls. She lies flat on her back, still next to Varric.

“It’s too rough holding aggro on my own! We’ll be at endgame soon, and I need backup.”

I can’t believe it.

Rejected by my own goddess.

I sniff.

“Are you crying, Garrett?” Merrill asks, concerned.

“No! I’m not crying! I just...” I take a deep breath. “First, there’s the door, then, there’s this –“

“What door?” Isabela asks, but Aveline starts talking over her.

“Don’t misunderstand me. You have your strengths. I just… need someone else to sponge damage.” Aveline walks close to me, and grabs onto my shoulders. “I need another sponge, Hawke.”

“Fine. Fine! I get it.” Feeling sufficiently emasculated, I accept the fact that I am the lone person against Operation: Hard in Hightown.

I mean, Anders might be too. But Anders is opposed to a lot of things.

I’d love to have some Anders opposition right now. Of course he’d be offline when I really need it.

“Then here’s the plan,” Varric says. “We’re all going to head up the mountain. Then we’ll lay it on thick for the guy, and he won’t be able to resist our charm.”

“You mean your charm,” I grumble.

“I can be charming!” Isabela stands up. “How else would I have as many sovereigns as I do?”

“Your type of charm isn’t going to be of any use here, hag,” Aveline says.

“True,” Isabela replies. “Hey, maybe you should sit this one out, big girl. Your hog face might scare him away.”

“Oh, I think he can take it.”

I have no idea how they insult each other so much, and yet, are still so close.

Are they even close?

I have no idea.

They seem close. I think.

“Alright, Rivaini. Red. That’s enough. Phase One, remember?” Oh, Varric. What would we do without you? “We don’t want to upset Hawke’s delicate sensibilities.”

“Too late,” I say. Varric laughs.

Merrill stands up and hops in place. “I’m so excited! Garrett, you’ve got to be really charming, alright?”

“I’m always charming,” I lie.

“You’re such a bad liar.” Isabela sees right through it. “It’s bloody incredible how bad you are at lying.”

“I wasn’t lying, I was joking!” I lie again.

“Whatever.” She probably saw right through it. Again.

“To the top we go!” Merrill sings.

“We don’t have a healer right now. Don’t get reckless.” Aveline unsheathes her sword and grabs the shield from off her back.

“Right. Easy on the blood magic, Daisy,” Varric winks at Merrill as he grabs his crossbow. “Bianca’s ready for some action.”

Bianca. That’s his crossbow.

He’s had Bianca since we started the game… He lucked out in the Auction Market. He just keeps adding materials to it.

Wait, I mean… He just keeps adding materials to her.

If you call Bianca an “it,” Varric… gets offended.

Anyway, he’s a crafting genius.

“I can manage, thank you,” Merrill says, indignant. She gives her staff a twirl.

“Onward, then!” Isabela grabs her daggers – one in each hand – and, with a flourish, begins charging up Sundermount.

“Remember, Hawke: sponge,” Aveline says as she starts dashing off, too.

“Right! Sure!” I reply, grabbing my obscenely large, two-handed sword (no one could ever carry this thing in real life) and following them, with Varric and Merrill close behind me.

~

“There’s. So. Many. Fucking. Skeletons.” Isabela groans so loudly into her mic that it picks up static.

“I’m so worried!” Merrill wails as she stabs herself in the stomach (blood magic is fucked up, let me tell you). “How could Fenris go up here, all alone?”

“No idea,” Varric mutters as he sends bolts raining down on another wave of reanimated skeletons.

Since I am, in fact, a shitty tank, I’m mostly focusing on just standing around and yelling at the skeletons so that they hit me, instead of Isabela, Varric or Merrill. When the skeletons close in on me, I sweep my blade across the horde and reduce it to… bones. Of course, more are quick to appear.

Aveline has a similar approach. “There’s plenty of them, but they’re weak,” she says as she slams her shield into a skeleton’s… skull. “He could do it, but it’d take more time, I’d imagine.”

Miles scampers into my room and lies close to my feet. I rub his back with my foot. He growls appreciatively.

I have my dog.

I am unstoppable.

“I am unstoppable!” I roar as I make my character spin wildly with his sword sticking out in the air in front of him. “Behold my tornado of death!”

Miles sits up. His ears twitch.

Another wave of skeletons has fallen.

“That would’ve been impressive, if you weren’t such a nerd about it.” Isabela crouches and begins grabbing all the loot she can.

“I thought it was quite intimidating!” Merrill understands me.

Anyway, despite it all, we make pretty good progress. 

I, only occasionally, forget to sponge. But Aveline is quick to remind me, now that my lackluster tanking abilities are out in the open.

Just when you think you can trust someone…

We’re almost at the top of Sundermount when I hear combat; combat which isn’t ours.

I grab my mouse and adjust the camera.

I see a flash of white and the glowing trail of a sword.

My stomach flips.

“It’s him!” Isabella announces.

Varric whistles. “Damn. Thought he’d be dead for sure.”

I click Fenris. He’s… level 35 now?! How?!

“Holy shit. He levels like a pro,” I say.

“He’s very impressive!” Merrill sighs. “It took me a month to get to level 30.” She’s level 32 now. The level cap's at 50.

Click.

“Did you just take a screenshot of him, Daisy?” Varric asks.

“Oops, sorry, that was me,” Isabela says. “Carry on.”

“He can tank. He can tank.” Aveline is enraptured. “God, he can tank. Do you see how he’s pulling them all in? Yet he’s doing so much damage. It’s as if he’s a DPS class. Could you imagine doing a dungeon run with him?!”

“I’m sure Garrett can imagine doing many things with him.” Isabela giggles.

“Okay, but he’s being mauled by at least twenty skeletons at once,” I point out.

“Share those ‘things’ with me later, Rivaini,” Varric says. This friendfiction of his… “Anyway, it’s time for Hawke to be a big damn hero!”

“Get in there, Tiger!” Woah, Isabela dropped the ‘Kitten.’

I’ve been promoted to larger-cat status.

I have to admit, that makes me feel kind of warm. And fuzzy.

Warm. Fuzzy. Tiger-like.

“We’ll follow you, Garrett,” Merrill nudges me forward. “But he has to see you first. So go in there!”

I can picture them all, beaming up at me…

I can also picture me, going in there “to help,” and dying.

I…

Miles licks my ankle. My support system is in full effect.

Oh, what the hell. We need new members, anyway.

I buff myself (Isabela squeals delightedly. I never buff myself. Ever) and dash in there.

Fenris is… amazing. He’s strong. He’s not unscathed, but his health is above the 50% mark. Considering that he’s being mauled, that’s impressive.

He’s so small, and that sword is probably just as tall as him.

“Hawke, stop staring. Do something!”

Shit. Okay. I can do this.

Miles is with me!

I move my cursor over the chat window and click it. As I start typing (on General chat, mind you – I can’t go to Whisper levels, I just can’t), I realize that my hands (huge, rough hands – carpenter’s hands) are ridiculously sweaty.

Garrett [dragonhawke]: Hey! need a hand?

A sweaty hand.

Fenris decapitates a skeleton.

Fenris [Fenris]: sure.

“You’re in!” Merrill chirps.

“Remember, Hawke: sponge,” Aveline advises.

“I – I know!” I start pressing my attack keys with reckless abandon (in a very un-sponge-like way, but Fenris can tank for both of us, I’m pretty sure).

Click.

“Rivaini?”

“You know it.”

Varric chuckles.

They’re off-screen for me, so I doubt that Fenris can see them, but I start feeling self-conscious.

“Hey, are you helping, or what?”

“You’ve got this,” Isabela croons.

“That – that wasn’t the deal!”

“But you’re doing so well! They’re almost all gone,” Merrill says.

Fenris does the same attack I did, earlier. My tornado of death. But his glows, light blue. It’s beautiful. He makes it look… beautiful.

My heart does this fluttery thing. And I realize that I’m getting emotional over a virtual character on an overrated MMO.

I take a few deep breaths, and remind myself of all the… variables. Too many variables.

Before long, the mob of skeletons lays around our feet in a bony heap.

My fingers start moving before I can even process what just happened.

Garrett [dragonhawke]: You’re amazing!

“Wow, way to play it cool, Kitten.”

Ah, I’m back at kitten status.

Honestly, I deserve it.

Fenris [Fenris]: ha. thanks.

I feel like I’m about to ascend to a higher plane of being.

Miles licks at my ankle again. Questioning. Or, you know, wanting to be scratched again.

“Okay, Hawke. Ask him. Right here. Right now,” Varric commands.

I scratch Miles with my foot. He lies back down.

“How? How am I supposed to ask him to join?!”

“Just ask him. Say you’re part of a guild and that you want him to join it, because we need another Warrior,” Aveline says.

“Or you can tell him he’s hot and that you want to get to know him better.” Isabela takes another screenshot.

“Stop with the screenshots!” I bellow. “Ugh. I… dammit!”

I type quickly, before he decides to run off, like back in Hightown…

Though he’s still just standing there, all patient.

Garrett [dragonhawke]: Hey, i’m part of a guild, and we’re looking for new members! You’d be perfect for us!!!

I need to stop using so many exclamation marks.

For a split second, I regret having the dorkiest username known to mankind…

But then I remember that dragons are cool.

And I’m cool.

But, anyway.

Chat is silent. We’re all on the edges of our respective seats.

Miles yawns.

“Not the time, Miles,” I snap.

He looks up at me. Unamused.

“Who’s Miles?” Merrill asks.

“His dog,” Aveline answers. “Oh, Hawke, how is he?”

“Fine. Judgmental,” I reply. “Lately he’s been drinking more water than usual, though.”

“Can we please save the dog talk for later?!” Isabela snaps.

Fenris [Fenris]: wicked grace?

Garrett [dragonhawke]: Yeah!!! how’d you know?!

“How does he know our guild name?!” Are we… known? Are we one of those guilds?

“He probably looked it up,” Varric mutters.

Fenris [Fenris]: it’s in your stats window.

Oh.

“Oh.”

Garrett [dragonhawke]: Oh!!

Again with the exclamation marks.

“Someone, please, stop me,” I groan.

“Maybe we should’ve let Varric do this,” Isabela mutters.

Fenris [Fenris]: sure. i’m tired of all the random adds lately.

SURE.

“SURE!” I announce.

Chat is overcome by whooping and joyful hollering.

“I knew you could do it, Kitten!”

“Isabela, you just said you thought that Varric should’ve – you know what, I don’t even care.” I can’t believe it. I did it.

I recruited someone into Wicked Grace. The core group. The posse. The…

“Send the invite. Now, Hawke,” Varric is still very much in the zone, “before he changes his mind.”

“Everyone has so much confidence in me, lately,” I say.

Garrett [dragonhawke]: Awesome! i’m really glad to hear that! :) :)

“Too much, Hawke.” Isabela snorts.

“I don’t even care right now!” I really don’t. I… can’t believe he actually agreed to join.

I really… I’m…

As I left-click him and select the “Invite to Guild: [Wicked Grace]”, he replies.

Fenris [Fenris]: :)

OH MY GOD.

My breath hitches.

Yes, I’m that pathetic.

Isabela is delighted.

“I told you. I told you,” she keeps saying.

“Oh, Garrett,” Merrill breathes. “You’ve done it! He smiled. That emoticon is a smile.”

White text appears across the screen:

Fenris [Fenris] has been added to [Wicked Grace].

It’s when I see that text that I realize… The others. They’re going to talk to him. And… Operation: Hard in Hightown…

Oh, no. Run, Fenris! Run!

Fenris [Fenris]: sorry, i have to go now. to work. but thank you.

Wow, it’s like he heard my thoughts. He can sense the impending danger of Wicked Grace.

Isabela, prodding him for “real life” details, and encouraging him to make out with me…

Varric, hounding him for material for friendfiction…

Merrill, enthusiastically going on and on about human/elf relationships…

Aveline… She’s not much of a threat. Though her passion for tanking might be a little strange.

“Damn!” Isabela grumbles. “I wanted to ask him for a photo.”

Like I said: Real life details. Prodding.

“Don’t push it,” Aveline hisses.

“You’re no fun. No fun at all.”

Garrett [dragonhawke]: Sure! no problem! i’m glad you joined! we can talk later! :D

“Christ, Kitten, are you even listening? Tone it down.” Isabela starts laughing.

“I can’t! I don’t know how!” I’m out of control.

Fenris [Fenris]: of course. goodbye.

Garrett [dragonhawke]: Bye!!!

He logs out.

I exhale. Relief.

Miles waddles away from under the table. He probably sensed that his aid is no longer needed.

“That was absolutely lovely,” Merrill states. She runs up to me, now that the zone is Fenris-free, and starts hopping in one place. “You were so charming, Garrett!”

“I wouldn’t call that display ‘charming,’ but it was fucking adorable.” Isabela follows her. “Really. I knew this would be a good call.”

“Against all odds, Phase One of Operation: Hard in Hightown was a resounding success.” Varric chuckles. “Now, who wants to debrief Blondie when he logs in?”

I groan. “Not me. I’m done. I need to take a long –“

“Cold shower?”

“No. No, Isabela. A long walk.”

She laughs.

“Sure, Hawke. You earned it, with your excellent use of exclamation marks.” Varric…

“Be safe,” Aveline says, seriously. “Always be alert. You never know what can be –”

“I got it! Got it, Aveline.” She really is a goddess, though. She works at a school. She can’t tone down her protectiveness. “Thanks. Night, everyone.”

They all tell me good night.

As I log out, I hear Merrill ask Isabela what she meant by a “cold shower.”

I laugh and shake my head while I take my headset off.

Fenris… I can’t believe it.

“Can you believe it, Miles?” I ask him. He waddles back over to me and wags his stubby little tail. He probably can’t believe it, either.

I turn back to my laptop and go on the site I always use for E-cards.

Aveline likes dogs.

I’m going to find her an E-card with a lot of dogs on it.

Chapter Text

Mondays are always rough.

But they’re especially rough when you spent the entire weekend playing copious amounts of an increasingly overrated MMO.

It’s like, you were once in the dark… and now, you’re in the light. Literally.

As I step out of my house and into the sunlight, I hiss, like a vampire, albeit the unsexiest vampire imaginable.

My landlady (and neighbor), Meredith, glares at me. I pretend not to notice and hurry past her, mumbling out a greeting (she doesn’t reply – thanks, Meredith).

Mondays.

Fenris didn’t come online yesterday. I would know. I was posted, religiously, from the early hours of the morning until… the early hours of this morning.

I dash across the street, giving a little wave to a car as thanks for stopping and not deciding to flatten me. Everyone has work today, so if Fenris does come online, he’d probably be… Wicked Grace-less.

Thank goodness.

Anyway…

I speed-walk up to the door of Hawke’s Carpentry and yank it open. Our receptionist, Morrigan, is sitting in front of a work desk, filing her nails.

“Hey.” I walk up to her. “What’s up?”

“I’ve had this man on hold for the past hour,” she replies, vaguely gesturing to the phone on the desk.

“What?! Who?!”

“Orsino. You know, that one old guy, with the widow’s peak and the eternally wounded look on his face,” she sneers.

“He went through a bad divorce, apparently,” I say. “He told me all about it.” Not who his ex-wife is, though. Every time that came up, he just looked at me like a sad puppy.

A sad, old puppy with a receding hairline.

“I don’t care. He was rude to me,” Morrigan says. She reaches into a drawer and pulls out a bottle of black nail polish. “I must remind him who’s truly in power, here – ‘tis only natural.”

“Right. Well. We need his money. So, go deal with that, thanks,” I say. I walk past her, trying to give her a stern look.

She just shrugs.

Bethany’s perched on a work stool. She has goggles on and is diligently chiseling away at a block of wood.

Bethany’s an art student right now. Wood carving’s her main focus (I guess she was influenced by Dad and I). During her summer break, she spends a lot of time in the shop. She’s really good. She has a lot of talent.

I’m pretty decent, too… But she has more of an eye for detail, I think.

“Garrett! Big brother!” She yells once she sees me. “I didn’t know you had a crush!”

Not her.

Not my little sister.

She grins at me. Wickedly.

“That’s because I don’t,” I say, slowly. I dump my knapsack in a corner and reach into my pocket. I pull my phone out and find Isabela’s name in my contact list.

Garrett (10:18am):
You’re 10000% dead to me.

“There’s no use hiding it from me!” Bethany hops over. Her goggles are still on; she looks buggish. “Zevran told me all about it!”

Oh. Oops. Too late. Already texted Isabela. Whatever. This is still her fault.

Zevran breezes out of the backroom, his toolbox in tow.

He’s wearing our work shirt – the same one I have on. It’s this brownish dark red, with a pattern similar to our family’s crest and the words Hawke’s Carpentry on the back.

Zevran’s is way too big for him, but, of course, he somehow makes it work. Incredibly so. It’s like we’re wearing different outfits altogether.

“Zevran! What lies are you telling my baby sister?!” I stuff my phone back into my pocket.

“Sorry, Gare!” He gives me a little salute with his free hand. “No time to talk! I’m on the clock, you know!”

“Good luck!” Bethany says. “You can do it!”

“I can!” Zevran smirks. “Cousland hired me, actually.”

I laugh and shake my head. “Really, Zevran? Really?”

“Oh, not like that, you smartass.” He shoves me playfully. “I wish it was like that. But, alas.” He sighs. “Duncan’s is having a situation with one of their store-rooms. I think… someone is locked in? Something hilarious like that.”

“Oh my god! Go help! Right now!” Bethany pushes him out of the door.

Isabela (10:20am):
lmfao what did i do ??? w/e im glad i did it
btw im still mad @ you for 1) abandoning me on sat & 2) not telling me what bethy was wearing

Garrett (10:20am):
the Tale of Fenris is spreading far & wide and its ALL LIES. All of it.
shes wearing a red shirt and goggles rn. STOP being creepy.

Isabela (10:21am):
:) never! tell her i say hey ;) winky wink

“Isabela says ‘hey,’” I grumble. I omit the “winky wink.”

“Oh! Really? How is she doing? Did she kill you yet?” Bethany takes off her goggles and wipes them on her shirt.

“No, but it’s coming.”

“Cool!” She snaps her goggles back into place. “So, tell me all about this guy. Your nerdy MMO crush who’s probably a serial killer.”

“He’s–“

“Hey, a client wants us. Like, now.” Carver swoops in and saves me from explaining the train wreck which is (hypothetically) my love life.

“Aw, Carvy, did you just get here?” I wrap my arms around his shoulders.

“Stop.” He pulls away.

“Carver, Garrett and I were about to have a very serious discussion!” Bethany folds her arms and pouts. She really reminds me of Mom… she’s, like, her carbon-copy.

“Have it later,” Carver walks past us. “We have to go to Wynne’s.”

“How does one library break so often?!” I ignore the distinctly evil look in Bethany’s eyes and wrap my arms around Carver’s shoulders again.

“I don’t know. The shelves are old,” Carver grumbles. “Your tools are in the truck already. Hurry up.” He pulls away again and glares at me before stomping away.

“Well, Bethy, I’m off!” I grin and give her a little salute.

“You’re not off the hook yet!” She yells. “I have my ways of spying on your life, you know.”

“There’s nothing to spy on!” I say as I close the door leading to reception. I can hear Bethany laughing as I leave.  

~
 

I like Wynne. She’s strict, but in a loveable way. She’s good friends with Mom, so… yeah.

She fusses over Carver and me while we work on the shelves, which… are barely holding on, really. So much damaged wood...

Of course, we don’t bother with telling her to get replacements. Not only would Wynne refuse to, but she’d also get… really, really offended.

Dagna’s there, too. She’s a librarian-in-training, and a fellow MMO enthusiast… though she can’t play any. At all. She’s awful at them. It’s incredible.

That being said, she’s way more intense than Anders could ever hope to be, in terms of her lore knowledge. She even reads the books which the developers release every few months.

No one ever reads those books.

No one.

As I move stacks of books as gently as I can off their shelving, she chatters to me about mage things, while Carver looks like he wants to die.

Being a good big brother, I don’t even try to stop Dagna. Instead, I nod along, enthusiastically.

Isabela stops texting me at the exact moment I tell her that I’m not with Bethany, so stuff proceeds pretty smoothly. By the time the library’s (mostly) fixed up, it’s 5pm.

We politely decline afternoon tea with Wynne (well, Carver forces me to politely decline afternoon tea with Wynne, which sucks because her scones are probably the best things this world has to offer) and hop back into the pickup.

It’s an old truck. It belonged to my dad, back when he was in charge of the business. It splutters and keeps breaking down, but we can’t sell it. We just can’t.

It’s kind of like a reminder that Dad was here, you know? That he was around. It’s important to us.

That doesn’t stop me from banging on the radio when it literally will not work. Carver ignores me, as is his way.

Here’s the thing: I could talk to Bethany for hours. We cry when we watch Pixar movies. Usually together. We also “talk about boys.” She takes great delight in that. She threatened to buy me a life-sized cardboard cutout of Legolas once.

But Carver? I barely know what’s going on with him. I would rather eat a shoe than talk to Carver about… men.

He also made fun of me for crying during Up.

I still resent that. They just loved each other so much…

I vowed to never watch a movie with him again.

Anyway, eventually, he swats my hand away from the radio. “You’re gonna break it,” he warns.

“It’s already broken, clearly,” I reply.

He grunts. My phone vibrates.

Merrill (5:17pm):
Garrett,
We are having a Crafting Party tonight! :^)
Do you htink Fenris will come?
*Think

Crafting parties. Varric does all this intense Market stuff, and he finds out what’s in demand… then we all sit around and craft… for hours.

We sell stuff as we go. It usually brings in a lot of money… but it’s also the perfect setting for them to nag Fenris. Low-pressure. Mass production. Profit.

Garrett (5:17pm):
If he logs in, yeah. dont nag him!!!

Merrill (5:18pm):
Garrett,
I will not! X^D
I am so happy that we have another elf :^D

I laugh. Carver’s eyes dart over to me. “What?”

“It’s my friend,” I say as I text Merrill back. “She’s adorable.”

“I thought you were gay.”

I stop texting and stare at him. “Are you serious right now?”

“I was kidding.”

Like I said: Carver’s a mystery to me.

~

“Your brother’s so funny, Garrett.” Merrill’s character is sitting with her knees crossed. There’s a mortar in one of her hands and a pestle in the other.

Varric left a note on Wicked Grace’s public message board – “Market needs Magebane. Sorry, Anders. :)”

So we’re making Magebane.

A lot of Magebane.

“Carver’s a riot!” Isabela’s off-screen for me. She’s with Varric and Aveline, in the Deep Roads… they’re harvesting lyrium dust, since we’ll need a lot of it. “I love that guy.”

“I’m not letting you go near him. You’ll eat him.”

“I’m not interested, honestly. He’s not my type.”

“Didn’t know you had a type,” Anders remarks. He’s sitting next to me, also making Magebane. “I thought anyone would do.”

“Oh, please,” Isabela says. “I do, in fact, have a type. Hawke’s sister, for example, is very much my type.”

“Isabela!” I warn.

“She’s perky, mischievous, and she has these big, innocent eyes.” She ignores me. “I saw a photo of her pouting once… She has the cutest little lips. And she seems so soft –“

“Please stop. Stop right now. I’m never letting you talk to Zevran again,” I grumble.

“Now, now, Hawkey. Nothing can stop true love,” Varric chimes in. “It just… finds a way.”

“Don’t go there!” I crunch away at my chips. I keep opening the guild menu and staring at Fenris’ name.

It’s greyed out. He’s not online.

“They’re just teasing you, Hawke,” Aveline says, patiently. It’s good to know she’s on my side, though it’s probably because she loved the E-Card.

(It had, like, 5 different golden retrievers. And they all sang!)

“If you give them that reaction, they’ll never stop.”

“I’m offended!” Isabela wails. “My feelings for Bethy are true. I would love to see her in –“

Fenris [ Fenris ] is online.

“—a cute red bikini, for example.”

“That’s how you know it’s real,” Anders says.

“Oh my god! He’s here!” I scream.

“Wait – what? You invited him?!” Apparently, Anders didn’t know.

“Did you not know that, Anders?” Merrill asks. “Oh… I guess we didn’t decide on who would tell you…”

“Oh my god!” I keep saying.

“Hawke, you better message him. Immediately. He doesn’t know the rest of us,” Varric says. “Rivaini, is there any reason you’re dancing on that Genlock corpse?”

Isabela laughs.

“I know, I’m – I’m doing it!” I throw my bag of chips down (yeah, I’m a neglectful crafter – no one can tell when you put it all in the guild chest… Merrill can craft enough for a small army. Her little fingers… they mix toxins at the speed of light).

My hands hover over my keyboard (I’m Whispering him. We’re at that level… this is too much for me) and I wrack my brain for something to say.

Is it creepy, messaging him the second he logs in?

Should I wait? Should I…

“Did you do it yet?” Aveline asks.

“Don’t patronize me!” I snap. “I – What do I say?!”

“Christ, Kitten, just get on with it!” Isabela says.

[W] Garrett [dragonhawke]: Hey! you’re finally online!

Right, Garrett. Right. He wasn’t online for a day. One day (well, two, counting today, but…). And now you look like you have no life at all.

Good job, Garrett. Outstanding!

[W] Fenris [Fenris]: hey. yeah, sorry about that. work was… busy.

Anders says something and Merrill giggles. But it’s all background noise. I’m on the edge of my seat. Miles, my anxiety-sponge, is not in the room.

[W] Garrett [dragonhawke]: oh, it’s cool, don’t worry! I was just waiting to introduce you to everyone.

[W] Garrett [dragonhawke]: theyre kind of rowdy

That… is a huge understatement.

[W] Fenris [Fenris]: ha. i can take it. don’t worry about me.

[W] Garrett [dragonhawke]: Believe me, if you knew them, you’d get why im so worried.

[W] Garrett [dragonhawke]: I can’t leave you alone in their clutches!!!

[W] Fenris [Fenris]: sure. lol.

I really like how he types.

It’s so… blunt? It’s serious, but…

[W] Fenris [Fenris]: so… how are you?

I make a squeak-esque noise.

“He’s definitely talking to him,” Isabela says, wryly.

“I can’t believe he joined.” Anders’ character shakes his head. “Like, really? Really?”

“Like I said earlier, Blondie: love just finds a way,” Varric says.

I grumble something about it not being love (the variables) and he shushes me.

[W] Garrett [dragonhawke]: I’m good! A little tired from work but its fine. I’m in the elf camp making magebane with some guild ppl.

Ha! Now he knows that I don’t sit in front of my laptop all day!

Though I totally would, if I could. …As I’ve proven before.

[W] Fenris [Fenris]: for the market? magebane is in high demand.

[W] Fenris [Fenris]: i think people are doing that new quest. you have to hunt down a blood mage group for it.

[W] Garrett [dragonhawke]: Another addition to the incredibly large pool of blood mage-related quests

[W] Garrett [dragonhawke]: Youd think the developers would get that we’re a little sick of that stuff, u know?

[W] Fenris [Fenris]: evidently not. so annoying.

Are we ‘bantering?’

I like ‘bantering’ with him.

Guild chat lights up.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: k hawke stop monopolizing the new guy thnxxx

“Thanks for that,” I say. She whistles, feigning innocence.

I hop onto guild chat.

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: We are having a delightful conversation actually!

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: idc

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: its great to meet u, fenris!!! :)

I smile.

I mean, I’m still nervous, because my friends are evil.

But…

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: it’s good to meet you, too.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: i like your u/n, isabela.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: oooo someone who appreciates quality taste <3 <3

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: we need more ppl like u in this SHITTY GUILD!!!!!

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: jk we r objectively the best guild

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Damn right we are.

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: If all goes well, we’ll probably be the richest guild, too.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: im quite fond of riches.

They’re evil in the best way possible, maybe.

Fenris seems like he’ll… fit in.

I mean, I don’t know about this Hard in Hightown stuff, but… I’m having a moment of clarity. Compassion.

“Why is his name ‘Fenris’ if his username’s also ‘Fenris?’”

Anders ruins the moment just as I’m about to go into a nostalgic flashback sequence.

“I don’t know. It’s just how it is. He’s Fenris,” I say, because I don’t see why it should matter.

“I’m just saying, maybe it’s a bit redundant?” Anders. “I think I should ask him.”

“No, I think you’re fine.” Stop!

“Blondie,” Varric warns.

“Oh, it’s just some fun! We’re all here for fun!” Anders is unphased.

“I swear, if you freak him out –“ I say, but it’s too late.

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Speaking about usernames: Your name’s ‘Fenris,’ right? So why’s your username Fenris, too? You can change your name whenever, you know. It’s in Settings. Hard to miss.

“Noooo!” I yell. My mic picks up static.

Chat becomes a murmur of general complaints.

“What? It’s just a question!”

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: lmfao only anders

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: why did u type a novel 4 us

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: thats too much 2 read

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: jfc anders

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: use proper indentations n cite ur sources

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: I can barely understand what you’re typing.

“He’s going to get self-conscious,” I say. “He’s going to think we’re judging him. He’s going to leave!”

“Calm down, Hawke,” Aveline says. “It’s not a big deal. Give Fenris some credit. Also, at least you’re not in the Deep Roads.”

This is very true. If I was there instead of her, they’d all probably be dead (I’m bad at multi-tasking). Lacking lyrium dust… And dangerously close to lacking Fenris. The ultimate tragedy.

“Aw, have some faith in Fenny!” Isabela sings. “It’s Anders!”

“At least I’m not calling him ‘Fenny,’” Anders says.

“He doesn’t know, so it doesn’t count,” Isabela states.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: fenris is my name. irl, actually.

“Ooh, pretty!” Isabela croons.

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Huh. Really? Where are you even from? I’ve never heard of a place with names like that.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: it’s complicated. i’d rather not get into it.

“He’s totally lying,” Anders says smugly.

“He doesn’t want to talk about it,” I say. “It’s complicated.” I can hear Zevran’s voice in my head, whispering “leader of the mafia.”

It doesn’t get to me. Because, honestly, if anyone in Wicked Grace is secretly a Mafioso, it’s Varric. That’s all I have to say.

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: If you don’t like it, you can just change it, though. It’s not complicated.

Anders is out to ruin my life, probably.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: no. it’s complicated.

Definitely out to ruin my life.

“Someone’s touchy,” Anders says.

“And someone else lacks all tact,” Isabela retorts.

[WG] Merrill [bloodydaisies]: Fenris I like your name, it is very pretty!!!! :^)

[WG] Merrill [bloodydaisies]: People say my name is weird all the time too but I think they are just jealus

[WG] Merrill [bloodydaisies]: *jealous!!!!

[WG] Merrill [bloodydaisies]: Also I am Merrill the other elf in the guild so I am very VERY happy to meet you! :^D

[WG] Merrill [bloodydaisies]: Lets kill all the people who call us Knife-Ears ok? :^D

“That’s our Daisy,” Varric says, fondly.

“Did I say anything strange? I’ve been thinking about what I should say for ages!” Merrill giggles.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: sure. :)

“He smiled!” Merrill squeals.

I’m still in shock from the Anders thing. My entire life is flashing before my eyes. I see myself, in the 7^th grade, reading copious amounts of The Chronicles of Narnia and stuffing my face with pie.

Good times. Simple times.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Just be a little discreet about killing other players. I have a reputation to maintain.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: PssSSSHAW!

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: U AND UR FANCY SPECIAL IN-GAME TITLE

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: I worked for this title, thank you very much.

Aveline was the first person to complete one of the new solo-quests a few weeks ago... When you do that, you get a title.

These titles are one of a kind and some people take them seriously. Very seriously.

I mean, there are always some special requirements, depending on the quest.

Aveline got the Guard Captain one, mostly to match her username. Honestly, I can’t think of anyone better-suited to it.

I think she had to have a certain amount of constitution (that’s an in-game stat) for the quest… and she also had to have a lot of Player Commendations (which are basically awarded to you if you help people out a lot).

I mean, it’s Aveline. It’s hard not to commend her.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Though anyone throwing racial slurs around likely deserves to die.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Maybe I’ll just happen to be looking the other way.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: sounds good to me.

[WG] Merrill [bloodydaisies]: Yay! :^)

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: awww why dont u ever support my personal vigilantism, big girl :(

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Because your “personal vigilantism” involves too many types of bodily fluids.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Also, pay attention – I think we might have to fight a broodmother soon.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: lmao HOT

Aveline starts laughing. Hard. She tries to cover it up with a coughing fit. But it’s too late. She’s laughing.

Isabela starts laughing, too. “My, Aveline. I didn’t know you were secretly a pervert.”

“I’m laughing at you, you absolute strumpet!”

“What’s a strumpet? Is that a pastry?” Isabela snorts. “Is it filled with cream?”

“Not far off the mark, there, Rivaini,” Varric says.

“Stop!” I’ve never heard Aveline laugh this hard.

Fenris might be weirded out at the silence, though, so I… feel bold. And decide to fill him in.

Not in that way. I’m so glad I didn’t say that out loud. Isabela’s getting in my head…

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: Fenris, we have a voice chatroom and just fyi, Aveline is currently laughing so hard I think she might pass out.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: i don’t blame her. broodmothers are quite sexy.

“I have to leave,” Aveline wheezes. “I have to – I have to go. Right now. I need to get a glass of water.”

“Aw, too much for you, baby?” Isabela croons.

“Shut up!” Aveline hisses. “I’ll be back. I…” She says something else, but her headset’s off, so I can’t tell what it is.

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: she had to go get a glass of water. You finished her off.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: ha.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: are you in the deep roads, isabela? i can help with gathering. and with the… mother.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: oooo yes pls!!!!!!

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: help us deal w mother ;) ;)

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: fyi varric + aveline are here too

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Yep. We’re fighting off legions of Darkspawn while the lovely Isabela is fawning over Fenris.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: u luv me <3

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Of course I do, darling. <3

“You’re both ridiculous,” Anders snickers.

“I’m going to invite him to the voice chat,” Varric declares. “Because I know that Hawke’s too much of a coward to do it.”

“I’m not a coward! I was going to!” I retort.

“Really, Hawke? Then, by all means.”

I stare at the screen. My hands hover over my keyboard.

How do I do this? I… Hey, Fenris. We want to hear your voice.

No. That’s creepy. That’s --

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Hey, Fenris. We want to hear your voice.

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Join our chat. Pretty please?

Dammit, Varric! I accuse him of stealing my line.

“Sorry, Hawkey. I’ll make it up to you, I swear.”

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: well, i don’t have a mic.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: so you can’t hear my voice. not yet.

No! I want to hear your voice right now!

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Aw. You could listen to us blather, though.

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: And you can hear the sound of Hawke’s constant chip-crunching.

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: (He’s a nervous snacker.)

“I am not!”

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: I am not!!!!

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: haha. sure, then.

So… that’s happening.

I throw the bag of BBQ chips off my desk and wipe my fingers off on my shirt (I know, I’m kind of gross).

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: i’ll teleport over to the deep roads and meet you in the room before the mother. wait for me.

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Gotcha. Isabela, add him to the party. I’ll add him to the voice chat in a bit.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: onnn it

“Have fun getting your dust,” Anders says, dryly.

“Oh, we will,” Isabela says. “Have fun… grinding your dust.”

I’m dizzy with emotion. I’m experiencing too much at once right now.

But above all: Fenris. He fits in so well with this… merry band of misfits.

And he didn’t leave. Even though he’s getting the full Wicked Grace experience, all at once.

Like I said… They’re evil, in the best possible way.

“Phase Two of the Operation is going to be a breeze,” Varric states. “I’m just saying.”

Or at least I hope it’s in the best possible way.

Chapter Text

“I never used one of those pre-made ‘Build’ things. I just do whatever I think works.”

“Blood mages are an underused class, so I think that works for you, Merrill.”

“True! I try not to be too overpowered, but…”

“Blood magic’s balanced enough. I mean, it’s not like you aren’t half-dead all the time.”

“Hey!”

I laugh.

Merrill and I are video chatting – I’m taking a break from work (if I have to fix another one of Bodahn’s chairs, my legs will probably give out from under me, too). And, apparently, work is slow for her, so…

Yeah, we’re slacking off.

She’s in the shop with her laptop. Her hair’s in a little bun and the top of her apron says Sabrae in fancy script. A bright purple candle is burning on a table behind her.

It’s a little weird, seeing Merrill outside of the MMO. I mean, when she appeared on-screen, I almost asked her where all the facial tattoos went. That’s how used to these game characters I’ve gotten.

I’m a lost cause.

“Anders always tells me I should’ve been a healer, but I think blood magic is fun,” she says. “I like the animations. They’re very brutal!”

“They really are.” I grin.

“Right? I’m glad I chose this one,” Merrill says. “We’re nice and diverse.” She takes a sip from her juice box.

“All the warrior builds confuse me,” I say. I have 5 different tabs open right now and they all claim different things. “I don’t care about any of this!”

“It’s not like we’re hardcore or anything, so I don’t think it matters,” Merrill states. “Hey, do you like cucumbers?”

“Uh, yeah? They’re pretty good.”

“Tamlen brought me some cucumber soup…” She hops up from her stool and rushes off-screen. She comes back, holding a Styrofoam soup cup. “I’ve never had it. It’s cold!”

I’ve never had cucumber soup, either. “Warm it up, then.”

“No, I mean, it’s meant to be cold!” She opens the cup’s lid and stares at the soup. “It’s supposed to be nice and refreshing in summer.”

“Oh. Let me know how that goes.” I cannot take how cute Merrill is. All the time. Always.

She looks up from the soup. “I will,” she says, seriously.

Before I can reply, there’s this loud ringing noise. I yelp.

“Oh, that must be Isabela!” Merrill says. “Hang on, let me just…” She covers the soup and puts it back down, then scurries over to her laptop (she doesn’t address my high-pitched scream; this is why I adore Merrill). “Darn, my laptop’s volume is set far too high…” She clicks something – probably the “Accept Call” button.

Isabela appears.

And… isn’t wearing a shirt.

“Kitten! Daisy!” Isabela yells. “The cutest members of our sexy guild!”

Okay, never mind – she’s wearing a shirt. It’s just shoulderless and incredibly low-cut.

“Hello!” Merrill chirps.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

“I could ask you the same thing, Kitten!” Isabela winks at me.

I groan. “I don’t know how Bodahn does it. How does one small man break so many chairs?”

“He’s got junk in the trunk,” Isabela states. I snort.

“That would explain it,” Merrill agrees.

“Can’t he bring them in one at a time, rather than all at once?!”

Jokes aside, Bodahn runs a family restaurant called Bodahn & Sons. He couldn’t possibly break all those chairs. Not single-handedly. …His son, Sandal, probably has something to do with that.

“It’s more efficient to bring it all in at once, Kitten! As for me,” Isabela taps her cheek. “I’ve got an appointment! At the dentist’s, in fact.”

“Do you really?” I know Isabela. I know her.

She stares at me. Then she stares at Merrill and grins.

“Of course not. I can only do so much work, you know.”

Isabela works at some office. She hates it. Apparently, she only took the job because she was deluded into thinking that it would be like some sitcom.

“I have news, though. I’m taking a bartending class, so I might be able to get a job as a bartender instead!”

“Oh, that’s lovely! That sounds more like something you would enjoy,” Merrill says.

“I can’t wait to quit,” Isabela groans. “I’m so tired of being told that I’m in inappropriate clothing at work! And, no, Hawke, I wasn’t wearing this shirt there.”

“I knew that! You don’t have to clarify.”

“I’m just saying. I have big boobs. Why do they care?” She’s super pissed.

“I think your boobs are lovely, Isabela,” Merrill says.

“I agree,” I say. “Very lovely.”

“Thank you. They are lovely.” She smirks. “Anyway, fuck that. I know that Kitten’s slacking off, but what about our little Daisy?”

“It’s a quiet day today, so I thought I’d relax a bit!” Merrill points to the purple candle burning behind her. “Do you smell that? …Oh, I suppose you can’t… But it’s a very relaxing scent! We got a new shipment in today!”

“I’d kill to go into your hippie store at least once,” I say, because I would. I love scented candles. You don’t know true bliss until you’ve sat back in a warm bath with four vanilla-scented candles burning away around you.

Yes, I take bath time very seriously.

“It’s not a hippie store,” Merrill says, but the way she’s smiling totally means that it is.

“Please. You sell every type of candle imaginable in there.” Isabela stretches. “Even the weird ones. Like… Man Town. Didn’t you get Man Town for Anders last year?”

“I did. I think he liked it!” Merrill beams.

“Anders would like Man Town,” I say. He didn’t really patronize Fenris after his little interrogation last night… but I’m still wary. Very wary. I mean, don’t get me wrong: I adore Anders. But he’s… an experience. A wild ride. Not for the faint of heart. Or the easily annoyed.

“How does Man Town even smell?” Isabela props her chin up on her hand. “Like a locker room?”

“Um…” Merrill furrows her brow in concentration. “I think it smells like an armpit. But a nice one.”

“A nice armpit?” I can’t believe it.

“Yes!” Merrill smiles. “Very musky.”

“I’ll have to ask Anders about that later,” I say, trying to keep a straight face.

“Please do,” Isabela winks at me.

“Don’t you dare try to set me up with him!” One operation is… already one too much, really.

“What? Fuck no! I’d never!” She looks at me as if I’ve just grown a second head.

“What was that wink?!” I’ve become hypersensitive to Isabela’s shenanigans. Every little action can seal my fate.

“It’s just a reflex!” Isabela snorts. “You and Anders…” She starts laughing.

“That would never work,” Merrill says. “Never.”

“What kind of person would Anders even date?!” Isabela’s still laughing.

“Someone very, very interested in the mage subplot of a MMO,” I say, dryly.

“Ooh, they have to love cats, too!” Merrill adds.

Isabela's practically crying.

“Merrill?” There’s suddenly this voice I don’t recognize.

“Oh. Oh, yes, Marethari!” Merrill glances away from her laptop. “I’m coming!” She turns back to us. “Sorry, Garrett, Isabela! I have to go!”

“Her boss,” I whisper.

“Uh oh,” Isabela whispers back; she's still a bit giggly.

Merrill gives a quick little wave and then her video call window goes black.

“She’ll be fine, Marethari’s... nice.” At least from what Merrill’s told me, she seems nice.

“No one was there, anyway. And she was advertising Man Town.” Isabela wrinkles her nose. “God! Who even makes a candle like that?!”

I laugh. “Oh, right. We were looking at some builds earlier. I’m trying to be an un-shitty tank.”

“An un-shitty tank?” She raises an eyebrow. “You? Impossible.”

“I love having your support. It means a lot to me.”

“I’m just messing with you, Kitten,” Isabela says. She blows me a kiss. “Don’t bother with what those nerds on the forums say. You’re doing fine! I mean, we have two other tanks now, so you can afford to be lazy!”

“I don’t want Fenris to think I’m bad at the game or anything!” That’s the Number One Fear, at this point. Fenris… Thinking that I’m inept.

I have an image to maintain. I swooped in and rescued him from a mob of skeletons! …Which he could’ve probably dealt with himself. Judging by how quickly the Broodmother fight went last night, he knows what he’s doing.

“Hey, if he doesn’t love your awful tanking, then he’s not worth your time,” Isabela says. She reaches into a drawer and pulls out a bottle of whiskey. “And, believe me, I’m sure he’ll love it.”

“Isabela, it’s the middle of the day.”

“I know.” She yanks the cap off and takes a long sip.

“Garrett.”

“Holy shit!” I jump.

Carver’s standing in my doorway. Miles is by his side.

“Oh my, looks like the kitten’s in trouble.” Isabela giggles.

“H-How did you -?!” Oh, right. The spare key. I really need to take that back.

Carver’s flushed and glaring at me. Miles, on the other hand, is indifferent.

I turn back to Isabela. “I, uh, have to go.”

“I can see that. Have fun!” She knocks more whiskey back ask I close my laptop.

Shit. Now I have to face him. I turn around slowly. Very slowly. I do my best Garrett Grin (which is supposedly very charming if you squint).

“Who were you talking to?” His voice sounds weirdly throaty.

“Uh, Isabela?” I stand up and adjust my work shirt. “You’ve talked to her before.”

“No… Not her.” He frowns. “The… Other one.”

“Uh, Merrill?” Now that I think about it, Carver doesn’t know Merrill. I don’t think they’ve ever talked, but I know I’ve mentioned her to him before.

Carver just stares at me. It gets weird. Miles snorts and waddles over to me.

“I’m ready to fix more chairs!” I say, half-heartedly, in an attempt to snap my brother out of whatever trance-like state he’s trapped himself in. He blinks a few times and rubs at his face.

“Yeah. Chairs. Right. Come on. Mom’s going to kill you.”

I’m surprised that Carver didn’t kill me, to be honest. But I’m not complaining.

~

“Why are we doing this again?!”

Isabela, Fenris, Merrill and I are standing by the entrance to a dungeon. I usually hate all dungeons equally, but… this one? This one. The Bone Pit. It’s my second-least favorite one in the game.

(My least favorite’s the Deep Roads. I swear, if you invite me to a party and somehow con me into going into the Deep Roads, I will disconnect. I don’t care if you’re a party of three mages, all oriented around healing. I will leave you all in the dust. That’s just how life works sometimes.)

“We need a Dragon’s Fang for the Herbalist quest,” Isabela says. “And The Bone Pit’s final boss is…”

“A dragon!” Merrill announces.

Party chat lights up.

[P] Fenris [Fenris]: i hate this place.

He can hear us, but we can’t hear him yet. He said he’d buy a headset, soon… Anyway. He’s stuck typing in Party chat until then. It was kind of awkward at first, but now… I think I’m used to it.

“See?! Fenris is with me on this one!” I’m so pissed. “We don’t even have a healer!”

“Anders had to run off at the last minute,” Isabela says. Her character puts a hand on her hip and starts tapping her foot impatiently. “Something about a ‘deal gone bad.’ Who knows? Who cares? We have Merrill!”

“Merrill, I adore you and all, but you can’t heal. In fact, you do the opposite of healing.”

[P] Fenris [Fenris]: even if we had a healer…

[P] Fenris [Fenris]: i’d still hate this place.

[P] Fenris [Fenris]: did any of you read about its history? atrocious.

“Ooh, yes! The slave overseer man!” Merrill says. “He’d throw his slaves to the dragons. Very nasty.”

I groan. “Let’s just go back to Kirkwall and work on crafting stuff.”

“Kitten, that is the attitude of a loser!” Isabela declares.

Whisper chat flashes.

[W] Isabela [likebigboats69]: STOP BEING SUCH A PANSY U WIMPY L O S E R

[W] Isabela [likebigboats69]: be a big strong boy for fenris plz

[W] Isabela [likebigboats69]: its hard to make u seem appealing when ur a whiny baby

[W] Garrett [dragonhawke]: but I don’t like dungeons!!!!!!

She does have a point. But I’m not going to admit it.

“Ugh. Fine. Fine! Just…” Miles is licking my foot. A lot. “Argh! Miles! Stop! That’s a distraction!” I nudge him away with my other foot.

[W] Isabela [likebigboats69]: DO NOT START THE DOG TALK I AM CHANGING THE SUBJECT IMMEDIATELY

“Good! Well then, let’s be off!” Isabela charges into the cave.

Dungeon [ The Bone Pit ] commenced.

“Let’s kill the dragon!” Merrill runs in after her.

I groan again. “Fenris, I’m so, so sorry.”

[P] Fenris [Fenris]: it’s fine. let’s make the most of it.

~

The Bone Pit Mines are so gross. They're mossy and muddy and every time a giant spider leaps down on us, I scream. Merrill does, too. Though she seems to think they’re cute. So I guess they’re screams of glee.

Isabela will not stop laughing at me, but she’s being good-natured about it.

Fenris seems to be enjoying himself, too. (If he had a mic, I’d know for sure…)

I’m trying my best to be a good tank, but… He holds aggro so well. You can’t even tell that I suck, actually.

He’s just that good.

He keeps spouting off random bits of lore about the mine, but he keeps it appropriate and short (unlike a certain mage we all know and love), so it’s… nice. It makes me wish that I paid attention to that sort of thing. So we could have something to talk about.

Every time he types something, I just stare at the text and say “uh-huh” over and over. “Wow,” too. I say “wow” a lot.

Uh-huh. Wow.

But that’s okay, right? Enthusiasm’s great! And it’s not like I’m trying to be appealing to him…

Okay, maybe a little.

He lands a particularly flashy attack on a particularly large spider labelled ‘Spider Queen.’ He glows light blue and soars through it.

It slowly sags to the ground, its HP reduced to 0.

“Wow!” I say. “Fenris, you’re – that was amazing.”

[P] Fenris [Fenris]: thanks. i like trying out cross-class stuff.

“Impressive!” Isabela slices right through a giant spider. “You should teach Hawkey here how to tank properly. He’s a mess.”

“I’m only partially a mess, actually,” I say as I finish off a giant spider, myself.

[P] Fenris [Fenris]: i think you’re fine.

Whisper chat flashes. I hesitate before switching tabs.

[W] Isabela [likebigboats69]: HE THINKS UR FINEEEEEEEEE

I make a suspiciously moany noise (what the fuck, self) but skillfully morph said noise into a cough. I switch back to Party chat, because I can’t possibly reply to that. I can’t do it.

[P] Fenris [Fenris]: i enjoy the classes of this mmo because they don’t have set molds to fill.

[P] Fenris [Fenris]: you might not be an amazing tank, but you do a lot of damage. most tanks cannot.

[P] Fenris [Fenris]: if you add some more constitution, you’d be a threat to other warriors. particularly if they are focused on pure tank builds.

[P] Fenris [Fenris]: in a solo pvp battle, for example, you’d easily overpower them.

I’m bright red.

That may just be the nicest thing anyone’s ever told me about my gaming skills. Ever. I can’t form words. I just stare at the screen.

“Ooh, Fenris! You know what you’re talking about!” Merrill coos. “I’m so glad you joined us! I have an idea. Why don’t you teach Garrett how to be stronger?!”

Oh my god.

Did Merrill just start Phase Two of Operation: Hard in Hightown?

Is that an actual thing that just happened?

Of all the people… Merrill?

“Uh, you don’t have to! I’m kinda working stuff out. Gradually.” I don’t want to bother him or come across as too needy. That… would be bad. It’s good that he doesn’t think that I suck, though. Very good.

He thinks I’m fine.

“But Garrett, you went through so many builds online! And you couldn’t understand a single one!”

He wasn’t supposed to know that, Merrill.

[P] Fenris [Fenris]: that’s okay. i don’t understand half of those, either.

[P] Fenris [Fenris]: i will help you if you want help.

“Oh, he wants help,” Isabela cackles.

“Shut up!” My cheeks are still burning. I’m so glad we’re not video chatting. So glad. “It’s rough, trying to work it all out on my own!” I laugh and sound kind of unhinged.

I will help you if you want help.

Miles hops up onto my bed.

That’s usually a no-Miles zone, but I’ll let it slide.

I will help you if you want help.

Whisper chat flashes.

[W] Merrill [bloodydaisies]: You are welcome Garrett <3 :^)

I can’t believe it. Merrill’s a mastermind. A tiny cucumber soup-consuming mastermind.

“Anyway, it’s time for the big boss!” Isabela announces. She pumps a fist into the air.

We’re all standing around, covered in blood and surrounded by spider corpses.

[P] Fenris [Fenris]: yes. we should move on.

“Ooh, I’m so excited! I love fighting these things. They’re so big!” I can hear Merrill clap her hands together. “Let me just cast a quick buff…” She glows red. I don’t get blood magic at all.

I have no idea how we’re not dead yet, honestly.

Isabela, the epitome of a sensible rogue, charges into the boss’ room first. We rush in after her.

We’re not in the cave anymore. Now… we’re on a stone platform, facing a particularly bleak landscape. The dragon screeches at us, then soars down. Its wings are dark purple. They block out the sun.

I love dragons. I really do.

“I love dragons!” I say as it lands and spews flames all over me.

“No shit,” Isabela retorts. She pulls her daggers out. “Ready?”

“Yes!” Merrill says.

“Alrighty!” I’m still aflame, but I grab my sword and slash at the dragon’s face.

[ Friendly Fire Mode Activated - likebigboats69 ]

“Wha –”

Isabela slices right through me.

Quickly. Brutally.

She stands in front of me and twirls her daggers, then sheaths them in one fluid motion.

And I… am dead.

“ISABELA?!” I yell. Miles snorts and writhes around in my bed. “Isabela, what the fuck was –”

“Sorry, Kitten. Gotta stick to my guns,” she starts slashing away at the dragon. “And you abandoned me last time.”

Oh my god.

The Darkspawn.

Bethany! Zevran! It’s their fault!

“That wasn’t my fault! I can’t believe it! Murder! Foul play! I -”

My poor flaming corpse glows red. The red aura leads to Merrill’s character.

“What the fuck?!”

She gains a ton of HP.

“It’d be an awful waste,” she explains.

[P] Fenris [Fenris]: grim sacrifice. nice.

Blood magic! “Buff” my ass! I was plotted against!

“I’ve been cruelly betrayed!” I mourn for my poor character.

“Oh, suck it up,” Isabela says.

“Et tu, Brute?!”

Isabela and Merrill start laughing. Fenris probably is, too.

I wish I could hear him.

And I kind of hate myself for wishing that I could hear him… because… the variables. I don’t even know him…

Despite it all, I start cracking up.

I watch them bring the Dragon down, and I pretend to be offended when Merrill innocently states that it would’ve taken longer if I was alive.

(She’s right, though. I love dragons too much for me to be of any use when fighting them. I tend to get distracted by how cool their wings are.)

Isabela grabs the Dragon Fang and we warp back to Kirkwall.

As Isabela hands it over to the Herbalist NPC, my Whisper window flashes.

[W] Fenris [Fenris]: let me know if you want to go over warrior stuff.

[W] Fenris [Fenris]: i’d honestly be happy to help you.

My chest hurts from laughing so hard and my cheeks still burn. Merrill and Isabela are oblivious - they're too busy mocking the Herbalist NPC's awful hairstyle.

And... Even though I don't want him to know just how inept I truly am... 

Even though it's a risk, and there's still all these variables...

I want to get to know him. 

[W] Garrett [dragonhawke]: I’d really, really like that!

Chapter Text

“He said he’d help me get better at the game and I accepted.”

“Goodness, Gare!” Zevran cackles. “Making your move, eh? You have such charm.”

I groan. I’m sprawled out on my couch… like a beached whale. I have no idea where Miles is.

Work was tough and I don’t have the energy to deal with Wicked Grace right now, especially since there’s this new Fenris development.

He said he’d be happy to help me. Happy to help me.

I groan again and roll onto my side, balancing my phone on my shoulder.

“And yet, you do not seem thrilled. Why is that?”

Zevran’s my go-to when it comes to this sort of thing. He understands my incoherent groaning.

“Because…” I groan some more. “Because he’ll find out that I suck!”

“Calm down. He said you were fine, did he not?” I keep forgetting that Isabela and Zevran are friends.

“I rely on luck! Adrenaline! Momentum!” I gesticulate wildly. “Not stats and builds and rotations!”

“I swear, it is like you are speaking in a different language,” Zevran mutters. “Ah! Hold still!”

“What?” I’m still. I’m on a couch. “Why do you want me to be still?” I sit up. “What are you doing?!”

“Not you, you dork,” Zevran says. “I’m braiding Cousland’s hair.”

Cousland. Tall, scary, pierced Cousland… With a braid in his hair.

“He’s letting you braid his hair?”

“Yes.”

“Cousland’s letting you braid his hair?”

“Yes.”

“Right. So, when’s the wedding?”

“Shush!” Zevran splutters. “Why… You! Do not tease me just because you cannot face your serial killer boyfriend!”

“He’s not a serial killer!”

“Prove it.”

“He’s just not! Also, he’s not my boyfriend!”

“He will not ever be if you cannot talk to him, one-on-one! So get it together.”

“I’m just not like you!” I flop back down onto the couch.

“Oh? And what is that supposed to mean?”

“You were sucking Cousland’s face before you even knew his name!”

“And look at how far I’ve gotten,” Zevran says smugly. “You helped me with that, you know. So drop the pathetic act before I go over there and make you.”

“You’re not going anywhere,” Cousland grunts in the background.

I groan some more.

“Listen, come whining to me when he is visiting you in real life,” Zevran says. “I will help you look, ah, presentable.”

“I’m totally presentable. At all times.”

“You tuck your work shirt into your pants, Gare.”

“Excuse me for trying to maintain professionalism!”

“Whatever.” Zevran clears his throat. “Now, if you will excuse me, I am tired of listening to you whine and am in desperate need of a ravishing. See you tomorrow, Gare!”

“Right. Thanks!” I say. “Don’t go overboard and call in sick. I’ll know the truth.”

“No promises!” Zevran laughs and hangs up.

I drop my phone on the floor, flop over onto my stomach and groan. Then I flop onto my back and stare at my ceiling fan.

Honestly? I’m perfectly content with being single. Really. I’m not the kind of person who actively seeks that sort of stuff out, especially since my last relationship was a mess in every sense of the word.

This might be stating the obvious, but… I’m awful at meeting people.

Like... How do you even meet people?

I’m not a party person at all. I have no tolerance, alcohol-wise, and I’m awful at dealing with drunk people. One time, in college, a drunk guy tried to make out with me and I punched him in the face. Needless to say, I didn’t go to many parties after that.

Not that there’s anything wrong with going out. I just like quiet things. Books. Games. Et cetera. I like carpentry, because I’m good at fixing things. Quietly. There’s no fuss, unless I want to complain or whatever.

Repetitiveness aside, it felt good to repair Bodahn’s chairs.

It felt even better when Bethany tricked Carver into sitting on one which wasn’t fixed up yet.

You’d think I’d be more-or-less content to be a hermit (once I can keep Miles around), but I crave attention. All the time. The majority of my friends (Wicked Grace) are so far away from me, and yet… The amount of nagging which goes down… You’d think we were neighbors or something.

I mean, sometimes you’re just not physically close to all the people who you’re emotionally close to. Life works out like that. And that’s okay.

Think about it – if you only interacted with people who’re near to you, you’d be limiting yourself… a lot.

Distance can suck, but we’re all people and our connections don’t have a limit. We have phones. Instant messaging. Video chatting. Ridiculously overrated MMOs. All these amazing things… And there’s ways of meeting up, too. Planes! Cars! Boats!

Overcome with emotion, I hug a pillow. I love my friends, even though they’re all evil and conniving.

Even Merrill. I can’t believe it.

Aerosmith’s I Don’t Want to Miss A Thing starts blaring from the general direction of my phone.

I sing along to it a little before checking the Caller ID. Anders. The least-likely person to nag me about Fenris stuff.

“Hey,” I say, cautiously.

“Garrett.” He sounds out of breath. “Garrett! I need a favor!”

“What kind of favor?” I ask, even more cautiously.

“I need you to do a search for me.”

“A search? Like, on Google?”

“Yeah, sure! Whatever!”

This is so Anders. “Why can’t you do it yourself?!”

“Because… I just can’t!”

“This is really suspicious, I’ll have you know,” I say, because it is.

“Look, I need you to look up the engine that the MMO runs on.”

“The MMO we play together?”

There’s a long pause.

“No, Garrett. Any random MMO.”

“What? That doesn’t make any sense –”

Anders lets out a frustrated, throat-gurgle noise. “Yes, Garrett, the engine of the one we play!”

“But you just said –”

He gurgles some more.

“This sounds illegal. I want no part in illegal activities,” I state.

“It’s not illegal! It’s just a Google search!”

“Which you can’t do, so there has to be something illegal about it!”

“Fine, fine.” Anders grunts. “I’ll just ask Merrill.”

I make a mental note to text Merrill as soon as possible. “What are you planning?”

“Nothing. What’s up?” Anders is all pleasant now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not that gullible, I just don’t actually want to know about what he’s scheming… So changing the subject seems like the best option.

“I’m just being pathetic. I was talking to Zevran about it. Now I’m just staring at a ceiling fan.”

“Who’s Zevran?” Oh, right, I guess Anders never met Zevran.

They wouldn’t get along. At all.

“He’s my friend.”

“You have friends?”

I sit up. “Ha, ha, ha!” I laugh monotonously. “That’s funny! Thank you!”

“I’ll be here all night,” Anders says; I can tell that he’s grinning. “Speaking of which, are you going online tonight?”

“I dunno yet. Maybe.” I stretch.

Miles wanders into the living room, holding a chew toy in his mouth and looking pleased with himself.

“You should. I think Varric said something about another guild member.”

“ANOTHER WHAT?!” I launch myself off the couch and startle Miles, who drops his chew toy.

“Eh, it’s still a maybe at his point,” Anders says. “A guy left his big-name guild and he somehow knows your weird boyfriend.”

“Please don’t call him weird, and definitely do not call him my boyfriend,” I say. “Are you online?!”

“Not right now, no. I was trying to do some, uh, research.” Right, the reason he called me. Right.

“I’m going to get on!” I scramble up the stairs and into my room.

“I’ll join you soon,” Anders says. “I just have to do some stuff.”

“Okay, don’t do anything illegal.”

“I told you –”

I hang up on him and throw my phone onto my bed, then dive in front of my laptop and turn it on. As stuff loads up, I glance back at the doorframe. I think I pissed Miles off, because he didn’t follow me. Oops.

I log into the MMO and, sure enough, Varric and Aveline are online. I activate voice chat and pull my headset on.

“ – I’m just saying, it’s suspicious. Why is he looking to join our guild when he has a perfectly good one waiting for him?” Aveline asks.

“Who knows? It doesn’t matter -- just look at his stats!” Varric replies.

“Are we getting a new guild member?!” I blurt out.

“It’s still a maybe. We’re with him in Kirkwall right now.” Aveline sighs.

“Red’s making this more difficult than it should be. He’s in Holy Armor! Look at his belt!” Varric’s really excited. “It’s Andraste. He has an Andraste belt. That’s incredible.”

“That is pretty incredible,” I say.

“He was a member of Chant of Light,” Aveline says. “Yes. The Chant of Light.”

“Holy shit!” Chant of Light’s one of the most popular guilds in the game. They’re hardcore. They even have custom armor… Some members speak solely in lore terms. Andraste… The Maker… All of that. They make me nervous. Every time I see a member, I feel unworthy. I don’t know much about lore. I feel like their unparalleled knowledge will somehow cause me to burst into flames.

In real life.

“Indeed.” Aveline sighs again. “He was also a member of Starkhaven before he joined Chat of Light. He was actually next in line to lead Starkhaven.”

“So he’s doubly important? And he wants to join our guild? An important person?” I babble.

“Yep. He minds his manners, too, unlike the entirety of Wicked Grace.” Varric laughs. “I guess the Elf’s polite enough. Daisy has her moments. Anyway, his name’s Sebastian. Username’s ‘exiled prince.’ That’s one word. Exiledprince.”

“Anders said he knows him! Fenris, I mean.” I can’t form sentences properly. This is happening too fast. “I mean -- Fenris knows the new guy.”

“Allegedly,” Varric replies. “Come see for yourself, Hawke.”

“Oh, god. No. I’m bad with new people.” I walk over to a nearby bench (I spawned at the Dalish elf camp) and sit next to a grumpy-looking bearded NPC. “I’m just confused! Where are they coming from?!”

“That’s what I’d like to know,” Aveline huffs. “Listen, I’m not against him joining, but his track record’s a bit shaky. We might get Wicked Grace involved in something we’re not prepared for.”

“It’s just a game, Red,” Varric says, smoothly. “What’s the worst they could do? Call us naughty things?”

“I have a reputation to maintain. Also, you’re being too friendly with him,” Aveline retorts.

“And you’re being too hostile. He’s so cutesy and unassuming! Look at his proper grammar and syntax!”

“Do we need another rogue?”

“Hey,” Varric gets serious. “You can never have enough rogues.”

“Here, here!” Isabela [ likebigboats69 ] is online.

“Rivaini! You got my text!” Varric’s overjoyed.

“I did. I also just got home from work. They had me working overtime, can you believe that?!” Isabela groans. “Where is he? Where’s the priest? I’m ready to corrupt him!”

“I can’t believe you summoned the temptress,” Aveline mutters.

“I figured we needed Isabela’s womanly charm,” Varric says. “To, you know… Speed the process.”

“Hey!” Aveline snaps.

“No offense, Red, but I think your type of womanly charm’s doing the opposite of that."

“How does he look? Someone needs to send me a screenshot,” I squeak.

“I’ll do it. Ooh! He’s so cute! Look at his hair!” Isabela squeals.

This… is good. They’ll have someone else to harass. Someone who’s not Fenris.

Fenris.

My stomach does a few flips.

“Urgh.” The flips make me nauseated.

“You okay, Hawke?” Aveline asks.

“I… yeah…” I mutter.

Click.

“Kitten, go on the IM client. I’m sending you the file.”

I tab out of the MMO and open our IM client. Isabela immediately sends me the file, and I download it.

“Bloody hell, he types like a nerd.” Isabela cackles.

“He types like a choir boy. I bet he’s a choir boy,” Varric states.

“What did I tell you about fabricating elaborate backstories for people you don’t know?” Aveline asks monotonously.

“It’s no fun if I just write it down!” Varric exclaims.

It’s weird listening to them without that much context, but I’m already forming a mental picture.

Download complete. I click “Open” and am presented with…

A startlingly high-definition screenshot of Fenris and me, fighting off the skeletons.

“Oh my god.”

Fenris looks so pro. He’s scowling and glowing. He’s ferocious! I’m…yelling. My mouth is wide open. Significantly less ferocious.

“Oh my god!”

“I fixed it up in Photoshop!” Isabela announces. “Isn’t it gorgeous?”

“Have you already started manipulating images of Sebastian?” Aveline sounds so tired.

“No, that was one dedicated to the budding Hawke-Fenris romance,” Isabela replies. “Here’s Sebastian, kitten.”

“Oh my god,” I repeat.

She sends another file.

Varric and Isabela start laughing. Aveline groans.

“Isabela…”

They’re messing with Sebastian. I want no part in this, but I do hope that he joins… Especially since he’s Fenris’ friend…

Fenris. Urgh. More stomach flips.

Where is Miles?!

“Miles!” I call out. “C’mere, boy!”

No one reacts. Not even Miles.

I open the file Isabela sent.

Sebastian’s impressive. Brown hair, slicked back. Light brown skin and very blue eyes. His Holy Armor is white and gold (and, yes, he does have the Andraste belt). It looks expensive. He has a fancy bow strapped onto his back.

“Fenris knows this guy.” I’m suddenly very self-conscious.

Fenris knows a guy with an Andraste belt.

That belt’s worth more than me… And all my savings.

In real life.

I frown.

“Jeez, kitten. Why don’t you come over here?” Isabela asks. “You need to pass judgment, too!”

“I’m fine over here.” I sulk. Why did I even come online?! “He looks fancy.”

Anders [ magerightsactivist ] is online.

Anders appears on my screen – he’s standing a few feet away.

“What’s going on?” He asks.

“We’re talking with the possible recruit,” Aveline replies. “In the chat window, obviously. No microphones. He can’t hear us.”

“And we’re in Kirkwall,” Isabela adds.

Ever faithful to his Kirkwall boycott, Anders makes a gagging sound. “Wait… Why’s Hawke sitting on a bench all by his lonesome?”

“I’m being kept updated,” I say.

Anders runs up to me. “Have you finally realized how oppressive Kirkwall is?!”

“No.” I roll my eyes, even though I know Anders can’t see that. “I’m still getting over the trauma of one new person. I don’t want to say something weird and spawn another Operation: Hard in Hightown.”

“You wound me, Hawke!” Varric chuckles.

“That’s exactly how it happened!” I exclaim, because it totally is.

“For starters, we’re not in Hightown right now.” Wow, Varric, that makes all the difference! “And we’re taking the real Operation very seriously. You and the Elf are meant to be. I’m telling you.”

“Right! Sure!” I say.

Anders walks over and takes a seat next to me.

“Did you hear that he’s going to teach Hawke some one-on-one stuff?” Isabela giggles.

“He is?!” Anders sounds genuinely surprised.

“Meant. To. Be,” Varric repeats.

“I don’t know how I feel about Fenris,” Anders says. “He’s too uptight.”

I frown again.

“You’re just bitter because he’s not afraid to call you out when you’re being a tit,” Aveline retorts.

She’s always got my back.

“Ugh, he needs to sign in.” Isabela sighs. “I want to see how familiar he is with Sebastian!”

“What if they’re dating?” Anders asks, in a carefully disinterested way, which makes his question sting even more.

I hate that it stings.

“They’re not. He’s single.” Isabela responds quickly. “I asked him after the Bone Pit.”

I let out a sigh of relief… But then I realize… Isabela! Probing for personal details!

“Don’t probe him for personal details!”

“Give me a break, kitten,” Isabela replies. “I know you’re relieved.”

Why does she know me so well?!

I say nothing.

“Someone should send me a screenshot of Sebastian,” Anders says.

“I’ll do it.” I open the client and send over the same screenshot that Isabela took. “Isabela took it, by the way.”

Fenris [ Fenris ] is online.

My stomach does the flip thing. Again.

Why me?

“Yes!” Isabela cheers. “Fenris! You’re finally here!”

I almost forgot that he can hear us… He’s online in the IM Client, yet still mic-less.

“We’re in Kirkwall with Sebastian,” Varric adds.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: he contacted wicked grace?

“Yes! How long have you two known each other?!” Isabela’s conspiratory tone is back. “He’s so fucking fancy! He has a small Andraste head above his dick!”

“Holy shit, he does!” Ah, yeah, Anders has the screenshot and is probably in the process of scrutinizing Sebastian’s choice in belt buckles.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: yeah… he does.

I snort. That reaction… It’s so Fenris.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: we’re more like acquaintances.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: he tried to get me to join chant of light a few times.

Wait…

He got invited to Chant of Light multiple times? And he joined Wicked Grace?!

“This right here proves that we’re better than everyone else,” Varric says.

My whisper chat window flashes.

[W] Varric [siegeharder]: Congrats, Hawke. You recruited a guy who refused Chant of Light.

[W] Varric [siegeharder]: L-O-L.

[W] Garrett [dragonhawke]: I am so confused right now, you dont even know

[W] Varric [siegeharder]: I’m not. :)

Dammit!

I tab back into Guild Chat.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: ha. perhaps.

“I like that you’re all ignoring Sebastian while I’m left answering his endless questions,” Aveline says wryly.

“Love ya, big girl!” Isabela coos.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: i’ll be in kirkwall soon.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: i’m setting up something. i. uh.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: bought that headset thing.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: that’s why i’m kind of late.

He…

He bought a headset.

Oh my god. Fenris. Voice!

Fenris’ voice!

“Woah!” I say intelligently. “You got one?!”

“Finally!” Isabela yells.

“Great, now I don’t have to keep reading every little thing you say,” Anders says.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: aw. i’m touched that you actually read what i have to say, anders.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: it’s an honor.

“Yeah, yeah!” Anders grumbles.

“Okay, that’s Fenris’ number one priority right now,” Varric states. “Aveline, Isabela and I will deal with Sebastian. And…” He pauses. “Hawke. Blondie. Why are you even here?”

“I’m just seeking companionship,” I say.

“I think I’ll go level.” Anders gets off the bench and runs off.

“Thanks, Anders.”

“Aveline, you’re being mean!” Isabela wails.

“I’m not! I’m asking a simple question!”

“What did she ask?” My voice sounds more throaty than usual and I can’t stop bouncing my leg in place.

“I just asked why he doesn’t want to go back to Starkhaven instead. He’s supposed to lead that guild, isn’t he?”

“It’d be nice if we could recruit someone without hounding them down for details about their past,” I say, wistfully.

“Hmph,” Aveline says.

But that’s the least of my concerns.

Fenris’ voice.

I’ve thought about it before, but… I don’t know what to expect. Will it be low? High? Soft? Loud? Will he have an accent? The first time I heard Varric’s voice, I totally freaked out. It’s so… warm. God, what if Fenris has a Varric voice?! I’ll die.

Everyone’s chattering about Sebastian (well, everyone except Fenris, who’s setting stuff up), but I can’t focus on what they’re saying.

I feel like I’m about to have an emotion overload.

Fenris has been listening to my voice, and I’m about to listen to his. What does he even think about my voice? My voice cracks a lot. I also tend to talk too fast. I’ve been accused of blabbering a lot.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: okay, it’s ready.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: i think.

I’m not!

I’m not ready!

“Yes!” Isabela doesn’t even try to tone down her excitement.

“It’s a shame that Merrill’s not here for this,” Aveline murmurs.

“Why? It’s not like he’ll never talk again,” Anders points out.

“Alright, kids… Let’s give the Elf an opportunity to speak,” Varric says.

“I’m the same age as you!” Aveline says, indignant. Varric just laughs.

The chat goes silent.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: i’m sorry. i don’t know what to say.

Fuck, that’s cute.

Everyone laughs… except for me. I’m red. Bright red. I need to control myself.

I don’t trust myself with words (or actions) right now. I’m sitting rigidly… I’m barely breathing.

“Alright! Alright!” Isabela claps her hands together. “Say this. Say –”

“No. Not that.” Aveline (rightfully) interrupts. Isabela makes a loud protesting noise. “Just say… ‘Hello. This is Fenris.’”

“Boring,” Isabela mutters.

“…Okay. Hello. This is Fenris.”

Holy shit.

Isabela squeals. Loudly.

His voice…

It’s deep. It’s low. It’s sharp and quiet and he has this distinct accent which shakes me to my core. Have you ever felt a sound in your body? Because… I can now say that I have.

I can feel it in my face. In my chest. In my stomach.

And… somewhere else, too.

I cover my face with my hands. Varric launches into a speech about how great technology is.

Fenris laughs softly. Quietly. It’s more of a short chuckle, really. It suits him… It’s Fenris.

And I feel sensitive. Too sensitive.

I’m the 16-year-old staring up at the most attractive guy in the school. The guy who’s out of my league. He’s walking up to me and asking me where the teacher’s photocopied worksheets are. And I open my mouth but no words come out, so he just stares at me as if I’m some kind of really uncool fish monster and it all goes to hell.

Except that guy was an ass. And Fenris… Isn’t an ass.

I, however, am still a coward.

“Not that I don’t appreciate the speech, Varric, but I think we have to deal with Sebastian,” Fenris says, in his Fenris voice which I wasn’t ready for at all.

“I agree,” Aveline says. “Though it is nice to hear you, Fenris. Feels like you’re really a member of the guild now.”

“Hm,” Fenris says.

Whisper chat flashes.

[W] Isabela [likebigboats69]: OMG R U HEARING THIS GUY!!!

I can’t even reply. I’m trying to breathe.

This is how Garrett Hawke does romance, everyone. Let it be known.

[W] Isabela [likebigboats69]: are u afk hawke wtf

[W] Garrett [dragonhawke]: No im here

[W] Isabela [likebigboats69]: r u ok???

I’m okay. I’m just overwhelmed and on a bench far away from Kirkwall.

That’s when I hear dog feet. I turn around to see Miles bounding into the room, his chew toy in his mouth.

“Miles!” I yell without thinking. At least my dog forgives me.

[W] Isabela [likebigboats69]: hawke i s2g.

[W] Isabela [likebigboats69]: if u start this dog talk now im gunna kill u. again.

[W] Isabela [likebigboats69]: im gunna warp to the dalish fuckin camp and im going to kill you.

“Miles?” Fenris asks.

He’s talking to me. He’s talking to me.

My fight or flight reflex kicks in. And I can’t fight, because there’s nothing to fight against (well, except myself, maybe). So that leaves…

Flight.

“Sorry, guys!” I say. “Miles finally forgave me, so I’m going for a walk with him!”

Miles waddles up to me and looks at me. Adorably.

[W] Isabela [likebigboats69]: u are a fuckin pansy.

[W] Isabela [likebigboats69]: i cant believe it.

“It’s been way too long,” I say, even though I walked him this morning. “Good luck with Sebastian! And I’mgladyouhaveamicnow, Fenris!”

“Thanks,” Fenris says. He sounds confused.

“Typical,” Anders says.

“Talk to you later!” I say.

“See ya, Hawke,” Varric says. “Give Miles a big kiss for me.”

“Will do.” Can we please not discuss kissing right now?!

“Bye, Garrett,” Fenris says.

“Bye!” I’m speaking at a shamefully high pitch...

I slam my laptop shut and take my headset off.

Miles puts his chew toy by my feet and gives me his signature critical stare.

“Don’t even!” I get up and walk over to my bed. “Don’t even start!”

He whines pitifully.

“I know I’m pathetic,” I say. “I know that.” I grab my phone and start dialing a number before I can even process what’s happening. Then I press the Call button and wait.

“Hello?”

“Zevran, I heard his voice!” I wail. “I heard it and I couldn’t take it! I ran away and now Miles is judging me and Isabela called me a pansy. Fenris probably hates me now! How do I fix this? What do I do?!”

“This is Cousland, Garrett.” Oh.

That’s not Zevran’s voice at all.

There’s an awkward silence between us.

“Um… Can I speak to Zevran?” I feel like a small child.

“He’s busy right now, actually.” Cousland remains unaffected. “But I can tell him to call you back later.”

“Who is that?” I can hear Zevran’s voice in the background.

It dawns on me that I’m interrupting something.

Something... Explicit.

“Yeah! That sounds good. Very good!” I’m doing the high-pitched voice thing again. “Keep it up! Have fun! Be safe!”

“Okay,” Cousland says. “Bye.”

Tonight is officially too much.

I roll over onto my stomach and bury my face in a pillow. Miles hops up next to me. I scratch his ear.

“Isabela’s right. I’m a pansy.”

But why does Fenris have a perfect voice?!

I close my eyes and I picture his character speaking with that voice.

It’s too much.

I sit up and I glance at Miles. Miles stares back at me.

“I need to clear my head,” I tell him. “We’re going for a walk.”

Chapter Text

“No, no! You’re getting it mixed up. The headboard gets attached to the long wooden things –”

“The long wooden things?”

“Yeah, the… Things. They’re wooden and long.”

“Garrett…” Aveline sighs. “There are three items here which fit that exact description.”

“You made the basic frame, right? So now you just attach headboard with the metal things.”

“Long wooden things. Metal things!” Aveline sighs more. “These things!”

“I don’t know the fancy names!” I say. “IKEA’s confusing.”

Aveline called me two hours ago. She got a new apartment and is in the process of setting everything up. Since I’m supposedly a carpenter, I was her go-to for assistance.

Her current enemy is a bedframe from IKEA.

“Okay, wait,” she says. “I think I see what you’re talking about.”

I’m on speaker phone so I can hear her shuffling around her room. We would do this on video chat, but her computer hasn’t been set up yet. Also, she claims it doesn’t give her enough mobility, which is true, I guess.

“There are too many things to screw into place,” she says. “And I feel comfortable saying this around you because you’re not Isabela.”

I try to hide my giggle but it escapes in the form of a loud squeak.

“I can hear you, Hawke,” she says, but I know she’s smiling.

I clear my throat. “Do you have it, then?”

“Oh, forget it.” She throws something. I hear it thud onto the floor. “I don’t need a bedframe tonight. I’ll just ask a guy from work to help with it tomorrow.”

“You’re inviting a guy to your apartment?” I laugh.

“Shut it,” she replies. Her voice is clearer – she must’ve turned off speaker phone. “He’s no one.”

Wait, what?

“Things with Fenris have been going well, haven’t they?” She asks.

“Yeah! Sometimes I can even talk to him without breaking into a sweat.” Okay, I lied. Sweat’s involved every time. I also sometimes have to pretend that I’m talking to someone else.

On the bright side: my warrior training has been going really well. Fenris doesn’t really know the sheer magnitude of my ineptness. I’m good at masking it, I guess. Either that or… He’s humoring me.

“Wow, that’s something,” Aveline says.

“I’m sure it’ll get easier once I know how he looks. In real life, I mean.” Because then I won’t have to picture his ridiculously attractive character speaking with his voice. “Also, I don’t know if I even feel that way about him.” The variables.

“Right.” Aveline sounds distant; as if she’s listening, but not really processing what I’m saying. Believe me, this happens so often (with many different people) that I’ve become a master at detecting it.

“Anyway, that doesn’t matter. Are you interested in someone?” I ask, because like hell I’m letting this potential piece of news slide.

“I…”

“You’re interested in someone?! Romantically?!” This is news. Holy shit, this is news.

Before I knew her, Aveline was married to a guy named Wesley. He was in the military or something. Anyway, Wesley got sick and passed away (we don’t talk about it much; not since Anders asked her a particularly offensive question about sexual roleplaying). Ever since then she’s been “married to her job.”

She always said she had no intention of seeing anyone ever again (much to Isabela’s bemusement, but that’s another story).

The point is: It’s been years.

“Shut it!”

“Oh my god, you are! Who is he?!”

“Shut it,” Aveline snarls. “He’s no one. He’s a friend. A colleague. I sent him a present the other day.”

I squeal, like the 27-year-old man I am. “What did you send him?!”

More silence.

“I sent him a relief,” Aveline murmurs.

Uh. “A relief?”

“Yes…” She clears her throat. “A copper relief with marigolds sculpted onto it.”

“The flower?”

“Yes.”

Silence. Again.

“Uh, did he like it?”

“That’s the problem!” She yells so loudly that I have to pull my phone away from my ear for a second. “I don’t know if he did! He hasn’t responded.”

I don’t blame him. How does someone even react to a gift like that?

“Why did you even get him copper marigolds?” Of all the things…

“Metal is strong!” Aveline declares. “Copper ages well. And one time he got drunk at a faculty party and said that my hair reminds him of marigolds. It’s the perfect gift! I thought long and hard about it! I had to ask Merrill to send it over for me.”

Typical. “Sabrae would keep something like that in stock,” I say.

“I’m just going to keep working at it. I need to find out what he likes.”

“That’s the spirit. Tell me more about this guy!” I’m seriously so excited. I want to tell everyone I know about this.

“No! You’ll tell everyone all about him, and it’ll bite me in the arse later,” Aveline huffs.

“What?! That’s unfair! I’m a saint!” I retort. “Just ask Sebastian!”

“He only said that to make you feel better about yourself,” Aveline says. “We didn’t actually need that Vial of Holy Water.”

“He totally did. He thanked me and called me a saint!” Sebastian had a headset from the get-go, so I actually heard his voice before ever seeing him type. For what it’s worth, he has a thick Scottish accent. Merrill makes him say certain words sometimes. He always obliges.

“He was just being polite.” Aveline yawns. “Holy Water’s a junk item.”

“The idea of ‘junk items’ never made sense to me,” I say.

“Is that why you have a collection of Mabari Collars?”

“How did you know about that?!”

“You told us that they remind you of Miles.” Oh. It’s true, though. They do.

“We’re getting off-topic!” I announce. “I want to know more about your crush. I can help you with him.”

Aveline groans. “Spare me. You can’t even admit that you’re interested in Fenris.”

“I helped Zevran with Cousland!” I point out.

“I don’t know who either of those people are.”

“What? No! They’re my friends! Why does this keep happening?!” First Anders, now Aveline. This is unacceptable. Everyone in Wicked Grace should know all about my life. I’m going to address this in the future, I swear.

“Alright, alright. I believe you.” Aveline chuckles. “Fine. But you can’t tell anyone, Hawke. I mean it.”

I reluctantly agree to these terms, even though I (admittedly) have a tendency to cave in under pressure and, therefore, make the worst secret-keeper imaginable.

I’ll try, though.

“His name is Donnic,” Aveline says. “He’s another member of the physical education department. Technically, I’m his boss.”

“Kinky,” I say. I cannot actually think before I act.

“Okay. No. That’s all you’re getting,” Aveline says.

“Nooo!”

“‘Kinky?’ Please!” She huffs. “If you tell anyone about this, I’ll know.”

Aveline’s scary when she wants to be. “I know! I’ve got it. Donnic. Copper marigolds.”

“I have some other ideas,” Aveline says. I want her to run them by me before she pulls something disastrous again, but I know that’s not likely to happen, so…

“Let me know how that works out,” I say.

“Hm, maybe,” Aveline says, and I can hear the smile in her voice.

I can’t believe she has a crush. Too cute. It’s too cute.

“Regardless, I think I’ll set up the bed frame on my own. Don’t want to send him the wrong message.”

Darn! “Do you need any more help with that?”

“No. I just have to attach the headboard and I think I found both the wooden and metal things you mentioned,” Aveline replies. “Go deal with your own pathetic love life.”

“I don’t have a love life!” I exclaim. Miles stops chewing on his plastic bone toy and looks up at me quizzically.

“Hawke.” Aveline’s using her ‘patient’ voice. “Stop. Admit it: you have the hots for Fenris.”

“Never!”

“We know you, Hawke.”

“Lies and slander!”

“You’re such a child,” Aveline says with a snort. “More of a child than the children I work with.”

“I am not a child!” I say indignantly. “If you don’t need any more help with your frame, I’m just going to train in the MMO.”

“By all means,” Aveline says. “Thanks for your help.”

“No problem,” I say. “Remember to keep me updated. Please.”

“We’ll see,” Aveline says. “I’ll log on later. Don’t make an ass out of yourself in front of Fenris.”

“I’ll try not to.”

She laughs and hangs up.

I sit up on my bed and watch Miles as he scampers out of the room, his chew toy in tow. I close my bedroom door behind him, because he keeps hopping in my bed and I swear, I try to keep it a no-Miles zone, but it’s getting harder to tell him no. And whenever I give into his pitiful “please-let-me-stay-Garrett” looks, I unfailingly wake up at night with him sprawled out on top of me.

Miles is a big dog.

I walk over to my computer, take a seat in front of it and log into the MMO. I scan Wicked Grace’s list of online members – Fenris, Sebastian and Merrill. I put my headset on.

“ – the entire thing? Really?”

“Yes, Merrill,” Sebastian says, with a light laugh. “I know the entirety of the Chant of Light. I had to memorize all of it before I joined my last guild.”

“All of it?!” Merrill’s amazed. “Recite some for me!”

“Ahh… I don’t think that’s necessary,” Sebastian says.

“You’re like an entirely new person,” Fenris says, dryly. And my chest gets tight at his Fenris voice, even though it’s been a week since I heard it for the first time. “The Sebastian I knew would follow me all around Kirkwall, reciting his beloved guild’s chant constantly.”

“I just wanted to recruit you!” Sebastian’s flustered. “I thought that if you heard the words which inspired us, you’d consider joining us!”

For two people who barely know each other, they’re kind of close.

I mean, I like Sebastian! I really do. But…

“Please! Please tell me some!” Merrill begs. “I want to hear it!”

Sebastian sighs. “Fine.” He clears his throat. “Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter. Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just.”

“Oh, I do like champions,” Merrill says. “Can you say it again?”

Sebastian repeats the verse and Merrill squeals with delight.

Chant of Light – the guild – is based on the actual, in-game Chant of Light. It's like one of the game's religious things.

It might be the actual religion of the people in the guild, too.

I wouldn’t be surprised.

“Good evening, Hawke,” Fenris says. I forgot that they get an alert when I log in… So, of course, his greeting takes me by surprise and I jump a little. Pansy.

“Oh, Garrett! Hello!” Merrill says. “Did you hear Sebastian? Isn’t he impressive?”

“Hey. Yeah! Very impressive,” I say. “Very… Scottish.”

Wow. Good job, Garrett.

Sebastian laughs.

“Exactly!” Merrill coos.

“Hawke.” Fenris, please stop saying my name, I will most definitely pass out because I am a huge pansy. A huge pansy with bright red petals, because Zevran always tells me that red’s my color. “I sent you a rough guideline for your stats and skills based on what you told me over the course of the week.”

He’s right – I have one unread private message. I open it up and it lists the stats I should focus on from here on out. Suggested skill points for each are listed, too, along with skill recommendations.

It’s written out very clearly. Hell, it’s clear enough that even someone like me can follow it.

“Woah! Fenris!” I say. “This is amazing!”

“You don’t have to follow it,” he mumbles. “I just wanted to… Help.”

“I’ll follow it for sure! This is seriously so amazing!” He’s so smart. So, so smart. “Thank you so much!”

“It’s no problem,” Fenris says, and he sounds so sincere that I literally almost tear up.

“I’m so excited to see Garrett being all strong,” Merrill says.

“You make quite an interesting warrior, Hawke,” Sebastian adds. “I’m looking forward to seeing how you progress, as well.”

I mumble out another thank you; I’m not used to people doting over me this much.

“Perhaps you’ll be strong enough to take on a solo quest,” Sebastian says. “One’s supposedly going to be added soon.”

I laugh nervously. “I don’t know about that…”

“We’ll see,” Fenris says. “There’s no rush.” He always sounds so calm and in-control.

“I want to level, though,” Merrill says. “I learn a new skill once I hit level 35. It’s called Hemorrhage!”

“I can’t believe that I’m in a guild with a blood mage,” Sebastian says. “Do you know they’re not allowed in Chant of Light?”

“What?!” Merrill yells into her mic. “Why not?!”

“I don’t know. I suppose they’re just overpowered,” Sebastian replies.

“That’s ridiculous!” Merrill huffs. “I am not overpowered! I’m half-dead very often. Hawke says so all the time. Right, Hawke?”

“Right,” I say.

“Chant of Light isn’t worth my time, anyway!”

“Were you considering leaving us, Merrill?” I’m holding back laughter and praying that she can’t tell.

“Well…” She sniffs. “No. But… It’s just so rude!”

Fenris clears his throat. “Chant of Light aside… We can do repeatable quests. You’ll level quickly.”

“That sounds like fun!” Merrill’s all chipper once again.

“I’ll join you guys,” I say, because I want to level and get to work on the amazing guide which Fenris put together for me. I can’t believe he actually did it… He’s actually helping me. He actually sees something in me.

My body feels unnaturally cold.

I briefly wonder where Miles is, then remember that I cruelly locked him out of my room.

Sorry, Miles.

“Then I’ll tag along as well,” Sebastian says. “The more the merrier, right?”

We decide to do some repeatable quests in the Wounded Coast (I call it Massive Head Trauma Bay and no one laughs, not even Merrill), so we all teleport over there.

Sebastian’s Andraste Belt mocks my worn-down level 25 armor (armor is expensive and I’m stingy). Sebastian doesn’t say anything, though. Because he’s polite. And Scottish.

Merrill does a little dance close to Fenris, which warms my heart, even though Fenris doesn’t really react to it.

We each grab the repeatable quest (Kill Bandits - how exciting), then set off.

The beauty about repeatable quests is that you don’t need to even focus on the game to do them. Like… They’re that easy (and boring). Usually we just chat through them.

As I slice one bandit in two distinct halves (ow), I kind of wish that the rest of the guild was online. I don’t really know Sebastian, and I never really talk about personal things around Fenris. I want to, but… It’s hard.

“I’m so glad it’s the weekend. I’ve had such a rough week at the antique shop!” It’s not hard for Merrill, apparently. “We got a new shipment of mirrors. There’s this big one in particular – I love it, it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen – but it arrived broken! Can you believe that?”

“That sucks,” I say. “Can you return it?”

“No! I can’t,” Merrill sighs. “Hawke, you’re a carpenter. Do you know how to fix mirrors?”

“I don’t think I can fix the mirror itself…” Between Aveline and Merrill, today isn’t a good day for feeling good about my carpentry prowess.

“You’re a carpenter? That’s wonderful,” Sebastian says. “That’s one of the noblest professions one can be, in my mind.”

Uh. “Yeah! Yeah.” I stutter a bit and hate myself for it. “I fix chairs. Tables. Closets. I’m good with… Wood.”

“You’re good with wood,” Fenris echoes. There’s a hint of mischievousness in his voice. And that slight perverse tone?

It goes straight to my groin.

I hate myself even more and am extremely thankful that Isabela isn’t online.

“Yep. Very good with wood,” I reply, and somehow my voice doesn’t squeak or do the high-pitch thing.

He laughs.

“I’ll try to fix it myself…” Merrill sighs as she impales two bandits at once with her staff. “Anyway, what do you two do? Sebastian, Fenris?”

Merrill is turning out to be the craftiest member of Wicked Grace. I keep letting my guard down because I keep forgetting that she’s privy to the Operation.

“I’m studying theology,” Sebastian says. “I want to be involved in the Church… I lead sermons sometimes. I hope to be a priest of some sort.”

“Ooh, you’re double holy,” Merrill says. “Isabela would love to hear that.”

“I’m sure she would,” Sebastian says with a wry laugh.

“And… Fenris?”

I hold my breath a little. I feel like a threshold’s being crossed, here.

“I work at a library during the day,” Fenris says. “And I do some writing on the side… But not much.”

“Oh my god, I was just in a library.” Wow. I blurted that out without thinking. Also, I was there like… Almost two weeks ago. What the fuck, Garrett. “I fixed bookshelves! Lots of bookshelves.” And a door.

“I’ll keep that in mind if our shelves ever break,” Fenris says.

“Yeah, you should.” My heart’s hammering against my chest. “We do house calls!”

Fenris laughs again. Making him laugh... It feels good. His laugh is so… Rough. Yet, somehow, it’s soft. I really like it. “And would I have to pay the air fare?”

“I’ll get back to you on that,” I say.

“Hmm,” Fenris says.

Ergh.

“Let me know too, Garrett,” Merril chirps. “I break things almost every day at work. Marethari gets so mad at me.”

“Will do, Merrill,” I say.

~

We do the repeatable quest until Merrill finally hits level 35 (I hit level 40, too).

Fenris still amazes me, but Sebastian’s also incredibly skilled with his bow. Not only is his equipment flawless, but he can also play really, really well.

On top of that, I have a sneaking suspicion that he’s holding back.

Fenris probably is, too, for that matter.

Merrill is delightedly casting Hemorrhage on a group of bandits when Aveline logs in.

“I have an announcement!” She declares.

“Hello to you too, Vallen,” I say.

She ignores me.

“My apartment is officially furnished.”

Chat becomes a general murmur of congratulations.

“Yes, and I thereby require you all to go on video chat. Right this instant.”

Video chat.

Video chat.

My world is crashing down upon on me.

Everything becomes a blur.

Video chat.

My Whisper chat window flashes.

[W] Aveline [captvallen]: You said you’d feel better after seeing him, right?

[W] Aveline [captvallen]: If you want to get involved in my love life, I sure as hell am getting involved in yours.

[W] Aveline [captvallen]: You can thank me later.

[W] Aveline [captvallen]: Also, don’t pull the Miles card. I’ll expose you.

I can’t believe it…

I was wary of Isabela and Varric. As it turns out, I should’ve been wary of Merrill and Aveline. It’s always the ones you trust.

Merrill’s excitedly rambling about how much she loves video chatting.

Sebastian’s responding politely.

And Fenris is quiet.

For a second, I feel like he’ll leave. Hell, I’m wracking my brain for an excuse to leave… I can practically hear Isabela scoffing at me.

“You’re doing the call on the IM Client?” Fenris asks.

“Sure,” Aveline says. Evil, evil Aveline.

“Hmm,” he says. “Should we log out, then?”

“You can for now,” she replies. “Were you four busy?”

“Not particularly,” he says.

“Okay, I’ll go online over there, then!” Merrill giggles. “Ooh, I’m so excited!” She logs off.

“I…” I want to use Miles as an excuse so badly! Why, Aveline?! “I’ll head over there, too.”

I log off and hop onto the IM Client. My hands are unnaturally sweaty.

Oh my god. My face.

I yell a rushed “be right back” into my mic and tear off my headset. Then I leap away from my computer and speed over to my bathroom, almost running into the bathroom door in the process. I slam into the sink and look at myself in the mirror above it.

My hair is out of control. It’s too long. My eyes have very distinct dark circles under them…

And my lips are red from BBQ chip dust (I was binge-eating them before Aveline called). Shit. I rinse my face out with water.

Now my beard’s wet.

Great.

“Great!” I exclaim at no one. “Fantastic!” I scrub at my face with a towel while I rush out of the bathroom and over to my dresser. I pull out a new shirt – a red plaid shirt that Zevran calls my sexy shirt – and change into it.

As I spray some cologne on, I wonder if blow-drying my beard would be an acceptable course of action.

Then I realize that I just wasted that cologne.

Why am I becoming Date-Garrett for a video call?!

I trudge back over to my computer and take a deep breath. I’m cool. I’m calm. I’m collected.

I pull my headset back on and can already hear Merrill yelling. “I love your tattoos! I love them!”

I’m not cool.

I’m not calm.

I am not collected.

I am none of those things.

“I’m back,” I mutter.

“Great. I’ll send you an invite,” Aveline says. She sounds smug. Too smug.

Now I know why she’s friends with Isabela.

I accept the invitation and take a deep breath. I’ll take it one video window at a time.

There’s Merrill. Adorable Merrill, with no facial tattoos or pointy ears, but with the same huge eyes and tiny build as her character…

Then there’s Aveline. Her ginger hair’s pulled back into a low ponytail. She’s covered in freckles and is wearing a tank top – not layers upon layers of armor.

They’re familiar to me. Familiar faces... My friends.

Two more.

I see Sebastian first. I know it’s Sebastian because he looks almost exactly like his character.

His hair isn’t slicked back, though. His skin is the same light-brown color and he’s not wearing Holy Armor –just a white shirt. He has a serene smile on his face… I don’t even want to think about the expression I’m making… But the look on his face calms me down. Just a little.

My eyes lock onto Fenris’, just as his lock onto mine.

He’s absolutely incredible.

He looks like his character, too. He has the same white hair, swooped to one side of his face. His shoulders are narrow – he looks tiny. And he has the same skin...

Except for the tattoos. His character doesn’t have those.

The lines of white ink curve and trail down his chin and onto his neck… They disappear under the neckline of his plain black shirt.

And his eyes… They’re big. They’re dark green. They’re…

“Incredible,” I say, very much out loud.

“Isn’t it?” Aveline muses. “I worked hard at setting it all up. No thanks to you.”

I snap back to reality.

Aveline just saved my life.

She’s standing to the side of her webcam, showing off a cozy-looking bedroom behind her. Her bed is on a bedframe.

“Y-Yeah!” I stutter. “It looks incredible! I’m glad you worked it all out.”

“This is so exciting!” Merrill says. “Aveline’s new apartment and our new members’ faces! You’re both so cute!”

Sebastian chuckles and blushes.

Fenris’ expression doesn’t change. He has this veneer of calm and I can’t see through it at all.

“I’m glad we can do this sort of thing,” Sebastian says. “I never had such personal interactions in Chant of Light.”

“I need to text Isabela!” Merrill exclaims. “Ooh, Varric, too! And Anders! I want us all to see each other! I can’t believe that we all look like our characters. It’s Wicked Grace in the flesh.”

I laugh shakily. I feel like Fenris’ eyes are fixed on me… Judging me. I’m trying not to look at him directly. I know I’m blushing… A lot.

I’m glad I have a beard because at least that’ll mask the redness a little. I also wish that I didn’t lock Miles out of my room earlier. Dogs are generally good icebreakers.

“I like your shirt, Garrett,” Merrill says, politely. “It looks good on you. I’m just in my pajamas.”

“Thanks,” I say. My voice doesn’t sound like it’s mine. “That’s okay. I should change, probably.”

My hands are firmly planted at my sides. I can’t stop sweating and my legs are shaking.

I feel like an awkward teenager. Again.

Merrill’s saying something while she texts, but I can’t hear distinct words anymore…

I was barely over the voice thing. And now… He’s here.

I glance at him. He has a smile on his face – it’s small; almost shy. He’s not looking at me.

There’s a lump in my throat. I’m pretty sure I’m going to die like this.

Seeing him in person was supposed to calm me down!

But… I shouldn’t run away. I know I shouldn’t. Elevated heart rate aside, I’m going to stick this through…

That’s what I’m thinking, but then Aerosmith’s I Don’t Want to Miss A Thing starts blaring from my bed at an unholy volume.

In this moment, I immensely regret my ringtone choices.

“Shit! Uh, I’ll be right back!” Again. I take my headset off and rush over there; I answer the call before the chorus hits. “H-Hello?!”

“Garrett, dear?”

Oh my god. It’s my mother.

“Is this a bad time?”

Yes! Very bad time.

“I, uh – No! Not really! What’s wrong?” I walk out of my webcam’s range.

“I forgot my purse at the shop,” she says. “Could you pick it up for me and bring it over here?”

No! I am not giving Isabela another excuse to call me a pansy! “Can’t Carver get it for you?”

“He’s visiting a friend for the weekend.” Mom sighs. “I suppose I could walk down there, but my back’s been acting up…”

I glance at my computer.

“What about Bethany?”

“I’d feel bad asking her to,” she says. “I think she’s coming down with a cold.”

“Okay.” I exhale. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

“Could you pick up some food for us, too?”

Really, Mom? Really?

“I didn’t have time to cook today. There was so much paperwork! Oh, you can stay and eat with us, if you’d like. You hardly ever come home anymore.”

“I don’t really live there anymore, Mom,” I say, but I can’t help but smile.

“I know! I’m allowed to miss my baby boy!”

“Okay, okay. I’ll be there soon.”

I can’t believe it. The one time I was ready…

My mother thanks me again and we both hang up. I slink back over to my computer and put my headset back on.

“– it’s a real candle! I swear!” I know that Merrill’s talking about Man Town. I just know she is.

Fenris’ hand is over his mouth; his shoulders are shaking with laughter. My lips feel so dry.

“It may be real, but I certainly don’t want it,” Aveline says. “Oh, Hawke. You’re finally back.”

“Isabela can’t come online. She’s stuck at work,” Merrill states.

“Damn. That’s okay. I… Gotta go.”

Aveline glares at me.

“I’m really sorry! It’s my mother!” I really am a teenager again. “She left her purse at the shop and now she wants me to bring her food.”

“Ooh, Mother Hawke!” Merrill’s delighted. “I want to meet her someday.”

“Don’t keep her waiting,” Fenris says. For a second, I feel like he’s making fun of me, but I don’t think he is.

The way the light from his computer reflects off his white hair…

“She’s a mess,” I squeak.

“It must run in the family,” Aveline says, casually.

We all laugh.

“I might log back in,” I say. “If she doesn’t keep me there for long. But… She probably will… So…” I clear my throat. “It was nice seeing your apartment, Aveline. And… It’s great to see your faces, Sebastian, Fenris!” My voice cracks just as I say Fenris’ name.

I’m going to crawl into a Wi-Fi-less cave and live the rest of my days out in it.

“It was good to see you, too, Hawke,” Sebastian says.

Fenris smiles and nods and, god, he’s so… Breathtaking. 

“Bye, Garrett! I’ll text you later!” Merrill says.

I give them one last wave before I log out of the messaging client.

Then I tip my head back and let out a frustrated groan that is suspiciously Anders-like in nature.

Chapter Text

“Thank you so much, darling!”

Mom envelops me in a hug (even though I tower over her - she’s strong, okay?) and kisses my cheek as she grabs her purse from my hand.

“No problem,” I grunt. I have a plastic bag filled with Styrofoam containers in my other hand. Inside said containers are various fast food items from Old Barlin’s.

Barlin himself is kind of sweaty but he likes to come out to meet the guests. His restaurant – a charming yet kind of seedy sports bar, with a weirdly diverse menu – was en route. I thought about dropping by Bodahn’s family restaurant, but that would require more driving and Mom isn’t exactly the most patient person in the world.

Bethany walks over to me, too. She’s in pajamas which are way too big for her (I’m 90% sure that shirt once belonged to me) and she takes the plastic bag with a lazy smile.

“How are you feeling?” I ask her.

“Shitty,” she replies. “But I’ll take medicine and I’m sure I’ll feel better…”

Mom frets. “Let me take that, dear,” she says as she takes the plastic bag from her. “I’ll set food out for you two… And I’ll make tea for you afterwards, Bethy.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

It might sound kind of silly, but… Hawkes take colds seriously. Even if they’re small ones which last for, like, a day. Stuff can go wrong quickly. Dad proved that for us.

But I don’t want to think about that. So I shove that thought back into my mind. Far, far away.

And I reach out and mess up Bethany’s hair.

“Hey!” She squawks.

We shuffle into the living room and Bethany flops down onto a couch. A quilt is thrown over it – I assume she was wrapped up in it before. There’s a box of tissues on an end table next to the couch, along with a glass of water.

“I feel like a slug,” she states. “I’m glad you came over. Mom was getting way too fussy.”

“Yeah, she does that,” I say as I take a seat next to her.

“What were you up to?” Bethany squints at me. “Oh my god, why are you Date-Garrett?!”

“You don’t want to know.”

“Except,” she sits up, “I totally do. Spill the details!”

“There are no details!”

“Drop the act! It’s getting old!” She punches me on the shoulder. Hard.

I yelp.

“Don’t hit your brother, Bethany!” Mom calls from the kitchen.

My phone vibrates.

Isabela (8:11pm):
-_-

Definitely ignoring that.

“Is that your secret serial killer boyfriend?” Bethany asks. “Hand your phone over. Right now!”

“It’s not! It’s Isabela!” I hand the phone over to her so she can inspect it. “She’s mad at me.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m a coward.”

“I’m mad at you for that reason, too.” Bethany gives the phone back to me.

“What’s happening?” Mom walks into the room carrying two plates of spaghetti. She hands one to Bethany, then one to me.

“Garrett has a boyfriend,” Bethany says.

“Are you twelve?!” I snap.

“You have a boyfriend?!” Mom gasps. “Who is he?! When can I meet him?” She dashes back into the kitchen and returns with her plate of spaghetti at an alarmingly quick speed.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” I say. “Everyone wants me to date him. I barely know him.”

“Is he cute?” Mom sits on the coffee table in front of us and balances her plate on her lap. She stares at me expectantly.

I open my mouth to answer and no words come out.

I stuff my face with spaghetti as Bethany gives me a critical look.

I nod (because my mouth’s full – I am in no way embarrassed to reveal that Fenris is “cute”; that would be pansy-like and my track record proves that I am not one of those).

“Cuter than the last one you had, I’m sure.” Mom picks at her food. “Is he blond? You have a thing for blonds.”

“Why do you – he’s not blond, no!” I also don’t have a thing for blonds. My one boyfriend was blond… “He has white hair.”

Mom raises an eyebrow. “And just how old is this man?”

“He’s not old!” I don’t actually know how old he is… “He’s my age!” I think.

“People dye their hair all the time now, Mom.” Bethany blows her nose. “It’s fashionable.”

Fashionable Fenris.

Something about that makes me want to laugh.

My phone vibrates. I am way too enamored with this spaghetti to check it, so I put it on silent.

“Did you meet him on the Web?” Mom asks.

“Yes, I met him on the Web,” I say.

“Is he a spider?” Bethany asks. I shove her lightly and she laughs so hard that she snorts.

“Are you sure he’s real?” Mom eats more spaghetti. “I’ve heard so many stories…”

“He’s real,” I say. “I’ve heard him talk a million times and I saw him during a video call tonight.”

“Oh my gosh! Is that why you’re Date-Garrett?!” Bethany cackles.

“Aren’t you supposed to be sick?” I poke her.

She makes a fake coughing sound which evolves into real coughing. She flails around for her water and glugs it down.

“Anyway…” I cram more spaghetti in my mouth and I’m pretty sure I have marinara sauce in my beard. “He’s just a friend.” A really, really attractive, intelligent friend who my friends think I’m completely in love with, to the point where they are all conspiring to bring the two of us together.

Mom doesn’t need to know that last part.

That Operation: Hard in Hightown part… With all its phases.

When will it end?!

“Well, I hope it works out,” Mom says. “It’s been such a long time since any of my babies brought anyone home to see me.”

“Mom,” Bethany groans. “You can’t rush that stuff.”

“Oh, right, so now you’re on my side?!” I say.

“I just don’t want to be forgotten!” Mom exclaims. “I’d like to have an active role in your romantic conquests.”

Yeah, definitely never telling her about the Operation. It seems like something right up her alley. I can see it now – Isabela and Mom, bonding over coffee… Plotting my romantic demise.

“We’ll keep you updated,” Bethany says. “Right, Gare?”

“Right,” I say. I mean… If Fenris and I do start dating, I’d definitely tell her… So… “What about Carver, though? Who’s he visiting?”

“His friend… That Theirin boy. Alan?”

“Alistair, Mom,” Bethany corrects her.

“Right! Alistair. Lovely boy.” Mom sighs. “He reminds me of you, Garrett.”

“You’re completely wrong,” I say. Alistair is way less disillusioned about the world. He’s also super perky. He works at Duncan’s and he always reads the specials out in different voices.

His Yoda impression is flawless.

The pumpkin spice latte, you will try.

“Speaking of Alistair…” Bethany swallows the last of her spaghetti (she’s a fast eater). “I think I want to apply for a job at Duncan’s.”

“That’s a fantastic idea!” Mom's excited already. “Ooh, Garrett, doesn’t Zevran’s boyfriend work there?!”

“Cousland? Yep,” I nod. Cousland… He heard me freaking out about Fenris’ voice and acted as if it was nothing. I haven’t been able to look him in the eye since.

“It’s such a lovely place,” Mom says wistfully. “Maybe Carver can work there part-time, too. Though we do need him at the shop…”

“He spends a lot of time just sitting around bugging me,” Bethany states. “He can work at both places! They’re, like, five minutes away from each other.”

“We can talk it over once he’s back,” Mom says. “Do you want to work there, too, Garrett?”

“Oh, god. No. Definitely not.” I raise my hands up defensively. “I’m busy enough with the carpentry. Also, I’m bad with caffeine. After the interview, you have to drink the strongest coffee the store has. I’d die.”

“Are you serious?!”

“I’m totally serious!” Zevran told me all about it. “Cousland didn’t even blink while he drank it. That’s how they knew he’d be perfect for the job. The two other guys with him puked.”

“Gross.” Bethany cackles. “I’m sure I could do it, though. I’m good with that stuff.”

“You inherited your father’s reaction to caffeine, Garrett,” Mom says with a warm smile. “Bethy, on the other hand? She’s a coffee girl just like her mother.”

Bethany beams up at her.

We keep chatting about miscellaneous things – Mom's paintings. Bethany’s woodcarvings. Apparently, they might run collaborate on a few projects, just like Mom and Dad used to.

Dad would sculpt these huge works of art. Huge. They were usually super abstract, too. And Mom? She’d paint them. They were a dynamic duo.

Mom’s family didn’t want her pursuing art (or to end up marrying Dad, for that matter), but she was determined. She left everything behind for my dad…

I don’t think I respect anyone more than I respect her.

While Mom makes us cups of her special Hawke Family Tea, Bethany and I curl up under the quilt and watch some show about a ton of different people coming together to make a parks department work. It’s apparently Bethany’s favorite.

When I tell her that the concept reminds me of a guild (you know – lots of people coming together to make the guild work), she punches me (again). 

Mom brings us the tea and ends up staying with us; she asks a million questions about some blonde lady (who becomes her favorite character almost instantly).

And that’s pretty much how I spend my Friday night.

Wrapped up under a familiar quilt and drinking familiar tea, next to my mother and sister (and said sister’s small mountain of used Kleenexes).

And, honestly?

It’s a pretty damn good night.  

~

I end up staying over for the whole night (I passed out on the couch; Mom and Bethany just left me there). I wake up around six in the morning; my body’s stiff and contorted and the house is dark and quiet.

I fumble around and find my phone – 7 missed calls. 12 unread text messages.

I don’t look forward to this. With a sigh, I swipe at the lock screen and go into Missed Calls first.

Anders – 8:56pm

Isabela – 9:31pm

Isabela – 9:33pm

Varric – 9:34pm

Isabela – 9:36pm

[ Unknown Number ] – 10:11pm

Aveline – 10:20pm

Apparently I was in high demand. “Jeez, Isabela.” Anders was probably calling me for some inane reason… More Google searches, maybe. Varric was likely going to harass me about Fenris and nag me for friendfiction material.

I check the Unknown Number and can’t recognize it at all. Whatever.

And, finally, there’s Aveline. She either wanted to pester me about my sudden vanishing act, or something in her apartment broke. (I really hope her bed frame’s okay.)

Now for the onslaught of texts…

Isabela (8:14pm):
p

Isabela (8:14pm):
a

Isabela (8:14pm):
n

Isabela (8:15pm):
s

Isabela (8:15pm):
y

Incredibly unsurprising and completely untrue.

Garrett (6:11am):
it wasn’t my fault this time!!!! Bethany was sick.

Hell yeah, I’ll play the Bethany card. That’ll distract her.

Anders (8:58pm):
Did you actually have to meet your mother, or was that just an alarmingly awful excuse?
I need to know. For science.

I take a quick picture of myself, glaring (comically, but glaring nonetheless), and send it to him.

Garrett (6:12am):
I did have to meet her actually!!!
P.S. Your science sux!!!!

I move on to the rest of the messages.

Varric (9:37pm):
I’m pretty sure I’ve said this before, but… I’ll say it again.
You’re welcome. ;)

I turn bright red. Dammit. I don’t even bother with replying.

[ Unknown Number ] (10:15pm):
This is Sebastian, Garrett. :-)
Varric gave me your number. I hope that’s okay!

He uses Merrill-esque emoticons and that makes me smile, so it’s more than okay. I add his number to my Contact list, then reply:

Garrett (6:14am):
Yeah, thats fine! Dw about it!

I head back to the main message screen.

Merrill (10:33pm):
Garrett,
Fenris is VERY handsome. :^D
and! He likes your baerd!! ;^D
Sebastian is handsome too but Fenris said he likes your beard.
I asked him but I didn’t ask Sebastian. Should I have? I don’t think it matters as much :^O
He probably likes your beard, too. I know I do. :^)

The beard! I love my beard. Hearing that other people love my beard? It’s the best thing. I grin and I touch my beard in appreciation and, ew, yeah, that’s definitely dried marinara sauce.

Nasty.

Well, Fenris didn't see marinara-sauce-beard. He saw Garrett-Beard. That’s what matters.

Aveline (10:26pm):
I tried, Hawke. You can’t say I didn’t try.

Aveline Vallen’s attempt at “wingmaning,” bested by none other than Leandra Hawke, my darling mother.

Aveline (10:31pm):
My bed frame just broke.
This is somehow your fault.

Wow. It was a rough night for her.

Garrett (6:17am):
It was my mother, I SWEAR. we even ate spaghetti. Theres sauce in my beard.
I’d take a pic to show you, but thats kinda gross.
Also, sorry about your bed. Maybe this is a sign that u SHOULD invite donnic over. Lol.

And, finally…

Varric (11:34pm):
The Choir Boy’s in on the Operation. Thought I’d give you a heads up.
That’s what friends are for, right? :) 

Choir Boy…? Oh, Sebastian. Dammit! That’s why he has my number. At least he’s a priest-in-training. What’s the worst he could do?

Garrett (6:17am):
Gj, getting a priest involved in ur heretical plans. Im sure u feel very accomplished rn, you heathen.

A “new message” alert appears; it surprises me and I nearly drop the phone.

Varric (6:18am):
What can I say? I wanted some holy intervention.
From what I’ve seen, you need it. Desperately. ;)

My friends are assholes.

I lie back on the couch and stare at my phone.  

Fenris doesn’t have my number. It feels weird. I should really give him my number… I wonder if he even has a cellphone. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t.

He’s a little weird… But I like that.

He’s weird, and smart, and… Really, really handsome.

Right now, I’m stranded in my Mom's house. It’s an unholy hour of the morning (anything earlier than 10am is unholy), and I have marinara sauce in my beard.

No one’s awake yet… I’ll feel bad if I just left.

So…

I get up. I go to the bathroom so that I can wash my beard out in the sink (we already established that I’m a mess).

And while I’m scrubbing at it, I make a decision.

I’m going to make some goddamn pancakes.

~

“What the fuck happened here,” Bethany says. It’s a statement, not a question.  

She’s still in her pajamas and her eyes are barely open. Her cheek has some dried drool on it.

“I made breakfast!” I reply cheerfully. “How are you feeling?”

“I just woke up.” She blinks a few times.

“Sorry, let me rephrase. Are you still a mucus monster?” I walk up to her with a paper towel and scrub the drool off. She grimaces.

“I feel better. I think.” She swats my hand away. “The kitchen’s covered in pancake batter. You’re covered in pancake batter. There’s some in your beard.”

“No! Not again!” It’s not a good day for my beard.

“You’ll get more in it. Anyway, Mom’s gonna freak out if you don’t clean up.”

“I’m going to clean up after!” I head back to the frying pan so that I can flip the in-progress-pancake over with Mom's bright pink spatula.

“Nice apron, by the way,” Bethany calls from the kitchen table.

It’s Mom's. It’s also bright pink and trimmed with white frills. I’m pretty sure that Wynne got it for her.

“Thank you,” I say, doing a little curtsy. She laughs.

She grabs a pancake and chatters about an art project she wants to do (it involves using Miles as a model; I support it enthusiastically) while I make a small tower of pancakes.

By the time Mom's downstairs, the kitchen’s mostly cleaned up, though I still have batter in my beard. Bethany and I are enthusiastically tearing through the pancake tower.

After fussing over Bethany for a while, Mom stares at the pancake tower and then at me. As she serves herself (Bethany and I are drenching ours in syrup – I have an incredibly unhealthy amount of butter on mine, too), she smiles.

“You know,” she says, “your father would always do this incredibly annoying thing. He’d make breakfast for dinner at least twice a month.”

“I love breakfast for dinner!” I say that way louder than I mean to.

Like caffeine, sugar has quite an effect on me.

She laughs and shakes her head. “He’d do it behind my back, too.” She sighs and takes a bite. “And I’d get so angry, but wouldn’t want to waste the food.”

Bethany grins. “As if we have to worry about wasting food. I mean, if Carver was here, he’d eat all of it in one bite.”

“As if you’re any better,” I say. She’s single-handedly torn through at least half of the pancake tower.

“Shut up, Batter-Beard,” she snaps.

I hang out with them for a while, then take a shower in what used to be my bathroom (it’s now just a guest one).

As I leave, Mom hugs me and tells me to go easy on the gaming.

“And tell your new friend hello for me,” she adds.

I feel like I have parental approval or something. It’s… Weird. I haven’t even given myself approval yet.

But I nod anyway and tell her I will.

“Look after Bethany,” I say. She’s still in her pajamas and is currently in front of the television, watching a cartoon cat chase after a small mouse. “Better” or not, she keeps sneezing, so she’ll probably have another low-energy day.

“Of course!” Mom smiles.

I hop back into my car and start blasting Lady Gaga (no one will ever know – no one) as I drive off.  

~

By the time I’m home, it’s still too early to go online.

So… I put some food out for Miles (I fed him before going to Mom's last night, of course), change into a new outfit, and clean.

I clean everything.

I clean the living room. I clean the kitchen. I clean the bathroom.

I’m cleaning my bedroom when I hear vague Aerosmith-esque sounds coming from downstairs – meaning that my phone’s ringing. I sprint over to it.

“Hello?” I answer it without checking the Caller ID.

“Garrett! Kitten!” Isabela wails. “I haven’t talked to you in a thousand years!”

It’s been around four days, which is basically synonymous with a thousand years for her.

“You left me mean text messages!” I kneel down and scratch Miles on his head. He’s been following me around the house – I think he was expecting me to come home last night. Oops.

“Oh. Sorry. It was a rough night. I was stuck at work, you know. You are a coward, though.” She sniffles. “I’m so pissed. I couldn’t go online, so I still don’t know how Fenris looks…  I don’t know how Sebastian looks, either! And he’s a fucking priest!” She lets out a frustrated growl.

“He’s in training for it or something, actually,” I say. “He studies theology.”

“Stop pissing on all my fun,” Isabela retorts. “Well?  Tell me about him.”

“Who? Sebastian?”

“You know who, Kitten.”

I sit on the floor. Miles lies down across my lap and breathes heavily.

“I’m sure Merrill’s told you all about him.” Or Varric, for that matter.

“All Merrill told me was that he has tattoos. Lots of them,” Isabela says.

“Yes. That’s true. He has lots of tattoos.” I take a deep breath. “White ink tattoos.”

“Are they sexy?”

I ignore her. “He has brown skin and green eyes.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Dammit, Isabela. “He’s very fashionable. His hair’s white.”

“Hawke, you’re impossible,” Isabela says. “You realized that you have six people trying to hook you up with this man, right?”

I pout. “I didn’t ask for help!”

“Exactly,” Isabela says. “Hey, is Zevran in on this, too?”

“Uh. He said he’d help me look presentable if we ever meet in real life,” I say.

“Thank fuck.”

“Thanks, Isabela!” Everyone needs to stop pressuring me. “For the record, my Mom wants to meet him, too.”

Isabela groans. “Hawke, just do us all a favor and admit that you totally want to ravish him senseless. I mean, really?! Your mother.”

“Mom’s really conniving!”

“That’s not the point. Listen – there’s Zevran and your mother and, hell, knowing her, Bethany, too. Add Wicked Grace to that sans Fenris and that’s nine people! Nine whole people who can tell how head-over-heels you are for Fenris.” She’s talking really fast. “So how about you just admit it to yourself so we can actually make some real progress here?”

“We’ve been making progress,” I say, warily.

“At a depressingly slow speed,” Isabela retorts. “And I’m quite certain that it’s entirely your fault.”

“It’s just fucking difficult, okay?!” I don’t mean to yell, but I do it without thinking. Miles goes rigid.

And there’s silence.

“Sorry. It’s just…” I sigh. Miles calms down. “It’s been forever since I dated anyone, okay? And you know how stuff went with –”

“Listen, that’s in the past,” Isabela says, quickly. But her voice is a lot gentler. “Ugh. Look, I don’t mean to pressure you. But… We know you, Kitten! We know you overthink things. Sure, Operation: Hard in Hightown might’ve started off as a bit of a joke, but it’s come so far!”

We’re, like… several phases in.

“We adore you. And we think Fenris is a good guy! He laughs at your awful jokes and isn’t completely weirded out by your incredible awkwardness. So just give it a shot! What’s the worst that could happen? I mean, you’re both warriors! You slay dragons together! That’s sexy as fuck.”

Also true.

Teenaged-Garrett’s Number One Fantasy was literally being able to slay dragons with a hot guy.

But I’m just so tired.

“Just give me some time,” I say. “I do like him. But… I don’t know about dating him. I barely know him. Like… I know MMO-Fenris. But… Real life Fenris is…”

“A big sexy mystery.”

“Yeah.”

“Aha!” Isabela screeches. “You’ve admitted it - he’s sexy. I need to see him!” In her enthusiasm, she slams something down. “Ow!”

I start laughing. “Yeah. He’s… Sexy.” I laugh even harder and I’m not sure why. “He’s fucking sexy.”

Sexy is a hilarious word.

I never say that word.

“You’re killing me here, Kitten.”

“His voice is too much for me. Listen, once, I had to,” I’m wheezing, “I had to take a cold shower. You were joking about it before, but… I actually had to leave to take a cold shower. He was just teaching me some skill rotations, and I… I had to leave. I had to leave,” I’m gasping for air, I’m laughing too hard, “to take a cold shower. And to deal… With things.”

“I knew it!” Isabela yells. “I knew it!”

I laugh even harder. “I’m surprised I didn’t mess anything up last night,” I admit. My eyes are watering from laughing. “I was running on adrenaline.”

“Mother Hawke may have saved her little kitten,” Isabela says coyly. “What’s that called again? Mother’s intuition?”

“Something like that,” I mumble.

She laughs. “Anyway, we should have a group video call tonight.”

“I honestly don’t think I could take that,” I say. Miles is getting heavy, but he has no intention of moving.

“I think you can. Be a big boy!” Isabela coos. “Aveline had guts, putting you on the spot like that. You can tell she’s new to this whole matchmaking thing.”

Oh my god, she knows Aveline did it.

Oh my god, she doesn’t know about Donnic!

She doesn’t know that the video call was partially an act of vengeance.

That’s a secret, Garrett. Don’t you dare tell Isabela! Aveline will destroy you!

“Fine! I’ll do it. But don’t try anything,” I say. “I admitted that I like him. But that’s it! I don’t know if I want to date him yet, okay?!”

“Oh, Kitten…” Isabela cackles. “That’s why we’re here.”

~

I’m in front of my computer.

I have seven (yes, seven) bags of chips piled up next to it – out of my webcam’s range, but within reach.

Miles is downstairs, preoccupied with a chew toy. I think he’s still mad at me for abandoning him last night (he seems to have accepted that I’m back home now, so he’s stopped following me and is back to his sassy self). I left my bedroom door open, just in case he wants to reconcile.

When I turn my computer on, I’ll have to face Fenris.

And I’m anxious. Really, really, really anxious.

But at least Wicked Grace will be there for me.

My saviors.

Honestly, my talk with Isabela made me feel better. Letting stuff out is good, and it’s not as if I really committed to anything.

I just admitted that I like him.

It’s no surprise at all, since I’m so damn awkward about it.

I mean, I told her that I think he’s sexy – which is true! But… He’s so much more than that. He’s…

Fuck, I can’t even say it.

I stare at my computer. My reflection stares back at me.

My phone vibrates.

Anders (4:31pm):
Is that sauce in your beard?

Nice, that reply to my glorious selfie was only ten hours late.

Garrett (4:31pm):
Definitely not. r u online????

Anders (4:32pm):
It’s totally sauce in your beard. That’s gross, Garrett. I’m so ashamed.
And no. I’m not. I’m at work right now.

Fun fact: I’ve known Anders for literal years and I still have no idea where the fuck he works. Every time I ask him, he just treats it like a joke… So I got tired of asking him.

We all kind of just accept that he might be working at an office… Or, you know, be involved in some wacky Black Market stuff.

…Now that I think about it, a lot of my friends are suspicious. Zevran might be onto something.

Garrett (4:32pm):
We’re having a group call!!!! Have u seen fenris and/or sebastian yet? Like their faces

Anders (4:32pm):
Yeah, I saw them last night.
Fenris looks like a wild dog and Sebastian’s hair offends me. Lmao.

I roll my eyes.

A wild dog… That's complete bullshit. Not to mention offensive.

And Sebastian’s hair is just fine.

Garrett (4:32pm):
Can you please be serious!!!

Anders (4:32pm):
I’m always serious.
Haha, just kidding.

It’s hopeless.

Garrett (4:32pm):
WHATEVER
Just sign in at some point pls I need moral support thnx

Anders (4:32pm):
I don’t know. Work’s busy.
I’ll try to, I guess.
P.S. Stop stalling; I can tell that you’re stalling and it’s more than a little pathetic.

I grumble incoherently and put my phone down next to my chip mountain.

Then, I reach over to the power button on my computer and press it.

I open the first of the seven chip bags as the IM Client loads.

I get an invite from Isabela before the first chip’s even in my mouth. I take a deep breath and accept it.

The screen loads up.

First I see Merrill. Then I see Isabela… Varric… Sebastian.

Fenris.

“Hello, Garrett!” Merrill does a little wave. “How are you? How was your mother?”

“My -- Wha?” Nice job. Strong start. “Oh, Mom? Mom’s fine! I had to buy her spaghetti. And… I passed out on her couch.” I almost say that I got marinara sauce in my beard; I barely stop myself in time.

“How’s Bethany?!” Isabela sounds desperate. “I didn’t read your text before I called you earlier! Is she okay?! Still sick?”

“She’s fine,” I say. “She ate around a million pancakes this morning.”

“Who’s Bethany?” Sebastian asks.

“My sister. Ah, younger sister,” I say.

Fenris raises an eyebrow, but says nothing.

“Ah. Uh. Right. Hey guys!” I say… Awkwardly. I give them a wave, too… Also awkwardly.

“Delayed reaction much, Hawke?” Varric grins. He’s looking down at something – I think he’s texting.

“I’m sorry!” I say. I cram some chips in my mouth, and then realize just how unattractive that must be.

I’m as out of control as ever.

Isabela’s giggling. A lot.

“Remember what I said about Hawke being a nervous eater, Fenris?” Varric asks.

Fenris covers his mouth, but his shoulders shake a bit, so I know he’s laughing. “I do.”

Varric is an evil man.

“Anyway, I hate to greet and run,” Varric says. “But duty calls.”

“Where are you going, Varric?” Merrill’s voice sounds weirdly stiff.

“My dearest older brother wants help with something.” Varric rolls his eyes. “You know how Bartrand is.”

“Your brother’s just so pleasant,” Isabela says. She’s looking at me really knowingly and it’s spooking me. “Anyway, adieu, Varric!”

“Adieu, my dear lady! And bye to the rest of you.”

“Hey!” Merrill pretends to be offended.

Varric laughs and logs out.

“I’m so glad that I didn’t have to work today,” Isabela says. “I’m so bad at my job… And I keep unknowingly stealing office supplies.”

“Is stealing okay if you tell a priest about it?” Merrill asks. “Because technically you just told Sebastian.”

“It doesn’t exactly work that way,” Sebastian says, slowly. “But it’s good to get the guilt off your chest…?”

“Ooh, yes. I love getting things off my chest,” Isabela says with a wink.

“Ah…” Sebastian looks at something past his monitor. “Oh… Right. I’m coming,” he says, to whatever he’s looking at. “My apologies, everyone.” He focuses back on us. “I have to go help my flatmate with something.”

“Aw! But I’ve barely been able to see your priestly face!” Isabela exclaims.

“I’m sorry. Like Varric said... Duty calls.” Sebastian smiles.

Merrill fidgets.

“Oh, fine. I’ll let you go… But only because your dimples are simply heavenly.” Isabela wiggles her eyebrows. “…Ha! Do you see what I did there? They’re heavenly because you’re a priest!” She guffaws.

“Yes. Heavenly. That’s hilarious,” Sebastian says. “Well, I’m off! I hope we can talk properly soon. Once again, my deepest apologies.”

“Goodbye, Sebastian!” Merrill calls out.

“See you later,” Fenris says.

He logs out.

“I wonder if Aveline will come online. I texted her, but she never replies to my texts,” Isabela muses.

“Probably because they have a tendency to be really dirty. And mean.”

“Only for you, Kitten.” Isabela smirks.  “Oh! What about Anders?”

Fenris grimaces for a second. By the time I blink, his face is back to normal.

I let out a bark of laughter which is totally not sexy.

But… His face!

He’s smiling at me now… It’s the barely-there-but-definitely-there smile. The Fenris smile.

Urgh.

“Anders is stuck at work,” I say.

“Oh my goodness! Work!” Merrill suddenly exclaims. She clutches her face. “I forgot I have to go work on the mirror at… Work! You know, the one that shattered!”

Isabela squints at her. “Really, Merrill? Really? It’s a Saturday evening and you want to go work on a mirror.”

“I-I’m very enthusiastic about this mirror!” Merrill insists. “I’m sorry. Isabela, Fenris, Garrett, I will talk to you later!” She stares at us and she looks like a deer in the headlights. “Erm…”

“Bye, Daisy,” Isabela says; she shakes her head and laughs.

“Goodbye?” Fenris says, except it sounds more like a question.

“See you, Merrill!” I say… Because I know better than to question her weird hobbies…

Except…

Wait.

They were all here until I got here.

Then Varric left, followed by Sebastian… And Merrill, too.

Which means…

“Oh, shit!” Isabela yells. There’s the sound of shattering glass. “Fuck! I dropped my bloody rum!”

Fenris looks appropriately concerned.

I, however, am visibly furious.

Because I can see what they’re doing. I can see it all too clearly.

They’re doing the thing. You know, when you invite the person you like out, and you tell them, Oh, hey, we’ll go with a bunch of friends! It’ll be fun! But then, of course, your friends don’t show up.

They don’t show up because they never planned on coming.

Wicked Grace is tricking me into a solo-video chat.

They each came up with their own excuses and then they implemented them.

My phone vibrates. Isabela’s frantically saying stuff, and Fenris is calmly replying.

Varric (4:45pm):
We believe in you, Hawkey.
Don’t fuck this up.

Holy shit.

“Fuck this, I’m not staying online sober. I’m going to run to the liquor store, but I’ll be back.” Isabela smiles. “Sorry, boys! Looks like it’ll just be the two of you.”

I’m flying solo.

This is an actual thing which is happening… This is my punishment for running away.

“It’s fine,” Fenris says.

Meanwhile, my throat has completely closed and I’m sure that I’m making a very unique expression at the screen.

“You alright, Kitten?” Isabela asks.

“I’m fine,” I manage to say. “I’m just… The glass breaking... I thought Miles broke something downstairs for a sec.” Okay, I’m not going to lie, that was some good quick thinking on my part.

Fenris frowns – but, once again, it happens so damn quickly that I can’t tell if it actually happened. How does he do that?!

“Miles is fine, you big lug,” Isabela croons. “Anyhoo, I hope you two get to know each other. I forbid you from talking about the MMO! It’s ‘getting-to-know-you’ time, alright?” She winks.

She’s evil.

They’re all evil!

“Noted,” Fenris says, smugly.

I nod, because I can’t speak – I’m too busy bracing myself for whatever socially awful thing I’m surely going to do in the next few seconds.

“Bye!” Isabela says. “When I’m back, I’ll have a big ol’ bottle of rum!” She salutes and logs off.

And now… It’s just us.

Fenris and I.

My lips are so dry.

And the silence between us feels really unnatural.

“Um…” Fenris clears his throat. “Hey.”

“Hey,” I squeak. “That was pretty chaotic, huh?”

He nods. “Your guild… It’s full of very interesting people.”

“It’s your guild too, you know,” I say.

His eyes widen and he coughs – at least, I think it’s a cough. “That’s true,” he says. “I’m not used to being a member yet…” His voice trails off.

Isabela literally just told us to not talk about the MMO, but… Common ground!

“But you fit in so well with us!” I babble. “You’re fine. We’re the ones who’re lucky to have you. Like,” my mouth is on auto-pilot, “I’m really glad that you joined. I’ve had a lot of fun… And I can actually play! I used to suck.” I laugh and it sounds a little bit manic.

“You never sucked,” Fenris says quietly. “Really. You’ve always been great. I’ve done nothing.”

I can feel the dreaded blush creeping onto my cheeks. No. “No way, you’ve helped me so much.”

He looks at me and smiles. A genuine smile.

He doesn’t cover his mouth and it isn’t fleeting.

Chapter Text

“…So he fell. Just like that! The chair broke again; legs went flying. Err, chair legs, I mean. Though I guess Carver’s legs did a bit of flying, themselves. Anyway, Bethany was laughing so hard. She’s absolutely evil.”

“And you’re sure that you weren’t encouraging her?”

“Nope. No way!” I lean back in my chair and raise my hands defensively. “I’m totally innocent, all the time.”

Fenris chuckles and shakes his head. “I’m sure you are, Hawke.”

“I’m the ideal eldest brother,” I insist.

He keeps shaking his head, with that little smirk of his.

We’ve been talking for quite a while.

Yes, I know. Talking! Just us… And I haven’t fucked anything up. I mean, I’m still on autopilot, kind of. If someone was taking a video of this conversation, it’s pretty likely that I’d kick myself over half the stuff I’ve said.

But in the moment?

I’m fine. I’m golden.

And I’m telling him all about my charmingly wacky little family.

“I’m sure Carver appreciated that.”

“He deserved it,” I say, shrugging. “He was being an ass – he kept throwing sawdust in her hair.”

“I can’t believe that you’re actually a carpenter,” Fenris muses. “In a family-owned business, no less.”

I sigh dramatically and grab my bag of cheddar chips. “It’s a selfless profession,” I say, theatrically. “Who else would fix all of the chairs of this world?” I stuff some in my mouth. “If I were a superhero, I’d be Chairman. Wait, that’s an actual word. Oh my god. I’d be a chairman.”

I start laughing.

He rolls his eyes.

I laugh even harder.

“Very witty. Excellent,” he says, monotonously, as I compose myself. “And… You’re an artist.”

Now fully composed, I just stare at him. Blankly. While crunching.

The corners of his mouth twitch. “You mentioned that you were an art student,” he says.

“Oh! Yeah. That’s… Yeah.” I shrug. “I’m not really an artist. I dunno. I haven’t carved anything in a long time. I’d rather just fix stuff, I guess.” It’s not a big deal. “It’s more straightforward.”

I spent most of my college years making art and playing various video games. Didn’t have many friends, except for my then-boyfriend… Who was barely around.

But it was thanks to those years (and his ‘neglect’) that I met Isabela, actually.

Then Varric… Merrill… Anders…

We were all so hopeless. It was great.

(I met Zevran later on, when Isabela told him about Hawke’s Carpentry – though I heard a lot about him before that. It’s funny how the world works out sometimes.)

“I see,” Fenris mutters. His hair looks so soft. It falls in front of his face, and when he brushes it back, I see the tattoos on his hands.

I can’t believe he has tattoos on his hands… They extend from the white ink lines on his arms.

They’re hauntingly beautiful, and I feel embarrassed for thinking that. 

I picture one of those hands in mine, and my throat goes dry.

The chips aren’t helping.

I should’ve brought water. Dammit, self.

“But I’ve been blabbering forever,” I say, laughing nervously. “You work at a library!”

“Yes,” he says. “I’ve been working at a library for the past few months.”

“Do you…” Don’t say it, Garrett, “…Like to read?”

Dammit, self!

“I… Yes,” he says. He seems a little self-conscious, which is weird, but kind of cute. “I didn’t get to read much when I was younger, so…”

“Making up for lost time?”  

He nods. “Something like that, yes.”

“That’s cool. I read a lot when I was younger.” I shovel more chips in my mouth. I’m a little worried that he’ll think it’s gross, but if someone can’t take the chips, then they definitely can’t take me.

(At least that’s what Anders said, a long time ago. Everyone agreed.)

“Fitting,” Fenris says with a smirk.

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

He laughs.

“I read a lot of fantasy stuff. And nature books. I like nature.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah. I’m too much of a nerd to go camping, though,” I say. “I like animals too much. I’d see a bear and try to hug it. Then it’d eat me, and I’d die.”

“Don’t hug bears, Hawke.”

“Duly noted.” I grin.

The rest of Wicked Grace would be so proud of me right now.

“Oh! Hey. Speaking of animals,” I say, “I’m amazed that Miles isn’t here right now. I think he’s mad at me.”

He furrows his brow and looks… Confused.

How is one human being so fucking cute?!

“He’s mad at you?”

“Yeah.” I roll my eyes. “I left to go to Mom's house last night – as you know, haha…” Smooth, Garrett. “I left food for him, but I guess he was expecting me back home.”

“I see.”

“I mean,” I toss my bag of chips down on the desk for dramatic effect, “I passed out! On the couch. I had sauce in my beard.”

No!

No filter!

I have no filter at all.

Fenris still seems confused. He covers his mouth and makes a small “hmm” sound and I feel like I just killed something.

My beard has betrayed me.

I knew it was too gross. I stopped myself before. Why not now?!

I can feel myself slipping into Emergency Garrett Mode.

And do you know what Emergency Garrett does?

I’ll tell you.

He talks.

“Beards are so high-maintenance,” I ramble. “Like, what’s the deal with beards, anyway? If you don’t maintain your beard, you look like a hobo. I mean, really, I don’t want to look like a hobo. I like to maintain an air of professionalism, you know?!” My voice cracks, but I keep going… Without stopping. I’m desperate. I need to fill the empty space. I can’t let it get awkward! “I’ve seen some fashionable hobos, though. Really fashionable. Some hipsters dig that look. I don’t think I do, though. I try to… Shave… Daily. I’m terrified of neck beards. Anders sometimes gets one, and it’s like,” I make a puke-esque noise which I’m sure sounds absolutely beautiful. “I’m sure professional hobos are out there. And their beards are probably professional looking, too. So maybe I’m being disrespectful to hobos. I should apologize to them.” Miles trots into the room, gnawing at his squeaky toy. “And to you. I didn’t mean to offend you, or any of the hobos out there.”

“Uh…”

“A beard is a commitment, you know?” I sigh. “People need to realize that, Fenris.”

“You have a dog?”

“The sauce thing was a total – Huh? Yeah.” Snapped out of my beard rant, I blink a few times. “Yeah, I do. You… knew that, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t,” Fenris says.

What? How?!

“How did you not know that?” I’m incredulous. “I was just telling you about him. Miles is mad at me.”

Fenris’ eyes are open so wide. They’re adorably big and so damn green…

“Hey! Miles!” I pat my thigh and turn towards him. “C’mere, boy! Are you ready to stop being a huge baby?”

Miles whines.

“Come see Fenris!” I say.

And that’s when I hear it.

Fenris snorts.

It alarms me and I turn back towards the screen.

His shoulders are shaking and his head is down.

“Are you okay?” I ask, because I’m concerned.

“I’m… It’s… Miles,” he says. “Miles is a dog. Miles is a dog!” He lifts his face up and, oh my god, that’s the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on him.

He’s laughing.

Full-on laughing. It’s loud and gravelly, yet light and airy and…

Kind of dorky. Like a guffaw.

Am I making sense?

Well, regardless… It’s downright infectious.

I start laughing, too.

He covers his eyes with his (tattooed) hands and is practically wheezing.

“I-I’m sorry,” he says. “I… Fuck! Miles is the dog!”

“How did you not know that?!” I’m laughing so hard… “I talk about Miles all the time! I’ve been talking about him for weeks!”

“I thought,” he wipes at his eyes. “I thought he was your… Boyfriend.”

Oh my fucking god.

I splutter and bang my knee on the desk. This sends an opened bag of chips flying onto the floor.

Miles views this as an invitation and sprints towards them.

“No! Miles! No! Bad dog! Bad! No chips!” I leap out of my chair and start gathering the fallen chips before he can get to them.

My headset’s still on, so I can hear Fenris laughing. And I’m sure he can hear me laughing, too…

His laugh might just be my favorite sound.

It’s up there, next to the sound Miles makes when you scratch his belly.

And as I realize this, I also realize…

That I have it bad for him.

Fenris, I mean.

Not Miles. We established that I am not, in fact, dating my dog.

I shove the chips back into the bag and throw it away, because I don’t trust my own floor…

I take my seat once again.

Fenris’ face is towards his keyboard. His shoulders are shaking and he’s… Giggling.

I can’t stop smiling.

Miles stares up at the monitor curiously.

“He’s staring at you, I think,” I say.

Fenris looks up. His face is a bit red from all the laughing. “Ah… Hello.”

Oh my god, he said hello to Miles.

“He says hello,” I inform Miles.

Miles tilts his head and drops his squeaky toy, then wags his stubby tail.

“He can’t play with you, Miles,” I say. “He’s miles away, you know.”

Miles is unaffected by my words.

“Maybe someday,” Fenris says. He’s stopped laughing, but he’s still smiling.

Argh…

“I can’t believe you thought Miles was a human!” I exclaim.

“I’m sorry. I now realize that he’s above human status,” Fenris replies.

I start laughing again. “Why… Why are you so…?!”

He smirks.

I mean, I know that I’ve been limiting Miles’ presence in my room… Since he was getting into a weird habit of paying my bed more attention than me.

But still!

“You knew I collected Mabari collars! In the MMO, I mean. They remind me of Miles… My dog.”

He bites his lip. “Some people are into that.”

I lose my shit. Again.

He said that so innocently…

“I don’t have a boyfriend.” I’m glad that I can finally clarify that… I didn’t think it needed clarifying. I thought my Total Mess Status spoke for itself. “I mean, I am gay.” I’m also glad that I can clarify that. “But… I don’t have a boyfriend. I haven’t had one in a while.” Okay, oops, I didn’t need to say that.

“I see,” Fenris says.

“Yeah. He… I’ve had one. One main boyfriend, I mean.” Oh no. “He turned out to be a dick.”

“What did he do?” There’s a protective edge to his voice and it’s so raw that I almost moan (yes, I’m that much of a loser).

But I don’t. Thank goodness.

“Uh, he turned out to be straight.”

“Shit.”

“I know right?!” I laugh, despite it all. “He… He was really hung up over this person. Her name was Amell, I think. I don’t think they ever dated, but he really, really wanted to date her…”

Cullen was always that kind of guy.

Really intense.

Once he saw something he liked, he always went for it.

He didn’t care about who he fucked over in the process.

I know he’s different now. But…

“I guess he was heartbroken,” I can’t stop talking. “And he thought he’d try dudes out for a while. Just to see… Y’know, because, if he couldn’t have Amell, why would he want any girl? He thought that being with a guy would be easier.” My hands are shaking. “I mean… We were in college, and he was like… The jock guy I’d always wanted in high school, but could never have.” I swallow and look up at Fenris.

He’s staring back calmly. I can’t read his face.

“I understand,” he says. Gently.

“Yeah. Yeah!” I take a deep breath. “He was like that. I was just this nerdy, artsy guy who couldn’t really connect with anyone… I wasn’t even on great terms with my mother around then – mostly because I was… Dealing with a lot. And he was there. At a party. He was drunk and he tried to make out with me! It was awful. I punched him.”

Fenris smirks at that.

“He apologized to me later, and we started dating in secret.” I wince. “If you’d even call it that. We’d really just sit around half the time.”

He was also really bad at sex.

Like, I know I’m not exactly a tiger in the sheets…

But Cullen didn’t know the first thing about gay sex. I’m just being frank here.

I’m not a very sexual person.

I like warm blankets and cuddling.

But Cullen was very sexual. And for such a sexual guy? He was so bad at it.

I was afraid that sex was always that bad. But… Nope. Just Cullen.

“So he ended it?” Fenris asks.

“Eventually.” I poke at Miles with my big toe. “We were together for two years.”

“Christ, Garrett.”

“I know!” I laugh and shake my head. “Two years. And he’d be gone half the time. I think he got bored of me since, like I said, we didn’t really do anything that special. Even the sex sucked. Oh, shit! That was his fault, by the way! Not mine! He’s the straight guy!”

DAMMIT, GARRETT!

Fenris laughs. “Right…”

“I’m so serious!” I’m also bright red. “But, anyway. It took him forever to get the courage to meet my family… And after he did, he got spooked out and decided that we had no future.” I shrug. “He broke up with me and said that he doesn’t like guys that way. He said,” I do air quotations, “‘I’m just not gay.’ After two years.”

“So even after dating you for two years, he completely ruled out being bisexual?” Fenris raises an eyebrow.

“Pretty much,” I say. “He didn’t really acknowledge bisexuality.”

“I love it when straight people take the piss at my sexual orientation,” Fenris muses. “Truly.”

So he’s bi.

Fenris is bi.

I have a chance!

I try to play it off cool. “Isabela says that all the time, too.”

“Regardless, your ex sounds like an ass,” Fenris states.

“He was,” I say with a wry smile. “He really was. But… He apologized to me later on, and I’m over it.” Mostly.

“I’m glad,” Fenris says, and he sounds so genuine.

“Yeah. Me too.” I let out a shaky breath. “So… That’s me. My exciting romantic history. How about you?”

He just stares at me.

His jaw is clenched.

I’m mentally kicking myself, because I need to learn that just because I’m willing to divulge random bits of my pathetic life, that doesn’t mean other people are.  

I’m about to start rambling but Fenris clears his throat.

“I’ve been with a lot of people. There was one main person, though.” He says it slowly. He’s looking at me very closely. “I was with him for years.”

“Like an open relationship?” I ask.

“Not really. I…” His voice trails off. “It’s complicated.”

I nod rapidly.

His face is flat, though. He doesn’t seem heartbroken or anything.

“I broke it off. He didn’t want me to.” He nibbles on his lower lip. “He’s very possessive. He always was.”

“So he’s a stalker?”

Fenris winces.

For the fucking love of all things holy, Garrett – think before you speak! Think before you say words!

“I’m sorry!” I say, quickly. “I…”

“No, you’re fine.” Fenris shakes his head. “He’s essentially like that, yeah. But I can protect myself. And he’s far away now.”

I feel something hot in my chest but I can’t tell what it is.

Anger, maybe.

“Does he still nag you?”

“Not really.” He shrugs. “He’d show up a lot when I was avoiding him... And I was, for a time. I’m fed up with running now. Of course, since I’m finally fed up, he seems to have disappeared.”

“Fed up as in… You want to get back together with him?”

“Fuck no!”

Okay, wow. His voice got... really loud. Louder than I've ever heard it.

“Never. Not a chance.” He scowls. “I could never. I’d sooner kill him than ever –” His breath hitches.

He didn’t mean to tell me that.

“Your ex sounds a million times worse than mine,” I say. “A million.”

“He’s shit,” Fenris says. “I wouldn’t compare the two. Believe me.”

“You should tell me if he ever tries anything,” I say. “Or Wicked Grace as a whole, actually. I don’t know what I could do to help…” Since I can’t even kick a door down... “But… I’m almost certain that Varric has ties to the mafia.”

Fenris raises an eyebrow.

“I could probably fashion a wooden spear or something. Varric can lead the charge at him with it.”

He laughs. “I’d like to see that.”

“Me too,” I say. “Ugh! Why are we talking about our exes, anyway?”

“I wonder,” Fenris says, with a crooked grin.

He better not know that I have a terrible crush on him.

“It’s all Miles’ fault.” I poke at Miles with my foot. He’s dozing under my desk. “I can’t believe you thought he was a filthy human.”

“I know,” Fenris says. “I mean, you always talk about him being judgmental.”

“Believe me, he totally is! He’s calm right now, but the second you’re gone he’s just going to look at me with those beady little eyes…” He’s going to make me question all my life choices.

“Sounds rough,” Fenris says.

“I love dogs,” I say, seriously.

“I… like dogs, too,” Fenris says.

“I want twenty dogs, but my landlady would kill me,” I say.

“That’s a shame.”

“I know right?!”

 I start telling him about Meredith; he laughs when I tell him about a particularly unfortunate occurrence concerning uncollected Miles-Poop. (Likely my closest brush with death, to be honest.)

He lives in an apartment complex.

It’s small but close to the library he works at.

“I don’t need that much space,” he says.

“I’m jealous,” I say. “I’m too tall. Lanky, y’know. Everything about me is too big. I need space.”

He cackles at that.

I’m not sure why, initially. But it dawns on me.

“Oh my god!” I clutch my chest. “Fenris! You’re – you’re just as bad as Isabela and Varric. I can’t believe you!”

“I’m not sorry,” he says.

He seems so serious.

I mean, he is serious.

But he’s also a huge nerd.

It’s not surprising, since he does play the MMO really frequently… And, of course…

He’s a member of Wicked Grace.

We’re all beyond saving.

“I’m going to tell Sebastian. He’ll bathe you in holy water.”

“I’d like to avoid that at all costs,” Fenris replies.

My phone vibrates.

I grab it and check it.

Zevran (6:36pm):
Hello, gare! :) :) :)
I present to you: a message from Isabela freshly copied & pasted:
“tell him he better still be talkin 2 fenny AND/OR engaging in vid call sex w him”
I hope you are having fun, u sly dog! <3 <3 <3 :***

“Why?!” I exclaim.

“What’s wrong?” Fenris asks.

Dammit, Isabela! “It’s my friend! Zevran’s his name. He’s, uh, just mad. We haven’t hung out in a while.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah. Some people don’t understand how important overrated MMOs are,” I say. “They don’t get that I’m under a strict training regime.”

Fenris rolls his eyes. “It’s hardly strict.”

“I’m following it forever!” It’s a work of art. “I’m not straying from it. Not even a little. It’s me.”

“Whatever you say, Hawke.”

I really like how he says my name.

Hawke.

That’s when it happens.

At that exact moment, Anders logs in.

And he immediately invites himself to our conversation.

“Oh… Oh my god.” It’s Anders.

Fenris makes that distinct face again – that fleeting grimace. It’s gone as quickly as it appears.

“What should I do?” I ask.

“Aren’t we having a Wicked Grace call tonight?”

Oh, shit. He doesn’t know about the Operation.

Of course he doesn’t.

That’s a slight relief, I guess.

Wait, does Anders?!

Did Anders legitimately miss the memo?!

“That’s true. He was supposed to be at work, though.” 

“Where does he work?”

“I don’t know. Don’t ask him. He’ll never give you a serious answer.”

“Noted.”

The Invite Request is flashing in front of us.

On one hand, I can accept the invitation and stick true to the “Wicked Grace Group Call” guise which the guild masterfully(?) crafted. On the other hand, I can decline it and have more time to talk to/attempt to flirt(?) with Fenris.

That being said, I have no idea how I’m going to justify declining it without making the Operation blatantly obvious.

“Oh, fuck it.” I accept it.

Anders appears on the screen. “Took you long enough. Woah, where is everyone?!”

“Let’s see…” I fold my arms. “Varric had to deal with his brother. Sebastian had a problem with his flatmate. Merrill wanted to work on a mirror, and Isabela went on an alcohol run.”

“Typical. They can be so flaky.”

Anders…

“Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Nope,” he replies. “I got off early this time.”

“Right.”

I grab my phone again and send a text to Isabela, very quickly:

Garrett (6:40pm):
As it turns out I totally was talking to fenris
Successfully. gloriously.
i think we flirted maybe
HOWEVER
You seem to have left a certain blond guy out of this particular phase of the operation

Anders starts talking about some cute thing his cat did today.

Fenris is clearly spacing out.

I say something about Miles.

Anders says that his cat is superior.

I tell him to take that back, right at this moment.

He urges me to make him.

Isabela (6:41pm):
omg im so proud of u kitten
and idk what ur talking about varric was the first to leave lol

Isabela (6:41pm):
LOL WAIT
OH SHIT

Chapter Text

“Well, uh… Don’t kill me! But… I told him about my ex.”

“The ex?”

“The ex.”

“Kitten… What the fuck?” Isabela raises an eyebrow. “Why on earth would you tell your hot new love interest about that slice of stale bread?”

“He’s not stale bread! And I don’t know! One thing led to another!”

“Garrett, I can see chip crumbs in your beard!” Merrill chirps.

“I know. I’m disgusting.” I stick my hand back into the bag of BBQ chips. “I’m just… I’m so frustrated!”

“Sexually frustrated?”

“Stop, Isabela.” I shove a handful of chips into my mouth.

She laughs.

Fenris is offline (that’s why I’m allowing Isabela to refer to him as my ‘hot new love interest’). He had to go meet up with someone. Honestly, I think he just made an excuse to bail on the increasingly awkward nature of the Anders Conversation.

Yes, it got so awkward that it got a title and will probably live in infamy forever.

Isabela and Varric did actually leave their respective houses, and Merrill was taking a really long bubble bath. I don’t even know where Sebastian went, or where he is. Maybe he didn’t lie. Maybe that wouldn’t have been… Priestly.

Anyway, no one could salvage the situation. The result? Abysmal.

“I can’t believe you left me out of the Operation!” Anders is pissed.

As soon as Fenris left, I asked him if he missed the memo. He confirmed that he did.

They forgot all about him.

“I, for one, also can’t believe that you left him out of the Operation!” I really can’t.

“It happens,” Varric says.

“I’m an integral part of this movement!” Anders wails.

“You don’t even like Fenris,” Isabela points out.

“That doesn’t matter! I’m still part of the guild! If Sebastian can be a part of it, I need to be!”

“Nice logic,” I say dryly.

“You should be upset about this, too!” Anders retorts. “I – Oh my god, I was a third wheel. I was the third wheel!”

“Believe me, I’m upset, too.” I sigh. I was doing so well…

“It wasn’t intentional, I promise,” Varric says.

“These things happen for a reason,” Merrill adds, with a sagely nod.

“Bullshit,” Anders grumbles.

“You guys made it so obvious, too,” I say. “Merrill’s mirror…”

Merrill turns visibly red. “Oh, I’m no good with pressure! I heard about the plan a few minutes before.”

“Nice communication, Isabela,” I say.

She shrugs and takes a sip of her (new) rum, straight from the bottle. “It wasn’t my idea.”

“Varric?”

“No dice, Hawke,” Varric says. “It was the Choir Boy.”

“What?!” Anders and I exclaim in unison.

“Cross my heart.” Varric smirks. “He was saying how it’s so effective. I don’t think he has your number though, Blondie.”

“I can’t believe it,” Anders says. He’s shaking his head a lot. “I can’t believe that the little princely priest newbie is more involved in this guild operation than I am.”

As if on cue, Sebastian logs into the video chat client.

“Invite him right now!” I say.

Isabela cackles and obliges.

“You’re a priest! A priest!” His screen hasn’t fully loaded and I’m already expressing my disbelief.

“A priest in training,” he says, but he’s laughing. “Isabela texted me…” He loads up. His hair is slicked back – he looks even more similar to his MMO character. “My apologies, Anders.”

Anders is pouting.

“You’re the most evil priest ever,” I say.

“Thank you, Garrett.” He smiles and looks so serene.

“I can’t believe you. Do you even have a ‘flatmate’?!” I do air quotations.

“Ah, nope!” He laughs. “I was pretending to talk to my wall, actually.” So when he looked beyond his monitor… Oh. I guess his computer’s up against a wall… Like most people’s computers are. How did I miss that?!

“Unbelievable!”

“If I was in on this I would’ve had a flawless excuse,” Anders says.

“Hey! Mine was totally believable!” Isabela puts her bottle of rum down.

“You wasted a whole bottle of rum for little old me.” I place my hand over my heart. “I’m so touched.”

“Kitten, I love you and all, but I wouldn’t waste a bottle of rum for anyone,” Isabela states. “I filled an empty bottle up with water. Made it very realistic.”

I frown and let my hand drop.

“Hey! Don’t give me that look!” Isabela grins. “The glass was still a pain to clean up.”

“If I knew everyone was going to come up with their own elaborate excuses, I’d have given mine some more flair,” Varric says.

“Yours was the most believable one, though,” I say.

“Still. I could’ve added in some drama. Like…” He pauses for a few seconds, then begins talking in an incredibly animated fashion: “Hey, I’ve gotta run! The cops are at my door. They’ll never take me again, Hawke. Never again.”

His expression is so serious with the final ‘never again’ that I get a little spooked.

Mafioso.

“Mine would’ve been better!” Anders insists.

“Fine then, Blondie. Come up with your best Operation: Hard in Hightown excuse. Go.”

Anders stares at him. “Fine. I need to go buy food for Ser Pounce-A-Lot.” He smiles, all proud of himself.

Varric makes a tsk-tsk-tsk sound. “Pet-related excuses are weak, Blondie.”

“I’d give it a solid 2/10,” Isabela says.

“What?!”

“Garrett uses Miles as an excuse all the time,” Merrill says. “It doesn’t work very well.”

“I’ve learned my lesson, believe me,” I say. “Fenris thought that Miles was a human. He also thought that I was dating him.”

I already regret revealing that.

Sebastian starts laughing. Granted, he tries to hide it by covering his mouth… But it doesn’t work.

Isabela, on the other hand? She’s letting it all out.

“Fucking hell!” She’s wheezing. “Hawke, you’re… How? How?!”

“This is why disclaimers are important,” Varric says.

“Why the hell would anyone think that Ser Pounce-A-Lot is a human’s name?” Anders asks.

“It could be a nickname,” Merrill chirps. “Like… Fluffy!”

“Why would you ever call your boyfriend ‘Fluffy?’” Anders scoffs.

“He may be a fluffy person,” Merrill replies. “Garrett’s beard is very fluffy. It’s a cute name. I think it suits him.”

My beard has been a hot topic lately.

“Ugh, this is so ridiculous,” Isabela says. “I’m proud of you, Kitten. But… We need to bring in the big guns.”

“Will these ‘big guns’ involve your boobs?” I ask, only partially joking.

“No. Well, maybe.”

“Isabela!”

“No promises!” She laughs. “Anyway, we’ll work some magic.”

“I’m good at that,” Anders adds. “Magic, I mean.”

Don’t say it, Anders. Don’t say it.

“Because I’m a mage.”

He said it.

We all groan, except for Merrill, who delightedly claps her hands.

“Just leave this to the professionals, Blondie,” Varric says, with a suspicious little wink.

I must be losing it, because that all-too-familiar knot of dread in my chest (which I’ve come to associate with all things Operation-related) has been replaced by a… Flutter.

A flutter.

It’s not a medical condition or anything. Just a mysterious little flutter which is weirdly hopeful and reminiscent of… Silly childhood crushes.

Isabela and Sebastian are staring at me knowingly.

Dammit!

It’s going to be a long (and, sadly, Fenris-less) night.

~

It’s Saturday morning. 10am, to be precise.

I’m standing in front of the pastry display case at Duncan’s.

I may or may not be holding back the entire line.

The cashier -- a blonde woman with a ton of tattoos -- is holding the tongs and glaring at me. Her name tag says Velanna. She seems to be perpetually grumpy.

Probably because I’m reading her name tag instead of deciding on what I want to eat.

I finally give in and decide on a cinnamon bagel and hot chocolate.

Velanna doesn’t stop glaring. Not even as I pay her.

Bethany is somewhere behind the counter and out of my sight. She was serious about getting a job here, apparently. Zevran convinced Cousland to hook her up with an interview… I’m here for moral support.

I take a seat (facing the counter, so that I can see Bethany the second she’s out) and take a huge bite of the bagel.

Like, a massive one. I’ve eaten, like, at least half of it already.

I glance up. Velanna’s still glaring at me.

I check my phone for texts, as I do in most awkward situations.

Isabela (9:41am):
WISH BETHY LUCK 4 ME!
shes got this

Garrett (10:16am):
Ive literally never heard from you this early on a saturday morning
Are you ok……

I get an immediate reply.

Isabela (10:16am):
shhhhhhh im showing support from afar
u know im always supporting cute girlz ;) ;)

Garrett (10:16am):
Why must you hit on my sister through me. Why.

Isabela (10:17am):
idk garrett whys WATER WET

Garrett (10:17am):
Thats so mature, Isabela. so mature.

Isabela (10:17am):
DID U TELL BETHY I WISHED HER LUCK

Garrett (10:17am):
She was in the interview room already. Ur too late.

Isabela (10:17am):
U R A LIAR GARRETT HAWKE!!!!!
zev told me her interviews at 10 and i texted u at 9:41
therefore u r just a piss poor messenger

Oops, she caught me.

Garrett (10:17am):
I was choosing a pastry okay!!!

Isabela (10:17am):
>:(

I glug down some hot chocolate and glance back towards the register.

The small mob of people has been served, which means that Velanna has even more time to glare at me.

Garrett (10:17am):
The barista here wants my blood i think

Isabela (10:17am):
is she cute

I raise my head cautiously and stare at her.

Garrett (10:17am):
She has a lot of cool tattoos.

Isabela (10:18am):
not my question but thanks
is zev w u?

Garrett (10:18am):
no, Cousland has the day off
Zevran said that theyre having a “quiet day” @ home, w/e that means

Isabela (10:18am):
AWWWW theyre prob havin some deliciously wild sex as we speak
how cute

I narrowly avoid choking on my cinnamon bagel.

Garrett (10:18am):
Its TEN IN THE MORNING

Isabela (10:18am):
do u not know zevran lol
believe me hes ready to go whenever wherever

She has a point.

But I’m still not over that one time – weeks ago – that I sought solace and ended up interrupting them… The fateful call that Cousland answered.

Well, I’m not sure if I interrupted them. I don’t want to think about it.

Garrett (10:18am):
Why are we talking about this?!?!

Isabela (10:18am):
im bored and mildly annoyed w u so im messin w u
take a pic of the girl and ill 4give you

Garrett (10:18am):
ABSOLUTELY NOT

I hear a familiar voice from the counter and look up. Bethany is animatedly chatting with a tall, middle-aged (yet still very attractive) guy. His dark hair is in a ponytail, and he has an incredibly well-groomed beard.

“Garrett!” Bethany speed-walks up to me. “I got the job!”

“Already?!” That was really quick. I stand up and she hugs me.

The tall guy with the ponytail just smiles.

“I, uh…” I’m staring at him over Bethany’s head. “Who…?”

Bethany pulls away and points at him. “This is Duncan! He’s my boss.”

Duncan!

Duncan from Duncan’s!

“You’re real!” I blurt out.

He raises an eyebrow.

“Duncan! You’re… Duncan. From Duncan’s.” Nice. “I’ve never seen you before.”

“Oh,” Duncan says. “Yes. I’m the owner. “

I always thought that Duncan’s was just… A name. To make the coffee shop seem quainter. More personable.

“I start on Monday!” Bethany exclaims.

“That’s great,” I say.

“Your sister has quite the constitution,” Duncan says. I stare at him blankly.

“I can handle caffeine really, really well!” Bethany shouts.

Oh, right. The weird little employment ritual, with the strong coffee.

That explains the hug… And why she’s talking at a pretty loud volume. Some people are staring.

“Sure you can,” I say. I put my hands on her shoulders. “I’ll buy you a bagel. How about that?”

“Sure!” She turns back towards Duncan. “Thank you so much for your time! And also for giving me the job!” She bows. God, Bethany…

Duncan seems very amused by the whole thing. “Of course. You’re more than worthy. You can pick up your apron tomorrow, and…”

The two start talking about job-related things. My phone screen lights up.

Isabela (10:20am):
pls tell me when bethy gets the job
bc we all know shes gunna get the job

Garrett (10:20am):
She got it!!!

Isabela (10:20am):
YESSSSSS tell her i say congrats ;)
and also that i want pics of her in her apron pls

Ulterior motives. I shake my head and laugh.

“…Right, Big Brother?”

“Huh?” I look up from my phone screen. Duncan and Bethany stare back at me.

“I said, ‘I live in the area.’ Right?”

“Oh, right. Yeah, a few minutes away.” I pause. “We’re regulars here, actually.”

“Ah, yes. Cousland told me. I’m glad to hear that.” Duncan smiles. “Well, like I said, you can pick up your apron tomorrow if you’d like.” He looks up at me. “And she should probably eat something. That brew of The Corruption was pretty strong.”

“Why would anyone name coffee ‘The Corruption?!’” That just sounds foreboding. And also gross.

Duncan chuckles. “We make it for potential employees. It’s not for sale.”

Bethany laughs… hysterically.

I don’t want to know.

“Okay, right. Bagel. Right,” I say. I walk over the pastry display case again, and Velanna scrunches her face up.

Bethany and Duncan shake hands. He heads back behind the counter as I pick a chocolate chip bagel out for Bethany.

~

“And I was just like, why do you even care, Saemus?!” Bethany huffs. “I swear, boys are so stupid! All the time!”

“We definitely are,” I say. I’m on my fifth mug of hot chocolate.

She’s in a very expressive mood. She’s telling me all about her college friends.

“If you love Ashaad or whatever, who cares what your dad thinks?!” She sighs. She’s been drinking way too much coffee, but she seems to have worked The Corruption out of her system. “Remember how our mom abandoned everything for our dad? Everything ended up fine!”

“Leaving out the whole ‘disowned-by-her-entire-family’ thing, yeah, stuff ended up fine.”

“Shush!” She throws a sugar packet at me (apparently I’m doomed to always get attacked by sugar packets at Duncan’s). “That’s how we were born, Garrett.”

“True. By the way...” I gesture to my phone, which is on the table. “...Isabela said congratulations. On the job.” I leave out the apron picture part, because apparently I’m also doomed to eternally filter Isabela’s passes at my little sister.

“She did?” Bethany looks down into the mug of coffee in her hands.

A weirdly awkward silence falls between us.

“So, um, about Isabela…” She starts to speak, but then Aerosmith interrupts her.

“Sorry!” I grab my phone and answer it. “Hello?”

“Garrett!” It’s Anders. “Garrett, you need to come online right now.”

“What?! Why? I’m not home,” I say. I check my watch – it’s 11:30am. “Why is everyone up so early today?!”

“It’s 11:30am,” Bethany mutters as she sips at her coffee. “You’re all messes.”

I stick my tongue out at her.

“I don’t know. Your boyfriend wants you. We’re doing a Deep Roads run.”

“No!” I wail. “Hell no!

Bethany squints at me.

“I’m not going near the Deep Roads!” Least favorite dungeon of all time.

Bethany seems to be deep in thought.

“You will. If you don’t, I’ll tell Fenris that you cry every time you watch The Notebook.”

No! “Fuck you!”

“See you soon, Hawkey.” Anders laughs and hangs up.

I growl and stuff my phone in my pocket. “As much as I love hearing about Saemus’ various escapades with Ashaad, I have to go.”

“The Deep Roads… Is that a dungeon?”

“Yeah.” I sigh. “It’s the worst one in the whole game and I’m being blackmailed into doing it. Whoo.”

“Is it the one near the beginning of the storyline?” Bethany frowns. “The one I kept dying in.”

“Oh my god, I forgot that you played the MMO for like, a day!” I start laughing. “That’s the one. Yep.”

“Gross.” She makes a disgusted face. “I stopped right after that. I died at least ten times.”

“That’s just because we didn’t have a healer. Anders was on vacation.” A very shady vacation, but a vacation nonetheless.

“I don’t care.” She pouts. “I don’t like dying.”

“Neither do I,” I say. “And I’m about to do a lot of it.”

~

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: lol cmon kittennnn

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: ABSOLUTELY NOT.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: see. what did i tell u fenris

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: hes fckin impossible

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: ha.

“You’re being a whiny little shit,” Isabela informs me.

“I am not! You know how I feel about the Deep Roads!” I wail.

“You complain about every single dungeon, Garrett,” Aveline says.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Hawke, let’s just get on with it.

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: You came online. You were expecting this. Let’s go.

“I will bring up The Notebook,” Anders says. “I’ll do it in the most embarrassing way possible.”

“Yeah right,” I grumble.

Fenris is at work, so he can’t hear us… Hence why we’re actually bothering with typing.

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Hey, Fenris. There’s this one movie Garrett ALWAYS watches…

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: AAAJDKDJGJFDH

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: fdlgkfdlhkhkLKBLGFKH

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: ldfg;fdlkh;klKLDHKFDKH HSDKGLDKJH

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: FFFRHFRHFRHRHRHR JDLKGFH

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: I AM READY

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: I WILL DO THE DUNGEON

“Smooth as fuck,” Isabela says.

“Anders, you’re the worst wingman ever,” I snap.

He laughs.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Alright, I’ll warp us all to the entrance, then.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: sure. thanks.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: No problem! :)

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: maker bless u big girl

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Shut up.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: omg u r so MEAN to me ));

“I don’t know why, but that just didn’t seem sincere to me,” Aveline says.

“So rude!” Isabela exclaims.

White text appears across my screen:

– Accept Party Warp from [ captvallen ] ? –

I begrudgingly click “Yes.”

My screen goes black. I stare at my reflection. I look appropriately grumpy, and also a little gross.

I sit up a bit straighter and adjust my shirt.

The dungeon entrance loads up.

I’m standing in a really stony, dirty area with a lot of huge blue crystals all over the place.

Aveline is already there, with her lion-face shield, and…

“You got a new sword!” I exclaim. It’s huge for a one-handed sword, and it has a fancy hilt that’s gold and black in color.

“I did,” Aveline replies.

“It’s so cool!”

Fenris and Anders load up at the same time. Isabela follows.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: you got glandivalis? congratulations.

“Oh my god, he’s so smart,” I say.

“It’s only one of the most sought-after swords in the game, Garrett,” Anders says. “Everyone knows about it. Do you even play?”

I turn red and pout.

“Don’t ruin my kitten’s fun, Anders,” Isabela says.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: I did! The quest was a pain, but it was worth it.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: its shiny!!!!

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: very shiny.

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: SUPER SHINY

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Yes, the shininess is a plus.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Anyway, are we ready?

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: We’ve been ready FOREVER. Garrett was keeping us back.

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: >:(

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: calm yo tits

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: my tits are VERY calm!!!!

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: i’m sure they are, hawke.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: also, yes, i’m ready.

“Ha. Ha. Fenris vaguely referenced your nonexistent tits,” Anders says monotonously.

“Can we please not take the conversation into this territory?” I grumble. “Like, let’s not.”

“Fenris can vaguely reference my tits any day,” Isabela croons.

“Like I said,” I say, “let’s just not.”

“I’m kidding, Hawkey!”

Varric [siegeharder] is online.

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Wait a sec.

“Ooh, it’s Varric!” Isabela exclaims.

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Sorry, I’m not at home right now, can’t go onto voice chat.

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Rivaini, you might wanna log off for a bit.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: wat o_o

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: A guy told me to pass on a message to you. Something about a unique item being sold on the market, and a veeeery angry guild…

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Does this ring any bells?

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: LOL a bit too many tbh

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: fuuuuuck lmaooo

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Basically.

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: They’re doing some loosely illegal thing involving a database search, trying to track you down. Right now.

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: So you might wanna lay low for a few hours, as is the norm.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: LOOOOOOOOOL

“Can you believe how much these nerds love me?” Isabela muses. “To go as far as this…” She starts laughing.

“Again, Isabela?” Aveline sighs.

“What did you do this time?” Anders asks. Sincerely. Because Isabela does a lot of things.

“Nothing special, Andy-poo,” Isabela replies.

I start laughing at that name. Andy-poo…

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: this happens often, i take it?

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: ya…..

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Shit happens.

“Ergh.” Isabela groans. “This is annoying. I’ll have to take some precautionary measures, I guess.”

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: i’ll leave the guild 4 a bit

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: gonna cover ur butts, even tho i luv them

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: :(

“Aw, no!” I hate when Isabela leaves the guild. I mean, she does it occasionally (namely, when she wants to steal things from other guilds), and she’s told us time and time again that she will be back, but… It makes me sad. Every time.

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: When will you learn to stop messing around with these hardcore guilds?

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: when they stop bein so fun 2 mess around with

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: If this ends up having consequences, I’m going to kick your arse, Isabela.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: kinky ;)

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: -_-

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: we can handle any possible consequences, i’m sure.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: see??? this is y i LUV fenris

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: anyway ya here i go

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: no deep roads 4 meee

White text appears across the screen:

Isabela [likebigboats69] has left [Wicked Grace].

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: she can’t hear you, hawke.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: wait. i guess she can if you’re in the chatroom together. never mind.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: but she can’t see guild chat.

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: WHOOPS

“I yelled ‘no’ in guild chat,” I inform her. “Fenris informed me that you can’t see guild chat anymore.”

“I appreciate the sentiment,” Isabela replies. “Okay, anyway. I’m going to log off now. I want to go to the mall!”

Her character does a little wave, then vanishes.

“Bye, Isabela,” I say. “Don’t get mauled by any vengeful nerds on the way over there.”

“I can take them,” Isabela says.

“Can you?” Anders asks. “There’s all sorts of pent-up resentment in their scrawny little bodies, you know.”

“You’re describing yourself, Anders, and if they’re anything like you, I can definitely take them,” Isabela retorts.

Anders laughs. “Keep telling yourself that.”

“Goodbye, Isabela,” Aveline says. “And, like I said, if this has negative consequences for the guild, I’ll kick your arse.”

“You always have my back, big girl!” Isabela giggles. “Anyway, toodle-oo.”

She goes offline.

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: Isabela has left the building

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Yeah, I’ve gotta head out, too.

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Just logged in to give the message.

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Have fun in the Deep Roads, you wild kids.

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Don’t let the Broodmother bite. ;)

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: UGHHHH

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: goodbye, varric.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Talk to you later.

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Bye.

Varric goes offline.

“Well, it’s finally time to kick some Darkspawn ass,” Anders says.

I groan some more.

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: do we have to do this :(

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Again, that one movie…

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: S T O P

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Fenris, we seem to be going into this dungeon with two children.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: hmm.

I can hear that “hmm” in his voice.

And I visualize his face for a second – how he looked when we were video chatting, pre-Anders Conversation. Fenris’ face, in that little square window on my computer screen…

I gurgle a little.

“Hawke, please,” Aveline says with a sigh.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Well, here we go.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: (Finally.)

Dungeon [ The Deep Roads ] commenced.

We get warped to another stony, dirty area. This one has even more huge blue crystals. We start running forward, with Aveline leading the charge.

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Look at all these lyrium veins. Yum.

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: ))))))):

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Chill.

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: ))))):<

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Oh my god.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Stay sharp, boys.

A herd of Darkspawn surround us, all yelling their Darkspawn-y things.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Hawke, use Bellow.

I squint at my skills bar, and… I totally don’t have that skill.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: he doesn’t have it.

He knows my skills better than I do.

I start laughing.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Oh my god.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Okay, I’m on it, then.

She draws aggro.

We all go storming through the crowd. Well, except Anders. He stays back (appropriately) and castes a bunch of complex-looking fire spells.

Between Fenris, Aveline and I, aggro just keeps switching… But the battle goes by surprisingly quickly.

I guess that means I really am getting tougher. I mean, I’m one-shotting things, and that barely ever happens. I’m also landing a lot more critical hits than usual…

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: So, Hawke’s build… It’s not a tank one?

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: it has some tank-like elements.

We keep running through the dungeon, slaying dozens of nasty Darkspawn. Fenris and Aveline start chatting about complex warrior things. Things that I don’t understand at all.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Guess I’m the only tank-centred warrior in WG then, huh?

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Though you know how to sponge damage quite well, Fenris.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: i try. sometimes.

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: I will never be ur sponge!!!!

Anders sighs.

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Ugh, warriors.

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Let’s just stay focused and get this over with. I want loot.

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: I KNEW IT ur motivations are selfish!!!!!

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Hey, the Deep Roads was Fenris’ idea!

I gasp dramatically.

Then I remember Fenris can’t hear me.

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: I just gasped dramatically!

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: It’s true, he did.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: ha.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: we all have to face our fears sometimes, hawke.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: ;)

Winky face.

“Winky face,” I groan.

“You’re pathetic,” Anders says affectionately.

“This is still all your fault,” I say.

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: im not about the fear-facing lifestyle

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: I like non-fear inducing scenarios.

A giant spider suddenly descends from the fucking cave’s ceiling and I scream very loudly.

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: You’re a cowARKTGL

“Your scream scared the shit out of me!” He exclaims.

“Nice,” Aveline says.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Nice.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: nice.

They practically typed that in unison.

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Shut up! Hawke scared me!

We bring the giant spider down quickly.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Okay, I have no idea which build you’re running, Hawke.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: It makes no sense to me. Yet, somehow, you’re amazing.

“Aw!” I yell. “Aw!”

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: is he squealing in the chatroom?

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Of course he is.

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: Im yelling in a manly manner tyvm!!!!

“Fenris made this build for me! He knows me so well!” I’m talking at a very high pitch. “I can’t believe it! Aveline approval. This is the best day of my life!”

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: He’s having a moment.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: it’s okay, hawke.

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: No, it’s not. He’s being way too loud.

Anyway, we zoom through the dungeon. Despite my miraculous improvements, it’s just as miserable as it always is.

At one point, I almost started crying.

An Ogre picked me up and squished me.

I didn’t like that one bit.

Then we had to kill a ton of baby dragons.

I didn’t like that one bit, either.

By the time we’re at the door before the final boss, I feel way too jumpy. I’m on high alert.

Aveline interacts with it, and the screen fades to black as the Broodmother fight loads up. The chat box is still there, though.

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Huh. Feels weird, going into a Broodmother fight without Isabela.

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Who’ll make sexual jokes the entire time?

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: you could give it a shot.

The boss room appears. The ground and walls are covered in flesh and delightful sacs of flesh. Mysterious substances ooze out of some.

I skip the cut scene, because I’m not in the mood to see the Broodmother in all her squishy, screeching, tentacle-y glory.

Anders casts a quick buff on us and we charge in.

I’m slashing away at tentacles with Aveline, while Fenris is mauling the Broodmother herself.

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Hmmmmm…

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: She has a lot of boobs.

“Hilarious, Anders,” I say dryly.

“She does!” He says.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: an astute observation.

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: I’m not Isabela, okay?

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Good. I can’t deal with two of her.

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: ha ha, anders’ jokes suck!

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: wait, that was his joke?

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: I’m not healing either of you anymore.

“No!” I yell. My health is already at the 50% mark. “I take it back! You’re hilarious.”

Anders snorts.

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: No amount of begging shall save you now.

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Rule #1 of MMORPGs: Never piss off the healer.

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: You are a poop.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: we’re almost done, anyway.

He’s right – the Broodmother’s essentially dead.

Fenris delivers the final attack on her, and a really cool “Finishing Blow” animation plays.

I slyly take a screenshot.

Anders gets some flashy staff, and we finally teleport out of the Hellhole which is the Deep Roads.

We’re all gathered on the Wounded Coast now.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Good job. That wasn’t too bad, now, was it, Hawke?

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: yeah it was ok but Im never doing it again.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: ha.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: you did well.

I giggle.

“Hawke…” Aveline sighs.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: I have to head out now, but that was a damn good run.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Hawke, I’ll text you later about that thing I mentioned.

What?

“What thing?” I ask.

“Shut it,” Aveline replies. “Just play along. Say ‘okay.’”

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: Ok, cool!

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Oh, wait.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Fenris, I don’t have your number.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: ah, none of you do. and i don’t have your numbers, either.

Holy shit.

Is Aveline doing what I think she’s doing…?

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: We should exchange them, then!

She did it.

Aveline totally did it.

Fenris tells us his number.

And we each tell him our numbers.

My hands shake as I put Fenris’ into my phone.

“Okay, I’ll admit it,” Anders says. “That was incredibly smooth, Vallen.”

“I can’t believe it,” I say. “You… Operation’d me.”

“You’re welcome,” Aveline replies, smugly.

I stare at my phone.

The word Fenris stares back at me.

And I smile.

Chapter Text

“Ah, yes!” Zevran stretches. “I feel like we have not done this in forever!”

Morrigan rolls her eyes. “More like we do this far too often.”

We used to go to Duncan’s after work pretty religiously (I have no idea how I never met Duncan before. Bethany said that it’s because I’m “always oblivious to my surroundings,” which was very hurtful). It used to be a routine, but over the years it’s kind of declined.

“Oh, please!” Zevran grabs onto her arm. “Ever since you had that spawn of yours, we have hardly been able to slack off with you. We miss you! Right, Garrett?” He pouts.

“Right,” I say, also pouting at her.

“Oh, how would I ever survive without your incessant babbling and Hawke’s obscure, nerdish references?” Morrigan asks, wistful. “Truly… I cannot live without either of you. You bring such joy into my life. Not even my own child could entertain me as much as Zevran Arainai and Garrett Hawke do.”

“How’s he doing, anyway?” I ask, over my mug of hot chocolate (at this point, I’m essentially addicted to Duncan’s hot chocolate). “Your kid, I mean.”

“He’s been fine,” Morrigan answers. “He’s grown fond of slamming pots and pans together.”

“You must be enjoying that,” Zevran coos.

“Oh, I don’t have to deal with it whilst at work,” Morrigan says, with a quirky little smile. “My dearest sister gets that honor.”

“Poor Yavana.” Zevran laughs.

“Do you have any new baby pictures?!”

Morrigan sighs. “Garrett, I’m not one of those mothers.” She reaches into her black leather purse and pulls an iPhone out. “I don’t look for excuses to show my child off to the world.” She pokes at the screen and then slides it across the table to me.

Naturally, there’s an album full of new baby pictures.

I squeal in my usual manly manner and start going through them.

Morrigan rolls her eyes again, but you can tell that she loves her kid. A lot.

She’s a single mom (I know nothing about the father; Morrigan apparently doesn’t want to talk about it. Ever), but her sister helps her out with the kid while she’s at work.

Bethany sometimes babysits for her, too… At Mom's house.

I always offer to, but Morrigan always denies.

So hurtful…

Bethany scampers over to us as I slide the iPhone back to Morrigan. She’s wearing the stylish dark grey-and-blue striped apron (it has a cool bird-like creature on the front, with Duncan’s written under it). Her nametag says “Bethany” -- she drew a small heart next to it.

“Hi! How are you guys? Need any refills?” She asks. A small notepad is in one of her hands.

“No, but I do need a picture of you dressed like that,” Zevran purrs.

Bethany frowns. “Zev, you’re not my mom! I’m on the job right now!”

“But you are so adorable!” Zevran exclaims. “I need to take a picture for Isabela!”

Red in the face, she swats at him with the notepad, and he laughs.

“It’s just a normal day!” She insists.

I know that she’s making an extra effort today, though, because she has a small blue clip in her hair. It matches her apron. She’s also wearing a bit more eyeliner than usual. Too cute. “When does your shift end?”

“Um, at 5:30.” She smiles at me. “Could you give me a ride home? I’m too lazy to walk there!”

“Fine, fine,” I say. “I can make some time in my busy schedule for you.”

“Yes, Garrett’s quite a busy man,” Morrigan muses. “He has dragons to slay and princesses to rescue.”

“Do not forget the elves he has to woo,” Zevran adds.

“I hate both of you,” I say.

“You can’t say that they’re wrong, though.”

I glare at Bethany. She giggles.

“I don’t want to get in trouble on my first day, though, so I’ll talk to you later!” She waves and scurries off, notepad in tow, to another table.

“And… Sent,” Zevran says.

“What?”

He looks at me, eyes wide and lips pursed. Then he slowly turns his phone screen (when did he even take his phone out?!) towards me. A picture of Bethany, looking at me and smiling, is on the screen.

“What… How?!” When did he even take that?!

“I have my ways,” he says.

Morrigan smirks.

“I can’t believe you.”

“I’m very loyal to Isabela!” Zevran announces. He sips at his exotic coffee (I swear, he gets a different one every time and I never know what it is – the names are just too complicated and I can’t roll my r’s) and winks.

“I want nothing to do with this,” I inform him.

“This Isabela seems quite devious,” Morrigan says. “I like devious.”

“Oh, my dear Morrigan... You do not know the half of it,” Zevran replies. “Devious doesn’t begin to describe that woman.”

I grumble some more. My phone vibrates.

Fenris (5:17pm):
hey. are you coming online tonight?

I forgot that I got his number.

He texted me first. Fenris… Texted me first.

I gape at my phone.

“Who is that?” Zevran asks.

I snap back to reality.

The shock of Fenris texting me first was strong enough that I forgot my current surroundings.

“No one,” I squeak. I press my phone against my chest.

“Oh,” Zevran says. He stares at me.

“It’s my mother,” I lie.

“I see,” Zevran says. “So, Leandra’s no one…”

I laugh nervously. “You know what I mean.”

“Hmm,” Morrigan says. She takes a long sip of her (black) coffee, without breaking eye contact with me.

I smile.

“Poor Leandra,” she says, slowly. “’Tis a shame that she has a son who’s such a terrible liar. I can only hope that my dearest son won’t turn out the same way.”

“I’m not –” Before I can formulate a poorly worded excuse, Zevran practically dives across the table and grabs my phone in one fluid motion.

“Hey!” I lunge at him and almost knock my mug of hot chocolate down.

He cackles. People are staring.

I feel like people stare at me every time I’m at Duncan’s.

Bethany speed-walks behind the counter, using her notepad to cover her face.

“Now, let’s see…” Zevran squints at my phone’s screen. Morrigan tilts her head to see it, too.

“Really, guys? Really?!” I should’ve known that it’s impossible to lie to them.

“My goodness! Fenris. That’s the elf boy, isn’t it?” Zevran gasps. “Garrett! You got his number?!”

“I did. That is a thing I did.”

“You’re lying,” Morrigan says. “One of his friends must be behind this.”

“True,” Zevran says.

I frown. Once again, I can’t say that they’re wrong.

“I’m going to talk to him.” Zevran starts poking at the touch screen.

“No!” I holler and lunge across the table again. People stare… Again.

“Stop making a scene, Garrett,” Morrigan says, taking another sip of coffee.

“Give it back!” I whine.

“Oh, fine,” Zevran hands it back to me with a cocky little grin. “I cannot believe it! Garrett got a boy’s number.”

I stick my tongue out at him.

“What kind of name is that, anyway? Fenris.” Morrigan inspects her (perfectly manicured) nails.

“What kind of name is Morrigan?!” I retort.

“Oh, grow up,” she sneers. “Is he the one who may or may not be a serial killer?”

“For the hundredth time, he is not a serial killer,” I say. “He works at a library.”

“Whatever. Do you have any pictures of him?” Morrigan asks.

“No… Just screenshots of his character,” I reply.

“What did I say?” Morrigan sighs and turns to Zevran. “Obscure, nerdish references.”

“Okay, but that wasn’t even a reference,” I point out.

She glares at me.

“He looks a lot like his character!” I say. “He has white ink tattoos, though.”

“Ah.” Zevran grins. “I should get a white ink tattoo…”

“I think it’s, like, a full-body tattoo,” I add.

“I have a very bizarre mental image of this man,” Morrigan states.

“Do not worry, Garrett! I will vouch for you.” Zevran winks at me. “Isabela has assured me that Fenris is very sexy.”

“Get a picture of him in real life,” Morrigan says. “Until then, this bizarre mental image of a tattoo-covered serial killer will remain.”

“Okay, I’m issuing a mandate,” I say. “No more serial killer jokes. Not one.”

“Aw, but your reaction to them is so adorable!” Zevran smiles; there’s a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“No! It isn’t adorable. It never was. It’s – Oh my god, the bard lady’s back!” I point at the door.

The lady with red hair and a lute has walked in. She’s talking to a brown-haired woman standing next to her.

The woman gives her a peck on the cheek, then darts out of the coffee shop.

“You’re lucky that she didn’t hear you say that,” Morrigan says.

“It’s a lute!” I exclaim.

“You’re being socially unacceptable.”

“Hey, guys!” Bethany’s suddenly next to us. She’s not wearing her apron anymore. “I’m free now! Let me hang out with you.” She pulls a chair over from a nearby empty table and takes a seat next to me. “Oh, hey, Leliana’s here!”

“Bethany…” I drop my voice to a whisper. “Is that woman a bard?”

“Garrett…” Bethany whispers back. “Stop being such a nerd.”

~

I drop Bethany back at her house.

Mom tries to guilt me into having dinner with her and the twins (“We haven’t eaten together as a family in so long”), but I politely decline and manage to escape.

So, I’m driving back to my house and singing along to one of Beyoncé’s songs (I swapped playlists the second Bethany got out of my car). I’m hyped up on sugar, thanks to the excessive amount of hot chocolate that I’ve consumed.

I’m having a good time. A great time. There’s this happy warmth in my chest.

In fact, I’m almost back at my house when I realize it.

I didn’t reply to Fenris’ text.

The warm happiness in my chest is immediately replaced by ice-cold regret.

“Shit!” I exclaim. I stick one hand in my pocket and grab my phone, then remember that texting while driving is a bad thing to do.

So I pull over.

I open the message Fenris sent me two hours ago.

Why am I such a mess?!

He might think that I’m ignoring him. He might think that I gave him the wrong number!

I take the best course of action.

I go into my Contacts and find Zevran’s name, then press “Call.”

“Hello?”

“Zevran? This is Zevran, right?!”

“Yes, Garrett. It is Zevran. I am Zevran.” I can tell that he’s holding back a laugh… Ever since the Cousland incident, I’ve always been so wary whenever I call him.

“Zevran, I forgot to text Fenris back!”

He sighs. “Gare…”

“He texted me hours ago! What do I do?! Does he hate me now?”

“Let us take a nice, deep breath –”

“Oh my god, Fenris hates me!”

“Garrett. Deep breathing.”

“This is not the time to breathe!” I holler.

“I am sorry to be the one to tell you this, Gare,” Zevran says, “but breathing is a basic function of life.”

“What do I do besides basic functions of life?!” I snap.

“I do not know. Start a new life. Change your name, get a new house… Make some new friends. Abandon your current romantic pursuits.”

“Zevran!”

“You reply to him, you big lug,” Zevran says. “It is just a text.”

“It’s not just a text!” I pout. “It was the first text he ever sent me… And the first one I ever send him will be an apology for being an absolute tool. Gragugh!” I lean back in my seat and gurgle some more.

“My condolences,” Zevran says. “Perhaps this was for the best? Not to state the obvious, but you do have a tendency to, um…” He trails off.

“…A tendency to be too charming?” I suggest.

“No. How do I put this? You have a tendency to come on too strong.”

“I do not!” I huff.

“Men love it when you play hard to get,” Zevran insists. “Trust me! I would know.”

“Yeah right! You? Playing hard to get?” I roll my eyes.

“Oh, believe me. I have my ways.” He cackles. “Anyway… You were doing so well. It has been so long since you had a Garrett Moment. I am so proud of you! Such a valiant effort!”

“Stop.” I groan. I do know what he means by ‘Garrett Moment,’ though. “So… What do I say?”

“I told you! Just apologize. Off-handedly. Play it cool. Use no excessive punctuation.”

Off-handed. Cool. No excessive punctuation.

“Okay. Okay…” I take a deep breath.

“Aha! See? Breathing!” Zevran exclaims.

“Yes, I’m breathing.” I roll my eyes again. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”

“It will be fine, Gare! I will talk to you later.”

“Right. See you.” I hang up.

Then I go into my text messages.

Fenris (5:17pm):
hey. are you coming online tonight?

The text from earlier stares back at me. I weigh my options.

HEY!! sorry, I totally didn’t see your text earlier!

No. No, that is a blatant lie. I totally saw it earlier. I’m just a mess.

HEY!! sorry, I forgot to reply earlier! I was busy!

Better. But… I don’t want him to think that I was too busy for him.

HEY!! sorry, I forgot to reply earlier! I was with my friends and they were harassing me a lot so I couldn’t reply to you and I’m really sorry about that.

Okay, no, that one’s just a disaster.

I grumble some more.

Garrett (7:34pm):
HEY!! sorry, I forgot to reply earlier! I was with my friends and they were being terrible.
I’ll be online soon!

I used a lot of exclamation marks. I was also not off-handed… And I’m pretty sure I wasn’t cool, either.

Zevran doesn’t have to know.

I put my phone back in my pocket and get ready to resume the drive back to my house.

But then it vibrates.

I pull it back out…

Fenris (7:34pm):
it’s alright, don’t worry about it.
do all of your friends enjoy watching you squirm?

Garrett (7:34pm):
Yeah, every single one! don’t you feel sorry for me??

Fenris (7:35pm):
hmm. not particularly.

Garrett (7:35pm):
):

Fenris (7:35pm):
come online as soon as you can. varric wants you.
we’re in a video chat.

Oh, great. Guild things. …I feel bad for thinking that, but I kind of wanted to do a few repeatable quests with Fenris. Alone with Fenris.

With Miles at my heels and a bag of chips at my side.

I’ve come so far. I actually want to seek out one-on-one time with Fenris.

This is some real character development.

Garrett (7:35pm):
I’ll be there soon! Im almost home

Fenris (7:35pm):
good. see you soon, hawke.

The ice-cold regret evolves into The Flutter… It’s good to see that The Flutter is alive and well.

I put my phone back into my pocket.

I grin and grip the steering wheel for a minute or two, then drive off into the night…

Because I really, really need to get online.

~

“It’s about time, Garrett!”

I log into the video chat client and Merrill’s voice is the first thing I hear.

Her window loads up – she’s in neon-green pajamas, and her hair is in pigtails.

“Excuse me for being busy!” I retort. More windows load up… “Holy shit, it’s a miracle. Everyone’s online.”

“Wrong,” Anders mutters. He’s in a very wrinkled-looking suit and his hair is slicked back (I don’t want to know). “Isabela’s not here.”

Oh. He’s right.

Chat is very much Isabela-less.

“Hello, Hawke,” Fenris says. He’s wearing a black turtleneck, along with a black beanie.

“Hey, Fenris,” I reply. My voice shakes a little – I need to cover that up – “Thanks for actually greeting me, unlike these other hooligans.”

“Shut up, Hawke,” Aveline says with a smirk.

“You know we love you.” Varric is busily tapping away at his phone.

“What’re you doing, Varric?”

“Trying to get in touch with Rivaini.” He sighs. “She’s been M.I.A. for a while.”

“Perhaps she’s busy with work,” Sebastian suggests.

“Isabela? Working?” I laugh.

“True.”

“I want to do a dungeon run,” Varric says. He puts his phone down. “I’ve got my eye on a rune – Bianca needs some attention.”

“Ooh! Yes!” Merrill does a little fist pump. “Where do you want to go?! The Deep Roads?”

“Veto!” I yell.

“Hawke just went there. His Deep Roads cooldown isn’t up yet.” Varric chuckles.

“Darn,” Merrill says. “I wanted to see the Broodmother.”

“She’s quite a sight to behold,” Fenris says.

“She’s very noisy. I like that!” Merrill smiles.

I hear a Miles-snort from under the desk. I glance at him; he wags his tail enthusiastically.

I gave his bedroom privileges back to him after the whole “boyfriend” misunderstanding. Luckily, he’s stayed away from the bed.

“Where else can we go?” I ask. I still hate dungeons, but I’m in the mood to play...

“There’s a few options,” Varric says. “Hang on, I pulled them up.” He swaps tabs and squints at his screen. “Let’s see… Dead Man’s Pass… The Sewers… Ooh, the Hunting Ground’s another one.”

“The Hunting Ground! The Varterral’s there!” Merrill beams. “Let’s go there!”

“That thing has too many legs,” Anders grumbles.

“It’s hard to maintain aggro on it,” Aveline adds.

“I like it! It moves very quickly!” Merrill says.

“It does move very quickly.” Sebastian nods.

“It also jumps around a lot… Like a spider, only not really.” Merrill clasps her hands together. “It’s fascinating! I wish it was real.”

“Okay, then I guess we’re heading to the Hunting Ground,” Varric says. “That’s fine with me. How about the rest of you?”

“Why not?” Aveline shrugs. “We have enough warriors. Keeping the Varterral in one spot shouldn’t be too much of a problem.”

“I’m fine with it!” I’m beginning to learn that Sebastian is essentially on-board with anything. It terrifies me.

“Whatever.” Anders is in a positively foul mood.

“Sounds good to me,” Fenris remarks.

“Great,” Varric grins. “And… Hawke?”

“Oh, you know how I feel about dungeons.”

“Don’t you worry. I’m sure our resident elven cutie will keep you safe.”

No! Varric!

No!

“Isn’t that right, Merrill?”

Oh.

“Of course!” Merrill chirps. She makes a little peace sign, which is adorable.

Varric is an evil, evil man. I thought he was talking about Fenris.

I know I’m red… But I can’t let them know. So I pose, dramatically, with one hand splayed over my forehead. I close my eyes. “Merrill, will you be my knight in shining armor?”

“I’m a mage, Garrett.”

“…Will you be my mage in shining armor?”

“I wear light armor, so it doesn’t shine much…”

“Okay, forget it.” I let my hand drop. “I’m fine with it, though. Let’s do it.”

“Excellent,” Varric says, with an evil little grin.

I’m way too embarrassed to look at Fenris, but I do it anyway.

I… Can’t read him. He seems completely neutral. Not smiling, but not frowning, either. Hmm.

“Alright, time to log in!” Merrill sings. “I’ll turn video off now!”

The windows fade to black and close. I can’t see their faces anymore.

“That always alarms me,” Sebastian says.

I laugh and click the MMO icon on my desktop.

~

“Varterral! Varterral! Varterral!” Merrill’s chanting. We’ve clustered outside of the Hunting Ground, in Sundermount.

The Hunting Ground is one of the few dungeons that I can stand. I don’t particularly care for it, and the Varterral is absolutely terrifying, but it doesn’t induce the same horror as the Bone Pit or the Deep Roads.

“Is everyone ready?” Aveline asks.

“Yep,” Varric replies. “Well, I am.”

“Hang on, I’m equipping my new staff…” Anders mutters.

“The one you got in the Deep Roads?” I huff. “The one that put us through absolute hell to get?!”

“Yeah.”

I roll my eyes.

“It wasn’t a bad run,” Fenris says.

“Every Deep Roads run is a bad run,” I reply.

He chuckles.

“Uh… Hold up.” Varric sounds troubled. “What the…”

“What’s up, Varric?”

“Just got a PM. It’s mildly disconcerting.” Shit, Varric never thinks that anything’s disconcerting. “Uh… You guys familiar with a guild called Nehraa Qun?”

“Ooh, Nehraa Qun was one of the beta tester guilds, wasn’t it? Chant of Light had a lot of trouble with them,” Sebastian says. His character sits down.

“Yeah. They got a special character creation race for beta testing.” Anders folds his arms. “Even though they technically tested a completely different MMO. No one knows why they get to leech off this one. Capitalist bullshit strikes again!”

“Are they the big, horny people?” Merrill asks. “Oh! Oh, no, not like that! Don’t laugh!”

I have to bite my lip. Yeah, I’m that mature.

Fenris clears his throat. “Yes. The big, horned people are called the Qunari.”

“Right. Of course! The Qunari.” Merrill nods vigorously.

“They’re not a good crowd to be on bad terms with,” Aveline says, slowly. “Please, Varric. Please tell me we’re not on bad terms with them.”

“Oh, no, nothing that simple. We’re on absolutely abysmal terms with them.” Varric starts laughing. “…Through association.”

Aveline groans. She sits down next to Sebastian. “What’s the damage this time?”

“It’s awful. Really awful.”

“Is it something illegal?!” Merrill’s very enthusiastic about illegal things.

“Hang on, I’ll paste it in chat.” Varric fumbles around. “Uh, as a warning… This message? It’s terrifying.”

“I’ve probably seen worse,” Anders replies.

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: (Copy/Pasted, as promised):

ADDRESSED TO [siegeharder], ALLEGED COMMANDER OF [Wicked Grace].

IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT ONE OF YOUR FORMER MEMBERS, [likebigboats69], IS IN THE UNLAWFUL POSSESSION OF A KEY [Nehraa Qun] ITEM.

THE ITEM IN QUESTION, [The Tome of Koslun], IS ONE-OF-A-KIND, AS YOU LIKELY KNOW.

THE THEFT OF [The Tome of Koslun] IS UNFORGIVABLE.

BRING [The Tome of Koslun] TO [The Viscount’s Keep] IN [Kirkwall, The City of Chains], AND BE SPARED.

DO NOT QUESTION HOW WE KNOW OF [Wicked Grace]’S INVOLVEMENT IN THESE EVENTS.

[Nehraa Qun] SEES ALL.

ATAASH QUNARI!

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]

“Alright, I haven’t seen worse,” Anders says.

“Are they for real?” I’m gaping at the screen. “Are they for real, Miles?” I nudge Miles with my foot. He doesn’t budge. I think he’s asleep.

“That’s too much capitalization,” Fenris comments, off-handedly.

“Why… Why did Isabela mess with a hardcore guild?” Aveline’s voice is muffled – I just know she has her face in her hands right now. “Oh, I’m going to kick her arse. I’m going to kick it. I’m going to buy a plane ticket right now.”

“Should we head over to Kirkwall, then?” I ask.

“I’m going to buy a plane ticket. I’m on Travelocity.”

“Aveline, calm down.”

“The Viscount’s Keep is a PvP zone,” Sebastian says. “If we go there – especially without their item – they will not let us leave without a fight.”

“So what?” Merrill hops in place. “I say we just ignore them! They sound pretentious and mean.”

“Also, I can’t go meet them,” Anders says. “I’m morally against Kirkwall.”

There’s a snort-like noise. I’m almost certain that it’s a Fenris-snort, but I don’t think anyone else picks up on that.

“And Isabela still hasn’t replied to anyone?” Fenris asks (yeah, he was definitely the snort-culprit. I don’t blame him, though. Anders’ Kirkwall boycott is totally ridiculous).

“Nope,” Varric answers. He takes a seat next to Aveline.

It looks like Sebastian, Aveline and Varric are lined up by height. I’d point this out to them and laugh about it, but the general guild mood seems… Tense.

“Ugh, where is she?!” Anders grumbles.

“She has a life,” Fenris replies.

“Oh, what, and I don’t?!” Anders snaps. “…Wait. Don’t answer that, you asshole.”

“I rest my case.”

Fenris and Anders are at it again.

“Maybe you should reply, Varric,” I say.

“I don’t think they’re looking for a reply, Hawke.” True.

“Are we not going to fight the Varterral tonight?” Merrill asks, disappointed.

“Don’t think so, Daisy,” Varric replies. “But… Well, how do you feel about fighting a Qunari? Or six?”

~

“I told you – I’m not going in!” Anders yells. He stomps his foot on the ground.

“Spare us the childish use of emotes, Anders,” Fenris says.

“Shut it!” Anders stomps some more.

“Anders, if all hell breaks loose,” and all hell will break loose, “we’ll need a healer.”

“Bet you wish that Merrill chose the Healer specialization now, huh, Hawke?”

“Anders, please shut up and come along with us,” Merrill says, very politely.

“I love Merrill!” I insist. “I love her, blood magic, demon pacts and all!”

“I’m going to kick Isabela’s arse,” Aveline says. She keeps saying that at random moments, for some reason.

“I can’t believe that this bickering little guild is about to face Nehraa Qun,” Sebastian says, with a light laugh.

“Wicked Grace is special,” Varric replies. “Very special.”

“Too special,” I add. “Honestly, I just want to get this over with.”

“Are you in a rush, Garrett?” Merrill asks.

“Not really. I just don’t like dealing with overly-entitled nerds. They’re just going to kick our asses.”

“I don’t know, Hawke,” Fenris says. “Nehraa Qun is a small guild. Not as small as Wicked Grace… But they’re small. We may stand a fighting chance.”

“Still. I just want to get it over with. It’ll be quick and painful, like taking off a Band-Aid.”

“Don’t be a loser, Hawke,” Anders says.

“Says the guy who’s too much of a coward to even meet with Nero Quan or whatever the name is!” I retort.

“It’s Nehraa Qun,” Sebastian says, but Anders is already talking over him.

“I’m not afraid of them! I’m morally against Kirkwall!” He hollers. “We’ve been over this!”

“Anders, it’s a fictional city in a fictional game with fictional lore,” I say.

“You’re such a casual.”

“Anders, so help me, I will drag you in there,” Aveline says. “Either you come with us or you start a new life because I will not tolerate another member of this guild screwing us over. Understood?”

There’s a tense silence.

Miles snorts… Anders sighs.

“Fine. I’ll go into the City of Chains. Just this once,” he grumbles. “Ugh… This is all Isabela’s fault…”

“I know. And that’s why I’m sending her dozens upon dozens of texts right now,” Aveline retorts.

“I’m sorry, Aveline, I didn’t quite catch that – did you say ‘texts’ or ‘threats’?” Sebastian asks.

“Honestly, both of those words work,” she replies.

“I’m vaguely annoyed and we haven’t even set foot in the Viscount’s Keep yet,” I say. “Nice job, team!”

Varric laughs at that – really loudly – so loudly that I almost miss Fenris’ quiet chuckle.

But I don’t miss it.

I swear, I get more hypersensitive to him with each passing second.

~

“I wish that I could just destroy this whole city,” Anders grumbles.

“Are you grumpy tonight, Anders? Do you want a hug?” Merrill edges towards him.

“I do not want a hug!”

Too late. Merrill’s wrapped her arms around him. He groans.

One loading screen separates us from the cozy, laggy confines of Hightown and the tense PvP zone that is the Viscount’s Keep.

We’ve been formulating a battle strategy… Just in case. (Believe me, we’ve had the time. Kirkwall’s laggy as hell.)

Aveline’s in charge of tanking. Completely in charge. She’s even going to use random buff potions that we have, piled up in our guild storage. (Yes, we hoard things. Those potions are so old… We keep saying we’ll need them for something important. I think this qualifies as ‘something important.’)

Fenris is kind of a multi-purpose, back-up tank. He focuses on laying as much damage down as possible, mostly… But if Aveline goes down, he’ll be there.

I’m completely offense-focused. If, by some freak accident, Aveline and Fenris fall, I’ll be the tank.

(That’d also be the point of no return. The point where we’re all objectively doomed.)

Varric and Sebastian are our ranged offense people. Bowmen, raining arrows down on anything that moves.

Merrill’s also in the “stay-far-away-yet-do-a-ton-of-damage” club. Not one to rely on Anders, she has a ton of old potions from the guild chest along with her own personal stock, which I didn’t know existed until today. Health regeneration’s important when you’re a blood mage.

And then there’s Anders. He’s the healer. He might throw something at someone if he has to.

Pretty standard plan of action, right? We’re not really about complex strategy. It’s not our forte.

Everyone already knows how to play their class (even me!), so…

“You guys ready?” Varric asks. We’re standing in front of a particularly daunting set of stairs. No other players are around… No witnesses.

“No. Not even a little. But, like I said… Quick and painful,” I reply.

“Well put, Hawke.” Varric pauses. “Here we go…”

He takes a step forward and vanishes… And we follow him.

I stare at the loading screen.

“Do you think I have time to grab some chips?” I ask.

“Shut the fuck up, Hawke,” Anders snaps.

“Seriously, I have a sour cream and onion craving right now.”

Aveline makes a noise that’s very growl-like in nature.

“See, Fenris? What’d I tell you? Hawke’s totally a nervous snacker.” Dammit, Varric.

“It’s not nerves! I’m a chip connoisseur!”

The new scene loads up. “Viscount’s Keep” appears in white text across the screen.

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but Viscount’s Keep is the major PvP area of the game. It’s basically a huge, open room, elaborately furnished… Red carpets, tall pillars, the works. Light streams down from the ceiling, and a throne looks down on us from the second floor.

There’s also a mob of players standing in the middle of the room.

“Holy shit.”

“Same, Varric,” I say.

I’ve seen Qunari players before, but only in isolation. All of them together like this? It’s more than a little intimidating. There’s at least 20 of them – and they’re all essentially the same character model… The MMO was supposed to implement the Qunari as a playable class, but budget cuts happened. Still, beta users who made Qunari characters got to keep them. (On a semi-related note, a future patch is supposed to implement them… Who knows?)

Most of the Qunari players joined Nehraa Qun. It’s a guild specifically for them – though I think there’s some other ones.

They’re massive… Towering figures, covered in lore-appropriate body paint, with huge horns.

One stands in the middle of them.

He has long white hair… Scary pauldrons… Gold bands attached onto his horns… I can tell that he’s their leader, even before I read the text above his head:

“THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK].”

I hear a click.

“Okay, who just took a screenshot of the man who’s about to kill us?!” Aveline sounds like an angry mother.

“I’m sorry, he just looks so cute!” Merrill... I’m not even a little bit surprised.

“We’re dead.” Anders is ever the optimist.

A message pops up in General Chat.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: A WISE DECISION, [Wicked Grace].

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: [Nehraa Qun] SEES ALL. IF YOU ATTEMPTED TO FLEE, WE WOULD KNOW.

“Oh my god, he’s talking to us!” I say.

“Varric, say something!” Aveline’s frazzled.

“Why me?!” Varric asks.

“You’re our leader,” Sebastian answers.

“Oh, that’s just a title. I had the Sovereigns at the right time.”

“Be charming!” I holler. Miles’ ears perk up, and he stares at me.

“My character’s tall enough to reach that guy’s knee.”

Fenris sighs. “I’ll do it.”

Fenris [Fenris]: arishokost. maaras shokra. anaan esaam qun.

“Oh my god! What is that?!”

“It’s Qunlat, Hawke.” Qunlat… The Qunari language.

“Why do you speak Qunlat?!” Like me, Anders is also freaking out.

“I don’t speak it. I know a few phrases. A Qunari guild once wanted me to join them,” Fenris says. “Not Nehraa Qun, though.”

Yet another guild that wanted Fenris and didn’t get him.

First Chant of Light, now this…

“That’s incredible!” I say.

“Thanks,” Fenris says. He laughs softly – almost nervously. My chest gets tight, and it is so not the time for this…

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: SURPRISING. I ASSUMED [Wicked Grace] WAS FILLED WITH MERE CASUALS.

Fenris [Fenris]: we received your message and are here, as you requested.

Fenris [Fenris]: however, we do not have the tome of koslun. the tome’s whereabouts are currently unknown.

“Right to the point, huh, Fenris?” Varric laughs.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: WHAT?!

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: [Nehraa Qun] WAS TOLD THAT [Wicked Grace] IS IN POSSESSION OF [The Tome of Koslun].

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: LIES WILL NOT WORK ON US, LITTLE ELF MAN.

“Little elf man,” Fenris repeats, incredulously.

Naturally, I lose my shit. I can’t stop laughing…

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: WHY DOES YOUR LEADER NOT SPEAK?

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: IS HE A COWARD?

“Is he baiting me?” Varric chuckles.

Varric [siegeharder]: Are you trying to bait me, Mr. Arishok, sir?

Varric [siegeharder]: Well, I’ll be damned.

Varric [siegeharder]: Here, I have another question for you: Why isn’t *your* guild speaking?

Varric [siegeharder]: I know they’re not cowards. ;)

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: THEY DO NOT NEED TO SPEAK.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: I AM THEIR VOICE.

“That’s quite creepy,” Merrill muses.

“Agreed, Daisy,” Varric replies.

Varric [siegeharder]: Look, hear us out. We don’t have your fancy item.

Varric [siegeharder]: We didn’t even know about Isabela’s (likebigboats69’s) involvement in this whole thing. She’s not even a member of Wicked Grace right now.

Varric [siegeharder]: We’ll get in touch with her ASAP and let you know how that turns out, ‘kay?

Not even a full second passes – as soon as Varric types that, all of the members of Nehraa Qun (except the Arishok) immediately draw their weapons.

“Fuck,” Sebastian says.

“You’re a priest! Are you allowed to curse?!” Merrill’s aghast.

“Nice job, Varric,” Aveline says.

“Whoops.” Varric laughs.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: UNACCEPTABLE.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: WE MUST REGAIN ACCESS TO [The Tome of Koslun].

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: WE WILL TAKE IT BY FORCE IF NECESSARY.

Varric [siegeharder]: Alright. I think you’re missing the issue, here.

Varric [siegeharder]: We don’t have anything for you to take.

Varric [siegeharder]: Believe me. We don’t have your tome.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: VERY WELL THEN.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: WE SHALL ENGAGE IN GUILD VS GUILD COMBAT.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: WE WILL SHOW THESE FOOLS THE CONSEQUENCES OF LYING TO [Nehraa Qun].

Isabela [likebigboats69]: ok wow yeah NOT NECESSARY HELLOOOO

I gasp. “It’s Isabela!”

“That harpy!” Aveline shrieks. She immediately turns towards the Keep’s entrance – where Isabela’s standing – and unsheathes her sword.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: YOU! WENCH!

Isabela [likebigboats69]: haha yaaa hi

Isabela [likebigboats69]: sry was gettin ur shitty ass tomb back from the shits that totally lied 2 u

Isabela [likebigboats69]: 4 such an elite guild nehraa qun can be lied 2 real easily tbh. ur gullible

“I’m whispering her right now! No one else whisper her!” I yell.

[W] Garrett [dragonhawke]: WTF Isabela!

[W] Isabela [likebigboats69]: LOL IM SORRY. SURPRISE!

[W] Garrett [dragonhawke]: GO IN THE VOICE CHAT RIGHT NOW.

[W] Isabela [likebigboats69]: noooo i dont wanna be yelled attttttt

“Aveline, don’t yell at Isabela yet,” I say.

Aveline mutters something under her breath.

[W] Garrett [dragonhawke]: Aveline said she wont yell at you!

[W] Isabela [likebigboats69]: I CAN TELL THAT UR LYING THRU UR TYPED WORDS.

[W] Isabela [likebigboats69]: THATS HOW BAD U ARE AT LYING >:(

[W] Isabela [likebigboats69]: i’ll go on soon + tell u guys everything ok

[W] Isabela [likebigboats69]: lets just deal w these asshole horny ppl lol

[W] Garrett [dragonhawke]: Fine!

I tab back into General Chat.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: YOU FOOLISH WOMAN.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: [Nehraa Qun] IS NOT GULLIBLE.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: WE ARE THE OPPOSITE OF GULLIBLE.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: WE ARE ASTUTE.

Isabela [likebigboats69]: o ok is that why I have the [The Tome of Koslun] rn? and not u lol

Isabela [likebigboats69]: omg i typed 1 extra ‘the’ oops

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: EBOST ISSALA!

Isabela [likebigboats69]: wat

Isabela [likebigboats69]: thats not how u spell ‘isabela’

“Ebost issala means ‘Return to dust,’” Fenris says. “In other words, he wants to kill her.”

Aveline [captvallen]: Oh hell no. If anyone’s going to kill her, it’s me.

“Aveline, you’re cool,” I say.

She grumbles some more things that I can’t understand.

Varric [siegeharder]: Hold up.

Varric [siegeharder]: Before anyone dies… How about we make this interesting? From a lore standpoint, I mean.

Varric [siegeharder]: Typically, don’t guilds have one-on-one matches for this sort of shit?

Varric [siegeharder]: You know… Declaring champions. All of that. PvP at its most pretentious.

Varric [siegeharder]: Why don’t we do that for the Tome?

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: HAHAHAHAHA!

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU, [siegeharder], COULD STAND UP TO ME, THE [ARISHOK], LEADER OF THE MIGHTY [Nehraa Qun]?

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: THAT IS AMUSING!

Varric [siegeharder]: No, I don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell against you, Mr. Arishok.

Varric [siegeharder]: I mean, I’m a ranged class, right? Wouldn’t be fair.

Varric [siegeharder]: I *do* think that one of my members could take you on, though.

“Varric…” Aveline takes a deep breath. “Let me do this.”

“Hang on, Red,” Varric replies. “I’ve got an Operation to do.”

…What?

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: HAHAHA!

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: AND WHO WOULD THAT BE?

I’m pretty sure that all of the blood in my body has turned into ice.

Varric [siegeharder]: Why, [dragonhawke], of course.

Chapter Text

I panic easily. Very easily. I’ve always been like this.

Back in college, Cullen would make fun of me a lot. But… As it turned out, he also cheated on me a lot. So… The panics I flung myself into concerning his late nights out and drinking habits were very much valid.

Before that? Carver. God, Carver. He put a massive plastic spider under my bed covers once. My leg brushed against it while I was curled up in there after a hard day at high school… I turned on the light and screamed so loudly that Mom ran into my room, armed with a broom and screaming various death threats (apparently she thought I was being mauled to death. I honestly feel a degree of compassion towards anyone who dares to hurt one of Mother Hawke’s children).

Anyway, yeah. I panicked, and also developed a routine of meticulously examining my bed every night... For massive spiders of the non-plastic variety.

Honestly, it’s not a bad routine. I’m surprised that I even survived the ten-year-old Carver experience.

And, well, we all know my panic habits of the present day…

The point I’m making here is that I panic easily, but whenever I do panic, I have every reason to.

So, when I see those words?

Those little, white words?

Varric [siegeharder]: Why, [dragonhawke], of course.

You bet your ass I start to panic.

“What,” I say. Yeah, it’s not a question. It’s just… What.

“What?!” Someone else is doing the questioning. My mind is blank. I cannot reliably detect auditory information anymore.

“Trust me. This is for the best.”

Where am I?

“I think Varric’s finally lost it.”

“You can do it, Garrett!” Ah, a distinctly Scottish accent.

That’s Sebastian.

Right. Okay.

I’m here. I’m playing an increasingly overrated MMO.

And…

Varric’s determined to get me killed in the worst possible way.

“I don’t want to!” I yell.

“Varric…” Aveline sighs. “Not that I don’t think he’s capable, but… Hawke can’t do a dungeon without crying at least once.”

“I don’t cry!” I yell some more.

“You do,” Fenris says. “You cried when we were in the Deep Roads.”

“The Ogre picked me up, okay?! And he does not count!” I clutch my chest. “Oh my god. I can see the light. Am I hallucinating?”

“I believe in Hawke,” Varric says. “He’s strong now.”

“Guys, I think I’m hallucinating!”

“Calm down, Garrett.” Merrill giggles. “Do you want me to fight the Arishok instead?!”

“He’d snap a mage in half,” Fenris says.

“Take that back right now!” Anders snaps.

“…He’d snap a mage in half,” Fenris repeats.

“Do you wanna go?!” Great, Anders is threatening him now…

“I don’t want to go at all, actually,” Fenris replies. Sebastian laughs.

“Are any of you even paying attention to Chat?” Aveline asks.

I glance down at the dreaded window.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: FINE.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: AND I, THE [ARISHOK], SHALL BE MY OWN CHAMPION.

Isabela [likebigboats69]: lol is that allowed

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: OF COURSE IT IS ALLOWED!

Isabela [likebigboats69]: ok but thats totally sad

Isabela [likebigboats69]: do u have friends

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: ARE YOU BLIND, WENCH? DO YOU NOT SEE THE ALMIGHTY FORCES OF [Nehraa Qun] STANDING BEHIND ME?

Isabela [likebigboats69]: o i thought they were npcs lol???

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: NOT ONLY ARE YOU A CHEATING FOOL, WENCH. YOU ARE ALSO BLIND! HAHA!

Isabela [likebigboats69]: dont mock blind ppl u jackass

Isabela [likebigboats69]: wtf is ur problem

“Is she buying us time?” Merrill wonders out loud.

“Maybe. She might be messing with them.” Varric pauses. “Actually, she’s probably doing both.”

“It’s a win-win situation for her,” Sebastian adds.

“I’m going to kill her,” Aveline mutters.

Isabela [likebigboats69]: y arent ur friends speakin

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: I AM THE VOICE OF [Nehraa Qun].

Isabela [likebigboats69]: are they afk

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: THE MEMBERS OF [Nehraa Qun] ARE NOT [Away from Keyboard]!

Isabela [likebigboats69]: THE MEMBERS OF [Nehraa Qun] ARE BORING AND NEVER TALK!!!!

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: SILENCE! DO NOT IMITATE MY MANNERISMS!

Varric [siegeharder]: Do I dare interrupt this highly informative debate?

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: [Nehraa Qun] IS NOT A CASUAL GUILD. [Nehraa Qun] OFFERS AN IMMERSIVE ROLE-PLAYING EXPERIENCE, WITH HIGHLY EXCLUSIVE MEMBERSHIP OPPORTUNITIES OFFERED TO NONE OTHER THAN THE [Qunari] RACE. AS SUCH, [Nehraa Qun] FOLLOWS LORE. THIS IS NOT A GAME.

Isabela [likebigboats69]: this IS a game tho …???

Varric [siegeharder]: Nice sales pitch, Arishok.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: YOU FRUSTRATE ME.

Varric [siegeharder]: :)

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: [Wicked Grace] SHALL FACE THE CONSEQUENCES OF MOCKING US!

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: WHY DOES YOUR CHAMPION NOT SPEAK?

Varric [siegeharder]: Good question.

“Hawke, are you still with us?”

“This is just a bad dream,” I say. “It’s a bad dream. I’m going to wake up and it’s going to be a huge relief.”

“Garrett…” Aveline is very sympathetic.

“I’ll log on and I’ll say, hey, guys, I had the worst dream! Varric put the fate of the guild on my shoulders! Could you believe –“

“Hawke.” I like that voice. “It’s not a big deal.” It’s a Fenris voice. Fenris.

I’m being a coward.

In front of Fenris.

My Whisper tab in the chat box flashes.

[W] Varric [siegeharder]: You’re going to win.

[W] Varric [siegeharder]: You’re going to go in there, you’re going to kick ass, and you’re going to get even closer to accessing the Elf’s pants.

I splutter.

[W] Varric [siegeharder]: Trust me. When have I ever let you down?

“Only constantly!” I say, out loud.

Varric laughs. “Sorry, I’m Whispering him.”

“I can’t believe it. We’re doomed,” Anders states.

“I can fight him instead,” Fenris says.

Oh, no.

That’s not what I want at all.

I’m not a coward.

I blink rapidly. “I…”

I mean, my track record is shaky.

I mess up constantly.

I cry in dungeons.

I’m awkward in just about every conceivable way…

But I’m not a coward. I’m not a pansy.

I used to be one. Totally.

But… Not anymore.

Is it pathetic that an increasingly overrated MMORPG is what triggered this realization in me?

Well, I don’t care.

A few weeks ago, I couldn’t even take listening to Fenris’ voice… Look at me now.

“I can do this,” I say.

“Yippee!” Merrill exclaims.

Fenris taught me how to play… I can play. Even if I lose… Who cares? It’s just a shitty Tome, anyway. We don’t even need it… But I do want to defend the guild’s honor. (Or, rather, what’s left of it.)

“I can feel the adrenaline!” I holler. Miles creeps out from under the desk and sits by my side, staring intensely at the computer screen.

“Then how about we put that adrenaline to good use?” Varric asks; I can hear the smirk in his words.

I unsheathe my sword.

It’s low-levelled, but –

“Wait. I’ll give you something to fight with,” Fenris says.

“You don’t have to! I have… This… Thing…” It’s a greatsword that I looted off some random Templar enemy. It’s also alarmingly weak.

I glance at the chat box, which has way too much activity…

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: ARE YOU BACKING OUT NOW?

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: TELL ME, [dragonhawke].

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: HESITATION SHALL BE YOUR DOWNFALL.

Garrett [dragonhawke]: Ok will you shut up for like one second?

Isabela [likebigboats69]: lmfao

“Holy shit!” Anders starts laughing.

“I can’t hear myself think!” There’s just too much capitalization.

“I can’t let you fight the Arishok with that,” Fenris says. “It puts him at an unfair advantage. I have an extra greatsword.”

“You really don’t have to!” I mean, I’m probably going to get my ass kicked either way…

Too late. A trade request window pops up.

“Dammit, Fenris,” I say. He chuckles.

“Ooh, what did you get? What did you get?!” Merrill’s way too excited…

It’s a greatsword called “Red Grace.”

“Fenris, I can’t -- I haven’t used a proper weapon in… Forever,” I say, as I accept the trade.

“It’s not the best,” he says, quickly. “I… Came across it. In a dungeon. The name reminded me of Wicked Grace, and of… You…” He trails off. Is he embarrassed?

Varric makes a suspiciously affirmative noise.

I equip Red Grace, and I don’t think I’ll be unequipping it any time soon.

Or ever, really.

“Thank goodness! Now Garrett might stand a fighting chance!” Merrill chirps.

“He might,” Fenris says wryly, and I laugh.

“Let’s not keep this lovely man waiting much longer,” Aveline adds. “He’s getting downright hostile in Chat, and while I enjoy seeing him squirm, I don’t want him to kill Isabela.”

“Because you want to kill her, right, Aveline?” Sebastian chuckles.

“Right.”

I unsheathe my new sword.

Isabela [likebigboats69]: ooo nice sword there hawkey ;)

Garrett [dragonhawke]: Thanks!

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: PSH. EVEN THE LOWEST-RANKING MEMBER OF [Nehraa Qun] WIELDS A BLADE BETTER-SUITED TO BATTLE.

Garrett [dragonhawke]: I don’t like you.

“I want to kill him,” I say, because I do.

“That’s a good attitude to have,” Anders says – and, no, he’s not being sarcastic.

“Make him cry, Garrett,” Merrill says.

“I will.” I move past Varric so that I’m facing the Arishok.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: THE SENTIMENT IS MUTUAL.

Garrett [dragonhawke]: oh I’ll bet.

Isabela [likebigboats69]: :O

Isabela runs up to the rest of Wicked Grace – she was hovering in the doorway before. Varric shuffles over to them, as well.

I glance over at Miles. He’s sitting, still staring at the computer screen. He knows. Or, you know… The bright light is fascinating to him.

But I think he knows, personally.

I glance back at the game. My body’s starting to feel unnaturally hot…

“Well, Hawke… Are you ready?” Varric asks.

“No. I mean, yeah! Wait, no!”

“Hawke.”

“I don’t have any chips!”

“Too bad,” Anders says. He sounds way too smug.

“Fine!” I huff. “If I lose, now you know why.”

“If you lose it’ll be for another reason, I’m sure,” Aveline says.

Varric sighs. “I’m going to just get this started.”

Varric [siegeharder]: Guess it’s time for you two to duke it out, then.

Varric [siegeharder]: Have fun, you wild kids.

“Kick some ass, Hawke,” Varric says.

“Oh, I will,” I say. “I’ll kick tons of ass.”

“Major ass?” Anders asks.

“Major ass. So much ass.”

I can hear something that sounds like muffled laughter, and, once again, I’m damn sure that Fenris is the culprit. I keep quiet about it, though.

Garrett [dragonhawke]: Lets get on with it then.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: MEMBERS OF [Wicked Grace], YOU ARE BLIND.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: I WILL MAKE YOU SEE!

Isabela [likebigboats69]: what did i say abt the blind jokes -_-

White text appears across my screen:

The Arishok [ARISHOK] has issued a PvP Challenge!

Do you accept?
>Yes       No

I stare at it.

“He issued a challenge,” I say.

“That’s how PvP works, yes,” Anders says.

“What do I do?!”

“You accept it, Hawke.”

“He’ll attack me if I accept it,” I point out. “I should come up with a plan of action.”

“Hawke…” Sebastian laughs. “Just accept it.”

“I need a plan of action!” I yell. Miles snaps out of his weird computer-trance and bounds out of the room. “No, Miles! No!”

I needed him. I needed him, and now he’s gone…

“Did Miles abandon you again?” Fenris asks.

“It keeps happening!” I wail.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: ARE YOU STALLING, [dragonhawke]?!

Garrett [dragonhawke]: Im totally not

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: YOU ARE STALLING!

Garrett [dragonhawke]: IM NOT! I’M TRYING TO GET COMFORTABLE

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: I COMMAND YOU TO STOP STALLING!

Garrett [dragonhawke]: Only aveline can command me

“Damn right,” Aveline says.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: SO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU ARE STALLING.

Garrett [dragonhawke]: I never stall!

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT NOW.

Garrett [dragonhawke]: doing what?

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: STALLING.

Garrett [dragonhawke]: I told you im not!

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: ……………………

“That’s our Hawke,” Varric says, affectionately.

“Hawke, press Backspace,” Anders says.

“What? Why?”

“Just do it. It’ll help you out with tactics.”

Woah, I never knew that. I press Backspace.

Garrett [dragonhawke] has accepted a PvP Challenge!

“WHAT?!”

It happens so quickly.

The Arishok charges across the room and right into me. My hands aren’t even positioned over my Skill keys.

I scream.

It’s not a shout. It’s not a yell.

It’s a scream.

If Mom was in my house right now, she’d come in here with a broom. It was that kind of scream.

Miles starts barking from some corner of the house.

Anders yelps. Aveline swears. Varric starts laughing.

“Fuck you, Anders!” I leap off the floor and sprint off towards the opposing wall. Meanwhile, the Arishok’s getting ready to charge again…

“You’re welcome,” Anders replies.

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” The Arishok charges past me – yeah, I manage to dodge this time – and slams into the wall that I was just pressed up against. “No! Nope!”

I just keep running. I run around pillars. I’m so glad that these pillars exist.

The Arishok chases after me. He’s way faster than I thought he’d be… I assumed that he was a tank class, but, nope. He’s definitely a rogue.

“You might want to try hitting him, Hawke,” Fenris says.

“I can’t!” I wail. The Arishok makes this lunging motion, and I scream again and scramble over to another wall.

I mean, I’m dodging the hits… So…

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: STOP RUNNING, COWRAD!

Isabela [likebigboats69]: u made a typo

“Go, Hawke, go!” Varric chants.

“Okay! Right! Not a coward! Right!” I turn towards the Arishok…

Varric [siegeharder]: Sloppy, Arishok. Very sloppy. I expected more from you.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: BE QUIET, RUDE DWARF MAN.

…And I charge at him, sending Red Grace into his chest.

“Reaper,” Fenris mutters. “I didn’t know that you unlocked the upgrade. Very good.”

“Thanks!” I squeak.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: A CHEAP MOVE, [dragonhawke]!

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: YOU WILL PAY!

I follow up with my favorite spin attack… The one I saw Fenris use, weeks ago.

He lurches back and then tries that lunge attack again, but I dodge it and start sprinting around yet another pillar.

“You’re so good at running away, Hawke!” Merrill’s very sincere. She’s so sincere that it stings a bit.

“Let’s call it kiting, Daisy,” Varric says.

“Kiting!” I repeat. “I like the sound of that. I like kites.” Dad would take Carver, Bethany and I out to fly this one kite we had. It looked like a bird. He said it was because we’re Hawkes, like… Hawks.

“Hawke –“ Fenris says, but it’s too late.

One of the Arishok’s swords is sticking right through my back.

I’m screaming.

Both in the game and in real life.

To make matters worse, he lifts me up, too. I’m bleeding all over the place.

“Why?!” I yell. “Why?!”

Garrett [dragonhawke]: OVERKILL.

“It won’t kill you, Garrett,” Aveline says.

“I don’t care!” Well, I do… But… You know. “If that happened in real life, I’d be pretty dead.”

“It didn’t happen in real life, though,” Sebastian says.

“That’s irrelevant.”

The Arishok throws me back onto the floor, and I’m momentarily stunned.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: HA!

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: SEE? THE THREATS OF [Nehraa Qun] ARE NOT EMPTY!

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: OUR DUTIES ARE LAW!

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: SUCH IS THE WAY OF [The Qun]!

I can tell that he’s still typing, so I seize the opportunity. I slam into him (Reaper again, of course), and he staggers back.

I let out a particularly evil-sounding cackle.

He’s stunned momentarily – I manage to activate two passive skills.

“You’re such a dirty fighter,” Merrill says. “I like that.”

“Hey, fighting this guy was not my idea!” I’m kiting (I love that word) again.

“You’re acting as if you’re a ranged class,” Aveline says, warily.

“I’d like to see you do better!” I retort.

“I probably could,” she replies.

“Your attacks are doing quite a lot of damage, Hawke. Keep it up!” Sebastian’s such a pure soul.

Isabela [likebigboats69]: u go hawkey

Isabela [likebigboats69]: fightin like a tru champ >:D

I’m glad that she’s here.

I missed Isabela, even though it’s only been two days.

Like I said earlier, I hate when she’s not a member of Wicked Grace, even though she’s always here in spirit.

The Arishok swings one of his swords at my head; I barely manage to dodge it. My health’s down to its half mark, which is scary, since he’s really only hit me a few times.

I eye the timer.

“Do you think I could keep this up for an hour?” I wonder out loud.

“Your health is lower than his, so, no,” Fenris replies. Damn. “He’s a rogue, though, so he should be a bit more fragile than you… Though he seems to be running an unusually tanky build.”

“Just like how Hawke’s running an unusually offensive build,” Varric remarks. “It’s great how these things work out, huh?”

“What if he whips out a bow and starts shooting arrows at Hawke?” Merrill asks.

“...That’s not allowed,” I say.

“It’s allowed,” Varric replies. “I don’t think he would, though.”

We all go quiet, as if we’re waiting for him to.

I’m still scrambling around. I keep alternating pillars. The Arishok must be so mad at me. “What if I tried baiting him again?”

Aveline groans.

I turn around and slam my sword into him. Surprise attacks! They’re the way to go. He swings his sword at me, too, but I avoid the blow and manage to dash off to another corner of the room.

“Nice… I think,” Anders says.

“I’m doing it!” I exclaim. Feeling gutsy, I activate another passive ability and charge over to the Arishok. The ability – Barrage – lets me land more hits than usual...

It’s a bit easier to think of him as a Boss, rather than a weirdly hardcore gamer who one of my best friends stole from.

Anyway, I just follow the skill order that Fenris taught me.

It whittles his health down. Fast. Past the half mark.

Varric whistles. Merrill cheers. I’m in the zone.

The Arishok manages to hit me, too, but it’s no big deal, even though Barrage has me a little bit more susceptible to enemy attacks. If he impaled me, that’d be a different story…

Anyway, we keep that up for a while. I hit hard; way harder than I was at the start of the fight. Though my attacks are doing a lot of damage, he’s scarily bulky.

According to the timer, 15 more minutes have passed and he’s still standing.

“Hang in there, Hawkey,” Anders says monotonously.

“Hey! You sound distracted! What’re you doing?!” I yell. “Pay attention! I’m fighting to the death over here!”

“Right, well, I’m trying to win a bid war on eBay over here,” Anders replies.

“Anders!”

“Watch it, Garrett!” Merrill squeaks. I barely manage to leap out of the way of the Arishok’s blades.

“Fucking hell!” I exclaim.

“You’re almost there, Hawke. You only need to hit him a few more times,” Fenris says, ever-so-calmly.

Right… I just need to hit him a few more times. Just a few.

Great.

Miles enters the room. I can hear him panting.

“Miles!” I yell. “Miles is back!”

He barks.

His presence gives me a burst of confidence.

Just as the Arishok thrusts his sword forward, in an attempt to impale me, I leap into the air and bring Red Grace down on him.

And I’m pretty sure that I land a Critical Hit, because he falls.

His little bar of health? It has no red in it anymore. It’s dark and empty. The remainder just…

Went away.

He falls, and a white message appears across the screen.

Garrett [dragonhawke] emerges victorious!

“Did I win?”

“Yes, Hawke!” Merrill’s laughing. “Congratulations! You won!”

Everyone’s congratulating me at once, some more loudly than others (Merrill has burst into song), and it’s wonderful, but… I hear one particular voice. One deep, low, sharp, quiet voice, with a distinct accent that’s become so familiar to me...

“Well done, Hawke.”

Oh my god.

Isabela is dancing.

And… I haven’t even looked at Chat yet. I can only imagine the chaos that must be ensuing…

“I… I won…” I say. “I won!” I can’t believe it.

The Arishok stands up. PvP mode has been disengaged, since I won.

I head back over to where the rest of Wicked Grace is standing, and Nehraa Qun swarms over to the Arishok.

“Does this mean that we get to keep the Tome?” Merrill asks.

“I’m not sure…” My voice trails off.

“Do we even want the Tome?” Good point, Aveline.

“It’s ours, technically,” Varric says. “Those were the terms. Hang on. Let’s consult Rivaini. I’m sending her a new Guild invite.”

A few seconds pass. A notification appears:

Isabela [ likebigboats69] has been added to [ Wicked Grace ].

I’m still too scared to check the General Chatbox… I’m pointedly averting my eyes.

I do swap tabs to Guild Chat, though.

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Welcome back, Rivaini. ;)

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: ISABELAAAAAA

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: i cant believe it

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: i left 4 like 2 mins and durin that time hawke became 1000% total badass material ?????

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: You call THAT badass?

“Shut up, Anders!”

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: SHUT UP ANDERS!!!

He just laughs. Typical!

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: it was sooo badass

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: what do u think fenris, was it badass

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: it was badass, yeah.

…And, of course, I’m bright red, and smiling a bit too much.

I did it.

My Whisper tab flashes. I click on it (still faithfully ignoring General chat).

[W] Varric [siegeharder]: Like I said:

[W] Varric [siegeharder]: One step closer to accessing the Elf’s pants.

I gurgle.

Everyone ignores me, but I just know that Varric’s grinning.

I’m not even dignifying that with a response.

I tab back to Guild chat.

[WG] Sebastian [exiledprince]: So, what should we do with the Tome of Koslun?

[WG] Sebastian [exiledprince]: Do we need it?

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: mmmmmeh

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: i only got it cos some assholes in another guild asked 4 it

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: and i owed them -____-

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Rivaini! Why don’t you ever get *us* one-of-a-kind, incredibly rare items? ):

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: lol since when has wg ever even wanted any o that shit

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Um. Only forever.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: wg stands for ‘wicked grace’ not ‘anders’ u absolute trash

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Harsh!

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: lol ;)

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: I GIVE U PLENTY! u get my loyalty and thats the rarest treasure of all

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Awww. You’re gonna make me cry, Rivaini.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: we all know that im the real treasure

[WG] Sebastian [exiledprince]: …So, do we need the Tome, or…?

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Let’s just give it back. We’ll never use it.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Seems like it’s more drama than it’s worth.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: tru

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: ive been gettin shit abt this for WEEKS its time to move the fuck on

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: WAIT!!! So you mean I fought that big guy for nothing???

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: THANKS, GUYS.

[WG] Merrill [bloodydaisies]: It was very impressive, Garrett!!! :^D

[WG] Merrill [bloodydaisies]: It wasn’t for nothgign! :^O

[WG] Merrill [bloodydaisies]: *Nothing

[WG] Garrett [dragonhawke]: Thanks, merrill. T_T

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: ha.

Ha.

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: so, are we giving it back, then?

[WG] Sebastian [exiledprince]: That seems like the best course of action. :-)

[WG] Anders [magerightsactivist]: Right, this wasn’t a waste of time at all!

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: shhhhh ok goin 2 gen chat

I take a deep breath and tab over to General chat.

It’s…

Completely silent, surprisingly.

Isabela [likebigboats69]: hiii ok so that was a gr8 match right??

Garrett [dragonhawke]: Yeah!

Garrett [dragonhawke]: Good fight, Arishok.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: YOU RAN.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: YOU RAN THE ENTIRE TIME.

Garrett [dragonhawke]: I believe the proper term is ‘kiting’

Garrett [dragonhawke]: i KITED the entire time.

Fenris laughs.

And I laugh, too.

Isabela [likebigboats69]: ANYWAY we dont need the [The Tome of Koslun]

Isabela [likebigboats69]: fck theres the extra ‘the’ again lol

Isabela [likebigboats69]: but ya we dont need it so u can have it back or w/e

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: NO.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: [Nehraa Qun] HONORS THE LOSS IT HAS SUSTAINED.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: SUCH IS THE WAY OF [the Qun].

Varric [siegeharder]: Hawke ran the entire time, though.

Varric [siegeharder]: Sorry, *kited.

“Dammit, Varric!”

“Sorry, Hawke.” Varric chuckles. “You know me. I’m a real casual.”

“Really?” Merrill’s mystified.

“I’m just about as casual as they come, Daisy,” Varric states.

Merrill gasps. “Are you being sarcastic?! Oh, I’m so bad at telling…”

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: A LOSS IS A LOSS.

Varric [siegeharder]: Then how about a trade?

Varric [siegeharder]: You can take your tome if you give us something in exchange for it.

Varric [siegeharder]: What does your precious Qun say about a trade between equals? Seems fair to me.

“They’re talking about it,” Sebastian murmurs.

“How do you think it’ll go?” I ask.

“It could go either way,” Fenris replies. “From a more lore-appropriate standpoint, such a proposal would not work. But, that being said, not even the most hardcore of guilds stick to lore when this sort of thing happens.”

“Even Chant of Light had its moments,” Sebastian adds with a sigh. “Can’t say I miss them.”

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: VERY WELL.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: WE HAVE DISCUSSED THIS OPTION AND JUDGE IT SATISFACTORY.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: FOR [The Tome of Koslun], [Nehraa Qun] OFFERS [The Mantle].

Varric whistles. “That’s a damn fair match.”

“The Mantle gives a custom title, but only if you use it,” Sebastian says.

“Why haven’t they used it?” Merrill asks.

“Much like the Tome, it’s one-of-a-kind,” Fenris replies. “Supposedly, it’s more valuable if it’s left unused. The value grows over time.”

Isabela [likebigboats69]: yesyesyesyYES

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: [Nehraa Qun] AWAITS THE APPROVAL OF [Wicked Grace]’S LEADER.

Isabela [likebigboats69]: -_-

Varric [siegeharder]: Sorry, Rivaini. :P

Varric [siegeharder]: We accept.

Isabela [likebigboats69]: lets do this thang i have the tome right here

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: [Nehraa Qun] WILL ONLY TRADE WITH [Wicked Grace]’S LEADER.

Isabela [likebigboats69]: -_______-

Varric [siegeharder]: Again, my deepest, most sincere apologies, Rivaini.

Varric [siegeharder]: Send me the tome and I’ll trade it over to Nehraa Qun.

Isabela [likebigboats69]: k

“What’s the title?” I ask. “The one attached to that Mantle thing, I mean.”

“Ooh, no, no one spoil it!” Merrill yells. “We’ll know soon enough!”

“Okay, I have the Tome. Time to hand it over.” Varric sighs. “You know, this makes me wonder just how much valuable shit Rivaini has stored away.”

“I’m going –”

“— To kill her. We know, Aveline,” Anders says.

“How’s the bid war going?” I ask.

“I’m going to win,” Anders says, determined.

“Of course you are,” Fenris replies.

Anders grumbles.

“Alright, I got it,” Varric says. “Damn! It’s years old. Three years old, to be precise.”

“I’ll never understand hardcore guilds,” I say.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: FIGHTING YOU WAS AN EXPERIENCE, [dragonhawke].

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: IF OUR BLADES CROSS AGAIN, THE OUTCOME WILL BE DIFFERENT.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: I CAN SAY THIS WITH COMPLETE CERTAINTY.

“Is he threatening me?! At a time like this?” I sigh.

Garrett [dragonhawke]: I’d like to see you try!!!!

“Where’s the scared little Garrett I once knew?” Varric muses.

“Perhaps he’ll say that he wants to go into the Deep Roads later,” Fenris adds.

“That’s pushing it!” I laugh. “He’s just so holier-than-thou.”

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: HA.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: I HAVE A GROWING LACK OF DISGUST FOR YOU, HUMAN.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: [Nehraa Qun] ACKNOWLEDGES THE OUTCOME OF THIS BATTLE, AND DEEMS [Wicked Grace] A WORTHY RIVAL.

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: WITH THAT, WE SHALL TAKE OUR LEAVE.

Isabela [likebigboats69]: lol bye

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: AND, YOU! [likebigboats69]!

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: NEXT TIME YOU DECIDE TO TAKE WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY OURS, WE WILL FIND YOU, AND YOU WILL NOT HAVE YOUR PRECIOUS GUILD TO HIDE BEHIND.

Isabela [likebigboats69]: i wasnt hiding tho i was right here the whole time

Isabela [likebigboats69]: luv u guys too tho ;)

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: …

THE ARISHOK [ARISHOK]: GOODBYE.

Before we can even react to that, Nehraa Qun is enveloped in a cloud of light-purple smoke. When it dissipates, they’re gone… Every last one of them.

“Holy shit,” I say.

“I agree,” Sebastian replies.

The Guild chat tab flashes.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: OK I SAY THAT HAWKE GETS THE MANTLE COS HE KICKED SOME HORNY ASS TODAY ;))

[WG] Fenris [Fenris]: i agree.

“Woah. What? No! I? No!” It’s too important for me!

“You’re the one who worked for it, Hawke,” Fenris points out.

“It’s all yours, Hawke,” Varric says. “You have no say in this. What do you guys think?”

“It should go to Garrett, yes,” Sebastian says. “He brought the Arishok down, after all!”

“Yes, give it to him! And use it, Garrett! I want to see what it is!” Merrill’s… Very enthusiastic.

“Your hard work deserves a reward,” Aveline says.

I feel so emotional… I love these people so much. They’ve been with me every step of the way…

“Yes! I won!” Anders cheers.

…And, of course, the moment’s ruined.

“Thanks, Anders,” I say.

“Oh, wait, what? What’s going on? I won the bid war!”

“We’re giving Hawke the Mantle,” Varric says.

“Ah. Sure, yeah. I mean, you were the one being chased by the Arishok. Narrowly avoiding death or whatever.”

“Exactly,” Varric says.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: ummm hello

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: Sorry, Rivaini. We were discussing stuff in Voice Chat.

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: You’d know that if you re-joined, you lout.

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: I HAVENT REJOINED THE CHAT BC IM SCARED OF YOU!!!

[WG] Aveline [captvallen]: Right. >:(

[WG] Isabela [likebigboats69]: that face is hostile & mean just like YOU

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: ANYWAY, we decided that Hawke’s the best candidate.

[WG] Varric [siegeharder]: So I’ll be trading it over to him now.

A trade request appears on my screen.

Varric [siegeharder] wishes to Trade.

Do you accept?
>Yes       No

“I’m so emotional!” I wail.

“Keep it together, big guy.” Varric says, warmly.

“I’ll try, but I think the waterworks are coming,” I say as I accept the trade request.

The trade window comes up, and Varric sends over the Mantle.

I kind of just stare at it in my Inventory for a while.

“Use it, Garrett! Use it!”

“Peer pressure!” I holler.

“Are you going to save it for its value to go up?” Fenris asks; there’s a playful tone in his voice that makes my chest feel all light.

“No! I’m… I’m just looking at it!” It’s a letter, and it’s gold in color. I hover over it. White text appears, spouting off some lore stuff that I don’t really care about.

I take a screenshot of it.

And, before anyone can fit in any more oh-so clever remarks, I double-click it.

The letter vanishes from my Inventory, and white text appears across the screen.

Garrett [dragonhawke] has earned the title of

CHAMPION.

Chapter Text

“I’m… What?” I stare at my screen.

My name – dragonhawke. It’s above my character, where it always is. But… there’s an extra line of text above it.

That line of text says <Champion> in crisp white letters.

“Champion!” Merrill squeals. “Oh, Garrett, that’s lovely! Champion Garrett!”

“I have a title!” I’m awestruck.

“You do. Congratulations,” Fenris says.

“Something about this feels… Off,” Anders mutters.

“Perish the thought, Blondie.” Varric cackles.

“I feel like something about this title’s lore is incredibly against everything I stand for,” Anders continues.

“If Isabela were here, she’d say: Don’t lore the place up.” Merrill’s Isabela voice is flawless. She has a knack for impressions.

“I’ll look it up in the Codex later,” Anders says. “For now, I need to get the hell out of here.”

“I’m trying to feel right now!” I holler. Champion! That’s so… Cool.

I’m on top of the world.

“Aveline!” I’m very excited. “Were you on top of the world when you got your title?!” She’s been Guard Captain for a few months now.

“I don’t know if I’d say I was on top of the world, but…” She laughs a little. “Well, it was a good day.”

“I’d like a title too, please,” Merrill says.

“In time, Daisy,” Varric says. “Anyway, now that we’ve cleared Isabela’s name and successfully upped Hawke’s badass factor, who’s up for that dungeon run? Bianca still needs her rune.”

“Ah, right! The Varterral! We should get going.” I know I’ve said this before, but Sebastian is eternally down for anything, and it continues to scare me. I’d say that he should’ve been Wicked Grace’s champion, but… I feel emotionally attached to my new title already.

Champion Garrett Hawke.

“Are you up for it, Champion?” This is why I like Fenris.

“I’m up for it!” I say. “I’m so up for it.” I could take down an army right now.

“Awww, Hawke’s not a wuss anymore!” Anders coos.

I stick my tongue out in real life and then realize that he can’t see me. Whatever.

“Don’t push yourself,” Fenris says, and I can’t tell if he’s teasing me or being serious, but I’m grinning really goofily.

“I’ve got this!” I say.

“Someone give Isabela some attention before she starts another feud with another hardcore guild,” Aveline says. “And get her ass back in this voice chat. I have a few things I want to tell her.”

~

“— And then I slammed into him! Wham! Critical hit!” Armed with a long piece of wood, I mimic the finishing move that I did in the MMO (against the Arishok, of course). “And he was like, urrrgh!” I clutch at my stomach and crouch, as if I’m in pain.

“Uh, okay.” Carver’s unimpressed.

“It was magnificent!” I exclaim.

“If you say so,” Carver replies, still unimpressed. He bites into his ham and cheese sandwich.

“You had to be there. I – I was kiting!” I gesture wildly, still holding the wood.

“Isn’t ‘kiting’ a nerd word for ‘running away?’”

“No. It’s strategy.” I put the wood down and sit on the work bench, next to him. “You know… Tactics?”

He glances at me and stares for a few seconds. Then he takes another bite into his sandwich. “You were running away, though.”

“Who told you that?!”

“I just know.”

“Dammit, Carver!” I reach over to my ham and cheese sandwich and eat half of it in one bite. “Don’t ruin the moment!” I holler, even though my mouth’s full.

He grunts noncommittally.

“Anyway… It was awesome, and I’m awesome.” Yeah, winning that fight gave me a huge ego boost.

Of course, Carver doesn’t need to know that the Varterral jumped on me and instantly killed me, mere minutes after I acquired my title.

Nope. He doesn’t need to know that at all.

“Sure,” Carver wipes his hands off on his jeans.

“I’m a force to be reckoned with. I’ll destroy anyone that messes with Isabela!”

“What’re you saying about Isabela?” Bethany walks into the back room. It’s not her shift at Duncan’s right now, so she’s visiting us over at Hawke’s Carpentry.

“Bethany! I got into a fight!” I rush over to her.

“You got into a fight?!” She blinks. “Wait, in real life, or…”

“No, in the MMO.”

“Ugh! I need to stop falling for this!”

“It was really dramatic! Isabela stole a Tome, and it was on, like, the MMO black market!” I wave my hands (and, by extension, my sandwich) around. “Then Isabela went into hiding, and this hardcore guild challenged us to a fight! Their leader talked in all caps! And then –”

“I just heard this entire story,” Carver says. “I don’t need to hear it again.”

“Fine, Grumpy!” I stomp over to him and sit back down. “Bethany, the point is: I’m a champion now. The Champion.”

“That’s impressive… I think.” She laughs.

“It’s very impressive.” I stuff the rest of my sandwich into my mouth.

“Did Mom make those? I want one.” Bethany dashes over to the little office that Mom has further inside of the back room, in search of a ham sandwich.

“So,” I turn to Carver. “Not interested in working at Duncan’s?”

He makes a disgusted face. “No way.”

“Aw! Why not? Don’t you want the glory of serving delicious hot beverages and pastries to beloved customers?!”

“Not even a little.” He’s finished his sandwich, too. “I’d get fired on my first day.”

“You’re assuming you’d get past the interview.” I snort.

“The selfless profession of coffee is not for me,” he replies. “Why don’t you work there? You’re always there with Zevran and Morrigan when you’re supposed to be here. Working.”

“Wrong!” I point my finger at him accusatorily. “That’s totally wrong.” My phone vibrates; I reach into my pocket and yank it out. “We go there after work, and rarely, too! So you’re wrong.” I slide the lock screen with my finger. “Also, you know how I get whenever I drink anything with caffeine in it.”

“Unfortunately, yeah.” He stands up and stretches. “I do know.”

“Shut up!”

Merrill (1:32pm):
Garrett,
I have very exciting news!!!!!!!!! :^DDD

Carver shrugs. “Let’s just get this table finished up. Alistair’s dragging me out tonight, and I have stuff to do before that.”