Work Text:
The bell won’t stop tolling and Eiko shakes, mute with horror. The others look about, squinting and conferring, wondering about the nature of this time-warped world they’ve entered and where the path lies. Dagger expresses her relief to be out of the storm, away from the memory of her and her mother at sea, and Eiko wants to scream. It’s true they’ve left behind the gloom, at least momentarily, but the serene skies and polished, intact, shining buildings are brimming with doom.
Beyond the ringing bell, Eiko can hear waves gently lapping against an unseen port. But from her vantage point, there’s no ocean, only gray and tin-gold clouds stretching endless out beyond them. When Freya asks which direction will lead them forward, the party falls quiet. Aside from the bell’s peals, the city is as silent as the grave it is.
She only barely registers Zidane suggesting they split up and explore the town for the way out. Eiko stays where she is, staring up the staircase without noticing her friends passing her. Amarant gives her a curious look, but she doesn’t see that either. Both her hands rise to her chest, and against her will, her eyes start to sting. The pocket Mog used to live in has never felt emptier, so she winds her fingers until Mog’s ribbon is weaved between them. She clenches her fists, pulling the ribbon taut. Can you see this? she wonders, wishing she could communicate more directly with her eidolons. She wants to summon her, even though this new form is still foreign. Still Mog (Madeen, she corrects herself), but not who she’d grown up with and knew and loved. Just like this city.
Eiko takes a step forward, then balks. Her eyes dart to empty windows leading into dark rooms. There won’t be anyone there. Even if this place is based off of memory, as Zidane said Garland claimed, Eiko doubts anyone other than herself and the others are here. But she’s not sure which would be worse; accepting a dead city, preserved and projected from memories, or encountering those who used to live here.
But these aren’t my memories, she thinks, still winding the ribbon between her fingers. They can’t be. So it must be…
“Are you all right?” Eiko closes her eyes and nods, ignoring Vivi’s concerned look. “Eiko?”
“I’m fine,” she insists, sniffling loudly and wiping her eyes. She’s pretty sure they’re dry, but better safe than sorry.
Vivi hesitates, then cradles his hands together in front of him, giving her some slack by looking at the ground. “Remember what you told me at the Iifa Tree?”
Of course she does, and she’s as proud of him for holding both of them to it as she is resentful. And if there’s anyone she can’t lie to, it’s him. A sob breaks free from her, and the subsequent flood of tears brings Eiko down to a crouch. She buries her face in the crevasse between her knees and presses the ribbon closer to her chest, wishing it was furry and warm and could hug her back. A hand rests on her shoulder and she wants to shove it away. But Vivi crouches down next to her and lets her lean her head against his shoulder, the way she used to with Momatose and Moco. The way she wishes Zidane would let her. Immediately she feels a stab of guilt and tries harder to stifle her tears, only succeeding in letting out a loud hiccup.
She doesn’t hear any footsteps, but a second hand joins her shoulder. It’s as gentle as Vivi’s but more poised. Eiko’s resolve to get back on her feet buckles under the dual kindnesses.
“Do you know what’s wrong?” she hears Vivi ask.
“I think so.” Dagger’s hand moves in small circles on Eiko’s back, slowly aiding the tears and pain on their journey out of her body. Eiko glances up at her. Dagger is looking around at the buildings, the bell tower, and when their eyes meet, Eiko knows Dagger does understand. “Eiko…”
“It’s not—hic—fair,” Eiko says between hitched breaths. “We could have been anywhere. We h-have been anywhere. So why did he take us here?”
Dagger doesn’t reply immediately, which makes it all the worse when Eiko has to acknowledge she’s giving her most truthful answer. “I don’t think Garland chooses, Eiko. I’m not sure how this place works, but I don’t think any of us are in control.”
“Um.” Eiko reflexively tenses, and Vivi withdraws his hand, just a fraction. “Wh-Where are we, exactly?”
Dagger glances at Eiko, who’s returned to cradling her face in her knees. “We’re in Madain Sari, Vivi. Madain Sari before Garland attacked it ten years ago.”
Vivi takes another look around, absorbing the entire weight of Dagger’s words and Eiko’s grief before saying, in a crushed voice, “Oh, Eiko…”
“I already knew.” Her voice is wound as tightly as the ribbon. “Some of our books survived the storm. I saw the pictures and, and even some of the old maps. I never told Grandpa, but I always wanted to see it in person. But now…”
Vivi’s hand returns and Dagger slips an arm around Eiko’s shoulders, pulling her close. For a moment, Vivi feels incredibly out of place. Inasmuch as he considered Quan’s dwelling home, he knows that the loneliness of not having a home is entirely different from losing the one you had. And though Dagger admits her memories of Madain Sari are still hazy, Vivi reminds himself she’s witnessed the destruction of not one but two homes with her own eyes.
It’s only for a moment that he feels guilty for being there, for intruding on such a personal despair. He considers getting Zidane, or Freya, but then Eiko reaches one hand up and catches his, squeezing it tight while her arm rests against Dagger’s. Above her bowed head, Dagger and Vivi make eye contact and Dagger gives him a wane but warm smile, only highlighting her misty eyes.
The three remain crouched there, as silent as the city that’s a grave until the others return. Eiko listens to Dagger explain to Zidane that Eiko will be okay, that she’ll explain later, and did they find a way out? Eiko can feel the gazes of the others, but when she rights herself and dusts her pants off, Freya and Steiner have tactfully looked away. Zidane offers a smile, the kind that belays he knows fully well he doesn’t know the source of her pain, but is more than willing to walk through it with her if he can.
So she accepts his smile with a determined nod, and they fall into line. Predictably, Zidane takes the lead, and after a shared glance and nod, Steiner joins him at the front and Freya waits for the others to pass before setting herself up as their vanguard. Amarant’s unhurried steps see him at the back of the group, helping Freya keep an eye on their backs, their allies ahead, and Quina, who’s already wandered off to investigate a potted plant.
Eiko takes a deep breath and wipes the rest of her tears on her sleeve. Off to her left, the sunlight glints off the clouds, pale and stagnant. Though the city stands tall, Eiko thinks to herself it’s a crummy version of the rusty, shambling ruins she’s explored every nook and cranny of. A surge of affection for the piles of rubble courses through her. In one fit of righteous rage, two years ago, she’d yelled at her Grandpa and the Moogles that Madain Sari was dying, if it wasn’t already dead, and why couldn’t they just leave? But now, in the stale air and colorless sunlight, surrounded by a pristine but vacant city, Eiko knows better. If anything, Madain Sari is evidence, proof that Kuja and Garland can throw whatever terrors they want at Gaia. Maybe it will crumble, but it will never fall.
With her jaw set, Eiko tucks the ribbon back into her pocket and takes step after step up the staircase. Dagger and Vivi walk by her side, hands on her shoulder, supporting without pushing. And with the two beside her, Zidane and Steiner leading, Freya and Amarant guarding, and Quina wandering between in search of simple joys and wisdoms, Eiko pushes forward and doesn’t look back. She can go back to her Madain Sari once they stop Kuja. And though the heartache won’t fade as quickly as the tolling bell, Eiko goes back to a time of her own choosing, replaying Morrison’s words over and over in her head.
You’ll always have a home.