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"So … pie?" Daniel asks, settling into a chair in front of Jack's desk.
Meet me for lunch meant exactly that—Daniel would pry himself away from his desk in their Dupont Circle townhouse and swing by the Pentagon, where Jack would meet him outside the layers of security that cocooned Homeworld Security.
Meet me for pie was code for Daniel having to wade through the swipe card, PIN, thumbprint, and iris scanners to get to his husband's office, used only when there was SGC business to be discussed within Jack's thoroughly secured domain. Jack continually bemoaned the fact that the Pentagon's dining options couldn't hold a candle to the SGC commissary bakers. He didn’t think it was fair there wasn't actual pie worth bothering with to go with their ruse.
"Pie," Jack affirms. "Looks like we'll be popping back to Colorado and taking a trip through the old—" He whistles a two toned note and draws a circle in the air with his finger.
"Ah." Daniel tries not to imagine the worst. "What's the occasion?" Trips through the gate were rare these days, usually special requests to visit allies from the early days of the program—barring the occasional research or expertise trip he had to be onsite for.
"I'm pretty sure it's a happy one," Jack says. "It sounds like this means 'RSVP with your plus one'?" He flips his monitor around. The photo embedded in his email is of a rustic wooden carving that looks vaguely phallic. Or explicitly phallic if you are familiar with Unas physiology.
"Yeah …" Daniel says. "No need to pack your tux."
---
"Dr. Mahelona?"
Keaha startles, and has the embarrassing feeling she may have squeaked out loud, too. "General O'Neill!" The man who follows him through the door puts her more at ease. "Daniel."
"Hi, Keaha," he says with a smile. "I hear there's big excitement in the Unas team."
"You get to see the excitement up close!" Keaha exclaims. General O'Neill coughs lightly and she feels her cheeks heat a little at her unintended double entendre. The general isn't an anthropologist and she's pretty sure he isn't as excited as his husband is for this field trip.
"Why don't you get us some pie from the commissary?" Daniel tells him, obviously thinking the same thing she is. Sometimes she wonders at the couple, because as fantastic as her coworkers in the social sciences are, the military side of the SGC can be more alien than the people they meet on other planets. But Daniel seems to have bridged the gap. She's seen entire conversations between the two men take place without words—like the one now that ends in the general nodding and heading out.
As soon as he's gone, Keaha can't hold back her enthusiasm. "Oh, Daniel, wait till you meet her! You should have seen when Chaka first told me about her. He told me he'd gone back for a visit to his native planet, and a warrior female of a neighboring clan sought him out. Aparently she insisted she wanted to travel and be a diplomat among other Unas, too. He said, 'The scent of her filled my nose and throat. I knew I had met my true mate.' He is so in love, it's adorable."
Daniel’s face relaxes into one of his genuine, warm smiles. She suspects he's a secret romantic, too. "That's great to hear. He deserves a happy family life. What's her name?"
"Tok Onon."
"Defy … Slavery? Wow, she is perfect for him."
"She really is, Daniel," Keaha promises. "She's super strong and smart, and she's good at knowing when to be aggressive and when to be diplomatic."
"Has she met all the Unas team?"
"Oh, yeah, she's cool with us being weak little pink things that can't talk properly. She's actually a little better at pronouncing some English words than Chaka is."
"I can't wait to meet her, then," Daniel says, and his genuine pleasure makes Keaha happy that Daniel will get to go, even if she is still a little jealous.
"You and the general have reviewed all the material on what to expect, right?"
Daniel nods.
"We explained to Chaka the 'cultural differences,'” she goes on. “Dr. Lee whipped you up a tent with added plates of ceramic polymer. Packs with gifts are set, too, so mission prep is done."
"Thank you. I'm sorry you don't get to go," Daniel says sincerely.
"I know. But it's the first time 'Umans have ever attended one of these, and it's close friends only. I understand. Besides, you're bringing me back recordings, right?"
"Of course. Speaking of recordings, let me hear these latest ones."
"Oh, sure!" Keaha clicks through folders for the mp4 files, and plays back the one where Chaka described how he first met Tok Onon.
Eventually General O'Neill returns with three plates of pie, and generously lets her make the first choice. She notices he digs into his own without waiting for Daniel, which is fair enough. Daniel is so absorbed in taking notes as he listens to the conversation in Unas that he's likely to forget about the pie entirely.
Or not. When the file finishes playing, the general stops fiddling with the telescoping pointer on her desk to stick the fork in Daniel's hand and shove the plate under his nose. Daniel digs in on autopilot.
Keaha thinks maybe she might need a partner like that someday.
"So, Unas mating ceremony?" the general says doubtfully. Yep, Daniel's definitely given him the full briefing.
---
The stone ring my 'Uman Friends gave me the mouth word for—the Star Gate—opens with the water-that-is-not-water, and I turn with my beloved True Mate to meet the latest guests to our Mating Ceremony. It is the 'Umans Dan'al and O'Neel, among our most esteemed visitors.
I have shared the story with Tok Onon, of how I hunted a vulnerable, thin-skinned 'Uman for my Coming of Age ritual, how he never stopped making mouth noises and never responded to my scent words of warning. But this noisy, thin-skinned prey spoke mouth word Chaka while looking to me and the Moons with scent words curiosity-wonder-connection. He would not share the meal of Onac meat, but he gifted the sharing of his own food to me. I realized then that my gift to him was his life.
He was weak, vulnerable, and deaf to scent words, but he was a Shaman-Speaker-Sage in his own right among his kind. And as Shaman he gave me my true name Chaka. I also learned from his Clan that the 'Umans have invented many powerful ways to protect themselves despite their lack of protective skin, claws, and teeth.
'Uman Friend Dan'al changed the intended course of my life from Shaman of my clan to my true role as Alpha-Shaman-Speaker. I traveled to other clans of my world to share knowledge of these 'Umans, and spoke to Dan'al and other Speakers and Sages of his people when they came through the Star Gate.
When other 'Umans stole me away to a new planet, I became Shaman-Speaker-Warrior for the ancient people there who had been stolen long before. Much of the spirit of free Unas had been broken in them. I understood, finally, why Dan'al had named me Chaka, and my purpose in life.
When Dan'al and his Warrior Clan came to rescue me from the slavers, I came to understand from the scent between them that Dan'al and Warrior O'Neel were True Mates, and I was glad to come to know O'Neel better.
After Dan'al brought me through the Star Gate to Speak with him between the Warrior 'Umans and the Warrior Unas of yet another planet, I came to feel my Clan is grown to be all the Unas people of the stars.
Dan’al has been present for every significant event in my life. I am honored he will attend my Mating Ceremony.
When they step down from the Star Gate, I present Dan'al and O'Neel to Tok Onon, and they greet her with, "A cha'aka." I see Dan'al look between us and his scent grows content, pleased. As Dan'al relaxes, O'Neel does as well.
"A cha'aka," Tok Onon replies, and her scent words say Friend-happy. "Wel Com," she adds in 'Uman.
Dan'al offers a chain mail vest to Tok Onon as a meeting gift, and my True Mate's scent words say she is delighted. She also says the mouth word "Aka" to the 'Umans.
I have reminded all the Unas guests that the 'Umans are deaf to scent words and rely on mouth words. But just because they seem uncivilized does not mean they intend insult, nor are they stupid or unprotected. My Friends and Brothers and Sisters have heard enough tales to understand the importance of these 'Umans in my life. I have also explained the vulnerability of their thin skins means that Dan'al and O'Neel will participate in the ceremony in an 'Uman way.
The Unas do not question the strangeness of my Friends, especially after O'Neel brings the gift of their special Nan to the ceremony, and everyone enjoys the delicious "Eh Ner'gee Bars."
---
Jack feels like he's been standing for hours, listening to Chaka and Tok Onon growl at the crowd and each other, with interjections from their friends. Daniel has been whispering translations—it seems pretty much like their life stories. In. Full. Detail. Daniel's rapt, of course. And Jack has to admit, at least Chaka and Tok Onon have led interesting enough lives that he's not falling asleep on his feet. He's never going to go to one of these for an Unas accountant, though. If Unas have accountants.
Finally it looks like there is some kind of build up happening. Chaka and Tok Onon take each other's hands, raise them together and shout something out.
"We are Life Mates," Daniel translates, as the gathered Unas roar together. Daniel shouts with them and elbows Jack until he yells out a "Yeah!" too. He's glad it's over, anyway. And, okay, Chaka looks ridiculously sweet and in love (Phrases Jack Never Thought He'd Say for a thousand, Alex), and Tok Onon does seem pretty awesome.
The single guests start making their way out of the crowd and Jack's nervousness comes back. He knows that the unmated guests are all going to form a protective perimeter around the ceremonial space.
"Deep breaths," Daniel whispers to him, and he starts setting up their mini domed tent. Jack does take a lungful in and let it out, then goes to help him. Better to finish getting the poles staked than to look around where dozens of Unas couples are beginning to disrobe and lay fur mats on the ground.
As Daniel slides into the tent, Jack takes a quick look around and immediately regrets it. That cultural brief was not kidding. At all. He hurries in after Daniel and zips the opening.
"Oh, boy. They're really …." Fortunately he doesn't have to finish the sentence because Daniel knows full well what's going on out there. And he's grinning, the little shit, as he undoes his bootlaces. But as much as Jack would feel self conscious on display, he's also worried about not being out there. "You're sure we're not causing some kind of offense by …?" He waves his hand to indicate the tent.
"No, Keaha explained that humans don't mate in the open because our thin skins leave us vulnerable. We have to mate under a 'thick skin' for protection. Chaka found that to be ingenious, and very wise of us."
"Oka—"
Daniel's lips suddenly cut him off. When he finally pulls back from a very thorough kiss, he explains, "What would cause offense is if we didn't spill seed with everyone else to celebrate the mating. Even if they can't see us, they'll be able to smell us. So no more thinking of that, out there, and eyes on the prize. That being us, here." Daniel kisses him again.
Fortunately, Jack's response to Daniel's kisses is pretty hard-wired, and they roll together, pulling at each other's flies. Jack pushes up Daniel's shirt and pushes down his pants, reveling in all that skin for him to touch. He starts to harden, nipping and licking along Daniel's sides and belly. Daniel is getting hard, too, but has learned that trying to rush Jack will only make him tease for longer.
Finally, Jack puts his mouth where it's most wanted, and loves the groan Daniel lets out. The hand shoving at Jack's shoulder is holding a container of lube, and Jack doesn't hesitate to add wet fingers to stretch Daniel open while he sucks.
When Daniel's slicked, Jack taps him on the hip. "Turn over, baby." Daniel gives another happy moan, and rolls to get on all fours. Jack pulls the pants from Daniel's ankles, and moves to cover him. "Oh, ye—"
A roar shatters the air nearby. "Holy shit!" Jack exclaims, immediately on alert.
"Hey!" Daniel slides out from underneath him and captures his attention. "They're just … having fun, too."
Christ, Unas orgasms. What has his life come to?
Daniel turns him and lays him down on his back, then climbs over him. "It's okay. We're not in any imminent peril."
"I'm in imminent peril of losing my hard-on," Jack grouses.
Daniel reaches over and breaks a lightstick, casting him in a green glow. "Eyes on me, babe." Then he reaches down with a slicked hand and starts stroking Jack where he's half wilted. Once he leans over to kiss Jack, too, the mood really starts coming back. Daniel slides his crease along Jack's cock a few times, then rises up and sinks down on him. Jack can't resist a groan.
He will never tire of this dance with Daniel, an excitement and a comfort at the same time. There are roars outside, but they are nothing to the rush of blood in his ears, the sounds that Daniel is making as he rides Jack in perfect rhythm, the sight of Daniel's face, half limned in green, half in shadow….
"Oh, sonova—" Jack thrusts upwards harder, chasing the orgasm that's building around the edges. Daniel pulls his own cock, and the clamp of tightness and sound of his voice as he comes makes Jack plunge faster until he spills with a cry inside Daniel.
As lax as they feel, Daniel is careful as he bends over to kiss Jack. He likes to keep Jack inside him as long as possible afterwards, and Jack is happy to oblige him.
"Blanket fort," Jack accuses, running his hand softly through Daniel's hair. Daniel just grins in response. The bastard had conditioned him before they left. He'd surprised Jack with a blanket fort in their den and insisted they crawl in to watch movies. But once inside, he'd "distracted" Jack, and they'd had some of the hottest sex of their married life just like this, with Daniel astride him, lit by a green lightstick, and the shouts of the movie unimportant outside their pseudo-tent.
"The Unas aren't quiet about much," Daniel says, unrepentant. "I didn't want you to get distracted."
Jack grunts in agreement. It worked—they didn't ruin Chaka's wedding with performance anxiety, and he got to have amazing sex with his husband. He can't argue with results.
He's finally soft enough that he slips out of Daniel, and Daniel moves off him reluctantly. "We should get dressed again."
Jack agrees with a nod. For him, it only means pulling his pants up from his ankles, so he corrals Daniel's boots while Daniel is still finishing buttoning. Bad enough his chest is stained and sticky, but Daniel's going to have a mess inside his pants when he stands up. Still, it's better than having proved their participation in full view of the crowd.
When Daniel's finished dressing, Jack tries to determine what the sounds outside the tent mean. Unas always sound growly and animalistic. "Think it's safe?" he asks.
Daniel rolls his eyes. "I'll go first, then pull you out. You just keep your eyes on me."
"Fine." Jack has absolutely no problem with being squeamish about watching Unas live-action porn.
Standing outside their tent, he keeps his nose buried in Daniel's neck. Fortunately, he doesn't have nearly the sensitive sense of smell of an Unas, or he'd be overwhelmed. The sight of Daniel's collar and the smell of Daniel up against him is all he wants.
"I think it's okay, Jack," Daniel says after a bit. "Looks like everyone's done." No sooner does he finish speaking, when the assembled Unas let out another great, frankly unnerving, roar of celebration.
Jack has to focus on how radiant Chaka and Tok Onon look in order to muster up the happiness the moment deserves. His smile gets more genuine when Daniel tugs on his hand to lead him after the crowd. "Come on. They make this great berry thing here. Just think of it as pie."