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They were broken.
Broken as a glass shattered on the floor and then gotten stepped on thousands of times.
Broken as a window crashed by a football, pieces all over the place.
Broken as a boyfriend broke by his own better half.
Harry saw himself as the glass. Louis was the foot stepping on over him, the football flying through him, destroying everything.
Louis was the better half breaking Harry in tiny little pieces. Leaving nothing behind.
Harry was sat against the window sill, tears silently running down his face. This was a position he knew better than the one with Louis, tangled in their own bed. He'd sit there, right by the window, every day, waiting for his love to come home.
Louis always did. Come home, that is. He always came through the door, whether it was 9pm or 2am. He always stumbled through the door, whether he was drunk or sober. Maybe that made things a bit easier, that no matter what, Louis would always return to Harry. At least, that's what Harry kept telling himself over and over again.
The loud closing of a car door is what woke Harry up. He glanced to the kitchen, it ticking it's way to almost three in the morning. He looked back outside, his legs and arms still folded over each other by the window. He thought about getting up, but didn't have the strength to. He was absolutely freezing; still in his boxers. Maybe he thought wrong when he'd counted the hours. Usually it would take Louis only two to three hours with his friends, and then a few with Eleanor. Guess he had fun, had stayed a bit longer.
Harry heard the door opening, Louis not even trying to be quiet. He knew that Louis knew he'd be waiting for him.
He didn't lift his head up from leaning to the side, just listened as Louis took his shoes off and walked to the kitchen, the refrigerator door opening and closing. He didn't open his eyes, but didn't cry either.
The microwave door shut loudly, Louis heating up the food Harry had left him. It probably wasn't edible, seeing it had stood on the table for hours. But even if Louis would dare to ask, Harry's answer would be: "Just thought you'd be home early so we could finally eat together."
But, they both knew Louis wasn't going to ask.
Maybe it was a little pathetic of Harry to do nothing more than to wait for his boyfriend to come home, but today was supposed to be a special day. Special day, as in it was Tuesday, which meant that Louis couldn't hang out with his friends too long because they all got jobs, and Eleanor had evening classes, so usually he'd be home at least by thirty minutes over eight. Harry wouldn't question it, though. Louis probably had something better to do than have dinner with his boyfriend. Or just, do whatever with his boyfriend.
Louis ate in silence, the fork tinkling with the plate. All Harry really wanted to do was get up, walk behind his boyfriend, kiss him on the head and then get him something to drink so he wouldn't have to get up and do it himself. Now, Harry just watched while Louis pushed his chair back, getting milk from the fridge. His eyes took a quick glance at Harry, but it was gone in a second.
After Louis was done eating and putting his dishes away, he walked to the doorframe and leaned against it. Harry didn't know whether to look at him or not, but how could he not?
"Hey", was all Louis said. And that was all it took for Harry to drop a tear. He blinked it away, but Louis saw it. Neither of them moved, though.
"Hi", Harry finally replied. He didn't want it to end there, so he went on.
"How was your day?" he tried to flash a smile, but it may have looked like a grimace.
He knew it'd be a stupid question. He knew he wouldn't get an answer.
Instead, Louis pulled himself off of the wall and walked towards him.
"Let's get you in the shower, you look cold." With that, Louis took hold of Harry, bridal style and picked him up. It felt so wrong, but yet so right. Harry thought he should be the one carrying Louis, seeing he's almost twice the size of the older bloke. But he didn't mind this either.
He started humming on the way to the bathroom, and Louis recognised it as "The City" by The 1975. He didn't say anything.
Once Harry had taken his boxers off, he hopped under the hot water that Louis had put pouring down. After about thirty seconds, Louis got behind him.
Harry tried not to flinch; it had been a while since they were both beside each other, naked. They didn't even have sex so often now, once a week if Harry got lucky.
Louis washed Harry's hair for him, which got a little smile out of the younger lad. After a few minutes, Louis said quietly:
"Nothing special, I guess." It took a few seconds for Harry to realise what was being said, but when he did, he smiled. This was the first time his question was finally answered.
"Yeah? What does that mean?" he leaned a bit to Louis' hands, which were now trailing down his sides.
"It means that I had fun. Lots of, actually. You?"
Harry didn't know whether to be hurt or really happy. Louis had had fun, which was nice, but him having fun being 'nothing special' meant that every time he went out, he always had fun. While at the mean time, Harry worked his ass off to do an amazing dinner for his boyfriend, only for it to get cold and bad before any chance being eaten, and after that he just sat there, empty and broken. While Louis had fucking fun.
"Me? Nothing special, I guess."
That was not the answer he actually wanted to give. He wanted to say it was shit, he hated to be alone every day, he hated to worry all the time, he hated to eat alone by the TV, he hated it. He hated it all. But, that was the last thing he would say, though. He could not find the words to say what he really meant, it would just come out wrong. He didn't want Louis to leave. He loved him, and he was forever grateful that Louis seriously was there for him. He took whatever he could, even if it meant this.
He knew from the beginning it would be hard. But he had taken the chance. He just wasn't always sure if Louis was on the same page with him. Some days were harder than others, of course, but things like this proved him that Louis really loved him. If he didn't, why would he be here?
"Good."
A simple whisper from Louis gave Harry chills. Yeah, it was good. It was okay. Everything was okay.
After they had showered, Louis took Harry's hand and walked to the bedroom. They laid on the bed and Louis turned his back to Harry, the younger lad not knowing if it was a sign for spooning or a sign to give Louis space. So he just stayed still, blinking up at the ceiling. Finally, after two or three minutes, Louis turned around and cuddled into Harry's chest. "What are you thinking about, Haz?" And nothing had ever hurt so bad than hearing that nickname from Louis' lips. Harry blinked away a few building tears and smiled. "I don't know. Maybe how lucky I am." He felt Louis squeeze him tighter. "Why is that?" It was silent for a while, until Harry spoke. "Because I have you. I have you, and that's all I ever want. All I ever need." Harry wasn't sure if Louis froze a bit or if he just changed his position, but suddenly he felt awkward. Like he wouldn't get an answer he'd like to hear from the other boy. He thought that maybe he wasn't what Louis wanted. Maybe he's not what Louis needs. Maybe he's nothing. Just someone to cuddle. And make food for both of them. "I love you, Haz. I've got everything I ever wanted." It was whispered quietly from Louis' thin lips, and it sounded like he meant it. It wasn't "I need you", or "You are the only thing I want", but it was something. Right? It was all Harry got though, and whether he liked it or not, he took it. Because he loves Louis with all he's got, and maybe it's not enough one day, but it has to be enough for now. So, he hugged Louis tight and closed his eyes, hoping that the next time he opened them he would wake up next to his boyfriend for the first time the next morning. ------