Work Text:
Oroku Saki did not have a smartphone, it was very dumb. If it had been smart perhaps he would have been exposed to the handsome red menace that was Red. Red approached him in the shadows, where the Shredder often lurked.
"RAwk?!" he said, his large bright eyes startling the Shredder.
"Who are you? You're not one of those blasted turtles. How did you find me? I am a ninja. I will have my revenge!" he said, looking around for those shellheads.
"Keeheeeeee!" Red launched himself at the Shredder, who was so surprised he did not resist his attack. Quickly, he was buried in fluffy red feathers, so warm, so deliciously soft, but then he felt the bird cock.
"No no, what are you doing? Oh, oooohhh."
***
Shredder woke up in a warm nest, cuddling close with Red and a clutch of warm white eggs. Suddenly the Shredder felt incredibly hungry. The eggs he rolled out of nest were quickly made into a delicious omelet. He carefully made up a plate for Red, while kicking away some strange green pigs at his feet. Perhaps he'd use his blades to make ham later.
He tenderly woke Red, whose bright wide eyes flew open in shock, his heavy black brow then creasing with fury at the sight of the fluffy egg platter.
"RAAAAWWWKKKK!!" Red kicked the plate out of Oroku's loving hands and dove his thick hard beak through Shredder's thick armor and into his heart. Moaning, Shredder bled out over the dripping eggshells and Red left mournfully to search for more eggs.
***
The End
8*D