Work Text:
The place that we ran towards for one another
Yeah, we were always in the same place together
It feels as if time flies
Cramming memories within this tight schedule
-You Can STAY
. . .
It was 2am when the first text came through.
Minho, Hyunjin and Felix were working through the night, camped out in a studio together with all the fans on and the music loud and their bodies pushed to the limit as they moved.
The music was pulsing through them, loud enough to have their ears screaming and their bodies tangling. It had been a long day that had led into an even longer night, but still they danced.
There was once a time when dancing had been a stress relief. When it had been a passion. When it wasn’t a soul-crushing, body-bending chore.
But now they danced because they had to, because it was what the group needed. It didn’t matter if their bodies were already past their limit; what mattered was they needed another night’s worth of work to be done, so danceracha needed to make that happen.
It was well into the night. All the blinds were closed to ignore the darkness outside and their phones were on silent to avoid having to see the time glaring accusingly at them on the too-bright screens.
Which is possibly why they missed the influx of texts from Chan at 2 the morning telling them they’d worked hard enough and that they could come home. If any of them had checked these texts, they would have snorted at Chan’s hypocrisy and ignored them.
It was no news to anyone that 3racha would pull constant all-nighters and put themselves through gruelling sessions of stress to get the songs done. So, it was only a few months ago that the entire group had banded together to create a detailed and vigorous plan to schedule the producers in for more rest and take away some of the pressure on them. Pressure that the dancers seemed to have taken directly on their own shoulders.
3racha’s newly-scheduled breaks and regular sleeping patterns had only inspired them more which meant more songs were written, which meant more choreographies needed to be created, which meant more work from the dancers had to be done, which meant all the all-nighters were now spent in the dance studio rather than Chan’s office.
Minho, Hyunjin and Felix never complained about it, but they were certainly starting to feel it.
And, apart from the odd reminder from Chan to remember to rest, the rest of the group didn’t seem to have noticed yet. Which, as far as danceracha was concerned, was definitely a good thing. They were determined to take away from the burden of 3racha and deal with it themselves, even if it meant losing sleep.
It was the fifth night in a row they were still at the studio at 2am and it definitely showed. There were dark circles under all their eyes and a sluggish way in which they moved and such a large sense of stress in the air that they couldn’t shake it. Minho tried to cheer everyone up, but he just ended up getting snappy and Hyunjin got defensive and Felix just went quiet.
This wasn’t new to them. They all understood each other and they knew how they all got when they were tired, so they never held anything against each other. The night usually ended with all of them snuggled up together in the back of a company car whenever they decided to finally drag themselves back to the dorm, exhausted and in need of comfort.
But usually there wasn’t any time for comfort, because by the time they got to sleep it was time to wake up again and be whisked into the group’s chaotic morning schedules only for them to slug themselves back to the studio late afternoon and work well into the night all over again.
There was just so much work to be done and not enough time to do it, but they never complained, because they knew it was how 3racha had felt before, so it’d be wrong of them to push that feeling back onto them.
At least that’s what they tried to tell themselves throughout the entire 10 -minute break they had at nearly 3am, pointedly ignoring Chan’s texts on all their phones.
“We just have this one dance to finish for tonight,” Minho’s voice eventually broke through the silence, sounding strained and shaky and yet somehow reassuring to the other two in the room, “Then we can go back.”
“If we’re quick we might even get to bed earlier than usual,” Hyunjin muttered around his water bottle, letting it drop to his lap with a huff, “A 4am bedtime instead of a 6am one, what a treat.”
Both Minho and Felix winced, Minho opening his mouth to speak softly, “I’m sorry, Hyunjinnie. I know this week’s been hard on you, both of you.”
“It’s been hard on all of us, hyung,” Felix spoke up from where he was pressed against the mirror, a thick coat of sweat visible on his forehead from where all the harsh lights were shining on him, “And it hasn’t just been this week.”
“Yeah, this has been going on a while now,” Hyunjin said, his head pressed against the back of the wall and eyes on the ceiling, “But it’s paying off, right?”
Hyunjin’s voice sounded so small, so longing, that Minho’s chest tightened painfully, a lump forming in his throat that he had to force back, “Of course, it is. We’ve all really improved and the others have been really happy with what we’ve done.”
A tired smile broke out on Felix’s face at the words, his eyes closed as his lips tugged up. The sight had Minho smiling slightly too, Hyunjin’s eyes sparkling as he thought about taking a picture to show the rest of the group how happy Felix got at the idea of praise from them.
And it wasn’t just Felix; throughout all the constant hard work and endless exhaustion, the three of them had begun to rely on the reassurance of the rest of the group. It made it a little easier to deal with all the fatigue and stress if they knew they’d be pleasing people along the way. Jeongin’s smile when he got a move right and Chan’s proud look whenever they presented a new choreography somehow made it that extra bit worth it.
But it got harder when there was no reassurance, when all they were getting was continuous texts and nags to come home and scolding for being too tired to properly teach the rest of the group. Praise and happiness definitely did help the three of them, but it didn’t give them back their missing hours of sleep.
Instead, the hours of sleep had been replaced by coffee and energy drinks, which all three of them sipped on before pulling themselves back up to their feet, trudging to the middle of the room and losing their minds to the music once more.
It was another three hours before their tired brains were able to put a choreography together and even Chan was asleep when they dragged themselves into the dorm at 7am that morning.
. . .
They may have been exhausted, but they weren’t ashamed to say that the next week passed in a similar fashion, and the week after that, and after that, and on and on and on.
The group were approaching comeback season and the demands were only piling on, sleep and health were secondary to good performances and pleasing the managers. Minho, Hyunjin and Felix hadn’t stopped. It was pretty obvious they’d fallen into the same trap 3racha were often in, but everyone else was too stressed to notice.
Even their rare moments of peace were disturbed.
The café was quiet when Hyunjin pushed the door open, slipping inside and putting his hands to his cheeks with a sigh. It was absolutely freezing outside and his face felt like it was about to fall off, the skin pale and ice cold.
Felix was already in the queue, his eyes on the floor and hands in his pockets as he waited, barely sparing Hyunjin a smile when he joined him.
The sight saddened Hyunjin. Felix was usually bouncy and bubbly whenever he greeted any of the members, a grin always breaking out on his face and his arms always opening to pull them into a hug. But this time Felix just let his head drop heavily onto Hyunjin’s shoulder, mumbling something about also getting Minho a coffee.
Hyunjin just nodded, having already expected that. They’d originally planned on spending a rare night catching up on sleep, but then Chan had called an extra dance practice for everyone, claiming they needed to cement the choreography in their minds.
Hyunjin wanted to argue that danceracha didn’t need any further practice remembering the choreography; they could practically do it from muscle memory, but he knew a dance practice couldn’t actually happen without the dancers. So, he’d watched Minho reluctantly agree and texted Felix telling him to meet at the café, knowing they’d all need a caffeine boost before making their way to the studio.
It had been another month of constant grind, the exhaustion now a normal thing in their lives. The others had maybe started to notice, but not enough that anything had been done. 3racha simply thought it was danceracha’s way of dealing with stress, that they needed to push themselves to get the job done.
3racha had done the same dozens of times, but they didn’t realise it was different for dancers.
Staying up producing all night might lead to ringing ears and a sore back, but spending night after night testing flexibility and pushing balance and moving fast and hard and brutal was a whole other world of pain. Hyunjin ached all the time, his muscles on fire and bones grinding together and head pounding with how tense he was everywhere, and he knew Minho and Felix were the same.
He could see it in the way Minho would move so slowly when he got out of bed too early in the mornings, feet gingerly placing themselves on the floor, a hand on his back to brace himself and his face contorting with pain as he stood up.
There was also the way Felix was constantly rubbing at his wrists, trying to ease the aches there as he winced when reaching up to kneed fingers against his shoulders, only wincing and letting his arms drop when he’d find a knot in the muscles so big that it hurt too much to try and work it out.
Hyunjin decided he definitely needed to help him with that.
He waited until they’d ordered the coffees and trudged to the studio, finding Minho already inside setting up the music. The rest of the group wouldn’t arrive for another half an hour, which Hyunjin decided was plenty of time.
“Lix, baby, come sit in front of me,” he said as he settled himself cross-legged on the floor after shedding his jacket, watching Felix turn to him in confusion.
“Why? What’s up?” he said, dark eyes furrowing as Hyunjin simply patted the floor.
“Your shoulders have been bothering you for ages now, I want to see if I can help,” Hyunjin shrugged, Felix immediately opening his mouth to protest.
“Hyunjinnie, I love you, but that’s really not necessary,” he tried to say, but Minho cut him off from where he was still kneeled by the speaker.
“It’s okay, Lixie,” he said, “I’ve noticed you’ve been hurting too. Let Hyunjinnie help you and you can massage my knees in a second.”
“But what about you, Jinnie?” Felix said softly, a faint blush on his cheeks as Hyunjin smiled reassuringly at him, always softening at the way Felix and Minho insisted that the three of them take care of each other.
“You can make it up to me another time,” Hyunjin said, patting the floor more insistently this time as Felix settled shyly in front of him, facing the mirror away from Hyunjin.
“There you go, angel,” Hyunjin spoke with a voice of silk as he carefully placed his hands onto Felix’s shoulders, holding back a frown at how tense they were, “We’ll all get to rest soon, then your shoulders will have time to properly heal.”
The question of when this rest would come was left unspoken, but they all thought it. They’d been using it as a reassurance to each other for weeks:
You’ll get to rest soon.
It’ll all be over soon.
Only a few more sleepless nights left.
But the rest never came and there were too many days that it looked like it’d never come, but, still, they continued to use it as reassurance for each other. Blind hope was easier than complete resignation.
Hyunjin kept it up when Felix’s head lolled forward and a pained groan left his lips, Hyunjin’s fingers deftly working at a sore spot on his shoulder. The knot was proving stubborn and Hyunjin had to press further into it, biting back tears when Felix’s whole body flinched, a quiet whimper escaping his mouth.
“Lixie, what’s wrong?” Minho said quietly as he came over, sitting in front of Felix and gently cupping his face as his own eyes searched Felix’s.
“Hyung, it hurts,” Felix was able to say through Hyunjin continuing to rub at his shoulders, voice as quiet and strained as it used to be when he struggled with his Korean.
Neither Minho nor Hyunjin had heard his voice like that on a while, the whole room seeming to get darker at the sound of it. A deep sadness rooted itself deep in Hyunjin’s chest, only getting worse when Felix whimpered again at Hyunjin finding yet another knot in his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Lix,” Hyunjin said, but Felix just shook his head from where it was still hanging down, his hair in front of his face as Minho moved from cupping his cheeks to grabbing and squeezing his hands.
“I don’t think I can message your knee, hyung,” Felix said as Minho looked at him, “But if you lie down on my lap, I can rub your head. I know you’ve been getting headaches recently.”
“Lix, that’s not-” Minho only got halfway through his sentence before Hyunjin was interrupting.
“Let Lix help you, hyung,” he said quietly, “You deserve it too.”
Minho seemed to hesitate for a second, but then his whole body slumped as he laid down, curling up on his side with his head in Felix’s lap, sighing as the small fingers began to comb their way through his hair.
Hyunjin didn’t realise why Minho gave in so easily until Minho’s hands hesitantly reached around Felix and started to rub Hyunjin’s legs, loosening the muscles there as Hyunjin smiled contently.
Maybe, if they all had each other, it really would be okay.
Even when Hyunjin was massaging Felix’s shoulders, Felix practically crying and boneless under his touch because his shoulders hurt that much.
Even when Minho was curled up on the floor, head in Felix’s lap and unable to move anything but his fingers because that’s how overworked he was.
Even when Hyunjin was practically falling asleep onto Felix, his eyes drooping and skin heavy because he was just so, so tired.
They knew it wasn’t right. They knew if 3racha were any close to how they were then the whole group would step in and put a stop to it, but they were in too far. They couldn’t dig themselves out now.
We’ll be able to rest soon.
But the rest wasn’t that day. The three dancers were still on the floor in the same position when the rest of the group arrived. Chan walked in and frowned when he saw them, looking somewhere between annoyed and concerned as the rest of the group gathered behind him.
“I thought you guys would be practicing,” Chan said, letting the words hang in the air for a second before he came over and stretched out a hand to help Minho up, face furrowing at the way Minho stumbled, “Are you okay? Have you been lying down this whole time?”
“I’m sorry, hyung,” Minho mumbled, rubbing at his eyes as he watched Hyunjin and Felix stand up together beside him, arms still around each other, “We’ve got the choreography ready, promise. We can practice now.”
“But why weren’t you practicing before?” Chan asked, voice more worried than anything else as his eyes roamed over all the dancers, lines forming on his forehead as he took in their appearances. There were sharp dark circles under all their eyes, a clear tension in Felix’s posture and an almost dead look on Hyunjin’s face and a ginger way in which Minho was standing.
Something wasn’t right.
Chan wanted to open his mouth to speak again, sharing a concerned look with Changbin before they were both cut off by a voice much smaller than their own.
“Just needed a small break, but we’re good now,” Hyunjin almost whispered, putting on his best smile as all eyes turned to him. He had to resist shrinking under their gaze, feeling Felix’s grip tighten on his shirt.
“Are you sure, hyung?” Jeongin frowned as he took a step forward, looking hesitant to reach out and touch Hyunjin and Felix, “You look kinda… tired.”
He was one step in front of Seungmin, who was looking at them all with a very familiar look in his eyes, the same look they’d see when 3racha overworked themselves and Seungmin worried after them. Minho’s chest tightened at the idea of being on the receiving end of that look, of causing even an ounce of worry to the group.
Even Jisung and Changbin seemed to have understanding on their faces, and they were usually 2 out of the 3 causing all the worry. There was a clear realisation in their eyes, a clear moment of oh my god this is how the others feel when we get like this.
It was clear they wanted to say something, wanted to help, but they floundered not knowing what to say when it wasn’t themselves they had to be worrying about.
Minho wanted nothing more than to just give them a solution by collapsing in their arms, by admitting to everything and crying into their shoulders and telling them how much he needed their help. He wanted to see Felix and Hyunjin do the same. He wanted his dongsaengs to be just as cared for. He wanted them and himself to be okay.
But the group didn’t need them to okay, the group needed them to be efficient.
And didn’t Minho just hate himself for thinking like that? He knew how much the group cared for them, he knew just how much it would hurt them to know him, Felix and Hyunjin were hurting themselves for the sake of a few dances. But Minho couldn’t stop. This was all they knew now.
So, he cleared his throat and stood on his own two feet, head up and all emotion pushed down. Like a leader should.
He wasn’t the leader of the group, but he was leader of the dancers and in charge of the choreography. Hyunjin and Felix needed him to be strong. The entire group needed him to be strong.
“We’re fine,” Minho spoke clearly, proud of the stability of his voice, “We just needed a small break. We’re ready to dance now.”
There was clearly no one in the room who believed him, everyone’s eyebrows furrowing and heads tilting as Minho forced a deep breath into his lungs. He could convince them. He could do this.
Felix met his eyes from where he was still stood with Hyunjin, catching onto Minho’s need for help with a shaky nod.
“Hyung,” Felix turned to face Chan, stepping away from Hyunjin and forcing himself to stand straighter as his gazes searched him, “Yesterday, I promised to go through the ending with you. Do you want to do that now?”
Chan didn't answer, too busy hesitating around his words as Felix just watched him. In the end, Felix decided to answer for him by crossing the room and gesturing to a spot for them, silently signalling that he was ready to warm up.
Chan followed without question, clear confusion in his eyes but no words to express it, no words for the devastated determination on Felix’s face.
Hyunjin was quick to catch on and follow Felix and Minho’s lead, gesturing at Minho to start the music whilst he got into position with the others. He forced himself to close his eyes and breathe for a second, trying to push down the aches in his bones and the static in his head and all the stress he knew should never, ever affect his dancing.
That had always been a lesson in the company. Don’t let your pain show on stage. Don’t be miserable in front of the audience. Don’t let your worries seep into the practice room. Idol problems and personal problems needed to be kept separate, even if the line between those things was a lot more blurred than the managers seemed to think.
But, still, Hyunjin pushed it down. Because he had to.
He could see Felix pushing it down as he demonstrated the ending, movements somehow sharp and shoulders expanding despite Hyunjin knowing just how much pain they were causing him.
He could see Minho pushing it down as he led the warm-up, rhythm fast and limbs flowing despite Hyunjin knowing just how exhausted he was.
And Hyunjin pushed it down too. He talked through the choreography and he demonstrated over and over and over again, even though his mind was spinning and every second made him feel more and more like he was going to faceplant onto the floor.
He’d be able to rest soon.
They’d all be able to rest soon.
But not tonight.
They were two hours into dance practice when they decided to have a break, Chan declaring that they needed less practice than he thought and they could all go home in half an hour.
Minho, Hyunjin and Felix breathed audible sighs of relief, hearts stuttering at the idea of more than 2 hours of sleep. It had re-energised them, inspired them to truly destroy the last half an hour and hopefully, just hopefully, make everything worth it.
But then an instructor walked in.
Suddenly, even tiny little mistake was nit-picked. Every time a member was an inch out of place they had to start again. Every time someone got something wrong there was yelling and half an hour turned into far, far too long.
Everyone was struggling but it was obvious that Minho, Hyunjin and Felix were doing the worst. No matter how hard they tried they couldn’t get their limbs to be as sharp as the others and they couldn’t keep their brains moving fast enough to keep up with everyone. Muscle memory could only get them so far and the instructor was seething.
“For people who are supposed to be the dancers of the group,” The instructor spoke through barely-concealed rage after yet another run-through that hadn’t been satisfactory enough, “You’d think that you’d be able to dance better than that.”
Hyunjin flinched. Felix’s head ducked down and Minho felt shame flushing through him, “I’m very sorry,” he said quietly, still panting from the endless routines, “We’ve just been practicing a lot lately.”
“Well, isn’t practice supposed to make you better?” the instructor remarked, a deadly edge to their voice that had the rest of the group bristling, their bodies tensing whilst the dancers just continued to slump, “Because, I think you’ve all obviously gotten worse.”
“We’re really sorry,” Felix mumbled this time, but his words were only met with a snarl that had him wincing back as the instructor advanced.
“Sorry won’t make you a better dancer!” They were practically shouting now, eyes darting between Felix and Hyunjin as Minho held himself back from stepping in front of them, knowing it would make everything worse, “Practice makes you a better dancer and you’ll be practicing here all night if that’s what it takes.”
A deadly silence settled over the room, no one even daring to breathe as the instructor glared, challenging them to speak up. Chan wanted to do just that. He wanted to protect his dancers and protect his team and yell that the instructor had no right to speak to them like that. But once again, his voice was over-shadowed by a voice much smaller than his own. It seemed his teammates had been taking too many hits for him lately.
“We practiced here all last night,” Felix said softly, his eyes carefully lifting off the floor as the instructor narrowed their own at him, “And the night before that, and before that, and before that. We’re getting better, we promise.”
The words were supposed to be reassuring, an attempt to diffuse the tension curdling through the air. But the instructor took it as a challenge and everyone jumped when they screamed.
“Get out!” they yelled, pointing towards the door with a sharp finger, “Wait outside for me! I’ll show you what happens when you talk to an instructor like that!”
Felix flinched harshly, curling in on himself as the words smacked him in the face. Fear shook his entire body, skinny frame turning and practically sprinting out the door as Hyunjin turned and dashed after him, looking somewhere between bursting into tears and collapsing.
Chan felt a horrible feeling twist in his chest, veins burning with anger and skin tingling with distress as he watched his members. No one, absolutely no one, got to scare them like that. No one got to upset them like that. No one got to reduce them to whatever Chan just saw.
Realistically, Chan knew that the instructor was not the sole cause of whatever that was. Felix and Hyunjin had looked on the verge of a breakdown for weeks, but that only angered Chan more. They needed to be helped and protected, not screamed at and sent away.
Chan would never treat his members like that.
He was about to say so himself, his feet taking him an aggressive step forward and mouth about to open in a snarl, but he felt a hand curling around his wrist, Seungmin’s fingers soft against his skin. It was enough to pull him back for a second, a second that was filled by someone else.
“I’m coming too.” Minho’s voice was stern, sterner than Chan had ever heard it, “I’m the leader of the danceline. I should be with you.”
Even the instructor didn’t bother arguing with the ice dripping from Minho’s words, just casting him a nod and gesturing at the door, following him out with a single glance at the rest of the members standing horrified.
Chan’s ears were ringing. Minho saying I’m a leader playing over and over and over in his mind. When had Minho stepped up and taken such a responsible role like that? When had his dancers willingly chosen to leave the room and take the hits to avoid letting the rest of the group take them? When had Chan completely lost sight of their sanity and their progress and all that was hurting them?
The way Changbin sucked in a large breath behind him suggested to Chan that he felt the same way, that he was only just realising just how bad it had gotten for the dance line. Chan had never seen them dance so sluggishly then he had that night, if that wasn’t a sign that something was wrong then he didn’t know what was.
“Hyung?” Jeongin’s voice cut through the silence, sounding worried and confused and all the things Chan could feel swirling in his own mind, “Why is it only them getting yelled at?”
“It shouldn’t be them,” Jisung added, looking just as scared as the maknae, “They’ve been working so hard.”
Chan could only nod, taking comfort from Changbin's hand on his shoulder as he addressed the whole group, “I know,” he swallowed, “I’ll talk to them later. I’ll fix this, don’t worry.”
“We’ll fix this,” Changbin spoke confidently, somehow smiling warmly as the group nodded along, “They’ll be fine, we’ll all be there for them.”
Chan didn’t know how Changbin was acting so sure, so stable, when it seemed like half the group was falling apart, but he was glad for it. He knew that Changbin was probably acting, was probably putting on a brave face only because he was considered a hyung by a lot of members. But it seemed to work on the rest of the group, Seungmin even managing a smile and Jeongin nodding like he actually believed the words.
“Could we take the night off?” Jisung asked, “I know we usually avoid things like that, but I think we need it.”
“Agreed,” Seungmin nodded, taking Jisung’s hand as they both managed another smile, “And it’s not like we’ve ever listened to the managers anyway. We’ll just sneak back to the dorm.”
Chan couldn’t stop the small grin from spreading on his face, love for his group blooming in his chest as he imagined a night of them all curled up together, ignoring their managers’ phone-calls and any mention of them being idols as they relished in the sweet normalcy.
Nights like that were secretly his favourite.
“Sounds good,” Chan said, smiling as he gestured to the door, “I’ll tell them when they come back in.”
But the moment Chan said the words, a sharp shout echoed from outside the door and he felt his features harden, his smile tightening into a scowl, a heavy rock settling in his chest, “In fact, I might go tell the instructor a few things first.”
Chan’s strides echoed across the floor as he stormed purposefully towards the door, hearing the footsteps of the others following him but knowing one look from Changbin would be enough to stop them.
Thankfully, Chan turned out to be right, giving an instruction to Changbin to wait by the door as he stepped out into the corridor. The moment Chan did, he was infinitely glad that it was just him who left the room as he was met with the sight of the instructor screaming at the three boys cowering in front of him.
Hyunjin was crying. His face was pressed into Felix’s neck, shoulders shaking and breaths uneven as silent tears stained Felix’s shirt, only getting worse when the instructor shouted at him to stop.
Felix wasn’t much better. His face was deathly pale and his gaunt cheekbones and dark under-eye circles only seemed to have gotten worse. There was a sharp ring of red around his eyes and a stutter in his chest. His fingers stroked over Hyunjin’s back next to him, but the shaking of his hands gave away that he wasn’t far off bursting into tears himself.
And Minho… Minho just took it.
He was stood up straight with his back against the wall, staring dead at the instructor with not even a flicker of an expression on his face. He just let the words hit him, making no effort to fight against them as all the emotion drained out his eyes, leaving him empty and broken and so, so done with everything that was happening.
The sight had a blade of rage slicing through Chan’s chest.
No one, absolutely no one, got to reduce his members to this. No one. Ever.
Anger scorched along his skin, his lips curling and mouth opening before he could even begin to think about it. The consequences didn’t matter. The trouble he would get in was meaningless. The only thing that mattered was the devastation on his dancers’ faces and the instructor only yelling it harder into them.
Not allowed. Ever.
“I think that’s enough!” Chan’s growl echoed harshly down the corridor, everyone flinching as Chan made a point of taking a step towards the instructor, “I never want to see you talking to any of my members like that. Ever again.”
The instructor looked completely taken aback, their eyes widening in shock with the anger only burning brighter on their face, a slight fluster rippling through their body.
“I speak to people like this when they deserve it,” they practically snarled, tilting their head towards Minho, Hyunjin and Felix like they were nothing more than soldiers to train. Chan didn’t like that. He didn’t like it at all.
“Your dancers have fallen behind. They’re making a mockery of your group.” They continued, only further lighting the fire in Chan’s chest as he scoffed, taking a forward so he was only a foot away from the instructor’s snarling face.
“What they’re making,” Chan sucked through his teeth, “Is incredible and powerful choreographies that they expertly teach to us and execute themselves, so our group can be even more talented and impressive than it was before. They are not a mockery and they deserve to be praised, not yelled at because of your ignorance.”
Chan had never been so thankful for his own voice. He had a lot of experience as a rapper, so he could wrap his tongue around words and use them as weapons whenever the situation called for it. Firmness dripped into his tone to the point that even the instructor shrunk back, Chan standing tall and demanding in a way that was almost impossible not to submit to.
“I think you’ll find that I disagree with tha-” the instructor tried to say, but it was Chan’s turn to jump in again. Chan’s turn to speak over someone else and reinforce his leadership like he always should have been able to do.
“Well, I think you’ll find that I don’t care,” he retorted, voice made of stone, “I don’t care how well my members are doing, you never yell at them like that. There’s no excuse for it, and if you continue, then I’ll be happy to phone our manager,” The instructor taking a quick step back as Chan seethed, “I’m sure he won’t be too happy to find out what’s going on here.”
The instructor paled, casting a quick glance behind him at Hyunjin’s audible hitch of breath, seemingly only just realising how much he’d scared him. The sight had Chan bristling even more with anger, hating the way Hyunjin seemed too scared to even react, curling further into Felix who had only started shaking harder.
“We don’t want you as an instructor anymore,” Chan forced out through gritted teeth, “And that means from right this second. You are excused.”
Even Minho winced at those words, his face finally breaking as he whispered out an apology to the instructor who simply ignored him as they swept away, trying to hold their head high with all five pairs of eyes staring into their retreating back.
There was a suffocating silence that followed. Broken only by the shaky breaths of Minho, Hyunjin and Felix as they all dropped their gazes to their floor, practically glued to one another as they shuffled together.
“We’re sor-” Felix tried to say, but Chan took a step forward before he could even think about finishing the sentence, using one large hand to cup Hyunjin’s face and the other to cup Felix’s, hating the how damp the skin was under his touch.
The sound of crying seemed to have finally been too much for Changbin, the door opening and his body throwing itself out into the corridor a second later. Chan gave him a quick reassuring smile before turning back to Hyunjin and Felix.
“Don’t even think about apologising,” he said firmly, but still gently enough that Hyunjin and Felix were brave enough to look up at him, Chan’s heart breaking at the shimmering in their eyes, “You’re okay, you’ve done nothing wrong.”
“In fact, it should probably be us apologising to you,” Changbin said from behind as he pulled Minho into his chest, tangling a hand in his hair when he let out a sob, “You guys have been working so hard. We’re so sorry.”
“But it wasn’t hard enough,” Minho whispered into Changbin’s shirt, stutters and hitches corrupting his every syllable as everyone turned to look at him hiding his face, “We still got yelled at and we couldn’t teach you guys probably and we’ve let you down.”
Chan and Changbin both recoiled in shock, locking eyes over the top of Minho’s head as Chan’s arms fell from Hyunjin and Felix’s faces, his heart practically stopping.
Never, in his years of knowing him, had Chan ever heard Minho sound like that. Never had he heard such self-deprecating words with such a broken tone. Never had he felt so bad for not paying enough attention to his team.
“We wanted to help you,” it was Felix’s voice this time, his face buried in Hyunjin’s hair as Hyunjin hid in his shoulder, “You guys do all the writing and producing and we wanted to take all the weight off your shoulders, but we’re not as strong as you. We’re not as good as you. We’re so sorry.”
Tears were springing to Chan’s eyes now, one glance at Changbin giving away that he wasn’t doing too well either. How had they let it get to this point? How was Felix, the maknae of the dance line and the one who they’d all somehow become super protective of, been reduced to this? How had it happened right under all their noses?
And why was it Hyunjin, the one with the softest heart, who was hiding in his shoulder?
Chan was lost for words, wishing he could jump in again with the perfect words and the perfect solution and the perfect leadership. But he didn’t have that, he didn’t have all the answers, all he had was enough love for his dancers it would last beyond his lifetime.
That had to be enough.
“You don’t need to apologise, babies,” he said, tenderly untangling Hyunjin and Felix from each other as he pulled them both into his chest, pressing a soft kiss on each of their foreheads, “You don’t need to. You guys have done so well. So, so well. I’m so proud.”
He could feel Hyunjin and Felix shaking their heads, but he only stroked their hair. He knew he’d have to really talk to them later; he’d have to find out why they were working as hard as they were and explain why they shouldn’t have to do that and reinforce that he loved them more than anything. But it was obvious they weren’t in the right headspace for that yet. For now, they just needed to be reassured. That, he could do.
“You’ve all done more than enough for today,” Chan said gently, squeezing them tighter with his arms, “Let’s go just home, okay? Practice is over for now.”
Minho tried to protest, muttering frantically into Changbin’s chest. But Changbin just shushed him, half-carrying him back into the studio with Chan following behind, Hyunjin and Felix under each arm.
Everyone’s head whipped up at the sound of them coming into the room, footsteps echoing across the floor as they all sprinted over.
Chan and Changbin were quick to step back, smiling as Seungmin flung himself onto Felix and Jeongin latched himself onto Hyunjin and Jisung wrapped himself around Minho, all of them gifting reassurances and warm hugs as the dancers melted into their arms.
The journey home wasn’t much different. It was only a matter of time before the adrenalin from all the emotion wore off and Minho, Hyunjin and Felix were reduced to mere puddles of exhaustion. They were all draped over other members in the car, sniffling quietly with their eyes drooping shut as everyone else remained quiet for them.
The sight had several other members tearing up, especially Jisung and Changbin, hating the idea that the danceline had let themselves get so bad in hope it would make things easier for the producers. They appreciated it, but they didn’t want to see it happen again.
They wouldn’t let it happen again.
The dorm was quiet when they walked in, Felix seeming to get tired of the way everyone seemed to be walking on thin ice around him as he shrugged off all the hands and trudged to the shower, head down and face hidden by the sweat falling off his hair.
He was just so, so tired.
Hyunjin allowed himself to flop down onto the sofa, curling his body into a ball and sniffling quietly into a cushion, lacing his fingers with Seungmin’s when he came to sit with him. The two slowly started tangling themselves together, Seungmin humming quietly as Hyunjin eventually fell asleep on his chest.
And Minho… Minho was just lost.
He blinked owlishly in the kitchen doorway, unable to decide if he wanted to sleep, eat or curl into a ball and cry. Luckily, Chan seemed content to decide for him. He led Minho into the kitchen and sat him down in a chair, telling him to wait whilst he got something to eat.
Minho tried to protest, he knew he was hungry and he definitely needed some food in him, but he didn’t think there was anything he could stomach, not when nausea and uneasiness were still swirling inside him, his mind whispering that he had much more important things to be doing. But, once more, Chan knew what was best.
“I’m just going to make you something light,” he said, his fingers carefully tucking Minho’s fringe behind his ear, “To get some food in you, and then you can go to sleep or we can talk.”
If Minho had enough energy, he would have winced at the idea of talking, but he was too exhausted to care. That was all it took for Chan to know that the talk would have to wait until the next day, but he tried not to let it worry him, knowing his dancers’ health came before anything and if they needed to rest then he would put everything else aside to do that for them.
So, Chan cooked Minho some food and then led him to bed, walking past Changbin and Felix’s shared room and managing to smile at the sight of Felix sprawled in the bed, Jisung draped on top of him and Changbin and Jeongin laying on the other bed watching them.
“There you go,” Chan said as he helped Minho lay down, brushing a thumb over his cheek when Minho only muttered around a relieved smile and let his eyes fall closed, effectively melting Chan’s veins to a loving mush as the room fell silent.
Chan stayed there for a while, just sat on the edge of the bed with his thoughts going wild around him and devastation clawing at his heart. His group was hurting, his group had been hurting for a while, and he’d neglected them.
Was this how the others felt? Was this how worried they were when him and the other two members of 3racha were always working? Did he worry them to the point that they started taking all the work on themselves to try and stop it?
He’d always been the leader, he’d always taken the hits, but since when had some of them other members started standing in front of him? Since when had they started trying to protect him when he should be the one protecting them?
Chan didn’t know what he could do next. He didn’t know if he was good enough to fix things anymore.
“It’s not your fault, you know?” A calm voice was quick to cut through Chan’s thoughts, his head whipping round to the doorway to see Seungmin stood staring at him, gaze unblinking and arms folded.
Chan swallowed around the lump in his throat, letting his eyes run over Seungmin before he turned back to Minho, trying to blink away the tears, “I don’t see who else’s fault it can be.”
“It’s all our fault,” Seungmin said without missing a beat, letting the words hang in the air for a few seconds before he gestured to Minho, “Even his, even Hyunjin and Felix’s.”
Chan didn’t hesitate to swivel back around, almost glaring at Seungmin as he felt his veins freeze at what he’d said, “Don’t you dare blame them.”
“I’m not blaming anyone,” Seungmin said, his arms dropping as he let out a sigh, ducking his gaze to the floor before it came back up again, “I don’t blame them for over-working themselves, like I’ve never blamed you or 3racha for over-working yourselves. It’s a stupid habit this group seems to have gotten itself into, and it’s a habit we need to break.”
“I’m going to fix it.” Chan said determinedly, his eyes blazing once more as Seungmin just looked at him with something akin to sympathy.
“We’re not asking you to fix it,” he said gently, coming down to sit next to Chan on the bed as he sighed again, looking far too old for his young age, “We’re asking you to help all of us fix it. We’re asking you to let us help.”
Chan sucked in a breath, staring at Seungmin like he couldn’t believe the words he was hearing, “Seungmin, I couldn’t ever ask you all to do something like tha-”
“That’s the point, hyung!” Seungmin practically snapped this time, Chan flinching and automatically putting a hand onto Minho’s chest, relieved to find he hadn’t woken up, “You don’t need to ask us to help. We’re happy to do it voluntarily. We want this entire group to be okay just as much as you do, and we don’t care what we have to do to make that happen.”
“But I don’t want to overwork any of you,” Chan said, his gaze begging Seungmin to understand, “I never wanted any of you to end up how Minho, Hyunjin and Lix have ended up.”
“But, hyung,” Seungmin said, visibly trying to hold back from snapping again, the emotion boiling within him as he only begged back, wanting Chan to finally understand him, “You’re trying to prevent us from being over-worked by over-working yourself. And look at where that’s gotten you. Minho, Hyunjin and Lix got so worried that they ended taking all that pressure off you and onto themselves and it gave you such a burst of inspiration that it only forced them to work harder.”
The words made Chan flinch, his head turning away and letting his hair fall in front of his face as he cursed the tear that slid down his cheek. He didn’t deserve to cry. It was all his fault. The way he ran things had caused the group to breakdown.
But Seungmin saw right through him, his warm hands coming to cup Chan’s face as his once-frustrated voice faded out into something soft and melodic, “This isn’t your fault, hyung. This is all of our fault. We’re all so self-sacrificing that we’re snatching the workload from each other like a torch. We’re all so focused on protecting one another that we’re not looking after ourselves anymore. It’s such a beautiful, selfless thing, but it’s also hurting us. So, we’re going to stop passing this torch around, and we’re going to sit down together and work it out together.”
Chan was crying now, sobbing silently into Seungmin’s hand, “But how?” he said, “How can we possibly stop being so selfless?”
“We’ll draw up a schedule,” Seungmin said, not even hesitating as he spoke with such certainty that Chan couldn’t ignore it, “We’ll introduce working hour limits, we’ll do whatever we have to do to fix it. And we’ll all consistently check up on ourselves and each other, we’ll all be there if anything like this happens again. We’ll have every kind of plan and safeguard in place and we will, I absolutely promise you, we will be okay.”
Chan fell into Seungmin’s chest, his tears of sadness becoming tears of relief as he let Seungmin wrap his arms around him, relishing in the warmth he offered, “When did you get so freakin’ smart?”
Seungmin smiled as he pressed a kiss to the top of Chan’s head, “I learnt from the best.”
. . .
The next morning, Felix woke up to the smell of toast.
It wasn’t the usual smell of burning that Felix woke up to. It wasn’t the usual rushed morning when they had to be ready in what felt like thirty seconds and breakfast became an ignored, second priority to whatever else they had going on.
This smelt different. Like a breakfast someone had spent their time on. Like a domestic Sunday morning. Like a deep relaxation he had been deprived of for far too long.
Felix sat up slowly, running his hands over his face and his fingers through his hair as he enjoyed the first morning in what felt like months he hadn’t had to leap out the sheets. The dorm was quiet around him, no alarm ringing and no one shouting or rushing to get ready, just a light chatter floating through the doorway that was almost enough to bring a smile to his face.
Almost.
It took him far too long to realise he’d been changed out of his dance clothes, and even longer to notice that the usual bone-deep exhaustion he had woken up to for far too long wasn’t there anymore. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, how long had he slept?
A fumble for his phone on the nightstand revealed that it was almost noon and that was when his veins lit with panic. He needed to get up. He had to get to practice. They were going to yell at him.
He dashed out the room, bare feet running over carpet as he followed the sounds of the chatter. They were going to be talking about him, about how he’d let them down, about how he was supposed to be up hours ago and had been too lazy to get out of bed.
Felix practically crashed into the kitchen doorway, his eyes closing for a few seconds as he caught his breath, only opening again when the sound of joyous laughter reached his ears.
“Morning, sleeping beauty, we were wondering when you’d show up,” Jisung chirped as he walked over, taking Felix’s hand and leading him into the room, “I have to admit, I don’t think we were expecting such an entrance, though.”
Felix just blinked, his half-asleep brain trying to work out what the hell was going on. Hyunjin seemed to understand, taking Felix from Jisung and pulling him down into a seat next to him, smiling in a way that had Felix almost tearing-up at the lack of dark circles and defeat on his face.
“Morning, Lixie,” he smiled softly, slender fingers coming up to comb through Felix’s hair, “Practice and everything is cancelled for today, no need to panic.”
Felix just frowned, a nasty feeling starting to twist in his chest as he realised how far behind they were going to get if they missed practice, “But why? We still need to finis-”
“One more word about any kind of work and I will send you straight back to bed,” Felix turned around at the interruption, being met with the sight of Chan pointing a spatula at him, eyes crinkling adorably as he cocked his head.
“I wouldn’t challenge him if I were you,” Minho spoke up from other end of the table, looking so much less stressed than he had been before that Felix’s mouth almost fell open in shock, “I’ve already been carried back to bed twice.”
Felix couldn’t stop the smile from spreading on his face, only getting brighter when Minho smiled back, Jisung cooing loudly at them both while Changbin shouted something about wanting to be the baby.
The situation only made Felix laugh. He suddenly realised how much he’d missed the group; how much he’d missed the laughter and the love and the carefree way they made him feel. Practice and skill were just secondary when it came to them. With them, he just needed to be himself, just needed to be happy, and they’d love him regardless of everything else.
They’d all love each other no matter what.
The thought had Felix reaching to the other side of him and latching onto Jeongin, letting the maknae nuzzle into his hair as Minho reached across the table and pinched both their cheeks, Changbin whining even louder about still not being the baby.
Felix laughed again.
Even if they had to talk later, even if things would have to change, it didn’t matter when they had this. When they had relaxed mornings and friends to look out for and plates of pancakes that Chan placed in front of everyone.
Chan smiled as he watched Felix start to eat.
They’d be okay.