Archive of Our Own ^beta

He turned over, trying to flatten the lump of snow that was making his bed uneven, and settled down again, giving it up as a lost cause.

Then he realized what was different: he couldn't hear Fraser's breathing. You could usually hear his breaths when he slept--not snoring, but kind of a soft snuffling noise. Ray liked listening to it when he couldn't sleep. It reminded him that he wasn't alone up here.

So that meant Fraser was awake. Ray sneaked a glance at him, but Fraser's eyes were closed. In fact, he was so still and quiet that it had to be deliberate. Why would he do that? Ray lay still himself and tried his hand at the same game, only he moved a little bit and sighed, to make it more believable.

A sound. It was so quiet Ray almost didn't hear it, but he immediately knew what it was: a moan. Very soft and breathy, but unmistakably a moan.

Ray jumped immediately to conclusions: Fraser was jerking off. Maybe it was just his dirty suspicious mind, but Ray didn't think so. And he couldn't help it--his mind wandered off into fantasy-land. He'd only seen Fraser's cock a couple of times, glimpsed it out of the corner of his eyes in the men's room, careful to stay casual. But it figured prominently in his jerk-off fantasies: Ray on his knees with his mouth full of Fraser's cock; Fraser pinning him against the wall, his hard-on rubbing up against Ray's ass...

Yeah, the whole set of full-color scenarios flashed through Ray's head as he lay there getting more turned on by the second. And this time, Fraser was right there beside him, actually stroking himself only inches from Ray. If he listened real hard, he could hear the rhythmic sound of Fraser's arm rubbing against the sleeping bag.

He could tell when Fraser came.

Not that he made any noise, but he kind of stiffened, and while Ray watched Fraser's face through his eyelashes, it gradually softened and relaxed. Then he squirmed around a bit--Ray supposed he was wiping himself off with something.

Ray managed to keep his hands off himself for now. If it was this obvious to him when Fraser did it, it wasn't like Fraser, with his super-senses, would have any difficulty noticing if Ray jerked off. And Ray had never had any luck with being quiet when he got into it.

After a while, which felt like an hour but was probably just five minutes, Fraser's breath went slow and deep, and he began to make those little sleeping sounds. Apparently Fraser was a normal guy and orgasm put him right to sleep.

Which was great, because Ray was in need of some serious relief here. He got his hand down into his underwear, past all the layers and wool, and he almost whimpered when he touched himself. This was not going to take long.

***

The next day out on the trail, Fraser was his usual calm and competent self, and Ray almost thought he'd imagined it all. Except he knew he hadn't.

Ray had crazy ideas of saying casually over the freeze-dried stew, "So, you have a good time jerking off last night?"

He pictured Fraser's face. Would he turn red? Suddenly realize the urgent need to feed the dogs?

Ray didn't say it. He did, however, plan to get back at Fraser as soon as they'd gone to bed. Maybe it was immature--could he really begrudge Fraser some relief? It wasn't like either of them had much privacy out here, and Fraser had actually tried to be quiet and not disturb Ray.

But still, it had messed with Ray's head. And he'd never claimed to be particularly mature.

***

There was some wind that night, but the noise wasn't nearly enough to ruin Ray's plan. He was already half-hard from anticipation when he reached down to take himself in hand. Fraser was quiet, but Ray didn't think he was asleep yet.

The breath Ray let out at the first stroke was, he admitted it, kind of theatrical. He didn't try to hide the movement of his arm, either. But the rush that hit him when he really got that Fraser was right there next to him, hearing every sound he was making, made him speed up his hand and let out a little moan he hadn't planned at all.

Ray sneaked a glance over at Fraser, hardly daring to do it. The thought of meeting Fraser's eyes made his heart pound. But the man was lying completely motionless, with his scarf covering most of his face.

Ray let out a breath, in disappointment or relief he didn't know. He saw Fraser's mouth tighten, and felt the excitement curl in his belly, almost sending him over the edge.

To be honest, he didn't really think Fraser was going to do anything. But what if he did? What if he...and from there it turned into one of Ray's familiar fantasies, except that he was playing it all to an audience. And when Ray came, it was with the knowledge that Fraser could hear every last sound of blissed-out pleasure he made.

Lying there in the afterglow of orgasm, Ray dared to look at Fraser again.

He'd turned his back.

Dammit, maybe he'd gone too far. Ray tugged his sleeping bag up around his suddenly chilly neck and lay there listening to the wind. He really hoped he hadn't gone too far.

***

The next morning, Fraser handed him the buttered oatmeal the same way he'd done all the previous mornings, so apparently they were going to pretend nothing had happened. Ray was both relieved and annoyed. What would it take to get beneath that cool and collected exterior?

Stella had been like that sometimes, too. There'd been times when Ray had done stuff just to get under her skin, just to know that he could still get to her. She'd been infuriatingly calm and superior right up until the time when she'd explode in his face.

The sex afterwards had been spectacular, though.

Ray sighed and took another mouthful of oatmeal. Possibly he had a type.

***

That night was one of those colder-than-usual nights. Ray had adjusted his scale for "colder than usual" downwards by now--in fact, he was pretty sure his whole scale for what was normal had become skewed beyond recognition--and the new criterion for "really cold" was that one sleeping bag wasn't enough any more.

Two sleeping bags plus Fraser was enough to keep the cold at bay, though, and they'd spent a couple of nights like that during their quest.

Fraser arranged their sleeping bags together without speaking, and changed into thick long johns and wriggled into place with brisk, efficient movements. Ray wondered if Fraser was mad at him for last night.

When Ray'd gotten down beside him, though, Fraser turned to him with a frown. "Let me check your face for frostbite. It's been quite cold today."

"Sure."

Ray couldn't see his face in the glare of the flashlight, but his hands were gentle, despite his clipped voice. It made Ray's breath catch, and something stirred in him that he didn't want to look at too closely, like the submerged 90% of an iceberg that you never saw until the iceberg turned over and whapped you (Fraser had told him about that the other night). It was one thing to have sex fantasies about Fraser--it's not like he was the only one--but Ray wasn't ready to...He shoved the thought down.

It was easier to let his thoughts drift downwards, to the inevitable hard-on that Fraser's closeness had given him. Ray glanced at the solid bulk of Fraser, now with his back turned again, and thought of closing those few inches and grinding up against Fraser's ass.

Ray huffed out a breath. Damn it. How was he supposed to sleep like this?

Fraser fidgeted. "Ray, is there a problem?"

"Uh, no," Ray lied. "Just go to sleep."

"Right, I will," Fraser said, and lay still again. As if you could just will yourself to sleep.

They lay quietly for a while, Fraser with those breaths that meant he was faking sleep, and Ray trying hard not to think about touching himself, and how it would probably be a very bad idea. He wasn't very successful.

Ray finally gave up the battle and let his hand cup his cock, rubbing along the length of it. He breathed out in relief. Yeah, he was doing it. He didn't know what was going to happen, but this particular elephant in the room (or in the tent, whatever) was about to become a lot harder to miss.

Ray didn't bother putting on a show, he just turned away from Fraser and jerked himself fast and firm, his breath hitching on every stroke. Christ, he was turned on.

Then Fraser stirred, and Ray almost came, but he fought it down. Fraser turned around, gripped his shoulder hard, and pushed him into the ground, face first.

"Have you completely lost all sense of common decency?" Fraser's voice was low and pissed off.

Ray moaned, breathless. He didn't say anything, but that didn't seem to matter. Fraser went on. "You--I understand that you have certain needs, believe me, I do understand that, but one ordinarily satisfies those needs in private. Or at least as private as one can get, not--not flaunting oneself like--"

Ray whimpered. His cock was pressed against the sleeping bag below him, and he couldn't help grinding his hips down, just a little.

"I don't know what you think I'm supposed to do when you--" Fraser broke off, shaking Ray a little.

"Uh, you could give me a hand?" Ray almost bit his tongue, because God, that was such a cliche. But hey, he was desperate here.

Fraser froze, and for one long moment Ray held his breath. Please, please let this not blow up in his face.

Then Fraser moved against him, and--damn, was that Fraser's cock hard up against him? Ray meant to say something coherent, he really did, but all he managed was a breathy "Oh fuck, please!"

"I'm not sure I can manage that out here," Fraser said, low and with intent, and for a moment Ray didn't get it. But then he went on, "We have no supplies," and Ray got what he was saying. He almost lost it again, pushing back against Fraser.

Then he felt Fraser's hands tugging down the pants of his long underwear, fumbling and urgent. Ray felt Fraser's cock pressing against him skin to skin now, so hot against the cooler skin of Ray's ass. He felt Fraser pushing in, and fuck, for half a second he thought Fraser was just going to do it, no lube, no condom, no nothing. Adrenaline carried him right up to the edge, and then Fraser was sliding in between his thighs, bumping into his balls.

"Let me," Fraser said, shoving Ray's own hand away.

Fraser closed his hand around Ray's jerking cock, pumping him as he came. Ray gave himself up to it, trying to say something to express his complete and utter approval of Fraser's hand on him, but it just came out as helpless incoherent noises.

Fraser slowed his hand, and Ray shuddered and made a noise of protest as he kept on. "Sensitive."

"Mmm," Fraser murmured, and let his thumb slide over the head again. Ray yelped, and his cock jerked one last time. Then Fraser grabbed his hip and started to thrust, fast and hard.

"Do you know--how you drove me--to distraction last night?" Fraser panted. "You did that on purpose. You--"

Ray was imagining Fraser fucking him like that for real. Christ, he hoped he could have that some time. He tightened his legs, and Fraser made a strangled kind of noise and came. Ray could feel his thighs growing slick with it, Fraser's thrusts coming unevenly now as he moaned, low and desperate, right beside Ray's ear. It was the hottest thing Ray had ever heard.

Ray lay there listening to the wind after Fraser's moans finally stopped, though he could feel Fraser's breathing, still coming faster than usual.

Fraser cleared his throat. "It was deliberate, wasn't it?"

Ray made a questioning noise.

"Your...display last night." He could feel the deep hum when Fraser spoke, vibrating through Fraser's chest and Ray's back, pressed together.

"I was only getting back at you."

"For what?"

"Oh, come on." Ray pushed away so he could glare at Fraser. "Do not do the clueless thing, okay? You did it first."

Fraser's gaze went off to the side, as if he was embarrassed. "It's not at all the same thing. I was making an effort not to disturb you. You, on the other hand..." He trailed off and pressed his lips together.

"All right, I did it on purpose. Happy now?"

"Yes. I felt it was rather cruel at the time. But I find it hard to hold on to my irritation now." Fraser pulled him down against his chest again, and Ray relaxed against him. The wet spot was growing clammy and cold, but he didn't want to move away from Fraser's arms. Now that he couldn't distract himself with lust anymore, he could feel that tenderness he hadn't wanted to admit creeping back in, felt it fill his heart until he couldn't ignore it any longer.

"Damn," Fraser said, sounding annoyed. For half a second Ray thought it was a response to his own thoughts, and felt like someone had poured a bucket of ice water over him. He shivered.

"We've got the sleeping bags wet," Fraser went on, and Ray let out a breath of relief. There was a flurry of activity as Fraser tried to wipe it up with something.

"It's soaked into the bags, I'm afraid. We'll have to try to dry them tomorrow. For now, we'll just have to squeeze together in this end of the bags." He pulled Ray close against him, so that neither of them would have to lie in the wet spot.

Ray didn't mind that at all. He snuggled back into Fraser's warm comfortable body with a sigh. As he drifted off to sleep, he realized that they hadn't actually kissed. Suddenly he wanted that, wanted it a lot. But would Fraser want to? A frustrated fuck wasn't the same thing as...well, whatever Ray had finally admitted to himself that he wanted. Hesitantly, he sought out Fraser's hand, which closed around his with a squeeze. A little reassured, Ray brought it up to his mouth and kissed it, landing kind of off kilter on Fraser's thumb.

Fraser made a sleepy little noise and kissed Ray on the neck, no hesitation, like it was a given. Ray relaxed and let himself slip off into sleep.