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Chapter Text

This is where book two begins. 

Write your truth, they say. What happens when your aunt gets married, you end up isolating yourself from other people, and your oma gives you a doll pre-war era that you have no idea to take care of? Welcome folks to the second notebook. 

German. Wartime. Night. 

1. We cut to several blasts in the forest. A Stuka flies past the trees. A howl of bullets flies through the sky. A snap of the branches. Running. A blast of gunfire. A hand grabs a branch. Fumbling. A middle-aged woman gives who we presume to be her daughter a deadly glare. There is thick silence as her daughter quickly picks up her pace. There is a groaning. 

Present-day. Midwest. Day. 

1. Two men are arguing as a teenager looks on at the party. It appears to be an extravagant mansion. The teenager gives the mansion a once over. 

Sin number one: The last party I actually went to was a seventh-grader party in a particularly unsafe part of Chicagoland. 

An uncomfortable teenager approaches the first teenager. The FIRST TEENAGER is speaking to the TWO GUESTS. Her actions should be agitated. Remember, the only reason that they are going to this party is that it would help the TEENAGERS social skills. After all, her grandmother is making her go to an unpleasant sounding party. 

TEENAGER

Guys!

The third guest who we’ll refer to as MAGICAL UNICORN cocks his head at the TEENAGER. A pulse indicating anger appears. The TEENAGER glares at the MAGICAL UNICORN. 

TEENAGER

If Beatrice catches us- 

The SECOND TEENAGER runs up to the first TEENAGER. 

FIRST TEENAGER

We are so screwed…

The two adults appear appalled at the second guest. BEATRICE has appeared behind the FIRST TEENAGERS. MAGICAL UNICORN mouths the words

MAGICAL UNICORN

Whatever you do, don’t turn around 

The FIRST TEENAGER turns around. THE SECOND TEENAGER gives her a concerned glance. 

BEATRICE

Can we talk?

THE FIRST TEENAGER

Sure!

THE FIRST TEENAGER turns around. She gives the two adults a deadly glare. She gestures to the MAGICAL UNICORN, indicating that her brother should watch him. Her brother groans. THE FIRST TEENAGER walks with BEATRICE into the bushes. 

1. INT. PARTY. PRESENT DAY. 

“Frankly you hate me or something?”

“What makes you say that Beatrice? Let me ask you something. Why do you want a science experiment?”

“ I don’t- It’s my grandmother. She’s mentally ill! She thought JFK actually loved her. I mean sometimes I have to do the dirty work! Tell you what I’ll let your science experiment go because it’s my birthday.”

 The Teenager glances at her enemy. 

“ wait you were going to kidnap him?”

“ I was going to.”

“What’s wrong with you Bea?”

“ I don’t know. My adoptive mother suspects I’m an epileptic from a Russian Orphanage.” 

The two walk out of the hedges. Outside of the hedges, there is a storm flickering. Think of something from Stranger Things. In an instant, the Teenager’s expression flickers from bemusement to horror. A slice of cake has been eaten. She whirls around, shooting her brother an evil, look. Before she can ask what’s going on, an earsplitting screech answered her question. 

“What happened-”

Her brother cuts her off. 

“RUN! RUN BEFORE HE!”

BEATRICE SHOUTS in annoyance interrupting her brother. The wind whips her hair.  

“HE?”

A flash of lighting spooks her. She turns around. She runs offscreen. A giant floating horse screams in the sky. 

“What the?”

“Run! Run! You fool!”

Transformation. The hoof, who we presume belongs to the science experiment, stretches into the bone. Think of chicken legs. The mane recedes as the horse morphs into a giant chicken. More flashes of lighting. Rain pelts the young teenager.

 Sticky pelts smash against her Doris day glasses. Stupidly, the teenager remains outside while her younger brother remains also stupidly outside of the household. 

She continues to look at the giant chicken very unafraid. The teenager turns to her younger brother. 

“we ‘ve got to call for help.”

A car who is sleeping. Yes, you read that right, a car is sleeping in the yard, not making this up. A car that sleeps. Surely, this concept of cars being alive won’t bite me in the ass when I turn 18. No, surely there won’t be images of pregnant inflated cars on the internet that won’t be shown to me by an autistic peer after we observe a car owned by a crazy man who shot up the local white castle. Cars can’t be sentient. Cue the visuals of ZZZ. The phone rings. The car picks- no- I am not joking here- a rotary dial with it’s left tire. 

“ so the science experiment became a demonic what- Fine. I’ll be over. I’ll bring a sign.”

Click. 

No one questions the car driving down the highway by itself. No one thinks of the car that drives down the lonely road. Why is this thing not brought to a priest? Also dick move. You just up and abandoned an elderly lady and a man diagnosed with inattentive ADD in the streets of Chicago. that ‘s just great. Elsewhere, we see our protagonists discussing whether our demon had too much cake. That’s wonderful. The parents are probably dead at this point. Add a hundred sins to abandoning your elderly grandmother and your father in the streets of Chicago.

“One piece of cake!”

The teenager is disgusted with her brother's answer. 

“What? He’- she’s I mean she’s a mutant what were you thinking?”

• that line aged beautifully. 

 “ Can I have a piece of cake.?”

The teenager responds to this with a facepalm and a groan. Her brother walks offscreen. She looks at her android phone. A text indicates that the car is there. Great. Cars can text with their fat tires. This isn’t possible due to the power of physics because putting a phone underneath the car would usually result in the phone being destroyed.  Cars don’t usually text, but in this case, I’ll make an exception . The text reads I’m here. Overhead, the demon screeches. Looking like a mixture between a giant reptile and a horse, in other words, a dragon. I’m trying to describe a dragon over here. 

INT. BASEMENT. DAY

A knock of the door. Inside the basement, one is reminded of the BLITZKRIEG. Bombs everywhere. Each of the participants wears an expression of terror on their faces. One of the party-goers walks out of the room. 

“I’ll get it.”

Every one of the participants responds with a resounding, “No!”. Ignoring the overwhelming cry the party goer exits the room. She returns to the basement.

“ I need fourteen years old.”

The teenager walks out of the room. 

EXT. OUTSIDE. NIGHT. 

The science experiment squeezes the teenager. The teenager resists, but soon she relaxes in due time. With her body relaxing, the teenager slumps over, embracing contact. On the brink of a panic attack, sensory overload, tears well up in her eyes. The science experiment begins to ruffle her hair very softly. 

“It’s alright. It’s alright.”

Tears well up in her eyes. The teenager relaxes as her senses as if rejecting the touch begins to accept the warm squeeze of the body. In a moment of surrendering the senses, she is greeted with dark black pools in which used to be pupils. In short, a claw-like gesture. In a brief moment, her eyes briefly flicker as she blacks out. 

“No.. No.. I don’t like heights….”

Cut to black. She wakes up in the back seat of a 1998 white honda. Her body is slightly blood covered. Her leg should be broken. She mutters to herself. She lies as the children scream off-screen. The scene is black. Very dimly lit. she emits another grunt as she painfully lifts her leg in the car. 

“What do we do now?”

No answer. She very quietly, softly raising her head so that demon could not hear her. She answers her question with “ I don’t know.” a pack of road salt lies next to her. She asks herself another question. 

“How about salt? Trust me on this, the salt will work.”

She walks out of the garage. Outside, the demon-possessed man is covered in female and male genitalia. The demon's final form is a unicorn with dragon wings... This is too easy. 

“Guess what? That fall didn’t kill me! The power of Christ compels you!

The teenager tosses loads of rock salt at the giant demonic unicorn. The giant demonic unicorn does not take this well. The giant demonic unicorn begins to fly into the sky. Before she can take the fourteen-year-old to an early death, the teenager continues to respond by throwing rock salt at the giant demonic unicorns eye. The teenager begins to flick the salt into the giant horse's eye. She thought to herself. 

“The power of Christ compels you! I always wanted to do that.”

The demon continues to screech. A brief flicker of light as the teenage girl begins to undergo a magical girl transformation one might see in anime. She kicks the horse in the snout. This ends the transformation. With an ow, the giant horse howls in pain. Eat your heart out Disney movies, kicking a horse in the snout is how you defeat a villain. The pegasus flickers and shrinks into a normal-sized horse. Very slowly, the demonic cat-eye turns into a regular goat eye seen on a horse. 

“What's happening to me?” 

The pegasus begins to turn into a normal-looking horse. The wings proceed to disapparate into the horse's skin. 

“My wings!”

The horn shrinks into the horse's forehead. 

“Noo!” 

The tail with a braid becomes unraveled. Grey, grim. 

“My tail! Ow! My ability to poop gold!” 

The female horse looks at the tail in horror. The final shot is that of the teenager holding a lasso threateningly. The horse looks at the viewer in horror. 

“No!”

The backyard is empty. Several bodies lie dead. Several members of the party observe the dead bodies. Taking in the carnage. The number of dead bodies. 

“ Where's the demon?”

“What happened?”

“Where's the science experiment?”

In a moment of christening her newborn kindness, Beatrice kisses her father's car. The teenager ties up the horse to the 1998 white honda. 

“I’ll think I’ll name you charlie.” 

We cut to the two siblings on top of the car. The second guest is behind the wheel while the TEENAGER lies on her feet on the car's roof. She pokes the horse with the stick.

TEENAGER

Take us home. 

EXT. HOUSE. Daybreak.

Many miles later..

TEENAGER

Ah to be a carriage.

She cracks the whip. The horse, who we presume to be female, grunts in annoyance. 

Ext. barn. Day. 

We cut to her brother tying down the horse. The horse is behind a stall. There is soft clicking as he proceeds to tie the horse down. His sister is in the background. She is unhappy with her brother as he has given her science experiment cake which triggered the demonic attack. He slumps over.

“ I don’t know how long this will take.” 

His sister glares at him. 

“You started this, remember?”

“No!”

“You wanted this, didn’t you?”

No! 

“Well yes…” 

His sister stammers on her words. Her brother glares at her in annoyance. She pulls out the gender ray. She aims at him. Her brother now gendered snatches the gun away from her. The two begin to tussle. There is a flash of light. The sister now male flays for the gun. To no avail, she flops over. In a moment of mockery, who used to be her brother shakes her ( his? Eh. fuck it) bosom. In response, the male rips off his ( her- oh fuck it- if its a penis, then it’s a male.) In response to the feminine taunt, who used to be the sister, jerks off. When the masculine act is done, there is semen on the ground. The two siblings proceed to physically fight each other while the horse, who is turning back into the human howls in pain. The two stop when the howling reaches its peak. 

We cut back to what used to be the horse. A woman is clutching the grass. Fully undressed, almost in cowboy position. Her lips are gently rubbing the grass. Her eyes are wide. Glancing back and forth, she groans on the grass. She flops over in the cold august evening. What used to be the horses' neigh has grown soft. Her body lays naked in the rough rocky patch. The two siblings stop bickering at the entrance of the garage. The two approach her gingerly. The sister, still male quietly turns her over.

“Does it hurt?”

A groan emits from the exhausted body. 

“C’mon.”

Strangely, the naked woman grins. The two older siblings appear appalled. 

“Nice body right?” 

Soft gagging is a response to this. Then soft praying. 

We cut to a soft interior. Tv flashing. The two siblings are lying on the bed, frowning at the transformation that has ensued. There is general muttering as the newscaster speaks of the destruction that has ensued. The demon begins to speak. 

“Did I really do that?”

Before anyone can answer her question, The demon-possessed woman begins to wince. She turns around. Her body is in a fetal position. In pain. The demon begins to moan softly. Somewhat sexual sounding. 

“You ok?”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“The demon’s voice, somewhat high begins to waver. She lets out a high pitch whine but quickly cuts herself off. The brother begins to lean over the bed. There is an awkward stillness in the air as the demons whining proceeds to turn into painful yelps. Streaks of tears run down her cheeks as she bites her lip.

While the beige pony oogles at the transformation ensuing, his biological sister stares at him. 

There is a shout emitting from the demon's lips. The clone falls off the bed. Sobbing ensues. 

“What the fuck did you do to me?”

A wail emits from the side of the bed. There is a clear look of pain on his/her face. 

DEMON

*PAINED GRUNT.*

he/she swallows hard. He/she curls up into a fetal position as he or she transforms back into a male. The transformation is painful. The lighting is dim. The female occupant, who is turning back as well as kneels down. She bites her lip as the transformation is ensuing. Another wail emits as she puts her hand on the demon's mouth. She looks around, ensuring that there is no loud noise attracting who we presume to be her parents. The demon is curled up on the floor next to the bed. There is a pause. Tears do not well up in the female occupant's eyes, as she cannot feel the pain that easily. 

FEMALE OCCUPANT

QUIET. 

A look of silent rage crosses the experiment's face. This is easily wiped away as if the feeling of constipation is emitted by a grimace. 

THE DEMON

*SOBBING*

THE FEMALE OCCUPANT

-REPEATING HERSELF-

I need you to be quiet. 

SHE is unbothered by the transformation. Elsewhere, the male occupant has run off, obviously nauseated by the number of hormones crossing into his body. 

THE DEMON

What the fuck?

There is a stifled sob as the demon bites down. 

THE DEMON

Am I turning back?

The female occupant’s face grows pale. Overwhelmed she begins to place her hands over her ears, somewhat stifling the loud noise. The demon pulls them away from her ears as she begins to do so. 

THE DEMON

-repeating himself-

Am I turning back?

The female occupant nods. 

THE DEMON groans. Sweat pours down his forehead as he/she rushes to the bathroom. There is a blur as he/she runs into the bathroom, covering his/her mouth. There is heaving as the demon whimpers. Without reasoning, he/she calls for the female occupant. The female occupant enters the bathroom. 

THE FEMALE OCCUPANT 

-Somewhat irritated-

What?

She slides down the bathroom door. The demon calls her name further beckoning her to come in. A click of the door answers his beckoning as the demon continues to vomit. The demon proceeds to vomit. 

The demon turns his head. He curls up. There is an awkward pause as he/she begins to crawl, weakly, towards the female occupant. He begins to shoot out of the bathroom, as if in pain. The female occupant goes after him. 

Highschool. Night. 

We cut to a different pony character seemingly dressed in World War II student uniform. The pony is carefully reading mathematical formulas. The war is about to come to a standstill. He grins as he figures out the mathematical formula. 

Farmhouse cellar. Night. 

Behind the two siblings, there is a smashed up box. Inside there should have been a doll dating back to the 1950s. Its twin resides underneath the bed of the female. The female runs upstairs to get the box. The experiment begins to howl in pain as his testes begin to swell in his nether region. As the beige pony looks on at the transformation in fascination, his sibling returns with a small doll and a rag. She gives the demon a rag to bite down on. 

We cut to the beige pony being thrown into a hamper. 

“Why did you do that?”

Scowling his sister replied, 

“Because you’re a pervert. “

• This arc ends with the line ”Personally, it hurt because my nads were protruding out of what used to be the second glory hole, but it felt good killing a few people.” The second character mods in amazement. 

Side note: I’m trying to build tension here. 

Things that happened during this period

My aunt gets married*

* I beg for a metal death trap

• This will be the last time that I see my cousin from my mother's side. She refuses to let me sleep on the water bed. 

The next morning we cut to our teenage protagonist sleeping in. There is a click of the alarm. The science experiment walks in. Very comedically, he jumps on to our protagonist. There is a jump. 

“Wha-

“Get up Charles 1 is still sleeping.”

Ext. Farmland. Day. 

We cut to our female lead who should be sleep-deprived, aim a gun at the car. The car snores on, unperturbed. There is a flash of light. Where there should have been a late 1990s model is now a late 1950s red fury. Whoever was describing this is clearly on vast amounts of cocaine. The next scene is that of the three siblings eating breakfast. There is a shout from outside.

????

AHH? Who did this to me?

The female lead looks up. She is slightly disturbed. Her glance is met with confused looks. It should be well known at this point that she cannot drive yet. 

???

“You know what I am going to do?”

The teenage protagonist pushes in her chair, appearing to excuse herself. The car screams on from outside of the garage. 

“I AM GOING TO MAKE SURE WHOEVER DID THIS IS NEVER BORN.” 

The teenage girl runs to the attic. Cu of a hand hanging at the chain. The science experiment pulls in with her. There is sweating. Panting. The science experiment looks at our teenage protagonist. 

“We’re safe here.”

“Safe?” How are we safe? There is a powerful car down there-”

As she is speaking there is a chainsaw plowing through the door. This is intended to be a background gag. As our teenage protagonist speaks, she is unaware of the chainsaw plowing through the door. As the chainsaw grows even louder, there is a brief moment of silence as she turns around. 

GUESS WHO?

There is general screaming. Running about. A chase ensues, one might think of this as a scooby doo like a cartoon. Surely, an overweight teenage girl wouldn’t be thought of as a possible anorexic. But she trusts down as she crashes into her father. Her father is shooting her with a look of confusion and fury. 

“Oh, hey dad, we just pulled a prank on Charlie, he doesn’t seem too happy about it.”

The car crashes through the wall of the house. For some reason, this does not kill the father. Rather the wall explodes into brief shards of plaster. The car reeves back before cooling down. A trained officer of the law the father seemingly talks the car down from the wall. He is not wondering about whether he accidentally consumed pieces of acid. Instead, he is restraining himself from getting a very powerful tool from the farm garage. The scene ends with him talking to a metal death trap whether he likes synthesizer music because the father grew up in the 1980s. 

Clearly, this is inaccurate. This man was a by-product of farmers going back centuries. Hell, there would be no way to introduce the synthesizer to this man. Coming from branches of farmers and possible cattle thieves, this man would be more concerned with collecting eggs, and the ravings and rants of Illinoisan film critics than music from the 1980s. 

This is boring. The next scene is as follows. 

So what happens is our protagonist bothers her younger brother. The younger brother is presumably doing teenage boy things and shoos her out. 

MALE OCCUPANT

OUT!

The older sister proceeds to give her brother a very hard time about a mistake that was her fault in the first place. Her brother is displeased with this, and this causes her to get kicked out of the house, I’m sorry, his bedroom. Clearly, she doesn’t know what knocking is. The loud slam of the door ends the scene. 

Who needs continuity anyway? Fifty sins. 

On the same page, she asks the biological abortion er, I mean, science experiment if they can watch a horror movie together. The science experiment agrees that an October evening should be a pleasant time to watch a horror movie.

 On-Screen, a werewolf movie is taking place. One in which A woman screams for her lover to stop transforming into a werewolf. 

LOVER

JIM STOP TURNING INTO A WEREWOLF.

WEREWOLF

I CANNOT STOP TURNING INTO A WEREWOLF. 

LOVER

WILL TRY TO STOP. 

WEREWOLF

SHARON, I’M TRYING TO NOT TURN INTO A WEREWOLF

LOVER

YOU’RE NOT MAKING THIS ANY HELPFUL HAROLD.

Clearly, this is supposed to be foreshadowing. On the next page, several events begin to happen. 

A: the failed abortion is admiring himself when he realizes his sexual organs are rearranging themselves. 

He proceeds to panic and calls for the young teenager. 

FAILED EXPERIMENT

LOUISE!

THE TEENAGER DOES NOT PAY ATTENTION TO THE COMMOTION. THE FAILED EXPERIMENT BEGINS TO CLUTCH HIS STOMACH. HIS SHIRT GROWS TIGHT AND SWEATY. HE/SHE BEGINS TO STUFF TOILET PAPER INTO HIS MOUTH TO HALT THE SCREAMING. 

THERE IS A BEAT. LOUISE BEGINS TO LOOK UP FROM THE MOVIE PLAYING. 

ANOTHER BEAT. 

LOUISE

IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT IN THERE?

ANOTHER BEAT. 

LOUISE

HELLO?

The young teenager is too focused on the television screen to pay attention to the transformation ensuing. She curses to herself, then walks to the bathroom. 

LOUISE

HELLO?

THERE IS A PAUSE. SHE BEGINS TO LAUGH AS SHE DOES NOT LOOK INTO THE BATHROOM. SHE THINKS THAT THE FAILED EXPERIMENT IS MASTURBATING. THE NOISES INSIDE OF THE BATHROOM ARE REMINISCENT OF MASTURBATION. SHE GRIMACES AS SHE INTERPRETS THIS AS SEXUAL. 

LOUISE

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE SO AWFUL!

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION

NO, IT’S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!

SHE BEGINS TO CACKLE. SHE BACKS UP FROM THE BATHROOM DOOR. 

LOUISE

IT’S EXACTLY WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE. YOU’RE DISGUSTING. 

THE NOISES CONTINUE TO BE HIGHLY MASTURBATE RORY. SHE IS HIGHLY DISGUSTED BY THIS ACT. 

On the second page, general Schengen is ensuing as who we presume to be the father enters the son's bedroom holding what we presume to be a William Shatner mask. Shrill synthesizer music plays ominously in the background. Instead of calling child services for nearly murdering a small preteen, the incident is played for laughs. The car is seen laughing with a camcorder on its trunk. 

On the same page, jeez learn to separate your panels. 

On the same page, there is general knocking as the young teen is seen dressing up for Halloween. Dressing up as the science experiment, which won’t result in hilarity for sure, she preens in the mirror. Dressing in drag is not a sign of heteronormativity. This will result in a panic attack over appearing heteronormative in later teenage years. Keep in mind that she lives in a conservative background. 

Angst ensues. For about five pages, there is a general amount of screaming. A church gets destroyed. The attempt at seducing a priest fails. Horse transformations ensue. Upon being rejected for looking too scary the demon attempts to seduce the young priest, who probably is more interested in seducing young choir boys. The night ends with two of the siblings having engorged in candy but failing to get the clone, this does not bode well. The car has eaten some foreign oil supplied by Venezuela. 

Int. highway. Day. 

The clone is picked up by the car itself is possessed. The twins decide that this is becoming somewhat of a problem. They drive to Iowa. Possession ensues Rather there is a cry. For some reason, the beige pony, who does not have a license, and should be minor at this point in the story drives licensed machinery. Common road laws. Who needs them? 

During this sequence, there's supposed to be a dramatic sequence where the science experiment is transforming into the demon. The kids should be dead at this point. Especially with a horse in the backseat of a car. It’s clear to all that they are taking acid, and clearly on a bad trip. The teenage protagonist aims the gender ray at the demonic horse. This turns the demon back to normal. No one is fazed by the transformation that has ensued. 

Int. Doctors office. Day 

We cut to a doctor who immediately diagnosed the science experiment with schizophrenia but also decided to inform the siblings that he is suffering from brain cancer.

Doctor 

Your compadre has a form of schizophrenia. And cancer. 

 Interestingly enough, the word schizophrenia is misspelled in the diary entry. Fourteen-year-old learning about child soldiers in Somalia misspelled the word schizophrenia. 

“I’m a drug lord!” 

The eldest sibling and the doctor look at him. A scuffle ensues as who we presume to be a psychologist jumps the youngest sibling.

“How much?

“I’m not telling you!”

The youngest sibling tosses medication towards the oldest sibling. The sibling grabs them without dropping the pills. She force-feeds the scientific abortion the possibly illegal/ dangerous medication. Scientific abortion passes out instantly due to the quick nature of the pills. 

We cut to a gas station. 

Int. gas station. Night. 

Sibling 1

“Clearly this is a problem”.

Sibling two

“You think?” 

There is a general assembly of religious iconography. One of the siblings rummages through the package. In the backseat, there is a knocked out human being. From an outside perspective he or she ( depending on the scene), appears to be knocked out. 

“What makes you think we have a problem?”

The next scene is that of a party. What essentially happens is that there is generally going back and forth. Mingling, laughter, walls bleeding, (don’t ask about that one.)

The party is interrupted when scientific abortion dramatically breaks through the locked doors. Then she urinates herself. In the exorcist, this would have been scary had it been a 13-year-old preteen. Yet, when it is a 28-year-old man who manages to urinate him/herself in the hallway of a social gathering, the outcome is hilarious. 

So of course the two siblings take him outside. They yell at him. In a genuine honest move, the demon does tell the little shits that he’s fine. Then he slams the fence so hard that it breaks. This causes room for concern for some reason. 

Int. Hallway. Day.

What happens is that there is a general commotion. 

One: Beatrice, who we establish to be an enemy of our protagonist, gets a physicist and an exorcist. Unfortunately, as it turns out, our main antagonist is a Russian orphan with a slight elliptic problem. 

The next scene is that of the unfortunate virgin who is evading the demon… who wants to seduce him. So what's going on here is the demon is attempting to molest a minor. For some reason, the feds aren’t called. She turns into various “scary monsters” until settling on a bimbo. This works until the protagonist of our story shows up. With the power of telekinesis… she causes the demon to experience the onset of menarche.

Merche. In other words, the red stuff that comes out of a woman's secondary hole. One should know what merche is after spending a blistering day in a church bathroom a month after turning fourteen. Clicking your heels so that the demons of hell won’t drag you down to the pitches of Tartarus. The unbearable sun reaches the core of your essence through the stained glass windows. Sweat dripping down your forehead. The ominous red glow of the hellish pit that was probably the cellar of the church. One that you swore up and down was haunted by a demonic clergy. 

THE BIMBO TURNS INTO A CLOWN. This does not terrify the MALE OCCUPANT. Unterrified of the clown. 

MALE OCCUPANT 

I am not afraid of anything. 

THE BIMBO sniffs. 

THE BIMBO

I sense great insecurity.

In response to the supposed male insecurity, her clothes melt away. THE MALE OCCUPANT continues to appear unfazed by this. 

THE MALE OCCUPANT

NOW STAY AWAY. 

He backs away. Starting to become afraid of the hot lady now. 

A chase ensues. He smashes into the hot chick. The camera pans down revealing spots of blood dripping down her leg. THIS IS THE ONSLAUGHT OF MENSTRUATION. THE FEMALE OCCUPANT reveals that she is the one behind said menstruation. 

THE FEMALE OCCUPANT

HEY! I WOULD LOOK DOWN IF I WERE YOU. 

The failed science experiment begins to look at the dark brown puddle of blood. She begins to act frantic. 

FAILED EXPERIMENT

What? Why is there blood?

The female occupant begins to call her brother over. Sobbing, the failed experiment begins to run over to the mirror. In the mirror, the failed experiment sees her hair begin to frizz up. Cracks of her skin reveal zits. This is clearly a statement on how dry and cold the midwestern weather can be at times. 

The two occupants have locked themselves in the car. The failed experiment rushes out of the house. She bangs on the window. 

A copyrighted song plays. The sound is muted. A sign appears. 

Our lawyers have advised that we don’t play this song or else we risk paying millions of dollars to the parties involved. Ed. 

The sign vanishes. 

Our antagonist proceeds to bang on the car door. 

FAILED EXPERIMENT/DEMON

Let me in!

Our protagonists stay in the running car. They risk dying from carbon monoxide. 

Male occupant

Why haven’t we died from carbon monoxide? 

A beat. 

A zany looney tunes-esque that’s all folks plays. The scene is interrupted by a record scratch. We cut to the two occupants unlocking themselves from the car. They step out of the car. The demon continues to bang on the car window as if nothing has happened. Very quietly, the demon begins to look at the night sky. There is a moment of serenity, almost quiet. 

This scene is interrupted by a loud bang. The female occupant glares at the male occupant, who has managed to acquire a very large bible. She snatches it from whilst he celebrates. His unconscious body lies on the snowy driveway. He gets up unharmed. 

The female occupant

How are you not dead yet? Are you blind?

He has become blind. 

Male occupant

Now, who hit me? 

FEMALE OCCUPANT

I did. 

Male occupant

But why? 

FEMALE OCCUPANT

You ruined my scene!

The demon has passed out on the ground. 

FEMALE OCCUPANT

Let’s go to the basement. 

We cut to the two occupants who have tucked in the demon in the spare bedroom. They note how peaceful he is, instead of checking for potential hypothermia, and carbon monoxide poisoning. 

We cut to the two occupants getting ready for bed. Very hesitant. Very unnerved. 

INT. PSYCHOTHERAPY. 

The next morning, The female occupant shakes hands with a psychotherapist. The psychotherapist is acting as if nothing is out of the ordinary, because a teenager with a developmental disorder who should be in class is acting as a concerned mother. The parents are out of shot. 

PSYCHOTHERAPIST

What’s wrong with the patient.

FEMALE OCCUPANT

I don’t know.

psychotherapist

Really? I don’t know?

 That’s not a good answer. Ding. 

PSYCHOTHERAPIST

Tell you what I will interview the patient for no fee at all. 

The psychotherapist is acting unprofessionally in this scene. Plus, if this did happen to be a psychotherapist, the therapist isn’t charging hundreds of dollars for an appointment. it’s established that there is a demon problem, not a mental health issue. A psychotherapist would be inappropriate for a demonic infestation. Perhaps you were intending for a priest? Ding.

The psychotherapist knocks on the door. There is a beat. 

FEMALE OCCUPANT

Wait. 

The psychotherapist glances at her. 

FEMALE OCCUPANT

This is a clone of someone very famous. Do not breathe a word of this capeesh? 

The female occupant has not heard of a confidentiality agreement, which means that a psychotherapist cannot say anything about the patient outside of a session. 

For someone who is coming from a midwest ( rural Illinois) german family with a slice of Italian, the phrase capeesh, is unusual. Perhaps this is a sign that the family is possessed? 

The door slams shut. 

From outside of the door…

THE PSYCHOTHERAPIST

Now how does that feel? 

A loogie is on the glasses. He gets spat on. We see things from outside of the door. 

THE PSYCHOTHERAPIST

How does that feel?

SFX of a kick.

THE PSYCHOTHERAPIST

Ow. My nuts. 

We still see things outside. Any action is heard, not seen. 

THE PSYCHOTHERAPIST

How does that make you feel-

This line is interrupted. 

THE PSYCHOTHERAPIST

Oh my god! Yes!

The female occupant storms in the room. The door is forcibly opened. The PSYCHOTHERAPIST is seen with his pants down, as well as the demon. The FEMALE OCCUPANT is holding a bucket of water. 

THE DEMON does not look happy with the bucket of water. There is a general splash of water. 

Then the Female occupant begins to slap the demon for flashing the PSYCHOTHERAPIST. 

THE PSYCHOTHERAPIST RUNS OFFSCREEN. The Demon and the FEMALE OCCUPANT begin to argue. 

THE DEMON/FAILED EXPERIMENT

Why did you slap me?

FEMALE OCCUPANT

We’re very concerned about your behavior. 

THE DEMON/FAILED EXPERIMENT

With what?

Tears begin to form at the female occupant's eyes. 

FEMALE OCCUPANT

We think you might be possessed by a demon. 

DEMON/FAILED EXPERIMENT

I’m not possessed. I would never hurt you. 

he/she turns around to face the room. The sessions resume. 

INT. HOUSE.

THE MALE OCCUPANT empties his shotgun from the closet in the spare bedroom of the house. After warning him about the bimbo who might seduce young boys, this appears to be his rational response. 

FEMALE OCCUPANT

Don’t you dare? 

THE MALE OCCUPANT responds by giving her a frank nod. He enters the basement. The FEMALE OCCUPANT looks on nervously as she waits for the demon to disembowel his head. 

As par for course, shenanigans ensue. A blast of the shotgun. A shriek emits from the door. THE FEMALE OCCUPANT slams the door open. 

THE FEMALE OCCUPANT

WHAT DID YOU DO? 

We cut to the scientific abortion with her leg blasted off. In short, a good chunk of her leg, including bone, is completely missing from her leg. 

THE MALE OCCUPANT lowers his shotgun. 

THE MALE OCCUPANT

THE LEG’S GOING TO REGENERATE. 

THE FEMALE OCCUPANT

Are you kidding me? 

The scientific abortion is screaming her/his head off because he/she got shot in the leg. Then out of nowhere, like a lizard, the rest of her leg pops back, like a lizard. 

The FEMALE OCCUPANT is unamused. Now unfazed by her leg popping back like a tail being regenerated like a lizard, the demon begins to tear up. 

THE FEMALE OCCUPANT

Are you ok?

SHE tears up, then grows silent. THE DEMON glowers at her. 

THE DEMON/FAILED SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENT

YOU! YES! YOU!

The boy points at himself. 

THE DEMON/FAILED EXPERIMENT

I WANT CHOCOLATE! SALT! LOT’S OF IT!

MALE OCCUPANT

WHY?

A laser from a gun appears on his forehead. 

DEMON/FAILED EXPERIMENT

JUST GIVE ME CHOCOLATE. I'm PREMENSTRUAL. 

He taps the FEMALE OCCUPANTS SHOULDER. 

MALE OCCUPANT

WHAT’s PREMENSTRUAL? 

THE FEMALE OCCUPANT hisses in his ear. He makes a face as he rushes out of the room. The next shot is the SCIENTIFIC ABORTION grabbing a chick flick from the DVD set. She sobs as a chick flick plays on the screen. 

THE FEMALE OCCUPANT instead prepares to time travel. Fuming, we cut back and forth to a skirt being yanked on. Cut to a rifle being prepared. Think of lipgloss being applied. Ecu of lipgloss being prepared. 

The way the female occupant is dressed is highly reminiscent of the terminator, i.e, leather, and dark clothing. 

Despite not being able to own a license, or have formal training on driving, we see that she, in a moment of badassery clicks open the garage door.

 We cut to a calendar that reads 9/6/63. A brief flash of light has indicated that she has entered a different period. 

INT. 1963. 

We cut to a hotel bearing the lines hotel fancy. The same time traveling van whooshes by. A bunch of mods is staying in a bed. We cut to the mods sleeping ala the snow white and the seven dwarves. A brick crashes through the window. The same brick hits the LEAD MOD in the head. For some reason, this does not cause any brain damage. 

LEAD MOD

Ouch!

He reads the letter. 

LEAD MOD

Meet me at zep studios. 

The scene fades in, indicating that the scene has ended. Cut to black.

Chapter Text

Menstruating, the scientific abortion groans on the bed. The lazy pile of genes that is the main protagonist's sibling crashes through the basement door. 

SIBLING

You might need this. 

In his right arm is a bag. Inside a pile of tampons. 

The sibling inquiring closes the door. The room has grown dark. Cold. to the point in which he can see his breath. 

SCIENTIFIC ABORTION
*grunting*

Tampons.

Clambering over the bloody clothes, the sibling offers a treat to the monstrosity who lies on the mattress. 

Elsewhere, we watch as the disabled youth plows through the streets of london. Without a license of course. 

EXT. streets of london. 1963. 

Outside the mod waits. He has arrived with his gang of possible ruffians. 

INT. trailer. 1963. 

We cut back to the disabled youth, who appears to be driving poorly. 

EXT. streets of london. 1963. 

Cont shot. 

INT. trailer. 1963. 

b/w footage to signify the time change. 

Ext. streets of London. 1963. 

We cut back to the disabled youth. It appears she is blind in both eyes. 

We cut back to the present. 

PROTAGONISTS SIBLING

Wait, where is my sister?

A brief pause. The scientific abortion shrugs at this. 

SCIENTIFIC ABORTION
I think she took the RV.

THE PROTAGONISTS SIBLING shows some form of shock upon realizing the time-traveling RV has gone missing. 

Montage. 

He changes into different clothes. Black leather ala the terminator movies. 

*** if copyright allows, then aggressive synth in the background of the montage.*****

A brief flash of light indicates that he too has gone back in time.

Chapter Text

We are introduced to a recent denizen of the underworld. One, a camel, is trying to hide his tag from outsiders looking in. This is a glitch. THE CAMEL is unnamed. 

THE CAMEL 

-To self-

You aren’t supposed to be here. 

He looks around. Hell is appearing to be a byproduct of the 21st-century mid-America. Very flashy. Capitalistic. 

THE CAMEL

-To self-

What are you doing here?

He is alone. Very isolated. Hell is seemingly swallowing him up. Groaning. Screams from the background. A sharp flash of light as he walks to the portal of someone else's personal hell.

INT. HOUSE. DAY. 

This is the personal HELL of MOD ONE. The CAMEL slowly approaches the door. HE watches as the MOD slinks out of the house. Dimly lit. Inside are several indicators of a musician; a radio, a record. The MOD looks through the mailbox. He opens the letter seemingly prepped for the art school he wants to go to. 

THE MOD 

Finally, a letter from oxford!

He opens it. He does not notice the CAMEL slinking through the background of his house. As soon as he is reading it, The camel snatches an item from the background. 

THE MOD

Rejected!

SFX of a record skipping. He does not notice the record being stolen. We cut back to the mod coming out of his house. He looks through the mailbox…

 We cut to the main lobby of hell. A sign reads IF YOU'RE READING THIS, THEN YOU’VE DIED…

Unhelpful for our protagonist who has the record player in his grasp. A shadow approaches him. Perhaps it is a clue. 

CAMEL

Excuse me, what is this place? 

The shadow appears to belong to a worried-looking wife. Wearing a simple house dress. 

HOUSEWIFE 

I was wondering the same thing? They told me that my husband might be here...

CAMEL

Who’s they?

THE HOUSEWIFE shakes her head. No answer. Probably the sign?  The two glance at the sign. THE CAMEL continues to hold the record. THE HOUSEWIFE notices the record. She grunts in admiration. 

We cut to another scene. We cut to a moment of adolescence as the second mod has covered himself in a moment of ejaculation. 

MOD 2

Aw shite. My sheets are white and sticky. 

The two characters from the earlier look on. The wife grabs the toilet brush. Another flash. 

THE HOUSEWIFE

Is he ejaculating again? 

CAMEL

-somewhat mortified-

Please don’t watch it.

MOD 2

GODDAMMIT, am I ejaculating again?

CAMEL

Dear lord. 

The scene flashes once more. Ejaculation. 

HOUSEWIFE

What is going on?

CAMEL

I think the scene is repeating itself. 

Even more ejaculation. 

HOUSEWIFE 

-beginning to laugh a bit.- 

THE HOUSEWIFE grunts at this. THE CAMEL pulls her along. MOD 3 is eating with his parents. His mother is speaking. 

MOD 3’s mother

You’re father and I have been thinking…

The third MOD drops his fork. MOD 3’s father finishes his wife's sentence. 

MOD 3’s Father 

About getting a divorce... 

MOD 3

Shut up! You’re not even my real father!

MOD 3’s father 

You don’t have to bring your adoption into this. 

MOD 3 

Oh, come on mom! Just admit that you’ve been sleeping with the milkman for christ’s sake!

In the background, the duo picks up a plate. 

MOD 4 is pulling his pants down. We cut to a school hallway. Inside we see the HOUSEWIFE and the CAMEL begin to speak. Offscreen we hear several beatings. 

THE HOUSEWIFE

How long have you been here?

THE CAMEL

 I don’t know. 

A beat.  Offscreen, we hear whimpering and crying. Several wacks. 

HOUSEWIFE

I don’t know where my husband is. 

THE CAMEL

He’s got to be around here somewhere. 

HOUSEWIFE

He died of cancer.

THE CAMEL 

I’m sorry for your loss. 

THE WIFE begins to choke up at this.

HOUSEWIFE

I mean that's just life right? One violent dance and the curtain falls and lights out. 

THE CAMEL falls silent at this. Very softly, he begins to speak. 

CAMEL

Perhaps watching someone being beaten will lift your spirits?

We cut to the Fourth MOD staring at the two through the glass. Angrily. A sharp sting. 

Fourth MOD

You stole my music! Come back here you thief!

The camel begins to back up. He grabs the HOUSEWIFE and makes a break for it. 

The camel rushes through the hallway. He begins to laugh as he drags the HOUSEWIFE through the school hallway. THE FOURTH MOD chases after him, cursing him. He gets pulled back into the headmaster's doorway. 

THE CAMEL

I just remembered why that guy is so pissed off!

He continues to run through the hallway. THE HOUSEWIFE is confused at this realization.  

HOUSEWIFE

What did you do? 

THE CAMEL

I might have infringed on some copyright b.s.

HOUSEWIFE

Oh, that's nothing. 

THE CAMEL

-cutting in-

I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel. 

We enter the fifth mod. 

The fifth mod gets up from his bed. The alarm is beeping quite loudly. He turns it off, stepping on a lego in the process. He gives a mild curse. The alarm turns back on. The couple is safe in the bedroom. 

THE CAMEL

Do you think we’re almost done?

THE HOUSEWIFE

I’m not sure. 

A beat.

THE HOUSEWIFE

It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have led you into this mess. 

CAMEL

Don’t say that.

The scene repeats itself. The duo leave.

THE SIXTH MOD.

The Sixth mod is waiting in the lobby of the hotel. 

THE CAMEL

You’re the last one? 

THE SIXTH MOD nods, answering the question.

THE SIXTH MOD

Do you realize why you're in hell?

The two look at the Sixth Mod. They wince, preparing for a lecture on leftist policies. 

THE SIXTH MOD

Simple. The one percent go to heaven. The rest of us rot down here. 

THE CAMEL

I thought we turned into stardust when we died?

THE SIXTH MOD

What?

As if to answer the question, the two disappear into star dust. 

The scene ends.

Chapter Text

Chapter 4

EXT. HELL. mixed. 
A crash on the ground. We cut to our protagonists from earlier. The CAMEL looks over the notes. 

CAMEL
The boy has ADD. inattentive. Millennial. ADD from the mother's side. In the last 24 hours has accessed pornography. Death from failed exorcism. 

He disappears. Another crash. A brief flash of light. 

We cut to the scientific abortion’s personal hell. There are white fluffy clouds. No angels. No. this will not do for the scientific abortion. 

We smash cut to a firm cold reality. Offscreen we hear the CAMEL, and the HOUSEWIFE discusses matters. 

HOUSEWIFE
What do you think about scientific abortion?

CAMEL
I think cloning is immoral. 

HOUSEWIFE
That’s not what I meant. 

CAMEL
I think it’s none of our business. 

HOUSEWIFE
You’re probably right. 

CAMEL
I should probably mention to you I pirated some music. 

HOUSEWIFE
Oh really? What type of music?

The CAMEL points to the cage. 

CAMEL
His. 

HOUSEWIFE
Oh. 

CAMEL
Don’t worry about it. *It wasn’t that much*. 

Due to cov19, any location outside of the household will be rendered a joke. This includes restaurants. 

We cut to the inside of the house. The abortion pulls down a chalkboard. The professor is covered in a mask. 

SKUNK
This used to be funny you know. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION
In other news…

He pauses. 

SKUNK
What?

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION
I saw that!

THE SKUNK
What?

THE SKUNK
I didn’t do anything?

It soon begins to become clear that the SKUNK is hiding something. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION
Oh my god. 

He hits his head on the desk. 

THE SKUNK
What. It’s not like I’m doing anything. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION
Quit touching yourself to me.

THE SKUNK is scratching herself to the ABORTION. She is not being very discreet about it. The SCIENTIFIC ABORTION is rather disgusted with this act. THE SKUNK PULLS HERSELF OUT OF THE DESK. SHE grins. 

THE CAMEL
So it’s like watching a fish flop on the ground. 

HOUSEWIFE
Exactly. 

CAMEL
Any luck on finding your husband?

HOUSEWIFE sighs at this in annoyance. No sign of her husband anywhere. She looks around trying to find any sign of her deceased partner. In HELL, she sweats nervously. The two approach a witches coven.

CAMEL
He’s got to be around here somewhere.  

HOUSEWIFE
I hope so. 

The CAMEL squeezes the HOUSEWIFE. THE HOUSEWIFE reacts to this somewhat coldly to warm touch. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION
You wanna horror story? Look outside HELL!

THE CAMEL
Shut up.

He bangs on the glass. THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION glowers at him. Apprehensive, he backs off. THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION continues his tirade. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION
We live in Orwellian times. Just let me out.

THE CAMEL
Not a chance. HELL rules. Gotta relive the worst moment of your life. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION
Says who?

THE CAMEL pulls out the RECORD from earlier.  

CAMEL
-wincing-
CABLE television.

The HOUSEWIFE winces at this. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION
I don’t watch television. 

THE CAMEL
You don’t?

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION SHAKES HIS HEAD. THE CAMEL AND THE HOUSEWIFE LOOK AT EACH OTHER IN MILD EMBARRASSMENT. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION
TV’s propaganda. 

THE CAMEL
-frustrated-
What’s next? Do some people refuse to drink alcohol? 
THE HOUSEWIFE looks at him somewhat bemusement. THE CAMEL groans in annoyance. 
End scene. 

Chapter Text

Chapter 5

A flashback. 

HOUSEWIFE

I think something’s wrong with our son.

HER HUSBAND shrugs at this. He proceeds to pull out several religious iconographies. THE HOUSEWIFE looks horrified at the paraphilia. A cross with rosary beads lies amongst the junk. She pulls the cross with the rosary beads between the fingers. In disgust. 

HOUSEWIFE
This won’t help matters.

HUSBAND 

What are you talking about?

She frowns at this sentiment. We cut to the present. 

CAMEL
Quick question. Can we go to heaven?

HOUSEWIFE

We can try to go to heaven. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION cuts in somewhat coldly. Our protagonists turn to look at him. Unusually, the prison he is in has grown quite clear. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION

You won’t be let in because you’re not rich enough. 

A beat. 

HOUSEWIFE
That’s stupid. 

CAMEL
We’re going to the same ground, we might as well be judged by the same god. 

We fade in... 

We cut to the gates of heaven. We cut to two blond socialites leaning over the counter of SAINT PETER. They giggle as the gates open. The socialite's waltz right in. As soon as they are out of SAINT PETERs earshot, they begin to speak. 

SOCIALITE ONE
Well, that was easy…

SOCIALITE TWO
MY HEELS ARE KILLING ME.

SOCIALITE TWO waltzes as if like a drunken sailor. SOCIALITE two proceeds to struggle with walking somewhat properly in stilettos. SOCIALITE ONE is holding SOCIALITE TWO, ensuring that the facade is being held. The two begin to look behind them. In the background, a corpse, which is being barely held apart by stitches, walks. THE TWO SOCIALITES shudder at this. 

SOCIALITE 1
You don’t think…

SOCIALITE 2

What happens to denizens of hell?

Outside of the gates of heaven, the SCIENTIFIC ABORTION stands. Already, the effects of being in heaven are taking effect. His skin has grown tight. He grips the gates, smelling of rot. THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION begins to climb the gates of SAINT PETER rather rigidly, grunting with each step. The steps are very difficult, with his skin ripping and tearing with each movement. He is pulling himself up. Flies are flying. Maggots are swarming. For the viewer, it is a disgusting sight. In contrast to the squeaky clean and quite beautiful angels of heaven, the outsider is dirty, corpse-like. He falls to the ground. An outsider to the one percent catholic heaven. He looks to his left. To his right. He has little time. He will be a slave to the powers that be. A servant to the mass media. A servant who cleans the toilets in the restaurants in which the rich inhabit. Scrubbing the grubby toilets, pulling bloody tampons out of the inner bins. Frozen like the walking undead of the 21st century, he observes the chitter-chatter of the wealthy. He is not supposed to be here. He is supposed to be rotting among the poor, the middle class. The zombies are frozen by network television. 

The scene ends. 

Chapter Text

Chapter six

A decapitated head rolls along the ground. The two socialites try to figure out how to exorcise the demon from THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION.

SOCIALITE ONE

Perhaps we use holy water?

SOCIALITE TWO

This has nothing to do with HOLY WATER. 

A staircase to HEAVEN/HELL stands nearby. THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION stands nearby. His skin is beginning to reform. He grunts as he looks around. 

SOCIALITE ONE

How so?

SOCIALITE TWO

This has nothing to do with religion.

THE FIRST SOCIALITE looks at her Compadre. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION

Argh!

The two socialites turn around to face him. He is in pain. His skin has revealed itself completely. 

SOCIALITE ONE

What are you doing here?

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION

I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU THE SAME THING.

SOCIALITE TWO

YOU AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.

The SCIENTIFIC ABORTION scoffs at this statement. He proceeds to groan as the transformation ensues. 

SOCIALITE ONE

What happens when the demon shows up?

SOCIALITE TWO

Let's not stick around to figure out. 

The two make a break for the elevator. Animalisitically, the demon-possessed SCIENTIFIC ABORTION wobbles after them. Screaming various obscenities, he utters a primal howl as he chases after them. Thinking twice, the two SOCIALITES close their eyes. For a brief moment, everything has gone black. 

We cut to a crowd of the dead looking at the socialites. Nothing has happened. 

SOCIALITE ONE

See? Nothing has happened. We just need to go to the big guy upstairs and ask for an exorcism. 

SOCIALITE TWO

Right. Shouldn’t be too hard. 

The crowd departs. As soon as the crowd disperses, the two begin to pull themselves up. 

SOCIALITE ONE

I didn’t catch your name. 

SOCIALITE TWO

Frank. 

The socialite repeats the name. The two stare off into the distance admiring the filthy hell-hole in which they came from. Below heaven a group of smog forms underneath the earth. There is a brief pause as they gather their thoughts. A brief fade out as we catch an angel admiring the ground. Very cold. Her expression is one of smugness, cruelty. She flutters forth. 

ANGEL

You shouldn’t be here. 

She lets out an ear-piercing screech. The sound attracts other angels, which respond by screeching. The screeching is metallic, like something one would find in a new york alleyway. The screeching is high pitched, the tone is an insistent ringing. The angels begin to claw at our protagonists. There is another wail as the angels begin to appear in groups of five, six. The beautiful angels are shrewd in appearance. Their eyes pools soulless black. Their nails are claws, not unlike a feline. Their canines are fangs.

SOCIALITE ONE

FRANK?

SOCIALITE TWO

(frank)

I don-

Suddenly, she begins to swear. 

FRANK/Socialite TWO

SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!

The angels begin to freeze. 

FRANK/SOCIALITE TWO

Why can’t I think of any good goddamn ideas right now?

She kicks the angels away from the two. Very aggressively. FRANK/SOCIALITE TWO continues to curse, and kick. He proceeds to step on an ANGELS foot. While doing this she secretes in excitement. THE SECOND SOCIALITE BARES HER TEETH. SHE grunts in an animalistic manner.

Secreting once more, FRANK the SOCIALITE uses her body against the ANGELs. Sensing the disgusting discretion, the angels have vanished. 

FRANK/SOCIALITE TWO

That should hold them off. 

SOCIALITE ONE

You could’ve used your stiletto. Not your glands. 

The demon howls in the background. FRANK looks up in anticipation. 

FRANK/SOCIALITE TWO

We’ve got  company. 

SOCIALITE ONE

You don’t say. 

FRANK grabs her stiletto. In preparation for the mild eye-gouging. THE FIRST SOCIALITE holds him back. FRANK continues to hold the stiletto. Not looking too pleased about this. 

DEMON/SCIENTIFIC ABORTION

Lick my cl-

SOCIALITE ONE

Sore wa amari jōhinde wa arimasen!

The demon looks mildly confused at this poor attempt in Japanese. The socialite tries again in English. 

SOCIALITE ONE

Not very lady-like!

The demon growls in annoyance. She storms off. 

We cut to a farmhouse. We smash cut to the elderly couple who have recently adopted a new daughter. We smash cut to what is a very pissed off teenager. What the parents have failed to notice that they’re raising a monster. The host of satan lingers in the farmhouse. We smash cut to the HOUSEWIFE and THE CAMEL on the doorstep of the house. 

We cut to the elderly mother stroking her adoptee's hair. It is rather short. She is uncomfortable in the clothes that her mother has picked for her. 

MOTHER

I wish you could just wear that shirt for once.

Adoptee

(accusingly)

Are you trying to ruin my social life? 

The shirt in question has the words, I may be adopted, but Jesus loves me! In black font. She growls, then puts on the shirt. The mother looks pleased.  

CAMEL

How’s your relationship with your parents?

HOUSEWIFE

I feel like I’m expected to play a role in the family dynamic. In short about average. 

She stares, somewhat reflectively, at the door frame. She leans into it. 

HOUSEWIFE

I sometimes wonder if my parents were out to make my life miserable. 

A beat. She turns to the camel. The warm wind blows across her hair. She turns to the farmhouse. She peers into the bay window. The bay window is dirty. 

The scene ends. 

Chapter Text

College

Chapter seven

We cut to the exorcists at the farmhouse.

CAMEL

I think we should take a break.

HOUSEWIFE

Maybe we should go to college to learn the art of exorcism.

CAMEL

That sounds ridiculous.

The housewife looks at the CAMEL.

THE CAMEL

Isn’t the point of an exorcism thrusting a demon out?

The HOUSEWIFE begins to laugh at this statement which happens to sound incredibly sexual sounding.

We cut to a skunk at the college. The CAMEL calls out to her.

FRANK

We need your help.

The college student laughs at this statement very bitterly. Her laughter is somewhat cynical. The HOUSEWIFE grimaces at this. This is SHIRLEY.

SHIRLEY

Do you think that an exorcism is going to help you?

She continues to laugh at this.

SHIRLEY

Do you?

THE CAMEL nods. In mild desperation.

THE CAMEL

We’re in dire need of assistance.

SHIRLEY smirks at this. Suddenly, she frowns, as if recognizing FRANK.

SHIRLEY

FRANK?

We cut to a class. FRANK is looking at the posters. He is unprepared for the exorcism. Perhaps he has made a mistake. He turns to a poster illustrated with injustices. SHIRLEY walks up to him. They look at the poster. A college student with the phrase liberation of third world country on his shirt walks up to them.

STUDENT

We should liberate Rhiondeohoefweio[f

Shirley

-without turning around-

Say that again with a straight face.

STUDENT

We should fopef3p-2u-]fh-f3h-f

More keyboard smashing.

SHIRLEY

Again.

STUDENT

We should liberate fj-e2f2-f3]-

SHIRLEY

Once more.

The student becomes hesitant, but he attempts to lecture them once more.

STUDENT

Erufenfwoe[hfeofb34e[f4ob420240 liberate fhoeffb4b0[4b eygptian edh3;ofobb[f3 activist…. Dh[owefdefbbq

STUDENT

…

SHIRLEY

Try again.

STUDENT

You hexed me.

SHIRLEY

I did not.

The student runs offscreen screaming for his mother.

The scene ends.

Chapter Text

GUILT. 

Chapter 8

INT. CLASS LECTURE. DAY. 

We open to a lecture. 

PROFESSOR

DEMONS have been around since the dawn of time. 

SHIRLEY
I can’t hear you in the back. 

The professor repeats himself. We cut back to Shirley. 

PROFESSOR

DEMONS have been around since the dawn of time. 

THE HOUSEWIFE does not raise her hand. Rather she listens. THE PROFESSOR does not notice that she is in the room. She lowers her head on the desk. 

PROFESSOR

DEMONs will typically feed off negative emotions. 

The HOUSEWIFE raises her hand. 

HOUSEWIFE

Do they feed off anything else? 

PROFESSOR

-shrugging-

Unknown.

He laughs. The professor continues, pacing back and forth. 

PROFESSOR

This little guy right here…

He points at the image of a demon on the board. A catholic priest stands nearby. 

PROFESSOR

Don’t leave home without the catholic cross…

INT. FARMHOUSE. NIGHTFALL. 

The HOUSEWIFE tosses and turns. She is unable to sleep. Somewhere in the distance, a dog is barking. The HOUSEWIFE shoots up…

She shoots a glance at the mirror. The dog barking is dull. Offscreen, we hear rhythmic tapping. The tapping is mixed somewhere in the walls. Her reflection is matching hers, drenched with sweat. 

An ominous drone plays, as she flops back to bed. The drone intensifies in pitch. She clutches the pillow. It is very dark in the room. She puts her head underneath the pillow, hoping to mask out the sound of the noise.

This does not work. She shoots another glance at the mirror, now covered in mild frost. 

INT. FARMHOUSE KITCHEN. NIGHTFALL. 

The sound of a faucet drips.

INT. FARMHOUSE SPARE ROOM. NIGHTFALL. 

This is the room of the couple. Nothing but soft breathing.

INT. FARMHOUSE ORPHANs ROOM. NIGHTFALL.

The orphan sleeps softly. 

INT.FARMHOUSE BEDROOM. NIGHTFALL. 

We cut to THE HOUSEWIFE slowly settling into sleep. A loud bang. She jolts up. Awake. Aware. She rushes out of bed. 

INT. FARMHOUSE HALLWAY. NIGHTFALL. 

The HOUSEWIFE rushes down the hallway. She glances at the photos on the wall. FRANK rushes down the hallway. He is very nervous. He looks at the photos with THE HOUSEWIFE. 

FRANK

Did you hear the bang?


THE HOUSEWIFE nods at this. She turns to him, expecting an answer. 

FRANK

I don’t understand where that came from. 

THE HOUSEWIFE

You don’t. 

FRANK

I don’t.

FRANK turns to the television. The television is blaring in the adjacent living room. FRANK is not happy with this. Onscreen, a white person is talking….

FRANK groans at the news. He turns off the television. 

THE HOUSEWIFE inspects the basement door. THE HOUSEWIFE opens the door. The door is barely ajar. The lights are off. 

THE HOUSEWIFE

Do ya think it’s safe?

FRANK

I don’t think so. 

THE HOUSEWIFE

I think we should go down there.

FRANK

I don’t think that's a smart plan. 

THE HOUSEWIFE

What if my husband is down there?

FRANK

So what if he is?

THE HOUSEWIFE

FRANK!

FRANK

I don’t trust dark basements. 

THE HOUSEWIFE

Whatever. I’m going down there. 

FRANK leans into the door. Blocking it. In the background, a blur rushes behind him. THE HOUSEWIFE notices this. Instead of calming down... She riles up further…

THE HOUSEWIFE

FRANK. I don’t think we’re alone…

FRANK

-dismissively-

So get a kitchen knife...

HOUSEWIFE

Unbelievable…

She turns to face him. 

HOUSEWIFE

-aggravated-
You’re kind of acting like an a-hole right now Frank. 

She stares at the kitchen. The kitchen is drenched in black. Shadow. Almost able to cover a person. She clutches FRANKS 'arm. Behind them… 

The TV turns back on. Flickering. The two protagonists are alone in the darkroom. The basement lingers almost welcomingly. THE HOUSEWIFE shuffles towards the kitchen. FRANK follows her somewhat. His attention shifts towards the television. He shakes it off. The lighting is very dim. 

HOUSEWIFE

Ack. It smells awful in here. 

FRANK takes a whiff. It smells of rotting bodies. There's a scent above it...

The scent of torched hair/skin. Frank softly gags at this awful smell.

HOUSEWIFE

-SOMEWHAT SADLY-

This reminds me of my husband. 

Frank clutches her hand. Softly squeezing it. Slightly intimate. A beat. Behind them, the television is blaring very loudly. The man on the television talks very loudly. The living room is glowing as the rabbit ear television glows ominously.

The HOUSEWIFE’s mood shifts to intimacy, to pure rage. 

THE HOUSEWIFE

Don’t touch me!

FRANK is taken back by this sudden shift in mood. THE HOUSEWIFE jerks forward. She grabs the knife. Behind them, the adopted child is watching every moment. She ducks down into the basement. 

The HOUSEWIFE has become a different person entirely. 

THE HOUSEWIFE

Jesus Christ! Why can’t I get anything done around here?

FRANK steps back. He is a little scared of her. FRANK looks up at the stairs. He shoots a nervous glance at her, indicating that people are sleeping upstairs. 

THE HOUSEWIFE

-Holding the knife-

I’m going downstairs. You stay put. 

She notices the small adopted child in the basement. For a brief second, they exchange glances. The HOUSEWIFE rushes towards the small child. FRANK holds her back. His wool is briefly sliced. A slice of blood quickly forms at the base of his shoulder. 

FRANK attempts to calm the HOUSEWIFE. 

THE HOUSEWIFE

Don’t you dare grab me!

She ducks underneath FRANK. Still holding the knife. 

The small child emits a squeal. She scampers downstairs.

FRANK

Hold on a second!

He grabs his hoof. He groans in pain as he limps towards the basement door. The TV is blaring news about the middle east conflict. FRANK glances at it somewhat dismissive. 

MAN on television

Instead of Human rights… we should be discussing Palestinian rights…

A distraction. FRANK stares at the screen. He is feeling somewhat guilty about this mess.

FRANK

-to self-

Oof. 

A scream cuts his attention away from the television. 

INT. BASEMENT STAIRS. NIGHT.

FRANK rushes downstairs. THE HOUSEWIFE is shouting at the adopted child. 

HOUSEWIFE

HOUSEWIFE

-demanding-

Where is my husband?

THE CHILD SHAKES HER HEAD. SHE gestures to the adjacent room indicating that the two characters should follow her. Inside, the YOUTH pastor of the local community college sits, ready to be ravaged. He is a little confused when the teenager approaches him. 

HOUSEWIFE

-slightly confused-

That is not my husband.

Demon 

I need to ravage. 

YOUTH PASTOR

You’re a bit young for me…

The demon-possessed teenager turns to the HOUSEWIFE. 

Demon

We have a little time. 

She points to the alarm clock… indicating that is somewhere between 11:30. FRANK backs away nervously. THE HOUSEWIFE pulls him back in. without warning, the demon begins to feast on the YOUTH pastor. As she is doing so, her body is beginning to change. The air is thick. For some reason, the couple is not awakened by the terrified screams of the young pastor. The demon instead continues to chow down on the young pastor. 

Demon

You like that, don’t you? Ravishing females in the back of the-

Now slightly older. Not full size. Chomping, and chewing on human flesh. feasting...

Pastor 

Ah!

The screaming stops. The demon now full size, appears as a blond woman. She frowns at the tight clothing, which is now blood-soaked. She pulls off the offending shirt, revealing a tight bra. 

DEMON

Tight. 

FRANK does not say a word about this. He is looking at the demon somewhat lustfully. The demon is rather well endowed, slowly taking off tight clothes, in a seductive manner. 

FRANK

Holy-

His word is cut off as the demon turns around. 

FRANK

We did not see anything. 

DEMON

Good. 

The scene ends.

Chapter Text

We cut to a courtroom bathroom. Of course, the idiot is taking a ginormous dump. she’s a girl. 

Here’s an idea. Take a shot if someone in this narrative becomes pregnant for no reason or in impossible circumstances. 

Damien is unhappy about the fact that ROGER THE IDIOT GIRL let the homosexual escape into the parallel dimension which happens to be located right above the sink. 

DAMIEN

REGINA!  

THE IDIOT GIRL

Uh oh. 

DAMIEN begins to bang on the door. 

DAMIEN

You let the homosexual out!

THE IDIOT GIRL

I can explain!

DAMIEN

You’re going to pay for this!

THE IDIOT GIRL 

How?

Without warning, she lets out a whiff. ROGER THE IDIOT GIRL, up to this point has been pregnant. But it has been only for a few weeks…

ROGER THE IDIOT GIRL

DAEMON?

DAEMEN

....

DAEMEN takes a step back. The fluid is coming out of the doorstep. The non-Colored fluid is seeping through the doorway crack.

DAEMEN

That’s mildly disgusting.

THE IDIOT GIRL

What’s going on?

DAEMEN turns towards the doorway. 

DAEMEN

Your water is breaking. 

 THE IDIOT GIRL

Breaking?

She begins to visibly panic. She begins to blubber about this and that… how that's impossible… Suddenly, SYD pops her head from the magical mirror. Falls over. A mild crash. Looks up at  THE IDIOT GIRL who is giving labor. In mild terror, she freezes at the sight of her nemesis. Suddenly, another pony falls out of the mirror. Another animal falls out of the mirror dimension. We cut to cold, agitated eyes, now worrisome. We cut to MEOW the cat. We cut to another character, A CALICO. WE cut to SYLVIA crashing out of the mirror. 

These are all ROGER THE IDIOT GIRL’s enemies. Animals that she managed to agitate, or annoy. We cut to the pink pony who slams out of the mirror. Not too pleased about this. 

Slam. we cut to a bunch of musicians, artists, filmmakers, writers, plumbers, who ROGER THE IDIOT GIRL has managed to tick off with her mouth or via pestering, or left-wing political manners. 

SYLVIA

It appears as though  THE IDIOT’s WATER has broken. It’s going to be a long 8 to 12 hours. 

SYNTHESIZER PONY is trying to not stare at the dilated cervix. HAVING been a member of a political group ROGER THE IDIOT GIRL opposed to, in his previous life, he is not too happy to see ROGER THE IDIOT GIRL. We cut to another character, STEVE the CAMEL who was the band's pianist who was unlucky enough to bear witness to ROGER terminating his employment earlier in his life. It seems like everyone in the room has a bone to pick with THE IDIOT GIRL. SYD is just afraid of THE IDIOT GIRL. 

STEVE 

-somewhat coldly-

You. 

THE IDIOT GIRL

-coldly-

STEVE.

STEVE

-also somewhat coldly-

 Your cervix is looking somewhat decent.

 THE IDIOT

-coldly. In pain-

STEVE, if I recall correctly, you are no longer a member of my band.  

SYLVIA

Should we help her?

SYD

Of course not. 

Failing to realize this, she attempts to open the door. THE IDIOT GIRL is blocking the said door. SYD turns around to glance at her. 

STEVE

 THE IDIOT GIRL is aligned with DAEMEN. She’s corrupted beyond repair. 

SYD 

I suggest we fight her.

SYLVIA

No!

Everyone turns to her. She keeps thinking to herself. 

THE IDIOT GIRL

You’re right. 

She stands up. 

THE IDIOT GIRL bending her knees clutches her back. 

 THE IDIOT GIRL 

Oof!

SYD

Maybe we should leave. 

The cast agrees to this sentiment. One by one they walk out of the room. ROGER looks at them in horror. In a frivolous attempt, she attempts to follow them. She slips, still in labor. 

The door slams in her face. Understandably, she bangs on the door. She cries for help. 

Elsewhere.

SYLVIA

SYD, do you think that was the right thing to do?

SYD

Eh. 

The Homosexual spots SYLVIA.

HOMOSEXUAL

SYLVIA!

SYLVIA

HEY!

The group begins to embrace THE HOMOSEXUAL. It is a happy moment for all. 

STEVE

GOD! I’ve missed you!

THE HOMOSEXUAL laughs as he rubs STEVES tuft of hair. STEVE embraces the HOMOSEXUAL. 

STEVE

Marty! How has ya been?

MARTY THE HOMOSEXUAL

Confused. Confused Darling.

Offscreen, we hear a baby crying. The group paid no attention to this. One of the characters, A POET embraces MARTY. The crying grows louder. Few pay attention. In the background, the infant's crying grows louder and louder until it is unbearable. SYD is the first one to notice. Amongst the talking and hugging, SYD perks up, in a form of agitation. His ears shoot up. 

SYD

Did someone leave a baby in here?

His complaint goes unheard. The crying increases in volume. 

SYD

I think someone left a baby in here.

SYLVIA notices SYD’s agitation. The crying is almost animalistic. It is very loud now. Someone begins to grimace, lifting their foot in mild disgust. It is fluid.   

SYLVIA

Something wrong?

SYD winces. Everyone covers their ears as the wailing becomes unbearable to listen to. The room is very dark. 

MARTY

Someone turn on the light!

A flicker of the match. The room is oozing of pulsating muscle. It very closely resembles the woman's womb. Someone gags. 

STEVE

Alright, if we just find a portal...

Without warning something resembling a three week- human fetus reaches out from the pulsating walls. SYD responds by running. She trips over a 3-week old fetus. The three-week-old fetus latches on to her hoof. She gives out a mild scream as she tosses the fetus off her thigh. STEVE runs in the other direction. Everyone begins to split.   We cut to a different scene. THE POET moves closer. 

THE POET

Oh gosh golly, I hope I don’t run into any fetuses. 

A fetus reaches towards him. He screams in a high pitched manner. 

Without thinking, he grabs a piece of chalk. He whistles. SYD is too busy running and kicking fetuses off her body. She bumps into the POET. The rest of the gang crash through the wall. THE POET begins to draw a circle onto the muscular wall. The circle begins to glow. A brief flicker of light flashes, and grows brighter. The glow overwhelms the group. A great vacuum of air sucks everyone inside. 

EVERYONE

-Screams-

We cut to black. Once more, we fade into the scene. The scene has grown blurry. Everyone mutters. There is a grunt. 

SYLVIA

Where are we? 

(Someone offscreen)

library.

She gets up. 

SYLVIA

We’re in a school library.

SYLVIA looks around as she takes in her surroundings. True to be told, she is inside what appears to be a public school library. Inside teenagers speak in hushed tones. No one is smiling. Inside, who we presume to be a socially awkward teenager sits alone, avoiding the noisy cafeteria. She stuffs her cheeks with a sandwich. 

Horror kicks in as she realizes that THE IDIOT has been left behind. 

SYLVIA

We left THE IDIOT behind….

The scene slowly fades into black. Cut to credits.

Have sex with me. No. have sex with me. No. have sex with me. Negatory. If you don’t have sex with me then I won’t release your daughter. Grunting. Groaning. The poet smirks at this. Having held captive the ambiguous looking hooker. What happens at this point is that there is general back and forth over same-sex characters. It’s funny because two of the characters are both homosexuals. Cue the drum roll. 

I don’t have a daughter. 

What?

The poet is briefly confused at this. How can he not have a daughter? Surely, the long hair and the high pitched voice is not an indicator of a female. He frowns, holding up the protesting drummer. The striking blue eyes, the come hither glance. Ah, the curse of modern-day America. He frowns, glancing at the first homosexual and the modern-day prostitute. That's a prostitute. No shit sherlock. Of course, it’s a prostitute. Not the one you would think of. The wail of the woman in labor briefly catches them off guard. How long has it been? Three hours, four hours? Has it been that long of a time?  They turn to see the woman howling in pain. Daemen is not pleased about letting the first homosexual go. The pregnant woman lurches forth, in mid labor. Puffing. Panting. The head of the infant has yet to come out.  Please help.  Why should I help you?  Please help. Groaning, grunting. Red cheeks. About to collapse on the pavement. Crawling like the walking undead. 

Please help-

She collapses. The opening is far wide now. Puttering. The head comes out like a meatball. The anamorphic animal reaches forth and grabs the radio. Play a copyrighted song. Mock it. Stop! The anamorphic animal twists his head. Switch off the radio. Click. The opening is distorted. Howling. God knows why there is an infant's head sliding out like a meatball splattering to the kitchen floor. An unwritten fantasy. 

I had a fever once. Muttering. The pudgy animal sucks in his cheeks as he observes the broken woman.  I can’t. How hard is it-Labour breathing? Through the diaphragm, into the nose. Walking like a zombie on ketamine, the doctor pulls out his stethoscope. Head about to explode, he straightens his coat. The baby's head slips out. Like a hotdog covered in castor oil. Not feet first. Feet first is a sure sign of death. We speak of the first trauma. Not the dead body in the garage reeking of gas. Not the father downing his last drink. No, the first trauma is rather the collective sigh of an infant.  A fantasy. Coughing. Gasping. 

Pregnant woman

Help…

Doctor 

I wish I could. 

And now copyrighted music. The doctor turns on the radio. The former man, now pregnant woman widens his eyes in horror as the song she had written is playing free for all to listen. We cut to the doctor pulling off his mask. STEVE. The organist. Another doctor pulls off his mask. Sweet cold victory. 

The pregnant woman

-Screams in pain-

STEVE is not qualified to be a doctor. He moves closer. The PREGNANT WOMAN is mildly horrified at seeing STEVE. He weakly moves forward. Another doctor pulls his mask off. It is Sparkly twinkly toes, another person who the PREGNANT WOMAN has pissed off. Another character, another foe of THE PREGNANT WOMAN rips off his mask. 

PREGNANT WOMAN

You can’t play that song! I own the rights to that song!

She screams even louder. STEVE turns up the radio. THE PREGNANT WOMAN lets out an unearthly screech as she pushes even harder. In pain. The Darkside of STEVE would never condone revenge, but in the underworld, the impulse of every human being or animal for that matter is now there. He had never felt so much animosity before. Now the time stands still as he pulls out the forceps.

THE PREGNANT WOMAN

STEVE! How am I going to afford that gold plated swimming pool? 

STEVE

I don’t know.

The pregnant woman gives a mild push. She screams. Question. Why is the dude pregnant? The man is pregnant because of complicated nonsense, but because he sat on the toilet, and was presumably distracted when everyone came out of the mirror over the sink. You’re kidding me. Nope. I’m not joking here. Ask the divine creator. The first doctor shrugs as if this is completely normal. Who’s the divine creator? The divine creator is a distractible fifteen to sixteen-year-old junior on the spectrum who is writing events as an unhealthy form of coping with the fact that she can’t drive yet. 

STEVE

Do you mean to say our divine creator can barely drive? 

SPARKLY TWINKLE TOES

Fraid so. 

STEVE

Are you telling me that the reason we exist on this dreary planet is that a sixteen-year-old with a disability cannot get her license? 

SPARKLY TWINKLE TOES

….

STEVE

-shaking his head-

I need a drink. 

THE PREGNANT WOMAN 

-cutting in-

So do I.

STEVE

How is this even possible?

THE PREGNANT WOMAN

Just get it out of me STEVE!

STEVE

I’m not qualified for this. 

He thinks for a moment. He is unprepared, with no gloves, no undergarment, not a single smock on him. He is mildly concerned, knowing full well that he is going to kill the baby. He pulls on some of the gloves. I can’t forgive you for this. He thinks to himself, pacing, back and forth. He wonders, surely the prostitute has some good ideas? 

STEVE

-in deep thought-

Regina!

He takes out a cigarette. He lights it. Coughing, hacking, he puffs on it. The pregnant woman takes no issue with this. She sits, huffing, and huffing, and huffing once more. The baby inside of her slowly reeling out. A professional doctor would put out the cancerous stick from his mouth. No, a professional surgeon, or whatever it was called, would have thrown out STEVE for smoking in front of the baby. Yet STEVE did not pay attention to the woman who used to be a man wail prismatically. 

STEVE 

-quietly-

Tell me that the condom broke and you slipped on something. 

He puffed. Waiting for an answer. Waiting for something to happen. While the corruptive copyrighted music played, STEVE wondered why on earth he was alive in the first place. He wasn’t a doctor. He wasn’t even to be alive in the first place.  STEVE thinks for a moment. He turns around to watch the PREGNANT WOMAN howl once more. Good. he turns back, waiting for another punishment. This is getting too weird. He puffed on the cigarette. He remembered what it was to feel alive. He remembered fifty no seventy years flashing by. The screams of the pregnant woman howling, felt almost like comfort. He wasn’t the only one to die. He stood in the hallway, in his hell, waiting for the baby to be delivered. The baby was going to be mucus-covered, screeching, howling, like a banshee. Four to eighteen months of howling, screeching keeping the mother up. Good. That'll keep the mother up, for endless days and nights. The little monster clamping on the breast. Steve stood in the hallway of the ward, wondering if it was right for him to leave. Would it be ok if I left the maternity ward, alone?  Saint’s alive, it was going to be a disaster. He resisted the urge to primarily peer into the hole which used to house two testicles and a sausage. By god, it was going to be a disaster. He grimaces. 

STEVE

How far along is she? 

No answer. The two doctors who used to be his coworkers watch as whatever was the opposite of the virgin Mary crawl out meticulously. The baby howled, echoing alongside the hallway. The pregnant woman screeched along with it. Unbeknownst to them, a crowd begins to form watching the ceremony.  CROWD murmuring to themselves. STEVE answers his question.

Chapter Text

FRANK looks over his notes. He notices that several animals are looking highly out of place of the college library. There is a scuffle as a mystical pony begins to retreat to a quiet corner. A brief flicker. He decides not to bother them. He continues to look over the biography of demonology. A pink looking pony rushes up to him. 

FRANK

You ok?

SYD says nothing. She looks at the book. FRANK continues to read the book. Inside, a caption reads, “ worn by the wrong member of the feline family will generally result in embryonaization. In short, the wearer will regress into infancy. 

FRANK looks up. SYD twitches. SYD observes the computer area. There are computers. A brief moment of panic crosses her mind as it suddenly occurs to her that this is the wrong period. There are computers. There are people engrossed in small squares. There is no pot. There are people. People are touching her. FRANK attempts to pay no attention to SYD. 

SYD

What year is it?

FRANK

SYD begins to panic. Without warning, she quietly retreats to the far corner of the library. FRANK continues to read some more religious iconography. He reaches over. The phone begins to ring. He picks it up. 

VOICE ON THE OTHER END

JESUS H. I’M IN A LOT OF PAIN. HELP ME. GAAAH. 

FRANK

Is this some joke to you?

VOICE ON THE OTHER END

AHHH. 

FRANK

Is this some prank call? 

VOICE ON THE OTHER END

-garbled-

FRANK

-laughing-

This is a prank call. I’m going to hang up. 

VOICE ON THE OTHER END

no!

He hangs up. The phone rings again. FRANK looks at it. A brief moment of consideration. He does not pick up the phone. The phone continues to ring. Frank ignores it. The phone continues to ring. Frank ignores it. The phone begins to ring. FRANK ignores it. The phone goes to voicemail. 

VOICEMAIL

The number you’re trying to call is unavailable at the moment. Please leave your message after the beep. 

SFX of a beep.

PREGNANT WOMAN

FRANK! HELP ME! I'm IN HORRENDOUS PAIN!

SFX of a beep.

This catches FRANK's attention. The phone continues to ring as the HOUSEWIFE walks nearby. This also catches the attention of the librarian who promptly shhs them. A crash follows the shhing. Another crash as several of the shelves, like dominos fall to the ground. Everyone reacts to the crashing of the shelves by turning their attention towards the source of the sound. The LIBRIAIN promptly walks towards the fallen shelves. FRANK looks at his phone. 

FRANK

How does that lady know my name? 

Now distracted. The handmaids begin to prepare to fight in the middle of the library. 

HANDMAIDEN 

Now, it is time for us to destroy you!

She prepares a spell. Behind her, SYD a potential handmaiden groans in pain. 

SYD

My poop smells funny. 

HANDMAIDEN ONE

What do you mean your tummy hurts?

SYD

I don’t know. 

A beat. 

SYD

I’m fine.

HANDMAIDEN ONE

Are you sure about that? 

A beat. 

HANDMAIDEN ONE walks over to a section. She returns holding a book titled, “That time of the month”. 

HANDMAIDEN ONE

I think you need this. 

SYD glances towards the rest of the group. The menstrual menace has stopped the fighting for now. SYD does not look at the book. FRANK approaches her. 

FRANK

Anything I could help you out with?  

HANDMAIDEN

No. 

SYD

Why are you giving me this book? I’m not menstruating.

HANDMAIDEN

I think it’s that time of the month. 

FRANK looks over the books. Behind him the magical ponies discuss matters. 

PEGASUS 

REGINA is going to be fine right? She won’t remember us, right. 

THE LEAD GUITARIST frowns at this. FRANK turns around to face them. He is STEVE from a parallel dimension. STEVE enters from a parallel dimension disgusted with seeing the insides of his bandmates vulva. 

STEVE

No. No. I’m out. 

A slam of the door. FRANK pauses. He turns to face STEVE. The two beings from two dimensions pause as they touch each other in amazement. There is a brief flash of light. The two souls have merged into one being. FRANK shakes his head in amazement. Turning around he rushes back to the library. 

A beat. We cut back to the lady in labor. 

THE PREGNANT WOMAN 

STEVE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

She is sweating bullets. With a medic and a handful of maidens, she is giving birth to an infant in the hospital. 

THE PREGNANT WOMAN

-prolonged screaming-

A beat. REGINIAs WIFE enters the maternity ward. 

REGINA LOVER

Where’s my husband?

REGINA continues to scream out in pain. In the middle of labor. 

PREGNANT WOMAN

-prolonged screaming-

REGINA's PARTNER

This isn’t my husband. Are you insane?

REGINA TURNS TO FACE HER LOVER. TEARS ARE STREAKING DOWN HER FACE. SHE ATTEMPTS TO CLUTCH HER LOVERS HAND. HER LOVER REJECTS THE HAND, DISGUSTED BY THE WOMAN ATTEMPTING TO TAKE HER HUSBAND'S NAME. 

PREGNANT WOMAN

-prolonged screaming-

A beat. The doctor feeds her ice chips. She grips the handmaiden's hand. She howls anomalistically.

PREGNANT WOMAN

-SCREAMING-

The pregnant woman clutches a handmaiden's hand while sitting on the bench. Her moan becomes another primitive howl.

PREGNANT WOMAN

-Various labored breathing, then more screaming. Extremely angry, pain driven- 

She throws her head back, groaning, in pain. Howling has become deeper. Her nipples are somewhat pressed against the sheet. Ice chips dribbled. More ice chips are shoved into her mouth. 

PREGNANT WOMAN

-Screaming-

Cont.

PREGNANT WOMAN

-cont SCREAMING-

1940s tape is played on the VHS player. 

Narrator

Welcome to that time of the month. I’ll be Seth abaddadon. The time of the month is sponsored by Abaddon villages. 

Footage of the time of the month. A teenage girl is putting on her tampon. 

SETH Abaddon

A woman goes through many changes throughout her life. But the biggest one is when she starts to ovulate. 

SYD looks at the television. 

SETH Abaddon

More importantly, that change comes with budding breasts. I’d squeeze those honkers. 

SYD looks at the television. 

SETH Abaddon

More importantly, these changes come with a change in clothes. 

Footage of a woman exposing her left shoulder. SYD continues to look at the television screen. Almost transfixed, zombie-like at the screen. 

The scene ends...

Chapter Text

THE STUDENT
-to self-

How are we going to exorcise that demon? I haven’t had the faintest. Think up of one fast. I told ya, I don’t know how to exorcise demons. The college student glances at the HOUSEWIFE. I’m not sure if I can give you a solution to exorcising demons. Can’t we just research it on the internet?  We can do that, sure. 

INT.LIBRARY. DAY.

STUDENT

Here’s an article on a band that went missing in 1963. It’s unrelated. 

HOUSEWIFE

How is this going to work?

A beat. 

HOUSEWIFE

Here’s one. 

She turns to the student. 

HOUSEWIFE

Use a tablespoon of salt, and flick it repeatedly. Say the power of Christ compels you. Upon doing so, you will automatically go super Saiyan, and master the dragon balls… That sounds stupid.

STUDENT

Or use holy water.

They turn to the screen. They share a glance. 

STUDENT

On October 31st, 2014, a church exploded. The witnesses reported a seductive female and a fourteen-year-old with a disability illegally driving a 98 white honda. Witnesses say that the pastor quickly packed his clothes, intending to head out to las vegas. The church exploded, in a chorus of holy dynamite. This type of holy dynamite can be bought illegally across the Wisconsin border. 

HOUSEWIFE

The car, the witnesses say, was powered with virgins. 

A beat

HOUSEWIFE

That’s typical nonsense. 

STUDENT

Look!

They read the computer screen. 

STUDENT

On December 31st, 2014, a couple of minors were killed. The colleagues say that they had no idea what was going on at the time. In a weird twist of events, a woman was strapped up in a bed in the medical theatre of the campus. 

A beat. 

STUDENT

The woman in question possibly struggled with psychosis and epileptic seizures. She was quarantined, at the local hospital ward.

The two turn to each other. 

STUDENT 

In January of 2015, that woman was put on several antipsychotics.

HOUSEWIFE

-Thinking-  

Anything else?

STUDENT

Nothing much. 

An ad pops up. 

NARRATOR

A humble man.

A caucasian male walks down the street. 

NARRATOR

A time-traveling stripper. 

NARRATOR

A blended family. 

Cut to family. White family. 

NARRATOR

Fun for the whole family!

SON

Mom, what’s this?

We cut to him pointing to a pornographic film. 

STEPMOM

Nothing sweetie!

STEPSON

Mmh! candy!

He stuffs some sexually explicit candy in his mouth. The mother appears somewhat mortified. 

Biological mother

You let our son do what? 

Stepmother takes off her earrings. 

STEPMOTHER

Oh, it is on biotch!

The two begin to fight each other. 

NARRATOR

Coming spring of 2021, cause of coronavirus. Stay inside folks. 

The short ends. 

Chapter Text

 
We cut to the curly-haired cat pulling on his hair. He goes to bed. A beat. We cut to a painful scream. Pulling. Yanking at the tar-covered hair. 

HAROLD
Why does this happen to me?

He yanks on the hair. A couple of the schoolgirls look horrified at this. Some giggling. 

SYLVIA
How did you get tar in your hair?

HAROLD
I can’t get it out!

SYLVIA
That’s crazy, HAROLD!

SYLVIA

(Con’t)
Did someone do this to you?

HAROLD begins to sob. SYLVIA continues to pull at the perm. She is unhappy with the tar-covered hair.  
 
SYLVIA

This is crazy HAROLD. Who would put tar in your hair?
REGINA’s Partner enters the room. FRANK is writing a thesis. 

FRANK
Do you need some help?

REGINA’s partner
I just can’t right now.  

FRANK
Oh, just got out of a relationship?

He puts his arm around REGINA’s partner. 

FRANK
Do you want to talk about it? 

REGINA nods. Suggesting a need for comfort. 

FRANK
Do you need a drink or something?

REGINAs lover turns around to face FRANK the camel. FRANK begins to massage her shoulders. 

FRANK 
-monologuing-
What else was I supposed to do? She was single, right? Did she need my help right?
 
We cut to the two in bed. REGINA’s lover is caressing his stomach. 
FRANK

It was the right thing to do.
 
We cut to the two in mid-coitus. 
 
FRANK

She needed my comfort. 

We cut to the two drinking wine. Dancing. Thrusting. Grunting, groaning. REGINA’s lover makes out with FRANK. 

FRANK
Nothings going to go wrong. 
 
REGINA’s lover continues to make out with FRANK. The lovemaking has become very sloppy which in turn has turned into hardcore thrusting. Her phone buzzes. 

FRANK
I love you.
 
REGINA’s LOVER
I love you. 
The two continue to have sexual intercourse. Making out. The bed is being broken. 
 
FRANK
How does REGINA feel about this? 
REGINA’s lover
Don’t worry about REGINA. Worry about us. 

FRANK
-to self-
I shouldn’t be doing this.
 
REGINA’s lover
Don’t worry about it. 
 
FRANK
Is this even right? 
 
REGINA
Ssh.

FRANK
I shouldn’t be-
 
REGINA covers FRANK’s mouth with her paw. FRANK begins to relax somewhat slightly. He prepares for round two. 
 
REGINA’s lover
Just satisfy me. I’m unsatisfied. 
 
FRANK
I don’t know what-
 
REGINA
REGINA could never satisfy me.  
elsewhere, REGINA has given birth. She is tired. The baby is suckling her left tit. It is mucusy and red. 
 
BABY
-crying-
 
REGINA tears up at this. 

REGINA
- is that it?
 
The handmaidens take the infant away. 
 
REGINA
Oof. 
 
Feeling the effects of the antrophosasitc, she settles on the bed. A gash is on her stomach. Several stitches are on her stomach. 
 
REGINA sobs quietly. 
 
INT. SCHOOL DORMITORY. NIGHT. 
 
A montage of the 2010s/2020s. SYD is having none of this. She hides underneath the blankets. HAROLD is uninterested in SYLVIA. SYLVIA is showing a massive interest in him. A digital artist is attracted to HAROLD. 
 
Digital artist
…
 
This catches HAROLDS' attention. 
 
DIGITAL ARTIST
-gushing-
I, like, am such a huge astronomy nerd.
 
HAROLD scooches over. HAROLD is highly interested in DIGITAL ARTIST. We cut to the two having a makeout session on the couch. SYLVIA is mildly fuming next to them. SYLVIA thinks for a moment. Cut to chopping up of the hair. SYD looks at her. 
 
SYD
 
What are you doing?

SYLVIA
Salt. 
 
SYD sniffs. She becomes wonky. SYLVIA turns to FRANK the CAMEL. 

SYLVIA
FRANK! 
 
FRANK looks up.
 
SYLVIA
I don’t believe we’ve met. 
 
 
FRANK

You’re right. We haven’t.

SYLVIA
What are the chances that REGINA finds out you’ve been sleeping with her wife?

FRANK

Hopefully slim. 
 
SYLVIA

Are you sure about that?
 
FRANK

I’m positive.

SYLVIA

Hmm. 

FRANK
 
What’s the matter?

Interrupting SYLVIA, REGINA bursts through the doorway, sobbing. It is clear to all that she is very upset. This outburst causes some of the characters to look up from their game of “playing God.” This of course is a game in which you mess with the genetics of a human being. Or an animal. 
 
Regardless, REGINA is very upset. 
 
REGINA 
-blubbering-
 
HAROLD, SYD, SYLVIA, and FRANK dash out of the room. In the distance, REGINA is noticeably blubbering about being the cuckold. We cut to the protagonists rushing through the library. Behind them, REGINA howls in anguish. FRANK holds SYLVIAs hoof, forgetting for a brief second about the HOUSEWIFE. REGINA continues to sob. FRANK is confused about the banshee. He tiptoes. Behind them, a secret stairway. The wailing continues. He sneaks out of the emergency door. The door wails and flashes bright lights. 

SYD gives a mild yell. FRANK cuts him off. SYLVIA leaps out of a window. There is crashing. Swearing, as SYLVIA, thrusts herself out of the bushes. SYD runs through the bushes. HAROLD scoots out of the school.

The gang doesn’t stop running until they reach the farmhouse. As if consequently, REGINAs sobbing echoes, a consequence of the cuckolding that previously ensued. FRANK gallops, reaching SYDs pace. SYLVIA doesn’t look back. The school becomes faint. The death wails are sharp, ringing along with the street lights. FRANK, racing SYD, quickened his pace. 
 
Several miles later. There is a phone buzzing. FRANK bangs on the wooden door. 
 
FRANK

SYD, don’t say anything. 
 
SYD

I want to be a doctor. 

HAROLD

FRANK, what is going on?

FRANK

Don’t breathe a word of this to REGINA. 

HAROLD

You slept with her wife.

FRANK

I did. 
 
HAROLD

Nice going. 
An elderly man opens the door.

ELDERLY HUSBAND

FRANK?

FRANK

I’m going to sleep over here for the night. 
 
The HOUSEWIFE emerges from the doorway. SHE is disengaged. She looks around, counting the heads of the group. HAROLD coughs in embarrassment. FRANK the CAMEL is unsure of what to do. Is it STEVE’s final word against REGINA? Could this be an effect of living in the underworld for too long?
 
HOUSEWIFE
FRANK, is something wrong?
 
FRANK enters the house. It is going to be a long night. The members of the family, are awake. The rest of the group enter the farmhouse. 

FRANK turns to the trio. 

FRANK
We’re camping in the annex. 
 
The annex is the safest place at the moment. Harold grimaces. 
End scene. 

Chapter Text

Harold
I don't know how to tell you this. 
 
FRANK
Tell me what?

HAROLD
I just feel angry.
 
FRANK
Why are you angry?
 
HAROLD
I dunno.
 
FRANK
Are you angry about something?

HAROLD
I don’t know why I feel like this. 
 
HAROLD
(cont)
I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. 
 
FRANK
You were doing so fine last night.
 
HAROLD the cat
I just woke up feeling shitty. 
The two pause. 
 
HAROLD
I feel like I’m in the middle of a war that can’t be won. 
 
A pause. 
 
HAROLD
-to self-
I can’t sleep at night, I can’t eat breakfast. God knows I’ll wake up again. I can’t keep a schedule. I know I’ll self destruct again. 
 
FRANK nods. 

HAROLD
I’m aware I’m making poor choices. 
 
FRANK
I notice that you’ve slept past noon. Could you explain that?
 
He points to the clock. It reads 1;30.
 
HAROLD
I can’t stop making poor decisions. I don’t remember when I last took care of myself. 
 
A beat. 

HAROLD

I can’t-
 
A beat. 
 
SYLVIA cuts in. The two are discussing matters in the living room. 
 
SYLVIA

Don’t feel so angry. Kick someone in the ballsack. 

FRANK turns around. 
 
FRANK

What!?
 
SYLVIA

I mean you could kick someone in the balls. 
 
FRANK
 
Isn’t that technically assault?

SYLVIA

They do it all the time in looney toons. 
 
SYLVIA is reading the script. 
 
SYLVIA
 
It says someone has to be kicked in the balls. 
 
FRANK

Let me see that. 

SYLVIA

Right there. Got to kick someone in the nuts. 
 
FRANK
 
That’s illegal on so many levels.

SYLVIA

Nope. Got to rip it out. 

SYLVIA reads the script. 
 
SYLVIA

Upon ripping out the nuts, the character will accomplish a fatality. 
 
FRANK

What's a fatality? 
 
SYLVIA
I dunno. 

INT. FARMHOUSE LIVING ROOM. DAY. 
 
We cut to SYLVIA furiously typing on the computer. SYD is in the basement. The two characters are talking in the background. Click. Typing. Suddenly, SYLVIA calls out to all three characters. 
 
SYLVIA
 
We’ve got four one way tickets to Cambridge.
 
SYD

How lovely, I always wanted to visit the UK. 
 
SYLVIA
 
I also found some cleats. 
 
SYD
 
Cleats?

INT. AIRPORT. DAY. 
 
SECURITY 
 
Are those cleats in your baggage?

SYLVIA

-lying-
 
No. 
 
SYD chimes in. 

SYD
 
Yes. 
 
The security guard snaps his glove. 
 
SECURITY
 
We’ve got a situation. 
 
SEVERAL security officers arrive on the scene. 
 
We cut to the four characters stuck at the airport. SYLVIA glances at SYD who has no idea how to act at an airport. SYLVIA glances at her suitcase. She glances back at SYD.
 
We cut to O’HARE airport. 
 
HAROLD the cat wears his cloak. FRANK clutches SYD by the hoof. SYD does not look thrilled about going on the airplane. Knowing full well, that SYD doesn’t know how to behave appropriately in a post 9/11 environment, FRANK clutches SYD. Several instructions are being blared out on the speaker. There are a lot of people talking. In short, the environment is very scary and loud for someone on the spectrum. We cut to a bunch of posters with the victims of the virus. 
 
SYLVIA

Hopefully, no one will recognize us. 
 
SYD
Too loud. 
 
FRANK cuts in. 
 
FRANK

SYD, I think we should think about a thing or two about flight etiquette. 
 
SYD
 
What's that supposed to mean?
 
FRANK
It means that you’re not supposed to move at a certain speed while you're walking, or in this case, galloping through the metal detector.
 
SYD 
How does that make any sense?

FRANK
Times have changed. 

SYD
I don’t think I can do it. 

FRANK
Of course, you can do it. 

SYD
It seems too impossible. 

FRANK

Don’t be silly. First, we put the luggage over here. 
 
FRANK places the suitcase on the moving convey. It chugs along on the moving elevator. 

FRANK

It doesn’t seem too hard…
We cut to the inside of the airport. 

ANNOUNCER

Flight delayed.

FRANK
SYD, hang on a second. 

ANNOUNCER

Flight 45 is being delayed. 
 
FRANK clutches SYD. It is clear to all that she’s mildly stressed. SYLVIA mutters to herself, pacing back and forth.

SYLVIA

I can’t take it anymore FRANK. 

FRANK 

Are you OK?

SYLVIA
 
I’m FINE!

A beat. 
 
SYLVIA

I didn’t take my medication today. Small wonder on why I’m irritable. 
 
FRANK THE CAMEL

SYLVIA…
 
SYD bounces around. FRANK continues to hold on to SYD. Meow sits, pondering.

SYD
I’m quite nervous.
 
MEOW
I don’t understand airports…
 
The announcements turn on. 

ANNOUNCER

Flight 24. Flight 24. 
FRANK
Not very much. 

SYLVIA
What are the chances of Reginia turning up? 
 
FRANK
Slim. we should be fine. 
 
SYD begins to wander off. FRANK whistles. The noise is beginning to overstimulate her. She wanders over to the posters. Each one talking about returning home… FRANK catches her attention with a chocolate bar. 
 
INT. PLANE. DAY. 
 
We cut to the entire cast wearing masks. Just weaning off the latter phases. No one is talking during the flight. Just silence.  
 
SYD

Why is everyone wearing a mask? 

FRANK puts on his mask. He urges SYD to do so. 
 
The plane stops.

ANNOUNCER

Folks, the thought just occurred to me that maybe this isn’t a great idea…
 
FRANK

Oh for fu-

We cut back to a harsh cold reality. 
 
FRANK

That didn’t work out so hot. 

SYLVIA

We need another plan of action. 

FRANK

What else are we going to do?
 
SYD 
 
That was pointless. 
 
FRANK shrugs in frustration. He looks around trying to find a solution to the answer. 
 
FRANK
 
Oh right. Social distancing. 
 
SYLVIA

-reading the script-
 
ACTIVIST
 
It sure is a nice day out. 
 
A beat. Out of nowhere, FRANK gallops to the TOURIST. He rips out his testicles. fatality. 
 
ACTIVIST

Ow!
 
He begins to cry. There is a lot of blood pouring out of what used to be his testicles. SECURITY GUARDS begin to show up in swarms like bees. 

FRANK
I should run. 
 
A chase ensues. 

FRANK

This was a lot less hilarious than I anticipated. 

FRANK continues to run out of the o’ hare airport. The trio follows suit. SYLVIA clutches the two nimrods. FRANK has been banned from this airport. Then again, no one can fly...  
 
...FRANK keeps running. 
The scene ends. 

Chapter Text

An explosion. We cut to the HOUSEWIFE reading a newspaper. We cut to a local shopping market. Outside a mother dressed in the 1940s/fifties uniform pulls along her stubborn child. The HOUSEWIFE looks up. THIS IS REGINA. THE HOUSEWIFE does not pay any attention to the nervous-looking child, seemingly an outsider to the superficial American dream personified in the aisle. The child looks on in mild terror as he is overwhelmed with the sharp bright sounds of the patrons walking by. THE CHILD says nothing. NEXT to the HOUSEWIFE, a RACOON dressed in NANNY clothing speaks nervously in german.

NANNY

This is right, eh?

THE HOUSEWIFE nods at this. She glances at the mother, indicating a potential customer. Behind them, a ridiculous fight ensues. It is abundantly clear that one of the characters is about to…

Well… fight. 

SKUNK

Get down from there!

DOG 

Make me!

SKUNK

Gah!

DOG

I rescued you from that mental institution!

SKUNK

Shut up!

The dog hangs from the pipe on the roof. The child, a stranger to the fast-paced American culture, wanders over to the commotion. The small child is very quiet. 

SMALL CHILD

What are you doing?

SKUNK

We’re going to go super Saiyan!

SMALL CHILD

What's that?

SKUNK

You’ve never seen dragon ball z?

DOG

-gasping-

My sweet summer child, how could you not understand what dragon ball z is? It’s a television show.

SMALL CHILD

Whats TV?

SKUNK

TV.

THE SKUNK blinks. This is an indicator that the SMALL CHILD is very sheltered. Another indicator of him being in an inappropriate period. 

SKUNK

It's a thing that people watch. 

SMALL CHILD

Ah, so you watch something on a screen. 

This is not a good sign. Probably an indicator that they should run. 

SMALL 

So let me get this straight, you consume media daily. Like junk food. 

SKUNK

We didn’t say anything about that. 

SMALL CHILD

You consume, feeding into the system... 

SKUNK

You could say that. 

Offscreen someone is admiring some knives in the kitchen aisle. 

CAT

These knives look really nice...

YAK

As I was saying… I told you, if I need to fight someone to the death on live TV, I might as well look good doing so. 

CAT

What would make a good outfit?

YAK 

I’m not sure. 

The two continue to look at the knives. There is a lot of discussions. We cut to a dressing room. There is a shout as the woman shows that she is upset over the fact that the clothes that SYD is wearing are now ruined due to her being on her monthly. 

STORE CLERK

Why didn’t you tell me you were on your cycle?

SYD

I didn’t know!

FRANK apologizes professionally as the STORE CLERK, now flustered, begins to organize the clothes in piles. 

STORE CLERK

What’s wrong with you?

SYD does not know how to respond to this. FRANK grabs the clothes. 

FRANK

I’ll pay for this. 

STORE CLERK

-somewhat flustered-

That’s coming out of my paycheck. 

FRANK grabs the clothes. He glances towards the feminine hygiene products. 

FRANK

Where are the tampons?

STORE CLERK

Aisle 8.

She points very frustratedly with the two. We cut to two lovers browsing the book section. 

LOVER ONE

How do we smite our enemies?

LOVER TWO

Oh!

She points to how to achieve god-mode in fiction. The two lovers begin to browse the pages. We assume the two lovers to be members of DLLG. An unknown organization. 

LOVER ONE

According to this… to achieve god mode, one must absorb all of the energy in the room. Doing so will accomplish super mode. 

We cut back to the same characters. THE SKUNK is absorbing all of the energy in the room. 

DOG

Is it me, or is it getting cold? 

THE SKUNK

Just you. 

The dog says nothing as the SKUNK begins to absorb the energy in the room. A brief flash of light flickers as all energy in the room. Another brief flash of light as THE SKUNK goes into super mode. The screen cuts to white. We cut to pop then, a ringing noise. We fade in. THE SMALL boy lies, lifeless. The mother runs over to him. He does not move. The mother holds her child, tears welling up in her eyes. She holds the cloak like a blanket. 

RACOON

Scheisse.

***shit.

We cut to the outside of the supermarket. An ER is talking to the mother who is sobbing and nodding. THE RACOON nods, taking in the damage. THE DOG from earlier wanders over to him. THE RACOON from earlier rolls her eyes. 

THE DOG

-speaking in german-. 

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Hat es wehgetan als du vom Himmel gefallen bist? 

Elsewhere, SAM is watching several men talk in a group. Not understanding the social nuances, he butts in, from far away. 

SAM

-struggling somewhat socially-

I think the giant river otters should have gotten smallpox. 

\

Someone offscreen

What did you say you little shit?

A very angry passerby runs up to him. SAM, ignoring his angry expression on his face, remains calm, not understanding how that can come off. 

ANGRY PASSERBY 

How dare you insinuate that RIVER OTTERS get smallpox?

THE ANGRY PASSERBY’s mother gets involved. SAM cannot understand how inappropriate this is. 

SAM

I’m just saying that the GIANT RIVER OTTERS should have gotten smallpox.

THE ANGRY PASSERBY’s mother

Get him HENRY!

HENRY begins to lay into SAM’s lack of social skills. 

SAM

Why are you so angry? I’m right, aren’t I? 

We cut to the inside of the car. Inside. EVERYONE is beginning to get ready for the FUNERAL. An extreme cut to the radio. We listen to a presumably white middle-aged man speaking over the radio.

MAN over radio

I tell you, it’s those immigrants…

The radio scratches over. We cut to the NANNY who has come to the country as a result of a work permit. Babysitting for an English couple.  

MAN OVER THE RADIO

It isn’t fair to the system. We can’t have those Germans sneaking over, and taking our jobs…

THE NANNY gulps at this. 

MAN OVER THE RADIO

It’s cheating.

THE SKUNK seethes at this. She clutches the seat. Sweating. Heart palpitating. 

MAN OVER THE RADIO

Right? 

We cut to a flashy gas station. Ext. shot. Another character oddly resembling REGINA frowns as he walks through the gas station. Fisheye angle. We cut to the remnants of a bygone era. Tabloids in one corner. An AMERICAN FLAG hides out in the corner. He stares into the security camera. Flashes of American propaganda flicker on the screen. Flashes of the upcoming election. An air conditioner hums into the distance. This is the source of REGINA. In short, it’s REG. 

MAN OVER THE COUNTER

Need something?

REGGY

No. I’m fine. 

MAN OVER THE COUNTER

Not from around here are you?

REGGY

I’m not. 

REGGY coughs, while he is speaking. Another sharp cough. More like hacking. 

REGGY

I don’t have a lot of time…

Cut to black. 

Chapter Text

Cut to black. We open with narration. It is very distant. As if we are seeing things from another POV. The environment is very hostile. Unfriendly. To the immigrant, we see a different place. A different time. We fade in, somewhat disoriented. 
 
REG
What time is it?

MAN OVER THE COUNTER
12.
 
He thinks for a moment. Taking in the post tyrannical propaganda. 

REG
Jesus Christ.
 
He lays on the floor. 

MAN OVER THE COUNTER

What do you mean you don’t have enough time?

REG
I don’t want to tell you. 

MAN ON THE COUNTER

What? Are you infected or something? 
 
We cut to a different scene. We cut to the SKUNK, who has just learned that the B/W cat has ravished her mother when she was younger. The SKUNK recalls the incident with great displeasure.
 
SKUNK
What do you mean you’ve had sexual intercourse with my mother? 
 
BW cat
I used the warm welcome on her. 
 
This is a mild trauma of the SKUNK. She lunges forward. THE SKUNK is furious with the BW cat. This destroyed her relationship with her mother.  
 
SKUNK
You bastard!
 
THE CAT dodges. 

SKUNK
You ruined my life! I hope you get gonorrhea!
 
CAT

Easy now…
 
SKUNK
I’m a bastard child in the eye of god! 
 
She attempts to lunge once more. The pegasus prevents her from going too crazy by shielding her from her body.
 
PEGASUS
Watch it now. We’ve got a funeral to get to.
 
She points towards SYD. The HOUSEWIFE draws satanic circles with chalk in the background. Using black magic to ensure that they do not screw themselves over. The sky is dusty red. In the background, REG exits the store. His eyes widen as he notes FRANK, who is easily mistaken for STEVE. 
 
REG
STEVE. 
 
FRANK
-not turning around-
I’m not STEVE. You’re mistaking me for someone else. 

REG
Oh.

Suddenly, the portal to the other side works. A brief flash of light engulfs the two. The HOUSEWIFE stands at the portal to HELL waiting. Without warning, she leaps in. SYD begins to follow suit. REG watches as the characters following the HOUSEWIFE toss themselves into the portal to the other side. What is the purpose of this? Without warning, the patchwork cat gets stabbed. HE DIES.
 
 
We cut to a different scene. This is the first reincarnation. The first reincarnation opens to a wealthy family. 
 
Or so it seems. 

We cut to the narration. This is Jezebeth. Her father is emotionally distant. Her mother, not all that there, falls ill. In one shot, we hear the wailing of the child. The child wails, but the father is not there emotionally. He appears to be unresponsive but demanding. 
 
Jezebeth’s father
 
 How many times must I tell you….
 
Her father scowls, not understanding a single bit. Another shot of an obedient family, to the outside eye, wealthy. Inside, however, is one of dysfunction. We cut to a montage of disobedience followed by beatings. True to the word, the building blocks are being formed. 
 
We cut to jezebel. She does not show emotion. Act like an animal. Like a predator. She prowls along the hallways like a lion on the hunt. We cut to a storm brewing in the sky. She glances up, expectantly.
 
Jezebeth
 
Looks like a storm is brewing...
 
A flash of lighting. 
We cut to the streets of modern-day England.

SKUNK 

Rest assured, no one will get ‘ravaged’.

SYD

That’s good.

SKUNK

Just make sure you don’t do anything stupid. 
 
SYD
…
 
A beat. 

SYD
Ok. 

SKUNK

“Just act normal.“
 
SYD

What’s that look like?

The first act-anger
 
Ah! America!
What a shit hole!
America!
What a shite hole!
America!
What a shit hole!
 
Where am I?
Where am I?
Where am I?

Ah! America!
What a shit hole!
America!
What a disgrace!
America!
What a hell-hole!
 
Where am I?
Who are you?
Where am I?

Ah! America!
What a shit hole!
America!
We live in a dog crate!
America!
We live in a kennel!
Who am I?
Who’s your father?
Who’s your mother?
 
I think I’m going crazy…
I’m losing my memory...
I must be going nowhere...

Ah! America!
I’m here for you!
Ah! America!
The land of lies!
Ah! America!

All dead…
All gone…
Too late...
 
Ah! America!
I’m here for my wife!
Ah! America!
I’m here for my son!
Ah! America!
I’m here for my sperm!
 
Ah, America!
America!
I spit on you!
America! 
America!
We cut to rehearsal. REGINA’s mother still thinks that her child is with her. 
 
REGINA’s mother
 
One two...

SYD is late to the rehearsal. It soon becomes clear that she is not going to show up this time. 

REGINA

How am I going to hold my funeral in the form of a broadway play?
 
SYD has not shown up. REGINA becomes flustered. If she doesn’t show up, then the part is going to the understudy. 

REGINA
SYD…
 
She glances at the clock. It ticks very slowly. She glances at the room. 

SYD is admiring the glass pane. She is very disengaged. SKUNK does not say anything. She glances at the tabloid cover. 

SYD
How long has it been since I’ve been around here? 

The two begin to walk inside the store. 
SKUNK
No.
 
SYD tries on another piece of clothing. 

SKUNK
No. 

SYD tosses another piece of clothes aside. 

SKUNK
Not the right tone. 

SYD
How about this?

SKUNK
I’ll check that one out. 

SYD rubs herself into the clothing. The SKUNK grabs a black dress. She puts on a veil. Somewhat fitting. She tears off the clothes. 

SKUNK
No. I’ll be someone else. 
 
She puts on pants. Tie. white shirt. Very chic. Butch lesbian.
 
We cut to black. 

Chapter Text

FOX’s song

My body froze;

My breath still;

My lungs sharp;

Grenades falling;

Sky boiling;

Ground rumbling;

Body froze;

Breath still;

Lungs sharp;

Sign up;

Walk-in;

Mask on;

Tanks screech;

Palms rigid;

Legs glued;

Pupils dilated;

Lightning blasts;

Fireworks echo;

Click;

Click;

Click;

Limping;

Clutching;

Ringing;

Feuerwerkskörper!

Feuerwerkskörper!

Feuerwerkskörper!

*fireworks

Granatenwerfer!

Granatenwerfer!

Granatenwerfer!

*grenade launcher

Anfliegend!

Anfliegend!

Anfliegend!

an-

The fox stops. He looks at the lyrics. He squints.

FOX
I can’t sing this.

REGINA's mother

Why not?

FOX

-cont squinting-

There aren’t enough prison cells...

He turns the page, still confused. 

FOX

-squinting-

Hang on…

He turns the page. The cast members glance at him. He continues to flick through the script.

FOX

-reading script-

 There are prisoners in Guantanamo Bay…

REGINA’s mother glances at him. 

REGINA
Is something the matter? 

FOX
You can’t expect us to say this type of stuff. 

REGINA 

What stuff?

FOX
People are starving in Mexico? My uterus is leaking? Liberate some third world country?

REGINA
It’s not some third world country-

SKUNK

Are you crazy?

Regina turns to her.

SKUNK
What are you doing, writing all of this nonsense? 

This quietly sets up a rivalry. The skunk is not in a good mood. REGINA starts twitching, showing signs of anger. However, in the form of a female, she knows better than to punch a hole in the wall. Or to shout too loud.  

In short, her anger is becoming dangerously suppressed. Sensing this, the SKUNK knows how to push her buttons. 

SKUNK
-scoffing-

You remind me of a privileged white college student who has nothing better to do. 

That does it.

REGINA

-somewhat strangled-

I’m not some privileged-

Regina's mother cuts in. 

Regina's mother

Maybe you should leave.

The skunk scoffs once more. 

SKUNK

What are you even doing? What's the whole point of this?

REGINA is being held back by her mother. The SKUNK attempts once more to rile REGINA up.

SKUNK
Who cares about some 81-year-old dude in a Florida prison? Nothings going to happen to him. It’s not like anyone is going to do anything about it. 

REGINA’s mother

Out. 

The skunk leaves. We cut to a slam of the door. 

We cut to black.

Chapter Text

Workshop two cont

Are you proud of yourself?
Just hold your breath;

Just be still one last time;

From stealing apples;

No, stealing junk food;

From gaining 10 pounds;

Your cheeks widening in the bathroom;

God is dead, For I know this;

When he stripped my grandmother's memories away;

Then killed her;

God is unfair and unjust;

For he brought to me satan;

For he brought to me satans chorus;

For he caused me outright anxiety;

For he conceived my mood swings;

For he caused me outright panic;

In his chorus of millennials;

No, the poor will rot in hell;

No, the rich will be brought;

To gods kingdom;

We fade open to the inside of REGINA’s HOUSE. THE SKUNK is deep in thought.

SKUNK

-Muttering to self-
Stupid know it all.

Her thoughts are interrupted by THE PENGUIN pacing back and forth.

PENGUIN
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. 

SKUNK
You need to sit down or something?

PENGUIN
SYD gets to do a speech. 

SYD wanders in, somewhat clumsy. 

SKUNK
That’s awful. 

PENGUIN
I know. 

SKUNK
Want to come in and talk about it?

The penguin nods at this.

Chapter Text

SYLVIA

Quit yelling at me!

REGINA

You’re getting too distracted. 

SYLVIA

So?

REGINA

So this is what you're doing?

SYLVIA

what?

REGINA

Becoming green-eyed over some musician?

SYLVIA

I’m being attacked!

The SKUNK brings out a golf club.

SKUNK

Do I detect someone being attacked?

REGINA

-voice cracking-

Where did you get that?

SKUNK 

-shrugging-

I don’t know. 

FOX

-Cutting in-

I have a grenade!

REGINA

Don’t take her side!

There is fighting. The RACOON is pregnant. She begins to panic. Holding the dog's hand. 

RACOON

Ich bin schwanger!

***I am pregnant!***

DOG

Du bist schwanger?

*** You’re pregnant?***

She hands him a pregnancy test. The dog reacts with mild disgust. 

DOG

Dies wird im urin bedeckt.

*** This is covered in urine.***

The raccoon nods at this. The FOX, unhappy with the RACOON being impregnated, rushes over to the two. He taps his foot, impatient.

FOX

-accusatory german noises-

DOG

-frightened german noises-

The fox snatches the golf club, threateningly. The DOG gulps. He gives a somewhat cartoonish scream as the FOX chases him with the golf club. 

FOX

I’ll show you!

DOG

-screams in frightened german-

Everyone is trying to pull each other off. Without thinking, someone slaps REGINA. 

REGINA

That’s uncalled for!

REGINA’s mother watches as chaos breaks out in the dance room. She just stands there. Someone screams as a bone breaks. 

REGINA’s mother 

Enough!

For a brief second, everyone stops fighting. Slapping ensues. Biting, kicking ensues. Someone cries offscreen. The black and white cat walks in the room then leaves. Punching kicking, fighting. 

BW cat

I’m out. 

HOUSEWIFE

This is crazy. 

She also leaves. 

SOMEONE offscreen 

Where’s frank?

FRANK is in a flashy casino.

FRANK

Read them and weep boys. 

Offscreen, his phone goes off. He ignores it, learning from previous experience. 

REG

That credit card looks familiar… is that mine?

FRANK

-lying-

No. 

He takes a swig of a martini. He’s living the American dream of blowing his money. Knowing that REGINA is going to die, he has stolen her credit card.  His phone continues to buzz. He answers it. 

REGINA

Where are you? Did you take my credit card? 

He hangs up. 

REGINA’s six EX wives show up. 

REGINA

Uh oh. 

EX one

Where’s REG?

They crowd REGINA. REGINA being unhappy with this cries at this. REGINA being terrible with the females begins to cower at this. 

REGINA

-sobbing-

I don’t know where the alimony is!

EX 2 

You promised to pay us child support!

EX 3

Give me my watch you asshole!

EX 4

You cry a lot.

SKUNK 

How is that possible? How can one have six ex-wives?

EX 5

He was terrible in bed. 

EX 6 

mopey.

Everyone begins to watch as REGINA cries as the six-wives begin to haggle her for alimony. THE FOX slips off, intending to crossdress.

REGINA'S mother

I told you to shop around REGINA!

REGINA

Stop it ma!

REGINA’s mother

Why can’t you date another woman for once?

REGINA

Ma!

REGINA’s mother begins to lecture her daughter about picking boys. She wants grandchildren dammit. 

REGINA mopes around. The SKUNK and the PENGUIN are kissing on the casket. She sits on the casket. 

THE SKUNK

REGINA, are you prepared for the final act?

REGINA

Not really.

THE SKUNK

It won’t be so bad. 

REGINA

I’m just used to it. 

The black and white cat begins to sit down. 

REGINA 

Harry, you’re prepared, right?

HARRY

I’m content with life. 

REGINA continues to look out over the stage. 

REGINA

How can you be content?

HARRY

I just am. 

REGINA shivers at this. Cut to black.

Chapter Text

God, I hate school

God I hate school

God I hate school

God I hate teachers

God  I hate beatings

God I hate it here

God, I hate-

The young pupil looks up from his work. The teacher isn’t happy about his song. He swings his cane, indicating punishment.  

We cut to a different scene. We cut to a wedding rehearsal. An American BBQ. A neighbor pops up. Next to the dog, is an immigrant from Germany. 

NEIGHBOR
Hey we’re pals, right?

DOG
Ja. 

*** yes. 

 The ORCA looks around.

ORCA 

Can you do me a favor?

DOG

Gefallen? Was willst du von mir? 

***favor?*** ***what do you want from me?***

ORCA

Ich gebe sie dir wieder.

*** I’ll pay you back.***

He shoots another animal, presumably his friends wife, a glance. 

ORCA

I’ll pay you if you don’t say anything. 

DOG

Anything?

His wife calls from inside the house. 

RACOON
Dearest, come over here. 

He comes over. He gives the RACOON a brief kiss. 

DOG

I love you dear.

RACOON

Ich liebe dich meine Liebste.

I love you, my dear. 

The RACOON is briefly showing. 

DOG

Du hast keine Ahnung, wie sehr ich dich liebe.

-You don’t know how much I love you-. 

The ORCA is attempting to not eye the wife of his friend. The Dog pulls her husband aside. 

ORCA

-swallowing-

We cut to fornication. The ORCA and his wife is having good sexual times. We cut to a student being beaten with a cane. We cut to a close up a cigar puffing. In a brief movement, the ORCA has a brief advantage over his cuckold of a friend. 

THE HOUSEWIFE
You won’t tell anyone?

ORCA

Is your husband home?

The HOUSEWIFE laughs at this.

HOUSEWIFE
I’m sure. 

ORCA kisses the HOUSEWIFE. It is the late 50s.

HOUSEWIFE
I just get so frustrated sometimes. 

ORCA
You don’t say. 

He turns around. 

ORCA
Are you ok?

HOUSEWIFE
I don’t feel like I’m being listened to…

ORCA
You don’t say…

HOUSEWIFE cuddles closer to the ORCA. 

HOUSEWIFE
I just want my husband to be “here”. 

ORCA
Here?

HOUSEWIFE nods. She takes some pills. 

ORCA
Please tell me more. 

HOUSEWIFE,

so it goes like this...

Chapter Text

 We cut to REGs house. Everyone is wearing black.

REG

I’m going to die.

SYD

No, you’re not.

REG

-repeating himself-

I’m going to die SYD.

SYD

-stares at him blankly-

SYD wanders off. 

REG

Unbelievable.

SYD

This is your room?

She peers in. The pegasus enters, carrying a bunch of clothing. SYD flops on the bedsheet. 

SYD

Sounds like good rehearsal space.

REG

No, it’s not. 

We cut back to a different room. The room has changed somewhat. It echoes of loss. 

SYLVIA

Are you ready for this?

SKUNK

Not really.

SYLVIA

You stupid mother-

She cuts herself off. She hands the SKUNK a broom. The SKUNK plays around with the broom. 

SKUNK

-playing around with the broom somewhat-

I can’t do this. 

SYLVIA

You must. 

SKUNK

-dropping the broom-

Oh shit. 

SYLVIA picks up the broom. She will be playing the role of one of the Regs' ex-wives.

Racoon

I need more milk!

A beat.

RACOON

I will bathe in milk!

The DOG arrives on the scene.

DOG

Dearest, why do you need milk? You’re in the bathtub!

RACOON

I will bathe in milk!

She grabs a jug of milk. 

REGS mother arrives. 

REG’s mother

Please don’t waste the milk…

RACOON

I will waste the milk as I please!

REG’s mother

Please don’t.

SYLVIA

You pretentious ass-hole! Give me back my watch!

She glances at the SKUNK. 

SKUNK

Perfect. 

SYLVIA

That’s my watch! Give it back!

 The SKUNK is miming along with SYLVIA. 

SKUNK

Under your divorce proceedings, the watch is in your husband's name...

SYLVIA

You cuck!

SKUNK

Under such circumstances… The watch was bought under your husband's name.

SYLVIA

That's my watch you arsehole!

SYLVIA begins to monologue.

SYLVIA

My husband is withholding my watch. Crazy ain't it?

We cut back to REG and SYD. SYD is reading her lines. 

SYD

-monologuing-

I tried to climb the walls...

She stops.

SYD

Why would I climb the walls?

A beat.

SYD

I think the walls are climbable. 

She continues to look over the script. 

SYD

The walls are nice to climb. 

SYD continues to look over the script.

SYD

I think I will attempt to climb the wall.

REG

That's not in the script…

A brief crash as SYD attempts to climb the wall. Instead, she crashes into the wall. 

FRANK

Am I alive?

He is not reading the script. FOX is reading the script. Playing the role of the sperm cell.

FOX

I am a sperm cell...

FRANK

Crashing into my mother. 

FOX

I am an ovary cell. I am the mother. 

FRANK

Honey, let's get frisky tonight. 

FOX

I can’t. I’m working. 

FRANK attempts to seduce FOX. The two men are reading from the same script. 

FOX

I’ll make it worth your while. 

FRANK

Come closer sweetheart. 

FOX sits on FRANKS lap. Sort of homoerotic.

FRANK looks over the script. 

FRANK

Hey, look over this.

FOX

We’re the nasty germans who-

He looks over the script. 

FOX

Seems kind of pretentious doesn’t it?

FRANK

-reading-

Big brother is watching us?

FOX

We’re in a bar-

He calls over to SYD. SYD doesn’t come over. He produces a cupcake. This of course is a reward system. The two wait in the bushes as SYD waltzes over. 

SYD

Cupcake!

It is a trap. SYD gives a yell as she is pulled up into the ceiling.

SYD

Help.

SYLVIA

We’re in a bar…

SKUNK

Haven’t heard a phrase like that since…

She turns to SYLVIA

What if SYD fought a giant snake?

SYD

-offscreen-

What?

SYLVIA

A giant snake?

SKUNK

SYD should fight a giant snake. 

SYLVIA

Where are we going to find a giant snake?

The skunk shrugs at this. 

SYD wanders off. 

SKUNK

Where are you going?

SYD

I’m going to find a giant snake to fight!

We cut to a zoo. 

SYD

Excuse me, do you have any giant snakes.

The Zookeeper shakes his head at the odd request.

Zookeeper

Where are you going to find a giant snake?

SYD

I figured it would be here. 

Zookeeper

Read the sign!

He points to a sign reading: fresh out of giant snakes.

SYD

Argh!

Zookeeper

I wish I could tell you where to find a giant snake. 

Zookeeper

Maybe try the black market?

We cut to a pegasus. SYD rushes up to her. The SKUNK follows her. 

SKUNK

SYD, are you out of your mind? Where on earth are we going to find a giant snake to fight?  

SYD points to a sign. It reads the black market. We cut to a shady looking interior. 

Yak

Hello everyone, welcome to…

He shoots a glance at SYD. looks familiar. 

SKUNK

Not the cops. 

For some reason, SYD yells, agitated. The SKUNK hits her with a golf club. 

SKUNK

Not now.

SYD

….

SKUNK

Are you ok?

SYD whimpers. We cut to the two walking out of the store dejected. No way to find giant snakes to find for now.

Chapter Text

And now a special episode about eating disorders.

YAK

ROBERT this is no laughing matter. Binging and purging is no laughing matter.

ROBERT the GIANT RIVER OTTER
Oh really?

YAK
Besides ruined enamel, your BMI will down dangerously. 

Before the YAK can continue his lecture, a HUSKY rushes into the frame.

HUSKY
Yes! I have a large erection! Ladies!

THE YAK looks at the HUSKY. 

YAK
What.

HUSKY
Look at the size of my dinger! ladies!
The HUSKY rushes offscreen. 

THE YAK
Besides damaged heart muscle, and internal organs. 

Not listening to the lecture ROBERT the YAK runs offscreen. We cut to a different conversation. SYD is looking for a giant snake to fight. Elsewhere the pegasus gets into the peanut butter. Her lover cries out in anguish. 

PEGASUS lover

IS THAT MY PEANUT BUTTER?

PEGASUS
-lying-

No!

PEGASUS’s lover

LIAR! THAT'S MY PEANUT BUTTER!

SHE ACTS MOODY. 

PEGAUSUS’s lover

What is that all about?

The narrator approaches PEGASUS. 

JOHN the narrator

There is a reason why your lover is acting moody. 

PEGASUS
PERIODS!

NARRATOR
ah yes, the menstrual cycle…

SYD calls out to him. 

SYD
Is there a giant snake I can fight?

THE NARRATOR
Excuse me?

SYD
A giant snake?

THE NARRATOR shakes his head. 

SYD
There's no giant snake?

THE NARRATOR shakes his head. SYD groans to herself. The two characters are runoff. 

THE NARRATOR
In any other case, the menstrual cycle causes women to sprout a spiny tail, and grow to the size of a building. 

THE PEGASUS
You’re kidding!

We cut to another special episode about sexual assault. SYD looks around for a giant snake to fight. 

SYD
What's that supposed to mean?

SKUNK
Not good. 

A stand-in for the author sits at the door sobbing beautifully. 

STAND-IN FOR AUTHOR
-sobbing beautifully-

SYD and the SKUNK cringe at this. The cat with the CURLY HAIR comforts the STAND in for the AUTHOR. 

SKUNK
What is this?

*** copyrighted permitted, ‘Stephen by Alice cooper’ blasts out*** before the 30 seconds ends…

SKUNK

No! Cut!

THE SKUNK produces a knife. We cut to SYD reveling in horror. We cut to a bloody skunk as she wipes herself off. 

SKUNK

YOU DON’t DO THAT!

SYD
DO WHAT?

SKUNK
You can’t insert yourself inside a good song by Alice cooper! That’s kind of narcissistic!

SYD
You’re covered in blood.

SKUNK
Another thing!

SYD turns to her.

SKUNK
don’t -

She thinks for a second. Pondering the severity of the situation, she wonders if it is a good idea. 

SKUNK
I don’t know-

She thinks for another second. 

SKUNK
Don’t write fanfiction. I’m going to enjoy a nice chocolate cake!
Cut to black.

Chapter Text

We cut to a wedding of a RACOON and the DOG. FOX is trying not to show emotion. We cut to the REST OF THE CAST sitting in the pews. 

FOX

Unglaublich.

***unbelievable.

RACOON

Kopf Hoch. 

***cheer up. 

FOX

Mein Schatz.

***My baby girl.

The two look at the mirror. The FOX is mildly grouchy. The expectant bride is utterly glowing. The bridesmaids are chattering. It has been a lengthy two hours. 

FOX

Acht. 

*** german grunt***

RACOON

Vater! 

***father!***

THE FOX walks the RACOON down the aisle. THE OFFICER stands in the middle of the wedding. In the CENTER PEWS, the cast sits, not noticing that REGINA is sitting next to her mother. 

Pastor

Do you take this woman to be your bride?

DOG

I do. 

The pastor turns to the RACOON. 

RACOON

Ich mache.

*** I do.***

There is generally murmuring and nods from the crowd. The CLYDESDALE turns to the PEGASUS. 

REG

I heard you were engaging in a little roleplay last night, PEGGY. 

PEGGY

So?

REG shrugs at this. 

PEGGY

What about it?

REG

Is it real?

PEGGY

Excuse me?

REG

Is it a good idea to partake in slave labor?

PEGGY

Excuse me?!?

REG

We’re living in the matrix PEGGY. I don’t think you should be engaging in such petty behavior. 

PEGGY cuts in hush whispering. 

PEGGY

If this is about your beef with Meow-

REG

If you want to turn a blind eye and live comfortably…

PEGGY hits him with her hoof. REG grumbles at her attack. 

PEGGY

You’re being paranoid. 

REG turns to her. 

REG

Is it real?

PEGGY turns to him. REG turns around and faces her. 

REG

Are you real? Am I real? Is this a simulation?

PEGGY turns around, looking for SYD, who is still searching for that giant snake. 

PEGGY

You should go see a doctor. You’re having some psychotic break. 

REG

Maybe I am. 

PEGGY moves out of the seat. Still looking for SYD. the Clydesdale grunts at this. 

REG

Did you-

He stammers slightly. 

REG

Hang on. Is that me with my mother?

PEGGY scooches closer. 

PEGGY 

-whispering to SYD-

Call the ambulance. We have a situation. 

SYD is unfamiliar with calling the authorities. The scene is tense. REG is staring daggers at the imposter, who is sitting with his biological mother. 

SYD

I can’t.

PEGGY

What's the European number?

SYD rushes inside the church. Barely, containing herself, she crashes into a pillar. 

SYD

- I’m OK!-

This shout catches REGS attention. Along with everyone else in the crowd. 

SOMEONE in the crowd

Are you OK, SYD?

SYD does not answer. PEGGY the pegasus rushes in the church, forgetting to collect herself in the process. REG appears in the chapel. 

REG

SYD, are you ok?

SYD yelps at this. The PEGASUS tries to register the situation. 

PEGGY

This isn’t good. 

REG

My mother is out there. I should say something. 

PEGGY paces around, trying to think of a solution. 

PEGGY

How did you get here?

REG

I got the invitation. 

PEGGY

That’s for the clo- uh, our cousin. 

REG shakes his head. He isn’t buying the fact that he has a cousin.  

REG

cousin.

PEGGY nods. 

REG

Who happens to look exactly like me. Who is sitting with my mother?  

PEGGY and SYD nod at this. A potential lawsuit is on their hands. REG turns to SYD. 

REG

-repeating himself-

Cousin. I’m guessing that's your distant relative who happens to resemble a close friend of mine? 

He turns to PEGGY indicating SYD. 

SYD

No-

PEGGY 

-cutting in-

That’s also a distant relative. 

REG looks at both of them. SYD and PEGGY glance at the wedding door. 

REG

What’s going on here?

PEGGY and SYD slowly begin to back away at this. REG is still eyeing the two of them. There is a glitch in the matrix. The virus slowly eats away at REG. 

REG

This can’t be happening. 

PEGGY and SYD begin to glance at each other. Ecu on PEGGY. ECU on SYD. ECU to PEGGY. ECU back to SYD. cut to a red plastic golf club resting on the pedestal. Cut back to SYD. Cut back to the red plastic golf club. Cut back to SYD. Cut back to PEGGY. Cut back to the red plastic golf club. Cut back to REG who is beginning to piece everything together. 

REG

Did you clone me without my permission?

The two slowly begin to panic. REG rushes out the door. We cut to REGINA, and her mother. We cut back to REG. REGINA does not notice REG furiously trotting towards her and her mother. SYD does nothing, as PEGGY trots towards REG, silently panicking. She turns towards SYD, who shrugs as PEGGY trots towards REG. We cut to a buffet. We cut back to PEGGY. We cut back to REG, who is hell-bent on talking to his mother. 

PEGGY does nothing. She does not want to ruin the ceremony. She trots back to SYD. To her relief, REG sits down. In the background, a giant snake sits in the pews. We ECU to SYD. A sting plays. We ECU back to the SNAKE who shoots daggers at her.

EXT. RECEPTION. NIGHT. 

DOG

A toast to my beautiful wife!

The cast claps at this. REG sits in the background. He wants to talk to his mother, but he cannot do so. His mother comes up to him. In a brief moment, she recognizes him. 

REG’s mother

REGINALD?

REG turns to her. She is briefly confused. He is looking a lot younger than the last time they met. 

REG

Hi mom. 

REG’s mother

-slightly confused-

Before his mother can speak, we cut to another crash. SYD is fighting with the giant snake. A lot of drinking is involved. There is a thump outside. 

EXT. OUTSIDE RECEPTION. 

SNAKE

Who’s next?

SYD

Me!

Another crash. SYD is riding the snake. A COUPLE of cast members are pulling him off. THE SNAKE laughs at this. A tarantula jumps on him, only to be thrown off. We cut to another member of the party jumping on the snake, only to be thrown off as well. Several members of the reception are brawling outside. 

INT. INSIDE OF RECEPTION. 

REG’s mother

REG what is going on?

REG shakes his head. She quickly changes the subject. 

REG’s mother

No. This is impossible. I was holding you last night. 

REG

It’s me. Your biological son.

REG’s mother

I don’t know how much work you did on yourself. You're a sick young man. 

She hits him with her purse. She rushes off, intending to call the authorities. 

REG

Mom, wait!

He follows her offscreen. We cut to SYLVIA, making out with the B/W cat in the bathroom. 

SYLVIA

Higher...

B/W

-grunts-

SYLVIA

YES!

B/W cat

-grunting even harder-

SYLVIA

Yes!

B/W cat

-grunting- 

SYLVIA

I have arrived!

B/W cat

-finishing grunt-

A door opens, interrupting the two. A YAK arrives, then proceeds to vomit in a fit of bulimia. Another animal enters a stall. A prolonged grunt, then a violent splash indicates a violent war with a clogged toilet. 

We cut to karaoke. The skunk attempts to woo the B/W cat with poor singing. Several boos caused her to walk offstage. Before doing so, she drops the MIC. 

SKUNK

Screw you! 

She puts her hands in the air, indicating frustration. Then she walks off. SFX of ambulance sirens. 

EXT. OUTSIDE OF RECEPTION

REG

I told you, I’m her son!

He gets pushed offscreen. We cut to SYLVIA who is walking down the aisle, holding the bouquet. 

SYLVIA

I tell you, there’s nothing like…

We see her stop. We cut to MEOW comforting the BROWN CAT who is sobbing like an alligator. SYLVIA barely drops the bouquet. 

Cut to black.

Chapter Text

Roger the horse

Do you want to discuss my temper?

Offscreen a character mouths the word “Yes.”

Roger the horse 

What's wrong with my temper?

We cut to a stage. Roger the horse begins to strum a guitar. Everyone is having a good time. Offscreen, one of the concert-goers strikes a match. We see fireworks fly off into the sky. At first, Roger pretends to not notice the exploding fireworks. Over time, he becomes slightly annoyed at the fireworks exploding. The noise becomes too much for him. He begins to show discomfort at the sound of the fireworks. The noise becomes louder, and louder, to the point in which he has a hard time paying attention to his instrument. There is a screech as he begins to slowly look up at the exploding fireworks. He gives a mild scowl as he begins to realize he cannot hear himself think. 

He loogies at a concert goer. 

There is a  pause. 

Roger the horse

( angrily)

Alright! 

He stops playing the guitar. The band stops playing, petrified at Roger the horse. 

Roger the horse

( POD)

For fucks sake, stop setting off the firecrackers! I’m trying to sing the song! I need you all to be fucking quiet!

The audience approves of this outburst. 

Roger the horse does not pick up the guitar. Instead, he glares at the audience. 

Roger the horse

I don’t care…. I don't ... if you don’t want to hear my song. Fuck you. I’m certain that there are people who do want to hear it. 

The audience cheers at this. 

Roger the horse

Why don’t you all be quiet? Go outside and play with fireworks. If you want to shout and holler, go outside…

The fireworks begin to shift somewhere else…

We cut to a different scene. There is a bunch of horses on the ice. There is a different army across from them. One of the horses does not react as we hear the missile whoosh through the ice. There is an extremely loud explosion as the missile explodes on a snowbank.

SFX of a missile exploding. We cut back to Roger playing the guitar. 

Later.

Roger the horse

Oh god.

He thinks for a moment. At the hotel room, he lies on the bed. He tosses and turns. 

Roger the Horse

What have I done?

Roger the horse looks at the window. 

Roger the horse

What have I done?

He thinks for a moment. 

Roger the horse

What have I done?

We cut to a fox. A red fox if you will. A survivor of a war, he glances towards the window. As the fireworks explode into the sky, he freezes, like a deer in the headlights. 

The fox grunts at this. Not fond of fireworks either. Reminds him of the war…

We’re at the present day.

Daemen

Tell me I’m your friend. 

To meow, who says nothing. He barely looks at her. She scowls at the cat. 

Daemen 

Hmm. 

Tell me I’m your friend. Treat me gently, refrain from criticizing me. We’re just the same, you and I. You might be out of my league but we have so much in common, you and I. We’re both 37, and depressed. I want to tell you how much you mean to me. How much you mean to my life. How much you’ve just inspired me. We are the same. Tell me how great I am. Give me your admiration, but I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve your admiration. I’m a manipulator, fat, and undesirable. I have low self-esteem. I’m depressed. I have thyroid issues which cause me to become extremely fat.   I don’t deserve to live...

Meow

You are a wonderful person. 

Daemen gives a smile at this comment. 

Meow

It’s all part of that personal journey. We’re always growing, always improving. It’s all a part of growth. Didn’t someone always say, we’re always growing every day? I believe you can improve your life. You are a very good person Daemen. I believe that you can change. 

Nazis!

Daemen is looking at SYD.

Daemen

Is he ok?

Syd does not look at her. He is staring off into space. Roger the horse is center stage wearing a red band with an image of hammers on it. 

Daemen

……….

Daemen turns to roger. Her smile begins to fade as she realizes that Roger is wearing a shirt that has a logo reading “ boycott Palestine”

Daemen

You're a butthole. 

Roger looks up at her. He is shocked at her statement. Daemen begins to stare intently at him, muttering angrily. The camera begins to close in on him. Roger continues to look at something offscreen. Without warning, Roger disappears in a cloud of smoke. We cut to roger the horse having been reincarnated into a different character entirely, looking forlornly into the horizon. The camera pans out to show that he is clinging to a fence. We cut back to Daemen looking at what used to be roger, showing no expression on her fence. 

Syd 

What happened. 

Daemen

You see, Syd, I had to delete Roger. 

Offscreen we see a train pulling in. we hear Daemen narrate. 

Daemen

( offscreen)

Sometimes, people have strange and weird thoughts. Which is ok. That is completely valid. 

We see several Gestapo officers storm a building. A mother cries out in pain in the present day. 

Daemen

(offscreen)

Nazis deserve to die. 

We see stock footage of children on a train. One of which holds out their hand attempting to hold on to something. Daemen continues to narrate as one of the starving children holds out a grape. 

Daemen

Roger isn’t even human. 

Syd continues to look on. Daemen comforts him by squeezing his shoulder. The nazis hold on to the mass effect. Meow begins to look at the dawning sunset. The three characters begin to observe the setting sun. Elsewhere we see a mother crying out in agony. A doctor, played by a plush lobster, pulls out a baby, howling. This is the rebirth of Roger, who is a hideous baby. Daemen briefly forgets that by briefly erasing someone's existence, she accidentally creates a backup copy, of the said person. Three more characters, two of which are Kentuckian bred, the third being the blue horse stand with the characters. 

Daemen

Oh! 

Daemen gets up. 

Daemen

How far is the nearest hospital? 

Smash cut to Daemen in the backseat of the van. Syd is behind the wheel of the car. Meow is in the second seat. 

Daemen

What is his deal again?

Syd does not respond to this. 

Meow

Ugh. Roger_the_horse is fairly notorious in the industry for being… how you say…. Difficult to work with….

Syd starts the engine. The engine turns on with a roar. Syd, who has not driven in a long time, begins to drive on the street. Syd is a horrible driver. 

Daemen

?????

Syd turns around to face Daemen. 

Syd the horse

Roger_ the_horse once dropped me off at a mental institution.

Daemen

So a pattern of being a little mean. 

Syd continues to the road. 

Syd the horse

He used to laugh at me.

The car makes a grinding jump. Meow interrupts. 

Meow

Also a bit anti-Semitic

Thankfully, the road appears empty. CRUNCH. Syd has backed up into a tree. 

Daemen

How did this conversation go? Hey, Syd, let's go on a ride, Sike, you're at Broadmoor hospital? 

Meow interrupts. 

Meow

To be fair, you did drive your car around Britain. 

Daemen gives a mild yelp as the car runs over something. 

Daemen

Did we run over something?

Syd looks over the bloodstained mirror. He looks over at the car.

Syd 

(bluntly)

No. 

He pulls the car into reverse. As Syd does so, we see that a small toddler has been run over. 

Daemen

( in shock)

STOP THE CAR!

Syd does so. All three characters unbuckle their seatbelts. The camera is focused on a small child in clear pain. The baby has been run over. 

Daemen

Oh, cheese and crackers. 

All three characters look at the mangled baby. The Kentuckian trio begins to arrive on the scene. Syd does not react well to this. Daemen begins to pick up the baby, coddling it. 

Daemen

( cooing)

Oh no-no-no. 

The baby gives out a slight howl. Daemen rushes over to the ambulance. In a minute we see that the baby is cleaned up. 

Daemen

(cooing)

Oh. sweetie,

The baby begins to screech. In a huff, she runs over, cuddling him. She begins to comfort him. The baby continues to screech, in constant pain. His mother ran over to Daemen, snatching her baby. 

Mother

My baby!

Daemen begins to show signs of distress. 

Daemen

Please calm down. 

The mother begins to coddle her newborn, glaring at her baby. She tightly grips the baby against her breast, continuing to glare at Daemen. 

The baby

Wah. 

Elsewhere… 

Daemen

The funny thing is…

She takes a gulp. 

If they don’t move, then Roger will catch up to them. If they do move, Roger will still catch up to them. Suddenly a small child walks up Daemen, eyes streaked from crying. He is hiccuping, and he has a bruise on his leg. 

Child

(hiccuping)

Daemen begins to hold him up. She embraces him in a hug. 

Child 

(sobbing)

Daemen begins to comfort him engulfing him in a hug. He drops a note. After a long hug, The child stops crying. He looks up at Daemen with tears in his eyes. 

Child

( somewhat sobbing)

My-my

Daemen grabs him for another hug. 

Child

(continuing to sob)

My daddy-

Daemen engulfs him in a hug. The child whispers, “my daddy is dead” in a sobbing voice. Daemen drops him in shock, which causes the child to cry out in pain. Without thinking, Daemen picks up the letter. The child begins to scream out various obscenities. 

Child

( in pain)

Shit!

Daemen looks up at horror at Roger. He looks up at her, looking quite vengeful. 

Child 

( raspberries)

We cut back to the characters in the discussion. They are muttering about whether he should be sent to school. Daemen makes a gesture telling him they probably shouldn’t. We cut to a very angry child. 

Daemen makes an audible gulp. 

We see the characters at a restaurant. They are far away from the small boy. Syd begins to dig into his sandwich. Meow looks nervously at Daemen. 

Meow

( nervously)

What’s wrong with him?

Daemen shakes her body, indicating she has no clue what's going on. She turns to Syd. She taps him, which of course he reacts to by spitting his food on the plate. Daemen laughs at this. 

Daemen

I have no idea what his problem is. 

The Kentucky trio walked into the doorway. A sign nearby reads, nobody under 21 allowed. 

Kentucky trio no 1. 

Got away from roger.

Daemen looks at him. 

Daemen

And?

The member shakes his snout, indicating that nothing has changed. Daemen sighs relief. The member hands her files, which indicate the mother's notes.  Syd begins to chew with his mouth open. 

Daemen

Syd close your mouth when you’re eating. 

Syd responds with a slight grunt. He swallows his food. Daemen responds to his disgusting eating habits by glaring at him. 

Daemen

Eat smaller bites. 

Daemen looks at the papers. 

Despite this Roger, the Horse is no. 1 priority in my life.the mother feels as though he needs to be protected. she wants to take care of him as much as she can. She still cannot help but feel as though she needs to smother him. “I believe that he is a growing boy, but he needs to be protected from the outside world”. The world hasn’t been the same since Harold, his father has been shot down. The mother of the young boy is doing her best to do the cleaning. 

The mother has one husband (recently deceased). Mother has complained about suffering from postpartum depression. The husband has been shot down by nazis. 

Huh. it’s funny, isn’t it?

You don’t understand, do you? You don’t get how hard it is to take charge of a young boy. You try and try, but you just don’t get it. You don’t understand what it’s like to take care of someone and have it ripped to shreds. You don’t understand what it means to marry someone and have him killed. You don’t understand what it means to lose yourself in a drink. You have no idea the pain I went through. So I just drink. I drink. I drink until the blackness overtakes me. I keep drinking. I just want the pain to go away. I just want it to go away. I keep drinking until I blackout. Then I wake up with the throbbing pain. It hurts. It hurts. Of course, you didn’t understand. 

You all think this is funny, don’t you?

MY SON IS NOT AN ANTISEMITE. IT’S JUST LIKE THE INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS. ONLY INSTEAD OF BODY SNATCHERS, IT’S THE MEDIA. IT’S JUST LIKE THE ENDING OF THE INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS IN WHICH A CHARACTER IS POINTING AT AN ANOTHER, SCREAMING OUT ANTISEMITE! YOU CANNOT HANG A WITCH TO TRIAL. WITCH! WITCH! WITCH!  YOU CANNOT KILL WHAT CANNOT BE KILLED, DAEMEN. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT to KILL A SNAKE, YOU HAVE TO REMOVE IT’S HEAD. YOU DID THE COMMUNITY A FAVOR BY KILLING ME DAEMEN.  THOU SHALL NOT RAISE THE DEAD DAEMEN. 

すべてが痛いし、私は死んでいる。 もちろん、私は死んでいる。 それが人生ですね。 私が感じるのは痛みだけです。 痛みと苦しみ。 しかし当然、苦痛がであるもの知らない。

などの痛みです。 痛みはあなたが初めて知っているものです。 デーモン、あなたは痛みです。 あなたは蛇を殺そうとした あなたは斧を埋葬しようとしました。 蛇のデーモンは殺せない そんな簡単に俺を追い出せると思ったのか? 哀れだな 哀れなあなたの多く。 あなたは、皮膚や虫だけです。 あなたは血まみれの冷たい心を持った男に何を期待していますか？ それが私のすべてですよね？  俺はストームトルーパーだ その男を殺すことはできない 男は健在です。

I’m here Daemen.

Daemen looks up with a start. We cut to Roger_the_horse looking at her in the wind. She points to the no minors sign. EC cut on the sign which reads “no minors under 21. Roger the Horse grunts. He walks into the restaurant. 

Syd the horse gets a mild slap. 

Syd the horse is waiting in the bathtub. He is waiting for the bathtub to turn cool.  The water is rushing from the tap. The water is rushing from the tap. Syd is still waiting on the stool. He waits for something. He wants the water to turn cold. He puts his hoof in the tub. The water is still too hot. He puts his hoof in the tub. Still too hot. He continues to wait for the water to cool off. He is still waiting.

All of a sudden, a mouse appears from a hole. Hello Mr. Mouse! Syd turns his attention to the mouse, not noticing that the bathtub is overflowing. The bathtub begins to overfill. Syd does not notice the water overflowing the tub. He continues to look at the mouse, not noticing that his floor is getting flooded. He notices the water but does nothing about it. His mother calls his name. Syd looks up at the water. He continues to stare at the bathtub which has overflowed with water. There is water on the floor. He appears unconcerned by this. Syd's mother begins to call his name a little louder. Syd does not appear to be too concerned with the water overflowing. The room begins to fill up with steam. 

His mother calls his name once more. His mother is standing in the doorway. She begins to yell at Syd the horse, screaming phrases like, It will take a week for the water heater to warm up! Look at the floor! It's a mess! What made you think this was ok? Syd's mother is standing in the flooded bathroom. She begins to get increasingly angry at Syd the horse. She begins to make dramatic gestures at Syd. Syd begins to look confused. 

Finally, she slaps him.  Syd cries. Syd just wants to go home.

Syd the horse is sitting in the middle of the room. The other horses are standing in a recording booth. The red light goes on.  He sings. He hears laughter. He sings again. He is told to do it over again. He stands in the middle of the recording room looking somewhat tired. He sings again. He gives a mild sigh as the rest of the horses tell him to do it one more time. The rest of the horses are giving him the stink eye. He begins to sing again. One of the horses, Roger the horse, presses the button. Roger tells him to redo it. Syd gives a mild groan.  Suddenly the scene shifts. He imagines himself in a wonderful place. He is flying in a special wonderland. Syd the horse begins to imagine himself in his childhood home. The red button makes a loud noise shocking him. He begins to sing again. This time, he imagines himself back in his home, napping. He seems to enjoy the napping until the buzzer goes off. He hits the button, but he finds that he can’t turn it off. He tosses out the alarm clock. 

The buzzer on the recording session turns on. Signifying that they’re done for the day, Syd waits in the recording studio. He glances at the clock. The clock reads midnight. He begins to stretch. Everyone in the studio sshs him, indicating that they are still recording. He shuts his mouth, swallowing the yawn. We cut to the rest of the group giving him a dirty look. 

He looks at the clock. 

He begins to complain. 

In the summer of 2016, a massive swift went through America. It was the calm before the storm. Eva Makio never saw this change before. It was before the time of her kin. The time of her fathers that had seen so much hatred before. What you liked cost you your friends, your girlfriend, and your job. Monsters climbed from the pits of hell. They came from the times of parents of generations before. The soulless demons that burned buildings. Only men that came from adventure films certainly existed there. The soulless men burned buildings and separated families. Those men lived by their law, but all that followed was blood and bone. The same hatred that those men had taught again and again found a new voice. Pride. Pure despicable pride. One that took the form of a pistol. The pride that took the form of men in german uniforms who shot german shepherds, and who burnt buildings. Who proudly watched as the windows cracked, into tiny slivers. 

EXT. MEOWS house. 

We are introduced to MEOW’s parents who are none too happy about their son being disintegrated. 

MEOW’s Mother

Shameful. 

SAM the penguin flinches at this. 

MEOW’s mother

Why? Our son was going to be an engineer. 

She turns to SYD. She points at him, incensed. 

MEOW’s mother

If it wasn’t for your music, our son would have been an engineer at Harvard. Now he’s in a casket. Approx on you.

SYD says nothing. 

MEOW’s mother

What? Cat got your tongue? 

SYD shakes his head. He has no idea what MEOW’s mother is talking about. 

SYD

Hehe. 

MEOW’s mother turns around. She is not happy with SYD laughing at her son being disintegrated. She leans in closer. She almost becomes angry. 

MEOW’s mother

Think that’s funny, don’t you?

We cut back to the backstage. 

HAROLD

What does that mean?

SYD 

I don’t know. 

HAROLD looks at SYD. The two begin to talk back and forth. The two begin to hang in the backstage. 

SYD 

What is it?

HAROLD
You have to speak in front of the stage. 

SYD
What?

He looks around, nervous. 

SYD
I have to speak before thousands of people. 

SYD
I don’t think this is a good idea. 

HAROLD
Why not?

SYD
No. 

HAROLD
You on medication, aren’t you? 

The two look at the front of the stage. SYD gulps. 

SYD
I can’t speak in front of thousands of people. 

SYD
It’s too much. 

HAROLD

You must. 

SYD
I cannot. 

We cut to the rehearsal of the play. LOUISE, a bass player begins to struggle with playing with an instrument. She is surrounded by other musicians, for it is a large event. She frowns, at the notion of playing an instrument. There is a large assortment of musicians, ranging from trombones to flutes. The conductor begins to become frustrated. 

THE CONDUCTOR
What's wrong with you? 

LOUISE
I seem to be struggling with the notes. 

THE CONDUCTOR
Keep ahead!

LOUISE sighs to herself. 

LOUISE

Alright then...

The conductor taps, aggravated with LOUISE struggling. LOUISE continues, apparently struggling to play the instruments. 

LOUISE
C’mon…

Chapter Text

HANDMAIDEN
“Hey watch this!” 

SPLASH. 
We cut to a camel nervously wading in the pool. One of the Handmaidens looks up. Seemingly dissecting a disturbance. 

HANDMAIDEN
I detect an impure splash.

Well shit. THE CAMEL freezes. A thick silence. The HANDMAIDEN next to her begins to chuckle uncomfortably. 

HANDMAIDEN A
I just pooped in the pool. 

Reacting to her comment, the rest of the HANDMAIDENS begin to Berate her for her juvenile behavior. 

CAMEL
-somewhat disgusted-
Eck. 

Everyone leaves the pool. 

INT. BATHROOM/LOCKER ROOM

We cut to a commotion. Two characters are fighting. A character ravaged by cancer. This is the husband. 

We cut to him laying on to the cat. I.e. fighting the cat. 
He grew back to his late 20’s. He does not care about the feelings about the fake being. 

Isaac decides that Frank is not as important, as John’s strength shows that he is the alpha male. 

She covered herself with a towel aroused. 

John is slightly bloody from beating up the doppelganger.  His ears were slightly bloody. 

Isaac snatches John. John sees this as a challenge. He attempts to push into Isaac. 

Isaac grabbed his hooves in mid-air. John gives her a cheeky grin as he analyzes her intentions as somewhat sexual. 

What starts off as fighting, turns into… something else. In other words, sex. Isaac and John have sexual intercourse in the locker room. Disappointed in the fighting, and feeling voyeuristic, the crowd disperses. 

We cut back to the farmhouse.

CAMEL
What’s going on?

PENGUIN
I don’t know. You tell me. 

CAMEL
Did they just have intercourse in the lockerroom?

PENGUIN
I guess. 

CAMEL
Why did Isaac have sex in the bathroom with John?

We cut back to the PENGUIN. The camel is unamused by this. 

CAMEL
Why are we rescuing Frankie?

PENGUIN
-thinking-
That plan doesn’t sound very smart. 
CAMEL
-Looking around-
No kidding Sherlock. 

PENGUIN
-nervously stammering-
What?

CAMEL
-repeating himself-
No kidding Sherlock. 

PENGUIN
My names not sherlock. 

CAMEL
Figure of speech. 

The two begin to walk through the Forrest. We hear the sounds of leaves crunching. A branch snaps. 

PENGUIN
What should we do?

CAMEL
We should have left Frankie at the hospital.

THE PENGUIN begins to glance around. It is quiet. 

CAMEL
What were you thinking bringing him along with SAM?

SAM the penguin
-questioning- 
Not at all?

CAMEL
Right. 

He observes the weapons at the farmhouse. We cut to an exterior of the farmhouse. The CAMEL lies on the front porch. Outside there are very few houses. 

SAM 
I wasn’t thinking at all. 

CAMEL
Clearly. 

He turns to the empty farmhouse. The road is still, with no vehicles passing by. We hear brief static as the cars rush by. 

PENGUIN
Why sex?

CAMEL
...It’s complicated.

PENGUIN
Don’t they know-

The CAMEL, reasonably annoyed at this turns to him. He shrugs, counting the road. He is uncomfortable with the penguin. We cut to an empty room. A sharp slam interrupts the conversation. the two of them look up at the source of the sound. The static grows louder and louder. We cut back and forth at the two.  

THE CAMEL
Sam go inside. 

Thinking, of course, he grabs a broom as a weapon. Inside the Tv hums, with the casualties of the virus. Ignoring the drone of the TELEVISION, the camel walks inside the house. THE PENGUIN does not make a sound. We slowly pan to an unknown figure in the living room. Very slowly now. We hear labored coughing. The camel freezes. 

We cut to the PENGUIN peeing in the bathroom. The air is still. Thick. The audio is slightly distorted. In the background, we see a shadow dart behind the Penguin. Without thinking, the Penguin sits on a sleeping bag. 

PENGUIN
What do we do with the infected?

The CAMEL
I suggest self-quarantine until the virus gets out of his system. 

PENGUIN
I hate this. 

CAMEL
Do you want to get sick?

PENGUIN
No. 

CAMEL
Then listen to my instructions SAM. 

PENGUIN
-grumbling underneath his breath-

CAMEL
What?

PENGUIN
-suddenly Remembering-
What are we going to do with JOHN?

CAMEL
Let him waste. 

PENGUIN
Why?

CAMEL
Cancers a bitch SAM. 

PENGUIN
He’s not coming back?

The CAMEL shakes his head. 

CAMEL
No. 

PENGUIN
Did he do something wrong?

The CAMEL turns to face him. The streets are completely quiet. He picks up SAM. The sky is beginning to set. The camel looks over the rows of cornfields. 

We cut to black. 

Chapter Text

 Everyone is horrified at the action. We cut to the inside of the farmhouse. Frankies safe and sound lying on the couch… General walla. 

The CAMEL looks at Frankie. We cut to a rifle, ( or some sort of homemade weapon) lying near the doorframe. We cut back to Frankie. 

PEGGY

Are you going to shoot him?

CAMEL

I’m not going to answer that question. 

PEGGY

Why?

CAMEL

… he’s infected PEG. 

PEGGY

Should we shoot him? 

CAMEL

Quiet.

PEGGY

You didn’t answer my question. 

CAMEL thinks for a second. 

CAMEL

This is a major waste of time. 

PEG

We don’t have enough time.

CAMEL

-warningly-

PEG, lower your voice. 

PEGGY

-somewhat quiet-

If he’s infected, then what is the point of letting him live?

CAMEL

You have a point PEG. 

THE CLYDESDALE walks in the background. HE stops, in pain. Before he can speak, he grunts. 

CAMEL

You ok?

CLYDESDALE

-grunting-

Peachy.

CAMEL

Well, what is it?

THE CLYDESDALE is about to run off at this question. Seemingly in pain here. 

PEGGY

-worried-

You ok?

THE CLYDESDALE swallows hard. Irritated. 

CLYDESDALE

Fuck. 

PEGGY

Clyde-

CLYDESDALE

-Muttering to self-

No. not now.

He glances around in pain. No one knows. He instinctively rushes to the bathroom. The PEGASUS and the CAMEL look at each other in mild confusion.