Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The party went on around him like nothing was wrong. Celebrations weren’t unusual- lots of the different monsters from different universes liked to get together and have fun. What was there to be bummed about? Everybody had been on the surface for two years now, and with the aid of the dimensional machine Sans had completed, all variations of monsters could come and go and mingle as they pleased. It was a great time to be alive.

Blue sat on the couch, staring down into his drink, which he clasped between two shaking hands. He felt the pitied looks more than he saw them- he refused to raise his sockets from his water, only daring to look up and flash a forced smile when his new nickname was called.

This particular party was being hosted in Red and Edge’s home. They were strange versions of Sans and Papyrus- a little rougher around the edges with dirty senses of humor, but still good. As Sans had been the one to complete the machine and bring the multiverse together, he and his brother had been allowed to “keep” their names- Sans and Papyrus. Blue didn’t mind his new nickname, and it seemed Red and Edge were warming up to theirs’ despite there still being some confusion at times.

Red was a successful engineer at some prestigious human school, though he seemed to do a lot of his work from home. He made a lot of money, he had to, to afford a house with four bedrooms like this one. Blue couldn’t imagine- Red had his own office in his own house, and Edge had one too! The aforementioned Sans was playfully bragging to Blackberry, another “rougher” Sans, about how “damn rich” he was. Blue overheard it from the couch.

Everything was good. The humans were nice to them, even if troubles sometimes arose. The monsters were settling in nicely. Everybody was happy. 

Blue’s water vibrated, rings forming as the bass of the stereo went wild as a new song came on. The skeleton’s eyes went a little wide- he’d never actually heard this song, he’d only felt the vibrations of the bass through the walls of his home. He remembered sighing in annoyance at it. Papyrus listened to the same songs over and over again.

Soon the surface of his water was disturbed by drops of vaguely blue magic. His hands began shaking with renewed vigor. He could feel the eyes on him and he shrank into the couch as much as he could as a sob rose from his chest.

“Hey- hey, you okay, man?” came a voice from the arm of the couch. Blue jerked and saw Red, who was turned to wave to Sans and Papyrus about turning the volume down. The monsters did so, looking at Blue with worry in their eyes. Red had it in his, too, as he looked back to the skeleton at hand.

“I’m okay,” Blue squeaked, shifting his cup to one hand to wipe at his tears. “I’m… I-I’m…”

“Hey- it’s okay to not be okay, dude. You wanna come up to my room for a bit and chill? It’s a little loud down here.”

“Yes, please,” Blue all but whimpered, allowing his water to be taken by his alternate self and getting to his feet. He sniffled as he looked and saw everybody staring, some degree of pity in their various eyes. He saw his universe’s Alphys, and he looked away at once. He’d been pushing her away the last few weeks. He’d been pushing everybody away and he knew it.

Red led Blue up the stairs and into his room, opening the door and beckoning Blue to go first.

“Don’t worry, Edge just cleaned it- usually it’s a mess, but he wanted it clean for the party. God knows why.”

Blue didn’t say anything to that, only walked in and stood awkwardly in the center of the room.

Red’s bedroom had a bed, made up by Edge no doubt, a dresser with some cool models on it, and a few bookshelves. It was a nice room. Blue wiped his tears away to no avail; the damn things kept coming. 

“Here, c’mon- you can sit on the bed, it’s clean,” Red said, leading the way and sitting down on it, patting the space beside him. Blue followed without a word.

Silence settled over the two of them. Blue clenched his fists against his legs as he cried. He felt helpless and embarrassed and so, so alone. His quiet melancholy lasted a minute or so before Red let out a deep breath beside him.

“You want a hug, sweetheart?”

Blue nodded. He all but fell into the other skeleton’s arms. He didn’t know Red very well- he didn’t know a lot of the other skeletons very well, honestly, and he’d been pushing away the people he did know.

“Shh, yer fine, I gotcha,” Red comforted. “S’all good.”

“I-I’m sorry-”

“Nothin’ to be sorry about, Blue. I get it.”

Blue hugged Red a little tighter before pulling away and, again, wiping at his tears. He must have looked horrible. He hadn’t been sleeping. He’d hardly been eating. And now here he was, invited to a party out of pity, breaking down like he was some kind of child.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Blue shook his head, only to pause and nod a moment later, staring at the floor, gripping his pants in his hands, a few strangled sobs finding their way out. He clenched his teeth.

Red laid a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it gently. 

“Take yer time, sweetheart. Ain’t no rush.”

“I-I miss him,” Blue managed, looking over at Red for a moment before he sniffled and looked away again.

The other skeleton made a sad noise, reaching up to wipe a stray tear from his own eye before he continued to rub Blue’s shoulder, giving it a pat now and again.

“I know. I’m sorry, hun. I won’t pretend to know what yer goin’ through, but I’m here. I know we ain’t know each other that well, but Stretch was a buddy of mine… and yer his little brother.”

Blue whined at that and his tears fell heavier. Red gathered him up in his arms, cooing as the littler, bluer Sans curled up against him and all but melted into the embrace, wrapping his arms around Red’s ribs and holding tight.

“I ca-can’t stop seeing it,” Blue said, mouth working ahead of his brain. “I can’t- can’t stop… stop seeing the- the… the dust, the- the rope, I… I didn’t even say goodbye…”

“I know. I know,” Red said, rubbing Blue’s back.
“What if- what if I- it was me- what if-”

Red pulled the other monster away enough to look at him. He had a serious look in his sockets.

“Now don’t you ever go sayin stuff like that, sweetheart. Stretch never shut up about you, how much he loved you, all that mushy shit. Fuck, man, you were probably what kept him goin’ for so long. What happened isn’t your fault.”

Blue hugged Red for all he was worth, breaking down into the other monster’s arms. 

“I can’t even- I can’t- when I see his bedroom door I j-” Blue’s voice broke and he had to swallow thickly before he could continue. “I j-just can’t… I can’t , Red, I…”

Red was quiet for a moment as he continued to rub Blue’s back.

“Do ya get lonely, livin’ in yer house without him?”

Blue nodded into Red’s chest.

“Hun, why don’t ya just… leave?” Red asked, not accusing, not mad, just… asking.

“I don’t- I… I don’t know where I’d go…”

“You know anybody would be happy ta have ya- hell, we got the space- why don’tcha move in here?”

Blue was silent, sniffling into Red’s ribs.

“Yeah, sweetheart, I bet that’d make ya feel just a bit better. Edge ‘n me could come help ya move, get yer stuff all sorted, you could sell that place and be set for a while. Ain’t no point livin’ in that big empty house all by yerself.”

“I don’t want to forget him,” Blue said softly.

“Baby Blue, you know yer memory isn’t that shitty,” Red replied. “He wouldn’t want you ta be all alone, would he?”

“Why’d he leave me alone then?” Blue said before he could think better of it. His own words only made him cry harder, which in turn made Red hold him tighter and coo more reassurances to him as he all but wailed into his chest.

“Shh, darlin’, you’re okay… you know that isn’t why he… he did what he did. You know that.”

“I kn-know- but-”

“No ‘buts’ sweetheart, you know he wasn’t like that. You knew ‘im better than anybody. He didn’t go because he wanted you to be alone.”

Blue digested his words for a moment, grabbing at Red’s jacket.

“My therapist said… that he probably thought I’d be better off without him. I don’t want to be better off without him…”

“That don’t mean you need to be alone ‘n sad for the rest of yer life, Blue,” Red reasoned. “You’ll miss him forever, sure, but… you don’t have to be miserable for all eternity.”

Blue sniffled.

“Besides, hun, you’ve got lots of monsters all around ya who are willing to help. We wanna help you. We miss him, too, but you were his baby bro. We wanna be here for ya.”

“I’ll… I’ll think about it,” Blue said softly. “Moving out, that is…”

“That’s good enough for me,” Red said, pulling Blue away to give him a sad smile. “How ‘bout you ask yer therapist about it, huh?”

Blue nodded at that.

“And you just remember that yer always welcome here with Edge ‘n me. Don’t be afraid to hit me up any time, sweetheart, I’ll be around.”

“Thank you, Red,” Blue whispered.

“Not a problem, hun. You take all the time ya need. You wanna head back down?”

Blue thought for a moment, positioning himself to sit normally on the bed, feeling a little embarrassed to have broken down so readily into Red’s arms like that. 

“I can stay with ya, if ya want,” Red offered. Blue looked up sheepishly into his alternate’s sockets. They were so warm and genuine, so… worried. 

“Yeah… yeah, that’d be nice,” he said, chasing the tail end of his tears away and taking a few deep breaths. “If you don’t mind, of course…”

“It’d be a pleasure, Blue. How ‘bout we go hit up the food- yer lookin’ a bit thin. We gotta get some meat on them bones, ya little runt.” Red stood and patted his belly.

Blue smiled a little at that. “I’m pretty hungry, if I’m to be honest.”

Red held out his hand, and Blue accepted the help. 

Chapter Text

Years in the past, but not many...

Blue deflated into the couch, a long training session with Alphys leaving him sore and tired. Surely, with all of this hard work, she'd let him into the guard soon... he just had to keep at it! 

"Hey," Stretch greeted him as he descended the stairs. His older brother had bags under his eyes something fierce, and the way he leaned against the railing would have come across, to most, as lazy and a bid to appear cool. Blue knew his brother better than that, though, so he patted the seat beside him.

"Hey yourself! You look awful," Blue remarked.

"Same to you." Stretch's smile gave away his feelings on the light teasing. "Didn't sleep well, s'all."

"Mm... I'll see about getting you more of that medicine, if you'd like," Blue offered as his brother took a heavy seat beside him. 

"Nah, it helped me sleep but it kinda made me feel weird the next day, so... eh," Stretch said, shrugging. He let out a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling. "It's not really worth it."

"If you say so," Blue agreed easily. Stretch's health had always been rather poor, and the doctors had spent years trying to 'solve' the problem to no avail. They were beyond trying to cure his low stats and fatigue, deciding that managing symptoms was a better, more helpful approach. 

"I hopped over to Undyne's and found something for you," Stretch said after a brief pause. He rummaged in the large pocket of his ever-present hoodie and produced-

"Oh WOW!" Blue gasped, taking the figurine with stars in his eyes. They matched the pattern on the small goat, which was painted (glazed? It was hard to tell) a deep, rich blue with galactic clouds of purple and green. It was only a few inches tall but the detail was incredible. Blue turned it over in his hands, cooing as he took in all the love that went into the small piece of art.

"Where did you get this?" he asked, tearing his eyes from the figurine and to his older brother. "I've never seen anything like it!"

"Undyne found it digging in the dump, it was in some kind of box so it didn't get water damaged," Stretch explained, a soft smile on his face. "I traded her some manga for it."

Blue squealed and threw himself at Stretch, his post-training fatigue forgotten. "It's perfect! It's so well made, I'd guess it's based on the constellation Capricorn, maybe? Though that's usually an aquatic goat, I think, but- but this is beautiful, thank you so much."

Stretch chuckled and squeezed him back before Blue detached to stare at his prize again. 

"No problem. It made me think of you, with the stars 'n all."

"I will treasure it forever," Blue said solemnly, which made Stretch laugh.

The Present

Blue stared at his little goat, careful to lean his head back so none of his tears fell on it and hurt the smooth, pristine patterns. Would tears hurt it, or was it water proof? He'd never dream of testing it.

Red nudged the door open with his foot, a box clutched in his hands that he deposited on the floor with a groan. Blue hastily wiped his tears away and held the figure to his chest. 

"okay, i think that's-"

"COMING THROUGH! GET OUT OF THE WAY!" Boss shouted, barreling through the doorway with Blue's nightstand held awkwardly in his long, gangly arms. He nearly ran Red over, who swore and scurried to stand beside Blue.

"jesus, boss, you almost trampled me," Red scolded while Blue laughed. "i toldja me 'n blue would help with that, ya didn't have to carry it all by yourself."

"I AM PERFECTLY CAPABLE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" Boss shouted, dropping the wooden night stand by Blue's bed and then standing to inspect his work. "I'LL GO GET THE DRESSER!"

"you're gonna hurt yourself, you fuckin' dork-" Red complained, but Boss was already gone and back down the stairs, flipping his brother off as a goodbye.

"Should we help him?" Blue asked, stepping over to push the nightstand to its proper position and put his figurine down on top. 

"nah, he's lifted heavier, let him have fun," Red drawled as he flopped onto Blue's mattress. "need help unpacking, sweetheart?" 

"No, it's just clothes and whatnot, I can manage," he replied. 

Red hummed. Blue looked around the room, still quite barren, and told himself that this was okay. He was doing the right thing- for himself, and for the people he loved. It's what Stretch would have wanted. 

The walls were a wine sort of red, the carpet dark purple. It'd been Red's office before Blue had made the decision to move in, so the dark colors made sense. He smiled down at the red-and-black skeleton face-first in his sheets.

They had taken him in with open arms. Boss was excited, even- he said it'd be wonderful to have a roommate who wasn't a 'disgusting, slobbish pig.' Alphys had also offered to house him, but she and Undyne didn't have the space and would have to move. Regardless, he'd been reaching back out to her, and it was crazy the difference having support could make.

Red finally turned, sitting up with great effort and picking at his sharp teeth. His eyes went to the nightstand.

"cool goat," he remarked.

Blue's breath caught, and it took him a moment to sit down beside Red and gently pick his treasure back up to pass over. 

"Thank you, it... it was a gift from Stretch. Back underground."

Red's hands stilled as the figure was placed in his palm. He glanced at Blue's face before turning it over to look at, a certain reverence in his movements, like he was afraid it might shatter at his touch.

"is it one of those, uh... art oven things?" he asked hesitantly.

Blue laughed. "They're called kilns. I'm pretty sure it was made in one, but I have no idea where it came from. It was from the dump."

"it's beautiful, hun. those gold horns are awesome."

"It is beautiful, isn't it?" he said softly. Red handed the figurine back to him, and Blue took it. He let out a deep, sad breath and sat it back on the nightstand before it could get wet. "Ugh, I'm crying again! Can you get your tear ducts surgically removed?"

Red chuckled and bumped his shoulder into his friend's. "we don't got tear ducts, sweetheart, and there's nothin' wrong with cryin."

Blue shook his head. "No, I suppose you're right." Blue traced the patterns of stars and galaxies on his little goat with his stupidly wet sockets. "Thank you for letting me move in, Red... I really needed this."

"ya fit with me ‘n Boss like a glove, hun, we're happy to have ya," Red said, the big sap that he was. Blue turned to him and saw bright eyes and a big, genuine grin.

Boss re-entered the room, no dresser in sight but holding a picture frame. He looked somber for once, his sharp teeth turned down into a frown.

"BLUE, IF YOU HAVE NO OBJECTIONS, COULD WE HANG THIS ONE IN THE HALL?"

Boss turned it around. It was a picture of Blue and Stretch, taken by Undyne. Blue's arm was thrown over his brother's shoulder and two skeletal fingers poked up over his skull as Stretch gave him 'bunny ears' and they both smiled. It was from a long time ago. 

"Yeah," Blue choked out, smiling through the tears. "I'd like that."