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Portgas D. Ann. The name sounds wrong. It felt wrong. It was his birth name. His father said it was Ann because he was born a girl and Ace if he had been born a boy. He was a boy, so why was he named Ann? The name Ace sounded a lot better, like his real name.
If only his body would also be of a boy's. It wasn't. He was in this strange body of a girl, but he was a boy.
Pronouns were confusing. At first he thought that there weren't any different pronouns for genders. He said she to a male and he to a female. People kept correcting him. Saying 'him' and 'he' were boy pronouns and 'she' and 'her' were girl pronouns. He didn't understand why they kept saying she or her to him, if he was a boy. It was then, when he was four years old, that he realized that there was something wrong. He just didn't know what.
It was when he, Sabo and Luffy were bathing together that he understood. They had something he hadn't.
Maybe it would come later. With that hope he continued. He had to get his pee pee sometime right? And than he would be a boy too. But he never got it. He kept waiting and the longer he waited the more he understood that he didn't have a boy's body.
He didn't know what to do about that. So he asked his dad the question. His dad knew everything, right?
"Why don't I have a pee pee like Sabo and Luffy?"
His dad didn't understand. He thought it was just a question because most of the crew was male and he wasn't. He had cried that his 'daughter' was already interested in males and that the males of the crew were having a bad influence on 'her'.
When it was time for bed he asked another question. "Would you want me to be a boy?"
His answer hurt. "Of course not! Just because the crew is male doesn't mean I want you to be a boy and I already have two sons. So don't worry. There is nothing wrong with being a girl."
Thinking back his father had maybe thought that because he was a 'girl' and the people on the crew were boys that he had to be a boy for his father to want him on his ship. Dad didn't understand that the reason that he asked was because he was a boy, but his father thought he was a girl.
His little self had asked permission to be a boy that day.
His dad didn't get him.
But since his dad said that there wasn't wrong by being a girl. He accepted that. Maybe his body was right, but his thoughts were wrong. Maybe he was confused. Maybe he was wrong about himself. So he told himself that he was a girl and 'accepted' it. Maybe over time it would feel right. Maybe this was supposed to happened. Maybe everyone thought that at his age. When he was grown up everything would be alright and make more sense.
It didn't. He was now seven years old and he still felt like it was wrong. Deep down he knew he was a boy. So why did he have a girl's body? Could he change his body to a boy's?
Did people want him to be a boy? He didn't know. His dad was really happy he has a daughter. One daughter and two sons. If Sabo or Luffy became a girl than it would be fine, because dad would have one son left. But if he became a boy then dad wouldn't have a daughter left.
Could he do something like that to his dad? His dad was really happy. He always talked about his precious daughter and beautiful little prinses. He showed that he was proud of her. He was his little angel.
His dad wanted his little 'girl'.
This made other thoughts come up. Would dad be disappointed in him? What if dad didn't want to accept he was a boy? What if dad would hate him for not being a girl? It made him afraid. He knew that his dad wanted his daughter Ann, not his son Ace.
No. He couldn't think like that. He was sure that there was someone who wanted him. And than dad would see that it was fine that he was a boy and dad would want him again.
Shanks! He could ask Shanks. He went of to seek the red headed pirate. He was actually leaving in a few days to start his own crew. It saddened him. Shanks was like the very cool older brother, but Shanks was going to be his own captain and find a awesome crew. So he couldn't get in the way of Shanks dream.
He found him quickly. "Shanks! Shanks! I want to ask you something." Shanked looks up form the map that he had been staring at.
"Hey firecracker, what is it?"
Now the hardest part came. Ace's heart was beating so hard it felt was going to explode. What if Shanks didn't want Ace to be a boy either? No, he was sure Shanks would accept him and want him.
He clenched his fists. "Would you want another little brother?"
It went quiet for a moment. Shanks hadn't expected that question. He had to think about it. Another brother...he actually wasn't sure.
"Well, I'm not sure. I never really thought about it. I have my hands full with you little rascals. Is someone on the crew having a baby? I mean if that's the case than I wouldn't mind it."
Shanks...didn't want Ace to be his brother. If it was a new brother he didn't mind, but if Ace were to be his brother Shanks wouldn't want it. Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. Maybe he hadn't been clear enough. Maybe there was still a chance. Maybe he could get Shanks change to his mind.
"But what if I-" Ace was cut off by Shanks. "Ann, please not now. I'm sorry. I promise to answer your questions an other time, but I'm really busy now. I still need to do and check so much."
He saw the guilt in Shanks eyes. He knew Shanks would answer his questions later, but he needed them now. Just this one question. "Shanks, ple-" Shanks cut him off again. "I'm sorry Ann. Look, I promise we can talk later tonight. Just the two of us, okey? But really not now."
Ace looked away. "O-okey." Fear entered his heart. Was Shanks afraid to hurt his feelings? Shanks hadn't said directly that he didn't want him as another brother, but he did imply it. Ace walked out the room again.
Shanks didn't get him.
His new hope had been crushed. He was now desperately going through all the people he knew to see if someone he knew had a chance that they would accept him. Was he that abnormal ? There had to be someone from who he thought that they would accept him. Somebody! Anybody!
Sabo and Luffy! New hope entered him. His brothers would surely accept him...but what if they wouldn't. He had also thought that Shanks would accept him. What if Sabo and Luffy would also hate him? What if they didn't want him as a brother? He didn't think that he could handle that. He knew he wouldn't be able to handle that. If Sabo and Luffy rejected him, it would be over.
He couldn't ask them. Even if the chance of rejection was very small, he still couldn't do it.
...Was he sick? He had heard from Crocus that some people were sick in the head. Was he that too? He walked back to his room and stood in front of his mirror. His own reflection was mocking him. He hated his long hair that fel over his shoulders to his shoulder blades. He hated it that he didn't have a pee pee. He hated his body.
Making him look at his body made him feel sick.
He really was sick. He didn't know what mind sickness he had, but he was sure Crocus could cure it. Than he wouldn't hate his body and then he would want to be a girl. Everything would be alright. Dad and Shanks would want him again. He would be normal again. With those thoughts in mind he ran to the infirmary. As fast as his legs would take him.
He slammed the door open. "Crocus, help me. I'm ill. I have a sickness. Do you have medicine?" Crocus immediately went on alert. He picked Ace up and put him on the examination table. "Where does it hurt? Did you fell? Did you puke?" Crocus was touching all over him. Trying to find a symptom or wound.
"No, I have a mind sickness."
"A mind sickness? Tell me about it." Ace stopped again. Was it smart to tell Crocus? What if he also didn't want him anymore? What if he didn't want to give Ace medicine for it? What if it was incurable? What if Crocus would tell dad and Shanks!
"Uuh Well, I...I...I" Crocus noticed his nervousness.
"Take your time kid. We have all the time in the world." Did Ace want to get something of his chest? A mind sickness? Maybe he was having thoughts about things that he thought were weird. It was normal for kids his age to be questioning some things about the world.
"Promise me, that you won't tell dad or Shanks." This took Crocus by surprise. Not telling Roger or Shanks. If Ann had something serious than he would have to. He also had to report minor things. Roger would absolutely kill him for withholding medical information about his daughter.
Not to mention that Ann really loved Shanks and that it didn't make sense for her to keep something from him. He could understand why Roger was on that list. He had a tendency to over react very quickly when it came to his kids safety and health.
Crocus looked at Ann again. He recognized that look. He sighed. Ann's eyes looked way to much like her father's. Hope, stubbornness, fear, nervousness. Those were all the emotions that she held in her eyes. He knew that she wouldn't tell him if he didn't promise.
"I promise." Ann thought about it some more. Then decided that Crocus was telling the truth.
"I think I am boy." That was surprising. Crocus had to let that sink in for a few moments.
"You think you are a boy?" Ann nodded.
"I-I do. But everyone says that I am a girl. I also don't have a pee pee. But my mind keeps saying that I am a boy and I think I'm a boy, but I have a girl's body. So I am a girl right. So I can't be a boy. But my mind says that I am, so my mind must be sick. Please give me medicine for it." It was said so fast that Crocus could barely make out the words.
Did Ann really think she is a boy? Was Ann transgender? If that was the case than things could go south very quickly. He never handled things like this. Sure, he had seen it, but he had never been involved. Ann never showed signs of being transgender. Sure, she was a tomboy, but they all thought that it was just how she was.
This meant they they have been treating Ann all wrong.
"Ann, you need to answer some questions for me first right."
"Yes of course."
"You think you are a boy?
"Yes."
"How long have you been having these thoughts?"
"Since forever. I'm not really sure."
"Why do you think you have to be a girl?"
"Everyone says I am. I am supposed to be a girl right? Oh and I don't have a pee pee."
"Have you ever thought that you were a girl?"
"No."
"Do you like your body?"
"N-no."
"Do you want to be a boy?"
"No, because I'm supposed to be a girl. People say-"
"Other people don't matter right now. Do you want to be a boy?"
"Yes!"
"Okay Ann, I shouldn't even call you that. What's your name?" Ann was confused. He just said his name.
"Ann?"
"No I mean your boy's name."
"Oh uh Ace."
Crocus wrote all of it down. "Ace, you are a boy. You are transgender." Ann, no Ace didn't know why, but called Ace made him really happy, but that didn't matter. He needed to get better from this transgender sickness. "So can you cure it?"
The question caught Crocus off guard. "Ace, being transgender isn't a sickness. It's who you are."
"It's who I am? Is it incurable? Am I going to die?"
"No no, that not what I meant. I means you are a boy in a wrong body. You were supposed to be born as a boy, but you accidentally got the body of a girl, but you are a boy." Ace began to cry. "Hey, what's wrong Ace?
"I can't be a boy. Dad and Shanks don't want me to be a boy. They want me to be a girl." Crocus didn't know where Ace had gotten that idea, but he needed to stop it. Ace couldn't forcing himself to be a girl. That would destroy him. He had heard it happen plenty of times from other people.
"Hey kiddo, your dad doesn't get a say in this. You are you. And if your dad tries to pull anything than he will get the beating of a life time. I will kick his ass back to last month. But your dad does need to know. I'm sure he will be happy to know that he has another son and I'm sure he won't hate you. Shanks too.
Ace didn't seem very convinced by his peptalk. "How about I'll be there or I'll tell him. We can even cut your hair short, shop on the next island for new clothes and remodel your room. Does that sound good?"
Ace nodded. Crocus got up to grab some scissors. "I have some of Sabo's clothes here. You're about he same size. I can also ask the shipwrights to redesign your room. Oh and I can cut your hair now if you want. How would you like it?"
Ace thought for a moment. He didn't want it really sort. Maybe something like Sabo's? But a little bit longer. So it would be just above his shoulders. He told Crocus that.
Crocus was done within ten minutes. He held a mirror in front of Ace's face. He could see Ace's face glow up in happiness. "You like it?"
"Yeah." Ace inspected his new hair style some more in the mirror. "That's good. Now change into these clothes and we'll call your dad down to the infirmary." Ace froze. He didn't want his dad to know. He was to afraid of what he might say or think.
Crocus put a reassuring hand on his schouders. "Ace, he needs to know." Ace opened his mouth to say something back, but nothing came out. He just nodded instead. He was too nervous to talk.
Crocus grabbed Rogers personal den den mushy and called him. Roger answered almost immediately. Ace couldn't hear his dad, but he could hear Crocus. "Roger, please come down here to the infirmary...No it's not really an emergency, but I would like you to come as fast a possible...nothing life threatening yes...it's about Ann."
No more was said. Roger came barging in the, exact way Ace did a while ago, three minutes later. He had probably ran here. He immediately went to Ace to check him for injuries. He didn't see any. He did notice Ace's short hair. "Shit, hey there princess. What happened to your hair? What's wrong?"
Ace was trembling at this moment. Silent tears were streaming down his face. Roger wanted to go hug and comfort her, but he was stopped by Crocus. "Crocus what's wrong with Ann? Is she hurt? What happened?"
Crocus winched at the name and pronoun use. He cleared his throat. "Roger, that's your son. His name is Ace." Silence. Complete silence.
Rogers eyes widened in surprise. "My son Ace?" Was muttered quietly. As if he was trying to make sense of those words. That was his daughter Ann right? Unless Crocus meant...
The silence had a negative effect on Ace. His mind was going all over the place, going over all the worst scenarios he could think of.
His dad was rejecting him. He knew it. His dad wanted his daughter Ann.
Ace jumped off the examination table and ran to his dad. He carefully grabbed his red cape. "I'm sorry. I can be a girl. I really can. Please don't hate me. Crocus can cure me right?" More tears were streaming down Ace's face.
Ace looked down. He didn't want to see his fathers face. He was too afraid that there might be an angry or disappointed expression.
Roger didn't know what to do. His dau-son was begging him not to hate him, because he is a...boy. Crocus had said his name was Ace. He had another son. He hadn't know he had another son. How the fuck did he not know this!
His mind was going back to that strange question his son had asked him a few years ago . 'Would you want me to be a boy?' That question began to haunt his mind. Was that the moment Ace had asked him if he would let him be a boy? If he was okay with Ace being a boy?
He remembered what he had answered. That answer seemed so cruel now. He had said no. He had hurt his son. He had made him think that he was not accepted. His son didn't come to him with this problem. He had failed him.
That forced his son to go to Crocus. His son should have been able to talk about him about this! A calm and relaxing talk. It shouldn't have been Crocus telling him this and his son begging for him to accept him. It shouldn't have come to this.
He looked down at his, still crying son. He felt some tears streaming down his own face. How could he have missed something so important! Roger was so angry and disappointed with himself. He hadn't felt like such a failure in years, not since Rouge died, but now wasn't the time for that. He could self-pity later. He needed to be here for his son.
He grabbed Ace in a hug. Muttering words of comfort. Slowly stroking his hand through his hair. Crocus had left the room. This was a private moment, not meant for his sentimental old eyes.
Roger and Ace talked. Ace was able to spill everything.
The next morning, Roger announced a crew meeting. There he introduced his son, Portgas D. Ace.
Everybody was super supportive. Ace's room would be remodeled. He got real boy clothes. They made future medical plans for him and researched potential devil fruits that could help him. There was even a huge party.
Ace had never felt more himself that at this moment. He never felt so happy, loved and comfortable. It felt good to be a boy.