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Yoo Joonghyuk was collapsed on the sofa, limbs draped like a corpse and eyeing the floor. Although the sofa had all the hallmarks of luxury, it was those very qualities, the stiff and angular cushions, that made the plush carpet look all the more enticing to lie on than it really should be. The strange angle of his neck only worsened his headache but he had frankly too little energy to even deal with it, so it was there that he lay, battling with his nervous system, trying to convince himself that he didn’t feel the throbbing pain in his head. He almost won too, if it weren’t for a loud crash upstairs and Yoo Mia’s head appearing around the corner a few moments later to say that she was fine. Joonghyuk groaned as he massaged his temples, the headache coming back in full force.
Hearing the stomping upstairs was a painful reminder of the day he had just suffered through. He had had plans for what to do that day - maybe call his teammates and read the new patch notes - but all that had been for naught. Three unstoppable forces had terrorised his apartment for the entirety of the morning and afternoon. Every time he had picked up his phone to send a text, call someone, do anything, he was dragged elsewhere by one of the fiends to help them in whatever mess they were creating. Babysitting isn’t what he would call it, because that would have been far easier. You would think a man that had a stare that could intimidate the heavens would have had better control over the children, but truth be told, he was too nice to them. He couldn’t ignore their requests, especially whenever Mia made puppy eyes at him. What else was he supposed to do? People may think she was too old for that kind of behaviour but to say that aloud meant dealing with her fearsome brother - perhaps she was spoilt for that but at least they were happy.
Happy they may be but energetic he was not. When the time came for Gilyoung and Yoosung to leave, he had exhausted nearly all the energy in him. He just wasn’t built for situations like these; Lee Seolhwa had been the one who could better handle kids out of the two of them, but she was gone now, having broken it off little over a week ago without much explanation. Joonghyuk was still in the throes of grief over it and everytime he thought he could finally rest, he would suddenly be seized by memories of her and wouldn’t be able to sleep for at least the next two hours. To say he was tired would be an understatement.
Yesterday, Han Sooyoung had found him slumped over his desk in his office when he managed at long last to get a wink of sleep.
Someone almost died that day.
All because she had decided to kick his chair instead of leaving him alone like any self-respecting and upstanding citizen would.
“What the fuck is your problem?”
“You look pathetic, Joonghyuk.”
“So?”
Sooyoung rolled her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. She stood still in that pose for what felt like a minute, silent but radiating waves of disgust. Joonghyuk was far too tired to deal with her dramatic antics in that moment so he stood up to leave. She flung a hand out to stop him.
“Hang on, I’ve got a solution to your problem.”
“Does it involve you leaving?”
“First of all, absolutely not. Second of all, I’m your... friend.”
Joonghyuk just shook his head slightly and sat back down, “Sure.”
Sooyoung made a look of mild surprise. She didn’t expect to make it this far so soon, she had been relying on the time it would take to convince him to formulate a plan. It must be really bad this time. Steeling herself, she thought about her title as a writer; if she couldn’t think of a decent argument for whatever nonsense she was about to say, she’ll have to take it all back.
“Alright. Let’s see, your problem right now is that Seolhwa broke up with you and you don’t know why… Have you tried asking her?”
“Obviously.”
“...And?”
“She said it felt like I wasn’t invested in the relationship.”
“Well, were you?”
“Look at me, Sooyoung.”
“I see... So there must have been something else?”
“Not really, just-”
Half an hour later, it was very apparent to Sooyoung that Joonghyuk had left out a lot of details. She couldn’t bring herself to admit to the man but she had to agree with Seolhwa in breaking it off, if anything, she was surprised she didn’t break it off sooner. The fact that they had been together for so long was a mystery to her. It’s not like Joonghyuk hadn’t been nice to her, but even when she listened to the story from his perspective, even when it was dripping in his biases, it was clear that it had rarely been anything more than simply being nice. She almost pitied him, this sad man before her who lacked any romantic bone in his body. Either that, or it had been broken a long time ago. At the end of the day, Joonghyuk was a decent man, but it was clear that he hadn’t found the One in Seolhwa. There really was only one solution to this.
“Okay, I got it! You better listen well because I have the perfect answer to your problem, boy.”
He raised an eyebrow to this and leaned back in his chair, waving a hand to let her continue.
“So maybe Seolhwa thought you su- W-Wait! Sit down! You’re fine, perfect even! … Are we good? Yeah? Alright, so here’s the deal, try your best to forget about her because I’ve got a way to find you someone even better than her. You with me?”
“I don’t trust you to find someone good.”
“Come on man, you’re really hurting my feelings here, but I won’t be picking the person for you anyway,” she pulled out her phone from her pocket and opened the app store. “Look, give me the benefit of the doubt but I think you should try using a dating app.”
“Tell me a better joke next time.”
“Bitch... Just try it once. If it doesn’t work, it’ll at least distract you for a while. I used this one,” she said as she pointed to one particularly ugly icon. “It looks pretty bad doesn’t it? But I swear it’s the best one on here. Intriguing, no?”
The judge tilted his head to the side and she took it as a sign to continue. Unfortunately for her, she had nothing to continue with. She had long exhausted this joke of a plan but she was too far deep to stop now.
“I’m sure you’ll get a lot of matches. People like you are hard to come by. Rich and handsome. That’s pretty much it about you. That was a joke! ...But seriously, some people are really into muscles and what else do you go to the gym so much for except to look good, right?”
The man said nothing but stood up and began to push Sooyoung out the door.
“Hey! Joonghyuk, you bastard! I’m just trying to help you! And don’t tell me you work out for fun, you monster!” the woman exclaimed as she struggled against him. Unfortunately for her, Yoo Joonghyuk was much larger and stronger than her, and after a bit of flailing, they were soon at the front door. “Ugh! Let me at least get my shoes!”
Sooyoung snatched her shoes and frowned deeply before slamming the door shut. He sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair. Waves of guilt washed over him, slowly burying him in the sand of shame. She really was just trying to help him but he had just quite literally pushed her away. Almost like what he did to Seolhwa... Pathetic.
In the present, he rolled onto the floor, finally giving into the temptation. These memories, and the guilt and despair that accompanied them, chased him deep into his unconscious. He flung a hand over his eyes, hoping that it would give him some sort of relief from it all. It didn’t work. Sooyoung’s words replayed in his mind like a broken record. He slapped a hand onto the coffee table and felt around blindly for his phone. When he found it, he opened the app store and searched up the dating app she had recommended him.
There it was. With its stupid icon, Joonghyuk thought, What the hell is that? A bright pink background and a ball of fluff in the centre? Is that a horn? Is this supposed to be a reference to something?
[ The Star Stream: the best and most popular dating app available! Billions of users! You’re guaranteed to find the love of your life! Completely free and definitely does not charge any fees! Easy to use texting system! Look at all these features! ]
He pressed the download button and stared blankly at the downloading animation, feeling slight regret. The app finished downloading in a few seconds and he opened it.
The screen was suddenly filled with pink and there was a faint jingle playing. What the fuck is this? Sooyoung better not have been joking. He tapped the screen with impatience as he waited for it to load. A massive block of text appeared with several warnings and suspicious-looking clauses. He skimmed through it. The terms and conditions were only accessible through post. There was a huge button at the bottom to agree to them. He pressed it. Sparkles appeared on the screen and he was met with a blank screen he assumed where his conversations would appear. He waited for a few moments for the tutorial to start but it never did.
There was a small button at the bottom so he pressed it, unsure of what else to do. A woman’s dating profile appeared on the screen. He couldn’t find a button to exit it, all he could do was scroll through it, text her or swipe towards another one. He couldn’t even find a way to make his own dating profile. He swiped.
A man’s dating profile appeared. Swipe. Another man. Swipe. A woman. This woman claimed to be a bartender. Swipe. A man again. Swipe. A woman. Swipe.
Swipe.
Swipe.
He glanced at the clock after an hour or two. It seemed that sleep had once again escaped him for the night. He had spent far too long on the app for someone who wasn’t actually interested in dating, but there was something in him, a feeling that the next person could be the One. That small hope was what motivated him to swipe through what felt like hundreds of dating profiles, but there was nothing to show for it. He resolved to look at one final profile before deleting the app entirely and to call Sooyoung in the morning to berate her.
He swiped for the last time.
Maybe it was all worth it.
He stared at the phone, overcome with a myriad of emotions - the sort of emotions that you tend to feel when you haven’t slept for thirty hours.
The dating profile that appeared on his screen this time was of a man. A very familiar one. The profile was exactly what he should have made hours ago. His own.
[ Yoo Joonghyuk (33, professional gamer) ]
He had heard stories of catfishing on dating apps but nothing had prepared him to find a catfish profile of himself, and a detailed one at that. Scrolling through it in a frenzy, he realised how accurate some of the information was. This person, whoever they may be, could be dangerous to his reputation. He had to do something about it immediately.
For the first time of the night, he pressed the button to text.
[ You: Hello. ]
Strangely, a bubble to indicate that the other person was typing appeared almost instantly. This person was not only a catfish, but they were awake at four in the morning. What a pathetic person, he thought with an eyebrow raised.
[ Yoo Joonghyuk: hello!! whats your name? :D ]
Joonghyuk almost laughed at the text when he read it. This catfish may have accurate information on him, but they weren’t even trying to behave like him. In the delirium of sleep deprivation, he got the fine idea of telling them a fake name. If this person wasn’t going to be truthful in who they were, why should he? Maybe he’d teach this catfish a lesson, this sad excuse for a person.
So who should he be? He racked his mind for a name. Perhaps he should use the name of someone else? He couldn’t bring himself to use the name of someone he knew personally so he had to think of a celebrity. If only he knew any. He looked around the room, hoping for inspiration. The clock was ticking by and he had to think of one fast. A singer will do.
[ You: My name is Dokja. Kim Dokja. ]