Work Text:
“You c-can’t leave me like this,” Matthew begged, his voice cracking.
Gilbert struggled to find the breath he needed in order to form the words he had to say. “I’m ne-never going to le-eave.”
Flashback
Matthew tried not to look at Gilbert. He turned his head, averted his eyes. But he couldn’t escape Gilbert’s stare.
“Birdie?” Gilbert asked.
Matthew wanted to scream and cry, but he forced himself to wear a blank mask, forced himself to show nothing.
Gilbert touched Matthew’s hand gently. “Matthew?”
I’m sorry, Matthew thought. He said nothing.
“Matthew, look at me,” Gilbert demanded. “Mattie, what’s wrong?”
I wish I could tell you. Matthew sank deeper into the couch he sat on. There’s so much I want to tell you. Like how I love you, like how you need to leave so I will never hurt you.
Finally, Gilbert stopped asking him questions, choosing instead to gaze mournfully at him.
“D-don’t look at me li-li-like that,” Matthew stammered, feeling a hot flush creep up his neck when his voice cracked.
“Matthew, something is wrong,” Gilbert said quietly. Matthew never stammered, unless he was worried about something.
Matthew bit his lip, and whispered, “You n-need to g-go.”
Gilbert frowned. “I don’t think I heard you right.”
“You need t-to go,” Matthew said again, trying not to stumble over his words.
“What?” Gilbert exclaimed, astonished. “I’m not going to just leave you, Matthew.”
“But you don’t understand!” Matthew pleaded. “I’ll hurt you.”
Gilbert laughed. “I know you can hurt me, Matthew.”
“So then go. ” Matthew fiddled with the strings on his sweater. “Leave me. Don’t look back. Find someone who won’t hurt you.”
“Birdie, everyone is going to hurt me. I just have to find the ones worth hurting for,” Gilbert said, taking Matthew’s hand in his.
“Don’t tell me you chose me,” said Matthew.
“Well, I did, as cliche as it might sound.” Gilbert brought Matthew’s hand to his lips and kissed each knuckle, one at a time. “I love you, Matthew. I’m never going to leave.”
…
Now it was Matthew who held Gilbert’s hand.
“You can’t leave,” he sobbed. “I need you! I love you! I-”
Gilbert opened his mouth to talk. Matthew leaned closer in order to hear him better.
“Bleiben sie stark,” Gilbert gasped.
And then the tears were slipping down Matthew’s face, tumbling down his cheeks.
Silently, he nodded.
Silently, he cried.