Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

"Robin," Stevewhined into the phone. "Robin, I'm so very stupid."

Steve was sitting on the floor next to the ruined toy box. He had his finger hooked in the ring at the end of the anal beads, swinging them around angrily.

"What'd you do now?"

"So, I met my roommate. He's the hottest guy in the world. You know. He's absolutely built like a bulldozer, and he's just, he's made out of goddamn marble-"

"Get to the point."

"So, right after you hang up I grabbed my last box, and I'm bringing it inside, and the bottom breaks, and fucking, everything goes everywhere. And it was, it was my toy box. So, there are sex toys everywhere. And I'm face down, ass up, holding a very large set of anal beads. Like really big. Like-"

"I'm begging you."

"Okay, so I'm there, and he walks in. He takes one look at all this stuff, and I'm talking stuff. Like dildos, vibrators, plugs, those fucking beads-"

"Steven."

"Yeah. So he looks at those, and goes so I guess you're a bottom, then. Robin, I have to move."

"Steve, oh my God."

"I know! I just ran away, and he yelled I'm Billy through the door, and I was like, hi, I'm Steve and I'd like to die now."

"Do you want to come over?"

"Can I live with you?"

"You can stay until bedtime." Steve sighed through the phone.

"That's good enough. I'm just gonna avoid him forever."

"Sounds like a plan."

Steve slammed the beads into the box.

"I'll be over in a few minutes." She hung up on him.

He pulled on a hoodie, trying to take deep breaths before possibly seeing BIlly again.

He opened the door, looking both ways before darting to the front door.

Only to collide with a wall of solid muscle.

Billy grabbed him before he could fall on his ass.

"Careful there, Stevie."

Steve was gonna die.

"You know, I didn't wanna bother you, but you forgot something." It looked like Billy was trying not to laugh. He looked pointedly behind Steve.

To his goddamn big ol' tentacle dildo.

Because yeah.

Fuck Steve.

"Oh my God."

"I'm not judgin', or anything. In fact, I'm kind of, kind of impressed."

"Please, for my sake, never speak to me again." Billy laughed, but let Steve go, let him grab the dildo, set sraight up on the coffee table, and throw it aggressively into the box with the rest of the toys.

"Really! You don't have to be embarassed."

"No, I choose to be embarrassed." Steve pulled up his hood, yanking on the strings to close it around his face. "Please know, I'm an easy roommate, but I will never be able to make eye contact with you ever again."

Billy laughed again. Steve was looking at his stomach to avoid his face.

"I'm gonna-" he gestured to the door behind Billy, his sweatshirt hood now tied under his chin, still tight around his face.

He felt like a turtle, dragging himself into his shell.

"Go ahead." Billy shifted slightly over.

Meaning Steve would have to brush past him to get to the door.

So Steve did, put his little hooded head down and marched on past Billy.

"Have a good night!"

"If I'm not home by midnight, I've walked into the ocean to never return."

He closed the door on another one of Billy's infectious laughs.

Chapter Text

Steve was standing in front of Robin's front door, hitting his head against it. 

He still had his hood tied around his face.

She raised one eyebrow when she opened the door.

“Were you slamming your noggin against this?”

“I wanted to see if it was enough to kill me.” She rolled her eyes at him, but ushered him inside.

Robin had gotten a single room. Set up like a cramped studio apartment.

Steve had thought about a single room, but Steve living by himself equals Steve forgetting to eat, clean up, and shower until Robin yells at him.

So that was a no.

“What now?”

“I ran into Hot Billy on my way here. Like, literally ran into him. Nearly fell over. Would have if he didn’t catch me. And then he was all, you forgot something, and one of my dildos, one of my never see the light of day, never tell anyone I even own it dildos, is sitting on the coffee table. Meaning he picked it up and put it there.”

“Wow. Fearless.”

“Like, I keep them very clean. Disinfected after each use, that kinda energy, so it’s fine, but also, he doesn’t know that. So he did that, and is all you don’t have to be embarrassed and I was like, uh yes I do. This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. And then he’s like actually, I’m pretty impressed. Which, I mean, yeah. That thing took me weeks to train up to-hey can I have some?” Robin was standing in front of her kitchen counter, pouring herself a glass of pink wine.

She pulled out a reusable drink cup. Adult sippy cups, she called them. Made Steve drink his alcohol from one. Said he was prone to spillage.

“So, anyway. Yes, it is impressive. And it’s not even my biggest one.”

“Sorry, does this story, have a point.”

“The point, Robin, is that I’m renting a large vehicle and will pay you a hundred dollars to run me over with it.”

“You’re being, a lot right now.”

“Rob, I’m so fucking embarrassed.”

“You know that he’s flirting with you, right?” Steve floundered for a moment, his mouth hanging open around the hard plastic straw.

“No.”

“Totally. With all the you don’t have to be embarrassed and the whole it’s impressive thing. He wants in your pants.”

“No, he’s not, he’s not.” Steve sucked furiously at the straw, his brows drawn. His hood still up.

“He’s not what?”

“Queer. He’s like, the gymiest gym rat. Not a single leg day skipped.”

“How very heteronormative of you.” Steve groaned loudly.

“You know what I mean. The guy just, he’s straight.”

“Straight guys don’t go around fondling other guys’ asshole fodder. And then saying they’re impressed with the size. They’d be more, dude, you’re giant rubber dick is over there and also scary.”

“Yeah, I wish it was one of the dick ones.” Robin’s face slowly crumpled into something disgusted. “It was a big ol’ tentacle. It’s blue. There’s suction cups. It’s a good time.” Robin stood up from the couch, staring at the wall opposite. She took a deep breath, and sat back down.

“Sorry, I was just astral projecting to an alternate dimension where I didn’t know you owned and used that.” Steve just shrugged at her.

He had slammed his sippy cup of wine, was already feeling a little buzzed.

“Whatever. Just help me get drunk enough I don’t remember what happened.”

-

Steve stumbled into the door frame on his way back into his apartment.

It was well past midnight, and Steve was drunk. He laughed silently while trying to toe off his shoes.

A light clicked on in the sitting room.

Billy looked rumbled, a book face down on the coffee table. He smiled softly at Steve.

“Hey,” Steve whisper screamed.

“Hi, there.” Billy was looking blearily at Steve, wearing this little half-smile. “Glad to see you didn’t walk directly into the ocean.”

“Nah. I just got very drunk with my girl friend. Her name is Robin.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.”

“I, uh, didn’t know you had a girlfriend.” Billy was looking at him oddly. Steve was too drunk to decipher what his face meant.

“Oh, I call her my girl friend like how, how white suburban moms say girl friend. Robin hates when I do it.”

“So you’re not, like, together?” Steve snorted.

“Robin’s big gay.” And Billy was back to smile.

“Me too. Lots of gay.”

“I’m all of it.” Billy raised an eyebrow. “I like all of it.” Billy nodded at him slowly. “And I especially like going to sleep.”

“Yeah, go on little drunky.” Steve finger gunned at Billy, making his way to his room.

“Sleep tight!”

“Goodnight, Stevie.”

Chapter Text

Billy wasn’t in the apartment when Steve rolled out of bed the next afternoon.

His head was pounding, the hood of his sweatshirt tangled around his neck.

He stood aimlessly in the living area for a few minutes, all groggy and so very tired.

So.

Billy’s gay.

He had told Steve last night.

But that still didn’t prove anything. Doesn’t mean he was hitting on Steve those few painful conversations they had together.

It just means that Billy’s gay. Period.

Steve stuck his head under the kitchen faucet, slurping loudly until he felt a little less like shit.

He showered, took the time to get all nice and clean.

Like, real clean.

Because when he stepped back into his little bedroom, he went pawing through his toys.

He had transferred them all to his dresser. A drawer that was half socks, half sex toys. Separated by a divider he had gotten at Ikea for less than a dollar.

He had lube stashed in his nightstand, fir nights when he was too lazy to toy it.

He went with something simple.

A semi-realistic looking dildo. It was on the girthier side of things, but not too long. 

It came complete with a clear tube running through it, a thick syringe to give the dildo cum action. Even came with thick white lube when he bought it.

It felt right. For an evening of really taking care of himself.

Plus, sometimes he just likes the feeling of sticky wetness dripping down his thighs.

Sue him.

He stretched out on his soft rug, and fingered himself for a while.

It was always quick and easy.

He had trained himself to get used to a thick intrusion, really loved the way three unannounced fingers felt stuffing him up.

And when he was ready, he shimmied up against the wall.

He was contorted nearly upside down, his upper back and shoulder blades against the floor, his lower back and hips up against the wall, legs over his head, knees next to his ears.

He loved the soreness from being in a wonky position after the fact, loved how deep he could get his toys in when he twisted himself up like this. Loved that he could watch the dildo enter himself, stretch him wide and open.

He pressed it all the way in, let his eyes flutter closed as he held it there, pushing against the base of it with one hand, the other holding the thick full syringe.

He started with a slow pace, sighed into the drag of the silicone inside of him.

He relaxed, just enjoyed the toy, enjoyed thinking about getting fucked.

It’s been so long. Nearly seven months now.

After Nancy, he’d had a bit of a dry spell senior year.

Only to “reinvent himself” freshman year of college, as is tradition.

He slutted it up a bit, went to frat parties, and crawled into bed with whoever was consenting.

But in January, everything had changed.

He thought he had found the one.

Which was rich. He thought that about everyone he dated.

But he had. Only to walk in on his one fucking someone else.

And no, Steve hadn’t been cheated on.

Steve was the mistress.

It sent him into a spiral, thinking of his parents’ rocky marriage, the secretaries Steve wasn’t supposed to know about.

He stopped fucking around, decided it was time to date, to seriously date.

And with that came a lot of rejections.

And the driest of all dry spells.

He gasped, the dildo having slid so perfectly against his prostate. A bead of pre dripped out the end of his cock, landed on Steve’s chin.

It made him feel dirty in the best way.

And then there was a curt knock on his door.

Steve’s eyes fucking flew open right as Billy open his bedroom door.

Steve was on the wall opposite, giving Billy the perfect view of him all bent and crunched, the toy buried halfway in his ass, the long tube that ran from the toy to the syringe in Steve’s hand, the way his cock was hard and red and pretty much in Steve’s face, his legs spread open.

Billy just blinked at him.

“I was, uh, gonna order a pizza. Wanted to know if you wanted to split it.” Billy’s eyes were raking over him. “Sorry. Didn’t realize you were, uh, busy.”

“Please leave.” Steve’s voice sounded wrecked. He didn’t know if it was from being split in half by this toy, or from being fucking caught.

“Yep. Sorry.” And Billy was gone, the door clicking closed behind him.

Steve felt like he could cry.

He slowly eased out the toy, let his hips fall sideways until he was lying curled on the floor.

He stared at the door, begging for the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

There was another timid knock.

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna open it, but I, uh, I’m really sorry. I should’nt've just come in like that.” Steve didn’t say anything. “I don’t want you to be embarrassed.”

“Too late,” Steve croaked out.

“I got some cookies with the pizza. They’ll be here in like, twenty minutes. If you want some food. I’ll, uh, leave it in the kitchen and hang out in my room. Just so you don’t have to worry about seeing me.”

“Thanks.”

“I just, I don’t think you’re weird. I’m all for being sex-positive, you know?” Steve squeezed his eyes closed, lifting his head up to drop it on the ground, thunking his temple against the floor. “Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

He could hear footsteps, heard the door across the living room click closed.

Steve crawled miserably into bed, curling up, naked and embarrassed.

Billy seeing his toys was one thing.

Billy walking in to see Steve indulging in those toys, was an entirely different thing.

The room had begun to grow dark.

Steve buried himself in his blankets, not wanting to get out of his safe cocoon to turn on the string lights he had hung near the ceiling.

There was another knock.

“Pizza’s here. I’ll be in my room if you want some.”

It was so very thoughtful. Billy making Steve know he wouldn’t have to risk seeing him. Making sure he got some food out of the deal.

Steve wrapped himself in the Comfy Robin had gotten him last Christmas, the oversized hoodie made of thick blanket material that reached down to his knees.

The living room was dark, and sure enough, there was a pizza box on the counter, half the pizza left.

It was just cheese. Steve took three slices and one of the chocolate chip cookie. He crept as close to Billy’s door as he could legally allow himself.

“Thanks.” He heard Billy watching something in there. Heard a muffled sure.

Steve turned on his heel, ready to never leave his room again when he spotted something on the coffee table.

Steve stared at it.

He had a piece of pizza in his mouth, and nearly dropped his entire plate when he realized just what it was.

A fucking fleshlight.

A hollow god damn toy for jacking off into.

He looked at Billy’s door, listening for any footsteps, cautiously approaching it.

It has to be Billy’s way of evening the score.

 A little I’ve accidentally seen yours so here’s mine kinda thing.

Steve took another bite of pizza, aggressively chewing as he tried not to laugh.

He retreated back to his room, feeling a tiny bit lighter than when he had left it.

Chapter Text

“No, I’m telling you, it was, like, really sweet.”

“Yeah. That’s exactly the word I was looking for. Sweet.”

Steve was back on Robin’s couch.

“No, but I mean, like, with making sure I get something to eat, and like, staying in his room so I don’t have to see him, because he doesn’t want me to be uncomfortable. And then he tried to like, equal the score.”

Robin was just staring at him, her head cradled in one hand, her elbow propped on the back of the couch.

“You got it bad.” Steve scrunched up his face, pouting at her.

“I do not.”

“You’re so into him.”

“I mean, I think he’s hot, and obviously he’s like nice, but I’m not into him.” She rolled her eyes.

-

Billy was sitting back on their couch when Steve got home, his laptop open on the coffee table. He smiled at Steve.

Steve was slightly better around him since the night before.

He still couldn’t look him in the eye, but he could be in the same room as Billy without wanting to put his head in the doorway and slam it closed.

Which was progress.

“Hey, I was gonna text you. It cool if I smoke in here?” Steve toed off his shoes.

“Smoke like, pot?”

“Devil’s lettuce. Yeah.” He was grinning when Steve turned around.

“Knock yourself out. Just open a window or something.”

“You want some?” Billy had pulled out a cigarette case, a couple joints nestled securely inside.  Steve shifted his weight from foot to foot

This was a peace offering.

Getting stoned together and maybe talking shit out.

Plus, Steve wouldn’t mind gettin’ a little high.

“You know what, sure.” He flopped down on the opposite side of the couch.

Billy lit the joint, taking two long hits before passing it to Steve.

Steve settled into the couch, taking a steady hit.

They were quiet as they smoked down the joint, let the high settle in.

“Sorry about making you uncomfortable. Not really how I pictured my living situation.”

“Sorry for being the weirdest person ever.” Billy shifted on the couch, stretched one leg between them to gently kick Steve’s leg.

“You’re not weird. I mean, it’s a weird situation.” Steve coughed out a laugh, smoke pouring out of his mouth. “I know a lot about your personal sex life now.”

“Yeah. No one has seen me like you’ve seen me that isn’t actively fucking me.”

Billy laughed softly.

“Can I ask? Like, why such an extensive collection.” Steve shrugged.

“Toys are fun.”

“You’ve got a good amount.” Steve shrugged.

“I had this girlfriend in high school, and she didn’t really like having, like, penetrative sex, you know? She said it hurt a lot for her. So we’d do all kinds of other stuff, and one day she was like, what you think about anal? And I was like, I’m down to try and she kinda got quiet as was like, and what about you being the one receiving? And explained that she wanted to try pegging and I was like, honestly, I’m down for whatever. So, first time we do it, she got two fingers in me and I was like, fuck, this is it. Since then, I’ve just been all about it.”

Billy looked like he was trying not to laugh.

“Sorry. I kinda overshare when I’m high.”

“No! No, it’s totally cool.”

“I feel like you just know a lot about my asshole now.”

“You wanna hear about my dick? Even the score?” Steve looked at him.

Billy was grinning lazily, his eyes hooded. Steve felt himself smile slowly.

“Cut or uncut?” Billy took the joint from Steve.

“Uncut.” Steve raised one eyebrow.

“How long?”

“Hard, or soft?”

“Of course you know both.”

“That’s ‘cause the needy little bottoms on Grindr are always askin’.”

“On behalf of my people, hey. And hard. Hard is the only time dick size actually matters.”

“Just over seven inches.” Steve nodded slowly.

“Congratulations.” Billy barked out a laugh. “That’s an award-winning hog right there.”

“Yours ain’t too bad yourself.” Steve flushed.

“For one, glorious, second, I had forgotten you walked in on me.”

“Sorry to burst your bubble.”

“It’s okay.” Steve took another hit, the joint beginning to burn down to the filter. “I think the worst part was the position. If I had just like, been one my back or something. But no. I had to be fuckin’ upside down.”

“I’ve fucked someone in that position before. I think it’s a fan favorite.”

“You get really deep, and like, you can see it, which is hot. And then you end up cumming on your own face, which is like, all kinds of dirty.”

“So, you’re like, a sub then, too.”

“Mostly. I was fucking around with this one guy, and he liked it when I dommed him, so I would like, tie him to the bed and ride him and stuff. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love submitting, but that was pretty fun, too.”

“When you said you like it all, you really like it all.” Steve shrugged.

“If it feels good and everyone’s comfortable, what’s not to like?” Billy offered him the last hit, and Steve took it, putting out the smoldering roach in the ash tray Billy had no doubt set out. “Although I’m at the point where I can’t really cum unless there’s something up my ass. So like, on the off chance I do top, I gotta wear a plug or something.”

“Really?” Billy was appraising him. Steve just nodded.

Billy just smiled.

“Not to like, make this weird, but you do realize you just made eye contact with me, right?” Steve felt his face go hot.

“Don’t get used to it. Once I wake up tomorrow, I’m gonna regret telling you all of this, and go right back to begging for death every time I come within ten feet of you.”

“Oh, come on,” Billy groaned dramatically. “Quit bein’ so embarrassed! A sex toy collection is nothing to be ashamed of.”

“It is when it’s fuckin’ huge. And most of the toys are massive. And you’ve got five, five different monster cocks.”

“Five? Really? I only saw the two.”

“So I’ve got the tentacle one that you saw, and the big curvy red one that was on the floor that first day, I’ve also got a pointy kinda dragony one, a werewolf one with a bit knot at the bottom, and the demogorgon one, which is the biggest toy I have. I don’t use it a lot. Takes a while to work up to.”

“Yeah. I could, uh, see why.” Billy was grinning at him. “That’s quite a collection.”

“Hey, they’re the best ones I own. It’s not really about the whole, monster thing, for me, I mean, it can be, with the right fantasy, I guess. But, it’s more just the crazy shape and textures and stuff. You don’t get that in a lot of other companies. It just feels good.”

“Hey, you don’t gotta explain shit to me.”

“Yeah, but I’m absolutely zooted so I’m gonna over-explain and overshare my little heart out.”

“You wanna watch a movie? I was gonna watch Legally Blonde.” Steve gave Billy a look. “What? It’s a good fuckin’ movie.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m down for that.”

Steve went off to his room, re-emerging a few minutes later with the comforter off his bed, his jeans swapped out for a pair of shorts.

He flushed when he noticed Billy watching his thighs.

Chapter Text

Steve groaned when he woke up.

His head was pounding, and his back hurt. He shifted, leaning against something warm, something solid-

He yanked his body backward.

Billy was still asleep, still laying awkwardly against the armrest of the couch, one arm around Steve, his head tipped back, his mouth hanging open.

It was so fucking cute.

It was still dark out, Billy’s laptop open, the screen dark. 

Steve left the blanket over Billy, climbing into his own bed.

He was horribly sober, thinking about everything he had said last night.

He went hard, explaining everything to Billy. Explaining all his, his sexual explorations to Billy.

He closed his eyes before he could overthink too much, willing himself to fall asleep.

-

He woke up a few hours later, to the smell of pancakes.

Billy looked all sleep rumpled, his hair messy and soft.

It was making Steve soft.

Billy smiled at him.

“Morning.”

“Good morning.” There were two mugs of coffee on the counter. Steve poured some cream in one, wrapping both hands around it.

“How you feeling?”

“Like shit.” Billy grinned at him. “Haven’t gotten stoned in a minute.”

“Yeah, it hit you hard and fast last night.” Steve flushed. “Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Get all, blushy and embarrassed. We’re past that now, you and me.” He plated up a nice stack of pancakes, handing it to Steve.

There was butter and syrup on the counter as well.

Billy raised one eyebrow at the mass amounts of thick syrup Steve poured over his pancakes.

They sat opposite one another at the little table.

Steve just played with the syrup on his plate. Felt a little sick, a lot hungover.

“Eat.”

“Yes, Daddy.”

Steve froze, his eyes going wide as he stared at the sink across the room.

“Uh,” Billy began.

“Sorry! That’s a joke, with Robin. Every time she bosses me around, I, I say that.”

“Yeah.” Steve’s face was burning. “It’s fine.”

“Thanks. I’m gonna go, find a cliff, and step off of it now.” He got up swiftly, leaving his pancakes.

Billy caught his elbow.

He handed Steve the plate.

“Steve, it’s really okay.” Steve almost looked at him, and then he was gone, disappearing into his room.

He ate his pancakes slowly while sitting on his bed.

He thought he had finally made everything not weird with Billy, and now he’s made everything fucking worse.

Because of his stupid dumb brain.

It is a joke with Robin. He says it all the fucking time. She’ll say something like take your meds or drink some water or stop whining and he’ll say that, and she’ll roll her eyes and kick his shin.

And he was just so tired, and his brain so out of it that he slipped.

He could feel himself getting worked up.

He went digging through his backpack.

He hadn’t taken his anxiety meds in three days, what with getting drunk and smoking with Billy.

He stared at himself in the full-length mirror.

“You’re so very stupid. And no more drinking. You’re medicated for a fucking reason, you bitch.”

He took his medicine bag with him into the bathroom, taking a scalding hot shower.

He took his meds, and went back to bed.

Billy knocked on the door a few hours later.

“Yeah?” He poked his head in.

“I’m going to get coffee, you want anything?”

“To reverse rewind the past few days so that I can have normal interactions with you.”

“I meant like, a latte, or a bagel, or something.”

“I’m okay. Thank you.” Billy smiled at him.

“And don’t worry about this morning. I’ve already forgotten.”

“Lucky you.” Billy sighed, pushing into the room.

“It’s okay. Honestly, I thought it was funny.”

“Would’ve been funnier without the past few days happening.”

“Well, I’ll be gone for a bit. So, just, chill. Take care of yourself.” The door clicked closed behind him.

Steve reached for his phone.

“Robin, how fast can you come over and punch me in the face?”

“What’d you do now?”

“I accidentally called Billy daddy.”

She was silent for a moment before she burst into laughter.

Chapter Text

“I don’t know what to do.”

Billy thunked his head on the table. Heather reached out, absentmindedly scratching the back oh his head before withdrawing, going back to typing away at her laptop.

“Just fuck him.” Billy sat up properly, staring at her, unimpressed.

“But we have to like, live together. And he already gets so, awkward with me, if we fuck and then, that’s it, he’ll get weird.”

“Then date him.” She hadn’t looked at him the whole time, simply tapping away at her homework.

“But, what if things go bad, and we have to live together, or, or he moves out or something?” Heather sighed, giving him a look over her laptop.

“Billy, either you make a move, or you deal. You’ve been whining for days.”

“Because the universe dropped the perfect guy into my lap, and I can do shit all about it.” Heather sighed loudly.

“You could.”

“I can not fuck this up though. He left his medicine bag in the bathroom this morning, he’s on some pretty hardcore anti-anxiety and antidepressants and shit. And, like, we got high together, and he was definitely drunk the other night, so I don’t think he actually takes them, which is, something I don’t feel is my place to bring up to him. I mean, we’re like friends? I think after last night?” Heather was still typing quickly. “So, like, if this goes south, it could go south.”

“Billy, as shitty as it sounds, you can not constantly be worried about everyone around you. And, what if everything goes well? You ever think about that?”

“‘Course not. I’m a pessimist by design.” Heather closed her laptop a little bit, taking him in.

“If you’re really worried about him, maybe you could talk to someone. Didn’t you say he has a friend he talks about a lot?”

“Yeah, Robin.”

“If you’re freaked but you feel like it’s not your place, maybe talk to her?”

“But they were drinking together.”

“Maybe she doesn’t know? Maybe he doesn’t like to tell people. Were they like, right there or did you go snooping?” Billy looked down at the table, tracing the wood grain. “You did not.”

“I noticed him putting the medicine bag in his backpack when he went to Robin’s yesterday, and then it was there and it was open, I didn’t have to unzip it.”

“That’s not better.” Billy shrugged. “You’re a freak.”

“I’m concerned.”

“Steve’s a grownup. And besides, some medications you can drink on. It’s not, like, recommended, but you can.”

“Heather, you know I barely paid attention in psych.”

“Yeah, you napped next to me everyday and then copied all my notes. And somehow scored better than me on the final.” Billy grinned at her.

“Cramming works. If you don’t mind forgetting the material the second you finish the test.”

“Yeah, I prefer learning.”

“Nerd.” She kicked him under the table. He pouted at her.

“I don’t really know what to tell you here, Billy. If you can find a way to bring it up to him, then do so, but if not, trust that he’s managing himself. If he’s on those, he has a psychiatrist, a pharmacist, and probably a therapist that have explained everything to him.” Billy grunted, leaning forward to plant his forehead back on the table.

“I just feel stupid. I’m getting all, all-”

“Boyfriendy.” Billy lifted his head a little bit to let it fall back onto the table. “You know it’s true. You always get like this about the guys you like. All alpha-male overprotective.”

“It’s not my fault I only like guys that are, needy, and reliant.” Heather stared at him.

“A psychoanalyst would have a field day with you.” It was Billy’s turn to kick her under the table. He sat back up.

“He accidentally called me daddy today.” She stared at him.

“How do you accidentally call someone daddy?” Billy shrugged.

“Steve found a way.” He sighed, flicking at his empty mug. “He said it was a joke with his friend. That whenever she gets bossy he’ll say yes, Daddy. Which, I told him to eat, and he said that.”

“Jesus, you both are analyst bait.”

“Stop saying that.” She rolled her eyes, pushing her laptop back open, looking back over her work.

“I had to jerk off after he said it.” She choked, thumping on her chest as she coughed.

“That’s so much.”

“Like, the second he said it? Hard as a fucking rock.”

“Billy, I don’t wanna know that.”

“What? You like dick.”

“But not your dick.” He huffed.

“Just ‘cause my dick doesn’t like you-”

“It’s less your dick, more the you that comes attached to it.”

“Rude.”

“You want someone to talk about your dick with, go find Steve. Stick it in him while you’re at it.”

“Jeez, Heather. Do you have to be so graphic?”

She gave him another unimpressed look. Billy checked the clock on his phone.

“Actually, I should go. Steve seemed kinda in a funk when I left. Probably from not taking his fucking meds. I was gonna bring him dinner.”

Heather rolled her eyes.

“Alpha-male protectiveness.”

“Sorry that I’m thoughtful.”

“Yeah, a real daddy.”

Billy winked at her.

Chapter Text

Steve groaned at himself in the full-length mirror.

He had gone through nearly his whole closet by now, trying on different outfits.

He was kinda nervous.

Because he had an honest to God, date.

Robin was laying on his bed, scrolling through her phone while she did nothing to help him. 

He yanked off his sweater.

“What was wrong with that one?” She wasn’t looking at him.

“It just wasn’t right.” He was topless, pawing through the big pile of clothes scattered across his room, looking for something he had maybe overlooked.

Billy knocked on the open door, leaning casually on the door frame.

“Hey,” it had been a little over two weeks since the whole daddy incident, and Steve could actually look in Billy’s general area without wanting to cry from embarrassment.

Which, progress.

“I made some salmon and rice, if either of you are interested.” Robin put her phone down to give him an appraising look.

They hadn’t formally met yet. Just a few brushes in passing. She studied the way Billy was now staring at Steve, looking at him shirtless and hunched over.

To her, Steve looked like fucking Smeagol, pale and topless, digging frantically through his clothes. But Billy was looking down at him like he could devour him.

It was a lot.

“I, uh, I have a date. Tonight. So thank you, but, no thank you, I guess.” Billy smiled tightly at him, wrenching his eyes away to smile awkwardly at Robin. He barely even looked at her, his eyes drifting back to crouching goblin Steve.

“I’m okay, but thanks.” He nodded once, turning completely back to Steve.

“You should wear a black shirt with that green cardigan. Casual, but still nice.” He knocked his fist against the door frame as he pushed off to head back to the kitchen.

Steve scrambled for his black t-shirt, yanking it o and tucking it into his jeans, digging through his sweater drawer for the thick, emerald green sweater.

“Jesus, you really just let him boss you around like that.” He whipped around to glare at Robin.

“He gave a suggestion, which is more than I can say for you, and also keep your voice down.” He threw a shoe at the back of the door, causing it to slam.

“I thought I was gonna be sick, the way he was staring at you. Thought he was gonna jump your bones right there.” His face was dark red, the tips of his ears a matching shade.

“No, he wasn’t.” Robin just rolled her eyes.

“You’re painful. Painful. I’ve had to hear you going on and on about this guy for the past two weeks, and you haven’t just made a move. I thought you were sluttier than this.”

“That’s the point. I’m turning over a new leaf. A less slutty, less get my heart broken leaf.”

“Then just date Billy, you dingus.” He squawked at her.

“Keep your voice down!” He yanked on his worn brown boots, tying them and cuffing his jeans twice over the top. “Okay, what do you think?”

He looked nice.

She would never say that to his face, though.

“I think you should let me leave, then go bend over the kitchen table.”

“Stop.”

“Oh, so it’s fine when you overshare, but I imply one thing-”

“You implied nothing. You just told me to go get into position-”

“Please do not say it like that-” Steve’s phone went off on his nightstand and he jumped dramatically. Robin peered at it. “It says Chris from Tinder, oh Steve, Tinder?” He snarked at her, stomped to grab his phone and read the text.

“Oh, Jesus, he’s outside.” Robin took a deep breath, preparing herself for the freakout. “Oh my God.”

“Steve, take a breath.” He took a comically short gasp for breath. She raised one eyebrow. He took a slightly deeper one. “You’re gonna be fine. A date’s a date. Small talk, occasionally awkward. If it’s good, you have another one, if it’s bad, you call me for ice cream. Or fuck Billy.” He slapped her arm.

“I’m gonna ignore that last bit.” He hopped from foot to foot. “Okay. Okay. I’m gonna go.” He shoved his phone in his pocket.

Billy was sitting in the kitchen, scrolling through his phone while he ate dinner. He smiled brightly at Steve.

“Have fun. Let me know if he’s a dick, I’ll kick his ass.” Steve laughed. It was like his tension just melted away. She took an exasperated breath.

Steve was fucking kidding himself.

He just needed to pull his head out of his ass, and fucking date Billy.

-

The date was okay.

Kinda boring, and Steve didn’t really wanna go on another one with Chris, but it was okay.

He hadn’t gone on a date that didn’t actively suck in a while.

So he felt good.

The apartment was dark when he slipped inside.

He could hear sound from Billy’s room, figured he was watching a movie, and just pushed on in.

He really should’ve learned from Billy walking in on him.

Billy was facing him, breathing heavily, his eyes hooded.

And he was absolutely railing some guy.

Taking him from behind, one hand gripping the guy’s hip, the other shoving his face into the mattress.

He looked at Steve, never breaking his rhythm, his tongue lolling out of his mouth.

Steve was overly aware of how hard he is in his jeans, how tight Billy’s grip is in the other guy’s messy brown hair.

“Fuck! Billy!”

Steve turned on his heel, racing back out of the apartment.

He kept his head down, walking as fast as possible to Robin’s, willing himself not to think about Billy, the way he looked drilling into that guy, the way his eyes brightened when Steve walked in.

He pounded on her front door, frantically hitting it until she appeared.

She ushered him inside tiredly.

“Bad date?” He was all jumpy, his hands twitching.

“What?”

“Your date. Was it shitty?”

“Uh, no it was fine.”

“Then what’s up? You’re being weird.” He stared at her, his eyes wide.

“I walked in on Billy. Fucking someone else.”

“And it made you feel things.” He nodded miserably. She sighed. “Notting Hill?” He nodded again.

Chapter Text

“So, we should probably, like talk.”

Steve was standing in the doorway, squinting up at the ceiling.

He had spent the night at his friend’s place after walking in on Billy.

“Go ahead.” He could put Steve out of his misery, but Billy liked watching him squirm a bit.

“Just like, sorry for walking in on you. Should’ve learned by now that knocking is a, is a must in this household.”

“It’s okay.”

“I didn’t see anything. I mean, of yours. Saw most of his. And actually, I saw a lot of you, just not like, your actual, whole set up.” Steve was rambling, still staring at the ceiling. “Like obviously, you were very naked, so, like,I saw your body and like, that, but not you, you know-”

“You didn’t see my dick? Is that what you’re trying to say? You have a dick, you can say the word.”

 Steve huffed.

“I didn’t see your dick.”

“Wouldn’t’ve cared if you had.”

“I feel like we should maintain some mystery with one another. You’ve practically seen inside me, so, you know. That ship has sailed.” Billy snorted.

“Steve, I really don’t care. The only reason I don’t walk around naked all the time is ‘cause I figured you already can’t look at me.”

“Sorry to like, cramp your style.”

“Stevie, it’s fine. Quit worryin’ about everything.”

“There’s this super cool thing called generalized anxiety, don’t know if you’ve heard about it. Pretty much makes not worrying fucking impossible.” Billy barked a laugh. Steve smiled just a tiny bit.

“Well then, lemme reassure you, or whatever. I really feel all good. You haven’t cramped my style or, or made me uncomfortable. We just keep being idiots.”

“I, uh, I appreciate it. That’s nice of you, to say.”

“I’m here if you need it.” Steve took a deep breath, and actually looked at him.

Didn’t meet his eyes, but he looked at Billy’s chin.

Progress.

“Thank you.” Steve sighed, stretching his arms above his head. “I’m gonna take a shower. And a long nap.”

“Is that code for fucking yourself? ‘Cause I was gonna run to the dining hall, so I can just eat there if you want.”

Steve’s face was bright fucking red. He was staring at his shoes.

“I mean, if you want to stay there, that’s your choice-”

“I’ll be back in an hour. Or, maybe two? You need two? Usually I can just whack off and be done in ten minutes but like, if you’ve gotta shower and do it and then there’s some element of clean up-”

“Please stop talking. An hour is fine.”

“I’ll make it an hour and a half. Just so you’re not rushed.”

“Billy, I’m literally begging you to shut up.” Billy laughed again. He stood up, groaning as he did.

“I’ll say one thing about you bottom types, y’all never do any of the work. I’m fucking exhausted.”

“Yeah, well based on the way you were going at it, he won’t be sitting easily for at least another day.” Billy winked at Steve, clicking his tongue.

“That’s the goal, Baby.” He didn’t miss the way Steve’s flush deepened at the word baby.

But Billy put his shoes on, patting Steve on the shoulder once.

“Enjoy yourself. And your toys.”

“Totally planning on it.”

Chapter Text

Billy made a big show of leaving.

“Okay, Stevie! See you in no less than ninety whole minutes!” he had shouted through Steve’s closed bedroom door.

He had stomped all the way to the front door, rattling the doorknob before opening it, slamming it closed, and then locking, unlocking, and relocking the deadbolt from the outside about three times.

Steve just rolled his eyes.

He was elbow deep in his toy drawer, feeling through everything as he went.

He wanted to take his time. Get a few different sizes going on. Maybe work himself up to something big. He had the time, and he had the lube.

He started with a mid-size dildo. Nothing fancy. Dark blue, fairly realistic looking. With a big suction cup at the base.

He cleaned himself quickly, giving himself a few fingers in the shower before sticking the dildo to the shower wall.

It was a small standing shower, the perfect size for him to brace himself against one wall, and push his hips back against the the toy on the other.

He arched his back, one hand spreading himself as he positioned the dildo, pushing against the other wall.

He sank slowly onto it, the stream of hot water hitting his chest, his head thrown back.

He liked how cold the shower wall was when he pressed his cheeks against it, the toy buried all the way inside of him. He ground his hips back against it, before pulling forward, making the thing drag slowly inside of him.

He liked shower sex. It made clean up quick and easy. And the warmth of the water mixed with the warmth of another person was like heaven.

He pressed all the way back again, one hand coming to tightly grip his own hip. 

The wall was solid behind him.

Made him think of crashing into Billy that first day, how solid he is.

He gripped his hip tighter.

He had seen Billy do that to the guy he was fucking last night. He bets the guy had bruises in the shape of Billy’s fingers this morning.

He picked up his pace, sliding himself along the toy.

You bottoms never do any of the work.

He arched his back, throwing his ass back until he was smacking against the wall with every move.

He was moaning loudly, didn’t really care about making noise in his empty apartment.

His stomach was tightening. He was close. If he could just get a hand around his cock-

He pulled off the toy, breathing hard as he stepped fully under the shower spray.

He wanted to tease himself. Wanted to take his time and make it good.

He turned the water off when his heart had stopped pounding, cleaning off the toy with soap in the sink. He dried off haphazardly, not bothering to even brush his hair.

Bending over the sink, he brought out his second toy.

It was a plug. Bigger than the dildo, but not a size jump he couldn’t handle.

He pressed it in slowly, giving himself a little time to adjust before it was nestled all the way inside of him.

And then he did his after shower routine.

The toy was keeping him open, keeping him pent up as it shifted inside of him with every movement.

He took his time brushing out his hair, even put lotion over his whole body, teasing himself as he went, playing with his nipples, ignoring his cock.

He walked back to his bedroom naked. Likes the thrill of being exposed, without any real threat of actually being exposed.

Steve has learned from his living situation that being caught is actually terrible.

But prancing through the living room, pouring himself a glass of water, eating a packet of Ritz crackers, all while naked, and full, and hard, made him feel some typa way.

He made his way back to his bedroom, plucking one last toy out of his drawer.

It was big. Not nearly the biggest one he has, not even the sixth biggest, but it was long, and thick and had all these little ridges, little bumps along the shaft that caught and tugged at his rim so nicely.

He took his time lubing it up, used some of his nice stuff, the slick silicone warming kind.

He got on all fours on his rug, bending forward on his elbows, pressing on the plug inside of him, shifting it about.

He pulled it out, arching his back as he went. He replaced it with the slick toy, spreading his legs to keep himself open.

The toy stretched him open even wider, the ridges and bumps making him gasp and cry out until it was settled inside of him.

He sat there, his ass up and stuffed full, the toy pressed into his prostate.

He grabbed the base clumsily with one hand, pulling it out.

He moaned, letting his head flop against the floor as he jammed it back in.

It was punishing, the toy bruising into his spot, stretching him open.

Lube dripped down his crack, running down his balls, getting all over the inside of his thighs.

The rug was soft against his face, and he lowered down until his chest was against it as well. He was fucking himself roughly, one hand, sneaking up to thread into his own hair.

“Fuck, fuck.” He was getting close again, bucking his hips while moving the dildo, burying it deep and yanking it out quickly.

His thighs were twitching and clenching.

He wanted to get as close as he possibly could, until his stomach was burning.

He took the hand out of his hair, tugging once on his cock before shooting off, crying out as he came, choking on Billy’s name.

He had laid out a towel underneath his hips, getting cum on it and not his soft Target rug.

He was breathing heavy, the toy still buried inside him.

His eyes snapped open.

He hadn’t even registered thinking about Billy this whole time. It just felt so fucking natural, picturing his body on top of Steve’s, picturing his big hands holding Steve down, picturing his thick cock filling him up.

He slid his knees down, laying face down on the rug, toy still inside of him, just flopped in a puddle of his own cum.

He groaned.

He fucking likes Billy.

It’s more than just wanting to fuck him-wanting Billy to fuck him- he wants Billy.

Like actually fucking wants him.

Which is ugly. A very ugly situation for Steve to be living in.

He was still face down on the floor, his ass actually sore from the toy just inside, when he heard the front door open.

He had made sure to lock his bedroom door.

Billy knocked softly.

“I’m not coming in. Just home.” Steve grunted into the rug. “Did you eat dinner?”

“No. I’m busy.”

“Just make something before you go to bed.” Steve lifted his head to let it thunk onto the floor. “Was that your head?”

“No.”

“You okay?”

“Yes.” It was quiet for a moment.

“Just, get some dinner, okay?”

“Yeah. Sure.” Steve was most certainly not going to eat dinner just because Billy told him to.

No siree.

He ended up scraping himself off the floor, cleaning off his toys and the dried cum stuck to his stomach.

And ended the night squatting on the kitchen counter, wearing boxers and a too-big hoodie, eating cereal with his hood tied around his face.

Billy stepped out, taking one look at Steve and bursting out into laughter.

“You’re so weird. You know that, right?” Steve just took another bite of cereal. “So, how was your night of wild passion with yourself?”

“Good.” Billy smirked at him. Steve took another sloppy bite of cereal.

“Glad you had fun, then.” He clapped Steve once on the shoulder, laughing as Steve almost lost balance, some of his milk spilling out of his bowl onto the counter. “Goodnight, Weirdo.”

“Goodnight, Asshole.” Billy stopped, feigning concern.

“Oh, do you want me to say goodnight to your asshole? It’s had a long day, I’m sure-” Steve threw his spoon at Billy.

Chapter Text

Billy slammed his plate down, making Heather jump.

She was sitting across from some blonde chick Billy didn’t know.

“Jesus, warn a gal next time.” He tossed himself into the seat next to her, groaning loudly and keeling over, letting his head drop into her lap. “Hi. I see that you’re doing well.”

“He’s in there masturbating.”

“And that’s my problem, how?”

“Because he’s in there. And he’s fucking himself. And I wanna fuck him.” Her nails were scratching at his scalp. She always had immaculate nails, painted perfectly.

“This is Billy, and he is either in love or just very deep lust with his roommate.”

“Yeah, Steve’s roommate. We’ve met. Well, more like I watched him stare longingly at Steve.”

Billy’s head shot up, slamming on the underside of the table.

“Fuck!” He sat up, the side of his head stinging. Heather had one hand over her face, her shoulders shaking. “Robin.”

The blonde girl raised one eyebrow.

“So, Steve has mentioned me.”

“A time or two.”

“He talks about you a lot. Whines about making himself look like an idiot.”

“I don’t think he’s an idiot.”

“Then tell him that.” They stared at one another.

“I’m gonna ask you not to tell him anything that Heather has ever said about me.”

“And I’m gonna tell you that he’s my best friend in this whole world, and that if he gets hurt, in any way, I am not above murder.”

“I think we’re square, then.” She nodded once.

“So our little Steven is just railing himself right about now, then?” Heather’s cheeks were red after her stifled laughing fit.

“He said he was gonna shower and take a nap, and I was like, is that code for jacking off? and he got all blushy, like he does, so I said I would clear out for a little while. Just to give him, peace of mind, or whatever.”

“Yeah, next time that happens, just be like would you rather have a toy, or this dick?” Heather puffed up her chest when she imitated him, making her voice all deep, furrowing her brow.

“That’s just it, unless I suddenly sprout some crazy demon dick, I think his answer would be toy.”

“Steve may be a slut, but he’s a slut with an ooey gooey center. He loves romance, and love, all that sappy shit.” Robin reached across the table to steal a baby corn out of Billy’s stir fry as she spoke. “He’s got relationship issues, so he’s trying to take his time and date, which is like, not going awesome for him, just by the way. But that’s mostly why he isn’t hopping from dick to dick like he was last year.”

“He was hopping from dick to dick last year, and I missed it?” Heather patted him on the shoulder. It felt very sarcastic. Billy bat her hand away.

“I’m just saying, if he found true love, or whatever it is he’s looking for on Tinder, he would rather a person to a toy. Or, probably a person that would use the toy on him, knowing him. He’s probably into that.”

“See, Heather? I fucking said I couldn’t just fuck him and move on. I said.”

“Yeah, but you meant it all mopey and losery, not like, because Steve wants more, so basically you’re still the worst.” Billy flicked a piece of noodle at her. She slapped his arm.

Robin sighed, leaning over the table conspiratorially.

“Look. I’m not gonna get in the middle. I’ve been in the middle of Steve’s shit way too much for one lifetime. You both are grown up, y’all can talk. All I will say, is that he’s, an anxious mess at the best of times. Don’t take that for a no. You sit him down, you have a talk, he’s good. The ball can not be in his court. He will have no fucking idea what to do with it.”

“I just-” Billy sighed. “He can’t even look me in the eye.”

“Yeah, you and like, all other men. And all authority figures. And anyone that’s seen him naked. Don’t think yourself special.” Billy rolled his eyes.

“I mean it like, how am I supposed to have a big mushy feelings talk, which, mind you, is not my fucking specialty, if he can barely be in the same room with me?”

Heather sighed.

“You said almost the same shit two weeks ago. And I’ll just say what I did then. Either figure your shit out, or move on.” Billy pouted, whining loudly and stomping his feet.

“I don’t wanna. I just want everything to happen around me.” Heather gave Robin a pointed look.

“And you think you have it bad?”

“That just proves they’re probably fucking made for each other. Steve does the same stupid shit all the damn time.” Billy’s face felt hot. Robin pursed her lips. “Just talk to him. I’m staying out of it.

She took a breath, turning back to Heather, asking her something about the philosophy class they apparently shared.

Billy just tried to mull it all over.

Robin basically said he had a decent shot. As long as he did all the heavy lifting. All the emotional heavy lifting.

Which Billy doesn’t think he’s qualified for.

Fuck.

Chapter Text

There was a soft knock on Steve’s door.

“Come in.”

“Uh, hey I was just-what are you doing?” Steve was curled up face down on his rug, rolled into a tight ball. He was still in his hoodie and boxers from last night. It was currently late evening.

“Having spicy brain time.” Billy stared at him.

“Are you okay?”

“Steve is not available to answer the phone right now. Please leave your name and number, and he’ll get back to you.” Billy huffed a laugh behind him.

There was shuffling, and then thick arms were wrapping around Steve, manhandling him until Billy was carrying him, bridal style, like it was easy.

“Um, what are you doing?”

Billy was carrying him across the apartment, into his bedroom. He tossed Steve on the bed.

“Stay.” He disappeared back into the kitchen.

Steve looked around sheepishly.

The room was the same general set up as his own. University provided bed and desk.

Billy had a few posters, a couple pictures tacked up.

His room was pretty cozy. He had a few mismatched blankets on the bed, his laptop closed and charging on the neat desk.

The had filled the built in shelf with books, classic literature and plain journals.

Steve was almost, itching to pull one of those journals down, begin pawing through it.

But then Billy had made his way back, with a cup of water, and a steaming mug of something.

He handed both to Steve.

“Have you taken your meds?” Steve nodded. “Good.” He sat down on the bed next to him. “You wanna talk about it, or just watch a movie?”

Steve was just staring at the mug.

Billy had made him hot chocolate.

Steve didn’t even know that there was hot chocolate mix in this apartment.

Meaning that Billy had some. Meaning that he made himself hot chocolate.

And now was making it for Steve.

To make him feel better.

It could make a guy cry.

“I think I just wanna watch a movie.”

“Okay. Something lighthearted?” Steve nodded. Billy had put marshmallows in the hot chocolate. Something else Steve didn’t even know they had.

Billy got his laptop from the desk, sitting cross legged next to Steve. He opened up Netflix. 

“My go to on a shitty brain day is usually like, Disney or something.” Steve made a noncommittal sound. “Who’s your favorite princess?”

“Don’t have one.”

“Bullshit. Everyone’s got a favorite princess.”

“Who’s yours, then.” Billy turned to appraise Steve, flicking one eyebrow up.

“Belle.”

“Belle?”

“Yeah. She’s the prettiest one.”

“She’s like, smart, too.” Steve was blowing on the hot chocolate, taking a small sip.

“Yeah. I like her. I don’t think any of that shit’s on Netflix, though.”

Steve took the laptop from him, quickly logging into his own Disney+ account. He and Robin shared it. Meaning he paid for it with his dad’s credit card and Robin used it.

He queued up Beauty and the Beast.

“Wait, we don’t gotta watch it just because-”

“Nah. That’s what I want.”

And Billy just let slip the softest little okay, covering Steve’s criss-crossed legs with one of the miscellaneous blankets.

They watched it quietly for a while.

Steve finished his hot chocolate, and Billy gave him a Look until he finished the water too.

It was nice, just sitting there with him.

But Steve still felt like shit.

“Um, can I ask you a favor?”

“‘Course you can, Stevie.”

“Could you, like, play with my hair? Sorry, it’s kinda weird, it just calms me down-” Steve hadn’t even finished before Billy was scooting until his back was against the wall, his legs stretched out in front of him.

He patted his lap.

Steve shifted, laying curled sideways, his head on Billy’s thigh.

Thick fingers wasted no time tangling up in his hair.

Billy just pulled his fingers through a few time, gently playing with the ends, scratching at Steve’s scalp.

He got both hands in there, French braiding Steve’s hair, shaking it out only to Dutch braid it.

He wasn’t even paying attention to the movie anymore, just focusing on how fucking soft Steve’s hair is, how many different shades of brown and honey gold were streaked throughout.

He didn’t even realize Steve had fallen asleep in his lap.

Chapter Text

“Hey, Stevie.”

Steve groaned, curling further under the warm blanket.

“Pretty Boy, c’mon.” He groaned again, smushing his face against the soft pillow. “You can sleep in here if you want, but I’m going to bed. Figured I’d give you the option.

Steve was blearily awake now, somewhere in between dead asleep and actually coherent.

he just stared at Billy.

His head was still in his lap.

That soft pillow? Billy’s thigh.

“Sleep in here?” His voice was all gravelly. ‘Cause, well, obviously he’s half alseep.

“I don’t mind bunking together. Especially don’t mind cuddled.” Steve stretched lazily. Billy scratched at his scalp.

“-‘ll sleep here.” Billy smiled down at him, shifting Steve’s head off his lap, getting both hands under his armpits to pull Steve up the bed.

Steve just went, giving Billy these sleepy doe eyes that made him melt just a little inside.

He rolled over once Billy got him situated on the pillow, curling up facing the wall.

Billy brushed his teeth, glaring at himself in the mirror.

“It’s not creepy. Yeah, you like him, but he’s also your friend. Your friend who’s having a bad night. Plus, it’s not like I’m gonna make a move on him while he’s asleep. No. It’s fine. It’s fine.” He spat harshly, rinsing out his mouth. “It’s fine.”

Steve was asleep in his bed when he found his way back into his room. He was snoring softly. Billy tried not to die.

He usually slept naked. Boxers at the most, but, this was a delicate situation.

He’s made Steve uncomfortable too much in the short time they’ve lived together.

He calculated it out.

Steve’s only in boxers, so Billy should wear pants, but, Steve’s got a sweatshirt on. A hoodie that must be two or three sizes to big for him. So, Billy could be shirtless, and there’d be no skin to skin contact, and he won’t feel like he’s creeping on his roommate.

Cool.

He stripped off, yanking on an old pair of sweats before carefully climbing into bed with Steve.

They had to be spooned together, the bed too small for anything else.

And Billy didn’t think this through at all.

Because the second he put one arm around Steve, Steve sighed, and wiggled back closer to him, and his ass was against Billy’s hips, and he was shifting.

Don’t you dare get hard, Billy. Don’t you dare.

And then Steve went limp again, and the accidental grinding thankfully stopped.

Steve was warm in his arms, and every couple of minutes his leg would twitch against Billy’s. His hair smelled so good, and all Billy wanted to do was just, hold him forever.

It was easy to fall asleep like that, wrapped around Steve.

-

Steve woke up warm.

He cuddled into it, cuddled into the fucking space heater that was Billy behind him.

Billy had one arm over Steve, heavy on his waist. His body was solid behind Steve’s, and Steve felt fucking safe, Billy caging him in bed. Between himself and the wall.

The pillow smelled good. Smelled like the light cologne that followed Billy in a sweet trail.

Steve buried his nose in it. And then he had, an idea.

He turned around, flopping over as slowly and carefully as he possibly could.

They’ve done this before, when they got high together and Steve woke up with his face pressed against Billy’s chest.

He flipped over, taking in Billy’s face.

He had put his hair up before bed, some curls escaping from the, now messy, little ponytail.

His face was relaxed, his mouth open a tiny bit. His cheek was smushed against the pillow.

Fuck, he’s so damn cute.

Like, Steve knows Billy’s hot. He has working eyes.

Billy’s that kinda, what your mama warned you about hot. He’s dirty, and gives the illusion of bad.

But here, here his face was all soft, the light filtering in warmly through the window.

His lips looked so plush, so pink, Steve wanted to nibble on his bottom lip.

And he had little freckles.

Dusting over his nose and cheekbones. Little spots that Steve’s never noticed before.

He reached up softly to brush his fingers over them.

Billy’s nose scrunched up in his sleep. Steve tried not to coo out loud.

He just took in Billy’s face, and when he was sure he had memorized it, curled in close to him, pressing his nose to Billy’s neck.

Chapter Text

Billy woke up when Steve’s elbow dug deeply into his side.

It knocked all the wind out of him, and he wheezed.

Steve was staring at him with wide eyes.

“Sorry, I was trying to climb over you out of bed, and I slipped, sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Billy’s voice was still hoarse, Steve was biting his lip. “What you gettin’ outta bed for?”

“Uh, ‘cause it’s your bed?”

“So?”

Steve just stared at him.

“You do realize, if you open the cuddle gate, you’re never getting a break from me, right? I’m clingy.” Steve made his voice go up on the clingy, waving one hand like it illustrated it.

“I’m fine with that.”

Billy was fine with that. He was so fucking fine with that. To the point where it was less fine with that and more actively wanting that.

Steve just watched him, and then crashed down on top of Billy.

Billy was still laying on his side, Steve’s upper body flopped over his torso.

“You’ve resigned yourself to a life of this now,” He said it like it was a warning.

“Yeah, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this.” Billy just extracted his arm, rolling onto his back so Steve was laying more comfortably on his chest.

He held him close.

“You’re warm,” he said into Steve’s hair.

“Just a lil furnace for ya.”

“It gets too cold here.” Steve’s head shifted, turning to look at Billy.

“I just realized I don’t know where you’re from. I know shit all about you.”

“You know how big my dick is.” Steve squawked, his cheeks going pink. Billy laughed softly at him. “I’m from California.”

“Makes sense. You look like California.”

“How does someone look like a state?”

Steve huffed.

“i just mean, you got the whole beachy surfer thing. With the hair and the tan and the freckles.”

“I fucking miss surfing.”

“And I called it.”

Billy pinched his side, getting a little yelp from Steve. He hid his face back in Billy’s chest. Billy could feel his breaths puffing out softly against his skin.

“Why’d you come here? California to Indiana is kind of a jump.”

“This school gave me a full ride. And my dad wasn’t gonna help me pay. So, here I am.”

“Good job. A full ride that’s-” Steve’s dad was paying the full brunt of in-state tuition. Because what fucking school would give Steve an academic scholarship?

He still remembers senior year, his final basketball season. Scouts coming to games to watch for players in the stands.

Even Tommy H. had gotten a basketball scholarship.

Granted, it was some Christian school in Texas, but Steve would kill to be any where but Indiana State.

But if he wasn’t here he never would’ve met Billy.

“Hey, where’d you go?”

“Down the shitty rabbit hole that is my shitty life.”

“Oh, come on. You’re life’s not shitty. You’ve got like, the best roommate in the world, you’ve got a mildly terrifying collection of anal toys-”

“Is this supposed to be helping me?

“Yes, now hush. As I was saying, you’ve got just the best roommate ever. This guy is cool, he’s hot, he’s caring-”

“He’s humble.”

“Shut up.” But there was a laugh in Billy’s voice. “You never said where you’re from.”

“Fucking here. Well, a few hours north of here.”

“Nice. Close to home.”

Steve groaned.

“Yeah, wanted to be far from home but this is all I could swing. I pretend it’s further, though. That’s why I don’t go home on weekends or anything like Robin does sometimes.”

“I get that.”

“I’ve never even left the state, Dude. My parents used to travel all the time and I’d just be home alone for weeks. Something about not appreciating culture or some shit.”

“That’s kinda fucked.”

“I think it was code for we don’t really like Steve.”

“My parents don’t like me either.”

“It’s a fun vibe.” Billy hummed.

“Makes you feel real unlovable.”

“Ugh, yes. Billifer, you get me.”

Billy barked a laugh, making Steve bounce a little on his chest.

“I just get shitty parents.”

It made sense. Steve’s severe lack of eye contact, the way his brain goes from zero to panic in the blink of an eye.

Robin said he can’t make eye contact with most men and authority figures.

Fuck, Billy gets it.

“I especially get shitty dads.”

“What? Are my daddy issues written across my forehead, or something?”

“Well, you did call me dad-”

“Billy, I swear to God, if you ever bring that up again I’m gonna jump in front of a bus.” Billy laughed again.

“No, I just, game recognizing game, I guess.”

“You really just said game recognizing game for daddy issues. I hate you.”

“If you hated me you wouldn’t be on top of me right now.”

“You’d be surprised.”

“Is this a good story? Robin said you used to be a slut.” Steve’s head flew back up to look at Billy.

“When did you talk to Robin about me?” Fuck.

“The day before yesterday. When I, uh, gave you that alone time, she was eating with Heather.”

Steve’s mouth went into a perfect little o. Billy tried not to think about shoving his cock in that little o.

“So, Heather, is Heather Heather. Robin’s totally hot for her.”

“Heather’s pretty non-discriminatory about dating, so I’d say she has a shot.”

“Nice.” And then he reached down to dig through the big pocket on the front of his hoodie, and his hand was moving too much, and he was jostling around, and practically pawing at Billy’s dick through the pocket.

And Billy’s only human.

Steve stopped moving suddenly.

“Uh-”

“Sorry, you were just kinda, touching it and-”

“No, that’s my fault, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, I mean, sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable-”

“No, I’m fine, I’ll just, uh, give you some space, to, uh, deal-”

And then Steve was trying to get out of bed again, and he swung one leg over Billy.

And those boxers were thin, and Steve was, for intents and purposes, straddling Billy.

And he was hard too.

They both went still, staring each other down.

And then Billy slid his hands up Steve’s thighs, pushed them up his sweatshirt to settle on his waist, and Steve’s breath hitched.

Chapter Text

Billy’s hands were searing fucking hot on Steve’s waist.

And then they went lower, dipping in the waistband of his boxers, pulling them down as he slid his hands back, grabbing good handfuls of Steve’s ass with each.

Steve was breathing heavy, his chest heaving.

He ground his hips down, and Jesus, those thin boxers did nothing to stop the slide of his cock, hard and firm against Billy’s, tenting his sweatpants.

“Fuck, Stevie.” Billy dug his fingers into the meat of Steve’s ass spreading his cheeks apart, his left hand dipping lower, one finger drifting dryly over his hole.

“I-fuck-I can’t.”

Steve grabbed Billy’s wrists, wrenching his hands off his body, tugging his boxers back up, and throwing himself off Billy’s lap.

He was gone before Billy had even registered what had happened.

“Wait, Steve!”

Steve’s door slammed just as Billy was leaving his own room. He heard the lock click.

“Steve! I’m sorry, I thought-”

“No, it’s fine. I just, we’re finally friends. I don’t wanna ruin it.”

“We don’t, ruin it?”

“I know how this works, Billy.” Steve’s voice was clear, like maybe he was leaning against his side of the door. “I can’t be your friend and let you fuck me. I can’t-not with you.”

“Steve, I, that’s not what,” Billy was stuttering, so completely out of his depth.

Robin had told him this conversation had to be all him, that Steve wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Which in theory, is great.

But in practice,

Billy’s shit at talking about his feelings.

“I don’t wanna be your friend.”

“Oh, well that’s great.”

“No!” Billy thunked his head against the door. “That’s not what I meant. I meant to say, I just, I’m really hot for you.”

“Awesome.”

“But like, emotionally. Like I have a boner for you, but it’s, my feelings have a boner for you.”

“So, you have a metaphorical boner for me.”

“And a real one but lets not focus on that right now.” There was silence for a moment.

“What are you trying to say, Billy?”

“That I, I have, I feel things for you. Mushy fuzzy things.”

“So, you like me?”

“Yeah.”

Billy heard the lock turn, backing away from the door.

“You have romantic feelings towards me?”

“Yes.”

“And you wanna fuck me?”

“Fuckin’ obviously I do. Do you not remember in my bed just now?” Billy pointed over his shoulder, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

Steve almost laughed.

“So, you don’t wanna be my friend, because you wanna be more than my friend?”

“Yes.”

“And more than fuckbuddies?”

“Literally so much more.”

“Like, my boyfriend?”

“Absolutely.”

Turns out Billy was not doing the emotional heavy lifting.

He was just rambling awkwardly and letting Steve sift through the word soup.

He hoped it was working in his favor.

Steve looked down at his hands, hidden by his sweatshirt sleeves.

“I don’t wanna have sex right away.”

“That’s fine!”

“I wanna go slow.”

“Then we will! Honest, Stevie, that’s completely okay.”

“I, I wanna be exclusive, then. No fucking other people.”

“Anything you want.”

Steve finally looked up at him.

“Serious?”

“Dead serious.”

And then Steve smiled at him, big and bright, and he hopped from foot to foot, and Billy was laughing, and wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist to pull him into a tight hug.

“You wanna go out tonight? First date, and all that?”

Billy pulled back, kissing Steve once on each cheek.

“Yeah I do, Pretty Boy. First date.”

Chapter Text

“Okay, what about this?”

Robin barely looked up at Steve from her phone, taking in his outfit.

“Yeah. Good.”

He was wearing a shirt and jeans, nothing fancy, one of his million cardigans over top.

He had made Robin come over to help him choose an outfit for his date.

His first date with Billy.

And sure, she’s glad one of them finally made a move. Kinda. But she’s also not looking forward to this being her life now.

“But like, could it be better?”

“I think you look fine.”

She wasn’t watching to see the way Steve’s face crumbled a bit.

“I can’t-fine. Need, I don’t-”

Fuck.

She knows that babble. The way Steve’s words mix up.

It always means panic attack. 

“Steve, take a breath.”

“But it’s, I don’t-”

She stood up from his bed, taking both his hands to make him sit on the edge of the bed.

“Steve, listen to me, okay?” His eyes were wide, flicking all around the room. He wasn’t breathing regularly, and his hands had wormed his way into his hair, tugging sharply. “Steve, you’re safe. You’re at home. I’m right here for you. Where are your meds?”

Steve shook his head. She raised one eyebrow.

“Did you take them today?” A nod. “Good. That’s good, Steve.”

She knows he has medication for panic attacks. Kind of a last resort thing.

It basically just knocks him out.

She took a quick scan around the room, seeing his little blue medicine bag on the desk.

She grabbed it, rummaging through for the right bottle.

This one was bad.

Steve had tears pushing down his cheeks, dripping off his jaw.

“Steve, here.” She held out the bottle to him.

He shook his head again.

“I don’t, gonna miss it.”

“I’ll talk to Billy, okay? You need to focus on being okay.”

Steve just sobbed out, shaking his head more.

He surged forward, knocking Robin off balance as he made his way to the floor, curling up in on himself.

“Okay. Okay, Steve. Focus on your breathing. In for two, hold for seven, out for eight.”

He had three or four breathing exercises from his therapist.

“I can get Elizabeth on the phone if you need her.”

Steve was doing the breathing as she had suggested. She sat next to him, rubbing his back softly to remind him that she was still there.

“I can talk to Billy if you need me to.”

Steve made a sound like a kicked puppy.

Yeah, this date isn’t happening tonight.

And almost as if he could sense Steve’s distressed brainwaves, Billy knocked on the door.

“No.”

“Okay. Stay here.” Like Steve was gonna go anywhere.

She stood quickly, opening the door and pushing Billy back to stand in front of him.

“Yeah, it’s bad.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” Billy looked nice. Good jeans and a striped light button-down, unbuttoned to the bottom of his sternum. It was obvious he put in effort, and that made Robin feel a little burst of excitement on Steve’s behalf.

“He’s having a panic attack.”

Billy’s brows immediately furrowed, and he looked past Robin to the cracked door.

“Can I do anything? I don’t know if talking to him would help, but I can. Just make sure he knows it’s okay if we don’t do anything tonight.”

“Yeah, I will.” She smiled at him, turning to go back to Steve.

“Uh, Robin?” She turned back to him. Billy had an odd look on his face, and he was biting his inner cheek. “Is it me? Did I, did I do something?”

“I’m not gonna say no, because he can’t even make words happen right now, so I don’t know what it is, but I will say, I highly doubt it.”

Billy smiled at her weakly.

“Make sure he knows it’s okay to not go out tonight. And that, you know. I’m here if he needs me. But it’s okay if he doesn’t. Thank you, Robin.”

He watched her walked back into Steve’s room before going to his own, leaving the door ajar in case Steve wanted to come through.

Steve was still curled up, but she looked at her when the door closed.

“He’s mad at me?” His voice was rough, all choked up.

“No, he’s not. He told me to tell you that it’s okay if you don’t want to do anything tonight. He said he’ll be in his room if you want him, but that it’s okay if you don’t. He was dressed really nice.”

Steve leaned over to rest against her knees.

He was still taking focused, practiced breaths.

It hadn’t been too bad of an attack. She’s seen worse with Steve, but he’ll be exhausted all night.

“I don’t think you two should go out. But maybe you could sleep with him? You said that made you feel really good last time.”

It’s actually what sold her on Billy.

When she got that phone call after they talked about their feelings, the way Steve described the night before, how Billy had held him and played with his hair. Soothed the bad feelings right out of him.

“Can you get him?”

“If you take your pill.”

Steve sighed, but held out his hand above his head. She deposited one of the pills into his palm, tossing the sealed bottle back into his medicine bag.

“Get changed if you can. I’ll get him and leave you both to the cuddling, is that okay?”

“Yeah.” He rolled over until he was on his side facing her.

He looked like shit.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay. You know I’m always here for you.”

“Still sucks. That you gotta baby me all the time.”

“That’s just because you are baby.”

He almost smiled. She patted his shoulder, her knees creaking as she got up.

Billy was sitting on his bed, and jumped when she knocked lightly, pushing the door open.

He faltered a bit when he noticed she wasn’t Steve.

“He wants you. He’s got something for his panic attacks, but really, they just knock him out. He said he just wants to cuddle and sleep with you.”

Billy’s face fucking lit up.

It was kinda gross.

“Okay! I’ll change and come grab him-”

The door opened a bit more and Steve shuffled past Robin, drowning in his same too-big hoodie and a pair of sweat pants.

He didn’t say anything, just climbed into Billy’s bed and curled up facing the wall, the blanket pulled up to his eyes.

“Or he’ll come in here.”

Robin shrugged.

“Take care of our Dingus. Steve, I’m leaving now. Call me if you need me, okay?”

There was a grunted reply from Steve.

She closed the door softly behind her.

She could hear shuffling and Billy’s voice, quietly saying just gimme a second, Baby. Then I’ll hold you all night.

Chapter Text

“I’m sorry,” was the first thing Steve croaked out to Billy all night.

They had been laying in Billy’s bed, spooned tightly together as Billy drew patterns with his fingers on Steve’s arm.

“I’m not upset.”

“I ruined our date.”

“Didn’t ruin shit. This is as good a date as any.”

Steve squirmed a little against him.

“This is lame. I’m lame.”

“Then, I’m the fucking lamest, because this is the best date I’ve ever been on.”

“This isn’t a date, Billy. Stop calling it that,” Steve huffed miserably, drawing in tighter on himself.

“What’s a date? Two people that are all hot for one another hanging out. Is that not what this is?”

“But dates are, they’re special. They’re nice.”

“And this is pretty fucking special and also the nicest. I rest my case.”

Steve squirmed again.

“If it’s a date, then we should get to know each other. Y’know, like people that aren’t lame do on dates that aren’t lame.”

Billy cast around for a bit.

“Okay, then. What’s your favorite color?”

“Green. What’s yours?”

“Red.”

“Christmas.”

“Hmmn?”

“You and me. We’re Christmas,” Steve’s voice was small, but small like he was trying to hold back a laugh, not small like he felt bad, and it made Billy’s stomach do something he didn’t care to put much more thought into.

“Festive? Fun? History of drinking to get through family fights and the passive-aggression of random relatives? Sounds like us.”

“Don’t forget ruined by capitalist agenda.”

Billy snorted a laugh.

“You’re fucking funny. I forget that sometimes I think, and then you come outta left field with shit like that.”

“Thanks, it’s the mental illness.”

Billy just laughed softly again, his breath puffing on Steve’s neck, making him shiver.

“It’s cool that you talk about stuff like that.”

“Like what?”

“Being mentally ill, and stuff.”

“Well, I just make jokes about it and stuff. Plus you’ve already seen some cute and casual breakdowns, so,” Steve trailed off.

“I just mean, my dad was all about the kinda man up shit. So we pretended all that stuff didn’t exist, you know? I like that you make jokes about it.”

“My dad’s like that. He always told me to be a man, and to stop acting like a child about stuff. I don’t know. I got bad enough that it got kinda hard to ignore, though. And I think for him, it’s easier to have me medicated, and in therapy, stuff that’s like, behind closed doors, than to have me in a facility where his fancy business friends would talk.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

Billy let that lie for a moment.

“I’ve been thinking. That maybe I should give it a shot. Therapy.”

“Oh, I think everyone in the world should go. I think it should be free and available-sorry. That’s a tangent. I could help you find someone? If you wanted my help?”

“I don’t think I have insurance. Like, I still have the card with my dad’s insurance information on it, but I don’t know if I can still use that, or if it even covers stuff like that, and the school one was kinda pricey, so I don’t know if I even could.”

“Well, some therapists have fairly cheap rates, and you just pay out of pocket, but I also know that there’s like, resources. Groups that are free. Stuff like that. I’ll help you.”

“Thanks. I just, the way you’re open about that stuff, it makes me think, you know? I’ve been through some shit, and I’m so good at hiding it all, I even hide it from myself.”

Steve was still for a moment, and then he heaved, flopping over without any grace, wiggling to face Billy in the small bed.

“I’ll listen to you, whenever you need. You know that, right? Like, I don’t want you to think that because I’ve got my own shit I’m not here for yours, or something like that.”

Billy smiled at him softly.

“Thanks, Sugar.” And he moved to lean in, moved to press their lips together, stopping himself mid action and jerking his head back. “Sorry, I should-can I kiss you? I want to, but I don’t want to push your boundaries or-”

“Oh my god, that’s so fucking hot.”

Steve surged forward, wrapping his arm around Billy to place a hand at the nape of his neck, fingers tangling in his hair.

They pressed their lips together, and Steve opened his mouth a tiny bit, just enough to run his tongue along Billy’s bottom lip, dipping it just slightly inside.

Billy opened his mouth, let Steve push his tongue nearly down Billy’s throat before pulling back slightly.

“Wait, what’s hot?”

“Asking for consent is literally my biggest turn on.”

And Steve was right back in, and Billy wrapped both arms around him, sliding one awkwardly underneath him to pull them closer together.

He kept his hands from wandering, kept himself from sliding them up Steve’s sweatshirt to touch his bare skin.

Steve said he wanted to wait and Billy was gonna hold them both to that.

And almost as if Steve could read his thoughts, he pulled back, his lips red and slick, his bottom lip just a little bit swollen from Billy tugging on it with his teeth.

“Sorry, I don’t wanna get caught up and go too far.”

“Of course, Stevie. We agreed to wait a bit.”

And Steve smiled at him, lazy and fucking gorgeous.

“Not so bad for a first date, huh?”

“Best one I’ve ever had, Pretty Boy.”