Archive of Our Own ^beta

Five had enough. 

‘Look, I’m just trying to talk to you reasonably,’ said Vanya in a voice that made it clear she was hiding just how upset she was, poorly hiding he might add. He was upset as well, and he had enough. More than enough actually. 

They had been kicked out of the academy.

 Sparrow academy! 

And forced into this hotel. Everyone, all six of them, into a single room, and yes, everyone was stressed and upset and yes, Klaus was singing that stupid Backstreet Boys song that Five hated when since he was a kid so forgive him for having enough of all of this. Of them. He had done everything he could- literally everything imaginable to save these ungrateful assholes, who still wouldn’t listen to him and constantly came up with new ways to try his patience and ruin his solid and good plans.

Every one of his siblings got a meltdown over this, and he freaking deserved one too.

‘Five, maybe we should-’

‘Just do as I say!’ he barked at her causing Klaus to shut up as well looking at the two like a child who just witnessed its parents fighting for the first time. 

‘Just once, just freaking once, can you do as I tell you?’ he asked with more venom than he ever did show toward her. With others, he was an asshole almost all the time, not with her though, not like this though. Never with her. But he was tired and frustrated, and if felt like over the last two weeks since he had a decent cup of coffee in peace not to mention proper sleep. And the honest brutal truth was maybe he was still a bit pissed with her for leaving him in the middle of the crossroads before running off to her farm girl further adding to the horrible outcome that was their first attempt at returning home. So sue him for losing his cool even with her.

Five saw the shocked look painted across her face instantly transformed into a devastated one before it ended on that neutral look, he recognized from the first time he showed at dad’s funeral when she was still numbed down by the high dosage of her pills.

Her voice was low and emotionless and that cut him deeper into the chest than any knife would. ‘Okay.’

Five shook his head, ‘I’m-.’

‘It’s fine,’ she said. 

It wasn’t, and they both knew it.

He thought back to the times they were kids. How much easier things were? How much more connected they seemed? Open with one another about everything. Their hopes, dreams, and fears? Now it felt…it felt like he was losing the one person he thought could hold out the memory of who he was and maybe help him find himself and that person again. It felt gut-wrenching if he was being completely honest with himself, but he tried not to let it get to him and reveal it to the others.

It was probably a stupid idea anyway. 

‘I’m gonna go for a walk,’ she said and started to head for the door determined to leave. 

‘Wait, we shouldn’t really split up,’ called out Luther causing Five to remember there were others in the room as well. Others who witnessed this exchange. It made him want to groan. So far the only victims of his and Vanya’s encounters were the two of them which he preferred over the alternative of the others seeing through his despair and frustration with the situation.

He turned his back to them and paced to the window of the hotel they decided to occupy for the time being. This wasn’t right. They should have made it back to their timeline, not this travesty of what could have been if dad was less of an asshole, or was it more of an asshole? One disastrous supper and he decided to adopt different kids and treat them better?

‘I won’t go anywhere far, promise,’ Vanya said, her voice growing distant the further away from the door she went. Just as it had in his mind when he started to forget it in the wasteland. The sounds of voices were the first to be erased from his memory. All of his siblings’, dad’s, Pogo’s, Mom’s, and then the last one, Vanya’s. After almost a year it was completely gone, but before it got fully erased it sounded like this. Not as if she was a grownup, but as if it was coming from a distance, and slowly fading away like she was dying…or maybe he was.

He swallowed shifting his eyes to where she had been standing when he snapped at her before she disappeared. 

Again

But he did so first so he couldn’t hold it against her.

‘Do you have to be a jerk 24/7?’ asked him Allison, but he didn’t even glance at her instead he cursed under his breath and jumped out of the room hearing Luther call his name again before he was outside. 

There were some people walking around their day. It was close to lunchtime so they were probably heading to places they could eat. 

It was hard to spot Vanya in the crowd, so he started to walk to the right side since statistically if people didn’t have a specific direction to go, they always chose to go right. 

The streets were busy with folks everywhere talking, walking, or standing living their daily lives not knowing they were all survivors of an apocalypse. In fact, twice survivors. 

His green eyes kept on scanning his surroundings trying to find the petite brunette in the crowd of people. He saw a few who looked similar to some aspect but not all of them. It didn’t seem likely he would find Vanya’s perfect doubleganger in the same place she currently was. Someone like that probably lived half-way across the world. 

It took him almost twenty minutes of mindless walking, but he spotted her standing on the sidewalk looking at something. He didn’t recognize the brownish coat she wore but the side of her face that was clear to him was unmistakably hers. 

Five wondered why was she just standing there in front of some windshield looking at something he couldn’t see. 

He sighed and walked closer to her, ‘Look, I get you’re upset but we agreed not to go far or split up again so can you please just come back to the hotel with me…’

The rest of his speech died in his mouth as Vanya turned around to face him. It was then that his mind process why he was so confused by her. She was wearing different clothes, and her hair was a bit shorter and straighter now with bangs. She was carrying some grocery bags and a personal bag. Something he never saw Vanya carry at all. 

But the reason, he temporarily lost the ability to speak was because he saw her standing there on the street with that brownish coat unbuttoned and a quite distinguished baby belly hanging out of it probably the reason why she couldn’t button down all the way. 

His eyes widened as he realized what was happening, but before he could jump away or say anything, not that he knew what, Vanya, this Vanya, let go of all her bags and took those few steps toward him with such a bright smile across her face everything in Five’s world stopped as he realized he hadn’t seen her smile like that since they were thirteen, and he told her she was a talented musician. 

‘He told me you were here, but I didn’t think you would look so,’ her voice was the same, and yet there was something, current Vanya, his Vanya, didn’t possess. 

Her fingers a bit cold yet just as delicate as he remembered them being when they occasionally touched while growing up trying to stay close and sneak out of the house to go to Griddy’s, were now against his cheeks in an instant as she looked up at his face. 

He was taller than her, he realized. 

When he arrived he was the same height as Vanya, but now even if only two weeks passed he was a few inches taller. He didn’t notice before because his Vanya didn’t stand this close to him often maybe because she was afraid, or didn’t see the reason to, where this one didn’t seem to have any objections coming so close to his face like this.

She was Vanya. This timeline Vanya, Sparrow Vanya based on the small sparrow tattoo sticking out of from under her sleeve, yet she looked different, so much different. 

She wasn’t as pale. It was almost as if she was glowing which could have been due to the light makeup she had on her face making her appear very attractive or the pregnancy glow, some claimed women got when they were expecting. Her clothes were different. Not extravagant or anything, but definitely more feminine and in brighter colors than the Vanya from his timeline wore. She looked better too. More rested. Calmer. Happier. 

And something twisted in Five’s gut realizing she probably was happier too with the way she was smiling at him like she was overjoyed to see him, her fingers still on him and her chestnut eyes scanning his face, ‘You’re so young. Like a baby.’

He groaned before he could stop himself and in the next moment, her hands were around his neck pulling him against her. One of her hands was at the back of his head slowly stroking him while the other one rested against his back, ‘You smell like him too.’

Five blinked not sure what to do or how to process all that was happening. No one, not even Vanya, the one from his timeline, hugged him when he came back, and he was grateful because it was so long since he was without human contact that if they did he might have bitten their heads off. Now, however, this Vanya, this second timeline Vanya, sparrow Vanya with a pregnant belly that he could feel against his own stomach was hugging him like she was welcoming him back all soft and smelling nice and with so much affection he didn’t know what to do about. 

‘Uh, I…’

She leaned away looking a bit shier now chuckling at herself in embarrassment but not in a way that she would have doubts about what she did or feel awkward now, ‘I’m sorry, it’s just. Whoa, this is new. You’re…new.’

‘Yeah, uh, yeah,’ he said not sure what to say either. 

It was new and a bit crazy like most of his life, but this was on a different level than surviving an apocalypse and working for a time agency. 

She stepped away giving him some space, and he found himself unsure if he should be grateful or disappointed about it, ‘The others mentioned you. Well, that all of you are here. I just didn’t expect to see you like this. Sorry, it’s…something.’ Her smile was present throughout her whole rambling, and Five wasn’t sure how to take her like this. She looked like Vanya, but she was different. Everything about her was different. She was cheerful? Joyful? Less stressed? More human? More like the girl he remembered in the privacy of their rooms where dad wouldn’t scold her for distracting them? Where she could have been open and laugh and be herself? Was this the person she would have become?

‘You’re a sparrow too?’ he asked, and her brown eyes blinked, ‘Yes, but not an active one.’

She glanced at her stomach and grimaced, ‘Obviously. I can hardly fit into my own clothes let alone the suits.’

Five narrowed his eyes feeling the bizarreness of the situation getting to him, ‘Right, so he found you and trained you instead of locking you up.’

Something flashed across her face some of the adoration and happiness melting into a more sober look, ‘Yes, he said there was no point for that since it didn’t work out so great the first time.’

Five blinked, ‘Dad-he told you?’

She nodded and glanced down at the shopping bags laying on the ground unattended. 

She tried to bend to reach for them, but Five beat her to it quickly handing everything back to her not sure what he was doing but acting rather than thinking, ‘Thanks. It’s hard these days to even get off the chair let alone pick things up.’

He watched her not sure what to say to that. It was surreal, and Five didn’t even know if he should be talking to her. They shouldn’t be here. It wasn’t even their timeline. They needed to get back to their timeline where they belonged and where Allison’s daughter was waiting for them, and the house was ruined and where they all had jobs and lives and shit-

‘Do you want to come upstairs?’ her voice broke his reckless train of thoughts before it would run off the tracks.

He blinked and rather stupidly like an idiot asked, ‘Huh?’

She pointed at some apartment building right in front of them, ‘We can talk in my place if you would like to. It’s literally here.’

His eyes looked at the building. It wasn’t the same one his-Vanya lived in, but given everything Five didn’t think she would live in the same closet-size place, she did before.

Five grimaced but instead of calling her out on the ridiculousness of the idea asked in a rather kind tone probably still guilty by how he snapped at the other Vanya not so long ago, ‘You sure that’s a good idea? Dad practically had us kicked out.’

She chuckled and brushed some of her hair with the bags hitting her side, ‘Dad kicked all of us out once or twice. It makes you a part of the family,’ she winked at him, and Five found himself smirking before he forced his face into a more normal look. He shouldn’t act like this…she wasn’t his Vanya…she…

‘Here,’ she handed the bags to him again catching him off guard again, ‘Help a pregnant lady out, hm?’

If Five didn’t know better, he would think this was a dream. This delightful woman with a joyful skip in her walk looked like Vanya’s exact opposite and yet whenever she turned around to make sure he was following with the sun hitting her eyes at just the right angle and her smile softer, he couldn’t help but wonder if this would have been Vanya in his timeline as well if things turned out differently. 

Her apartment was nice. Way nicer than it seemed to be in their timeline. It was bigger and brighter like everything about this Vanya, it made him feel like he was in some sort of bizarre dream. Given how little sleep he had over the past few weeks he wouldn’t put it past it. He was a mess no argument there. It could have been just his messed up mind getting to him.

The first photo he found on the wall when he entered was of the Sparrow Academy around the same age as they used to be when they debuted in their timeline. There among the strangers and their siblings were him and Vanya with domino masks and suits with a different symbol. 

‘Glory days,’ he commented upon seeing the satisfied look of both of their faces as the flash of the camera went off. 

Vanya turned around and smiled something she did quite often around him. It bothered him to realize just how rarely if ever the other Vanya, his Vanya did that since he showed up. Did he notice before? Yes. Did he have time to deal with it? No. Maybe if he did…that first night when she was tending his bleeding forearm… if he had asked her about it or…maybe things could have turned out differently for all of them, ‘Sort of. Didn’t you feel on top of the world during your first mission?’

‘Pretty much,’ he said noticing that they were standing close to each other, closer than they should have in the picture, ‘I take it you’re not number Seven.’

She paused as she started to take out the groceries in her little kitchen filling the shelves and fridge, ‘No one really was number Seven.’

He frowned, ‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, we had names since the beginning, just that every week we took turns who was number One, the leader, and dad and each of us evaluated how well that person did. It was mostly about teamwork than leadership though,’ she shrugged her shoulder before she thought of something and turned to look at him with a bit less cheerful glance that made her look more like the Vanya he knew, ‘I’m guessing you didn’t have that.’

‘No, dad picked his number One before we could even walk,’ he said and crossed his arms leaning against the kitchen counter looking at this Vanya trying to figure her out. How much changed? Just that dad was a better father? That her powers weren’t suppressed her whole life? That she was allowed to be special? Extraordinary? 

It suited her to be happy like this . 

She started to busy herself with making coffee, ‘Black, no sugars, or milk.’

‘Like my soul,’ he joked and watched the grin it earned him. It wasn’t overly happy like her previous smiles, and it made him enjoy it even more because of it. It caused his own smirk to fall as he realized how long it had been since he made Vanya laugh. Ever since he showed up all his attempts were met with blank looks or ended up in an argument. He missed causing her amusement and laughter. Growing up, she seemed to have all of that, and her smiles reserved just for him. Growing up everything felt so much different, easier. It was of course. No apocalypse, no commission, no years of absence that couldn’t be filled. It was too late, wasn’t it?

‘Do you know what you’re having?’ he asked for the first time acknowledging out loud that she was expecting. 

Since Vanya prepared all she needed, she sat down by the kitchen table, ‘We’re having a boy. Alonso. It’s from-’

‘Shakespeare, The Tempest,’ he cut her off remembering the name instantly. Ben got them both to like Shakespeare. 

She nodded with a small smile and pressed her hand against her stomach, ‘Just a month away.’

Five frowned a bit as he spotted the lack of ring on her finger, ‘No husband?’

She looked away, and he knew he struck a nerve.

‘Sorry,’ he mumbled before he made his way to the counter to fill their mugs with the water that just boiled. It seemed he wasn’t done with upset Vanyas today, ‘That was rude.’

‘We’re taking it slow,’ she said and then chuckled, ‘Well, sort of.’

Five set the mug with herbal tea in front of her glancing at the living room. He noticed there was no violin stand. Maybe she didn’t play in this timeline at all. Why should she, when she got to be a part of the academy?

‘Thanks,’ she said her smile still brighter than the Vanya from his timeline but not as happy as when they met a moment ago. 

‘I didn’t mean to cause you distress,’ he said before he could stop himself. He should set things right with at least one Vanya. 

She shook her head ready to probably say it wasn’t a big deal or some other lie before she glanced back down at her stomach still pressing her hand to it, ‘It’s fine. Don’t worry. I just thought of something. Uh, Luca is always in his work and helping the academy so there wasn’t much time for other things.’

Five blinked upon hearing that, ‘He’s with the academy?’

She glanced up at him surprised before she gave him the most understanding and emphatic look he ever saw in Vanya or anyone’s face for that matter, ‘You don’t know? Luca said there was a version of me too, so I thought you…oh, sorry that’s a silly idea.’

Five blinked again very slowly processing and accepting what she just told him before he started to slowly glance around what parts of the apartment he could see. No violin stand but plenty of books. Not just from fiction or famous authors but also from scientists, researchers. A lot of small devices, inventions of someone clearly skilled and intelligent.

He noticed something green before but didn’t pay much attention to it more interested in their photos and sparrow Vanya herself, but now he leaned a bit away and looked to the side of the living room hidden by the kitchen wall to see a large green board filled with handwriting in chalk. His handwriting.

Oh…

His eyes snapped to Vanya as she caused a small movement by reached for her mug, ‘Sorry.’

He shook his head and snatched his own mug before pouring the hot liquid down burning his tongue in the process to give himself a moment when he didn’t have to answer. 

This was his sparrow version of the life. 

Living with Vanya, dating, expecting a child. 

He sat the mug down, ‘Where…where is he now? With the others?’

Vanya nodded slowly like she wasn’t completely convinced, ‘Probably, well, he went to check in with the others after they got the news, but I can’t be sure. He could have stopped by at work afterward.’

Five frowned and shook his head, ‘He leaves you alone? When you’re pregnant and doesn’t call.’

‘Luca’s a busy man,’ she said and added a smile, but Five didn’t buy it one bit. If he… if he had a shot at something like this he wouldn’t…waste it by playing dad’s little soldier boy or running around doing his own thing.

His eyes landed on his mug again. But that was exactly what he did, wasn’t it? He had a shot at this. He and Vanya were close. Very close. There were feelings and those feelings could have turned into something more if he had stayed, but alas, he chose to leave her behind and time travel and throw his shot into the garbage.

‘He shouldn’t leave you alone like this. I’m sorry,’ he said and took another sip almost spilling the coffee as he heard that lovely sound of her giggly. He forgot she could make such an adorable sound stopping his heart in track. 

‘You really are different. Can’t remember the last time Luca apologized to me so many times in one day,’ she smiled at him while holding onto her own mug. 

‘I guess, I made more mistakes in the past,’ Five admitted carefully, ‘Enough to realize you have to own up to them eventually. And some people deserve the apology no matter how hard it can be to say it.’

She watched him for a moment causing things inside him to shift again before she finally nodded and drank some of her tea leaving a comfortable silence to fall over them as they must have thought about their own lives and things, ‘Hey, uh, Christopher said that your name is Five.’

He nodded and sat the empty mug down, ‘Dad wasn’t all that interested in social norms or our childhood the first time around. He only allowed us to have names once we were about to be presented to the public so it would look less shady and all.’

Vanya looked a bit bothered by, and before she asked her next question she must have been thinking how to do so gently, ‘I see, so why didn’t you get one?’

Five shrugged his shoulder always careless about the whole ordeal, ‘Same difference to me. It doesn’t change who I am, and I saw no value in changing the name I already have.’

She grinned suddenly, ‘Oh, you’re very much like Luca then.’

‘Why Luca though?’ he asked curiously a bit about the origin of the name. Mom picked a different one for him, a more mundane one if he remembered correctly even if he couldn’t really recall what it was. James, John, Peter, Quentin, Matt?

‘It’s Italian,’ she explained, ‘I guess all of us received the names from our place of origin except for Ben. He was a bit of a different story-’

They heard something outside and both turned to look at the kitchen window as she changed the topic leaving whatever she wanted to say next remaining a mystery for now, ‘Sorry about before. That I assumed you and your version of me was… close.’

Five looked away narrowing his eyes as if glaring at the floor before he found himself admitting bitterly, ‘We were…you weren’t wrong. But that was a long time ago. It’s too late now.’

She blinked looking puzzled, ‘Why?’

He barked out a mean laugher, ‘I’m wearing short and long shocks for starters, and we’re different people than we were.’

‘But you still feel something,’ she said ignoring his previous statements, ‘You would just say you don’t feel that way anymore if you didn’t.’

Her smile was a bit sad now, melancholic, very his timeline Vanyalike causing Five’s heart to skip a beat involuntarily like it hadn’t in ages. 

When she looked at him again, she smiled in that bright way and took a hold of his hand, ‘If there are time and feelings there is still hope. I can’t imagine a timeline where you and I wouldn’t end up together sooner or later, Five.’

Her words and the look in her brown eyes caused him to lose all the air inside his lung at once as he realized what she said and how she said it and what it all made him feel. It was fine before when they were sitting on opposite ends talking. He could pretend it was a dream or a hypothesis on what could have been, but now with her skin against his and her eyes revealing the softness she felt for the other version of him, the version that never left her and stayed by her side. It revealed everything he could have had but lost because he time traveled. Could this have been his life? Here in this apartment with Vanya and their…son?

‘I have to go,’ he told her abruptly looking away from her pleading and hopeful eyes, away from the life he will never have because of his own ego and selfishness. A life which he would treasure forever unlike his sparrow self if he ever got a chance. 

She squeezed his palm, ‘Thank you for the visit. You can come at any time. Even though I know you won’t.’

He snatched her hand and before he could tell himself not to press a kiss against her skin feeling how warm and soft he was remembering the times they would sleep next to each other in her bed sharing the warm in the cold nights in the even colder house. 

‘Thank you for…the coffee,’ he said choking on his own words feeling like if he said too much, if he allowed himself to say what he wanted to he would lose himself in the moment and never want to leave, never want to return to his siblings and his Vanya.

‘Five, you’re always welcome,’ she said looking at him like he was her most beloved person, and at that moment and that was an incredibly good and horrible feeling. 

‘Vanya,’ he whispered his voice shaking with emotions he wished so desperately now more than ever to hold back before he finally jumped out. 

He all but collapsed against the wall in the hallway outside her apartment with a hand firmly pressed against his chest. 

His eyes shut closed as he felt he was about to scream or cry whichever would be more satisfying, he didn’t know. 

It was too much. What she made him feel, how she looked at him so openly with care and love-It was too much! Vanya never looked at him like that. Not since they were kids and then it was childlike warm, friendly, not like this. Not this intense, soul-crushing, and burning. 

Five rolled to his back against the wall breathing hard. If Vanya-if the Vanya from his timeline looked at him like that when he came or any time before they ended up here, he probably would be stuck glued to her side like a man thirsty from walking the desert for ages to spring of water. He wouldn’t waste time chasing after the apocalypse when all he really needed to do was stick to her all along. 

It felt like forever until he got his breath and heartbeat under control. It was all too much. Her love…her love was so tempting and hot, but ultimately too much for him. He wasn’t used to it. He didn’t have years of memories and time getting used to how open she could be about their feelings and love. He had barely days filled with bittersweet memories of a childhood crush that could have been more.

Taking in a deep breath, he reached out and fixed his tie reminding himself once again to get himself under control before walking outside. He should probably get to the hotel. He wasted enough time, and Vanya might already be there. 

As he went down the stairs, he noticed the man walking from the front entrance both pausing as their gazes met. 

‘You!’

‘You!’

Five clenched his fist while walking down the stairs, ‘You’re a real jackass.’

‘And you’re a dick,’ replied his sparrow version from this timeline while frowning at him with a cold anger, Five recognized as his own. It was the same as when he met his older self. He didn’t trust him one bit and felt the strongest urge to punch him.

‘You have the best life possible,’ he snapped at him walking closer, ‘A life I would kill to have and what you do? Play daddy’s good soldier boy while your pregnant girlfriend waits for you by the window? Pathetic. Don’t even have the guts to marry her?’

His other self stepped closer to him both charged enough to fight, ‘Big talk coming from you. Ran away on the only person you cared for? Twice? And for what? Time travel? Apocalypse? How about you stop making her feel so shitty all the time?’

‘Shut the hell up!’ barked Five glaring at the young man in an older body which upset him more than anything. He never wanted to punch himself more, even when he was fighting with his past self, and he wanted to kill that version of him in rage. 

‘You made her cry, you dick,’ accused him his other self, ‘Sitting on the street crying. I would never do that to her-’

‘Just because she loves you enough to hide her tears,’ replied the real Five trying to ignore what his counterpart said. Did sparrow Five meet his Vanya crying on the street just like he met sparrow Vanya? That seemed a bit too bizarre to be a coincidence, but he had been played for a fool a few times. 

It caused the other Five, Luca-whatever, to flinch for a moment, shocked by such a statement but since he was a Five or some version of him, he quickly overcame it in the name of having the last word, ‘Same goes for you, dumbass. You think she would be crying if she didn’t care? You can say whatever you want about me, but you do the exact same thing. What good does it do to try and keep her safe when you push her away all the time like you don’t care anymore?’

‘You don’t know shit,’ replied Five, and Luca smirked, ‘Neither do you.’

Before Five could say something else to finish the argument, the man jumped presumably to Vanya’s apartment, and Five cursed under his breath. He will let him off this time so he wouldn’t cause the woman more stress. 

Jackass

He had a point. 

So did I.

It was of no use to keep waiting around, so he started to make his way back to the hotel. Vanya must have been already there if she met this guy, and he left her to return to…his pregnant girlfriend. 

He brushed the back of his neck. This was too bizarre to process at the moment. He had a life here. A good life and he was still screwing it up with his self-absorb and egoistic tendencies. Could he really never win? Was the apocalypse the reason he learned that he could also make mistakes and became less of a dickhead? It could be. He knew now just how many mistakes he could make and how deadly they were for the future. 

Five was surprised to see Vanya, his Vanya, waiting for him in front of the hotel not really appearing to want to go inside any time soon.

Reminding himself not to be like his sparrow doubleganger, he made his way toward her stopping only once he was in a safe yet a short distance away, enough for them to talk, but not as close as he was with sparrow Vanya not so long ago. 

‘I went to look for you,’ he said frowning at the sight of her still red eyes. 

She seemed surprised by that before she offered him a tight lip smile, nothing like the bright and happy ones, the other Vanya, the one who didn’t suffer a lifetime of trauma to the extent this one did could offer. It pained him now. It hurt to know that in another timeline, where Vanya was treated right from the start, she could grow up to be such an amazing and cheerful person. The illogical anger toward dad, the commission, their fates rose again inside his chest, but he tried to control it for her benefit better this time. 

‘I…I’m sorry,’ he said licking his lips, ‘I lost my temper, and it was unfair that I lashed out at you of all people. It’s been a long day, and I hope that we can move past my outburst and focus on what’s important,’ he said realizing it sounded more clinical and professional than heartfelt or honest, but he couldn’t bring himself to be more human with her knowing how easily he could fall into the pit of his feeling for her, how easy he could lose his mind and the real goal in exchange for what he felt and wanted.

Vanya watched him stepping nervously from one foot to another before she shook her head as if to tell him, she didn’t accept his apology. For a second, he got scared, she would leave him, tell him not to talk to her again, rejecting him completely from her life as if that was an option in this situation and timeline. However, before those thoughts could be fully processed, Vanya took those three steps toward him. 

Her hug felt the same. 

One of her hands was tangled inside his hair while the other pushed at his back the same way he experienced just a little while ago with the other Vanya. It felt like a déjà vu or a dream. Maybe Lila hit his head too hard with the pen and all of this was just in his head. 

Unlike before when he didn’t even know how to react to a sudden embrace from Vanya, this time Five raised his hands and put them around her pulling her just as close to him absorbing her warmth and allowing himself those few moments of the feeling of being in her arms and knowing he was home. 

‘I should have done this when you showed up,’ she mumbled suddenly her voice soft in his ear barely loud enough for him to hear. 

He pressed his face against her hair, ‘I wouldn’t have let you. Not the hugging type, remember?’ 

‘You’re letting me hug you now,’ she replied a bit louder maybe even smiling a bit as she spoke, ‘In fact, you’re hugging me back.’

He allowed a small smirk graced his face, ‘Don’t tell anyone.’

‘What?’ she chuckled. It blessed his chest just the same, ‘Will it ruin your assassin reputation?’

‘Hm, I think you meant greatest assassin reputation, and yes, it will ruin it,’ he joked enjoying the sound of her quiet laughter right near his ear warming his heart. 

He brushed her back with a tender touch, ‘I’m sorry for leaving you. Again.’

She buried herself further into his shoulder, ‘I’m sorry for not listening to you. Again.’

Five sighed thinking it shouldn’t feel this good. Not when everything was messed up. Not when they needed to get back to their timeline. Not when their doublegangers were living together expecting a child. Their child.

‘ You smell the same,’ he heard her say realizing the other Vanya said exactly the same thing.

He swallowed a bit, ‘I met your…I met you from this timeline.’

‘Me too,’ she said and leaned away to look at him. If he didn’t know better he would think she was blushing, ‘I didn’t like reveal anything.’

‘It’s fine, I know you wouldn’t,’ he said and brushed her back one more time realizing they were still in each other arms not really saying anything. They should probably get inside. It was getting late and they needed a new strategy, but he would be damned if he couldn’t admit to himself it felt good to hold her like this. It was like a huge weight was lifted from his chest. He forgot what it was like not to feel it crushing him all the time. 

‘You’re pregnant,’ he said and closed his eyes at his own stupidity, ‘The Vanya from this timeline-’

‘Oh!’ she let out shocked, ‘That’s…I didn’t really ever think about…kids.’

‘You don’t have to-’

‘I know, it’s just…,’ she started to play with the back of his hair, ‘Strange to imagine what your life might have turned out to be. You were pretty much the same cocky and confident-’

‘An asshole,’ he said and watched with delight the grin forming at her face, ‘Yes.’

He pushed away a piece of hair that fell over her eyes as Vanya blinked looking surprised by something, ‘You’re taller?’

Five kept his hand close to her face without touching it just looking at her hypnotized by the look in her eyes for a moment, ‘A little bit.’

The air around them shifted and for a brief moment, he wanted to just-

‘Hey, you guys are back,’ they heard suddenly and the spell was broken leaving them to step away from the other arms looking over at Klaus who apparently got out here to smoke. 

‘Allison kicked me out. Can you believe that hypocrite?’ he asked before he startled to ramble obvious or ignorant of whatever just happened between them. 

Vanya fixed her hair a bit and gave Five a small smile, a bit happier than any other he received from her so far. 

‘Shall we?’

He nodded and let her walk first before he followed shoving Klaus forcefully as his idiot of a brother started to gesture obscene things to him silently laughing to himself. 

‘We’re good, right?’ asked Vanya almost in front of their room, and Five nodded without a single doubt, ‘We’re good.’

Her gaze lingered on him for a second long so maybe there was more she wanted to say, but before she could the door opened and Allison went all mother hen on them asking what took them so long and where they were not looking too satisfied with their short answers. 

It wasn’t great, but every now and then when Five looked over at Vanya and their eyes met the tension from before seemed to be gone replaced with only softer and comforting feelings almost like old times when they were kids. However, if they remained looking at each other a bit longer than necessary or ordinary, Five couldn’t help but to feel something warm and tight inside his chest reminding him how things could have been if only he stayed.

Maybe … just maybe not all of what could have been was lost to them.