Archive of Our Own ^beta

It started when he was a child, well. You see, no one like being sick. It is common for people to apprehend being sick, child or adult. It's not a pleasant experience. Hitoshi didn't mind having the flu, sure it was annoying, but that was it. What he really despised however, feared even, was throwing up. And well, no one in their right state of mind would like that either, right ? It was gross and you felt horrible after it.

He never really liked it but as a child you tend to forget about those things.

What really marked him was what happened when he was about eight years old. That morning he had woken up with a stomach ache, nothing that he would worry about normally. However this time, he was feeling really bad. So, naturally, he explained this to his mother, asking to stay at home for the day. It was logic for him, who would want to go to school sick. But his mother, always stubborn, did not want to hear a thing, even when he begged her to stay. She didn't want to understand or listen, she never did.

So he went to school that morning with an upset stomach, it's not like he had a choice anyway. He was nervous, really nervous, more than usual. Afraid of what was going to happen. He was always being nervous about going to school but this time it was for a different reason.

It's not like the other kids liked him that much, but since his quirk had manifested it had been much worse. Not that anyone was willing to do something about it, not his mother and certainly not a teacher. So it was no suprise that when he tried to tell the teacher that he was feeling sick but he didn't listen to him. He was used to that.

What he couldn't have foreseen that day was that this would mark him. Because, of course, he ended up throwing up in the middle of the class. It's not like it was his fault, if only they had listened. It was awful. First, throwing up is not nice, but throwing up in front of people is the worst. People that were already making fun of him, that didn't like him from the start. Those children that were bullying him everyday. At this point you're thinking that the teacher would have been nice for once and would have called his mother to pick him up so that he could rest at home. As if.

His classmates wouldn't approach him after that, this was kind of nice, but the insults didn't stop. He had to wait for the end of the school day to go home. And he was feeling really bad. Going home didn't help that much apart from the fact that he could now rest in his bed. He was still sick.

Honestly he hadn't realized immediately the effect of that day on him. He was a child, he didn't think that it would still matter years later, he also wanted to forget it. He understood later, understanding that his fear toward sickness was not normal.

Ever since that day each time he felt pain in his abdomen he would become anxious, really anxious, to the point of panic attacks. And if he had the bad luck of throwing up he would end up in tears, trying to control his breathing. He would also start to shake if his stomach was upset. He would even wake up in the middle of the night because of nausea and wouldn't be able to sleep for the rest of the night because of it. Even though the nausea wasn't even real. That really didn't help with his insomnia.

All this led to now. He now knew that he had what was called emetophobia, the fear of vomit and/or throwing up. The thing with phobias is that you can't really control them, it's not a choice, obviously. Some of them are irrational. But with time you kind of know how to handle them. He knew that sometimes it was his mind playing tricks on him and that he wasn't really sick, the fear was real though.

The fear would always be here but he had people now to help him go through it. Honestly he just needed a presence when he was sick or panicking about that. Someone to reassure him, to comfort him. He won't admit it but he really is touch-starved. Hence why he loved cuddling with his boyfriend or even his cats. That's also one of the reason why he loved cats.

His train of thoughts was cut by his phone buzzing in his pocket.

Denkiiii <3 :
Hey Toshi !!
are u still coming ???

Toshiii <3 :
Yeah why ?
Oh shit
Sorry
I'm here in 5 minutes

He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he hadn't seen the minutes passing. It was now 20:30, the hour he was supposed to meet Denki at his dorm. He hurriedly checked if he didn't forget anything and made his way to his boyfriend's dorm room.

He was in front of Denki's dorm room five minutes later. He knocked and waited for his boyfriend to open the door.

“Hey” Denki said as he opened the door, gesturing for Hitoshi to step in.

“Hey, sorry for being late.” He offered a small smile to his boyfriend and went to sit on the bed.

“What ? You're not late.” Denki replied as he sat himself next to Hitoshi, pushing him. “Move your ass.”

“Hey ! Don't push me, I'm going to fall.” He said as he laughed.

“As if.” Denki laughed at his boyfriend who had began pouting. And then kissed his cheek. “Ha ! You weren't expecting this uh ?” He had a smug smile on his face. “Don't move, I'm setting up the movie.” He said as he got up.

Hitoshi watched his boyfriend choosing a movie and putting it on his computer. But a sudden pain in his stomach reminded him why he had been thinking of his phobia before. Okay, he said to himself, it's nothing just a small stomach ache no need to panic, you're going to be fine. At least he hoped.

Lost in his thoughts he hadn't noticed that Denki was back to sitting beside him. That was until he felt a hand grab his. He jumped.

“Everything's alright ?” He heard Denki say to him, a worried look on his face.

He nodded. “Yeah, I was just lost in thoughts.”

“Alright” Denki said as he clapped his hands together. “The movie is ready to begin.”

“And what did you choose ?” He asked as he raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend.

“Titanic ?” Denki laughed akwardly.

“Again !?” He said disbelief on his face.

“What ? Don't look at me like that. You picked the movie last time. And don't pretend that we haven't seen Jurassic Park like twenty time because of you.” Denki said slightly pouting.

“I don't know what you're talking about.” Hitoshi replied, laughing.

“Hush now. The movie is starting.” Denki said making himself comfortable on the bed. “You don't want to lie down?” He asked looking up at his boyfriend's face.

“No, I think I'm good for now, thanks.” Hitoshi said sitting down properly.

They watched the movie silently, with sometimes Denki reciting the lines. It's not like it was the first time that they watched it.

The thing is that Hitoshi's stomach was still hurting, a lot. He didn't know what he had eaten to make it hurt like that, but it was beginning to become insupportable. At this point he really hoped it was going to stop. He also didn't want to annoy Denki with this.

But like pretty much everything in his life this wasn't going to go the way he wanted it to.

It was starting to feel too stuffy for him in the room. He started fidgeting, getting a worried glance from his boyfriend.

“Toshi you're sure you're okay ? You're looking a bit pale.” Denki said as he sat up. He was looking worriedly at his boyfriend.

“I-” He couldn't finish what he was going to say. He got up and rushed to the bathroom.

Hitoshi didn't even register his body acting on his own. All he knew was that he was now kneeling in front of the toilet, throwing up. He felt the tears sliding down his cheeks. He felt terrible.

He felt a hand on his back. Looking up he saw Denki giving him a small reassuring smile. He said nothing for a moment as he looked at Hitoshi. He then tried to soothe him by rubbing circle on his back. They were both kneeling on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor.

“You could have told me that you were feeling sick you know. I wouldn't have made fun of you.” Denki said still rubbing Hitoshi's back. Hitoshi was still trying to regain his breath so he only nodded in response. Tears were still streaming down his face, so Denki wiped them gently with his thumb.

“I...” He took a shuddering breath. “I know that. I trust you. I just didn't think that it would be th-” Panic flooded his eyes as he bent over the toilet to retch again. His whole body was shaking.

He felt a cold hand push a strand of hair out of his face. Denki has put his hair in a tiny ponytail to push it out of the way. “Do you want water ?” Denki whispered to him.

He nodded, watching his boyfriend get up. Exhaustion was beginning to wash over him after being this sick. He was still afraid that it was not over yet. He felt more tears gathering at his eyes and sliding down his cheeks. He had to stay calm and control his breathing.

Denki came back quickly a glass of water and a box of tissues in his hands. “Here. Take slow sips.” He said as he gave the glass to his boyfriend. Hitoshi grabbed the glass with both hands in fear of dropping it. He was still shaky. The water helped with his dry mouth.

Now that he realized the situation he felt really ashamed. He couldn't believe that he had gotten sick in front of Denki. It was unreal, his boyfriend had to help him because he was afraid of his sickness. He felt guilty.

Denki seemed to notice his anxious face. “Hey, it's okay. It's not your fault that you're sick. You couldn't have predicted this.” He got up. “Come on, go brush your teeth and then we can go to bed, okay ?”

Hitoshi hummed in response and got up shakily. He brushed his teeth in silence.

“Don't worry it will be fine.” Denki said as he pressed a small kiss on Hitoshi's neck.

Denki then led him by the hand to the bed. When they got in Hitoshi was still slightly shaking. Denki was still trying to assure him that everything was going to be alright. They cuddled, Denki was on the side of the wall in case Hitoshi got sick again.

Hitoshi was not ready to sleep yet, even in his boyfriend's arms. But that was okay for Denki, he only wanted his boyfriend to be okay and to relax.

Denki moved strands of Hitoshi's hair out of the way to kiss him on the forehead. “Don't worry. I'm here, I'm not leaving you.”

Hitoshi was really grateful to have a boyfriend so caring. He tightened his grip on Denki's hand. “I love you so much.” He whispered.

“I love you too.” Denki replied as he was petting Hitoshi's hair.

They spent the rest of the night talking. Thankfully Hitoshi didn't throw up again. Denki stoked his hair until he fell asleep peacefully. Whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

Hitoshi woke up the next morning still in Denki's arms. The latter was sleeping, drool pooling at the corner of his mouth. Hitoshi chuckled silently and realized how sore his body was. He sighed he decided to go back to sleep.

He fell asleep safe in Denki's arms.