Chapter Text
This is enough. Ji-pyeong thought for the fifteenth time since leaving Do-san's house with that forsaken money tree and the ugliest box in the world, containing his best memories and the roots to his first love as well.
After washing the stench of alcohol and the lingering feeling of failure, Ji-pyeong saw himself as it usually was: alone, in an enormous apartment with a hollow chest and a full mind.
Han Ji-pyeong was, after all, a good loser. One who conceded when it wasn't his time or space. As always, he accepted and moved on.
Being an investor required some tough skin and a tremendous amount of adaptability, but more than that, being an orphan made him who he was. Ji-pyeong hated tear-jerking stories, but his biography would quickly be labelled as one.
As a person who spent most of his years having nothing, going through life meant surviving hardships, denials and an infinite series of abandonments. He built himself over this brutally honest and straightforward persona to protect what he had, like a rock-solid shield who suited him just like the expensive suits in the bedroom's closet.
Taking things lightly and being carefree was a privilege he never had. He never dreamed of having it too. Since Ji-pyeong became too old to be a child in the orphanage, but still too young to be an adult in society, every day felt like life or death.
His survival mentality was a result of years based on insecurities, anxiety and forged maturity. Being seen as rude, closed and arrogant was a consequence of the choices he did to survive and thrive.
Yes, he sucked in the matters of the heart. Delivering a complement almost cost him a kidney, and being openly friendly could be considered as a declaration of love, but he did what he had to do to get through life.
Not everyone has a safety net to fall into when they failed. Not everyone had supporting parents to praise them on a stage over a cheated result in a competition.
And yet, a little love from an old lady with a failing hot-dog business was enough to crack his shell and show that love is more significant than some certainties. Enough to make him start writing letters to a stranger to bandage her heart a little, and get his own cured in the process.
Staring at the letterbox through humid eyelashes, if from the shower or the late tears, he didn't know, made him realise how far he had come with all this story. A short throwback was enough to show his growth, not only as a person but the development of his feelings for Dal-mi as well.
From denying every interest or memory related to Dal-mi to craving her attention and affection, the process itself had changed something intrinsically personal on Ji-pyeong. And maybe that was why he decided to concede for the immature, and yet sincere, Do-san.
He might have been the Do-san of the letters, but not the one Dal-mi wanted after all.
As this conclusion dawned on his mind, a new type of resolution flourished in his chest. He wasn't going to force himself on their narrative, fight for the girl and chase her was never his thing, the three years they spent together in an amicable and respectful relationship being a proof of that.
Ji-pyeong was going to exclude himself from this narrative. For once, he wanted to be selfish and think about his interests first.
As much as it hurts, moving on meant getting Dal-mi out of his system and respecting her wishes. At the same time, moving on also indicated he could start wishing something for himself.
xx
As the week went by, Ji-pyeong decided to do what he did best: throw himself at work.
Staying extra-hours, sending midnight emails to the team, approving plans and dissecting every call was his speciality after all. And it seems that he was pretty good at distancing himself from Dal-mi and her troop too.
A few doors started to open in front of Ji-pyeong, ever since the hangover resolution he had a few nights ago. Business was doing better than expected, his personal and professional investments showing promising results. SH Venture Capital was steadily walking through an expansion, and the perfect spot for commanding the operations in Europe was being discussed behind closed doors.
And if he sometimes had to take the stairs or wait for another elevator just to avoid his beloved couple, that was it. And if he had to send Park Dong Cheon or miles-long emails to the Chungmyung company it was only because he was occupied with the expansion.
Although running away wasn't initially the plan, it sometimes felt like it was the right call. The distance was a very much needed friend for him to process the mess his life had turned, but leaving Haelmoni and their relationship was beyond painful.
They had already talked about it, and even though she was always reassuring him that he should go, Ji-pyeong was worried.
Despite the spot being perfect for his profile and a once in a lifetime experience, Ji-pyeong felt inclined to deny the opportunity. He wanted to take care of Haelmoni, and being an ocean away made that impossible. With her health worsening by the day and the sickness developing rapidly, he feared to leave her.
Ji-pyeong made sure to visit her frequently, mostly when Dal-mi wasn't home. Between home-made meals and feeble conversations, their relationship seemed even more substantial. Still, he couldn't avoid but noticing Haelmoni slowly detaching from reality, as if she was saying goodbye.
His concern made him leave the office earlier just to grab a quick lunch with her. So what would he have to cross the city for it? Being a Director came with some privileges, and he, for sure, had the right to do so.
On his way outside, Ji-pyeong searched for the SST trope, just to be sure he wouldn't be crossing Dal-mi's path. Apparently, the gang was reunited in the cafeteria, laughing loudly and discussing business over sodas.
Despite all, he smiled. Being a thorn in their path wasn't pleasurable, but the results were nice to see. Now they looked like a mature team with plenty of potential and a traced path, long gone was the bunch of lost amateurs.
Satisfied and feeling lighter, Ji-pyeong went on his way to Haelmoni's house.
Halfway through his journey, the memory of the letters and the money tree came to mind, as if testing the waters and his resolutions. Despite being decided to move on, Ji-pyeong seemed attached to these two items, even though they felt stolen.
Waiting for the traffic light to turn green, Ji-pyeong rested his face at the window, feeling like he was being called to make a decision. Getting over everything still demanded him to give up on many things, as if he hadn't lost enough.
With a heavy sigh, he decided to make a harsh conversion and get this over with.
xx
At the time he reached Haelmoni's house lunchtime was almost over. Armed with the money tree and the letterbox, Ji-pyeong breathed heavily before knocking on the door.
Having come unannounced, he hoped not to be an inconvenience.
When no one answered he repeatedly knocked, but also felt a wave of fear creep in. Reaching the spare key they always left for Dal-mi's mom, Ji-pyeong opened the door and entered the Seo's residence in slow steps.
"Haelmoni?" he asked, not recognising the shaken tone of his voice.
It wasn't common for Ah-Hyun to leave Haelmoni alone, but sometimes she had to run errands on the market nearby, and Choi Won-deok stayed by herself during some minutes. Still, it was never this silent.
The sound of the door opening was overwhelmed by the sudden note of the vase breaking on the ground. Instead of finding a sleepy Haelmoni, the good boy encountered the passed out body in the kitchen; all loosen limbs and pained expression.
Dropping everything he was carrying on the floor and jumping over what was left of the money tree, Ji-pyeong ran to her. With the phone dialling emergency in one hand and the other checking her vitals, he was doing his best not to lose control.
By the time the ambulance came back, Ah-Hyun had shown up and entered a complete, distressed state over the situation. Ordering her to call Dal-mi and In-Jae, Ji-pyeong decided to join the ambulance and follow them to the hospital.
Seeing his glassy eyes and pained features, the nurse made sure to explain that her vitals were good, and she probably hit her head while falling. Holding on to her hand for dear life, Ji-pyeong filled every form and procedure in haste, not caring to lie and say he was her son.
He felt like one, how could he not when the thought of losing her was driving him mad?
Once they got her inside the ICU to treat her properly, a flustered Ji-pyeong stayed behind, dishevelled hair and trembling hands trying to keep it together. As if the stress wasn't enough, Dal-mi and Do-san showed up with almost the whole gang in the waiting room.
"What happened?" Dal-mi asked, completely ignoring the cold treatment Ji-pyeong was giving or the lunatic state she was in.
Receiving the news through a phone call from a crying mother had made her age a few years in just a second.
"I found her passed out in the kitchen and called the ambulance" Ji-pyeong said, pressing his hands on his eyes while seeking for focus and composure.
"They said her vitals are fine and she probably had a concussion by hitting her head during the fall. They're trying to investigate what made her fall in the first place" he concluded before throwing himself at the chair in an exhausted manner.
"What will happen to her?" Dal-mi asked openly crying
Before Ji-pyeong could say something, Do-san crossed the room and embraced her, the perfect spectre of the knight on the shining armour. Breathing deeply and focusing on the situation at hand, Ji-pyeong tried to be rational and keep his feelings contained.
After a few hours, a nurse came out of the ICU with a worried expression. Everyone jumped from their chairs, except for Ji-pyeong who seemed to be lost in his thoughts ever since Dal-mi arrived.
"How is she?" In-Jae asked, seeing her sister unable to find the right words.
"She is stable and awake." the nurse smiled shortly.
"But?" Ji-pyeong asked, his voice hoarse because of all the crying and the time spent on silence.
"What do you mean "but?" Do-san asked while soothing Dal-mi, annoyed by his attitude
"I had a fair share of losses to know there's also a "but" when you are waiting for this long." Ji-pyeong explained, cutting Do-san with his eyes before focusing on the nurse "Say it."
"Her prognosis is not good. Her sickness has evolved very quickly, and we are not sure of how many time she has." the nurse said simply, compelled by the stern and yet comprehensive look on Ji-pyeong's eyes.
A wave of cries and despair took place, and Ji-pyeong tried harder to suppress the desolation growing roots in his heart. Swallowing dryly, he asked.
"Can we talk to her?"
"She asked to see Mr Han Ji-pyeong first, is he here?"
Dal-mi looked at the nurse and him with glassy eyes and a confused expression. She was aware of their story and relationship, but it felt weird to see her grandmother asking for him first, especially in such a concerning situation.
Nodding briefly, Ji-pyeong got up from his chair to follow the nurse. Feeling like he should say something, despite all the evasion and awkward situation between them, he turned to Dal-mi and said:
"Don't worry. I’m sure it's nothing." I'm nothing; he thought for a second "You'll see her in no time" Ji-pyeong confirmed with a weak smile before disappearing in the hallway.
In the room, he couldn't force himself to raise his eyes and look at her. All the beeping sounds and tubes coming out from her bed being hard enough to swallow.
After being left alone with her, he took small steps with the eyes planted on the ground.
"Good boy" she called with a tiny voice "Is that you?"
With only these words, she was able to break him all over. Every feeling he suppressed, every fear and negative thought just came crashing on him, and for once, he wasn't ashamed to cry so openly.
"Stop crying, you don't look pretty and expensive when you're crying," she demanded while tapping on the air and looking for him.
Ji-pyeong raised his eyes at the same time that his breath became short from crying too much. Seeing her in such a fragile state was a knife in his gut.
Her bright eyes now looked dull, and her once vivid expression was marked by worries and pain he could feel in his skin. Crossing the room, he took her hand and kept trying miserably to stop crying.
"Don't you dare leave me." He demanded in his investor's voice, giving life to his most feared thoughts
"Don't you go using this voice on me, Good Boy." She said right back, slapping his hand weakly "and this is not the time to talk nonsense, I need you to listen." Haelmoni demanded, trying to find his face with small pats.
"Haelmoni..."
"Shush, and listen." she started in a much softer voice "I'm not going to last much now, Good Boy. I've been missing my son like crazy these days, and I can somehow feel his presence around me, even now." Choi explained, her eyes focusing somewhere on the room like she could clearly see her son there
"Please don't say that" Ji-pyeong begged in an almost hushed tone, all strength, all fight left from him.
"You need to move on, Good Boy." Haelmoni cut straight to the point, her eyes and hands back to his crying face "I know you're holding yourself back because of me and I can't have this. I always knew you were up to greater things, some of them you can't even imagine, and I won't accept being responsible for delaying God's plan in your life, no sir."
Looking at her facial expressions felt like reading the story of his own life.
On the crinkles beside her mouth rested all the laughter and genuine smiles they shared during these last years.
The dark circles over her warm eyes had all the late nights of writing letters and preparing recipes, of telling him stories and giving out unwanted, but much needed, pieces of advice.
Her callused hands carried all the hugs, the pats on the back and rufflings of his hair. All the slaps, pinches and pointed fingers on his face as well.
But it was her words that would always break him the most.
Haelmoni was the first person who made him feel seen in his life. Ever since they've met on that stormy night, she seemed to have this supernatural ability to see through his lies, his pain and the armour he built to survive.
And with her words, she cracked his shell and kept doing so after all these years. Once again, she was cracking his shield, his protection, but for the first time since she went to see him at the bus station, she was breaking his heart.
"Trust me, Good Boy. I knew this was coming and I had everything prepared to make my passing peacefully for my girls and me, but with you it is always harder, right?" she laughed weakly, seeming to put a lot of effort in this motion.”
"Once again, I need you to go and live your life."
"Haelmoni, I can't do this." He cried with pain dripping in every word "You can ask me to leave after you go, I can't leave all the memories because they're all I'll have."
"Have I taught you nothing? Memories are nothing without motion." she said, patting his cheek lovingly "Use your memories to fuel your decisions and become the man you need to be. I know you didn't get the girl..."
"I refuse to talk about this now," Ji-pyeong said, laying back and wiping his tears, annoyed with this conversation.
"You can keep running from this conversation all you want, but I'm saying what needs to be said." Haelmoni explained, pinching his cheeks and bringing him closer again "I know you didn't get the girl, but she also didn't get you. Don't think you're the only one who's losing. I love my granddaughter like I love my son, and I'm happy that that sweet boy loves her, but he ain't you, Good Boy." she explained with the sweetest smile.
"What do you mean?"
"Time will teach you both what I mean, but you need to give space for the Universe and for God to work his way in your life."
"And going to Europe after you die is the way to do so?" He asked, very much sceptical and angry with her resolution
"You cannot heal a wound by opening it every day, and this is what you're doing."
"Yeah, well, I can't deal with the scars either" he answered right away, getting angrier by the second with this conversation.
"So leave the wound for nature to decide how it is supposed to heal." Haelmoni pointed out, feeling tired from that discussion "You're not running away, Good Boy, you're running to your fate and future."
"This is stupid."
"Listen up." She said, completely tired of that bullshit. How could one of Korea's finest investors turn into a child when she asked him to obey? "This is my last request for you."
"Haelmoni!" He said, outraged by what she was saying
"If you want to pay your debt to me, you'll do as I say and leave for Europe, do you hear me Ji-pyeong?" she ordered with no patience, using his name to make him understand for once.
"I can't believe you're throwing this argument over me in your deathbed."
"I can't believe you're disagreeing with a dying old lady, but here we are." she said, smiling openly for the first time "I want your word, not your silence" Haelmoni demanded after a few seconds of nothing.
This felt so much like a trap that he just wanted to run away. It felt like selling all of his investments during a good time, like signing a contract without reading it first.
It felt unlike him entirely.
He didn't believe in this fate and future speech. He didn't buy "the God and the Universe" belief because he felt abandoned most of his life. If there was a higher force, why did he suffer so much in the past and now?
Why were They taking Haelmoni from him and everyone else?
He was ready to give voice to his thoughts, something he did only so sincerely with her, but the tiredness she was exhaling stopped him sharply. Right there, in the dimly lit room of the hospital, he saw how exhausted she was.
Not only because of the sickness and the toll it took on her but because of everything else too. Having lost her son, becoming responsible for another child suddenly, having to provide for her family, trying to raise him correctly and keep her business going.
This was a woman who lived a remarkable life. A woman who fought to survive and thrive just like him and was now asking for something so small.
Right there he chose to do what he hated the most: conceding.
Ji-pyeong chose to let this one pass, giving her a break and for once accepting to be ordered around.
Taking her hands and squeezing, trying to transmit all his feelings, all of his gratitude and pride and admiration, Ji-pyeong said:
"Alright, Haelmoni. I promise"
Her bright smile, her million-watt smile, was enough for him. In the end, her happiness was more than he could ever wish for.
xx
Choi Won-deok died peacefully in her sleep three nights after the accident, officially leaving two granddaughters and a daughter in law behind.
Unofficially, Choi Won-deok left a second son, a boy with a pained heart but the sweetest smile and the loveliest pair of dimples.
She also left a legacy of love to the world.