Archive of Our Own ^beta

The first time Jimin says no, Jungkook doesn’t know how to feel.

He supposes he should feel hurt, a little disappointed when he brings it up. They’d just finished cooking dinner together, the process taking impossibly longer than usual because Jungkook can’t seem to take his eyes off of his boyfriend. Jimin isn’t even doing anything different today; he wears the same clothes as always, has his makeup done as it is every day, but he feels his chest bursting with an affection that doesn’t trickle dry.

When Jimin is chopping vegetables, Jungkook slides up behind him, chin propped on his shoulder as he rests his hands on his boyfriend’s waist.

“I love you,” he murmurs into Jimin’s hair, breathing in deeply as he tries to absorb the moment in every sense. The soft strands of his blonde hair brush against his cheek, the feel of his smooth skin where his fingertips slide over his abdomen, his enticing scent filling his nostrils, the bubble of the pot slowly coming to a boil in the background a stark contrast to the chop of the knife against the cutting board as Jimin’s hands work swiftly and efficiently. Jungkook can almost taste his signature jjigae even without the components put together.

“And I love you,” Jimin says back, the touch of a giggle in his voice as he twists around to get a good look at his lover. His eyes flicker over his face, irises glowing with affection. “How was your day?”

Jungkook hums, closing his eyes and leaning in to press a quick kiss to Jimin’s lips. They’re so pretty, soft and glistening in the harsh kitchen lights. “Better now that I’m with you,” he sighs, content.

He helps Jimin cook even though his kitchen skills are limited, sets up the table for him, pulls out the chair for his prince before taking his place across the dining table. They eat an ordinary meal, but it tastes like he’s dining at a five star restaurant with the delicate hands that made them and the company shared. The lights aren’t even turned down low but Jimin looks absolutely breathtaking, even with his hair mussed from a busy day; even with his eyeshadow smudged and his eyeliner rubbing off, Jungkook thinks he must be the most beautiful person he’s ever laid his eyes on.

Jungkook feels his heart bursting to the brim with love for Jimin, and he decides then that he wants to be with this man for the rest of his life.

And so he says it.

“What do you think about getting married?”

Jimin stiffens, and Jungkook feels himself hold his breath. He supposes he doesn’t know what to expect. Maybe for Jimin to be excited, leap to his feet and eyes shining as he imagines a future together that Jungkook knows for a certainty that he wants. He wants it so desperately.

What he doesn’t expect is for his boyfriend’s smile to fade, his eyes unreadable as he schools his expression to one less than enthusiastic. He’s silent for so long that Jungkook almost thinks he must not have heard him, but he hasn’t moved either, his hands stilled and his eyes blank as they stare at his bowl of food that’s still steaming before him. But then he looks up sharply, taking in the hurt expression that must be written all over Jungkook’s face, his eyes softening, and he does his best to smile though Jungkook can clearly see that it’s a little forced.

“Jungkook-ah. My love,” he says gently, reaching forward to clasp his hand over where Jungkook’s rests against the table. Their meal remains untouched between them, slowly cooling with every moment that passes, but that is the least of their worries now.

“Do you not want to?” Jungkook rasps out, feeling the wave of disappointment already starting to crash over him.

“No, baby, of course I do,” Jimin says assuredly, squeezing his hand to comfort. “I love you, you’re the only one for me.” He flicks his eyes downcast, but his grip on Jungkook’s hand stays firm.

“You don’t sound sure,” Jungkook says quietly.

Jimin looks up sharply, his fingers squeezing once again. “I am,” he says firmly. “Please believe me.”

When Jungkook doesn’t respond, his eyes soften again and he stands, rounding the dining table to where the younger stays seated, his appetite gone, replaced by the disappointment swirling at the pit of his belly.

“Soon,” Jimin promises, crawling into his lap and kissing his cheek chastely. He straddles Jungkook’s thighs, carding his fingers through his lover’s hair as he brushes his bangs aside to meet his eyes tenderly. His expression is soft, earnest, and he kisses Jungkook’s forehead gently to soothe his bruised heart. “I want to,” he says softly. “But I’m not ready yet. Wait for me?”

Jungkook feels his heart soften, the corners of his lips twitching as he offers Jimin a smile, his eyes only full of love for the man in his lap. He rests his hands on Jimin’s hips as his boyfriend wraps his arms around Jungkook’s neck. He leans forward to press a gentle kiss to his plush lips.

“As long as it takes,” he promises.

---

The second time Jimin says no, six months later, Jungkook reminds himself of that promise.

It’s not easy; they’ve been together for ten years, since Jimin was seventeen and Jungkook fifteen, navigating their adolescence and young adulthood together before finally settling down and living together after Jungkook’s graduation from university. It has been three years since then, and he was growing impatient.

He wanted to call Jimin his husband.

They decide to go to a cafe on a cloudy Saturday morning, only the edges of the sun’s rays peeking from behind the dense layer of stratus covering the sky. Jimin’s delicate fingers are intertwined with his own as they stroll down the city streets. There’s a leap to his step, a childlike joy reflected in his eyes, and Jungkook’s heart is warm with affection as his boyfriend swings their connected hands.

As they approach their favorite cafe on the corner of the street, a few blocks down from their apartment in the bustling city of Seoul, Jungkook races to the door first, holding it open for Jimin, who giggles as he brushes past him and into the store. Jungkook feels his heart bubble with love.

“My prince,” Jimin laughs indulgently, reaching out to tug on the sleeve of his jacket and pulling him along. The door closes shut behind them and one of the employees chimes out a greeting as they study the menu drawn intricately in chalk calligraphy. Jungkook doesn’t know why Jimin bothers looking at the menu every time they stop by; he always orders the same thing anyway.

For someone so sweet, Jimin liked his coffee unusually bitter.

They place their orders, their cashier surprisingly cheery considering it was rather early for a weekend. Most of the city was still sleeping, making the most of a day off. Jimin tips him generously, dropping the coins into the glass jar as subtly as he can before turning to Jungkook, taking his hand and tugging him along to his booth of choice. They slide in across from each other, and Jimin pulls out his phone, responding to a missed message from when they were in line. Jungkook sets his own phone aside, choosing instead to rest his head against his palm and simply stare at his pretty boyfriend, admiring the way the little sunlight filters through the window and sets his features aglow.

Jimin sends his response, tapping away at the screen before locking his phone and glancing up.

“What?” he says, eyes narrowed as he notices Jungkook’s attention on him.

Jungkook just smiles. “Nothing.”

“Is there something on my face?”

He shakes his head.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Jimin whines, his bottom lip jutting out in his signature pout, only serving to pull a flurry of giggles from Jungkook’s chest.

“I’m so in love with you, Park Jimin.” He’s pretty sure there’s a dopy expression on his face, none of his emotions withheld.

Jimin’s cheeks glow pink and he looks even more endearing like this, flushed and bashful despite how long they’ve been together. It’s at this moment that their drinks appear, two coffees and a plate of pastries, Jimin eyeing the croissant eagerly as it’s placed before him. They thank the server, and as soon as she’s whisked away with another order Jimin digs in, too impatient to wait a single moment longer.

It’s the sight of Jimin with a mouthful of flaky crust and smeared chocolate lips that Jungkook feels the sudden burst of affection, the feeling of contentment and the desire to spend the rest of his life with the man before him.

“Jimin,” he murmurs. “I want to marry you.”

His boyfriend’s eyes widen and he coughs, swallowing a mouthful of croissant, and reaching for his coffee to help the contents go down more easily. He opens his mouth to respond, but Jungkook doesn’t let him. “I know you’re not ready,” he cuts him off. “I don’t want to rush you, but I just wanted to say it.” He fixes Jimin with the most genuine look he can muster, and says with certainty. He glances away for a moment, suddenly shy, but then takes a deep breath and turns back, meeting Jimin’s awaiting gaze. “I mean it when I say I’ll wait as long as it takes. But I just needed you to know.”

Jimin’s expression softens, his eyes full of affection, and Jungkook feels the disturbance in his chest. He reaches forward to intertwine their fingers once again, his thumb rubbing against the back of the younger’s hand soothingly.

“I’m sorry for making you wait,” he says softly. Jungkook opens his mouth to protest, but it’s Jimin’s turn to cut him off before he can speak. “It pains me to see you waiting for me so patiently. I can’t imagine the hurt you must be feeling because of me. But please don’t feel bad for feeling this way. Tell me what you’re feeling. Let me know when you’re frustrated. Don’t hold it in.” He lets go of Jungkook's hand, but the younger barely lets out a whimper when his boyfriend stands and slides into the booth beside him, folding himself into his side and resting his head against his shoulder. He reaches for Jungkook’s hand again, holding his much bigger hand in his own two palms. “I love you so much, Jeon Jungkook. I hope you’ll never forget that.”

“I love you, too,” Jungkook breathes out, closing his eyes and burying his face into Jimin’s head.

With the smooth lofi filtering through the overhead speakers and brush of Jimin’s soft hair against his nose, he tries to squash the feelings of frustration and impatience, because he knows the wait will be worth it.

---

The third time Jungkook asks, it’s an entire year later.

He waits. And he waits. And he waits.

Until he doesn’t.

The past year had been as wonderful as the last ten, and Jungkook feels his patience starting to run thin. He’d promised Jimin he’d wait as long as it took but even he had his limits, and he would be the first to admit that having such a beautiful man by his side without calling him his husband was excruciating. And Jimin hadn’t said or done anything to indicate against the idea, so Jungkook resolved to ask him once more. He’d waited a year, after all. Perhaps now Jimin felt ready.

It was a Friday night, a day where the city was bustling with activity, its residents preparing for an evening of events after the chaos of the previous week. Jungkook gets home from work first, tossing his briefcase aside as he loosens his tie, sliding the blazer off his shoulders. He usually got home earlier than Jimin on Fridays, his boyfriend always coerced into staying a couple of extra hours in the studio. Even when he hadn’t been asked to stay, he’d voluntarily do so, a perfectionist in his art. Jungkook understood, could see the passion in his work, and so he never complained, even when he missed Jimin in those precious hours that he was gone.

Jungkook usually liked to spend the time cooking up dinner, preparing his boyfriend a warm welcome home after his long days in the studio. Jimin worked harder than he needed to, but even with his best efforts he hadn’t found stability in his career yet. Jungkook wonders how much longer he would wait until his hard work was rewarded.

Despite his slow advancements, however, Jungkook knew that he himself couldn’t do much, only support him from the sidelines with as much energy as he can muster and shower him with love and care when he came home from work.

He determines to do that now, changing out of his business suit and into a more comfortable pair of sweats, rolling up his sleeves and pulling out various ingredients he had stocked up on earlier in the week. He sets to chopping the vegetables, humming along to the soft R&B lilting from the built in speakers he had installed a few months previous. It was something that Jimin teased him for doing, questioning why he needed such an extravagant addition to their kitchen when the television speakers were just in the room over, but in the end using it more than Jungkook.

He spends about an hour preparing the meal, an extra twenty minutes setting up the patio for their dinner. Despite the excitement of the bustling city below, Jungkook thinks Jimin would appreciate a little peace and quiet, the stillness of the night above a stark contrast to the chaos a few floors down.

He sweeps the balcony and wipes down the chairs from the outdoor elements, setting up the table with a vase of flowers and wine glasses, the bottle waiting to be opened. If Jimin finally said yes, he wanted the atmosphere to be as magical as the moment itself. He’s just putting the finishing touches to the lights when he hears Jimin come home, the sound of the door clicking open and then closed behind him.

“Baby?” Jimin’s soft voice rings through the apartment.

“Out on the balcony!” Jungkook calls from the patio, wrapping the last end of the string of lights along the railing. Jimin peeks outdoors, opening the door to the patio tentatively and eyes lighting up in surprise at the view he’s met with. Jungkook rushes forward and envelops him in a hug, sweeping him off his feet and twirling him in a circle before setting him down again. Jimin giggles as he does so, nuzzling in close to his chest and leaning up on this tip toes to press a kiss to his nose.

“What is all this?” he asks, breathless.

“Just a little something to celebrate the end of the week,” Jungkook says, fond. Jimin’s eyes sparkle like twin stars and he can feel all the warmth and love swirling there, enough to spill over and drown him in a flood of affection. It was a lucky day; he could feel it. Jimin would be his husband soon. “Go wash up,” he urges. “I’ll bring the food out while you’re at it.”

Jimin grins at him, leaning forward to press a peck on his lips before pulling away, albeit hesitantly. “Alright,” he agrees. “I’ll be quick.” And with that he tears himself away from Jungkook’s arms, who feels the loss immediately. He pulls his boyfriend in again, pressing a kiss to his forehead before releasing him.

“Sorry. I couldn’t resist.”

Jimin looks at him with all the love in the world, and Jungkook feels his lips tugging with the dopiest smile, the swirl of butterflies in his stomach despite all the years they’ve spent together. He thinks he must have the most lovesick expression written in his brows.

“I love you,” Jimin whispers, kissing his cheek.

“Now go,” Jungkook urges him, though his actions just seconds prior don’t align with his words. “We have a whole night to ourselves, and I don’t want to waste a single moment.”

Jimin pulls away and Jungkook whisks into the kitchen, plating the pasta like he had seen in the video online. He’s so deep in concentration that he doesn’t notice the presence sliding behind him until a pair of arms wrap around his waist, a chin hooking itself over his shoulder as Jimin folds himself into Jungkook’s side.

“Hello there,” Jungkook chuckles, twisting around to nuzzle Jimin’s hair. “That was fast.”

“I promised I’d be quick.”

“That you did,” he agrees. Jungkook picks up both plates with each hand, ushering Jimin towards the door. “Lets eat.” He sets the plates down, and pulls out Jimin’s chair for him like the perfect boyfriend he wishes to be before finally settling down across from him. Jimin doesn’t stop looking around, taking in the decor Jungkook had set up to make their dinner all the more special.

“You went all out today,” he says observantly, his eyes settling on the bottle of wine that’s still sitting patiently atop the table.

“I just wanted to spoil my baby. No need for a reason.”

Jimin laughs, the sound ringing throughout the still air and filling Jungkook’s heart with a warmth that the chill of the night couldn’t chase away. “Then I must be the luckiest man in the world.”

“And that’s where you’re wrong,” Jungkook smirks. “You’re looking right at him.”

Jimin giggles. “You’re so silly.”

Jungkook lets him have it, reaching forward to pop the cork off the bottle of wine, filling Jimin and his glasses in turn. “How was your day?” he asks. “You weren’t at the studio as late as usual.”

Jimin’s eyes sparkle with excitement. “Hoseok hyung just informed me of an opening at one of the entertainment companies I’ve been eyeing. I think I might be able to get the job.”

Jungkook frowns, a little baffled. “An entertainment company? You’ve never expressed interest in training idols before.”

Jimin shakes his head, taking a sip of his wine. “Not until recently. But the pay is better than where I am now, and one of the perks of working in entertainment is that I could be more well known. It’s a chance to get my name out there,” he explains.

Jungkook doesn’t protest, but his boyfriend’s words don’t sit quite right with him either. “You’ve never cared about being well known before,” he says carefully, not wanting to imply something that he would have never associated Jimin with before.

Jimin simplys shrugs. “Like I said, it’s just a perk.”

Jungkook hums in agreement, but he doesn’t reply, instead reaching forward to refill their glasses. They’re halfway through with the bottle now.

“But enough about me, how was your day?” Jimin asks, and though Jungkook can tell he’s trying to veer the subject away from his own ambitions, he knows that his words are genuine.

“It was alright.” He shrugs. “The usual, I suppose. Namjoon-hyung brought in cookies today. Said Seokjin-hyung made them.”

“Ah my favorite couple,” Jimin says, his voice muffled as he struggles to speak and eat at the same time.

“I thought that was us,” Jungkook frowns in mock disappointment.

“After us, silly.” Jimin takes another bite of pasta, his eyes closing in content as the flavors melt in his mouth. “This is so good, how did you learn to make this?”

Jungkook lifts a finger to his lips, smirking. “It’s a secret,” he says ambiguously.

“You’re the best boyfriend ever,” Jimin says before stuffing himself with another mouthful.

Jungkook leans back in his chair, interlocking his fingers behind his head in a show of nonchalance. “I know.”

“Stop flattering yourself,” Jimin laughs.

Jungkook strugs. “I don’t have to, you do it for me.”

Jimin laughs, but he reaches forward, palm upwards and fingers outstretched. Jungkook understands, meets him halfway and tangles their fingers together. “Really though, how did I get so lucky? Of all the people in the world, you chose me.”

Jungkook leans forward. “I’ll always choose you. Over and over again, I’d choose you.”

Jimin sighs, content. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

The fairy lights twinkle around the couple, mirroring the starlight skies. Jimin gazes at him with the utmost love and affection, and Jungkook squeezes his hand in appreciation. His chest swells with so much emotion he thinks it might burst, wonders how his ribcage is supposed to fit all the love he holds for the man before him. It’s all too much, and he’s so full of emotion he feels the familiar prickle of tears in the corner of his eyelids.

“Will you marry me?” The words come out faster than he can process them, and though he’d been meaning to say it all night, it still hits him with a wave of nervousness. Despite the strength of their relationship now, Jimin had said no before, and they had been stronger than ever a year ago as well.

Jungkook feels the exact moment Jimin stiffens, sees his breath catch in his throat.

“Jungkook…”

“What’s wrong?” he whispers, and his heart aches so much he thinks his voice might have wavered, thinks it must have come out as a whimper which is absolutely mortifying. Here he is, pouring his heart out for the man he’s been in love with for more than a decade, only to be rejected for the third time in a row.

“I can’t say yes yet,” Jimin says slowly. “I know I’ve kept you waiting, and I’m really sorry.”

“Why not?” he asks quietly.

Jimin shifts uncomfortably, avoiding his eyes. Instead he stares at his half-eaten plate of pasta, the noodles suddenly unappetizing despite all the effort Jungkook had put into it. “I’m not ready yet,” he mumbles. “I told you before; I need some time.”

“Time for what?” Jungkook presses. “What are you waiting for?” He feels bad for asking, wants to respect Jimin’s answer, but it hurts. He thought Jimin would have wanted to marry him too.

Jimin at least looks guilty when he says it, but Jungkook still feels a burst of impatience. “I want to stabilize my career first,” he admits. “Jungkook, you know how much my work means to me. You’ve waited for me this far, can’t you wait just a little longer?”

Jungkook feels the words pierce his heart. “I’ve waited a year for you,” he murmurs. “How much longer do you expect me to wait?”

“If you loved me, it wouldn’t matter!” he snaps. “I come home to you every day, I spend every waking moment thinking of you, loving you with my every breath. What does it matter that we’re married or not? Isn’t what we have now enough?”

Jungkook shrinks back in surprise, injured. Although a part of him had anticipated rejection, he would have never imagined that Jungkook would snap at him. “You’re okay with where we’re at now?”

Jimin’s eyes flash with both worry and impatience. “I didn’t say that. It’s just now is a little too early for me. Besides, it’s not for much longer,” he says, an edge to his voice. “I just need to get a little further, advance a little more. It can’t be too long now; I’m so close.”

Jungkook feels his heart sink, every word coming out of Jimin’s mouth piercing him. He had a good feeling all day; how did it all go wrong?

“You’re always putting your career first, and all this time I’ve supported you,” he argues defensively. “I never got in the way of you chasing your goals, always stood by your side with anything you needed. But Jimin, when will you be satisfied?”

“I am satisfied,” Jimin argues. “I’ve been satisfied. It’s not like I went looking for this job; it’s an opportunity that came up itself, and I just have to work a little harder to get there.”

“You said before that your dream was to teach children to dance, the little ones that had the passion but not the funding. But then when the opportunity to teach at a university popped up, you didn’t hesitate to accept. And now you’re saying you want to work at an entertainment company? Training future idols? Choreographing for groups? Jimin, since when have you been so blinded? You’ll never be satisfied. You’ve forgotten the very reason why you pursued dance in the first place.”

Jimin’s eyes flash. “Who are you to claim you know the reason I dance? How could you claim to know the reasoning behind my goals if you’re not met? You’re not, you can only see from afar, so don’t judge me when you don’t know the full story.”

“I’m not far away,” Jungkook argues, stung. “I’ve been right beside you all along. How could you say I’ve been far away?”

“I know,” Jimin says. “I’m sorry for implying that you weren’t. But you still don’t know everything that’s going on in my head. You don’t know what I feel. Can you wait until after I’ve gotten the job? Can you let me focus on my career first?”

Jungkook sighs, suddenly so, so exhausted. He doesn’t want to fight anymore. Without looking at Jimin in the eye he stands, the chair screeching against the concrete as it’s pushed back with the movement. He inhales and exhales slowly, resting his tired eyes on where Jimin sits so small across from him.

“I wish you would put me first sometimes, too.”

---

They don’t talk much for the rest of the night. Jungkook decides to spend time by himself, not wanting to blow up in front of Jimin. He spends the rest of the night in their bedroom while Jimin takes the living room, but despite how hurt he feels from their argument, the space between them aches almost as much and he wishes he could have taken back his words, changed the course of the night just so he could hold Jimin in his arms again and lay beside him as they sleep.

But even with these thoughts he knew that it was bound to happen eventually. He knew Jimin, grown up with him for half of his life and loved him for all twenty six, and the Jimin he knew would never pursue advancement in his career for wealth and esteem. Fifteen year old Jimin had dreamed of teaching children, said he wanted to bring out the potential in young minds, especially ones that had no one to support their dreams.

Jungkook had fallen in love with that Jimin.

Even when his boyfriend had informed Jungkook of his new position at a famous university he had questioned it, but the eagerness in his eyes was enough to convince him that he was pursuing it for the right intentions. Perhaps he had seen the potential in university students as well. They were young as well, had their own struggles, and some may not even have the approval of their families for pursuing such an art.

But as the night waned on Jungkook realized that he didn’t want to be alone. And despite his longing to hold onto Jimin, he knew it was better that they have time to themselves before coming together again. He sends Namjoon a quick text, asking if he could come over, and his hyung replies immediately. Of course, Jungkook-ah.

So Jungkook grabs his keys, stuffing his phone into his pocket. He takes a deep breath, in and out, before he turns the doorknob and steps into the living room. Jimin is sitting on the couch, his back to where Jungkook steps out of their shared bedroom, and although he can’t see his boyfriend’s expression he knows that he’s hurting too, from the way he’s curled in on himself in the corner of the seat despite the length of the couch. At the sound of the door clicking open and closed, though, he looks up, and Jungkook feels the guilt sharp in his chest.

He looks as pained as Jungkook feels.

“Where are you going?” he asks, his voice raspy and hoarse.

Jungkook almost lies and says he has no intention of going anywhere, wants to crawl into the couch and cuddle up next to Jimin, hold him close and kiss both their wounds better, but then his phone vibrates, a reminder that Namjoon is expecting him.

“To Namjoon-hyung’s place,” he says, and he pretends not to see the way Jimin’s face falls.

“Oh. Okay. I’ll see you later tonight?”

“Yeah.” Jungkook nods, avoiding his boyfriend’s eyes. “Yeah, I’ll see you when I get back.”

He pretends that closing the door behind him doesn’t break him into a million fragments.

The door swings open and Jungkook is met with the face of comfort.

“Namjoon-hyung.”

Namjoon offers him his signature dimpled smile. “Come on in.” He waves Jungkook in, heading straight to the kitchen. “Want a drink?”

“Maybe just some water,” Jungkook says gratefully.

Namjoon sets the glass before him at their dining table, settling down across from him. “What’s wrong?” he asks without preamble, which Jungkook appreciates. He doesn’t have the energy to work around formalities at the moment.

“It’s Jimin,” he sighs. “He’s not acting like himself.”

Namjoon’s brows raise in surprise. “How so?”

Jungkook takes a sip of his water, twirling the straw around the glass and rolling the neck between his fingertips. “I asked him to marry me again,” he admits, a little self-conscious. “And he said no.”

Namjoon frowns. “This is the third time, right?” Jungkook nods. “When was the last time you asked again?”

“A year ago.”

“And he asked for you to wait for him?”

Jungkook nods. “Do you think he doesn’t want to get married to me?” he asks, the very thought of it sending a ripple of fear throughout his entire body. He can hardly fathom that thought, thinks it’s so detached from how they are now it can’t even be possible.

Namjoon shakes his head. “That’s something you should ask him yourself.”

Jungkook sighs. “He never explicitly said no. He just asked to wait for him.”

“And you have been,” Namjoon points out.

“I told him I would wait as long as it takes,” he specifies.

“And do you intend to keep that promise?”

Jungkook blinks back at him, shocked that he had to ask. “Of course. I’d wait for him forever.”

“Yet you’re here now.”

Jungkook sighs, conflicted. “Do you think I’m being selfish? I want to be with him for the rest of my life, I want to call him my husband. But it just feels like he’s okay with where we are now, and I feel like I’m pressuring him. And I don’t want him to feel pressured. I want him to marry me when he feels ready.”

“I don’t think you’re being selfish for wanting this now,” Namjoon says, and Jungkook feels a little comforted already. “It’s okay to want to take the next step. But you’re right about him being ready too. You’re a good boyfriend, Jungkook. You’re waiting for him, and even though he’s taking so long to get there you’re being patient.”

Jungkook sighs, running his hands through his hair in frustration. “I don’t feel patient. I feel like every time I ask him I’m being an asshole for rushing him.”

“He said it was for his career, right?

Jungkook nods in confirmation. “He asked me to wait just a little longer, until he got this job that Hobi-hyung told him about. It just… It feels like he doesn’t want to settle. Like there’s so much out there for him and being married to me would only tie him down.”

“You’ve been together for over ten years,” Namjoon points out. “Don’t you think he would have moved on if he felt weighed down by being with you? And besides, there is a lot out there. There’s so much out there, but being together means you get to experience it together. Maybe once he gets this job he’ll be happy with himself and will finally feel ready.”

“But what if he isn’t? What if once he’s gotten this position he wants more? He never seems to be satisfied, hyung. It’s like all this success has gotten to his head and he’s just waiting for the next step up. And this whole time I’m just waiting for him to be happy so that I can be happy with him.”

Namjoon fixes him with an intense stare, and Jungkook feels himself shrink back unconsciously, even though he knows his hyung means no harm. “Listen Jungkook. These all your thoughts that your mind is fixing as truth. You can’t factualize these thoughts until Jimin confirms them for himself. And that is proven through action, not suspicions. You two have been together for eleven years; I’d like to believe you have more trust in each other than that.”

The words are a little harsh, but Jungkook feels their effect intensely. Namjoon is right; he’d accused Jimin of being too caught up in his own head, but he’s doing the same thing by letting his thoughts get the better of him.

“Trust in him,” Namjoon urges him. “Let his actions speak for themselves. And who knows, maybe this job was meant for him after all and he’ll find happiness in his work there. And then maybe he’ll feel ready to take the next step with you.”

Jungkook lips quirk a little, just the tiniest of smiles peaking through the creases of his mouth. “Yeah, you’re right,” he says, already feeling a little better, a little more hopeful of what the future could bring. “Thank you for listening to me, hyung. And thank you for your advice. You always know what to say.”

Namjoon offers him a dimpled smile in welcome, and Jungkook feels warmth blossoming in his chest. He had good friends. “Come here,” his hyung says, standing and rounding the corner to pull Jungkook into a warm embrace. He exhales, feeling his troubles leaving him as well.

“Thank you,” he whispers into Namjoon’s chest, who ruffles his hair in return.

“Now get home,” his hyung urges him. “Jimin will be waiting for you.”

Jungkook nods quickly, remembering how defeated Jimin looked when he had left him. “You’re right! I need to get home right away; he must be so lonely right now.”

With one last squeeze for comfort Namjoon bids him farewell, Seokjin calling out a good night from deeper into their apartment, and Jungkook shouts a goodbye in return before whisking out the door and back home to where his lover awaits.

When Jungkook gets home, the lights are all turned off.

“Jimin?” he calls out, but there is no reply.

He toes of his shoes at the doorway and sets them on the rack, tiptoeing deeper into their apartment in search of his boyfriend. The light to their bedroom is off, too, and he opens the door slowly, careful not to make a sound.

Jimin had left the blinds to the window open, the full light of the moon filtering through and casting the room in an ethereal glow. In a lump of blankets on their bed, slightly to the left side, is Jimin’s sleeping form, the gentle rise and fall of his body the only movement in the room.

As Jungkook approaches his side of the bed he can clearly see that Jimin’s brows are frowned, the lines of his face wrinkled in worry and he feels a ripple of guilt for being the cause of his distress. He leans forward to thumb away the creases in his boyfriend’s forehead, smoothing them out.

As he rounds the bed to his own side he finds it cold, the fact not sitting right with him. He finds it absolutely unacceptable, displeasure swirling in the base of his stomach.

Dropping his phone and keys on the nightstand, Jungkook crawls into the bed beside his boyfriend, pulling the covers over his shoulder as he wraps his arms around Jimin and staring at his sleeping features. He watches the rise and fall as he breathes softly, the slant of moonlight that highlights his face and he leans in close, their foreheads almost pressed up against each other. Jungkook reaches out a hand to brush away the fringe, feeling Jimin’s steady breath ghost over his knuckles as he does so.

“I love you,” he whispers, and he feels Jimin shift ever the slightest in response, as if he’s listening and saying the same three words in return.

---

“Baby! I got the job!”

Jungkook is busy whipping up dinner when Jimin bursts through the apartment door, kicking his shoes off in excitement as he slams the door shut behind him and rushes up to Jungkook, eyes shining.

Jungkook drops the ladle he has gripped in his hand and sweeps Jimin off his feet, twirling him around enthusiastically. “Congrats baby! I’m so proud of you!”

And he is. All he feels is pride and happiness for his boyfriend, because what makes Jimin makes him happy too. And he knows how hard Jimin works, so only a fool could say that he didn’t deserve this.

Jungkook leans in to catch Jimin’s lips in a kiss, which he reciprocates enthusiastically. Jimin’s hands fly upwards to cup his cheeks as Jungkook sets him down, his hands sliding down to rest on his hips as they kiss.

“Thank you for always being supportive of me,” Jimin murmurs against his lips when they break apart. Jungkook rests his forehead against Jimin’s, closing his eyes as he captures his lips in a chaste kiss, pulling away before it strays from the line of innocence.

“I’ll always be your biggest cheerleader,” he promises. “If you’re happy, I’m happy too.”

“I’m happy,” Jimin assures him. “I’m really happy. I love you so much.”

Jungkook leans in ever so closer, nuzzling his nose with his own. “I love you too,” he breathes out. “I love you more than you can ever know.”

Jimin starts his new job immediately, and Jungkook quickly learns that it isn’t as marvelous as it’s made out to be. He’s asked to stay for longer hours than his previous job, called in for work on the weekends too, and Jungkook finds himself sitting alone in their usual booth at the cafe for more occasions than he’d like.

Even the baristas are confused at first, ask him where Jimin is, and all he can reply with is a shrug and short explanation. “New job. He got called in this weekend.” They offer him their sympathies, the usual cashier that works on Saturdays puts in his order and says it’s on the house. Chaewon, her name is. He should really learn all their names. They’ve all been so kind to him.

That Saturday morning he sits alone with a single cup of steaming coffee, staring out the window into the streets of a city that’s just waking up, missing a lover’s presence with an intensity that aches deep in his chest.

---

Four weeks later Jungkook finds himself back at Namjoon’s. His hyung is nursing a beer, and Jungkook has one too, but it’s left untouched before him. He’d accepted the drink out of courtesy, but he thinks a sip of anything other than water would make him sick.

They’ve been sitting there for some time now, Jungkook stewing in his jumbled up thoughts as he tries to straighten them, Namjoon waiting patiently as he sorts through them. Seokjin is out with Yoongi, and Jungkook hopes they won’t be back anytime soon. He doesn’t want Seokjin to have to see him like this too, even though he’s certain Namjoon must have told him about his troubles.

“I tried waiting,” Jungkook murmurs. “I listened to your advice; I waited for him to start the job, get adjusted to it. But it’s not even about waiting for when he’s ready anymore. He got the job, but he’s busier than ever, and it seems like his ambition just doesn’t end. He’s barely at home now, and we don’t even have the weekends together anymore. The apartment is so cold and empty, I hate it so much. I don’t even feel like I have a boyfriend anymore.”

“And how long has he had this job now?”

“A little over a month. Two, actually.”

“And there’s no sign of him stopping?”

Jungkook shakes his head despondently.

“And when he’s home it feels like we’re just tiptoeing around each other. He’s always exhausted so I don’t want to press him too much and all we end up doing is sleeping and in the morning he’s gone again. It feels like he doesn’t love me anymore, or at least not as much as he used to. Is that possible? To fall out of love with someone?”

Jungkook doesn’t know why he asks. He knows that it is; the proof of it in every broken relationship that had ever fallen apart. But it’s strange to say it aloud, because he would have never thought that it could have happened to him; the feeling so detached from his and Jimin’s relationship that it seemed impossible, like two parallel lines that were never meant to cross.

“It is,” Namjoon affirms, and Jungkook feels a ripple of anxiety through his body, leaving his veins icy cold from fear in its wake.

“Do you think Jimin’s fallen out of love with me?” he whispers, almost hoping Namjoon doesn’t answer.

To his relief, however, Namjoon shakes his head. “No, Jimin still loves you very much, I can see it. I think he just may be a little lost right now, a little confused. You see it too, Jungkook-ah. This isn’t the Jimin you’ve fallen in love with.”

Jungkook nods. “I think so too. I just don’t know how to make him see it.”

“Sometimes you can’t,” Namjoon says wisely. “Sometimes you just have to wait for him to see it himself.”

Jungkook sighs. “It hurts though.”

“And you shouldn’t be the one suffering while he finds himself.”

“What else can I do?”

“You said you would wait for him for as long as it takes.”

Jungkook nods sadly in confirmation.

“But you made that promise to a different man.”

That catches his attention, his head snapping up in surprise. “Are you suggesting I break that promise?”

Namjoon doesn’t reply for some time, and that’s all the response he needs.

“He’s still Jimin,” he murmurs. “I know he is.”

Namjoon sighs. “You said you’d wait for as long as it takes to marry him. But how long are you willing to wait for him to come back to you?”

They find themselves fighting again.

Jungkook isn’t even surprised when it happens; he’d seen it coming. With Jimin’s extra hours, his nights long and his weekends gone, Jungkook almost feels like he’s living on his own. The apartment is empty most of the time now save for himself, and it’s a loneliness that cuts deeper than he could have ever imagined.

Jimin comes home late again, looking nothing short of exhausted, but so is Jungkook. Despite the fatigue, though, he welcomes his boyfriend with welcoming arms, and Jimin collapses into him.

“Long day?” he guesses. Jimin just closes his eyes and nods into Jungkook’s chest, gripping at his shirt tightly with his fingers. Jungkook reaches for it, untangling them from the fabric and intertwining it with his own instead. “Let’s get you some food, hm? And tea?”

Jimin blinks up at him, the ghost of a smile tracing his lips, though the exhaustion is still reflected in his irises. “Yeah,” he breathes. “That would be nice, thank you.”

Jungkook tucks him in on their couch, gently laying a blanket over him.

“I’ll be right back,” he promises before whisking away to the kitchen to heat up the leftover broth he’d made earlier. He hands the bowl to Jimin, who accepts it gratefully. With the first sip he already looks a little better, a little more rejuvenated, his eyes a little brighter.

“Let me go get the tea.” Jungkook rushes off to boil the water, preparing the loose leaf as he waits for it to heat up. “Do you want honey?” he calls.

Jimin makes a sound of agreement, and Jungkook searches the cabinets for the sweetener.

“Do you think you’ll be able to ask for a day off?” Jungkook tries to ask casually as he returns, mixing the tea and twirling the spoon around to dissolve the honey.

Jimin blinks back at him, as if confused.

“Can you ask for a break?” Jungkook repeats himself, handing over the drink to which Jimin accepts gratefully.

Jimin looks at him as if he’d suggested they commit a crime, or fly to the moon, or maybe even both. “Of course not,” he says pointedly. “You know how strict they are on my schedule.”

“I don’t know why you have to work so hard,” Jungkook mutters. “You’re not even the one training for debut.”

“They’ll come around eventually. I just have to prove myself first.”

“That doesn’t sound like a good work environment to me,” Jungkook frowns. “Are you sure this is healthy for you?”

“They’ll loosen up when I show them how hard I work,” Jimin argues. “Plus I’m new, so they’re micromanaging me a lot more. It’ll be fine once some time has passed.”

“And how long will that take?”

Jimin shrugs.

“How long are you willing to work for it?” Jungkook is almost scared of the answer.

“I don’t know. As long as I need.”

Jungkook stands up, frustrated. “And how long will that be? A couple months? A year? Are you willing to work yourself to the bone for some shitty company that won’t even glance at your health and well being?”

Jimin’s up on his feet as well, and despite being shorter he’s intimidating with his fiery eyes and narrowed brows. “You wouldn’t understand! The amount I’m making is immensely more now, and plus now I can get my name out there! Some fans already recognize me from my newest choreography.”

Jungkook shakes his head. “This isn’t you. My Jimin wouldn’t care about being well known. He wouldn’t care about the money he’s making; he used to work with children because he loved the way they danced with passion, the way he used to dance. He wanted to bring out the potential in them because he was the only one who could see it.” Jungkook sighs and moves towards the doorway, slipping on the first pair of shoes he sees and zipping up his jacket.

“This isn’t the Jimin I fell in love with,” he murmurs before closing the door shut behind him.

Jungkook goes straight to Namjoon’s, longing for his hyung’s wisdom and comfort. When he arrives, he’s met with a pair of awaiting arms to which he falls into, exhausted to the bone. He doesn’t even realize he’s crying until there are tears streaking down his face, a damp spot growing on Namjoon’s shirt. Startled, Jungkook pulls back, swiping at the tear stained tracks on his cheeks.

“Oh my god hyung, I’m so sorry,” he sniffles.

Namjoon smiles at him sadly. “It’s alright,” he says. “It’s nothing to worry about. But come in, Jungkook. It seems there’s a lot on your mind.”

Jungkook takes in a shuddering breath, nodding in agreement as he struggles to undo his shoelaces with shaky hands. Namjoon guides him to the living room where Jungkook curls in on himself in the corner of the couch, hugging the throw pillow in his arms. Namjoon is as patient as always, waiting for him to speak when he’s ready, and despite the silence he doesn’t feel pressured to fill it.

“I don’t know where Jimin is anymore,” he finally says, his voice coming out as a hoarse whisper. “I don’t see him in that man. I don’t know where he’s gone.”

Namjoon listens. He listens to Jungkook as he retells his woes, listens as he lets out all his heartache. And when Jungkook’s done he stays silent, simply lets him cry into his shoulder once he’s relieved all of his pain.

And when Jungkook’s sobs turn into sniffles, his tears dry and his breathing evening out, all the energy sapped from his fragile, exhausted, pain wracked body, he speaks.

“Jungkook-ah. You can try to help him find himself, but ultimately it’s up to him whether he wants to save himself.”

The next morning he comes home to find Jimin sitting at the dining table with a steaming cup of coffee before him, but it looks untouched and his eyes stare blankly at the wall. He doesn’t even seem to notice Jungkook’s entrance, not until he calls out his name.

“Jimin?”

Jimin blinks, his eyes clearing and fixing his gaze on where Jungkook’s slipping off his shoes.

“You didn’t come home last night,” he says flatly.

Jungkook winces. It’s not said with malice, but he feels guilty all the same.

“I was at Namjoon-hyung’s.”

Jimin nods in acknowledgement, and Jungkook approaches him tentatively, pulling out the chair across from him and sitting down. “Have you been up for long?”

Jimin nods again.

“Were you waiting for me?”

Another nod.

“I’m sorry for keeping you waiting.”

Jimin shrugs, and Jungkook feels on edge. It’s a feeling he hates to be experiencing with the man who should have been the love of his life.

“Can we talk?”

He nods, but his eyes are empty. It's unnerving, the way he looks so emotionless, like a ghost. He’s never seen Jimin so void of feeling before.

“Jimin, you know how I feel, right? About your job, your passion and love for dance. And about us.”

“I do.”

Jungkook takes in a shuddering breath and prepares himself for the worst. He breathes out. “I think we need some time to ourselves,” he says quietly but firmly.

Jimin blinks at him. “You want to take a break?” It’s not a question. Not really.

Jungkook looks down at his lap, his hands fiddling with each other anxiously. “I think it might be best,” he says simply. “To figure out what really matters to us.”

Jimin doesn’t say anything for some time. He just sits there, mulling the words over.

Then, “Okay.”

Jungkook blinks back in surprise. “Okay?”

Jimin nods curtly, and the lack of emotion behind his actions pierces Jungkook’s heart. “Alright, let’s try that. You said it yourself, we need the time to reflect. Maybe then we’ll get to understand each other better.”

“Oh.” Jungkook hadn’t expected such a straightforward, emotionless answer. “Okay.” He blinks.

“Is that what you want?”

Jungkook hesitates, thinking it over. Is it? Does he want to be separated from Jimin like this?

“Yes,” he says. It isn’t.

“Then it’s what I want too.” Jimin stands, pushing in his chair with the utmost care but Jungkook’s gaze stays in his lap, staring at his hands that are sweating profusely, gripping at the fabric of his pants in shock and still trying to process everything that’s happening around him.

“Jimin,” he says, and his boyfriend stops abruptly but doesn’t turn around. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, and he means it. His heart aches to say it.

Jimin rests his gaze on him, the irises reflecting a sadness that pierces through him, the only emotion he’s seen on his lover’s face the entire morning.

“I’m sorry, too,” he says before turning around and walking away.

Jungkook feels as if time has stopped.

It’s like the rest of the world is living, thriving all around him, but he’s standing still and watching it all unfold from afar. It’s like looking at a picture that has all the color drained from it, leaving it with only black and white and grey. It’s like standing in the center of a merry go round, the children laughing and the animals running round and round and round, and he’s in the midst of it all but completely detached.

“Jungkook-ah, are you alright?”

Namjoon had taken to visiting him frequently, which Jungkook appreciates. It’s lonely without Jimin’s presence, and it feels like the apartment is void of any occupants, with the way Jungkook feels like a shell of himself. He’s not really there; his body is, but mentally he’s gone somewhere else, and Jimin had moved temporarily to Taehyung’s, who had an extra room available.

“How long has it been?” He’s lost track of the time as well, his days monotone and repetitive. He can’t remember the last time he had left the apartment for his own pleasure.

“Three months,” Namjoon answers.

Roughly fourteen weeks, then. It feels longer, like the time has stretched out and the hours tick by slower, every moment without Jimin by his side a lifetime.

“Jungkook-ah,” Namjoon says gently. “You should get up, go outside.” He hesitates, as if contemplating his words, then after a moment offers, “We can go to the coffee shop you like.”

Jungkook knows he should. But he doesn’t want anything without Jimin.

---

“Jimin’s not doing well.”

Jungkook should have seen it coming. He kind of did in a way, felt it in his heart that it would. But with the way Jimin had let him leave so easily, let him walk out the door without saying anything, let him suggest a break without protest, it’s hard to believe.

“I’m not either,” he says in reply, but the words sound twisted on his tongue. He shouldn’t be speaking this way when it’s about Jimin, the love of his life.

Hoseok sighs. “Jungkook, he looks awful. He doesn’t eat, doesn’t sleep, just works himself to the bone. I think he’s trying to fill all his time with work so he can’t feel the hurt and loneliness of you being gone.”

Jungkook swallows the bile that’s rising in his throat as Hoseok speaks, his words hitting a little too close to home. He’d drowned himself in work, too, had piled on project after project despite his boss’s concerns, only hoping to suffocate the intense pain that Jimin had left in his wake. His busyness could only do so much, though. At night he would lie awake in the bed that was too wide for one person, eat in a kitchen made for two.

“I don’t know what you expect me to do,” he says bitterly, the words dry on his tongue. He wants nothing more than to rush to Jimin now, hold him in his arms and apologize for ever leaving him, kiss him until the pain is gone.

“I know you don’t mean that,” Hoseok says.

“Well, what do you want me to do?” Jungkook demands. “That’s not my job anymore! Even if I wanted to, I can’t go to him now.” He trails off, suddenly so exhausted. “I can’t anymore.”

“Jungkook.” When he looks up to meet his hyung’s eyes, he doesn’t expect to see the tenderness he finds there. “Go to him.”

It’s a simple three words, one that Jungkook had anticipated him to say, but it’s spoken with such gentleness and understanding that he can’t help but be stilled to silence.

“Go,” Hoseok urges him, a little more urgently this time, and Jungkook can’t say no.

Jungkook finds him in his old studio, where he used to work as a dance teacher to children.

His figure is hunched over himself, tucked in the corner where the mirror meets the wall, and his face is turned away but even from this far away he can see how defeated he looks. It’s shocking, seeing him like this when he’s only seen him full of life, always the light of the entire room. But then again, he hasn’t seen that Jimin in a long time.

“Jimin?”

The dancer turns his exhausted eyes towards him, and Jungkook feels a ripple of shock run through his body, ice cold and electric fire. He looks dead, like the soul has been sucked out of his body and he’s left with a shell for a body, the physical aspect of Jimin the only thing that’s left.

“Jungkook,” he rasps out and it sounds hoarse, like he hasn’t used his voice in years.

Jungkook approaches him tentatively, crouching down beside him, and Jimin reaches out to him, cupping his lover’s cheeks with his fragile hands. Jungkook closes his eyes and leans into his touch; had missed it dearly. His hands find themselves covering Jimin's, his palm engulfing the dancer’s tiny fingers.

“I’m here,” he whispers. “I’m here, my love.”

“You were right,” Jimin cries without any forewarning. “Jungkook, you were right all along. Nothing made me happy. You tried to tell me, and I never listened.”

Jungkook tries to hush him, his heart aching from seeing him cry, but Jimin doesn’t stop. “I let the fame blind me, and the money too. But I already had everything. It was all there, right in front of me. I had you, and that was all I needed. I came back here…” He gestures vaguely to the studio, sniffling. “And it came back to me. The kids… I abandoned them.”

Jungkook shakes his head, carding his hands through Jimin’s hair. “No, you didn’t,” he tries to protest.

“I did!” Jimin’s eyes flash. “They were all I needed, and I left them. And then I left you.” He gazes up into Jungkook’s eyes, and they’re two pools of raw grief.

“You didn’t.” The words are dry on Jungkook’s turn. “I was the one who suggested it.”

“And I did nothing to stop you. I wanted to, Jungkook. When you said it, I wished with every part of me that you would take it back. But I did nothing. I let it happen.”

“I wish I had never said it,” Jungkook whispers. “I never wanted to lose you.”

“No, it made me realize how far I’d strayed. You were right; I wasn’t myself. I’m sorry, Jungkook. I would have never imagined that my ambition would get this far.”

“It’s alright,” Jungkook whispers into his hair, squeezing Jimin tighter in his arms as if he were about to lose him. “It’s okay, you’ve found yourself. My Jimin is back.”

“I am,” Jimin sighs out. “And I’ll never leave again.”

“We can try again,” Jungkook says determinedly. “Pick up the pieces, start where we left off. Oh, my love. I missed you so much.”

“I missed you more.” Jimin tentatively raises his hand to cup Jungkook’s cheek and he leans into the palm hungrily, missing his warm touch. “I want to go back, I want to go home.”

Jungkook thinks about their apartment, how it had felt so empty lacking Jimin’s presence, and then thinks about how warm it had been with the two of them there, memories laced into the walls. He smiles.

“Then let’s go home.”

It takes time - one year, two months, and sixteen days to be exact - but they make it, work through it together. Amidst their struggles, they learn to heal, to communicate, to grow, and though it’s hard at first, Jungkook knows there’s no one else he would go through it with.

And when Jungkook finally proposes, under the light of the starry night sky reflecting in his boyfriend’s shining eyes, Jimin says yes.

---

On the day of their wedding, Jungkook can hardly believe it.

He’d been dreaming of this day for over twelve years, when he had first met Jimin and knew he was the one.

He had always been the one.

When they say their vows, Jimin looks as happy as he feels, maybe even more so, and he can’t believe that there was a time in which he doubted the strength of his love. He’d love this man forever, could never do otherwise because that was all he knew.

And when they kiss for the first time as husbands, he feels a surge of blissful joy that cannot be described in words.

“I love you,” Jungkook murmurs between their pressed lips, quiet words shared just between the two of them despite their audience.

Jimin swallows them down eagerly. “I love you, too.”

He was right all along.

It had been worth it.