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Chapter Text

Thor was still getting used to Midgard.

Technology wasn’t as hard for him to grasp as everyone seemed to think, with the exception of “cell phones.” Stark kept joking about buying him a “Nokia” so that he’d finally have an indestructible phone, but still hadn’t explained what in the Nine Realms a “Nokia” was. Slang was also considerably difficult, but he was adjusting. He was a prince of Asgard; learning to respect the ways of others was something he had striven to do ever since his banishment had ended. He had decided that understanding other cultures was a kingly attribute, and he worked hard at it.

One thing that didn’t give him quite as much trouble was physical gestures. That was something he was used to from the warriors of Asgard, and he was learning the Midgardian variants quickly. “High-fives” and “fist bumps,” as Stark called them, were a particular favorite, and he enjoyed a firm handshake as much as Captain Rogers did.

But as he picked himself up from crashing through a wall, Thor wondered if he had perhaps miscalculated his understanding of the Midgardian “high-five.”

Their latest mission had gone well, and Thor had been in very good spirits after he and the Hulk had worked together to defeat a large number of foes. When the battle ended, he had landed beside his green friend and held up his hand, ready to strike hands with his ally in celebration.

The Hulk had instead roared and punched him through a wall.

As Thor pushed his hair out of his eyes, Hulk crashed through the wall, eyes ablaze with rage.

Thor took a step back, pointedly putting Mjolnir down and holding out his open hands. In the past, he might have roared right back and even called down some lightning in show of power. But not now. He had learned that challenging the Hulk was not like challenging a troll or a frost giant. No troll could stop an armored Chitauri leviathan with a single punch. No frost giant could take a fall of several miles and come away unscathed. His rage was more potent than anything Thor had ever faced, and fights with Hulk always ended badly for their enemies. And on top of that, Hulk was his friend now. Thor didn’t like angering him.

“My friend!” Thor said. “There’s no need to attack!”

Hulk roared and slammed the ground with his fists.

“THEN WHY HAMMER-MAN ATTACK HULK?!!!”

Thor frowned.

“I did not attack!”

Hulk roared again and took a step forward.

“NO LIE TO HULK! HULK NOT STUPID!!!”

Realization dawned on Thor.

“Hulk, that was not an attack! I wanted to celebrate the battle!” Thor thought for a second, and decided to try changing his words a little. “You smashed well today! I wanted to give you a high-five!”

Hulk’s chest still heaved furiously, but he didn’t try to smash anything else. His face softened a little.

“High… five?” he asked.

Thor frowned again. “You… do not know what a high-five is?”

Hulk shook his head slowly. He was calming a bit.

A smile broke through Thor’s frown.

“It was something Stark taught me. You can celebrate good smashing with it. Here…”

Thor moved closer, until he was close enough for a high-five.

“Hold up your hand… like this…”

Thor held up his hand, and after a second, Hulk copied him. Then Thor slowly, gently, took Hulk’s enormous outstretched wrist in his free hand and moved Hulk’s hand to collide slowly with his.

“Then you strike hands, like this, but harder. It means you’re happy.” Thor let go of Hulk’s wrist and pulled his own hand back. 

“Want to try it?” he asked.

Hulk smiled and promptly slammed his hand into Thor’s. Thor flew backwards into a pile of rubble. He sat up, laughing.

“Yes!” he exclaimed.

Hulk grinned.

Chapter Text

Thor had taught the Hulk how to high-five. Thor had taught the Hulk how to high-five . Tony couldn’t believe it. His little Point Break was all grown up and teaching high-fives to green giants.

Was this what parenthood felt like? Because it felt freaking great .

It had never even occurred to Tony that Hulk might not know how to high-five. Bruce would sometimes high-five him, but only when Tony initiated it, and the poor guy always seemed a bit awkward about it. Tony had been trying to fix that.

Thor had been more successful in five minutes that Tony had been in weeks.

About a week after their raid on an AIM warehouse (which was when Thor had taught Hulk how to high-five), Tony was at a tech expo in New Jersey with Bruce. While they were walking around the expo, Tony had noticed something suspicious and had decided to check it out. And Bruce, being the sweet little anxious nerd-friend that he was, had come along.

...Okay, Tony had convinced him to come along (“It’ll be fun!”), but it had taken less convincing than usual.

“I’m only coming in case you do something stupid and you need the Other Guy to bail you out,” Bruce had said.

“Aw, thanks, Green Bean. You’re a peach.”

...Yeah, the peach had been right.

They’d stumbled (more or less on purpose) into a basement full of AIM agents. Tony had almost been shot, Hulk had come out to play, Tony had armored up, the Avengers had been called in, and they’d kicked major butt, as usual.

On the whole, Tony was pretty dang pleased with how the day had gone. It was now late afternoon. The super-spy janitors of SHIELD were dealing with clean-up and the Star-Spangled Man-with-a-Plan was handling a report or whatever, so Tony took the opportunity to put the armor away and saunter off to where Hulk was calming down. Thor was babysitting to make sure the big guy didn’t wander off, and Hulk seemed okay with the arrangement.

Tony grinned and held up a hand as he got close to them.

“Great job today, Jade Jaws. Up top!”

The next thing Tony knew, he was half-sitting, half-laying against a wall, trying to inhale air that wasn’t there. Finally, he got his breath back, and he pulled himself up. His torso and the back of his head hurt, but he’d knocked himself into a wall enough times testing pieces of his armor to know that nothing was broken and he didn’t have a concussion.

Okay, maybe he did have a concussion, because it looked like Hulk was about to cry. Tony got up and started walking forward with as much dignity as he could. His body was telling him to limp, but his brain told the rest of him to shut up and strut.

His body wasn’t listening.

“Stark, are you hurt?!” Thor called.

Tony coughed. “Uh… just bruised, I think. What just—”

“He tried to high-five you.”

“Oh.”

Hulk let out a pained roar and stumbled backwards before turning and jumping through a wall.

“Oh, crap… Thor—”

“Aye.”

Hammer Time suddenly grabbed Tony around the middle and two swings of Mjolnir later, they were flying after the Hulk. That wasn’t exactly what Tony had meant for Thor to do, but it was quicker than waiting for JARVIS to send him his suit. (And flying around via magic hammer was, he had to admit, freaking awesome.)

Tony pressed a finger against his earpiece to call Steve.

“Hey, `Murica, Hulk ran off. Don’t freak out and don’t tell SHIELD. Goldilocks and I are already on it.”

“What happened?”

“Tell you later.”

“Tony—”

Cap was using his irritated Boy Scout tone. Ugh.

“Hanging up!” Tony interrupted, and pressed the end button.

After about five minutes, they finally caught up with the Not-So-Jolly Green Giant.

But he wasn’t so green anymore. By Tony’s estimation, they were just catching the tail-end of the transformation. Thor landed on the empty stretch of beach just as Bruce hauled himself up into a sitting position.

Thor let go of Tony, and Tony hurried over to their friend.

Bruce had his knees up to his chest, so he was almost curled into a ball. His fingers were tangled in his hair.

Tony sat down facing him.

“Hey, Brucie.”

Bruce said nothing, and Tony geared himself up to say another nickname and a comforting quip to fill the silence.

But Bruce looked up and beat him to it.

Oh, man, if looks could kill… well, this look wouldn’t kill, but it might rip your heart out. Or arc reactor, in Tony’s case. Actually, ripping someone’s heart out would probably kill them… Whatever. The point was, Bruce’s eyes looked like sad chocolate.

“Tony… I-I’m so sorry.”

Bruce took a shuddering breath.

“I remember… Hulk... I swore I’d never do that again… That I wouldn’t let the Hulk get out of control and hurt my friends… I-I’m—”

Uh-oh. Tony knew where this was going, and he was stopping it in its tracks.

“Bruce, it was an accident! Hulk misjudged his high-five, that’s all! He didn’t mean to hurt me!”

Bruce tried to interrupt, but no one got in the way of Tony Stark and his running mouth.

“You should have seen him afterward! He looked like he was gonna cry! And don’t you dare apologize again, because I know it was an accident, Thor saw the whole thing and can vouch for the big guy, and I was the idiot not wearing armor. Hulk didn’t mean to hurt me. You didn’t hurt me. And I’m fine. Nothing’s even broken. So shut up and c’mere.”

Before his science bro could protest, Tony wrapped Bruce in a firm hug.

“I’m not mad at either of you. End of story, good-bye. So stop beating yourself up about it, for crying out loud.”

Tony tightened his hold minutely.

“I’m not mad,” he repeated. “It was an accident.”

“If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine,” said a quiet voice.

Thor stepped into view beside Bruce. Instead of wringing his hands, he was twisting them around Mjolnir’s handle, looking like the Asgardian poster-boy for guilt.

“I taught the Hulk how to high-five, but I neglected to teach him how to be gentle with it. He was only imitating me. Please don’t blame yourself, Dr. Banner. I should have been a better teacher.” He turned his Asgardian guilt-face to Tony. “Sorry, Stark.”

“Oh, just bring it in, Point Break,” Tony said. “I’m not mad at Hulk, I’m not mad at Bruce, and I’m not mad at you either.”

Thor obediently knelt down and put an arm around Bruce. Bruce was still stuck in a tight ball of guilt and was hiding his face again, but he didn’t protest.

After a bit, Tony called Clint to come and get them in the Quinjet. Hulk hadn’t gone more than a few miles from the tech expo, but Tony wasn’t about to ask anyone to walk that far back. Bruce still looked depressed, but at least he was calm now and not trying to hide.

When the Quinjet finally landed, Tony and Thor helped Bruce up. Tony’s ribs hurt from slamming into the wall, but he said nothing about them. He just gave Bruce’s shoulder a squeeze.

“Come on, Shortstack,” Tony said. “Let’s go home.”

Chapter Text

Tony was hovering above the remains of an isolated (very isolated, as in basically the North Pole) AIM complex. After their last scuffle with AIM at the tech expo a few weeks back, SHIELD had gotten intel that the HYDRA-wanna-beekeepers had gotten their hands on a lot of deadly, off-market tech, and they were modifying it and probably gearing up for something big. And when Tony had found out that some of the tech was old StarkTech…

Well, things had gotten a bit personal.

SHIELD had finally gotten a location in the Arctic the day before (these AIM bozos were surprisingly good at covering their tracks), and Fury had given the okay for the Avengers to take the mission on. Things had gone pretty well, as far as infiltrating the base and gathering intel could go. Tony, Steve, Natasha, and Clint had handled that part just fine, but eventually, a few of the Bee-Gees had decided to raise heck. Capsicle had called in a Code Green and Thor and Hulk had come running.

Now it was over and SHIELD was mopping up. Some of the AIM agents had gotten away, and it would take awhile to know how much tech they had gotten away with, but so far, it wasn’t looking too bad.

Tony had volunteered to go and find Hulk when everything was over (the big guy wouldn’t use an earpiece, even if it survived all the smashing). He found the Jolly Green Giant in one of the mostly-smashed side buildings. The gamma-tracking upgrade Bruce had helped Tony add to the armor was coming in handy so far. Like any upgrade, it could use a few tweaks, but it was doing its job.

Tony landed a few yards away from the Hulk. After a battle, Big Green tended to like his space.

But he seemed pretty calm now. Not Banner-calm yet, but not liable to smash random stuff to let off steam either. He looked at Tony and smiled a bit.

“Hey, Hulkster! Nice smashing!”

Tony opened his faceplate and grinned. He held up a hand for a high-five as Hulk came closer.

Hulk abruptly took a step back and shook his head. He made a sound that would ordinarily have sounded like a growl, but there was something different about it. Something… sad. And pained.

Tony’s grin faltered a bit, but he was undeterred. Green Genes couldn’t still be upset about last time could he?

“Come on, Big Guy! Don’t leave me hangin’!”

Hulk shook his head again. Now he looked almost angry. His chest was heaving.

“NO!”

Tony frowned. “What’s wrong, Green Bean? I’m armored up this time!”

“NO!!”

Hulk turned and crushed a chunk of cement with three blows of his green fists. Tony expected him to just go on smashing for a bit and got ready to give him some space (just in case), but Hulk surprised him by turning back around. His face was angry, but also distressed.

“NO!” he roared. “...Hurt Tony again! Banner sad! Hulk sad! No hurt!”

Tony slowly retracted his hand.

“Oh, Big Guy…”

He took a step forward, and Hulk took another step back, giving a warning snarl.

Was it Tony’s imagination, or was Hulk…?

Another step closer and his sinking suspicion was confirmed. There were only two, but two was enough.

Tears.

Hulk was crying.

“Tony… Hulk’s friend… Banner’s friend… Hulk not want to hurt.”

The Iron Man armor opened, and Tony stepped out, ignoring the cold. He was not a man with a lot of patience. When he moved, he moved fast. He liked speed, and he was usually fidgeting with excess energy.

But now he kept his movements slow and purposeful, closing the distance between him and his friend. Hulk shuffled back a bit, but Tony kept coming. Finally, Hulk stopped moving away, and Tony was close enough. He gently wrapped his arms around Hulk’s middle in a hug.

Hulk tensed, like he wasn’t sure how to react. Tony, of course, filled the silence.

“Buddy, I’m not upset. It was an accident. And I’m okay. See?” He pulled back enough that Hulk could get a good view of his face. “I’m okay,” he repeated.

Hulk swallowed. Then, very hesitantly, he returned the hug. He was being extremely careful. If Tony hadn’t known the Hulk personally, he would have sworn that nothing as big and powerful and famously angry as Hulk was could ever be this gentle.

After about a minute, Hulk shuddered, and after another thirty seconds, Tony was supporting a weary, much smaller man. Tony staggered just a little from the sudden change in weight distribution, and he felt guiltily glad that Bruce seemed too tired to notice or apologize.

The uneven breathing pattern told Tony that Bruce was still crying silently, the way Hulk had been. He was obviously too cold and worn out to be self-conscious about crying in a billionaire’s arms, or he would have pulled away. Tony tightened his hold and rubbed his friend’s back, ignoring the way the Arctic air sliced through his thermal shirt.

“I’ve got you, Bruce. It’s okay.”

-0-O-0-

Thor had stopped a safe distance from the scene unfolding in front of him. After a moment, he pressed a finger to his earpiece. He spoke quietly, not wanting to draw attention to himself.

“Captain, I’ve found them… Please keep everyone away for now.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Aye, Hulk just needs... a moment.”

There was a beat of silence before Captain America responded.

“Copy that.”

Thor stood guard by the door, keeping watch with Mjolnir loosely in his grip. After a few more minutes, when Banner was back and shivering, Thor felt that it was time for him to intervene.

He detached his cape and carefully wrapped it around Banner’s shaking shoulders like a blanket. Stark nodded and released Banner before stepping back into his armor. Thor gently lifted their friend up to get his bare feet off the cold ground. He was glad that the smaller man was too tired and cold to protest.

“JARVIS is bringing the Quinjet closer,” Stark said. “We’ll go home soon.”

Thor nodded and tightened his grip on Banner.

This is all my fault.

Chapter Text

“Stark, we need to fix that.”

“Huh?”

The two of them were outside on the balcony of Stark Tower. Banner had disappeared into his room, probably to take a hot shower and then sleep some more, and the rest of the Avengers had wandered off too. Thor caught Stark at the earliest moment after the Quinjet had landed and had dragged him outside to talk in private.

“We need to fix the high-five thing. Hulk loved high-fives, but now he won’t do them at all, even with me. He’s afraid of hurting people.”

“Yeah, I saw,” Stark said, rubbing his eyes with one hand. He sighed and looked up at Thor. “Any ideas?”

Thor frowned. Could this “genius” not see such an obvious answer?

“We train him, of course,” Thor said.

Stark looked at Thor like he was the one missing something obvious.

“Train him,” Stark said.

You didn’t have to be a Midgardian to understand what “deadpan” meant (although, Asgardians had a different name for it). Growing up with Loki for a brother, it was impossible not to learn what deadpanning and sarcasm were.

“That’s the only way to get better at anything,” Thor deadpanned right back.

Stark raised an eyebrow and rubbed his chin with his thumb.

“...Y’know, Sparkles, you might have a point,” he said.

-0-O-0-

A week later, things were pretty calm. Tony had managed to convince Bruce to come down and mess around with tech in the workshop with him, and they were having a good time, even though it was a bit quiet.

JARVIS brought that quiet to an end.

“Sirs, there is something that may warrant your attention.”

Tony opened a file on his nearest computer screen. He gave a low whistle.

“Hey, Bean Sprout, mind taking a look at this?”

Bruce came over, sliding his glasses back on. He frowned.

“That’s a gamma signature,” he said. He looked pointedly at Tony. “Did you hack SHIELD’s satellites again?”

Tony shrugged. “Only in the name of safety. I’m still working on adding gamma-tracking capabilities to the Stark Industries satellites. And, you know, making them better than SHIELD’s.”

Bruce rolled his eyes.

“Any idea what could be causing it?” Tony asked.

Bruce looked back at the screen and shook his head. “No, there’s not enough data to tell. But I don’t think it’s anything good.”

Tony rubbed his hands together. “Well, might as well go check it out, then. You down?”

Bruce sighed. “Yeah.”

“Hey, don’t be like that! We’ve been over this: it’s not your fault if some idiot does something stupid with gamma radiation because they think they’re smarter than you.” Tony put a hand on his shoulder. “With me?”

Bruce swallowed and looked at him. He nodded.

Tony grinned and slapped his friend’s shoulder. “Good. JARVIS, scramble a Quinjet and call Thor.”

“What about—” Bruce started.

Tony shook his head and began pushing Bruce towards the door.

“Steve, Clint, and Nat are all on a SHIELD assignment tracking down another lead on AIM. It’ll just have to be us and Point Break.”

“Shouldn’t we tell—”

“Be honest: do you want Fury sticking his eyepatch in this?”

“Well, not really, but—”

“Okay, then.” Tony stopped a few feet from the door. “We can handle this. And if we can’t, JARVIS has SHIELD on speed-dial. Head over to the Quinjet. I’ll grab some stuff and meet you and Blondie there.”

Bruce nodded. He was frowning and doing that nervous hand-wringing thing of his again, but he wasn’t trying to get out of going, so Tony decided this was a victory.

Bruce left the room.

When he was far enough away, Tony whipped out his phone and sent a quick text.

He fell for it. Get ready, Point Break. :-D

-0-O-0-

Thor looked at the message on the screen of his phone and smiled. He still wasn’t very confident with this little device, but Stark’s latest explanation was quite helpful, so he was able to craft a reply.

OK :)

-0-O-0-

The Quinjet landed in an open field with a few scattered trees and mountains in the distance. It was a place that Stark called “Montana.”

“Like that blonde teen pop star,” Stark was saying. “Y’know, the one that was popular, what, like a year ago? ...Ugh, never mind. You guys are so uncultured.”

“Trust me, Thor, you’re not missing out,” Banner muttered, as they exited the Quinjet

Thor smiled. It pleased him to see the scientist in a good enough mood to at least respond to Stark’s strange comments.

But Banner was frowning now. He spun slowly around in a circle, a strange device in his hands.

“Uhh… Hey, uh, Tony? You wanna take a look around with your armor’s gamma tracker? I’m not getting anything on this scanner but me.”

He smacked the “scanner” twice with one hand, which Thor had learned was something that humans sometimes did to technology to make it work (he had tried the same tactic on Loki, but it didn’t do much).

Then Banner turned around to look at the two of them.

“...Tony, you’re not wearing your armor,” he said.

Stark, who was still standing on the ramp of the Quinjet, snapped his fingers and pointed at Banner.

“Astute observation, Green Bean. Gold star.”

“Okay, Tony, come on. I came on this trip to figure out what’s giving off that gamma signature—”

“Which you’re doing,” Stark said.

Banner rolled his eyes. “—And I’d like to know what it is sooner rather than later.”

Stark held out his arms in a shrug that Thor guessed was meant to be infuriating (he’d seen Fandral do something similar to taunt Hogun many times).

“Okay, you said the only gamma signature you can see on the scanner is you. So process of elimination should tell you that…?” Stark waved a hand in a vaguely encouraging manner.

Thor sighed. The two geniuses had bantered long enough.

“Banner, this was never about radiation,” Thor said.

The look that came onto Banner’s face actually made Thor feel a bit guilty. There was confusion, and then disbelief mixed with a touch of offense. The face of a man who had been lied to.

“So, that radiation reading… You made that up,” Banner said, looking directly at Stark.

Stark grinned. “Well, it’s not too hard to fake a realistic gamma radiation reading when you’ve got the world’s foremost expert on gamma radiation living in your penthouse. I learned from the best.”

Banner sighed and covered his face with one hand.

“Can’t believe I fell for that…” he muttered.

“Hey, technically , there’s a gamma signature here now ,” Stark said.

“Cut to the chase, Tony. What’s going on?” Banner said. His tone reminded Thor of when his mother would catch him and Loki sneaking into the palace after dark. Just enough anger to sound dangerous without getting overly loud.

“We thought this would be the best way to teach the Hulk how to high-five properly,” Thor said, before Stark could make things worse.

Banner’s eyes widened. His mouth hung open slightly, but no sound came out.

“Training is the only way to get better at anything,” Thor continued. Might as well be direct.

Banner began shaking his head.

“No. No way,” he said.

“What happened at the tech expo really messed the green guy up,” Stark said, finally coming the rest of the way down the ramp. “Training him is the best way to help. And, come on, Brucie, do you really think that’s the first time I’ve been knocked into a wall?”

“It doesn’t matter if it was the first time or not! It was my fault! And I’m not doing that again!”

“Bruce, I told you and the Hulk, it was an accident!”

“Yeah, and do you really want another accident?!”

“No,” Thor said, calmly. “And that’s why we’re going to train him. I taught the Hulk how to high-five in the first place. He listened to me. And I set a bad example because I didn’t think about how others can’t take a hit the way I can. So I’m going to fix my mistake and teach him properly this time.”

Stark nodded. “We both are. Come on, Bruce, just let him out.”

“...No!”

“What’s wrong, Mr. I’m-Always-Angry?”

“Tony—”

“Bruce, come on. Just do it,” Stark said. “He won’t hurt us, and we’ve got a good twenty-five mile radius between us and any towns, just in case.”

Banner shuffled back, wringing his hands and shaking his head, refusing to look at either of them.

Thor stopped him by putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Dr. Banner, it will be okay,” he said.

The smaller man flinched at the touch, but stopped trying to get away.

“We’re trying to prove to the Hulk that we’re not afraid of him,” Thor said calmly. “ We’re allies on and off the battlefield. He needs to know that we trust him.” Thor gave Banner’s shoulder a squeeze and waited until Banner met his eyes.

When he finally did, Thor said, “And you need to know that we trust you too.”

Banner swallowed and said nothing for a long moment.

Then, finally, he nodded.

“Okay,” he said.

He started unbuttoning his shirt.

“We brought snacks and extra pants!” Stark quipped.

Banner folded his shirt and bent to take off his shoes and socks. Thor raised an eyebrow as a sudden idea came to him.

“Hey, Banner, watch this,” he said quietly.

Thor quickly grabbed one of the shoes and threw it at Stark, grinning as it smacked him in the shoulder.

“That was for lying, Stark!” he called.

“Hey, this was your idea, Sparkles!” Tony exclaimed.

Banner let out a quiet huff of laughter. Victory.

He was probably also pleased to only be destroying a pair of pants, rather than a whole set of clothes. Thor had to give credit to Stark for that.

Banner put his clothes on a seat, and then he walked a few yards away from the Quinjet before turning to look at Thor and Stark.

“We trust you, Banner,” Thor called, smiling.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Stark giving their friend a double thumbs-up. Thor copied him.

Banner swallowed and nodded.

Thor watched the scientist’s breathing speed up, and his skin suddenly flushed green. In mere seconds, the Hulk had taken his place with a roar.

Hulk looked at the two men, face scowling and chest heaving. The scowl quickly softened into only the barest hint of a frown. Thor walked forward confidently.

“Hey, Hulk,” he said, with a friendly smile. “Time for some training.”

“JARVIS, start my Training Montage playlist,” Stark called.

“Of course, sir.”

AC/DC’s “Back in Black” began to blare from the Quinjet’s speakers. Thor grinned. Stark had introduced him to “rock” a few months back, and Thor loved that song.

-0-O-0-

Tony was suited up and currently taking a break from his turn as a crash-test dummy. Thor was the happiest dummy he had ever seen. Seriously, did having Loki for a brother make him enjoy getting smacked around? Or was that just an Asgardian thing?

It had taken awhile, but they’d finally convinced Hulk to try high-fiving again. And the big guy was getting better.

Sparkles had been knocked backward a lot, but he’d just kept smiling and laughing and making encouraging comments. Tony had finally taken pity on the loveable idiot and had armored up and tagged in to give Hulk a new target for awhile.

Now, about thirty-something Thor/Iron Man-sized dents in the ground and only one small temper tantrum later, Hulk was finally figuring it out. He wasn’t knocking either of them quite as far back anymore. But he was still struggling a bit. If only there was a way to—

Tony got up, an idea finally shooting off little fireworks in his mind.

They needed a dartboard.

“Okay, time out, boys! I’ve got an idea.”

Tony hovered above the other two, cutting a big circle in the dirt with a focused repulsor beam. When he was done, he landed in the middle of the circle front of Hulk. He clapped Thor on the shoulder.

“Take five, Goldilocks.”

Then he looked at Hulk.

“Okay, Green Bean, try to keep me inside the circle this time. Got that?”

Hulk looked around at the circle, eyebrows furrowed in thought. (He actually looked a lot like Bruce when he did that, but there was no way in heck Tony was telling him.)

Finally, the big guy nodded.

Tony held up his hand.

“Okay, buddy. Let’s do this.”

-0-O-0-

Thor cracked open a small bottle of Gatorade and downed the contents in one go.

Perhaps Stark really was a genius. This modified target practice was proving very effective for the Hulk. He’d only knocked Stark out of the ring the first two times, and then once again after he’d gotten a little too excited about three consecutive successes.

Thor reached for another Gatorade, smiling as Hulk tried once again. Stark didn’t go flying this time; he only stumbled back a few feet.

“You’re getting it, Green Bean!” Stark crowed. “Okay, do it like that five more times, and then we’ll take a snack break!”

Hulk’s eyes lit up. “Pop Tarts?”

“Heck yes, I brought Pop Tarts! I even brought the purple and green ones you like! Now let’s do this!”

Stark held up an armored hand again, and Hulk grinned.

-0-O-0-

Thor held up his hand and braced for impact.

Stark had cut two more smaller circles in the dirt inside the first one, and the one Thor was standing in now was the smallest yet. If Hulk got this right…

Hulk’s hand slammed into Thor’s.

But only with a little more force than a normal high-five.

Thor’s eyes widened, and his mouth broke into a huge grin.

“YES!!!” he exclaimed.

Hulk was smiling too.

After a few more tries, it was clear that Hulk had nearly mastered the high-five.

“Just a little softer,” Thor said.

-0-O-0-

Tony stepped out of his armor and walked toward Point Break and the Hulk.

“Okay, Big Guy,” he said. “Time for the real test.”

Tony held up his hand.

Hulk’s smile was gone immediately, and he took a few steps back. He was doing that pained growl again.

“No,” he rumbled. “No hurt.”

“Hulk—”

“NO HURT!!” Hulk roared, making Tony worry that they might have another tantrum to deal with.

But Hulk didn’t run off or start smashing. He just stood there, breathing hard and frowning harder.

“Big Guy, you’re doing so well!” Tony said.

“Yes, you’ve improved greatly!” Thor said.

Hulk shook his head.

Tony sighed.

“Look, Green Bean, you won’t always have someone in armor to high-five. I want you to be able to high-five me whenever you want. So you need to practice being gentle.”

Hulk shook his head again.

Thor strode forward and put a hand on Hulk’s arm. Hulk flinched, just like Bruce had.

“My friend, I trust you,” Thor said.

Tony nodded as he walked over and put a hand on Hulk’s other arm.

“I trust you too, Big Guy,” he said, smiling.

Hulk swallowed. Nothing happened for about twenty seconds.

And then he nodded.

“Hulk try,” he said.

Tony grinned.

He and Hulk stepped back into the smallest circle. Tony held up a hand.

Hulk took a deep breath.

A big, green hand collided with Tony’s.

And Tony didn’t even move.

-0-O-0-

Thor stood nearby, watching the whole thing. His face split into a grin.

“YES!!!” he crowed.

“Big Guy, that was perfect!” Stark exclaimed.

The look on Hulk’s face was one Thor had never seen him have before.

He was smiling, but it wasn’t the grin he had when he was enjoying a battle. This time, it was just pure happiness.

“No hurt,” Hulk said. “Hulk not hurt friends.”

Stark convinced Hulk to try three more times. Hulk didn’t knock him over on a single one of them.

He had finally figured it out.

Thor couldn’t stop smiling, and neither could Hulk.

It wasn’t long before Hulk had calmed down enough that Banner was back.

The smaller man staggered a bit, and Stark caught him.

“Uhh… so I’m guessing it went well?” Banner asked, securing his pants.

“Heck yeah, it did!” Stark said.

“Aye. It went very well,” Thor added.

Stark patted Banner on the back.

“Come on, Brucie. Let’s get you some food and clothes and then go home.”

Banner nodded. He looked tired, but he was smiling. Stark slung his arm around Banner’s shoulders, and the three of them began walking up the ramp into the Quinjet.

“Oh!!” Stark exclaimed, snapping his fingers. “Sparkles, next time, we need to teach the big guy how to fist-bump!”

Thor grinned.

Chapter Text

Another day, another AIM base.

The day before, Tony had been minding his own business: teaching the Hulk how to high-five safely, hanging out with Bruce in the lab, and introducing Thor to more worthy music (Queen, specifically).

Then, this morning, he’d gotten a call from Cap, Nat, and Cupid. Their first AIM lead had only turned up a small group of the yellow-suited bozos, but they’d gotten a lead on a bigger base that had turned out to be right. SHIELD had sent in a strike team, and Cap had called in the Avengers.

And now, the Avengers were getting their butts kicked by beekeepers. Freaking beekeepers.

Oh, yeah, and they were in Alaska this time. Same kind of generic-on-the-outside secret evil science base as last time, lots of concrete and metal and asphalt, just in Alaska instead of the Arctic. Clint had joked about taming a herd of moose to overrun the AIM base for them, and now Tony was wishing he had a herd of StarkTech moose to help them, because somehow the BeeGees were even tougher than last time. They must have been tired of the Avengers (and to a lesser extent, SHIELD) trashing their bases, because this time, they had sonic cannons, unmanned mech-suits (which weren’t exactly different from bots, in this case), and a whole crap-ton of other stuff.

But hey. We have a Hulk.

Tony smiled and fired another repulsor beam at the power cells of the nearest sonic cannon, blowing it up and clearing a path for his big green buddy to barrel through even more efficiently. With Hulk around, it still wasn’t gonna be easy, but the Avengers could totally handle these discount HYDRA—

Tony frowned as something new appeared.

What the heck…

He didn’t have time to think the rest of that sentence, because something blasted him from behind.

-0-O-0-

Pain exploded through Thor’s back as an AIM battle-robot—one much bigger than the rest—slammed him into the ground. Mjolnir was still in his hand, but he was too busy trying to get his breath back to summon lightning or even just throw his hammer.

The robot raised a mechanized foot to stomp on Thor.

But the blow never fell.

Something slammed into the robot with a roar that rattled Thor’s bones.

Something green.

Thor managed to sit up in time to see the Hulk finish angrily smashing the robot into useless scrap. Hulk turned back, met Thor’s eyes, grunted, and nodded once before turning around, roaring, and leaping into the air again.

Thor grinned.

Then he frowned. Oh. That’s where Hulk was going. Stark looked like he was in trouble. Thor swung Mjolnir and flew off to help.

-0-O-0-

Oh, these little…

It had been personal enough the first time. But now these stupid beekeeper nerds were copying his Hulkbuster armor?! What the actual heck?!!

Tony fired another rocket at the knock-off he was fighting in mid-air. It barely scratched the surface. Yep, they had definitely stolen his idea.

Advanced Idea Mechanics, my butt. More like Advanced Idea Plagiarists! ...ugh, that’s a lame one, I need a better insult...

No one on staff at Stark Industries had access to any of the Iron Man armor schematics, let alone his relatively new Hulkbuster suit. He didn’t even allow the cleaning staff onto the floor where his armory was, and no one cleaned his workshop (except DUM-E and U). But there had to be a leak or a mole or a tap or something somewhere, because information did not just leave his workshop.

“JARVIS, scan Stark Tower for spy tech and check our internet connections and databanks for unauthorized accesses. Make sure to check the air vents, there’s probably all kinds of crap in there… Actually, maybe I’ll just have Legolas crawl around in there to look for bugs. He’d probably like that.”

“I shall implement an immediate scan, sir,” JARVIS said. “And I suggest—”

JARVIS’s response was cut off as something else hit Tony.

His armor was dead and he was falling through the sky. Luckily, his arc reactor seemed fine and he knew the armor would do a fast emergency reboot to restore basic functions (a feature he had added after the Chitauri invasion, along with a self-piloting feature in case he blacked out), but it wouldn’t do him much good if he hit the ground before his systems were back up.

His HUD suddenly flared back into life and his stabilizers kicked in, allowing him to make a somewhat dignified landing.

Oh, I am good.

“‘Sir, the AIM mech-suit is still hostile,” JARVIS said. “I recommend moving.”

Tony dodged another blast from the robot, which was still hovering above him (and making him feel a bit too much like a fish in a barrel up against an AK-47).

“JARVIS, analyze those blasts!”

After a second, the AI replied, “They appear to be some kind of EMP, capable of overcoming your armor’s shielding.”

“I didn’t put those in my Hulkbuster suit!”

“AIM may have made modifications, sir,” JARVIS said dryly.

“Yeah, no dip, Sherlock!”

“Your sarcasm is not helping you win this fight.”

“Yeah, but it makes me feel better. Run a scan of the—”

From somewhere behind him came a roar, and then the Hulk leapt overhead, slammed into the hovering mech-suit, clung to it in mid-air, and tore one of its arms off.

“Never mind. That’s more like it,” Tony said.

A smaller mech-suit flew past him and slammed into a wall. Thor landed beside him.

“Stark, you all right?”

“I’ll be better once we trash these guys.”

Thor nodded. Then he looked up. “Should we be helping him?”

Tony looked up too.

“Well—”

A hefty chunk of the mech-suit landed in front of them, barely missing them. Both men jumped back slightly.

“Like I was saying, Green Bean seems fine,” Tony said.

-0-O-0-

Even after being around the Hulk for quite some time, Thor was still amazed at the raw destructive power his friend possessed. He was tearing apart a robot that even Stark’s technology hadn’t put a dent in.

“He must be really ticked off,” Stark muttered, before flying off to help the rest of the team.

Another large robot was coming into view.

Thor grinned and tightened his grip on his hammer. Time to see how these metal monsters fared against the might of Mjolnir.

“HULK SMASH!!!” roared a voice from above, and Thor could not agree more.

-0-O-0-

“I still can’t believe you ran out of arrows,” Tony said, opening his faceplate.

“Keep teasing me, Tin Man,” Clint said calmly. “I don’t need arrows to kick your iron butt.”

Tony grinned and kept walking.

The fight had been long and hard, but everyone had made it out in one piece. They were all meeting up at the Quinjet. SHIELD (who always seemed late to the game, in Tony’s opinion) had finally shown up with reinforcements and had helped finish taking out the rest of the trashy AIM copies of Tony’s stuff.

And, of course, Tony had managed to hack into the AIM mainframe (AIM-frame?) and download everything important to his private data stash at the Tower (not a cloud, a stash ) before SHIELD could get too involved. He was planning to sort through it all later (probably with Bruce) to make sure AIM wasn’t getting any more ideas about his tech. He’d also deleted anything SHIELD might try to steal or use against him in the future.

Hulk was already by the Quinjet with Thor. The green guy’s eyes lit up when he saw Tony, and he immediately came forward, raising a big, green hand.

Tony grinned and stepped out of his armor.

“That’s right, up top, Big Guy!”

Hulk’s hand slammed into his with the perfect amount of force.

“Dude!” Clint exclaimed.

Tony grinned at him, as proud as if he was showing off a game-changing tech upgrade.

“Green Genes has been practicing,” he said.

“Aw, heck, that’s awesome, bud!” Clint said, his words obviously meant for Hulk. He strode forward, hand raised. “Gimme some!”

Hulk smiled and executed another perfect high-five.

-0-O-0-

Despite feeling a bit tired from the battle, Thor couldn’t help but grin.

This was what he had been hoping for. Hulk was now comfortable enough to high-five anyone, whether they were armored or not.

Victory.

Captain Rogers and Lady Natasha were the last to arrive. Their weary faces suddenly seemed brighter as they laid eyes on their green teammate.

“Hulk, you high-five now?” Rogers asked.

Hulk nodded.

“Hulk like high-five… High-five smashing with friends,” Hulk said, with a smile. “Happy smashing. No hurt.”

“That’s great!” Rogers said, stepping up to partake in the gesture without hesitation. Hulk happily obliged.

And then Hulk looked at Natasha. He swallowed, took a step forward, and raised his hand, more nervously this time. His smile was gone.

“Tasha… high-five Hulk?” he asked.

The whole team seemed to be holding its breath. Hulk never looked nervous, not unless he was afraid of…

...of hurting someone.

He still remembers the incident on the Helicarrier.

And then Natasha surprised them all.

She smiled, stepped forward, and gently high-fived the Hulk, allowing her hand to linger for a moment.

“Good job, buddy,” she said quietly.

Hulk smiled again, and suddenly began to shrink. Within a few seconds, he was gone.

Banner grabbed the waistband of his pants and swallowed, eyes wide and face adorably confused.

“Uhh… someone wanna explain to me what just happened?” he asked.

“We won, Dr. Banner,” Thor said, striding forward, taking off his cape, and putting it around the scientist, since the air was cold here. He slung an arm around Banner’s shoulders and grinned down at him. “We won in more than just the battle, my friend,” he said quietly.

Chapter Text

Tony deleted the final piece of AIM data he’d snagged on their last mission. He let out a satisfied sigh.

“Done. Every piece of AIM trash combed through and consigned to oblivion. Thanks for the help, Bean Sprout.”

Without expecting much, Tony held up a hand for a high five.

Bruce smiled and high-fived him.

With zero hesitation.

Tony felt his jaw drop slightly.

What in heck…

Bruce chuckled quietly and took a sip of his tea.

End