Archive of Our Own ^beta

Natsu blinked in disbelief at the sight before him.

Sitting on her knees, crouched in front of the vending machine, was his best friend Lucy. Her golden blonde hair was messy, her brown eyes widened in the most hilarious expression, and her make-up was smudging from a night of partying. And to add to the misery, her arm was fucking stuck up the damn vending machine. It was glorious.

It had been nearly three minutes prior to this discovery that they had been sneaking around the school dorms, back from one of Gray's parties- both drunk as a pair of skunks- for a midnight snack. He had only disappeared into an adjacent bathroom for minutes before waltzing out to this ungodly sight.

He almost collapsed in a fit of laughter at her horrified face.

"What happened?!" He finally said in between bursts of laughter.

She deadpanned at him for about five seconds before closing her pretty brown eyes and-

"My-chips-wouldn't-come-out-the-vending-machine-and-I-got-mad-and-tried-to-grab-them-but-now-my-hand-is-fucking-stuck-and-please-stop-laughing-at-me-this-is-very-serious-I-think-I'm-going-to-cry!"

Wow, all in one breath. Impressive.

Naturally, this only made him laugh even harder in his drunken state.

Apparently, being the stubborn girl that she was, she decided that she couldn't stand to leave without the freaking chips. And of course she also decided that it was a good idea to try to stick her arm up the damn door. And now she was stuck...

"This isn't funny, you ass!" She hissed, kicking him lightly in the ankle from her position on the floor. "And shut up before someone catches us!"

His laughter was (still) loud, surprising even him that none of the deans had come stomping through the halls to investigate his howling.

Suddenly, an idea hit him like a freight train and with the speed of one too. He dug around his pockets, trying to remember where he put his little black box of happiness. Steadying his phone, he focused the camera on her horrified face (her facial expressions really were priceless), making sure to catch her arm and the vending machine in the frame, and snapped a picture. Or maybe two. Or was it seven? Not like he was keeping count.

He'd never let her live this down.

She growled at him, sounding feral in her own drunken state. "Okay, we're done with the pictures. Now help me out already!"

Still laughing silently to himself, Natsu staggered over to where Lucy half-sat, half-laid, where she reached up and yanked on his pink (salmon!) locks of hair in retaliation. Narrowing his onyx eyes at her but ultimately letting go, he grabbed her arm with a gentle grip. He tugged lightly a few times before using more force, causing his taut muscles to ripple slightly with the effort.

"Ow, ow! Pull any harder, and I'll be armless!" Tears beaded at the edge of her eyes, causing her eye makeup to smudge even further from the moisture.

"Wow, you really are stuck."

"No shit. Thanks Captain obvious."

"You're welcome, Sergeant sarcastic."

"Fuck you, Commander comeback."

The weary boy groaned, running his hand down his face in exasperation. Drunk Lucy was lots of fun (for Cana anyway), but drunk and angry Lucy was more than he could handle.

"Stop being mean to someone who's trying to help you!" He hissed back at her. She pitifully banged her head against the glass of the vending machine in response.

Damn, even in this state she looked pretty.

Natsu rested his hand on her head to ruffle her hair, secretly hoping it would make her look less attractive so he could focus.

Fact: It wasn't working

Hearing slight sniffs, he looked down. "Luce?"

She looked up at him, crying pitifully. "What if I'm stuck here forever?" The poor girl whined. Apparently she was also highly dramatic when drunk. A dean would most likely discover them before then. Regrettably, his mind was too fogged by alcohol to point this out to her.

"You're not gonna be stuck here! I'll protect you!" He said, filled with determination.

Lucy blinked up at him before bawling comically in response. "What will that matter if I'm stuck here forever!?"

He stood up abruptly, clenching his fists with his onyx eyes blazing in anger at her dismissal of his protection.

"I SAID I WOULDN'T LEAVE YOU STUCK HERE, DAMMIT!" And with that, his anger boiled over with vicious results on the unfortunate vending machine.

One mighty kick, and the poor thing came crashing on its side, the metal opening flap caving inward and releasing its vice grip on her arm.

They slowly turned towards each other with matching horrified expressions as the glass shattered around them. Natsu quickly pulled her up and into his arms, swinging them around so that his back shielded her from the glass.

The last of the glass finally fell before a silence loomed eerily in the empty dormitory hallway.

With perfect timing, his ears caught the sound of the Dean stomping out of his office on the floor below.

Flashing a shit-eating grin at her hilariously mortified face, he cackled as he swiped her legs up to carry her bridal style. "Hope you're holding on to those chips because it's time for us to go!"

With that, he raced down the hallway with his girl in his arms. She tightened her grip around his neck and let out a squeal of excitement into his shoulder, his mad cackling echoing throughout the halls.

The next day Lucy will regret all the decisions she took last night. But the one thing she won't regret is how much fun she had with Natsu.

It was always fun when they were together.