Archive of Our Own ^beta

Jeremiah didn’t know why he’d waited this long. It didn’t matter. He could see Jerome’s restraint cracking. Had watched it be whittled down over the years. He couldn’t let it break. Jerome would be the definition of ‘disorganized offender’ if it did. Jeremiah might be able to dispose of the evidence he would create, but he also might not. Better to prevent it entirely. 

“Mother,” he called, smiling at the whore who’d put bruises around Jerome’s throat yesterday. Lila Valeska turned from where she was searching the kitchen cabinets for a drink. She wouldn’t find one. Jeremiah had destroyed them all beforehand. She raised an eyebrow at him, being courteous even though he had distracted her from finding her vice.

The blatant favoritism of himself almost grated more than the hatred she held for Jerome did. He held up the bottle of Crown Royal XR he’d stolen. He didn’t know if letting the owner of the store go all the way with him for it counted as stealing. The bottle he had procured then. “Happy Birthday.”

It wasn’t her birthday. 

Predictably, she was in too much withdrawal pain to notice that. She smiled adoringly at Jeremiah. He resisted the urge to shudder. How the genes for that facial wound could have participated in making Jerome’s grin, he had no idea. He held up the picnic basket in his other hand. “Shall we take a walk? You’ve been too stressed lately.”

In two steps she was at his side and had plucked the whiskey from his hand. “Oh, you are a perfect boy. Such a great son to me.” She kissed him on the nose. He knew she wished to kiss him just an inch lower. She’d broken Jerome’s nose last month. “My best friend.” He knew she wanted more from him. Disgusting.

They weren’t out of the trailer before she had already taken a swig of the bottle. That wouldn’t do. He didn’t need the hassle of dragging her passed out body. There was no way to stop her without making her mad though. Not yet. And Jeremiah needed her pliant. There was little chance of it taking effect before they outside of the circus grounds anyway. He let it slide.

Jeremiah saw Jerome just as they rounded the trailer. His expression made Jeremiah’s chest twist in sorrow and remorse, but he knew Jerome wouldn’t feel as he did for long. He just didn’t understand what was going on. Lila latched onto his arm. Jeremiah looked down at her. She was staring up at him dreamily, at least three more gulps into the pricey alcohol. He bent his arm, creating the illusion of a man escorting his date he knew she craved. It would also help hold her up as she grew more affected. 

“I’m so happy you’ve done this for me darling. This is the best birthday present.” She took another drink. She disgusted him. She’d smashed a bottle over Jerome’s head on multiple of their birthdays. 

He fought his nausea down and leaned in to kiss her hair. “You deserve it, mom.” Bile burned his throat at the words. She giggled and took another drink. She was looking at his lips. 

They were out of the circus now.A little further and they would be past the tree line. Lila stumbled. Jeremiah sped up their pace. “I was thinking we could eat by the river. The city lights would reflect beautifully on the water.”

Jerome and he had picnicked by the Missouri River for their fifteenth birthday. Jeremiah knew it was exactly the kind of romantic date his mother wanted from him. The bottle was half empty now. He extricated his arm from her grip. She pouted up at him, already too far gone to control herself. He swallowed down his disgust. Just a little bit longer. He wrapped his now free arm around her waist to take her weight as she got even more unsteady. Her pout vanished and was replaced by a blinding smile. She sank into his side as she took another drink. 

“Careful mother, you don’t want to not have any left when we get to eat.” Love drunk and with over half a bottle of expensive liquor in her, she listened to him and nodded sloppily. 

“Of course! How silly uf me~” she giggled. Jeremiah wondered just how powerful her infatuation with him was, that she wasn’t noticing anything wrong. Though, it might not be all her stupidity at this point. One of the symptoms was confusion. They emerged from the trees. The bank was only fifty feet away. Perfect. “Oh, it ish beautiful!” 

Lila turned more into him and grabbed his shoulder with the two fingers not holding the bottle. “Danshe with me. For my birthday.” Jeremiah humored her, and led her in a basic box waltz, slowly moving towards the water. It only took a couple minutes, and she only took one drink in that time. She was too busy staring into Jeremiah’s eyes. They were cold, and filled with hatred. He almost admired her for having a powerful enough imagination to fill them with love. Of course, it was undoubtedly helped along by her beverage. Her feet wouldn’t move correctly. 

He stopped her and set her down where the water could brush her legs every so often. He stayed standing. Now. “Mother, I have something to tell you.” His voice no longer held any false warmth. It wasn’t necessary. She was able to create the fantasy for herself at this point. She took a drink. 

Jeremiah smiled. A real one this time. “You’re going to want that whole bottle for this.” The first hint of a frown from her. It was in worry for him. She never frowned at Jerome in anything but anger. 

“You can tell me anyshing Jermiah.” She reached out a hand to pet his ankle through his pants. He stepped away. He watched her take another drink. It was almost empty.

Well then. She’d said he could after all. “Jerome has been fucking me for six years.”

Her eyes grew larger than the balls they’d juggle in the show. Her bottom lip wobbled. She couldn’t fully process the meaning of the words, but abstract horror would do. Jeremiah laughed, pure and happy at her distress. It was funny, the one thing that brought him happiness in this life, and it destroyed hers.

“I told you you’d want the whole bottle.” A darkness entered his smile as she quickly finished it off before tossing the container in the water. There. “Jerome has been fucking me for six years, and it hasn’t been rape.”

“Stop,” she croaked, her eyes watering. She tried to get up, but her limbs failed her. Her lungs would too, soon. “Stop talking.”

“Why? You’re the one who said I could tell you anything.” His eyes glinted, reflecting the lights of the city better than the river did. He knew she wasn’t seeing any fake love anymore. No more delusions. The same way Jerome hadn’t deluded himself with hope since he was three. “I love him, and he loves me. He is the electricity in my nerves and I am the calcium in his bones.” She was fully sobbing now. He knew it wasn’t because her son was incestuous, but because he wasn’t incestuous with her. Jeremiah crouched down and took her chin in his hand. It was so fragile, and Jeremiah had to wonder how they had ever let themselves be hurt by this woman. 

“You will never hurt him again, slut.” Jeremiah spat out the moniker he’d heard the most from her clients, knowing it would cut the most. She cringed back, her jaw opening without her say so.

She was having trouble breathing now. The rapid rise and fall of her chest told him so. He let go of her before she could drool on him. There wasn’t much time left. “That’s why I emptied a quarter of that bottle and replaced it with cyanide.” 

“Wha- What do yo- No. No you can-”

“I assure you I did.” Her panic was delicious. He felt a small pang of regret. Jerome should have gotten to witness this. Ah well, he can make up for it later. “I also destroyed every stash of booze you had, so you would have to come to me, with me, all the way out here for it.”

Her face was starting to blue from lack of oxygen. “Please!” She forced out. “I love you!”

“I know.” Jeremiah relished her face crumbling. Good. He wanted her soul to die along with her body. He knew that was what would happen to him if he lost Jerome. “That’s what made this so easy.” He crouched down so he was level with her.

“You’re going to die out here, forgotten, alone, and unloved.” He leaned closer, grabbed her shoulders and hauled her bodily into the water, still gasping for air. Her twitching form was quickly lost in the rapid waves. “Goodbye mother. You won’t be missed.”

He waited for some change as he looked over the water. Something to say the future would be different. He felt the same as before. He didn’t know what he expected to change, maybe a tangible loss of mental shackles. There was nothing. No absence, no new presence. Jeremiah turned and walked back into the forest, scraping the sand off his boots on the tree roots. He was still just as empty as before. As dead as the body in the river.