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It’s a very well known fact that Wilbur can occasionally (often) have just a few (many) bad ideas.
He likes to think he’s the brains of this entire operation he’s got going on. He makes the plans, he’s got the ideas. Techno is the brawn, with his superstrength. That’s got to be a given, with the way Techno’s broken more than a few door knobs without even trying, thrown Wilbur like he weighs nothing.
Wilbur is the brains, Techno is the brawn, Wilbur is pretty sure that’s how it goes.
Sometimes. Technoblade doesn’t seem all that concerned who plays what role, he’s just more busy trying to not die. Which is reasonable, considering that their current situation consists of them hiding in the back shelves of a small store, with bad guys at the register waving around guns.
It’s definitely not ideal, although it’s a normal Tuesday, for them. Wilbur’s more worried about the squirming child in his arms, an upset face that shows a threat of Wilbur getting his hands zapped in the near future.
Tommy’s powers are very recent, and as a result, very out of control. Wilbur doesn’t have a clue how Phil deals with it so easily, even with Tommy crying late at night, shorting out any nearby electronics, Phil still holds Tommy like nothing. Technoblade thinks maybe he’s just gotten shocked so much he’s immune at this point. Wilbur wishes he would get immune. Maybe then he can hold a crying Tommy without having his fingertips tingle from Tommy electrocuting him.
“Sh, sh.” Wilbur tries to sooth Tommy, digging through his pocket with one hand to search for the superhero mask he always has on hand.
The superhero thing is also very recent. Although, it should have been expected. Give a pair of twins superpowers and a lack of adult supervision, and you’ll get a pair of fumbling superheroes.
Who have to carry around their baby brother while doing superhero things.
Phil’s not home at the moment, isn’t supposed to be for the next few hours or so. Work or something. Technically, Wilbur and Techno are supposed to be at the apartment, with the babysitter.
Said babysitter is currently knocked out and locked in a closet. He’s fine.
Technoblade and Wilbur, though, they’re stuck in a store, with about four bad guys harassing the poor cashier. Or really, the bad guys are stuck in a store with them.
Tommy makes an unhappy sound, kicking his legs as Wilbur pulls his mask onto his face. Technoblade has already put his mask on, and he carefully crawls past the aisles with an anxious look, surveying the perimeter. He looks at the front door, a car waiting outside, no doubt to be used to escape when the bad guys are done stealing money.
Crawling back to Wilbur, he ignores the way Wilbur is struggling trying to calm down Tommy and instead whispers out what he knows.
“Okay, so there’s four guys, there’s a bat on the ground, I think that was from the cashier but they dropped it, and there’s a getaway car outside.” Techno says quietly, sitting on his knees as Wilbur leans back against a shelf, nodding. Tommy stares at Technoblade, Techno staring back as Wilbur whispers back.
“We should trap them in here, so they can’t run away.”
“How do we do that?” Technoblade asks, not being able to stop himself from holding a hand up to Tommy, and Tommy immediately takes his pointer finger hostage, holding onto it with a tight grip.
“The door handles, can you bend them and like- twist them together? Like a knot.” Wilbur suggests, leaning forward to peer at the front door from where he is. Tommy disagrees with being moved, and Techno has to rip his hand away before it’s zapped as a result.
“Sure.” Techno agrees, and then follows that plan, crawling across the floor once more, extra careful to not be spotted.
He spares a glance over at the counter, where the cashier is under extreme stress, looking near tears as they empty out anything of value into bags for the bad guys.
If Phil was here, Technoblade thinks he would fight the bad guys head on, probably punch one in the face. That would be cool. Phil is just cool like that.
However, Technoblade can’t do that, because he’s not bulletproof, so instead he makes his way to the door, grabbing the metal handles and twisting them under his grip. He uses his inhumane super strength to bend them together, making it impossible to open the door now.
Nodding, satisfied with his work, Technoblade makes his way back to Wilbur.
Tommy is scrunching up his face in the way that promises tears in the near future, and Wilbur and Techno share an equally panicked face. They may be in a building with bad guys with guns, but that’s nothing compared to a crying Tommy.
Last time Tommy had thrown a bad tantrum and Phil wasn’t there to stop it, the entire block had lost power.
Ideally, it would be nice to not have a repeat of that.
“Can’t you just charm the bad guys so we can be done with this?” Technoblade asks, Wilbur whispering reassurements at Tommy, who only continues to look unhappy.
“No, no, don’t cry, sh- No, do you want me to get shot?! We’ll get grounded.” Wilbur frowns. His charmspeak is a ridiculous advantage to any fight, that much is true, but it’s a tossup if it’ll actually work. That power is still developing, and Phil says it’ll get better with time, but right now, Wilbur can try all he wants and he’ll probably only have a one out of ten chance of actually getting someone to do his bidding. And even then, that’ll leave him with a headache.
“I say we take our chances.” Techno shrugs.
“That’s a terrible plan.” Wilbur waves off, bouncing Tommy on his leg as he tries to look past the shelves, pulling together his options. “Okay, we need to split them up and take them down one by one. I say we set traps.”
Thankfully, there’s no one else in the store at the moment, so there’s no roadblocks to the two of them running around without being spotted. He can hear the robbers yell, getting impatient with the single cashier.
“Hurry up! You’re being slow!”
“I’m-I’m trying, I swear-”
“I have a taser in my pocket.” Wilbur turns his head back to Technoblade, Techno blinking once before going to retrieve the taser.
“Not going to ask.” Techno doesn’t have the room to question it, Wilbur knows for a fact that Techno has a collection of knives underneath his bed, so really, Wilbur’s not the odd one for having a taser on hand.
“I stole it from dad.” Wilbur answers anyway, Technoblade taking the taser in hand, fiddling with the buttons to turn it on. Tommy tugs at Wilbur’s shirt, Wilbur leaning his chin into Tommy’s hair. “We can split them up throughout the store, maybe set a trap with string, like that time dad put saran wrap at the doorway?”
“Oh, that was funny.” Techno grins, Wilbur resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Technoblade had been behind Wilbur when Phil pulled that particular prank, so while he was untouched, Wilbur had run face first into a wall of clear wrap. Phil had laughed to the point of tears. “Is there even any string around here?”
“I saw yarn on this side.” Wilbur points to his left, Techno immediately moving.
As Techno goes to set up some string for the bad guys to trip over later, Wilbur carefully stays crouching down as he walks through the store, aiming to try and see his chances of getting that bat that Techno had mentioned.
Tommy clings onto his shirt as he moves, and Wilbur is eternally glad for the pacifier in the kid’s mouth or else Tommy would no doubt be blowing his cover in two seconds flat. There’s a few zaps on Wilbur’s hands, like the feeling of getting shocked from too much static, and Wilbur wonders for a second if Tommy could maybe be useful in the sense that he could short out the lights over his head.
Then again, dealing with a tantrum from a toddler right now is not ideal, so he scraps that idea.
He gets to the edge of the aisle that’s nearest to the cashier, and he carefully peeks over. There is indeed a bat on the ground, perfectly usable, but also too close for comfort to the bad guys.
“Bah.” Tommy makes a noise, and Wilbur slams a hand over his mouth, frantically hiding for cover as Tommy becomes upset at a hand over his face.
“What was that?” He hears, footsteps coming close.
There’s a loud crash just then, cans being knocked over a few aisles down, and Wilbur lets out a quiet sigh, knowing that had to be Technoblade. Whether it was on purpose or not, it was in the nick of time.
“Who’s there!?” The bad guys yell, and they make their way over to the sound, Wilbur peeking out again, seeing the cashier hiding under the counter with wide eyes. Technoblade comes up to Wilbur with silent steps and an anxious face.
“Okay, so now there’s traps. Now what?” Techoblade asks, turning over the taser in his hands.
“Now we sneak up behind them and take them down.” Wilbur nods, Technoblade snorting.
“I feel like this is going to go terribly.” Technoblade mutters, fiddling with the device in hand, jolting when he finally gets the taser to work, a crack of electricity sounding out.
There’s a yelling and a crash further down the store. Wilbur assumes that the traps worked.
“It’ll be fine.” Wilbur waves off, ignoring the way the toddler in his arms is looking incredibly unhappy. “Here, hold Tommy for me, I’m going to go grab that bat on the ground.”
“Wait no-” Technoblade goes to refuse, but Wilbur’s already handed Tommy over, and Technoblade gives a hesitant smile in response to the tiny glare from the kid in his arms.
Grabbing the bat from the ground, Wilbur slowly rises to his feet, waving a hand for Techno to follow. Technoblade sighs, holding Tommy against his hip with one hand and the taser with the other.
“Show yourself!” Wilbur hears one of the bad guys yell, disoriented from tripping over yarn.
“Over here.” Techno responds, and when they turn, Wilbur smacks a bat across bad guy #1’s face, and Techno tases bad guy #2 in the gut.
They both hit the floor, and Wilbur and Techno frantically run through the store, raised yelling as the other two bad guys realize there’s someone fighting back.
“Oh shit! They’re dead!” Bad guy #3 yells.
“They’re not dead, you idiot! Whatever, leave them, come on!” Bad guy #4 insists, and they run to the front doors, Technoblade and Wilbur following just out of sight.
“What the hell?!” Wilbur hears, and he can hear quiet snickering from Technoblade beside him. That and the worrying sound of Tommy starting to cry. “The door is stuck!”
“What do you mean it’s stuck?!”
“Hey!” Wilbur yells, hopping out from behind a shelf. The second they turn around, he flings the bat in his hand. Bad guy #3 ducks, but bad guy #4 has worse luck, and gets smacked in the face with the flying bat. He falls to the floor with a loud thump.
Bad guy #4 abandons the front doors as a way of escape, and goes for the back, running through the store. Wilbur just watches him run, and his eyes flick up to the lights overhead, which flicker worryingly.
Technoblade pops out in the bad guy’s path, holding a very unhappy baby.
“Here, hold this.” Technoblade says, and the bad guy takes Tommy without questioning it, making a confused face.
Tommy was upset before, but that’s nothing compared to how upset he gets at being in the arms of a mean stranger who is not Technoblade, so it only takes about a second for said stranger to be shocked to a crisp. Techno takes Tommy back, who calms down a considerable amount the second he’s away from stranger danger. The bad guy flops to the ground.
Wilbur grins as he runs over, Technoblade holding out Tommy to him, eyeing the flickering lights over him with a wary look.
“Gremlin.” Wilbur says fondly, carrying Tommy. He’s immediately zapped as a response. “Ow, ow, ow-”
“Alright, let’s go.” Technoblade says, grabbing snacks at random off the shelves and tucking them under his arms, walking to the door.
“Why do I always carry him, can you carry him-”
“Nope.” Technoblade answers, keeping his back turned to Wilbur as he untwists the handles on the doors, pushing it open and stepping over the unconscious bad guys on the ground.
“Your turn!” Wilbur insists, and they step out of the store, Technoblade continuing to refuse, the two of them bickering lightly down the street.
“...what the fuck.” The cashier whispers quietly, finally raising their head from underneath the counter.