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Tony wakes up covered in sweat, his chest heaving as he tries to pull in oxygen. It hurts. His chest burns and it’s dark except for the light of the arc reactor and for a few horrible moments he thinks he’s back in the cave. He forces himself to slow his breaths, ignoring the desperate ache in them from the lack of air.
Breathe in. He knows it’s better to try to hold it in for a few seconds, but he can’t. It’s still too rough. He feels tears prickle at the back of his eyes and it pisses him off. He’s a god damn adult and he can handle... Whatever this is. He doesn’t remember the dream. He just remembers the panic.
Breathe out. Slow and steady, a hiss through his teeth. Some of the panic goes with the exhalation, and the next breath in is easier. Then again, and again, slower each time, until his heartbeat feels like it’s slowed down to acceptable levels.
He rolls over. His eyes have adjusted somewhat to the darkness now, and he can clearly see mini bar he keeps fully stocked for nights just like this. He rolls back over, staring at the ceiling. He closes his eyes, thinks about choices and how he’s trying to do better, damn it.
“JARVIS, call Loki.”
There’s a brief pause, then Loki picks up. The connection works thanks to a combination of magic and science that lets them talk anywhere.
“Hello, Tony.”
“Hey, Lokes.” He tries to hide the wetness in his voice, but he knows he fails.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m okay.”
“I’m fine.”
Loki hums, waiting for him to continue.
“Can we just... talk about your visit to Asgard?”
“Yes.” Loki starts immediately, not letting the silence sit any longer than it has to.
“It’s terribly boring.”
“Can’t be as boring as the staff meeting Pepper forced me into today.”
“You have no idea.”
“What have you been doing?”
Loki sighs. “The first day was just visiting everyone, making nice with all the important people who I’m supposed to care about.”
“Do you care about them?”
“Of course not.” He pauses to take a breath. “But that was somehow still less boring than “my princely duties”.
Tony can almost see him rolling his eyes. “Okay, that might be worse than my board meetings.”
“And then the feast!” Loki continued, “was a horrible end to the day.”
“What so bad about a feast? You like food.”
“I like Migardian food. Asgard’s food is all about meat. There’s no nuance to it. But the food isn’t the problem. The people are loud and obnoxious, drinking and dancing and making merry and all that. And as a prince, I was obligated to stay through the whole thing. My head was pounding when by the time it was finished.”
“Poor thing.” He has a half smile, and he knows that Loki can hear it in his voice.
“So tell me about your day.”
“Ugg. I woke up late for my meeting to Pepper screaming at me, so that wasn’t fun. Then I went to the meeting and they made me listen and talk and it was all, what was it you said? Terribly boring.” He tries to match the accent, but he ends up sounding silly instead.
“That was horrible.”
He laughs. Loki laughs too.
“But I mostly stayed in my workshop all day.”
“That sounds like a good thing.”
“Not so much. It’s been one of those days where I try so hard to work, but nothing gets done. Nothing seems right. Like I have all this energy, skin too tight, but I can’t do anything. And then I had a nightmare tonight, which you probably figured out ages ago.”
“Did this help?”
“Yeah,” Tony says, closing his eyes again.
“Get some rest, Tony. I love you.”
Tony is already half asleep, drifting in the warm comfort of talking to Loki. He mumbles “I love you too”, and then he’s gone.