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By the time they had gotten that strange woman out of the apartment and all had chances to shower, it was past eleven pm, and Schmidt was exhausted. Although, he reasoned, part of that might be due to the fact that he had spent the previous night wandering around a park instead of sleeping. Either way, he was looking forward to putting the day behind him and going to bed.
Nick, already in bed and busy doing something on his phone, greeted him with a wordless wave as he entered the room.
"Hey," Schmidt said. He discarded his kimono and pulled on a pair of sweatpants. "How was your day?"
"A little weird." Nick looked up from what he was doing. "Jess' new boyfriend stayed the night last night, and things did not go well."
"Is that who that guy was?" Schmidt crawled under the covers and lay back, now fighting to stay awake.
"Yeah." Nick said. "Anyways, they broke up, so. Doesn't matter."
"Does, uh..." Schmidt propped himself up a little bit, not wanting to fall asleep partway through the conversation. Last time he'd done that Nick had gotten into a tizzy about it for a week. "Does Jess' boyfriend have anything to do with you kissing me earlier?"
Nick nodded. "Yeah. I'm really sorry about that, man. Jess told him I was gay, and then he didn't believe me, so I told him I had a boyfriend, and he still didn't believe me, and then you came in and started talking about our room feeling empty, and I just kind of went with it."
"So all that stuff about worrying about me was just make believe?" Schmidt let out a huffy breath. "I thought you weren't good at lying, Nick."
"I'm not! That's the whole thing, I'm terrible at lying. I told him I was attracted to carpet cleaners and ice cream men." Nick let out a wry chuckle.
"Ice cream men?" Schmidt repeated. He was beginning to feel more awake now that he was invested in the conversation. "Nick, who would be attracted to ice cream men? They're probably all covered in melted ice cream, and they wear those stupid hats. Terrible choice of profession."
"I panicked, man! Then I told him I was out of the game because I had a boyfriend." Nick paused for a second, then added, "If it's any consolation, I told him you've got a good dick."
"What? Nick, why–" Schmidt sighed, bringing a hand up to rub his temples. "Alright, so what, he saw us kiss and he still didn't believe you were gay?"
"No, no, uh, for a moment there he really believed it. He definitely believed you were gay. He actually might still believe that you're gay." Nick said. "But then he found out about the girl that I brought home last night."
"You brought a girl home last night?" Of course – that's why there was a random woman in their shower. "I guess our room didn't feel empty after all."
"Schmidt, why are you getting so upset? I just assumed you were hooking up with someone and that's why you didn't come home. It's not that weird."
"I just don't like being lied to." Schmidt pointedly looked away from Nick. "Or kissed under false pretences."
"Is that what this is about?" Nick asked. "Look, I'm really sorry. You've kissed me before, I guess I just thought you would do it again if I asked you to."
"Out of love, Nicholas!" Schmidt protested. "Which I thought you were reciprocating because you knew I was upset and you were worried about me, not to deceive some poor man so Jess could sleep with him."
"Well..." Nick shifted uncomfortably. "What, do you want me to kiss you again? Will that prove that I care about you?"
Schmidt shrugged, still not making eye contact. "It might."
"Alright, stand up. Let's do this." Nick got out of bed and walked over to Schmidt's side of the room. Heart pounding, Schmidt stood up, too. He hadn't really expected Nick to go through with it – in fact, he still wasn't really expecting Nick to go through with it – but today had been full of surprises so far.
For a few seconds they stood face to face in silence, neither of them moving. Schmidt contemplated just telling Nick that even agreeing to kiss him was enough and going back to bed. He wasn't even really sure why he was getting upset, except that he was tired, and the whole day had been an emotional roller coaster. If he just let the whole thing go and they both slept it off, they could probably go back to not talking about it without any real awkwardness.
His train of thought was interrupted by Nick's hands cupping his face, followed by Nick leaning in and awkwardly planting a kiss on his lips. Schmidt didn't even register what was happening until Nick had already pulled back. The air between them growing steadily heavier, they stood stone still, Nick's hands on Schmidt's face, and a lump in Schmidt's throat.
Desperate to say something, anything, to break the tension, Schmidt mumbled, "I stand by what I said earlier."
"What?"
"Your scruff is perfect." Schmidt's brain began to catch up with him, and he suddenly felt the overwhelming need to get out of this situation. "I should sleep. I haven't slept in thirty six hours."
"Right." Nick still wasn't moving.
Schmidt gently moved Nick's hands down to his sides, and climbed back into bed. He definitely wasn't sleeping anytime soon – his pulse had suddenly kicked up to something way above a healthy resting heart rate – so he just lay still and stared at the ceiling, counting in his head in an attempt to calm himself the way Jess had taught him years beforehand. One. Two. Three. Four–
"Hey, Schmidt?" Nick asked.
"Yeah?"
Nick's voice was oddly calm, vacant even. "Why did you kiss me when I left to move in with Caroline?"
Schmidt winced. He wasn't exactly desperate to talk about his reasoning for what Nick had written off as a "Fredo kiss", whatever that meant. In fact, he was half sure Nick would try and move out again if he explained himself. Instead, he said, "It's late, Nick. We should probably get some sleep."
"I'm not gonna be able to sleep until I know." Nick was still just standing beside Schmidt's bed, staring off into space. Schmidt reached out a hand and waved it in front of Nick's face to ensure he wasn't dealing with Sleepwalk Nick. Fortunately – or maybe unfortunately; he wasn't really sure at this point – Nick looked over at him.
"You're kinda zoning out there, man." Schmidt said. "Will you at least sit down?"
Nick did, in fact, sit down. To Schmidt's surprise however, Nick decided to sit on Schmidt's bed instead of his own, forcing Schmidt to scoot out of the way at the last second to avoid getting sat on. "Alright, I'm sitting." Nick said. "Now tell me."
Schmidt sighed. "I already told you. I love you." He shrugged. "I wanted you to know that before you left."
"Why didn't you just tell me?"
"Cause I tell you all the time, man. I didn't think it would mean anything." Schmidt frowned. "Are you alright? You're giving off a real weird vibe."
"Yeah, I'm..." Nick trailed off. "So it didn't mean anything?"
"What?"
"You kissing me. It didn't mean anything?"
"Well, it meant – " Schmidt couldn't think of a good way to end his sentence. "Why are we talking about this now? That was two years ago."
"What do you mean, why now? Because we kissed, dude!" Nick's voice was rising, which wasn't good – the others waking up to hear Nick yelling about how the two of them had just kissed for the second time in twelve hours was probably not going to lead anywhere positive. "Because you just told me that you kissed me out of love, three times, and you got upset that I didn't reciprocate, that's why we're talking about this now."
"Okay, okay. Just calm down." Schmidt made a down motion with his hands intending to signal that Nick should lower his voice, but instead Nick took it as a cue to lay back and immediately cover his face with his hands. "Yes, it meant something, alright? I was thinking about what it would be like to not have you around anymore, and I just... I couldn't let you go without doing something to let you know how I felt."
"And to be clear," Nick's voice was muffled by his hands. "How is that exactly?"
Schmidt wanted to know the answer to that question himself. "I... don't want to go a day without you," he started carefully. "Listen, you know I have feelings for Cece, like real romantic feelings." His entire body felt like jello. "But I might also have feelings for you."
"For me." Nick repeated. He uncovered his face and rolled onto his side to look at Schmidt. "You have feelings for me like you have feelings for Cece."
"I don't know, dude." Schmidt shifted so they were face to face. "I mean, I definitely feel something confusing towards you, but like... You know, Steve was in love with you. Jess was in love with you. I don't know how I feel."
"Steve was in love with me?" Shit. He'd forgotten Nick didn't know about that.
"Yeah, that's... part of why he moved out." Schmidt waved a hand dismissively. "I'm sorry I don't have a better answer."
"No, it's fine." Nick frowned. "I had no idea."
"About Steve or about me?"
"Kind of both." Nick said. "I guess I just don't really expect people to like me."
"Well, I like you." Schmidt raised his eyebrows and looked away. "Is there anything else you want to talk about?"
"Not... talk," Nick said slowly. "But I think maybe we should kiss again."
"What?" Schmidt turned sharply back towards Nick. "Are you being serious?"
"Yeah, I just... Think it might help work out what both of us are feeling." Both of us? "At worst, I don't think we can make things much more awkward than they already are."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that." Schmidt looked at Nick's face, inches away from his own. "But yeah. Let's do it." He leaned in and closed the gap between them.
It was the first time Schmidt had ever initiated a kiss between them that Nick hadn't immediately pulled away. In fact, Nick was kissing him back. It was a pretty nice feeling. Barely thinking about it, Schmidt moved to run a hand through Nick's hair, which, he happily noted, was soft and tangle-free.
"Wait," Schmidt broke away from Nick, who looked a little dazed. "Have you been stealing my conditioner again?"
"What? No." Nick blinked at him. "I got some of that three in one stuff. It was on sale."
"Three in one?" In his outrage, Schmidt momentarily forgot about the fact that they were lying in his bed, fresh off their third kiss of the day. "Do you wash your hair with dish soap, too?"
"I actually have done that a couple times." Nick said. "Anyways, apparently the three in one stuff is so good you thought I was taking your conditioner, so it must basically have the same effect."
"The same effect?" Schmidt was aghast. "Nick, I love you, but–" As the words came out of his mouth, their current situation came crashing back. His conditioner-related feelings subsiding, he abandoned his sentence completely in favour of waiting for Nick's reaction.
"See, you don't even have a defence." It took Schmidt a second to realize that Nick was still talking about the conditioner. It was kind of comforting, actually. "Money isn't everything, Schmidt."
"I guess not." He didn't care enough to debate it anymore. "Listen, I really do need to sleep. Are you staying here?" Seeing Nick's panicked look, he added, "You know what, you don't need to answer that. I'm going to sleep. You do what you want." He rolled over to the other side, facing away from Nick.
Schmidt was still pretty far from sleep, all things considered, but he also wasn't sure how much more of this interaction either of them could take, and he wanted to allow Nick the opportunity to just go back to bed and pretend nothing had happened. If anything, that might be easier for both of them.
What he thought might have been ten minutes passed, and Nick didn't move. Schmidt made a mental note to start getting concerned if Nick's habit of staying completely still for long periods of time continued. Before he could get too worried about it, however, Nick said, "Your sheets smell really good." He sounded sleepy and absent-minded, and Schmidt was pretty sure he was just making an excuse not to get up because he didn't want to move.
"Yeah, I get them professionally laundered," Schmidt said. "Plus I use a pillow mist to keep them smelling extra fresh."
"The fuck is a pillow mist?" Nick mumbled. Schmidt knew, without turning to look, that Nick had fallen asleep before he could answer. Schmidt closed his eyes and tried his best to do the same.