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Holed up in a hotel in some no-name town, he can’t see straight anymore--who knows if it’s from the endless hours of research, or the nearly empty bottle of whiskey dangling in his hand. Standing in the open doorway of their room, Sam is listening to the rain. It used to calm him, back when you were laid up in his arms and snoozing away. He’s been riding the waves of emotions--missing you rolls into anger, downward into a numbing depression. Today, it’s anger. He takes a long draw from the bottle, a flood of memories coming to his mind, his face twitching when fresh tears start to roll. He’ll never find another like you and he’ll never be the same for anyone else. He looks up at the storming sky--a visual representation of his mind. His feet move forward on their own accord, a growl rising in his chest.
“Come on!” he bellows. “Where the hell are you?!” He pitches the bottle as hard as he can, smashing to pieces.
He falls to his knees on the blacktop, hands in his lap, head still tilted to the sky. People are peeking through their curtains, watching the man fall apart as he curses the Universe. There’s pieces of him that walked out with you. When that door slammed, he felt a burning in his chest that he would rather die again than feel anymore. Colors are dimmed, sounds are muffled, he’ll never see the world the same without you by his side, but he knows you’re never coming back. He wanted to run after you, chase you to the ends of the Earth, but there’s nothing he can do or say that will bring you back to him -- there is no fixing this. So, he stays. He’s been chasing monsters instead of you, always contemplating laying down his weapons and just letting them slay him where he stands. He doesn’t want to be in this world if you won’t be there with him. He drinks his liquor straight, only eats when Dean damn-near force-feeds him in an attempt to soak up the alcohol flooding through his body. Speaking of…
Sam jerks his arm when he feels hands wrap around him.
“Don’t give me your shit, Sammy. Let me get you inside,” Dean coaxes, hauling up the stumbling giant, bringing him inside under the watchful gaze of the other tenants.