Chapter Text
Marisa squeezed her eyes shut as she continued to accelerate. At the speed she was going, the roaring wind made her feel like it was a cold winter day instead of the middle of summer. If she kept going any faster, she would be in danger of hypothermia due to wind chill.
But she didn't exactly care right now.
She desperately needed a distraction, and flying dangerously fast was the second best thing she could think of. A danmaku battle with Reimu, Alice, or someone of their caliber would have been better, but she wasn't exactly willing to get into a fight with one of her close friends while in her current state.
So she flew.
She flew fast enough that her mind couldn't think of anything other than her cold limbs, the roaring winds, and her current rush of adrenaline. She flew fast enough that nothing could exist except her and her broom. Fast enough that nothing and no one could ever catch up to her—especially not her own unpleasant thoughts.
But then a flash from the other side of her eyelids pulled her attention away from her thoughts. Her eyes snapped open to find Aya casually flying in front of her, camera raised.
Marisa grit her teeth and slowed to a more conventional speed. Once they were moving slow enough that the roar of the wind didn't drown out their voices, she whipped out all of her spell cards, declaring the entire deck for their duel. Aya raised a brow for only a second before merely shaking her camera declaratively.
Normally, Marisa would have matched Aya's cocky smile, but all she could manage right now was a sneer. She swallowed whatever nasty comment she wanted to make and called her first spell card.
Their dance lasted a little under an hour, but Marisa never once landed a hit on the tengu. Not even her more unorthodox spell cards hit their mark. Aya just weaved through pattern after pattern of colorful stars and searing bright lasers, like an extremely determined mosquito. Whatever danmaku the crow couldn't dodge, she dispelled with well-timed clicks of her camera.
At the end of it all, Marisa was left utterly exhausted and fuming in frustration—though at least Aya seemed equally tired. They slowly floated back to the ground, collapsing onto the grass.
Marisa rolled onto her back and groaned, breathing heavily. Aya crawled over to sit next to her, pulling out a notepad.
"Care for an interview?" Aya wheezed. "Though… it's probably better we do it later…"
A roll of the eyes. "Oh? You don't want five pages of heavy breathing quoted in your next article? Color me surprised."
Aya gave her a sardonic smirk. "Testy today, aren't you? Something bothering you?"
Marisa leveled a glare. "Inhaled a lungful of a potion of rage and aggression after a lab accident. Forgive me for being testy." She spat out that last word with notable venom despite genuinely being sorry.
"Is this the result of a magician's fabled hubris?" Aya snorted at the even more intense glare Marisa shot at her and began scribbling on her notepad. "How do you cure yourself?"
"Get into a fight." Marisa coughed as she sat up. "Or do something reckless." She coughed again, feeling phlegm rise up her throat. She spit it out, her lungs suddenly feeling like they were burning. "The more dangerous, the better," she said between more hacking coughs.
"You're surprisingly calm for someone who apparently poisoned herself."
"This looks calm to you!?"
A shrug. "Compared to the wordless screams when you were shooting me with bullets, you're downright tranquil right now. Smile for the camera, by the way."
Marisa managed a retched snarl as Aya's camera flashed in her face. "I swear to the gods, Aya, if you publish that picture—"
"Relax. I'd chop my wings off before I'd put a picture of you looking like this in my paper. I've got standards. If you're really curious what I plan to use the picture for, it's for blackmail."
A withered stare.
"Don't give me that look. You know I got dirt on everyone."
Marisa didn't know whether to groan or sigh, so she collapsed back onto the grass. With every inhale, she felt a searing pain fill her chest, subsiding when she exhaled. It didn't matter if her breaths were deep or shallow. It always felt like fire was entering her lungs.
"Should I take you to Eientei?"
"No, I'll be fine. I can feel it passing. The potion will be out of my system soon."
"I sure hope so. You're looking pretty pale," Aya remarked, leaning over to poke Marisa's cheek with her pen. "Why even make an anger potion, anyway? Seems kinda pointless to me when you're so adept at insulting people."
A weak growl. "Ha ha. I'd normally take that as a compliment, but right now, it just pisses me off."
Aya shrugged again. "It's one of a thousand journalism tricks I developed over the years. Strong emotions tend to make people talk."
"No wonder everyone calls you an annoying busy body. You're actually doing it on purpose."
Aya poked her again. "Answer the question now."
"Oh, shut the f—!"
Marisa wasn't able to finish before she fell into another fit of coughing. She couldn't tell how long it lasted before subsiding, but it felt like it went for hours. When she next opened her eyes, Aya was looking over her, brows furrowed with concern.
"I'm even more tempted to bring you to Eientei now. This is just sad."
"Don't you dare," Marisa managed, her throat feeling sore.
"Though I guess I could just leave you here to die," Aya muttered rubbing her chin. "That'd make for a good article, now that I think about it."
Marisa struggled to sit up. "I'm not dying…"
"I can see the headline now. MARISA KIRISAME KILLED BY OWN POTIONS EXPERIMENT. It'll be the talk of the town for weeks."
"I said I'm not dying!" Marisa snapped, finally managing to sit up. "If I still had more spell cards, I'd blast you with another one."
Aya poked her a third time, immediately making her collapse again. "Assuming you have enough strength to even shoot," she teased with a chuckle. "I guess hubris is just as much a human trait as it is a magician's."
"Man, screw you…" Marisa said, gasping for breath. She continued to struggle for a few seconds before eventually going limp. She let out a weak, strained sigh. "Fine. Take me to Eientei."
With that admittance of defeat, Aya happily scooped up the witch, throwing her over her shoulders like a sack of vegetables. "I'll assume you want me to bring these too." She picked up Marisa's broom and hat. "Try to hold onto your lunch."
Marisa would have complained about the indignity of it all, but she no longer had the strength to speak—and even if she did, the roar of the wind would have drowned her out as soon as Aya took to the air.
Double doors slid open with a slam.
"It would have been much simpler if this was truly just a potion of rage and aggression," Eirin said as she examined the bottles in the operating room's cupboards.
As she did so, Reisen laid Marisa onto the table.
"Rage and aggression potions merely apply a strong mental suggestion to attack anything nearby—a fairly simple and relatively harmless spell. What you managed to create with whatever experiment you were performing was a potion that overwrites your immune system to become disproportionately more aggressive. It makes it so even healthy and functional cells are treated as if they were foreign invaders to be neutralized."
What does that mean? Marisa mouthed, no longer able to actually let out her voice. Thankfully, Reisen seemed to know how to read lips and dictated what she said to Eirin.
"It means your potion literally made your body so angry at itself that all your innards are trying to kill each other."
Eirin took three bottles and laid them on the counter next to Marisa.
"You're lucky the potion isn't fast-acting, else you'd have died by now." She uncorked one of the bottles and spilled a drop onto a piece of cloth. "In any case, what I'm about to do to you would be very painful if you were awake, which is why I'm putting you to sleep."
She approached Marisa, bringing the cloth to her nose and mouth.
Wait! Marisa wanted to say. "What are you going to do to me!?"
She blinked, realizing that she was covered in bandages and no longer on the operating table. As she sat up and looked around the empty room, utter bewilderment on her face, Reisen walked by and noticed her staring.
"Oh, you're up? Good afternoon, Marisa." She approached and picked up the clipboard attached to her bed. "How do you feel?"
"Uh… confused…?" Marisa answered slowly, Reisen gesturing for her to continue. "Er… Well, I guess I feel…" She looked down at her hands with a thoughtful frown. "Huh. Oddly enough, I actually feel pretty good—less like I just had my insides rearranged and more like I just woke up from a good night's sleep."
"That's good, then," Reisen said, casually scribbling onto the clipboard. "Makes sense that you feel well rested. You've been out for a week."
Marisa blinked again before sputtering, "A whole week!?"
A chuckle. "Yes. Nine days, to be exact. After fixing your immune system, and whatever organs it damaged, we continued to keep you sedated and monitored you for any adverse reactions to the operation. Seeing how you're right as rain now, I'd say the operation was a complete success!"
"Does that mean I can leave now?"
"In a bit. Eirin said she wanted to speak with you first before letting you go." Reisen reattached the clipboard to the bed. "I'll go call her. In the meantime, why don't you read the letters your friends left you when they visited these last few days?"
As Reisen left to get Eirin, Marisa turned to the small table next to her bed, where a stack of papers sat invitingly. She picked up one of them to read.
Dear Marisa,
YOU CARELESS STUPID FOOL! I went to check up on your house after I heard about what happened to you and I found a cauldron full of Agony of a Treacherous Body in your workshop. It's one of the most malicious poisons I've ever encountered, and the fact that I'm not human is the only reason I was able to stand being in the same room as it without dropping dead within hours. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING TRYING TO MAKE THIS!?
I've made sure to dispose of the potion and thoroughly cleanse your home of its stain. We WILL have words when next we meet.
—Alice Margatroid
Marisa winced and folded up the letter. She was not looking forward to her next conversation with Alice.
She moved to the next one.
Marisa,
I didn't want to write anything, but Suika managed to convince me to send you a letter.
Anyway, Alice dragged me into purifying your house. Whatever you did to poison yourself, it was nasty. Don't do it again. It's a hassle to clean up after you.
—Reimu
P.S. I also raided your food cupboards. Consider it payment for my purification services.
A snort and roll of the eyes. Reimu's letter was exactly what she expected from the lazy shrine maiden—even down to the comment about taking her food. She did wonder what Reimu planned to do with buckets and buckets full of mushrooms, though.
She picked up another letter, one with much fancier stationary and a wax seal bearing the emblem of the Scarlet Devil.
Dear Marisa Kirisame,
Thanks to an article published by that crow tengu, I have been made aware of your accidental brewing of Agony of a Treacherous Body. While I did not expect you to follow proper procedures when handling dangerous substances, I DID expect you to take more caution than you have. Your negligence and resulting affliction has caused unneeded distress amongst the various members of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and therefore must be compensated.
Within a week of reading this message, you are to report to the Scarlet Devil Mansion Great Library where you will undergo intensive potions safety training. To ensure compliance, a strong mental compulsion charm has been applied to the paper and ink of this letter, activating as soon as you open it. We await your arrival.
—Great Librarian of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, Patchouli Knowledge
Marisa crumpled up the letter and set it alight with a brief spark of danmaku. The ashes fell gently into the waste bin next to her bed.
Lousy anemic girl, Marisa mentally grumbled. Honestly, casting charms on her via a letter? Talk about rude. At least have the decency to charm her in person, dammit!
Ah, whatever. A mental charm was simple enough to dispel. She just hoped she had enough of the right types of mushrooms to make a dispelling potion. It would be really inconvenient if Alice disposed of all her reagents when she disposed of the poison—worse if Reimu requisitioned them along with the edible mushrooms in the kitchen. Hopefully it was neither.
She picked up the last of her bedside packages, folding open an issue of Bunbunmaru. Encircled in red ink was an article that made Marisa glare at the text. It was immediately clear that this copy was provided by Aya herself.
MARISA KIRISAME POISONS HERSELF!
Marisa Kirisame was admitted to Eientei at noon today due to inhalation of a magical potion. The head doctor at Eientei, Eirin Yagokoro, revealed that the potion was poisonous and would have killed Kirisame in a few hours had no action been taken. Kirisame is currently—
Once again, she set fire to the paper, not even bothering to read the rest of it. "Next time I see that crow, I oughta blast her out of the sky," she growled, crawling out of bed.
"Before you make good on that threat, I would like to speak to you," Eirin said curtly as she strode into the room, eyeing Marisa with a look of wan appraisal. "Firstly, I do not appreciate my patients setting things on fire within my clinic. We put no-smoking signs around for a reason."
Marisa raised her hands in apology, though she made no effort to actually look apologetic. Eirin was clearly unconvinced by this, and seemed even less amused. Mercifully, she chose not to comment.
"Secondly," Eirin continued, her expression softening somewhat, "congratulations on surviving your operation. It had a twenty percent chance of killing you, and a seventy-nine percent chance of leaving you with a permanent immune system deficiency should you live."
Marisa sucked in a sharp breath through her grit teeth. "Yikes. Those sound like terrible odds. Aren't you supposed to be some sort of super doctor?"
"They are, and I am. The chances of your death would have been one-hundred percent had any other doctor tried it." Eirin handed Marisa her hat back. "Just be glad you managed to thread the needle with that one-percent chance. You would not be here otherwise."
A shrug. "Fair enough."
"On top of the initial surgery, I also took the liberty of correcting the irregular bend of your vertebrae that was developing due to what I assume is years of picking mushrooms with bad posture." There was a short pause as they merely stared at each other. "In simpler terms, I fixed your back."
"Ohhh!" Marisa said with an airy laugh. "Yeah, my back was kinda bothering me the last few months. Thanks!" She looked down at her hands. "Did you do anything else?"
"Well, to go down the list, I replaced your kidneys and liver, which were both in danger of failing due to all the alcohol and dubious magical potions you regularly consume, repaired the damage to your ear drums caused by the explosives you frequently encounter in your day-to-day, and fixed a whole host of other problems that you seem to no longer want to be elaborated upon."
Marisa raised her brows in disinterest, adjusting her hat so that it sat comfortably on her head. "Yeah, good read on the situation there. Anything I actually need to know?"
"Just your bill, which totals to this…" Eirin pulled out a piece of paper and presented it to Marisa. A stunned silence filled the room as she read the amount due.
"I… I don't have that kind of money…"
"That is unsurprising. Most people in Gensokyo do not have this kind of money," Eirin replied casually. "Which is why I am not going to bill you that amount. Instead, you will be working here in Eientei for around a month to pay off the debt you now owe me."
Marisa scowled, pocketing the bill. "I feel like I'd rather have died. I might end up killing someone if I work here."
A snort. "Please. You will only be doing laundry and sweeping floors. I would not dare let you deal with patients directly."
Marisa glanced towards the door, where Tewi was standing just outside the room, a knowing smirk on her face. "It's not the patients I'm worried about killing," the magician muttered. "But whatever, I guess. When do I start?"
"Around a week from now, so I can get things ready for you." Eirin gave Marisa another once-over. "And also so you can deal with the compulsion charm that has inexplicably been cast on you. How did you even manage to curse yourself not ten minutes after waking up? You literally just recovered from poisoning yourself."
"Blame the Scarlet Devil Mansion's resident bookworm. She wants me to attend some crappy potions class."
Eirin smiled as comprehension dawned on her face. "Ah, I was wondering why Miss Knowledge requested my input on the potions safety module she was writing. Very well. On the days of her lessons, you are now required to attend them in place of coming here for work."
Marisa winced. "You know, you're really making me consider just bailing on both of you, consequences be damned."
"Frankly, I am surprised you even agreed to working for me so easily. I was prepared for you to haggle your way out of it."
"To be fair, you did save my life." Marisa stood from her bed and stretched, taking her first shaky steps in what was apparently a week. "And as much as I love lying, cheating, and stealing, I do at least have some morals."
Eirin stared with a neutral expression, electing to stay silent.
"Oh, don't give me that look. I've got my own values just like everyone else. Anyway…" She put her hands on her hips, looking around the room. "Where's the rest of my stuff? I wanna go home."
End of Chapter