Chapter Text
Pain.
It was the only sensation besides hunger that constantly plagued the half-elf's knight or now ex-knight, Natsuki Subaru. Ever since that day long ago he’s been tortured everyday constantly by those he once considered as friends.
Despite it being what felt like generations to him, to the others it was only a few weeks and that was because of his ability he now saw as a curse, Return by Death, the ability to travel back in time everytime he died.
While in theory the ability to control time sounded amazing, the reality was much harsher. The sensation of pain dying brought, the hell that he had to experience without anyone knowing, the inability to even share a portion of his burdens.
The consequences of his ability have weighed heavily on Subaru's mind, but he always managed to avoid his fate of permanently crumbling into nothing, all because of his wonderful friends.
Those same friends that now made him endure a hell worse than anything he had ever dreamed about...things that rivaled even the damn rabbits.
He had lost track of how many times he’s died. He stopped counting after a million but they never got easier. Dying is still dying and despite his best efforts, he could never get used to the unique but unbearable feeling death brought.
Despite everything he didn’t resent them. He knew how gluttony worked but it was his own fault for being powerless. Despite not resenting them he also knew that things could never return to their previous state. Even if his name would return, Subaru knew he could never truly be the same with his friends.
He laid on the cold ground of his prison cell that was once white but now painted crimson, awaiting his public execution. Since they couldn’t get any information about the cult, they decided to make an example out of him.
He had lost faith in his name returning. He prayed to all the Divine Dragon and all the gods he had knowledge of, even the damned Witch to end his suffering but in the end his cries went unheard.
He had dreamed of things he could and would do after he was out but the more time passed the more his thoughts became dark. Now all he can dream of was the sweet release of death. Permanent death.
He wore red stained cloth held together by strings. It could barely be called clothes.
His nasty eyes which once shined full of energy and life now looked dead and indifferent, his once strong well built body full of bruises and scars and he had lost notable weight, he was unable to even feel his limbs, his chaotic yet enthusiastic aura replaced with the aura of death, his sanity on edge, slowly getting pushed further to the brink.
It had been so long since he had last seen the sun without being hanged that it felt like a pipe dream. So long since his love for Emilia, Beatrice, and his “friends” faded. So long since he last felt any emotions. So long since he felt anything besides pain, hunger, and the sensation death brought. And oh so long since he stopped giving a damn.
Subaru looked up towards the entrance of the facility and as if on cue Felix, Julius, and another knight came in. Felix was holding a hood while the knight held ropes.
Felix and the other knight looked at him with disgust while Julius kept a poker face but had pity clear on his eyes.
“GET UP NYAW! YOU HAD YOUR REST.” Felix ordered, not even hiding the venom in his voice.
Subaru knew it was futile to fight so he got up, turned to face them and put his hands behind his back. His eyes showed no emotion.
“You’re awfully cooperative,” the knight mocked, “you better not try to pull a fast one, CULTIST.” he said, threatening as he tied Subaru’s hands.
‘It hurts.’ thought Subaru but didn't respond to the knight.. He had no reason to.
The knights then walked Subaru out, occasionally pushing him around, and loaded him into a dragon-pulled carriage.
The ride was unbearably painful for subaru. The road they took was bumpy and his sensitive body didn’t take well to that.
When they arrived there was a massive crowd forming around a platform that held a Gallow. There were more knights standing in formation leading from the carriage to the platform where a single knight stood with a scroll in hand. That knight was known as Marcos, the commander of the knights.
The knight that was with Julius and Felix left to take formation while Julius and Felix escorted Subaru to the gallows. After they reached the gallow Subaru had the rope hung around his head by Felix, who stopped and checked with Marcos before putting the hood over Subaru’s head.
Julius for a split second saw the look on the unknown prisoner’s face before he was hooded and it deeply disturbed him. He saw a small broken smile forming on the face of the prisoner but his eyes stayed dead. He had accepted his fate.
He, alongside Felix went back to their spots in the formation and Marcos opened the scroll he had in hand and read aloud.
“By the order of the Sage Council, I Marcos Gildark, the commander of the Royal Knights put the prisoner suspected to be the Sin Archbishop of Pride by the Great Spirit Beatrice, to death.” his voice boomed through the crowd and once his speech was done everyone started cheering.
He then signaled the executioner who pulled a lever and the platform below Subaru collapsed, choking him.
Despite being suffocated, Subaru didn’t move. It would only be more painful anyways.
After a few minutes Natsuki Subaru died. But unlike his other deaths he did not come back. It was like a wish came true.
Natsuki Subaru died a permanent death.
After his death, Subaru's Soul wandered the Garden of Shadows.
‘Am I dead?’ Subaru thought as the pull of Od Laguna took him.
As his soul was being filtered by Od Laguna, he could still feel his Witch Factors but they were changing and another one was added, Gluttony. Something deep inside of Subaru’s soul awoke, unbound after periods of repression.
Despite being in a state of death, Subaru received fragments of memories that his soul had been repressing.The longer he stayed in the Od Luguna the more fragments seemed to appear and connect to one another.
The visions of silver in black confused him. Until the fog in his soul slowly cleared and it made more sense. It felt like he was watching someone else's life as a movie.
The longer he watched the more he felt his consciousness merging with that of “Natsuki Subaru” who at the time went by the alias Flugel, the great sage.
By the time he got all his memories back both Subaru and Flugel had died and what was left was a mix of both, their best and worst qualities.
For the first time in decades, Subaru felt something other than pain, hunger, and the embrace of death. Subaru felt determination to save his love that he was forced to lock away and the child he abandoned and regret for leaving Shuala at the watchtower and shunning Satella when she just wanted to help.
He didn’t know how long he was in Od Laguna but by the end of his stay he felt his soul being pulled into a body and said the body morphed to take the form of his soul.
As his soul merged with the body, he could feel the pain his new body was experiencing and the feeling of something being etched into his very soul, next to his new versions of Witch Factors and the newly added Gluttony.
‘Divine blessings huh? But how? I already have Witch Factors. So Od Laguna really did take pity on me.’ he thought to himself but that wasn’t important right now.
He opened his eyes and observed that he was in a forest and his new body was that of a child around 12 years old. His left leg was bleeding and his right arm was broken.
Subaru was confused but quickly assessed that he had been reincarnated, most likely a combination of Envy releasing him from RBD and Od Laguna taking pity on him.
Subaru suspected the boy his body once belonged to was chased and killed by the local ma-beast recently. Since his blood had not dried yet and the smell of rotting was not present, it was easy for Subaru to figure out.
He peered deep into himself to see what he was gifted with. His eyes widened at surprise as he checked his ‘stats’.
He was given the Divine blessing of the Sun & Night, Power Bleeding, Blessing of the War god and probably the most useful, Divine Blessing of Sorcery.
With a working gate, abnormally high mana pool, divine blessings and Witch Factors, the Sage healed himself and with determination to right his wrongs and a goal in mind, the Sage wandered the lands.
“Just wait a bit longer, Satella, Shaula.” he whispered under his breath as he turned left to see dozens of red glowing eyes watching him.
Subaru sighed internally and hoped that this was the only group of Wolgram in his vicinity, he couldn’t fight long term battles, at least not right now. He still needed to assess his strengths and weaknesses before engaging in fights.
Despite having a large mana pool he didn’t have much reserves so he needed to end the fight quickly or be forced to use invisible providence. He also had to remember that he probably didn’t have Return by Death anymore so if he dies... that's it.
He quickly thought of old spells that flugel had created that were both low mana usage and effective in clearing out groups or escaping.
Lucky for him he now had the divine protection of sorcery meaning he wasn’t limited to just yin magic.
As he searched through his memories he finally came across the spell that was perfect for escape.
Etiv, a combination of Shamak and speed enhancing wind magic. The smoke disoreants the hostiles while the wind magic boosts the speed of the user making it the perfect spell for escape.And the spell became more effective as more mana got used.
He let the dogs get closer to him as he searched for any signs of civilization and he saw smoke off in the distance behind the Wolgrams.
“OH COME ON!!*sigh* Can’t I get a break??” He complained to no one in particular as he facepalmed at his misfortune.
When the dogs saw he wasn’t focusing on them they rushed him all at once. But they fell into Subaru's trap and his signature cocky grin split his face.
“Etiv” he shouted dramatically as he channeled most of his remaining mana into the spell and the black smoke of Shamak released, disorienting the senses of the dogs, he activated the second part of the spell and dashed past the pack with inhuman.
As the smoke faded, the dogs quickly regained their senses and looked around, trying to find Subaru until they picked up his scent but at that point it was too late for them. Subaru had already made it to the village.
As Subaru entered the village he walked towards a tree and sat in the shade as he quickly began thinking of an alias he could use, he went through many names but only 2 stood out, Pleiades and Alcor. He pondered on which to use but ultimately decided on Alcor.
Now that his identity crisis was dealt with, he looked up and saw children running around without a care in the world as the adults talked to one another and the elders watched the children enviously and realized where he was. He was in Arlam, ‘no wonder there wasn’t much ma-beast around.’ he thought as he started planning out his next moves.