Archive of Our Own ^beta

--

When Jason gets word of his trade to Dallas, his immediate reaction is to glance at the cuff wrapped around his wrist.

It wasn’t really a surprise when his name filled in when he was 16, ever since he looked at Andy Collins in the locker room one day when he was 14 and just thought, yes. The being-attracted-to-boys thing wasn’t much of a surprise to him initially than the surprise of the confirmation a few years later of having an actual guy’s name permanently on his body, a confirmation of, yes, he’s not just making this shit up as he goes along.

It’s not that he’s itching to find his soulmate, but the recurring conversations about if he’s dating a nice girl yet have taken a toll on him. He doesn’t really know how to casually mention to his family that the name Phillip isn’t really a girl’s name, mom, whenever it comes up in conversation, but he’s 26 and he supposes that he should probably at least tell his parents that he won’t be getting straight-married and have 2.5 biological kids and a white-picket fence.

Jason didn’t even consider telling his parents when he figured out that he was gay when he was 14, or when his name filled in when he was 16 and it obviously wasn’t a girl’s name, and he doesn’t even know how to bring up that in conversation as he continues to play the pronoun game every time the subject of his soulmate comes up 10 years later.

It’s not even that he’s sure that he thinks that his parents will, like, disown him and hate him forever for it, but there’s still a lot of the world where he could be killed because he has a guy’s name on his wrist. He’s still not really sure how to bring up the fact he’s not the most heterosexual dude in the NHL.

After he hangs up the phone when he gets the call about his trade to Dallas, he won’t lie when if says that the first thought on his mind was the thought of the name of his soulmate on his wrist, and then the realization of, holy shit, I’m moving to Texas.

--

It’s not that you don’t really talk about soul-names, but you generally have to be close friends with people in order to talk about them with each other. Most people won’t outright ask about a person’s soulname unless they’re either close friends or they have a reason to ask. Jason’s had a few people ask before, hoping for a match, but every time it’s been girls and he usually just outright says no, and never uncovers his name.

One or two people on the Sharks knew, but Jason isn’t in California anymore, and even though no one on the team’s actually from Dallas, he’s not really sure what to do if he has a same-sex name and and now living in Texas. It may be 2014, but Texas still doesn’t have the greatest track record with accepting people who have same-sex names. Some people are better than others about it, but he’s not quite sure how to talk about the subject when someone brings up the topic of soulnames.

Half the team is sitting around a table at dinner on a Thursday night, and Tyler comes back from the bar, saying, “So you’ll never guess what happened,” to the three tables pushed together in the middle of the room currently holding hockey players.

Jordie rolls his eyes. “What now?”

Tyler nods his head in the direction of the bar, and Jason can see a group of girls standing in a cluster at the end. “I got asked for my soulname again,” he says, smirking, staring at Jamie next to him.

“Again, dude? I think at this point every girl in Dallas thinks they’re soulmates with you,” Jordie says.

Spezza leans back in his chair, crossing his arms, and when he moves his left arm up Jason can see the marking of Jennifer in stark print horizontally across his wrist. “Last time we went to Boston there were at least three lined up to ask him at a club,” he says, “the ladies love Seggy.”

Jason can see Jamie shift uncomfortably in his seat across the table, and he looks between Tyler and Jamie sitting next to each other, and he’s not really sure if there’s something he doesn’t know yet that they just haven’t let on yet, or if he’s genuinely the only one on this team who doesn’t know something’s up.

“Anyways,” Spezza says casually, “you got anyone yet?” he directs toward Jason, nodding down at Jason’s left arm, where it’s been wrapped with his cuff.

Jason huffs. “No, but I can guarantee it’s not any of you ugly fuckers.”

“What’s her name, dude, I’ll keep an eye out for you,” Spezza replies, and Jason roll his eyes, but then realizes that the entire table is now looking at him, apparently looking for an answer. He glances at Jamie and Tyler sitting next to each other across from him, so close together that he’s pretty positive that there’s something else altogether happening there, and takes a deep breath.

“I don’t know, dudes, but if you happen to find a girl out there named Phillip, hit me up,” Jason says, plastering a grin on his face. He can see Spezza out of the corner of his eye nodding his head, but no one else says anything else besides that as Kari changes the topic to their food that’s just arrived in front of them.

Jamie’s been staring at Jordie for the past minute, and Jordie’s staring back, and Jason has no clue what’s going on.

--

He’s in the locker room a few days later, and half the team is already here, but groups of two or three guys at a time pile through the door, either as roommates or carpools. A loud crash of laughter fills the room as the door bangs open and Jamie and Jordie fall into the room and Tyler trails in after them. Jamie and Tyler are giggling helplessly as Jordie glares at both of them.

“You were the fucking Michelin Man, Chubbs,” Jordie says as straight-faced as he can, but Jason can see the smile in his eyes as he smirks. Jason wants to know when he suddenly became a romantic and can notice smiling eyes, God damn.

“Yeah, well, Jordie isn’t even your name,” Jamie replies nonsensically, trying not to laugh, but gives up and starts giggling again anyways. Jason isn’t really sure if that means that Jordie (Jordan?) is his actual name or what, glancing between the two as he’s taping new sticks for practice.

Jordie doesn’t even reply to that and just says, “Yeah, alright, Chubbs,” he says, shaking his head when Jamie punches him in the shoulder, laughing as Tyler grins from his locker.

--

The next time that Jason sees the team is the next day, and Jason has somehow ended up on Jordie’s lap.

The Benns decided to have a team Mario Kart tournament and Jason doesn’t exactly know why this would be a good idea for a group of hypercompetitive hockey players, but he decides not to question it.

There are people everywhere, and he shows up late because he still doesn’t know where anything is yet besides his currently-empty apartment and the rink, and he decides that it would be a better idea than staying the night in his empty apartment by himself.

When he gets there, someone’s handed him a drink and Jamie’s forced him into the corner of the couch next to Jordie, half on Jordie’s lap and half on the couch. By the time he (as well as Jordie) has had a few beers, Jordie’s thrown an arm around Jason and Jason’s shoved his face into the crook of Jordie’s neck. Jason’s still not quite sure how he ended up in this position with a teammate that he met approximately 4 days ago, but he doesn’t exactly hate it. Jordie smells warm and nice and then there’s a hand stroking his hair and Jason seriously considers falling asleep right then and there, but there’s shouting teammates everywhere as Tyler tries to convince someone that it’s not cheating if he uses a blue shell if he’s in second place and about to win.

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Jamie giving Jordie look, one that Jason can’t really decipher.

“You’re really comfy,” Jason says, mumbling into Jordie’s neck. “And you smell nice.”

He can feel the rumbling of Jordie’s chest as he barks out a laugh. “Thanks, I guess,” Jordie says, and Jason can feel the scratchy hairs of Jordie’s beard against his face as he moves. No one’s really bothered them so far, but he can see the flash of a camera going off as someone takes a picture, and he isn’t really sure if they’re taking pictures of them or if they’ve all just moved onto the “let’s take 300 selfies while we’re drunk” portion of the night. Or maybe the Stars just really like selfies. Jason isn’t really sure.

“I’m tired,” Jason mumbles again, scraping a hand over his face as he rubs at his eyes. “Can I sleep on you?”

Jamie’s still side-eying them from across the couch as Jordie’s hand stills where it’s still petting his hair, and Jason grumbles when he stops.

Jason’s kinda confused about what’s happening, but he’s sleepy and warm and Jordie’s nice.

“Okay, come on,” Jordie, and then he’s pushing Jason up and down the hall, and Jason thinks he’s in Jordie’s bed, because it smells like Jordie’s shampoo and his sheets are really soft and then suddenly sleep seems like a really great idea.

--

Jason wakes up and doesn’t really know where he is, until he remembers that he basically plastered himself all over Jordie Benn the night before, and that the bed he’s in at the moment is probably Jordie’s. He can hear the banging of pans falling out of a cabinet and onto the floor somewhere down the hall, and then loud swearing and Jamie laughing, so Jason forces himself out of bed and wanders down the hall into the kitchen.

There’s a carton of eggs out on the counter, and Jordie’s sitting on the floor surrounded by different items of kitchenware piled around him.

“Shut up, Jamie,” Jordie grumbles, looking up and finally sees Jason standing in the doorway, and a Jordie looks like he’s trying to smile but is also trying to pretend to be angry at Jamie for laughing at him.

“Do you need help?” Jason asks, picking up a frying pan and setting it on the stove next to him, and Jamie mouths something at Jordie he can’t quite catch, and he and Tyler back out of the kitchen, until Jason can hear a door slamming behind them down the hall. Huh.

“No, I’m fine,” Jordie says, gathering the rest of the pans that fell out of the bottom cupboard, “but you can cut up those, if you want,” gesturing to the grocery bag of vegetables laying next to the sink.

Together they make breakfast, Jordie stealing bites of red pepper from the cutting board where Jason’s cutting it up to put in the eggs, and (eventually) eating together at the tiny kitchen table pushed into the wall next to a window overlooking an alleyway. It’s so weirdly domestic that Jason doesn’t really know what to do with himself.

Jason’s discussing the merits between San Jose and Dallas as he’s scraping the rest of his eggs from his plate when he looks up and Jordie’s staring at him, and Jason can feel his cheeks turn red, and suddenly the words die in his mouth, and he has to clear his throat. Jordie’s hair is sticking up in all different directions, and Jason’s only really known him for a week at most, but he finds it adorable and he wants to know everything about him and his stomach suddenly feels weird and he doesn’t even know why. He’s had one-night-stands before, but nothing like cuddling a teammate while drunk and then falling asleep in their bed fully-clothed and then having a weirdly domestic breakfast together in the morning and being happy.

And then suddenly Jordie’s saying, “So, I, uh, just wanted to maybe show you something?” and wrapping his hand around his wrist and pulling off his cuff, and then in Jason’s own messy handwriting - Jason - on his skin. Jordie’s face is hopeful and anxious, and then Jason can’t really breathe right, and he’s forcing himself to focus, and then the next words out of his own mouth is a broken, “I… don’t understand?”

Jason pulls off his cuff, with the fine-lined cursive of Phillip underneath it, and Jordie breathes out a sigh of relief.

“No, really, you need to tell me what the fuck is going on,” Jason says, and his brain is overwhelmed and he still doesn’t know if he’s breathing or not.

“My, uh. My name’s Phillip? Kind of. No one’s called me that besides my grandma. But it is. Phillip Jordan Ellis. Benn. But it’s Phillip. That’s me.”

And then Jason can breathe again, and he’s still not entirely sure what’s just happened, but he’s still staring at his name on Jordie’s skin.

“You’re a fucking asshole, you know that?” Jason finally says, and Jordie’s face lights up, and when Jason takes their plates to the sink, Jordie pushes him into the wall and kisses him.