Archive of Our Own ^beta

Lily Evans has been on her fair share of dead-end dates.

Dates she wanted for ages, but had been sorely disappointed by when they finally happened. In the end, it didn’t matter how painfully attractive Kyle John was. For a man with two generic first names for a full name, he sure was confident about sex on the first date. Especially considering he spent half the evening on the phone with his sister.

Dates she agreed to on a whim. Sweet Lorenzo from Tech Support seemed like a perfectly nice, well adjusted guy. How was she to know he had an irrational fear of jaguars and was constantly on edge, afraid one might attack him in the streets of London? She might have thought it an odd quirk and looked past it had he not thrust her in front of himself every time he thought they were being attacked.

And more horrendous blind dates than she can count. Being who she is – young, pretty, and pretty successful for her young age… unlucky in love, perpetually in and out of dead-end relationships, but never not optimistic when it comes to love – Lily is the perfect target for her friends (and her parents, her neighbours, once her boss, and twice her yoga instructor) to set up on dates.

In fact, just within the past two months, Lily has been on her fair share of bad blind dates. Six, to be exact (thanks for nothing, Marlene), if tonight is to be counted. And it is.

Up until just now, staring wide eyed at the man sitting across from her at a lovely little Italian restaurant called La Luna Piena, Lily had thought this was just going to be the most common type of dead-end date: he seems like a perfectly nice guy, it was a perfectly nice evening, but there’s just no chemistry and it’s obviously not going anywhere.

In fact, he had even been honest and upfront enough to say it himself: “I really hope you don’t take this the wrong way, Lily, but I don’t think this is going to go anywhere.” Literally, just like that.

It was a bit direct, perhaps not entirely necessary to say while they were still seated at the restaurant, but she hadn’t really minded. They’d just had a pleasant dinner. He’d been polite and funny, and Lily thought if they’d met under different circumstances, they’d probably be fast friends.

She knows he wasn’t being rude, he was just saying what they both knew, and actually, she was quite relieved. No awkward dance at her door awaited her at the end of this! She could cordially say goodbye and they’d both get on with their lives, no post-date trauma to deal with, and she’d tell Marlene, “He was great! A perfect gentleman, we had a good laugh about Donald Trump’s inability to use an umbrella, but I don’t think we’ll be going out again.” And that would be that.

Until he’d continued talking, and Lily understood why he’d felt the need to say it at all.

“Look,” he’d said, and she braced herself for the worst. “You’re going to think I’m insane, or a complete asshole, but – ” and he must have seen the complete exhaustion on her face at that – really, when is that ever a good way to begin a sentence? – because he’d laughed and said, “No, don’t look at me like that, it’s not that bad.”

Okay, see, Lily has had her fair share of good dates, bad dates, dead boring and dead-end dates. But she has never, in all her life, been on a date and had him say, “This might sound insane, but I think you’re my best mate’s soulmate.”

“What do you think?”

Lily twirls into the living room, giving Marlene a three-sixty look at her outfit. It doesn’t matter what her friend says, because she knows she looks amazing. But showing off is fun sometimes. Definitely when you look this good.

Lily has no shortage of summer dresses, but this dress – a navy blue wrap dress, cinched at the waist and cut to a perfect midthigh length – is the first date dress. It’s just short enough and just lowcut enough to be flirty, but the full sleeves keep it firmly in the appropriate for a classy dinner category. Paired with her favourite pair of nude heels and her silky, auburn hair in loose waves around her shoulders, Lily knows she looks hot and she feels more than ready for this date.

Lily had been apprehensive about another date set up by Marlene. But in spite of her poor track record, Marlene was adamant that this guy would be different and well… once Lily had tried on the dress, there was really nothing else for it but to go. The world is going through a time, it deserves to see her in this dress.

Marlene squeals. “Damn, bitch! Give the rest of us a chance!”

Lily grins, throws in a courtesy because it feels right. It’s exactly the kind of reaction she’d hoped for, and she’s prepared to humbly accept the rest of the flattery she knows Marlene wants to shower her with, but there’s not much time and she has some last minute worries to clear up first.

“Thank you! So, just to recap. He teaches year-nine English?”

Marlene rolls her eyes, but she nods. “The kids love him, and so does the entire staff. He’s brilliant, and sweet, and not at all creepy in any way.”

“Okay, see, you having to repeatedly specify that he is not at all creepy makes me think that he might actually be creepy.”

“He’s not, I swear.”

Lily purses her lips. “You have to understand, given the other dates you’ve set me up on recently…”

“I keep saying it because of the other dates! But I swear this one is good, the only reason I didn’t set you up before is because I didn’t know he was dating again. He’s been to my flat before, remember? That’s why I said he could pick you up. I’ve known him for a long time, he’s a great guy.”

“There better not be anything wrong with him, Mars. And I told you this is the last date you’re ever setting me up on, right? Good or bad, you’re leaving me alone after this.”

Marlene puts her hand to her temple in a mock salute. “Yes, yes, got it.”

“Swear it.”

“Fine, I swear it! Honestly, I was only trying to help. You don’t know many people in London!”

It’s true. Since she moved to London five months ago, Lily has not met many new people outside of her office, and Marlene’s friends. She’s lucky at least Marlene and a couple of other friends from her secondary school and uni days had moved to London too – thank you, increasingly urbanized society, for my social life.

Though to be fair, Lily has been busy with work and busy settling into her new flat with Marlene (which she had graciously offered to share since her previous roommate moved away and she can’t afford the rent alone) and busy adjusting to her new perfect life and moving on from her old shitty boyfriend.

But now that she’s settled and she’s moved on, in Marlene’s eyes that means she’s ready to date everyone she’s ever met. And while Lily’s not really looking for a relationship per se, there’s just something about moving on from a crap relationship, moving into a gorgeous apartment in an amazing new city – London, she lives in London! –  and starting an incredible new job, something about a fresh start, that makes her feel excited and optimistic about dating again, about life in general. It sounds promising and, if nothing else, fun.

At least, it had at first. So far, it hasn’t been the most successful or altogether pleasant experience. Lily is a bit battle weary and this guy, a teacher at Marlene’s school, as decent as he seems, is the last one she’s agreeing to.

“I know but… okay, just to confirm. Only child, no recent traumatic relationships, normal parents, never been to jail, doesn’t think smoking weed on a park bench is an actual date?”

Marlene cringes. “The weed thing happened one time, come on! Alex is a nice guy, he was just… already high when he picked you up.”

Lily groans. “Is it too late to cancel?”

“I swear this guy is good, Lily. And he’s handsome. And I’m positive he has a big dick.”

“Ugh, can you not?” Honestly, she is so unnecessarily crass. But… Lily stares at her friend for a moment, but when she offers up nothing more, she huffs. Will she let her keep none of her dignity? “How do you know?”

Marlene snickers. “I knew you’d want to know, you perv. I just know. You’ll see. He just… has that energy.”

And right then, at that exact moment, there’s a knock at their door. Lily raises a brow – Shit. Big dick energy indeed – and picks up her purse. “Okay… I’m off, I guess. I’ll text you if he sucks.”

“I already told him if he does anything remotely weird, I’ll end his life. Just relax and have fun!”

“Great, that makes me feel super confident about this.”

Lily opens the door, expecting the very worst. But the man on the other side is… surprisingly handsome. Light brown hair brushed back neatly and pretty green eyes. And he’s quite tall. Yes, this could definitely go well.

When he smiles at her – it’s quite a nice smile, she can’t lie – his teeth are all there and they’re white and clean. He’s smartly dressed in a nice pair of trousers with a dark blue button up tucked into them, and he smells nice. So far, this man has already outdone every other set up Marlene has thrown her into (although, to be fair, that’s not really saying much).

“Hi. Lily?”

Lily returns his smile. “Yeah. Hi.”

“I’m Remus.”

From behind Lily, Marlene yells, “I’LL KILL YOU IF YOU’RE WEIRD, LUPIN.”

x.x.x.x.x

“I was honestly kind of scared of what Marlene would throw me into this time,” Remus says once they’re seated at the restaurant.

He seems very nice so far, a perfect gentleman. His car was clean, and he’d opened the door for her, and he’d pulled her chair out at the restaurant. Lily can appreciate some good old-fashioned chivalry.

She chuckles. “Me too. You’re already better than the previous five.”

“You agreed to five of Marlene’s dates?” Remus looks quite stunned.

“She always insists they’re good!”

“I’m already weary of your judgement.”

Lily laughs. “Hey, you agreed to this too!”

“It’s only my third though, and Marlene said you’re new to London and desperately lonely? I’d be doing her a favour?”

Lily raises an eyebrow. “Doesn’t make you sound any better, mate. Are you calling me a pity date?”

Remus cringes. “No! Of course not. I’m sorry, that came out wrong.”

Lily grins. “Kidding.”

“Right.” Remus huffs a laugh, a little sheepish. “So, you work in publishing?”

“Yeah! I just started a new job here a few months ago, it’s honestly kind of a dream job situation.”

And that’s how their evening goes: typical, polite, first date chatter. She talks about her work and interests and he talks about his, and so it goes.

It’s really a pleasant evening. There isn’t anything weird or creepy about him, thank god, and there’s nothing overtly unlikable either. Remus is a fine man. He’s smart and sweet and pretty funny, too.

But… well, see, Lily’s not out here trying to find the man she wants to marry. But if she were to marry Remus, they might have a hard time reconciling the fact that he’s not a big fan of London (it’s why he lives on the outskirts) and wants to move to the suburbs eventually, and Lily is quite certain that after her childhood in a sleepy town like Cokeworth, she can’t live anywhere that doesn’t move as fast as she does ever again. And is pleasant all she wants out of an evening, anyways?

The thing is, Lily believes in sparks. She believes in instant connections, eyes locking across the room, hearts skipping a beat, electricity in the air, butterflies in her stomach, every cliché in the book – she wants it. She wants romance, she wants excitement, she wants to look at him and immediately crave a kiss at the end of the night.

The first half of the evening tells her she isn’t going to get any of that, the chemistry just isn’t there. The second half tells her that it’s never going to develop.

She and Remus could be great friends, Lily’s sure. And if the night ends as well as it’s been going so far, maybe they actually will become friends, if they ever reconnect at one of Marlene’s parties or something – but that’s it. It’s a bit disappointing, but it’s alright. He’s good company anyways, and it was a good meal – Remus has good taste – so not a total waste of an evening. And she’s sure he’s bright enough to know there’s not going to be a second date.

They’ve just asked for the check and Lily’s prepared to decline going out for drinks in the unlikely event that he offers, when it happens.

“I really hope you don’t take this the wrong way, Lily, but I don’t think this is going to go anywhere.”

Lily blinks. Oh. Okay. Good, he does realize. It’s a far better scenario than if he’d wanted a second date. But it is… a little abrupt.

She nods anyways. “Oh, yeah. You’re probably right,” Lily says, because she’s not really sure what else to say.

Actually, she does feel quite relieved. Suddenly, any pressure for the rest of the night and any pretense of polite interest is gone.

“Look,” he continues. Lily looks at him apprehensively, prepared for the night to tank – of course it will, Marlene had set it up after all, damn her. “You’re going to think I’m insane, or a complete asshole, but – ” god, but it had been so nice up until now, did he really have to ruin it at the very end? “ – No, don’t look at me like that, it’s not that bad.”

Lily just waits for him to finish. What could he possibly say after that lead up? This isn’t going to go anywhere, I lied about it being okay and you’re actually a complete embarrassment for never having watched Star Wars? You’re actually quite ugly and have a horrible personality to boot?

Instead, he says, “This might sound insane, but I think you’re my best mate’s soulmate.”

Lily blinks. Blinks again. Stares at him, as if he’s set up a joke and is taking his time with the punchline.  “What?”

Because honestly, like… what? Here she was preparing to be told she reminds him of a troll that lives under a bridge and demands he solve these riddles three, and then he says… what? Is this worse or better? She can’t tell.

“I have this friend, and I can’t help thinking that you two would be perfect together.”

Lily scowls, suddenly furious. “Did you come on this date to scout me out for a friend?”

Remus’ eyes widen a little in alarm. “What? No! I – ”

“Then are you trying to pass me along to someone else to soothe my ego because you don’t like me? Because honestly, it’s okay. You’re right that this isn’t going anywhere and that’s fine.”

“No, no. I just think – ”

“That’s pretty rude, actually,” Lily continues, quite fired up now. “So good job on ruining what was otherwise a decent date.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you! Just hear me – ”

“Although to be fair, Marlene set this up, so I should’ve reali – ”

“Lily. Listen to me for one second, I swear I’m not trying to be a dick.”

Lily narrows her eyes at him. It’s the first time all night she feels some semblance of his real, unguarded self crack through the shiny first date exterior, and that’s the only reason she pauses her tirade.

“What are you trying to be, then?” she asks, the fury not lost from her tone.

“Um… a matchmaker, I guess?”

“So you’re not kidding?”

“No. I told you it would sound insane, but I swear I’m not wrong on this.”

“Wait. Let me get this straight. My friend set me up on a blind date, and now my blind date wants to set me up on another blind date?”

Remus pauses for a moment, considering her words, and a slight cringe forms on his face when they land. “Okay, it sounds kind of bad when you put it like that. Think of it as… another of your friends setting you up on a date with one of his best friends?”

Lily arches a brow and leans back in her chair. “We’re friends now?”

Remus shrugs. “Why not? It was a nice evening and I think you’re cool, but I think we both know that’s about all there is here.”

Lily sighs. “You smell nice and you haven’t tried to get me in on any pyramid schemes with you, so I guess you’re right.”

Remus frowns at her. “Okay, we may have to talk to Marlene about the people she knows.”

“Yeah, I’m really not sure she’s totally safe.”

Remus laughs, and gives her an earnest look. “I hope I’ve at least made a decent enough impression for you to know I’m not an asshole?”

Lily nods in acceptance of that fact, finally over her initial shock. It’s true, he has made a good impression. Good enough that she can give him the benefit of the doubt, at least. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Then can we just meet him for a drink? Talk to him for five minutes and if you don’t feel it, I’ll drop it and take you home.”

Lily groans. “Noooo.” She means to just say no, firm and dignified, but it comes out more like a petulant whine. And who can blame her, after the luck she’s had? A fine city London may be, but the men here are absolute garbage. “I’m not going on another blind date. Never again, for as long as I live.”

“It’s not another date. It’s still this date. We’re just… getting drinks after dinner and might run into a friend.”

“Your idea of a date is introducing your date to another man?”

“The more words you say, the worse this sounds. But it’s too late to back down so I’m standing by it.”

“That’s because it is bad. How do I know you’re not leading me to my murder?” Lily deepens her voice into her Generic Man imitation: “Say Lily, let’s go meet up with my murder partner so we can murder you, sound good?” Remus is already laughing when she returns to her regular voice. “Sure Remus, I have nothing to live for anyways.”

“Murder partner?”

“Whatever, I don’t know the technically correct terms, I’m not a murderer.”

“Neither am I, and neither is James, I swear.”

Lily snorts derisively. “Um, okay, I’m convinced. What decent murderer would admit to being a murderer to a potential vict – his name is James?”

Remus grins, sensing that he’s caught onto something. “Yes. So will you meet him?”

Lily chews on her lip. “I dunno. John Mulaney told me to never go to a secondary location.”

“Not sure what that means, but there’s this great bar just across the street. It’s so close it doesn’t even count as secondary.”

“If I regret this, I swear that I will murder you and your friend James. But fine.”

What Lily doesn’t say as Remus grins triumphantly is that when she was thirteen, she wrote her first novel and the brave warrior she’d dreamed up was called James. Her James had blonde hair and blue eyes, he was tall and there was no better horse rider than him in the entire kingdom, and despite his hard, mysterious and imposing exterior, warrior James was a gentle-hearted painter.

Of course she doesn’t expect this James to be the James her naive, unassuming, possibly slightly horny thirteen-year-old self had dreamed up (at least, not really). But it feels too much like a designed coincidence, a sign, maybe even fate to totally ignore.

“I’m texting Marlene,” Lily announces as they enter the bar ten minutes later, after they’ve paid for their meal. She’d offered to split the bill, but Remus insisted on covering her (in exchange for her meeting James, he’d said… though he was adamant that she’d be the one owing him by the end of the night). Remus has already texted James to meet them here. “If I die, she’ll avenge me.”

“There’s like a hundred people in here.”

Lily takes a seat on a stool at the bar and swivels around to face him. “Yeah, witnesses might send you to jail but they won’t bring me back to life.”

Remus shakes his head, giving Lily a strange sort of look, like he’s not quite sure what’s wrong with her or something. “Uncanny.”

“What?”

He lifts his hands and shrugs. “You and James are soulmates.”

Lily rolls her eyes. “Okay, don’t get ahead of yourself. I’m giving you five minutes and that’s it. The last person to make an impression on me that quickly was my sister’s fiancé, and it was extremely negative. He’s mad racist.”

“James isn’t racist, promise. And I’m gonna go to the toilet, please don’t run off.”

“Fine, though I wouldn’t tell you if that was my plan.”

She may have exhausted him, because Remus says nothing more before he turns to go.

Remus is gone for quite a while – the crowd suggests there’s probably a lineup. It leaves her time to think about what an idiot she is. Hadn’t she insisted Remus would be her very last blind date ever a mere two hours ago? And now here she is, waiting for another, set up by a man she’s only just met no less. She contemplates actually running off, but Remus is too kind, and she is too polite. She’s already agreed, she can’t cop out now.

And… well. She’d be lying if she claims Remus’ confidence that this man is her soulmate hasn’t made her at least a little curious. She is only human. Very possibly an extremely stupid human who may be awaiting her murder (kidding, Remus is obviously not a murderer and would most probably not be friends with one either, but what a setup she’s got herself into if he is), but a human, nonetheless. Who wouldn’t want to meet their potential soulmate? The only person to blame here is Remus and his wily, unfairly intriguing claims for tugging at her optimistic and romantic heart.

In the time Remus is gone, two separate men take the stool next to her at the bar. The first is visibly irritated by her refusing a drink (she literally has one in her hand) but he does leave her alone. The second, however, is… unnervingly persistent.

She’s already politely said no thank you, I’ve already got my drink. More firmly stated I’m not interested when he’d divulged that his name is Hunter (ugh, of course it is). Irately resorted to I’m waiting for my date, because assholes like this care more about offending another man than they do about her discomfort.

Still, he continues to lean uncomfortably close to her, already having dragged the stool closer. “Shoot this one down quick and have another with me before he comes,” he insists. He gives her a sleazy smirk that he probably thinks is sexy. “Might change your mind.”

“I don’t think so.” Lily can’t control her scowl. She takes her drink and hops off her stool, having had about enough of him. She’s well aware that men like him will not be deterred by two, three, fifty rejections, and she’s not keen to stick around for more. There’s no other seats open, but she’s mapped out her route to the loo already. As she turns to go though, Hunter catches her arm. Lily’s entire body goes rigid.

“No need to be so fucking rude,” he spits, tugging her back towards him. Lily’s heart is hammering, her brain blank with panic. She’s realized belatedly that she left her purse on the bar and can’t reach in for her keys to smack him with. She thinks maybe she should turn around and smash her glass into his face, but he’s squeezing her arm and she’s scared he might snap it if she moves. Logic tells her he won’t try anything so extreme in a crowded room, he’s just an insecure asshole scorned by rejection, who wants to remind her who is in control… but twenty-six years as a woman have taught her that nothing is ever truly too much for men like this, and she’s scared. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

And then –

“Let go of her.” Lily can’t see the man’s face, he’s come over from the door and her back is to Sleazy Hunter’s chest. But his tone is commanding, furious.

The grip on her arm loosens just enough for Lily to pull her arm away and speedily put several feet between them. Sleazy Hunter glances between her and the newcomer, who is not only a source of extreme relief for Lily in the moment but… damn. He’s well fit, too.

“Are you the boyfriend?” Sleazy Hunter asks. Ah, right. There are other problems to deal with at the moment.

Without thinking, Lily scuttles up next to him. Close enough to make it seem like yes, this stranger is the man she’s been waiting for.

He doesn’t miss a beat, mercifully catching on. “Yeah, fuck off,” he spits. At this point, Lily doesn’t care how it happens, she just wants this piece of shit out of her face.

Sleazy Hunter glances between them. “Sorry mate, didn’t mean any disrespect.”

“Excuse me?” Lily hisses, her anger suddenly reignited, like he’d just dumped gasoline on a fire. She lifts up her arm, red from his grip. “Was this meant to be polite, then?”

The newcomer glances at Lily’s arm, the concern on his face turning to a disgusted scowl directed at Sleazy Hunter when he sees that Lily is angry, not hurt.

“Apologize to her,” he demands.

Suddenly feeling ganged up on, betrayed by his gender, Sleazy Hunter gets defensive. “Or?”

“I’m going to make you,” Newcomer states simply, matter-of-factly. Something in his tone sounds dead serious, and Sleazy Hunter must catch it and decide it’s not worth the trouble, because he rolls his eyes and gets off the stool.

“Whatever. Sorry,” he grumbles at Lily, not looking or sounding very sorry at all.

“Good. Now get out of here before I have you thrown out.” He watches until Sleazy Hunter has sulked and furiously muttered his way out of sight before turning to Lily.

Eyes lock. Finally relaxing now that the sleaze is safely out of the picture – all in all, it must have been a thirty second encounter, but it felt like ages – Lily takes a proper look at the man before her. He’s tall, lean. Fit. Probably really could have knocked that asshole out. And… his eyes are maybe the nicest she’s ever seen, a gold-leaning hazel that’s unlike any colour she’s ever seen before.

“Are you alright?” he asks, genuine concern on his face, tone much gentler now.

“Yeah. I’m fine, thank you.”

He nods and takes the seat Sleazy Hunter had vacated. Lily sighs heavily and sits back down in her spot next to him. Where is Remus? How long does it take to pee? He doesn’t even have to sit down!

“I hope that didn’t ruin your night,” her new companion says. He’s got a nice voice. Lily would like to keep talking to him, this man that seems like a heaven send – especially after the previous two encounters.

She glances at him over her drink. The shock of pitch-black hair on his head is messy in a way that might or might not be deliberate, she really can’t tell, but it’s charming all the same.

“It did not,” she says. “I’m used to your species sucking ass.”

He cracks a crooked little half smile, and it’s… okay, fuck, it’s so lovely. There’s a little stutter in Lily’s heart. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“Sorry, I mean, not you. I appreciate you getting him away from me. Really, thank you. I can take care of myself, but a little help is nice sometimes.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t, that’s just bare minimum decency. Some assholes really just need to hear it from another guy to fuck off, unfortunately.” Lily nods solemnly in agreement. “Are you waiting for someone?”

She nods again, suddenly remembering. Shit, Remus’ friend! Ugh, would it truly be that rude to cancel now? It would but… well, it doesn’t matter anyways, this guy probably isn’t out alone either. Not with that face and that I just got back from vacation tan, he must be waiting for someone too. Although… is that a hint of disappointment she spots in his just barely changed expression?

“Are you?” She asks.

He nods. “Meeting a friend.”

It’s settled, then. And it’s really a good thing, because she came her to meet Remus’ friend, but it’s kind of disappointing all the same. He’s such a decent guy, had done more than anyone else around her would have to help her out… and he’s so nice to look at. You don’t come across many guys like this.

Lily glances at the time on her phone. “Shit, I mean how long does it take a man to pee?”

The man laughs, startled. Oh, his laughs is so cute. Damn it. “Depends, how drunk is he?”

What is she doing, talking to a man like this about pee? “Did I ask that out loud?”

“I think so, but I hope not. I’ve always wanted to read minds.”

He said friend, not girlfriend, didn’t he? And she only promised Remus five minutes, she could say it’s not working for her after that and find an excuse to come talk to this guy again. She wouldn’t be doing anything technically wrong, would she?

Lily is about to properly introduce herself, when she finally spots Remus coming towards her.

“Oh, good,” he says as he nears, a pleased little smile on his face. “You two have already met.”

Lily frowns at him. “What? Also, thank you for taking your sweet time, I almost got assaulted while you were gone.”

The smile drops from Remus’ face. “Are you serious?”

Lily nods gravely. “You’re lucky I have a black belt in karate, or you’d have to carry this guilt with you for the rest of your life.”

“Shit, I am so sorry. Half the loo is being renovated and there was a long line – ”

“Do you really have a black belt in karate?” The other man asks her. Lily waves noncommittally in his direction. “Also, someone explain what’s happening?”

Remus motions between the two of them. “Lily, this is my friend James. James, this is Lily.”

Lily’s eyes widen and she swivels back to face the man next to her, who is apparently James. “You’re James?”

James frowns at her, brows furrowing in confusion. “Yes?” He glances at Remus. “Lily. Like Marlene’s friend that you had a date with tonight, that Lily?”

“You know Marlene?” Lily asks, wondering why on earth, of all the shitty dates she’s set her up on, not one of them was with this guy. She’ll have to tell Marlene tonight how colossally useless she is.

“Met her once, briefly. Weird but cool.” James turns his attention back to Remus. “I thought your date went badly and that’s why you wanted to meet for a drink? Why’ve you invited me here while you’re still with her? And why are you talking to her about loo renovations?”

Lily gives Remus a dark glare. “He doesn’t even know?” She seethes. Her face suddenly heats up. God, this night could not get worse. This is about to be so embarrassing.

“Know what?” James demands, narrowing his eyes at Remus, who doesn’t look half as guilty as he should. “Someone better tell me what’s happening.”

“He is literally the worst date I have ever had in my entire life,” Lily says with venom. “He was unbelievably rude. And… incredibly presumptuous, if you know what I mean.”

James’ eyebrows shoot up. “Really? Remus?” He looks completely shocked. Damn Remus for being so nice, it’s impossible to believe he could be anything but. “I mean, granted, he doesn’t look the best right now, but that doesn’t sound like him.”

“I wanted to introduce you to Lily,” Remus cuts in.

“On your first date?” James stares at his friend, puzzled. “One that apparently sucked? Why?”

“He thinks we’re soulmates,” Lily answers for him.

James stares at her. Then at Remus. “Hold on. So, you had a date… and now you’ve brought me here to meet her because you want me to date her?”

Lily nods her head. “He’s insane, that’s what I told him.”

James fixes her with an incredulous look, like okay. “But you knew about this?”

Right. “Well… yes. It’s why I’m here.”

“Your date, a guy you just met, told you he wants you to meet his friend because he’s your soulmate, and you said sure, sounds normal?”

“I can sense you’re judging me, but understand that he was very persistent.”

“What if we were murderers?”

“Ha!” Lily grins smugly at Remus. “That’s what I said!”

“I know,” Remus says, as if she is missing something obvious. “See? Perfect match.”

“Have you never seen John Mulaney’s secondary location bit?” James asks. “Why would you come here?”

Lily is quiet for a moment. Then, “Oh.”

Remus looks all too smug when he spots the realization on her face. So maybe he isn’t entirely crazy after all.

“She came because your name is James,” Remus offers helpfully.

James wrinkles his nose at Lily. “What is that, like a fetish?”

Lily glowers at Remus. She’s been doing a lot of glowering tonight. “Ew, don’t be weird. How did you get here so fast anyways? He texted you like ten minutes ago.”

“My café is ten minutes from here.”

Lily’s interest is immediately piqued. “You have a café?”

“Yeah, just this little place nearby. I was working when Remus texted me and made it seem like he was dying or something.”

“It’s a boardgame café,” Remus supplies. “Very charming place, wildly successful.”

“A boardgame café?” Lily’s curiosity is stirred once again, and she doesn’t think she’s imagining that James looks pleased by her interest.

“Yeah, you basically have coffee and food, and play boardgames with your friends. We have over four-hundred games in our library right now!” He seems very proud of this statistic, and it makes Lily smile. “And a killer selection of wine and beer in the evenings. This sounds like an advertisement but I’m just really excited about it still, we only opened last year.”

“He says we, but he really did everything himself,” Remus tells Lily. “Also, it’s been more than five minutes and you guys seem to be hitting it off so I’m going home. I’ll accept any chocolate gift basket as thanks.”

Lily wants to say something snide, but… well, he’s right. “Thanks for dinner and for leaving me to get assaulted.”

“Thanks for tricking me like the liar you are,” James adds.

“Call me if anything goes wrong, I’ll come back and take you home,” Remus offers, ignoring them both. He glances at Lily, raising an eyebrow in question – checking that she’s okay with this before he goes. Lily nods in confirmation. And then Remus just salutes them both on his way out.

“This is a really weird night,” Lily sighs, watching Remus until he’s out the door before she turns back to James. “I was really just going to stay five minutes, because he kept insisting.”

James offers her a sympathetic smile. “I bet. I’m sorry. I can just get you a taxi if you want to go home?”

He’s so sweet. So thoughtful. He’d accosted a man for harassing her, taken being thrust into an unexpected blind date in his stride, looked fit as hell while doing it, and now he’s considerate of her feelings about it all and offering her an easy out too?

“No, I mean… I’m already here, right?” And you’re singlehandedly restoring my faith in London men. “We can… I mean, if you want to. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you didn’t know what you were coming here for.”

“Don’t even worry about it, that’s on Remus. This is the most ridiculous thing he’s ever done, he’s usually normal, I swear.” James smiles at her, tilts his head just slightly. “Though he might’ve been onto something.”

Lily grins. “Maybe. So, tell me about your café.” As she says it, she cringes away from a man leaning across the bar to order a drink on her other side.

 “Do you want to go somewhere else?” James asks.

“Yes, please.” She tilts her head, giving him a hopeful smile. “Can I see your café? You said it’s close, right?”

James grins and hops off his stool. He offers Lily his hand, and she takes it as she hops up too. “Sure. I love any opportunity to show off for pretty girls.”

Lily laughs as they head outside, but she feels a flush in her cheeks. “Thanks. You’re cheesy.”

“I’m being serious though like… weird as this whole thing is, I can’t say I’m too upset with Remus right now. I’m dead relieved you didn’t hit it off, actually, because I was thinking about how you might be the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen and what a bummer it is that you were out with my mate.”

There’s a swell of pleasure bubbling up in Lily’s chest. She laughs again, a more jittery sound. God, look at her, blushing like a schoolgirl.

“Laying it on thick, but that’s okay, I’m vain and I love it.”

James grins at her. “I thought so. I’m just trying to distract you from the fact that I’m about to take you to a tertiary location.”

“I’m pretty excited about meeting my potential soulmate, so if you murder me now, just know I’m gonna be really bummed about it.”

James clicks his tongue. “Well there go my plans for the evening.”

“So sorry. Also, you’re definitely the most attractive person I’ve seen this week.”

James huffs indignantly. “This week?”

“I saw Henry Cavill last week while I was out to lunch.”

“What? Like, Superman?”

“Yeah. He was sitting a few tables down wearing possibly the ugliest shirt I’ve ever seen, and yet he pulled it off.”

“Okay, I mean, that’s just unfair. I can’t compete with Superman.”

“Few men can, don’t feel bad.”

“Alright, so not including famous superheroes?”

Lily pretends to think about it. “This year, at least,” she finally offers.

James chuckles. “I’ll take it.”

Fifteen minutes and much bickering about the true sex appeal of Batman versus Superman (obviously Batman, according to James. He has so much mystery about him, and fuck Henry Cavill by the way), James slows to a stop. “Here we are.”

Though it’s probably irresponsible, Lily had been so caught up in James as they walked, she’d hardly paid attention to where they were headed. So she’s stunned when she finally sees the place. Lily stares up at the building before her in wonder, eyes wide like a child’s.

“Holy shit, James.”

The café is designed to look like a tree house, something Lily might’ve drawn as a child. It has a sloped roof and a rustic, wooden exterior. The building itself is raised up off the ground and supported by pillars that look like tree trunks. A sign above the door reads Marauder’s Clubhouse.

Lily follows James up the winding steps to a gorgeous patio bustling with customers, decorated with a scattering of plants and fairy lights, and then inside.

One might think an exterior that beautiful would render anything that follows disappointing in comparison, but the place is even more stunning once they’re inside. It’s all whimsy charm, and Lily loves it instantly. James doesn’t say anything while Lily walks around the place, taking it all in, though he looks thrilled as he takes in her reactions.

In the middle of the room is a circular bar, at the centre of which stands a massive, cylindrical shelf unit that looks as though it’s a tree trunk is breaking through the floor, rising all the way up to the ceiling. One side serves the coffee and food, the other side serves wine and beer, and several employees are busy at work behind it.

One wall is lined with floor to ceiling shelves full of games – every boardgame or card game Lily has ever heard of and hundreds more. The walls are covered in art and puns and bad jokes (What party game do fish like to play? Salmon says!”) that James tells her he and his friends and the customers write on there.

“This is amazing, James,” Lily breathes. “More than amazing. It’s like something out of a book.”

James grins with pride, looking thoroughly satisfied.  “Thank you! Getting all the permits for a building like this in this part of the city was a fucking nightmare, but it was worth it.”

“You really did this all yourself?”

James nods solemnly. “Yeah, just me and my trust fund, alone in the world, surviving against odds that have always been in my favour.”

Lily snickers. “Come on, I’m sure not everyone with a trust fund can make something like this. You have vision.”

“So be honest, does it look cartoony at all? That was my worry when I drew it up.”

“No, it’s very artistic and tasteful and charming, not cartoony at all. You designed this?”

“I mean, no, I’m not qualified for that. I had the concept and then I hired an architect who found me extremely annoying to do the math. Also a fucking nightmare, by the way.”

“Well it paid off, this is incredible. Why Marauders’ Clubhouse?”

“My friends and I thought we were so clever calling ourselves the marauders in school. Like we really thought it was cool to have a name for our group, as if we were a heroic group of soldiers in a war film or something.”

Lily laughs. “So you’re cheesy, a sentimental sap, and a dork?”

“Precisely. Hence the name. A place where my friends and I can wind down after a long day, a place where you and your friends can wind down after yours. Like hiding out in your secret clubhouse after school, pretending your life is much cooler than it is until your mum slides sandwiches under the bedsheet walls.”

Lily grins at James, already so very fond of this man she’s known for a half hour. “It’s brilliant.”

You are brilliant, she wants to say.

x.x.x.x.x

Once she’s taken her time trying to take in every bit of the café that she can (“You have a terrible sense of humour,” she’d told James after reading every joke on the walls that she could get to without disturbing his customers. He’d pointed out that she must too, because she’d laughed quite a lot, and well… yeah), James lets Lily pick out a bottle of wine and a box full of pastries, and then they head back outside. James is off the clock and doesn’t want to hover around, so they take a seat at the only empty table on the patio. The street below is bustling still, but up here, surrounded by soft string lights and the laughter of groups of friends enjoying a relaxing evening, it feels like a different world. She understands why the place is such a success.

 “So, what do you do?” James asks while Lily chews on a strawberry tart.

“I work in publishing.”

“Cool, are you an editor or…?”

“That was the original plan, but I’m in marketing actually.”

“Editing to marketing, how did that happen?”

Lily takes a sip of her wine. “I was working at this academic publisher in Cambridge – which was mind-numbingly boring by the way, but it was my only option at the time – and I somehow got roped into a project to create a marketing campaign for some of their digital products. It was a pretty small publisher. Anyways, my campaign turned out be a colossal success. I discovered that I had a knack for that sort of thing, so I kept doing it. Then a few months ago this position opened up at a major publishing house here in London, head of campaigns for their children’s division and I went for it on a whim. I really didn’t expect to get it but…” Lily shrugs, unable to control the massive grin that breaks out on her face. Sometimes she still can’t believe it.

James returns her grin. “That’s amazing! I knew as soon as I saw you that you were brilliant.”

Lily snorts. “Oh? How’s that?”

“Saw you almost turn around to dump your drink on that prick back at the bar.”

“I was gonna smash the glass in his face, actually.”

“See? Brilliant. Also saw you ogling me immediately and thought great, she has good taste.”

Lily snorts again. “Wow.”

James swirls his wine in his glass and takes a drink. “So I’m guessing you like the new job?”

“I love it. I get to head my own team, it’s my vision that’s being put out. And it’s literally creating campaigns to get children to read books, and it’s an amazing publisher and it’s here, in London, where I’ve always wanted to live. Plus there’s so many opportunities to move up. It’s perfect. I feel like I need to pinch myself sometimes.”

James smiles at her, surprisingly tender. “Sounds perfect, I’m glad for you.”

Lily smiles again. She’s doing a lot of smiling. “Did you always want to open up the café?”

“No, it was actually completely random. The idea for the place just came into my head and I thought,” he shrugs casually, “why not? And it seems to be working out so far.”

Truly. The place is bustling with people, every table occupied by a group playing games. The sign at the front tells her they pay to play by the hour, and have to order at least one item off the extensive menu.

“What were you doing before this?”

James glances at Lily over his glass, a little smile on his lips. “Marketing and PR.”

Lily chuckles. “Of course. Where?”

“Sleekeazy.”

“Damn, that’s a massive company. You didn’t like it?”

James shrugs. “It was alright, the work was kind of fun. But I was kind of just there and I wanted something else. Like I wanted to do something that was mine, you know?”

“Sure, yeah.”

“And I mean… I really just sort of ended up there because it’s my dad’s company, so – ”

“Your dad owns Sleekeazy?” Lily interrupts, stunned. “That’s like a multi-billion-pound corporation.”

James runs a hand through his hair uncomfortably. “Started in my family’s living room. Years before I was born, obviously.”

“Hence the trust fund?”

“Yeah. Thought I’d use it to live out this little fantasy of mine before I’m expected to take up a position there.”

“And that’s a given?”

James nods once and takes another sip of his wine. “I think so.”

“You don’t look too excited about it.”

“No, I mean… I realize how privileged I am, to have my future securely lined up like this. And you know, the life I get to live because of Sleekeazy. I’m extremely lucky, anyone else would kill for a position there that I only have to ask for. But it’s not the same to want something as it is to just be given it, you know?” James breaks off with a laugh. “God, I must sound like such a brat right now.”

Lily shakes her head. “No, that’s fair, everyone wants a chance to choose their path.”

“Yeah. My dad’s not pushy about it at all. But it is his entire life’s work, and I know it’d mean a lot to him if it stayed in the family and he could count on me to take care of it. So I will, eventually. But right now, I’m still young and I kind of just want a chance to see what I can do on my own.”

“I think you’ve done a stellar job of it so far.”

“Ah, but you’ve only just met me.”

“Aren’t you worried that I’m going to like, use you for your money now that I know you’re going to inherit an international haircare and cosmetics giant? Trick you into a sham of a marriage and then ask for half your worth in the subsequent divorce?”

James snorts. “I’m not now, no one who uses me for money confesses it outright.”

“Unless it’s all a part of my plan?”

“Not a super solid idea to tell me all about it then, was it?”

“Touché.”

“I used to be super weird about admitting the whole Sleekeazy thing, but I’m over it now. I know what insincerity looks like, I don’t have to hide a massive part of my life to sniff it out.”

“Good. I’m not after you for your money, by the way. Just the café.”

James’ lips twitch. “Also my name, apparently?”

Lily groans. “I’m not drunk enough to tell you about the story I wrote when I was thirteen. And you look nothing like my James, anyways. Bet you don’t even have a six pack.”

James grins, leaning forward with barely contained mirth in his eyes. “Looks like you are drunk enough, after all. Tell me about your James.”

“No. It’s a secret.”

“Was he blonde? Did he have blue eyes?”

Lily narrows her eyes at him. “I thought you said you couldn’t read minds?”

James barks out a surprised laugh. “Oh, you are such a cliché.”

“I was a preteen, and I was probably horny, okay? Stop judging me.”

“Was he a tortured artist?” At Lily’s stunned gaze, James bursts out laughing again. “You couldn’t have been more basic if you tried.”

“I bet you can’t ride a horse like my James.”

“I can ride a horse. And I do have a six-pack.”

“Liar. Show me.”

James raises his eyebrows. “The horse riding or the six-pack?”

“Is it bad if I want you to take off your shirt?”

“Not if I want to too. Except I can’t in the café, on account of social impropriety and not wanting to send that type of message to my customers and etcetera.”

“Okay, so man up and take me home already.”

James blinks at her. “I uh… um.”

Lily leans forward now that she firmly holds the upper hand. What a fool James is, to think he had her. “What, nothing cheesy left to say? Or am I not the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen?”

“Yes but… um. You want to… go home with me?”

“If that’s alright with you. I don’t think I could have been much more obvious unless I took my shirt off in here.”

James swallows hard.

“You’re blushing,” Lily notes, her lips twitching into a smile.

James sits up then. He shakes his head. “No.”

Lily straightens up too, her smile slipping. Had she misread everything? “No?”

“I don’t want a one-night stand with you, Lily. I like you.”

“Oh.” Oh.

“Yeah.” James’ cheeks are really red now. He tugs at his hair nervously. “I want to go on a proper date that I wasn’t fooled into by my friend, and then probably another date, because I actually really like you. Which might sound insane, because I only just met you, but it’s the truth. So I’m not gonna take you home and fuck you and then never hear from you again. If, you know. If that’s all you want… then sorry, but no.”

“I don’t want that, you idiot. Haven’t I made that clear?”

“I’m confused? You just said – ”

“I said I want you to take me home, yes. I want you to take me home and fuck me well. And then I want you to take me out to breakfast in the morning. And then we’ll go pick out a gift basket for your lovely friend Remus because I hate to admit it but he was so fucking right, I’ve known you for two hours and I want you to take me out and bring me home and fuck me well every night.”

She sounds insane. She hears it as she says it. She’s a fucking lunatic, asking someone she just met to – what did she just say? Fuck me well every day? What is she doing?

James just stares at her, very stunned, for a good long while. But Lily’s already said what she said and there’s no going back now, so she just waits.

“Uh… yeah,” he finally stutters out. “Yeah. Cool cool cool cool cool cool. I’m cool with that. Sounds cool.”

Good thing James is fucking crazy too.

Lily’s lips twitch again. “Yeah? Are you cool with that?”

“Yeah. I’m cool with that. Ice cold, really. Ice ice, baby.”

Lily bursts out laughing. “Okay, Vanilla Ice. Kiss me before I change my mind.”

James does. He cups Lily’s cheek and kisses her thoroughly. It’s a heady, wine drunk kiss, his lips moving deftly against hers. He’d frozen like a deer in headlights at her stunningly honest tirade, but he’s quite confident now as he coaxes her mouth open with an eager tongue, and she’s all too willing to comply.

It’s a kiss that lasts them through the cab ride home – James tips the driver generously to make up for it – and into his bedroom.

And then he does the rest too, having taken Lily’s instructions in the café quite to heart. Does a good job of it, too. A very good job. The best job anyone has ever done, if she’s being honest. And more than once.

x.x.x.x.x

When Lily wakes up in the morning, thoroughly ravaged and extremely satisfied and all too comfortable in the arms of a man she met last night, James gives her a sleepy smile.

“Hey there,” he says, his lovely voice thick with sleep and his hair looking like he just stepped out of a tornado after what she put it through last night.

“Hi,” she mumbles against his lips, because he’s already leaned in to kiss her.

“What do you want for breakfast?”

“Don’t care, long as I can stay in bed.”

“Mhm.” James sighs against her neck, burying his face in the crook of her shoulder. He presses a kiss into the bare skin there. “Excellent plan.”

Lily sighs contentedly. But the quiet morning calm only lasts so long, before the insanity of her actions last night catch up to her.

“James,” she starts, heart stuttering nervously. “Um, before we decide on breakfast, can we talk?”

James pulls his lips away and sits up, looking down at Lily. “What’s up?”

“Okay, so like… last night was really fun. Obviously. But now that I’m fully sober and at least thirty-seven percent less horny, I realize we both sounded kind of insane. It… um, it was a lot, you know?”

James purses his lips, soft expression turning weary. “I’m going to let you explain yourself a little more because I don’t think you’re an asshole. But if you’re about to tell me you’ve changed your mind after we had sex, when I specifically told you I wasn’t interested in a one night stand… I’m gonna be kind of upset, Lily.”

“No, no, no. I haven’t changed my mind! I like you. I want to see you again. But I… like, are you sure? I know it was kind of exciting to hit it off so easily and Remus had us going with the whole soulmates thing, but it wasn’t too much for you? Too dramatic? You still like me too, right? You haven’t changed your mind after a good night’s sleep and with some morning clarity?”

James’ eyes instantly soften again. “Ah, Lily. You know I didn’t get a good night’s sleep, you were there.”

Lily laughs. “Come on, I’m being serious. I’m scared we set our expectations too high and put all this pressure on ourselves. I… I won’t be angry if you’ve changed your mind. I won’t lie, I’ll be bummed out. The sex was so good.” She pouts, and James’ lips twitch. “But I get it.”

“Lily, I asked what you want to do for breakfast. I said I’d be upset if you changed your mind. But if you need me to be clearer, I do like you. I liked you last night, I like you now, I want to take you out to breakfast and to pick out a gift basket for Remus, and then I want to take you out on a proper date on Friday. Okay?”

“Okay,” Lily agrees quietly, lips quirking up into a smile.

“And there’s no pressure, no expectations. Forget all of that. I have a good feeling about this. But we’ll just keep getting to know each other and see where it goes, hm?”

Lily sighs in relief, pulling James back down to the pillows and pressing a kiss to his lips. “You’re so mature and only the right amount of insane. I’m going to start crying right now if you don’t fuck me again.”

James clicks his tongue. “You shameless fiend. You’re insatiable.”

“Mhm,” Lily mumbles, pulling James down for another kiss. “And I can feel you getting hard already, so I don’t even feel embarrassed about it.”

James nips playfully at her lip and laughs. “We’re gonna have so much fun together.”

“Where are we doing breakfast today, love?” James asks, reaching around Lily to grab his cologne off the little decorative tray on the dresser.

“Okay, check this out.” Lily caps her lipstick and picks up her phone, and James smiles at how giddy she sounds. He leans over to look when she turns the screen towards him, and laughs loudly.

“Vincent Van Doughnut. Brilliant. Best one so far,” he praises. Lily beams, and he kisses her nose.

Lily picks a necklace off the dresser, and James instantly sweeps her hair onto one shoulder. He reaches around to take the necklace and clasp it around her slender neck, leaning in to press a kiss along her jaw. When he’s done, Lily turns around into his arms, fixes a strand of his hair, and stands up on her toes to kiss him. They’re a well oiled machine at this point.

The first time they set out to have breakfast together, it was at a place called Egg’cellent. The sex before they’d bothered to get out of bed hadn’t stopped them from messing around in the shower after too, and by the time they’d finally felt satiated and gotten themselves presentable enough to leave James’ apartment, it was nearly lunch time. But he’d promised breakfast, so that’s what they did. Lily found the place on google, and they went purely for the pun. The food was over priced and mediocre, but the company more than made up for it.

Lily’s hand slipped into his so naturally when they left the little café in Soho, and it fit just right in his palm when they walked the streets together, laughing loudly and kissing like eager teenagers. They strolled around until they came across a chocolate shop, and Lily decided it would be hilarious if they actually sent Remus a gift basket, so they did. Then James had gotten her an Uber and sent her on her way home with a kiss and a promise to call her later and take her out on Friday.

Remus was delighted at the gift basket. Marlene was hysterical about the entire situation. And James did call her.

The date on Friday was even better than the impromptu meeting Remus had forced – no nerves except the good kind, no anxiety because they already knew they fit and had spent the whole week texting memes back and forth. Lily had greeted James at her door with a kiss that brought a smile to his lips, and it stayed all night.

By their first anniversary, James knew Lily well. They had been living together for a few months already, after all. He knew she was a sucker for traditions and nostalgia and gestures, so he’d planned out their day accordingly. Sleepy, lazy sex on Sunday mornings was a given, and it was nearly lunch when they left the apartment. Then he’d taken her to breakfast at Baguette About It, and Lily had been so thrilled, James knew right away that they’d have to do this every year for the rest of their lives – and he was quite sure it would be the rest of their lives. They’d mellowed out significantly by then, but the spark was ever present, and just as electric as the first day. They stopped at a chocolate shop to pick out Remus’ gift basket, except that time they delivered it in person, because he’d become one of Lily’s best friends too.

“Do you want to hear a Van Gogh joke?” James asks now, watching Lily pick a doughnut from the assortment they’d ordered.

“Okay,” Lily sighs, looking up at him wearily. Three years now and James is still not out of bad jokes, and though she pretends, Lily is still not tired of them. “But I’m only half listening.”

“I – oh my God.” James stares at her until Lily’s lips start twitching, and then he bursts out laughing. “You’re almost as bad as me!”

“No. You’re… sev-ear-ly mistaken.”

“I hate you.”

“Real dumb of you to give me a ring and ask me to marry you then, wasn’t it? And after I told you I was after your café the night we met, too. Fool.”

“You put up with me for three years just for that?”

“I just feel like it would be unreasonable to ask for the apartment too.”

James snickers. “Good to know the divorce will be amicable even before we’re married.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, I’ll end your life for the cat.”

“The cat,” James scoffs. “My son has a name, you know.” His name is Leo (after the Ninja turtle). They adopted him two years ago. Before he can say more in their mean but adorable baby’s honour, James’ phone vibrates on the table and he glances at it briefly to check what it is.

James grins and picks it up, swiping to open the text. He laughs when he sees it, and holds out his phone to show Lily.

It’s a selfie from Remus – he’s holding the gift basket they’d ordered to his house. The caption is mostly just a whole lot of emoji hearts, flowers and prayer hands, but the text reads “happy third anniversary to us! you’re welcome.”