Work Text:
Bingo Square Fill: Holding Hands - he cared for me
Sweat dripped from his brow as Sam continued to kick and punch. The man opposite was strong but no match for his shield or Redwing. He groaned as he pushed the shield against the man’s axe. The sound of metal clanging and meeting drummed through his ears.
The man pressed a firm kick to Sam’s chest and he was knocked to the ground. “Motherf–”
***
“–Four dollars for a can of sardines?!” Bucky gasped, looking at the price. He turned around to see a few people staring at him oddly. He toned down his voice. He was running some errands whilst Sam was on a mission.
They were roommates. Friends.
He protested that he could come with Sam but Sam urged him not to, so here he is. Stuck in Delacroix buying food and feeling like a domestic housewife. It’s not like he didn’t mind the domestic household he and Sam have been creating for themselves these past few months, in fact he loved it.
Slowly, he ticked off the ingredients on the list and fumbled around in his pockets for his wallet. His eyes darted around the store, so far no one has come up to him and recognised him.
He carried the shopping to Sam’s truck(technically it was their truck, since they both have keys to it) and started driving.
Joaquin Torres was calling him. He held back the urge to groan, it wasn’t like he didn’t mind the kid. He was just so bright-eyed around Sam, he thought he could have exploded when Sam finally said: ‘I’m going to teach you to become the next Falcon.’
He put it on speaker mode.
“Hello?” He tried to sound as polite as possible.
“Oh, Sergeant Barnes,” he replied - Bucky could hear the smile in his voice “this is just an update on Sam. He’s slightly injured but he’s doing fine.”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yes.” the young man pressed on, “I shall update you when possible.”
He hung up. Bucky sat there, wondering when Sam would come home.
***
It was midnight when Sam came through their little house in Delacroix. His suit was slightly torn with Redwing lagging behind. Bucky was up all night, waiting for him.
He stood from the living room and walked over to Sam. He was bandaged on his leg and arm. “Jesus,” Bucky said “you okay?”
“Fine,” Sam groaned “you don’t need to–”
Bucky didn’t let him continue, he just walked over to Sam and carried him bridal style. Redwing beeped in protest. The droid stayed downstairs.
Sam didn’t even speak, he was too tired. His partner carried him up the stairs and into the bathroom.
“I'll get you clean clothes and run a bath,” Bucky told him softly.
Sam only nodded. He knew Bucky was protective but since when was he this protective? A few moments later, Bucky came back with lotion, towels and warm soap. He carefully started unpeeling the blood and sweat covered uniform off Sam and tried to ignore the way his heart was racing in his chest.
“I should have come with you,” Bucky said as his arm brushed against Sam’s. He turned on the warm water as the bath started running.
Sam only looked up at him, he sat on the floor, completely tired.
“You don’t need to,” Sam mumbled “I don’t want to bother you.”
Bucky’s face tensed. “You don’t bother me Sam, not in the slightest.” he said earnestly. He grabbed Sam’s hands and helped him to his feet.
His clothes were discarded on the floor. The goggles and padding were off too. Sam was completely naked.
The bandages were off and there were nasty scars across his torso.
Sam’s hands were soft and gentle – God, focus, Bucky.
He helped him into the tub as Sam sighed with relief. “You gotta take more care of yourself,” Bucky said, not noticing that their hands were still linked.
Sam stared at the intimacy they were having, the way Bucky’s eyes were soft. The way he – wait.
“Did you stay up the whole night to wait for me?” Sam asked.
Bucky stared at him for a moment.
“Yes,” he admitted. I’ll stay up for as long as I need if it means I can see you standing, breathing…
His friend paused and let go of Bucky’s hand.
“Thank you,” Sam finally said, breaking the silence.
“You’re welcome,” Barnes says so softly he almost missed it. His flesh hand brushed against Sam’s arm. He noticed that Bucky’s eyes flickered back to the tub and him every now and then. He swallowed and let himself relax in the water. It was a calming, intimate sensation.
“You didn’t need to do this,” Sam spoke up.
“I know,” he smiled “but I wanted to do it.”
Sam took a deep breath “you want to take care of me?”
He swallowed. “Yes.”
***
Sam was warm, cozy and relaxed. He had new fresh pants on as Bucky continued to be a mother hen. He groaned as Bucky changed his bandages. They were sitting on Sam’s bed.
“It’s 1.00am, you should sleep–” Sam mumbled. He winced at the small tug. His skin was so sensitive and tender, sore and aching.
“Not until I know you’re okay.”
The lighting was dim, there was a softness in Bucky’s voice that he never heard before.
Surprisingly, James has never been so gentle towards Sam. His touch brought a sense of clarity to his mind that he did not yet understand.
“Who did your original bandages?” Bucky asked, nodding to the blood-covered ones in the bin. He lightly tugged on the new ones which were around Sam’s chest. Sam winced again. He gave him an apologetic look.
“Joaquin,” Sam replied. Bucky couldn’t help but tense at his words. He couldn’t help but frown at Torres’ name.
I wouldn’t trust anyone else to help Sam. Only I can do that – wait, am I jealous? Do I want to touch Sam? No, we’re doing it right now–
“You okay?” Sam asked softly. Sam’s voice was so soft and angelic, it made Bucky’s breath hitch and his heart skip a beat. “You zoned out there for a second.”
“I’m fine,” he replied finally “are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Sam replied. Bucky’s fingers lingered over his bandage and skin. He suppressed a shiver.
He turned to meet his face. His eyes were gentle and his lips were pink and full. Wait - since when did he start thinking that?
“So, how was shopping?” Sam asked, trying to lighten the mood.
Bucky gave him a small smile “shit’s too expensive these days.”
Sam scoffed and laughed. God, Sam’s smile was so pure. “So, you used to boil everything?”
“Food is so much better,” he agreed, “but why was sardines on the list?”
“To cook with herbs,” Sam smiled.
He paused and gave Sam a pile of warm clothes “well - goodnight.” He stood up and met Sam’s eyes. He clenched his jaw and froze.
Sam smiled, “Goodnight, and thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
He closed the door, daring not to think of the way Sam smiled at him and how soft his hands were.
***
The next night was horrible. Sam woke up, sweating, crying. He tried to control his breathing but the nightmare was getting to him. Bucky burst through the door and stood there.
“Sam?” he asked awkwardly. “Sam…”
He approached the bed and sat next to Sam. He looked at him “Sam, can you hear me? Breathe for me, okay…”
Sam inhaled softly and his hands found Bucky’s hands. They held each other. Sam breathed slowly. He felt Bucky’s heartbeat. His skin. His cold, metal hand intertwined with his. Everything felt so intimate, it was almost heartbreaking.
James gently caressed his thumb over Sam’s shaking hands and shuffled closer. “You okay?”
Sam nodded. “Yes, thank you.” he wiped the tears from his eyes and felt Bucky stroking his hand softly with his thumb. His heartbeat quickened and his body felt warm all over. He simply could be imagining things but he swore Bucky’s eyes flickered to his lips for a second.
“I’m here.” he reassured.
“I know,” he grinned and Bucky’s stomach fluttered.
He grabbed his hands tightly. There was a strange feeling in the back of Bucky’s mind that puzzled him. He stared at Sam for a while and had the urge to plant his lips across his face, to hold him close to his chest and breathe in his scent.
Why did he think so? He hasn’t felt this way since… Since when? Since when has he loved, yearned and longed for someone like this? It was a lifetime ago. Maybe Sam could help him start a new path. Sam shifted in his bed and stared at their joined hands again.
“You can hold my hand whenever you want to,” Sam spoke softly.
Bucky blushed. “Okay.”
Because after all, friends have each other’s backs - right?
***
Bucky couldn't sleep that night and it wasn’t because of the nightmares. Bucky hasn’t felt that sort of attraction to anyone since the 1940s…
God, he’s so old.
Sam made him feel alive and he loved the thrill of it. The thrill of chasing, reaching out his hand and desperately trying to find the right time to say ‘I love you’.
1945, Brooklyn
It was cloudy but the music was definitely a sign that the party would continue. Bucky had a firm arm around Gloria’s waist as Steve struggled to talk to the other women on the dance floor.
Gloria was giving him those soft smiles as her dark brown eyes roamed over his body.
“You look great, Sergeant Barnes,” she grinned as he twirled her. There was something special about her. The way she fondly smiled and held him close.
“You look even better,” he grinned. He was used to being a ladies man, sweeping women off their feet. He wondered what it was like to be with a man. Would it be the same as being with a woman, or more?
Present Day
So Bucky has a problem - and it involves Sam. Dammit. The sunlight poured through the windows. He walked downstairs to find Sam sitting in the lounge.
“No morning run?” he asked with a smile.
Bucky’s voice caught Sam by surprise. The morning voice tone, the softness, the drowsiness because Barnes is not cute. Sam shrugged.
“I’m injured so…”
“Oh, right. Of course. I apolo–”
“You don’t need to be sorry,” Sam chuckled. His partner threw him an awkward smile before making breakfast. He leaned against the pillows “so, any plans for today?”
“Mhm,” he hummed thoughtfully, “not much. Maybe shop a bit for more clothes. Do you - I mean,” he stammered. When did he get so flustered around Sam? Jesus. “Do we want to do anything?”
Sam grinned and turned off the TV “sure,” he grinned “but uh also...Thank you for last night.”
“No need to thank me,” he smiled as he spread butter on a piece of warm toast.
“Next time, I can be a mother hen,” he teased.
He scoffed. “Yeah, I don’t think so.”
The whole day the two spent playing board games, watching movies, doing laundry...But Sam didn’t miss the way Bucky’s eyes adored him. It’s like everytime Bucky looked at him; he was melting and Sam couldn’t take it. A single piercing stare made him feel funny on the inside.
What was even stranger was the two found each other’s hands so naturally. Sam’s hands were soft, gentle. It was almost embarrassing how Bucky missed the contact after Sam let go to change the channel on the TV or to fiddle with an item in his hand.
Sam stared at their joined hands for a while as they sat on the couch. Was he like this? Did he want this? Why were they even holding hands in the first place? Bucky hasn’t given him confirmation if he was…
“Wait,” Sam pulled away his hand and switched off the TV “we should talk about this.”
“About what?” he asked softly. His hands felt so, so empty.
“Us. Us holding hands.”
“Oh,” Bucky blushed, “do you…” and Sam said “I’m not–” at the same time.
Sam inhaled softly and shuffled closer. “I’m not...I’m not like that.”
Bucky stammered. “What are you implying?”
“I…” Sam swallowed “I don’t want to continue - holding hands with you.”
Barnes scoffed, trying not to roll his eyes. “Seriously?”
“I – It’s not that I don’t like it–”
“You love it.” Bucky corrected firmly. “You know that something is between us.”
This isn’t platonic anymore, Sam shifted in his seat. He stood up “there’s just friendship.” he stated with a shaky voice “that’s all, Bucky.”
The super-soldier swallowed “no, Sam, we’ve been doing this back and forth–”
“Don’t.” Sam said sternly “I – I’m not...like that.”
He sighed. “Okay, I’ll respect your boundaries.”
He watched Sam walk away.
***
Bucky called Shuri for advice. He struggled to find the right words to tell Shuri.
“I think I like Sam.” he managed to get out whilst trying to hide a firm blush.
Shuri smiled, “So what do you want me to do about it?”
He swallowed. “I - I don’t know what to do…”
“Show him that you care.” she explained “show him that he means something to you.”
He nodded and smiled. “Thank you, so what have you been up to?”
Shuri went on about her favourite films, a new design of suits. Bucky really enjoyed his conversations with the genius teenager. She was so full of life. Her smile was bright and warm.
***
It was Saturday when Sam spoke of another cookout over dinner. “You’re invited,” he smiled. He resisted every urge to hold his hand because, why would Barnes want him?
“Great,” Bucky smiled, “but we have that mission to go to.” he poked the pasta with his fork.
“It’s AJ’s birthday in two weeks, we can make it in time.” he reassured.
“Alright,” he smiled and Sam reciprocated it.
***
Bucky was still fiddling with his cap because God knows why Barnes has a thing for caps and henley shirts.
“Will you stop?” Sam finally cut in and placed a firm hand on Bucky’s shoulder “we’re undercover. Stop fiddling.”
Bucky huffed, unsatisfied with the colour of the cap “I don’t think bright yellow means blending in.”
“We’re meant to find our target. Get out. Go home.” Sam reminded him as he fixed his golden pair of sunglasses. The two stepped on the escalator to get to the second floor of the mall.
“I see him,” Bucky whispered as they saw the figure move up to the second floor.
Sam nodded and they walked onto the second floor. There’s a huge swarm of people and their target was weaving in and out of the crowd like it's nothing. Then, they ride another escalator and it's crowded. Their target is looking out for them, knowing he’s being hunted.
“Kiss me.” Bucky blurted to Sam quietly, catching him off guard.
“What?” Sam asked, confused. He felt his whole body flush. He felt Bucky’s hand grab his as he pulled him closer.
“Public displays of affection make people highly uncomfortable. He wouldn’t suspect a couple so madly in love to be hunting him,” he tried to reason.
“Fine,” Sam grumbled and stepped forward and kissed him. Sam felt Bucky’s facial hair, he tasted his morning coffee. His hand was on his waist.
Oh.
Oh. Maybe it was the hand holding or how soft Bucky held and touched him but something nagged at Sam’s brain. This wasn’t platonic anymore. At least on his side.
Sam pulled away and the moment was gone in a second. Bucky so desperately wanted to chase his lips and kiss him again but their target was moving quickly through the crowd of people. They raced up the steps, flustered as they saw the target walk into a technology store.
“Uncomfortable now?” Bucky asked, trying to play it cool.
“Yeah, yeah, just focus.” Sam scoffed and they walked into the store. There were iPads, tablets, laptops and plasma screen TVs on display.
Bucky grabbed his hand softly and looked at him for confirmation of ‘is this okay?’.
Sam nodded. He overreacted the other day. He does want Bucky to hold his hand, so badly.
“Can I help you?” a store employee asked.
Bucky smiled fondly and adjusted his cap and stepped forward to an iPad, pretending to be interested. “Uh - my fiance and I are just looking for a - tablet for our nephew.” he quickly lied.
Thank God the store employee didn’t say anything.
Sam stared at Bucky for a moment and back to the employee, putting on an uncomfortable smile. Bucky nodded and began to practically drag Sam across the store. His eyes were pinned on the target.
It was a scary look.
The target was also pretending to be interested...But the man had a USB in his hands and was - downloading something. Sam and Bucky split up, trying to get a glimpse of what he was getting.
These are display laptops, what could he possibly be downloading...or importing?
“Excuse me,” Sam approached the man and put a firm hand on his shoulder.
The man froze. He was about to delete the files. On a display laptop. How stupid.
The man turned to him slowly. “I got a gun.” He replied and reached for it, but Bucky was faster. He leapt across the room, startling the shit out of Sam before pouncing on their target and punching him firmly across the face.
Sam pulled his partner by the collar of his shirt to prevent him from doing any more damage. The people in the store stared in shock. “You’re coming with us,” Barnes panted and pulled out the cuffs from his pocket.
“You brought cuffs?” Sam hissed under his breath.
“Yeah,” Bucky said as if it was obvious and handcuffed the target and tossed the USB to Sam “we gotta be prepared, right?”
***
Bucky leaned back on the passenger seat and listened to the music and Sam’s breathing. They handed the target over to Sharon. They were driving to a hotel, to rest, to gather strength.
“Sooo,” Sam began slowly as he tapped the edge of his steering wheel. “Was that your first kiss since 1945?”
He smiled smugly. The other man scoffed and smiled “yeah – but I’m glad it was with you.”
Bucky realised what he just said and Sam almost crashed the car. He choked.
He turned to him, “What?”
“I mean,” Bucky blushed, he rubbed the back of his neck “I’m glad I can trust you.”
Sam paused for a moment “yeah…” Did he just say that? What does he mean by that?
“After all, we’re - friends helping friends.”
Sam nodded. The car was filled with embarrassed energy for the entire car ride. Sam held back all the urge to kiss him again. Although his hand felt quite lonely.
***
The hotel was a relief for Sam. He planted himself firmly on the bed. He lied down and took a deep breath.
“You good?”
Bucky’s voice has no right to sound that damn comforting.
“Yeah,” Sam reassured him and shifted himself on the bed. “Hey Bucky?”
“Mhm?”
“You can...you can hold my hand. I just...I just haven’t had that kind of contact in a while.”
Bucky only nodded, hoping Sam didn’t see how pink his cheeks are. He lied back on his own twin bed and turned to Sam.
“So what are we getting AJ?”
Sam turned to look at him and sighed. “I dunno. That boy has a lot of books and action figures already,”
Bucky sat against one of the pillows and grinned “y’know him and I made a deal. We can chase you with a water gun.”
The other man scoffed and tried to hide his smile. “Yeah right.”
“It’s true.”
“I’m not letting you chase me with a water gun.”
“Mhm, alright then.” Bucky smiled and there was a moment of silence.
***
They awoke to gunfire raining down in their hotel room. Bucky jolted awake first and shook Sam lightly as they fell to the ground. Bucky unconsciously gripped Sam’s hand as they continued to stay low. Sam groaned.
“What a morning,” he sighed and he reached for his shield as Bucky pulled out his bag from under his twin bed and pulled out a shotgun. The two of them gathered what they could - then Sam’s phone rang.
“Was it with you not silencing your phone on missions?” Bucky hissed as he fired at the shooter through the window. He heard alarms going off in the hotel room.
Sam answered. He fucking answered whilst they’re pressed up against each other behind a twin bed. “Seriously!” Bucky cried and Sam covered them with the shield.
“Sarah,” Sam smiled and Bucky turned to him. In the middle of a shooting? “We’re good!” he tried to reassure her “we’re fine, Sarah. It’s just...a tight mission,” he grunted as they fell flat on their stomach to stray away from the raining bullets “of course Bucky’s coming to AJ’s party!”
Bucky tensed and he panted. He fired another bullet and the shooting stopped for a moment. He groaned. No one got hurt. Sam didn’t get hurt. Sam held the phone close to his chest.
Another round of bullets. Shit.
“You want to – talk to Bucky?” Sam asked, with wide eyes. His eyes drifted towards Bucky and he held out the phone, Bucky jumped away from it.
Bucky mouthed a panicked ‘no!’ towards him.
Sam fumbled with his phone and he put it on speaker whilst they made a run for it to the hallway. There were holes in the wall and the bed and carpet were torn.
“Is Bucky there?” Sarah asked, unaware of what was happening. More bullets.
“Mhm!” Bucky strangled out a reply “we’re just busy right now–”
“How are you?”
“Good,” he looked at Sam and mouthed at him ‘what the fuck were you thinking?!’
“I suppose you’re coming to the party!”
“Anything for my favourite Wilson sibling!” he laughed nervously as the two pressed their backs against the hallway. The bullets were coming through the walls. Shit, shit, shit. “We really got to go…”
“Understandable, see you later!”
The phone call ended and the two burst out at each other.
“I can’t believe you answered,” Bucky grumbled as the bullets stopped. He took a deep breath “and you made me talk to her as well!”
“She’s my sister! I have to answer her!”
“Surely a single missed call won’t kill her!” he cried.
“You’ve met my sister!” Sam snapped back - he took a deep breath “look, let’s just get outta here okay?”
Bucky nodded. “Okay. Sorry for shouting.”
Sam clapped him on the shoulder. “It’s okay,” he reassured. His hand once again felt empty without Sam’s.
***
Sam got hit in the face by a drunk man on the street twenty minutes afterwards. Bucky was frantic about it. He bought him an icepack and proceeded to be a mother hen again.
The two of them held hands as they found refuge in a stolen car and talked. They had a plastic bag full of snacks, water and another leather bag full of weapons and other things. Sam had the shield in the backseat.
“What a morning,” Sam chuckled and leaned back.
“Mhm,” Bucky agreed and signed “so glad we can kind of rest.”
“Who do you think was shooting us?”
“Dunno.” Sam smiled softly and he reached out for Bucky’s hand “but I’m glad I’m with you.”
***
Sam’s truck pulled up at Sarah’s place.
The two boys came running at him once Sam stepped out with a huge smile, sporting a bruise from the mission two weeks ago. “Uncle Sam!” They laughed and attacked him with a hug.
“Where’s Uncle Bucky?” AJ asked, looking around him.
Bucky came out of the truck “right here, birthday boy!” he picked AJ up with his arms and laughed
Sam’s heart fluttered at Bucky’s softness, his care and love for his nephews.
***
Bucky sat on the docks, he began scrolling through his camera roll to find videos of him and Sam when they first moved in together. The ocean water was calm. He couldn’t help but smile.
He clicked on one and let it play.
“Well, well!” Bucky laughed behind the camera as a very sleepy and groggy looking Sam's Stepped out in his pyjamas “cap in pyjamas, what a sight.”
Sam only flipped him off and he laughed too.
There was a whole collection of videos. He felt his heart beat faster as he saw the way Sam smiled in each of them.
“Bucky–” Sam protested as he was in a towel, damp from the shower with foamy toothpaste dribbling down his cheek “stop –” he smiled and laughed as Bucky playfully shoved the camera in his face.
“It’s important to document,” Bucky said, the camera was steady on Sam’s face.
“Not when it’s me in a towel.” he leaned forward and grabbed the camera and turned to Bucky and laughed “speak for yourself though, Buck. Those shorts are horrendous.”
“Excuse me,” he gasped, “these are Captain America premium shorts!”
Sam snorted.
Bucky stared for a moment, scrolling through the pictures he had of Sam. His cheeks hurt from smiling so much. He heard footsteps.
AJ sat down next to him and looked up. Bucky set down his bottle of beer.
“You’re staring at your phone weirdly,” he pointed out, adjusting his glasses - the young boy stared at Bucky’s screen and back to Bucky “Uncle Bucky, what are you doing with your eyes?”
He turned to the boy, confused. “What do you mean?”
“The thing with your eyes. Mum calls it the ‘love look’. It’s very similar to what my dad gave my mum when he was alive.”
His chest clenched. He sat there in silence, not knowing what to say.
He loved Sam.
“Are you in love with my Uncle?” he asked politely.
Bucky stammered “uh...not romantically.” he lied. There was a beat of silence.
AJ tugged his sleeve “c’mon, Cass and I want to finish off the water gun fight!”
Bucky stared at his phone and his heart almost jumped out of his chest. He was in love with Sam. Sam.
Two Days Later
Bucky was being sprayed by water guns. Cass and AJ chased him around the beach. He laughed and played with them as Sam and Sarah watched. The sand was warm against his skin. Cass and AJ chased him up to where Sam and Sarah were sitting.
They tackled him to the ground and Bucky cried out in laughter. The two boys sprayed him endlessly with water. Sam put his hands on his hips and walked towards them.
“Alright, stop torturing Uncle Bucky.”
“Not until you join us!”
Cass turned the water gun to meet Sam’s face and sprayed. Bucky stood up, bits of sand stuck to his back and he laughed. Sarah hid a giggle.
“Alright,” Sam smiled and wiped off the water “I’ll join you.”
“Get him!” Bucky cried and the three of them chased Sam across the beach. He raised Cass to his shoulders as AJ joined Sam's side. They fought each other with water guns.
Sam has never seen Bucky so joyful, so relaxed like this before. This look suited him.
Sam and Bucky were both soaked. Bucky gently removed Cass from his shoulders and set him down as he tackled Sam to the ground. Sam was fast to move and he pinned Bucky to the ground. Their hands were touching. Their hands were joined.
The super soldier panted and groaned. “Sam–”
“We’re clear! Get him!” Sam cried to the boys as they sprayed him with water.
Bucky got up, defeated. “Alright,” he sighed “I’m actually tired. You boys are strong fighters,” he high-fived Sam’s nephews as they ran over to Sarah and asked her to play in the water with them.
Sam stared at Bucky for a solid moment. The evening sun made his eyes strikingly clear. The ocean and his eyes were almost identical. Bucky began walking back to their small area and grabbed his towel and wiped off the sand and water.
Sarah watched from her seat and smiled.
“You have fun?” she asked as Cass and AJ began making another sand castle.
“Mhm,” he nodded and sighed as Sam stood out there, looking out to the water. He smiled at the water. Sarah stood up and walked up next to him. She had a large sun hat with yellow sunglasses.
“You know I’m glad you’re taking care of Sam,” she said.
“Yeah,” Bucky agreed, unsure of where this conversation was going.
“It’s important that we be there for him. We’re the two people that he loves the most.”
Bucky froze and clutched his towel. His whole body flushed, “what?” he choked out.
Sarah laughed, “what, you think Sam doesn’t love you?”
“Well,” he swallowed, blushing “I mean - we’re friends...I just –”
“He enjoys your company.” she reassured and walked over to where Sam was on the beach. Bucky stood there, feeling butterflies in his stomach. Sam loved him.
***
Bucky refused to tell Sam how he felt about him because what was the use of ruining a perfectly good friendship? He sat down on the porch and opened a bottle of beer. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.
“You good?” Sam’s voice asked.
He sat down with him, and as if - out of habit or out of desperation - they held hands and watched as the night sky stared them down. Bucky nodded.
“You know,” Sam said slowly, “I enjoy your company.”
“I know,” Bucky smiled - he paused and turned to him “I enjoy it too.”
***
It was when they were back in their home when Bucky found out Sam’s preferred type of flower. Sam walked ahead of him.
“I’ll be back,” Bucky called out to him.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Sam replied.
“Shopping!” Bucky didn’t even try to hide the stupid grin on his face.
He pulled out a few crinkled dollar bills to pay for the sunflowers and smiled at the cashier. He took the bouquet and ran up to Sam and handed it to him with a twinkle in his eye.
“What’s this for?”
“You mentioned you like sunflowers.”
Sam stared at the bouquet and looked back to Bucky. “D-Did you buy this just now?”
He nodded. “Yea,” he replied sheepishly. The two of them stood together like two awkward teenagers on a first date.
“Thank you,” Sam smiled and pulled him into a hug.
***
The next morning, Bucky saw Sam in all his morning glory. He had that sleep-ish look across his face and he yawned and stretched as he sat on the table. Bucky stared at him and smiled.
“You look beautiful,” he didn’t mean to say it out loud – but my god was Bucky’s words so sincere that Sam almost got knocked out of his chair.
“Thank you?” he replied awkwardly. He chewed on his cereal and tried to ignore the nagging impulse to lean over the table and kiss Barnes so hard.
“I’m going to New York,” Bucky explained out of nowhere.
“Why?” Sam had to admit, he was a little heartbroken “for how long?”
“A few days. Just for a while. Gotta...run some errands.”
“You know, whatever it is - you can talk to me about it.” Sam smiled.
There it was, the Classic Sam smile. The one where it made Bucky felt like 16 again on a summer vacation trying to hold his shit together around pretty ladies. His heart was pounding in his chest.
He’s going to New York because being around Sam was intoxicating, because why would Sam feel the same?
***
Sam stood by the docks and watched the water move gently against the early morning sun. He heard footsteps behind him and he felt Bucky’s hand linked between his. His breath hitched.
He gripped his hand tighter and turned to Bucky. His face was trembling. Tear-stricken.
“Why’d you go to New York?” Without me? Sam wanted to add.
“I’m terrified,” Bucky whispered to him. His voice was hoarse. “I - After I gave you those flowers...When I spend more time around you,” he took a deep breath and took both of Sam’s hands gently. “I fell deeply in love with you.”
Sam took a shaky breath and took Bucky’s hands and placed them on his face gently. He sunk into the touch and sighed. He brought him closer and gently stroked his thumb over Bucky’s hand and kissed it gently.
“You love me?” he whispered.
“Yeah,” Bucky smiled, “I love you, Sam.”
The way Bucky said his name made Sam melt under his touch. He moved closer and smiled. “Sam,” Bucky whispered and brought him closer. He kissed him gently and the sun peeked through the clouds as their hands linked.
“I love you, too,” Sam smiled and held him close to his chest and felt at peace.