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It’s officially getting weird at this point. Naruto understands locker room talk, hell, he’s had enough exposure from being around Jiraiya to the epic nuances of locker room talk. The manly banter, the crude language, the unfiltered horniness of the entire situation.
There is a difference, he thinks, with locker room talk and whatever the fuck Sai is doing. Maybe Sai has just never had healthy locker room talk. He’s never had friends, after all, and his only one died. Brainwashed by Danzo, knowing nothing but murder and assassination, sure, that’d fuck up anybody. And he’s trying, if that diary of local slang and book on how to make friends is anything to go by.
So perhaps it’s up to Naruto, as the only man he regularly hangs out with, to correct him on this behaviour. No, Sai, we do not talk about the size of each other’s penises in public. We do not look at other people’s penises. We do not ask how deep that would reach inside you. We do not ask if shadow clones would make for good orgies. Anyway, why are you so obsessed with sex and orgies? Are you repressed? Are you a virgin? You know you can jerk it by yourself. There’s how to books on that too, if that’s your cup of tea.
And yet, this conversation has never happened. It has never happened because talking to Sai about these issues is like talking to the drywall; there is no change or reaction. He gives you that weird half-smile, like he understands where you’re coming from, but you’re a moron and he’s not going to listen to you. Because clearly, he knows so much better than you about all these kinds of stuff. He does not, and Naruto is concerned that he’s going to sidle up to the wrong man and make a comment on how low-hanging his balls are, and he’s going to get his ass whooped into the middle of next Sunday.
Then again, Sai is strong enough to rarely get his ass whooped. Perhaps that’s why he does it, he has no consequences to fear. Trying to lay a hand on him would end with you getting your favourite shirt stained with ink and that mocking half-smile on his face as he asks if he did something wrong.
You can’t fight with this level of (forced) naivety. Perhaps that’s how Naruto finds himself in this position: face-to-face with Sai in the middle of the night, naked in an empty onsen.
Naruto makes no attempt to cover himself, he thinks there’s not an inch of his penis that Sai hasn’t already looked at with the careful study of an artist trying to perfect his anatomy. Instead, he fights the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose as he asks, “can I help you?”
“I’m just thinking that it looks smaller than usual.”
“The shower water was ice-cold.”
“Does that have much of an impact?” Sai hums. Naruto is beginning to feel ticked off, if he’s going to study his dick like some sort of specimen, he should at least have his out too.
“Go look at yours,” he retorts, as he slides into the warm water, throwing water over himself and shaking like a dog. The water splashes onto Sai’s face; he frowns and wipes it off with his thumb. “You have one too, you know.”
“I know,” Sai chews on his bottom lip. “It’s different from yours.”
“Everyone has different penises, Sai,” Naruto tries for patience, he really does, but the more this conversation wears on the more frustrated he feels.
“Come to think of it,” Sai continues, still with his hand to his chin like he’s contemplating something important. “I have never seen a penis hard.”
Naruto starts. “Not even your own?”
“Why would it? I had no emotions, no attachments, no feelings of desire.”
He frowns. “That might be true, but don’t you just get ones for no reason at all? Like after you wake up? Or just…as you’re walking?”
Sai looks surprised. “No,” he says. “Is this a common thing to happen?”
“I’d say so,” Naruto laughs. “Everyone I know has had it. Well. Except you,” and he gives him a squint.
“I think I’d like to see that,” says Sai.
Surely not. He’s not suggesting what he thinks he’s suggesting, right? It can’t be. Sai is strange when it comes to cock, but he’s not—
“By that I mean I’d like to see yours hard.”
Great, clarification Naruto did not need. “Has anyone ever told you you’re extremely weird?”
“Many,” Sai smiles, and it’s rather genuine. “Is it true?”
“Yes!” Naruto barks. “It’s not normal. What do you want with my penis anyway?”
“Well,” Sai starts, voice as calm and still as an untouched pool of water. It’s insane how mild he is when he’s having such a risqué conversation. “I’ve heard that it feels very good.”
“Then you should try it on yourself.”
“I wouldn’t know where to begin.”
“Go borrow a book.”
“I’m not too interested in myself,” Sai admits. Naruto eyes him suspiciously. “I’m interested in your reactions, Naruto.” That said, he steps closer, a little too close. He’s now firmly in Naruto’s personal space, and Naruto can see the water droplets that cling to his long eyelashes, his androgynous, pale features giving him a semblance of femininity that is somehow alluring.
In the candlelight of their private bath, his skin looks warmer than usual, giving him a sort of tan. The water covers up to his hips, allowing Naruto to see the slender taper of that small waist, the skin somehow so smooth and unmarred despite being exposed during countless missions. He swallows hard.
Truth be told, he hadn’t gotten off in a while. They’ve been on this absurd mission for ages, and Sakura or someone else had always been right there. It made Naruto, used to living on his own and wanking on his own without someone walking in, extremely uncomfortable.
“That’s—” Naruto starts, tongue darting out to wet at his lips. Sure, he’s accepted that he’s into men. There’s not many ways he can justify his obsession with Sasuke other than being irrevocably in love with him, but he’s not here right now. He’s off on another soul-searching adventure, not giving so much as two shits about Naruto’s feelings towards him. “What do you mean?” He asks lamely, batting at the water like it’d distract him.
“I’m interested,” Sai starts, slow and deliberate. As if his previous antics with mentioning his ‘equipment’ and bringing it up at every moment was only to desensitise him to what’s happening right now. “In the noises you’d make, Naruto. As to how big your dick would grow. Are you a grower, since you’re obviously not a shower?”
Naruto hisses and makes to hit him, Sai dodges effortlessly. “In what your face would look like as I touch you. How red would you go? What colour will your cheeks flush? I am interested in works of art, you see, and I think you’d be the prettiest there is.”
Naruto takes a faltering step backwards. It’s unusual of Sai to come on this strong, but he’d be a fucking liar if he said he wasn’t considering it. If he closed his eyes, if he looked only at the side of his head and the jut of his collarbone, artificially warm from the orange glow, could he be Sasuke?
A sharp tch. Suddenly, Sai leans in real close, so that his lips just brush the shell of Naruto’s ear. “I know who you pretend I am,” he says, lips curling at the edges. “It’s fine with me. I can be whoever you want me to be.”
Naruto flushes a bright, embarrassed red all the way down to his toes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says, voice unnaturally hoarse. Sai laughs, deep in his chest, unlike any other kind of laugh he’s ever done. It sounds like Sasuke to the bone, it makes him tense up involuntarily.
There’s suddenly a warm hand on his thigh. Despite the warmth of the water, it is branding like a hot iron, marking the imprint of his palm onto his skin. Naruto shivers and keeps his gaze locked on the far distance.
It is so clear he can see Sai’s hand slowly creeping upwards. Despite himself, or rather—since the circumstances of the situation were too perfect, too engineered for Naruto’s tastes, he can’t help but bite his lip as Sai’s hands does circles around his crotch.
His dick bobs in the water.
“I’m going to make you feel good, Naruto,” Sai whispers. “Don’t hold back on me.”
Naruto wants to ask how a virgin who has never even touched himself would know how to make him feel good without awkward fumbling and misplaced hands, but he can’t get a word out before Sai’s hand closes over the base of his semi, making him choke.
“Sit down,” Sai purrs, pushing him slightly until the back of his legs hits the natural rock ledge in the bath, forcing him to a sitting position. “Relax.”
Relax, Naruto thinks hysterically. He’s getting a handjob from one of his team members, Yamato could walk in at any time, Sakura is probably on the other side of this bamboo fucking wall, the soundproofing of which is probably as effective as a piece of paper.
There is no situation in which this is not tense.
Sai’s fingertips trail along the length of his dick, slowly coaxing it to hardness. “Mn,” Sai says. His face is as neutral and unmoved as ever, despite the tomato colour of Naruto’s face and the way he barely makes eye contact. “A grower, then.”
Naruto doesn’t even have it in him to mock attack him. He just groans and leans his head back as one of Sai’s fingers slowly starts rubbing against his frenulum. His fingertips are surprisingly soft and dainty, as though he’s never worked a day in his life. With the slippery slide of the warm water, Naruto feels like he’s sinking.
“You don’t have to quieten yourself,” Sai says, voice a little huskier than normal, making Naruto’s nerves sing. “I made sure we were alone on the other side.”
Even then, Naruto isn’t sure he can be any louder without dying from embarrassment. Perhaps many people think he’s immune to such feelings, given his daily antics and half a braincell, but this is a different situation, okay!
His touch is feather-light, so fleeting it’s almost not there at all. It drives Naruto crazy, making his dick twitch and bob in the water as Sai dances around it, touching but not touching. Eventually, Naruto grabs his wrist and realises, quite belatedly, just how small and dainty it is. His fingers wrap fully around, and it feels so thin that just a bit of force will break it.
He swallows thickly, forgetting for a moment what he was going to do.
“So impatient,” Sai clucks, staring at him with that unmoved face. Naruto’s chest rises and falls heavily as his eyes flit between Sai’s lithe, lean body and his dick throbbing between his legs. “Do you want me to touch you properly? I’ve heard that if you’re patient when it comes to the foreplay, you’ll have a better orgasm.”
His voice is so matter-of-fact it is almost like they’re not engaging in promiscuous acts but rather learning about sexual education from a teacher who looks like they’d rather die than show them how to put a condom onto a banana.
“Just touch me,” Naruto sighs, and drags his hand to close fully over his dick. The first upstroke is so heavenly that he can’t help but hiss and groan, head knocking against the stone tiles that surround the bath. His palm is not as smooth as the tips of his fingers—worn by battle and training, the harsh callouses scrape against his sensitive skin, a feeling that is somehow pleasurable. Naruto is losing his mind, melting into the pool of warm water as Sai’s other hand reaches down to cup his balls and play lightly with them.
“You say you’ve never done this before,” Naruto croaks, opening one eye to look at him. Sai is kneeling in the water, hair wet and heavy in front of his face. He has to blink away the mirage of Sasuke on his knees before him—a mirage that has only made him harder.
“I have not.”
“Fuck,” Naruto swears, as Sai’s hand does a twisting motion that makes his toes curl. “Then how…?”
“Don’t ask questions,” Sai tuts. “Focus,” he says, leaning forward so that his wet hair tickles his neck and his breath ghosts along Naruto’s skin. Then all of a sudden, too quickly for Naruto to predict, Sai bares his teeth and bites down hard on his jugular. The first reaction Naruto has is to wince at the burst of pain that floods his mind, then second is to moan and grab one of Sai’s thighs, the third is to groan as Sai transitions from the roughness of the initial bite to smaller nips along the side of his neck and up to his jaw.
“Fuck,” Naruto says, eyes watering, skin goosebumping. “Sai—”
“Any marks I leave will be gone by the morning,” Sai says. “I’ve heard that your enhanced healing from the Kyuubi might not make them last even the hour.” That said, he bites down and sucks a bruising hickey just underneath his jaw. “So I can do what I want, right?”
Even if the marks were to last, Naruto would’ve said yes. He’s too far gone at his point—there’s only the torturous slide of Sai’s hand against him, the bite of his teeth against his earlobe, the warmth of his body against his.
Naruto’s hand rises, and rises up his thigh, and he finds, to his delight and surprise, because he had honestly expected otherwise, that Sai is hard too. Hard and dripping; Naruto wraps his hand around his and tugs in the same time, making Sai gasp and skirt backwards.
“That’s not necessary,” he says firmly.
“Sai,” says Naruto, with the patience of a martyr. “What do you think is the best part about sex?”
A frown. “Getting off?” He says this crude term like a nun trying it out for the first time. “Perhaps you would say the foreplay.”
“No,” Naruto stands and reaches for him, pulling him in by the shoulder until Sai stumbles as his feet hit the bench and he falls to his knees, awkwardly straddling Naruto’s thighs.
“It’s sharing it with other people,” he says. “Take both in your hand.”
Yet another frown. “You’re supposed to be listening to me.”
Gauging his reaction carefully, Naruto snakes a hand up his back and into his hair, pulling sharply. Sai’s eyes widen, but he does not say anything.
“If you’re uncomfortable at any moment, and want to stop, say…” Naruto thinks hard about it for a while. “Say Kakashi.”
A raised eyebrow. Naruto makes as if to put both hands up defensively. “It was the most boner-killing thing I could think of. “
“I could think of better,” Sai sniffs, but he seems to agree. Naruto’s hand goes back to his hair and tightens, and Sai’s chest is slowly getting flushed pink.
He doesn’t say anything, waiting for him to pick it up on his own, but eventually Sai sighs heavily and reaches to grab both of them in his palm. Naruto closers his other, bigger hand around his and has him stroke them together. It’s funny—Sai used to be so much taller than him when they were younger, but he never really grew much after that. Being able to see over the top of his head is still something that seems foreign to Naruto, and now seeing how dainty he is: it feels like it’ll drive him up the wall.
“You had a lot to say about my equipment,” Naruto can’t help but tease. “How does yours compare?”
Sai’s cheeks flush with slight embarrassment, but he tactfully does not pick up on the rib. Instead he tightens his grip and ruts up against his dick, sending them both sliding against one another.
“The marks I give you won’t fade away, so I’ll apologise in advance,” Naruto says, and yanks him closer by the back of his neck to nip and suck along his collarbone, just where his cropped jacket wouldn’t show. Sai gasps, his noises as restrained and cautious as he is, just erring on the side of being vocalised.
He wonders if he’ll ever get to hear Sai scream; hear him make a full moan, hear him beg. It makes some animalistic instinct inside of him go crazy—a side he didn’t really know he had. Sai chokes ever so slightly, they’re both so close. Then, as though determined to make Naruto come first, Sai once again begins to mouth at his neck and up to his ear. His free hand comes up to grip tightly at his shoulder, nails digging painfully into the bare skin, then he drops his tone and whispers,
“Naruto.”
He comes instantly, so fast it shocks him. The touch on his shoulder, the voice at his ear, just like when he found Sasuke for the first time all those years ago. Naruto grunts and moans, hips jerking as he spills over Sai’s hand. “That was a dirty trick,” he gasps, when he’s got his breathing back together. Sai's hand is still moving lazily up and down, and there’s a smugness to his otherwise blank expression that irks Naruto enough to do something about it.
He bats away Sai’s hand impatiently and replaces it with his own, speeding up on his dick, curling and twisting the way he himself likes. Sai never gives away what he likes and doesn’t, but sometimes his eyebrows furrow ever so slightly in what Naruto is taking to be a good way.
Annoyed at his careful impassiveness, Naruto reaches his free hand up and twists his nipple—a little too hard to be teasing, too gentle to be cruel. Sai squeaks and immediately clamps his mouth shut, staring at Naruto with slightly too wide eyes.
Nice. Naruto pulls him more properly into his lap, both hands on his waist, before ducking his head to lick and nip at his chest while teasing the other with his hand. Sai gasps and makes a little choked off sound, “Naruto—”
He does not give him the respite of an answer, instead switching to tease at the other nipple.
“I’m—”
Sai was probably close before this had all started, but it’s still so fucking sexy the way he comes untouched, just from Naruto playing with his nipples. He shakes and only makes the slightest noise as he comes, face slack and mouth open. Naruto’s hands leave his chest and pulls his face towards him, and they kiss almost desperately—Naruto realises dazedly that this is the first kiss the two of them have shared and feels strangely warm on the inside.
Sai blinks, then pulls away rather sharply. “Is that what a kiss is like?”
“Was that your first kiss?”
A nod.
“They’re usually less messy,” Naruto says, but it’s not like he’s had much kissing experience either. Sure, he’s fooled around sometimes on missions outside of Konoha (because god forbid rumours of the village’s celebrated war hero’s sexual prowess—or inadequacy—start circulating), but it’s never been anything like this.
His heart is still galloping at a hundred miles an hour in his chest. Sai leans back into the water, slowly drifting away from him. Then he stands abruptly, collarbone covered with Naruto’s teeth—and says, “I was right.”
“About what?” Naruto feels sated enough to entertain his weirdness for a bit. Sure, they’ll probably have to deal with the consequences of what happened here tomorrow, but that’s a problem for tomorrow. He’s always been good at procrastinating.
Sai looks at him, and with the utmost sincerity, he says, “you were gorgeous.”
Naruto nearly slips into the bath with how hard he starts at that, then he decides it is the best route of escape and submerges himself completely. The water is almost boiling against his face, but it’s a better reality than facing whatever just happened out there, and how hard his tummy had flipped over.
When he resurfaces, Sai is no longer in the bath.