Work Text:
Katsuki just wants to put it out there that for the record, he does not want to be doing a Reddit AMA. He has a bunch of other shit to do (no, watching a Ghibli film with Shouto is definitely not one of them fuck you), and answering extras’ questions is the last thing on that list. In fact, it's so low, it doesn't even make it up there on his list of priorities and yet-
He stands in their living room, holding up the dumb I am Bakugou Katsuki, ask me anything sign.
It's meant to be quick photoshoot, but it takes way too damn long. Two minutes after holding up the sign, Shouto finally looks like he’s ready to take a photo. His tongue flicks out to wet his lips, and the move distracts Katsuki so much that he misses the fact that Shouto isn’t even taking a photo. He just rotated it so that it’s in landscape mode instead of portrait mode, which is just wrong.
"Can you just take the photo," Katsuki gripes with all the patience he can muster. It’s not much, but he’s trying his best, alright?
"Yes," Shouto says, then adds a dumb contingency, "once the angle is good."
"All my angles look good," Katsuki boasts, and willfully ignores the shot discount pikachu took of him during the Christmas Party.
Humming, Shouto corrects, "once the angle is extra good."
So he waits around some more. He taps his foot against the orange plush carpet and wiggles his feet to feel the softness against his toes. So he likes soft things, sue him.
There's a bright flash.
"WHATTHEHELL," Katsuki splutters, blinking light out of his eyes.
"Ah, it didn't work," Shouto says, unapologetic.
He shuffles over to Katsuki, who takes a long look at the photo. He looks startled, and the lighting makes him look like a squirrel on the train tracks with a train approaching, full steam ahead (alright, he needs to stop watching those morbid documentaries with Shouto.)
"I thought a candid might be nice," Shouto explains. He has a frown on, a little pout where his mouth downturns and cheeks blow out.
Shouto is so damn- squishy. He retreats back to his position, this time angling it so it’s in portrait mode (thank fuck), and says in monotone, "three, two, one, smile…"
There’s a click.
Shouto pads over, offering his phone. Katsuki peers at it. Well, shit. In the dim lighting there's shadows covering his face, and combined with his forced smile, he looks a bit deranged. Whatthefuck. His photos always end up fantastic. This must clearly be a fluke.
"You're fired," Katsuki declares.
"You won't fire me," Shouto says confidently, calling his bluff. "You can't."
Except its not a bluff. "I can and I will."
"No one else can take your photo. Unless you mean Soba, but I'm not sure she knows how to use a phone."
"It's called a selfie- I'm gonna take a selfie!"
Katsuki grabs Shouto's phone, which admittedly (but never out loud) has a better camera. He angles it towards himself, pressing when he knows he's got his best smirk on, and it comes out flawless.
Shouto doesn't say anything. He glances at it for less than a second then looks away with that same pouty face. Katsuki gives in this time, reaching over to squish his husband's cheeks.
"Stop pouting," Katsuki says, while Shouto glares and says wahwah but probably means 'stop this at once I hate you'.
See, this is where Soba got her attitude from. Fuck anyone who says he's the bad influence.
Katsuki resorts to kissing his husband to stop the pouting and by the time Shouto’s breathless, pulls away.
(It works, always does.)
.
r/relationshipadvice
My husband fired me as his photographer...
Hello. I (23M) have been trying to take photos of my husband. Personally I think they all look beautiful (that he looks beautiful), but my husband fired me as a photographer. What can I do to be hired again?
Comments:
deathwatchbeetle: Were you his official photographer?
_groundzerofan: I like to think so. He didn't pay me or anything, but just being husbands is reward enough for me. Monetary goods have nothing on him.
lexbox360: Take a good picture of him to show your skills.
_groundzerofan: This is a good idea, thank you.
.
The picture takes time to get approved, which is just fine with Katsuki. Maybe it could get lost in the mail (even if it was an email, which never get fuckin' lost, but unread at best; sent to spam, maybe).
Soon enough though, he's validated (not like he needs their validation), and is watching as comments flood the thread.
"Do you use gel?" Katsuki comments out loud. "What the fuck. No I fucking don't use gel, do I look like I wear gel?"
"You wear eyeliner," Shouto notes, like eyeliner and gel are the same thing.
"That's different!"
Honestly, what goes on in Shouto's head, Katsuki will never know (doesn't think anyone will know, except Shouto himself. But maybe that's a stretch too.)
Shouto hums, but Katsuki doesn't expand. Instead he's reading the comments down the line. There's some shitty ones, really fucked up ones dredging up his past in UA. About Kamino, and the first year sports festival, and the fall of All Might.
He was about to reply to them, but replies already come flying in, and the comment gets downvoted, then deleted by the mods. All that's left are the comments singing him praises, and his outer ego wants to crow (as it should be), but he- fuck.
Shouto squeezes his hand that's resting lazily on the couch. Even Soba stands up, stretches, then plops on his lap like it's her throne. Katsuki glances at his husband, who just gives a small smile, and goes back to his phone.
It's so easy to fixate on the bad and not the good, but Katsuki swallows and keeps scrolling. He knows he's got people who don't like him, but fuck if that's gonna stop him from being the best hero he could be. For every weed there's a field of flowers, or some shit like that.
"Who's your bestest friend?" Katsuki reads off, clearing his throat. "Did a kid write this?"
Shouto peeks up from his own phone. "Hmm?"
Katsuki leans over to show the screen to Shouto. He skims it with his usual hum that tells Katsuki absolutely nothing.
"It's a... valid question," Shouto settles with.
Katsuki snorts. He taps out a reply, then keeps scrolling. There's quite a few comments from the same person, and a smirk grows on his face at their unabashed love for him.
"Shou, look at these," Katsuki says.
Shouto barely glances up from his phone where's he's been glued to the past few minutes, thumbs furious on the screen. Katsuki tries glancing at Shouto's screen like an exchange, but he just holds his phone close to his chest.
"What're you doing?" Katsuki snoops.
"Nothing," Shouto replies. He turns off his phone, then finally snuggles into Katsuki's side like he'd been expecting Shouto to do this whole time. "What did you want to show me?"
"Nothing," Katsuki says pettily, but Shouto does that pleading face, and Katsuki is a weak man. "Fine, here."
They were all comments about how Ground Zero was their favourite hero. Yeah, there were other people like that in the comments too, but this person specifically mentioned shit like his fights and latest moves, like they knew exactly what he wanted to hear.
Shouto smiles softly at the phone, then directs it to Katsuki in a way that still makes his heart stutter, after all these years. "You deserve them all, Katsuki."
"Hell yeah I do," Katsuki snarks, maybe to keep face, maybe to put more layers to the pile to prevent his insecurity from showing.
A kiss presses to his cheek, and Katsuki wraps an arm around his husband as he keeps scrolling and answering questions, Shouto inputting his own opinions every once in a while.
Maybe this isn't so bad.
.
r/relationshipadvice
I feel like I'm not meeting my daily quota of kisses from my husband...
Hello. I (M23) am wondering how I can increase my daily amount of kisses from my husband, K (M23). When we go to work, he kisses me, and when we come home, he kisses me. So that's at least two a day. But yesterday, my husband did not kiss me on his way to work because he was running late, and it's bothering me. I quite like kisses, and that fact that I only got one (one!) was quite disappointing. Is there any way to kiss quicker perhaps, so I can kiss him even if he's in a hurry?
Comments:
wolverinefrog: yooo how long do y'all usually kiss?
_groundzerofan: I haven't timed it, but sometimes it feels like forever. It's probably closer to thirty seconds though.
snowyowl: Communication is key!
_groundzerofan: You raise a good point.
.
It's nine o'clock, when Katsuki should be dreaming, except his eyes are still open and staring at the ceiling.
There's something off about the commenter. It didn't escape him that it was the same commenter who was his biggest fan, who asked dumb but sappy, wholesome questions, who mentioned how hard Katsuki must have worked to make his latest move work, who commented twenty different things, all praising him.
He reaches for his phone, and goes back to those comments he screenshotted. The username checks out, _groundzerofan, and he clicks on their profile.
Apparently this person is pretty active. They post at least once a day, though it's all dumb shit like 'AITA my husband is mad at me for being the big spoon' (which idiot gets mad at something small like that?) and 'can cats eat soba?' (whatthefuck? Why would they even want to?)
It's slightly ridiculous but also, strikingly familiar.
Katsuki stumbles across a post from last week, titled 'WIBTA if I cook for my husband when he comes home.' He clicks on it, because really, how the hell would that make someone an asshole?
The post goes like this:
WIBTA if I cook for my husband when he comes home?
Hello. I (23M) admit I cannot cook very well. I try my best [my husband, K (23M) is a great cook and he teaches me sometimes] but somehow the kitchen is always a mess when I try to cook by myself, and my husband isn't happy when he has to clean it up. However, recently my husband has been coming home later, and I feel bad when he cooks dinner because he's tired. I do help, but I really want to be able to have dinner ready by the time he comes home.
So, people of the internet. Should I risk cooking dinner or risk my husband's wrath?
Comments:
weevils39: YWBTA if you don't clean up after yourself. Cook earlier and clean up! Happy kitchen, happy hubby
_groundzerofan: You have a big brain.
_loondoonmoon: NTA you sound like a sweet young man trying his best. I am sure your husband appreciates it!
_groundzerofan: I try my best, yes. My husband deserves the best after all.
waywardcatsinalawn: just get takeout? i don't see the problemo
_groundzerofan: Well, I do. My husband is always cooking meals for us, it would only feel right if I returned the loving gesture.
See. This is painstakingly familiar, because Katsuki remembers coming home exactly a day after this was posted, to a kitchen that smelled like bleach, and a steaming hot dinner on the table. It had been curry, with chillies floating around in it like they replaced the vegetables. The rice was burnt at the bottom, and the pan was soaking in the sink. He remembered Shouto being frazzled as fuck, ditzing around and serving Katsuki like he was a househusband, giving him an extra large serving of chillies with a beam.
His tongue is still burnt, both from the heat and the heat, but he ate every single grain, scraped every last bit of sauce, gnawed every single fuckin’ chilli on the plate. Because Shouto had tried his fuckin' best, and Katsuki appreciates the hell out of him.
And this post- it sounds exactly like what Shouto would write.
Fuck. It feels like reading Shouto's online diary, now. Katsuki hesitates to scroll further, feeling like it's an infringement of his husband's privacy, even if it is online for everyone to read.
Fuck. Maybe he should make a Reddit post, asking about the sanctity of online space or whatever the fuck it is.
He hesitates, clicking on another random post. Curiosity was more Shouto's alley, but Katsuki couldn't help himself.
r/cats
Can cats have cold soba?
Hello. I (23M) like cold soba. I eat it whenever I can, although my husband limits me to once a week, which I am still upset about. However I have noticed that whenever we have it for dinner, our cat, Soba, eats it too.
So, people of the internet. Is it safe for cats to eat cold soba?
Comments:
podicipediformes: ...it's not safe for you to eat this much soba
_groundzerofan: Hmm. Perhaps that is why my husband limits me. Any thoughts on my cat's safety?
bluesobamoons: cats can have soba,, as a treat
_groundzerofan: How much soba are we talking about? A single noodle? A serving? Please answer, you seem quite knowledgeable on this topic.
"This absolute idiot," Katsuki breathes, then jumps out of his skin when arms wrap around his waist.
"Who's an absolute idiot?" Shouto murmurs directly in his ear.
Katsuki turns off his phone and hides it under his pillow faster than the speed of light. "No one!"
Shouto just hums. "I thought you would be sleeping by now."
"Well I'm not!"
Katsuki doesn't know why he's this defensive. It feels like he's been caught with his hands in the cookie jar, which hasn't happened since he was five years old- after which he had never gotten caught, ha.
"I see that," Shouto says.
Katsuki rolls around till he faces his husband. It didn't pass his notice that Shouto's post referred to him as my husband, even if he did give him the moniker of K. Sap. His sap, fuck.
Shouto stares back. He's smiling a bit, and Katsuki reaches out to trace the slope of slight dimples. His finger trails over Shouto's high cheekbones, then over the paradoxical squishy cheeks he resists the urge to squish. Then over the bridge of his nose, then the scar.
He's gotten better, with his scar. Katsuki recalls a time when Shouto would cover it up with his bangs, or purposefully sit on his left side so Katsuki wouldn't see the red part of him.
Katsuki wants to see all of Shouto.
He wonders if Shouto has an online post about that, but doesn't search it up. Little things like cats having soba is one thing, large things like questioning self-identity was another. Shouto would tell him on his own time – did tell him on his own time – and that was all Katsuki needed, really.
Shouto swallows, then glances down shyly as his cheeks blush a pretty pink. A smirk blooms on Katsuki's face, and he tilts his husband's chin up slightly.
"Eyes on me, sweetheart," Katsuki says lowly.
All thoughts about sleep fade, after that.
.
r/TIFU
TIFU by letting my cat, Soba, on my bed
Hello. I (23M) FU by letting my cat, Soba, on my bed. This led to her taking up the space where my husband usually lies in. She refused to move, and so my husband had to sleep on the couch. It wasn't a bad night, I will never refuse Soba as my little companion, but I do feel bad about letting my husband sleep on the couch, all by myself.
Comments:
underaworldofcats: cats >>> men
_groundzerofan: Interesting take.
.
Katsuki still hasn't told Shouto that he knows. He wants to of course, doesn't think he can keep it to himself. 'sides, he knows that if Shouto found his old journal from when they were kids, he knows he'd like to know. Healthy communication, or whatever the hell it was.
So he waits till dinner. Shouto still hasn't come home yet, so Katsuki lingers in the kitchen. He's made seafood udon, and the large prawns he had bought at the market look back at him with dead eyes. He wonders if that is what he'll be, once Shouto finds out Katsuki knows about the Reddit account.
The door clicks open, and Soba is at the door faster than Katsuki is, the little gremlin. She runs figure eights around Shouto, who just smiles and leans down to give her attention. He hasn't even taken off his shoes yet and he's indulging her, which. Go figure. It's clear where his priorities lie.
"Tadaima," Shouto says.
"Okaeri," Katsuki answers. He unwraps the scarf from Shouto's neck, and places it on the hook where it joins Katsuki's own beige scarf, where it belongs. "Work ok?"
"Not bad." Shouto takes off his shoes after he's done petting the happy lil shit. "Stopped a purse snatcher trying to steal from an old lady. She gave me a kiss on the cheek."
Katsuki doesn't know whether to laugh or feel indignant, and goes for a snort instead. Shouto would never let him hear the end of it if he got jealous over an old lady.
"Guess you got your kiss of the day then, huh," Katsuki teases.
Shouto looks up so fast, Katsuki snickers. He leans down to kiss his husband, and even though his back aches, it's worth it to see Shouto's pleased, dazed face after.
"Dinner's ready," Katsuki announces. "Go change."
Soba intercepts this plan. She settles herself on Shouto's Ground Zero socked feet and looks up with her dumb pleading face.
Shouto falls right into her scheme, picking her up and giving her a nose boop that Katsuki’s heart does skateboard flips at. They head off to their bedroom, and Soba looks at him, pleased.
Fuckin' voyeur.
"And hurry up!" Katsuki adds. "Dinner's gonna get cold."
The dinner is still warm on the stove, but whatever. Since Shouto's finally home, Katsuki serves the udon in two bowls. He gives more narutomaki to Shouto, taking more of the prawns for himself, and grabs two pairs of chopsticks from the drawer.
It's dinnertime, bitches.
.
r/AITA
AITA for wanting to be friends with my husband?
Hello. I (23M) am in a very happy relationship with my husband. I love him a lot, and I know he loves me too. Except, he still won't admit we're friends. I know love should be enough, but is wanting to be friends as well asking for too much?
Too long, did not read; AITA for wanting to be more than husbands- to be friends?
Comments:
grebes101: ...ur husbands- but not friends?!?!?!
_groundzerofan: Yes. I thought I made that clear.
.
Shouto's been staring at Katsuki for at least five minutes, and it's giving him hives.
"What?" Katsuki hisses.
"Something is bothering you," Shouto concludes, like he's Sherlock fuckin' Holmes. He rests his chopsticks on the bowl then his hands on his lap. "You can tell me, if you want."
Oh.
It all boils down to care, with Shouto.
Katsuki loves him so much, it aches, sometimes. His heart squeezes in his chest, and he breathes out a sigh. Fuck.
"I found your Reddit account," Katsuki blurts out, and thinks whythefuckdidisaythat.
Shouto freezes, even though he wasn't moving in the first place. But Katsuki can see the shoulders straighten and go rigid, something Shouto hasn't done since first year.
Fuck. Katsuki bites his lip, about to say something else, when Shouto blurts out, "are you angry?"
Taken aback. Katsuki is absolutely bewildered because, "What? No I'm not- I'm not angry, what the hell?!"
"Oh. I just thought you read the posts where I said you were-"
See. Katsuki's invested as hell in what Shouto's about to say. But really, Katsuki doesn't want to infringe even further.
"I didn't read all your posts," Katsuki cuts in, and it halts Shouto. "'sides, you have so many, it'd be impossible for me to read them all in a day."
Shouto still looks put-out. The expression pulls at Katsuki's heart, especially knowing that he's responsible for his husband's self-consciousness.
Katsuki abandons his half-eaten udon to sit by Shouto, budging him over for space under the kotatsu. Then he talks.
"Look, Shou... I don't care if you have things you don't want to share with me. It's fine to have your own space- in fact it's good, alright? I just wanted to let you know that I know it's there, but I swear I didn't read all your posts. Maybe two, but I'm not gonna snoop into your thoughts, even if they’re public. Not unless you say it's ok, ok?"
It's the most he's said in a while, and yet he still finds more words to pull out his brain that's working overtime to be in comfort mode.
"And, if you're ever having worries about me, about you, about us, you can- can talk to me too. You don't have to solve your problems alone, or online all the time. Cuz I'm here- always. Got it?"
Katsuki presses a kiss to Shouto's temple, and it makes his shoulders untense and arms wrap around Katsuki like a koala.
Into the crook of his neck, tickling his nape, Shouto says quietly, "got it."
.
r/sobaloversunited
Do you think one could survive off of just cold soba? Asking for a friend.
Hello. I (23M) have a friend (23M) who loves cold soba. He would eat it anytime if he could. Is this feasible?
Comments:
pikapika: where's the protein and vegetables?
_groundzerofan: Not included. Do you know what cold soba is...? Please do more research before you join a sub called r/sobaloversunited.
coldshouba: I see no problem here.
_groundzerofan: As I thought, thank you for confirming this.
.
The next day, Katsuki thinks it's the end of this whole Reddit crap. He's on patrol, and feels his phone buzz when he's handcuffing a villain and chucking him over to the police. He checks it when reporters swarm him, but he just gives the typical response of 'fuck off!' and heads back to his agency.
shou (19:51):
Photo ✓
Katsuki clicks on the photo to enlarge it, hoping it's not another photo of an online shopping page of soba, or cat treats for Soba. Turns out it’s neither of those things. Instead, a screenshot of a Reddit page greets him, and he mentally prepares himself because what is it now.
r/confessions
I love my husband
Hello. I (23M) have made many posts about my husband. I admit I am not well versed in the whole relationship business. I did not grow up with a model example, but eventually met people (yes, including my soon-to-be-husband) that made me realize how much love there was in this world- love for me.
Which comes to this post. Yesterday, my husband confessed he knew about this account. I thought I would uno reverse card him by writing here:
I was uneasy when you found out about my account because they all feel like ridiculous things I didn't mind confessing to strangers, but was scared to tell you until I was ready. Because your opinion is the only one I care about, really. But you reassured my worries, like I had no reason to (and I don't- I know that now). I always say we're husbands, but I want to put meaning behind the word, that we're partners for life, and that I can trust you with anything, including this Reddit account.
I love you so very much, Katsuki. Always.
shou (19:55):
I was about to post but I realized I don't want to share this with anyone but you. Thank you for being there for me, Katsuki <3
Katsuki stares at his screen that holds so much more than pixels. There's so much he wants to say beyond words on a screen, but he types in a placeholder for now and rushes home to convey it in full.
You (19:55):
love you, Shou. always.
fin.