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“When have we ever followed the rules?” Moiraine asked, sorrow in the words, even as she smiled, for they did, most of the time. But not tonight.
Siuan’s hand gently cupped her cheek, thumb tracing along the line of her jaw with such aching tenderness. So long. It had been so long since anyone had touched her that way, since anyone had seen her as a woman, and not a cold, unfeeling object.
She met her eyes, and then her lips, in a deep kiss. Two years in coming, she tasted every missed moment in the soft press of her tongue, the gentle caress of her hands, the welcoming heat of her breath.
This was not a clashing, thrashing burst of urgent passion. There was no tearing of clothes, or wrestling with tangled limbs, desperate to have one another faster. They were not foolish girls given their first taste of sex anymore. They were women who knew how to wait, how to make each other wait, and how to make that wait worthwhile. This was a soft, savouring thing. Where time would be taken, and given, and stretched to make every moment last until it seemed to fill those two long years that they had been parted.
Siuan drew back, still cupping Moiraine’s face gently in her hands. The kiss was sweet, and longed for, but she still wanted to be able to look into her eyes. To see her. To commit every fragment of her to memory over and over again, so it might last her through the long nights they must again spend alone.
Tracing her fingertips over Siuan’s shoulders and down her arms, she mapped out the pieces of her body that were unfamiliar to her. Tattoos, starker and sharper than the ones on her chest, which Moiraine had memorised when they had still been Novices together.
She met her eyes again and noted softly, “These are new.”
“A year. Maybe two,” she replied with a half-shrug. Her voice fell away to a soft whisper as she added, “You’ve been gone such a long time.”
Yes. Such a long time. Such an achingly long time.
Siuan took her face in both hands and moved in for another kiss. Moiraine let her draw in almost until their lips were touching, then she breathed, “On your knees.”
They shared a soft, sparking smile. In a turn, Siuan turned from amusement to hunger, etched openly in every line of her face, as she slowly sank to her knees before her, holding her gaze all the way.
Moiraine rested a hand on the top of her head, eyes following her down until she knelt before her, ready to serve.
“Should I have you press your forehead and lips to my feet to beg for my forgiveness?” she asked mildly, echoing what Siuan had done to her in the hall as part of her ‘display’.
“If you like,” Siuan shrugged, with that characteristic indifference she had always had towards authority and power. Those were tools of the Amyrlin Seat, not of Siuan Sanche. She met her eyes with a mischievous glitter she still had not lost and added, “Might be hard to eat you out from that position, though.”
Moiraine’s laugh huffed out of her at that. Then she bit her lip, swallowing hard, her fingers softening in Siuan’s thick hair, “I need you,” she said, words she would never have said like that to another soul beyond the safety of these walls and Siuan’s embrace.
“I know,” she said, leaning forwards and resting her forehead on Moiraine’s stomach, hands holding her hips, somehow steadying her even while she knelt at her feet. She looked up, with such love in her eyes, and whispered, “I am here now. You can let it all go. Give it to me,” she pressed a soft kiss to her thigh, over an old scar, “You’ve no need of anything here but me.”
Moiraine nodded, and thought perhaps she had never needed this more in her life than she needed it now. Siuan caught that expression on her face, and nodded to her. Moiraine nodded back, ready, but still gasped slightly as her body rose, lifted on a cushion of air, then carried to the bed and laid down carefully on the edge.
Siuan moved towards her as she settled down, and Moiraine tossed a pillow down from the head of the bed for her to kneel upon. She raised an eyebrow, “You spoil me so,” she murmured, just a taste of sarcasm in the words.
“I will,” Moiraine murmured, drawing her face between her hands and pulling her closer. Brushing her lips against Siuan’s, not enough to give her the kiss she wanted, just enough to let her feel her next words, she breathed, “If you give me a good reason to.”
“You wound me,” Siuan purred against her, “You know I never give you anything that’s not good.”
Deft fingers undid the buttons of the long, loose sleep shirt she wore. Easing it down over her shoulders, she smirked in appreciation at her utter lack of undergarments beneath. There was nothing between them now but skin and thick, humid air, settling around like a curtain.
As Siuan’s mouth trailed downwards, pausing at her neck, her breasts, her stomach Moiraine exhaled slowly. Trying to relax her body, she chastised herself for the tension still held in her muscles. She may only have this one night and she did not wish to waste it only half-present with her lover, while her restless mind raked over the stresses of the day like hot coals against her raw nerves.
“So tense,” Siuan murmured, eyes flickering up to meet Moiraine’s gaze, as if she had read that thought in her mind.
“I’m sorry,” Moiraine sighed, shaking her head slightly, eyes slipping shut for a moment as she wrestled for composure. How easily Siuan slipped that away from her, as though it was nothing more than the loose garment she’d worn when she arrived, now pooled beneath her on the bed, “I-”
“Hush,” Siuan interrupted soothingly, dragging the word out in a long, hot breath against her skin. She smirked slightly and added, “No apologies until I’ve given you a reason to be more relaxed.”
Moiraine smiled, glad that Siuan understood her well enough not to sense any slight to her in her anxiety.“The sooner you start the better,” Moiraine told her, hand nestling deep into her curls in preparation.
“Lady Damodred” Siuan said, tutting affectionately, shaking her head at her.
“I hate it when you call me that,” Moiraine growled, knowing that Siuan was only too aware of that. She smirked, and Moiraine tugged slightly on her hair, “Get on with it,” she hissed, “I’m running out of patience.”
“So demanding,” the reply came a distinct, sardonic purr lacing every breath of it.
“Well, as you noted, I’m very ten-” she began, but broke off in a gasp as Siuan stroked an idle finger through her folds, with all the raw possessiveness that only she was allowed.
She raised an eyebrow up at her with a light smile. Then she pressed her nose against Moiraine’s stomach, kissing lightly. She dropped down lower, and lower, nudging her legs apart so she could kneel between them. Moiraine parted for her like an obedient tide before her weaves.
Humming her appreciation of her, already wet, barely touched, Siuan nuzzled in closer, lips trailing along the inside her thighs. Spreading her with her thumbs, she ducked down and pressed a tender, loving kiss against her. Such gentleness, such care, as she dipped in again and kissed her again. As sweetly and indulgently as she had kissed her mouth.
“Siuan,” she whispered, eyes fluttering closed in anticipation at the warm promise of the heat against her.
Shuffling closer, she nudged Moiraine’s further thighs apart with an impatient need to be closer, “Lie back,” she murmured, peering up to where Moiraine hovered above her, looking down on her.
Slowly, Moiraine obeyed, settling back on the soft sheets, exhaling as she did, trying to bleed the tension from her body.
“Let me take care of you,” Siuan breathed, and Moiraine had to bite her lip on the whimper that tried to break free of her throat at those words, at the emotion with which they were spoken.
They both knew it had been so long, so long since anyone had taken care of her, so long since she’d been able to let them. Her fingers wound through her thick curls again, needing something to grip on to, feeling her body starting to quiver with just the anticipation of what this woman could do to her.
Siuan settled in and kissed between her legs again. Her tongue slipped out, tasting her, curling gently around her clit like a weave of heat and pleasure. Moiraine closed her eyes and gripped the blankets beneath her as heat started to lick its way up through her body.
Mouth trembling, she let the soft sigh in the back of her throat build to a low series of moans that throbbed through the darkened space, growing steadily louder, and less controlled. Siuan coaxed the sounds from her as only she could. With others she was reticent, her quiet mouth not easily giving up its secrets. With her, Moiraine sang her pleasure, teasing a satisfied groan out from her lips that trembled through her nerves.
Siuan wove feeling through her body as deftly and easily as she spun her nets. Her tongue could as easily bring her to her knees to beg for mercy between her legs as it did in the Hall of the Tower. As her thighs began to shake uncontrollably with her need, Siuan placed a gentle hand upon them, steadying her. Moiraine seized it, anchoring herself to her, the only real thing in this world.
“Siuan,” she breathed, the word hoarse and desperate as she felt herself draw closer to the edge, legs tightening around her head, “Siuan please,” she panted, “Please.”
Moiraine Sedai did not beg. She did not bow. She did not kneel. She did not bend. Not for time. Not for fate. Not even for the Wheel itself. But for this woman, and for this woman alone, she would live the rest of her life prostrated before her on her knees, pleading for anything she would allow her to have.
A sharp inhale was all the warning she could give before she came for her. Siuan’s name spilled from her parted lips once more as her back arched, head tipped back to the bed beneath her. Lungs flooded with a rush of air, she gasped as the pleasure burst through her like an erupting star. Her hand gripped tightly onto that of her lover’s. Siuan. Her anchor through the tempestuous seas that pulled her under, then let her float, as though in a dream, upon the gentle waves of pleasure coaxed from her body.
There were tears on her cheeks as she collapsed with the release. She felt them, a little startled, but didn’t have the strength to raise a hand and wipe them away. Her body felt boneless and limp, muscles relaxed, feeling pleasantly warm and soft. All tension had been wiped from her, like a slate brushed clean. At last, she felt a sense of peace, and she sank into it like a hot bath, letting it surround her entirely.
The bed shifted beneath her as Siuan climbed up to join her, a smile on her lips, as though she could feel the good she’d done for her partner. She held herself over her, eyes gentle and full of love. A hand stroked long, careful fingers through her hair, pushing it back out of the way, so she could lean down and kiss her. Moiraine welcomed her with her mouth, opening for her tongue, bringing her in with a soft moan.
When Siuan lifted up and kissed the tears from her face, something choked from her that was neither quite a laugh, nor a sob. A complex blend of both, as complex as the joy and sorrow that mingled within her at this reunion. So sweet, yet so bitter, for it must always come to an end before either of them would ever be ready for it, as they never were.
“None of that now,” Siuan said, as though she had read her mind. Moiraine found a silencing finger pressed to her lips, though she hadn’t spoken a word, “We do not get to decide how long we will be given together,” She murmured softly, “That is for the Wheel to will as it sees fit. But we can choose what we’ll do with the time it grants us. And I won’t have you spending another second of it dreading its end. Do you hear me?”
“I hear you,” Moiraine whispered, gratitude welling inside her like a new spring for the down-to-earth grounding force that Siuan always was for her.
“Good,” she said, pressing in closer, turning onto her side, and drawing Moiraine to mirror her. Then she kissed her deeply, and slipped her fingers between her thighs. Moiraine gasped softly, clinging to her shoulders to steady herself, “Now let me hear you,” she commanded against her mouth.
Moiraine obeyed. As Siuan’s fingers drew pleasure from her body, she moaned for her. Quiet, and high, but with a rising fervour. She was already sensitive from her earlier attentions, and she felt herself responding more keenly to every gentle brush against her.
As Siuan teased her, she slipped her thigh between her legs. Placing a hand on her waist, she moved her body with her, long, rippling motions like a river writhing through a mountain pass, coaxing her to grind down onto her and seek her own pleasure.
“Don’t distract me,” Siuan growled, frowning at her, even as her hips rocked down into her, causing her to groan with relief at finally getting some friction where she needed it. Still, she put a restraining hand on Moiraine’s wrist and hissed, “I’m trying to make you lose your mind.”
Moiraine hummed in amusement, arching forwards and capturing Siuan’s lips in a passionate kiss, giving her a taste of her tongue that had her moaning into her mouth. “What about your mind?” she whispered, breaking off to bite her lip in an effort to control herself as Siuan’s fingers brushed over her clit, deliberately having waited until that moment to catch her off guard.
“Already thoroughly lost, my dear,” Siuan returned with an easy smirk, stroking her fingers in small, pulsing circles that she knew Moiraine could not resist.
“Clearly not,” Moiraine panted, breathless, arching against her, muffling her groan through closed lips, determined not to let her course be changed so easily.
Sliding a hand into Siuan’s unbound curls she tugged lightly, working her fingers through them until her short nails scraped her scalp. With the other hand, she slipped her fingers between her slick folds and began giving as good as she was getting, “You’re still entirely too coherent for me to believe that, darling,” she purred softly.
Siuan gasped against her mouth, stopping as she had been leaning in for another kiss. “That’s unfair,” she groaned, without any anger at all, as Moiraine smirked against her lips.
To be sure, she made it impossible for her to elaborate any further by brushing the pad of her thumb over her clit in that way she loved. Siuan rewarded her with a low growl, clenching her thighs around her hand to hold her in place as she pressed down into her. Exhaling sharply around a low moan, she pulled her closer with a rough tug on her shoulders. Moiraine did not resist, allowing herself to be jerked forwards.
“Now you’re too bloody coherent,” Siuan gasped, lips seeking for Moiraine’s, who leaned in to give her what she wanted, “If you can still smirk at me like that.”
To punctuate those words, she kissed the smirk from her face. Then kept kissing until even the memory of it was gone from her mouth, replaced with the feel of that kiss, the hot press of her tongue into her, the taste of her.
They built each other’s pleasure, their bodies rocking together in tandem, legs tangled, lips joined, soft sounds of need wrapping them in their embrace.
Siuan finished first, hips rocking against Moiraine’s hand, a rough, hoarse, “Fuck,” torn from her as she clung to her, trying to drag her closer still. Moiraine was quieter, when she came, face buried against Siuan’s neck, nothing escaping her but a faint breath of sound as her lips mouthed against her skin.
Breathing heavily, they refused to part from one another. Passionate kisses turned to soft, lazy presses of lips. The tight fusion of their bodies fell away to a messy tangle of limbs, comfortably entwined, like the knotted mess of freshly woven net that Moiraine, giggling like a girl, tugged out from underneath her. Siuan groaned, but tossed it thoughtlessly onto the floor with an air that said she would deal with it later.
Nestled in against her, feeling truly at peace for the first time in a long while, Moiraine let herself smile. Her body felt loose and relaxed, all of the tension having been drawn from her by Siuan. She made a displeased noise in the back of her throat, somewhere between a growl and a groan, as she felt her trying to withdraw.
“Hush, you little snapper,” Siuan murmured, sounding amused, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her forehead, “You might not care about the mess we’re in, but these are my best sheets.”
Moiraine snorted, but still held Siuan’s hand, and made her pull her fingers away with an impatient tut, as she crossed the room. She came back a moment later with a bowl of warmed water and some cloths.
“Oh just you lie there, your Ladyship,” she teased, as she started cleaning them up, “I’ll take care of the practical bits, as usual.”
Moiraine sighed with dignity, shifting her legs apart slightly to give her better access, “I intended to,” she replied with a soft smirk.
Siuan rolled her eyes fondly and the moment she was finished, Moiraine pulled her down for a long, deep kiss of gratitude. Huffing, amused, Siuan settled herself against the nest of pillows at the top of the head, then drew Moiraine’s head down into her lap, tucking her in against her. Moiraine closed her eyes, head against Siuan’s thigh, and let the gentle stroke of fingers through her hair, paired against the soft lapping of water against the hut around them.
***
In the hazy aftermath of sweat and warmth, Siuan’s fingers murmured absently over her body, meandering without purpose, just wanting to remain connected. They paused their wanderings on the eye-shaped pink scar on her shoulder.
“This is new,” she commented quietly, echoing Moiraine’s words regarding her tattoos earlier.
Moiraine made a soft noise of acknowledgement in the back of her throat which, if the Lady Damodred had been any less dignified and refined, Siuan would have been tempted to call a grunt.
Without moving or opening her eyes, Moiraine replied with a lazy matter-of-factness, “Yes. A trolloc threw his steak knife at me.”
“Ouch,” Siuan said, letting her face fall into a deep, musing grimace, sure Moiraine would picture just that from the tone of her voice. “I hope you had your revenge on him,” she noted, fingers carding gently through her long, dark hair, spilling across her lap like pretty fish guts.
Moiraine cracked an eye open, the little drama queen that still lived in her, just buried deep, wanting to see her reaction as she replied blithely, “I threw a building back at him.”
“Of course you did,” Siuan returned, in a measured voice, refusing to rise to her partner's obvious baiting. Moiraine smiled, closing her eyes again and settling back against her.
“It wasn’t a very large building,” Moiraine clarified, the point unnecessary, but the point was clearly to just keep talking, even as she drifted pleasantly in the aftermath of her pleasure, so the inaneness of the comment wasn’t judged too harshly.
“You say that as though it wasn’t the largest building in the whole bloody village,” Siuan reminded her.
Moiraine frowned slightly at that and opened her eyes, squinting up at her. Siuan kept her expression neutral after that little giveaway, face revealing nothing. With characteristic shrewdness, however, Moiraine guessed, “Lan told you?”
“Lan told me,” Siuan agreed, not missing the slight eye roll Moiraine responded with.
Lan typically visited her within the first few days of their return to the Tower and gave her a ‘report’ on Moiraine, which Moiraine regarded with vague irritation on both sides for their ‘fussing’ over her.
She tapped her nose lightly, in punishment for the eye roll, then leaned back and said, “He came to see me when you visited Egwene. And neglected to take him with you,” she added, peering down at Moiraine with a look of disapproval that she was sure she’d already gotten from her Warder, but which she felt she deserved to see again.
Choosing to ignore that pointed glower, Moiraine said, “Lan told you that I’d pulled down a building, but neglected to mention that I had been stabbed by a trolloc?”
“No, he mentioned both,” Siuan said, fairly. Her voice softened, mood becoming a little darker as she added, “It’s just different seeing it with my own eyes,” she murmured, fingers still tracing over the raw scar.
It would have been a bad wound, to leave such a mark, especially with one as skilled as Kerene having tended to it. Lan had implied as much, but there was something about seeing it there in the flesh.
Moiraine took her hand, as though hearing her thoughts, and lifted it away from her shoulder, pressing it to her lips instead. She kissed the tattoos there, looking up at her with those big, beautiful eyes. Somehow there could still be an innocence in them, something even like naivety, even after everything they’d seen. Whenever she looked at her, her usual walls dropped away and left her bare.
To meet with her, she’d removed all of her make-up and jewellery, and quite right, too. She had come as Siuan wanted and expected her, exactly as she was. They had no need for masks or walls between them. Not here. It was one of their rules. She looked younger for it, her face softer, a nakedness and vulnerability in it. It was subtle, but the intention resonated from someone like Moiraine, who had been raised on subtlety and secrets as surely as Siuan had been raised on fish guts and salt.
“I’m alright, Siuan,” she murmured quietly, giving her a soft smile to try and reassure her, pressing a gentle kiss to her thigh.
“You might not have been,” Siuan shot back, words sharp and abrupt, too much so. Moiraine would read the depth of her concern, would hear the worry that had lived at the back of her mind these last two years in the way she said that. She didn’t care. “You could have died in a ditch anywhere between here and the Two Rivers and I’d never have known,” she said, shaking her head. Not until her spies had reported it to her, at any rate. That was a report she dreaded getting every day Moiraine was gone from her. “Never have been able to do anything about it,” she said, as though she wouldn’t tear apart the whole fucking world for sport. But that wouldn’t help, “You’d just be dead.”
“Lan looks after me well,” Moiraine said soothingly, taking her hand and lacing their fingers together, still looking up at her with those soft, doe’s eyes, “He wouldn’t let that happen.”
“Mm,” Siuan grunted, noncommittal.
Lan was only one poor, beleaguered man. And Moiraine had never been the easiest to keep up with, or keep safe, even when they had just been novices in the Tower together. With the whole world before her, there was no telling what she was doing out there. She wished that, as much as she worried for everyone else, she’d save at least a bit of that for herself. She could be devastatingly nonchalant about her own safety at times.
Pushing those thoughts away, Siuan sighed heavily and stretched, rubbing her eyes. She jostled Moiraine a little on her lap as she did so, and earned a disapproving look, as one might from an angry cat, in return. Stroking her hair idly to soothe away her irritation, she said “Whatever I’m paying that man, I need to give him a raise.”
Moiraine huffed a soft laugh at that, “I don’t think we pay him at all, you know,” she noted lightly.
“Then he definitely needs one,” Siuan returned, without missing a beat.
Siuan looked down at her face, relaxed now, for she felt safe with her. She would always be that for her, and would always seek to protect her, and draw her from her worries for as long as she would allow, but she wasn’t just going to let her brush off abandoning Lan so blithely without at least a conversation.
“It’s difficult for him to look after you when when you don’t bother to take him with you,” she noted, a needle sharp point to the words.
Moiraine sighed a little, as though terribly inconvenienced by this, which was just too bad. Opening her eyes, she looked up at Siuan and said with a cool ease, “I judged that it was safe enough for me to visit my Yellow Sisters without Lan to babysit me,” sh said, shaking her head, “Besides, he was needed to take care of the Two Rivers’ folk.”
“Bugger the Two Rivers folk,” Siuan ground out, struggling to keep her temper with Moiraine’s blitheness towards her own safety, “His priority is to keep you safe, not a bunch of sheepherders and leaf-pickers.”
Moiraine laughed faintly, “The pair of you are well-matched,” she said, clucking her tongue with disapproval at what she clearly thought of as their overprotectiveness, “I think he’d have come with me here tonight, if I’d have permitted it.”
Siuan very obviously paused to deliberate that point, giving it its due consideration, “Maybe you should have,” she said evenly, “He might liven things up. Nothing like tossing a crab into a lobster pot to watch the ensuing chaos.”
“Behave,” Moiraine chastised her, whacking her arm lightly with the back of her hand. Siuan snickered, amused by the way she was reacting, as though she’d never thought of it herself.
“I’ll do nothing of the sort,” Siuan retorted, affronted at the very suggestion of it.
“You know he’s given me a time to be back,” Moiraine informed Siuan lightly, peering up at her with one eye, clearly wanting to see what sort of response this would produce.
She raised an eyebrow at that, feeling a tug of amusement, able to picture Lan doing just that very clearly, “Is that so?” she asked, unable to keep the faint humour out of her words.
“You’ve to return me before dawn,” Moiraine informed her, shifting and snuggling down into her legs in a way that was deliberately contrary to what she’d just said. With a sign, she settled in, apparently content, as she added, “Or face my Warder’s wrath.”
Siuan snorted at that, “We did negotiate a very strict contract to make sure we each get our allotted time with you,” she joked.
“Then you’re a shit negotiator,” Moiraine said evenly, without opening her eyes, “Because Lan is coming out significantly on top.”
“That’s how he likes it, is it?” Siuan said, at the same time Moiraine groaned, realising that she’d left herself open for that retaliation.
“You are incorrigible,” she huffed, flopping in against her like a grumpy little fish that had let itself get caught unawares and was distinctly miffed about it. She did allow her to stroke her hair back from her face and lean down over her to press a soft, consoling kiss to her lips, however.
“I try my best,” Siuan agreed sweetly, or as close to sweet as she could muster, which was about as close as freshly squeezed lemon juice.
Moiraine was quiet for a long time, and Siuan let the silence stretch between them, comfortable and companionable. A part of her wanted to continue chastising her for being so flippant about her safety, and about not keeping Lan with her. But she judged Lan would probably take care of that, and for now, she knew how much she needed this time to simply…Be.
Something that was simply…Nice. Something Siuan usually balked at, for it being horribly boring, but boring was what Moiraine needed now. A place where there was no pressure. No expectation. No ever gathering darkness at the edges of her sanity. It was just peaceful, and gentle, and safe, as Siuan made it for her. The only sound was that of the water lapping gently against the deck of the cabin. The only sensation was her soft fingers stroking through her hair. No pain, no violence, no constant threat of attack or death.
Yet, for all her calm, the smooth lines of her face for once untroubled, eyes closed, head pillowed in her lap there was something not quite a right. A slight tension to her, a faint hunch in her shoulders, something that anyone who knew her less well would never have seen.
“What is it?” Siuan asked, running a fingertip over Moiraine’s lips, looking down at her with a gentle expression, “What are you thinking in that head of yours?”
“What if we stayed here?” Moiraine whispered so softly, not meeting her eyes or turning her head, letting her words be stolen by the night, “What if we just…Never went back. We just stayed here. Together. Until the end comes.” A single tear escaped her restraint, and slid slowly down her cheek, splashing in Siuan’s lap. “Then we just let the damned world burn around us.”
Siuan smiled as gently as she could, with all of the love she felt for this woman in her arms contained within it. Swallowing tightly, feeling sorrow bleed into her gaze, for all that they had given, and all they must yet give, she shook her head.
“That’s a nice dream, my love,” she said quietly, thumbs absently brushing away her tears. She closed her eyes, and Siuan cradled her face, stroking gently over her smooth skin, “Sweet. And safe. And something I will think of to keep me warm these nights that you’re away from me.” Her heart lurched at the very thought of it, as she dipped down and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, a sad smile touching her mouth once more as she drew back, “But you know it’ll only ever be a dream. You couldn’t let that happen,” she said, loving this woman all the more as she said that, and knew just how truthful it was, “You couldn’t just sit here while the world burned. At the sight of the first spark, you’d be out there on the frontlines trying to stop it.”
“I know,” Moiraine said quietly, suddenly sounding so exhausted as she closed her eyes, letting more tears fall as she did.
Siuan could feel the flicker of self-hatred in those words. As though she felt she would be a better woman, and a better partner, if she would have been less willing to throw her happiness away for this cause they had begun together twenty years ago. As though Siuan would have loved her half as much if she was the type of person who could have hidden away in a little illusion of happiness and ignored the destruction of their world.
Moiraine opened her eyes and reached up, touching Siuan’s face as she said quietly, the look in her eyes as she spoke the closest Siuan had ever come to believing in true love, “And I know you would right there at my side,” she said, nodding to her, such emotion in those words.
“I will be,” Siuan promised her fiercely, taking her hand on her cheek and lacing their fingers together, “When the time comes, I will be. We will face the end together, you and I. It just won’t be safely tucked behind these walls like a crab in its shell.”
Moiraine nodded, such tired resignation in her that it made Siuan’s heart ache with fondness for her. Two years. Two long, painful years. Too long. Too bloody long, by half.
“I’ve miss-” Moiraine began in a hoarse exhalation, but Siuan pressed a finger to her lips, shaking her head.
“You know I can’t stand to hear those words from you,” she growled quiet but firm.
She hesitated, then nodded, and Siuan gentled her fingers against her mouth, until Moiraine was softly kissing them, pressing her lips with reverence to each of the tattoos on her hands. Siuan smiled at that, giving her her little moment of disgusting sentiment with fondness.
“I am always with you,” Siuan said, voice soft and faint as a summer breeze, but equally fierce as a winter storm.
“As I am always with you,” Moiraine echoed back to her, lips trembling a little. She found her hand and squeezed it as she added, “Carried in your heart.”
“From this life, into the next,” Siuan went on, the words a resonant chant coming from deep within her chest as she looked into Moiraine’s eyes, and pressed that truth, that certainty upon her.
“As the Wheel weaves, so shall it be,” Moiraine finished, completing the verse.
“So shall it be,” Siuan repeated quietly, fingers trailing through her hair, spread out in a halo around her head.
Moiraine smiled, seeming to find comfort in the words, as Siuan sealed them with a kiss. It was a verse from one of her favourites, an epic poem that wove a fictional tale of two lovers driven to save the world from the return of the Dark. Siuan had never been a great fan of poetry, with a few rare exceptions, but she had the whole thing memorised, for Moiraine, and always kept a copy of it nearby.
"Here," she said quietly, the thought reminding her of something she had meant to do, "I have something for you. I was saving it until you came home."
***
Moiraine felt something strange stir within her at that word. Home. She wasn’t sure what that was anymore. In truth, she wasn’t sure if she’d ever known what it was. Certainly, there had been none to find at the Sun Palace in Cairhien where she had spent her childhood. Or what she called her childhood, for there had been little enough of it to be found. Nor the White Tower, which had taken her in, but had still left her feeling a stranger. Since then she had travelled, never stopping more than a few nights in one unfamiliar town after the next, never pausing long enough to so much as think about growing roots, never mind having them.
No, she had never truly known home. Not until she had made one for herself in Siuan’s arms, and then a second one, at Lan’s side. She still remembered telling him, as they rode back towards Tar Valon, that home to her meant Aldieb’s saddle, her travel cloak, and her trusty boots. That, and the sight of him ever-brooding at her side. That was where she had most often been for the last twenty years.
Siuan was still her anchor, the place of safety she would always return to, where she knew the world could no longer touch her. Moiraine smiled fondly, at the thought as she looked fondly towards her and knew happiness. Siuan allowed her to just float for a time, like a ship docked at a safe harbour, untroubled by weather or waves, protected by the walls of the port around it.
"What is it?" Moiraine asked, recalled to herself by the sight of Siuan, still unashamedly naked, crossing the room towards a rickety set of drawers.
Crawling to the edge of the bed, Moiraine took a simple pleasure at flopping down gracelessly on her stomach and propping her chin up on her elbows to watch. No dignity or nobility was expected of her here, and though it was sometimes hard, it was also nice to briefly cast off those chains.
Siuan rummaged for a moment, cursing a few times under her breath as she did so. One of the best kept secrets of the Amyrlin Seat was that she was about as organised as a trolloc cookpot. Leane took care of most of her documents and papers in the Tower, thank the Light, or they’d never be seen again.
Finally, she straightened up, a heavy piece of parchment in one hand, and a loose red shift in the other. Smoothing the paper out with a soft smile, she crossed back towards Moiraine and settled down on the edge of the bed, holding it and the dress out for her.
With difficulty, and some grumbling, which Siuan rolled her eyes at, Moiraine pushed herself up into a sitting position, swinging her legs off of the end of the bed. With gratitude, she took the bed and slipped it over her head, tugging it down to cover herself. Siuan sat beside her, still comfortably naked, but knew she was more comfortable having something to wear.
Reaching out, she took the paper, feeling the deliberate brush of Siuan’s fingers against hers as she handed it over. It was clearly a design for a new tattoo, one to add to her collection. The beautiful geometric patterns, each steeped in meaning she had taken the time to research and understand. Though something about this one looked a little different to the others, but she couldn’t quite place why.
"It's beautiful," she murmured, fingers tracing the intricate lines.
She smiled at Siuan, nodding her approval, and looking up to meet her eyes. Though she’d never asked for, nor needed, her approval for her former tattoos. Or for anything.
"It's special,” Siuan returned, jerking her head down to the paper, inviting her to look again.
"Oh?" Moiraine said, then she frowned a little, cocking her head to one side, "Is this the Old Tongue?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Very old,” Siuan agreed, “One of the earliest runic scripts we’ve found for it,” her fingers traced over the lines on the paper with a certain reverence. Then she said, with a hint of cheek, “Can you read it?"
"Just because I haven't been in the Tower alongside you doesn't mean all my wits have leaked out of my ears in my absence,” Moiraine sniffed, giving Siuan a cool glower that just made her snort with laughter.
"Go on then,” Siuan said, the words somehow still as challenging as they would have been when they were Novices together, pushing each other with weaves and lore as pillowtalk.
Moiraine translated the first line aloud, then stopped, looking up at Siuan, suddenly breathless. It was a poem, a poem she knew very well, and did not need to read in the old script to recite. The words could be found etched into her bones long after her death, carved into her very soul. It had come from Tear, written by a woman for her lover while she was away at sea. Over time, it became a chant, in Tear, half-prayer, half-celebration, for those who waited at home for their loved ones’ safe return. The lines in question were ones Siuan had often quoted to her, whenever she came back to her.
Taking a breath, Moiraine recited, in a low, resonant thrum, as the words were meant to be spoken, with an ebb and flow like the tides to which they called:
"My love is carried o'er the seas
Past flame and stone, river and trees.
My love shall go, and I shall be
Here waiting oh so patiently.
My love doth run, I set them free,
But from my heart they never leave.
My love will rise and I shall see
Their face in dawn's sweet memory
My love will fall and I might grieve
But in my soul, she lives indeed.
My love, you know, our fates are sealed
As I too know when weaves the Wheel,
My love, you'll turn back home to me.”
Siuan smiled as she finished the poem, and impatiently brushed away a stray tear with the heel of her hand, as though it was an inconvenience to her.
“It’s perfect,” Moiraine said warmly, feeling tears sting at her own eyes.
“It’s for you,” Siuan replied, in that blunt, almost casual way she spoke some of the deepest, most romantic things Moiraine had ever heard in her life. Light, how she loved this woman.
That tattoos of a Tairen were a near holy thing to many, steeped in history and culture. For Siuan, they were as much a legacy of her home as the cabin she kept, or the nets she still wove by hand to honour her father. They were her, as surely as the blood and bones of her. Her story wove across her skin in the patterns of deep blue ink. For her to include Moiraine in that-
“I am honoured,” she said, reaching out and taking Siuan’s hand.
Siuan rolled her eyes, “I’m not doing it to honour you, your Ladyship,” she said, “I’m doing it because it’s past time, and you’re as much a part of me as the river or the tides.”
“Can I not be honoured by that?” Moiraine asked, tone half-teasing, half-serious, “That I have such a place in your life, and in your heart?”
“Lan’s been rubbing off on you,” Siuan told her, though she smiled deeply as she said it, “You’re getting sentimental in your old age.”
“How dare you,” Moiraine replied, in mock affront, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to her lips.
It was a joke they often shared. Neither had been much inclined towards flowery romance or grand displays in their youth, and that hadn’t changed as they had aged. Siuan liked to joke that Lan took care of the romance for them. She often teased him about having secret epic poems he’d written dedicated to their love hidden away in his saddlebags.
In truth, a part of Moiraine was surprised that Siuan had chosen this. There was a connection to Tear, which was obviously important to her, but she was generally more dismissive of poetry, and had been known to throw books at Lan and Moiraine’s heads if they talked about it too much in her presence. She knew her, though, and knew that the act of having something Moiraine loved, something that she clung to as a comfort and small remainder of civilisation on long nights travelling the wilderness, was deliberate.
“I want you to do it,” Siuan said as she smiled gently at her, “Now.” Moiraine blinked, startled, which was saying a lot, considering the things she’d seen. “I’ll show you the weaves you need,” Siuan continued, as though oblivious of Moiraine’s uncharacteristic surprise
“You’re serious?” she said, shaking her head slightly in wonder.
“As a lionfish,” Siaun returned almost grimly.
With the eyes of the Amyrlin Seat, she stared Moiraine down as she might an oncoming army of trollocs - with power and resolute defiance that said it would not be turned aside by armies, or enemies, or all the crushing might of the ocean itself.
“Don’t know when I’ll have you here again,” Siuan said, with that typical grounded matter-of-fact way she had always had, and never lost. Reaching out, she took Moiraine’s hand and added, more softly, “And I want it to be you. That’s as important as the design itself.”
“Very well,” Moiraine said, slowly, knowing better than to attempt to argue with that look.
She considered, tracing her finger over the patterns on the paper before her with a thoughtful cast this time, imagining them on Siuan’s skin.
Then, with a small smirk, she ordered, “Get back on the bed then, I suppose.”
“I will tire of hearing you say that to me,” Siuan returned.
Giving her a wink, she turned, still naked as the day she was born, and flopped back down onto the bed as she might have while still a rough and ready Novice fresh from the fishing boats of Tear. All of the Amyrlin’s cultivated poise and grace truly went to the Light once they were alone. Just as Moiraine’s facade of composure and control burned away to nothing.
With a measured voice, Siuan coached her through the weaves, ones learned in the Tower, from an older Tairen Aes Sedai, who had been blessed to find the Amyrlin Seat herself wished to know the ancient rites of their people. She also taught her the appropriate chants, the content of the threads of her story she added to the tattoo, as well as a traditional blessing that was to be woven through the specific words of the individual design.
Once she had finished, and was confident Moiraine could do this, Siuan settled back down and gestured invitingly at her body.
“Where do you want it?” Moiraine asked, taking the opportunity to caress her skin, fingers lingering over the existing tattoos. She had always had a certain fascination with them, and had spent countless hours tracing the patterns while Siuan rested in her arms.
“Here,” Siuan said, taking her hand and pressing it over her heart.
The design would join to the narrow, connected thread of glyphs that began at her throat and travelled in a flowing column down her breastbone, the rest of the design branching off from the central portion. Yet there would be a certain secrecy about it. Never on display to any but those who were trusted to see those most intimate parts of her. Swallowing, Moiraine nodded her approval.
Closing her eyes, Moiraine opened herself up, and allowed Saidar to flood her, using her as a vessel for its power. With the might of her will, she wove the threads of that power, and repeated the chants that Siuan gave to her.
As she worked, ink rose from the small jar that Siuan had prepared for the purpose. It hovered in the air between them, taking on the precise shape of the glyphs Moiraine had studied intently before beginning.
Breathing deeply, Moiraine controlled the ink with a devastating precision. She formed each one into a tiny, needle-sharp pinprick in the air then guided them to hover over Siuan’s skin. She was breathing deeply, braced for the pain, but there was no fear in her eyes as they met Moiraine’s. Nothing but confidence and trust in her.
Controlling the slight quiver of her hand as the strain to maintain such a complex set of weaves made itself known, Moiraine exhaled steadily. Then she pressed the poem down into Siuan’s skin, piercing just deeply enough. She hissed, fingers clenching in the bedding beneath her, but she kept perfectly still.
As her body relaxed, releasing the power and the tension she had held in it, Siuan had a new tattoo placed over her heart, and Moiraine’s tears had fallen upon it.
“Well that works,” Siuan said, shifting beneath her and sitting up with a slight groan, her chest tender, weeping blood in places. “It’s supposed to be seawater it gets sealed with, but I suppose your salty tears will do.”
Moiraine huffed out a soft laugh at that, then leaned down and breathed against Siuan’s mouth, “I’d rather seal it with a kiss, if it’s all the same to you.”
“By all means,” Siuan replied, lifting her chin for her. Moiraine cupped her face in her hands and dipped down, kissing her deeply, unable to stop herself smiling into it.
“I assume you will not let me heal it for you?” Moiraine asked as she drew away, looking down at the reddened skin.
“Absolutely not,” Siuan replied, frowning at the very thought, and Moiraine nodded, having expected that, “But you’re mine now,” she added, voice dropping into a low, satisfied purr as she smirked up at her.
“Is that so?” Moiraine asked.
“Sure as a fish on a line,” Siuan told her, taking her hand and pressing it very gently over the tattoos now placed on her skin, “That’s what this means.”
“Siuan Sanche,” Moiraine replied, kneeling down on the bed and smiling fondly at her as she combed her curls away from her face, “You ought to know that I have been yours, sure as a fish on a line, for several decades now.”
“Right answer,” Siuan said, and Moiraine laughed softly again then kissed her once more.
****