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You fretfully fiddled with the freshly cut ends of your hair, eyes darting around the drawing-room around you. It was an awful, gaudy room, filled with novelties that held no value other than saying look at us, we can afford something this utterly useless and expensive . Almost the whole of the room was a deep, rich red, including the walls and carpeted floor, the decorative rugs were an accompanying shade of maroon, and it was all accented with brass embellishments on the mahogany furniture. The room was warmly and dimly lit by the candelabras, both real and electrical, spread about. The only real splash of color came from the forest green chaise you lounged on in the center of the room and the pale blue dress you wore, accented with pastel pink trim. You had foregone the bustle in your skirt tonight in favor of your physical comfort given that you were expecting a rather uncomfortable conversation in a few minutes.

Your eyes flashed back to the doors to your left, still closed. You sighed and closed your eyes, trying to force yourself to relax into the velvet cushions. You had extended your invitation for eight o’clock and it was still seven-fifty, and Konstantin was always punctual. Often annoyingly so.

You combed your fingers through your hair, still surprised by just how quickly they ran through your locks than you were used to. The change had only been done yesterday, and you had been in the process of cutting away at it when his letter came. 

A devious smile curled on your lips as you recalled how your maid’s eyes blew wide when she entered your room to deliver the envelope, only to find you had chopped your hair well shorter than what was to be expected from a woman of your status. She had handed you the letter hurriedly, trying not to look horrified by your shoddy work, and offered to touch up the hack job while you read.

You had handed her the scissors and flipped the envelope over in your hands as she began trimming your choppy ends. You recognized the sender as soon as you saw the lettering of your name on the back, and your heart fluttered. You tore it open in excitement; it had been too long since you had last heard from him for your liking.

Konstantin was your oldest and, at this point in your life, just about your only true friend.

Your older brother, Dimitri, was around the same age as Konstantin Dmitrich Levin and his friend Stepan Aarkadyich Oblonsky, all of whom were only a couple years older than you. The three boys had been dear friends in their youth, and you had often found yourself as a more or less unwanted tag along to them growing up. But as the three grew older, Dimitri became more and more insufferable of a person, and more and more like your parents, the other boys found they enjoyed your company far better than your egotistical brother’s.

You had always preferred the sweet and timid Konstantin to the social butterfly Stepan. Dear Stepan was friends with everyone and everyone was friends with dear Stepan, but you and Konstantin often preferred your own company to that of others.

Your preference for Konstantin only grew stronger as you came into adulthood just two years behind him. Both of you being of marriageable age found yourselves growing more detached and exhausted by the pageantry of aristocratic life and the blind ignorance of your contemporaries, which only grew worse as they sought out someone to court. Some of your warmest memories involved the two of you sitting off in some corner of a party, discussing what he was learning at the university while Stepan flitted about the room with his new wife Dolly, saying to everyone exactly what they wanted to hear to gain their respect and friendship. There was nothing necessarily wrong with Stepan’s conduct, to this day he is still beloved by all, but neither you nor Konstantin cared enough to put on false faces for your peers.

It was during one of these talks that you had the sudden and overwhelming realization that you had fallen utterly in love with the man. But much to your dismay, that was also the night he confessed to you that he would be moving to the country to take over his family’s estate. He knew in his soul he was meant to live a simpler life, and so he had decided to leave that night, and would only make the occasional visit back to the city. Of course you were happy for him, even a little jealous that he could make an escape from this world that you did not have the power to do, and so you sent him off and wished him well that night.

But without him there to keep you company, you tried your damndest to avoid parties, and when your parents forced you to go to “socialize and find yourself a nice man”, you sat off to the sidelines and wished you had someone there to hate the garishness of it all with you. Your cold demeanor and apathy for the society you were born into had earned you a reputation as a sort of freak, especially in your being decidedly unladylike, and it only got worse as years passed and you remained unwed well past what was normal for a lady of your status. This was both due to upper-class men turning up their noses at your oddities, and that anyone who would consider you was nothing compared to your smart and kind Konstantin.

Thankfully, he had written you frequently in his absences, and maintained his promise to visit from time to time, but in recent years, he had fallen for another woman: Kitty Shcherbatslky.

The Shcherbastskys had been another family your group had spent a lot of time around, and the women of that family had been of particular interest to your friends. Stepan had married Dolly, the eldest of the three girls, many years earlier, and now Konstantin had fallen for the youngest. He had always had a certain fascination with the family, and had fallen head over heels for this woman. And there was nothing you could do but support your friend in his endeavors while privately worrying about his fixation on her.

In recent months, the time between his correspondences with you had grown considerably. You knew things were strained between what was left of his family and that his most recent visit to the city had ended abruptly when he packed up and left having decided that there was no way Kitty could love him, so you weren’t going to give him grief over the duration between letters, but receiving another one from him sent a warmth spreading through your chest.

A small frown tugged at the corners of your lips when you unfolded the page. It was far shorter than usual. Far , far shorter. His letters were often several pages long, full of tales of his work on the farm and his ever shifting and growing thoughts and perspectives of the world and his purpose in it. Nevertheless, you flushed a little seeing the words “my dearest friend,” before your name, but your frown deepened as you read:

I  am afraid I must start by apologizing for springing this upon you, my friend, so suddenly, but I am in town this week and I was wondering if I may call upon you tomorrow? I have much to discuss with you, but I would much prefer to do so in person. I must also note that of course, I desire to see you, who has become most important in my life, before I take my leave once again. Please write me at your nearest convenience.

Appreciatively, Konstantin Dmitrich Levin

Ignoring the small fire that second to last sentence had stoked within you, you grew increasingly concerned for your dear friend. Something very serious must have happened for him to have refrained from writing it all out to you, as he so loved to do.

You had been pulled from your worried thoughts when your maid set the scissors on the vanity near the opened envelope and asked you if your cut was acceptable. You sighed and turned your gaze from the paper in your hands to look at yourself in the mirror. A little smile found its way onto your face as you looked at your reflection. Even with her help, it was choppy and messy and uncouth, and you loved it. A very simple thing that flew in the face of everyone around you. You thanked and dismissed her, running your fingers through your hair, your mind wandering back to the letter. What will Kostya think? You shook your head in annoyance at the thought, a pang of guilt running through you. The man was certainly troubled, and there you were thinking about whether or not he would like your haircut. You rolled your eyes at yourself and picked up the pen and paper at the end of your vanity, quickly scrawling out an invitation for the following night at eight in the evening.

And now you sat alone in your drawing-room, eyes flickering between the doors and the wine on the coffee table in front of you. No… you shouldn’t. The last thing you really needed was to be inebriated before he even walked in the doors. You nervously fiddled with your hands instead. Oh, that letter had left you so anxious and worried, you had hardly slept last night at all. What could have happened for your friend to have written such a brief note?

More anxiety washed over you in waves as you pondered the possibilities. You bounced your foot on the crimson carpet, eyeing the wine and the two crystalline glasses next to it again. Maybe just one drink to calm your nerves wouldn’t be the end of the world. You stood and resolved to pour yourself a glass when the doors finally swung open.

The servant standing in the doorway loudly announced, “Konstantin Dmitrich Levin!” to the room only you occupied.

Your face lit up as the familiarly large man stepped into the room, grinning at you. He had dressed himself up nicely as he tended to do when visiting the city, but you wouldn’t have minded if he had shown up in working clothes. Hell, he could have shown up nude, and you… well, perhaps you were a little too alright with the idea of him showing up to your house naked… nevertheless, while he cleaned up nicely, even from a distance you could see he was more disheveled than usual.

You waited until the servant closed the door behind him before running over to your friend. “Kostya!” you squealed, throwing your arms around his middle. Your heart hammered in your chest as he gave you one of his familiar bear hugs back.

You parted, grinning ear to ear as you looked up at him. God, sometimes you forgot just how much he towered over you. You flushed a little, realizing just how tiny you were in his arms.

He gave you a quick smile and kissed you on both your cheeks, still holding you in his grasp rather firmly. You returned the gesture and wrapped your arms around him again, trying to crush him in your grasp, even though you knew it wouldn’t affect him at all. “It’s been too long.”

“I know,” he said, squeezing you back with his usual warmth. His hugs were always delightfully strong and tight, and he always held you like it would be your last.

You pulled back to finally get a good look at him. Like you had seen earlier, he was looking less put together than he usually tried to. Of course, he was as handsome as ever, but you could see his hair was a little less well-kept, it looked as though he hadn’t groomed his facial hair in a bit, and there were some rather heavy bags under his eyes. You could also see that though he smiled at you, it didn’t quite reach his eyes. They lacked the brilliant sparkle that usually danced in his gaze.

You wanted to ask him a hundred questions about his letter, but he spoke before you, his brow furrowing and looking like he was concerned for you . “Did-?” One of his hands came to your hair, grasping a lock between his thumb and forefinger. “Did something happen?”

You laughed and waved his question away as he let go of you, looking even more confused by your reaction. “Oh no, nothing happened,” you explained. “I did this to myself.”

He blushed at your answer, bowing his head slightly. He practically tripped over himself to apologize, like you knew he would. “I am… I’m very… so, so sorry- I… didn’t mean anything by- you know-”

You patted him on the shoulder to shut him up, otherwise, he would have been at it for a while. “I know, Kostya. I am very aware of the stigmas around it, and that’s why I did it.” You twirled a strand around your finger. “I had grown very bored sitting around yesterday, and I knew it would stir up trouble.”

He continued with his apologizing anyway. “Truly, I am sorry.” His eyes wandered over your face, inspecting you. “It is certainly eye-catching- I mean of course that it still looks fitting on you.”

You could tell he was shocked to see such a dramatic change on you, but you didn’t mind because you knew he was honest, often brutally so, therefore he must’ve thought, whether good or bad, that it was, in fact, fitting on you.

His apologetic look turned concerned once again. “Though, I am sure your parents did not take to it well.” Was he shifting the subject slightly to the left to avoid further awkwardness? Certainly. Did you care? No, not particularly.

You scoffed. “Oh, why would they? You recall how they’ve thought me crazy all these years?”

He nodded, rolling his eyes. He was very, very familiar with your family’s thoughts on you and your outlook on life, especially your thoughts on the aristocracy.

“Well this,” you gestured to your head, "was the final straw for them. They believe I’ve gone properly mad now.”

His soft concern turned to a steely frown. “Ridiculous.”

“I know.” You turned to walk back to the green seat, motioning for him to follow. “Come, sit with me.” And he did.

You sat and leaned yourself comfortably against the cushion of the backrest. Yes, it had been very smart to forego the bustle. It would certainly be a long night.

He sat himself on the opposite end of the chaise, the both of you turned to face one another. His eyes wandered over the room curiously, as though he hadn’t sat in it a thousand times before.

“What?” You asked, leaning over to pour you both some of the wine you had nearly opened just a minute ago.

“Of course, you know that I wanted to speak with you alone, but-” He kept his voice low. “Is there nobody else in the house tonight?”

“Mama, Papa, and Dima are all out at the opera tonight,” You explained, handing him his glass.

He accepted it and took a sip, furrowing his brow. “My apologies if I kept you in tonight, I know you have a soft spot for the arts.”

You gave a bitter chuckle at that, sipping from your glass as well. “I told you already, they think I’m crazy, Kostya. They have decided I am not allowed to leave the house any longer.”

He gaped at you, but before he could get a word out, you continued, “For about a month now they had already been limiting how often I was to go out because of my unsociability and outbursts .” You rolled your eyes and took another drink. “Being honest about my opinion of ghosts and spirits when asked is apparently what they consider an outburst nowadays. But, as I said, this was the final straw, and now they simply cannot allow their crazy daughter out in public to soil the family name, now can they?” You could see him growing angrier with every word from your mouth. It provided you with a little amusement and you kept talking, swirling the wine around in your glass. “They even convinced a doctor to prescribe me medication for my so-called delusions. Delusions of what? None of them are sure, least of all myself.” You took another drink.

His face had turned red and you could see his jaw tensing in anger, but you stopped him once again before he went off. “Of course I’m not taking them, the last thing I need is to actually go mad.”

He suddenly stood, face scrunched in anger. You watched with a barely restrained smile as he began pacing back and forth as he often did, and repeatedly opened his mouth to go on a tirade, only to cut himself off with a huff, growing redder by the second. You found a sort of comfort in knowing that he was so concerned about your well-being that he, a man who loved to rant and rave about anything and everything, was unable to speak.

You patted the seat next to you. “Konstantin Dmitrich, please sit down. You always work yourself into a frenzy when you pace.”

“But-”

You patted the seat more firmly and he conceded with a sigh, slumping back against the chaise and taking another drink. He took a moment to close his eyes and compose himself before speaking again. “I cannot believe they would do that to you.” 

You quirked a brow at him.

“Alright, well maybe I can, but it is still an outrage! I am deeply sorry.”

You shrugged. “Nothing to be done.”

“Even so,” he continued, rather obviously trying to steer the conversation away from such a dreary subject, “I am surprised that they would allow an unwed man and woman this sort of privacy.” He gestured to the warmly lit room the two of you sat in. “That is, of course, assuming that you haven’t taken a husband since we last spoke,” he teased, knowing full well that you wouldn’t have kept something that important from him.

“They’ve left us unattended for the same reason I am still very much unwed.” You joked, “Don’t you see? I am unsightly and undesirable, no normal man would want me.”

“Yes, but we both know I am no normal man.” His cheeks flushed after saying that, as though he hadn’t thought before speaking. He took another sip from his glass.

Of course it was simply the casual flirting the two of you often engaged in, and dear Konstantin was known to blush after saying just about anything, but nonetheless, you found yourself speaking genuinely without thinking yourself, “That’s just the problem with my love life, that I cannot find anyone like you.”

You both turned red at that admission, and you kept talking in the hopes of keeping the atmosphere from growing too uncomfortable. “Every other man I’ve had the displeasure of speaking to cannot seem to see past the end of his nose when it comes to matters of the classes. And they’re all so… superficial. They lie as easily as they breathe, unlike you, my friend.” You gestured toward him with your glass. “You are an honest man, sometimes even to a fault.” You saw a twitch of a smile on his lips. “You’re genuine with your thoughts and emotions, and I value that. And I swear you are the only person who understands my worldview.”

He nodded his head in agreement. “I understand completely.” Your heart fluttered a little when you heard that. “Nobody takes us seriously.”

“Isn’t it a shame,” you said. “That a man thinks for himself and he’s odd, and a woman thinks for herself and she’s crazy?”

Konstantin said nothing in response, simply clinking his glass against yours and downing a good portion of his drink. You laughed and did the same.

You suddenly sat up straight, playfully slapping him on the knee. “Oh, but now you’ve distracted me! Enough about my annoyances.” You placed a hand on his shoulder. “What’s happened, Kostya?”

He gave a sad smile, moving his hands to his lap. “How could you tell something was wrong?”

“Konstantin Dmitrich.” You smirked. “We both know you have the most handsome smile in Russia, but it looks even better when it reaches your eyes.” He let out a breathy laugh, and you continued, “You wear your heart on your sleeve, even when you try not to. Not to mention your letter was so short yesterday, I knew as soon as I took it from the envelope.”

He sat quietly for a moment, pointedly avoiding your eyes. You could see him start to curl in on himself as he tended to do when he got uncomfortable, and his eyes darted around the room.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, trying to coax anything out of him.

“This room,” he said. “I feel constrained by it. It’s all too much for a man such as myself.”

“I know, trust me I know. But even if I am crazy, it’s not as though I could bring you to my bedroom for privacy,” you said, trying to lighten the mood. He blushed again as you expected and you thought he looked quite cute when he was flustered. You kept speaking, both to confess a truth to him and to give him a moment to gather his thoughts before speaking. Even after many years of friendship, it was still quite hard for him to overcome his bashfulness at times. “I wish I could live like you do. I want nothing more than to be able to pack up and leave as you did, but I have no such choice in the matter.”

“I am very sorry for that, you would rather like the country,” he said. “Away from the insufferability of it all. Away from the constant excess of everything.”

“Really?” You perked up a bit. “Do you think I would be good with farm work?”

He smiled a little. “Not with the delicacy with which you’ve been raised.”

“Ha!” You flexed your arm at him. “Give me a month and I’ll be as strong as you.”

He couldn’t help but laugh at that, and you lit up seeing him properly smile for the first time all night. “That would certainly be a sight to see,” he said.

Seeing him more relaxed, you rested your hand on his shoulder once more. “Alright, now be honest with me. What’s wrong?”

He looked down at his hands again and bounced his leg nervously. You could see a light pink dusting his cheeks as he worked against his nerves. It was a little sweet honestly, seeing such a large and physically intimidating man be so timid. He managed to mutter out your name before looking you in the eyes and you flushed a little.

“I proposed to Kitty.”

Your heart seized in your chest and you felt a pit forming in your stomach, but you fought to maintain an even face for his sake. Though, surely, he wouldn’t look so dour if she had accepted… unless he was coming to say his final goodbye to you. Maybe he would be taking her to the countryside with him to never return. Oh lord, what if she knew of your affections for him and had sent him here to tell you that could never speak to you again? You anxiously chewed on your lower lip.

His eyes dropped back down to his hands as he spoke, voice barely above a whisper, “She rejected me.”

What an intense and disgusting mess of emotion swirled within you at that moment. A wave of relief swept over you upon hearing those words and you were revolted by it. And then you saw his eyes glistening with tears and you felt utterly monstrous that the words that gave you reprieve were hurting him so terribly.

You quickly took his glass from his loose grip and set both of yours on the coffee table, and wrapped your arms around him. He held you back tightly, as though you would vanish from his grasp at any moment, and you heard him sniffle.

“Oh, Kostya,” you cooed, giving him a squeeze and pulling back to take his hands in your own. “Are you alright?”

He took his hands from yours to wipe away his tears. “I don’t know.” He gave a half-hearted chuckle. “It appears she has eyes for another.”

You pulled your lips into a tight frown hearing that. “You deserve better,” you declared firmly.

He idly rubbed the palm of one hand with the thumb of the other. “What do you mean better?”

You grasped his hands again, prompting him to look you in the eyes, his own full of heartache. “You know I love you, right?”

“Of course,” he said, “I love you too.”

You tried not to wince at the stuttering in your heart and the deep ache in your chest. Of course you loved each other, but it was as he once told you about Plato’s symposium on the two loves. His love for you was platonic. He cared for you in perhaps more of a sisterly way than anything. But your love for him was decidedly non-platonic in the ways you yearned for him. Romantically, and what kept you up at night most, physically.

You continued, “Then you will know that when I say this I say it because I love you and because I only wish good things upon you, Konstantin Dmitrich.”

He bowed his head a little in anticipation for what you had to say and you felt miserable, but you knew someone had to say it, or else he would be wallowing in his misery for god knows how long.

“With all due respect to you and Kitty, you have been idolizing the woman. You have deemed her untouchable and infallible.” He nodded his head solemnly, so at least he was somewhat aware. “And you aren’t just in love with her, you’ve been in love with the Shcherbatsky household for a long time.”

He looked up at you curiously.

“They’ve had what you’ve lacked in family, and you’ve fallen in love with them in that sense, in the idea of their family… and they’ve had what I’ve lacked too.” You sighed. “I guess I’ve fallen in the opposite direction as you. They seem to care for each other in a way my family hasn’t, and I’ve come to be quite jealous of them. But you, you’ve placed them on a pedestal, especially Kitty.”

You patted his hands and encouraged him to really look at you. “But they are human. Just like you. And just like me.”

He paused for a moment and sighed. “You’re right.” He shook his head soberly. “You’re right and I didn’t want to see it.” You could see his eyes growing wet once again and you felt yourself tearing up as well, mortified to know that you had been able to hurt him with your words. You buried your face in his shoulder and let a few tears slip. “I’m sorry, Kostya.”

His head fell to your shoulder as well. “No, I needed to hear it.” He said into the fabric of your dress.

You leaned back and wiped the tears from your eyes, and he kept his head resting on your shoulder. “ Will you be alright?” you asked.

He turned his head and looked up at you through his lashes, studying you rather than answering your question. You furrowed your brow in confusion. His eyes wandered over your face and lingered on your messy hair for a moment before he spoke again. “Now that I’ve sat with you a moment I’ve really grown to like how that looks on you.”

You scoffed and rolled the shoulder he was resting his cheek on. “Thank you, but do not try and distract me again, Konstantin Dmitrich.”

He sat up, sighing, and finally answered, “I’m still not sure.” He twisted himself to face you even better on the chaise, resting one of his legs on the seat to do so. “That was several nights ago. I’ve taken the last few days to collect myself, and I’ve decided to be heading back home tonight.”

You pouted when he said that last part, and he gave you a small grin, placing one of his hands over yours. “I was going to leave that night, but of course I couldn’t leave without seeing my dearest friend first.”

“Well, I appreciate that at the least,” you smiled. “Coming to see me before you go and leave for another eternity.”

“Oh don’t be that way.” He smiled playfully and you finally saw that brilliant sparkle in his eyes that you had been missing since he arrived. “I had to come see you, you’re just about the only person left for me to want to see.”

You rolled your eyes at him, ever the exaggerator. “Surely you cannot be serious.”

He sighed, that playful smile turning into a more dour look. “No, not entirely, but my relationship with you is the only one that has not come under strain within this last week. I visited Sergei to tell him about my plans with Kitty, but he was-” he faltered, furrowing his brow, “conversation with a… with some philosopher, I suppose, and they both were… rather seemed unconcerned by my input, and then Sergei was rather patronizing about my farming matters and-” He took a deep breath and paused his rambling. “The two of us are just very different men. He thinks I’m simple.”

“You are not simple, Kostya,” you chided. “He just fails to understand why an intelligent man would lead a simple life.”

It appeared as though he hadn’t even processed your comment as he continued speaking, lost in his own racing thoughts. “And then I went to see Nikolai and I-”

You sat a little straighter hearing about his older brother. “Nikolai?” He always saw his half-brother Sergei during his visits, but as far as you knew Nikolai had been avoiding the both of them for a while now.

“Ah!” He waved his hand like he was shooing the man out of the room rather than his name out of the air. “That’s… he’s- another time! Another time I’ll have to talk about him…” You didn’t push the subject further.

“And then there’s Sti- no, no Stepan. Oh, that…” his face was growing redder, “ Oblonsky! ”

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Stepan? Oblonsky? What has our dear Stiva done to earn your scorn?"

Konstantin heaved out an exasperated sigh, cooling himself down. He really knew how to work himself up. “I know he meant well, but Stiva was the one who encouraged me to propose! He claimed that his wife said she was certain to be my wife and-” He suddenly went from very animated to very still, his face dropping to a look of concern. “Have you… do you know about Stiva and Dolly?”

“No?” Your heart rate picked up. Were they getting divorced? And for what?

“I-” He was playing with his hands again. “I believe Stepan has had an affair.”

“Pig!” You spat without thought, but stopped yourself and closed your eyes. Would Stiva have really done such a thing to Dolly? “Did he tell you this himself?” You asked, opening your eyes again.

“No, but the man is about as subtle as a brick.”

“That is true…”

“He spoke to me at our lunch about infidelity, mind you the same conversation wherein he told me Kitty was to be my wife. He asked me my thoughts on it.”

“On infidelity?”

“On infidelity.”

You dragged your hands down your face. “What an idiot.” You loved your lifelong friend, but he could really be just about the most stupid man on the planet when the mood struck him.

“Of course I told him that I could not imagine nor understand why one would do such a thing, but he tried to weasel himself onto the moral high ground. I’ll tell you what I told him, I said that if one were to pass a bakery as full as we were at that moment, why steal a sweet roll? He told me that sometimes a sweet roll is so fragrant you cannot help yourself.”

You scoffed, hardly believing he would say such a repulsive thing. “Bastard!”

“I know.” Konstantin bowed his head. “So most everyone I have held dear to me has given me strife. My brothers, Stiva, Kitty…”

You felt an awful tug in your chest hearing the heartbreak in the way he said her name. You fiddled with a ruffle on your skirt, scared to look at him as you asked, “Do you still love her?” You forced yourself to look back at him for his response.

He instead avoided your gaze, looking down at his palms. “It has all become so… complex.” He closed his fists and began speaking animatedly once more. “I am hurt and I am angry and there’s been this terrible… this awful ache in my chest that I haven’t been able to be rid of. It’s dull and throbbing and far worse than the pain I felt in the not knowing.” He clenched his jaw. “And a wicked part of me cannot help but loathe her for it… and yet- Oh how I’ve loved her for so long!” He fell back onto the chaise, practically melting into the cushions. “But if she loves another… then it was not meant to be,” he finished with a mournful sigh.

You pursed your lips and grabbed your glass from the table, finished the rest of it off in one gulp, and set it back down. You patted Konstantin on the shoulder reassuringly. “You deserve someone better than her, truly. Someone who appreciates what a wholesome man you are.”

He cracked a small smile and sat a little straighter. “Thank you.”

You chewed on your lower lip for a second, trying to think of how to best phrase what you were thinking. You placed a hand on your chest and said, “I say this with all the love I have in my heart for Kitty.” Which wasn’t much . “But, she is a bit of an airhead isn’t she?”

He let out a disbelieving scoff and you laughed a little, trying to encourage him to take it less seriously.

“I mean she is though, isn’t she?” You reiterated. “She is rather sweet, I will give her that, but she’s not exactly the brightest out there, is she?”

You could see in his shifting facial expressions that he was wrestling with how to feel about your question, but he finally caved and a laugh passed his lips, that warm chuckle you had been missing all night, and you couldn’t help but join in, it was so infectious.

He grabbed your hand as you both giggled. “You know what?” He grinned. “I came to a gathering at the Shcherbatsky’s early to propose to her, and after she- heh- after she rejected me… the party came in and they-'' he laughed to himself a second, “They decided to try table-rapping .”

You both dissolved into laughter, holding on to one another as you each fell back, giggling like a couple of children. Table-rapping , how preposterous!

You slapped him on the shoulder. “You must be joking!”

“I’m afraid not.” He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye, still smiling ear to ear. “Of course, I left before they got properly started.”

You couldn’t help but grin at the image of poor Konstantin leaving a party dejected while they all tried to commune with spirits after his heartbreak. Obviously, you felt terrible, but you couldn’t help but find it a little humorous. “I’m… I am sorry,”  you wheezed, “But what a way to add insult to injury.”

“No, no. It is quite funny, you’re right.” He relaxed against the seat, finally looking like the Konstantin you knew and loved.

You clapped a hand over his. “Oh, Kostya, you certainly deserve someone more intelligent than that.”

He gingerly picked up his glass and finished off the last of his wine as well. “Perhaps you’re right about that.”  He sat his empty glass back on the table.

Certainly he was trying to hide it, but you saw the shift in his expression and the way he began to curl in on himself once again as he said that, and you felt a tightening in your chest. You squeezed his hand. “In all seriousness, do you think you’ll be able to get over her?”

He swallowed, eyes wandering to the wall behind you. “I’m going to have to.” Poor bastard.

“You better,” you teased, trying to lighten the mood you just soured. “For the both of us.”

He turned himself so he was looking at you fully and raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean ‘for the both of us’?” You could see his cheeks dusted red.

Shit.

You coughed out a laugh and prayed you weren’t turning as red as you thought you were. “Well, I meant so that you can move on, obviously, and, well…” Your mind was moving a mile a minute trying to slap together a decent way to cover your ass. “So that I won’t have to deal with letter after letter of your whining for forever.”

His gaze seemed to see straight through you as he studied your reddening face. “Is that so?” He failed to give any indication of the meaning of his words in the tone of his voice.

You busied yourself by reaching over to the small table beside you and pouring more wine into your glasses, talking all the while, scared to know what would happen if you allowed silence to fall between you two. “Besides, I don’t believe the two of you would have made a great match anyway. I doubt Kitty would take well to country life, and I know you wouldn’t want to hear about all the drama from the city from her. You certainly don’t want to get roped back into all of our troubles around here, do you?”

You paused to offer him his glass, which he politely declined. You reached for your own, but hesitated as your fingers grazed the cool glass. No, perhaps you shouldn’t. You sat back upright, trying not to look too stiff, and continued, “You’ve said it yourself, Kostya. It corrupts the mind and poisons the heart.”

He nodded and turned his head to look off wide-eyed, as if pondering your words. “You’re right. I… I’ve just wanted love so desperately for so long now, I couldn’t admit to myself that it wasn’t meant to be.”

You placed a hand on his shoulder and he looked back at you with an expression you couldn’t quite understand, and you nearly jumped. Konstantin was always so easy to read, and now you almost felt left in the dark by his intense gaze. You let out a breathy laugh to ground yourself before saying, “You deserve someone better, someone like us.”

He shifted when you said that, leaning ever so slightly closer to you. His intense expression grew more curious, and you felt yourself getting lost in those deep, warm eyes of his.

You rested your arm on the back of the chaise and mimicked his leg posture, trying to appear relaxed and casual despite the anxious jitters you were fighting off. You continued, “You know, someone who appreciates what kind of man you are and the work you do. Someone who wants what you want. Someone who’s tired of all this upper-class nonsense.” You were both flush, and you knew he could probably see where you were leading him, but you were being honest. You truly believed he deserved someone who understood him, and you tried not to shrivel under the depth of his gaze as you finished, pushing just that much farther, “Someone who’s ready to leave all of this behind to be with you.” You swallowed.

He finally looked away from you, and you were both relieved and disappointed. Relieved to be free from the expression you just couldn’t understand, but disappointed because… no one had ever looked at you that way before, and you were beginning to fear no one would ever look at you like that again.

Konstantin was staring off at nothing, a smile dancing on his lips. “You’re right… you’re absolutely right.” He turned back to you, eyes sparkling brilliantly. “Certainly, there is someone better.” He inched ever closer and you took the second of silence that passed between the two of you to appreciate just how handsome he looked in the warm light of the room. His brown hair, so dark it was nearly black, falling around his face in soft waves. His facial hair, a little scruffier than usual. His thick, expressive eyebrows and sharp pointed nose. His toothy smile and soft, kissable lips…

You could feel a blush creeping up your neck as you looked back into his eyes, hoping that he didn’t notice how your gaze lingered on his mouth. You opened your own to speak, afraid he’d hear your heartbeat with the way it was hammering in your chest, but his hand came up to run through your hair, stopping by your ear and grasping the locks there. You barely caught a soft gasp from escaping your throat, but you were certain he noticed how you tilted your head into his touch, and you couldn’t excuse the deep blush on your cheeks on a single glass of wine.

He rested his other hand on yours on the back of the seat, leaning in closer. His knees bumped against your own and his face was completely flushed. “You know…” He swallowed. The fingers in your hair gently grazed the side of your head, and you had to refrain from practically purring at the warmth of his touch. “It’s really… it’s grown on me, this look.” His voice was barely above a whisper, and it sent a shiver down your spine.

The tension in the air was palpable, and you almost didn’t respond, terrified of bursting open and drowning the dreamlike scene in the reality of what your friendship was outside those crimson walls. “Thank you,” you managed to murmur out.

He scooted closer timidly, his eyes searching your face for any reason to stop, but you certainly weren’t going to give him any. You admired him through the lashes of your hooded eyes as a means of encouragement, but you saw his expression falter a little and the hand in your hair started to pull away. You quickly grabbed it and guided it back to your cheek, nuzzling into his large, warm palm.

He was blushing furiously, redder than you had ever had the pleasure of seeing, but he leaned forward still and held your face more firmly in his hand while the other inched up your arm on the back of the seat. He was being far braver than you had known he was capable, so you kept quiet and let him do what he needed to do.

He swallowed hard again. “You look lovely like this,” he whispered. “I… I feel as though- well…” He looked down, fighting for his words. “I feel rather foolish… as though I’ve- I’m seeing you. For the first time tonight.” He met your gaze with purpose and intensity. “For all you are.” His thumb gently caressed your cheek.

You couldn’t help the soft hum that his words dragged out of you. He slid his hand further up your arm, moving in far closer than what was acceptable for even the closest of friends, and you drew in closer without realizing it. His presence was intoxicating, and the warm and earthy scent of his cologne overwhelmed your senses and muddled your thoughts. Without thinking, you placed a hand on his knee. His gaze flickered down to your hand then back up to your face, pupils blown wide.

“Do you think maybe…” Your fingers trailed up his inner thigh. “I might be able to help you get over Kitty?”

His fingertips traced down your jaw, touch setting your nerves alight, and held your chin. His thumb brushed over your lower lip, and his other hand slid up the rest of your arm, over your shoulder, and came to cradle the back of your neck. His face was inches from yours, hot breath fanning in your face. Despite the confidence in his movements, you could see his eyes still searching for any little reason on your face to end it all right then and there. “I- I think you… already are.” He twisted his hand to hold your chin just that much tighter in his grasp.

You drifted ever closer to him, like an asteroid trapped in his orbit and destined to collide. “Konstantin…”

He closed the distance between you further, mouth just a hair’s breadth away from yours, and murmured your name against your lips. The honeyed sound dripping off his tongue sent a shiver down your spine. Your free hand wandered up to cup his cheek, his beard tickling your skin.

It was a very bad idea. A terrible one. It was almost certain to end in nothing but hurt feelings and a relationship permanently tainted. But you were both so desperate for affection and love; two outcasts emotionally worn by those closest to them. You were lonely, painfully so, and the man you loved was offering the attention you desperately craved. To hell with the consequences.

You took the final step yourself, closing your eyes and pressing your lips to his, soft, warm and perfect. His nose brushed against your cheek and his mustache tickled your upper lip, and it only lasted a second before you pulled away. It was delicate and fleeting, but any longer and you felt you would’ve been consumed by the raw emotion of it all. You rested your foreheads together and your eyes fluttered open, staring deep into his through your lashes. His pupils nearly eclipsed his irises entirely, but they held a questioning look: Are you certain?

You answered by reaching the hand on his cheek around to tangle in his dark hair, pulling him back to you, and crashing your lips together once again. You kissed him again, and again, and again, basking in the euphoria of finally having what you had been aching for since that night he moved out to care for the Levin estate.

You dragged your hand higher up his thigh, stopping just shy of his crotch, and squeezed. It pulled a low hum from him and he pulled back from your lips, laughing breathily. You playfully squeezed his thigh again, enjoying how flustered he looked when you did so. He was scanning you again, looking to see if that was really where you two were heading. You knew you were more than willing, you had finally gotten a taste of him, and you craved more.

“I want you, Kostya.” You said simply.

The man was practically scarlet, but he took the hand holding your chin and skimmed down the skin of your throat, over your pleated underdress, and grasped the button at the top of your bodice. “I want you too.”

A shiver ran up your spine at his admission and you smashed your mouth to his once more, tugging him as close as you could, as though you were trying to bind yourself to him, never to leave you lonely and bored and forgotten again.

The hand on the back of your neck held you against him with equal passion, and he began popping open the buttons of your bodice. He pinched your lower lip between his teeth and you happily opened your mouth for him, letting his tongue slip in and massage against your own.

You glided your hand up his body, deliberately brushing against the slight tenting in his pants, and began fiddling with the buttons on his vest as well. He pulled away and let out a little huff as you did so. You pulled a devilish grin, continuing to flick open the buttons.

He dove back down to dot your jaw with kisses and started frantically pulling at your buttons with both hands. He pressed into you, his broad body pushing against yours until your back laid against the curled armrest of the chaise. You whimpered, suffocated in the most wonderful way by his presence and in utter disbelief of his eagerness. You felt alight under your clothes. Your fingers curled tighter in his dark hair and finished unbuttoning his vest with a matched enthusiasm.

Konstantin quickly shoved your top open after finishing the last button, and you gasped. His big hands wandered over your exposed corset and underdress, resting for a moment on your chest. The only thing separating his skin from yours was a thin layer of fabric and the heat of his hands on your breasts was driving you mad, but they continued their way upward, pushing the bodice off your shoulders. You sat up and shed the garment in a flash, tossing it to the floor.

Your hands shoved at his jacket, desperate to get him undressed as well. He followed your lead and discarded his jacket and vest, but before you could get at his undershirt, his hot mouth was on your neck and you melted against him, allowing him to lean you back against the armrest. He started at the hooks on the front of your corset and you whined in frustration. You were dreadfully hot for the amount of clothes you were wearing, and you could imagine he felt quite the same, but there was nothing you could do when the nip of his teeth at the juncture of your throat and shoulder turned you to putty in his far too careful hands.

“Kostya,” you groaned. “Just rip it off .”

He paused and blinked at you. “Are you sure?”

You nodded impatiently, arching yourself into his hands. He shrugged and grabbed the sides of your corset that he had already opened, hesitating for a second before roughly jerking them in opposite directions like it was nothing, snapping the hooks and sending the bits flying around the room, and shredding the garment open.

You didn’t even attempt to hide the low moan that drew from you, feeling yourself growing wetter watching such a simple display of the man’s strength. He tore the corset out from underneath you and tossed it to the growing pile of clothes on the ground. You sucked in a deep breath, thankful for the relief the lack of pressure on your stomach provided, but you were still stiflingly hot, your body burning to feel his skin on yours. But there were still too many damn layers . You still had your underdress and what felt like approximately ten million skirts left.

Konstantin reached out to the waist of one of them, but you stood with a huff and began pushing at them yourself. “I swear the next thing I’m cutting up are these damn dresses.”

He laughed, hands joining yours on your backside to expedite the process. You tried to loosen them for a second, but instead opted to hold up the fabric while he untied, given that he had the better angle for it. You both managed to safely tug your frilly outer skirt up and over your head, but his movements grew more impatient as he tugged at the other skirts to loosen them, and you jumped a little when you heard the sound of fabric tearing.

You glanced over your shoulder to see him wincing at the silk bunched in his hands. He looked up at you, an apology already on his tongue, but you instead whispered, “Keep going.” He quirked a brow at you and you gave him a look that said Please for the love of all that is holy rip these things apart . He shrugged and you turned your head back so as to not strain your neck while the sounds of cloth shredding filled the room. You shuddered as the remnants of a skirt fell to the floor, and he was at it again, tearing through the last two with his strong hands. You nearly let out a whimper at the thought of what they were going to do to you.

He left you in just your thin white underdress, shivering in anticipation. He grabbed you by the hips and eased you down onto his lap. His hands reverently glided up your sides, over your stomach, and back up to your chest. He squeezed your breasts through the fine fabric and you whined in frustration. “Kostya-”

“Sorry.” He let out a nervous chuckle and pulled his hands away, precisely what you didn’t want him to do, but not before giving your chest an extra squeeze. His hands came to the laces of your underdress. “You’re just…” He pressed his lips to the nape of your neck as he worked the laces. “Wonderful.” As the stays loosened and the thin fabric slipped further and further down your shoulders, his lips traced over every newly exposed inch of skin. You could almost pretend in the softness with which he treated your body that, even if it was Kitty who he longed for, it was you who he loved most tenderly. Your body ached for his and it felt as though his ached for yours. You whined almost pathetically at the thought, but he responded with a longer kiss to your back and mumbled, “You’re gorgeous,” against your skin. You sighed, allowing yourself to slip back into the moment.

You shifted further back on his lap, growing impatient at how he took his time undoing your laces, and felt an unmistakable hardness on your backside. You smirked wickedly as you pressed your ass onto his crotch, drawing a grunt from him. You settled further into his lap, enjoying the low moan he made in response. You meant to keep teasing him, but one of his hands came to grip your hip and held you firmly in place while he worked. You bit your lip, goosebumps spreading over your skin at just how easily he could keep you still with his hands. Thankfully, he finished up your laces at a pace you much preferred.

The fabric of your undershirt finally came to pool around your waist, and you shivered as your heated skin came into contact with the cool air of the room. You hastily kicked off your heels and twisted yourself around to straddle his lap. He swallowed hard, eyeing your bare chest, and you felt your cheeks heat up under his transfixed gaze. Your fingers flew to his shirt collar, deftly working at the buttons there, and he grabbed at you desperately. The feeling of his rough hands, calloused from hard labor, on your soft skin was searing, igniting your nerves wherever he touched. He pulled you closer and attached his mouth to your collarbone, sucking and licking at every bit of your flesh he could. Your hands faltered as he trailed down to your right breast and his tongue laved over your hardened nipple. His hot mouth all over your chest felt like nothing you had ever been able to do to yourself and you never wanted him to stop, but you also just wished you could get his fucking shirt off.

You squirmed as he mouthed at your other breast. His hands explored your torso, heating your flesh and further stoking the fire burning within you. Every lap of his tongue went straight to your needy core, and you were certain you had never been so aroused in your life. You tried to keep your hands moving on his shirt, but you jolted when he softly pinched your nipple between his teeth. You whimpered and your cunt throbbed. He massaged his tongue over the spot as a sort of apology and your hands shot up to tangle in his hair and rub his scalp in appreciation.

In a desperate attempt to provide relief to the aching want between your legs, you rocked your hips against his, earning a gasp in response. You did it again, shuddering at the relief it gave you, and the relief it apparently gave him, as he removed his mouth from your chest to rest his forehead on your sternum, groaning with your every movement.

You took the moment of respite to limply paw at his shirt once again. “Kostya,” you whined, rocking yourself against his clothed cock. “Take it off.”

He wasted no time in heading your command, tearing his shirt open like he had done with your corset, pulling his arms from the sleeves, and tossing it to the ground. You barely had time to admire him before he was grabbing at your underdress and pulling it over your head, and adding it to the mountain of discarded clothes on the carpet. You were quite enjoying needy Konstantin, his bashfulness nearly forgotten in the desperation of the circumstances you found yourselves tangled in.

You both sat for a moment, hot, sweaty, and panting, and admired one another. For a long time now you had wondered what he looked like under his clothes, and you were certainly not disappointed to find out. He was a solidly built man, and his years of manual labor were evident in his broad frame and thick stomach. He didn’t have the commonly praised athletic build, with some softness on his chest and stomach, but his strength was evident in the sheer size of him. You found you preferred his build to whatever nonsense everyone else was talking about.

You placed a hand on either side of his face, pulling him in for another kiss. Your hands trailed down further to his chest and he did the same to you. You took your time roaming your hands over the vast expanse of his chest and torso, simply enjoying his largeness, and his moved down until they reached the hem of your underwear. You whimpered between open-mouthed kisses as his hand slipped under the soft fabric and his fingers brushed through your shock of curly hair and came to swipe his middle finger between your dripping folds. A scream nearly ripped from your throat at the relief of finally finally having him touch your aching heat. His finger stroked up and down your pussy a few times, collecting your slick, before coming back to rub tight circles on your clit. You gasped and shuddered at his movements, his name tumbling from your lips in a broken moan.

Your hands smoothed over his soft stomach and down the trail of dark hairs starting at his belly button, and all the way to the hem of his trousers. You frantically unbuttoned them, shoving your hand under his pants and underwear with far less delicacy than he had treated you in your desperation to touch him. You wrapped your hand around his shaft, or at least you tried to. He was so thick your fingers couldn’t meet around his cock. You tugged him from his trousers and gaped at the size of him in your hand. You had never seen one in person before, only having read about them in books you kept hidden between your bed frame and the wall.

He was bigger than you had anticipated and you briefly questioned if you would be able to fit it in, but you were pulled away from your concerns when he let out a shaky moan and the hand between your thighs faltered as you ran your thumb over the head of his cock. You continued stroking him, delighting in his restrained moans through your lust-clouded head as his fingers brought you closer to your peak. You were almost content to let him finish you off with just his hand. Almost. But your body ached to have him inside you, to feel him completely, should this be the only time you could experience your beloved Konstantin in such a way.

He rested his head on your shoulder, eyes screwed shut and panting heavily. You combined your fingers through his silky locks and guided his head so he was looking you in the eyes. You shivered in satisfaction to see such a timid man looking so utterly debauched with his tousled hair, kiss swollen lips, and eyes dark with carnal desire. You had to imagine you looked rather similar.

He suddenly pulled his hand from your heat, and you whined at the loss of contact, letting go of him as well. The hand came back to join the other at your hip and he crashed his lips to yours once again, lifting you off his lap like you weighed nothing to him, and laid you back on the chaise. He climbed on top of you as you caught your breath at the dizzying display, and his mouth found your neck once more. You made a mental note as you found your thoughts again to wear your highest collars for a while because he was definitely leaving marks.

He brought one of his hands to massage your breast and the other to pull at the hem of your undergarment, all the while muttering praises against your skin between kisses. So beautiful… So wonderful... So Perfect . You let out a keening moan, lost in the overwhelming sensation of having him all over you. His hands, his mouth, his entire body eclipsed yours. And it dawned on you that you couldn’t bear to be without him, not after knowing him so intimately. You would spend the rest of your days craving his body. His words. His touch.

You spoke without thinking, words spilling from your lips before you could stop them, “Kostya, I can’t stand it here any longer!” You threw your arms around his neck, pulling him tight. “Take me to the countryside! Take me with you when you leave tonight!”

He planted much gentler kisses on your face, dotting them over your cheeks and nose. “Yes… Yes I- I cannot leave you here. I won’t.”

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes and you felt as though you could weep hearing those words leave his mouth. Even if it was a lie. Even if you were both fooling yourselves. You needed to hear it.

He sat back and tugged your last article of clothing off your legs, dropping it to the ground and leaving you fully bare for him. You snapped your legs together instinctively, blushing up at his flustered expression. His eyes were wide and his face was completely red as he ogled you. You tried not to curl in on yourself under his expression, but you couldn’t maintain eye contact with him, instead tracing over him with your own gaze. He was still far too clothed for your liking.

You nudged him with your leg. “Excuse me, but I would prefer not to be the only naked one here, Levin,” you said teasingly.

He swallowed, standing. “Ah, yes. Right…”

He removed the rest of his clothes in a rush, seemingly unwilling to give you much of a show, but you stared at him anyway, admiring each newly exposed inch of him. God, he was huge.

His large and powerful physique was a sight you had fantasized about for years, but before you got the chance to properly appreciate his form, he knelt beside the chaise and smoothed his hands over your right leg. He brought it to his face and planted a kiss on your inner ankle, smiling against your skin. You both looked at one another shyly.

From there he worked his hands and mouth up your leg, keeping his eyes locked on yours despite his deep blush. He crawled onto the seat, strong hands pushing your legs apart as he continued mouthing along your inner thigh. His eyes dropped from your face to the apex of your thighs, calloused hands caressing your skin. You shuddered in anticipation, watching with intent and intrigue as he inched closer and closer to your wet heat.

His gaze darted back to yours, his deep beautiful eyes looking at you with admiration through hooded eyelids, and your breath hitched as his lips pressed to your aching pussy. You threw your head back with a shuddering gasp as he dragged his warm wet tongue from your entrance to your clit. He rolled his tongue over the sensitive bud again and your hips bucked into his face, trembling as he hummed against your core.

You brought yourself to focus your gaze back on Konstantin. Konstantin with his face buried between your legs. God, never did you truly believe you would have the luxury of feeling him on you like this. You had been certain you would live out the rest of your life watching miserably from the sidelines as he loved another, destined to long for someone you could never have. But you had him now. You had Konstantin desperately laving at your cunt.

He gave your swollen clit respite for a moment, sliding his tongue down to tease at your entrance. You fisted your hands in his hair and rocked into his mouth as his tongue delved inside you, massaging your inner walls. His beard scratched at your thighs as you rolled your hips, but it only added to the sensation, a harsh contrast to the pleasure of his tongue. He found his way to that spot inside you that left you squirming underneath him and focused his efforts on it. The feeling was heavenly, but only lasted for a moment before he dragged his tongue out to press a kiss to your clit. You whimpered at the loss, but he quickly replaced it by slipping a finger into your wanting hole. You hummed at the feeling, eyes fluttering shut. His finger was far thicker and longer than your own, but it slid in without resistance.

He eased the digit in and out slowly, watching as you melted into the velvet cushions for him. “You’re gorgeous,” he whispered, and a shiver ran down your spine. He began kissing and nipping at the already tender insides of your thighs, pressing his mouth everywhere but where you needed him, and you wanted to whine for him again. The gentle thrusting of his finger in and out of you and the feeling of his lips on your skin was pleasant, but it simply wasn’t enough to get you anywhere. The start of a whine formed in your throat, but just then he slipped another digit into your cunt, and it melted into a moan. Just the two of his fingers felt about the same inside you as three of your own.

You rocked in time with his hand, feeling rather full, and eager to know just how stretched out you would be when he was actually inside you.

He finally brought his mouth back to suck harshly on your clit and stuffed another finger inside you.

“Oh god , Kostya!” You cried out, bucking your hips into his touch.

He brought his spare hand to effortlessly hold your hips down as you squirmed on the seat. You breathed out huffing whimpers while he finger-fucked you, completely at his mercy. With the addition of a third finger, you were stretched beyond what you had been previously able to do on your own and it was delicious .

You panted his name out praisingly, but also as a way to ground yourself amidst the sensations overwhelming you. You had your beloved Konstantin giving you the pleasure your body had been aching for for years, and only a handful of days ago he had his heart set on marrying another.

You winced at the thought, trying not to let it destroy the delicate balance on which this euphoric and strange scene the two of you found yourselves in sat. You brought your focus back to how he tenderly dragged his fingers in and out of your sopping core and swirled his tongue around your raw clit.

You were incredibly close and getting closer to unraveling under his deliberate touch, but, through the haze of your pleasure-muddled brain, you had a thought. You wanted to give him just as memorable of an experience as he was giving you. You needed to make certain that he would never think of that oblivious Kitty ever again after he walked out of this room, and you desperately wanted to taste him.

You tugged on his hair, pulling him from your soaked cunt, and he blinked up at you almost in a daze. He looked at you with half-opened eyes, staring right at you but somehow also seeming far away, with a mixture of spit and slick glistening on his lips. Fuck, he looked good like that. And you wanted to wreck him even worse.

“Sit down for me,” you said, releasing his hair from your grasp. He eyed you curiously, but you began pushing yourself onto your elbows and he did as asked, leaning against the back cushion of the chaise.

You moved yourself to kneel on the floor in front of him, pushing his legs further open to accommodate yourself the same way he had done to you. His face turned a rather cute shade of pink as you smoothed your hands up his thighs, inching ever closer to where his dick stood straight up against his stomach. You wrapped a hand around his cock and dipped your head forward, hot breath fanning over it as you locked eyes with him through your lashes.

Konstantin’s breaths were hard and shaky as he looked back down at you, face almost as crimson as the wall behind him. He murmured your name softly, and you cracked a sweet smile before taking the head of him in your mouth. He let out a strangled moan as you took him in further, cock heavy against your tongue. His hands shot out to thread through your hair with his fingers pressed hard against your scalp, not yet pulling, but he was certainly struggling to hold it together.

The desperate whine of your name on his lips sent a shiver down your spine and you started bobbing your head up and down his length, only taking as much as you could manage. The hand not wrapped around him gripped his thigh, rubbing soothing circles on his skin with the pad of your thumb. He leaned back against the seat, eyes falling closed and jaw going slack as you dragged the flat of your tongue along the underside of his cock, groaning deeply.

You looked at him with hooded eyes, relishing in his ravished appearance. The sight of him so utterly lost in pleasure by your doing sent a wave of arousal crashing over you, as if you weren’t already soaked enough, and you moaned around him. His face scrunched up and he grunted out a sharp, “ Christ- ” His hands gripped at your hair, unconsciously tugging at the roots.

You hummed around him again, thoroughly amused by his reactions and delighting in the knowledge that you were the only thing on his mind at that moment, and you would be for quite a while. You brought yourself back up to the tip, sucking harshly and swirling your tongue around the sensitive head. He whined for you and you smiled around him, continuing to unravel him with your mouth, but the hands white-knuckling your hair dragged you off his cock with an audible pop. You blinked up at him and wiped away the saliva running down your chin.

Konstantin looked down at you with brown eyes full of longing and mouth parted ever so slightly to speak, the both of you panting heavily. Suddenly his grip on your hair loosened and he offered you an apologetic look. You squeezed his thigh in acknowledgment and responded with a look of your own asking him to continue.

He muttered your name and your eyes fluttered shut as the desperate sound of it went straight to your cunt. His hands came to hold your face sweetly and you opened your eyes at the feeling. He leaned himself closer to you, whispering, “I need you.”

You closed your eyes again and leaned up to press your lips to his once more. You were already more aroused than you had ever been in your life, but hearing him admit that to you only added to it. He needed you. Your heart fluttered in your chest. His tongue dragged over your lower lip and you eagerly opened your mouth for him to slide in. You could taste yourself on his tongue, and you were sure he could taste himself on you. You clambered onto his lap, mouth still attached to his, and taking in the delectable sensation of his bare skin against yours as you rested yourself on his strong thighs.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, one hand running through his hair, and the other gliding up over his throat to cup his jaw. He quickly grabbed you by the hips and dragged you forward so that your body was flush against his, chest to chest, and his dick pinned between your stomachs. He broke the kiss to sloppily mouth along your jawline as you raised yourself off of his lap. You grasped his warm cock in your hand, slowly easing yourself over it until the blunt head slipped between your dripping folds to prod at your entrance.

Your gaze flickered from his eyes to the joining of your two bodies and back. He stared back with a tender intensity, and you both took a moment, with heaving breaths, to study one another. How rapidly your relationship had evolved tonight, and you each gave one another an opportunity to back out at that moment. To step away, put your clothes on, and act like you hadn’t touched, tasted, loved one another. Chalk it up to a moment of emotional weakness on both parts and convince yourselves it was the alcohol, even if it had just been one glass each.

But you had no intention of backing out. You needed him like you needed air in your lungs. He was the one thing you had desired for god knows how long. Konstantin . And if he would give himself to you, there was no way in hell you would let that opportunity slip through your fingers.

You tilted your head at him curiously. Did he feel similarly, or at least horny enough to give you what you wanted, even if it wasn’t you who he desired? He answered by grasping your chin more firmly, confidently smashing his lips to yours, and so you began to sink down onto him.

You winced a little as the thick head penetrated you, more ambitious of a task than you had expected. You gasped and screwed your eyes shut at the stinging stretch as you were spread open on his cock, feeling every ridge and vein of his hot length. Even the stretch of his fingers hadn’t properly prepared you to take all of him in, but you kept lowering yourself with shaky legs, your hands moving to grip his broad shoulders and focusing on the low groan rumbling in his chest and how it reverberated through your whole body. You parted from his lips with a whine as he used his grip on your hips to help ease you down, dotting soothing kisses along your collarbone. You felt your thoughts begin to muddle and melt together at the feeling of being so utterly full as your hips met his, your pleasure only heightened by the moan that escaped his lips.

You looked into those gorgeous eyes of his, vaguely processing in the back of your lust-fogged head that the man you loved was inside you. He looked back with an equally dazed expression, lips parted slightly, and skimmed one of his hands up your side, over your chest, and up to your cheek.

“Are you…?” He murmured. You assumed Okay? or something akin to that was what he meant to end with before trailing off, but he seemed distracted as his eyes wandered over your face and he caressed your cheek with his thumb.

You gave a small nod and he pressed his lips to yours gently, as delicate as your first kiss of the night, and just as fleeting. You rested your foreheads together once more after parting.

You lifted yourself up on shaky legs, panting against his lips. The heavy drag of him out of your tight heat left you lightheaded, the sharp sting melting into raw pleasure. You worked yourself up to the tip, and then his hand was guiding you back down, your grip growing tighter on his shoulders as his thick cock perfectly hit every spot you needed it to. You both let out shuddering moans as you fell back onto his lap, and you began rolling your hips together in a steady, gentle rhythm, your pleasure mounting slowly and steadily.

His head fell to your shoulder and he started to nip and suck at the skin of your throat once again, the hand on your cheek moved to join the other at your hip to pull you further onto his lap with each rock of your body against his.

Your head fell to his shoulder as well, forehead pressed to his sweaty skin, and you took shaky breaths as you rode him. Your thighs were beginning to burn and the wonderful fullness of him inside you was nearly aching, but god was it exquisite . Never had you been able to experience this sort of pleasure on your own, and you were certain you never would.

Konstantin drew you down especially roughly, gasping your name as he ground his hips against yours harshly. You cursed, squirming against him as he hit a new angle that had stars dancing behind your eyelids. You held him closer, nuzzling into his neck, and picking up your languid pace as the tension in your lower abdomen grew tighter and tighter, and you never wanted it to end. Not just the pleasure, but the intimacy. The love of being held and tenderly fucked by your dearest friend and beloved. To know him so intimately… to have been touched by him… to have seen him so raw and completely was a joy you never wanted to part from. And even if it ended in misery, even if your friendship was forever tainted and you two drifted apart and you were left alone and incomplete, you would always have this moment. Always have this memory of wholeness and love.

Your breath hitched as the thoughts overwhelmed you and you pulled yourself even closer to him, feeling every bit of him you could, absorbing every sensation into your memory. The way you felt so small in his arms. The feeling of his heated, soft skin against your own. The slightly salty taste of perspiration as you kissed his neck. The sound of the low moans and purrs of your name passing his lips.

The grip on your hips tightened, and he began to bring yours to meet his quicker. His mouth stopped its attack on your neck and shoulder as his breathing grew heavier and he thrust up into you more frantically. You whimpered into his shoulder, lost in the feeling of taking his thick cock again and again, dragging along every spot that had you whining in his arms.

His pace grew faster and faster until he was holding you still while he fucked you deeply. Your whimpers melted into deep moans as one of his hands wandered down your hip to between your legs, his thumb gathering some of the wetness that spilled from where your bodies entwined and brought it to rub tight and fast circles on your clit. The only sounds in the room were the harsh slap of skin against skin, broken up by the both of your breathy pants and desperate moans of each other’s names. You were hurtling toward your peak, and you could tell he was too with the ragged breaths and broken praises he muttered against your skin between kisses.

His grip grew even tighter and the pressure on your clit became almost unbearable as he ground his thumb against it. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, making the most delicious sounds you had ever heard against the skin of your throat, and you were so so close. You knew he was done for when his hips and hands began to stutter. He dragged you down his cock and onto his lap one last time, emptying himself inside you and painting your insides with his release. And between the grunts and moans of your name, you heard a soft “ I love you .” Those words finally sent you hurtling over the edge of your climax as his cum filled you somehow more full than you already were, your body trembling in pleasure.

“ I love you too ,” you gasped, eyes squeezed shut as you rode out your high. The fluttering walls of your spent cunt clenched around him and dragged more moans from his throat, which rumbled through your overly sensitive body as you collapsed against him.

Konstantin relaxed against the chaise completely, and you came with him, the both of you breathing heavily in the aftershocks of your pleasure, exhausted and sweaty. His hands moved to wrap you in a tight, warm embrace and you both took a moment to catch your breath.

After a second, he lifted you off his lap, the both of you groaning at the sensation against your oversensitive bodies, and you shuddered when you felt his release trailing down your thigh. He set you back on his lap and you both took a deep calming breath before he slid himself to lay on the cushion of the seat, dragging you along in his arms to rest on his warm, wide frame.

You fought off tears as he pressed his lips to the top of your head and hugged you tight against him, relishing the oddly domestic feeling. Perhaps you were more sticky than you would have preferred, but you had Konstantin holding you in his arms, and he had said I love you . You quietly nestled against him and basked in the moment, afraid to speak and bring an unwanted reality crashing down on your euphoria.

And so you both laid there for a minute in each other’s embrace, enjoying one another’s tender touch. He felt so perfect to cuddle with, like he was built for it, with you curled up on his torso and your head tucked under his chin. Eventually though, he started shifting underneath you and you raised your head to look at him curiously. He sat himself up on his elbows and placed another kiss on the crown of your head. He was blushing heavily again.

“I suppose I should get up now,” he said, gaze falling from your eyes to the carpet.

A wave of anxiety washed over you. No, no, no, no, no. I don’t want this to be over yet please no. Was he starting to regret it all, or was this just his usual awkward timidity returning? You couldn’t tell, and you were terrified to find out.

He gave you a quick peck on the cheek before gently picking you up and setting you back down on the chaise so he could stand. You watched with wide eyes and shaky breath as he found his way to his clothes on the floor and began pulling on his trousers.

You stared down at the pile of discarded clothes on the carpet and found tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. Was he just going to leave you here alone, with half your dress torn to shreds? To walk out of this room looking like a fool, running past the servants with your already fragile dignity in tatters and the evidence of your tryst hanging from your body, bunched in your arms, and splotched on your neck? And even if you could manage to make it to your bedroom without being seen, surely the two of you had been heard by someone passing by the doors of the drawing-room tonight.

Oh, how the rumors would fly. But he could escape at least somewhat unscathed, being a man. Everyone already thought him odd enough, this would just be another blip on his long history of strange actions, a moment of weakness, and it would be forgotten soon enough. But you, well, perhaps your reputation was already tarnished enough for you to not give a damn, but your family… as if you weren’t enough of an embarrassment. Maybe your parents would be forced to send you away for good this time, the humiliation that would come from your actions finally outweighing the shame of having a daughter shipped off for the reason of an unsound mind.

You dug your nails into the emerald green cushion beneath you as you fought to keep a straight face amidst your anxieties. As downy as the velvet usually felt, it was like sandpaper when compared to the warmth and surprisingly softness of his skin. That had been safe, comforting, but the feeling of the cushion beneath you felt like another grim reminder of the reality that was opening up before you, scratching at your skin. The happiest moment of your life had come and gone, and a new uncertain future was unfolding before you.

Konstantin glanced at you over his shoulder, flashing a nervous smile as he shrugged on his undershirt. His hands and face faltered when he finally met your eyes, a panic washing over his features. There was a beat of silence between the two of you, your heart hammering in your chest. You knew he knew what you were thinking. You did not know how he would respond.

Rather than continuing to dress himself, he turned and reached out to you, offering his hand. You looked up at the worry etched in his features and hesitantly took it, just barely resting your fingers on his. He closed his hand around yours tightly and bent down, his warm eyes flickering to you and then down to your hand. He brushed his lips against your knuckles with a smile.

His eyes darted back up to yours, his cheeks still dusted a rosy red. “We should get you packed rather quickly, don’t you think… before, before your family returns?” He pressed another kiss to your knuckles before tugging you from the seat and onto your feet.

You gaped up at him, a tear slipping down your cheek. “You were serious? You’ll take me with you?” The nightmarish path you had imagined yourself traveling down began to crumble in your mind, replaced by the image of Konstantin and yourself sitting side by side in his carriage tonight, leaving this miserable life of yours far behind you.

He gave you that toothy grin that warmed your heart. “Certainly, I am.” More tears began to flow. You could hardly believe it. You would be free . You tried wiping the tears away but they just kept coming. Oh god, oh god, what a relief!

He rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand before letting go, moving to finish buttoning up his shirt. “What sort of man do you take me for anyway?” There was still a hint of that smile as he spoke, adjusting his collar before he bent down and began gathering the pieces of your dress. “I am not the sort of man to do…” He flushed as he picked up your torn skirts. “This kind of- of thing with a woman and… well.” He stood and sheepishly handed you the scraps of your clothes. “Abandon you.”

You took your dress with a light laugh, how Konstantin of him to give you a quick rant about his character while picking up the evidence of your affair. You were still crying, unable to stop amidst the euphoria of knowing you could finally walk away from that wretched house.

He brought his large hands to cup your face tenderly, smiling at you and whispering again, “I love you.” A joy to hear outside the throws of passion, to know it hadn’t just been something to say while coming down from an orgasmic high. He crashed his lips against yours and more tears slipped down your cheeks, which he brushed away with the pads of his thumbs. He parted after a moment, still lovingly holding you in his hands, and stared into your eyes with his own brilliant shining ones.

“Let’s get you home.”