Work Text:
Jared is feeling grumpy.
Gabe snorts. “You’re always grumpy, Jared.”
To be fair, this is true. Jared is often grumpy, but this is different! The annual Canucks Paws and Pucks calendar shoot is coming up, and Bryce has gotten it into his head that they should have a dog. It’s not that Jared doesn’t like dogs, he does, but they’re gone so often, and dogs are so much work, and they live in an apartment. Where’s the dog going to do its business?
Plus, if they want to keep things on the down-low, walking a dog together regularly isn’t exactly subtle. Jared, like the sensible adult he is, pointed all of this out to Bryce. And now Bryce is sulking.
“My mom could look after the dog when we’re gone. You can take it running! Wouldn’t that be great?” Bryce said.
No. No it wouldn’t. It would not be great, because taking a dog out means cleaning up dog poop, and also taking it to the vet, and cleaning up dog barf when the dog inevitably eats something stupid, and they can’t ask Elaine to do that much for them.
“But J, think of all the hockey players who have dogs! It’s like, a thing!” Jared thinks hockey players have lots of things that are extremely stupid, such as sports cars, Bryce.
Anyway, the point is, this stupid upcoming calendar photo shoot is putting ideas into Bryce’s head, and now Jared is the mean one who won’t let Bryce get a dog. Bryce is sulking, and now Jared is grumpy. He can hear Gabe’s voice in his head pointing out that he’s also sulking, but he’s ignoring it.
“Stop ignoring me,” Gabe says. “You absolutely are sulking.”
Oh, that’s right. Gabe is still here. But Jared isn’t the unreasonable one in this!
Gabe shrugs. “Bryce isn’t wrong, you know,” he says. “Lots of hockey players have dogs and they’re fine. He knows his mom best, and if he says she’d be happy to help, then it could work out.”
Jared grunts.
“I’m sure it would add to your bromance if you sometimes walked a dog together,” Gabe says.
Jared can’t figure out if that was always there or if that’s Stephen’s evil influence— everyone thinks Stephen is the mean one, but Gabe can be a total bitch sometimes too. Like now. Thankfully, they have a game to get ready for, so the whole dog thing can get shelved for later. Preferably never.
Of course, it isn’t shelved for never, because once Bryce decides he wants something, he doesn’t let go of it. He’s like a dog–hah, get it–with a bone. Bryce starts promising more and more favours if Jared agrees to get a dog. Lots of favours. Even some favours. Jared knows he’s going to give in. He always does, eventually, even though he doesn’t think it’s a great idea, but hell, Elaine will absolutely look after the dog, and Bryce will be happy. But Jared is still going to be grumpy about it, and he is not going to give in too fast, because that would be bad for Bryce’s moral character or something.
—-
The day of the Pucks and Paws shoot the team is all excited. Except for Jared. Jared appreciates that whenever they do this, the local shelter gets significantly more adoption requests, and that’s great and all, he’s not a monster, shut up Erin, but that doesn’t mean he wants to get a dog. He would like everyone to know that he’s here under duress. By the time Jared makes it to the room where they’re shooting, there are shelter workers and players everywhere. Even team staff have come to see the animals. Jared can see several players already cuddling various dogs, a few cats, and a bunny. It is chaotic and loud and Jared is going to sit in a corner on his phone until he absolutely has to do something, thank you very much.
Jared plops himself down in a corner and settles in to watch his teammates act like idiots. Soon he notices that everyone is clustering around one cabinet that’s against the wall near him. Jared is not going to look. He does not care. He doesn’t care at all, until he notices Dima lying on the floor and everyone else laughing at him. He can’t miss out on a chance to chirp Dima, so he pockets his phone and wanders over.
Gabe notices him, and says, “Finally decided to join us, just in time to see Dima fail?”
Jared snickers, “Dima acting like an idiot isn’t anything new,” he says. “What’s he doing this time?”
Gabe points at the cabinet. “One of the cats is hiding under there,” he says, “and so far has hissed or swatted at everyone who’s tried to get him out. Even the shelter volunteers haven’t managed.”
Jared watches as Dima gets up and shrugs good-naturedly.
“You know,” Jared says, “the cat would probably come out if all of you idiots stopped crowding it.”
Dima says, “Why don’t you do it, then, if you know so much about cats?”
Jared is unimpressed. If Dima wants to goad him into doing something, he’s going to have to try harder, and Jared says as much. Honestly, he feels a bit of fellow-feeling toward the cat. Neither of them particularly want to be there right now, and neither of them particularly want to give Dima the time of day.
Dima, of course, has never dropped a subject a day in his life. “C’mon, Mathematics, you so smart, you try!” he taunts. “Or maybe you don’t think you can manage?”
And then, of course, the rest of his idiot teammates decide to join in.
“If I try to get this cat out, will you all shut up?” Jared glares at everyone.
Dima says cheerfully, “Not at all!”
Jared huffs and turns away, and Dima adds quickly, “Okay, okay, we will shut up about this if you try.”
Jared sighs, then says, “Okay, but you idiots need to move away and give me some space.”
He crouches down by the cabinet and takes a look. There’s a very large tuxedo cat crouched underneath. Jared shoos his teammates away and holds his hand out. The cat comes to investigate, and before he realizes what’s going on, there’s a very large tuxedo cat purring and trying to climb on him.
“Wait, that actually worked?” says Dima, coming closer.
The cat glares at him and extends one very pointed claw, and Dima retreats.
“Oh my god, you’ve found your soulmate,” Gabe snickers. “That cat is as grumpy as you are, Math. It’s your mini-me!”
Well hell. Now they’re all going to give him crap about it. Why did Jared ever like Gabe?
“You don’t like me, you just dislike me less,” Gabe says heartlessly.
Jared is pinned under 20 pounds of purring cat that won’t give anyone else the time of day. He tries to get up. The cat meows piteously until he sits again, and then promptly jumps on his lap. Jared is no slouch, but that’s a lot of cat to jump on your lap. And of course, Dima has gone to get Bryce.
“He is like mini-Mathematics, so grumpy to everyone, you have to see!” Dima enthuses while he drags Bryce over.
Great. Now Jared will never hear the end about this at home, either. And they haven’t even started the photo shoot.
Bryce comes over and sits down, a cautious distance away, and scootches over carefully to try to pet the cat. It … does not go well. Everyone else is cackling, but Bryce just looks … starry-eyed? What?
“He reminds me of you when we met,” Bryce says.
Jared blinks. Gabe cackles. Dima howls with laughter. Jared is never living this down. Ever.
He is going to get up and leave. He is going to walk out the door and never talk to any of these assholes again.
Really. As soon as his cat gets up.
No! Not his cat, it’s just a cat, not his, not…
Well hell. Jared guesses he’s adopting a cat.